Episode 10: Why breed when you have an inner child in need?

00:28:54
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ5G_FcMPjw

Ringkasan

TLDRThe discussion revolves around the concept of nurturing one's inner child, emphasizing the importance of listening to and attending to one's own needs as a child would. The speakers highlight the dysfunction that arises from neglecting this inner child and the role of childhood experiences in shaping adult behavior. They explore techniques such as role-playing to address childhood trauma and the significance of positive reinforcement from parental figures in building self-esteem. The conversation also touches on the challenges faced by individuals with mixed-race identities and the impact of societal perceptions on self-image. Ultimately, the speakers argue that nurturing the inner child often requires external support and validation, as it is difficult to do so alone.

Takeaways

  • 👶 Listen to your inner child for healing.
  • 💔 Neglecting the inner child leads to dysfunction.
  • 🎭 Role-playing can help address childhood trauma.
  • 🌱 Positive affirmations build self-esteem.
  • 🌍 Mixed-race identity can complicate self-perception.
  • 🛡️ Mentorship is crucial for overcoming fears.
  • 🧠 Fear can hinder self-identity recognition.
  • 💬 Societal perceptions impact self-image.
  • 🔄 Nurturing the inner child often requires support.
  • 💪 Confidence can be built through external validation.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The discussion begins with the concept of nurturing one's inner child, emphasizing the importance of listening to and attending to this inner aspect of oneself. The speaker suggests that many people have neglected their inner child, leading to dysfunction in their lives, regardless of their external circumstances.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The conversation shifts to the practice of role-playing as a therapeutic tool, where individuals take on the roles of each other's parents to reprogram their minds. This method is highlighted as effective in addressing childhood traumas and fostering healing through supportive interactions.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The role-playing technique is further explored, with personal anecdotes illustrating how it has helped individuals confront fears and overcome past traumas. The importance of having a supportive figure during this process is emphasized, as it allows for a regression to childhood and the healing of deep-seated fears.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The dialogue touches on the challenges of self-affirmation, particularly in relation to self-image and self-worth. The speaker shares their struggles with accepting compliments and recognizing their own beauty, linking this to a history of low self-esteem and negative conditioning from childhood.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:28:54

    The conversation concludes with a reflection on the impact of societal perceptions and the importance of nurturing the next generation. The speakers acknowledge that negative comments can have lasting effects on individuals, and emphasize the need for positive reinforcement and support to counteract these damaging beliefs.

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Peta Pikiran

Video Tanya Jawab

  • How can someone feed their inner child?

    By listening to it and giving it the attention it needs, similar to how a parent would care for a child.

  • What is the impact of neglecting the inner child?

    It can lead to dysfunction and insecurity in adulthood.

  • Why is role-playing effective in addressing childhood trauma?

    It allows individuals to regress and experience healing by re-enacting supportive parental roles.

  • What is the significance of positive affirmations from parents?

    They help build self-esteem and confidence in a child's abilities.

  • How does mixed-race identity affect self-perception?

    It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem due to societal pressures and negative conditioning.

  • What role does societal perception play in self-esteem?

    Negative societal perceptions can deeply affect an individual's self-image and confidence.

  • Why is it difficult to nurture the inner child alone?

    It often requires external validation and support to effectively heal and nurture oneself.

  • What is the relationship between fear and self-identity?

    Fear can hinder one's ability to recognize and affirm their own strengths and identity.

  • How can childhood experiences shape adult behavior?

    Unresolved childhood trauma can manifest as dysfunction and insecurity in adult relationships and self-perception.

  • What is the importance of mentorship in overcoming fears?

    A mentor can provide the support and encouragement needed to face fears and build confidence.

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Teks
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Gulir Otomatis:
  • 00:00:01
    [Music]
  • 00:00:10
    So, going back to your t-shirt that you
  • 00:00:14
    you be you were wearing yesterday, which
  • 00:00:16
    read uh why breed when you have an inner
  • 00:00:19
    child to feed or in need. Um, which is
  • 00:00:23
    all well and good and a lovely little
  • 00:00:26
    question to ask people.
  • 00:00:29
    And my initial reaction to it is, okay,
  • 00:00:34
    that's very clever. But how on earth do
  • 00:00:38
    how on earth does someone
  • 00:00:41
    do that? How do you feed your inner
  • 00:00:43
    child? How do you tend to the needs of
  • 00:00:46
    your own inner child? How do you do
  • 00:00:48
    that?
  • 00:00:51
    Well, firstly by listening to the child.
  • 00:00:53
    You see, if you had a child, if you've
  • 00:00:55
    you know the people who have got
  • 00:00:56
    children, what do you do? You what is
  • 00:00:58
    said all the time? They need time. They
  • 00:01:00
    need you to listen to them. You need to
  • 00:01:01
    be attentive to the child. That's the
  • 00:01:03
    first thing. If you neglect a child,
  • 00:01:05
    give it no attention. Don't listen to
  • 00:01:07
    it. Shut it down when it's asking
  • 00:01:08
    questions. You know, ignore it when it's
  • 00:01:10
    got needs. What would happen to the
  • 00:01:12
    child? Would be dysfunctional. And I'm
  • 00:01:15
    suggesting that's what's happening to
  • 00:01:16
    everybody. Everyone has got an inner
  • 00:01:18
    child that's never been listened to.
  • 00:01:19
    It's very difficult to listen to it
  • 00:01:21
    because it's not an entity. But it is
  • 00:01:23
    you are the entity. See, and the child
  • 00:01:25
    is within. If everyone asks themselves
  • 00:01:27
    that question, have you been attended to
  • 00:01:29
    properly by your parents? Have you been?
  • 00:01:32
    See, the answer would most probably be
  • 00:01:34
    no. In most cases, 99.9% they've been
  • 00:01:36
    neglected. Hence the dysfunction in the
  • 00:01:39
    world. You can see massive dysfunction.
  • 00:01:41
    And not just poor people, people with
  • 00:01:42
    money. I mean, you've got a friend who's
  • 00:01:45
    got heaps of cash. He's got enough cash
  • 00:01:47
    to last him 10 lifetimes, but still
  • 00:01:49
    massive dysfunction. You see, he's
  • 00:01:51
    anxietyridden. He's stressed. He's on
  • 00:01:53
    the verge of burnout. He's running a big
  • 00:01:55
    corporation. So, you see dysfunction.
  • 00:01:58
    And if you ask him, he'd say, "Yeah, for
  • 00:02:00
    sure." He was neglected when he was
  • 00:02:02
    young. You see, that's why the need to
  • 00:02:03
    get so much money. It's insecurity. So,
  • 00:02:06
    that's why I say go inside first. You
  • 00:02:08
    see, before you even think of it, heal
  • 00:02:10
    your own wounds, all your childhood
  • 00:02:12
    wounds. Try to unpack them, run through
  • 00:02:14
    them, sort them out, solve them, and
  • 00:02:17
    then you'll find that you will have no
  • 00:02:18
    dream of having it because you've had
  • 00:02:19
    the child. You've raised a child
  • 00:02:22
    yourself. You've raised a child. See,
  • 00:02:24
    once you focus within and really give
  • 00:02:26
    yourself the attention that you need to
  • 00:02:28
    be healthy and well, you'll find that it
  • 00:02:31
    knocks out the need for the external
  • 00:02:33
    child. See, the play thing to bring it
  • 00:02:35
    in, to try to do the job with another
  • 00:02:37
    one. If you're not qualified yourself,
  • 00:02:39
    you're broken. Why? how you think you
  • 00:02:40
    can you can you can parent another
  • 00:02:43
    person another being when you yourself
  • 00:02:45
    are broken and that's the case with 99 I
  • 00:02:48
    can't think of anyone Jesus was broken
  • 00:02:50
    that's why he had to fix himself up he
  • 00:02:52
    had to go to the wilderness to
  • 00:02:53
    reorientate he was so confused see these
  • 00:02:56
    his parents didn't understand him his
  • 00:02:58
    siblings didn't understand him they
  • 00:02:59
    thought he was mad this is the case with
  • 00:03:02
    most people look at the suicide rates
  • 00:03:03
    with children indicating what I'm saying
  • 00:03:06
    there's something terribly wrong with us
  • 00:03:08
    and what I'm suggesting And is this the
  • 00:03:10
    lack of nurturing? See, you know
  • 00:03:12
    yourself. You should better than anyone
  • 00:03:14
    else because you're living within your
  • 00:03:16
    skin. So just, you know, this is just
  • 00:03:20
    think of yourself as a child that's
  • 00:03:21
    arrested and in need of of attention and
  • 00:03:24
    love and attention, loads of attention
  • 00:03:26
    in order to be well and mature and then
  • 00:03:28
    you'll get it. See, and there'll be no
  • 00:03:30
    need to bring another one into the mix.
  • 00:03:32
    It just confuses and complicates things.
  • 00:03:34
    You've got now split your attention. You
  • 00:03:36
    need time for yourself and then you got
  • 00:03:37
    your child needs time. Your little baby
  • 00:03:39
    needs child time. You see why do it?
  • 00:03:42
    It's crazy. But again, DNA is the
  • 00:03:44
    director driving the show. Doesn't care
  • 00:03:46
    whether you're angstridden or not.
  • 00:03:48
    Has no interest in you. All it
  • 00:03:50
    doesn't care doesn't care if you're rich
  • 00:03:52
    or poor. Doesn't care if you're
  • 00:03:54
    beautiful or ugly. Doesn't care if
  • 00:03:56
    you're in living in a war zone or in
  • 00:03:58
    paradise like we are here. Doesn't care
  • 00:04:01
    one. All it wants replication of itself.
  • 00:04:05
    You see?
  • 00:04:05
    Yeah. Um, I'm going to get back to that,
  • 00:04:08
    but I want to stick on to this subject
  • 00:04:10
    uh for this particular um podcast. And I
  • 00:04:14
    I just want to share what we have been
  • 00:04:17
    what we kind of stumbling across as
  • 00:04:19
    we've been here with each other in this
  • 00:04:21
    rather intense
  • 00:04:23
    uh relationship one-on-one, which is
  • 00:04:26
    like really Yeah. very challenging, but
  • 00:04:28
    we've also kind of stumbled across a few
  • 00:04:30
    things and we're learning as we go
  • 00:04:31
    along. Right. what we've been we've been
  • 00:04:34
    doing some a little bit of co-
  • 00:04:36
    counseling and role playinging right
  • 00:04:39
    whereas like together like you you've
  • 00:04:42
    been role playinging my dad or my mom
  • 00:04:44
    and I've been role playinging your
  • 00:04:46
    parents but but I've been role
  • 00:04:49
    playinging you know a and it's it's good
  • 00:04:52
    for it's good for both of us because
  • 00:04:54
    we're while I'm roleplaying your your
  • 00:04:56
    your parent or you're roleplaying mine
  • 00:04:58
    yeah I'm reprogramming my own mind right
  • 00:05:02
    and trying to reprogram yours. And one
  • 00:05:05
    of the things that we so so that's
  • 00:05:07
    that's been that's been a really good
  • 00:05:08
    method. And I've been using roleplaying
  • 00:05:10
    for many years in my relationship. It's
  • 00:05:13
    been amazing whereby we me and my wife
  • 00:05:17
    uh when we get into discussions and
  • 00:05:19
    arguments, we switch roles. We we become
  • 00:05:22
    each other and that's a very very
  • 00:05:25
    powerful tool. So we've been using that
  • 00:05:28
    and we've also uh so yeah. So, do you
  • 00:05:30
    want us to speak to that?
  • 00:05:32
    Yeah, that's been beautiful. That's a
  • 00:05:34
    combination of Carl Rogers's co-
  • 00:05:36
    counseling along with role play. See,
  • 00:05:39
    and the beauty of it is
  • 00:05:40
    gestalt.
  • 00:05:41
    Gestalt therapy, right? That's the
  • 00:05:43
    technical term for it. Yeah. Beautiful.
  • 00:05:45
    And it allows it cuts through the ego
  • 00:05:48
    because if you do it properly, you
  • 00:05:50
    actually regress. You go back to
  • 00:05:52
    childhood. And this is what I've been
  • 00:05:54
    feeling with uh the role the um the
  • 00:05:57
    sessions we've been having. You see,
  • 00:05:58
    I've been able to go right back because
  • 00:06:00
    I've lost most of my childhood memories
  • 00:06:02
    because there was trauma attached to
  • 00:06:03
    them and everything. But through working
  • 00:06:05
    together, I've been able to go back to
  • 00:06:08
    actually playing the little child that I
  • 00:06:10
    was and I didn't have the father that
  • 00:06:12
    could help me. For instance, one
  • 00:06:14
    poignant example is the swimming. I've
  • 00:06:16
    always had a phobia of water and I've
  • 00:06:18
    never been able to swim properly or
  • 00:06:21
    definitely not the sea. I've seen the
  • 00:06:23
    sea like the waves on the surface of the
  • 00:06:25
    sea. To me, they look like teeth. Claws
  • 00:06:28
    and teeth that are ready to claw me and
  • 00:06:30
    drag me under. So, I've had a terrible
  • 00:06:32
    fear of going into the sea. Now, this
  • 00:06:35
    trip through this technique, Danny
  • 00:06:37
    playing my dad and encouraging me.
  • 00:06:39
    You're very strong, Nolan. There's
  • 00:06:41
    there's no problem. The sea is very
  • 00:06:43
    gentle. It's lovely. You'll be able to
  • 00:06:45
    master it. There's no problem. Come with
  • 00:06:47
    me. And he takes me by the hand and he
  • 00:06:49
    leads me into the water. Now, I've been
  • 00:06:51
    able to swim out in the sea like a fish.
  • 00:06:53
    It's incredible. And it's been very
  • 00:06:55
    quick. Within maybe three or four days,
  • 00:06:58
    now we're swimming out together. With
  • 00:07:00
    his encouragement, I've been able to
  • 00:07:01
    break the fear and I'm out with him and
  • 00:07:03
    we're way out further than anyone else
  • 00:07:05
    in the sea. See, and that's that's the
  • 00:07:07
    power of the technique. It just cuts
  • 00:07:09
    through all of the the ego and
  • 00:07:11
    everything. But you must role play very
  • 00:07:13
    properly, profoundly. You must really
  • 00:07:15
    allow the person to lead you as a
  • 00:07:17
    father. See, or a mother if it's a woman
  • 00:07:19
    doing the the session, leading the
  • 00:07:21
    session, you must stand down and assume
  • 00:07:24
    the position of a child. See, as you
  • 00:07:26
    were back when the trauma occurred. See,
  • 00:07:28
    my father
  • 00:07:29
    also became aware that you were you were
  • 00:07:32
    um um that you were conceived at sea.
  • 00:07:37
    Exactly. That's another thing.
  • 00:07:38
    When you were when your mother was just
  • 00:07:40
    dating,
  • 00:07:40
    your son Uri, we had a conversation and
  • 00:07:42
    through that conversation out popped the
  • 00:07:44
    realization. I don't know how I didn't
  • 00:07:45
    realize it. It's so obvious. My mother I
  • 00:07:48
    was conceived in in Lagos in Africa and
  • 00:07:51
    in those days they they were so poor
  • 00:07:53
    that my mom only had one trip abroad and
  • 00:07:54
    that was it. And my my dad only went
  • 00:07:56
    abroad once and on the boat he was
  • 00:07:58
    scared of planes and everything blah
  • 00:07:59
    blah blah. So on on they came they went
  • 00:08:02
    and came back on a cargo ship which was
  • 00:08:05
    very rough. The passage was very rough.
  • 00:08:07
    So I was in the womb. I was just stating
  • 00:08:10
    at that time. You see, they stayed in
  • 00:08:12
    Lagos for a while as I was developing in
  • 00:08:14
    my mom's stomach. And as she was, you
  • 00:08:16
    know, further on, halfway through the
  • 00:08:18
    pregnancy or whatever, they went back,
  • 00:08:20
    they had to go back home now to London,
  • 00:08:21
    to Liverpool to the docks. So, the whole
  • 00:08:24
    journey was her vomiting, you know,
  • 00:08:27
    violent convulsions of her stomach.
  • 00:08:28
    Imagine the little child inside that
  • 00:08:30
    environment. It's like a rough sea. It's
  • 00:08:32
    a storm, you see. So, that's and it ding
  • 00:08:35
    and then I got it. That's the innate
  • 00:08:37
    fear of water. My gestation was
  • 00:08:39
    turbulent like a storm. See? So every
  • 00:08:42
    time I see the water run, go back,
  • 00:08:44
    flashback, boom, back there. See? So
  • 00:08:46
    that was it. But through this technique,
  • 00:08:48
    it's cut through that. You see, just the
  • 00:08:51
    confidence of your father being next to
  • 00:08:53
    a mentor, someone who's really good at
  • 00:08:55
    what they do and they take you by the
  • 00:08:56
    hand and that assurance that you'll be
  • 00:08:58
    okay. You're in the hands of the master.
  • 00:09:01
    See, that's why the master
  • 00:09:02
    apprenticeship thing is so important.
  • 00:09:04
    You need to learn from someone who's
  • 00:09:06
    already a master or very competent at
  • 00:09:08
    what they're doing. And even their word
  • 00:09:10
    cuts through your fear. You see, come on
  • 00:09:11
    now. You know, you're very strong. Look,
  • 00:09:13
    watch. Come on. I'll help you. I'll
  • 00:09:16
    support you. I'll be there the whole
  • 00:09:17
    way. You'll never be on your own. Just
  • 00:09:19
    that one thing. Boom. And then you enter
  • 00:09:22
    the water. That's what happened here. In
  • 00:09:23
    the 3 days, I'm swimming like a fish.
  • 00:09:26
    Beautiful. Because the the confidence
  • 00:09:28
    has been implanted by your father.
  • 00:09:30
    That's the importance of good parenting.
  • 00:09:32
    The things you need in life are
  • 00:09:34
    implanted by the mentor. See, and it's
  • 00:09:36
    very difficult to develop those and
  • 00:09:38
    stand your fear down on your own. See,
  • 00:09:40
    imagine a little child left on their own
  • 00:09:42
    and and asked to to cope with everything
  • 00:09:44
    that life throws at them. See, it's
  • 00:09:46
    going to be a very difficult challenge.
  • 00:09:48
    In most cases, the child would break.
  • 00:09:50
    The forces of nature and culture are too
  • 00:09:52
    powerful. See, it would break the child.
  • 00:09:53
    And that's what happens. That's why the
  • 00:09:54
    suicide rate so high. The children on
  • 00:09:57
    their own are broken. They haven't got
  • 00:09:58
    parents. See, and they're left alone
  • 00:10:00
    with life grinding on them and nature
  • 00:10:02
    and culture grind them and the result of
  • 00:10:04
    that is suicide slash wrist hang themsel
  • 00:10:08
    whatever take pills they can't take
  • 00:10:09
    anymore. It's too much and then they
  • 00:10:10
    check out.
  • 00:10:12
    Yeah. It's interesting because like you
  • 00:10:15
    made those t that t-shirt we we've been
  • 00:10:17
    speaking about that slogan for a while
  • 00:10:19
    and you made those t-shirts months ago
  • 00:10:21
    and it's come to light through our
  • 00:10:24
    discussions and our time here that
  • 00:10:27
    actually to do it on your own I think is
  • 00:10:30
    basically
  • 00:10:31
    near impossible right to to to to
  • 00:10:36
    nurture your own inner child on your own
  • 00:10:39
    yeah
  • 00:10:41
    um is very very difficult. Maybe maybe
  • 00:10:45
    if you go into the forest for or
  • 00:10:47
    wilderness for 40 days, maybe that's
  • 00:10:49
    when you can have a really good chat
  • 00:10:50
    with your inner child. But even that,
  • 00:10:52
    who knows, right?
  • 00:10:53
    Solid upbringing.
  • 00:10:54
    Yeah. And he had a solid upbringing,
  • 00:10:55
    right?
  • 00:10:56
    Parents, mother who loved him dearly,
  • 00:10:58
    who saw the potential in you. That's
  • 00:11:00
    another thing that's important. Parents
  • 00:11:02
    that see your potential and don't shut
  • 00:11:04
    you down. They tell you you're great.
  • 00:11:06
    See, you can be great. See, don't forget
  • 00:11:09
    what I said when Danny led me into the
  • 00:11:11
    sea. He said, "Now, come on. Nolan,
  • 00:11:12
    you're very strong. See, he's given me
  • 00:11:15
    the confidence in my own powers. You
  • 00:11:18
    very strong. This is not a problem for
  • 00:11:20
    you. Only in your mind. But I'm going to
  • 00:11:22
    show you that it's not the case in
  • 00:11:23
    reality. You're going to be able to
  • 00:11:24
    overcome this. Now, come on now and take
  • 00:11:27
    you firmly and then show you. See, with
  • 00:11:30
    you the whole way when you get scared
  • 00:11:32
    halfway, oh, I'm going to drown. No, no,
  • 00:11:34
    that's okay. I'm with you. You're never
  • 00:11:36
    going to drown. Not with me. It's
  • 00:11:38
    impossible. Ah, it's gone. See, that was
  • 00:11:41
    the process.
  • 00:11:42
    Yeah. And I just want to touch on one
  • 00:11:44
    other thing to do with that is that um I
  • 00:11:48
    remember that I I' I've been to
  • 00:11:50
    thousands of meetings of uh 12step
  • 00:11:53
    meetings and they're very beautiful and
  • 00:11:57
    I you know I enjoyed them and I learned
  • 00:11:59
    a lot from them. I think the 12step
  • 00:12:01
    program has got lots of really good
  • 00:12:03
    things to it. One of the real problems
  • 00:12:05
    to it was the use of the word I am. And
  • 00:12:11
    um so people every meeting, hi, my
  • 00:12:14
    name's Danny and I'm an alcoholic or
  • 00:12:16
    whatever it was that they were. Um and
  • 00:12:18
    that and that is I think that was that's
  • 00:12:22
    a really serious mistake. Um and what
  • 00:12:26
    we've been doing is we've been working
  • 00:12:28
    on the idea that that when when when a
  • 00:12:32
    person says I am that is a that's like a
  • 00:12:36
    de that's like a command. It's a command
  • 00:12:39
    to to to a cellular command to to the
  • 00:12:42
    body um and to the cells,
  • 00:12:45
    right? Rather than a statement of fact,
  • 00:12:48
    right? It's it's actually a command. So,
  • 00:12:50
    we've been like like you were saying,
  • 00:12:52
    your mother said to you recently, you're
  • 00:12:56
    strong and you know, and Yeah. What what
  • 00:13:00
    did you think about it when your mother
  • 00:13:02
    said that to you? Well, I just thought,
  • 00:13:04
    "Oh, what a con. All mothers tell you
  • 00:13:06
    you're beautiful and the best thing
  • 00:13:08
    since sliced bread, etc., etc." So, I
  • 00:13:11
    quit. I said, "Sorry, you know, with
  • 00:13:13
    disbelief." You see, I thought, "What's
  • 00:13:14
    she talking about? What's she trying to
  • 00:13:16
    butter me up for?" That's what I
  • 00:13:17
    thought. Why are you saying this? But
  • 00:13:19
    then she said, "No, no, you are. You're
  • 00:13:21
    very strong." And she said it a second
  • 00:13:23
    time. So impressed. And then I thought,
  • 00:13:25
    "Oh, I am." See, the recognition came
  • 00:13:29
    for the first time. And I'm in my 60s.
  • 00:13:31
    Can you imagine? This is why I'm saying
  • 00:13:33
    the inner child needs feeding. You see,
  • 00:13:35
    because my dad wasn't there to tell me
  • 00:13:37
    anything and they're not there. So, I'm
  • 00:13:39
    always in constant doubt. I've had to
  • 00:13:41
    make my own way in life. So, you're
  • 00:13:42
    always in constant doubt. Am I? Even
  • 00:13:44
    Jesus asked the question. You see, what
  • 00:13:46
    do they who do they say I am? If you
  • 00:13:48
    look at the scriptures, he still needed
  • 00:13:50
    confirmation. Him and he's meant to be
  • 00:13:53
    the son of God in the story. See, but he
  • 00:13:56
    still needed to know what the people
  • 00:13:58
    were saying about him in the townships
  • 00:14:00
    where they were spreading the word, the
  • 00:14:01
    disciples. He asked them when they came
  • 00:14:03
    back from each trip to these towns,
  • 00:14:04
    these little villages, who do they say?
  • 00:14:06
    What's the murmur on the streets? He's
  • 00:14:08
    still got self-doubt. He should know
  • 00:14:10
    100%. But you don't. It's very
  • 00:14:12
    difficult. Very difficult when you do
  • 00:14:14
    your own thing. You see, you've gone off
  • 00:14:15
    grid. You're in the dark really and you
  • 00:14:18
    have to bolster yourself constantly and
  • 00:14:20
    sometimes it doesn't. You see the forces
  • 00:14:21
    of nature and culture upon you. So it's
  • 00:14:23
    massive. So you have to keep reaffirming
  • 00:14:26
    no I am strong. See but that one
  • 00:14:28
    triggered it. My mom asked the question
  • 00:14:29
    and then I said back after consideration
  • 00:14:32
    twice she said it. No you are. She said
  • 00:14:34
    you're strong Nolan. I said sorry. She
  • 00:14:36
    said no you're very strong. Then I
  • 00:14:38
    thought I am. And then she said you are.
  • 00:14:43
    And that was it. See then it's locked.
  • 00:14:45
    The cells have got the message that
  • 00:14:47
    they're very strong. See the person here
  • 00:14:50
    is very strong. Now we serve that. Then
  • 00:14:52
    your cells become servants. See you are
  • 00:14:54
    sovereign. In that moment that you say I
  • 00:14:56
    am you become sovereign. That's why
  • 00:14:58
    Jesus said it. I am wherever you see me.
  • 00:15:01
    God is there. He's the he's the is the
  • 00:15:04
    representative of the divine of
  • 00:15:06
    divinity. So sovereign. In other words,
  • 00:15:08
    the king of the Jews. You see it's all
  • 00:15:10
    there in the story. And that's what we
  • 00:15:12
    all have got to uncover and and recover
  • 00:15:16
    and discover our sovereignty. Once you
  • 00:15:19
    get that, you're all powerful. Now
  • 00:15:20
    there's nothing that can stand you down.
  • 00:15:22
    Fear is gone. You see? So it doesn't
  • 00:15:24
    matter. You've conquered death really
  • 00:15:25
    because death is all wrapped up in fear.
  • 00:15:27
    It's fear of death really. The death
  • 00:15:29
    process itself. What's the problem with
  • 00:15:31
    it really? We all have to go. We know
  • 00:15:33
    that. But it's the fear attached to
  • 00:15:35
    death. That's what wrecks lives. The
  • 00:15:36
    fear attached to death. And that can
  • 00:15:38
    last for decades. You see? So once
  • 00:15:40
    that's stood down, then all of your
  • 00:15:42
    potential is released. See, in the face
  • 00:15:44
    of fear, and that's what gets you
  • 00:15:46
    through the fearful challenge. You see,
  • 00:15:48
    once the my daddy Danny playing my
  • 00:15:51
    daddy, once the daddy said, "You're very
  • 00:15:53
    strong." It unleashed all my potential.
  • 00:15:56
    You see, cuz he believes I'm very
  • 00:15:57
    strong. Someone in the world can
  • 00:15:58
    recognize you're very strong. And then
  • 00:16:00
    you see it yourself now through that
  • 00:16:02
    person's eyes. Then bang, you're
  • 00:16:04
    triggered. Now you've got it. Now you
  • 00:16:06
    can see it. Yes, I am, daddy. You're
  • 00:16:08
    right. Then he says, "Yes, you are, son.
  • 00:16:11
    Now come on." And then boom, you're
  • 00:16:13
    unleashed. It's like boosters to your
  • 00:16:15
    system. Yeah. And and and just to share
  • 00:16:18
    a similar story for myself. So a couple
  • 00:16:20
    of days ago, we're living in this
  • 00:16:23
    amazing apartment. And if you look out
  • 00:16:25
    at one side, you've got hundreds of of
  • 00:16:29
    uh orange trees. Yeah. And we went out
  • 00:16:33
    with the bikes just literally just like
  • 00:16:37
    one minute bike ride. I went out on the
  • 00:16:38
    bikes with two big bags, right? And and
  • 00:16:43
    there must have been I don't know how
  • 00:16:44
    many. There must have been I don't know
  • 00:16:47
    7 8 kilo maybe.
  • 00:16:50
    Right. Um and had this No, each one was
  • 00:16:55
    about 7 8 kilo, right? And I and I was I
  • 00:16:58
    was on the bike and and I' 10 kilo.
  • 00:17:01
    Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 10 kilo.
  • 00:17:03
    Right.
  • 00:17:04
    Yeah. So, um, so we we we had to get
  • 00:17:08
    back to the house, right? It was only a
  • 00:17:10
    one it was only like a 1 minute, 2
  • 00:17:12
    minute cycle. We had to get back with
  • 00:17:16
    the bags, right? You took one bag
  • 00:17:18
    and you held it with your fingers,
  • 00:17:20
    right? And I And then I was stuck with
  • 00:17:23
    the other bag and I saying, "Oh, no, no,
  • 00:17:26
    no. I can't do this. I can't do this."
  • 00:17:28
    And then you said, "You're strong." And
  • 00:17:29
    then I said, "Yes, I am."
  • 00:17:31
    And you said, "You are." Oh, but then
  • 00:17:32
    you said, "I am, but I I don't want to."
  • 00:17:36
    I said, "No, you're going to have to cuz
  • 00:17:37
    I'm not taking it." Get on with it,
  • 00:17:39
    Charlie. Then I had to get firm. And
  • 00:17:41
    then it kicked in. Then the boost.
  • 00:17:42
    But that's fine. That's fine because you
  • 00:17:44
    were role playing.
  • 00:17:45
    Exactly.
  • 00:17:45
    A good father.
  • 00:17:46
    That's right. You're not going to take
  • 00:17:48
    the load. No.
  • 00:17:49
    Cuz now this is the time you're going to
  • 00:17:50
    have to prove. Step up. Now you can do
  • 00:17:52
    it. See, the father's loving. He sees
  • 00:17:54
    you've got the power, but you're being
  • 00:17:55
    slightly lazy. You see, you're not
  • 00:17:57
    completely confident in your powers. So
  • 00:17:59
    he says no you are and you can do it now
  • 00:18:02
    come on little push and then it was
  • 00:18:04
    miraculous boom you've performed the
  • 00:18:06
    task quite easily and once you've done
  • 00:18:08
    it once that's the thing with the
  • 00:18:10
    banister effect Roger Banister with the
  • 00:18:12
    4-minute mile mark once he broke through
  • 00:18:14
    everyone else started to achieve
  • 00:18:15
    4-minute miles everybody after that it's
  • 00:18:18
    it changed the paradigm it's a paradigm
  • 00:18:20
    shifting move you see once somebody
  • 00:18:22
    achieves a feat that everyone else
  • 00:18:24
    thinks is impossible boom it opens a
  • 00:18:26
    floodgate so that's the bringing
  • 00:18:27
    everyone out up to a higher
  • 00:18:29
    Okay, I'm going to go to a very
  • 00:18:31
    sensitive topic now which you may or may
  • 00:18:33
    not want to share but I think it you
  • 00:18:36
    know we we can edit it out if you don't
  • 00:18:39
    and that is that when we we we've been
  • 00:18:42
    here now for 6 weeks and whenever we've
  • 00:18:44
    moved there lots of different places and
  • 00:18:47
    uh wherever we go you cover up the
  • 00:18:49
    mirrors some sometimes there's loads of
  • 00:18:51
    mirrors and you cover them up and um my
  • 00:18:56
    wife who's just here for a few days
  • 00:18:58
    asked you why you do that.
  • 00:19:00
    And you've said that you've always hated
  • 00:19:02
    mirrors. And then we kind of got to this
  • 00:19:06
    idea that, you know, we said we said we
  • 00:19:09
    tried this this method out. Why do you
  • 00:19:12
    hate mirrors? You don't like what you
  • 00:19:13
    see in the mirror, right? And we tried
  • 00:19:16
    this method out and asked you to say
  • 00:19:18
    we as we asked you to say, "Oh, uh, you
  • 00:19:21
    know, I am beautiful." Right? I mean,
  • 00:19:24
    and the fact is that you've had people
  • 00:19:28
    coming up to you, specifically in the
  • 00:19:29
    last few days, telling you
  • 00:19:32
    men, mainly men, how lovely your your
  • 00:19:36
    physique looks, right? And you know, you
  • 00:19:39
    you are you you've got a very attractive
  • 00:19:42
    you've worked on your body for years and
  • 00:19:43
    years and years. And certainly for a man
  • 00:19:45
    of your age, it's very rare to have such
  • 00:19:48
    a ripped body, but that doesn't that
  • 00:19:50
    doesn't penetrate you, right? And you've
  • 00:19:52
    you've you've actually so far you have
  • 00:19:54
    resisted even just saying I am beautiful
  • 00:19:58
    or I am handsome or whatever it is.
  • 00:20:01
    Yeah. This is what I'm saying. I fully
  • 00:20:03
    understand what people are up against.
  • 00:20:04
    You see it's a low self-esteem. That's
  • 00:20:07
    what it is. Radical low self-esteem.
  • 00:20:09
    Very chronic low self-esteem. So my
  • 00:20:11
    upbringing has been that I've been
  • 00:20:13
    squashed. See, by culture, everything
  • 00:20:15
    being mixed race. I'm mixed race by the
  • 00:20:17
    way. So I was up against in the 60s, you
  • 00:20:19
    see, in the 60s. My sister even more so.
  • 00:20:21
    She's in the 50s. You see, she was born
  • 00:20:24
    in 50s. She's 10 years older than me.
  • 00:20:26
    So, she had the onslaught. Nice.
  • 00:20:28
    Yes. You see, thank you. Now, I was told
  • 00:20:31
    all the time, I'm a half breed. I'm a
  • 00:20:33
    half breed. See? Useless product. Waste
  • 00:20:36
    product. Product that should never been
  • 00:20:38
    in existence. You see, disgusting
  • 00:20:40
    product. Hated by both sides. The black
  • 00:20:43
    half hates me because I've got white in
  • 00:20:45
    me and they're suspicious of me. They
  • 00:20:47
    think I'm some kind of double dealer
  • 00:20:49
    who's come to penetrate their group and
  • 00:20:51
    give the the information back to the
  • 00:20:53
    white half. Now the white half obviously
  • 00:20:55
    racist. So they don't they hate oh
  • 00:20:57
    you've got black blood disgusting. And
  • 00:20:59
    we all know about that if you look at
  • 00:21:00
    the history of racism. See segregation
  • 00:21:03
    etc. South Africa all the rest of it. We
  • 00:21:06
    see it you see. So I'm so it's very it's
  • 00:21:09
    it's so difficult to be in the middle
  • 00:21:11
    piggy in the middle. Your your your
  • 00:21:13
    stones are thrown at you from both
  • 00:21:14
    sides. So it forces you to be an
  • 00:21:16
    individual to walk your own path. That's
  • 00:21:19
    the good part of it. The good part is it
  • 00:21:21
    forced me on a path where I have to find
  • 00:21:22
    everything myself. I have to survive
  • 00:21:24
    with this onslaught coming from both
  • 00:21:26
    sides. So it either breaks you or it
  • 00:21:28
    makes you. And in my case, it's kind of
  • 00:21:30
    made me. But the one thing that's left
  • 00:21:32
    behind the residual wound is that. See,
  • 00:21:35
    I can never see myself and look at
  • 00:21:37
    myself with and and feel that it's me
  • 00:21:40
    looking back. See, it's an ogre looking
  • 00:21:42
    back. It's an ugly person looking back.
  • 00:21:44
    See, I'm not confident at all in the way
  • 00:21:46
    that I look. See, it's like a form of
  • 00:21:48
    body dysmorphia. If people have got
  • 00:21:51
    that, they know what I mean. They look
  • 00:21:52
    fine. Everybody's telling them they're
  • 00:21:54
    fine, but then they continue to fast.
  • 00:21:56
    They vomit up their food with bulimia
  • 00:21:58
    and they end up like a skeleton. You
  • 00:22:00
    see? And that's they feel that's the way
  • 00:22:02
    they should look, but they look now they
  • 00:22:04
    look disgusting. Now they look uh, you
  • 00:22:07
    know, emaciated. We saw that.
  • 00:22:08
    And they were fine before. They look
  • 00:22:10
    fat. When they look in the mirror,
  • 00:22:11
    they'd see a fat person looking back.
  • 00:22:12
    And they're fine. they're fine. You see,
  • 00:22:14
    people are telling them they're fine.
  • 00:22:15
    They look wonderful and they think
  • 00:22:16
    they're lying. They think those people
  • 00:22:18
    are buttering them up or they're being
  • 00:22:20
    insincere when it's the actual truth.
  • 00:22:23
    You see, so it's that kind of thing
  • 00:22:24
    going on. It's a form. It's like
  • 00:22:26
    bulimia, but it's all to wrapped up in
  • 00:22:28
    looks. You see, you can't believe you
  • 00:22:30
    look good. You when you look, you don't
  • 00:22:32
    look good. You've been made to believe
  • 00:22:34
    you're ugly. And it's worked. You see,
  • 00:22:36
    it's penetrated your psyche. This is why
  • 00:22:38
    I'm saying this is the technique. It's
  • 00:22:40
    very difficult though when you've got
  • 00:22:41
    the real radical. You see the disease so
  • 00:22:44
    to speak, disease with the way you look
  • 00:22:46
    or disease with the way you think about
  • 00:22:48
    your powers. You know, you've always
  • 00:22:50
    felt my mom can't say I'm strong. See, I
  • 00:22:53
    made I forced her on the phone to say it
  • 00:22:55
    and it came out like this. I said, "Come
  • 00:22:56
    on now, mom. Come on. Say you're strong.
  • 00:22:59
    You're very strong, mom."
  • 00:23:00
    Oh, she said fakery.
  • 00:23:01
    And she and she said nothing at the
  • 00:23:03
    other end. I was listening.
  • 00:23:04
    Some say she said fakery before before
  • 00:23:06
    you said that. She said, "Let's be
  • 00:23:07
    fake."
  • 00:23:08
    No, no, she just didn't say anything.
  • 00:23:09
    No, she just remained silent. She could
  • 00:23:11
    not speak. That's how it has you. It had
  • 00:23:14
    her completely paralyzed. When I gave
  • 00:23:16
    the command, when I asked her to say it,
  • 00:23:18
    the command to yourselves, I am strong.
  • 00:23:21
    When I said, "You're very strong now.
  • 00:23:22
    Come on, mom. Let's role play. Come on.
  • 00:23:24
    You're very strong now. Say it. I'm
  • 00:23:26
    listening. Nothing on the phone." I
  • 00:23:28
    said, "Mom, excuse me. Say it. Come on."
  • 00:23:30
    And then eventually she said this. I am
  • 00:23:36
    like a little mouse. See, with no
  • 00:23:38
    belief, no false behind it. So I said,
  • 00:23:40
    "Come on, that's not it. Give me a good
  • 00:23:42
    response. Come on, a passionate one." So
  • 00:23:44
    I said, "Come on, say it again now.
  • 00:23:45
    You're very strong, Sheila." And then
  • 00:23:47
    came back.
  • 00:23:50
    She tried a bit hard. It's still a mouse
  • 00:23:52
    speaking back. You see, that's how
  • 00:23:54
    difficult me. I can't even say it.
  • 00:23:57
    Michelle and Danny both yesterday, they
  • 00:23:59
    cornered me in in the pool in a lovely
  • 00:24:02
    spa we were in, and they got me in the
  • 00:24:04
    pool when I was relaxed and then they
  • 00:24:05
    hit me. They got hold of me, both of
  • 00:24:07
    them, and roughed me up. But they said,
  • 00:24:08
    "Right, come on, L. going to deal with
  • 00:24:09
    this one. You think you're strong right
  • 00:24:11
    now? Let's deal with the beautiful part.
  • 00:24:13
    Go on. No, then you're very beautiful
  • 00:24:16
    now. Come on. And it was the same
  • 00:24:17
    response as my mom. I could not say it.
  • 00:24:20
    It doesn't compute with me. It's
  • 00:24:22
    madness. In fact, see, I can't. So, I
  • 00:24:25
    understand how heavy the the
  • 00:24:27
    conditioning is, the negative
  • 00:24:28
    conditioning. See, once it's been done
  • 00:24:30
    to someone for a long time, it becomes
  • 00:24:31
    chronic. You see, it's deep rooted. It
  • 00:24:33
    would take a long time for me to be able
  • 00:24:35
    to say I am to to you are very
  • 00:24:37
    beautiful. you know, too strong. No
  • 00:24:39
    problem. See, that one I can believe
  • 00:24:41
    because I've Why? Because it's on the
  • 00:24:43
    back of feats that I've performed. I've
  • 00:24:45
    performed feats. You see that other
  • 00:24:47
    people can't perform. So, I know that's
  • 00:24:49
    true. I've myself I've examined the data
  • 00:24:51
    and it stands up. All the numbers show
  • 00:24:53
    that I'm very strong. See, I can do
  • 00:24:55
    things that 30 year olds can't do. So,
  • 00:24:57
    when that's I say with confidence, I am.
  • 00:24:59
    See, with entitlement, I am. Of course,
  • 00:25:02
    you're correct. Don't even need to tell
  • 00:25:03
    me. Say, I'm on that level. But when it
  • 00:25:05
    comes to beauty, I'm on my mom's level.
  • 00:25:07
    I'm a mouse, you see. I can't see it. It
  • 00:25:09
    doesn't make sense to me. When I look in
  • 00:25:11
    the mirror, I can't see a beautiful
  • 00:25:12
    person. I can't. I don't want to look.
  • 00:25:15
    So, I cover them up. So, I'm spared that
  • 00:25:17
    one. You see, this is how deep wounds
  • 00:25:19
    are in the little child. The little
  • 00:25:21
    child has been made to feel ugly. The
  • 00:25:22
    little child and the little child is
  • 00:25:24
    still present.
  • 00:25:25
    I can't grow up past that. I can't grow
  • 00:25:27
    myself up past that stuckness, if you
  • 00:25:30
    like. You see,
  • 00:25:31
    the arrest the arrest in my development.
  • 00:25:34
    Yes. Yes. And and it's like as you say
  • 00:25:37
    that again for me what comes up is
  • 00:25:41
    by creating another human being they're
  • 00:25:44
    going to be subject to all sorts of
  • 00:25:46
    rubbish.
  • 00:25:49
    Yeah. All of that someone can in your
  • 00:25:52
    case we've just just through this
  • 00:25:54
    talking I I we've we've come to the
  • 00:25:56
    realization that because you were mixed
  • 00:25:58
    race and
  • 00:26:00
    there was so much being thrown at you
  • 00:26:01
    around that
  • 00:26:02
    in the right
  • 00:26:04
    he talking about mixed race is desired.
  • 00:26:06
    Oh to be mixed race is beautiful now.
  • 00:26:08
    Everybody wants that nice caramel coffee
  • 00:26:10
    cut. People like a nice tan skin. You've
  • 00:26:12
    got some of that.
  • 00:26:13
    You've got the stress you see. So it's
  • 00:26:16
    the most desirable thing at the moment
  • 00:26:17
    to to be mixed race. But in back in the
  • 00:26:19
    day, you were a pariah. You see?
  • 00:26:22
    Nobody wanted you. Disgusting. See, how
  • 00:26:24
    can a woman sleep with a black man, a
  • 00:26:27
    white woman? Disgusting [ __ ] That's
  • 00:26:28
    what my mom was called. Now she's in the
  • 00:26:31
    street in social circles. People are
  • 00:26:32
    hurling abuse at my mom and dad as they
  • 00:26:34
    walk down the street. Imagine that's
  • 00:26:36
    what broke my dad. You see, my dad went
  • 00:26:38
    mad because of that 20 years of constant
  • 00:26:41
    berating. Every time he goes out, he
  • 00:26:43
    gets a comment, a snide remark in the
  • 00:26:45
    bus. Someone would murmur. It's
  • 00:26:48
    disgusting. Then he say sorry and then
  • 00:26:52
    what? And then he's off. Now it's spoil
  • 00:26:54
    the whole day. He's ranting and raving
  • 00:26:56
    and over 20 years of that broke the
  • 00:26:58
    whole marriage and he's gone in the he's
  • 00:27:00
    got manic depression. You see it's
  • 00:27:01
    messed up his hormones. Everything
  • 00:27:03
    endocrine system's gone out of balance.
  • 00:27:05
    And and coming back to what I was saying
  • 00:27:08
    about creating new people. Yeah. It only
  • 00:27:11
    takes, you know, it only takes one
  • 00:27:14
    little comment of someone saying, "Oh,
  • 00:27:16
    you're ugly or you or whatever it is
  • 00:27:18
    when you
  • 00:27:20
    Yeah. And and that's, you know, that's
  • 00:27:22
    enough to set someone up for the whole
  • 00:27:25
    of their lives. You
  • 00:27:26
    put it in their head,
  • 00:27:26
    right? You put it in their head and it's
  • 00:27:29
    unless they, you know, unless they're
  • 00:27:30
    doing what we're doing
  • 00:27:32
    and counter it,
  • 00:27:33
    that's going to be running their lives.
  • 00:27:35
    The whole show,
  • 00:27:36
    the whole thing,
  • 00:27:36
    it's all driven by that. You see once
  • 00:27:38
    you've implanted that idea which was not
  • 00:27:41
    there before that's why I hate naming.
  • 00:27:43
    You see naming is the same kind of
  • 00:27:44
    thing. Once you name something you've
  • 00:27:46
    given it that you've set it that
  • 00:27:48
    frequency has been set around that
  • 00:27:50
    thing. If you release the name then it
  • 00:27:52
    can be anything. You can imagine the
  • 00:27:54
    things anything. Indigenous people if
  • 00:27:56
    they come here they won't see things as
  • 00:27:57
    we do because they've not been named.
  • 00:28:00
    They won't even see this. There's a
  • 00:28:01
    phenomena where they can't even see what
  • 00:28:02
    you're pointing out. They can't even see
  • 00:28:04
    it. That's how hardcore it is naming.
  • 00:28:07
    Once you name it, then it becomes
  • 00:28:08
    visible to them. You've locked it. Same
  • 00:28:10
    with negative uh things. Once you've
  • 00:28:12
    been told, "Yeah, you're ugly. Look my
  • 00:28:16
    look at him. He's horrible." That's it.
  • 00:28:19
    Now you've got that. You've been
  • 00:28:20
    infected with that idea and it runs
  • 00:28:22
    through your whole system like cancer or
  • 00:28:24
    like a wood rot. See, it can crumbles
  • 00:28:26
    your core down your structure. See,
  • 00:28:28
    until you collapse after decades of
  • 00:28:30
    why you shouldn't bring which is why
  • 00:28:33
    they don't have to deal with
  • 00:28:34
    that's one of the reasons. But there's a
  • 00:28:36
    multitude. See, and everybody knows
  • 00:28:38
    they've seen a lot of them. But that's
  • 00:28:39
    one of the subtle ones. That's one of
  • 00:28:41
    the subtle ones.
  • 00:28:42
    Yeah.
  • 00:28:43
    Okay. Great. Thank you.
  • 00:28:45
    [Music]
Tags
  • inner child
  • self-care
  • childhood trauma
  • role-playing
  • self-esteem
  • mixed-race identity
  • parenting
  • mental health
  • positive reinforcement
  • dysfunction