Singles, Do This While Waiting for Your Spouse

00:43:07
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukdOJEXQRIU

Ringkasan

TLDRThis video discusses the importance and advantages of embracing singleness as a gift from God, emphasizing that it is a time for personal growth and spiritual development. The speaker, who was single for 24 years, shares that many people believe their fulfillment revolves around marriage but highlights that being single allows for unbroken focus on personal and spiritual progress. Singleness should be viewed as a time to become whole and better prepared for future relationships. It’s crucial for single persons to resolve personal issues, avoid loneliness, and develop a strong relationship with God. Building character, overcoming insecurities, and living in purity is vital. The video also advises singles to form healthy relationship boundaries and suggests meeting potential partners in wholesome environments, rather than looking for 'The One.' Finally, the speaker recommends not waiting to be happy or preparing merely for marriage, but to live fully and joyously in the current season by pursuing spiritual and personal growth.

Takeaways

  • 🌟 Embrace singleness as a unique season for personal growth.
  • 🙏 Focus on spiritual development and a deeper relationship with God.
  • 💪 Resolve personal issues and emotions before entering marriage.
  • 🔍 Seek partners at wholesome places, not focused solely on appearance.
  • 🚫 Set healthy boundaries with the opposite sex.
  • 💬 Engage in community and develop meaningful connections.
  • 🛠 Build your character more than a list of expectations.
  • 🤝 Focus on shared values and mutual respect in relationships.
  • 💡 Discard the myth of 'The One' and be open to God's plan.
  • 🎓 Use this time to advance in education and career goals.

Garis waktu

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Being single is a period to be cherished and responsibly managed. The speaker emphasizes that singleness is a state of completeness, not a disease. Jesus was single, and being single prepares a person for future relationships by allowing them to become whole and spiritually content prior to marriage.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Singleness should be viewed as completeness rather than a lack of marital status. There's a distinction between being alone, a lifestyle choice, and loneliness, which signifies unmet emotional needs. Singleness offers fewer distractions, creating opportunities for spiritual growth, unlike loneliness which can negatively affect future relationships.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The issues of loneliness often arise from broken family dynamics, prompting an unhealthy dependence on marriage for emotional fulfillment. The cultural emphasis on success over relationships contributes to loneliness. Moreover, modern entertainment habits, being screen-focused, heighten isolation. Singlehood shouldn't lean on marriage for fulfillment but seek personal and spiritual wholeness first.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The importance of inner healing and spiritual deliverance is highlighted for singles. The speaker shares personal battles with social awkwardness and rejection. Encouraging individuals to connect with communities before marriage, ensuring personal issues like loneliness and spiritual voids are addressed, emphasizing that marriage isn’t a cure-all solution.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Marriage acts as a magnifying glass for pre-existing issues rather than solving them. Those hoping marriage will rectify personal issues may be disappointed. True healing stems from a relationship with Jesus; marrying without addressing internal issues like addictions or loneliness will compound them. Singleness is an opportunity for self-correction.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Singles are encouraged to live a life of sexual purity. The idea is to prevent viewing marriage as an eventual remedy for sexual desires or other vices. Joseph's story from the Bible is used to exemplify steadfastness in purity despite temptations. Emphasizing self-control and purity reflects a commitment to Christian values over cultural norms.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    The speaker argues the importance of building personal character over creating a hefty list of expectations for a future partner. Being proactive in personal and spiritual development during singleness ensures readiness and attractiveness for a future relationship. It's crucial to also deal with personal ‘demons’ or negative traits beforehand.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:43:07

    Singles should be open to God's plan rather than fixating on finding 'the one.' Participation in a faith community (the 'well') is encouraged as a healthy environment for finding a partner. The speaker advises against unrealistic expectations and ideals, advocating for alignment with God's will and values, which can lead to fulfilling relationships.

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Pertanyaan yang Sering Diajukan

  • What is the main message of the video?

    The main message encourages single individuals to embrace their singleness as a time for personal growth and to deepen their faith.

  • What are some reasons why being single is seen as beneficial?

    Being single is seen as beneficial because it allows for personal growth, deeper connection with God, and preparing oneself for a future relationship.

  • Why is it important to feel whole during singleness?

    Feeling whole during singleness is important because it prepares an individual for a healthier future relationship by addressing loneliness and insecurities first.

  • Can marriage resolve feelings of loneliness?

    No, marriage cannot resolve feelings of loneliness; such feelings should be addressed during singleness through personal healing and spiritual growth.

  • What role does faith play in managing singleness?

    Faith provides a foundation for managing singleness by helping individuals find fulfillment in Christ and heal emotional wounds.

  • How should one approach boundaries with the opposite sex?

    One should set healthy boundaries with the opposite sex, treating friendships as they would if they were married, to prevent emotional entanglements.

  • Is it recommended to find a partner who shares your values?

    Yes, it is recommended to look for a partner who shares similar values for a healthy and satisfying relationship.

  • What is the advice regarding the concept of 'The One'?

    The advice is to discard the myth of 'The One' and focus on finding a suitable partner who shares your faith and values.

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Gulir Otomatis:
  • 00:00:00
    Singles, do this while waiting for your spouse.  Singleness is a great gift from God and this is
  • 00:00:09
    not only a gift but it's a season that should be  stewarded responsibly. Myself being single for
  • 00:00:17
    24 years and I'm glad that season is over but  I do want to share something about the season
  • 00:00:23
    of singleness. It seems that more and more  people are waiting until they get married
  • 00:00:30
    and actually statistic confirms that those  who wait a little bit longer for marriage,
  • 00:00:35
    they seem to mature more and their marriages have  better chance of having happiness, joy and those
  • 00:00:44
    marriages seem to last also during our previous  live stream, I've noticed that a lot of people
  • 00:00:50
    who watch our ministries videos, read the books  are single. May I remind you that our Savior Jesus
  • 00:01:00
    was single. So being single is not some kind of  a sickness, some kind of a plague or a curse.
  • 00:01:08
    It's a blessing and there's proper ways that you  can live your single life in a way that can help
  • 00:01:14
    you to prepare for the next season. So the next  following thoughts I'm going to share with you,
  • 00:01:20
    I want to share them in mind to better your single  years and to actually bring some freedom to some
  • 00:01:27
    of you who are living maybe in this constant  state of desperation, impatience, loneliness and
  • 00:01:35
    sadness. First of all, what I want to highlight  is singleness is not necessarily being unmarried,
  • 00:01:42
    it's the state of being whole. Now I understand  that today we use the word singleness to define
  • 00:01:48
    someone's not being married but if you take  the dictionary word for 'singleness.' one of
  • 00:01:55
    the definitions is it's being whole, being  unique, being one, being not broken, not
  • 00:02:03
    divided. Singleness is not a sickness. It's not a  disease. It's a state to be desired and enjoyed.
  • 00:02:14
    I would say even to be single is required to be  genuinely happy even in your future relationships
  • 00:02:23
    because to be single means to be whole. It's less  than not being married, I'm not in a relation
  • 00:02:30
    ship. No, it's being whole. It's being one. It's  being not broken and that state you should pursue
  • 00:02:37
    even when you get married you should continuously  pursue the state of being whole, of being unique
  • 00:02:44
    and being the person that is healed. When you are  single, apostle Paul tells us that you actually
  • 00:02:51
    have more time, less distractions to pursue God.  So many people when they are single, they look
  • 00:02:58
    at that season of their life with the sense of  sadness, sense of like they're missing out on the
  • 00:03:05
    true happiness in their life which is marriage.  So many Christians, they postpone their ministry,
  • 00:03:11
    their education, the betterment of themselves  until they get married. They think that's when the
  • 00:03:18
    true fulfillment exists but in reality, you can  be as fulfilled as whole and as happy, financially
  • 00:03:27
    blessed being single, before you even get married.  So I want to encourage you to rethink even that
  • 00:03:34
    definition of singleness. This is not just a state  of being unmarried, it's a state of being whole,
  • 00:03:41
    being unique and being an individual that God made  you to be. The second thing I want to highlight is
  • 00:03:50
    it's okay to be single and alone but it's not okay  to be single and lonely. When you are alone, it
  • 00:04:00
    indicates you're not in a romantic relationship.  When you are lonely, that communicates that you
  • 00:04:07
    have some emotional unmet needs. Perhaps hurts  and discouragements and sense of feeling like
  • 00:04:16
    you don't belong and nobody loves you and you're  not connected to anyone from family or friends and
  • 00:04:22
    that is a dangerous place to be. When God created  us, He said, it's not good for man to be alone.
  • 00:04:29
    Now Adam wasn't lonely per se because Adam had God  in the garden but Adam was alone in the sense that
  • 00:04:38
    Adam wasn't married. He didn't have other human  beings in his life. I mean he didn't have any
  • 00:04:43
    human beings at all except just animals but this  season of being alone for Adam didn't last very
  • 00:04:49
    long because the Bible says that Eve was created  on the same day that Adam was created not at the
  • 00:04:54
    same time but on the same day. So this issue of  being alone was really solved for Adam when Eve
  • 00:05:01
    came. Today we have family, we have friends, we  have church family and so there's no reason you
  • 00:05:07
    as a Christian should live your life being lonely  as a single person. Now here's few reasons why
  • 00:05:15
    many of us suffer loneliness. Many of us come  from broken family members and because of that,
  • 00:05:22
    we come from a broken family unit, the traditional  family is under attack. Mom, dad, brothers and
  • 00:05:28
    sisters and because we come from broken families,  many of us develop rejection. We develop wounds
  • 00:05:35
    and we develop loneliness where we feel like we  don't belong. Nobody loves us. Nobody told us that
  • 00:05:41
    they love us. We didn't experience family dinners.  We didn't experience family vacations. We didn't
  • 00:05:46
    experience dad and mom loving each other. Even  if you come from a family that were not believers
  • 00:05:53
    but you saw a healthy family dynamic, it does  something emotionally to you that's healthy,
  • 00:06:00
    where you grow up as an individual that's not  filled with sadness and filled with loneliness.
  • 00:06:07
    Why is that dangerous for a single person? Because  if you are battling with feelings of insecurity,
  • 00:06:15
    the feelings of feeling alone, feeling like  you don't belong anywhere; you will develop
  • 00:06:21
    an expectation of marriage that's not healthy. You  will think that marriage will come and solve that.
  • 00:06:28
    If I only have someone that loves me in a romantic  way then I will no longer feel like I'm rejected,
  • 00:06:36
    I'm not loved and I'm not good enough and in  the beginning, the feelings of infatuation being
  • 00:06:43
    wanted by someone will put a band aid on that  emotional wound but once you get married, you'll
  • 00:06:49
    realize that those feelings do not get solved by  marriage. You need something more than marriage to
  • 00:06:56
    bring solution to that. The other reason why many  of us feel lonely today being single is because we
  • 00:07:04
    live in a generation that cares more about your  success than about being closely connected to a
  • 00:07:11
    community meaning, people often focus more on  their achievements rather than building strong
  • 00:07:17
    relationships with others. The whole culture you  live in today mostly focuses on your achievements,
  • 00:07:25
    focuses on accomplishments. Make sure you get the  degree, make sure you get the that house, make
  • 00:07:30
    sure you get that car, make sure you get ahead in  life. Relationships, community are put always on
  • 00:07:38
    the second and sometimes, even non-existence  and most of us would even sacrifice family,
  • 00:07:44
    friends and relationships just to get ahead and  what that does, the consequences of that is that
  • 00:07:51
    we sometimes achieve things but we are lonely and  we spend time with our pillow at night because we
  • 00:07:58
    don't have friends. We make food into our friend.  We make alcohol into our friend. We make other
  • 00:08:04
    things, success, money into our friend because we  actually don't have real friends. That's a problem
  • 00:08:10
    with our culture and we need to fix that. Another  way is that the way we have fun and the way we
  • 00:08:15
    relax has changed a lot. Especially for those of  us who are single people. Nowadays, more people
  • 00:08:22
    spend time looking at their screens and doing  things alone and they hang out less with other
  • 00:08:28
    people. So what I want to encourage you if you  are single and you are lonely, marriage won't fix
  • 00:08:35
    that. You need to work on that right now. You need  to go to Jesus so that that emotional need is met
  • 00:08:43
    by the Holy Spirit. Jesus says, I'll never leave  you and I'll never forsake you. He also said, I'll
  • 00:08:48
    never leave you as orphans. Some people actually  have an unclean spirit of loneliness where they've
  • 00:08:54
    been loved by people. They have a good family  but they don't feel like they belong and they
  • 00:08:58
    need experienced deliverance. Some people have  experienced rejection in their life and they have
  • 00:09:04
    believed the lies of the enemy and they need to  break down demonic strongholds. In fact when I was
  • 00:09:10
    single, that was me. I didn't feel like I belonged  in so many circles and at first, I judged those
  • 00:09:17
    circles and I said well, they're just you know so  mean. They kicked me out of this. They kicked me
  • 00:09:21
    out of that. They didn't invite me to this and  I feel like people don't want to be my friend
  • 00:09:25
    and plus, I was bit awkward socially with people.  So some of it I guess I deserved it. Some of it
  • 00:09:32
    people just kind of didn't include me in things  and then what started to happen is I started to
  • 00:09:37
    develop this self-rejection that became this like  almost prophetic thing about me where everywhere
  • 00:09:43
    I would go, I would feel rejected and because of  that, I would get more rejected which reinforced
  • 00:09:48
    this feeling, I don't belong anywhere. You know  in that state, if I would have gotten married,
  • 00:09:55
    it would have been a disaster. In that state,  I needed deliverance. I needed breakthrough. I
  • 00:10:00
    needed breaking down strongholds so that I don't  go into a relationship expecting my spouse to now
  • 00:10:08
    solve this. I needed to deal with this and I  had to get alone with God. I had to also learn
  • 00:10:14
    to forgive people. I had to learn to trust people  and I had to also sometimes come out of my little
  • 00:10:19
    awkwardness and insert myself into communities,  relationships where I in fact would rather just
  • 00:10:27
    be alone and not be in those places because I know  that I need to be in those communities. I need
  • 00:10:32
    to develop as a mature healthy human being that  enjoys relationships and does not run from people.
  • 00:10:40
    So then when I went into marriage, now marriage  doesn't have to solve this problem. So something
  • 00:10:47
    as a single person that I want you to be aware  of. The other thing is that being single won't
  • 00:10:51
    kill you, being married won't heal you. Marriage,  you have to understand something about marriage
  • 00:10:59
    is that marriage is not your savior. Marriage  is not your healer. It is true there are certain
  • 00:11:05
    things love will heal in marriage but your  healer and your deliverer is Jesus Christ.
  • 00:11:12
    If you've experienced abuse as a child, if  you've experienced rejection as a teenager,
  • 00:11:19
    if you have experienced abandonment, marriage  won't really solve that. Jesus will solve that.
  • 00:11:25
    What marriage will do is it will magnify what  you have on the inside. So if you are a single
  • 00:11:32
    person and you are lonely, marriage will make you  a little bit more lonely and nothing is worse than
  • 00:11:39
    being married and being lonely. If you are as a  single person addicted to pornography, marriage
  • 00:11:46
    won't solve that. Marriage will not deliver you  from pornography. Jesus didn't say to people who
  • 00:11:51
    are addicted to sexual immorality and say, yeah  just find a spouse. He said no, cut off the hand,
  • 00:11:58
    remove the eye meaning, you need to deal with this  sin. It is true that Paul tells those people to
  • 00:12:03
    get married instead of burning with lust but Paul  is never prescribing marriage as a solution for
  • 00:12:10
    sexual immorality. He's just saying that marriage  helps to protect us and build a stronger mechanism
  • 00:12:17
    of defense against sexual immorality but marriage  is not your savior. Marriage is like a magnifying
  • 00:12:23
    glass. It will really magnify what you got  inside. If you are not good with finances,
  • 00:12:29
    marriage is not going to change that without you  putting in some work. If you're bad communicating,
  • 00:12:36
    marriage isn't going to solve that, marriage is  going to expose that and magnify that. So marriage
  • 00:12:41
    doesn't really satisfy, marriage magnifies.  If you're happy as a single person, if you get
  • 00:12:48
    married, most likely generally speaking, you'll  be more happy. If you're walking in purity as
  • 00:12:54
    a single person, you get married, marriage will  help you to walk even more in purity because now
  • 00:13:01
    you have another disciple of Jesus who is helping  you to become more of a follower of Jesus Christ,
  • 00:13:08
    sharpening you and challenging you and that's  really what marriage is. I like to say like
  • 00:13:12
    this is that marriage doesn't heal your holes,  it reveals your holes. So marriage doesn't make
  • 00:13:21
    you whole, it reveals your holes. We all have some  holes inside. We all have some hurts. We have some
  • 00:13:27
    wounds. We all have some struggles and marriage  doesn't fix all of that. Marriage sometimes what
  • 00:13:34
    it does is it puts pressure where all of those  things that you were not dealing with as a single
  • 00:13:39
    person come to the surface. So today if you are  a single person, don't postpone your deliverance,
  • 00:13:47
    breaking down strongholds, submitting yourself  to Christ, dealing with those things that maybe
  • 00:13:52
    you're postponing to marriage because marriage is  not going to have this beautiful thing where all
  • 00:13:57
    of these problems should be solved. In fact,  some of us will have to roll up our sleeves
  • 00:14:02
    and deal with these problems that currently we  are ignoring. The challenge with marriages is
  • 00:14:09
    this is when you walk into marriage as a single  person and you have unrealistic expectation that
  • 00:14:14
    this person is going to solve all of your problems  but in reality, they won't. So as a single person,
  • 00:14:23
    become whole. Secondly as a single  person, begin to deal with loneliness,
  • 00:14:30
    feeling alone, insecurities. Begin to deal with  those things and as a single person, begin to
  • 00:14:36
    understand that your relationship with God is  the cure for the things that you are dealing with
  • 00:14:42
    right now. Your relationship with God makes you  whole. When you are a single, what really makes
  • 00:14:48
    you whole is when you become filled with Jesus's  love and His presence. When I think of one of the
  • 00:14:55
    single people in the Bible, his name was Adam.  Adam was so lost in God that it was God who told
  • 00:15:02
    Adam that he was alone, he didn't feel alone we  don't see Adam complaining to God and saying God,
  • 00:15:09
    I feel lonely, can you send someone? It was  God who told Adam you were alone. So if you're
  • 00:15:15
    a single person and you're complaining, man,  I'm just feeling so lonely, I need a spouse.
  • 00:15:20
    I'm desperate. I'm impatient right now. Perhaps  you need to spend a little bit more time with the
  • 00:15:27
    Lord and some healing needs to take place in  your life so that you don't walk and live out
  • 00:15:34
    those negative toxic emotions. Someone said one  time that you need to be so lost in God that the
  • 00:15:41
    other person has to look for God to find you. Get  so lost in God that the other person has to look
  • 00:15:49
    for God to find you. So develop that closeness  with the Lord. Now the other part that I want to
  • 00:15:56
    highlight not only about being whole and not only  about overcoming insecurities and these negative
  • 00:16:02
    emotions and not postponing that to marriage and  to develop our relationship with God but also to
  • 00:16:08
    be single and holy not horny. What happens with  a lot of single people is this is they begin to
  • 00:16:18
    flirt with sin, fornicate, co-habitate and they're  like well, I'm not ready for marriage but I'm
  • 00:16:27
    ready to mess around. I'm ready to try things you  know I'm ready to experiment you know I'm ready to
  • 00:16:35
    go into relationships to just see how they fit  me and they pretty much what they do a lot of
  • 00:16:41
    times is sometimes even men or women begin to opt  to masturbation, begin to opt to one night stand,
  • 00:16:48
    begin to opt to pornography and other things  to say you know what, I have these desires and
  • 00:16:53
    they're very big needs and I need to meet them  some way and so this is the way I'm going to meet
  • 00:17:00
    them before I get married. Now as a Christian, if  you're watching and you're a believer, that's a
  • 00:17:07
    sin to do those things and I want to challenge you  as a Christian single person to live in purity.
  • 00:17:14
    Jesus Christ was a virgin as a single man. He was  pure. He was sexually pure, okay and so He lived
  • 00:17:24
    that life as an example for you and I. At the age  of 33, He was killed on the cross for our sins,
  • 00:17:30
    He was crucified. So for those of you who  maybe look at your single life and you're like,
  • 00:17:34
    that's impossible to live pure while being single.  It's impossible to live holy. Maybe it feels like
  • 00:17:42
    impossible. With the power of the Holy Spirit that  helped Jesus to live pure, you can live pure. You
  • 00:17:48
    don't have to believe in the cultural pattern  of what it's like to be a single person. You
  • 00:17:55
    don't need to experiment sexually to get better  and qualified and be more experienced. Think of
  • 00:18:03
    sex as like a super glue. You don't play with  super glue. You put the super glue specifically
  • 00:18:11
    in the place you intend for the super glue to glue  things permanently to cement things permanently.
  • 00:18:18
    You don't take a super glue for a spin. You're  like let me just put it on my hands right now
  • 00:18:21
    and just see if it works. No, you trust the label  that it works and you intentionally put it in the
  • 00:18:27
    place where you expect it to cement two objects  together. Think of sex the same way. In the same
  • 00:18:35
    way, we should be thinking about these things  that lead to sexual immorality like flirting,
  • 00:18:40
    like living in a way that is just not  pleasing to God, hints of immorality. A
  • 00:18:45
    lot of times what happens with young people,  especially Christians and they're like well,
  • 00:18:48
    you know as long as I don't cross the line you  know and the line is to have the sexual sin but
  • 00:18:53
    if I do a b c d. It's completely fine. Think of  Joseph. He was a single man. He was in a foreign
  • 00:19:02
    country. His life wasn't very good in the sense  that he was rejected. Somebody already fabricated
  • 00:19:09
    his death certificate said, that he's dead,  told his dad he died. The guy was sold as a
  • 00:19:14
    slave. He was in the Potiphar's house. You know  he could have easily said yeah, you know I could
  • 00:19:20
    just flirt a little bit with sin there and there.  Plus I'm a single man you know I have needs. You
  • 00:19:25
    know I have sexual desires and you know plus the  Potiphar's wife is you know casting these longing
  • 00:19:31
    eyes on me and the Bible says, that Joseph didn't  flirt with sin meaning, he didn't put himself in
  • 00:19:37
    situations intentionally to find himself wrestling  with things he could have avoided. In fact,
  • 00:19:44
    he fled from those sexual temptations. I want  to challenge you as a person that is single,
  • 00:19:51
    live your life in the way that is sexually pure.  Stop saying that sex is your need, okay. You know
  • 00:19:59
    what your need is what you cannot live without is  water, air, food, okay. This idea that if I don't
  • 00:20:09
    have sex, I'm going to die. The Bible tells us  to control our biology, our urges, our desires,
  • 00:20:18
    to possess our vessel. You're not an animal.  An animal is driven by their appetites. As a
  • 00:20:26
    single person, to be holy, you have to embrace the  truth. You're made in the image and likeness of
  • 00:20:34
    God. You are a spirit. You live in a physical body  that has desires, cravings, appetites and lusts
  • 00:20:44
    because you're made in the image of God, you can  control those desires. It says in Thessalonians,
  • 00:20:51
    this is the will of God, your sanctification,  that you will learn how to possess your vessel
  • 00:20:57
    with honor. So do not believe in this lie. I can't  control it. You just don't understand. I just have
  • 00:21:03
    to do this thing because you know it's better  than me committing fornication with somebody.
  • 00:21:08
    You know I watch porn because it's better. I'm  not hurting anybody. I masturbate because you
  • 00:21:13
    know I'm not hurting anybody. You know I'm  messing around a little bit because but I'm
  • 00:21:18
    not hurting anybody. It's consensual and you know  I am just preserving, trying to meet these needs
  • 00:21:25
    that I have. I know where this is coming from, for  most of us. We went to school and they taught us
  • 00:21:32
    that we came from monkeys and most of us act like  monkeys. You know what the difference between the
  • 00:21:38
    animal kingdom and us is the animals are driven by  their appetites. We're not driven. We supposed to
  • 00:21:44
    rule our appetites. You can't walk in holiness  if you don't accept this truth that you're not
  • 00:21:50
    an animal. Live like a person that controls their  appetites. Let your theology control your biology.
  • 00:21:59
    Let your spirituality control your passions. Let  your principles direct your passions. Live holy.
  • 00:22:07
    Commit to righteousness. On this same note, let  me just highlight something. Act today with the
  • 00:22:15
    opposite sex like you would if you would have been  married. For example, a lot of times when you're
  • 00:22:22
    single and people allow themselves to develop very  close relationships with the opposite sex and I
  • 00:22:29
    understand this could be a point of disagreement  with some of you but the Bible says in Proverbs
  • 00:22:35
    that he who finds a wife finds a good thing  and obtains a favor from the Lord. Interesting,
  • 00:22:40
    that it doesn't say he who finds a girl meaning,  this lady, she's already a wife material. He who
  • 00:22:48
    finds a wife. She has already been acting like  a wife in a sense, she's been already positioned
  • 00:22:54
    in her attitude and in her behavior you know  sometimes people would ask me is it okay if I
  • 00:22:59
    am single to just you know DM the opposite sex,  hang out with them all the time one-on-one and
  • 00:23:06
    I ask the following question. I said, would  you do that if you would be married? And so
  • 00:23:11
    if the answer is no then you shouldn't be doing  that when you're single. Limit your gatherings,
  • 00:23:16
    your meetings more in the group. Do not try to  develop these close emotional relationships with
  • 00:23:21
    the opposite sex even if your intents are pure but  sometimes, the intentions of the other person's
  • 00:23:27
    might not be so pure. I remember this young  guy who was in our youth group and you know
  • 00:23:32
    he developed this very close relationship, it was  his best friend, it was a girl and he's like man,
  • 00:23:38
    I'm cool. I don't have feelings for her but we  hang out all the time. We do homework together,
  • 00:23:44
    you know we go for long drives together but she's  like my sister in Christ and I'm like awesome. I'm
  • 00:23:50
    like, have you ever wondered what this sister in  Christ is thinking about you? Because I mean she's
  • 00:23:55
    emotionally getting connected to you and a lot of  times, he's like no, not really and then you find
  • 00:24:00
    out later, this young lady is already looking for  wedding rings but he doesn't even think about it,
  • 00:24:05
    that he is pretty much giving her these hints  unintentionally and this is going to end up
  • 00:24:12
    in somewhere, where he gets married to somebody  else and she gets hurt because she thought that
  • 00:24:16
    you know they were such close friends, hanging out  together and there's might be a future there. So
  • 00:24:22
    don't give hints to people when it comes to that.  The best thing to do is live in the way today as a
  • 00:24:27
    single person as you would if you would have been  married. That's how you prepare yourself. That
  • 00:24:33
    means personally, I don't go you know one-on-one  rides with the woman or travel together or go for
  • 00:24:40
    lunch or for a dinner and I didn't do that when  I was single or disciple women one-on-one and I
  • 00:24:46
    know some youth pastors who did that and for  me, I made a decision. When I was 17 because
  • 00:24:52
    a friend of mine, a pastor gave me an advice and  he's like, Vlad you're young. You're in leadership
  • 00:24:58
    and you're single. He says, girls will be  attracted to that and you have to guard your
  • 00:25:04
    purity. The way you guard your purity is this.  Don't spend one-on-one discipling ladies. Have
  • 00:25:11
    somebody else do it and so my aunt stepped in  and she discipled the ladies in our church and
  • 00:25:16
    this way, it gave me freedom and protection from  getting emotionally involved and developing these
  • 00:25:23
    emotional relationships that could have led to  something that I did not want it to lead to. So
  • 00:25:28
    I want to encourage you. Develop holiness, purity,  righteousness. Set some healthy boundaries in your
  • 00:25:34
    life as a single person. The other part is this is  how you can save your marriage before it starts as
  • 00:25:44
    a single person. Number one. Build your character  more than you build a list of expectations.
  • 00:25:53
    Build your character more than you build your  expectations. A lot of times what single people
  • 00:26:00
    doing and I understand most likely you're thinking  about marriage as a single person, nothing wrong
  • 00:26:05
    with that but it's important that you focus your  attention more on building yourself than building
  • 00:26:13
    your expectations. Because ultimately you will  attract someone similar to you. You don't attract
  • 00:26:21
    always what you want as much as really who you  are and if you know you the way you know you,
  • 00:26:28
    would you marry you? And if the answer is no.  Then why would you want somebody to do that.
  • 00:26:34
    So instead of taking this time to raise this high  expectation, what you should do is take this time
  • 00:26:39
    to raise your preparation for the future whether  it's going to end up in marriage, whether you're
  • 00:26:46
    going to get married or not, one good thing is  you didn't waste your single years. You got better
  • 00:26:50
    financially. You know you paid down your debts.  You got healthy physically. You got spiritual with
  • 00:26:57
    God. Probably maybe you finished your degree,  got your own house you know got involved,
  • 00:27:02
    develop you know learn maybe another language.  Do things to build yourself up. Don't waste
  • 00:27:09
    your single years by just building a list of the  things that you want because the person that you
  • 00:27:18
    really want who is great most likely is spending  their time building themselves and God's going to
  • 00:27:23
    match them to someone that's building themselves  as well. Ask yourself a question. How am I doing
  • 00:27:29
    financially? Do I have any habits that need to  be broken down? How's my relationship with my
  • 00:27:34
    siblings and my parents? How's my relationship  with authority? Have I finished school? How am
  • 00:27:43
    I doing spiritually? Do I have a ministry? Have  I discovered my gifts and my skills? What goals
  • 00:27:49
    and dreams actually I am best positioned right now  to fulfill? Like maybe you wanted to write a book,
  • 00:27:56
    start a website, start a blog, a podcast. What  are you waiting for? This is the time to build
  • 00:28:03
    your life. This is not a time only to fold your  hands like this and to wait for somebody to come
  • 00:28:08
    into your life while God is giving you dreams,  visions, and different things that you can
  • 00:28:13
    accomplish today. The second thing that you can  do to save your marriage before it starts and that
  • 00:28:19
    is deal with your demons. Deal with your demons  meaning deal with hurts, deal with traumas, deal
  • 00:28:27
    with strongholds, deal with your family history,  the family of origin. Maybe you are demonized,
  • 00:28:35
    you literally have demonic spirits attacking you  at night in your mind. Perhaps you're addicted.
  • 00:28:43
    Perhaps you have certain things that are holding  you back spiritually. Deal with that now. Go get
  • 00:28:49
    delivered. Maybe get some classes or perhaps see  a counselor if that's what you need. Go to a local
  • 00:28:56
    church for a community where some of that stuff  can be dealt with and addressed. Deal with your
  • 00:29:03
    character flaws. If your parents, your siblings  are highlighting a particular trait about you
  • 00:29:09
    that makes you very difficult to be with, deal  with that. Do not postpone that to another time.
  • 00:29:17
    You can save your marriage before it starts by  dealing with your demons. Number three and I
  • 00:29:27
    alluded to that just previously is set boundaries  with the opposite sex now. Do not wait until you
  • 00:29:34
    start dating. Set boundaries with opposite sex  now. May you develop a reputation within your
  • 00:29:43
    community as a person of integrity, as a person  that has no hint of immorality. You're not perfect
  • 00:29:50
    but you're in the pursuit of purity. Let me ask  you a question. Are you known to be a player?
  • 00:29:59
    Are you known to play games with people's  hearts? Are you known to be that loosed
  • 00:30:05
    person? Are you known to be that person that has  no standards? Are you known to be that person that
  • 00:30:11
    dates anything that moves? Are you known as that  person? You can change that. You're like well,
  • 00:30:17
    I just have people talk bad about me. Well,  perhaps your history confirms that. You can change
  • 00:30:24
    that. You can change that today by being a person  that has integrity and by being a person that has
  • 00:30:31
    boundaries. The next thing that you can do today  as a single person to prepare and that is this.
  • 00:30:39
    Look for the spouse at the right well. Yes, you  heard me right. You need to find your well, if you
  • 00:30:47
    want to find your wife or if you want to find your  husband, what do you mean by a well? Do I need to
  • 00:30:51
    dig a well in my backyard and look for a spouse  in the water? No, no, no, no. That's not what I
  • 00:30:55
    mean. In the Bible, Moses found his wife at the  well. Jacob found his wife at the well. Even Jesus
  • 00:31:05
    found a woman at the well. The woman that needed  a lot of healing and breakthrough in her life.
  • 00:31:11
    The problem I find with people who prepare as a  single person is they don't go to the well to find
  • 00:31:19
    a spouse, they go to the club. They go to a place  that's polluted spiritually. A well speaks of the
  • 00:31:26
    kingdom of God. A well speaks of revival. A well  has water. So God wants the well to be a meeting
  • 00:31:32
    place in your life. Now I've heard single people  say well you know the churches don't have the kind
  • 00:31:39
    of people I like. Well if you like sinners, then  yeah, churches also has sinners. I heard one lady
  • 00:31:48
    said you know all the hot boys are in the club  so that's where I'm going to go. I'm going to
  • 00:31:53
    go to the club. I'm going to find me a hot man  and then I'm going to flirt to convert and he's
  • 00:31:59
    going to be saved and sanctified. I'm going to use  missionary dating meaning, where you date somebody
  • 00:32:05
    so you can convert them to Christ but the Bible is  very clear, that is not biblical method and I want
  • 00:32:11
    to remind you about this whole hot thing you know  hell is hot. You don't want it. So pursue holy not
  • 00:32:22
    just hot. Pursue not just beauty that's physical,  pursue the beauty that's internal. Maturity,
  • 00:32:30
    character because all these feelings that you get,  they do will fade. They will fade away and you
  • 00:32:35
    will end up living with this person's character.  How they treat you and so look for the right
  • 00:32:40
    well. Now, I do believe that you know you can meet  somebody online. In fact, I actually met my wife
  • 00:32:46
    online. In the sense, she added me as a friend  on Facebook. I always tell people you can use
  • 00:32:53
    a mouse to find a spouse and then I went through  her photos and at the time, I had a personal page
  • 00:33:00
    and found out that she was from the church. The  well that I used to go to a lot in Vancouver and
  • 00:33:06
    so next time, I went to the well to draw water  you know I was looking for my boo and there
  • 00:33:13
    she was on a second row, sitting there and you  know I talked to her afterwards and one thing led
  • 00:33:18
    to another. We've been together now for 14 years  and so I am a fervent believer in finding a well
  • 00:33:27
    where you will find the person that God has for  you, okay so just stay at the well. Maybe you're
  • 00:33:32
    at the well and you're not noticing anybody. Just  keep drinking the water from the well but don't go
  • 00:33:38
    to some kind of a ghetto, a spiritual you know  spiritual gutter or spiritual garbage place or
  • 00:33:44
    trash can, the world and say no, I'm just going  to find me a godly man over there. So many ladies
  • 00:33:49
    then they come for deliverance. They're like man  you know I need you to pray for this man and I was
  • 00:33:54
    like, where did you find him? Well, I found him at  this place and I was like, where did you expect to
  • 00:33:59
    find in that place? Godly men aren't hanging out  in the club. I'm sorry. You're not going to find
  • 00:34:06
    a woman of God stripping on the weekend, okay or  getting shots in th e bar. You can probably find
  • 00:34:12
    them somewhere in the conference, missionary or  doing school or charity or some other stuff. You
  • 00:34:17
    want to find a godly man or woman of God, you got  to find a well but you got to be careful about
  • 00:34:21
    the wells too because wells also attract weirdos  not everybody who comes to church is a godly man
  • 00:34:27
    of God and not everybody could say praise the  Lord sister, praise the Lord brother. Even the
  • 00:34:34
    devil knows how to quote the scripture so have a  little bit of discernment and do observe someone's
  • 00:34:39
    fruit. Who do they hang out with? Insert yourself  into their circle of friends. Get to know them a
  • 00:34:43
    little bit more and with time, you will notice  true colors will begin to appear. The other part
  • 00:34:51
    that I want to highlight is be open to God's plan.  When you are at the well, be open to God's plan.
  • 00:34:57
    What does this mean? There could be unexpected  opportunities and sometimes you will meet the
  • 00:35:02
    person that God has for you not the way you expect  it. You may expect it a particular way and it
  • 00:35:10
    might come completely as a surprise you know I was  reading today about Naaman who came to Elisha to
  • 00:35:17
    be healed and he expected that Elisha would come  and wave his hand you know over this sick part and
  • 00:35:23
    Elisha just send the servant and said, Hey Naaman  go and dunk yourself seven times in the water
  • 00:35:27
    and you'll be healed and Naaman was so  disappointed and sometimes that's how happens
  • 00:35:32
    in the relationship. We have these you know we  watch a lot of Hollywood love stories or we hear
  • 00:35:37
    stories. We're like man this is how mine is going  to be you know and sometimes it could be a person
  • 00:35:42
    that you've known for a long time. You guys go to  the same small group. You are in the same class
  • 00:35:48
    and just after I don't know prayer or something,  you just kind of started to think about them.
  • 00:35:54
    You're like wow that they're amazing but you've  kind of known them for a while and slowly feelings
  • 00:36:01
    begin to build up and you begin to get to know  them and it's not how you planned it to be but
  • 00:36:06
    you both begin to love each other, show interest  in each other and then this relationship develops
  • 00:36:12
    into something serious. So be open to that plan.  So many times you know ladies and men would come
  • 00:36:18
    in and they have certain things you know he needs  to be six point this and you know blue eyes and
  • 00:36:25
    dark hair and everything and those specifics.  It's important to understand they're not actually
  • 00:36:31
    an indicators that you will be happy. It's better  to focus more on the person that you have similar
  • 00:36:37
    values, a person that you have attraction for and  the person that loves you, cares for you, respects
  • 00:36:44
    you and some of these other minor preferences just  kind of you know leave them aside. You know when I
  • 00:36:51
    was already seeing Lana, I liked everything about  Lana except one thing. It was her teeth. So her
  • 00:37:02
    teeth, they were crooked. Now for some reason,  someone you like man, Vlad, that's your problem.
  • 00:37:07
    Yeah, it was my problem but to be honest with  you and I was kind of thinking like man you know
  • 00:37:12
    she's like 99.9% of what I wanted except you know  she doesn't cook like my mom. Her teeth are not
  • 00:37:20
    straight and then when you start looking for all  the things that you don't like about the person
  • 00:37:23
    then the list begins to go up you know and then  I decided you know I'm okay with her not cooking
  • 00:37:29
    like my mom. I'm okay with her not doing this,  not doing that but you know the teeth part you
  • 00:37:33
    know physical kind of matters to me and in fact  I started to think about myself. I'm like wait,
  • 00:37:39
    I'm pretty sure she probably has a problem with  my eyes too you know and so I resolved that in my
  • 00:37:45
    heart that it's not a big deal. She doesn't have  to have all of my 100% things that I expect and
  • 00:37:50
    desire so we get married. Lana did not know about  this at all. You can in fact can ask her and she
  • 00:37:56
    didn't know about these arguments I had in my  head. We get married. About 5 months into our
  • 00:38:03
    marriage you know I kind of wanted to suggest that  if she wanted to straighten her teeth and my wife,
  • 00:38:10
    she one time said, Hey I would love to you know  get some invisible lines or straighten my teeth
  • 00:38:17
    but she's like we don't have any money right now  because it's kind of expensive to do that and I
  • 00:38:20
    was like, Hey babe, we can do it anyway and  then when she got him done. I actually told
  • 00:38:25
    her that I kind of had a little concern but  because those things are secondary, those
  • 00:38:30
    things are not the primary and I don't have to  have all of my preferences be met for this person
  • 00:38:37
    to be God's best for me and so I just want  to encourage you just be open to God's plan.
  • 00:38:43
    Don't have these specific things that you get so  hanged on that you can miss this person that God
  • 00:38:50
    has for your life. Lastly, remove the myth that  there's only the one for you. I don't believe
  • 00:38:57
    God sets up marriage as a divine lottery where  every person has only one winning ticket. In fact,
  • 00:39:03
    this idea of having the one came from a comic play  right from 400 years before Jesus told there was
  • 00:39:12
    a story that Greek gods created human beings  with one body, four arms, four legs and two
  • 00:39:22
    heads and then gods split them in half and now  people seek their other half to find true love.
  • 00:39:30
    So this is a Greek myth that was going around 400  years before Christ. So this idea of the myth of
  • 00:39:38
    the one carries this idea that the best partner  that you find who matches you who's just exactly
  • 00:39:45
    like you that you need in your life will fulfill  all the aspects of your life. The myth of the one
  • 00:39:51
    excuses you from your duty when things get hard.  So what instead I want to encourage you with is
  • 00:39:57
    to focus on the one that's in the Lord and that  fits you, matches your values. There's a mutual
  • 00:40:04
    attraction and you have a good report about them  from the people that you trust like your mentors,
  • 00:40:11
    your leaders or perhaps your parents and that you  consider them your brother, your sister in Christ
  • 00:40:18
    first and then you have this mutual attraction.  You go into that relationship instead of looking
  • 00:40:23
    for the one because that's not really how that  works. I always tell people the one that you marry
  • 00:40:31
    is the one and so I hope that these few comments  that I shared with you were an encouragement,
  • 00:40:38
    brought some instruction into your single life.  Do not postpone your happiness. Do not postpone
  • 00:40:45
    building your character, your career, your  ministry until you get married. Be happy today.
  • 00:40:52
    Run after Jesus. Be at the well and one of those  days, continue to pray, continue to pray regularly
  • 00:40:59
    for your future spouse, for your future marriage  and one of these days, you're going to just kind
  • 00:41:03
    of open your eyes and notice somebody next to you  at the same well and something will spark and the
  • 00:41:11
    Lord might use that to pretty much bring you with  somebody that is going to be connected to you. One
  • 00:41:20
    story I had. There was a lady that was in our  church on our staff and one of the mothers in
  • 00:41:29
    our church was trying to hook up her son with  this lady in our church and so I remember we
  • 00:41:34
    went to this hike and so they were trying to be  set up you know this young man who was the son
  • 00:41:41
    of this mother and a lady that was on our church  staff and so the problem is the son and the girl
  • 00:41:49
    never really clicked on the hike instead another  guy was walking with her all the time and for
  • 00:41:54
    somehow they clicked even though the guy, I know  him from church, he kind of doesn't talk a lot
  • 00:41:59
    and somehow they connected and he or she end up  bringing each other their coat because it was lost
  • 00:42:05
    in somebody's car and next thing I know, 5 months  later you know or 6 months later, they're already
  • 00:42:10
    engaged and actually facilitated their wedding  and sometimes it's interesting how it happens
  • 00:42:14
    just kind of like it's not how you expect it.  Where and how it will happen but it's important
  • 00:42:20
    that you are at your well. Your spiritual  connection to God, your spiritual connection
  • 00:42:25
    to the community. I have a book called' Single  ready to mingle.' I wrote this book compiled all
  • 00:42:32
    of my teachings from my youth ministry days when  I was preaching to young people. I believe it's
  • 00:42:37
    going to be a blessing to you. If you're single,  pick up that book at my store Savchuk store.com or
  • 00:42:42
    you can get it on Amazon or download a free copy  or listen on the audio format. Actually that one,
  • 00:42:47
    I read for you so I believe you're going to  find a great blessing to enrich your single
  • 00:42:52
    years for the glory of God. God bless you. Don't  forget to hit like to this video. Let me know
  • 00:42:57
    in the comments what you learned today. Share this  with other people. If you have a singles ministry
  • 00:43:01
    in your church, share this with others. It would  be much appreciated. Thank you, until next time.
Tags
  • singleness
  • personal growth
  • faith
  • relationships
  • marriage
  • loneliness
  • boundaries
  • purity
  • wholeness
  • spirituality