00:00:00
what's the worst that can happen yeah
00:00:01
and you just okay be explicit this
00:00:04
happens okay well if that happens yeah
00:00:06
then what can you do could you go get a
00:00:07
job they're like yes and I'm like okay
00:00:09
so the worst
00:00:13
case this is Dalton plus Michael and
00:00:16
today we're going to talk about how to
00:00:18
spend your
00:00:20
20s yeah we are as people who are no
00:00:24
longer in their 20s yeah we're qualified
00:00:27
extremely people on the internet man
00:00:30
have all the answers on how to live your
00:00:31
life that's we're Elder Millennials in
00:00:33
all honesty I think that uh we see a lot
00:00:37
of young people at YC become really
00:00:41
successful and so there are some lessons
00:00:43
that probably can be pulled out and they
00:00:45
would apply to people who might not even
00:00:47
ever want to do a startup so where would
00:00:49
you start how about how about here do
00:00:52
you know what the honic treadmill is
00:00:54
friends it's this thing where no matter
00:00:57
what's going on in your life you will
00:00:59
get used to it yes and so when you get a
00:01:02
new cool thing when you're a kid and you
00:01:03
get a new toy you're like wow this toy
00:01:06
is awesome what a great Christmas I'll
00:01:08
never want for anything again and then
00:01:10
two days later you're like oh yeah this
00:01:12
toy sucks it's just I want more new
00:01:14
stuff and so whenever you get new things
00:01:16
whenever you get new rewards you get
00:01:18
used to them and they no longer are
00:01:20
awesome the way you thought they would
00:01:21
be once you get them okay and so the
00:01:23
treadmill is you're always trying to
00:01:26
walk forwards on achieving new goals or
00:01:29
getting new stuff yes and it never feels
00:01:33
satisfying and you just keep running on
00:01:34
the treadmill forever okay well and I
00:01:37
think that there's some dangerous honic
00:01:39
treadmills in your
00:01:41
20s um and what's funny is like
00:01:44
Instagram kind of blew this up in a
00:01:46
really awkward way because it's like
00:01:48
everyone's sharing videos and photos of
00:01:51
them living their absolute best life
00:01:53
yeah it's fake like they're they're
00:01:54
clipping the 0 one% of their lives that
00:01:57
are awesome and they're putting on a
00:01:59
site and you're like wow everyone is
00:02:01
living a more awesome life than me like
00:02:03
every day every day all the time my life
00:02:06
sucks and and it changes kind of what
00:02:09
you think your goal should be so I and
00:02:12
it what's what's sad and unfortunate is
00:02:14
that like there's only so many I mean
00:02:16
wow this going to sound really
00:02:17
depressing there only so many good
00:02:19
things there's only so many toys yeah
00:02:22
this isn't a speedrun to get through
00:02:25
them and you know you know people who
00:02:27
grow up super rich like have this
00:02:29
problem of like oh crap like I already
00:02:31
did all the fun stuff and I have a lot
00:02:33
more Life to Live oh man this sucks so
00:02:37
we definitely people screw that up in
00:02:38
their 20s and we're arguing we are
00:02:41
arguing that there is a way to hack this
00:02:43
there's a way to hack the atomic
00:02:44
treadmill it doesn't mean you shouldn't
00:02:45
seek yeah like enjoyment and the hack is
00:02:49
to
00:02:51
intentionally delay each step yeah and
00:02:55
to give yourself room and upside yes so
00:02:59
there's always more steps for you to
00:03:00
climb in the future versus speed running
00:03:03
it and getting it all at once yes so for
00:03:05
example you gave this example the first
00:03:07
place you live after college yeah should
00:03:10
not be much nicer than your dorm room
00:03:12
yeah even if you got a job in Facebook
00:03:14
and you can afford
00:03:15
it and and the reason is you're living
00:03:18
you're leaving yourself a lot more
00:03:20
upside there yes um your first vacations
00:03:23
should probably not be that nice um
00:03:26
there are lots of examples your first
00:03:27
car is probably not be that nice I think
00:03:29
this in so many areas and um I think
00:03:33
that like if you can get those honic
00:03:37
distractions um a little bit out of your
00:03:39
20s you can focus on other stuff what
00:03:41
should people be focusing on the best
00:03:43
way I've heard this uh said is to do the
00:03:45
most hardcore thing early in your career
00:03:48
because you can always mellow out you
00:03:49
can always pull the rip cord and do less
00:03:52
hard things yes it's very hard to go the
00:03:54
way other way around like if you've been
00:03:55
on mellow chill mode and then you decide
00:03:57
you want to be very ambitious and
00:03:59
hardcore much hard to do it that way why
00:04:01
do people it's it's interesting to me
00:04:03
because that seems obvious that seems
00:04:06
like obvious advice but I also feel like
00:04:08
people are like afraid of it someh no I
00:04:11
think you're bombarded with you want to
00:04:12
have a good work life balance I think I
00:04:14
think you're actually bombarded with
00:04:16
like you might burn out the opposite of
00:04:18
that right it's it's weird I found these
00:04:20
messages very confusing when I was
00:04:22
younger well it's I I might argue maybe
00:04:25
I was just kind of in in a weird bubble
00:04:28
but I feel like I hear those m messages
00:04:30
now I didn't hear those messages then
00:04:32
like almost all of my friends were
00:04:34
trying hard but now it does it almost
00:04:37
feels like oh if you try too hard you'll
00:04:38
pull a muscle yeah which is so weird
00:04:41
it's kind of like oh if you run too hard
00:04:43
when you're young you'll hurt yourself
00:04:44
versus like you'll definitely hurt
00:04:46
yourself when you're old and you AR like
00:04:49
being young is when you actually how
00:04:51
about to Riff on it this way yeah if you
00:04:53
choose to go to med school that is a
00:04:55
hardcore thing and once you get your md
00:04:57
you could be a more mellow doctor you
00:04:59
don't have to be
00:05:00
crazy do you could be like a parttime
00:05:03
plastic surgeon once you go through med
00:05:05
school so you're doing the hardly and
00:05:07
you a lot of choices same thing with law
00:05:09
school I would say some same thing with
00:05:11
people that work at hedge funds or
00:05:13
investment Banks but I think a lot of
00:05:14
people that opt into other careers do
00:05:16
the less hardcore thing and again maybe
00:05:18
they should maybe if you want to be a
00:05:19
novelist you should be a really hardcore
00:05:21
novelist in your 20s and write a lot
00:05:23
yeah yeah and so I think regardless of
00:05:25
the career you're going down yeah the
00:05:27
more hardcore path just gives you more
00:05:29
option it when you're when you're older
00:05:31
and I think this comes back to a point
00:05:32
we talk about a lot which is that like
00:05:34
you don't really know your capacity yep
00:05:37
don't speedrun all the fancy things in
00:05:40
life and do hard early get used to
00:05:43
it get comfortable I think the third
00:05:45
thing that comes up a lot in your 20s is
00:05:47
it's an opportunity to be risk seeking
00:05:49
versus risk avoing and it's hard to
00:05:53
contextualize how much of your life
00:05:55
you'll spend being risk avoided yep but
00:05:57
it's like your kids you have a mortgage
00:06:01
you have elderly parents you yourself
00:06:03
are elderly you
00:06:05
are less willing to take risk so most
00:06:09
people in their 20s don't have any of
00:06:11
those things to worry about um or many I
00:06:13
shouldn't even say most yet sometimes it
00:06:17
seems like they're not taking as much
00:06:18
risk yeah what what do you think's going
00:06:20
on there from talking to Founders a lot
00:06:23
of them are told by their parents to not
00:06:24
do something risky and to not take
00:06:26
career risk in their 20s again I'm not
00:06:28
really sure EX where that's coming from
00:06:30
but doing a startup is seen as risky
00:06:32
like you can destroy your life if you do
00:06:33
a startup yeah or something like that so
00:06:35
I think it's fear and again perhaps
00:06:38
Justified I don't really get it this is
00:06:41
the thing that always gets me it's it's
00:06:42
it's not the idea that you get a job and
00:06:45
you can do that job at that company for
00:06:48
the rest of your life is already been
00:06:50
disproven yeah like so it's like I
00:06:53
understand the feeling of fear but like
00:06:54
the
00:06:55
result like oh if I get a job at IBM
00:06:58
today like I build there until I'm 60
00:07:00
like probably not sorry and so I think
00:07:04
the other thing that happens when people
00:07:06
think about risk is they have to test
00:07:08
themselves it's hard to kind of know
00:07:10
what you're made of it's easy to like
00:07:12
Think You Know What You're Made Of and
00:07:13
never test it then to actually be out
00:07:16
there in uncomfortable area and like
00:07:18
have to put I think one good exercise
00:07:20
you could do on that point whenever
00:07:21
people talk about risk or they're
00:07:23
worried about it is I encourage them to
00:07:24
just be like okay well let's talk about
00:07:25
it what's the worst that can happen yeah
00:07:28
and you just okay be explicit this
00:07:30
happens okay well if that happens then
00:07:32
what can you do could you go get a job
00:07:34
they're like yes and I'm like okay so
00:07:36
the worst
00:07:37
case like it's like I would just I
00:07:40
advise this for everybody out there yeah
00:07:41
you know talk through explicitly what
00:07:45
the worst thing that could happen if you
00:07:47
take a risk is and it might not sound as
00:07:50
bad as you think once you name it once
00:07:51
you talk about it explicitly well and
00:07:53
and here's the interesting thing because
00:07:54
we're making this for General audience I
00:07:56
want to leave open the door that maybe
00:07:58
it it is really bad yeah right like and
00:08:01
if it really is bad don't take risk
00:08:03
don't take the risk like we're not
00:08:04
saying you should always no matter what
00:08:07
starting conditions be R risk-seeking I
00:08:10
think what we're trying to say is there
00:08:11
are a lot of people who their starting
00:08:13
conditions would allow them to be
00:08:15
risk-seeking but they don't realize it
00:08:16
yep and that's or they realize later and
00:08:18
they're like wow yeah whoops like that
00:08:20
was dumb yeah that's a tricky one you
00:08:23
brought up parents I think it's probably
00:08:25
worth revisiting um we're parents yep
00:08:28
it's hard to not
00:08:30
want to have a vision for your kids yeah
00:08:34
it's hard to not have expectations it's
00:08:36
hard to not have dreams and maybe
00:08:38
they're not like oh I want them to be a
00:08:40
doctor right for some people it is but
00:08:42
it's hard to not have that right it's
00:08:43
hard to not feel responsible yeah but
00:08:46
your 20s is really the first moments
00:08:50
where your plan's kind of your own if
00:08:53
you're following your parents plan you
00:08:54
chose that
00:08:57
like right when you're 14 if you're
00:08:59
following your parents plan maybe your
00:09:01
parents chose that yeah but when you're
00:09:03
23 and you're following your like that's
00:09:05
your are you living your own life for
00:09:07
the expectations of you yeah because at
00:09:09
some point you're going to wake up and
00:09:11
realize this is my plan this is my life
00:09:14
yeah yeah and I think what's interesting
00:09:15
is like maybe your parents plan's great
00:09:17
maybe it's bad like who knows but um I
00:09:21
think there are a lot of people who kind
00:09:23
of look back and they're like oh I
00:09:25
didn't question my plan enough in my 20s
00:09:29
yeah like I woke up in my 30s and was
00:09:32
like wait did I really like the path
00:09:34
that I walk did I ever spend a lot of
00:09:36
time thinking about what do I want that
00:09:38
or not and then they realize in their
00:09:40
30s like that's a little some of that's
00:09:42
baked yep I think the biggest Point
00:09:45
around these lines is also peers yes and
00:09:48
who you spend time with like I I always
00:09:50
like to reference your personality is
00:09:52
just an amalgam of whatever the six or
00:09:54
seven people you spend the most time
00:09:55
with yeah and a lot of the things that
00:09:58
we think are our own ideas is or our own
00:10:00
identity is no it's not it's
00:10:02
just your like this is you just soaked
00:10:04
it up from your peer group and so to the
00:10:06
extent you're thoughtful about who
00:10:08
you're spending time with and asking are
00:10:10
they making me better yeah am I around
00:10:13
people that make me more optimistic yeah
00:10:15
that make me want to do things that is
00:10:18
kind of a a big factor into all the life
00:10:20
decisions we make it's funny think about
00:10:22
how much of our lives are dictated by
00:10:23
who we get randomly assigned as
00:10:25
roommates in college huge like is there
00:10:27
any bigger decision in
00:10:30
what yeah what kind of person you grow
00:10:32
up to be is like random roommate
00:10:34
assignments like freshman year okay big
00:10:35
deal and so this is hackable kind of
00:10:39
like the honic treadmill yeah you could
00:10:41
choose to spend more time with different
00:10:44
people based on who you want to be more
00:10:45
like we're not trying to say your
00:10:47
friends are bad what we're trying to say
00:10:50
is like if you want something different
00:10:53
like if you want to
00:10:56
change if you want to do a startup
00:11:00
having more friends that are startup
00:11:01
people that won't be like startups are
00:11:03
dumb startups are risky why would you
00:11:05
want to do that and instead of like oh
00:11:06
yeah I'm doing a startup 2 do you see
00:11:08
how that would yeah like everyone
00:11:10
becomes a Centrist in whoever they're
00:11:12
surrounded by and so if you're
00:11:13
surrounded by extremists on any topic
00:11:15
you'll think you're a Centrist but
00:11:16
you're actually an extremist yeah and so
00:11:19
startups aren't weird at all in certain
00:11:21
friend groups and in some friend groups
00:11:23
they don't get it yeah and it's tricky
00:11:25
because it's like you know we don't want
00:11:27
to make this corporate and transaction
00:11:29
it's just more like hey know how
00:11:32
powerful those people are around you and
00:11:34
like understand a hack to changing your
00:11:36
life is changing those people um and hey
00:11:40
changing those people might require
00:11:41
changing where you work changing where
00:11:43
you live um moving to a different city
00:11:47
like one of the nice things about your
00:11:49
20s is you can make big decisions like
00:11:51
that and they usually only impact
00:11:53
yourself yep you can move to a foreign
00:11:55
country you can move to the big city you
00:11:56
can get a job where you don't know
00:11:57
anyone yeah period yeah and that's no
00:12:01
big deal in the 20s everyone's doing
00:12:02
that and I will say you this um your
00:12:06
really good friendships Will Survive
00:12:08
like your really good friendships you
00:12:11
can talk to that person once or twice a
00:12:13
year you can see them once every 3 four
00:12:15
years and they'll stay your friends so
00:12:18
you're not maybe risking as much as you
00:12:20
think you are by changing where you live
00:12:23
or who you're living with or what
00:12:25
industry and what job you're not
00:12:26
changing as much as you think you are um
00:12:29
I know it seems scary let's move to
00:12:33
relationships uh Dalton challenged me
00:12:36
to to offer what I might be might say is
00:12:40
a controversial piece of advice and one
00:12:43
controversial piece of advice I would
00:12:45
have is I think you should seek
00:12:47
long-term relationships in your 20s I
00:12:49
think a lot of people would say oh you
00:12:50
don't want to get tied down with a
00:12:52
partner and like yada yada Y and I'm not
00:12:53
saying like get married buy houses have
00:12:55
kids I'm saying I think that there is
00:12:58
something
00:12:59
really powerful about having a strong
00:13:01
partner especially when you're trying to
00:13:03
do hardcore things and you're trying to
00:13:05
work really hard and work in maximum
00:13:07
effort I think then having a really good
00:13:09
partner actually unlocks some of the
00:13:11
gears I think having someone to come
00:13:13
home to that you really enjoy being
00:13:16
around kind of recharges you faster um I
00:13:19
also think being in the practice of
00:13:23
being in stable relationships is good
00:13:26
like it is a good hobby to develop
00:13:30
that's your future self will enjoy that
00:13:33
you are you you like stable
00:13:35
relationships um and I think that the
00:13:37
opposite hobby can harm right like the
00:13:40
person who never wants aable
00:13:42
relationships that just wants to be on
00:13:44
Tinder that like doesn't ever want to be
00:13:46
tied down I'd argue that like that
00:13:48
ghosts everyone yeah conly yes that's
00:13:51
like is trying to do fomo every minute
00:13:53
right you're kind of training your body
00:13:55
at the wrong lessons like if you do
00:13:57
aspire to have a family one
00:14:00
day you know just you can start
00:14:03
orienting yourself in that direction in
00:14:05
your 20s or you can like create debt for
00:14:07
yourself in the 20s I'd argue the debt
00:14:11
thing is harder um so yeah that would be
00:14:13
my controversial piece of advice what's
00:14:16
left what what are our final pieces of
00:14:18
advice let's let's rebut ourselves so so
00:14:22
Michael what do you guys know this is
00:14:25
all startup advice yeah most people
00:14:27
don't want to start a startup why is any
00:14:28
of this relevant to me as a person that
00:14:30
doesn't want to do a startup that's
00:14:32
watching this video well and and I think
00:14:34
this what's interesting is I think that
00:14:36
we're not trying to presuppose what you
00:14:39
want to do with your life I think we're
00:14:41
kind of trying to say hey if you have
00:14:43
something tricky you want to accomplish
00:14:44
here are some tricks that can help you
00:14:46
and I think that there's a lot um of
00:14:49
commonality between the startup founder
00:14:52
experience and the experience of someone
00:14:53
who wants to do anything that's really
00:14:55
hard I think the scary thing that people
00:14:58
don't want to hear is that investments
00:14:59
in your 20s pay off for the rest of your
00:15:02
life yeah they don't want to hear that
00:15:03
whether they're good or bad
00:15:07
Investments like and it's like I think
00:15:10
anyone who lived through a childhood
00:15:12
where you're kind of told hey every door
00:15:14
is open to you it's a world of
00:15:16
opportunities Hate's being told hey this
00:15:18
decade doors start
00:15:22
closing like
00:15:25
that no not feel gooda no no but it's
00:15:29
true but it's truth man it's truth all
00:15:31
right um other common or buttal
00:15:33
questions oh well what if you know I
00:15:35
have debt or I have to support people
00:15:37
like you guys are giving all this advice
00:15:39
this is just not applicable to me this
00:15:41
is not applicable to most people you
00:15:43
know so I think that like that is
00:15:45
certainly true I think that there are a
00:15:47
lot of people out there that have
00:15:48
extremely specific limitations hell you
00:15:50
know hey some people are stuck in a
00:15:51
country and they can't get out I would
00:15:53
say once again this is not go do a
00:15:56
startup startups are for everyone like
00:15:58
that's not what we're trying to say what
00:15:59
we're trying to say is that like doing
00:16:01
maximum effort is probably the only way
00:16:05
you get yourself out of a not great
00:16:07
situation many not great situations are
00:16:11
get out of
00:16:12
bow um or at least they you can you can
00:16:15
amarate them you can make them slightly
00:16:17
better if you work really really hard
00:16:19
one of the things I've noticed is that
00:16:20
the people who are the
00:16:23
most I don't know like who who who have
00:16:26
the most challenges like when they can
00:16:28
be optimistic and when they can see
00:16:30
themselves as like agents as opposed to
00:16:33
kind of
00:16:34
victims crazy can happen in their
00:16:36
lives you know like crazy Can
00:16:38
Happen by just switching what's in their
00:16:40
head so um yeah like you might not be
00:16:43
able to apply to YC you might not be
00:16:44
able to move you might not like fine
00:16:46
yeah but like there's probably something
00:16:48
in your life that you can apply one of
00:16:50
these lessons to that is a chance of
00:16:52
making things a little bit better and
00:16:53
think the last thing that comes up and
00:16:54
this definitely comes in the context of
00:16:56
YC like you know what if I didn't go to
00:16:57
a good school I feel as though the
00:17:00
people who went to a good school they
00:17:02
still have a lot of doors open I'm
00:17:05
getting out in the working place and I
00:17:06
don't see the doors trying to identify
00:17:09
what companies or workplaces have the
00:17:12
most interesting people doing the work
00:17:14
you're most interested in again even if
00:17:15
it's not a tech start at again it could
00:17:16
be like a magazine or something you know
00:17:19
any but where you're like wow this is
00:17:21
really good work they're putting out yes
00:17:23
I would try to get any job there yeah
00:17:27
cuz once you're in the room yeah once
00:17:29
you get into an organization you will
00:17:31
get to meet and be around all these
00:17:33
other people and soak up the culture and
00:17:35
there's so many people I know in Silicon
00:17:37
Valley that didn't go to a good school
00:17:39
yeah that just got in the door somewhere
00:17:41
yes with any kind of random job yes and
00:17:44
once they were in there their intellect
00:17:46
and their skills and their abilities
00:17:48
allowed them to win people over yeah and
00:17:51
then they're good you're giving subtle
00:17:54
advice here because this isn't this
00:17:56
isn't go get this brand on your resume
00:17:59
um this isn't oh go get a job at
00:18:01
Facebook like this
00:18:03
is where are the super talented people
00:18:07
and can you get yourself around them yep
00:18:09
and what's interesting is that like many
00:18:11
cases super talented people aren't at
00:18:12
the big companies um or if they are
00:18:15
they're not at every part of the big
00:18:18
company and so um many times super
00:18:22
talented people are at the beginning of
00:18:25
stuff yeah where getting in is easier
00:18:28
well this is what's funny about smaller
00:18:29
startups is they're not famous yet they
00:18:31
are risky yeah but you could get higher
00:18:34
there like it's not as hard to get
00:18:36
higher there is the larger places yeah
00:18:39
um but then you're like right in the pit
00:18:41
of the craziness when you work in an
00:18:43
earlier stage startup yeah I mean we had
00:18:46
a an intern um at my startup that went
00:18:50
on
00:18:51
to get into
00:18:53
YC uh start a company that's generating
00:18:56
tens of millions of dollars in Revenue
00:18:57
yep and did not go to good school I
00:19:00
remember when he was applying for the
00:19:02
job he was working as a security guard
00:19:05
for a Housing Development yep that was
00:19:08
his job how did he get hired at your
00:19:09
company you know we wanted someone to be
00:19:12
a Content moderator and
00:19:16
he we were like what are your
00:19:18
qualifications he's like well my
00:19:20
qualification is um I'm the security
00:19:23
guard and I work basically the gate and
00:19:27
it's like a college kind of
00:19:29
housing community and nights and
00:19:31
weekends are just crazy and I'm and I'm
00:19:33
just like you know you're hired I it
00:19:36
wasn't you're hired we didn't hire him
00:19:38
to be a community director but it was
00:19:40
definitely like you're putting your best
00:19:43
foot forward and that sounds hard like
00:19:47
actually
00:19:49
like I I've been one of those kids like
00:19:52
yeah like you you you've done some hard
00:19:54
and then what I would say is man
00:19:57
like getting in the game
00:19:59
is as simple as like like yeah CU once
00:20:01
he got into your startup then he was
00:20:02
hanging out with you guys like all the
00:20:04
founders yeah just you're in the game
00:20:06
you're in the game and I think this is
00:20:07
what's so cool about startups is that
00:20:09
like man small startups you know they
00:20:13
might say oh we're looking at people who
00:20:15
only went to this school or only got
00:20:17
this job but like you know humans are
00:20:20
reading every email like you know there
00:20:23
isn't a machine like if it's a 20 person
00:20:25
startup five person startup it's like
00:20:27
your email got red
00:20:32
and man when people are in those
00:20:34
startups and they're desperate they're
00:20:35
open to giving people opportunities so
00:20:38
to wrap this up um probably the overall
00:20:42
tldr we're trying to share with you
00:20:45
is man don't be the 30-year-old who
00:20:49
wakes up and says what happened to my
00:20:51
20s again this is one of those things
00:20:54
like you know hard life troops life does
00:20:57
move years don't come back and most of
00:21:01
the most successful people we
00:21:03
know they were laying that foundation in
00:21:05
their 20s all right good chat sound good
00:21:08
thanks
00:21:13
[Music]
