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hello welcome back to I think this will
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be episode three I already recorded
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another episode 3 but I have been
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thinking about this topic that I'm going
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to talk about today for like two weeks
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already this one is going to change your
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life because some of y'all are still
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writing on unprocessed Trauma from like
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when you were 7 years old and you you're
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in your is like still thinking about
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that and this will change your life
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because I am going to explain how to
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process an emotion I know crazy concept
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wish it was taught in schools but it's
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not I had to learn this through personal
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experience and a lot of research and
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being a psych major and going to therapy
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for 2 years let me save you the time the
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insurance money the effort I'm just
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going to tell you exactly how to do it
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and you can go out into life as an
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emotionally intelligent human being
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instead of traumatizing the people that
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traumatized you back why process
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emotions well because bottling up
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emotions for years will cause you mental
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distress it will cost you friendships
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and relationships as much as mental
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health is being talked about more in
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society and general and being taken more
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seriously it is still severely
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underrated how much having a healthy
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mind affects you on a daily basis in a
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positive way just you need to know how
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to do this okay if you want to be a
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healthy emotionally intelligent human
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being and you want to cultivate positive
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relationships in your life and just feel
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at peace you need this the ways that you
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can process an emotion are either in
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therapy friends with your partner or if
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you don't have friends or a partner you
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and you don't want to go to therapy or
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you can't go to therapy for whatever
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reason Reon you can do this on your own
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it is very helpful to do it with other
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people too the best case scenario is you
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do all of them but you might not always
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have a partner or friends and if the the
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emotions are really taking a toll on you
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then definitely therapy okay let's get
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into how to actually do it step number
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one you need to acknowledge and name the
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emotion you need to and this is very
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hard to do because there are so so many
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actions we do all the time to avoid our
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emotions there are so many distractions
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that we employ to avoid doing this for
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example social media video games
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substances partying staying in toxic
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relationships and filling up your
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schedule if you partake in any of these
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or all of them you are probably avoiding
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some Feelings by doing those things so
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how do you stop time you want to pick up
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a distraction pause just pause pause and
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check in with yourself s am I avoiding
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an emotion right now time you boot up
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your video game did something just
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happen that triggered me and am I doing
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this to avoid dealing with it did I
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think of something that triggered a
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negative emotion and am I booting up
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this video game or am I opening
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Instagram or dating apps are also
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another distraction that a lot of us use
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to deal with negative emotions or rather
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avoid them and distract ourselves from
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them you can still do the thing like you
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can still play the video game after
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after you've acknowledged oh it's
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because so and so happened or so and so
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said this and it hurt me and now I'm
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booting up my video game another thing
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you should do is sit in silence for 5
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minutes a day with no audio or visual
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distractions just set a timer for 5
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minutes stare at the wall or close your
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eyes and just sit and I know some people
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do like guided meditations I think those
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are okay but I think you should still
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sit for 5 minutes and just silence
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because in the guided meditation they
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tell you what to think and the purpose
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of this is
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to hear your own thoughts see just see
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what comes up you don't have to do
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anything about it another thing you can
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do is to reflect on your day at the end
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of the day what's one good thing that
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happened today and what's one bad thing
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that happened today that's all you need
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to do if you want to think of like one
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funny thing that happened today or one
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weird thing that happened today one
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thing that I'm grateful for that
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happened today or one thing that really
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pissed me off because we go through days
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and we don't even stop and think about
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what happened and then we reach our
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breaking point and then we're like I
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don't know what happened I just broke I
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just feel so depressed I feel so sad but
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it could be that you've accumulated so
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many little things that pissed you off
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or frustrated you or angered you that
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you never acknowledged or thought about
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and now you've reached your boiling
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point like it's not out of nowhere it's
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not I don't know know what happened my
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final tip is Google an emotions chart I
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will put up an example here somewhere
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and look over it and see pick out a word
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that best describes the emotion that
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you're feeling you can think about what
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color you think the emotion is or where
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do you feel tension in your body is it
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in your stomach is it in your chest is
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it in your back is it in your head like
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those are things that are going to make
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you aware of your emotion they're going
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to help you acknowledge that you're
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feeling something right now and then the
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emotions chart is going to help you name
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it step number two to validate yourself
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or if you're talking to somebody whether
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it's a therapist or a friend or a
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partner about your feelings they should
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help you validate the feeling first
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figure out what happened like what
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triggered the emotion did somebody say
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something or do something that triggered
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the emotion or did somebody say or do
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something that triggered a memory a
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traumatic memory that then triggered
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sponsor to it do not confuse this with
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justifying your emotions because you do
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not need to justify your emotions you're
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allowed to feel whatever you feel to
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whatever magnitude that you feel it and
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we we do this because when we were
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little people would tell us that we are
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too sensitive or that we overreact or
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that we can't take a joke or that other
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people have it worse we have been
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invalidated before so we're going to
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want to do this to ourselves but don't
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and if beware of anybody who does that
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to you if somebody hurt you and you tell
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them even if it's a small thing and they
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say something like oh my gosh you're too
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sensitive you're overreacting blah blah
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blah beware of those people they are not
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your friends they are not a good friend
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or partner or therapist if you're
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therapist tells you that run ideally
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someone you're talking to or if you're
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doing this by yourself you will tell
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yourself things like I understand why
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you feel
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XYZ it makes sense that XYZ made you
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feel
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XYZ you are allowed to feel XYZ your
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friend or therapist might also say I am
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so sorry that you went through that I'm
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so sorry that happened to you step
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number three is to figure out what
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you're going to do moving forward once
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you've done steps number one and two do
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not expect the emotion to never come up
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again it will come up again because
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people will unknowingly trigger you in
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the future do not be angry at yourself
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when the emotion comes up again for
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feeling hurt again because that is
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completely normal and fine but it should
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feel lighter each time that it comes up
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again and again and again eventually the
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same trigger might happen but it won't
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trigger you anymore and that is how you
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know you fully processed the emotion if
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somebody hurts you you acknowledge your
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feelings and you name it to them they
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apologize their apology needs to include
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an intent of not doing that again or
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doing better next time and if they don't
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say how they're going to act differently
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next time to avoid hurting you think
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about whether you want that person in
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your life because someone who loves you
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they're going to want to do everything
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they can to protect your feelings just
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think about whether you want them in
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your life if you're processing stuff on
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your own but it was caused by another
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person but you never said anything think
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about maybe you want to talk to them
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whether it's this time or next time
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decide if they do that again I'm going
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to bring it up and feel empowered in
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deciding that because you are taking a
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step to to love yourself and to protect
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yourself basically so you should feel
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proud for doing that if they won't
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apologize then you can either slowly cut
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contact with them if that's possible for
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you or you can decide when they do it
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again because they will do it again I
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will not take it as personally next time
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I'll know what to do and their word will
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hurt you less each time that it happens
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and each time that you process it this
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way like I said the emotion will come
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back in the future but every time that
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you do this it's going to get easier and
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then the final step to processing an
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emotion is employing a healthy coping
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mechanism what is a healthy coping
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mechanism you might ask good question
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basically it's anything that gives your
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feelings a physical form but in a safe
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way for everybody for yourself and other
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people it's something that leaves the
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Mind free to wander but your body's like
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busy with something else for example
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exercise if you're feeling really angry
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and you have a gym membership where you
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can go and punch something go do that if
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you want to go to the treadmill and like
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run for an hour go do that if you want
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to go to the gym and lift some weights
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and that helps you release your anger do
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that that's perfect then there's
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journaling there's writing things out as
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they come to you when I'm feeling
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something negative it's like really hard
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for me to write it down for some reason
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I feel a lot of resistance to it it's
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almost like I don't want to make the
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feeling like too real like once I write
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it down it's going to become too real or
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it's going to manifest like in a
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physical way some way I need to think
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about something for a while before I can
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Journal about it if you're like feeling
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the urge to write it out to write like a
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an angry letter or something to whoever
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hurts you listen to whatever your body
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is telling you there talking obviously
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like I mentioned multiple times either
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talking to a therapist or talking to a
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friend or talking to a partner this also
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gives your feelings a physical form it's
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you're turning it into a sound that
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other people are able to perceive
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there's crafting of any kind doing
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something with your hands whether it's
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drawing painting crochet it can be just
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taking away walk see how long you're
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able to walk without any external
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distractions like a podcast or music
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sometimes I need to have music or a
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podcast to be able to think and wander
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because like I don't feel safe thinking
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about my feelings in silence so if
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that's how you feel that's fine too but
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I do try to first see if I can take the
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silence for at least 5 minutes and then
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I'll let myself put on whatever podcast
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music audio book cleaning is also a
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perfect healthy coping mechanism because
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it's like a physical release you're like
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sweating you're doing something with
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your body but your mind is again free to
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think and wander and Ponder something
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that really helps me also is taking a
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shower shower thoughts have been a
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phenomenon that people have been talking
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about forever because again while you're
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showering you're doing something with
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your body like on autopilot and your
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mind is able to wander just perfect for
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processing emotions also you process
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emotions in your sleep too so make sure
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you're getting enough sleep and that is
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all I have for this mini unplanned
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episode about how to process an emotion
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this has been Sab with the scatter brain
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pod see you next time
