00:00:00
- This video is about one of
the most important questions:
00:00:03
what leads to a happy life?
00:00:05
- Realistically, money.
00:00:06
- Being wealthy is definitely
a big aspect of it.
00:00:09
- To save a lot of money.
00:00:10
- Money.
- Money.
00:00:11
- Earning money.
00:00:12
- It's very important to be rich.
00:00:13
- It's easy for people
00:00:14
to say they don't care about having money
00:00:15
and that money can't buy happiness,
00:00:17
but that's really not true.
00:00:19
- 'Cause I would rather cry on a yacht
00:00:21
than in a like a Subaru.
00:00:24
(both laugh)
00:00:26
- [Derek] Clearly, having
a successful career
00:00:28
and financial wealth
are important to people.
00:00:30
Is there a number in mind?
Something you wanna get to?
00:00:33
- At least a million.
00:00:34
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
00:00:35
- In a survey from 2018
00:00:37
of around a hundred
thousand college freshmen,
00:00:39
about 55% said they wanted to
be successful in their career
00:00:43
and 83% reported that they
wanted to become rich.
00:00:48
But do these accomplishments
really increase happiness?
00:00:51
Well, that's what I wanna
find out in this video.
00:00:53
But how do you study
what makes people happy?
00:00:56
Well, you can ask them.
00:00:58
What's gonna make you happy?
00:01:00
- Um.
- Uh.
00:01:01
- Uh.
- Uh.
00:01:02
- Ooh.
00:01:02
- [Derek] But people aren't really good
00:01:04
at judging what will make them happy.
00:01:06
Winning the lottery seems
like it should make you happy.
00:01:08
- What!?
(sister screams)
00:01:10
What!? What!?
00:01:12
- [Derek] But numerous
studies on lottery winners
00:01:14
find that after the initial
surge of happiness wears off,
00:01:16
many are no happier than the rest of us.
00:01:19
Some are, in fact, more miserable
than they were beforehand.
00:01:22
- 'Cause you don't see as many
people as you used to see.
00:01:24
Obviously, you become slightly isolated,
00:01:27
I think in some ways.
00:01:28
- Yeah, I agree.
00:01:29
- Another problem is that
people's memories aren't reliable.
00:01:32
- We only detect, encode
and store in our brains
00:01:36
bits and pieces of the entire
experience in front of us.
00:01:39
It's called reconstructed memories.
00:01:41
It happens to us
00:01:42
in all the aspects of
our lives all the time.
00:01:46
- Most studies on
happiness find older people
00:01:49
and ask them to recall
what made them happy.
00:01:51
But as we've just seen,
memory is unreliable.
00:01:55
So a better way to conduct a study
00:01:57
would be to follow people
throughout their entire lives,
00:02:00
capturing the choices they make
00:02:01
and how those affect their happiness.
00:02:04
That is really hard to do.
00:02:06
But there is one study like this
00:02:08
that's been running since 1938.
00:02:11
Now, 85 years is a long
time to run a study
00:02:14
so it has been passed down
00:02:15
from one generation of
researchers to the next.
00:02:18
It's currently run by its fourth
director, Robert Waldinger.
00:02:22
What is the claim to
fame then of the study?
00:02:24
- You know, the claim
to fame is that it is,
00:02:28
as far as we know, the longest
study of human development
00:02:33
that's ever been done.
00:02:34
The longest study of any depth.
00:02:36
These are studies that take
deep dives into people's lives
00:02:40
and their mental and physical health.
00:02:43
- [Derek] The study actually
began as two separate studies
00:02:45
by two groups of Harvard researchers
00:02:47
that didn't know about each other.
00:02:50
The first group followed
268 young men from Harvard
00:02:53
to find out how they would
develop into early adulthood.
00:02:56
- So of course,
00:02:56
if you wanna study normal
young adult development,
00:02:59
you study all white guys
from Harvard, right?
00:03:00
(Derek laughs)
00:03:01
You know, it's one of those limitations.
00:03:04
- [Derek] The second
group studied 456 boys
00:03:07
from middle school onwards
00:03:08
from Boston's poorest and
most disadvantaged families.
00:03:11
- So there were these two studies,
00:03:12
both meant to be studies of
what goes right in development
00:03:17
and how we predict who
does well as they grow up.
00:03:22
- Eventually, the two
studies merged into one:
00:03:24
The Harvard Study of Adult Development.
00:03:27
At the start of the study, the
participants were interviewed
00:03:29
and received extensive
physical examinations.
00:03:32
And as they grew, they
entered all walks of life.
00:03:36
Some of them became
bricklayers and doctors
00:03:38
and factory workers and lawyers,
00:03:40
and one even became president
of the United States.
00:03:44
(presidential music)
00:03:45
Every two years, researchers
ask them questions
00:03:48
about their lives.
00:03:49
Like, "If you could stop
working without loss of income,
00:03:52
would you, what would you do instead?
00:03:55
How often do you feel
isolated from others?
00:03:58
True or false, life has
more pain than pleasure."
00:04:01
And other questions about their marriage,
00:04:03
career, friendships, and their
physical and mental health.
00:04:07
While the study started
with just 724 participants,
00:04:10
over time, their spouses and children
00:04:12
were also included in the study.
00:04:15
So how many people are
we talking about in total
00:04:18
who have been part of the study?
00:04:20
- Between 2,500 and 3,000
people altogether in the study.
00:04:26
- [Derek] And as technology improved,
00:04:27
so did the methods of data collection.
00:04:29
- We now draw blood from DNA.
00:04:32
You know, DNA wasn't
even imagined in 1938.
00:04:35
We measure messenger RNA, DNA methylation,
00:04:40
we bring people into our laboratory,
00:04:43
we deliberately stress them out
00:04:45
and then see how quickly
they recover from stress.
00:04:48
Looking at heart rate
variability, for example,
00:04:52
looking at cortisol deposited in hair,
00:04:56
because that seems to
be a long-term measure
00:04:59
of circulating cortisol.
00:05:00
But all of these new
methods are in the service
00:05:04
of studying the same big phenomena
00:05:08
of human wellbeing.
00:05:12
- So what do 85 years of research
00:05:14
across entire human lives teach us
00:05:16
about a healthy and happy life?
00:05:18
- Two huge takeaways really.
00:05:21
One is no surprise.
00:05:22
It's that if you take care
of your physical health,
00:05:25
it has huge benefits, not
just for your longevity,
00:05:30
but for how long you stay healthy.
00:05:32
Eating well, getting regular exercise,
00:05:35
not abusing alcohol or drugs, not smoking,
00:05:38
getting preventive healthcare,
00:05:40
exercise is hugely important.
00:05:43
- [Derek] A Taiwanese study
looked at the medical data
00:05:45
of 416,000 healthy people
between 1996 and 2008.
00:05:50
Eight years later, they
followed up with each person
00:05:52
to look at the link between
exercise and mortality.
00:05:55
They found that people who
exercised just 15 minutes a day
00:05:58
had a 14% reduced risk of dying,
00:06:01
and a three year longer life expectancy.
00:06:04
Every additional 15 minutes of exercise
00:06:06
decreased the risk of
dying by an extra 4%.
00:06:09
A large meta-analysis from 2008 confirms
00:06:12
that people who are physically active
00:06:13
have a reduced risk of dying
00:06:15
during the timeframes
investigated in each study.
00:06:19
Exercise also protects
our cognitive health.
00:06:22
A meta-analysis from 2014 found
00:06:24
that participants with higher
levels of physical activity
00:06:26
had a 35% reduced risk
of cognitive decline
00:06:29
and a 14% reduced risk of dementia.
00:06:34
- And then the big surprising
finding is, relationships,
00:06:38
not just keeping us happier,
00:06:40
but keeping us healthier
and helping us live longer.
00:06:44
- It's not just the Harvard study.
00:06:46
There's now a whole list of studies
00:06:48
that show the importance of relationships
00:06:49
to human happiness and health.
00:06:51
They teach us three main lessons.
00:06:54
The first is that relationships
are great for our health.
00:06:59
In 2010, researchers
looked across 148 studies
00:07:02
with a total of more than
300,000 participants.
00:07:05
They found that, on average,
00:07:06
people with stronger social connections
00:07:08
had a 50% increased likelihood of survival
00:07:11
for any given year.
00:07:13
Being married, in particular,
00:07:14
has a large impact on
how long people live.
00:07:17
- There's one study, I think
it's pretty well respected,
00:07:21
that suggests that married men
00:07:23
live 12 years longer on
average than unmarried men
00:07:28
and married women live seven
years longer on average
00:07:33
than unmarried women.
00:07:34
Marriage is always a better
deal for men on all parameters
00:07:38
than it is for women.
(Derek laughs)
00:07:39
And it's not because you have
a marriage license, right?
00:07:41
It's because people living together
00:07:45
in an intimate partnership
00:07:47
tend to keep each other healthier.
00:07:49
You have somebody who's kind of watching,
00:07:52
looking out for you.
00:07:53
It's a very real, concrete effect.
00:07:57
- If feeling well-connected to others
00:07:58
makes us happier, healthier,
and extends our lives,
00:08:02
then what happens if we feel disconnected?
00:08:05
- There's a researcher,
Julianne Holt-Lunstad,
00:08:07
out of the University of Utah,
00:08:10
who did a meta-analysis
of a whole slew of studies
00:08:15
of the physical effects of loneliness.
00:08:18
And her calculation was that being lonely
00:08:22
is as dangerous to your health
00:08:24
as smoking half a pack
of cigarettes a day,
00:08:28
or as dangerous as being obese.
00:08:31
- [Derek] Feeling disconnected from others
00:08:33
also makes you more prone to disease.
00:08:35
A large meta-analysis from 2016
00:08:37
found that poor social relationships
00:08:39
were associated with a 29%
increase in risk of heart disease
00:08:43
and a 32% increase in risk of stroke.
00:08:46
- So these have real sort
of quantifiable consequences
00:08:51
when we look at studies
of thousands of people.
00:08:55
- One caveat is that most studies
00:08:57
on the health effects of loneliness
00:08:58
focus on people aged 50 and older.
00:09:01
(clock ticking)
00:09:02
And loneliness is on the rise.
00:09:04
- The U.S. Surgeon General today
00:09:06
declared a new public
health epidemic in America.
00:09:10
Loneliness.
00:09:12
- We're now finding that one in two adults
00:09:14
report measurable levels of loneliness
00:09:16
and it turns out that young
people are most affected.
00:09:19
And here's why this is so concerning.
00:09:22
It's because we've realized
00:09:23
that loneliness is more
than just a bad feeling.
00:09:25
It has real consequences
00:09:26
for our mental and physical health.
00:09:28
- The UK has appointed a
minister of loneliness.
00:09:32
Many, many countries are concerned
00:09:35
about this breakdown in social connection.
00:09:39
- A question about loneliness,
00:09:42
like, what does that look like?
00:09:44
Because, obviously, everyone experiences
00:09:45
some periods of loneliness.
00:09:47
So you know, when does it become
sort of really detrimental
00:09:51
and how do we define that?
00:09:52
- Well, loneliness is different
from being alone, right?
00:09:55
So you can be alone and quite content,
00:09:59
and many people are, in fact.
00:10:01
The ability to be
content when you're alone
00:10:03
is quite a skill and
it's a wonderful ability.
00:10:07
Loneliness is that subjective experience
00:10:10
of being less connected to
people than you wanna be.
00:10:14
And that's why, you know,
you can be lonely in a crowd.
00:10:17
We're all on a spectrum
between extroversion,
00:10:23
you know, wanting lots
of people in our lives,
00:10:25
and introversion, actually
needing a lot of solitude
00:10:29
and not wanting a lot of people,
00:10:31
a lot of people are
stressful for introverts.
00:10:34
And what we know is that
neither one is healthier, right?
00:10:38
Like introverts are perfectly healthy.
00:10:41
They just may need one or two
really solid relationships
00:10:45
and don't want a lot more people.
00:10:47
Nothing wrong with that at all.
00:10:49
Whereas extroverts may want
lots of people in their lives.
00:10:52
- [Derek] So the second lesson is
00:10:53
that it's not how many
people you know or see,
00:10:56
or even whether you're married or not,
00:10:57
because a bad marriage can be worse
00:10:59
for your health than getting divorced.
00:11:01
Instead, it's about the quality
00:11:02
of your close relationships that matters.
00:11:05
- When we'd followed
all the original people
00:11:08
out to their 80s we said,
00:11:10
"Okay, what data actually
are the best predictors
00:11:15
at age 50 of who's gonna be happy
00:11:17
and healthy at age 80 as
opposed to sick or dead?"
00:11:21
And we thought we were gonna be looking
00:11:23
at blood pressure and
cholesterol level at age 50
00:11:26
as the strongest predictors.
00:11:28
It was their relationships.
00:11:30
It was particularly their satisfaction
00:11:34
with their marital relationships
00:11:36
that was the strongest predictor.
00:11:39
- And relationships don't
just keep us happier
00:11:41
and physically healthier,
00:11:42
they also protect our brains.
00:11:44
People who are in secure
relationships in their 80s,
00:11:47
where they feel that they
can rely on the other person,
00:11:50
find that their memories
stay sharper for longer.
00:11:53
And people who feel lonely,
00:11:54
well, their memories fade quicker.
00:11:58
A study of retired U.S. adults found
00:12:00
that the rate of cognitive decline
00:12:01
was 20% higher over 10 years
for those who felt lonely.
00:12:05
A meta-analysis from 2018 further confirms
00:12:08
the detrimental effects of loneliness,
00:12:10
finding that it also increased
the risk of dementia.
00:12:14
But there's still a big open question:
00:12:17
what is it about the relationships
00:12:19
that makes them particularly
healthful or helpful?
00:12:24
- The best hypothesis,
00:12:25
for which there's some
pretty decent research now,
00:12:29
is that relationships
are emotion regulators.
00:12:33
They're stress regulators.
00:12:35
So stressful things happen every day
00:12:39
to many of us, right?
00:12:41
So then what happens?
00:12:43
Well, the body goes into
fight-or-flight mode,
00:12:46
blood pressure goes up,
00:12:47
respirations become more rapid,
00:12:50
circulating stress hormone levels rise.
00:12:53
But then the body is meant
to go back to equilibrium
00:12:56
after that normal fight-or-flight response
00:12:58
when we face a challenge.
00:13:00
If I can come home and there's
somebody here to talk to,
00:13:04
I can literally feel my body calm down.
00:13:07
What we are pretty sure happens
00:13:09
is that people who are isolated,
that they're more likely
00:13:13
to stay in a kind of chronic
fight-or-flight mode.
00:13:17
And that what that means is
00:13:19
that they have higher levels
of circulating cortisol,
00:13:22
higher levels of chronic inflammation,
00:13:25
and that those things gradually
wear away body systems.
00:13:30
So that's how, for example,
00:13:34
chronic stress can predict
coronary artery disease,
00:13:39
but also arthritis and
also type-two diabetes
00:13:43
because of this common mechanism
00:13:46
that breaks down multiple body systems.
00:13:49
- The key to preventing
this breakdown is simple.
00:13:52
Just spend a little more time
00:13:53
with the people you care about.
00:13:55
Unfortunately, we seem to
be doing the exact opposite.
00:13:59
Before going into why we're
doing the exact opposite,
00:14:01
this part of the video was
sponsored by BetterHelp.
00:14:04
There are many things
00:14:05
that can negatively impact our happiness.
00:14:07
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00:14:11
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00:14:13
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00:14:15
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00:14:53
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And it's easy to sign up, there's
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00:15:00
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So I want to thank BetterHelp
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00:15:33
And now, back to the
importance of relationships.
00:15:37
There is an alarming trend in our society.
00:15:40
- [Newsreader] Social engagement
with friends decreased
00:15:42
from 60 minutes a day in 2003
00:15:44
to just 20 minutes a day in 2020.
00:15:48
- The technology has fundamentally changed
00:15:50
how we interact with one another
00:15:52
and how we communicate with one another
00:15:54
and, unfortunately, has often replaced
00:15:56
what used to be rich in-person connections
00:15:59
with online connections, which
often are of lower quality.
00:16:03
- Now, you may say you're an introvert
00:16:05
and you don't need to
spend much time with people
00:16:07
to feel good.
00:16:08
And while it's true that
introverts and extroverts
00:16:11
need different amounts
of social stimulation,
00:16:13
both need human connection.
00:16:15
In 2015, Holt-Lunstad and her colleagues
00:16:18
looked at the data of
70 independent studies
00:16:20
with more than 3 million
total participants.
00:16:23
Similar to other studies,
00:16:25
they found that the subjective
feeling of loneliness
00:16:27
increased the risk of
premature death by 26%.
00:16:30
But they also looked at
00:16:32
the objective measure of social isolation,
00:16:34
how much time you're actually
spending with other people.
00:16:37
And they found that social isolation
00:16:39
increased the risk of
premature death by 29%.
00:16:42
And unfortunately,
introverts are more at risk
00:16:45
of being socially isolated.
00:16:49
Just like many young people today,
00:16:50
many participants from the Harvard study
00:16:52
also believed that money and achievement
00:16:54
were what they should go
after to have a good life.
00:16:57
But what this study and
plenty of others show
00:16:59
is that the people who were the happiest
00:17:01
were those that leaned
into their relationships
00:17:03
with their partner, friends,
family, and community.
00:17:06
And when they were in their 80s
00:17:08
the researchers asked them,
what are you most proud of
00:17:11
and what is your biggest regret?
00:17:13
- Many people said that they were proudest
00:17:17
of something to do with
their relationships.
00:17:19
So it could be, "I was a good
boss, I was a good parent,
00:17:25
I was a good friend, I was a good mentor."
00:17:27
Nobody said, "I made a fortune," right?
00:17:30
Nobody even said, you know,
"I won the Nobel Prize,"
00:17:33
which a few people did.
00:17:35
It wasn't about those badges
of achievement, right,
00:17:39
that we think of as, "Oh,
that's what we gotta get
00:17:41
to feel like we've had a meaningful life."
00:17:43
Everybody looking back
mentioned their relationships.
00:17:47
The biggest regret was
particularly among the men,
00:17:51
'cause this was the
World War II generation.
00:17:54
They said, "I wish I hadn't
spent so much time at work,
00:17:57
I wish I had spent more time
with the people I care about."
00:18:02
- So what about our original question?
00:18:04
Do achievements and money
really make us happy?
00:18:08
Well, according to the Harvard study,
00:18:09
badges of achievement do not
necessarily make us happier,
00:18:13
but doing meaningful work can.
00:18:16
And what about money?
Does that make us happier?
00:18:18
Well, there's a famous study from 2010
00:18:20
by Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton
00:18:22
that found that above an income
of around $75,000 a year,
00:18:26
there is no improvement whatever
00:18:28
in the measures of emotional wellbeing.
00:18:30
But 11 years later,
00:18:31
Matthew Killingsworth studied data
00:18:33
on 33,000 employed U.S. adults
00:18:36
and he found that higher incomes
00:18:37
corresponded to higher
levels of wellbeing.
00:18:40
So he wrote, "There was no evidence
00:18:42
for an experienced wellbeing
plateau above $75,000 a year,
00:18:46
contrary to some
influential past research."
00:18:49
In 2022, Kahneman and
Killingsworth set out
00:18:51
to resolve the conflict with
Barbara Mellers as a mediator.
00:18:55
When they analyzed Killingsworth's data,
00:18:57
they discovered an interesting pattern,
00:18:59
depending on how happy people
were relative to others,
00:19:02
earning more resulted in
different increases in happiness.
00:19:06
For each income level,
00:19:07
they divided people into groups
based on their happiness,
00:19:10
low, medium, high, and so on.
00:19:12
And they found that below a threshold
00:19:14
of roughly a hundred
thousand dollars a year,
00:19:16
a higher income was associated
00:19:18
with more happiness for all groups.
00:19:21
But if you go above that threshold,
00:19:22
then for the unhappiest group,
00:19:24
a further increase is not
associated with more happiness.
00:19:28
However, for all the happier groups,
00:19:30
higher incomes do seem to
lead to more happiness.
00:19:33
And the real twist is
00:19:34
that those who are the
happiest to start with
00:19:36
stand to gain the most
with increasing income.
00:19:40
Relationships, meaningful work,
00:19:42
and money all play a
role in our happiness.
00:19:45
So why can it be so hard
00:19:47
to realize just how
important relationships are?
00:19:50
- You know, if you think about it,
00:19:51
relationships have been there
00:19:52
since before we have memory, right?
00:19:56
So they're like the air we breathe,
00:19:57
we take 'em for granted.
00:19:59
So you don't think about that
as something you cultivate
00:20:03
in order to make yourself happy.
00:20:06
We don't think about that at all.
00:20:08
And yet, when we study it scientifically,
00:20:11
we find that that turns out
to be an enormous predictor
00:20:15
of happiness as well as physical health.
00:20:19
- What's gonna make you happy?
00:20:21
- Um.
- Uh.
00:20:22
- Uh.
- Uh.
00:20:23
- Um.
- Uh.
00:20:24
- Being wealthy is definitely
a big aspect of it.
00:20:27
But that loving family is kind
of like the foundation of it.
00:20:30
You know what I mean?
- Realistically, money.
00:20:33
But like building deep connections
00:20:34
with people are what's going
00:20:36
to make me happy.
- [Derek] That's awesome.
00:20:38
- Having like good
relationships with other people.
00:20:40
- You raise a family.
00:20:40
- Have a family and provide.
00:20:42
- Friends and family.
00:20:43
- Seeing my family happy,
that's all I really care about.
00:20:45
- Giving back to the community
00:20:48
where you came from, the world.
00:20:49
- A strong family base just
to come home to every night.
00:20:52
- Yeah. I wanna get
married, have a ton of kids.
00:20:54
I want to-
- How many is a ton?
00:20:56
- Probably like five-ish, six.
00:20:57
- That's a-
- As many as I can afford.
00:20:59
(Derek laughs)
So.
00:21:01
- In fact, when I interviewed people,
00:21:03
I was pleasantly surprised
00:21:04
to see how many identified the
importance of relationships.
00:21:08
So if you could give people advice
00:21:11
on what to start doing today
to start being happier,
00:21:15
what suggestions would you make?
00:21:17
- To think about it as
analogous with physical fitness,
00:21:20
if you go out today, you don't come home
00:21:23
and say, "I'm done.
00:21:25
I don't ever have to
do that again," right?
00:21:27
It's like a practice, right?
00:21:30
That the people who were
best at relationships
00:21:33
were the people who made it a practice
00:21:36
day after day, week after week,
00:21:38
to stay connected to the
people they cared about.
00:21:41
You know, to talk on the
phone, to go for walks,
00:21:45
to have coffee, to do
whatever, to play basketball.
00:21:49
The people who took those
actions again and again regularly
00:21:54
were the people who stayed very connected
00:21:57
and stayed happy that way.
00:21:59
So what we propose is
00:22:02
that this is a practice we can cultivate
00:22:06
and that there are tiny
actions that people can take.
00:22:10
We have many stories of people
00:22:13
who thought that they were
no good at relationships,
00:22:17
that they were never
gonna have happy lives.
00:22:20
And then it changed.
00:22:22
And many times it changed
when they didn't expect it.
00:22:26
So like, we have a story about one man
00:22:29
who really didn't have a good marriage
00:22:33
and was kind of distant from his kids,
00:22:36
didn't have any friends.
00:22:37
And then when he retired,
00:22:38
he joined a gym and he
found this group of friends
00:22:41
that became, for the first
time, a kind of tribe for him.
00:22:45
And that's just one example
00:22:47
of how our lives take
these twists and turns
00:22:52
that we usually can't predict,
00:22:56
that we don't expect.
00:22:57
And many of those turns
are in positive directions.
00:23:00
The message that the science tells us
00:23:03
is don't give up on this
aspect of your life.
00:23:08
'cause many things can change at any age.
00:23:13
(transition beeps and chimes)