The Enneagram: Help For Type 3

The video discusses the Enneagram type 3, known as the Achiever or Performer. These individuals are adaptable and driven by a desire to accomplish big goals, often being very image-conscious. They might misidentify themselves due to their focus on image, sometimes mistaking themselves for types 1 or 2 due to their desires to be seen as good or caring. Threes are likable and charming, capable of adapting to different groups like chameleons, often presenting different facets of themselves depending on the setting.

Threes are characterized by high self-esteem, confidence, and energy. They belong to the assertive types on the Enneagram and are driven by ambition and self-improvement, often engaging in activities like self-help. They are highly competitive and focus on achieving goals with a positive attitude. Their adaptability allows them to fit well into groups, making them successful and charming individuals, but this competitiveness can sometimes lead to personal costs if not balanced properly.

Threes’ drive for success can often turn them into 'human doings' rather than 'human beings,' focusing too much on achievements and external validation at the cost of personal authenticity and awareness of their true desires. Consequently, they may achieve much but question the personal significance of their accomplishments, struggling with whether they are genuinely passionate about their pursuits or just driven by the compulsion to succeed.

The speaker emphasizes the need for type 3 individuals to engage in soul-searching to understand their core identity beyond image and success. Without this introspection, threes might find themselves at the end of life with achievements that hold no personal meaning. It is crucial for them to understand their values and genuine desires to avoid living an unfulfilling life centered solely around external accomplishments and recognition.

Threes often confuse admiration with being loved and may end up valuing the perception of others over genuine relationships. They continue to chase success and external validation without truly knowing themselves or what they want, potentially resulting in living an image rather than their authentic selves. Achieving an outward admiration may not satisfy the deeper need for genuine connection and self-awareness.

Shame is a primary issue for threes, driving them toward achievements to avoid feeling unworthy. Unlike type twos or fours, threes mask their insecurities by constantly achieving to cover up their perceived deficiencies. Without addressing these underlying feelings of shame, they risk staying caught in an endless cycle of pursuing external achievements to validate their self-worth and stave off worthlessness.

Threes can become disconnected from their authentic selves, striving to be the best in various aspects of life to counteract feelings of worthlessness. Despite external success, they might miss genuine fulfillment if they do not align their pursuits with their true values and passions. It is important for threes to realize their inherent worth apart from achievements to prevent burnout and existential dissatisfaction.

The speaker suggests that a shift in mindset is needed, where threes focus more on authenticity and real connections rather than solely on success. Genuine happiness and satisfaction come from being true to oneself rather than continuously seeking others' admiration for accomplishments. This requires acknowledging their vulnerability and being okay with not always being the best but being genuine both in self-perception and interactions with others.

When unhealthy, threes might withdraw or fall into depression, neglecting personal and professional duties. However, when healthy, they become more collaborative, focusing on team success and collective achievements rather than individual accolades. This shift enables them to find fulfillment beyond personal accomplishments, enriching their relationships and contributing positively to their communities.

Embracing authenticity allows threes to form genuine connections and find true personal acceptance. Instead of constantly adapting to fit expectations, they should set personal boundaries and focus on values they truly believe in. This involves being honest with themselves and others, fostering cooperative and supportive relationships, and finding real joy and satisfaction beyond just external achievements.