00:00:00
Hey guys, Geoffrey here and this video
I'm going to let you know, you know,
00:00:03
when you're giving your partner
space, how long should you be waiting,
00:00:07
how long should you expect before you
get some results coming your way and how
00:00:12
long before the whole thing comes back
to normal again? And things are restored.
00:00:16
Now, if you haven't met
yet, my name is Geoffrey.
00:00:18
And my mission here is to empower men, uh,
00:00:21
men in longterm relationships and in
marriages with the right skills and
00:00:25
knowledge to be able to
steer that relationship to
a place where it can thrive.
00:00:29
So I really want you to stick around until
the end of the video because what I'm
00:00:32
going to share with you will really shift
your paradigms and your mindset on how
00:00:36
you perceive and approach this whole
potentially frustrating and very confusing
00:00:41
time for you. Now before
I begin this video,
00:00:43
I want to let you know them hosting a
free masterclass and the topic of the
00:00:48
master class will be all about the
proven five steps to rebuilding your
00:00:52
relationship from the ground up. So
if you want in on that masterclass,
00:00:55
then be sure to stay until the end
of this video for the announcement.
00:00:59
And don't forget to subscribe and hit the
bell button to be notified when I post
00:01:03
new videos three times every single week.
00:01:06
Now what I'm going to share with you here
is a lot different than what a lot of
00:01:10
people will tell you. What a
lot of other coaches tell you,
00:01:12
and you might not be what you
expect from a video like this.
00:01:16
So the first thing I want to say is
that if you're asking the question,
00:01:19
how long before I see results, how
long should I give her space for?
00:01:23
It tells me that you're probably asking
the wrong questions and that your
00:01:26
attention is actually
directed in the wrong ways.
00:01:30
There's making you suffer and you could
be sabotaging yourself in the process as
00:01:33
well. So it's actually backfiring on
you by focusing too much on the outcome.
00:01:38
It tells me that you are too much focused
on how quick it is versus how right
00:01:44
this processes and explain
what that means a bit later.
00:01:47
And it also tells me that you're looking
for the outcome before understanding
00:01:51
the process. And again, I'll explain
what that means a bit later as well.
00:01:55
And it also tells me that
you're bettering yourself.
00:01:57
You're trying to better yourself
here for all the wrong reasons.
00:02:00
Right now the reason why you're bettering
yourself is that you're bettering
00:02:03
yourself to get your partner back and not
necessarily bettering yourself for the
00:02:07
sake of bettering yourself. Now
these three things right here,
00:02:12
you might be very difficult
for you to admit it.
00:02:14
You might be a very deep subconscious
thought in your mind, but again,
00:02:17
if you're asking this question,
00:02:19
what I often find is that
these underlying motivations,
00:02:23
it's true that you have one or more of
these underlying motivations still inside
00:02:27
your head. And while attaching yourself
to the outcome is not the worst thing,
00:02:32
it does sabotage your actions quite
a lot and it actually makes the whole
00:02:36
process of recovery a lot
slower. What I mean by that is,
00:02:40
you know when you are so
attached to the outcome,
00:02:42
it's like watching a plant grow
now. So when she wants space,
00:02:45
the moment she wants space
and you two are not together,
00:02:49
all you're going to think about
is how you're not together.
00:02:52
All they're going to think about
is how bad the situation is.
00:02:55
All you're going to think about is how
you can contact her to make sure that she
00:02:59
comes back to you. And so this mindset
is making you extremely impatient,
00:03:03
extremely anxious and it's like
again, watching a plant grow.
00:03:08
You know when you try to wash a pan go,
00:03:09
it seems like it never grows and in
the times you do meet up when you are
00:03:13
together,
00:03:14
it also makes you impatient because no
matter how many videos you watch or how
00:03:19
many books you read or how
much you try to not be pushy,
00:03:24
if you are so attached to
the outcome in your head,
00:03:26
then you are going to inadvertently do
a lot of things that are going to be
00:03:29
pushy. Even though you're not trying.
00:03:31
It's going to come out in
the smallest tone you have.
00:03:34
And the questions you ask
in the statements you make,
00:03:38
and again you might not even be conscious
of it but because subconsciously
00:03:42
you're so attached to the outcome is
going to come out and trust me when I say
00:03:46
that women can smell it from a mile away,
00:03:49
we want to kind of sense when you're
trying to do something out of manipulating
00:03:53
her or out of getting her to move back
in with you or to change her mind about
00:03:57
her wanting space. They can smell that.
00:04:00
They can smell it when your approaches
are not genuine and another way to
00:04:03
sabotage just you.
00:04:04
If you watched my last video on the
key reasons why she wants space,
00:04:09
you understand that the
reason why she wants space,
00:04:11
the real reason is that she has some
deep seated unhappiness with the
00:04:16
relationship.
00:04:17
Something she's missing but she cannot
express it to you and she kind of
00:04:22
expressed it to you for a
multitude of reasons. You know,
00:04:25
one of them could be that
you're not listening.
00:04:27
You made me know how I've
been a good listener.
00:04:28
You might not have fully understood what
she was trying to say because you jump
00:04:32
into conclusions or solutions too quickly.
00:04:35
Now I'm not going to get into the
details of what all these reasons are.
00:04:37
If you want,
00:04:38
you can watch the video above my head
to understand the fully understand the
00:04:42
reasons why she wants that
space in the first place. Well,
00:04:45
you have to understand that the reason
why she kind of expressed it is because
00:04:48
you never took the time to understand.
00:04:50
You never had the patience
to actually understand,
00:04:53
dig deeper to what the
actual problem is. Instead,
00:04:56
you're always rushing to the solution
to get a certain outcome and so when you
00:05:01
are so focused on the outcome here and
you're trying to rush the process and she
00:05:04
can smell that, it tells
her that you're not ready,
00:05:08
you haven't changed that your
approach is still the same,
00:05:11
that you're just going to jump in with
your solutions whenever instead of fully
00:05:14
listening and understanding what is
actually happening in this relationship.
00:05:18
So that's another way it will sabotage
you because you will keep doing the thing
00:05:23
that actually caused her to
pull away in the first place.
00:05:26
So if this is a bad question, what
are the better questions? Well,
00:05:30
there are four questions you can ask
yourself to determine how long before
00:05:34
things are restored.
00:05:36
Number one is how long will it take for
you to learn to better yourself for the
00:05:42
sake of bettering yourself,
00:05:43
that you will appreciate the
process of bettering yourself,
00:05:46
not for a specific outcome
to get her back in this case,
00:05:50
but bettering yourself
for the sake of you.
00:05:53
Because the reality is that
when you do get back together,
00:05:56
you want to keep feeling motivated to
better yourself. Now, if you attach,
00:06:01
you bettering yourself to this
outcome of getting her back,
00:06:05
what often happens in my experience is
that once they get the partner back,
00:06:09
they lose that motivation because again,
00:06:11
the motivation was tied to
getting the partner back.
00:06:14
But now the punter is back to the lost.
00:06:16
That motivation and when
they lose that motivation,
00:06:19
they tend to repeat the same mistakes
over again and repeat the same negative
00:06:22
cycle over again. And the
second time this happens,
00:06:25
the second time she wants space,
there'll be much harder to get her back.
00:06:29
But if you change your perspective
to bettering yourself for the sake of
00:06:33
bettering yourself regardless of outcome,
00:06:36
that's when you know when she comes back
you're going to keep bettering yourself
00:06:39
because your motivation is tied to a non
outcome. And that changes everything.
00:06:44
And the second reason why this can make
it faster is because when she can see
00:06:49
that you're bettering yourself for
the sake of bettering yourself and not
00:06:53
because you want her back,
00:06:54
then your actions will naturally
become less manipulative looking.
00:06:58
It won't be as fishy anymore and she
will actually believe you believe your
00:07:02
changes and trust your changes and trust
that your changes are permanent much
00:07:07
easier.
00:07:07
The second question you can ask yourself
is how long for me to learn the skills
00:07:11
to be able to lead a conversation that
actually opens up my partner and heals
00:07:17
her emotions and avoids arguments.
00:07:20
And this is important for
two reasons because one,
00:07:22
remember again that the main reason why
she wants space is that she has some
00:07:27
underlying issues that she can address.
00:07:29
But if you learned a skill to be able
to ask the right questions and lead
00:07:33
conversations the right way to where she
can feel comfortable sharing all this
00:07:37
stuff with you, then no only is it
cathartic for her and healing for her.
00:07:42
But it will give you all the clues you
need to understand how to better yourself
00:07:46
feeding back to number one
here. And a lot of men,
00:07:49
they think they had the skill to be able
to converse properly and dig deep to
00:07:53
the root cause of the problems.
But usually we haven't done it.
00:07:57
And the reason why your partner wants
space in her first place is because you
00:08:00
haven't developed a
skill in the first place.
00:08:02
So this is a scale that you have to
admit that you don't have and you have to
00:08:07
develop over time. And
the faster you develop it,
00:08:10
the faster she'll move
back in and get her back.
00:08:12
And the third question you
can ask yourself here is
how long for me to learn the
00:08:16
skills to be able to
battle that resistance.
00:08:20
Now I'm sure you have faced this moments
when you're trying to do the right
00:08:23
things, when giving her space and so
on. You're trying to be the better man.
00:08:27
You're trying to do the right
things, but she's resisting.
00:08:30
She is not taking your stories.
00:08:32
She's not acknowledging the fact that
you're listening better and so on.
00:08:34
This is what we call it resistance and
that resistance happens because she
00:08:39
suspicious. Is this person doing
all these things? This is right.
00:08:43
Things is great things because he wants
to get me back or is he doing this
00:08:49
because it's actually a change person,
00:08:50
a different person now she can sense
that you're doing this temporarily to get
00:08:54
her back to manipulate her a tricker.
00:08:57
You know this is something you're
doing just to get her back.
00:09:00
Then she will know that that's some
trickery and she'll probably pull away
00:09:04
further from you because she knows that
if she does move back in and reestablish
00:09:08
the relationship,
00:09:09
things will not change because you are
doing this again just for the sake of
00:09:13
getting an outcome.
00:09:14
So the reason why she's resisting and
making it very difficult for you is that
00:09:19
she wants to know is this person doing
it because of an outcome to get me back
00:09:24
or will this person keep doing it,
00:09:26
keep bettering himself and keep being
his new self even though I'm giving him
00:09:30
reasons not to be.
00:09:32
So if you can go past this dip and learn
how to battle that resistance and go
00:09:37
through that resistance, that's
going to be a massive game changer.
00:09:41
And this is where a lot of people fail.
00:09:43
And the faster you can master this skill,
00:09:45
the faster you can get over
that hump and get her back.
00:09:48
And the last thing here
is the final statement.
00:09:50
The crucial statement is how
long before she believes,
00:09:54
and this is her choice to believe this,
00:09:56
that I fully understand the
problem that I have changed.
00:10:00
And that I have changed permanently.
00:10:02
And so this one and capsulates
the other three steps,
00:10:06
because for you to get to
this point right here, right,
00:10:09
which is when she will come back,
00:10:10
eventually you will have to
master the other three steps,
00:10:13
which is that you have to master the
process of bettering yourself for the sake
00:10:17
of bettering yourself.
00:10:18
Because this is the only way to convince
her that you're doing this for yourself
00:10:23
too, for the sake of bettering
yourself and not just to get her back.
00:10:26
Do you need to have mastered a skill of
leading a conversation properly to under
00:10:29
defy the root cause of what the problem
is in the first place and to understand
00:10:33
what to work on in the first place.
00:10:35
And you need to have gone through
this hump of battling that resistance.
00:10:39
Because again, that resistance is her
questioning whether this is real or not.
00:10:43
And if you can get past that, you have
basically convinced her that, okay,
00:10:47
this guy is real, he's not faking
it, and I'm ready to move back in.
00:10:51
So I want you to notice the ironic thing
here is that when you stop attaching
00:10:55
yourself to the outcome,
00:10:56
that's the moment when things actually
progressed the fastest because you're not
00:11:00
sabotaging yourself and you were actually
doing this for the right reasons.
00:11:04
So understand also that in this
process there's no trickery here.
00:11:08
There are no short cards, you
know there are no, for example,
00:11:11
seven techs that you can
send to her to get her back.
00:11:14
There are no seven things you
can say to her to get her back.
00:11:17
What she's looking for are
not those short term fixes.
00:11:21
What she's looking for are permanent
changes within you and until she sees that
00:11:25
she's not moving back in. Now,
00:11:28
if you're interested in a free resource
that can help you lead that conversation
00:11:31
and learn some of the skills,
00:11:32
then you want to download my free guide
on healing and opening your partner's
00:11:38
emotions down in the description
box below this video.
00:11:41
And if you want in that free master
class where I talk about the five proven
00:11:45
steps to rebuilding a relationship from
the ground up and the same five step
00:11:49
system I give all my students and as
have taken them from the brink of divorce
00:11:53
to a place where their
relationship really thrives.
00:11:56
Then you also want to click the link in
the description box below this video.
00:12:00
And of course if you want to connect
with me on a more personal level,
00:12:03
I have a free Facebook
group where you can join,
00:12:05
asks you a question and actually get good
answers to your questions. And again,
00:12:09
the later that Facebook group
is also below this video.
00:12:12
So if you found this video helpful,
00:12:13
then give it a like and subscribe
for more content like this one.
00:12:17
And let me know in the comments below
which of these insights you find most
00:12:21
eyeopening or most valuable. Let
me know in the comments below.
00:12:24
I would love to hear it. And in the
meantime, be sure to watch this.
00:12:27
Two other videos here for more information
on how you can deal with her needing
00:12:31
space and how to interpret it and how
you can deal with it more effectively so
00:12:36
that you can eventually get
her back. In the meantime,
00:12:38
I will see you in the next video.
