00:00:05
In my daydreams, this documentary
00:00:08
already exists.
00:00:12
I already know exactly how it's going to
00:00:14
go.
00:00:16
[Music]
00:00:19
It starts like this.
00:00:23
[Music]
00:00:38
[Music]
00:00:44
Heat. Heat.
00:00:48
[Music]
00:01:03
My goal is just to live in the moment,
00:01:06
to be present in the moment, which
00:01:08
definitely doesn't happen to me.
00:01:22
[Music]
00:01:29
Yeah.
00:01:30
Yes. It might sound strange that you
00:01:33
spend most of the day living in a world
00:01:34
inside your own mind. state in an
00:01:37
unrevealed thing.
00:01:39
[Music]
00:01:43
It creates a gap like it just separates
00:01:45
you from reality
00:01:49
and I struggle to like connect with
00:01:54
people because I've got one foot in this
00:01:56
like makebelieve world.
00:02:01
[Music]
00:02:03
Some people might think everyone
00:02:05
daydreams.
00:02:06
It's a normal thing that we all do. But
00:02:09
maladaptive daydreaming is no game.
00:02:18
[Music]
00:02:33
It's your
00:02:35
everything.
00:02:43
Meanwhile, the hills.
00:02:45
[Music]
00:02:55
Gosh, I do miss Carter.
00:03:00
[Music]
00:03:05
I joined the Women's Auxiliary Air Force
00:03:08
in 1939.
00:03:10
I was 16.
00:03:12
Now here I am in 1940.
00:03:16
Blackness, white lights,
00:03:20
stuck smells, spilled petrol,
00:03:25
pain, horns blaring, crumpled machines,
00:03:29
crumpled bodies,
00:03:31
someone moaning. Me.
00:03:36
Sticky fluid. Mine.
00:03:39
I can't see.
00:03:41
I can't see.
00:03:56
In my daydreams, I've already achieved
00:04:00
my dream of being a successful actress.
00:04:06
The main scenario is that I'm my future
00:04:11
self and I'm on the Graham Norton show.
00:04:13
um speaking about the next film that I'm
00:04:15
doing or that I've won an award for.
00:04:23
I tend to talk about my past and it gets
00:04:25
quite emotional, but the audience and
00:04:28
the response from it is that people um
00:04:30
seem to like love and and admire me for
00:04:33
it.
00:04:35
So uh so they were horrible, but Skype
00:04:37
froze.
00:04:41
It's a nightlight meeting with this big
00:04:43
director who I think is
00:04:44
and I have to constantly bring myself
00:04:46
back to reality because my daydreams are
00:04:49
just often so much better than reality.
00:04:56
In my daydreams, everything just flows
00:04:58
simply and properly.
00:05:02
But when reality comes back, it's the
00:05:05
total opposite of what I want.
00:05:12
It can get in the way of friendships and
00:05:14
your studies. It can even get in the way
00:05:17
of sleeping. Sometimes you can't sleep
00:05:19
for hours because you just don't want to
00:05:21
stop daydreaming.
00:05:24
And where some people, most people will
00:05:27
daydream for like maybe a few minutes,
00:05:30
my daydreaming is like hours.
00:05:33
If I'm not careful, it could be up to
00:05:35
around
00:05:36
4 hours a day.
00:05:38
If it's just like a normal day, maybe
00:05:40
like four or 5 hours.
00:05:42
5 6 hours a day.
00:05:44
At least 6 hours a day. 6 hours plus
00:05:48
8 hours to even more.
00:05:50
You can be 10 12 hours. Like 12 hours a
00:05:53
day.
00:06:09
I'm not working right now, so I spend a
00:06:11
big part of my day in maladaptive
00:06:13
daydreaming.
00:06:15
The difference between maladaptive and
00:06:17
regular daydreaming is that you can
00:06:19
drift away and hours and hours can pass
00:06:22
while you're daydreaming and you're
00:06:24
detached from reality. It's not the
00:06:27
same.
00:06:30
When most people daydream, they kind of
00:06:32
sit silently and and it stays in their
00:06:34
head and then they snap out of it and
00:06:36
they get on with their day. Whereas my
00:06:39
daydreaming merges with reality. So, I
00:06:42
will sit there and and have a daydream,
00:06:45
but I'll verbalize it. I'll speak out
00:06:47
loud or I'll pace or I'll do some
00:06:50
repetitive movement.
00:06:52
If I'm not walking around in my room,
00:06:55
I'll rock back and forth on my bed or
00:06:57
I'll play with something in my hands.
00:07:00
I'm usually a very calm person. But
00:07:03
whenever I'm daydreaming, I'm in motion
00:07:05
and my eyes move around.
00:07:09
It fuels the daydreaming. It like spurs
00:07:13
the intensity of it because the more
00:07:15
intense daydream I have, the more
00:07:17
repetitive movement I do.
00:07:19
I do it with my eyes open. I can still
00:07:22
see my room, but I'm totally absent. I
00:07:25
can totally imagine anything. Everything
00:07:28
is vivid. And with maladaptive
00:07:30
daydreaming, I can experience
00:07:32
everything. So, I really can see every
00:07:35
detail.
00:07:38
I almost like can't see the real world
00:07:40
anymore when I'm like so in my
00:07:42
daydreams. It's just like I'm completely
00:07:44
absorbed in it.
00:07:45
Every time I do it, it's like I can
00:07:48
nearly feel the texture of things. I can
00:07:51
nearly smell them. I can nearly do those
00:07:54
things. It's very sensory.
00:07:57
I start to get kind of nervous in my
00:07:59
stomach or I may get like a little
00:08:01
sweaty in my palms or whatever. Um, my
00:08:04
brain cannot tell the difference. My
00:08:05
brain doesn't know that these things
00:08:07
aren't real. Um, but my body is reacting
00:08:09
to them as if they are.
00:08:11
I felt more absorbed in my daydreams
00:08:14
than I ever did in reality. I felt much
00:08:16
more present
00:08:19
um in my daydream.
00:08:21
It almost sometimes feels like my
00:08:23
daydream character is more me than I am.
00:08:26
I'd rather be doing that than than
00:08:29
pretty much anything. Like there's never
00:08:31
going to be a time where I'd rather be
00:08:32
doing something else.
00:08:47
face.
00:09:04
Everything in my daydreams are so
00:09:05
perfect, so beautiful. So, would I want
00:09:08
to go there? Yes, I would. And would I
00:09:10
want to live there? Yes, I really would.
00:09:21
Whenever I'm living my normal life, my
00:09:24
real life, I sometimes miss my
00:09:26
daydreams. It's like I'm living in two
00:09:28
worlds at the same time.
00:09:39
It might sound strange, but the biggest
00:09:41
problem I have with this world is other
00:09:43
people. When I try to do something with
00:09:46
other people, it doesn't usually go
00:09:48
well.
00:09:52
So, if you don't like the world that's
00:09:54
in front of you, then I'll just create
00:09:56
my own.
00:10:00
[Music]
00:10:09
My biggest daydream right now is a world
00:10:11
which I decided to call Inanis.
00:10:18
[Music]
00:10:21
It's a world where different people have
00:10:22
gone after death like an afterlife.
00:10:28
It has desert landscapes,
00:10:31
nice harbors, beautiful forests and
00:10:34
mountain landscapes.
00:10:37
[Music]
00:10:40
There's also a city, a high-tech city,
00:10:43
which is basically the capital of the
00:10:45
country.
00:10:47
And the story is about five different
00:10:49
characters who help each other out while
00:10:51
on a mission.
00:10:56
They help each other get stronger. They
00:10:58
spend time together.
00:11:00
They really support each other. And
00:11:03
everything that these characters are
00:11:04
feeling, I also feel myself.
00:11:08
And so, they've become really good
00:11:10
friends of mine.
00:11:22
In this world, I really struggle
00:11:24
understanding other people and that can
00:11:27
make living in the real world quite
00:11:28
difficult because I often get insecure
00:11:31
about what people mean or whether people
00:11:34
like me or not.
00:11:36
And because of that, I often feel like
00:11:38
there's a lot of distance in a way.
00:11:42
I feel like I'm far removed from the
00:11:44
real world and the daydreaming makes the
00:11:47
distance even bigger.
00:11:51
I've poured like hours and hours of my
00:11:54
life into creating these complex
00:11:55
characters with complex backstories and
00:11:58
all these things that have happened to
00:11:59
them.
00:12:00
It's complex. I mean, it's 29 years in
00:12:02
the making complex. You know what I
00:12:04
mean?
00:12:05
It's weird because it's almost like a
00:12:07
little file cabinet in my mind filled
00:12:09
with all of these scenarios, all of
00:12:11
these characters.
00:12:12
I know exactly what they look like. I
00:12:13
know what their their life background is
00:12:16
before they came into the plotline.
00:12:18
I choose them over making new
00:12:21
friendships because that's not going to
00:12:23
last. This the daydreams will.
00:12:31
The job obviously is paying for
00:12:34
counseling and then once I'm qualified
00:12:37
counselor then
00:12:40
that will be my job whilst I'm
00:12:43
looking to become an actress.
00:12:45
Yeah. Well, you need something to fall
00:12:46
back on.
00:12:47
Yes, I know mom. You've always said
00:12:48
about a backup job.
00:12:49
I love you. I've said that ever since
00:12:51
you was at school.
00:12:52
Yes, I know mom. You don't need to say
00:12:54
it again.
00:12:55
Yeah, but it is important cuz sometimes
00:12:58
it's like not who what you know, it's
00:13:00
like who you know. You know, mom, you
00:13:02
literally said that since I was like
00:13:03
six.
00:13:05
Daniel Radcliffe.
00:13:06
Oh my god.
00:13:08
I swear to God you bring up Daniel
00:13:09
Radcliffe again.
00:13:11
It's true.
00:13:12
That's one example.
00:13:13
No, cuz he's his dad was a producer. I
00:13:15
needed to have his feet in the right
00:13:17
place at the right time. I know,
00:13:19
but I've got a backup job anyway. It's
00:13:21
like counseling.
00:13:22
Yeah. No, that's a pretty good that's
00:13:24
good.
00:13:24
What do you mean pretty good job?
00:13:27
Charming. Yeah. Does it pay?
00:13:29
Oh my god. Did you actually just ask
00:13:31
that question?
00:13:31
I did.
00:13:32
Mom, everything's not about money.
00:13:34
No, I know. But you need You're working.
00:13:37
Shut up.
00:13:39
Job's a job. Is it
00:13:40
right?
00:13:43
Oh god, you're so
00:13:46
The longest day dream I've had, the one
00:13:49
that I created when I was five,
00:13:53
was that my dad was this prince from
00:13:56
like far off land. I was like
00:14:04
he had ventured out to like explore the
00:14:08
rest of the world. I met my mom and fell
00:14:11
in love with her and had me
00:14:14
but that wasn't allowed where he was
00:14:16
from.
00:14:18
[Music]
00:14:20
She speak now.
00:14:22
[Music]
00:14:34
to protect us. He went back home and had
00:14:37
to leave and never see us again
00:14:43
because he was a prince. Obviously, I
00:14:45
was princess and when I turned 18, I
00:14:49
would be able to go on this adventure to
00:14:52
find my dad.
00:14:55
[Music]
00:15:00
The daydream is nicer than reality.
00:15:04
Cuz the alternative was just a man
00:15:07
walking out on his daughter.
00:15:23
I lost my father very early in the war.
00:15:27
I wasn't even 3 years old. And then my
00:15:30
mom had to work hard to support us.
00:15:40
So my mom left me home alone all day.
00:15:43
And those times I loved playing
00:15:45
different roles just to be someone else.
00:15:49
Those are my earliest memories of
00:15:51
maladaptive daydreaming.
00:16:02
[Music]
00:16:07
In my daydreams, one scenario is that
00:16:10
I'm Duchan the Great, the leader of my
00:16:12
country and a large army. That scenario
00:16:16
is based on Alexander the Great, who is
00:16:18
one of my idols. Of course, there can't
00:16:21
be two Alexanders the Great. That's why
00:16:24
I created my alter ego and I became
00:16:27
Duchan the Great.
00:16:29
[Music]
00:16:33
The world has returned to the dark ages
00:16:36
and wars are being fought all over the
00:16:39
world in all of Europe. I imagine that
00:16:42
I'm waging a big war against an enemy
00:16:45
much more powerful than me so that I can
00:16:48
rescue the princess they kidnapped.
00:16:54
[Music]
00:17:00
soldiers. And although it sounds very
00:17:03
aggressive, I can really smell the blood
00:17:05
of my enemies and I can feel the sand
00:17:08
under my feet and I can really see the
00:17:10
battlefield. That is something
00:17:12
incredible.
00:17:14
[Music]
00:17:24
This
00:17:25
[Music]
00:17:47
fable district has been in some turmoil
00:17:49
after the contested coronation of
00:17:51
Queens. Cinderella.
00:17:52
See, why? Why is this Cinderella?
00:17:54
There's been a growing divide amongst
00:17:55
the residents. Oh, it's cuz it's the
00:17:57
residents regarding the pros and cons of
00:17:59
Magic,
00:18:00
right? So, it's like Pokémon Go
00:18:02
because we have to Yeah. So, that will
00:18:04
point us where we go and then we have to
00:18:06
walk over it.
00:18:06
Yeah.
00:18:07
But these are the actual street names,
00:18:08
aren't they? Yeah. That's Park Place.
00:18:11
Do you know the beast well? Oh, yes.
00:18:13
Beast, Freddy, and Beauty are old
00:18:15
friends. Beast and I used to we used to
00:18:17
be an artist back in the old days, but
00:18:19
Beauty and I are such good friends now.
00:18:21
Okay.
00:18:21
Oh god. Snow White and
00:18:24
Oh, quest started.
00:18:26
Put this together.
00:18:27
Oh god. Oh,
00:18:30
this is so boring.
00:18:33
Like
00:18:35
why did we waste 15?
00:18:38
My daydreaming developed cuz I
00:18:40
experienced reality at a ridiculously
00:18:43
young age.
00:18:47
My mom had a lot of relationships and
00:18:51
they were with not very nice men, very
00:18:54
like aggressive.
00:18:58
I saw everything as a kid and I heard
00:19:00
everything as a kid
00:19:03
and I just felt so alone not having the
00:19:07
power to do anything.
00:19:13
I feel like there's a bridge between me
00:19:16
and my mom with my daydreaming.
00:19:20
And if like I sat down and
00:19:27
actually said how I felt growing up
00:19:29
about all these different situations,
00:19:33
I feel like yeah, it'd be hard,
00:19:37
but I feel like that that bridge would
00:19:39
be able to be crossed or at least built
00:19:44
because she doesn't know the intensity
00:19:48
of my daydreaming. and like how bad it
00:19:51
gets.
00:19:59
Yeah.
00:20:01
Yes. I remember back when I was studying
00:20:04
in Amsterdam
00:20:07
and I didn't have any connection with
00:20:09
anyone.
00:20:12
I couldn't get close to anyone at
00:20:14
university. So, I felt really lonely
00:20:18
and at some point I would do nothing but
00:20:20
daydream. I basically gave up on the
00:20:22
real world.
00:20:28
[Music]
00:20:30
It might sound really bad, but I just
00:20:33
didn't want to live anymore. Not because
00:20:35
I wanted to die, but I just didn't want
00:20:37
the life I was leading. I didn't want
00:20:39
that anymore. It was just too difficult,
00:20:42
too much. I chose to live in another
00:20:44
world. I just started daydreaming
00:20:49
and in the end that's all I would do and
00:20:51
I gave up on everything else. I didn't
00:20:53
feel hungry anymore. I wouldn't even eat
00:20:56
because I just didn't care. I didn't
00:20:58
care about showering either. What does
00:21:00
it matter if I smell bad if I'm
00:21:02
pretending to be a warrior in another
00:21:04
country or making friends with nice
00:21:06
people?
00:21:09
[Music]
00:21:11
I just had to daydream. And every time I
00:21:14
came back to the real world, then I
00:21:16
constantly felt like when can I leave
00:21:18
again?
00:21:22
It's it's a d it's a dangerous talent.
00:21:24
Um
00:21:27
cuz it very easy to lose control of it.
00:21:30
It it it more controls you than you
00:21:32
control it.
00:21:39
There is a beautiful saying that the
00:21:41
greatest trick the devil ever pulled was
00:21:43
convincing the world he didn't exist.
00:21:46
That's how I feel about maladaptive
00:21:48
daydreaming. You think you're in
00:21:50
control, that you're present, that you
00:21:53
know what you're doing, that it's just a
00:21:55
phase. And then you realize that years
00:21:58
and years have passed and you might
00:22:00
realize it too late and you've wasted
00:22:02
your life and wasted all your chances.
00:22:12
The most terrifying thing about
00:22:13
maladaptive daydreaming, in my opinion,
00:22:16
is that it's a disorder that makes you
00:22:17
love it.
00:22:19
like it whispers in your ear and covers
00:22:21
your eyes and strokes your face while it
00:22:23
pulls your hair. Maladaptive daydreaming
00:22:26
holds you by the throat and tells you to
00:22:27
think of it as a hug.
00:22:30
You can't feel time slip away. Minutes
00:22:32
and hours adding up to years. You can't
00:22:35
see how your own eyes glass over. It
00:22:38
makes you a ghost of a person, a hollow
00:22:40
shell, and the thing that's supposed to
00:22:42
be inside is literally worlds away. But
00:22:45
all you feel is the rush. It wrecks you
00:22:49
from the inside out. But even as it
00:22:51
hurts you, it tells you, "Sorry."
00:22:54
It tells you, "I'm the only one who
00:22:56
understands.
00:23:00
Stay with me. Be mine. You're mine." Uh,
00:23:03
it's a disorder that completely enslaves
00:23:05
you. And that is so scary.
00:23:09
And the second scariest thing, how it
00:23:12
disguises itself.
00:23:16
It's okay. It's not a big deal. Everyone
00:23:18
daydreams. Or you have a vivid
00:23:21
imagination. You're lucky. You're
00:23:23
special. Be glad.
00:23:26
Maladaptive daydreaming is a poison.
00:23:32
It gives you like this world where
00:23:34
anything is possible, but obviously it's
00:23:37
not real.
00:23:39
So like
00:23:42
it's you know it's developed as like
00:23:44
this for me coping mechanism which was
00:23:48
great but then it's like you then become
00:23:50
unable to cope with it.
00:23:53
[Music]
00:24:02
[Music]
00:24:13
[Music]
00:24:22
I want to feel happy in the real world.
00:24:28
my actual reality.
00:24:31
[Music]
00:24:33
I just want to be.
00:24:37
That's the important thing for me.
00:24:40
[Music]
00:24:51
The friends I have in my daydreams are
00:24:53
my number one priority.
00:24:56
But my goal is to let people in the real
00:24:59
world become my number one priority,
00:25:02
which is difficult, of course, but maybe
00:25:05
I should just try.
00:25:11
[Music]
00:25:27
I thought I'd come by and check Dungeons
00:25:29
and Dragons books, but there are more
00:25:31
than I expected. I also heard it's handy
00:25:34
to have those books.
00:25:37
Yes, they are. But all these books can
00:25:40
essentially help you build your own
00:25:42
story. Of course, Dungeons and Dragons
00:25:45
is all about fantasy and about creating
00:25:48
your own world following an existing
00:25:51
adventure.
00:25:52
But if you really want to create your
00:25:54
own character
00:25:56
to know what they need and what the
00:25:58
general rules are, then you would need
00:26:00
the player's handbook. It explains in
00:26:03
detail how the game works, how to create
00:26:06
your own character in that big fantasy
00:26:08
world.
00:26:15
Well, I'm already getting some help with
00:26:17
coming up with a character, but this is
00:26:19
all new to me. I'm just trying to figure
00:26:22
out how everything works.
00:26:24
I think two or three others in the group
00:26:26
are already quite experienced.
00:26:32
I'm the rookie of the group, but they
00:26:34
seem nice, so I think it'll be fine.
00:26:37
Yeah, they'll be able to help you out,
00:26:40
right?
00:26:43
You are not aware of last night.
00:26:46
You see Bor going towards the door and
00:26:49
he just hammers on that door just
00:26:54
and it is indeed bathroom.
00:26:58
Oh, Bork.
00:27:00
And also you he grabs you by the
00:27:02
shoulder.
00:27:05
Okay.
00:27:16
After so many years, it's not easy to
00:27:18
find a job when you're constantly in
00:27:21
these dreams. When you constantly want
00:27:23
to be someone else,
00:27:30
but when the daydream stops and you
00:27:31
return to reality, you ask yourself who
00:27:34
you really are.
00:27:38
Are you the person you dream of or are
00:27:41
you someone else completely?
00:27:53
I looked at your CV. The first thing
00:27:55
that caught my eye is that you haven't
00:27:57
worked in a while, have you?
00:28:02
That's right. I've been out of work for
00:28:04
a while after payor. I didn't look too
00:28:07
hard because I was trying to decide what
00:28:10
I wanted. I've been trying to make
00:28:12
music. I'm more oriented towards that.
00:28:18
How is the music going?
00:28:19
Oh, well. Do you make a living for
00:28:21
making music? Not yet, but one day, I
00:28:24
hope.
00:28:26
Okay.
00:28:30
Okay. I understand that you want to
00:28:31
apply for the DevOps position. We do
00:28:33
have one DevOps position open, but I'm
00:28:36
sorry. I don't see any connection
00:28:39
between what you've done and what the
00:28:41
client is asking for.
00:28:45
Most clients are actually looking for a
00:28:46
higher level of education.
00:28:51
What I saw in your CV is that you
00:28:52
studied electrical engineering at a
00:28:54
technical school, right?
00:28:59
Yes, electrical engineering. That's
00:29:01
right. And university. What about that?
00:29:05
I wanted to start university, but
00:29:07
followed music. That's why I have 12
00:29:09
years of experience with music.
00:29:13
You certainly aren't the first person
00:29:15
who ever wanted to turn their hobby into
00:29:16
a profession,
00:29:18
but you would really need to set a list
00:29:20
of priorities and follow it.
00:29:25
Dash
00:29:27
music.
00:29:30
[Music]
00:29:45
[Applause]
00:29:47
[Music]
00:30:07
I feel like I'm wasting my life here.
00:30:15
What you do is up to you.
00:30:17
You can waste your life anywhere.
00:30:21
whether here or somewhere else.
00:30:24
If I'm going to waste it, I should waste
00:30:26
it on something good, not within four
00:30:28
walls.
00:30:31
It's okay for you because I'm here, but
00:30:34
I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I'm stuck
00:30:37
between four walls.
00:30:39
You wonder why I don't make music. How
00:30:41
can I? I don't work because I feel sick.
00:30:46
I wake up there. I just sit there all
00:30:49
day.
00:30:50
I don't go anywhere. I don't see
00:30:52
anything. I just sit there
00:30:58
and it's my choice because everything
00:31:00
suffocates me. I'm suffocating and I
00:31:03
need freedom and I know it's hard for
00:31:06
you. But you have to let go and accept
00:31:08
that I'm not a kid anymore.
00:31:16
Stop treating me like a child because
00:31:18
that's always just made me rebel against
00:31:20
everything and I will always do that.
00:31:25
But you act like a child.
00:31:27
I act like a child. And now I'm acting
00:31:29
like a child in front of everyone. When
00:31:31
you say jump, I jump. Remember that. And
00:31:34
now you're looking at me. We're on
00:31:36
camera and it's coming out. It's all
00:31:38
true. You can't keep trying to rein me
00:31:40
in. Just let me go already. and leave me
00:31:43
alone.
00:32:34
If by your art, my dearest Father, you
00:32:38
have put the wild waters in this roar.
00:32:41
Allay them.
00:32:43
The sky, it seems, would pour down
00:32:46
stinking pitch, but that the sea
00:32:49
mountain to the walin's cheek dashes the
00:32:52
fire out. Oh, I have suffered with those
00:32:57
that I saw suffer.
00:33:00
So like I did it and then like he got me
00:33:03
to do it like loads of different ways
00:33:04
cuz he's like actually done professional
00:33:06
theater. So he was like, "Okay, like do
00:33:09
it again, but don't stop in between each
00:33:12
like sort of line."
00:33:14
Yeah. But I think it went okay. But Rian
00:33:16
again, she's going to let me know
00:33:19
about that.
00:33:21
Yeah. So hopefully that went well as
00:33:23
well.
00:33:34
We were looking for a part of a staff.
00:33:36
Then we ran into that big worm and
00:33:38
that's when you joined.
00:33:41
All right.
00:33:44
What was actually your first impression
00:33:45
of me during that Dungeons and Dragons
00:33:47
session?
00:33:52
I don't know. I didn't really have a
00:33:53
strong opinion about any of you because
00:33:55
I just felt like I don't know any of
00:33:57
these people.
00:33:59
Yeah, you had Mariline and then
00:34:01
stranger, stranger, stranger.
00:34:05
Yeah, it was just typical Dungeons and
00:34:07
Dragons and I didn't know if everyone
00:34:11
obviously people play the game as a
00:34:12
character.
00:34:14
They are their character basically. So
00:34:16
then it's hard to figure out who they
00:34:18
really are outside their character. It's
00:34:21
weird. You have to be yourself, but at
00:34:23
the same time, you're also playing a
00:34:25
character, and that makes it less
00:34:27
direct. It doesn't feel so intense like
00:34:29
this is. I have to give everything, but
00:34:32
also you can just have fun.
00:34:34
And you can make mistakes.
00:34:35
Yes, you can make mistakes.
00:34:37
I made a lot of mistakes, especially
00:34:38
with that potion. My god.
00:34:42
Yeah.
00:34:44
I'm quite happy. I'm starting to go
00:34:46
outside a bit more lately.
00:34:48
Yes, that's important. Get some fresh
00:34:50
air.
00:35:00
I'm glad I met you.
00:35:05
You like that?
00:35:06
Yeah.
00:35:07
Yes. I think it's quite funny.
00:35:13
That's a bit hard to do with my hair.
00:35:18
Well, you're lucky then. I guess.
00:35:30
And where do you see yourself in 5 years
00:35:32
if you get this job?
00:35:35
Yes.
00:35:37
To be honest, in 5 years, I see myself
00:35:40
working at a stable company
00:35:44
where I can grow, where I'm not going to
00:35:46
be static,
00:35:49
where I can really evolve, learn.
00:36:01
How's
00:36:02
Yeah. No, it's good. You
00:36:04
just left my feet. E boy.
00:36:09
Ew. That's gross. Mom,
00:36:11
your honey does it as well.
00:36:14
Gross.
00:36:15
Oh my god.
00:36:17
Yeah. Thanks, Mom. I've daydreamed a few
00:36:20
times about my mom really sitting down
00:36:23
and listening to me and how I felt as a
00:36:26
kid.
00:36:26
Thanks, Mom.
00:36:28
My mom is
00:36:30
shocked and like it gets quite
00:36:31
emotional.
00:36:33
Jesus Christ. There's such a release
00:36:35
behind it when I daydream about it
00:36:37
because it's almost like
00:36:38
popping the cork on a bowl that's been
00:36:40
sitting there for like 25 years,
00:36:51
but I can't see myself ever actually
00:36:54
confronting her. I feel like the
00:36:57
understanding might not be there.
00:37:02
But the daydream gives me what I need in
00:37:06
terms of closure because it's like
00:37:08
genuine emotion.
00:37:12
So in that aspect, daydreaming has
00:37:15
actually helped me.
00:37:19
Hey, nice.
00:37:21
Hey, nice.
00:37:22
Hold on a minute. This looks a lot like
00:37:24
Real Madrid. This looks like Manchester
00:37:26
United.
00:37:27
Oh, yeah.
00:37:29
Hang on.
00:37:31
talking.
00:37:34
You forgive.
00:37:35
I'll just be Real Madrid.
00:37:37
Madrid.
00:37:39
Okay.
00:37:39
Okay. I have an emblem.
00:37:41
Me, too.
00:37:45
Trying to start to bluff.
00:37:47
Yes.
00:37:49
Banana.
00:37:55
Hey. Hey. Hey.
00:37:59
Okay.
00:38:01
Badanka,
00:38:05
congrats.
00:38:14
After so long, I found a job after all.
00:38:20
Are your colleagues good?
00:38:22
They are. All of them.
00:38:23
That's the most important thing. Working
00:38:25
together.
00:38:26
They're all right.
00:38:29
There's not much to it.
00:38:33
[Music]
00:38:36
I'm really interested to see what kind
00:38:38
of flower this will be.
00:38:40
[Music]
00:38:45
Are you hungry? Do you want something to
00:38:47
eat?
00:38:48
No, I'm not hungry.
00:38:49
Do you want a shower?
00:38:50
Yeah, I'll just take a shower.
00:38:54
Let me know what you want for dinner.
00:38:56
Okay.
00:39:02
[Music]
00:39:10
I've noticed that I'm spending less time
00:39:12
daydreaming. It's a bit like stepping
00:39:14
out of Wonderland, but you can still go
00:39:16
back for a bit sometimes, but it feels
00:39:19
very different.
00:39:22
[Music]
00:39:30
To be honest, the daydreaming will stay
00:39:32
with me for the rest of my life. I don't
00:39:35
think it will ever stop. And even if by
00:39:38
some miracle it could, I don't think
00:39:40
that it would happen to me.
00:39:46
[Music]
00:40:00
I always love the quote life is art
00:40:03
because you never know what's going to
00:40:04
happen in life
00:40:07
and that's what makes it so scary you
00:40:10
know
00:40:13
but then also like kind of brilliant I
00:40:21
[Music]
00:40:34
I would say that I've become friends
00:40:36
with the people in the Dungeons and
00:40:38
Dragons group. And even though they're
00:40:40
friends I only speak with online once a
00:40:42
month, that means a lot to me.
00:40:46
field.
00:40:48
Why is Benedict
00:40:52
is the only thing for a club
00:40:57
that they
00:40:59
benedict?
00:41:02
Why Benedict?
00:41:04
You have some moral in this. Benedictus
00:41:07
moral
00:41:09
[Music]
00:41:11
daydreaming can be a very strong ally
00:41:14
when you're in a good mood.
00:41:17
But when you're in the emotional state I
00:41:19
was in, it can be your worst enemy.
00:41:24
[Music]
00:41:30
I call it my dark beautiful world.
00:41:34
[Music]
00:41:40
is she acts that Christ
00:41:45
[Music]
