Defuse An Aggressive Verbal Confrontation

00:04:39
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2RDbL3QBhs

概要

TLDRThe video introduces a technique for handling situations when someone approaches you with anger. It emphasizes focusing intently on your breathing, which should be deep and slow, as soon as you perceive anger from someone. This technique prioritizes maintaining calmness and creating a space for self-reflection for the angry person. By directing most of your awareness to breathing and only secondarily listening to the words being spoken, you remain the calmest in the situation. After the person finishes speaking, the method advises maintaining eye contact and not responding immediately, allowing the other person to experience self-feedback. This often leads them to restate their issues more calmly. For rare cases where an immediate reaction is demanded, responding with neutral acknowledgments like "That sounds difficult" helps manage anger effectively. This practice has been portrayed as transformative for interpersonal interactions and emotional management.

収穫

  • 🧘 Focus on your breathing to stay calm.
  • 👁️ Maintain eye contact while breathing deeply.
  • 🤐 Stay silent initially after they've spoken.
  • 🔄 Encourage self-reflection by being non-reactive.
  • 🗣️ Use minimal responses if a reaction is demanded.
  • 😇 Aim to be the calmest person in the interaction.
  • 🌀 Diffuse the situation by lowering emotional intensity.
  • 📈 Improve communication quality through calmness.
  • 🕊️ Prevent escalation by avoiding angry reactions.
  • 💡 Enable others to feel and reflect on their words.

タイムライン

  • 00:00:00 - 00:04:39

    Markk introduces a technique to deal with angry individuals who approach with noticeable anger cues. The technique is less effective for situations where anger builds gradually. When someone shows anger, they often telegraph it through auditory or visual signals. If they approach with anger, attend foremost to your breathing, directing your awareness inward. This technique involves focusing intently on breathing, slowing it down, and maintaining calm eye contact. By concentrating on one's own breathing, one's primary focus remains internal, thus keeping calm. After the angry person has spoken, remain silent, affording them a chance for self-reflection. This often leads them to reassess their words and possibly lower their anger. If they demand an immediate response, offer neutral remarks like 'that sounds really difficult.' The technique helps in diffusing anger by creating space for feedback and reflection, ensuring calmer communication and higher quality interactions.

マインドマップ

Mind Map

よくある質問

  • What should you focus on when someone approaches you with anger?

    Focus on your breathing, making it deep and slow, and maintain calm eye contact.

  • Why is it important to focus on your breathing?

    Focusing on breathing helps maintain calmness and prevents external anger from affecting you.

  • What should you do after the angry person finishes speaking?

    Maintain silence, continue calm eye contact, allowing them to feel their own words and emotions.

  • How does this technique help in dealing with anger?

    It allows the angry person to reflect and often reduces the intensity of their anger.

  • What if the person demands an immediate reaction?

    Respond calmly with phrases like "That sounds really difficult."

  • What is the desired outcome of this technique?

    To diffuse the anger and improve the quality of the interaction.

  • How might people react to this approach?

    They typically reflect on their words, often restating them with less anger.

  • How does focusing on breathing change the interaction?

    It gives you control over the situation by keeping you calm and reducing the tension.

  • What if the technique fails to calm the person?

    Continue maintaining calmness and offer minimal verbal reactions.

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  • 00:00:01
    hi my name is markk today I'd like to
  • 00:00:03
    offer you a technique on dealing with
  • 00:00:05
    angry people so this technique Works
  • 00:00:08
    particularly well if somebody is
  • 00:00:10
    approaching you with anger it works less
  • 00:00:13
    well if you're in a conversation with
  • 00:00:14
    somebody and over time anger slowly
  • 00:00:17
    builds and so if somebody's approaching
  • 00:00:20
    you they will typically Telegraph their
  • 00:00:22
    mood to you in some way there'll be some
  • 00:00:24
    auditory maybe visual or Sensational
  • 00:00:26
    cues that you'll get from the person and
  • 00:00:29
    so if a person's approaching they say
  • 00:00:30
    something to the effect of can I say
  • 00:00:32
    something to you or I have a question
  • 00:00:34
    for you that should be a clue that
  • 00:00:36
    there's probably anger in that person
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    and so here's the technique as quickly
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    as you can you have to do this really
  • 00:00:42
    quick put put as much of your awareness
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    as you can take gather as much of your
  • 00:00:46
    awareness as you can gather and place it
  • 00:00:48
    on your
  • 00:00:49
    breathing now put your awareness in your
  • 00:00:51
    breathing you're starving the external
  • 00:00:52
    environment of your awareness and you're
  • 00:00:55
    and you're feeding your breathing so put
  • 00:00:56
    all of your awareness as much as you can
  • 00:00:58
    on your breathing and while you you do
  • 00:01:00
    that slow your breathing
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    down breathe deeply and slowly and put
  • 00:01:06
    your awareness and keep your awareness
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    on your breathing while maintaining calm
  • 00:01:10
    and gentle eye contact with the
  • 00:01:14
    speaker now if there's six people
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    standing around and they're all looking
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    at you make sure that you're breathing
  • 00:01:19
    slower than everyone in the group be the
  • 00:01:22
    slowest breathing person in the
  • 00:01:24
    surrounding area and this maintains that
  • 00:01:26
    you are the calmest this will help you
  • 00:01:28
    maintain the highest l of calmness out
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    of everybody and so you want to be as
  • 00:01:33
    calm as you can be and so the person
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    will say what they're going to say and
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    what you'll hear primarily is your
  • 00:01:38
    breathing because that's what you're
  • 00:01:39
    paying attention to that's your primary
  • 00:01:41
    focus secondary will be what that person
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    is saying you'll hear them you'll
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    understand them but primarily you're
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    focused on your breathing and so when
  • 00:01:49
    they're done saying what they're saying
  • 00:01:51
    and they look to you for some kind of
  • 00:01:52
    response that's when you say nothing and
  • 00:01:55
    you maintain calm gentle eye
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    contact
  • 00:02:02
    and what that little bit of space does
  • 00:02:04
    is that gives that person an opportunity
  • 00:02:06
    for some self feedback and so this will
  • 00:02:09
    help them feel as well as hear what they
  • 00:02:14
    just said to you so they heard it but
  • 00:02:16
    this will help them feel it because the
  • 00:02:18
    air will literally stink with the the
  • 00:02:21
    tension and the anger and the and the
  • 00:02:23
    discomfort that they just put into the
  • 00:02:25
    air they put it into the air you didn't
  • 00:02:26
    put in the air they did so let them deal
  • 00:02:29
    with it
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    so calmly just gently say nothing and
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    what'll happen is they'll go in their
  • 00:02:35
    heads and they'll ask themselves okay I
  • 00:02:37
    just said something to this person and
  • 00:02:38
    they're not saying anything uh what did
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    I just say how does this feel and I've
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    done this a lot this practice and what
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    will happen is nine times out of 10 the
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    person will come back and they'll
  • 00:02:50
    restate what they just said to you but
  • 00:02:52
    at a much lower energy level they'll
  • 00:02:54
    take they withdraw a lot of Anger from
  • 00:02:56
    the statement and then you move on from
  • 00:02:58
    there and if that doesn't work what
  • 00:03:01
    happens is 10 about 10% of the time
  • 00:03:03
    somebody will be so angry that they
  • 00:03:05
    might demand an immediate reaction from
  • 00:03:06
    you immediate response and so if you sit
  • 00:03:09
    there calmly and gently they might say
  • 00:03:12
    what are you going to say to that in
  • 00:03:14
    which case you respond something to the
  • 00:03:16
    effect
  • 00:03:17
    of that sounds really
  • 00:03:19
    difficult
  • 00:03:21
    or that's life
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    huh while maintaining calm gentle eye
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    contact and that's it that's all you say
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    and let them come back so what that does
  • 00:03:30
    is that diffuses a lot of the anger of
  • 00:03:32
    the situation so if they won't diffuse
  • 00:03:34
    the anger of the situation you diffuse
  • 00:03:36
    the anger of the situation by by
  • 00:03:38
    lowering the anger levels lowering do
  • 00:03:40
    not react with anger you're reacting
  • 00:03:42
    with a calm
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    gentleness and then you move on from
  • 00:03:45
    that place so this has absolutely
  • 00:03:47
    transformed my my anger style
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    interactions with people and it's made
  • 00:03:51
    them a lot higher quality and uh it's
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    made me a lot higher quality person uh
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    my communication skills have gone way up
  • 00:03:58
    through practices like this and uh you
  • 00:04:01
    can transform emotions on the Fly kind
  • 00:04:04
    of like this and all you're doing here
  • 00:04:06
    is giving giving
  • 00:04:08
    space for feedback for the person so
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    they can really feel what they're saying
  • 00:04:14
    to you as well as hear it and people
  • 00:04:16
    don't like the way it feels like when I
  • 00:04:18
    say something ugly and I can feel that
  • 00:04:19
    it was really ugly I don't want to be
  • 00:04:21
    that person and us usually I will come
  • 00:04:23
    back and correct myself about over what
  • 00:04:26
    I've just said and so the same thing
  • 00:04:28
    that's you're doing and you're letting
  • 00:04:29
    that person and do that so I found this
  • 00:04:32
    very
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    helpful I hope you do too have a good
  • 00:04:37
    day
タグ
  • anger management
  • breathing technique
  • calmness
  • conflict resolution
  • emotional intelligence
  • communication skills
  • self-reflection
  • stress reduction
  • self-awareness
  • interpersonal skills