Why I Am Scared Of Nikocado Avocado

00:47:41
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU-Okmkh7vU

概要

TLDRThe video discusses the speaker's experience with manipulation and emotional intimidation by another prominent YouTuber, Nicado Avocado. Throughout the video, the speaker recounts multiple instances where her personal conversations and words were twisted against her to coerce her into uncomfortable situations, specifically an on-camera discussion she did not consent to. She shares that her sense of personal safety was compromised and that she felt bullied by the power dynamics at play. The speaker describes detailed events where her consent was overshadowed by fear, leading her to feel trapped in interactions. She emphasizes her emotional turmoil and the significance of being able to say no. Additionally, the video touches upon related past traumas and highlights the vital importance of understanding manipulative behaviors to avoid them.

収穫

  • 🔍 The speaker feels manipulated and threatened by another YouTuber.
  • 🏠 Her home safety was questioned due to the actions of this individual.
  • 👥 The individual used her private words and conversations against her.
  • 🤝 Feelings of trust towards a friend were shattered by manipulative behavior.
  • 📸 Security footage revealed the intrusion into her personal space.
  • 📢 She stresses the importance of saying 'no' and maintaining boundaries.
  • 🛡 She felt isolated, fearing repercussions if she spoke out.
  • 💔 Emotional distress was compounded by triggers of past trauma.
  • 📲 Multiple attempts to contact her increased her discomfort after the incident.
  • 🎥 The story reflects the broader themes of manipulation and consent.

タイムライン

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker discusses a stressful period involving manipulation and threats by Nicocado Avocado, which affected her home safety. She feels manipulated into doing things against her will and shares definitions of manipulation.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    She recounts a past interaction involving Nicocado and an issue called Shukbug, explaining her cautiousness but deciding to meet and eventually collaborate with him. This meeting left her feeling comfortable initially.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The speaker details a relationship with fellow content creator Veronica Wang, where differences in personality are highlighted but not related to the purported "Shukbug". She shared private frustrations with Nicocado during their interactions.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Recalling their collaboration days, she shares how filming plans changed, and Nicocado insisted on discussing Veronica despite her reluctance, making her uncomfortable. She tried avoiding the topic humorously, but tensions rose.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Despite being recorded without her knowing, she describes feeling manipulated during filming. Afterwards, overwhelmed by the interaction, she didn't express discomfort directly, fearing repercussions.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Post-collaboration, she receives pressuring messages from Nicocado addressing video content disagreements. She apologizes for any misunderstanding and expresses discomfort with the previous day's video.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Further messages from Nicocado highlight tensions over scheduling and communication. Her attempts to apologize and clarify the misunderstanding emphasize the emotional exhaustion and manipulation felt.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    Nicocado's social media actions signal veiled threats through 'exposing' posts, escalating the situation. This reinforces her fear of his influence and power over her narrative due to past traumas.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:47:41

    Seeking support, she addresses the manipulative and threatening behavior experienced, affirming the right to say no. The video ends with gratitude for her platform and support, encouraging others to assert their rights.

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マインドマップ

Mind Map

よくある質問

  • Who is the video about?

    The video is about the speaker's experiences with another YouTuber named Nicado Avocado.

  • What does the speaker accuse Nicado Avocado of?

    The speaker accuses Nicado Avocado of manipulation, twisting her words, and using his platform to threaten and bully her.

  • What fears does the speaker express?

    The speaker expresses fears for her home safety and being manipulated by fear, feeling like she couldn't say no to him.

  • What specific incident does the speaker describe involving manipulation?

    The speaker describes an incident where Nicado wanted her to talk about another person on a video, twisting her words and creating discomfort.

  • What does the speaker find on her security footage?

    The speaker finds that Nicado took pictures inside her house without her consent when she briefly left the room.

  • How does the speaker feel about the released conversation?

    The speaker feels violated and manipulated, especially since private conversations were used without her consent.

  • Why did the speaker feel embarrassed about calling out Nicado Avocado?

    The speaker felt embarrassed because Nicado is connected to influential people in the community that she respected.

  • How does the speaker conclude her video?

    The speaker concludes by expressing her gratitude for having a platform to share her story and the importance of being able to say no.

  • What movement does the video reference?

    The video references the Me Too movement.

  • What emotions did the speaker experience after the events with Nicado?

    The speaker experienced fear, shame, guilt, and felt pushed into a dark place emotionally.

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  • 00:00:00
    in and out of sleep
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    [Music]
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    hopefully you can trust me now i do yeah
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    you do i do
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    good little me too movement hashtag me
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    too
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    hi so i haven't really posted on this
  • 00:00:16
    channel in the past couple of days
  • 00:00:18
    through my other channel and
  • 00:00:20
    i'm alive i feel i didn't get me you
  • 00:00:21
    know some of you guys are worried but
  • 00:00:23
    i just kind of want to talk to you guys
  • 00:00:25
    about what's been happening the past
  • 00:00:27
    couple of days because
  • 00:00:28
    a lot has happened and it's been really
  • 00:00:30
    stressful the past couple of days have
  • 00:00:32
    been filled with just a lot of
  • 00:00:35
    manipulation in particular manipulating
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    my own words
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    against me to make me do things that
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    i don't want to do and i don't feel
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    comfortable doing
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    and a lot of nicado avocado using his
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    platform
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    to threaten me and to bully me
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    at this point my home safety is kind of
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    in question
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    so normally i wouldn't talk about stuff
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    like this or make a video on it i've
  • 00:01:01
    been pretty vocal that
  • 00:01:04
    a lot of things can just be solved
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    offline but because of how
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    how extreme things have gotten recently
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    i just want to share my side
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    i feel like i've been manipulated by
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    fear
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    that i can't say no to him i just want
  • 00:01:18
    to take back my power to say no
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    not feel like someone's holding this
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    thing over me and threatening me
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    i feel like in normal circumstances i
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    probably wouldn't share
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    private text messages or private dms but
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    because of
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    his constant just over and over again
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    twisting my words
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    i just feel like it's necessary and i'm
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    only going to be using conversations
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    that
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    have to do with this matter of my safety
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    my security
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    and the way that he's been threatening
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    me before i get started into
  • 00:01:49
    sharing everything that's happened i
  • 00:01:51
    just want to read to you guys some
  • 00:01:52
    definitions because
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    i feel like i didn't know what was
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    happening to me and i wish i had known
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    what the true definition of these things
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    were because i feel like
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    i don't know maybe i could have
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    prevented it maybe i could have stood up
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    to him maybe i could have said no
  • 00:02:06
    maybe i wouldn't have gotten this far if
  • 00:02:08
    i knew what was happening
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    so mental manipulation is when people
  • 00:02:12
    seek
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    to exploit things that are the
  • 00:02:15
    foundation of relationships such as
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    trust understanding and mutual respect
  • 00:02:20
    in order to benefit themselves in some
  • 00:02:22
    way and some very easy ways that you can
  • 00:02:24
    spot manipulation
  • 00:02:25
    in terms of emotionally and mentally is
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    for one they use your words against you
  • 00:02:30
    to make you do something you don't want
  • 00:02:31
    to do two is that they don't really care
  • 00:02:33
    for how you're feeling three
  • 00:02:35
    is that they make you feel guilty or
  • 00:02:37
    ashamed i'm gonna leave some articles
  • 00:02:39
    and videos in the description because
  • 00:02:40
    those help me a lot
  • 00:02:42
    maybe you might be experiencing
  • 00:02:43
    something like it so i'm just gonna
  • 00:02:44
    leave those linked below so going back
  • 00:02:46
    to the story i feel like the story
  • 00:02:48
    happened
  • 00:02:48
    a year ago which it happened with
  • 00:02:51
    shukbug
  • 00:02:52
    and veronica wang and i never thought
  • 00:02:54
    i'd be talking about this online but
  • 00:02:56
    here i am that was kind of when nick and
  • 00:02:58
    i had our first
  • 00:02:59
    interactions on a personal level through
  • 00:03:01
    instagram dms we spoke about what
  • 00:03:03
    happened
  • 00:03:03
    from his side it was more of him trying
  • 00:03:05
    to clarify how i was involved or if i
  • 00:03:08
    was involved and also
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    he wanted me to make a video on my side
  • 00:03:12
    of the story i had told him that
  • 00:03:13
    i wasn't involved i don't think i need
  • 00:03:15
    to make a video it was just back and
  • 00:03:17
    forth of that
  • 00:03:18
    not too long after he asked me if i
  • 00:03:19
    wanted to collab with him i remember
  • 00:03:21
    specifically being transparent with him
  • 00:03:23
    and letting him know
  • 00:03:24
    i don't want to collab just because i
  • 00:03:26
    feel like the drama is too fresh
  • 00:03:28
    i feel like me being in a video with him
  • 00:03:29
    would just stir things up again
  • 00:03:31
    and so for all those reasons i was
  • 00:03:33
    transparent and i said no
  • 00:03:35
    from then we still didn't really have
  • 00:03:36
    much communication
  • 00:03:38
    up until august he came to los angeles
  • 00:03:40
    and
  • 00:03:41
    he had asked if i wanted to collab and
  • 00:03:42
    for other reasons i turned him down
  • 00:03:45
    now at this point i was like you know i
  • 00:03:47
    still feel like i want to meet him in
  • 00:03:48
    person you know if he's in la
  • 00:03:50
    i also felt like i turned down two clubs
  • 00:03:52
    like let's meet
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    so i had set up this dinner with me zach
  • 00:03:57
    and nick
  • 00:03:57
    at hotpot honestly immediately going in
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    i was nervous
  • 00:04:01
    i definitely had a guard up because i
  • 00:04:03
    was like oh anytime we've talked before
  • 00:04:05
    he's just been asking non-stop about
  • 00:04:06
    veronica and so
  • 00:04:08
    i even went in with this gift it's like
  • 00:04:10
    a bottle of champagne and these
  • 00:04:12
    macaroons because i just
  • 00:04:13
    i wanted him to know that like hey i i
  • 00:04:15
    didn't say no to you in your collabs
  • 00:04:17
    because i don't like you you know and so
  • 00:04:19
    immediately when i met him i could
  • 00:04:21
    probably say that i was kind of taken
  • 00:04:22
    aback
  • 00:04:23
    by how comfortable he was he just kept
  • 00:04:26
    saying
  • 00:04:27
    like yeah that's online you can trust me
  • 00:04:30
    hopefully you can trust me now i do
  • 00:04:31
    yeah you do i do good like i'm not gonna
  • 00:04:34
    say whatever you say online that's
  • 00:04:36
    online and so i just felt like
  • 00:04:38
    oh like that makes sense he even opened
  • 00:04:40
    up to me first which made me feel
  • 00:04:42
    really good i felt like oh wow he trusts
  • 00:04:45
    me and so i started opening up and
  • 00:04:47
    obviously the conversation did lead to
  • 00:04:49
    shipbug and veronica
  • 00:04:50
    and i feel like in any other situation i
  • 00:04:53
    would never want to put this online
  • 00:04:55
    but because i feel like this is
  • 00:04:56
    something that he's kind of holding over
  • 00:04:58
    my head right now
  • 00:04:59
    kind of twisting my words i just want to
  • 00:05:02
    share with you
  • 00:05:03
    some things that i shared with him and
  • 00:05:05
    it has nothing to do with shukbang
  • 00:05:06
    and it is also another reason why i
  • 00:05:08
    never made a video about this in the
  • 00:05:10
    first place
  • 00:05:10
    veronica and i have a very interesting
  • 00:05:13
    relationship
  • 00:05:14
    she mentioned me in a video when i was
  • 00:05:17
    so small
  • 00:05:17
    and she gave me a shout out so that's
  • 00:05:20
    kind of where our relationship started
  • 00:05:21
    and i just remember feeling like my gosh
  • 00:05:24
    she gave me a shout out and i just
  • 00:05:26
    replayed that part where she said my
  • 00:05:28
    name over and over again i was like oh
  • 00:05:29
    my gosh
  • 00:05:32
    and she was always so encouraging she
  • 00:05:34
    always told me you know you're doing
  • 00:05:35
    amazing like don't give up like
  • 00:05:37
    you're doing great sweetie i'm just
  • 00:05:40
    kidding
  • 00:05:41
    um and even though all that happened
  • 00:05:44
    when we first met in la when we filmed
  • 00:05:46
    all of our collabs that was the first
  • 00:05:48
    time we met in person
  • 00:05:49
    and i could say that we have very
  • 00:05:51
    different personalities we have
  • 00:05:54
    let me tell you some of the things i
  • 00:05:55
    told him because i feel like
  • 00:05:57
    i don't want them to get twisted
  • 00:06:00
    but she was dying her hair pink at the
  • 00:06:02
    time
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    and that pink hair almost killed me that
  • 00:06:06
    pink hair almost
  • 00:06:07
    killed me i was driving around town like
  • 00:06:09
    we were picking up
  • 00:06:10
    hair dye she cancelled on a video
  • 00:06:12
    because she wanted to dye her hair again
  • 00:06:15
    it was a lot and these are things that i
  • 00:06:18
    like even though i'm like thinking i was
  • 00:06:19
    like wow that was annoying and i'm sure
  • 00:06:21
    she has things that she finds so
  • 00:06:23
    annoying about me
  • 00:06:24
    but none of them had to do with shukbang
  • 00:06:26
    none of them would clarify
  • 00:06:28
    anything about shukbang it was just me
  • 00:06:31
    and veronica have weird personalities
  • 00:06:32
    that maybe didn't match perfectly
  • 00:06:34
    i shared these little frustrations with
  • 00:06:36
    him it's nothing i would share online
  • 00:06:38
    because i know how the internet works
  • 00:06:39
    i'm not gonna go and share
  • 00:06:41
    every little frustration or annoyance
  • 00:06:43
    that i have with every person
  • 00:06:44
    there was that conversation and then a
  • 00:06:46
    lot of it really was him
  • 00:06:48
    opening up to me about his home life and
  • 00:06:50
    orlan and
  • 00:06:51
    orleans tomatoes we stayed at hot pot
  • 00:06:54
    until two in the morning
  • 00:06:56
    we got kicked out like rebels and at
  • 00:06:59
    this point we had been there for hours
  • 00:07:01
    and he had made me feel so
  • 00:07:06
    comfortable so so comfortable
  • 00:07:10
    and like i could trust him like he
  • 00:07:13
    understood me
  • 00:07:15
    i ended up opening up about something
  • 00:07:17
    that
  • 00:07:18
    i don't even talk about on youtube
  • 00:07:19
    anymore if you guys have been with me
  • 00:07:21
    since the beginning
  • 00:07:22
    some of you may know but
  • 00:07:26
    i was sexually assaulted in my own home
  • 00:07:29
    it was somebody that i had to let into
  • 00:07:31
    my home
  • 00:07:33
    and then they took away my power to say
  • 00:07:35
    no and
  • 00:07:36
    it's kind of just shattered any sort of
  • 00:07:39
    security any sort of security that i
  • 00:07:41
    felt at
  • 00:07:43
    home prior and then after that i left
  • 00:07:46
    with the very warm feeling
  • 00:07:48
    of just hey he's nice
  • 00:07:51
    we started continuing our friendship
  • 00:07:53
    through text and there's not much in
  • 00:07:55
    there
  • 00:07:56
    it's just like regular personal life
  • 00:07:57
    stuff but
  • 00:07:59
    some of the stuff that kind of have to
  • 00:08:00
    do with what's happened
  • 00:08:02
    is in october he asked me are you happy
  • 00:08:05
    with your home
  • 00:08:06
    i low-key want that security system and
  • 00:08:08
    i told him that i was very happy
  • 00:08:10
    and then he texted me back that night
  • 00:08:12
    saying yeah what's the name of your
  • 00:08:14
    fancy security system
  • 00:08:16
    i'd like to research it and
  • 00:08:19
    at this point i disclosed which security
  • 00:08:21
    system i had
  • 00:08:22
    but i also kind of told him like why i
  • 00:08:24
    liked it at this point i felt like he
  • 00:08:26
    was a friend and i wanted
  • 00:08:28
    to give him whatever help he needed in
  • 00:08:30
    terms of security
  • 00:08:31
    and then november 1st he texted me
  • 00:08:33
    asking if i was doing like this
  • 00:08:35
    tv interview that was supposed to be
  • 00:08:38
    about mukbang and they had to reach out
  • 00:08:39
    to me and so i told them hey i was
  • 00:08:41
    approached but i turned it down
  • 00:08:42
    are you doing it and he said i turned it
  • 00:08:44
    down today too too invasive of my home
  • 00:08:47
    and potential safety issue and the
  • 00:08:48
    neighbors would have a field day with
  • 00:08:50
    the camera crew trucks outside
  • 00:08:52
    and then he said but yeah i didn't know
  • 00:08:54
    what level paranoid i was at so i feel
  • 00:08:56
    better knowing i'm not alone lol
  • 00:08:59
    like this moment i really feel like
  • 00:09:00
    cemented our friendship because i felt
  • 00:09:02
    like
  • 00:09:03
    there was this one common ground that we
  • 00:09:05
    shared there was this one thing that
  • 00:09:07
    i feel like everyone's a little paranoid
  • 00:09:09
    but i feel like to the level
  • 00:09:11
    where you are very paranoid about
  • 00:09:13
    feeling safe and where most people feel
  • 00:09:15
    the most safe and he was telling me like
  • 00:09:17
    hey you're not crazy i thought i was
  • 00:09:19
    crazy we both feel the same way about it
  • 00:09:21
    and so
  • 00:09:22
    it just really made me feel like we have
  • 00:09:25
    this thing
  • 00:09:25
    that we just can always talk to each
  • 00:09:27
    other about he texted me
  • 00:09:29
    in november that he was going to be in
  • 00:09:31
    december for
  • 00:09:32
    a bunch of days to do a lot of collabs
  • 00:09:34
    with other youtubers and he asked if i
  • 00:09:36
    was interested in clapping
  • 00:09:37
    and this had been a really long time
  • 00:09:39
    since chigbung and so i said you know
  • 00:09:41
    what like we've developed a friendship
  • 00:09:42
    i've met you i feel safe with you you
  • 00:09:45
    make me feel like i can trust you
  • 00:09:46
    of course like let's collab it'll be fun
  • 00:09:48
    and the first collab was on saturday
  • 00:09:51
    this past saturday and it was at my
  • 00:09:52
    house and so i gave him the address and
  • 00:09:55
    i felt comfortable knowing that
  • 00:09:56
    i could trust him to enter this place
  • 00:09:58
    where i very rarely
  • 00:10:00
    let people in now and so saturday he
  • 00:10:03
    came over and
  • 00:10:05
    i want to say that saturday i didn't
  • 00:10:08
    have any feelings of like
  • 00:10:10
    alarm or anything like that i think
  • 00:10:12
    there was like moments where
  • 00:10:14
    oh that was a little weird but nothing
  • 00:10:18
    crazy it was nothing that made me feel
  • 00:10:20
    unsafe but there was some small things
  • 00:10:22
    like
  • 00:10:24
    later i'll get into but saturday went
  • 00:10:26
    really well from what i knew
  • 00:10:28
    saturday and then sunday happened
  • 00:10:31
    i was originally supposed to meet zach
  • 00:10:34
    for breakfast
  • 00:10:34
    and then i was supposed to film with
  • 00:10:36
    nick for his channel but
  • 00:10:38
    we just kind of reworked the schedule a
  • 00:10:40
    lot of changes were made
  • 00:10:42
    and we all decided that we were gonna
  • 00:10:43
    film three videos three collab videos
  • 00:10:46
    with all three of us
  • 00:10:47
    so after breakfast it would be me zack
  • 00:10:50
    and nick
  • 00:10:51
    for zach's channel so it'd be an asmr
  • 00:10:53
    video and then the second video would be
  • 00:10:55
    me nick and zach for nick's channel but
  • 00:10:58
    it would be a mukbang so zach would just
  • 00:11:00
    sit quietly and then me and nick would
  • 00:11:01
    talk
  • 00:11:02
    and then the third video would be in on
  • 00:11:04
    nick's channel with all three of us
  • 00:11:06
    but this one would be more of an asmr
  • 00:11:08
    style video in
  • 00:11:10
    zack's house it was a lot of filming and
  • 00:11:11
    a lot of eating that day and the first
  • 00:11:13
    video went really well
  • 00:11:14
    and that was posted to zac's channel and
  • 00:11:15
    that was the first video up and then the
  • 00:11:17
    second video came around we were just
  • 00:11:19
    kind of like
  • 00:11:19
    spending some time together before we
  • 00:11:21
    got hungry again i just remembered that
  • 00:11:24
    before we filmed nick's video his first
  • 00:11:26
    video the talking mukbang we were
  • 00:11:27
    supposed to go to hmart and then go back
  • 00:11:29
    to his place so that we could film it
  • 00:11:30
    and we were in the car
  • 00:11:31
    and the topic of what we were going to
  • 00:11:33
    talk about in the talking mukbang came
  • 00:11:35
    up and this
  • 00:11:36
    is kind of when i first felt really
  • 00:11:38
    uncomfortable because
  • 00:11:40
    nick said it very assertively we're
  • 00:11:42
    gonna talk about veronica and we're
  • 00:11:43
    gonna spill all the tea
  • 00:11:45
    and i was kind of confused because i was
  • 00:11:47
    like oh whoa
  • 00:11:48
    what and so i was immediately like no
  • 00:11:51
    no and then he he went but why'd you
  • 00:11:54
    tell me yesterday that you wanted to
  • 00:11:56
    then
  • 00:11:56
    and so i i thought back to what happened
  • 00:11:58
    yesterday and prior to filming my
  • 00:12:00
    mukbang for my channel
  • 00:12:02
    he had mentioned you know i think that
  • 00:12:04
    we need to talk about shikbang because
  • 00:12:05
    you know everyone's going to be talking
  • 00:12:06
    about in the comments
  • 00:12:07
    and i don't know why i believed it i
  • 00:12:09
    said oh yeah i mean i guess it's weirder
  • 00:12:12
    if we just act like it never happened
  • 00:12:14
    and so i felt like i was comfortable
  • 00:12:16
    mentioning shakba
  • 00:12:17
    addressing it to the capacity of me and
  • 00:12:19
    nick yes this is how we met
  • 00:12:21
    through a shukbang video but we have no
  • 00:12:24
    ill will towards each other
  • 00:12:25
    it's all over we're friends now you know
  • 00:12:28
    i felt like i would never
  • 00:12:30
    tell him that i wanted to talk about
  • 00:12:32
    veronica
  • 00:12:34
    and specifically spill the tea it had
  • 00:12:36
    always been about shuk bun
  • 00:12:37
    me and veronica's relationship didn't
  • 00:12:39
    involve nick and so i was just
  • 00:12:41
    confused and it got really awkward after
  • 00:12:43
    i said oh
  • 00:12:44
    no like i don't mind addressing shukbang
  • 00:12:46
    but that's it and he just got silent and
  • 00:12:48
    i couldn't have
  • 00:12:49
    feel like he was really upset by that
  • 00:12:51
    and so i just
  • 00:12:52
    remember like i was driving and i was
  • 00:12:54
    like this is so uncomfortable do i erase
  • 00:12:56
    the music
  • 00:12:57
    like do i step on the pedal what do i do
  • 00:12:59
    but i still
  • 00:13:00
    felt like okay at least we cleared it up
  • 00:13:02
    before the video like at least now he
  • 00:13:04
    gets it he's a little upset at least the
  • 00:13:06
    video won't be weird
  • 00:13:07
    then we got to his place we made the
  • 00:13:09
    noodles and there was a lot that
  • 00:13:10
    happened because of that video which
  • 00:13:12
    we'll get into
  • 00:13:13
    such as footage i didn't know where i
  • 00:13:15
    was being recorded and other things but
  • 00:13:18
    we started filming the noodle mukbang we
  • 00:13:19
    sat down he was in the middle of us
  • 00:13:21
    and we started eating these nuclear
  • 00:13:23
    noodles and the first 30 minutes
  • 00:13:24
    honestly they went
  • 00:13:26
    amazing and i remember thinking to
  • 00:13:28
    myself
  • 00:13:29
    damn that car ride was important because
  • 00:13:31
    like we were honestly having a really
  • 00:13:33
    really good time for like the first half
  • 00:13:35
    and then nick brought up the
  • 00:13:37
    conversation of shukbang but he brought
  • 00:13:39
    it up in a way
  • 00:13:40
    and i know that the full footage is not
  • 00:13:42
    out there it did it in a way i don't
  • 00:13:44
    remember his exact wording
  • 00:13:46
    but it was in uh what did you want to
  • 00:13:48
    share
  • 00:13:49
    or do you change your mind now um
  • 00:13:52
    [Applause]
  • 00:13:54
    i just feel like you said you want to
  • 00:13:57
    talk to your viewers with me here
  • 00:13:59
    because you never talk to any of yours
  • 00:14:01
    and i just remember feeling just shocked
  • 00:14:03
    because the way he went about it was
  • 00:14:04
    just so
  • 00:14:05
    almost like an interrogation but i was
  • 00:14:07
    like you know what it's fine
  • 00:14:09
    it's fine i'm gonna you know joke it off
  • 00:14:11
    i'm gonna say my piece i said you know
  • 00:14:14
    i don't have any hard feelings because
  • 00:14:16
    you made those videos and
  • 00:14:17
    i get why you made those videos i had
  • 00:14:19
    these baby wipes in front of me and i
  • 00:14:20
    kept wiping him every time he got too
  • 00:14:22
    serious to just kind of play it off like
  • 00:14:23
    let me wipe him
  • 00:14:24
    off and every single time i tried to do
  • 00:14:26
    that increasingly
  • 00:14:28
    it seemed like he got more offended he
  • 00:14:30
    would look at me with such a shocked
  • 00:14:32
    face
  • 00:14:33
    like i can't believe but you said you
  • 00:14:36
    wanted to talk about it and now you
  • 00:14:38
    don't
  • 00:14:39
    almost like how dare you you said you
  • 00:14:42
    wanted to talk about it and i just
  • 00:14:43
    remember
  • 00:14:44
    i kept trying to put it off i kept
  • 00:14:46
    trying to show him i'm uncomfortable i
  • 00:14:47
    kept trying to lighten the mood with
  • 00:14:48
    jokes and
  • 00:14:49
    give all of us an out of this
  • 00:14:51
    conversation without ending it awkwardly
  • 00:14:53
    but it was just rapid fire and it
  • 00:14:57
    increasingly went from shukba maybe the
  • 00:14:59
    first two sentences
  • 00:15:00
    into veronica and then instead of
  • 00:15:04
    asking me any more questions he started
  • 00:15:06
    twisting my words
  • 00:15:08
    and he started saying things like if
  • 00:15:10
    only you guys knew what she
  • 00:15:12
    told me i would never tell you guys what
  • 00:15:14
    happened because
  • 00:15:15
    she shared it with me in private she
  • 00:15:18
    trusts
  • 00:15:18
    me with these things but if you only
  • 00:15:21
    knew
  • 00:15:22
    when i heard when you sat down with me
  • 00:15:24
    and i remember this one
  • 00:15:26
    part where i freaked out because he said
  • 00:15:28
    she is such a strong
  • 00:15:30
    woman to me as if i had endured
  • 00:15:33
    something
  • 00:15:34
    so horrendous by veronica and i i almost
  • 00:15:37
    was like
  • 00:15:38
    shoot do i say like oh whoa it's not
  • 00:15:40
    that serious like all i did was go pick
  • 00:15:42
    up hair dye with her you know
  • 00:15:44
    but then that would defeat like i don't
  • 00:15:46
    want to disclose all of this
  • 00:15:47
    i'm not comfortable with sharing this
  • 00:15:49
    this has nothing to do with anything
  • 00:15:51
    and i remember picking up a baby wipe
  • 00:15:52
    and being like i know like my life is so
  • 00:15:55
    hard being a mukbanger and like really
  • 00:15:57
    trying to show him that hey i'm trying
  • 00:16:00
    to get out of this conversation hey
  • 00:16:02
    i'm trying to get out of this
  • 00:16:03
    conversation and i did this pretty much
  • 00:16:05
    almost every two sentences he gave and
  • 00:16:08
    increasingly he looked at me with
  • 00:16:10
    more and more shock on his face as if he
  • 00:16:13
    was shocked and
  • 00:16:14
    angry at the fact that i refused to talk
  • 00:16:17
    about what i told him in private
  • 00:16:19
    but you told me yesterday you wanted to
  • 00:16:21
    talk about it then why did you say you
  • 00:16:23
    wanted to talk about it i guess she
  • 00:16:25
    changed her mind
  • 00:16:26
    there was this one part where i had told
  • 00:16:29
    him about
  • 00:16:30
    how veronica she has really good audio
  • 00:16:32
    um
  • 00:16:33
    she likes to watch her audio right so if
  • 00:16:35
    it peaks i'm the queen of peaking
  • 00:16:38
    if it peaks she'll know so she's very
  • 00:16:40
    cautious and i just
  • 00:16:41
    remember telling him like i was a little
  • 00:16:43
    bit more cautious during her collapse on
  • 00:16:44
    her channel because i was watching the
  • 00:16:46
    audio peaks because i have a very
  • 00:16:47
    high-pitched loud voice
  • 00:16:49
    and he he insinuated that remember what
  • 00:16:52
    you told me
  • 00:16:53
    this thing that she made you do where
  • 00:16:55
    she put this
  • 00:16:57
    disgusting as if it was something so
  • 00:17:00
    horrendous that veronica did to me
  • 00:17:02
    and at that moment i freaked out and
  • 00:17:05
    again i wanted to defend myself by
  • 00:17:07
    sharing my story
  • 00:17:09
    which is i think what he wanted but i
  • 00:17:11
    just remember saying
  • 00:17:12
    oh my god you make it sound like i was
  • 00:17:14
    abused it felt like he was putting words
  • 00:17:16
    into my mouth yes the situation
  • 00:17:19
    is kind of there yes there was a
  • 00:17:20
    computer when i was filming
  • 00:17:22
    but no it wasn't horrendous no it's not
  • 00:17:25
    something that you should be disgusted
  • 00:17:27
    by
  • 00:17:27
    maybe annoyed not disgusted one of the
  • 00:17:30
    reasons that i didn't want to make this
  • 00:17:31
    video and i felt like
  • 00:17:32
    i was crazy is because i know everyone's
  • 00:17:35
    just gonna be saying stephanie you're a
  • 00:17:36
    grown woman
  • 00:17:38
    why didn't you just leave or tell him
  • 00:17:40
    hey
  • 00:17:41
    stop at that point like i don't even
  • 00:17:44
    know if i can describe to you the
  • 00:17:46
    feelings
  • 00:17:47
    because it's almost like any feeling
  • 00:17:50
    that you had of
  • 00:17:52
    this person at least has a mutual
  • 00:17:54
    respect for me
  • 00:17:55
    it's not even friendship it's not even
  • 00:17:57
    trust those were long gone
  • 00:18:00
    but it's this person has somewhat of a
  • 00:18:02
    mutual respect for me
  • 00:18:04
    my my comfort my consent to talk about
  • 00:18:07
    things
  • 00:18:09
    it's just all gone and so you just feel
  • 00:18:11
    like
  • 00:18:12
    you're not talking to the same person
  • 00:18:15
    anymore
  • 00:18:15
    and he didn't care what i wanted to talk
  • 00:18:17
    about he didn't care how i felt
  • 00:18:19
    it went on for 30 minutes
  • 00:18:22
    and it just felt so personal i was in
  • 00:18:25
    this space at this point
  • 00:18:27
    where i felt like anything will be used
  • 00:18:30
    against me
  • 00:18:31
    and it felt like anything i say even
  • 00:18:33
    nick's stop
  • 00:18:35
    he would use it and make it exposing
  • 00:18:37
    video
  • 00:18:38
    or threaten me with it i don't know i
  • 00:18:41
    was just scared
  • 00:18:42
    whoever i knew wasn't here anymore i
  • 00:18:44
    just felt like it wasn't the same nick i
  • 00:18:46
    knew
  • 00:18:46
    he knew that i was uncomfortable he knew
  • 00:18:48
    i didn't want to talk about this but he
  • 00:18:49
    kept going
  • 00:18:50
    and so at what point does my uncomfort
  • 00:18:54
    or does my feeling even matter to him
  • 00:18:57
    and so the video ends
  • 00:18:59
    and i just feel really really weird i
  • 00:19:02
    don't know how to describe the feeling
  • 00:19:04
    it's not just scared
  • 00:19:05
    but it's also like almost like ashamed
  • 00:19:08
    like
  • 00:19:09
    wow i made him mad because i changed my
  • 00:19:12
    mind
  • 00:19:12
    did i change my mind but i never had the
  • 00:19:14
    mind to
  • 00:19:15
    talk about veronica all i know is i was
  • 00:19:18
    incredibly shaken up
  • 00:19:20
    and i just remember like i didn't want
  • 00:19:22
    to be in close proximity with him and i
  • 00:19:24
    was just kind of like standing
  • 00:19:26
    off to the side tonight i didn't want to
  • 00:19:28
    say anything but
  • 00:19:30
    oh i'm so nervous like i don't know what
  • 00:19:32
    to do oh man like
  • 00:19:33
    i wish i wish i didn't say that i'm so
  • 00:19:36
    nervous
  • 00:19:37
    because i felt like if i said i'm
  • 00:19:39
    uncomfortable or i'm scared or
  • 00:19:41
    why did you do that he would just get
  • 00:19:42
    more and more increasingly angry with me
  • 00:19:45
    i had this feeling of i just need to do
  • 00:19:48
    whatever i can
  • 00:19:49
    to get through tonight and tomorrow
  • 00:19:52
    because we have collab scheduled
  • 00:19:53
    tomorrow
  • 00:19:55
    and just be done with it because i don't
  • 00:19:57
    want him
  • 00:19:58
    to get angry i don't want him to make a
  • 00:20:01
    video
  • 00:20:02
    using these words and trying to say all
  • 00:20:05
    these things i said about veronica
  • 00:20:07
    i just wanted to get there tonight and
  • 00:20:09
    that sounds
  • 00:20:10
    crazy even to me like me saying that
  • 00:20:13
    right now i
  • 00:20:13
    sound crazy stephanie you are 24
  • 00:20:16
    you should have got up and left but i
  • 00:20:19
    just couldn't i was just so scared that
  • 00:20:21
    i couldn't
  • 00:20:22
    and so the third video i was like okay
  • 00:20:24
    at least it's an asmr video
  • 00:20:26
    it'll be fine i remember even texting my
  • 00:20:29
    dad at that time
  • 00:20:30
    i didn't even want to text my fiance i
  • 00:20:32
    was texting him really basic stuff
  • 00:20:34
    making it seem like i was fine i was
  • 00:20:35
    like what you doing yeah everything's
  • 00:20:37
    great
  • 00:20:38
    on to the next video and i knew that
  • 00:20:40
    anything i say about
  • 00:20:41
    being uncomfortable or i don't want this
  • 00:20:43
    it didn't matter because sunny'd say
  • 00:20:45
    but you said and i called my dad and i
  • 00:20:49
    i was talking to him in korean and my
  • 00:20:51
    dad was really concerned because we
  • 00:20:52
    weren't really talking about anything
  • 00:20:54
    serious but
  • 00:20:55
    i just wanted to sound as if i had
  • 00:20:57
    gotten the worst news and so i hung up
  • 00:20:59
    with him
  • 00:21:00
    and you know they both saw the
  • 00:21:02
    conversation that i had
  • 00:21:03
    and nick was like are you okay and i
  • 00:21:06
    said yeah just a lot of
  • 00:21:08
    really bad family stuff going on i did
  • 00:21:10
    this because i
  • 00:21:12
    i was so scared of him that i didn't
  • 00:21:14
    even want to act differently around him
  • 00:21:16
    but at that moment i was so shaken i
  • 00:21:19
    knew i couldn't be
  • 00:21:21
    goofy right now i couldn't be excited
  • 00:21:23
    and so i just needed a minute
  • 00:21:25
    just try to shove down the need to cry
  • 00:21:28
    and
  • 00:21:29
    shove down all these hurt and scared
  • 00:21:32
    and uncomfortable feelings that i had
  • 00:21:35
    because we still had a video to film
  • 00:21:37
    and so then we go to zack's place and
  • 00:21:39
    we're cooking i kept trying to find a
  • 00:21:41
    way out
  • 00:21:41
    i mentioned multiple times in a very
  • 00:21:43
    joking way like
  • 00:21:45
    you guys don't need me i don't even it's
  • 00:21:47
    asmr you guys don't need me
  • 00:21:50
    and he would say things like nick would
  • 00:21:52
    say things like stephanie
  • 00:21:54
    we're all tired so i felt like that was
  • 00:21:57
    a signal to me like get it together
  • 00:21:59
    and i was like oh he knows something's
  • 00:22:01
    wrong and so then because of that i
  • 00:22:02
    started getting more and more cautious
  • 00:22:04
    and i was like
  • 00:22:05
    trying to make jokes and i was trying to
  • 00:22:06
    be you know there was like this
  • 00:22:08
    hot cheeto thing we were cooking and i
  • 00:22:10
    was like it looks like a heart
  • 00:22:14
    and i just felt like if i didn't make
  • 00:22:17
    him feel like everything was okay
  • 00:22:19
    he would just get more and more angry
  • 00:22:21
    with me
  • 00:22:22
    and so we filmed the third video at the
  • 00:22:25
    end of the asmr because it was a
  • 00:22:26
    whispering one
  • 00:22:27
    nick turned to me and he said
  • 00:22:31
    is there anything else you'd like to say
  • 00:22:33
    and i just
  • 00:22:34
    remember feeling so gutted like my heart
  • 00:22:37
    had dropped to the ground because i
  • 00:22:39
    thought it was going to be
  • 00:22:41
    another interrogation what would you
  • 00:22:43
    like to say
  • 00:22:48
    thank you for watching and so i i said
  • 00:22:52
    thanks for watching us eat this food
  • 00:22:56
    at this point you know nick is talking
  • 00:22:58
    about what are we gonna eat tomorrow and
  • 00:23:00
    i'm just
  • 00:23:01
    at this point i'm really just trying to
  • 00:23:03
    go home without
  • 00:23:04
    angering him so i leave that area around
  • 00:23:07
    two in the morning
  • 00:23:10
    and i drive home and when i'm driving
  • 00:23:12
    home i'm experiencing a lot of emotions
  • 00:23:15
    even after what happened in the video he
  • 00:23:17
    knew there's no way he didn't know i was
  • 00:23:19
    uncomfortable
  • 00:23:20
    sure maybe there was miscommunication
  • 00:23:22
    before the video maybe he really thought
  • 00:23:24
    that i wanted to spill my guts about
  • 00:23:26
    veronica all of a sudden
  • 00:23:28
    but in the video there's no way nick did
  • 00:23:31
    not know
  • 00:23:32
    that i was so uncomfortable for those 30
  • 00:23:35
    minutes
  • 00:23:36
    because i was trying not to cry for
  • 00:23:38
    those 30 minutes
  • 00:23:40
    and so i'd be like okay like make sure
  • 00:23:41
    you don't cry but also make sure you
  • 00:23:43
    have answers ready
  • 00:23:44
    what do i say even after the video it
  • 00:23:47
    seemed like he was still the one that
  • 00:23:49
    was upset with me
  • 00:23:50
    i had no right to be upset he was like
  • 00:23:52
    well you're the one that said you wanted
  • 00:23:54
    to talk about it then why would you tell
  • 00:23:55
    me you wanted to talk about it
  • 00:23:57
    there was no hey are you okay i know it
  • 00:23:58
    got a little heated
  • 00:24:00
    there was none of that but i also feel
  • 00:24:03
    really weird
  • 00:24:05
    like i almost feel like i did tell him
  • 00:24:08
    did i i don't think that i would but
  • 00:24:11
    what if i did or what if i'm not a good
  • 00:24:12
    communicator
  • 00:24:13
    and what if i said yeah let's do it
  • 00:24:16
    but maybe i should have said but without
  • 00:24:18
    talking about veronica and everything i
  • 00:24:19
    told you in private i started
  • 00:24:20
    questioning myself i started being like
  • 00:24:22
    why did you do that stephanie why would
  • 00:24:24
    you ever make him feel like that
  • 00:24:26
    kind of like an internal battle of half
  • 00:24:29
    of me being like
  • 00:24:30
    why did you do that stephanie that was
  • 00:24:31
    your fault for misleading him
  • 00:24:33
    and then the other part of me was like
  • 00:24:35
    it doesn't matter you were still
  • 00:24:36
    uncomfortable in the video
  • 00:24:38
    and he did not care and he was actually
  • 00:24:40
    upset i get home
  • 00:24:41
    and i just i broke down
  • 00:24:45
    i mean i just went straight into the
  • 00:24:47
    bathtub i just didn't want to even smell
  • 00:24:48
    like the food we had just eaten i
  • 00:24:50
    did not want to talk to anyone and my
  • 00:24:52
    fiance is he obviously knows something's
  • 00:24:54
    wrong
  • 00:24:55
    and so he's sitting there and he's
  • 00:24:56
    saying babe what happened i was like
  • 00:24:59
    i don't know if something happened i
  • 00:25:01
    felt like i couldn't talk about it
  • 00:25:02
    because
  • 00:25:04
    what was there to talk about it's not
  • 00:25:06
    like he held me
  • 00:25:08
    against my will to film these videos i
  • 00:25:10
    just can't explain this
  • 00:25:12
    fear and i just was so scared that i
  • 00:25:15
    sounded crazy
  • 00:25:16
    because you're a grown woman you had a
  • 00:25:18
    car you could have left
  • 00:25:19
    you could say no but i i truly
  • 00:25:22
    felt in that moment after everything
  • 00:25:24
    that's happened
  • 00:25:25
    that i couldn't but how do you explain
  • 00:25:28
    that to someone
  • 00:25:29
    because they would just look at you and
  • 00:25:30
    say yes you could
  • 00:25:33
    be honest what it felt like and the only
  • 00:25:35
    way that i've
  • 00:25:36
    ever felt like this to any degree in my
  • 00:25:39
    life
  • 00:25:40
    prior to nick was a couple years ago
  • 00:25:43
    and i vowed i would never find myself in
  • 00:25:46
    a position like that ever again
  • 00:25:47
    where i felt like no really didn't have
  • 00:25:50
    a lot of power
  • 00:25:51
    and i felt like it didn't matter if i
  • 00:25:53
    was uncomfortable
  • 00:25:55
    that night i was really pushed into
  • 00:25:58
    a really really really dark place that i
  • 00:26:01
    never thought i would be in again
  • 00:26:02
    i had a breakdown and it was unlike
  • 00:26:06
    any other breakdown i had it was one
  • 00:26:09
    where i felt
  • 00:26:11
    shame guilt because
  • 00:26:14
    i did say i i did say i would talk about
  • 00:26:18
    it
  • 00:26:18
    didn't i i don't know he said i did so i
  • 00:26:21
    must have
  • 00:26:23
    and then this shame of why did you even
  • 00:26:26
    stay for the third video why did you
  • 00:26:28
    even laugh with him
  • 00:26:29
    why didn't you tell him no nick i don't
  • 00:26:32
    want this
  • 00:26:33
    no why didn't you tell him no after
  • 00:26:36
    everything that's happened in the past i
  • 00:26:37
    told myself i would never
  • 00:26:39
    ever ever feel like that again i would
  • 00:26:42
    never feel like that again
  • 00:26:45
    i just didn't want to feel like that
  • 00:26:50
    ever
  • 00:27:30
    it had been a really long night and i
  • 00:27:32
    went to sleep at around 7am
  • 00:27:34
    i was in and out of sleep until around
  • 00:27:36
    2pm
  • 00:27:37
    at this point i had already missed text
  • 00:27:39
    messages from both of them
  • 00:27:41
    separately and i ended up calling zach
  • 00:27:43
    at 2 20. and when i called him i didn't
  • 00:27:45
    mention anything that happened yesterday
  • 00:27:47
    so i said you know i was up all night
  • 00:27:48
    editing i know i should have gone to
  • 00:27:50
    sleep early but
  • 00:27:50
    i woke up i'm not feeling too great i
  • 00:27:52
    think i have to cancel today because it
  • 00:27:54
    was gonna be another three person collab
  • 00:27:56
    day
  • 00:27:56
    for some reason the thought of texting
  • 00:27:58
    nick at this moment
  • 00:28:00
    because i had missed calls and missed
  • 00:28:02
    text messages from him
  • 00:28:03
    gave me this like like i started getting
  • 00:28:06
    very short of breath and so i washed my
  • 00:28:08
    face and around
  • 00:28:09
    3 20 i texted them and i'm just gonna go
  • 00:28:12
    through
  • 00:28:12
    just the whole thread of text messages
  • 00:28:14
    and so i texted them at 3 29 pm and i
  • 00:28:17
    said
  • 00:28:18
    hey guys sorry i've been in and out of
  • 00:28:19
    sleep all afternoon after staying up
  • 00:28:21
    late after getting back
  • 00:28:23
    i don't think i'll be able to film any
  • 00:28:24
    collabs today i'm feeling really sick
  • 00:28:26
    and i realized i had a few sponsors due
  • 00:28:29
    before a year end that are really time
  • 00:28:31
    sensitive i'm so sorry i hope you guys
  • 00:28:32
    understand
  • 00:28:33
    but i'm really happy that we knocked
  • 00:28:35
    them out yesterday
  • 00:28:37
    and i put my phone down i put it on
  • 00:28:39
    silent
  • 00:28:40
    and these are the next messages i got
  • 00:28:42
    you just now realized stephanie
  • 00:28:44
    i have been sitting here for five hours
  • 00:28:46
    when you were going
  • 00:28:47
    in and out of sleep you should have
  • 00:28:49
    picked up the phone and given me a call
  • 00:28:51
    not leave me hanging you didn't like it
  • 00:28:53
    when veronica did that to you
  • 00:28:55
    so no i'm sorry i do not understand
  • 00:29:00
    i texted him back i am so sorry for
  • 00:29:02
    making you feel that way i sincerely
  • 00:29:03
    apologize
  • 00:29:04
    i was so drained and slightly out of it
  • 00:29:06
    this morning and i'm so upset i didn't
  • 00:29:08
    call you back earlier because i would
  • 00:29:09
    never want you to
  • 00:29:11
    because i would never want you to feel
  • 00:29:12
    like i don't respect your time again i'm
  • 00:29:14
    truly sorry
  • 00:29:15
    and out of respect for our developing
  • 00:29:17
    friendship i do want to be transparent
  • 00:29:18
    and let you know i was uncomfortable
  • 00:29:20
    with yesterday's video
  • 00:29:21
    i'm so sorry if i let you think or
  • 00:29:23
    miscommunicated in any way that i wanted
  • 00:29:25
    to talk about veronica
  • 00:29:26
    but i truly did not i mentioned that i
  • 00:29:29
    wouldn't mind addressing you and me
  • 00:29:30
    as it pertains to shukbang that neither
  • 00:29:33
    of us had any hard feelings towards each
  • 00:29:34
    other after what happened
  • 00:29:36
    and i did give you my perspective on
  • 00:29:37
    what happened when we hung out and i
  • 00:29:39
    felt as if it was misrepresented in the
  • 00:29:40
    video
  • 00:29:41
    i've mentioned to you many times that
  • 00:29:43
    although veronica and i aren't friends
  • 00:29:44
    and i am hurt or annoyed by some things
  • 00:29:46
    that happen between us
  • 00:29:47
    i have absolutely no ill will towards
  • 00:29:49
    her and i feel some compassion for a
  • 00:29:51
    situation since i've gotten to know her
  • 00:29:53
    prior
  • 00:29:54
    again i understand this is your video
  • 00:29:56
    and i respect your feelings about the
  • 00:29:57
    situation but
  • 00:29:58
    this is how i feel again i'm sincerely
  • 00:30:01
    so sorry for not getting back to you in
  • 00:30:03
    time this morning
  • 00:30:04
    and i hope you enjoy the rest of your
  • 00:30:05
    stay and i'm so sorry for this morning
  • 00:30:10
    he texted me back then why did you tell
  • 00:30:12
    me at your house that you wanted to
  • 00:30:14
    address it on my channel
  • 00:30:15
    also why are you texting this to zach i
  • 00:30:18
    messaged you privately
  • 00:30:20
    and i responded i want to address the
  • 00:30:23
    issue here since all three of us were in
  • 00:30:25
    the video and i also owe zach an apology
  • 00:30:27
    for this morning
  • 00:30:27
    and not keeping him updated on the
  • 00:30:29
    schedule i'm so sorry for any
  • 00:30:30
    inconveniences i've caused
  • 00:30:32
    again from the bottom of my heart i'm so
  • 00:30:34
    sorry if i made you feel that way
  • 00:30:36
    i wanted to let you know because i
  • 00:30:38
    didn't know that there was a gap of
  • 00:30:39
    miscommunication
  • 00:30:40
    and understanding between us till the
  • 00:30:42
    middle of that video we were filming
  • 00:30:44
    i was okay with talking about shukbang
  • 00:30:46
    as it pertains to just you and me
  • 00:30:48
    again i apologize for any
  • 00:30:50
    misunderstanding there could have been
  • 00:30:52
    i hope you enjoy the rest of your stay
  • 00:30:53
    and i am so sorry again for this morning
  • 00:30:55
    as well
  • 00:30:56
    he responded with you already talked to
  • 00:30:58
    zach this morning
  • 00:31:00
    but ignore me for five hours after that
  • 00:31:02
    don't play games i
  • 00:31:04
    texted it back and i said again i'm so
  • 00:31:07
    sorry
  • 00:31:07
    if there was any miscommunication if i
  • 00:31:10
    made you feel that way i wanted to
  • 00:31:12
    take this time to clarify
  • 00:31:14
    miscommunication about the video because
  • 00:31:16
    i didn't know there was a gap in
  • 00:31:18
    understanding till the middle of filming
  • 00:31:19
    the video
  • 00:31:20
    and to apologize for this morning i
  • 00:31:23
    truly am so sorry
  • 00:31:24
    i know that i impacted your schedule
  • 00:31:26
    today and i'm so
  • 00:31:28
    sorry about that he said awesome
  • 00:31:32
    so which day would you like to
  • 00:31:33
    reschedule for
  • 00:31:35
    and i responded i know that you're in la
  • 00:31:38
    for only a couple more days
  • 00:31:40
    and have a lot scheduled and i'm so
  • 00:31:42
    sorry for today
  • 00:31:44
    sorry i do have to get back to you since
  • 00:31:46
    i do have approaching deadlines and i
  • 00:31:48
    know
  • 00:31:49
    my fiance already had things planned for
  • 00:31:51
    me and the dog goes for the holidays
  • 00:31:53
    again i'm so sorry for today and i hope
  • 00:31:55
    you're able to enjoy the rest of your
  • 00:31:57
    day
  • 00:31:58
    and he responded with literally at any
  • 00:32:01
    point in this conversation you could
  • 00:32:03
    have resumed with our videos planned for
  • 00:32:05
    tonight
  • 00:32:06
    please talk to me zach told me he wants
  • 00:32:08
    to be left out i reached out half a
  • 00:32:09
    dozen times already please talk to me
  • 00:32:11
    there
  • 00:32:13
    the text messages that he said please
  • 00:32:15
    give me a call
  • 00:32:16
    i got your group message but it would be
  • 00:32:18
    nice to talk to you here
  • 00:32:20
    can you give me a call please i haven't
  • 00:32:22
    heard from you personally since
  • 00:32:23
    yesterday and i feel we need to chat
  • 00:32:25
    you only message things to the group
  • 00:32:27
    chat but not to me here
  • 00:32:29
    this is going to be my last time
  • 00:32:30
    reaching out for the evening i'm feeling
  • 00:32:32
    hurt
  • 00:32:32
    please talk to me not through zach i
  • 00:32:34
    also had eight
  • 00:32:36
    missed calls some of the face times from
  • 00:32:38
    nick
  • 00:32:39
    at the time and later on after all of
  • 00:32:41
    this there were some
  • 00:32:42
    instagram posts and stories that were
  • 00:32:44
    made that i i didn't know but they were
  • 00:32:46
    made
  • 00:32:47
    while this conversation was happening
  • 00:32:50
    and the first
  • 00:32:51
    is his instagram post that's still up
  • 00:32:53
    right now as of filming this and i'm
  • 00:32:54
    gonna put it right here and it says
  • 00:32:56
    i'm this i think close to making an
  • 00:32:58
    exposing video
  • 00:33:00
    should i what the f is wrong with people
  • 00:33:02
    so rude
  • 00:33:03
    so self-serving and inconsiderate
  • 00:33:06
    and then he posted a story with a black
  • 00:33:09
    screen
  • 00:33:10
    making some tea you guys you won't
  • 00:33:12
    believe the audacity
  • 00:33:14
    people have but i have lots of receipts
  • 00:33:16
    and audio clips
  • 00:33:18
    every time he texted me or called me
  • 00:33:21
    i feel like
  • 00:33:30
    and the audio clips that he posted on
  • 00:33:33
    his story in audio clips
  • 00:33:35
    i got alarmed because i felt weird about
  • 00:33:37
    that i never
  • 00:33:39
    consented to any audio clips so that
  • 00:33:41
    means these were
  • 00:33:42
    illegally recorded when and where and
  • 00:33:45
    how
  • 00:33:45
    i didn't know what he was talking about
  • 00:33:47
    i didn't know if this was just an empty
  • 00:33:48
    threat to scare me even more or if
  • 00:33:52
    something happened
  • 00:33:54
    that i don't know about the only thing i
  • 00:33:55
    can do is check what i have of security
  • 00:33:57
    footage
  • 00:33:58
    and i went through all of saturday when
  • 00:34:00
    he was at my house
  • 00:34:01
    he was here for about five-ish hours and
  • 00:34:04
    out of those five hours
  • 00:34:06
    that he was here i used the restroom
  • 00:34:08
    once
  • 00:34:09
    and during that time that i slipped away
  • 00:34:11
    to the restroom very very quickly the
  • 00:34:13
    one time that i did
  • 00:34:14
    without letting me know what he was
  • 00:34:16
    doing he took multiple pictures inside
  • 00:34:18
    my house
  • 00:34:18
    and then immediately he started looking
  • 00:34:21
    around at the ceiling
  • 00:34:22
    i didn't have any cool light fixtures up
  • 00:34:24
    there just don't know what else would be
  • 00:34:26
    up there other than security cameras
  • 00:34:27
    seeing that footage was shattering and
  • 00:34:30
    so angering
  • 00:34:31
    because after everything that he made me
  • 00:34:33
    feel safe enough to tell him about
  • 00:34:35
    i told him about the one thing
  • 00:34:38
    that i don't talk to anyone about
  • 00:34:40
    anymore and i don't know
  • 00:34:42
    if i would be this alarmed if throughout
  • 00:34:45
    our entire interactions i feel like he
  • 00:34:48
    had never had any good or even
  • 00:34:50
    harmless intentions with everything that
  • 00:34:52
    he did
  • 00:34:53
    the way that he did it during the five
  • 00:34:55
    hours he was here the minute that i
  • 00:34:56
    slipped away to the restroom you knew
  • 00:34:58
    why
  • 00:34:59
    i'm so paranoid you know why i have such
  • 00:35:02
    a hard time letting people into my home
  • 00:35:04
    it was a very violating feeling and it
  • 00:35:06
    was just something that i don't think
  • 00:35:08
    i'll ever be able to understand
  • 00:35:09
    but again i felt like again that was my
  • 00:35:12
    fault
  • 00:35:13
    i felt like yes this is gross yes this
  • 00:35:16
    is creepy
  • 00:35:17
    but really it's your problem stephanie
  • 00:35:20
    because you have this
  • 00:35:22
    this trauma that maybe not a lot of
  • 00:35:24
    people have and maybe even though nick
  • 00:35:26
    knows about your trauma and knows how
  • 00:35:27
    crazy you are about
  • 00:35:28
    home security maybe he doesn't really
  • 00:35:31
    understand
  • 00:35:32
    and then i came across this and this is
  • 00:35:34
    where i'm gonna get really angry
  • 00:35:36
    for this part of the video because there
  • 00:35:38
    is no part of this video
  • 00:35:41
    that i can stand by and say that i
  • 00:35:43
    support nick as a person
  • 00:35:45
    as someone who has a platform this was a
  • 00:35:47
    video that he took
  • 00:35:48
    and consented to posting onto youtube it
  • 00:35:51
    looked like he deleted it
  • 00:35:52
    i don't know if he ever addressed it
  • 00:35:54
    there is this channel called shadebug
  • 00:35:56
    who
  • 00:35:56
    uploaded it but with tons of edits those
  • 00:35:58
    voice edits and those face edits are not
  • 00:36:00
    my doing but
  • 00:36:02
    i'm just going to insert some clips here
  • 00:36:03
    because i think when someone shows me a
  • 00:36:06
    pattern of predatory behavior
  • 00:36:07
    i'm not going to not listen i'm not
  • 00:36:09
    going to ignore it
  • 00:36:11
    come on over we'll hang out we'll do
  • 00:36:12
    more stuff we can mukbang and then do
  • 00:36:14
    stuffed after you know we were
  • 00:36:15
    it was not about just film with me it
  • 00:36:18
    was about like
  • 00:36:19
    we're gonna get it on i literally
  • 00:36:22
    blew dry my hair all over again i put on
  • 00:36:25
    so much
  • 00:36:26
    perfume i wasted it i wasted 90
  • 00:36:29
    perfume but i made sure i washed my
  • 00:36:31
    extra good and they eat all your food
  • 00:36:33
    and they leave you're like i wasted my
  • 00:36:34
    time
  • 00:36:35
    and i described my for
  • 00:36:38
    this experience because i was nice
  • 00:36:40
    enough to say
  • 00:36:41
    i'll eat whatever you want to eat
  • 00:36:43
    because
  • 00:36:44
    i'm gonna get sucked you know like okay
  • 00:36:48
    i'm gonna bend over because i you know
  • 00:36:50
    like i'm gonna give you what you want
  • 00:36:52
    or i'm gonna get what i want and
  • 00:36:55
    nothing happened waiting to get my
  • 00:36:57
    action well no wonder dude
  • 00:37:01
    you're a loser i am in new york for a
  • 00:37:03
    very limited amount of time
  • 00:37:06
    my time is important i would have rather
  • 00:37:08
    spent it alone
  • 00:37:10
    this was supposed to enhance my trip not
  • 00:37:12
    make it more frustrating
  • 00:37:14
    but you have to understand where i'm
  • 00:37:15
    coming from too but you have to
  • 00:37:17
    understand where i'm coming from
  • 00:37:18
    too i'm clearly signaling to you i am
  • 00:37:21
    ready
  • 00:37:22
    you are here for to be ready i'm not
  • 00:37:25
    going to just grab it because
  • 00:37:27
    you will come back and it's going to be
  • 00:37:28
    the little me too movement a little me
  • 00:37:30
    too movement oh he's not here
  • 00:37:32
    to be ready for you nobody is here to be
  • 00:37:34
    ready for you
  • 00:37:36
    and it's not the little me too movement
  • 00:37:38
    how dare you
  • 00:37:40
    discredit an entire movement that
  • 00:37:43
    the sole purpose was giving people a
  • 00:37:46
    voice who didn't have a voice
  • 00:37:48
    how dare you discredit the entire thing
  • 00:37:50
    that saved
  • 00:37:51
    so many people because you had a bad
  • 00:37:55
    date in new york city
  • 00:37:57
    the little metoo movement oh no one's
  • 00:38:00
    going to believe you
  • 00:38:01
    no one's going to believe you because it
  • 00:38:03
    was inappropriate
  • 00:38:04
    and that's why you didn't grab it you
  • 00:38:06
    didn't grab it because of the metoo
  • 00:38:08
    movement you didn't grab it because
  • 00:38:09
    there was a hashtag
  • 00:38:10
    on twitter you didn't grab it because
  • 00:38:12
    that's sexual assault
  • 00:38:14
    if he didn't want you to so sorry
  • 00:38:17
    um in 2017 i posted an instagram
  • 00:38:22
    picture of me sitting on like this red
  • 00:38:25
    lifeguard um thing and i said
  • 00:38:28
    i was so scared to even talk about what
  • 00:38:31
    happened that i captioned it
  • 00:38:32
    something just to make me feel like i
  • 00:38:34
    had a voice and i had strength
  • 00:38:36
    i posted sometimes you gotta be your own
  • 00:38:38
    damn lifeguard
  • 00:38:40
    even if your head is too heavy to float
  • 00:38:42
    hashtag me too
  • 00:38:45
    that was over two years ago that
  • 00:38:49
    in youtube i can really say feeling like
  • 00:38:51
    i had a voice and feeling like
  • 00:38:53
    i could say something and someone would
  • 00:38:55
    listen to me
  • 00:38:57
    honestly saving me i was so happy that
  • 00:39:00
    there was a way for me
  • 00:39:02
    and my story or at least make other
  • 00:39:04
    people feel like
  • 00:39:05
    hey you're not weird for having this
  • 00:39:08
    trauma you're not weird that you live
  • 00:39:09
    life differently now
  • 00:39:12
    and you want to discredit all of that
  • 00:39:15
    because you had a bad date
  • 00:39:17
    i think that's disgusting but
  • 00:39:20
    reckless for your audience i think
  • 00:39:21
    that's an incredibly
  • 00:39:23
    reckless way to use your platform five
  • 00:39:25
    hours wasted
  • 00:39:26
    nothing five hours wasted
  • 00:39:30
    nothing we're freezing out on the what
  • 00:39:32
    time
  • 00:39:33
    hey siri what's the weather in new york
  • 00:39:36
    city right now please
  • 00:39:39
    it appears to be clear right now in new
  • 00:39:41
    york at one temperature of 50 degrees
  • 00:39:43
    50 motherfreeze that's cold
  • 00:39:47
    that's 20 degrees from frozen did he
  • 00:39:49
    cuddle me did he
  • 00:39:51
    try to keep me warm no nothing oh
  • 00:39:54
    my god what a loser i'm sorry if the
  • 00:39:57
    cold
  • 00:39:57
    made you feel uncomfortable one of the
  • 00:40:00
    biggest reasons i was even scared to
  • 00:40:02
    make this video was because
  • 00:40:04
    i knew that it looked stupid i
  • 00:40:06
    everything
  • 00:40:07
    sounds dramatic oh really you were
  • 00:40:09
    scared why did you stay and it
  • 00:40:11
    there was nothing like i felt like i had
  • 00:40:14
    i don't know why in any other situation
  • 00:40:17
    nobody
  • 00:40:18
    ever needs a reason to feel scared or
  • 00:40:21
    unsafe or uncomfortable
  • 00:40:23
    but i felt like i needed to have a
  • 00:40:24
    reason and i did it and so i stayed and
  • 00:40:27
    i tried to make him
  • 00:40:28
    less angry and not mad at me and i was
  • 00:40:31
    scared he was going to say then why did
  • 00:40:32
    you stay
  • 00:40:33
    if you were so scared i'm sorry just
  • 00:40:36
    miscommunication
  • 00:40:38
    i'm really tired i shouldn't have gone i
  • 00:40:39
    should have gone home earlier
  • 00:40:41
    i'm like well you what you certainly
  • 00:40:43
    wasted my time too if you're saying you
  • 00:40:45
    should have gone home earlier meaning
  • 00:40:46
    you didn't really
  • 00:40:47
    value the time spent because if you have
  • 00:40:49
    a good time you don't regret staying
  • 00:40:51
    long because you had a good time
  • 00:40:53
    do you ever say to someone do you ever
  • 00:40:55
    someone that oh
  • 00:40:57
    i should have gone home earlier if you
  • 00:40:59
    were having a good time
  • 00:41:00
    no that means he wasn't having a good
  • 00:41:02
    time wasting my time mother
  • 00:41:05
    bye bye maybe he wasn't having a good
  • 00:41:08
    time because i wasn't having a good time
  • 00:41:10
    but i was too scared of you
  • 00:41:12
    because you made me feel manipulated and
  • 00:41:14
    fearful of what you would do
  • 00:41:16
    you made me scared of your anger and so
  • 00:41:18
    no i wasn't having a good time
  • 00:41:20
    this wasn't an old clip from years ago
  • 00:41:23
    this was recent from his
  • 00:41:24
    trip to new york city i'm going to leave
  • 00:41:27
    the edited version that shade bang
  • 00:41:29
    posted linked in the description a lot
  • 00:41:31
    has
  • 00:41:32
    happened even after that there's just
  • 00:41:33
    been a lot of online bullying
  • 00:41:35
    and i'm someone that i've been through
  • 00:41:38
    high school bullying i've
  • 00:41:40
    i talk about it a lot more on my other
  • 00:41:41
    channel he knows that i've talked about
  • 00:41:43
    it with him before
  • 00:41:45
    it just was a gross abuse of power and
  • 00:41:47
    an abusive of
  • 00:41:49
    his platform and his voice first i felt
  • 00:41:52
    again like more shame and embarrassment
  • 00:41:54
    because a lot of the people that he
  • 00:41:56
    tagged are people that he knew that
  • 00:41:58
    i would say oh my god i've watched her
  • 00:41:59
    since high school or oh i love her you
  • 00:42:01
    know
  • 00:42:01
    i did a collab with her and these are
  • 00:42:04
    people that i respected
  • 00:42:05
    i don't want to believe that they know
  • 00:42:07
    the full story of what he's done
  • 00:42:10
    i also felt scared because now it felt
  • 00:42:12
    like
  • 00:42:13
    if i say something it's not just going
  • 00:42:15
    up against nick but
  • 00:42:16
    look at all the friends he has
  • 00:42:20
    you know who do i have and i just felt
  • 00:42:23
    like i couldn't say anything because it
  • 00:42:25
    would be going up against
  • 00:42:27
    all of these people i was telling them a
  • 00:42:30
    story about someone who
  • 00:42:31
    something someone something happened
  • 00:42:33
    someone did something to me and some
  • 00:42:34
    there was just a lot that broke my
  • 00:42:37
    spirits or i'm gonna get what i want
  • 00:42:39
    [Music]
  • 00:42:41
    and i was telling the story and one of
  • 00:42:44
    the inside joke from that story was
  • 00:42:46
    in and out of sleep and you don't
  • 00:42:47
    understand but then i told a few other
  • 00:42:49
    youtubers i tagged them on instagram
  • 00:42:51
    um as well as my friends and i they all
  • 00:42:54
    know i was like
  • 00:42:56
    they know the story and they the the
  • 00:42:59
    the the
  • 00:43:02
    the major thing that they take away from
  • 00:43:03
    that was the in and out of sleep in and
  • 00:43:05
    out of sleep
  • 00:43:06
    i've just been in and out of sleep and i
  • 00:43:08
    don't know what's going on
  • 00:43:10
    but you know i got things to do i just
  • 00:43:12
    got i got things to do
  • 00:43:14
    have you been in and out of sleep go in
  • 00:43:16
    and out of sleep oh my gosh
  • 00:43:18
    i'm in and out of sleep right now
  • 00:43:20
    they're like what the f
  • 00:43:22
    that's the most obnoxious bizarre thing
  • 00:43:24
    they've ever heard
  • 00:43:37
    in and out of sleep we turn something
  • 00:43:39
    that really bothered me into something
  • 00:43:40
    that we could laugh about
  • 00:43:42
    when we were at the club i'm telling you
  • 00:43:44
    i should have
  • 00:43:45
    put this on youtube on youtube but also
  • 00:43:49
    i mean it's just you have to laugh about
  • 00:43:50
    things to get over things that's just
  • 00:43:51
    how what i believe
  • 00:43:53
    well all for was us four plus
  • 00:43:56
    the gay couple the other gay married
  • 00:43:57
    couple and the girl and the gay guy so
  • 00:43:59
    it's all like 12 of us we're all stay
  • 00:44:00
    together and we're like
  • 00:44:01
    in and out of sleep and out of sleep
  • 00:44:04
    in and out of sleep in and out of sleep
  • 00:44:08
    [Music]
  • 00:44:10
    and then the people around us in and out
  • 00:44:13
    of sleep
  • 00:44:14
    in and out of sleep and me and honey
  • 00:44:16
    started balling
  • 00:44:17
    with tears running down we're like
  • 00:44:22
    oh my god it was so funny we're like
  • 00:44:25
    in and out of sleep in and out of sleep
  • 00:44:30
    oh my gosh
  • 00:44:40
    i know that in a lot of instances where
  • 00:44:42
    bullying like this happens online
  • 00:44:44
    most of the times a bully will say it's
  • 00:44:46
    a joke they can't take a joke
  • 00:44:49
    and sometimes i can see where they're
  • 00:44:50
    coming from a joke is funny
  • 00:44:53
    but what was the purpose of posting it
  • 00:44:54
    onto his instagram
  • 00:44:56
    i don't think that anyone who didn't
  • 00:44:57
    understand the story would find it that
  • 00:44:59
    funny oh in and out
  • 00:45:00
    of sleep like maybe food coma but i
  • 00:45:03
    don't think he posted it because it was
  • 00:45:04
    just a
  • 00:45:05
    knee slapper like ha so funny i want
  • 00:45:08
    everyone to laugh because it's such a
  • 00:45:09
    funny joke
  • 00:45:10
    i truly think that the only reason he
  • 00:45:12
    posted it was for me to see it
  • 00:45:14
    and was for me to see that and this is
  • 00:45:16
    kind of when i learned what was
  • 00:45:17
    happening to me
  • 00:45:18
    and and that gave me a lot of clarity
  • 00:45:21
    prior to this i felt like
  • 00:45:23
    everything was my fault i had caused
  • 00:45:25
    this but
  • 00:45:26
    there's actually a lot of people who
  • 00:45:28
    feel this way and it's an actual thing
  • 00:45:30
    that manipulators use
  • 00:45:32
    and the victim they either don't notice
  • 00:45:33
    it or they feel like they're at fault
  • 00:45:36
    one of the things that really stood out
  • 00:45:37
    was the word audacity you won't believe
  • 00:45:40
    the audacity people have but i have lots
  • 00:45:42
    of receipts and audio clips
  • 00:45:44
    the definition of audacity means rude or
  • 00:45:46
    disrespectful behavior
  • 00:45:48
    i know that nick is really offended
  • 00:45:50
    because i was being really rude
  • 00:45:52
    and self-serving and i had the audacity
  • 00:45:54
    to do a lot of things and i just want to
  • 00:45:56
    apologize
  • 00:45:57
    that i had the audacity to say no to you
  • 00:45:59
    because i felt unsafe i'm sorry that i
  • 00:46:01
    had the audacity
  • 00:46:02
    to open my doors and let you into my
  • 00:46:05
    home and then you took advantage of that
  • 00:46:06
    and i'm sorry that i had the audacity to
  • 00:46:08
    make you feel like i changed my mind
  • 00:46:10
    but i think it's really important that
  • 00:46:12
    we all know that a yes is not
  • 00:46:13
    all-inclusive just because you say yes
  • 00:46:16
    doesn't mean you're saying yes to
  • 00:46:17
    everything for the rest of forever
  • 00:46:19
    that's incredibly predatory and
  • 00:46:21
    manipulative
  • 00:46:22
    what was the purpose of all of this to
  • 00:46:24
    hurt veronica
  • 00:46:26
    to hurt me to get your dick sucked
  • 00:46:29
    i'm gonna get sucked this is my side of
  • 00:46:32
    the story
  • 00:46:33
    there's nothing else more to say i have
  • 00:46:35
    nothing else more to say i'm gonna heal
  • 00:46:37
    and i want to move on and i want to make
  • 00:46:39
    my points and i feel like a lot of this
  • 00:46:41
    video was me
  • 00:46:42
    addressing nick because i know that he
  • 00:46:44
    was watching i want to
  • 00:46:46
    talk to you guys for a second which is
  • 00:46:48
    what i normally do and i just want to
  • 00:46:49
    say thank you so much
  • 00:46:51
    for giving me a platform and giving me a
  • 00:46:54
    way to reach you guys and
  • 00:46:56
    feel like i have a voice i was already
  • 00:46:58
    feeling really scared and i can't
  • 00:47:00
    imagine how much more frightened and how
  • 00:47:02
    much more
  • 00:47:04
    threatened i would feel if i didn't have
  • 00:47:06
    a place
  • 00:47:07
    to put this video to be able to hear my
  • 00:47:09
    unmanipulated side
  • 00:47:11
    and i just want to say thank you i'll be
  • 00:47:13
    back in a couple days i'm going to take
  • 00:47:15
    a couple days off and
  • 00:47:17
    i don't know play with my dogs and i'll
  • 00:47:20
    be back with regular mukbangs i hope
  • 00:47:22
    making this video not only clarified
  • 00:47:24
    things for you guys but also if any of
  • 00:47:26
    you guys feel this way or
  • 00:47:28
    have felt this way before then i just
  • 00:47:30
    want to say it's not
  • 00:47:31
    your audacity it's actually just your
  • 00:47:33
    basic human fundamental rights
  • 00:47:35
    to say no
タグ
  • manipulation
  • YouTube drama
  • personal safety
  • trust issues
  • emotional intimidation
  • consent
  • fear
  • mental health
  • Me Too movement
  • online bullying