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if you're in your late 30s 40s or 50s
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and you feel stuck in your relationships
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career Business Health finances or any
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of these areas or combinations you want
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to watch this video all the way till the
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end because I will share with you the
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top four completely ignored reasons why
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we get stuck and how to get unstuck
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immediately you've probably watched tons
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of videos already on getting on stuck
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maybe you worked with a coach or a
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therapist or mentor and maybe you've
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tried different strategies and tactics
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to get unstuck or try to overcome the
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areas where you're challenged at the
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moment and you're struggling and nothing
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is working and the reason why it's not
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working is not because the tactics and
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the strategies are not working but
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because we're trying usually to fix
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what's not working by taking a different
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action by uh mod modulating our behavior
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and that's not how it works because
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action is not the the cause of things
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happen happening action is actually the
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effect the cause is the mindset and and
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until we change the mindset and this
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programming that's modulating our
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actions things will not change or at
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least they're not going to change in a
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sustainable way so all that being said
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let's now go into the top four reasons
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why people get stuck especially in
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midlife and how to address these issues
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one by one the first big reason for
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being stuck that's completely ignoring
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not talked about is this Desiring
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something that's not authentic to you
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Desiring something that's out of
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alignment with who you truly are with
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your deepest values what what you truly
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value in life with what you're truly
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meant to do authentically when you
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pursue goals that are not authentic to
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you it will always feel like forced it
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will feel hard it will feel like
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climbing an up uphill it will feel like
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you're you're trying too hard you will
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feel exhausted and if you make things
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work it they're not going to stay or
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you'll find a way to sabotage them I'll
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give you an example um in the past many
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years ago I created a bakery I started a
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bakery and I was a baker for three and a
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half years I was good at it but that was
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not what I was meant to do and
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eventually I had to sabotage it I didn't
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know it at the time but I had to
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sabotage it another story I used to be a
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handgun instructor can you imagine this
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I was very good at that I I taught
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people how to shoot handguns but I also
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had to sabotage this because why it's
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not authentic to who I am I am a teacher
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I am somebody who connects dos I'm
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somebody who explains things well in a
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way that makes sense to people in a way
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that gives them a different perspective
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that rewies them and that's what I'm
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meant to do and that's what I'm doing
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right now this is what flows to me
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everything else feels hard and feels
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like I'm forcing it feels like I'm
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trying to open a door where it's just a
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wall there but the door is right next to
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me and I don't see it because I am not
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authentic to who I am so the point is
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this when you take action on goals that
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are not authentic to you you will be
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prevented from achieving these goals not
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because they're not possible they are
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but because they're not authentic to who
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you are and how you're meant to express
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in this world so how do you fix this the
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way to fix it is to be honest with
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yourself about what you truly value in
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life what's really working for you in
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life and what's coming effortlessly to
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you what others are finding value in in
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something that you do that's really
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effortless for you it's not even
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registering as an action answer these
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two questions is what I want truly what
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I want or is it one of the shoots I've
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learned from parents teachers friends
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Society media and the next question is
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what truly gives me happiness and joy
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the second huge reason for being stuck
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in midlife and later is this
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subconscious
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programming consciously Desiring X but
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the subconscious programming is
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programmed for why the thing is that we
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desire things with our conscious mind
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our desires are coming from our
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conscious mind but what actually happens
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in life is coming from our subconscious
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mind because 95% of the the actions we
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take or don't take are governed by our
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subconscious programming not by our
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conscious mind so desires are built by
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our conscious mind but they don't become
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part of our subconscious programming
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what manifests in life the circumstances
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that we eventually create by taking
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specific actions or being in in action
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or in reaction are the circumstances
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that are consistent with our
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subconscious programming so for example
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maybe you're stuck in your relationship
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and you don't feel valued well maybe
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when you were growing up you were
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frequently ignored or dismissed by one
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or both of your caregivers and you
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develop this belief that you don't
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matter that you're not important and of
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course they has this has to manifest in
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your relationship and you have to make
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it mean that you're not valued because
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you don't matter that's the subconscious
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programming or maybe in your career
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maybe you believe that I'm not smart
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enough and you frequently get passed for
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promotions and then you wonder what's
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happening well that's what your
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subconscious belief is I'm not smart
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enough others are smarter others get
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ahead faster than me I don't have what
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it takes and of course that has to
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manifest in the circumstances as well or
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in your business maybe you have the
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belief that if it's done right I have to
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do it myself and you have problems with
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scaling and you feel stuck in your
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business because you can delegate
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because you have that belief if it's
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going to be done right I have to do it
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myself or in your finances you may have
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the subconscious programming of money is
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hard to make or money comes but it
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doesn't stay and of course they has to
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manifest that way in your circumstances
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so that you can find proof that these
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beliefs are true I have to mention um U
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something personal about money beliefs
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and I've had many money beliefs uh
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coming from being born and raised in
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communism but one of them that I
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unpacked that I was literally shocked
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was was this every time time I tried to
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imagine having millions and millions of
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dollars uh net worth it always felt
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possible in a conscious level but on a
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subconscious level It Felt Like H I felt
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a little not always here in my solar
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plexus and I didn't know what that was
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and that told me something and I already
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knew enough to to to know that something
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is there something that's blocking me
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from within myself from my subconscious
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mind and I wanted to unpack this and
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when I got to the bottom of it I was
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literally shocked because what I
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realized was that I had to believe that
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if I have a big wealth that will change
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me in a way that I don't like myself and
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then I had to think where is this coming
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from and I realized in my early
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childhood and early teenage years I grew
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up in communism and the only people who
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had a lot of wealth and money back them
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were the communist leaders and they were
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also the oppressors and of course if I
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have a lot of money I will be an
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oppressor and and I don't want to be an
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oppressor and of course I will not have
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a lot of money I will not feel good
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about having wealth because I don't want
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to oppress people to see how Insidious
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these beliefs are and our subconscious
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programs and until you get to the bottom
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of that you don't know what's hiding
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there and how you're sabotaging your own
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efforts in life so how do you fix this
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how do you change this subconscious
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programming well look at the areas in
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your life where you feel stuck where you
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feel things are not going well where
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you're challenged then realize that deep
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down this is what you believe you
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deserve and I know it feels it sounds
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very shocking to say it that way but
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that's the reality because consciously
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you know you don't want that absolutely
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not but subconsciously that's what
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you're programmed for so find these
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beliefs that are creating these
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circumstances and change them and that
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will change the circumstances so for
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example if you feel unlovable and that's
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causing you to sabotage every new
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relationship that you enter change that
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and that will change the future
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circumstances this was my case by the
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way um I was uh in my childhood I have a
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younger sister and my father would
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always engage with my sister and he
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would never play with me so I felt
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dismissed I felt ignored and I had to
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make that mean well I'm not lovable
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enough I'm not likable my my father
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doesn't love me and that had to manifest
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in the future in my relationship so uh I
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sabotaged to marriages until I
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discovered that that's how I felt and I
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had to make that manifest by sabotaging
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my own relationships so find out the
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beliefs that are creating the
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circumstances that you feel challenged
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and stuck in and change these beliefs
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and here is the third big reason for
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being stuck negative beliefs Loops
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interpreting present circumstances as
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the evidence for the beliefs that
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created them usually negative and
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limiting beliefs this is how Insidious
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beliefs are beliefs create our
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circumstances and then we look into
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these circumstances we read the
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circumstances and we go see I knew it
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and this reinforces the same beliefs
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that created the circumstance that's how
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beliefs stay alive and we know that 75%
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on average of our beliefs are negative
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and limiting why because we know 75% of
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the time people think negative thoughts
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and so you can imagine how we constantly
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create circumstances we don't desire but
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then we take these circumstances and we
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go see I knew it's not working see I
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knew I was not meant for that see I knew
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I'm not good enough so for example maybe
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you have a chronic condition health
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condition and you frequently go to um
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doctors and do
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examinations and nothing is working and
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then you go see I knew it it's not going
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to work I knew it's in my jeans I knew
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this is cannot be fixed it works for
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others but it's not going to work for me
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why because you're reading the
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circumstances and then you feed the same
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beliefs that created these circumstances
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because that's how it all started and
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that reinforces the same beliefs and
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it's a downward Loop do you see so how
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do you fix this well realize that your
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present circumstances and this is a CR
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crucially important uh point to make
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your present circumstances are a
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manifestation
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of past thoughts and past beliefs
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they're not a manifestation of who you
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are today they don't represent what you
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believe right now so if you read into
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your current circumstances present
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circumstances as as a reflection of who
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you are today you keep reinforcing these
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negative and limiting beliefs so realize
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that there is a lack time there is a
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delay between thinking and believing in
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a certain way and taking or not taking
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the actions that stem from these beliefs
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and the the feelings and emotions that
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arise from them and things materializing
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in in hard tangible reality there is a
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delay and there is a good reason for
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that and we don't need to go into this
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but the things that you think today will
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be manifested in the future your
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circumstances today the places where you
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struggle right now and where you feel
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stuck they're not a reflection of what
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you think and believe right now things
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may have changed already for you but if
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you read the circumstances in a way
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where you you make it mean that this is
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still a problem in you then you keep
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reinforcing these same old beliefs that
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you're trying to shed anyway do you see
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how this is working so now you're
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probably going well if I don't read my
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current circumstances how do I interact
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with my reality what should I read then
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and the answer is this read the visions
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that you're creating for the results
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that you actually want basically what
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I'm asking you to do is to deny your
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external senses in a way that you don't
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allow your brain to read from what's
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outside to decide what's true for you
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right now and for what you believe and
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who you truly are but live in the vision
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that you have for what you want to
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experience in your relationships career
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Business Health Finance sense of purpose
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whatever the area is create that vision
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and live in that Vision so that you
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trust your internal senses and these
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internal senses are reinforcing the new
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beliefs that are creating the new
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circumstances and of course you have to
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wait for these new circumstances to show
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up because of this delay effect that's
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crystallizing intangible reality and
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finally the fourth big and completely
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ignored reason for getting stuck in
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midlife and later needing to know the
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how needing to know all the action steps
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before you take action needing to
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understand how you will get to your
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destination this is a huge one
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understand that when you create a
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conscious plan well obviously it's
00:13:33
coming from your conscious mind but your
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conscious mind is very limited because
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you can only look in the past for
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reference your past and the past of the
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people you know or what you know from
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media and that's what it projects in the
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future this is the limited pool from
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which you try to create the action plan
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but the conscious mind has zero access
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to Pure possibility it has only access
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to probability probability based on your
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past so the actions that you will create
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if you want to know all the steps will
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be limited and will be probable based on
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your past and what you know but they
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won't be uh including the field of
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possibility and uh this is very limiting
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or sometimes what we do instead of
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creating our own action plan we go out
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looking for other people who have the
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action steps we look for the strategies
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for the tactics as I started this video
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and we want to know all the steps before
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we start taking action but that's not
00:14:36
how it works see if you're going to
00:14:38
drive a car in the middle of the night
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from New York to Philadelphia let's say
00:14:43
you're not getting in the car and going
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no no no I I can't start driving because
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I'm not seeing all the the road all the
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way to Philadelphia no you start driving
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and you trust that the next hard yards
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or meters wherever you are in the world
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will show up for you they'll be revealed
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for you so that's the point take the
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first step the step that you know right
00:15:05
now and then the second step will be
00:15:07
revealed to you this is how it really
00:15:09
works it's not by creating an action
00:15:11
plan that's why most people fail that's
00:15:14
why I have failed so many times in the
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past because I take somebody else's
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action steps and I try to execute them
00:15:20
in my own experience but it doesn't work
00:15:23
because it's not authentic to me to to
00:15:25
relate to the first point that I
00:15:27
mentioned so the point is this trust
00:15:29
that when you take the first step The
00:15:31
Next Step will be revealed to you and
00:15:33
the next and the next and the next but
00:15:35
you cannot stay in your conscious uh uh
00:15:38
mind trying to create a conscious plan
00:15:41
for getting there the frequent example I
00:15:43
give to my clients is this tell me how
00:15:46
did you meet your spouse your your wife
00:15:48
or your husband or the person you're in
00:15:50
a relationship with and they go and I
00:15:53
asked them did you did you create a very
00:15:55
careful plan step by step and then you
00:15:57
started executing on that plan on this
00:15:59
date I will go to this restaurant and
00:16:01
then on that table um two tables away
00:16:04
there will be this person and then a
00:16:06
friend of ours will be a common friend
00:16:08
and they will introduce no no the usual
00:16:12
answer I get from my client was it just
00:16:14
happened or they just showed up or it
00:16:17
was just a coincidence we were at the
00:16:19
the the same place at the same time or
00:16:21
something like that and so I'm urging
00:16:23
you to examine all these significant
00:16:27
things that you value in your life life
00:16:29
and how much of that was your uh
00:16:32
conscious action uh plan or how much of
00:16:36
this was caused by your conscious plan
00:16:38
and you'll realize that it's very very
00:16:41
minimal if any at all in my calculations
00:16:45
it's probably 1 to 3% of how much we
00:16:47
need to show up for action for the
00:16:50
things that we we want to happen it's
00:16:52
not happening from the action and from
00:16:54
creating the plan it's happening from
00:16:57
having a clear intention of what we want
00:16:59
to create and then following the
00:17:02
intuition this is the keyword this is
00:17:04
how you fix this part you don't need to
00:17:06
know the how you need to follow your
00:17:09
intuition you need to be open for
00:17:11
guidance you need to be open for that
00:17:13
first step and then listen for the next
00:17:15
step and then listen for the next step
00:17:17
and often times it's not going to make
00:17:19
any sense to your logical mind it might
00:17:23
be open this book right now and start
00:17:25
reading this book why it doesn't make
00:17:27
sense do it it might be get out of the
00:17:30
house and go to this coffee shop go do
00:17:33
it right now it might be call this
00:17:35
friend or email this person and it
00:17:37
doesn't make any sense somebody hasn't
00:17:39
you haven't been in touch with for for
00:17:41
months or years and all of a sudden
00:17:44
something's telling you you need to
00:17:45
email them do it don't hide behind uh
00:17:49
procrastination or or avoidance or or
00:17:52
addictions and by addictions I mean ways
00:17:55
to hide ways to to escape from what you
00:17:58
know you need to take action on this is
00:18:01
the action you need to take this is the
00:18:03
inspired action this is the guided
00:18:05
action versus and here I'm going to make
00:18:07
a very important distinction forceful
00:18:10
action action that's coming from
00:18:13
inadequacy insecurity lack um fear
00:18:18
anxiety worry apprehension all of these
00:18:21
actions are forceful actions and they're
00:18:23
scared actions and they don't create the
00:18:26
results that we want in fact they
00:18:27
reinforce the believes that are creating
00:18:30
the circumstances that keep us stuck
00:18:33
thus creating even more evidence of that
00:18:35
and more of this reality that we don't
00:18:37
want so the distinction I'm making here
00:18:40
is you don't need to know the how all
00:18:43
you need to know is the first step the
00:18:45
first step you always know the first
00:18:47
step take that step immediately without
00:18:50
delay and trust that the next step will
00:18:52
be revealed to you get in the car turn
00:18:54
on the lights and just start driving
00:18:57
because you know the next few yards will
00:18:59
be revealed for you as you drive and
00:19:02
that is inspired action that is guided
00:19:05
action versus creating a plan from
00:19:08
scarcity from lack and from fear and
00:19:10
acting on that plan and then wondering
00:19:13
why you're stuck in life why you have
00:19:14
challenges while these why these
00:19:17
challenges keep repeating all the time
00:19:19
and you never seem to get farther along
00:19:21
in your career or business or in your
00:19:24
relationships or health or financial
00:19:27
situation so this is the fourth point
00:19:29
and this is how you take care of it this
00:19:30
is how you fix it wow that was a
00:19:32
mouthful so there you have it now the
00:19:35
four top completely ignored reasons for
00:19:39
stuckness and how to get unstuck if you
00:19:41
love this video please let me know in
00:19:43
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00:19:46
button and the bell icon so that you're
00:19:48
notified the next time I post a video
00:19:51
and if you're going through a midlife
00:19:52
burnout or a crisis or you feel stuck in
00:19:54
one or more areas in your life and you
00:19:57
need help navigating that there is a
00:19:59
link in the description below where you
00:20:00
can request a discovery call with me and
00:20:04
let's chat and I'll see if and how I can
00:20:06
help you and support you through the
00:20:08
challenges that you're going through
00:20:09
also in the description below there are
00:20:11
a lot of other links where you can find
00:20:13
resources that might be of help to you
00:20:15
right now and remember being stuck is a
00:20:18
normal experience of life it's not about
00:20:21
never getting stuck or getting unstuck
00:20:24
as soon as possible that is nice but the
00:20:26
real treasure is in overcoming the
00:20:29
challenges that is why we're here we're
00:20:32
not here to be constantly happy or
00:20:34
constantly joyous we are here to evolve
00:20:37
as human beings to grow and to expand
00:20:40
and to learn to love ourselves more and
00:20:42
to love others more and to learn to to
00:20:45
have happiness and joy in life so being
00:20:48
stuck and going through challenges
00:20:49
that's a normal part of life in fact
00:20:51
it's a requir part of life I usually
00:20:54
tell my clients and people that if we
00:20:57
can only get the things things that we
00:20:59
want we will completely miss our own
00:21:01
personal growth because we will avoid
00:21:03
the challenges that we're here to go
00:21:05
through and so um yeah happiness is nice
00:21:08
but it's not about being happy all the
00:21:10
time either because happiness is a
00:21:12
starting point it's not something we
00:21:14
even get to happiness is not having
00:21:17
rigid expectations about the future and
00:21:19
being okay with the reality that we are
00:21:21
in right now so the bottom line is this
00:21:24
it's not about not having challenges
00:21:26
it's not about not being stuck it's not
00:21:28
about being happy all the time it's
00:21:30
about doing the work and in overcoming
00:21:33
these challenges we find our way to true
00:21:36
happiness because all of it comes from
00:21:39
within love you very much and I'll see
00:21:41
you in the next video
