15 DATING RULES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

00:30:06
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ8_gpfpb90

概要

TLDRThe video is a reflection by the presenter on her dating journey, starting from past mistakes with emotionally unavailable partners to reaching a fulfilling romantic relationship. She shares 15 dating lessons learned through personal experience. These include 'the testing process,' which involves evaluating a potential partner’s intentions, communication, and actions from the first interaction. She emphasizes the importance of kindness, recognizing red flags in emotional discussions, and the significance of stable attachment styles in relationships. The presenter also advises cultivating self-worth, not relying solely on romantic relationships for happiness, and being cautious about revealing personal vulnerabilities too soon. Additionally, she underscores the value of maintaining independence and confidence in dating. She illustrates how these lessons enabled her to find a compatible, supportive partner and offers tips for others to seek healthy, satisfying relationships. Lastly, the video subtly promotes a dating app feature designed to foster genuine connections.

収穫

  • 🌹 Emphasize kindness in relationships.
  • 📝 Establish dating standards early on.
  • 🚩 Recognize red flags in initial interactions.
  • ❤️ Develop a secure attachment style for stability.
  • 💬 Meaningful communication is essential.
  • 🎯 Know your worth and maintain high standards.
  • 🤝 A relationship should enhance your happiness, not define it.
  • 🔎 Observe potential partners before opening up.
  • ⚖️ Balance personal fulfillment with romantic pursuits.
  • 🧘‍♀️ Stay confident and embrace independence.

タイムライン

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker describes her romance as the result of learning significant dating lessons from past experiences, emphasizing the importance of a testing process during dating. She rejected superficial qualities and sought depth in conversation, identifying genuine interest through meaningful questions. She stresses the importance of intentions being clear and swift, and dismisses low-effort dates, highlighting post-date plans as a key indicator of seriousness.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The speaker warns against mistaking stability and genuine interest from good guys for boredom, which often stems from previous experiences with toxic relationships. She shares her journey of learning to appreciate stability, stressing the need to avoid equating excitement with unhealthy relationships. The importance of kindness is emphasized, urging viewers to redefine kindness in their relationships, and avoid normalizing toxic behaviors.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The speaker introduces Bumble's new Compliment feature as a tool to filter out toxic people, advocating for kindness as a norm in dating. She stresses the importance of balanced conversation, avoiding deep past traumas or excessive future planning, which may signify narcissism or desperation. She advises against forcing connections, advocating for self-worth recognition and ensuring mutual interest without coercive efforts.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The speaker advises against sharing too much personal information early in dating, as it can be used for manipulation. She emphasizes self-trust, allowing past experiences to inform wiser choices without self-blame. She discusses attachment styles, suggesting secure attachment as necessary for healthy relationships and cautions against the toxic dynamics between avoidants and those with anxious attachments.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    The speaker encourages being with someone who tests the relationship's alignment with personal values, showing readiness for commitment. She distinguishes men eager for the responsibilities of a relationship from those seeking mere companionship. The importance of feminine energy, characterized by confidence and self-sufficiency, is highlighted, promoting a mindset that attracts deserving partners.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:06

    Emphasizing lifestyle compatibility, she advises assessing a partner's values and habits. Personal growth and fulfillment in other life aspects are encouraged to prevent over-reliance on romantic relationships. The speaker concludes by advocating for a broad view of life goals, stating that one should not depend entirely on a partner for happiness, a reflection that shifted her own perspective significantly.

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ビデオQ&A

  • What is the main focus of the video?

    The video focuses on sharing 15 dating rules based on the presenter's personal relationship experiences.

  • How did the presenter meet her current boyfriend?

    The presenter met her current boyfriend online, and they connected through meaningful conversations rather than flirtatious messages.

  • Why is the concept of 'the testing process' in dating important?

    It's important to determine if the person shares deep, meaningful values and has clear intentions for the relationship.

  • What is the video's stance on men's roles in dating?

    The video suggests men should be clear about their intentions, show effort from the start, and pursue a meaningful relationship.

  • What does the presenter say about kindness in relationships?

    Kindness is crucial and should be a fundamental aspect of a relationship, expressed through small, considerate acts.

  • How should women approach dating, according to the video?

    Women should be confident, independent, and not easily swayed by just attraction; they should be clear about their standards.

  • What is emphasized about attachment styles in relationships?

    Understanding and cultivating a secure attachment style is crucial for a healthy relationship dynamic.

  • How does the presenter view past dating mistakes?

    She sees them as learning experiences that prepare one for better future relationships.

  • What dating advice does the presenter give regarding fulfilling one's life?

    Romantic relationships should not be the entire focus; personal fulfillment should come from various aspects of life.

  • What personal belief does the presenter share about dating?

    The presenter believes that frequently revisiting and refining one's dating standards is essential as one grows.

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  • 00:00:00
    if you watch my Vlog Channel or follow
  • 00:00:01
    me on Instagram then you guys probably
  • 00:00:03
    have a good idea of what my relationship
  • 00:00:06
    is like and the kind of treatment that I
  • 00:00:08
    receive although romance flowers gifts
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    and extravagant dates aside this
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    relationship is with a kind generous
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    masculine and chivalrous man who has
  • 00:00:18
    grown alongside me so that we could
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    create a healthy loving long-term
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    relationship together now what you guys
  • 00:00:25
    don't see is that it was a rocky ass
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    Journey before I met him I got played I
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    got manipulated I was chasing an
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    emotionally unavailable man at one point
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    I know E I used to be stuck asking
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    someone to plan dates for me or even
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    show affection to me and throughout all
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    of those breakups and bare minimum
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    standards I learned a thing or two about
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    dating in fact I learned 15 significant
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    dating lessons which completely changed
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    my life and are literally the reason
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    that I am in the relationship I'm in
  • 00:00:54
    right now and I'm about to spill all of
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    my secrets before we jump into the video
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    make sure you check out the description
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    below I have my Snapchat all of my other
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    socials my second YouTube channel so you
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    can actually maybe watch some of the
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    Vlogs of me and my boyfriend if you're
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    curious dating rule number one the
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    testing process I used to make the
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    mistake of just going with the flow when
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    I was out and about dating like oh you
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    know this guy is attractive and he's
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    nice and he's showing me some affection
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    I'll just date him no so wrong I used to
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    think cuz this guy was good-looking kind
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    and intelligent he was good enough I
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    eventually got to a point where none of
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    those qualities were good enough any
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    anymore and instead I would test the guy
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    on a few things to see if I would go on
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    a second date with him the first thing I
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    would test was what he was actually
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    talking to me about was he asking me
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    deep and meaningful questions to learn
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    every insignificant detail of me so that
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    he could actually understand me so that
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    he could treat me better because he knew
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    who I was at my core and what I liked
  • 00:01:49
    and he was thoroughly listening to
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    everything I was saying or was he simply
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    just small talking flirting with me and
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    I will tell you the biggest indicator if
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    you are dating online the first message
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    that guy sends you that in itself is a
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    test I would no longer respond to
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    anybody who was like hey beautiful how
  • 00:02:08
    you doing no get out of here it's so
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    unoriginal I have a hundred other guys
  • 00:02:12
    texting me the same thing and you know
  • 00:02:14
    what it's so unoriginal that as soon as
  • 00:02:16
    I read that all I think is you're
  • 00:02:18
    literally sending that to dozens of
  • 00:02:19
    other girls honestly is giving boy
  • 00:02:22
    Vibes and it's most definitely giving me
  • 00:02:24
    the I actually met my boyfriend online
  • 00:02:26
    and the first message he sent me was
  • 00:02:28
    about museums I could do not because I
  • 00:02:31
    was talking about museums online and he
  • 00:02:33
    was giving me recommendations and
  • 00:02:35
    because of that I replied because we
  • 00:02:37
    were having a friendly conversation and
  • 00:02:39
    we were talking as if we were friends
  • 00:02:40
    for the few first few hours discussing
  • 00:02:42
    travel plans bucket list talking about
  • 00:02:44
    all of our interests and our Hobbies he
  • 00:02:46
    didn't send a flirtatious message once
  • 00:02:48
    and that is what made me give him
  • 00:02:50
    attention the second test when I'm
  • 00:02:52
    dating somebody is how long it takes for
  • 00:02:54
    them to say what their intentions are if
  • 00:02:57
    we have been texting each other for 7
  • 00:02:58
    days and you haven't even planned a date
  • 00:03:01
    yet ew you're gone by I am not out here
  • 00:03:05
    trying to be your texting buddy talking
  • 00:03:06
    stage or situationship either you whine
  • 00:03:09
    and Dy me to properly get to know me
  • 00:03:11
    because we are adults or you get out
  • 00:03:13
    because you're a Time waster I have
  • 00:03:14
    literally heard too many horror stories
  • 00:03:17
    of girls that I know being stuck in
  • 00:03:19
    situationships that range from 6 months
  • 00:03:21
    to 2 years 2 years without so much as a
  • 00:03:25
    romantic date just texting and a few
  • 00:03:28
    meetups here or there am I your friend
  • 00:03:30
    because think about it if you're not
  • 00:03:31
    going to romance me okay if you're not
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    going to pull out all the stops and get
  • 00:03:34
    me flowers then we are literally friends
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    what is the difference between us and
  • 00:03:37
    two mates nothing at this point the next
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    test I conduct is what the first dat
  • 00:03:42
    actually consists of if it is super low
  • 00:03:44
    effort and Casual that is not my vibe
  • 00:03:47
    now this is just a personal opinion of
  • 00:03:48
    mine this could be something that you
  • 00:03:50
    enjoy I completely get it but I want to
  • 00:03:53
    know that I am someone that you are
  • 00:03:55
    going to invest in because you see the
  • 00:03:56
    value in me I am not someone that you
  • 00:03:58
    are just going to meet up with have a
  • 00:04:00
    quick conversation quick coffee and then
  • 00:04:01
    we're going to go no I need to see
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    effort from the get-go because if you're
  • 00:04:05
    not going to give it to me the first
  • 00:04:06
    time you're meeting me and trying to
  • 00:04:07
    give me your first impression then isn't
  • 00:04:09
    the rest of our relationship just going
  • 00:04:10
    to go downhill and then the last test I
  • 00:04:13
    conduct when I first start dating
  • 00:04:14
    somebody is the postdate intentions the
  • 00:04:17
    48 hours after the first date if you
  • 00:04:19
    have not even suggested where we're
  • 00:04:21
    going to go next or the fact that you
  • 00:04:22
    want to see me again once again I have
  • 00:04:24
    lost interest because you need to
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    realize that you were a young beautiful
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    woman in her prime with so so many
  • 00:04:30
    options why would you be waiting around
  • 00:04:32
    weeks for a guy to suggest a second dat
  • 00:04:35
    you could literally get anyone you want
  • 00:04:36
    and other than that you have a busy
  • 00:04:38
    abundant fulfilling life to live and you
  • 00:04:41
    do not need to be waiting around for
  • 00:04:42
    some guy to text you if he hasn't set
  • 00:04:44
    his intention after the 48 hours after
  • 00:04:46
    the first date you've forgotten I'm
  • 00:04:48
    sorry I'm busy doing other things like
  • 00:04:50
    you need to put the effort in and
  • 00:04:51
    communicate and not leave me unread
  • 00:04:53
    dating rule number two sometimes that
  • 00:04:56
    feeling of boredom you get when you're
  • 00:04:58
    getting to know somebody new is actually
  • 00:05:00
    just your lack of experience with good
  • 00:05:03
    guys and oh my God I know this all too
  • 00:05:07
    well I used to be on this up and down
  • 00:05:09
    roller coaster of dating Bad Boys toxic
  • 00:05:11
    guys where there were constant highs and
  • 00:05:13
    lows and I got addicted to them that is
  • 00:05:15
    why people play you around that constant
  • 00:05:18
    high low chasing withdrawing affection
  • 00:05:21
    wondering when they're going to text you
  • 00:05:22
    back how long they're going to take to
  • 00:05:23
    reply it's addictive that's why we end
  • 00:05:26
    up in situations chips with these people
  • 00:05:28
    that's why we end up chasing emotionally
  • 00:05:30
    unavailable guys that aren't even good
  • 00:05:31
    for us in comparison you start dating a
  • 00:05:34
    good guy that likes you and is showing
  • 00:05:37
    up for you and he actually communicates
  • 00:05:39
    his interest in you it's too predictable
  • 00:05:41
    it's too available I don't know if I
  • 00:05:43
    like this guy he's not interesting
  • 00:05:44
    enough I don't I don't have those
  • 00:05:46
    butterflies I don't have that like
  • 00:05:47
    sparking sense of passion wrong all of
  • 00:05:50
    those Sparks and passion you are
  • 00:05:53
    mistaking for True interest were really
  • 00:05:55
    only your addiction to the boy fairr
  • 00:05:57
    rides and I can vouch for this because I
  • 00:06:00
    felt this exact same way when I met my
  • 00:06:02
    current partner this is what I mean when
  • 00:06:04
    I said it was a rocky journey I was not
  • 00:06:07
    used to somebody being so upfront with
  • 00:06:09
    how they felt and being affectionate and
  • 00:06:11
    planning dates all the time it felt so
  • 00:06:14
    boring and as a result of my
  • 00:06:17
    unfamiliarity with that stability and
  • 00:06:20
    interest from him I just assumed oh I
  • 00:06:22
    just don't like this guy enough and I
  • 00:06:23
    thought that because I didn't feel as
  • 00:06:25
    addicted or as much in a chasing mood as
  • 00:06:28
    I was before but you shouldn't even have
  • 00:06:30
    the desire to chase because he should be
  • 00:06:31
    the one doing all the chasing and when
  • 00:06:33
    he is the one doing all the chasing
  • 00:06:34
    that's when you can sit back and have
  • 00:06:36
    time to be bored because you're being
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    taken care of and for once you have
  • 00:06:40
    nothing to stress about you have nothing
  • 00:06:42
    to overthink about in conclusion
  • 00:06:44
    everyone talks about how they want a
  • 00:06:46
    good guy but no one talks about the type
  • 00:06:48
    of person you need to be able to grow
  • 00:06:50
    into in order to deserve that
  • 00:06:52
    relationship and actually make it work
  • 00:06:54
    with a good guy longterm you need to
  • 00:06:56
    heal you need to stop bringing your past
  • 00:06:58
    wounds into your current relationship
  • 00:06:59
    you need to stop equating addiction to
  • 00:07:01
    feelings you need to stop equating
  • 00:07:03
    infatuation to love this leads us onto
  • 00:07:06
    dating rule number three the importance
  • 00:07:09
    of kindness this gets overlooked so much
  • 00:07:13
    it is so important to discuss the
  • 00:07:15
    importance of kindness because I see so
  • 00:07:18
    much stigma around it online nowadays
  • 00:07:21
    because we are seeing people
  • 00:07:23
    romanticize and
  • 00:07:25
    normalize being in toxic relationships
  • 00:07:28
    oh yeah guys I just went back to my
  • 00:07:29
    toxic X for the fourth time this year so
  • 00:07:32
    funny really is it funny sounds like a
  • 00:07:36
    trauma Bond on attachment issues to me
  • 00:07:38
    my life changed when I started to Define
  • 00:07:42
    what kindness is to me when dating I
  • 00:07:44
    have rules now in my relationship that
  • 00:07:47
    have stuck so far for the entire time
  • 00:07:49
    we've been together which is over a year
  • 00:07:51
    and not one of us has ever broken this
  • 00:07:53
    rule do we misunderstand each other for
  • 00:07:56
    sure do we have disagreements for sure
  • 00:07:58
    have we ever screamed at each other no
  • 00:08:01
    have we ever given each other the silent
  • 00:08:03
    treatment no have we ever sworn at each
  • 00:08:05
    other no we don't use bad language to
  • 00:08:07
    each other we don't insult the other
  • 00:08:09
    person look down on them are
  • 00:08:10
    disrespectful to them because at the end
  • 00:08:12
    of the day we know we love and respect
  • 00:08:14
    that person and we have to show it 100%
  • 00:08:16
    of the time kindness might look like
  • 00:08:18
    planning a date for you every single
  • 00:08:19
    week kindness might look like words of
  • 00:08:21
    affirmations you know it could be built
  • 00:08:23
    upon your love languages it could be
  • 00:08:25
    compliments every single day it could be
  • 00:08:27
    helping you with things that just make
  • 00:08:29
    your life easier before you even ask for
  • 00:08:31
    them bringing you a coffee in bed in the
  • 00:08:33
    morning taking care of the chores so
  • 00:08:35
    that you can relax when you get back
  • 00:08:36
    from work we are so focused nowadays on
  • 00:08:39
    I just want to find someone who's six F
  • 00:08:41
    I just want to find someone who's loyal
  • 00:08:43
    don't you just want to find someone that
  • 00:08:45
    no matter what day it is and no matter
  • 00:08:47
    what situation it is you know that
  • 00:08:49
    person's going to be nothing but nice to
  • 00:08:50
    you we romanticize the idea of being
  • 00:08:53
    attracted to the bad boy that attraction
  • 00:08:56
    to the bad boy type is just a
  • 00:08:58
    representation of our ego we need
  • 00:09:01
    something we cannot have we are overly
  • 00:09:04
    attached to looks and to what other
  • 00:09:06
    people are going to think and to status
  • 00:09:08
    and how we present ourselves to our
  • 00:09:09
    society that we need to be with this
  • 00:09:11
    person we need the ego boost that we
  • 00:09:13
    pulled the best looking guy the one that
  • 00:09:14
    all of the other girls want and I can
  • 00:09:16
    say this based on my personal experience
  • 00:09:19
    I had guys sliding into my DMs that I
  • 00:09:21
    had crushes on for ages and because they
  • 00:09:22
    stay into my DMs and expressed any sort
  • 00:09:24
    of interest in me it didn't matter what
  • 00:09:26
    they said or how they treated me they
  • 00:09:28
    were talking to me and they were giving
  • 00:09:29
    me attention oh my God instant winner
  • 00:09:32
    yes I like you let's go on a date they
  • 00:09:34
    haven't done anything to prove their
  • 00:09:36
    Worth or most
  • 00:09:37
    importantly their character and I'm
  • 00:09:39
    already desperate to be with them and so
  • 00:09:42
    many of us do this and that is why
  • 00:09:43
    earlier on the video I said really pay
  • 00:09:45
    attention to the way that a guy opens a
  • 00:09:47
    conversation with you and I have the
  • 00:09:49
    best news ever the dating app Bumble now
  • 00:09:52
    have a brand new compliment feature
  • 00:09:54
    which will make Finding Your Potential
  • 00:09:56
    match so much easier bumble is really
  • 00:09:59
    here to support the gires okay because
  • 00:10:01
    they just want to make online dating a
  • 00:10:03
    much more pleasant experience for us we
  • 00:10:05
    know what it's like to have guys slide
  • 00:10:07
    into our messages saying inappropriate
  • 00:10:09
    things or just focusing on our looks
  • 00:10:10
    when we have so much more to offer
  • 00:10:12
    bumble's new compliment feature is going
  • 00:10:14
    to help you speed up the process of
  • 00:10:15
    weeding out the good guys from the toxic
  • 00:10:17
    ones I think this is going to be a
  • 00:10:19
    massive step in stepping away from the
  • 00:10:21
    normalization of toxicity and dating
  • 00:10:23
    culture and actually just start being
  • 00:10:25
    nice to each other men can start being
  • 00:10:27
    chivalrous again women can start living
  • 00:10:29
    their soft girl feminine lives again it
  • 00:10:31
    is time so if you a girly in the online
  • 00:10:33
    dinting scene or you kind of want to
  • 00:10:35
    give it a try after hearing my story
  • 00:10:37
    then you can spread kindness using
  • 00:10:39
    bumble's new compliment feature the link
  • 00:10:41
    is in my description to check it out
  • 00:10:43
    this leads us on to dating rule number
  • 00:10:45
    four conversation is everything no one
  • 00:10:48
    here should be talking too much about
  • 00:10:50
    the future or the past because girl let
  • 00:10:52
    me tell you both are red flags if a guy
  • 00:10:55
    is telling you about how difficult his
  • 00:10:57
    past was or he's talking so much about
  • 00:10:59
    ex I mean that is just an instant red
  • 00:11:01
    flag but he's telling you about how hard
  • 00:11:02
    his life was all of his trauma how
  • 00:11:05
    difficult his relationship with his
  • 00:11:06
    parents is run away so fast because that
  • 00:11:10
    is the biggest sign of a narcissist
  • 00:11:12
    about to trap you in his grasp one of
  • 00:11:15
    the most common traits of a narcissist
  • 00:11:17
    is that they will try to entrap you with
  • 00:11:18
    their so story let me tell you it is not
  • 00:11:21
    normal or healthy to just start to be
  • 00:11:23
    getting to know someone and instantly
  • 00:11:25
    trauma dump on them that is not normal
  • 00:11:27
    and especially if you are a people plead
  • 00:11:29
    or just an empath you're going to fall
  • 00:11:31
    for this hell I did fool for this a few
  • 00:11:33
    years ago you know you're going to feel
  • 00:11:34
    sorry for them it's going to give you
  • 00:11:36
    this feeling of wanting to save them and
  • 00:11:38
    that's exactly what they want you to
  • 00:11:39
    think and then on the other hand we have
  • 00:11:41
    excessive talking about the future I was
  • 00:11:44
    once talking to a guy for 4 hours and I
  • 00:11:49
    said let's speak on the phone because I
  • 00:11:51
    I had a slight bad feeling about him so
  • 00:11:52
    I thought if we talk on the phone then
  • 00:11:53
    maybe I can sus him out a little bit
  • 00:11:54
    more we spoke on the phone immediately
  • 00:11:56
    this guy is like so you know are you you
  • 00:11:59
    going to come down to see my family for
  • 00:12:01
    Christmas what kind of girl are you cuz
  • 00:12:02
    I want to see like how you would
  • 00:12:03
    integrate into my
  • 00:12:05
    family we have been speaking for 4 hours
  • 00:12:10
    and you want me to celebrate the
  • 00:12:11
    holidays with your family we haven't
  • 00:12:13
    even been on a date yet we haven't even
  • 00:12:16
    seen each other in the flesh yet and
  • 00:12:19
    this is such a red flag because it shows
  • 00:12:21
    someone is very clingy and obsessive and
  • 00:12:23
    Overly Attached most importantly why are
  • 00:12:26
    you so desperate to get with me can you
  • 00:12:28
    not get anybody else why do you need a
  • 00:12:30
    relationship so badly why is this
  • 00:12:32
    conversation not centered around you
  • 00:12:34
    actually understanding me and you
  • 00:12:35
    assessing if I am a good match for you
  • 00:12:38
    okay it goes both ways and let me tell
  • 00:12:40
    you okay I cut that man off straight
  • 00:12:42
    away and I found out we had a mutual
  • 00:12:44
    friend so I spoke to that mutual friend
  • 00:12:46
    saying what's the tea on this guy turns
  • 00:12:48
    out he was a narcissist because he dated
  • 00:12:51
    her friend previously and he was majorly
  • 00:12:53
    abusive so yes my assumptions are
  • 00:12:55
    correct I am always right please please
  • 00:12:58
    please please list listen to these rules
  • 00:13:00
    and this leads us onto dating rule
  • 00:13:01
    number five you not being obsessed with
  • 00:13:04
    me is an ick no for real like what do
  • 00:13:06
    you mean you're going to give me mixed
  • 00:13:08
    signals
  • 00:13:10
    ew but no in all honesty we are not
  • 00:13:13
    meant for everyone and that's okay not
  • 00:13:16
    everyone can see your light and that's
  • 00:13:18
    because not everyone is supposed to be
  • 00:13:20
    in your life and be worthy of you and
  • 00:13:22
    that is a blessing in disguise therefore
  • 00:13:25
    we all collectively need to stop forcing
  • 00:13:28
    connections with people that the
  • 00:13:30
    universe is literally trying to warn us
  • 00:13:32
    aren't our people so stop teaching
  • 00:13:34
    people how to treat you stop asking that
  • 00:13:36
    guy to act right and fix up stop
  • 00:13:38
    teaching that guy how to be emotionally
  • 00:13:40
    intelligent stop asking them if they're
  • 00:13:42
    going to ask you on a date because if I
  • 00:13:43
    have to fight for your attention then F
  • 00:13:45
    your attention if someone is not a hell
  • 00:13:47
    yes about you then you need to be a
  • 00:13:50
    no about them period I need you to get
  • 00:13:52
    so confident and so obsessed with
  • 00:13:54
    yourself that you see all of the worth
  • 00:13:56
    and the light and the value you bring so
  • 00:13:59
    then when a guy is dating you and he's
  • 00:14:00
    not automatically obsessed with you
  • 00:14:02
    because you know how great you are and
  • 00:14:03
    you know how much of a fabulous
  • 00:14:04
    girlfriend you would make then you're
  • 00:14:06
    like oh okay he's just simply not my
  • 00:14:07
    person it's fine because you know you
  • 00:14:09
    are going to be somebody's dream girl
  • 00:14:11
    out there probably multiple people's
  • 00:14:13
    dream girl and they are just going to fa
  • 00:14:15
    over you and they are going to bend over
  • 00:14:17
    backwards to do whatever it takes to get
  • 00:14:19
    you because that's what happens when a
  • 00:14:21
    guy beats his dream girl so if someone's
  • 00:14:22
    not acting like that eh it's a wrong
  • 00:14:25
    match we are almost in big 2024 we are
  • 00:14:27
    not out here trying to teach people how
  • 00:14:30
    to like us dating rule number six do not
  • 00:14:34
    spill your secrets what I mean by this
  • 00:14:37
    is when you are getting to know someone
  • 00:14:39
    okay so in the beginning dating stages
  • 00:14:41
    never tell them what your boundaries are
  • 00:14:44
    what your standards are what your type
  • 00:14:46
    is or how you were treated in the past
  • 00:14:49
    these four facts must remain top secret
  • 00:14:52
    I would say within the first few weeks
  • 00:14:55
    of dating or until you are sure about
  • 00:14:57
    that person and how they feel about you
  • 00:14:59
    you because when you tell somebody all
  • 00:15:00
    of those facts in the very beginning you
  • 00:15:02
    are basically giving them a cheat sheet
  • 00:15:04
    on how to play you how to manipulate you
  • 00:15:07
    how to make you fall for them and then
  • 00:15:09
    they can switch up and act however they
  • 00:15:10
    want because they gave you the illusion
  • 00:15:12
    that they were exactly what you wanted
  • 00:15:13
    in the beginning so honey we sit back
  • 00:15:16
    and we observe that is you being in your
  • 00:15:18
    feminine energy that is you being
  • 00:15:20
    detached that's you knowing that at the
  • 00:15:22
    end of the day what's meant for you will
  • 00:15:23
    find you so you don't need to worry
  • 00:15:24
    you're going to sit back and you're
  • 00:15:25
    going to observe and you're going to
  • 00:15:27
    watch how they treat you especially with
  • 00:15:29
    the telling someone how you were treated
  • 00:15:30
    treated in the past you are now telling
  • 00:15:32
    this man that you are the kind of woman
  • 00:15:33
    that accepts that kind of treatment you
  • 00:15:35
    might not be now and they might not want
  • 00:15:37
    to treat you in that horrible way but
  • 00:15:39
    what they will know is she she accepted
  • 00:15:42
    this low Vibe bonim behavior that means
  • 00:15:46
    all I have to do is go right here to
  • 00:15:48
    impress her you don't have to lie you
  • 00:15:50
    can literally say nothing or you can
  • 00:15:52
    just hint and be like yeah my past
  • 00:15:53
    relationships were fine but we just
  • 00:15:55
    weren't meant for each other always say
  • 00:15:57
    that in the beginning because that gives
  • 00:15:59
    them this mystery that they don't know
  • 00:16:00
    what kind of treatment you're used to
  • 00:16:02
    and just by the way that you're
  • 00:16:03
    confident and you carry yourself and the
  • 00:16:05
    fact that you're detached they know
  • 00:16:07
    they're going to have to work overtime
  • 00:16:08
    to earn you because you are carrying
  • 00:16:10
    yourself as the kind of woman who needs
  • 00:16:12
    to be impressed and who needs to be
  • 00:16:13
    earned dating rule number seven stop
  • 00:16:16
    discrediting yourself for what happened
  • 00:16:18
    in the past when all of these thoughts
  • 00:16:20
    remain in your head of your really bad
  • 00:16:23
    dating experiences in the past or how
  • 00:16:25
    you messed up this causes a lack of
  • 00:16:27
    trust and then you stop following your
  • 00:16:29
    intuition which is one of the most
  • 00:16:31
    powerful things you have as a woman and
  • 00:16:33
    then when you're dating someone you
  • 00:16:34
    start following their lead we all make
  • 00:16:35
    mistakes and we learn from them so
  • 00:16:37
    actually you're wiser you have more
  • 00:16:39
    resources you are more prepared now for
  • 00:16:41
    this dating experience thanks to what
  • 00:16:43
    went wrong in the past it does not mean
  • 00:16:45
    that you're really bad at dating or you
  • 00:16:47
    might choose the wrong person again no
  • 00:16:49
    you know exactly what you're doing and
  • 00:16:51
    you're going to trust your gut I don't
  • 00:16:52
    know where this idea came from that we
  • 00:16:54
    have to get it right the first time and
  • 00:16:56
    if we don't get it right the first time
  • 00:16:57
    then oh my God maybe I should settle
  • 00:16:59
    next or maybe I have to make sure that
  • 00:17:01
    the next person is right because then
  • 00:17:02
    what if I go through another breakup no
  • 00:17:04
    return them and move on to the next and
  • 00:17:07
    this is just so reassuring I had a
  • 00:17:09
    friend who went through a bad breakup a
  • 00:17:11
    few months ago and she was beating
  • 00:17:12
    herself up about it and she was like I
  • 00:17:14
    can't believe I dated that person they
  • 00:17:15
    were so wrong for me I can't believe I
  • 00:17:17
    settled for a relationship like that and
  • 00:17:18
    now I'm heartbroken over a person that
  • 00:17:20
    didn't deserve me and you know what I
  • 00:17:21
    said to her I said just like every other
  • 00:17:25
    relationship that guy whether he
  • 00:17:27
    deserved you or not the relationship you
  • 00:17:29
    had with him taught you some new
  • 00:17:31
    knowledge about what you want and what
  • 00:17:33
    you do not want we don't know exactly
  • 00:17:35
    what we're supposed to have from the
  • 00:17:36
    moment we're born we have to learn we
  • 00:17:38
    have to go through life experiences we
  • 00:17:40
    have to experience different people to
  • 00:17:42
    understand oh I like this or no actually
  • 00:17:46
    I didn't think I would like that but now
  • 00:17:47
    I do so let me add that to my list or I
  • 00:17:49
    dated this person and I settled for this
  • 00:17:51
    but no I definitely don't want that so
  • 00:17:52
    I'm going to tweak my list and you keep
  • 00:17:54
    adding and changing and adding and
  • 00:17:55
    changing and it teaches you more about
  • 00:17:57
    yourself and also more about what you
  • 00:18:00
    are willing to tolerate and what you
  • 00:18:01
    most definitely won't and then if you
  • 00:18:03
    think about it you're actually in a much
  • 00:18:05
    better and much more prepared position
  • 00:18:07
    to deal with marriage and soulmates and
  • 00:18:10
    long-term relationships because you've
  • 00:18:12
    had so much experience in knowing what
  • 00:18:14
    you can and cannot handle dating rule
  • 00:18:16
    number eight attachment styles are the
  • 00:18:19
    key so if you're new to this there are
  • 00:18:20
    four different attachment Styles secure
  • 00:18:22
    which is the best one that you should
  • 00:18:24
    have to have a healthy relationship an
  • 00:18:26
    avoidant attachment style which means
  • 00:18:27
    you are uncomfortable with intimacy
  • 00:18:29
    closeness and commitment maybe you're
  • 00:18:31
    hyper independent you like to date but
  • 00:18:34
    not stick to those people anxious
  • 00:18:36
    attachment this is when you're clingy
  • 00:18:37
    this is when you need a lot of
  • 00:18:38
    reassurance you are constantly confused
  • 00:18:41
    about how other people feel about you
  • 00:18:43
    and then we have disorganized attachment
  • 00:18:45
    which is when you are a mix of anxious
  • 00:18:47
    and avoidant and you basically you fear
  • 00:18:50
    commitment but you also want closeness
  • 00:18:52
    and you need reassurance but you also
  • 00:18:53
    don't care everyone's goal before they
  • 00:18:55
    start seriously dating and start hopping
  • 00:18:57
    into marriages which most people don't
  • 00:18:58
    do is to transform our attachment style
  • 00:19:01
    into a secure one this person is super
  • 00:19:03
    avoidant this person is super anxious
  • 00:19:05
    they attract each other like magnets and
  • 00:19:07
    they have such a strong attraction
  • 00:19:09
    towards each other because each one of
  • 00:19:10
    them reinforces the other person's
  • 00:19:13
    insecure need when the avoidant is with
  • 00:19:15
    the anxious attachment it reinforces
  • 00:19:18
    their belief that yeah I should just be
  • 00:19:19
    independent because look at how clingy
  • 00:19:22
    people are and it forces them to keep
  • 00:19:24
    continuing the cycle of being hyper
  • 00:19:26
    independent and not committing to people
  • 00:19:28
    when the anxious attachment person is
  • 00:19:30
    with the avoidant it reinforces their
  • 00:19:32
    belief that they need to keep asking for
  • 00:19:34
    reassurance and that they are just more
  • 00:19:36
    loving and that they are not worthy of
  • 00:19:38
    affection because everybody withdraws
  • 00:19:40
    from them and it's so common for these
  • 00:19:41
    two to be in the most toxic relationship
  • 00:19:44
    you have ever seen I guarantee you
  • 00:19:45
    probably have a friend who is in that
  • 00:19:47
    kind of dynamic in their relationship
  • 00:19:49
    and most likely it's probably a
  • 00:19:51
    situationship if you would like to learn
  • 00:19:52
    more about this I have a complete video
  • 00:19:55
    guide on my YouTube channel it's the
  • 00:19:56
    complete guide to learning attachment
  • 00:19:57
    Styles and also they moving from an
  • 00:19:59
    insecure to a secure attachment style so
  • 00:20:01
    I highly recommend you watch before you
  • 00:20:03
    date literally anyone because if you
  • 00:20:05
    don't you're literally ignoring your own
  • 00:20:07
    toxic patterns and you're excusing all
  • 00:20:09
    of your childhood trauma because that is
  • 00:20:11
    the thing that's formed your insecure
  • 00:20:12
    attachment style and you are getting
  • 00:20:14
    into relationships that don't even align
  • 00:20:16
    with the highest version of yourself who
  • 00:20:18
    has a secure attachment style so you're
  • 00:20:20
    not even living up to your full
  • 00:20:21
    potential of what kind of great and
  • 00:20:23
    healthy relationship you could be in
  • 00:20:25
    this leads us onto dating rule number
  • 00:20:27
    nine I think this is a personal favorite
  • 00:20:28
    of mine and that is he should be testing
  • 00:20:31
    you too now listen I am all for the man
  • 00:20:34
    being obsessed with us and seeing our
  • 00:20:36
    value and wanting to date us and whine
  • 00:20:37
    and dine and romance us 100% he should
  • 00:20:39
    be eager enough to see all of that and
  • 00:20:42
    want to put the effort into know you and
  • 00:20:44
    not bear minimum you but he should also
  • 00:20:47
    be independent and secure enough to know
  • 00:20:51
    that he's not about to jump into a
  • 00:20:52
    relationship and a commitment with you
  • 00:20:54
    straight away because he needs to get to
  • 00:20:56
    know you you know you found a green flag
  • 00:20:58
    when a man is going above and beyond to
  • 00:21:00
    treat you well so he can get to know you
  • 00:21:02
    and showing you yes this is moving along
  • 00:21:04
    but I also need to get to know you and
  • 00:21:07
    understand whether you're going to align
  • 00:21:08
    to my life that is the sign of a man who
  • 00:21:11
    is looking for a real long-term healthy
  • 00:21:14
    relationship dating rule number 10 be
  • 00:21:17
    with a man who wants to be a boyfriend
  • 00:21:19
    not just get a girlfriend you need to be
  • 00:21:21
    with the kind of guy who is so ready and
  • 00:21:24
    is so excited for the responsibilities
  • 00:21:26
    that come with being a boyfriend because
  • 00:21:27
    he knows in order to earn a girlfriend
  • 00:21:30
    he has to put in the work he has to
  • 00:21:33
    provide for you he has to support you on
  • 00:21:35
    the other hand there are some guys who
  • 00:21:36
    just want the girlfriend for the fun of
  • 00:21:38
    it he wants all of the benefits of
  • 00:21:39
    having a girlfriend without having to do
  • 00:21:41
    any of the responsibilities it takes to
  • 00:21:44
    get the girlfriend their intentions were
  • 00:21:46
    never right from the get-go and you
  • 00:21:48
    didn't see it because your priorities
  • 00:21:50
    weren't straight either you were too
  • 00:21:52
    attracted to the idea of them or their
  • 00:21:54
    potential or just the thought of having
  • 00:21:56
    a boyfriend rather than is this person
  • 00:21:59
    prepared for all of the duties
  • 00:22:01
    responsibilities and value that comes
  • 00:22:04
    with being a boyfriend and can they
  • 00:22:05
    provide them all to me that are me out
  • 00:22:07
    there that get so happy from the thought
  • 00:22:10
    of seeing their girlfriends smile
  • 00:22:12
    because they took them out to a fancy
  • 00:22:14
    date that the girlfriend wanted because
  • 00:22:16
    they paid for their nails because they
  • 00:22:17
    gave them a bouquet of flowers once a
  • 00:22:19
    week because they made their life easier
  • 00:22:22
    we are only dating men with those
  • 00:22:23
    mindsets from now on this leads us onto
  • 00:22:25
    dating rule number 11 feminine energy I
  • 00:22:29
    was living in my masculine energy for so
  • 00:22:32
    long and what that looked like was me
  • 00:22:34
    trying to have control me trying to make
  • 00:22:36
    all the plans me trying to sus out how
  • 00:22:39
    he felt about me how I could be more
  • 00:22:41
    attractive to him me comparing myself to
  • 00:22:43
    his ex comparing myself to other girls
  • 00:22:46
    wondering if he should even have female
  • 00:22:48
    friends trying to control him and our
  • 00:22:50
    Dynamic and what we were supposed to be
  • 00:22:52
    rather than existing in my feminine
  • 00:22:54
    energy sitting back and just living my
  • 00:22:57
    soft life because if you're not going to
  • 00:22:58
    give it to me that's cool leave I can
  • 00:23:01
    give it to myself that's it I have no
  • 00:23:03
    desire to control I have no desire to
  • 00:23:05
    tell you how to do something and teach
  • 00:23:07
    you how to be a boyfriend you have high
  • 00:23:08
    standards for the people that come into
  • 00:23:09
    your life you are confident you are
  • 00:23:11
    secure in who you are and that way
  • 00:23:14
    you're living a fulfilled and relaxing
  • 00:23:16
    life so then when a man approaches you
  • 00:23:18
    wanting to be in a relationship with you
  • 00:23:19
    you're like hold up my life is amazing
  • 00:23:22
    the way I've created it so I don't need
  • 00:23:24
    you but I can want you if you were going
  • 00:23:26
    to come into my life and be able to
  • 00:23:28
    match all of the treatment I give to
  • 00:23:29
    myself and then elevate it when you
  • 00:23:31
    start thinking like that no one can f
  • 00:23:34
    with you anymore and you once again weed
  • 00:23:36
    out all of the men that are
  • 00:23:37
    non-deserving of you because at that
  • 00:23:39
    point they're going to be intimidated by
  • 00:23:40
    you and your standards and what you
  • 00:23:42
    accept next up dating rule number 12 you
  • 00:23:45
    are not just dating a person you are
  • 00:23:47
    dating a lifestyle this is where we're
  • 00:23:49
    going back to the idea of assessing
  • 00:23:51
    somebody and not just falling head over
  • 00:23:53
    heels for the idea of someone or what
  • 00:23:55
    they're doing for you in this current
  • 00:23:56
    moment we are the very protective of
  • 00:23:59
    ourselves and the lives that we want
  • 00:24:01
    because we are the kind of women that
  • 00:24:03
    work really hard for the dreams we want
  • 00:24:05
    so we're not just about to date any guy
  • 00:24:07
    just cuz he's good-looking loyal nice
  • 00:24:09
    intelligent funny you think they're
  • 00:24:11
    great qualities no it can go very
  • 00:24:13
    downhill he could have all of those
  • 00:24:15
    qualities but he might not be ambitious
  • 00:24:18
    he might not be as much of a hard worker
  • 00:24:19
    as you what do they value what's
  • 00:24:21
    important to them and then what's
  • 00:24:22
    important to you you know if you're a
  • 00:24:23
    big family girl is he a Family Guy is he
  • 00:24:26
    going to want to do all of the family
  • 00:24:27
    things that you want to do in the future
  • 00:24:29
    if you are the type of girl that wants
  • 00:24:30
    to explore the world travel or go out
  • 00:24:32
    every single weekend why are you about
  • 00:24:34
    to get into a long-term relationship
  • 00:24:35
    with a home body dating Rule 13 they are
  • 00:24:39
    not there to save you once you save
  • 00:24:42
    yourself you will be able to see dating
  • 00:24:44
    and relationships much more clearly this
  • 00:24:48
    was a mistake that I'd unconsciously
  • 00:24:49
    been making for years it sounds crazy
  • 00:24:53
    but I would seek out men who had
  • 00:24:56
    parental issues some sort of early
  • 00:24:59
    familial trauma because I did too and I
  • 00:25:03
    thought if he has it you know if he has
  • 00:25:05
    parents that are divorced then we're
  • 00:25:07
    going to understand each other better it
  • 00:25:08
    never went down
  • 00:25:09
    well I attracted guys who were just
  • 00:25:13
    unhealed who had really bad attachment
  • 00:25:15
    Styles as a result of their trauma you
  • 00:25:17
    should be basing your chemistry and your
  • 00:25:19
    connection based on the people that you
  • 00:25:21
    have grown to be how you evolved from
  • 00:25:23
    that trauma what you created of yourself
  • 00:25:25
    of your life and I think it really came
  • 00:25:28
    from this deep unhealed wound that I had
  • 00:25:30
    why I wanted to be saved and I wanted to
  • 00:25:32
    be able to talk about that trauma openly
  • 00:25:34
    to someone who would also understand it
  • 00:25:37
    and just be able to vent thank God I
  • 00:25:39
    moved past that I became my own
  • 00:25:41
    therapist I healed My Old Wounds my past
  • 00:25:43
    no longer bothers me I do not really
  • 00:25:45
    think of my childhood because I am so
  • 00:25:47
    present in how great my life is now and
  • 00:25:50
    because of that I am able to now have a
  • 00:25:53
    partner who doesn't have any trauma that
  • 00:25:54
    heal healing from either we are great we
  • 00:25:56
    are focused on just going about our days
  • 00:25:59
    and the 24 hours that are in front of us
  • 00:26:00
    you're going to get tricked by these
  • 00:26:02
    people who can put that temporary
  • 00:26:03
    Band-Aid over your broken heart and
  • 00:26:05
    you're going to mistake it for
  • 00:26:07
    unconditional love and this for
  • 00:26:09
    Everlasting connection when really it's
  • 00:26:11
    just familiarity of your hurt and you
  • 00:26:15
    probably don't have any connectional
  • 00:26:17
    chemistry in any other area of your life
  • 00:26:19
    and that common trauma you share is
  • 00:26:21
    going to Blind you and prevent you from
  • 00:26:23
    sitting back and observing to what kind
  • 00:26:25
    of person they are and whether they're
  • 00:26:26
    worthy of you and that's why people say
  • 00:26:28
    you need to focus on yourself love and
  • 00:26:30
    you need to work on yourself and heal
  • 00:26:31
    before you get into a relationship
  • 00:26:33
    dating rule number 14 they need to be
  • 00:26:36
    judged for how they act in every other
  • 00:26:39
    area of their life how are they with
  • 00:26:40
    their family how do they show up for
  • 00:26:41
    their friends what kind of employee are
  • 00:26:43
    they what kind of relationship do they
  • 00:26:45
    have to their passion to their work to
  • 00:26:46
    their hobbies to their discipline to
  • 00:26:48
    exercise or to eat this is where you
  • 00:26:51
    really get to understand and see clearly
  • 00:26:54
    how this person thinks what their
  • 00:26:56
    mentality is what their toxic traits are
  • 00:26:58
    what their weaknesses are their
  • 00:27:00
    strengths cuz listen everyone's
  • 00:27:01
    imperfect everyone's going to have
  • 00:27:03
    weaknesses and one thing I also always
  • 00:27:05
    say is it's not about finding somebody
  • 00:27:07
    to date who's perfect it's about finding
  • 00:27:09
    somebody with flaws that are compatible
  • 00:27:11
    to your flaws and it goes back to like
  • 00:27:13
    dating so many people where you realize
  • 00:27:15
    what you can put up with and what you
  • 00:27:16
    can't cuz it's not about finding someone
  • 00:27:18
    who has zero issues because that's
  • 00:27:19
    impossible it's about finding someone
  • 00:27:21
    where you're like okay like I can deal
  • 00:27:23
    with this this doesn't trigger me and
  • 00:27:24
    then you can start building up what kind
  • 00:27:26
    of person they are at their core before
  • 00:27:29
    you come into the picture because people
  • 00:27:31
    are really good at putting on this front
  • 00:27:34
    and masking and throwing all of this
  • 00:27:35
    romance on your face to make you feel
  • 00:27:38
    like they're a great person but really
  • 00:27:40
    they might be homophobic they might be
  • 00:27:42
    racist like you don't know that one of
  • 00:27:44
    the things that I admired from my
  • 00:27:46
    boyfriend from the second that we got
  • 00:27:47
    together is that he's the type of guy
  • 00:27:49
    and even to this day he still is anytime
  • 00:27:52
    his friends were in need of something
  • 00:27:54
    needed a favor he will drop everything
  • 00:27:56
    to go and help them and surprise
  • 00:27:57
    surprise now that we're in a
  • 00:27:59
    relationship he treats me the exact same
  • 00:28:00
    way I won't need to ask for help I won't
  • 00:28:03
    need to complain about an issue the
  • 00:28:05
    second that you see something wrong he
  • 00:28:07
    wants to come and help me he wants to
  • 00:28:08
    make my life easier because that's just
  • 00:28:10
    the kind of person he is no matter how
  • 00:28:12
    little resources he may has he is so
  • 00:28:14
    generous to every single person in his
  • 00:28:17
    life and finally dating rule number 15
  • 00:28:23
    is what does your dream life look like
  • 00:28:26
    romantic love is just one part of your
  • 00:28:29
    life not the whole story when you focus
  • 00:28:32
    on fulfilling all of the other areas of
  • 00:28:35
    your life whether it's people Hobbies
  • 00:28:37
    experiences work your self growth your
  • 00:28:40
    self-love your confidence you then
  • 00:28:42
    detach better and you stop running after
  • 00:28:45
    people just to have somebody so I need
  • 00:28:48
    you to get super specific and visualize
  • 00:28:51
    every single piece of potential Joy
  • 00:28:55
    instead of just attaching it to one
  • 00:28:57
    human being because that's unfair one
  • 00:28:59
    person can't be everything for you they
  • 00:29:00
    can't be that your therapist they can't
  • 00:29:02
    be your best friend they can't be your
  • 00:29:03
    soulmate they can't be the person you
  • 00:29:04
    spend 24/7 with that's completely
  • 00:29:06
    unhealthy there can be a lot of those
  • 00:29:08
    things but you know you need to get your
  • 00:29:10
    fulfillment and your passion and your
  • 00:29:11
    love in other areas of your life as well
  • 00:29:13
    because another thing I've seen in my
  • 00:29:14
    story and so many other people's is you
  • 00:29:16
    always get the love you deserve when you
  • 00:29:18
    stop looking in order to attract the
  • 00:29:20
    healthy high value relationship and
  • 00:29:22
    person that you want you also need to
  • 00:29:25
    match that level and live at that
  • 00:29:28
    vibration and that brings us to the end
  • 00:29:30
    of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it
  • 00:29:31
    please comment down below and let me
  • 00:29:33
    know which number fact you liked the
  • 00:29:35
    most that resonated with you the most
  • 00:29:37
    that you're going to take into your
  • 00:29:38
    dating life honestly for me I actually
  • 00:29:40
    think it was 15 I just love that piece
  • 00:29:42
    of advice that really changed my life
  • 00:29:44
    for the better um but thank you guys so
  • 00:29:46
    much for watching you guys that get
  • 00:29:47
    right here and watch my little outros
  • 00:29:49
    you're the real ones I love you I
  • 00:29:51
    appreciate you so much and I will see
  • 00:29:53
    you in the next video good luck
  • 00:29:56
    [Music]
  • 00:30:01
    I me
  • 00:30:03
    [Music]
タグ
  • dating advice
  • relationship tips
  • self-worth
  • attachment styles
  • kindness in relationships
  • personal growth
  • emotional intelligence
  • confidence in dating
  • understanding red flags
  • healthy relationships