15 DATING RULES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
概要
TLDRThe video is a reflection by the presenter on her dating journey, starting from past mistakes with emotionally unavailable partners to reaching a fulfilling romantic relationship. She shares 15 dating lessons learned through personal experience. These include 'the testing process,' which involves evaluating a potential partner’s intentions, communication, and actions from the first interaction. She emphasizes the importance of kindness, recognizing red flags in emotional discussions, and the significance of stable attachment styles in relationships. The presenter also advises cultivating self-worth, not relying solely on romantic relationships for happiness, and being cautious about revealing personal vulnerabilities too soon. Additionally, she underscores the value of maintaining independence and confidence in dating. She illustrates how these lessons enabled her to find a compatible, supportive partner and offers tips for others to seek healthy, satisfying relationships. Lastly, the video subtly promotes a dating app feature designed to foster genuine connections.
収穫
- 🌹 Emphasize kindness in relationships.
- 📝 Establish dating standards early on.
- 🚩 Recognize red flags in initial interactions.
- ❤️ Develop a secure attachment style for stability.
- 💬 Meaningful communication is essential.
- 🎯 Know your worth and maintain high standards.
- 🤝 A relationship should enhance your happiness, not define it.
- 🔎 Observe potential partners before opening up.
- ⚖️ Balance personal fulfillment with romantic pursuits.
- 🧘♀️ Stay confident and embrace independence.
タイムライン
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The speaker describes her romance as the result of learning significant dating lessons from past experiences, emphasizing the importance of a testing process during dating. She rejected superficial qualities and sought depth in conversation, identifying genuine interest through meaningful questions. She stresses the importance of intentions being clear and swift, and dismisses low-effort dates, highlighting post-date plans as a key indicator of seriousness.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
The speaker warns against mistaking stability and genuine interest from good guys for boredom, which often stems from previous experiences with toxic relationships. She shares her journey of learning to appreciate stability, stressing the need to avoid equating excitement with unhealthy relationships. The importance of kindness is emphasized, urging viewers to redefine kindness in their relationships, and avoid normalizing toxic behaviors.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The speaker introduces Bumble's new Compliment feature as a tool to filter out toxic people, advocating for kindness as a norm in dating. She stresses the importance of balanced conversation, avoiding deep past traumas or excessive future planning, which may signify narcissism or desperation. She advises against forcing connections, advocating for self-worth recognition and ensuring mutual interest without coercive efforts.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
The speaker advises against sharing too much personal information early in dating, as it can be used for manipulation. She emphasizes self-trust, allowing past experiences to inform wiser choices without self-blame. She discusses attachment styles, suggesting secure attachment as necessary for healthy relationships and cautions against the toxic dynamics between avoidants and those with anxious attachments.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
The speaker encourages being with someone who tests the relationship's alignment with personal values, showing readiness for commitment. She distinguishes men eager for the responsibilities of a relationship from those seeking mere companionship. The importance of feminine energy, characterized by confidence and self-sufficiency, is highlighted, promoting a mindset that attracts deserving partners.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:06
Emphasizing lifestyle compatibility, she advises assessing a partner's values and habits. Personal growth and fulfillment in other life aspects are encouraged to prevent over-reliance on romantic relationships. The speaker concludes by advocating for a broad view of life goals, stating that one should not depend entirely on a partner for happiness, a reflection that shifted her own perspective significantly.
マインドマップ
ビデオQ&A
What is the main focus of the video?
The video focuses on sharing 15 dating rules based on the presenter's personal relationship experiences.
How did the presenter meet her current boyfriend?
The presenter met her current boyfriend online, and they connected through meaningful conversations rather than flirtatious messages.
Why is the concept of 'the testing process' in dating important?
It's important to determine if the person shares deep, meaningful values and has clear intentions for the relationship.
What is the video's stance on men's roles in dating?
The video suggests men should be clear about their intentions, show effort from the start, and pursue a meaningful relationship.
What does the presenter say about kindness in relationships?
Kindness is crucial and should be a fundamental aspect of a relationship, expressed through small, considerate acts.
How should women approach dating, according to the video?
Women should be confident, independent, and not easily swayed by just attraction; they should be clear about their standards.
What is emphasized about attachment styles in relationships?
Understanding and cultivating a secure attachment style is crucial for a healthy relationship dynamic.
How does the presenter view past dating mistakes?
She sees them as learning experiences that prepare one for better future relationships.
What dating advice does the presenter give regarding fulfilling one's life?
Romantic relationships should not be the entire focus; personal fulfillment should come from various aspects of life.
What personal belief does the presenter share about dating?
The presenter believes that frequently revisiting and refining one's dating standards is essential as one grows.
ビデオをもっと見る
- 00:00:00if you watch my Vlog Channel or follow
- 00:00:01me on Instagram then you guys probably
- 00:00:03have a good idea of what my relationship
- 00:00:06is like and the kind of treatment that I
- 00:00:08receive although romance flowers gifts
- 00:00:10and extravagant dates aside this
- 00:00:13relationship is with a kind generous
- 00:00:16masculine and chivalrous man who has
- 00:00:18grown alongside me so that we could
- 00:00:20create a healthy loving long-term
- 00:00:23relationship together now what you guys
- 00:00:25don't see is that it was a rocky ass
- 00:00:28Journey before I met him I got played I
- 00:00:31got manipulated I was chasing an
- 00:00:33emotionally unavailable man at one point
- 00:00:35I know E I used to be stuck asking
- 00:00:37someone to plan dates for me or even
- 00:00:39show affection to me and throughout all
- 00:00:42of those breakups and bare minimum
- 00:00:43standards I learned a thing or two about
- 00:00:46dating in fact I learned 15 significant
- 00:00:49dating lessons which completely changed
- 00:00:51my life and are literally the reason
- 00:00:53that I am in the relationship I'm in
- 00:00:54right now and I'm about to spill all of
- 00:00:56my secrets before we jump into the video
- 00:00:58make sure you check out the description
- 00:01:00below I have my Snapchat all of my other
- 00:01:01socials my second YouTube channel so you
- 00:01:03can actually maybe watch some of the
- 00:01:05Vlogs of me and my boyfriend if you're
- 00:01:06curious dating rule number one the
- 00:01:09testing process I used to make the
- 00:01:11mistake of just going with the flow when
- 00:01:13I was out and about dating like oh you
- 00:01:15know this guy is attractive and he's
- 00:01:17nice and he's showing me some affection
- 00:01:19I'll just date him no so wrong I used to
- 00:01:23think cuz this guy was good-looking kind
- 00:01:25and intelligent he was good enough I
- 00:01:26eventually got to a point where none of
- 00:01:28those qualities were good enough any
- 00:01:29anymore and instead I would test the guy
- 00:01:31on a few things to see if I would go on
- 00:01:33a second date with him the first thing I
- 00:01:35would test was what he was actually
- 00:01:37talking to me about was he asking me
- 00:01:39deep and meaningful questions to learn
- 00:01:41every insignificant detail of me so that
- 00:01:43he could actually understand me so that
- 00:01:45he could treat me better because he knew
- 00:01:47who I was at my core and what I liked
- 00:01:49and he was thoroughly listening to
- 00:01:51everything I was saying or was he simply
- 00:01:54just small talking flirting with me and
- 00:01:57I will tell you the biggest indicator if
- 00:01:59you are dating online the first message
- 00:02:01that guy sends you that in itself is a
- 00:02:04test I would no longer respond to
- 00:02:06anybody who was like hey beautiful how
- 00:02:08you doing no get out of here it's so
- 00:02:10unoriginal I have a hundred other guys
- 00:02:12texting me the same thing and you know
- 00:02:14what it's so unoriginal that as soon as
- 00:02:16I read that all I think is you're
- 00:02:18literally sending that to dozens of
- 00:02:19other girls honestly is giving boy
- 00:02:22Vibes and it's most definitely giving me
- 00:02:24the I actually met my boyfriend online
- 00:02:26and the first message he sent me was
- 00:02:28about museums I could do not because I
- 00:02:31was talking about museums online and he
- 00:02:33was giving me recommendations and
- 00:02:35because of that I replied because we
- 00:02:37were having a friendly conversation and
- 00:02:39we were talking as if we were friends
- 00:02:40for the few first few hours discussing
- 00:02:42travel plans bucket list talking about
- 00:02:44all of our interests and our Hobbies he
- 00:02:46didn't send a flirtatious message once
- 00:02:48and that is what made me give him
- 00:02:50attention the second test when I'm
- 00:02:52dating somebody is how long it takes for
- 00:02:54them to say what their intentions are if
- 00:02:57we have been texting each other for 7
- 00:02:58days and you haven't even planned a date
- 00:03:01yet ew you're gone by I am not out here
- 00:03:05trying to be your texting buddy talking
- 00:03:06stage or situationship either you whine
- 00:03:09and Dy me to properly get to know me
- 00:03:11because we are adults or you get out
- 00:03:13because you're a Time waster I have
- 00:03:14literally heard too many horror stories
- 00:03:17of girls that I know being stuck in
- 00:03:19situationships that range from 6 months
- 00:03:21to 2 years 2 years without so much as a
- 00:03:25romantic date just texting and a few
- 00:03:28meetups here or there am I your friend
- 00:03:30because think about it if you're not
- 00:03:31going to romance me okay if you're not
- 00:03:33going to pull out all the stops and get
- 00:03:34me flowers then we are literally friends
- 00:03:35what is the difference between us and
- 00:03:37two mates nothing at this point the next
- 00:03:39test I conduct is what the first dat
- 00:03:42actually consists of if it is super low
- 00:03:44effort and Casual that is not my vibe
- 00:03:47now this is just a personal opinion of
- 00:03:48mine this could be something that you
- 00:03:50enjoy I completely get it but I want to
- 00:03:53know that I am someone that you are
- 00:03:55going to invest in because you see the
- 00:03:56value in me I am not someone that you
- 00:03:58are just going to meet up with have a
- 00:04:00quick conversation quick coffee and then
- 00:04:01we're going to go no I need to see
- 00:04:03effort from the get-go because if you're
- 00:04:05not going to give it to me the first
- 00:04:06time you're meeting me and trying to
- 00:04:07give me your first impression then isn't
- 00:04:09the rest of our relationship just going
- 00:04:10to go downhill and then the last test I
- 00:04:13conduct when I first start dating
- 00:04:14somebody is the postdate intentions the
- 00:04:1748 hours after the first date if you
- 00:04:19have not even suggested where we're
- 00:04:21going to go next or the fact that you
- 00:04:22want to see me again once again I have
- 00:04:24lost interest because you need to
- 00:04:26realize that you were a young beautiful
- 00:04:28woman in her prime with so so many
- 00:04:30options why would you be waiting around
- 00:04:32weeks for a guy to suggest a second dat
- 00:04:35you could literally get anyone you want
- 00:04:36and other than that you have a busy
- 00:04:38abundant fulfilling life to live and you
- 00:04:41do not need to be waiting around for
- 00:04:42some guy to text you if he hasn't set
- 00:04:44his intention after the 48 hours after
- 00:04:46the first date you've forgotten I'm
- 00:04:48sorry I'm busy doing other things like
- 00:04:50you need to put the effort in and
- 00:04:51communicate and not leave me unread
- 00:04:53dating rule number two sometimes that
- 00:04:56feeling of boredom you get when you're
- 00:04:58getting to know somebody new is actually
- 00:05:00just your lack of experience with good
- 00:05:03guys and oh my God I know this all too
- 00:05:07well I used to be on this up and down
- 00:05:09roller coaster of dating Bad Boys toxic
- 00:05:11guys where there were constant highs and
- 00:05:13lows and I got addicted to them that is
- 00:05:15why people play you around that constant
- 00:05:18high low chasing withdrawing affection
- 00:05:21wondering when they're going to text you
- 00:05:22back how long they're going to take to
- 00:05:23reply it's addictive that's why we end
- 00:05:26up in situations chips with these people
- 00:05:28that's why we end up chasing emotionally
- 00:05:30unavailable guys that aren't even good
- 00:05:31for us in comparison you start dating a
- 00:05:34good guy that likes you and is showing
- 00:05:37up for you and he actually communicates
- 00:05:39his interest in you it's too predictable
- 00:05:41it's too available I don't know if I
- 00:05:43like this guy he's not interesting
- 00:05:44enough I don't I don't have those
- 00:05:46butterflies I don't have that like
- 00:05:47sparking sense of passion wrong all of
- 00:05:50those Sparks and passion you are
- 00:05:53mistaking for True interest were really
- 00:05:55only your addiction to the boy fairr
- 00:05:57rides and I can vouch for this because I
- 00:06:00felt this exact same way when I met my
- 00:06:02current partner this is what I mean when
- 00:06:04I said it was a rocky journey I was not
- 00:06:07used to somebody being so upfront with
- 00:06:09how they felt and being affectionate and
- 00:06:11planning dates all the time it felt so
- 00:06:14boring and as a result of my
- 00:06:17unfamiliarity with that stability and
- 00:06:20interest from him I just assumed oh I
- 00:06:22just don't like this guy enough and I
- 00:06:23thought that because I didn't feel as
- 00:06:25addicted or as much in a chasing mood as
- 00:06:28I was before but you shouldn't even have
- 00:06:30the desire to chase because he should be
- 00:06:31the one doing all the chasing and when
- 00:06:33he is the one doing all the chasing
- 00:06:34that's when you can sit back and have
- 00:06:36time to be bored because you're being
- 00:06:38taken care of and for once you have
- 00:06:40nothing to stress about you have nothing
- 00:06:42to overthink about in conclusion
- 00:06:44everyone talks about how they want a
- 00:06:46good guy but no one talks about the type
- 00:06:48of person you need to be able to grow
- 00:06:50into in order to deserve that
- 00:06:52relationship and actually make it work
- 00:06:54with a good guy longterm you need to
- 00:06:56heal you need to stop bringing your past
- 00:06:58wounds into your current relationship
- 00:06:59you need to stop equating addiction to
- 00:07:01feelings you need to stop equating
- 00:07:03infatuation to love this leads us onto
- 00:07:06dating rule number three the importance
- 00:07:09of kindness this gets overlooked so much
- 00:07:13it is so important to discuss the
- 00:07:15importance of kindness because I see so
- 00:07:18much stigma around it online nowadays
- 00:07:21because we are seeing people
- 00:07:23romanticize and
- 00:07:25normalize being in toxic relationships
- 00:07:28oh yeah guys I just went back to my
- 00:07:29toxic X for the fourth time this year so
- 00:07:32funny really is it funny sounds like a
- 00:07:36trauma Bond on attachment issues to me
- 00:07:38my life changed when I started to Define
- 00:07:42what kindness is to me when dating I
- 00:07:44have rules now in my relationship that
- 00:07:47have stuck so far for the entire time
- 00:07:49we've been together which is over a year
- 00:07:51and not one of us has ever broken this
- 00:07:53rule do we misunderstand each other for
- 00:07:56sure do we have disagreements for sure
- 00:07:58have we ever screamed at each other no
- 00:08:01have we ever given each other the silent
- 00:08:03treatment no have we ever sworn at each
- 00:08:05other no we don't use bad language to
- 00:08:07each other we don't insult the other
- 00:08:09person look down on them are
- 00:08:10disrespectful to them because at the end
- 00:08:12of the day we know we love and respect
- 00:08:14that person and we have to show it 100%
- 00:08:16of the time kindness might look like
- 00:08:18planning a date for you every single
- 00:08:19week kindness might look like words of
- 00:08:21affirmations you know it could be built
- 00:08:23upon your love languages it could be
- 00:08:25compliments every single day it could be
- 00:08:27helping you with things that just make
- 00:08:29your life easier before you even ask for
- 00:08:31them bringing you a coffee in bed in the
- 00:08:33morning taking care of the chores so
- 00:08:35that you can relax when you get back
- 00:08:36from work we are so focused nowadays on
- 00:08:39I just want to find someone who's six F
- 00:08:41I just want to find someone who's loyal
- 00:08:43don't you just want to find someone that
- 00:08:45no matter what day it is and no matter
- 00:08:47what situation it is you know that
- 00:08:49person's going to be nothing but nice to
- 00:08:50you we romanticize the idea of being
- 00:08:53attracted to the bad boy that attraction
- 00:08:56to the bad boy type is just a
- 00:08:58representation of our ego we need
- 00:09:01something we cannot have we are overly
- 00:09:04attached to looks and to what other
- 00:09:06people are going to think and to status
- 00:09:08and how we present ourselves to our
- 00:09:09society that we need to be with this
- 00:09:11person we need the ego boost that we
- 00:09:13pulled the best looking guy the one that
- 00:09:14all of the other girls want and I can
- 00:09:16say this based on my personal experience
- 00:09:19I had guys sliding into my DMs that I
- 00:09:21had crushes on for ages and because they
- 00:09:22stay into my DMs and expressed any sort
- 00:09:24of interest in me it didn't matter what
- 00:09:26they said or how they treated me they
- 00:09:28were talking to me and they were giving
- 00:09:29me attention oh my God instant winner
- 00:09:32yes I like you let's go on a date they
- 00:09:34haven't done anything to prove their
- 00:09:36Worth or most
- 00:09:37importantly their character and I'm
- 00:09:39already desperate to be with them and so
- 00:09:42many of us do this and that is why
- 00:09:43earlier on the video I said really pay
- 00:09:45attention to the way that a guy opens a
- 00:09:47conversation with you and I have the
- 00:09:49best news ever the dating app Bumble now
- 00:09:52have a brand new compliment feature
- 00:09:54which will make Finding Your Potential
- 00:09:56match so much easier bumble is really
- 00:09:59here to support the gires okay because
- 00:10:01they just want to make online dating a
- 00:10:03much more pleasant experience for us we
- 00:10:05know what it's like to have guys slide
- 00:10:07into our messages saying inappropriate
- 00:10:09things or just focusing on our looks
- 00:10:10when we have so much more to offer
- 00:10:12bumble's new compliment feature is going
- 00:10:14to help you speed up the process of
- 00:10:15weeding out the good guys from the toxic
- 00:10:17ones I think this is going to be a
- 00:10:19massive step in stepping away from the
- 00:10:21normalization of toxicity and dating
- 00:10:23culture and actually just start being
- 00:10:25nice to each other men can start being
- 00:10:27chivalrous again women can start living
- 00:10:29their soft girl feminine lives again it
- 00:10:31is time so if you a girly in the online
- 00:10:33dinting scene or you kind of want to
- 00:10:35give it a try after hearing my story
- 00:10:37then you can spread kindness using
- 00:10:39bumble's new compliment feature the link
- 00:10:41is in my description to check it out
- 00:10:43this leads us on to dating rule number
- 00:10:45four conversation is everything no one
- 00:10:48here should be talking too much about
- 00:10:50the future or the past because girl let
- 00:10:52me tell you both are red flags if a guy
- 00:10:55is telling you about how difficult his
- 00:10:57past was or he's talking so much about
- 00:10:59ex I mean that is just an instant red
- 00:11:01flag but he's telling you about how hard
- 00:11:02his life was all of his trauma how
- 00:11:05difficult his relationship with his
- 00:11:06parents is run away so fast because that
- 00:11:10is the biggest sign of a narcissist
- 00:11:12about to trap you in his grasp one of
- 00:11:15the most common traits of a narcissist
- 00:11:17is that they will try to entrap you with
- 00:11:18their so story let me tell you it is not
- 00:11:21normal or healthy to just start to be
- 00:11:23getting to know someone and instantly
- 00:11:25trauma dump on them that is not normal
- 00:11:27and especially if you are a people plead
- 00:11:29or just an empath you're going to fall
- 00:11:31for this hell I did fool for this a few
- 00:11:33years ago you know you're going to feel
- 00:11:34sorry for them it's going to give you
- 00:11:36this feeling of wanting to save them and
- 00:11:38that's exactly what they want you to
- 00:11:39think and then on the other hand we have
- 00:11:41excessive talking about the future I was
- 00:11:44once talking to a guy for 4 hours and I
- 00:11:49said let's speak on the phone because I
- 00:11:51I had a slight bad feeling about him so
- 00:11:52I thought if we talk on the phone then
- 00:11:53maybe I can sus him out a little bit
- 00:11:54more we spoke on the phone immediately
- 00:11:56this guy is like so you know are you you
- 00:11:59going to come down to see my family for
- 00:12:01Christmas what kind of girl are you cuz
- 00:12:02I want to see like how you would
- 00:12:03integrate into my
- 00:12:05family we have been speaking for 4 hours
- 00:12:10and you want me to celebrate the
- 00:12:11holidays with your family we haven't
- 00:12:13even been on a date yet we haven't even
- 00:12:16seen each other in the flesh yet and
- 00:12:19this is such a red flag because it shows
- 00:12:21someone is very clingy and obsessive and
- 00:12:23Overly Attached most importantly why are
- 00:12:26you so desperate to get with me can you
- 00:12:28not get anybody else why do you need a
- 00:12:30relationship so badly why is this
- 00:12:32conversation not centered around you
- 00:12:34actually understanding me and you
- 00:12:35assessing if I am a good match for you
- 00:12:38okay it goes both ways and let me tell
- 00:12:40you okay I cut that man off straight
- 00:12:42away and I found out we had a mutual
- 00:12:44friend so I spoke to that mutual friend
- 00:12:46saying what's the tea on this guy turns
- 00:12:48out he was a narcissist because he dated
- 00:12:51her friend previously and he was majorly
- 00:12:53abusive so yes my assumptions are
- 00:12:55correct I am always right please please
- 00:12:58please please list listen to these rules
- 00:13:00and this leads us onto dating rule
- 00:13:01number five you not being obsessed with
- 00:13:04me is an ick no for real like what do
- 00:13:06you mean you're going to give me mixed
- 00:13:08signals
- 00:13:10ew but no in all honesty we are not
- 00:13:13meant for everyone and that's okay not
- 00:13:16everyone can see your light and that's
- 00:13:18because not everyone is supposed to be
- 00:13:20in your life and be worthy of you and
- 00:13:22that is a blessing in disguise therefore
- 00:13:25we all collectively need to stop forcing
- 00:13:28connections with people that the
- 00:13:30universe is literally trying to warn us
- 00:13:32aren't our people so stop teaching
- 00:13:34people how to treat you stop asking that
- 00:13:36guy to act right and fix up stop
- 00:13:38teaching that guy how to be emotionally
- 00:13:40intelligent stop asking them if they're
- 00:13:42going to ask you on a date because if I
- 00:13:43have to fight for your attention then F
- 00:13:45your attention if someone is not a hell
- 00:13:47yes about you then you need to be a
- 00:13:50no about them period I need you to get
- 00:13:52so confident and so obsessed with
- 00:13:54yourself that you see all of the worth
- 00:13:56and the light and the value you bring so
- 00:13:59then when a guy is dating you and he's
- 00:14:00not automatically obsessed with you
- 00:14:02because you know how great you are and
- 00:14:03you know how much of a fabulous
- 00:14:04girlfriend you would make then you're
- 00:14:06like oh okay he's just simply not my
- 00:14:07person it's fine because you know you
- 00:14:09are going to be somebody's dream girl
- 00:14:11out there probably multiple people's
- 00:14:13dream girl and they are just going to fa
- 00:14:15over you and they are going to bend over
- 00:14:17backwards to do whatever it takes to get
- 00:14:19you because that's what happens when a
- 00:14:21guy beats his dream girl so if someone's
- 00:14:22not acting like that eh it's a wrong
- 00:14:25match we are almost in big 2024 we are
- 00:14:27not out here trying to teach people how
- 00:14:30to like us dating rule number six do not
- 00:14:34spill your secrets what I mean by this
- 00:14:37is when you are getting to know someone
- 00:14:39okay so in the beginning dating stages
- 00:14:41never tell them what your boundaries are
- 00:14:44what your standards are what your type
- 00:14:46is or how you were treated in the past
- 00:14:49these four facts must remain top secret
- 00:14:52I would say within the first few weeks
- 00:14:55of dating or until you are sure about
- 00:14:57that person and how they feel about you
- 00:14:59you because when you tell somebody all
- 00:15:00of those facts in the very beginning you
- 00:15:02are basically giving them a cheat sheet
- 00:15:04on how to play you how to manipulate you
- 00:15:07how to make you fall for them and then
- 00:15:09they can switch up and act however they
- 00:15:10want because they gave you the illusion
- 00:15:12that they were exactly what you wanted
- 00:15:13in the beginning so honey we sit back
- 00:15:16and we observe that is you being in your
- 00:15:18feminine energy that is you being
- 00:15:20detached that's you knowing that at the
- 00:15:22end of the day what's meant for you will
- 00:15:23find you so you don't need to worry
- 00:15:24you're going to sit back and you're
- 00:15:25going to observe and you're going to
- 00:15:27watch how they treat you especially with
- 00:15:29the telling someone how you were treated
- 00:15:30treated in the past you are now telling
- 00:15:32this man that you are the kind of woman
- 00:15:33that accepts that kind of treatment you
- 00:15:35might not be now and they might not want
- 00:15:37to treat you in that horrible way but
- 00:15:39what they will know is she she accepted
- 00:15:42this low Vibe bonim behavior that means
- 00:15:46all I have to do is go right here to
- 00:15:48impress her you don't have to lie you
- 00:15:50can literally say nothing or you can
- 00:15:52just hint and be like yeah my past
- 00:15:53relationships were fine but we just
- 00:15:55weren't meant for each other always say
- 00:15:57that in the beginning because that gives
- 00:15:59them this mystery that they don't know
- 00:16:00what kind of treatment you're used to
- 00:16:02and just by the way that you're
- 00:16:03confident and you carry yourself and the
- 00:16:05fact that you're detached they know
- 00:16:07they're going to have to work overtime
- 00:16:08to earn you because you are carrying
- 00:16:10yourself as the kind of woman who needs
- 00:16:12to be impressed and who needs to be
- 00:16:13earned dating rule number seven stop
- 00:16:16discrediting yourself for what happened
- 00:16:18in the past when all of these thoughts
- 00:16:20remain in your head of your really bad
- 00:16:23dating experiences in the past or how
- 00:16:25you messed up this causes a lack of
- 00:16:27trust and then you stop following your
- 00:16:29intuition which is one of the most
- 00:16:31powerful things you have as a woman and
- 00:16:33then when you're dating someone you
- 00:16:34start following their lead we all make
- 00:16:35mistakes and we learn from them so
- 00:16:37actually you're wiser you have more
- 00:16:39resources you are more prepared now for
- 00:16:41this dating experience thanks to what
- 00:16:43went wrong in the past it does not mean
- 00:16:45that you're really bad at dating or you
- 00:16:47might choose the wrong person again no
- 00:16:49you know exactly what you're doing and
- 00:16:51you're going to trust your gut I don't
- 00:16:52know where this idea came from that we
- 00:16:54have to get it right the first time and
- 00:16:56if we don't get it right the first time
- 00:16:57then oh my God maybe I should settle
- 00:16:59next or maybe I have to make sure that
- 00:17:01the next person is right because then
- 00:17:02what if I go through another breakup no
- 00:17:04return them and move on to the next and
- 00:17:07this is just so reassuring I had a
- 00:17:09friend who went through a bad breakup a
- 00:17:11few months ago and she was beating
- 00:17:12herself up about it and she was like I
- 00:17:14can't believe I dated that person they
- 00:17:15were so wrong for me I can't believe I
- 00:17:17settled for a relationship like that and
- 00:17:18now I'm heartbroken over a person that
- 00:17:20didn't deserve me and you know what I
- 00:17:21said to her I said just like every other
- 00:17:25relationship that guy whether he
- 00:17:27deserved you or not the relationship you
- 00:17:29had with him taught you some new
- 00:17:31knowledge about what you want and what
- 00:17:33you do not want we don't know exactly
- 00:17:35what we're supposed to have from the
- 00:17:36moment we're born we have to learn we
- 00:17:38have to go through life experiences we
- 00:17:40have to experience different people to
- 00:17:42understand oh I like this or no actually
- 00:17:46I didn't think I would like that but now
- 00:17:47I do so let me add that to my list or I
- 00:17:49dated this person and I settled for this
- 00:17:51but no I definitely don't want that so
- 00:17:52I'm going to tweak my list and you keep
- 00:17:54adding and changing and adding and
- 00:17:55changing and it teaches you more about
- 00:17:57yourself and also more about what you
- 00:18:00are willing to tolerate and what you
- 00:18:01most definitely won't and then if you
- 00:18:03think about it you're actually in a much
- 00:18:05better and much more prepared position
- 00:18:07to deal with marriage and soulmates and
- 00:18:10long-term relationships because you've
- 00:18:12had so much experience in knowing what
- 00:18:14you can and cannot handle dating rule
- 00:18:16number eight attachment styles are the
- 00:18:19key so if you're new to this there are
- 00:18:20four different attachment Styles secure
- 00:18:22which is the best one that you should
- 00:18:24have to have a healthy relationship an
- 00:18:26avoidant attachment style which means
- 00:18:27you are uncomfortable with intimacy
- 00:18:29closeness and commitment maybe you're
- 00:18:31hyper independent you like to date but
- 00:18:34not stick to those people anxious
- 00:18:36attachment this is when you're clingy
- 00:18:37this is when you need a lot of
- 00:18:38reassurance you are constantly confused
- 00:18:41about how other people feel about you
- 00:18:43and then we have disorganized attachment
- 00:18:45which is when you are a mix of anxious
- 00:18:47and avoidant and you basically you fear
- 00:18:50commitment but you also want closeness
- 00:18:52and you need reassurance but you also
- 00:18:53don't care everyone's goal before they
- 00:18:55start seriously dating and start hopping
- 00:18:57into marriages which most people don't
- 00:18:58do is to transform our attachment style
- 00:19:01into a secure one this person is super
- 00:19:03avoidant this person is super anxious
- 00:19:05they attract each other like magnets and
- 00:19:07they have such a strong attraction
- 00:19:09towards each other because each one of
- 00:19:10them reinforces the other person's
- 00:19:13insecure need when the avoidant is with
- 00:19:15the anxious attachment it reinforces
- 00:19:18their belief that yeah I should just be
- 00:19:19independent because look at how clingy
- 00:19:22people are and it forces them to keep
- 00:19:24continuing the cycle of being hyper
- 00:19:26independent and not committing to people
- 00:19:28when the anxious attachment person is
- 00:19:30with the avoidant it reinforces their
- 00:19:32belief that they need to keep asking for
- 00:19:34reassurance and that they are just more
- 00:19:36loving and that they are not worthy of
- 00:19:38affection because everybody withdraws
- 00:19:40from them and it's so common for these
- 00:19:41two to be in the most toxic relationship
- 00:19:44you have ever seen I guarantee you
- 00:19:45probably have a friend who is in that
- 00:19:47kind of dynamic in their relationship
- 00:19:49and most likely it's probably a
- 00:19:51situationship if you would like to learn
- 00:19:52more about this I have a complete video
- 00:19:55guide on my YouTube channel it's the
- 00:19:56complete guide to learning attachment
- 00:19:57Styles and also they moving from an
- 00:19:59insecure to a secure attachment style so
- 00:20:01I highly recommend you watch before you
- 00:20:03date literally anyone because if you
- 00:20:05don't you're literally ignoring your own
- 00:20:07toxic patterns and you're excusing all
- 00:20:09of your childhood trauma because that is
- 00:20:11the thing that's formed your insecure
- 00:20:12attachment style and you are getting
- 00:20:14into relationships that don't even align
- 00:20:16with the highest version of yourself who
- 00:20:18has a secure attachment style so you're
- 00:20:20not even living up to your full
- 00:20:21potential of what kind of great and
- 00:20:23healthy relationship you could be in
- 00:20:25this leads us onto dating rule number
- 00:20:27nine I think this is a personal favorite
- 00:20:28of mine and that is he should be testing
- 00:20:31you too now listen I am all for the man
- 00:20:34being obsessed with us and seeing our
- 00:20:36value and wanting to date us and whine
- 00:20:37and dine and romance us 100% he should
- 00:20:39be eager enough to see all of that and
- 00:20:42want to put the effort into know you and
- 00:20:44not bear minimum you but he should also
- 00:20:47be independent and secure enough to know
- 00:20:51that he's not about to jump into a
- 00:20:52relationship and a commitment with you
- 00:20:54straight away because he needs to get to
- 00:20:56know you you know you found a green flag
- 00:20:58when a man is going above and beyond to
- 00:21:00treat you well so he can get to know you
- 00:21:02and showing you yes this is moving along
- 00:21:04but I also need to get to know you and
- 00:21:07understand whether you're going to align
- 00:21:08to my life that is the sign of a man who
- 00:21:11is looking for a real long-term healthy
- 00:21:14relationship dating rule number 10 be
- 00:21:17with a man who wants to be a boyfriend
- 00:21:19not just get a girlfriend you need to be
- 00:21:21with the kind of guy who is so ready and
- 00:21:24is so excited for the responsibilities
- 00:21:26that come with being a boyfriend because
- 00:21:27he knows in order to earn a girlfriend
- 00:21:30he has to put in the work he has to
- 00:21:33provide for you he has to support you on
- 00:21:35the other hand there are some guys who
- 00:21:36just want the girlfriend for the fun of
- 00:21:38it he wants all of the benefits of
- 00:21:39having a girlfriend without having to do
- 00:21:41any of the responsibilities it takes to
- 00:21:44get the girlfriend their intentions were
- 00:21:46never right from the get-go and you
- 00:21:48didn't see it because your priorities
- 00:21:50weren't straight either you were too
- 00:21:52attracted to the idea of them or their
- 00:21:54potential or just the thought of having
- 00:21:56a boyfriend rather than is this person
- 00:21:59prepared for all of the duties
- 00:22:01responsibilities and value that comes
- 00:22:04with being a boyfriend and can they
- 00:22:05provide them all to me that are me out
- 00:22:07there that get so happy from the thought
- 00:22:10of seeing their girlfriends smile
- 00:22:12because they took them out to a fancy
- 00:22:14date that the girlfriend wanted because
- 00:22:16they paid for their nails because they
- 00:22:17gave them a bouquet of flowers once a
- 00:22:19week because they made their life easier
- 00:22:22we are only dating men with those
- 00:22:23mindsets from now on this leads us onto
- 00:22:25dating rule number 11 feminine energy I
- 00:22:29was living in my masculine energy for so
- 00:22:32long and what that looked like was me
- 00:22:34trying to have control me trying to make
- 00:22:36all the plans me trying to sus out how
- 00:22:39he felt about me how I could be more
- 00:22:41attractive to him me comparing myself to
- 00:22:43his ex comparing myself to other girls
- 00:22:46wondering if he should even have female
- 00:22:48friends trying to control him and our
- 00:22:50Dynamic and what we were supposed to be
- 00:22:52rather than existing in my feminine
- 00:22:54energy sitting back and just living my
- 00:22:57soft life because if you're not going to
- 00:22:58give it to me that's cool leave I can
- 00:23:01give it to myself that's it I have no
- 00:23:03desire to control I have no desire to
- 00:23:05tell you how to do something and teach
- 00:23:07you how to be a boyfriend you have high
- 00:23:08standards for the people that come into
- 00:23:09your life you are confident you are
- 00:23:11secure in who you are and that way
- 00:23:14you're living a fulfilled and relaxing
- 00:23:16life so then when a man approaches you
- 00:23:18wanting to be in a relationship with you
- 00:23:19you're like hold up my life is amazing
- 00:23:22the way I've created it so I don't need
- 00:23:24you but I can want you if you were going
- 00:23:26to come into my life and be able to
- 00:23:28match all of the treatment I give to
- 00:23:29myself and then elevate it when you
- 00:23:31start thinking like that no one can f
- 00:23:34with you anymore and you once again weed
- 00:23:36out all of the men that are
- 00:23:37non-deserving of you because at that
- 00:23:39point they're going to be intimidated by
- 00:23:40you and your standards and what you
- 00:23:42accept next up dating rule number 12 you
- 00:23:45are not just dating a person you are
- 00:23:47dating a lifestyle this is where we're
- 00:23:49going back to the idea of assessing
- 00:23:51somebody and not just falling head over
- 00:23:53heels for the idea of someone or what
- 00:23:55they're doing for you in this current
- 00:23:56moment we are the very protective of
- 00:23:59ourselves and the lives that we want
- 00:24:01because we are the kind of women that
- 00:24:03work really hard for the dreams we want
- 00:24:05so we're not just about to date any guy
- 00:24:07just cuz he's good-looking loyal nice
- 00:24:09intelligent funny you think they're
- 00:24:11great qualities no it can go very
- 00:24:13downhill he could have all of those
- 00:24:15qualities but he might not be ambitious
- 00:24:18he might not be as much of a hard worker
- 00:24:19as you what do they value what's
- 00:24:21important to them and then what's
- 00:24:22important to you you know if you're a
- 00:24:23big family girl is he a Family Guy is he
- 00:24:26going to want to do all of the family
- 00:24:27things that you want to do in the future
- 00:24:29if you are the type of girl that wants
- 00:24:30to explore the world travel or go out
- 00:24:32every single weekend why are you about
- 00:24:34to get into a long-term relationship
- 00:24:35with a home body dating Rule 13 they are
- 00:24:39not there to save you once you save
- 00:24:42yourself you will be able to see dating
- 00:24:44and relationships much more clearly this
- 00:24:48was a mistake that I'd unconsciously
- 00:24:49been making for years it sounds crazy
- 00:24:53but I would seek out men who had
- 00:24:56parental issues some sort of early
- 00:24:59familial trauma because I did too and I
- 00:25:03thought if he has it you know if he has
- 00:25:05parents that are divorced then we're
- 00:25:07going to understand each other better it
- 00:25:08never went down
- 00:25:09well I attracted guys who were just
- 00:25:13unhealed who had really bad attachment
- 00:25:15Styles as a result of their trauma you
- 00:25:17should be basing your chemistry and your
- 00:25:19connection based on the people that you
- 00:25:21have grown to be how you evolved from
- 00:25:23that trauma what you created of yourself
- 00:25:25of your life and I think it really came
- 00:25:28from this deep unhealed wound that I had
- 00:25:30why I wanted to be saved and I wanted to
- 00:25:32be able to talk about that trauma openly
- 00:25:34to someone who would also understand it
- 00:25:37and just be able to vent thank God I
- 00:25:39moved past that I became my own
- 00:25:41therapist I healed My Old Wounds my past
- 00:25:43no longer bothers me I do not really
- 00:25:45think of my childhood because I am so
- 00:25:47present in how great my life is now and
- 00:25:50because of that I am able to now have a
- 00:25:53partner who doesn't have any trauma that
- 00:25:54heal healing from either we are great we
- 00:25:56are focused on just going about our days
- 00:25:59and the 24 hours that are in front of us
- 00:26:00you're going to get tricked by these
- 00:26:02people who can put that temporary
- 00:26:03Band-Aid over your broken heart and
- 00:26:05you're going to mistake it for
- 00:26:07unconditional love and this for
- 00:26:09Everlasting connection when really it's
- 00:26:11just familiarity of your hurt and you
- 00:26:15probably don't have any connectional
- 00:26:17chemistry in any other area of your life
- 00:26:19and that common trauma you share is
- 00:26:21going to Blind you and prevent you from
- 00:26:23sitting back and observing to what kind
- 00:26:25of person they are and whether they're
- 00:26:26worthy of you and that's why people say
- 00:26:28you need to focus on yourself love and
- 00:26:30you need to work on yourself and heal
- 00:26:31before you get into a relationship
- 00:26:33dating rule number 14 they need to be
- 00:26:36judged for how they act in every other
- 00:26:39area of their life how are they with
- 00:26:40their family how do they show up for
- 00:26:41their friends what kind of employee are
- 00:26:43they what kind of relationship do they
- 00:26:45have to their passion to their work to
- 00:26:46their hobbies to their discipline to
- 00:26:48exercise or to eat this is where you
- 00:26:51really get to understand and see clearly
- 00:26:54how this person thinks what their
- 00:26:56mentality is what their toxic traits are
- 00:26:58what their weaknesses are their
- 00:27:00strengths cuz listen everyone's
- 00:27:01imperfect everyone's going to have
- 00:27:03weaknesses and one thing I also always
- 00:27:05say is it's not about finding somebody
- 00:27:07to date who's perfect it's about finding
- 00:27:09somebody with flaws that are compatible
- 00:27:11to your flaws and it goes back to like
- 00:27:13dating so many people where you realize
- 00:27:15what you can put up with and what you
- 00:27:16can't cuz it's not about finding someone
- 00:27:18who has zero issues because that's
- 00:27:19impossible it's about finding someone
- 00:27:21where you're like okay like I can deal
- 00:27:23with this this doesn't trigger me and
- 00:27:24then you can start building up what kind
- 00:27:26of person they are at their core before
- 00:27:29you come into the picture because people
- 00:27:31are really good at putting on this front
- 00:27:34and masking and throwing all of this
- 00:27:35romance on your face to make you feel
- 00:27:38like they're a great person but really
- 00:27:40they might be homophobic they might be
- 00:27:42racist like you don't know that one of
- 00:27:44the things that I admired from my
- 00:27:46boyfriend from the second that we got
- 00:27:47together is that he's the type of guy
- 00:27:49and even to this day he still is anytime
- 00:27:52his friends were in need of something
- 00:27:54needed a favor he will drop everything
- 00:27:56to go and help them and surprise
- 00:27:57surprise now that we're in a
- 00:27:59relationship he treats me the exact same
- 00:28:00way I won't need to ask for help I won't
- 00:28:03need to complain about an issue the
- 00:28:05second that you see something wrong he
- 00:28:07wants to come and help me he wants to
- 00:28:08make my life easier because that's just
- 00:28:10the kind of person he is no matter how
- 00:28:12little resources he may has he is so
- 00:28:14generous to every single person in his
- 00:28:17life and finally dating rule number 15
- 00:28:23is what does your dream life look like
- 00:28:26romantic love is just one part of your
- 00:28:29life not the whole story when you focus
- 00:28:32on fulfilling all of the other areas of
- 00:28:35your life whether it's people Hobbies
- 00:28:37experiences work your self growth your
- 00:28:40self-love your confidence you then
- 00:28:42detach better and you stop running after
- 00:28:45people just to have somebody so I need
- 00:28:48you to get super specific and visualize
- 00:28:51every single piece of potential Joy
- 00:28:55instead of just attaching it to one
- 00:28:57human being because that's unfair one
- 00:28:59person can't be everything for you they
- 00:29:00can't be that your therapist they can't
- 00:29:02be your best friend they can't be your
- 00:29:03soulmate they can't be the person you
- 00:29:04spend 24/7 with that's completely
- 00:29:06unhealthy there can be a lot of those
- 00:29:08things but you know you need to get your
- 00:29:10fulfillment and your passion and your
- 00:29:11love in other areas of your life as well
- 00:29:13because another thing I've seen in my
- 00:29:14story and so many other people's is you
- 00:29:16always get the love you deserve when you
- 00:29:18stop looking in order to attract the
- 00:29:20healthy high value relationship and
- 00:29:22person that you want you also need to
- 00:29:25match that level and live at that
- 00:29:28vibration and that brings us to the end
- 00:29:30of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it
- 00:29:31please comment down below and let me
- 00:29:33know which number fact you liked the
- 00:29:35most that resonated with you the most
- 00:29:37that you're going to take into your
- 00:29:38dating life honestly for me I actually
- 00:29:40think it was 15 I just love that piece
- 00:29:42of advice that really changed my life
- 00:29:44for the better um but thank you guys so
- 00:29:46much for watching you guys that get
- 00:29:47right here and watch my little outros
- 00:29:49you're the real ones I love you I
- 00:29:51appreciate you so much and I will see
- 00:29:53you in the next video good luck
- 00:29:56[Music]
- 00:30:01I me
- 00:30:03[Music]
- dating advice
- relationship tips
- self-worth
- attachment styles
- kindness in relationships
- personal growth
- emotional intelligence
- confidence in dating
- understanding red flags
- healthy relationships