Why Can't Narcissists See You?

00:14:05
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEn8-aDLPdM

Resumo

TLDRNan videyo sa a, diskite sou konpòtman narcissists ki soumèt limit pèsonèl yo e ki prezante yon klas ki vize a devlope limit ki an sante. Li dekri de biais prensipal ki fòme konpòtman yo: biais konpetans, ki fè yo santi yo pi bon pase lòt moun, ak biais konfime, ki jwenn prèv pou sipòte opinyon yo. Videyo a ofri konsèy sou ki jan pou jere relasyon ak narcissists, bouke ak kesyon sou tèt ou pou amelyore konpreyansyon ak akseptasyon. Finalman, li ankouraje moun pou yo kwè nan pwòp valè yo e pou kontinye chèche lapè malgre konpòtman volkanik lòt moun.

Conclusões

  • 💔 Narcissists pa respekte limit.
  • 📚 Klas videyo a gen 25 videyo pou aprann sou limit sante.
  • 🔍 Biais konpetans fè narcissists panse yo pi bon pase lòt moun.
  • 📈 Biais konfime fè yo chèche pwèv pou sipòte opinyon yo.
  • 🙅‍♂️ Fè efò pou defini ak kominike limit ou yo.
  • 🤔 Kouryozite fè relasyon pi rich, bagay narcissists pa fè.
  • ⚡ Ou ka toujou fè efò pou asire pwòp valè ou.
  • 😡 Rekonprann ke narcissists pa ka wè ou jan ou ye.
  • 💪 Dwe asertif se yon efò pou tèt ou.
  • 🕊️ Chèche lapè nan pwòp tèt ou, malgre defi yo.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    Nan vide sa a, moun k ap pale a diskite sou konpòtman ak pwòp tèt ou- enpòtan moun ki ka ranplase limit pèsonèl lòt moun. Li prezante yon kou an videyo ki gen 25 videyo, dokiman ekri, ak kesyon gid, ki vize pou ede moun etabli limit sante ak konprann tèt yo nan relasyon yo. Moun k ap fè videyo a pwogrese nan eksplike kòman anpil moun gen yon bezwen pou yo santi yo wè ak konprann pa lòt yo, e fason narcisist yo gen de bias ki anpeche yo sezi moun lòt yo, tankou 'kompetans bias' ak 'confirmation bias'.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:14:05

    Videyo a kontinye ak diskou sou enpak narcisist yo ka genyen sou relasyon yo, kote moun ki gen yon 'kompetans bias' kwè yo pi konnen e se sa ki mennen yo nan mank de kè kontan espesyalman sou opinyon ak bezwen lòt moun. Moun ki narcisist yo se moun ki manke kouraj, epi yo itilize kritik olye de curiousite pou aprann plis sou lòt yo. Konsepsyon sa a mennen nan yon atmosfè relasyon ki souvan fragil ak siperyorize, kote narcisist yo refize admèt erè yo. Moun k ap pale a ankouraje moun ki nan relasyon ak narcisist yo pou yo kenbe yon sans de valè pwòp yo, sa ki enpòtan anpil pou byennèt yo.

Mapa mental

Vídeo de perguntas e respostas

  • Ki sa ki pwoblèm nan avèk narcissists?

    Narcissists yo souvan pa respekte limit pèsonèl lòt moun e yo ka fè ou santi ou pa validé.

  • Kouman ka nou tabli limit sante?

    Se pou ou fè efò pou defini ak kominike limit ou yo, malgre sa ou ka eksperimante nan reyaksyon lòt moun.

  • Kisa videyo a ofri pou ede moun?

    Videyo a ofri yon klas ak 25 videyo ak dokiman pou aprann etabli limit sante.

  • Ki jan narcissists reponn a kritik?

    Yo ka reponn ak defansivite, kritik, ak yon mank de kouryozite.

  • Kouman pou mwen reaji nan yon relasyon ak yon narcissist?

    Li enpòtan pou ou pran pozisyon pou tèt ou, menm si sa ka difisil.

  • Èske mwen ka jwenn plis èd sou sijè sa a?

    Wi, videyo a bay lyen pou resous adisyonèl ak terapi sou entènèt.

  • Kouman mwen ka amelyore konpreyansyon mwen sou tèt mwen ak lòt moun?

    Klas la pèmèt ou eksplore diferans ou yo ak aprann sou pwòp valè ou.

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    [Music]
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    whatever the status of a relationship
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    organizations Etc in any of the
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    relationships that you have one of the
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    things that you're going to naturally
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    desire is you want to be seen you want
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    to be known you want to be understood
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    you want to know that that person when
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    they engage with you makes an attempts
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    to say I want to know who you are I want
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    to be able to see the things that you
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    see because that makes our relationships
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    much more well-rounded now do you ever
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    think of a narcissist as being the kind
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    of person that does that one of the
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    things that tends to inhibit the ability
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    to see another individual just for what
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    they are is the various biases that we
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    bring with us now every one of us has a
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    bias for example you can have a a
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    religious bias you can have cultural
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    biases you know based on where you were
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    brought up you got your ethnicity can
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    bias you toward the way that you
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    interpret life it just your gender can
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    can make you interpret things a little
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    bit differently and smart and growing
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    and healthy individuals will say well
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    I'm aware that I have biases and so as I
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    engage with other individuals I'm going
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    to hold my biases and enough in check so
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    that I can know you and there's not
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    going to be this superimposing kind of a
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    mindset that they bring narcissists
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    though have biases that uh that will
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    greatly inhibit their ability to know
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    you and see you for what you are and
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    there are specifically two biases that
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    they hold that go beyond the the ones
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    that I just mentioned uh first uh
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    narcissists hold what we refer to as a
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    competence bias now what I mean by
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    competence bias is in their mind they
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    think well
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    I'm a pretty smart person and I really
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    do know who I am I have a lot of
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    competence in fact I have an
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    intelligence and an insight and
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    knowledge that the average person out
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    there just doesn't have and so they have
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    a pretty strong uh impression of who
  • 00:02:54
    they are in that regard and then a
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    second bias they have and this is one
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    that's very familiar to many people is
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    what we refer to as the confirmation
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    bias and in a confirmation bias
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    basically they seek evidences whether
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    it's accurate or not to prove how right
  • 00:03:12
    they are and how wrong someone else is
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    for example taking those two ingredients
  • 00:03:18
    together the competence bias and the
  • 00:03:21
    confirmation bias let's just use a
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    simple illustration that you know where
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    you realize that you're at a different
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    place of managing things than that
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    narcissist and you make you make a
  • 00:03:32
    statement about that you say hey I'm
  • 00:03:34
    thinking differently from you and and
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    I'd like for you to consider this
  • 00:03:37
    instead of that
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    in their competence wise the the
  • 00:03:41
    narcissists can think well you're wrong
  • 00:03:44
    I have to be right and so their bias
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    naturally presumes that you don't know
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    what you're talking about and then when
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    you say well but I I really do believe
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    in what I'm saying here then in their
  • 00:03:57
    confirmation bias they'll say see this
  • 00:04:00
    illustrates how argumentative you are
  • 00:04:02
    and it's it's a can't win kind of a
  • 00:04:04
    situation for you and it's the ultimate
  • 00:04:08
    frustration because you walk away
  • 00:04:11
    thinking this person doesn't know me
  • 00:04:13
    this person doesn't see me for who I am
  • 00:04:15
    they don't care what I bring to the
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    equation it's all about that other
  • 00:04:19
    individual and the narcissist is
  • 00:04:22
    thinking no it's not that it's just I
  • 00:04:24
    know more than you and I I just make
  • 00:04:27
    more sense than you do and you keep
  • 00:04:29
    proving why I need to just uh dismiss
  • 00:04:33
    you and Elevate myself that's how they
  • 00:04:35
    operate and the net result is the
  • 00:04:38
    narcissist is going to have all sorts of
  • 00:04:41
    patterns and predictabilities for
  • 00:04:44
    example one of the first things you're
  • 00:04:46
    going to notice is they're going to
  • 00:04:47
    operate under the assumption that says
  • 00:04:49
    don't bother me with the truth because
  • 00:04:52
    my mind is already made up how many
  • 00:04:55
    times have you engaged with that person
  • 00:04:57
    who clearly doesn't understand you you
  • 00:05:00
    try to bring them up to speed and it's
  • 00:05:02
    like look whatever is true that you
  • 00:05:04
    think forget it I already know
  • 00:05:06
    everything
  • 00:05:07
    uh likewise when you encounter that
  • 00:05:11
    narcissist who have these biases you're
  • 00:05:14
    going to notice they have a very strong
  • 00:05:16
    lack of curiosity but then that's also
  • 00:05:20
    going to turn into a very strong
  • 00:05:22
    inclination towards criticism not only
  • 00:05:25
    are they not curious about who they are
  • 00:05:27
    they just criticize what they see in you
  • 00:05:29
    rather than thinking I wonder what that
  • 00:05:31
    means I wonder what I can learn from you
  • 00:05:33
    they don't think that way
  • 00:05:35
    being over confident in themselves with
  • 00:05:39
    that competence bias they don't learn
  • 00:05:42
    they don't feel like they have to take
  • 00:05:44
    in any kind of input at all instead as
  • 00:05:48
    you attempt to talk with them about some
  • 00:05:50
    of the things that they could learn or
  • 00:05:52
    know more fully what you'll get is lots
  • 00:05:55
    of rationalization and justification
  • 00:05:57
    these folks can be absurdly defensive
  • 00:06:00
    when it comes to the thought that says
  • 00:06:03
    you might be able to pick up on some new
  • 00:06:05
    information in their competence bias
  • 00:06:07
    it's like
  • 00:06:08
    um no I don't need that and then again
  • 00:06:11
    uh when you uh hold on to your ground
  • 00:06:14
    it's like you're just the most difficult
  • 00:06:16
    person I want to know and you can they
  • 00:06:18
    they confirm uh what makes them feel
  • 00:06:20
    better whether it's accurate or not it's
  • 00:06:22
    a whole different story likewise these
  • 00:06:25
    individuals tend to gravitate toward
  • 00:06:27
    other persons who will share their
  • 00:06:30
    biases with them
  • 00:06:32
    as a result uh they they don't want to
  • 00:06:35
    be stretched they don't want to be
  • 00:06:37
    challenged they like to be around yes
  • 00:06:39
    people flying monkeys and all the rest
  • 00:06:41
    uh in addition these individuals tend to
  • 00:06:44
    be very strongly inclined toward black
  • 00:06:47
    and white thinking uh being able to come
  • 00:06:51
    to terms with nuances or just what your
  • 00:06:54
    back story is or your unique set of
  • 00:06:56
    circumstances that you might be drawing
  • 00:06:58
    upon it's like I don't care about that
  • 00:07:01
    if it's anything different from me then
  • 00:07:04
    it's just it's just immaterial and as a
  • 00:07:07
    result they don't blend I mean like when
  • 00:07:10
    I say they don't blend at all and so the
  • 00:07:14
    uh you can summarize that narcissist who
  • 00:07:17
    is unable to see you for what you are or
  • 00:07:20
    appreciate you for what you are and has
  • 00:07:22
    these this competence and this
  • 00:07:24
    confirmation bias that they bring you
  • 00:07:27
    can summarize their mindset by them
  • 00:07:30
    saying to you look I know so many things
  • 00:07:34
    that you don't know and you keep proving
  • 00:07:38
    me right that's how they operate and so
  • 00:07:42
    this has multiple implications for you
  • 00:07:44
    as you're trying to come to terms with
  • 00:07:46
    these individuals and first and foremost
  • 00:07:49
    we're going to say keep in mind knowing
  • 00:07:52
    that they have the bias that they have
  • 00:07:54
    against you your attempts to explain
  • 00:07:57
    your reasoning is not going to go well
  • 00:08:01
    you're going to be naturally ridiculed
  • 00:08:03
    and mocked and invalidated and then when
  • 00:08:07
    you say we need to we need to have a
  • 00:08:10
    better atmosphere around here come on
  • 00:08:12
    they're going to think we sure do and it
  • 00:08:15
    needs to conform with me they insist
  • 00:08:17
    upon Conformity because you're the one
  • 00:08:19
    that's wrong of course that's part of
  • 00:08:21
    the uh you can see that it flows real
  • 00:08:23
    quickly into the victim mindset that
  • 00:08:25
    they carry another implication this has
  • 00:08:27
    for you is you're never going to hear
  • 00:08:30
    that narcissistic person say I was wrong
  • 00:08:33
    or I'm sorry will you forgive me because
  • 00:08:37
    they're the competent person in the room
  • 00:08:40
    you're the one that's not and then your
  • 00:08:42
    disagreement with them just illustrates
  • 00:08:45
    like you're the one that needs to
  • 00:08:46
    apologize to me that and again that's
  • 00:08:48
    how they think another implication this
  • 00:08:51
    is going to have for you and this is so
  • 00:08:52
    important for you to remember and that
  • 00:08:54
    is any assertiveness that you have with
  • 00:08:57
    that narcissist is going to be a solo
  • 00:09:00
    effort now noticed that I didn't say
  • 00:09:03
    don't even try to be assertive with that
  • 00:09:05
    person or don't try to set boundaries
  • 00:09:06
    many times people will say well I tried
  • 00:09:09
    to set boundaries or I tried to be
  • 00:09:10
    asserted and it didn't work and what
  • 00:09:12
    they mean is the other person didn't
  • 00:09:13
    appreciate what I was saying or doing
  • 00:09:16
    that about me establishing mild and
  • 00:09:19
    distinctive keep in mind they don't want
  • 00:09:21
    to see you for who you are they don't
  • 00:09:23
    want to know you but it doesn't mean
  • 00:09:25
    that you can't lean into your own
  • 00:09:27
    distinctive anyway it's just going to be
  • 00:09:28
    a solo effort and you're not going to be
  • 00:09:30
    understood but you need to stand up for
  • 00:09:31
    yourself anyway
  • 00:09:33
    and that being the case you're going to
  • 00:09:35
    be met with lots of defensiveness and
  • 00:09:38
    whatever relationship you have with that
  • 00:09:40
    person is going to be both superficial
  • 00:09:42
    and it's going to be fragile at best
  • 00:09:44
    because it's only a matter of time
  • 00:09:45
    before it's just going to collapse
  • 00:09:47
    simply because they can't deal with
  • 00:09:49
    anything beyond you affirming their
  • 00:09:52
    competence
  • 00:09:54
    Etc
  • 00:09:55
    so uh The Narcissist honestly does
  • 00:09:59
    believe that they have the greater
  • 00:10:00
    competence and uh whenever you show your
  • 00:10:04
    differences uh sure enough they think of
  • 00:10:06
    that as further proof that you are just
  • 00:10:09
    a foreign in their side and they just
  • 00:10:11
    can't stand being with you and it can be
  • 00:10:14
    very insulting to you to know that
  • 00:10:16
    you're not seen you're not heard your
  • 00:10:19
    thoughts and feelings and
  • 00:10:20
    interpretations you simply don't
  • 00:10:22
    register and so by default that
  • 00:10:25
    narcissistic person is going to hold you
  • 00:10:27
    in low regard But ultimately I think
  • 00:10:31
    we're going to need to remind ourselves
  • 00:10:33
    it's it's your belief in yourself that
  • 00:10:37
    matters most they don't see you for who
  • 00:10:39
    you are they don't appreciate your
  • 00:10:41
    distinctives but I I just have some
  • 00:10:44
    simple questions that I hope you can ask
  • 00:10:45
    of yourself and that is are you an
  • 00:10:48
    honest person in their biases and then
  • 00:10:51
    their rationalizations narcissists are
  • 00:10:54
    not too committed to truth which means
  • 00:10:57
    honesty are you a trustworthy person are
  • 00:11:00
    you someone who's committed to personal
  • 00:11:03
    Improvement are you in a learning
  • 00:11:05
    process do you appreciate new ideas are
  • 00:11:09
    you somebody that operates with a team
  • 00:11:11
    mindset in other words you actually can
  • 00:11:14
    coordinate do you respect other
  • 00:11:17
    individuals uniqueness are you the kind
  • 00:11:19
    of person that respects another person's
  • 00:11:21
    different emotional responses or
  • 00:11:24
    attitudes and I'm hoping that ASU can
  • 00:11:26
    affirm that you do bring these kinds of
  • 00:11:29
    full elements to your personality into
  • 00:11:32
    the equation and the narcissists just
  • 00:11:35
    keep saying well I'm the smart one in
  • 00:11:36
    the person and you keep proving how
  • 00:11:38
    you're in it let them handle in every
  • 00:11:41
    opinion they want to have let them have
  • 00:11:42
    whatever their biases are going to have
  • 00:11:44
    you're not going to make them any
  • 00:11:45
    different
  • 00:11:47
    and competent uh people and keep in mind
  • 00:11:50
    their competency bias competent people
  • 00:11:53
    know how much they need still to learn
  • 00:11:56
    and they they actually understand that
  • 00:11:58
    there are elements where they have a
  • 00:12:00
    certain ignorance and instead of saying
  • 00:12:03
    no we can't we can't go there they
  • 00:12:05
    embrace it uh but you see narcissists
  • 00:12:09
    are too insecure and they're too fragile
  • 00:12:11
    to say you know I I have a competence
  • 00:12:14
    but I don't have all the competence in
  • 00:12:16
    the room
  • 00:12:17
    um they're they're uh their ego is far
  • 00:12:20
    too weak they're not able to enter into
  • 00:12:22
    that space keep that in mind as you
  • 00:12:24
    engage with them
  • 00:12:27
    I hope the video such as this can give
  • 00:12:29
    you some good awareness about what
  • 00:12:30
    you're dealing with if you've not
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    you if you have a need for therapy and
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    many times it's it's uh necessary to
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    have somebody that can help you unpack
  • 00:12:46
    these kind of things know that I'm
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    sponsored by the people at
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    betterhelp.com there's a link below that
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    will take you to their website and uh
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    this is something that you can take
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    advantage of it's an online service that
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    is accessible and affordable so if
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    that's something you need I would
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    encourage you to go in that direction
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    likewise I have my therapeutic courses
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    class each course has multiple videos
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    with written documents and guided
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    edification we have Ready Set connect
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    about making good connections with
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    others this is me establishing those
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    boundaries free to be finding yourself
  • 00:13:23
    despite the controllers we have my
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    website I'm Excuse me we have about
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    webinars we also have a website we have
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    my surviving narcissism podcasts and my
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    books plenty of resources
  • 00:13:36
    okay you may actually walk away from
  • 00:13:38
    that narcissistic person repeatedly
  • 00:13:40
    thinking that person doesn't see me for
  • 00:13:42
    who I am and that's just part of the
  • 00:13:44
    equation to factor that in but I hope
  • 00:13:46
    like I say that you can see yourself
  • 00:13:48
    accurately and in doing so it's it sets
  • 00:13:51
    you up to be a person of steadiness
  • 00:13:52
    which then allows you to find peace I so
  • 00:13:56
    hope that you can find your peace
  • 00:14:00
    foreign
  • 00:14:02
    [Music]
Etiquetas
  • narcissism
  • boundaries
  • personal development
  • self-worth
  • relationships
  • self-help
  • therapeutic resources
  • competence bias
  • confirmation bias
  • self-awareness