BlackPink Live#06: to raise Resilient Kids? | Ms. Nhi x The Lao Chio
Resumo
TLDRThe podcast episode hosted by Pauline covers the topic of raising resilient children. The episode discusses the importance of resilience, defined as the ability to recover quickly from difficulties and adapt well to adversity. The hosts highlight Children's Day in Vietnam and delve into the challenges and responsibilities parents face when fostering resilience in children. Personal stories are shared to illustrate these points, including one speaker's challenging childhood experience in Vietnam and how it influenced their parenting philosophy. The discussion emphasizes the significance of allowing children to fail and learn from their experiences, promoting independence, and the cultivation of emotional and mental strength. The hosts argue that parents must also be resilient themselves to serve as role models for their children. They share practical tips for encouraging resilience, such as exposing children to diverse experiences and cultures and creating an environment where children can safely make mistakes and learn from them. Overall, the podcast underscores that resilience is not just about physical toughness but encompasses emotional maturity and the ability to adapt to life's challenges.
ConclusΓ΅es
- π Children's Day is celebrated on June 1st in Vietnam.
- π€ Discussing and teaching resilience is crucial for raising children.
- π Parents shared personal stories about facing and overcoming challenges.
- π οΈ Failure is a critical learning tool for developing resilience.
- π Exposing children to different cultures aids in fostering adaptability.
- π₯ Resilience involves emotional and mental strength, not just physical toughness.
- π¨βπ©βπ§βπ¦ Parents must also model resilience for their children to emulate.
- π Children should be encouraged to handle life's challenges independently.
- π Resilience includes adapting to new situations and recovering from adversity.
- π Allowing children to make mistakes in a safe environment promotes growth.
Linha do tempo
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The video begins with the hosts greeting viewers and introducing the topic of raising resilient kids. They explain that they are discussing children due to Children's Day in Vietnam on June 1st. The main focus is on the importance of raising children who can be resilient amidst life's challenges.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
The conversation continues with one host sharing her background about growing up in Vietnam and her experiences that shaped her resilience. She mentions being raised in a temple and how Buddhist monks contributed to her education. This personal story serves as a backdrop for discussing resilience.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The hosts discuss how childhood experiences shape resilience. One explains her daughter's question about family dynamics and societal pressures, emphasizing the need for children to understand different life experiences. They reflect on being open with their children about life's challenges to foster resilience.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
The topic shifts to comparing childhood experiences in different countries, touching on how children in Singapore are blessed with comforts that may not prepare them for life's adversities. Raising resilient kids amid such comforts is explored, suggesting exposing children to diverse experiences.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
The hosts address the importance of allowing children to face setbacks and learn from them, sharing personal stories. One recounts how her son faced disappointment when stripped of a school leadership role due to a minor misbehavior, using this story to illustrate emotional resilience lessons.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
They stress the importance of parents being resilient role models. The conversation highlights how parents' reactions to their children's failures significantly impact their resilience. Encouraging children to learn from mistakes is presented as a key factor in building emotional strength.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
One host shares her method of allowing her child independence in handling school-related responsibilities from a young age to develop mental resilience. This approach is tied to allowing children to learn and handle disappointments as a way of fostering their growth.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
The conversation elaborates on experiential learning, where the host speaks about taking her daughter to Vietnam to understand her roots and face real-life situations. She believes such experiences help her child appreciate her privileges and build resilience.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
The video touches on the philosophy that parents need to model resilience to teach it effectively. The hosts express that parents committed to growth and learning can inspire the same in their children, thus indirectly teaching resilience by example.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
A personal anecdote is shared about a child questioning the reality of situations and parental responses. This segment emphasizes open dialogue between parents and children to prepare them for real-world issues like safety and personal choice.
- 00:50:00 - 00:55:00
The hosts discuss the evolving dynamics of family roles and the importance of understanding different cultural backgrounds. They mention providing children with opportunities to learn through diverse experiences rather than shielding them from every challenge.
- 00:55:00 - 01:01:26
The video concludes with reflections on resilience as a lifelong process of learning and adapting. The hosts emphasize continuing to provide children with opportunities to face challenges safely, concluding with call-to-action to subscribe and follow their content on various platforms.
Mapa mental
Perguntas frequentes
What does it mean to be resilient?
Resilience involves being able to recover from adversity, stress, or difficult situations and adapt effectively over time.
How can parents raise resilient children?
Parents can raise resilient kids by allowing them to experience failures, fostering independence, and encouraging them to learn from challenges they face.
What are some ways to promote resilience in children?
Parents can promote resilience by encouraging kids to solve problems on their own, making them responsible for their actions, discussing lessons learned from failures, and exposing them to diverse situations and cultures.
What role do parents play in raising resilient kids?
The speakers suggest that parents need to also be resilient and set an example for their children by showing how to handle lifeβs challenges effectively.
Is resilience only about being tough physically?
Resilience is about emotional and mental strength, understanding how to overcome mistakes, deal with setbacks, and look at challenges as opportunities to learn.
What are some practical steps parents can take to help their children become more resilient?
Examples include letting kids experience different cultures, different environments, and allowing them to make mistakes and learn natural consequences.
Why might parents be apprehensive about letting their children fail?
Parents worry because experiencing failure may initially distress children, but it's necessary for learning how to overcome adversity.
Why is it important for children to be resilient?
Resilient children are likely to handle stress and challenges better, are more adaptable, and have a stronger sense of self-efficacy.
What is the main theme of this podcast episode?
The podcast is called "Black Being Leader" and emphasizes building resilient children and highlights the speakers' personal experiences and cultural perspectives on parenting.
Does the podcast discuss any cultural differences related to parenting?
Yes, the speakers mention Children's Day in Vietnam being celebrated on June 1st as an aspect of cultural differences regarding parenting topics.
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- 00:00:01n
- 00:00:11[Music]
- 00:00:26[Music]
- 00:00:42black hello hello welcome back to
- 00:00:46another
- 00:00:47episode of black beinging leader hi
- 00:00:52everyone another topic with Pauling and
- 00:00:56uh yes you can see we're not live today
- 00:00:59but yes we see recording this for you
- 00:01:01guys so you can enjoy the topic that we
- 00:01:03would love to share with you guys yeah
- 00:01:07and uh today the topic I think some of
- 00:01:09them would be wondering why are we
- 00:01:12talking about kids
- 00:01:14children in this month uh or this uh
- 00:01:18early June episode because I heard
- 00:01:21something from uh n team that this month
- 00:01:25first June uh they mention about oh
- 00:01:28Pauline uh shall we we talk about how to
- 00:01:30raise resilient kids then I'm like okay
- 00:01:34but why topic on kids for June then they
- 00:01:38were telling me Oh because it's
- 00:01:39children's day 1 June is children's day
- 00:01:42then I'm like what no no no it's not
- 00:01:45children's day you know in June I mean
- 00:01:47is in October to me it's in October but
- 00:01:50they say no in Vietnam it is in June oh
- 00:01:54I learned something new so in Vietnam 1
- 00:01:57June is the celebration of children's
- 00:02:00day so although it's a few days over I
- 00:02:02still want to wish every children in
- 00:02:05Vietnam a Happy Children's Day yeah
- 00:02:09thank you paing because I grow up with
- 00:02:11that right first of June is the only day
- 00:02:14of the year that okay this s very bad
- 00:02:17but we have a lot of sweet to eat oh
- 00:02:20that's the only day that people give you
- 00:02:23present give you sweet and I think also
- 00:02:25because it's the end of uh school time
- 00:02:28for us so so after school will be school
- 00:02:31holiday is the started of school holiday
- 00:02:34break so we will have a lot of like book
- 00:02:38new notebook Baner case and and so on so
- 00:02:42forth so with Vietnam children who grow
- 00:02:45up as vietnami like me that's all we
- 00:02:47remember you know first of June is the
- 00:02:50day that you have the most toy G present
- 00:02:55B clothes or whatsoever so Vietnamese
- 00:03:00kid this time is heaven oh I love it you
- 00:03:03know I have more G actually in sing is
- 00:03:06the same one means I think uh right now
- 00:03:09is good for you because uh your daughter
- 00:03:13yeah is now in uh School holiday don't
- 00:03:15need to go to school yes yeah also start
- 00:03:18a school holiday in Singapore as well
- 00:03:20yeah yeah so traveling with your kids
- 00:03:24this month going somewhere yeah we plan
- 00:03:27to go to Vietnam at the uh the end of
- 00:03:30like her school break because my
- 00:03:32schedule work is too overload and I
- 00:03:35cannot slot her in no no slot available
- 00:03:40so I I will bring her someday the end
- 00:03:44because she want I I never bring her to
- 00:03:46temple before many trip before I bring
- 00:03:49her to like kind of Vietnamese uh
- 00:03:53charity and and beaches and uh Mountain
- 00:03:58so I want to introduce you her about
- 00:04:02uh the culture and at the same time the
- 00:04:05temple where I growing up
- 00:04:07with the m there was groom me a lot uh
- 00:04:13back then when I was because I don't
- 00:04:15have my parent was left me and I were
- 00:04:18busy so actually I spent a lot of my
- 00:04:21childhood time like at least four years
- 00:04:25after school time in the temple oh right
- 00:04:28yeah I know a lot of people don't know
- 00:04:30about this so the Buddhist monk was the
- 00:04:33one who helped me one of the one that to
- 00:04:37raise the fund to pay for my school fee
- 00:04:39when I was in my high
- 00:04:42school so yeah so I was I was homeless
- 00:04:46when I'm 15 and I think uh I don't talk
- 00:04:50about the religion but I would talk
- 00:04:52about the people behind that some of
- 00:04:55them is great that also support to be a
- 00:04:59resilient kid like me I don't maybe the
- 00:05:03age thing I grow old now and I start
- 00:05:06remember a lot of thing when I was
- 00:05:10secondary school high school
- 00:05:13when I look up to a father and someone
- 00:05:17that can raise me and I don't have it
- 00:05:20and the mon in the temple that I call
- 00:05:22master up to now he's still my master in
- 00:05:25my heart he always my my first like kind
- 00:05:28of how the say like adopter father I
- 00:05:31always call that when I go to the temple
- 00:05:34so I want to intr her to my childhood a
- 00:05:37little bit more uh I it s a little bit
- 00:05:49selfish
- 00:05:52oh uh I uh have the sound
- 00:05:57suddenly when
- 00:06:00went
- 00:06:03off is it
- 00:06:06me I still hear you oh now okay yeah I
- 00:06:11still hear you all right okay yeah just
- 00:06:14nowly uh the S goes off yeah so I I just
- 00:06:18want to take advantage of she a l and
- 00:06:22can introdu her as much as Vietnamese
- 00:06:26culture before she like Mommy I'm not
- 00:06:28Joy you for holiday day you
- 00:06:31know how old is your kids how old is
- 00:06:34your kids that tell you that I'm not go
- 00:06:36with you for
- 00:06:38Holiday until now my children 124 121
- 00:06:43okay they still will go with me on a
- 00:06:45holiday only this one okay I have hope
- 00:06:48then I believe yours I I believe I
- 00:06:51believe yours will as well yeah yes I
- 00:06:55hope so I think that's what I I would I
- 00:06:58would because see how she go with friend
- 00:07:01for Holiday she more enjoying than she
- 00:07:03go with me maybe I'm I'm older and I'm
- 00:07:06not as fun at her age you
- 00:07:10know yeah yeah in like I think this is
- 00:07:13good to show your uh I mean daughter how
- 00:07:17it's like for you to grow up and I'm not
- 00:07:20sure did you share your story with her
- 00:07:22how you grow up no I mean I I think it's
- 00:07:26hard to go to detail on that yet because
- 00:07:30she not really understand yet but I
- 00:07:33think she start understand that oh I
- 00:07:36don't have a grand mother grandfather
- 00:07:39kind of my mother's side and uh
- 00:07:43she I think I I think also because of my
- 00:07:46life it helped
- 00:07:48her I don't know it become like hard for
- 00:07:50her to feel sad for her life because I
- 00:07:54remember when we divorced and one time
- 00:07:57she would come to me and she was give me
- 00:07:59a lot of tantrum in after school time
- 00:08:02and she will complain about I want to
- 00:08:05have a father like my friend why Always
- 00:08:08you and Auntie pick me up you know and
- 00:08:11start be hit me or like she start
- 00:08:13screaming and crying and we know it's
- 00:08:16normal you know it's a it's a part of
- 00:08:18they start learning and they start
- 00:08:20understand they start comparing they
- 00:08:22start use the parent at the the the
- 00:08:26thing that friend have so I should have
- 00:08:29right
- 00:08:30and take me quite a few month to explain
- 00:08:33to her okay look at me do you have do
- 00:08:36you have seen my parent
- 00:08:39around have you ever think like how do I
- 00:08:41grow up and a lot of kid outside that
- 00:08:43some is like me and then you have to
- 00:08:46keep repeat the same information so she
- 00:08:49knows some she don't know fo I don't
- 00:08:52think she understand yet but I think she
- 00:08:55start questioning about why her mom life
- 00:08:59is different than other or like she go
- 00:09:02back from school and we go for like a
- 00:09:05run together in school and then she were
- 00:09:08like Mommy you a younger mom in my
- 00:09:10school in my class and I like oh why she
- 00:09:13say I asked all my friend how old they
- 00:09:16parent and nobody tell me that parent
- 00:09:2032 because she eight and I'm 32 it's
- 00:09:24mean 24 I give birth in Singapore I
- 00:09:27think quite rare yes right yes
- 00:09:29and they like they and she were like can
- 00:09:33you see you look like a kid in my school
- 00:09:36because when I go there with her and
- 00:09:37everybody said who is that who is that
- 00:09:40Eva because you know the kid right they
- 00:09:42was talk very loud I it's my mom I said
- 00:09:46Mom she look so young she look so
- 00:09:49young and I just funny for me so she was
- 00:09:53she come home and she asked a lot of
- 00:09:56like stuff when her friend feel like
- 00:09:59your mom is different or or so or so I'm
- 00:10:02I'm I'm working on explain to her a lot
- 00:10:05of thing on that but I think for
- 00:10:08understanding I think she need to go
- 00:10:09Vietnam more that that's what I I I I
- 00:10:13feel because story is still story right
- 00:10:16yes or what I share is still very hard
- 00:10:20for her to imagine because she born the
- 00:10:23country that is different with where I
- 00:10:26come from so yeah I'm work I'm working
- 00:10:28toward that
- 00:10:30but that's true because um when she's
- 00:10:33able to go to to the temple I believe
- 00:10:36when you share with her the story I'm
- 00:10:38not sure whether you're going to share
- 00:10:39with her the story how you grow up yeah
- 00:10:42gives her the realization how you've
- 00:10:44grown up with I'm not sure how that
- 00:10:46Temple currently the state of it you
- 00:10:49know yeah because it look way more like
- 00:10:52better now yeah oh okay yeah worse I
- 00:10:57believe I believe so right I believe
- 00:11:00there should be like now probably is
- 00:11:02better they have more funds all because
- 00:11:05of Technology as well in the past maybe
- 00:11:07even the toilet may not be uh as good as
- 00:11:11uh all
- 00:11:14these yeah definely you know after like
- 00:11:1820 years of you uh when you grow up
- 00:11:21right so I think it's good for her to
- 00:11:24really see the situation even though now
- 00:11:27probably is way better off when you grow
- 00:11:29up but as compared to where she grows up
- 00:11:33which is in Singapore I believe still
- 00:11:36quite different yeah and uh if it's in
- 00:11:40your hometown that's in a village it's
- 00:11:42definitely much much different yeah and
- 00:11:46for us is I believe she grew up staying
- 00:11:48in what of course what we tell as hdb
- 00:11:51the Housing Development Bo which is the
- 00:11:54public housing in Singapore but it is
- 00:11:56still in a very good uh state state
- 00:11:59where everything is being taken care of
- 00:12:02like the Le function perfectly uh the
- 00:12:07cleaning you know there's always the
- 00:12:09cleaner to clean the downstairs the void
- 00:12:12decks and the rubbish there are rubbish
- 00:12:15trucks every day every morning to
- 00:12:17actually clear off the rubbish and it's
- 00:12:19so easy for you to just dump the rubbish
- 00:12:21a TR just dump it down okay and things
- 00:12:24are C the sewage system so I'm I would
- 00:12:28believe that definitely a vast
- 00:12:30difference of how Singaporean kids grow
- 00:12:34up very fortunately very blessed and the
- 00:12:38the question then of course will be our
- 00:12:40topic is how do we then build and raise
- 00:12:43resilient kids who are able to at the
- 00:12:45meaning of resilient would be you know
- 00:12:47who are able to able to overcome
- 00:12:49adversity able to recover quickly if
- 00:12:53there are actually like difficult
- 00:12:55situation because they are so I mean in
- 00:12:58Singapore uh the children here at least
- 00:13:01I'm not sure about uh your children or
- 00:13:04your kids but mine grow up in a very uh
- 00:13:07blessed situation my children are not
- 00:13:09born very rich I am not especially when
- 00:13:13they grow up I was still fighting like
- 00:13:15you for my career uh we don't live in
- 00:13:19very good situation I don't have a
- 00:13:20helper they don't grow up with helper I
- 00:13:22don't have a car okay uh and uh we take
- 00:13:26MRT uh I mean there are times we take
- 00:13:28Taxi there wasn't any grap when they
- 00:13:30grow up and uh but I still find that
- 00:13:34they are very blessed to really have
- 00:13:36everything that's being provided for so
- 00:13:39when they go to school the school the
- 00:13:41books the textbooks everything is there
- 00:13:44so the key thing right now is if things
- 00:13:47were to happen like for example uh few
- 00:13:51days few years ago we know we hit a very
- 00:13:54big uh thing which uh all of us fa it
- 00:13:57the very first time which is called
- 00:13:58covid the lockdown where there's
- 00:14:01pandemic so even I you know or even
- 00:14:05people like my father 70 years this is
- 00:14:07the first time we all lock down kind of
- 00:14:09like together it's something new it has
- 00:14:12not been experienced before so the key
- 00:14:15question is how do we let them
- 00:14:17experience you know situations which
- 00:14:21they can recover quickly because life is
- 00:14:23not a bit of roses right as much as we
- 00:14:26hope that our children grow I mean even
- 00:14:29when they grow old everything is smooth
- 00:14:31is in a bit of roses we want that for
- 00:14:33them but are we know lies it's not like
- 00:14:36that right as they grow up so they are
- 00:14:38they're very fortunate unlike maybe you
- 00:14:40and me we have certain adversity certain
- 00:14:42situations which we have to overcome
- 00:14:46that make us very resilient so the
- 00:14:48question now is for children for kids
- 00:14:52who are so blessed how do we then make
- 00:14:55sure that they are resilient so that's
- 00:14:57the big question right now for I think
- 00:15:00not just in Singapore but many countries
- 00:15:03I believe even in Vietnam right now
- 00:15:05where everybody yeah even the Vietnamese
- 00:15:07kids right now I think they are much
- 00:15:09more fortunate than the past and we do
- 00:15:11have uh situations where they are really
- 00:15:14also born with cars uh with food on the
- 00:15:17table they don't even need to probably
- 00:15:19do housework so how do we do that
- 00:15:23yeah so might
- 00:15:26want so first I think first have ask how
- 00:15:29Pauline successful do that because her
- 00:15:32kid is grown now right so I mean I'm see
- 00:15:36my journey but how do you start it and
- 00:15:40what did you add in in your life with
- 00:15:43your kid that make a difference that
- 00:15:45today you can confident say that you
- 00:15:48have a resilient kid okay uh for me it's
- 00:15:52uh as I mentioned my children even
- 00:15:55though they were being given the basic
- 00:15:57necessities like for example going to
- 00:15:59school uh they are quite fortunate as
- 00:16:01well they are able to go for enrichment
- 00:16:03classes like tuition like uh my daughter
- 00:16:07grew up learning ballet and uh I also
- 00:16:10sign up for Pio class but after that
- 00:16:11stopped because in school she has
- 00:16:13another uh band which sest too much of
- 00:16:16an enrichment classes so I have to cut
- 00:16:18it down right she's so busy so the kind
- 00:16:21of resilient kid in Singapore I think
- 00:16:23it's slightly different it's more in
- 00:16:25terms of uh the emotional and mental
- 00:16:29resilience that uh they have to
- 00:16:32experience so uh what do I mean by
- 00:16:35emotionally emotional and mental
- 00:16:37resilience uh of course in terms of uh
- 00:16:40livelihood it's not a it's not an issue
- 00:16:43even if we talk about probably um the uh
- 00:16:47not so well too children in Singapore is
- 00:16:50still quite blessed everything is
- 00:16:52covered for even in school uh the
- 00:16:54Singapore government would cover most of
- 00:16:56the stuff so I for me it's very
- 00:16:59important that they grow up having that
- 00:17:01mental resilience now what do I mean by
- 00:17:03the mental resilience would be uh they
- 00:17:06are able to overcome situations now
- 00:17:10since young what I do is as I just now
- 00:17:13mentioned my children do not have any
- 00:17:15helper so they have to do things by
- 00:17:18themselves and they have to face
- 00:17:19situations by themselves like what I
- 00:17:22don't check their
- 00:17:24homework I don't check or pack their
- 00:17:27school bags for them I leave it to them
- 00:17:29to do it since primary one of course
- 00:17:32what I would do is um in primary one
- 00:17:35when they first start school I do have
- 00:17:37because they have this notebook where
- 00:17:39the school teacher would kind of like
- 00:17:41force the parents to read then we have
- 00:17:43to sign yeah like I'm not sure now you
- 00:17:46have like me yes every day yeah so the
- 00:17:50school the school teacher actually put
- 00:17:53in so-call the responsibility right now
- 00:17:55to be with parents I know there's a
- 00:17:57there's a meaning to to it because they
- 00:17:59want the parents to actually at least
- 00:18:01know what the children uh they would be
- 00:18:04doing right so in case we are like very
- 00:18:06hands of parents we know what's going on
- 00:18:09so the key is when I have certain things
- 00:18:12that's being uh put out in the booklet
- 00:18:14sometimes the the teachers put oh my son
- 00:18:17normally my son would have certain
- 00:18:19issues like never do homework to ative
- 00:18:22in class or things like that so they
- 00:18:25will write it I would actually do some
- 00:18:27explanation to him but how do I put it
- 00:18:29resilient is if they face with situation
- 00:18:32I really let them handle it and I do a
- 00:18:35debrief with them now there is one
- 00:18:38situation that I really am very upset
- 00:18:41and but this is the part which my boy
- 00:18:43has to learn what it's called resilience
- 00:18:45now my my buy was being selected to be a
- 00:18:47so called a school leader uh from
- 00:18:50primary to primary 3 now one day he
- 00:18:53comes out say mommy I'm going to be the
- 00:18:55So-Cal the school leader you know they
- 00:18:56have a badge from primary
- 00:18:59then it's like so happy become like the
- 00:19:01school leader the the student leader
- 00:19:02they call it like a student leader now
- 00:19:05all of a sudden one day a few months
- 00:19:07later he tell me Mommy uh I'm not going
- 00:19:09to be the student leader
- 00:19:11anymore so I'm like okay um what
- 00:19:14happened right oh no my teacher said uh
- 00:19:18maybe that there's too much you know I'm
- 00:19:19now I'm not selected so I didn't know
- 00:19:22the real reason until during the last
- 00:19:26day of the school there's always the
- 00:19:28parent teacher meet so um I keep
- 00:19:31thinking like oh probably it was
- 00:19:33actually maybe he's being shortlisted
- 00:19:35then he's not being selected but after
- 00:19:37that I realized he was actually being
- 00:19:39selected but he this position was being
- 00:19:42taken
- 00:19:43away it was being taken away yeah why
- 00:19:46because he and his friends because his
- 00:19:49dad taught him how to fold boats paper
- 00:19:51boats right yeah so what happened is he
- 00:19:55taught his friends how to fold the paper
- 00:19:57boats and they folded and they put these
- 00:19:59paper boats into that little pond in the
- 00:20:02school to see you know to play with it
- 00:20:05and they were being got caught and they
- 00:20:08were being
- 00:20:09reprimanded and uh for him he was being
- 00:20:12stripped off from that position as a
- 00:20:15student leader wow that must be the big
- 00:20:18scar for him for when young yes was
- 00:20:22actually a big scarf for a child of 8y
- 00:20:26old but he didn't know how to handle it
- 00:20:29I mean my son I realized there's
- 00:20:31actually a switch in the behavior yet
- 00:20:35the teacher didn't know that this switch
- 00:20:37it actually put a scar on him yeah you
- 00:20:41know when he come back to me he actually
- 00:20:42says that uh oh because uh now the
- 00:20:45teacher say No need no need but he
- 00:20:48didn't give me the whole story that
- 00:20:50actually it was being taken away from
- 00:20:53him when I heard this story I was very
- 00:20:57upset now I was very upset because of a
- 00:21:00few things it's not because this title
- 00:21:02was being stripped off it's because why
- 00:21:05is it that this is really a situation
- 00:21:07where the school should have told me and
- 00:21:09we handle it together with a child
- 00:21:11because after that I realized a
- 00:21:14different behavior in my son since then
- 00:21:18my son always have the notion that I do
- 00:21:22not get the things that I
- 00:21:25want so there was this situation where
- 00:21:28um when he was actually at I I can't
- 00:21:31believe I can't remember it was like 12
- 00:21:33or 13 years old we were supposed to go
- 00:21:35for a his birthday
- 00:21:37celebration and uh somehow the birthday
- 00:21:41celebration screwed up from by the
- 00:21:42restaurant the food didn't come it takes
- 00:21:45very long so we decide you know not to
- 00:21:47because after one hour the first daying
- 00:21:49come was to packed we decided to go to
- 00:21:51another place to celebrate and after he
- 00:21:53start crying he start crying and he says
- 00:21:56I and said no it's okay why do you cry
- 00:21:59know he say after that he felt very sad
- 00:22:01it's because he says I always do not get
- 00:22:04the things that I want it always happens
- 00:22:07to me I was so happy but it always
- 00:22:10happens to me that the things that I
- 00:22:12want I don't get it there was where I
- 00:22:14start to realize one thing some of the
- 00:22:17things that happened in him before does
- 00:22:21have an impact on him but as parents we
- 00:22:24need to know and this is the part I was
- 00:22:27of course my heart breaks when uh I saw
- 00:22:31him like this but there's a situation
- 00:22:33where I start to realize that I need to
- 00:22:36let him learn I I need to let him know
- 00:22:39it's not the case that whatever that you
- 00:22:41want it you can't have it you will be
- 00:22:45able to have it I believe in the law of
- 00:22:47attraction I believe in manifestation
- 00:22:50but the key thing is you need to
- 00:22:53understand this that you know we
- 00:22:55definitely need to keep hustle we need
- 00:22:57to keep hustling this is what I believe
- 00:22:59NE and me are still doing right now we
- 00:23:01are still hustling but the key the thing
- 00:23:04is we might not get the results that we
- 00:23:06want but it doesn't mean that there is
- 00:23:09no result there is definitely results
- 00:23:12it's just that probably the result is
- 00:23:15not what we want we just need to know
- 00:23:18this consequence this result what do we
- 00:23:20learn from it so yeah that brings me to
- 00:23:24even the birthday celebration I need to
- 00:23:26explain to him I need to talk to him and
- 00:23:28since then I am very careful of all this
- 00:23:33that is in him to make sure that it
- 00:23:36doesn't he doesn't bring it for life he
- 00:23:38needs to learn from it and he needs to
- 00:23:40know how to work hard at it and he needs
- 00:23:42to know also one thing even though I
- 00:23:44work very hard it doesn't mean I will
- 00:23:47get that result that I want but it
- 00:23:50doesn't mean there is no result you just
- 00:23:53have to continue to do it and do it
- 00:23:55better continuously learn that's the
- 00:23:57situation
- 00:23:59yeah yeah I I agree with you on the part
- 00:24:02of how to explain to the kid that you
- 00:24:05can work hard but doesn't mean you will
- 00:24:07get something right because we live in
- 00:24:10the world right now with the kid
- 00:24:11watching stuff that people talk about
- 00:24:15like thing like physical thing that you
- 00:24:18will get reward or you will get success
- 00:24:20in life and it's thanks for sharing
- 00:24:24Pauling because I learned so much from
- 00:24:25that story because I think it's a
- 00:24:29all the mom will go through the same
- 00:24:30thing when you busy to make a living you
- 00:24:34want to have a connection with your kid
- 00:24:37yes no excuses but it's not an easy
- 00:24:40Journey especially the more you close
- 00:24:43with a kid the harder for them to listen
- 00:24:45to you right somehow the ear just closed
- 00:24:49up because you are a parent talk that
- 00:24:51situation is not is difficult is like I
- 00:24:54also find that he didn't say that to me
- 00:24:56is because he's afraid that Mommy will
- 00:24:58be disappointed as well yeah right yeah
- 00:25:01so he didn't want to say the real reason
- 00:25:04that you know what Mommy I was actually
- 00:25:06being punished by my school and that's
- 00:25:10why and because I did this so that's the
- 00:25:13reason why uh I was being stripped off
- 00:25:16of the title yeah it's difficult for a
- 00:25:19child to tell that to the mom yeah but
- 00:25:22there this is something that we have to
- 00:25:24understand and when I know about the
- 00:25:26situation this is where as parents now
- 00:25:30of course the typical parents I would
- 00:25:32just think oh how come you never tell me
- 00:25:34huh how come you're so naughty yeah you
- 00:25:36did this luckily the teacher told me you
- 00:25:38know da d d and things like that this is
- 00:25:40one way we can handle it now what was
- 00:25:42what will be the impact of a child now
- 00:25:45another way we can choose wow this
- 00:25:47situation happened understand the
- 00:25:49psychic behind why did the child behave
- 00:25:52in this way now they are only eight
- 00:25:54years old they play by the pond they
- 00:25:58play because they know a I mean this is
- 00:26:00yeah a child before right I was just
- 00:26:03also wondering why did why is the school
- 00:26:05so strict on them in this okay yeah I
- 00:26:08know it's kind of like misbehave this
- 00:26:11they kind of like broke the school rules
- 00:26:12I don't know whether there's a school
- 00:26:13rule on that why didn't they do a
- 00:26:16debrief the situation and let them learn
- 00:26:19from it rather than just ship off the
- 00:26:20title you know it's so they are children
- 00:26:23and they're curious they're
- 00:26:25experimenting something so this is Al
- 00:26:28the case where we need to also share
- 00:26:31with our children that I still Frankly
- 00:26:35Speaking as a teacher I would encourage
- 00:26:38them to do so but I will tell them the
- 00:26:41danger of it I know that the school why
- 00:26:43they don't ask them to do it because
- 00:26:44it's a pond they may drop into the pond
- 00:26:47and uh it's dangerous but the key is let
- 00:26:51them know wow you folded a boat you take
- 00:26:54a look the boat it actually floats on
- 00:26:57water what do we learning from it right
- 00:26:59how come a paper booat can float on
- 00:27:02water so this is the science behind it
- 00:27:05that they can learn but the situation
- 00:27:07you also need to let them learn that you
- 00:27:09know what you should not be doing this
- 00:27:10in school why not although this is a
- 00:27:14good experiment but there is danger to
- 00:27:16it you need to understand you need to
- 00:27:18keep yourself off from this Pond right
- 00:27:21it is dangerous and da D things like
- 00:27:23that have a deep breath from them teach
- 00:27:25them let them know and when this has to
- 00:27:28be stripped off I don't think it should
- 00:27:30be done that way all I need to do is
- 00:27:32this you know what Kenan my my boy's
- 00:27:34name is Kenan this is a situation where
- 00:27:37as a student leader you have to stop
- 00:27:39them from doing so yeah so what should
- 00:27:42you be doing this is a chance for him to
- 00:27:45learn as a leader now what should he be
- 00:27:48doing at this juncture I mean this is if
- 00:27:51I'm a teacher I would do that yeah to
- 00:27:53let him learn yes and that's where
- 00:27:55resilient comes in yeah
- 00:27:59you know the part of you mention is very
- 00:28:01interesting for me and I realize that's
- 00:28:04why it's so little hard to find leader
- 00:28:06because we don't really have a structure
- 00:28:09in school to guide the kid to be a
- 00:28:11leader right because as the leader let's
- 00:28:14let's be real like you are the leader
- 00:28:16yourself and so do I now I learned one
- 00:28:19thing that if you want the kid to be a
- 00:28:21resilient and the leader with resilient
- 00:28:25mindset yes you have to let them f fail
- 00:28:28and you have to allow them to fail and
- 00:28:31the only thing that you should do is not
- 00:28:33punish but encourage them like it's okay
- 00:28:35to fail and learn from that and let's
- 00:28:37move on because I'm sorry that's how I'm
- 00:28:39successed now I don't know how but but
- 00:28:43but that's how leader learn right if you
- 00:28:46if you punish them because they try
- 00:28:48something new it actually stop them from
- 00:28:53think something different yeah think
- 00:28:56something like they depend on your order
- 00:28:59to to to working right and if they have
- 00:29:02to depend on your order they not a
- 00:29:05leader right like we talk about that
- 00:29:07concept like people talk a lot about oh
- 00:29:09learn to be a leader and then it's so
- 00:29:12easy to say it but when to done it is
- 00:29:14tough it's very tough right yes I have
- 00:29:17to say like my journey from the moment a
- 00:29:19start speaking and listening and
- 00:29:22understand the conversation or can hold
- 00:29:24the conversation I very mindful about
- 00:29:27what I'm saying to her to make her brain
- 00:29:31to thing
- 00:29:34yes and uh I agree with Pauline I think
- 00:29:37resilient kid now is not about you can
- 00:29:40work hard or tough or whatsoever I think
- 00:29:43it's about inside did they confident
- 00:29:45about thems and can they handle
- 00:29:47situation and life
- 00:29:51situation with or without parent right
- 00:29:54because I think the the part of parent
- 00:29:57always
- 00:29:58too strict or too sticky to the the kid
- 00:30:03it may not help so I will tell you
- 00:30:06nearer story that I have my daugh that
- 00:30:10she will and and we have a safe space to
- 00:30:14share our uh conversation because I
- 00:30:17that's what I bu for her and she start
- 00:30:19asking me about
- 00:30:20kidnapping oh what I know right she yeah
- 00:30:25she only eight years old like she not
- 00:30:27even at yeah she like six more month we
- 00:30:30at and I think because the movie were
- 00:30:33watching you know a lot of document
- 00:30:36right now they talk about how the kid
- 00:30:38get kidnapped or all the girl kidnapped
- 00:30:41on nextflix and like how the how the
- 00:30:45internet people kidnap on
- 00:30:47internet and she start learning right
- 00:30:49because she used EV and she asked me
- 00:30:53Mommy if one day I fall in love with
- 00:30:55someone and if my boyfriend kidnapped me
- 00:30:58how do you help
- 00:31:01me I know it's so tough and then for two
- 00:31:05second I tell myself you know in in this
- 00:31:08case if I'm in Vietnam you already get
- 00:31:11one slap because to ask us C question
- 00:31:15you know course we we start compare us
- 00:31:18with her with when I young right like
- 00:31:20it's noral I don't know how do but for
- 00:31:22me every time she ask me something I
- 00:31:24like not my boyfriend okay when I'm your
- 00:31:28age I'm still go to the tree and block
- 00:31:30the leav and play flower and you ask me
- 00:31:33about this big question and I'm like
- 00:31:37okay this what you raise her for prepare
- 00:31:40for it now it's come
- 00:31:42right now it's come so I I I refuse to
- 00:31:46give her answer and I give her more
- 00:31:48question you know that's our standard to
- 00:31:50make her think I say so in that
- 00:31:53situation can you think of that you
- 00:31:55hungry can you ask the person phone for
- 00:31:58you to call for food and when you call
- 00:32:00for food let be smart you know let's
- 00:32:02pretend that you call for police and
- 00:32:05tell police to deliver your food how
- 00:32:07about that right I suggest for her some
- 00:32:09ideas oh that's very cool bab he tie me
- 00:32:12in the cable and if like they give you
- 00:32:15the full like they give you full
- 00:32:18speed question they give you no room to
- 00:32:22escape have you been been there
- 00:32:24before so so I feel I feel trapped right
- 00:32:28I like oh my God what do you need to
- 00:32:31tell her now and then I will start bring
- 00:32:33her to the next thing of you have to
- 00:32:36trust your heart right your gut and
- 00:32:38that's something you have to practice
- 00:32:39because I don't know how to explain for
- 00:32:41you gut but that's why sometime I ask
- 00:32:44you where you're going and what you
- 00:32:46doing not because I'm difficult or I'm
- 00:32:49trying to control you I just want to
- 00:32:51know the situation in case you need me
- 00:32:55and then I lead her to build a trust and
- 00:32:57I will ask her about if people tell you
- 00:33:01if for example some stranger tell you
- 00:33:02about if you tell it to your mom I will
- 00:33:05kill you should you tell me because I
- 00:33:07don't want to feed her if the question
- 00:33:09answer she think for a few second I
- 00:33:11think it hard for her to say yeah why
- 00:33:15not why I I should tell you right
- 00:33:18somebody tell me I should don't tell my
- 00:33:19mom I should don't tell her but then she
- 00:33:21say yeah maybe I should tell you I said
- 00:33:24what what you mean maybe like I mean you
- 00:33:27can decide to don't say then she like
- 00:33:30yeah I used to think I should don't tell
- 00:33:32you some sometimes something but now I
- 00:33:34think about kidnap I think yeah I should
- 00:33:36tell you and then yeah the conversation
- 00:33:39going on and I teach her about
- 00:33:41protection private part and so on but
- 00:33:44I'm just say kid now grow up so quick
- 00:33:47because of Technology yeah and then I
- 00:33:51don't want her to feel like I'm
- 00:33:53controlling because I'm not I'm just
- 00:33:55want her to make sure that she's safe I
- 00:33:58say you know I give you a lot of freedom
- 00:34:01of can use Divi and all that she like
- 00:34:04yeah Mommy thank you for that you know
- 00:34:06my friend don't have that kind of going
- 00:34:08out and freedom I say yeah because I
- 00:34:10want you to face a situation early and
- 00:34:13report to me and we sit down and we
- 00:34:15discuss and we see how you can be
- 00:34:19overcome from that and she start share
- 00:34:22with me about like she play game and
- 00:34:23have stranger on the
- 00:34:26conversation and
- 00:34:28you know like they exciting because new
- 00:34:30people make friend talk joke and she say
- 00:34:35oh now you tell me that then I I have to
- 00:34:37be more be careful who I play game with
- 00:34:40which that's what I want right you know
- 00:34:42you cannot control the kid what they
- 00:34:44play the end of day like one day she'll
- 00:34:46be in the room she can lock the room you
- 00:34:48know you can't and I tell her say yeah
- 00:34:50that's the whole point I let you face it
- 00:34:52early so you can experience so I think
- 00:34:55another tip that I can share for parent
- 00:34:57if work for me I don't know if other
- 00:34:59parent work
- 00:35:00is be honest to your kft and willing to
- 00:35:04support them for example if she see the
- 00:35:06girl on online dancing she will look at
- 00:35:09my eyes and she will look at the girl
- 00:35:11and she will look at my eyes and she
- 00:35:12look at the girl because she know her
- 00:35:14mom not doing all this she were like Mom
- 00:35:16I like to dance like this can I dance in
- 00:35:19the house you know so she were on the
- 00:35:21music and she dance and I have a video
- 00:35:24recording of that and I like oh my God
- 00:35:27you know in my heart that's oh my God
- 00:35:29but outside I'm like I I'm not supposed
- 00:35:31to judge her you know because her
- 00:35:35childhood it differ in my childhood
- 00:35:37unless I bring her to the mountain and
- 00:35:39start PL my own VES you know what I mean
- 00:35:43like I cannot judge her it's it's so
- 00:35:46wrong and I tell myself oh my God I come
- 00:35:48to her I say yeah yeah just do whatever
- 00:35:50you want and I realize that it's like we
- 00:35:54have to be friend with enemy right so I
- 00:35:56have to be friend with whoever that
- 00:35:59doing this that I don't like to try to
- 00:36:02understand and to let my kid experience
- 00:36:04that until she realize this thing is
- 00:36:06useless Mommy right but now I st her and
- 00:36:09say this thing is useless I think she
- 00:36:12will hate me right so I like okay I need
- 00:36:15to step back I need to try to understand
- 00:36:17why she like it why she like to it's
- 00:36:20just a music it's just a sound it look
- 00:36:22cool because people do it so I want to
- 00:36:24do it right so
- 00:36:27Ilan kid for me now is the toughness
- 00:36:31only come from the emotional situation
- 00:36:35you really face with
- 00:36:37it and I think the only part of the
- 00:36:41parent right now is create the
- 00:36:43environment that many opportunity for
- 00:36:45the kid can face the chance to be
- 00:36:48resilient yes I was bring a to Vietnam
- 00:36:52and like I shared with you last time the
- 00:36:54first time I bring her to do charity I
- 00:36:56was very nervous
- 00:36:58I was worried that my kid was never see
- 00:37:01poor children before or kid would not as
- 00:37:05blessed at her I worry that she will not
- 00:37:07kind to them or whatsoever all the story
- 00:37:10come up in my brain until she face it
- 00:37:13and she really be amazing person like
- 00:37:17like like we say like you be a good role
- 00:37:19model the kid will learn after you and
- 00:37:22and I never thought of what have I
- 00:37:25contribute that my kid can learn off
- 00:37:27until that day I realize that oh she
- 00:37:30know she know she see what I doing I
- 00:37:33think she she finally understand it and
- 00:37:36she apply what I doing and she take care
- 00:37:39of the kid as much as I do and it make
- 00:37:42me really feel touch and that's why I
- 00:37:44more I'm more motivate when people tell
- 00:37:46me what school holiday you bring her to
- 00:37:49Village you should bring her go to
- 00:37:51Europe right and for me it's like she
- 00:37:54have a whole life to go Europe yes but I
- 00:37:56don't think she have many opportunity to
- 00:37:59to understand where her mom come from
- 00:38:02and what her mom been doing and I want
- 00:38:04to introduce her that first and one day
- 00:38:08she can be resilient when she go
- 00:38:10overseas in difficulty I tell you I let
- 00:38:13her experience all sorts of thing you
- 00:38:15know shower in the rain the rain shower
- 00:38:18in the mark shower in the river wow
- 00:38:23interesting yeah I bring her to the
- 00:38:25stream where all the stor and it was
- 00:38:28swimming there and I show her bamboo I
- 00:38:31show her Farm she go to R she fall down
- 00:38:35in the rice field
- 00:38:37yeah and everything
- 00:38:41is like it's not anything that Singapore
- 00:38:45kid would share come back from school
- 00:38:47holiday and I think the most interesting
- 00:38:50thing is her school after the school
- 00:38:53holiday the teacher will big F of
- 00:38:55interesting School holiday story to
- 00:38:58share on the screen and the teacher will
- 00:39:01pick her story and they have a picture
- 00:39:04of girl who singapor kid wear Nike shirt
- 00:39:07Nik shirt standing on the on the rice
- 00:39:11field of Vietnam and she were like she
- 00:39:13come home and she tell me Mommy I will
- 00:39:15tell them about they they so much that
- 00:39:18don't know a lot of thing okay I will
- 00:39:20tell them about how I harvest
- 00:39:24watermelon yeah and they told me
- 00:39:26watermelon come from they you see and I
- 00:39:28tell them wrong watermelon is come from
- 00:39:31the farm and I explain to them how the
- 00:39:34watermelon tree look like how the
- 00:39:36watermelon and because I let her show
- 00:39:39her like corn rice watermelon sweet
- 00:39:43potato where the vegetable come from
- 00:39:45where the fish come from how do you have
- 00:39:47food on table it's not come from and the
- 00:39:50see it's come
- 00:39:51from and I let her Harvest harvesting
- 00:39:55the fruit you know like for the
- 00:39:58and then she go and Cat the fish and do
- 00:40:01the seafood for real so it's for her
- 00:40:03it's like oh it's not come from n see
- 00:40:06it's come from fair price right and and
- 00:40:10I think it's for me as a farmer or like
- 00:40:14a village kid right for me it's like why
- 00:40:17do you don't know where rice come from
- 00:40:19because we don't have you know like a n
- 00:40:22and sick we talk about that right the
- 00:40:23kid grow here if the whole life they see
- 00:40:25the rice come from the rice back it I
- 00:40:28think that's right they would never
- 00:40:29think that Rice really come from a real
- 00:40:32tree and for and for her to see the
- 00:40:35whole process of the rice yellow piece
- 00:40:38become take off the shell outside and
- 00:40:41become the rice wow that's where the
- 00:40:45rice come from that's so cool right and
- 00:40:48then I'll have to explain with this
- 00:40:50yellow thing if you don't take out you
- 00:40:51can raise the next uh feel of the rice
- 00:40:55like wow that's so
- 00:40:58you should see kid when they they
- 00:41:00figured out something for the first time
- 00:41:02this where come from oh my God you know
- 00:41:06so I I'm I'm committed to give her more
- 00:41:09opportunity to learn about real Stu for
- 00:41:11the next few year even chicken right yes
- 00:41:14she see people kill chicken for the
- 00:41:16first time in front of her eyes she was
- 00:41:18like yeah Mommy this how the chicken
- 00:41:21come for me to eat chicken rice because
- 00:41:23she always love chicken rice in
- 00:41:24Singapore so she don't know how where
- 00:41:27the chicken come from for be chicken
- 00:41:29rice and yeah you have to catch the
- 00:41:31chicken you have to kill the chicken and
- 00:41:33you really have to cook the chicken and
- 00:41:35then you boil the chicken and then you
- 00:41:37cook with the r quite a process and she
- 00:41:40like oh my God poor
- 00:41:43chicken yeah yeah yeah yeah but they
- 00:41:47have to face it they have to face it and
- 00:41:49I think the emotional strength of break
- 00:41:52the TRU that you know is true is no
- 00:41:55longer true I think that's
- 00:41:58that's a resilient we have to be for the
- 00:42:00kid as well yes right because other part
- 00:42:03of the world your reality and your true
- 00:42:07may not true yeah the key thing is I
- 00:42:11think we need to address one key person
- 00:42:13in this part of raising resilient kids
- 00:42:16and this person is none other than
- 00:42:19parents ourselves yes I always ask this
- 00:42:22question for parents ourself are we even
- 00:42:26res
- 00:42:27enough yes to raise resilient kids right
- 00:42:31well we are talking about resilient kids
- 00:42:32but s to say uh because probably I live
- 00:42:36in a very blessed fortunate country and
- 00:42:38in this era I mean I grew up in the 70s
- 00:42:4280s uh this era and uh parents right now
- 00:42:47maybe for young children probably you
- 00:42:49are born we are born in the 70s in 80s
- 00:42:52in Singapore and at the juncture already
- 00:42:54Singapore is in the developing stage
- 00:42:57yeah so when you talk about resilience I
- 00:42:59would also say one thing after the
- 00:43:01independence of Singapore uh I mean h
- 00:43:04our forefathers our leaders have built
- 00:43:06this country so well with the good
- 00:43:08education with a good infrastructure uh
- 00:43:11good housing the basic needs are being
- 00:43:14taken care of when we were since we were
- 00:43:16young so yeah I would just say one thing
- 00:43:18also because I work with people in my
- 00:43:21generation I really doubt frankly how
- 00:43:25they raise resident kids
- 00:43:27because even we ourselves need to have
- 00:43:31situation for us to be resilient like
- 00:43:33what just has mentioned H she grows up
- 00:43:36in a very different environment that's
- 00:43:38why she knows if she were to fail were
- 00:43:41to fall she knows how to climb up climb
- 00:43:44back up and recover very fast I believe
- 00:43:48for those who have heard how uh covid
- 00:43:51has hit her very hard you know and
- 00:43:54during that situation how she actually
- 00:43:55survive with a few hundred start her
- 00:43:59business okay and then today grow this
- 00:44:02business into having like 800 employees
- 00:44:07multi companies and it's so successful
- 00:44:10digital technology company now in just
- 00:44:13four years I want to ask this question
- 00:44:16maybe you are an employee yourself you
- 00:44:19have not started to be entrepreneu yet
- 00:44:22are you able to handle such situation
- 00:44:25are you able to even start a business
- 00:44:27knowing that you are left with only a
- 00:44:29few hundred would you be using that few
- 00:44:32hundred to buy the last you know milk to
- 00:44:36my buy milk powder for your children or
- 00:44:38you rather choose to use it in really
- 00:44:42build up your business or thinking of
- 00:44:44ways how you can start to build a
- 00:44:46business but a lot of singaporeans in
- 00:44:50this
- 00:44:50situation the adults that I know are
- 00:44:54facing with this situation very common
- 00:44:56work in a company for many years did not
- 00:44:59like the company in a situation where
- 00:45:02they are not growing themselves and they
- 00:45:04don't even want to grow why what's like
- 00:45:06what's the point okay and uh complaining
- 00:45:10about bosses about the companies
- 00:45:13complaining about situation that like
- 00:45:16they cannot get out of this red race yet
- 00:45:21they want to be one of the Reds to be
- 00:45:23keep on running so in this situation my
- 00:45:25question to the parents is that is how
- 00:45:27then have you set a good example for
- 00:45:29your children for your kids to be
- 00:45:31resilient because when things come when
- 00:45:34let's say I have so many of my friends
- 00:45:35being
- 00:45:36retrenched right in because we are in
- 00:45:38the 40s late 40s 50s being retrenched
- 00:45:41cannot find jobs when I take a look at
- 00:45:43their attitude said to say I used to be
- 00:45:46a listed company executive director I
- 00:45:48would say also one thing I'm sorry when
- 00:45:51I see you I won't want to employ you as
- 00:45:53well why because you are not resilient
- 00:45:56in enough as well when the company
- 00:45:59because you know situation in company
- 00:46:01companies are we we are businesses that
- 00:46:04is facing the real thing which is well
- 00:46:07customers are they going to buy my
- 00:46:09products or Services is there going to
- 00:46:11be businesses right how do I develop the
- 00:46:14new technology how do I be more
- 00:46:16productive how do I be more Innovative
- 00:46:19you know things like that every day
- 00:46:21things change so fast that we need to be
- 00:46:23resilient as parents ourselves as adults
- 00:46:26ourselves but are we there yet are we
- 00:46:29really doing the things and being the
- 00:46:31good real model the role model for our
- 00:46:34children so even parents and maybe I
- 00:46:37want want to ask you this question are
- 00:46:39you resilient enough are you able to
- 00:46:42accept failure in your own life and
- 00:46:45climb up recover from it not to say you
- 00:46:49know you want to raise resilient kids
- 00:46:51but for parents ourselves am I prepared
- 00:46:53to do so I will say anytime for me I
- 00:46:56believe KN also say anytime for her and
- 00:46:59that's the situation we are not afraid
- 00:47:02of things go wrong in fact we are very
- 00:47:07uncomfortable when we becomes
- 00:47:10comfortable yes me I'm not sure whether
- 00:47:12me you are like that yeah I agree I
- 00:47:14agree if I feel the peace is like for
- 00:47:17three month I will start like oh my God
- 00:47:19the big stor is coming what's going on
- 00:47:22right I I I feel peaceful doesn't mean I
- 00:47:25like create drama problem but the truth
- 00:47:27is we have to grow and grow is
- 00:47:31uncomfort yes grow is uncomfortable and
- 00:47:34and you can't run away from that
- 00:47:37precisely and the thing is people stop
- 00:47:39growing because I'm happy with my life
- 00:47:41right now I'm comfortable with it
- 00:47:42nothing wrong what yes I know nothing is
- 00:47:45wrong but the key question is you know
- 00:47:48in Chinese we have this uh in Chinese
- 00:47:50what we say wa that means when it's in
- 00:47:54peace are you prepared for any crisis to
- 00:47:58come are you ready for it right so this
- 00:48:01is the key thing that I would always got
- 00:48:03to ask myself when I get very
- 00:48:05comfortable with the situation that I'm
- 00:48:07in like especially in my career Frankly
- 00:48:09Speaking I will rock it I know it's
- 00:48:12there situations that says if it ends
- 00:48:14broken don't fix it right but it is a
- 00:48:18case of now if I get so complacent so
- 00:48:21comfortable the next question I ask
- 00:48:23myself am I growing so if I I am not for
- 00:48:27some time I will get a little bit
- 00:48:30worried because if there are new
- 00:48:33situations that come along am I ready to
- 00:48:35handle it that's the key thing yeah so
- 00:48:38this is where if I'm always in that
- 00:48:41situation if this is how I behave I
- 00:48:44believe my kids will be able to behave
- 00:48:47in that way as well so this is how I
- 00:48:49mentioned you know we always like to say
- 00:48:52this right we become the role model we
- 00:48:54lead by example so that's where I will
- 00:48:58have this this Behavior yeah yeah I I
- 00:49:03agree with you so much on that because I
- 00:49:06have seen how much I've
- 00:49:10been I mean like I I I not used to
- 00:49:13believe that oh by take care of the kid
- 00:49:17I need to be resilient I back then I the
- 00:49:19same like other parent I was use what I
- 00:49:22know to raise a kid I will always
- 00:49:24protective I will always like very
- 00:49:28micromanage or yes basically call it
- 00:49:31always anxiety kind mom way before back
- 00:49:34then I'm just give birth for the baby
- 00:49:36and I would the only thing I worry she
- 00:49:38may die or whatsoever yeah yeah yeah
- 00:49:40yeah I go through that crisis in my life
- 00:49:43the divorce the covid and it make me
- 00:49:47become a a different person and
- 00:49:49different perspective and exactly like
- 00:49:51you say when you left $0000 and not even
- 00:49:54your real money it's 00
- 00:49:57credit card that you already being de
- 00:49:59heavily right yes how do you recovery
- 00:50:01from that it mean you know after this
- 00:50:03$0000 which is you borrow for the bank
- 00:50:06and that's
- 00:50:07it and it bring me to the back to my
- 00:50:11childhood that's why I say I want to
- 00:50:13show her where my childhood is because
- 00:50:15at this moment my childhood come back
- 00:50:17come back to me and I remember I just
- 00:50:20eat rice and fish sauce and then I'm
- 00:50:23survived and I tell myself why do I have
- 00:50:26to
- 00:50:27make a lot of story about oh my God she
- 00:50:30won't have a life like other children in
- 00:50:32Singapore you know she won't have good
- 00:50:34clothes and good food or
- 00:50:36whatsoever because I compare her with
- 00:50:39standard of Singapore right I'm not
- 00:50:42compare her with the standard of
- 00:50:44Vietnamese with Vietnamese she is
- 00:50:47freaking blessed right and then it bring
- 00:50:50my back to me my reality and I can focus
- 00:50:53to make money without care what other
- 00:50:56people say even I remember when I buy
- 00:50:59start buy egg with cheaper price buy
- 00:51:02rice with cheaper price and my helper
- 00:51:05were like oh you want her to eat like us
- 00:51:07already because me and Maya will eat
- 00:51:09cheap product and buy forever expensive
- 00:51:12thing and I tell her I
- 00:51:14say yeah she just have to leave how you
- 00:51:17and me live in your country and in my
- 00:51:19country I cannot afford anymore but I'm
- 00:51:22working toward there and too bad the
- 00:51:24whole family have to experience together
- 00:51:27and you know my helper also come from a
- 00:51:30Indonesia Countryside so she okay to
- 00:51:33have a few month of not privileged car
- 00:51:35of food but for the kid for her as she
- 00:51:39like a bigger mother than me you know
- 00:51:41like she like yeah but putting her I say
- 00:51:43don't worry she won't be putting she
- 00:51:45don't even remember anywhere it just a
- 00:51:47what a big deal she cannot taste a
- 00:51:49difference we just us it's just us with
- 00:51:51our story that we think is a big deal
- 00:51:55right and and I go through that and I
- 00:51:58realize that oh actually not that
- 00:52:00difficult and two day ago I asked Eva
- 00:52:03about what is the most memory thing that
- 00:52:06you remember between you and me at the
- 00:52:08moment you can remember thing and
- 00:52:11everything that she
- 00:52:13share nothing she mentioned a word of
- 00:52:16money nothing it just Mom you cook for
- 00:52:20me fire rise you bring me to Vietnam you
- 00:52:23bring me to go swimming pool you bring
- 00:52:25me go viewing you you let me play in the
- 00:52:27rain you let me play play in The Mark
- 00:52:30you let me go and harvest vable and she
- 00:52:34mentioned every memory of I let her try
- 00:52:37something new right and in nothing about
- 00:52:40how much money you make or whatsoever
- 00:52:42and I realize we as a parent we have the
- 00:52:45story in our head about how much money
- 00:52:48you should bring on the
- 00:52:50table then the kid will be protected and
- 00:52:54have a lot of resources to to be success
- 00:52:58and resilient right I I don't don't get
- 00:53:00me wrong we still need this you know we
- 00:53:03still need this safety in Singapore but
- 00:53:05to be resilient is a a little bit of
- 00:53:09sacrify as a parent remove the protector
- 00:53:13part of us to let the kid taste certain
- 00:53:16thing in life let them and and at least
- 00:53:19they face it in front of you in front of
- 00:53:21your eyes that you can support them then
- 00:53:24you can guide them then you can explain
- 00:53:26to them and I mean you cannot like
- 00:53:30support them or guide them if you gone
- 00:53:34right so if if today you goone just
- 00:53:36think about that how they will think for
- 00:53:39themsel how they will deal with their
- 00:53:41life and for me is the most selfish
- 00:53:43thing can think of is oh if I die that I
- 00:53:47don't have to think about it then the
- 00:53:48kid have to deal it by themsel right
- 00:53:50it's like a compound interest we're
- 00:53:52talking about this a Compound Effect yes
- 00:53:55if you ref to teach them and when you
- 00:53:58laugh their life will be worse even you
- 00:54:01don't see them it's not going to get
- 00:54:05better but I think for for for Pauline
- 00:54:07kid and for my kid I believe I'm and I
- 00:54:10confident that they will remember every
- 00:54:13sentence that we tell them about think
- 00:54:14about this how do you do this if if not
- 00:54:17me and how is you how do you deal with
- 00:54:20this situation and I think they were
- 00:54:22thankful for us that we allow them to
- 00:54:24think for themselves m
- 00:54:27yeah and I think that's the most
- 00:54:28important skill as well I have so you
- 00:54:32know we let we always talk about um you
- 00:54:36have to live your life you have to build
- 00:54:37your life and you have to create your
- 00:54:39life right we always talk about that so
- 00:54:41from Young I've been PL that se in AA
- 00:54:44head about that and the other day she
- 00:54:47will learn from chat gbt how to learn
- 00:54:49another language so she want to learn
- 00:54:52Vietnamese because she want to start
- 00:54:53talk to her fan in Vietnam I never f to
- 00:54:56learn Vietnamese because I think she
- 00:54:58learned Mandarin and English quite take
- 00:55:00a lot of time right now and I don't want
- 00:55:02her to distract by that and I just let
- 00:55:04her free of will you want you want to
- 00:55:06learn you learn and she learned by
- 00:55:08herself and she use Google Translate she
- 00:55:10use chat gbt and she start use it like
- 00:55:13manually and learning and reading and
- 00:55:16she start speak Vietnamese sound very
- 00:55:18cute and I will I will tell her I like
- 00:55:21oh my God Eva you learn so fast you know
- 00:55:23and you know kid at this age they like a
- 00:55:25spun and and I tell her I say ever one
- 00:55:28day Mommy grow older if I lazy learn can
- 00:55:31you can you force me can you that can
- 00:55:33you tell me mommy you need to learn more
- 00:55:35because I so I so scared next time you
- 00:55:38will learn so fast and I will left
- 00:55:40behind and I start don't understand you
- 00:55:42and I still want to understand you can
- 00:55:44you support mommy on it and I'm say that
- 00:55:46and she like no Mommy I'm not going to
- 00:55:48do it and I was shocked I were like huh
- 00:55:52why you don't want to help me and this
- 00:55:55what she tell me
- 00:55:56she
- 00:55:57say I want you to live a life that you
- 00:56:00want Mommy so if the life you want that
- 00:56:03you don't want to learn it's okay okay I
- 00:56:06will never ask you to do anything
- 00:56:08because you tell me the same you let me
- 00:56:10live my life you give me Freedom you've
- 00:56:13been giving me a lot of opportunity to
- 00:56:16do what I like so when you grow old I
- 00:56:18will let you do what you like okay so
- 00:56:20don't worry you can live your life and
- 00:56:23it hit me hard because I were like I
- 00:56:26would never think it's come from you you
- 00:56:29know and I would never think whatever
- 00:56:32I've been tell you from Young because
- 00:56:33she was so doubt about I need to make my
- 00:56:36mom happy I need to make my father happy
- 00:56:38and I always tell her I say your only
- 00:56:40job is figure out what you want in your
- 00:56:42life and make yourself happy that's the
- 00:56:45best gift you can give to Mommy figure
- 00:56:47out what you love to do live your life
- 00:56:49and you don't have to worry about like
- 00:56:52me and your dad divorce or what you know
- 00:56:54it's nothing to do with you you know you
- 00:56:55have your own life our divorce have
- 00:56:59nothing to do with you and you should
- 00:57:01continue the journey to figure out what
- 00:57:02you love and live your life so I been
- 00:57:04always say that to her and when I hear
- 00:57:07it back from her it just hit me hard
- 00:57:10because I realize oh it's working if you
- 00:57:14persist long enough to plant the seed of
- 00:57:17your belief to your kid and that's
- 00:57:19belief have to be right I don't know
- 00:57:22right or wrong everybody would Define
- 00:57:24different but for me yeah if I don't
- 00:57:27want her to live a life I live then I
- 00:57:28should don't give her that information I
- 00:57:31should give her a different kind of
- 00:57:33information
- 00:57:34and yeah I and that's is just a few day
- 00:57:38ago so that's why I see fresh memory for
- 00:57:41me to share
- 00:57:44but it interesting how you demonstrate
- 00:57:47and you show and the kid really copy so
- 00:57:49parent that's what I will share that you
- 00:57:52have to be resilient yourself first and
- 00:57:54you have to and first the first
- 00:57:56resilience you should practice is let
- 00:57:59your kid fail yeah now also we can say
- 00:58:03that as adults we also need to let the
- 00:58:05kids know is we also let ourself I would
- 00:58:07say fail not so like big word and
- 00:58:11Frankly Speaking I never use this word
- 00:58:14failure yeah I I I thought what what is
- 00:58:16failure you know what do you mean I fail
- 00:58:19as the only word fail is used by
- 00:58:23teachers to say that you're supposed to
- 00:58:24hit 100 marks but now you have 49 and
- 00:58:28you know 50 49 and below so it means
- 00:58:30fail because there's a markeing system
- 00:58:33but I'm sorry in life there's no 100
- 00:58:36marks right a lot of things that we we
- 00:58:39do there is no 100 upon a 100 so the
- 00:58:43real situation the real thing in life is
- 00:58:46there is no such thing as failure to me
- 00:58:49okay it is all about okay we are going
- 00:58:52to do something the result may not be
- 00:58:54what we want or what we expected we have
- 00:58:56not hit the results that we want so what
- 00:58:58do we do about it what can we do more
- 00:59:00about it or is it because we should not
- 00:59:03be doing it so this is what I always
- 00:59:06would it will always come rather than oh
- 00:59:08I do this it's not hitting the result
- 00:59:09that means I fail no that should not be
- 00:59:13the case we cannot stamp everything you
- 00:59:16know into past fail past who is there to
- 00:59:19say what is a pass and what is a fail
- 00:59:22right that's why in my children Also
- 00:59:25let's say my son just an exam I said oh
- 00:59:27because uh like yesterday was his last
- 00:59:30paper all all right and then the day
- 00:59:32before there was another paper so he
- 00:59:34said oh I didn't write the paper and
- 00:59:36then he keep thinking of the previous
- 00:59:38paper right I say no no no think of the
- 00:59:41the next one okay the previous is over
- 00:59:44right there's nothing that you can do
- 00:59:46about it you have done what you have
- 00:59:48done whether you have done your best or
- 00:59:49not you know it yourself right now you
- 00:59:52just have to accept the results so right
- 00:59:54now you actually focus on the next paper
- 00:59:57and do well in it and after the next
- 00:59:59paper yesterday he came and say I don't
- 01:00:01think I have done well it's okay so what
- 01:00:04you're going to do is I'm going to fight
- 01:00:06for the next one you see so what is over
- 01:00:09is over we learn from it yeah if really
- 01:00:12we have not done our best we know it
- 01:00:14ourself just continue to see how we can
- 01:00:18do better and I always know one thing
- 01:00:21regarding myself and for my kids I also
- 01:00:24always also say this the Best Is Yet To
- 01:00:27Come we are always in the best situation
- 01:00:30right now at this juncture yet we can
- 01:00:33always be better the next moment yeah so
- 01:00:37I hope I can leave this with you for
- 01:00:38today this topic I think that's it for
- 01:00:42today guy oh my God thank you so much
- 01:00:44good
- 01:00:45information and I hope that we we help
- 01:00:48you something for tip of how leader as
- 01:00:52us raise kid so maybe you can add some
- 01:00:55value for your life
- 01:00:56and yes we will see you in the next
- 01:00:59episode with me
- 01:01:01and thank you so much if you love what
- 01:01:05you've been watching if you love all the
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