00:00:01
While walking down the street
00:00:04
when I was already this thin and wrinkly,
00:00:07
I used to hear some people
shouting at me “grim reaper” and “monster”.
00:00:11
They would say “junkie, you are still alive?”
00:00:14
and other horrible insults.
00:00:16
I know people used to call me
and my sister “thread girls”.
00:00:20
But I don’t mind that.
00:00:21
It’s nice, there’s nothing mean about it.
00:00:29
I had a wonderful childhood,
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you could even say idyllic.
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I grew up in a family
that was in harmony.
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No fights, arguments or hate.
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All the kids played on the street,
and it was just beautiful.
00:00:47
I really like thinking about it.
00:00:50
For example,
I couldn’t even say “you are stupid”.
00:00:54
It was forbidden, it was a sin.
00:00:58
I always dreamed of
becoming a singer or an actor,
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just like all girls have
these childish dreams.
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But we were very small,
00:01:09
so they always
just gave us smaller roles.
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My grandma was sick,
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so my mom took care of her.
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That’s what gave me
the idea of becoming a nurse.
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I really wanted to
go to nursing school.
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I graduated with top marks.
00:01:30
So I got a job in the urological
department at the hospital.
00:01:35
And I was very proud,
that I could work at that clinic.
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It was a very responsible job.
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I never had the feeling
that I am somewhere to the side.
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I felt like I belonged
around those people.
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When I was young,
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my sister and I used to
always dress the same.
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We were small and slim
and both had great figures.
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But I was never super skinny, just slim.
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I used to have a lot of admirers
and date offers at that time.
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Everybody wanted to get to know me
00:02:11
or invite me for some coffee.
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Life went on with a lot of work,
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just work all the time.
00:02:20
Then my sister
met her future husband.
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She got pregnant
and gave birth to a boy named Patrik.
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But she never had the type of marriage
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where they would be happy together.
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She never had a happy family life.
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She was mostly
on her own with her son.
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She always thought it would change,
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but it never did.
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She really struggled because of that.
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We used to dance
in a folk song ensemble
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and a similar group
came here from the Netherlands.
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Our families were supposed to
accommodate the guests
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and my brother brought in
parents with their son,
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They were here
for about five days,
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and the son
really fell in love with me.
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He told me
he would marry me.
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We visited each other quite a lot
00:03:14
and one day he brought a wedding ring
and asked me to marry him.
00:03:18
So, I just agreed and let him
put the wedding ring on my finger.
00:03:21
It was sort of a way-out
so I could just run away.
00:03:24
Then I took just the things
I couldn’t live without
00:03:28
and with a heavy heart
I left for the Netherlands.
00:03:31
We started to live on a small farm
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that belonged to my husband’s parents.
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Then I got pregnant.
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I was on cloud nine because of it.
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I went around stores,
looked at strollers and baby clothes
00:03:46
and I was really enjoying it.
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I kept telling myself
that I’m going to be a mother.
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Then the baby was born,
and it was beautiful.
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I was so happy,
the happiest person alive.
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I really held
the biggest gift in my life.
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But the baby was tiny
and just wouldn’t grow.
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Other children of the same age
were around 10 kilos,
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but my child only weighed 3 to 4 kilos.
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They then kept him in the hospital
00:04:13
and tried to figure out
what was wrong with him
00:04:17
and why he wasn’t gaining any weight.
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They kept saying it was my fault
and that the hygiene must be poor
00:04:24
because he had terrible diarrhea all the time.
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But I told them it couldn’t be
the reason because I’m a nurse
00:04:31
and I had a very high
standard of cleanliness.
00:04:35
So, then he stayed in the hospital,
00:04:38
and they finally diagnosed him
with cystic fibrosis.
00:04:41
The doctor told me he would
only live for two to four years.
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And then the suffering began.
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The suffering began
and I completely collapsed.
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I couldn’t eat or sleep, nothing.
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I couldn’t accept
that my baby would die so soon.
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After some time, I started fighting.
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I told myself I would save his life.
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I didn’t want him to die.
00:05:10
So, I took him home,
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gave him
all sorts of medications,
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and took care of him
every day and night.
00:05:20
I felt like I had a patient
rather than a baby that I could bond with
00:05:25
I lost about 10 kg at that time,
because it was unbearable.
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I was really struggling
00:05:31
and kept blaming myself,
thinking that it is all my fault.
00:05:34
But it was a genetical disease.
00:05:37
My husband was the carrier of 50%
and I was the carrier of the other 50%.
00:05:40
So when the boy was born,
he had this disease,
00:05:44
but if it would have been a girl,
she could have been healthy.
00:05:47
But then he finally started
gaining some weight
00:05:51
and by the time he was two years old,
he had caught up with everybody.
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Nobody could even tell he was ill.
00:05:58
I really wanted another child
00:06:01
and finally got pregnant again
after some time.
00:06:05
But again, I had problems
with kidney stones
00:06:08
that caused me to miscarry
the baby in the third month.
00:06:13
And that was the moment
my husband and I really grew apart.
00:06:16
He told me he wanted to take a break.
00:06:20
So I took little Chris
00:06:22
and went to the Czech republic.
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After some time,
my husband came and said
00:06:29
that we should go on holiday together.
00:06:32
But when I woke up,
the bed next to me was empty.
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Chris was gone.
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Then suddenly the phone rang,
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and he told me
that they were in the Netherlands
00:06:44
and that I should stay
in the Czech Republic.
00:06:47
So that's the moment
when the fights started
00:06:50
They gave us shared custody,
00:06:52
so the baby
was supposed to be with me for a week
00:06:56
and then with my husband for another.
00:06:58
But that couldn’t be done.
00:07:01
So I suddenly was
the center of gossip
00:07:04
that I came back
and left my baby behind.
00:07:07
I cried every day
and couldn’t eat or sleep.
00:07:10
I used to go to the Netherlands
all the time,
00:07:13
but he always sent me away.
00:07:16
I was fed up with everything.
00:07:19
I couldn’t get back on my feet.
00:07:21
The loss of my husband
didn’t hurt,
00:07:24
it was the loss of my son that did.
00:07:29
After that I started
really blaming myself.
00:07:33
I kept thinking it was all my fault
00:07:37
that the marriage didn’t last
and that I left my son there.
00:07:41
So I started to hate myself
00:07:44
and stop eating food.
00:07:46
It wasn’t like when young model girls
feel like they are fat
00:07:50
even though they are skinny
and then they’re anorexic.
00:07:55
I didn’t want to be skinny at all,
00:07:57
It bothered me
that my legs were thinner,
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that my face was thinner.
00:08:03
I didn’t like it
and I always felt ugly.
00:08:06
My eyes always wanted to eat.
00:08:09
I knew the only thing
I needed to function properly was to eat.
00:08:13
I forced myself to eat.
00:08:15
I always prepared all my food,
00:08:18
and told myself: “Eva, you have to eat this.”
00:08:20
But I couldn’t.
00:08:22
My sister did the same thing.
00:08:24
She was also very unhappy,
00:08:27
she always struggled.
00:08:30
Her marriage also fell apart,
00:08:33
so she behaved the same way I did.
00:08:36
That’s the relationship
of identical twins.
00:08:39
You’re like half a body
and half a soul.
00:08:42
So, we lived this life together.
00:08:44
We never drank or smoked.
00:08:47
No drugs or anything like that,
I never tried them.
00:08:50
I was raised so strict
00:08:53
that all of this was a taboo for me.
00:08:57
But when I was walking down the street
00:09:00
when I was already this skinny and wrinkly,
00:09:03
people would shout at me:
“drug addict“, “monster“ or even “grim reaper“.
00:09:09
On the other hand,
I couldn’t be angry at them,
00:09:12
because I knew
that I really looked like a zombie.
00:09:16
I knew that no one else
around the town looks like me.
00:09:21
But people don’t know
what I’ve gone through
00:09:24
and how my life has been.
00:09:26
I don’t insult fat people either.
00:09:29
I never say:
“Wow, she has a fat ass!”
00:09:32
I let it be and don’t pay
attention to that person.
00:09:35
I know I look bad,
but I don’t like to hear it again.
00:09:39
It hurts me a lot.
00:09:44
But there are ladies
that are walking with their dog
00:09:47
and when they meet me,
they are nice.
00:09:50
They always tell me
kind words and I appreciate it.
00:09:54
I appreciate that
there are people who feel for me
00:09:57
because I had my little sister.
00:10:00
They know how much it hurts
00:10:03
when you lose the closest person,
00:10:06
that you trust with everything,
00:10:09
that is here for you
and never makes you feel alone.
00:10:13
We never argued with each other.
00:10:16
Nothing of that.
00:10:20
It just didn’t exist between us.
00:10:24
She shouldn’t have gone.
00:10:31
The sister, Jaroslava Hanzlíková,
spent her last days in this room.
00:10:37
She died at the age of 59 due to total organ failure.
00:10:53
I always wanted to buy
myself a nice Mercedes.
00:10:56
The small, low, black one.
00:10:59
But I ended up getting a Fiat.
00:11:01
I felt like it would be
less noticeable.
00:11:04
And one day
I was leaving my house,
00:11:07
I see my car was totally
destroyed by rocks.
00:11:12
The windshield was broken.
00:11:15
I didn’t understand why they
would take revenge on my little car.
00:11:18
It’s a regular Fiat,
it’s not a luxurious car.
00:11:21
I don’t even feel
like I have any enemies,
00:11:25
that somebody
doesn’t like me here.
00:11:27
My relationship with Chris is beautiful.
00:11:30
He likes me,
and I really like him too.
00:11:33
We’re always on Skype.
00:11:35
His hobby is his motorcycle,
00:11:37
and he even takes me out
for a ride sometimes.
00:11:40
I ride with him,
and I’m not scared
00:11:44
even when we go very fast.
00:11:46
I always grab onto him and we go.
00:11:50
Son Chris is now 29 years old
and lives in the Netherlands.
00:11:54
He had a liver and lung transplant
that helped to manage his serious disease.
00:11:58
My nephew makes me happy too.
00:12:01
He became a doctor.
00:12:03
My heart beats for him
the same way it does for Chris.
00:12:07
I love them both the same.
00:12:11
These days what gives me
the power and will to live
00:12:15
is that I am a Christian
and I always accepted the faith.
00:12:19
I got a job at a rectory
for the priest
00:12:22
and I currently spend
most of my time there.
00:12:27
I feel like a nun or a housekeeper.
00:12:30
I’m basically
the priest’s main assistant.
00:12:33
That’s the life
I am living right now.
00:12:37
My big hobby, which me
and my sister had in common,
00:12:40
is baking sweets.
00:12:43
I’ve been doing it since I was little
00:12:46
because my mom had rheumatoid arthritis
00:12:49
and she couldn’t use her hands.
00:12:52
It’s starting to get me now too,
00:12:55
so I don’t know how long
my hands will work.
00:12:58
But people like my work.
00:13:00
I have regular customers
that always come back to me
00:13:04
and then I hear
that we really bake well.
00:13:07
The only cure
for all of this is work.
00:13:10
And I gave myself a goal,
00:13:12
that even with all the sadness,
00:13:15
even during days,
00:13:17
when I’m just
lying down and crying,
00:13:20
then I will find the strength
to get up and keep going.
00:13:24
I think that there's still
something waiting for me,
00:13:28
that there are things
I still need to do here in this world.
00:13:32
So as long as I am capable
and my hands and body cooperate,
00:13:35
I want to keep going.
00:13:38
Not all stories are the way,
00:13:41
they seem at first.
00:13:44
#DontJudgeOthers
