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[Music]
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I like to start by making one thing very
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clear I want you to know that I am
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absolutely incredibly and totally
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awesome
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and now before you start thinking that I
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have a problem with humility which I
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don't let me add something important I
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believe you two are awesome it's not
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better now
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but I also believe based on my research
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that there is no it's me okay
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but I also believe based on my research
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that there is an 80% probability that
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you have no idea how truly magnificent
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you really are you used to know but
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you're forgotten I'm here to show you
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the science behind how you gradually
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forget your true self your true
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potential and how you can rediscover and
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unleash an even happier and more capable
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version of yourself the true magnificent
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you is that cool great so I lecture on
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this topic right here at Stanford and my
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work is based on extensive research in
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neuroscience and psychology I'd like to
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show you my most important evidence
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proving that you used to know how
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amazing you really are would you like to
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see that evidence well here it is do you
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think she knows how magnificent she is
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absolutely she is radiating with it what
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about him you know do you think she
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knows our magnificent he is every strand
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of his hair now
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magnificent peers and what about these
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two I know they know because they are my
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precious kids
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Tisa and young the point is this you
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were born as a unique and magnificent
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being and you used to know it but what
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about this one do you think he knows our
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magnificent he is he actually has no
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clue he used to know but by the time
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this picture is taken he no longer
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remembers by the way this is me adorable
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right I told you so why and how did I
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begin to forget who I really am I was
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born a happy kid in a troubled household
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I lived with four siblings and my
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parents in a two-bedroom apartment in a
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ghetto my father was scary angry and
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unpredictably violent my mother was
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always running around terrified I wasn't
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getting much love now since my since my
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life was in my parents hands it has been
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absolutely terrifying for me to admit
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that they were flawed so instead a voice
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start forming in my head and saying that
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my parents were perfect and the reason
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they didn't love me was because I was
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unworthy of their love I now call this
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voice the judge of course once the judge
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started judging me it also had to start
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judging everybody else around me so that
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I would be less terrified
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I grew up completely unaware that this
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judge character was beginning to take
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control in my mind I only discovered 27
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years later in an MBA class right here
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at Stanford
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we were divided into groups of 12 MBA
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students sitting in a circle sharing our
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emotions openly
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one of my classmates in the circle
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turned to me and said nervously she said
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this is really hard for me to tell you
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but I often feel harshly judged by you
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and it really bothers me I turned to him
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and said Jehan thank you so much for
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telling me this this is very helpful
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feedback in the back of my mind I was
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thinking well of course you feel judged
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by me you idiot you are the biggest
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loser in this group how else do you
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expect me to think of you but then a
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second person a third person and a
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fourth person in the group said exactly
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the same thing
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I kept thanking them politely while
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thinking what losers blaming me for
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their insecurities I really I didn't
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think like that trust me
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but somehow the fifth person finally got
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true all of a sudden I realized oh my
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god they are right I judge everything
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instantly this judge character in my
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head was constantly and brutally beating
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down not only others bought myself it
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was the invisible character in my head
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it was the invisible lens that distorted
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my reality and that discovery changed my
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life since this invisible character
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judge cackling in my head secretly
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sabotage me I called him a saboteur I
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later discovered that in addition to the
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judge saboteur there are nine other
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saboteurs like the controller stickler
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and victim even in a perfectly happy
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childhood
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you still develop a couple of these
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saboteurs as coping mechanisms in as a
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vulnerable kid for example you might
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because of all control or tendencies to
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feel safer in
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a chaotic environment or become the
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victim to get more attention the problem
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is that these saboteurs become the
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invisible masters in your head just like
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my judge had they pretend they are you
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but they aren't you that's how you
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forget who you really are a war is
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constantly raging inside your head
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between your saboteurs and your original
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true self whom I call your sage these
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are based on entirely different regions
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of your brain your saboteurs are based
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on the survival brain region which is
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made up mostly of the brainstem limbic
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system and parts of the left brain your
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sage is based on the positive
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intelligence brain which is made up
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mostly of the middle prefrontal cortex
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ACC insular cortex and parts of the
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right brain here is the fascinating
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insight and clue to your happiness look
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at this the survival brain region and
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its saboteurs are wired our new or
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chemically wired to feel stress and
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unhappiness they just can't help
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themselves if you want to feel
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consistently happier you must learn to
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strengthen your sage and weaken your
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saboteurs it's just a matter of
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neurochemical science I one of the
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things that I can guarantee you based on
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my experience is that you can achieve
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the all the great wealth and success in
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the world and still feel deeply unhappy
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because of your saboteurs I once ran a
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leadership development seminar for more
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than a hundred CEOs and presidents who
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are all extremely successful and looked
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perfectly happy on the outside I told
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them look I have coached to many
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successful CEOs and billionaires to be
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still full behind your facade of
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and Happiness I asked them to
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anonymously write on an index card one
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secret they never shared about how they
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really felt inside with their permission
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I'd like to read some of those cards I
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am terrified of failing as the leader of
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my business I am rarely at peace with
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myself I fear dying of an early age from
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overwork and stress I am feeling very
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sad and lonely and the antidepressants
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I'm on don't seem to be helping I battle
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with constantly ranking and judging
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everyone around me I have no idea how to
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truly connect with my only son my air of
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confidence is false
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I am self-destructive and I don't know
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why I don't love myself very much
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I lack strenght in resisting temptations
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and desires I often feel like I'm a
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fraud I'm worried my materialism is
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hurting my children I have been abusing
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drugs and alcohol to deal with stress I
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wish I could run away for one year just
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be alone and finally I'm afraid of
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ending up like my father who is unloved
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and will die alone
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this is the story of our lives folks I
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have worked with people ranging from
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these CEOs to people on the
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manufacturing floor without high school
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diplomas regardless of our level of
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wealth or success
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these saboteurs are still there
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tormenting us I used to think I was
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particularly broken and screwed up what
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a relief to discover that we are all
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through the fire servitors
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so who are these saboteurs in my
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research I have classified the saboteurs
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based on their motivation for
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independence acceptance or security and
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their style of assert earn or avoid this
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grid shows the gang of nine saboteurs
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they are controller hyper achiever
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Restless stickler pleaser hyper vigilant
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and avoid a victim hyper-rational water
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caste the characters everyone has the
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master judge saboteur in addition to at
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least one from this gang of nine now
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before you are able to weaken these
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saboteurs you need to be able to catch
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them in your head red-handed imagine
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that you're in the middle of an
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important project and have just learned
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that you've completely failed the midway
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milestones here is how some of your
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saboteurs in your head might be talking
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judge oh I'm a loser
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just a stupid loser everything will
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start crashing down now controller
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but my way is always the right way
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someone else must have screwed up victim
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oh they did it to me again just watch
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that makes lightning will be striking
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right here how that hurt stickler I knew
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it that report cover used the wrong
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shade of blue avoider oh there's still
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plenty of time I wonder where I should
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go for lunch
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hyper-vigilance that's me tearing my
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hair out if I still had any and so on
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with the other five saboteurs now once
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you catch a saboteur in your mind what
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you want to do is just label that
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thought as saboteur and let it go
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instead of trusting it or pursuing it
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just notice the difference between me
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saying I will fail tomorrow versus my
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pesky judge saboteur says I'll fail
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tomorrow you feel the difference you
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weaken your saboteurs by exposing and
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labeling them now how would your sage
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respond in the same exact scenario one
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of the most brilliant things about your
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sage is the sage perspective every
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outcome or circumstance can be turned
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into an opportunity so you ask how do I
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turn my failure in this project into an
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opportunity this perspective changes
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everything with this perspective you
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keep your positive intelligence brain
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activated which gives you five which
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gives you access to five great sage
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powers empathize your sage knows
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that beating yourself down then you're
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already done it's absolutely insane so
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you feel compassion for yourself and
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others as fallible humans this keeps you
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energized and positive explore you
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become the fascinated Explorer kid in
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the woods turning over every we'll have
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to see what's underneath it you become
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fascinated to discover all the factors
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contributing to your projects failure
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you discover things you couldn't have
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seen if you were upset or defensive
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innovate you become the innovative kid
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on the beach building sandcastles again
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since your positive intelligence brain
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is wired for creativity you're able to
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take all of these discoveries about your
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projects failure into creative new
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solutions for the project and in the
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interest of time you then navigate by
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choosing a direction and move into
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fearless bold action your stage performs
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a lot better and remains positive even
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in the middle of this crisis now you
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would only be able to perform this way
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if you have strong sage muscles
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functional MRI of the brain shows that
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one technique to build powerful sage
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muscles is to shift your attention to
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one physical sensation for 10 seconds a
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few times every hour a few reps an hour
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this leads to some surprising
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recommendations for example if you want
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to perform better in your job then
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really really taste that bite of your
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crunchy Apple really see the hundred
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shades of color in your friends eyes or
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hug your loved one so attentively that
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you feel her heartbeat
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this surprising link sounds too good to
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be true until you study the neuroscience
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evidence in order to track your progress
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we can now actually measure the strength
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of your sage muscles versus your
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saboteurs based on your emotions in a
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typical 24 hour period we have defined
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this ratio as your positive intelligence
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quotient or peak you independent
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researchers have now shown that with
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increased peak you people are far
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happier and less stressed they also
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perform much better for example 40%
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almost 40% better in sales and 1/3
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better in team performance metrics
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everyone can learn to strengthen their
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sage muscles with a little practice and
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finally you can help strengthen the sage
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in your loved ones unlike my daughter
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Tisa my son kion loves tickling so I
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have invented a game with him where I
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start tickling him and stop only if he
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gives me all the right answers so I
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start tickling him and ask hyung why do
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I love you so much he has learned to say
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and he says I don't know that he why do
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you love me so much I asked is it
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because you're so handsome now I know
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it's his mother's genes right you don't
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have to tell me that and he has learned
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to say and he says no that it isn't
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because I am handsome
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I asked you sit because you get good
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grades know that it isn't is it because
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you're good in sports no daddy it isn't
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so I go down a long list of his great
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qualities and he keeps saying no daddy
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it isn't so at the end I pretend great
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frustration I say so why is it kion why
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do I love you so much and he has learned
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to say and he says that is because I am
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me
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that is because I am me he's beautiful
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true self is sage what about you
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what would life be like if you fully
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reclaimed your beautiful true self your
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sage what would be the gift of that to
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you to your loved ones to our world what
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would become possible then you are a
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'special unique and magnificent being
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it's time for you to remember thank you
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you
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