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[Music]
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Dude, yesterday I went to uh Jason the
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Wen's birthday party, which uh if you
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guys don't know, Jason the Wii turned 21
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yesterday. And for his birthday, he
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decided to live stream like 16 hours.
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But more importantly, uh throw a
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birthday party that was also streamed
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and not just by him. There was like four
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or five different people streaming. I
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don't even know how many people. There's
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a handful of people who are all
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streaming there. Uh, and so I I you
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know, I won't
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lie. It's not my scene. It's not exactly
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my ideal Friday night, but you know, I
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wanted to support Jason for his
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birthday. So, I decided I would go I'd
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give him a gift and then I would leave.
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That was my game plan. I was going to go
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with Cutie, give him a gift, and leave.
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Uh, now the first thing I noticed about
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this party is on the invite, it said no
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parking. You must
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Uber. Oh [ __ ] Do they need a
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chaperone? Good one. Anyway, I ride my
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Vespa to the party cuz it said no
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parking. You must Uber. But I figured in
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Vesa you can kind of cheat all the
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rules. Uh so I get there and it turns
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out exactly as I thought. You know there
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I I see a good parking spot. But as I'm
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driving up to the spot, there's like a
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big ass headlight. I don't know how else
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to describe it. It's like a like a giant
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single beam of light on the street. And
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all I can see is the silhouette of a man
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who looks like
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this. That's all I can see. Yeah, it's
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like a spotlight behind this man on the
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street and he's just standing there and
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in his hand is a leash and on the other
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end of a leash is just the most
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authentic classic white woman dog. You
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know that white dog that's no longer
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white, hasn't been for about eight
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years. Got yellow crusties all over its
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face. It's yapping the whole time.
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That's the dog that's in his hand.
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Okay. And so I in my phone the address
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says to go down the hill. So I'm I'm
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going down the hill and the guy steps in
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front of my vestment. Now bear in mind
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my vest is a small vehicle. I can get
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around this man. So I go to go around.
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He steps in front of my vehicle. It's a
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decision by
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him. And he goes, "What are you doing?"
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And I said, "I'm going down the
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hill." And he said, "No, you're not."
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And I go, "That's where it says I'm
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supposed to go."
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And he
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says, "What's your last name?" And for
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whatever reason, I lie. I don't know why
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I lie. I go, "Parker, like Peter
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Parker." I don't know why I lied. I
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wasn't I did nothing wrong. I was
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completely
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sober. I just decided to lie. So, I said
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Parker like Peter
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Parker. And that's when I realized I
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[ __ ] up.
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Not even because I lied, but because I
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didn't listen to what he actually said,
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cuz he didn't say, "What is your last
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name?" He said, "What is the last name
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of the person's house you're going to?"
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I didn't word it exactly like that, but
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I knew that's what he said because after
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I said Parker, he said, "Nobody by the
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name of Parker lives down there." And so
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I went, "Well, that doesn't make sense,
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sir, cuz that's my last
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name." And I'm going there cuz now I was
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defensive about my lie.
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So he goes, "Do you live down there?"
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And I go, "Well, I'm a Door Dash worker,
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sir. So what do you think?" Cuz we're in
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a really nice neighborhood in LA. A
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second lie, you might have
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noticed. And he goes, "Well, show you
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show me your phone." And I show him the
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map app proudly. I go, "Here it
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is." And he looks at it for a second.
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And then I realize I [ __ ] up. Not
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because the first lie, not because I got
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defensive about the first line. did a
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second lie because the address of the
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house I was going to wasn't even behind
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him or the spotlight. It was actually in
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front of him. And what had been
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happening all night is people had made
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the same mistake I made were trying to
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go down the hill to a non-existent house
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party cuz the house party was actually
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up the hill and it was just a a error on
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the map's end. So, he was basically
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being the neighborhood watch trying to
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stop people from going down the hill cuz
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he's annoyed at this party. Meanwhile,
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while all this is happening, directly
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next to him is a uh family's driveway
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and it's blocked off with cones. A woman
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is standing in between the cones as if a
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car was going to navigate through that
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on the phone with the
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police. And already I'm like, I don't
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want to be here. This is not my scene. I
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am a 29-year-old trying to go to a
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21-year-old's birthday party. Doesn't
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make any damn sense. So, I sit there and
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I realize I actually made quite good
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time because I went on my Vespa and
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Cutie was um Ubering with uh Extra
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Emily. So, I I waited for her. I waited
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like she was like 8 minutes behind me.
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So, I was just waiting for her. I was
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sitting there and as I'm sitting there,
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there's like a garage door to the party.
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It opens up. 30 people walk out. Okay.
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all scantily clad women who
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look either 19 or 39. It's really hard
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to tell cuz they're all just wearing the
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same exact fit in hella makeup and I
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have no idea how old anyone is. I am
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wearing sweatpants and a white tank top
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because I had come from the stream. I
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just look like this and I have a I have
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a motorcycle helmet on and uh and as the
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garage opens I'm like, "Oh, this is my
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opportunity. I'll get inside a bit
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early. I'll hand my gift off and I'll
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leave right away." And as I go to go
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inside, there's a security guard and
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he's like, "Where you going?" And I was
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like, "Inside?" And I'm thinking, I'm
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not going to lie to this guy, okay? Cuz
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my last lies failed to the truth will
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set me free. I decide not to lie. So I
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I'm just trying to go inside. I'm a
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friend of
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Jason's. Which might not have been the
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right reply because his response was
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kind of like, yeah, sure, everybody's a
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fan of Jason's. So, my truth, I think,
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actually came off like a
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lie, you know, cuz presumably if you
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heard of this party from a friend of a
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friend or saw online or whatever, you'd
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be like, "Yeah, I'm going to Jason's
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party, Jason the Wii." But I actually I
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am friends with Jason. I was trying to
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say happy birthday. So, he's like,
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"Well, you got to wait out here. You got
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to wait. You got to call someone from
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inside and get you out." And I'm looking
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through my phone and I'm like, "I don't
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know anyone in there. I know Jason, but
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I can't call Jason the Wii on his
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birthday to get me into the party. It's
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just too big of an
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ask." So, I'm like, "You know what? I'll
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just wait for my girlfriend. She'll
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figure it out." Ray was in there. That
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was actually my only other solution. I
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did message Ray. That's what I thought.
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I messaged Valkyrie Ray. I said, "Hello,
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are you here?" Apparently, she left
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instantly. She said, "I knew you were
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coming, but I didn't want to wait."
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Sorry, let me rephrase. She said, "I
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knew you were coming, but I didn't know
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how long it would be." Which basically
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was, "I didn't want to wait." Okay, I
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[ __ ] paraphrased, but that's
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basically what she said. So, anyway, I'm
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just waiting for Cutie. The guy who
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wouldn't let me into the party goes, "Do
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you have any cigarettes?" me in a
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halfife. I go, "Nah, I quit." Which is
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true. I haven't smoked cigarettes in
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months, but I was never that on
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cigarettes to give myself
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the the title of having quit. And uh and
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I'm waiting when all of a sudden
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somebody who works at FaZe comes out and
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they recognize me. Uh this guy comes
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out, his name is Say. He's really nice.
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He's like, "Hey, yeah, I work work with
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FaZe." And and we talk and he's like,
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"Do you want to get in?" And at this
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point, Cutie's like a couple minutes
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away. I'm like, "No, I'll just wait for
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Cutie." Uh, and then Cutie shows up and
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and I realize how big of an error I made
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in not getting dressed for this party
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looking at her outfit cuz she looks
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awesome. And again, I'm wearing a
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[ __ ] wife beater with stains on it.
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In fact, I think it's this exact one.
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So, we get in the
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party and uh and the first thing I
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notice it is
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hot. It is hot in there. like
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85° hot. There is no air conditioning.
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And if you don't know right now, the
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reason I'm dressed up like a douchebag
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every stream is not because I am one,
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although I am. It's because there is a
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heat wave. It is 96° peaking here.
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Yesterday was like 92 degrees. So even
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though it was like like I think straight
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up midnight, it was still
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85° inside of that place. It was colder
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outside than inside uh cuz there's no AC
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or and they didn't keep windows open cuz
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they didn't want people to sneak in.
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Party popper emoji. Uh so we walk in and
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and the party's interesting because it's
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broken up into like two groups of
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people. The group of people who are
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allowed to be in the private area where
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Jason is streaming and then the people
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who want to be in the private area where
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Jason's streaming, but they're not
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allowed in that area. And my first
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thought is, damn, the streaming game has
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changed. I'm looking around. I'm like,
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this [ __ ] is run by 20 to 23 year olds
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who are actually just [ __ ] riding
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this line that is completely blurred on
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what is their life and what is their
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content cuz they're basically the same
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thing. And I'm looking at this party and
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I'm like, this is not going to make a
00:10:01
good YouTube video. There's no title or
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thumbnail to be had here. But they don't
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give a [ __ ] about that. It's just keep
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the camera on, maybe do some crazy [ __ ]
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maybe farm a
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clip. It's a different
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lifestyle. It's a different lifestyle
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out here. Uh but but you know, we're
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walking through and I and I actually
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really don't recognize many people. I
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see I see Lacy. I pat him on the shirt.
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He didn't look up at me. I don't think
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he recognized me. So I go, "Okay, that's
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cool. I was going to talk about how you
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had been kicked from phase, but then not
00:10:30
kicked from phase, but then now you're
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back in phase, but that's okay." I move
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on. I look around. I see your rage. Say
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hello. Say hello to a couple other
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people I recognize. And then finally, I
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see Jason. All right. He He's in this
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private room, which is just like a like
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a theater or something. Uh and they they
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let us in, I think, because I'm being
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escorted by Cutie. And uh and we do the
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whole cake thing, you know, cutie gives
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a cake, light the candle, he blows out
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the candle. Uh and I actually gave Jason
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a gift. Okay? Okay. And you guys might
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be a little bit bit mad about me, mad at
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me for this, but I gave Jason a gift cuz
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what I think every 21-year-old man
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needs. It's when you turn from a boy to
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a man is a little bit of tungsten. So, I
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gave Jason our tungsten sphere. Now, I
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did not give him Cubert Jr. I made a
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choice. I thought I thought Cubert Jr.
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and Cubert are too important to the
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sphere, but this excuse me, too
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important to the stream, but the
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Spearbert that's fine. That can go to
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Jason. Technically, Spearbert's worth
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more than Cubert Jr., but I can't really
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display him because he rolls everywhere.
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So, he wasn't even on stream for like
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weeks. Anyway, you guys didn't even
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know. You guys didn't even [ __ ] know.
00:11:41
Don't even [ __ ] pretend Spearbert was
00:11:42
family. You haven't asked about him in
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li since I opened him. So, anyway, I I I
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did that. I I said hello to some other
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people, but for the most part walking
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around that party, you know, for most
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streamed events, and I'm not saying this
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to brag, but like if I go to like a
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TwitchCon or something, I'll get
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recognized by a lot of people. Uh,
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specifically like other
00:12:01
creators. No other creators really came
00:12:04
out to me. Like maybe one or two, but no
00:12:05
other creators really came out to me.
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But I was getting stopped by people. But
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what I noticed is the only people who
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were stopping to say hi big fan were the
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cameramen of other
00:12:18
creators. Like I'm not lying. Every
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single cameraman came up to me. They
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would be filming their like streamer
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like whoever they're supposed to film
00:12:27
and they go, "Yo, Lwick, big fan, man. I
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love all your content." And they go back
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to doing their job, which to be totally
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honest, I was flattered by. I'm the
00:12:37
working man's creator. Okay, I'm I'm the
00:12:40
working man's I'm not I'm not a creator
00:12:42
for the creator. I'm the creator for the
00:12:44
working man of the creator. That's a
00:12:45
fine spot to be in. I don't mind that.
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I'm proud of that spot. Those are good
00:12:49
people. Those are hardworking people.
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And I and and we step out after a little
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bit. It's like again 85 degrees in this
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room. I'm parched. I'm looking for
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water. As I ask somebody for water,
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instead of water, they hand me like a
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fifth of alcohol. And I'm like, what do
00:13:08
you want me to do with this? I drove a
00:13:09
Vespa here, okay? As is, there's a high
00:13:12
chance I'm gonna die on the way home. A
00:13:14
sip of this and I'm guaranteeing it.
00:13:16
Like, what are we doing here, bro? I
00:13:18
want a [ __ ] water. And the only water
00:13:20
that was available was the tap water. I
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didn't trust it. I left parched as a
00:13:24
[ __ ] And as I'm leaving, it is
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just like it's a crazy scene, bro. It
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It's not even like a frat party. it. I
00:13:31
assume this is what really rich people
00:13:33
in LA's parties look like because it
00:13:37
was just a non-stop rotation of Uber
00:13:41
blacks. Never an Uber X. I didn't see
00:13:44
one Uber X. It was only Uber Blacks just
00:13:49
like
00:13:50
clockwork, you know, like like it's the
00:13:54
[ __ ] rich terminal at LAX. Only Chevy
00:13:57
Suburbans. So, I hop into my little
00:14:00
[ __ ]
00:14:01
Vesba. I drop my
00:14:05
Vesa and I click it on and you know, all
00:14:08
these people [ __ ] dress up for the
00:14:10
party and then it's me on my Vespa going
00:14:11
ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
00:14:13
ding. And I was trying to sneak out
00:14:15
undetected. Unfortunately for me, the
00:14:17
only person who noticed me exit this
00:14:19
party on my Vespa was Queson on the way
00:14:21
out. Kesan on the way out sees me, goes,
00:14:23
"Drive safe." I go, "Ah, [ __ ] Thank
00:14:25
you." as I ring the ling ding ding ding
00:14:27
ding out of the party and and I really
00:14:30
acknowledge for the first time, you
00:14:33
know, because it's obviously been
00:14:34
happening, but I acknowledge for the
00:14:36
first time, man, Twitch is different.
00:14:39
Twitch is different. It is not the same
00:14:42
Twitch that it was when I started
00:14:43
watching. It's not the same Twitch that
00:14:45
it was when I started streaming. It's a
00:14:47
different scene, man. And I and I and I
00:14:50
think I get it, man. I think I I think I
00:14:53
understand it. Like I'm not even hating
00:14:55
on it to be clear. I think what I try to
00:14:57
do is like I'm trying to come on stream
00:15:00
and do some [ __ ] that's entertaining and
00:15:02
oftentimes that packages in to a YouTube
00:15:05
video, right? Something condensed,
00:15:07
something with a format, a structure, a
00:15:10
a goal, some stakes. You know, I've
00:15:13
talked about it at Nauseium. probably
00:15:14
know, but I think the new creators, what
00:15:17
they try to do is just like share their
00:15:19
life as intimately as possible in all
00:15:23
facets. My 21st birthday, I meal prepped
00:15:26
at my house. I couldn't imagine cameras
00:15:27
being on me for that. I scheduled my
00:15:29
night to go out to the bar and then I
00:15:31
burned my hands meal prepping so I
00:15:33
didn't end up going out. That was my
00:15:35
21st. But now it's lowkey like, you
00:15:38
know, let's do Project X but live
00:15:40
streamed. I was in conversations with
00:15:42
people last night. I didn't even know
00:15:44
there was a camera on us. I was like in
00:15:46
a conversation with somebody and we're
00:15:47
talking about like my dad being from
00:15:50
outside of Stockholm and then I looked
00:15:52
over and it was like a [ __ ]
00:15:53
flashlight and I was like, "Oh, [ __ ]
00:15:56
We're
00:15:57
live. What up? I didn't even know. I had
00:16:01
no clue." Is that your Oppenheimer
00:16:03
moment? No, cuz I don't think it's bad.
00:16:05
I actually don't think it's bad. I
00:16:07
Here's what I think it's bad for maybe
00:16:08
is the people. I think, you know, I I I
00:16:11
I would I think it's important to create
00:16:14
some boundaries as a creator yourself
00:16:15
for your own personal sanity and health.
00:16:18
You know, you don't want to become a
00:16:20
caricature of a human where every lived
00:16:22
experience is on stream. And you can't
00:16:25
so much as talk to a [ __ ] another
00:16:26
human without going, "Chat, was that a
00:16:28
[ __ ] good was that a [ __ ] good
00:16:30
thing to say?" That's maybe bad. But I I
00:16:34
can see the appeal. There's a good
00:16:35
appeal to it. There's a good appeal to
00:16:38
like that level of insight on somebody.
00:16:40
It's basically Truman Show. I I think
00:16:42
Truman Show is an outdated example. I
00:16:43
think people called My Subathon Truman
00:16:45
Show, which maybe might have been
00:16:46
accurate at the time, but I I I think uh
00:16:50
the stream also shapes how they live
00:16:52
their life. You see what I'm saying?
00:16:54
Like Truman Show was live streaming this
00:16:57
guy's life, but he didn't know he was
00:16:59
being live streamed. So, he was living
00:17:00
his life more authentically to how he
00:17:02
thought he was supposed to lead it. Now
00:17:04
you're leading your life in a more
00:17:06
exaggerated manner because the way you
00:17:08
lead your life is, you know, is being
00:17:10
seen. So Black Mirror, I feel like
00:17:13
saying so Black Mirror is just like a
00:17:14
lazy way to like contextualize it. Maybe
00:17:17
you're right. I don't know. Maybe it's I
00:17:20
don't know. I just feel like sometimes
00:17:22
people just hear phone or stream or
00:17:23
YouTube or technology or AI and they
00:17:26
just go black mirror and like yeah,
00:17:27
there's probably a black mirror that
00:17:29
covers it. But that's, you know, about
00:17:31
as insightful as being like, "Oh, so
00:17:32
like the Simpsons did it or some shit."
00:17:35
I don't know. It It doesn't feel like
00:17:37
it's advancing the conversation much.
00:17:39
But maybe that's also cuz I stopped
00:17:40
watching Black Mirror four years ago.
00:17:42
But anyway, you know, I'm not saying
00:17:43
this all to say that this is going to
00:17:45
pivot how I do my stuff. You know, this
00:17:48
is ultimately for the young the young
00:17:49
men. This is the young man's game. I
00:17:52
don't think you guys would want me to go
00:17:53
that way, to be frank. We're just old in
00:17:55
this joint now. We got to be okay with
00:17:57
that.
00:17:58
[Music]
