The Terror of a 'No'

00:04:38
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sswopsUW1mQ

Resumo

TLDRThe video explores the psychological barriers that prevent us from asking others for what we want, such as jobs, money, or opportunities, due to the fear of rejection. A 'no' can evoke feelings of inadequacy and a negative self-image because we mistakenly associate it with our worst fears about ourselves. The reality is that others' refusals are rarely about us personally but more about their own complications and plans. By understanding this, we can become more willing to ask, thereby opening ourselves up to unexpected positive responses. The fear of rejection is often based on past vulnerabilities, but as we've grown, we are more capable of handling rejection. Not asking can result in missed opportunities and regrets, so it's important to replace fear with curiosity and keep asking, despite potential rejections, to avoid unfulfilled life outcomes.

Conclusões

  • 🤔 Fear of rejection often prevents us from asking.
  • 💬 'No' isn't an attack on our self-worth.
  • ❌ People reject based on their plans, not us.
  • 🌍 We're all unaware of others' true circumstances.
  • 🙌 Ask to discover potential opportunities.
  • 😅 We can handle rejection better than we think.
  • 🚫 Not asking has its own downsides.
  • 🔍 Use curiosity to overcome uncertainty.
  • ⏳ Life is short—ask to avoid regrets.
  • 👶 Childhood fears may linger into adulthood.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:04:38

    The speaker discusses the fear of rejection and the avoidance of asking others for things due to the terror of hearing a 'no.' They explain that the word 'no' often triggers our own self-critical inner voice, which is harsher than what others might actually think of us. When people say 'no,' it's typically because it doesn't fit their plans, not because they are judging our worth. The speaker argues that the fear of hearing 'no' is often rooted in past experiences from childhood when rejection felt more catastrophic. Despite this fear, they advocate for asking because people are generally unaware of each other's plans and are sometimes willing to agree if asked. Rejecting the idea of passing life unfulfilled, the speaker suggests that what we should truly fear is dying unfulfilled, not the temporary sting of rejection.

Mapa mental

Mind Map

Perguntas frequentes

  • Why are people afraid to ask for things they want?

    People fear rejection and the negative self-image that they associate with a 'no.'

  • What do people often misunderstand about hearing 'no'?

    People often mistakenly believe a 'no' reflects personal failings, rather than being about the other person's plans.

  • Why do people say 'no'?

    People say 'no' because it doesn't fit with their current plans, not due to personal judgment.

  • What should we remember about asking?

    We should remember that asking can provide insights into other people's plans and can lead to unexpected opportunities.

  • How can we overcome the fear of rejection?

    We can overcome it by recognizing that others' 'no' responses aren't personal and that we can handle rejection better than we assume.

  • Why should we still try asking?

    Because we don’t know others' situations or plans and asking might align with opportunities.

  • What is the downside of not asking?

    Not asking maintains ignorance and misses potential opportunities, effectively settling for less.

  • How does experience shape our fear of asking?

    Past rejections can shape this fear, but as we grow, we have more resources to handle a 'no.'

  • Why should curiosity replace fear when asking?

    Curiosity can lead to uncovering opportunities we weren't aware of.

  • What does not asking eventually lead to?

    It leads to missed opportunities and potential regrets on our deathbeds.

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Rolagem automática:
  • 00:00:00
    There are many things we want to ask of other people we want to ask for a job
  • 00:00:05
    For money a chance to collaborate a kiss
  • 00:00:08
    But generally we don't ask because of the terror of a no
  • 00:00:14
    Why should a no such a small and Innocuous word?
  • 00:00:17
    Prove quite so painful so hard to hear so much something
  • 00:00:21
    We need to avoid that we'd rather die in Penury ignored and unfulfilled than ever hear it
  • 00:00:28
    It's because it's not a case of trying not to hear and know what we're trying to do is avoid hearing something quite different
  • 00:00:36
    that we are
  • 00:00:38
    disgusting all of us have access to a
  • 00:00:41
    Disgusting self-image a repertoire of all the most broken flawed
  • 00:00:47
    Embarrassing and weak sides of who we are and it's precisely this self image that is awoken and engaged
  • 00:00:53
    Whenever people say no to us. We're not hearing no
  • 00:00:58
    We'd be fine if we were we're hearing you're an arrogant laughable Jumped-up Delusional clumsy repulsive Pond life
  • 00:01:06
    No wonder we get reluctant to ask
  • 00:01:09
    But in truth of course others are not remotely saying this to us. They can't guess how we're feeling inside
  • 00:01:15
    It's not written on our forehead and most importantly it's not even true
  • 00:01:19
    We've got some tricky sides of course, but so does everyone else. We're a mixture of good and bad like everyone else
  • 00:01:26
    We're okay, and we deserve to exist
  • 00:01:30
    when people say no
  • 00:01:31
    They're not thinking about us here is the only reason why people ever say no
  • 00:01:37
    And we need this emblazoned on Billboard's so we don't forget it
  • 00:01:41
    The real reason people say no is that it doesn't fit in with their plans
  • 00:01:46
    They're not thinking about your stupidest deeds
  • 00:01:48
    The Nicknames people called you at school or of what you get up to late at night? That's in your head, not theirs. They are
  • 00:01:56
    Just worried about their plans
  • 00:01:58
    We're losing out on some consoling insights because we're failing to bring our own experience of what we felt when we said no to people
  • 00:02:06
    We said no not because we hated them. We did it for an obvious now repeated reason
  • 00:02:12
    It didn't fit in with our plans
  • 00:02:14
    But here's the key reason to try asking
  • 00:02:17
    We just don't know where people are with their plans
  • 00:02:20
    And we can be sure of this by looking at our own experience when we think about it
  • 00:02:25
    There are actually a surprising number of things that we would theoretically give other people if only they asked we would say yes at many
  • 00:02:33
    Surprising points. We'd be ready to give certain people money time kisses if they asked
  • 00:02:39
    But usually people don't ask because they don't know where we are with our lives
  • 00:02:44
    All of us are fundamentally ignorant of other people's plans
  • 00:02:48
    You just can't really tell whether others might say yes or no because we don't have access to their projects and visions
  • 00:02:56
    We're attempting to overcome our lack of data of here closing in a pessimistic direction
  • 00:03:01
    But we should instead simply try to get more data by asking we should respond to ignorance with curiosity
  • 00:03:08
    not despair
  • 00:03:10
    We should remember too that we can survive and know from a distance we feel it would be a catastrophe
  • 00:03:17
    If it were a no from close up, we can be sure we'd shrug it off in three hours
  • 00:03:22
    We're big people now of course as small children
  • 00:03:25
    We were very vulnerable and perhaps adults that know to us at Key moments
  • 00:03:29
    And it hurt and now we're trying not to get hurt again
  • 00:03:33
    But the mind is slow to realize the time we've grown with perhaps six feet tall now
  • 00:03:39
    We have a bank account perhaps a car
  • 00:03:41
    Maybe children of our own you can survivor no and in any case not asking is not cost-free
  • 00:03:49
    We're avoiding the pain of rejection
  • 00:03:51
    But we're settling for something that is more insidious and just as troubling a lack of opportunity
  • 00:03:57
    Not asking life for something means implicitly asking it for something else
  • 00:04:02
    Familiar from the outset and this is especially sad because life is so very short
  • 00:04:09
    What we should really be scared of is not a no but of reaching our deathbeds
  • 00:04:14
    unfulfilled
  • 00:04:15
    We should ask
Etiquetas
  • fear of rejection
  • self-image
  • asking for help
  • opportunities
  • personal growth
  • communication
  • curiosity
  • misconceptions
  • no responses
  • self-worth