Harvard negotiator explains how to argue | Dan Shapiro

00:04:36
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDj1OBG5Tpw

Resumo

TLDRVideo ini membincangkan cara berkesan untuk menangani konflik dengan mengenal pasti dan mengatasi tiga halangan utama: identiti, penghargaan dan hubungan. Penceramah, seorang penulis buku 'Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts' menerangkan bahawa konflik sering menjadi emosional apabila nilai dan kepercayaan teras, atau identiti seseorang merasa terancam. Untuk menangani konflik dengan berkesan, kita perlu memahami siapa kita dan nilai yang mempengaruhi pergaduhan kita. Selain itu, menghargai pandangan pihak lawan dengan mendengar dengan teliti dan memahami logiknya boleh membantu meredakan ketegangan. Akhirnya, tukar perbualan dari "saya lawan anda" kepada dua pihak menghadapi masalah bersama untuk memupuk hubungan yang lebih baik. Dengan menerima pendekatan ini, kita boleh memulakan revolusi positif ke arah pemahaman dan kerjasama yang lebih baik, mengubah politik dan masyarakat keseluruhannya.

Conclusões

  • 🤔 Konflik boleh jadi bermanfaat jika ditangani dengan betul.
  • 🔍 Identiti sering bermain peranan besar dalam konflik.
  • 👂 Mendengar adalah kunci untuk menilai pihak lain dalam konflik.
  • 🔄 Tukar perspektif dari bertentangan kepada bekerjasama.
  • 🤝 Penghargaan membantu meredakan ketegangan konflik.
  • 💡 Cara kita berkomunikasi lebih penting dari topik yang diperdebatkan.
  • 💪 Mengubah percakapan boleh menguatkan hubungan.
  • 🌍 Revolusi positif boleh mengubah dunia dengan permulaan yang mudah.
  • 🎯 Mengetahui nilai dan kepercayaan diri boleh membantu mengatasi pertembungan.
  • 🗨️ Mencari titik persamaan dengan pihak lawan boleh membawa kepada penyelesaian yang lebih baik.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:04:36

    Ceramah ini menekankan kepentingan memahami bagaimana berdepan dengan konflik dengan lebih efektif. Pengarang buku "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable" menyatakan bahawa konflik sering kali membuat orang berasa tidak selesa, tetapi ia merupakan bahagian penting dalam kehidupan kita. Isu utamanya bukan tentang apa yang kita perdebatkan, tetapi bagaimana kita berdebat. Terdapat tiga halangan besar yang boleh diatasi untuk mempunyai perbualan yang lebih berkesan: identiti, penghargaan, dan penggabungan. Pertama, isu identiti memainkan peranan besar dalam konflik kerana ia melibatkan nilai dan kepercayaan teras kita. Mengetahui siapa kita dan apa yang kita sokong boleh membantu kita kekal seimbang dalam perdebatan. Kedua adalah penghargaan. Memahami dan menghargai pandangan pihak lain, walaupun kita tidak bersetuju, adalah penting. Akhirnya, penggabungan adalah mencari persamaan dan bekerjasama dengan pihak lawan untuk menyelesaikan masalah yang dikongsi. Ini boleh mengubah konflik dengan menjadikannya kerjasama, bukan perseteruan.

Mapa mental

Mind Map

Perguntas frequentes

  • What is the main topic of the video?

    The video discusses how to effectively deal with conflicts and arguments.

  • Who is the speaker in the video?

    The speaker is an author of the book 'Negotiating the Nonnegotiable: How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts.'

  • What are the three barriers to effective communication mentioned?

    The three barriers are identity, appreciation, and affiliation.

  • Why do conflicts become emotional?

    Conflicts become emotional when core values and beliefs, or one's identity, feel threatened.

  • How can one make the other side feel appreciated in a conflict?

    By consciously listening to them, understanding their perspective, and acknowledging their logic and rationale.

  • What is the importance of identity in conflicts?

    Understanding your own identity helps maintain balance and achieve goals even if core values feel threatened.

  • What advice is given to transform adversaries into partners?

    Change the nature of conversations by finding common ground and facing shared problems together.

  • What change does the speaker envision with these practices?

    A positive revolution of greater understanding, appreciation, and affiliation which could transform politics and society.

  • How can the conversation change be initiated?

    Ask for advice on meeting shared interests to transform the conversation dynamic.

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Rolagem automática:
  • 00:00:00
    - I personally feel uncomfortable around conflict.
  • 00:00:03
    - Now, we're here today to find out how to argue.
  • 00:00:06
    - But conflict is useful.
  • 00:00:08
    The question is, how do you deal with conflict
  • 00:00:10
    the most effectively?
  • 00:00:16
    Here we go.
  • 00:00:17
    I am author of Negotiating the Nonnegotiable:
  • 00:00:19
    How to Resolve Your Most Emotionally-Charged Conflicts.
  • 00:00:25
    Have you found yourself in an argument
  • 00:00:28
    that felt so frustrating,
  • 00:00:30
    so at a core aggravating?
  • 00:00:32
    - That's the silliest opinion I've ever heard.
  • 00:00:35
    - It felt just nonnegotiable?
  • 00:00:36
    Well, congratulations, you're a human being.
  • 00:00:39
    We all experience conflict in our lives,
  • 00:00:43
    and seeing what's going on in our world today,
  • 00:00:45
    my hunch is you were probably having
  • 00:00:47
    at least one of these conflicts about politics.
  • 00:00:50
    Our country has fallen into what I believe is a tribal trap.
  • 00:00:54
    Anything that that other side says,
  • 00:00:56
    I shall not believe, I shall not give any credibility to,
  • 00:01:00
    and I'm gonna do everything I can to prove I'm right,
  • 00:01:03
    you're wrong, and to stifle you down
  • 00:01:05
    to raise me up.
  • 00:01:06
    The problem is not with the what,
  • 00:01:09
    what are we arguing about,
  • 00:01:11
    the problem is with the how.
  • 00:01:12
    - How should we argue?
  • 00:01:15
    - How can we be more effective?
  • 00:01:17
    And what I've found is that there are three big barriers
  • 00:01:19
    that we can actually overcome
  • 00:01:21
    to have more effective conversations.
  • 00:01:23
    The big things, one, identity, two, appreciation,
  • 00:01:28
    and three, affiliation.
  • 00:01:30
    Let's start with identity.
  • 00:01:32
    - Now, first of all, this is a hot issue.
  • 00:01:35
    - Why do we get so emotional in these conflict situations?
  • 00:01:38
    It often goes back to something deeper: identity.
  • 00:01:41
    What are the core values, the core beliefs
  • 00:01:45
    that are feeling threatened inside of you
  • 00:01:47
    as you're having that conversation with the other side?
  • 00:01:50
    The moment your identity gets hooked in these conflicts,
  • 00:01:54
    all of a sudden your emotions become
  • 00:01:58
    Boy, this is a wholly different conflict now.
  • 00:02:00
    It's now your pride.
  • 00:02:01
    Your sense of self is on the line.
  • 00:02:04
    You need to know who you are and what you stand for.
  • 00:02:10
    What are the values and beliefs
  • 00:02:12
    that are driving me to fight for this stance on this issue?
  • 00:02:16
    The more you understand who you are,
  • 00:02:18
    the more you can try to get your purpose met
  • 00:02:20
    and stay balanced, even when the other threatens
  • 00:02:23
    those core values and beliefs.
  • 00:02:24
    Each side wants to feel appreciated,
  • 00:02:29
    and yet the last thing they wanna do
  • 00:02:31
    is to appreciate the other side.
  • 00:02:32
    That's a problem.
  • 00:02:34
    - Listen and understand.
  • 00:02:37
    - When you're in the midst of the conflict, don't talk.
  • 00:02:41
    Take the first 10 minutes.
  • 00:02:43
    Consciously listen to the other side.
  • 00:02:46
    What's the value behind their perspective?
  • 00:02:49
    What's the logic, the rationale?
  • 00:02:51
    Why do they hold this perspective on
  • 00:02:53
    immigration or healthcare?
  • 00:02:55
    Once you truly understand and see
  • 00:02:57
    the value in their perspective,
  • 00:02:59
    let them know I hear where you're coming from,
  • 00:03:01
    and you know what?
  • 00:03:02
    That makes sense.
  • 00:03:04
    There is nothing more in the world that we like
  • 00:03:06
    than to feel appreciated.
  • 00:03:08
    Recognize your power to appreciate them.
  • 00:03:14
    Third, affiliation.
  • 00:03:16
    What's the emotional connection like
  • 00:03:18
    between you and the other side?
  • 00:03:19
    We typically approach these conflict situations
  • 00:03:22
    as me versus you.
  • 00:03:23
    My opinion on healthcare versus yours,
  • 00:03:27
    my party's perspectives on immigration versus yours.
  • 00:03:30
    That's just gonna leave the two of you
  • 00:03:32
    like rams butting heads.
  • 00:03:34
    - Find common ground.
  • 00:03:39
    - Turn that other person from an adversary into a partner,
  • 00:03:43
    so it's no longer me versus you,
  • 00:03:45
    but the two of us facing the same shared problem.
  • 00:03:48
    Ask the other person, "Look, what's your advice
  • 00:03:51
    "on how we can get as many of our interests met
  • 00:03:53
    "at the same time?"
  • 00:03:54
    Change the nature of your conversation.
  • 00:03:57
    Now, you put these three things into practice,
  • 00:03:59
    it can transform your relationships.
  • 00:04:02
    Imagine what would happen if we started a revolution,
  • 00:04:06
    but a positive revolution of greater understanding,
  • 00:04:09
    greater appreciation, greater affiliation,
  • 00:04:12
    how we could transform politics,
  • 00:04:14
    how we could transform our country
  • 00:04:16
    and ultimately our world.
  • 00:04:17
    I believe it's possible, but it starts
  • 00:04:20
    with each one of us.
Etiquetas
  • konflik
  • argumen
  • identiti
  • penghargaan
  • hubungan
  • politik
  • komunikasi
  • revolusi positif
  • kerjasama