The Empire Sent Their Greatest Warriors, Humans Sent One Angry Mechanic With A Wrench | HFY | Sci Fi

00:29:55
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GqOnxLWCgs

Resumo

TLDRIn a captivating tale set in space, Earth's fate rests on the shoulders of Zeke "Lightning Hands" Rodriguez, a gifted mechanic with a knack for fixing technology using unconventional methods. When the technologically superior CRA saari Empire demands Earth's surrender, Zeke tackles the challenge not with advanced weaponry, but with his trusty wrench, Bessie, and practical knowledge. Despite his unorthodox style, Zeke manages to expose critical flaws in the aliens' over-engineered technology, leading to their downfall. His mechanical genius saves Earth, surprising both the humans and their adversaries, and culminates in a historic treaty that highlights the underestimated strength of human ingenuity.

Conclusões

  • 🐧 Zeke Rodriguez is known for his unique and unorthodox repair methods.
  • 🔧 He managed to increase a Quantum Thruster’s efficiency by 47% using just a wrench.
  • ⚡ Zeke's intimidating reputation comes from his intolerance for poor engineering.
  • 🛠️ He once fixed life support with duct tape, showcasing his 'duct tape and spite' method.
  • 🦎 The CRA saari Empire demands Earth's surrender, boasting technological superiority.
  • 👽 Earth's Defense Council considers Zeke for unconventional defense against the CRA saari.
  • 📚 Zeke reads up on the opponents’ tech manuals, focusing especially on flawed designs.
  • ☕ Zeke mocks the CRA saari’s tech skills, attributing failures to over-engineering.
  • 🚀 Zeke cleverly disrupts the alien fleet with his mechanical expertise and basic tools.
  • 🏆 Through Zeke’s unconventional methods, Earth emerges victorious, leading to an alliance.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    In the vast emptiness of space on Earth’s orbital station Delta, Zeke Rodriguez, a mechanic known for his ability to fix anything, is seen fixing a malfunctioning Quantum Thruster using only a wrench. His unconventional and somewhat forceful method earns him a reputation for miraculous mechanical repairs.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The station receives an ultimatum from the alien Craari Empire demanding Earth’s surrender. The Craari demonstrate technological superiority with advanced ships and nearly invulnerable biomechanical suits. Despite the seriousness of the threat, discussions among Earth’s leaders mention Zeke’s unconventional problem-solving abilities.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    Earth’s council seriously considers sending Zeke against the Craari despite the absurdity of a mechanic confronting an elite alien force. Zeke embarks on reviewing Craari ship designs, focusing on potential weaknesses. His pragmatic approach, focusing on the inefficiencies within systems, is seen as potentially useful.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    When Craari emissaries arrive for Earth’s surrender, they encounter Zeke, who brazenly critiques their technology. He exploits the interconnectivity of their systems with a wrench, creating chaos within the Craari troops. His mechanical knowledge and direct approach lead to failures in the Craari fleet's functioning.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:29:55

    Zeke’s victory converts the Craari Empire into admirers of simpler engineering. Zeke refuses fame, returning to his work with his wrench. His legacy prompts a galaxy-wide appreciation for human ingenuity, illustrating the power of simplicity and practical knowledge over convoluted design.

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Vídeo de perguntas e respostas

  • Who is Zeke Rodriguez?

    Zeke Rodriguez is an engineer known for fixing complex problems with simple tools and his unique mechanics' approach.

  • What did the CRA saari Empire demand from Earth?

    The CRA saari Empire demanded Earth's immediate and unconditional surrender, claiming technological superiority.

  • How did Zeke prepare to handle the CRA saari challenge?

    Zeke read the opponents’ tech manuals, focusing on their engineering flaws and planning to exploit them.

  • What unconventional tactics did Zeke employ?

    Zeke used his understanding of engineering flaws in the alien technology to disrupt their systems with basic tools.

  • How did Zeke's actions affect the CRA saari Empire?

    Zeke's actions exposed the flaws in the CRA saari's over-engineered systems, leading to their defeat and a reassessment of their technological strategies.

  • What symbolic role did Zeke's wrench play?

    Zeke's wrench became a symbol of human ingenuity and practical problem-solving.

  • Why did Zeke fix a coffee machine during critical moments?

    Zeke's quick fixes included unconventional methods, emphasizing his focus on resolving immediate engineering issues regardless of their context.

  • What did the victory over the CRA saari lead to?

    Earth's victory led to new alliances and a shift in the CRA saari’s approach to engineering simplicity and collaboration with humans.

  • Did the CRA saari finally acknowledge Zeke's skills?

    Yes, they acknowledged his superior engineering capabilities in the treaty after their defeat.

  • What was a lesson learned by the CRA saari from their defeat?

    They learned the importance of simplicity and maintenance ease in engineering over the complexity of designs.

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  • 00:00:00
    in the vast emptiness of space aboard
  • 00:00:02
    Earth's orbital station Delta there was
  • 00:00:04
    only one constant more reliable than the
  • 00:00:07
    artificial Gravity the creative string
  • 00:00:09
    of multilingual profanity flowing from
  • 00:00:12
    Bay
  • 00:00:12
    17 this particular Symphony of swearing
  • 00:00:15
    originated from beneath a malfunctioning
  • 00:00:17
    Quantum Thruster where Zeke lightning
  • 00:00:20
    hands Rodriguez was currently engaged in
  • 00:00:22
    his favorite activity arguing with
  • 00:00:25
    inanimate objects Madre deos which brain
  • 00:00:28
    dead penguin designed this configuration
  • 00:00:31
    a metallic clang echoed through the bay
  • 00:00:33
    followed by the distinctive sound of a
  • 00:00:35
    wrench making contact with expensive
  • 00:00:37
    equipment who looks at a type 7 Quantum
  • 00:00:40
    manifold and thinks you know what this
  • 00:00:42
    needs to be installed upside down and
  • 00:00:44
    backwards another clang rang out this
  • 00:00:47
    one accompanied by a spray of Sparks and
  • 00:00:49
    the sweet smell of ozone most mechanics
  • 00:00:51
    would have called for specialized tools
  • 00:00:54
    or at the very least a diagnostic
  • 00:00:56
    computer Zeke however believed in a more
  • 00:00:59
    direct approach his trusty wrench
  • 00:01:01
    lovingly named Bessie had yet to meet a
  • 00:01:04
    problem it couldn't solve through the
  • 00:01:05
    careful application of percussive
  • 00:01:08
    Maintenance aha he exclaimed sliding out
  • 00:01:11
    from under the Thruster his dark hair
  • 00:01:13
    was streak with grease and his cover all
  • 00:01:16
    bore the proud stains of a thousand
  • 00:01:18
    mechanical victories that'll teach you
  • 00:01:20
    to question the laws of thermodynamics
  • 00:01:22
    you overpriced toaster the repair logs
  • 00:01:25
    would later show that Zeke had somehow
  • 00:01:27
    managed to increase the thrusters
  • 00:01:28
    efficiency by 47% using nothing but a
  • 00:01:32
    standard wrench and what one engineer
  • 00:01:34
    described as terrifyingly creative abuse
  • 00:01:37
    of basic physics this was fairly typical
  • 00:01:39
    for lightning hands Rodriguez whose
  • 00:01:41
    reputation for mechanical Miracles was
  • 00:01:44
    matched only by his legendary
  • 00:01:46
    intolerance for poor
  • 00:01:48
    engineering station scuttlebut had it
  • 00:01:50
    that he once fixed a critical life
  • 00:01:52
    support failure with nothing but duct
  • 00:01:54
    tape and spite another story claimed
  • 00:01:57
    he'd reprogrammed a malfunctioning AI by
  • 00:01:59
    by threatening it with a socket wrench
  • 00:02:01
    until it got its binary act together the
  • 00:02:04
    AI in question still developed a nervous
  • 00:02:06
    tick whenever anyone picked up a wrench
  • 00:02:07
    in its presence Zeke was just about to
  • 00:02:10
    start on his next project a
  • 00:02:12
    gravitational compensator that had been
  • 00:02:14
    making suspicious squeaking noises when
  • 00:02:16
    the station's emergency broadcast system
  • 00:02:19
    crackled to life the sound made him jump
  • 00:02:21
    banging his head on an overhead panel
  • 00:02:24
    heho he rubbed his head glaring at the
  • 00:02:26
    speakers as Admiral chenk voice filled
  • 00:02:28
    the bay attention Personnel at 0600
  • 00:02:31
    hours Earth Standard time we received an
  • 00:02:34
    ultimatum from the CRA saari Empire
  • 00:02:36
    their fleet has entered the solar system
  • 00:02:38
    led by their Elite Warrior Squad the
  • 00:02:41
    obsidian Talons they are demanding
  • 00:02:43
    Earth's immediate and unconditional
  • 00:02:44
    surrender Zeke snorted reaching for his
  • 00:02:47
    coffee mug a battered thing with don't
  • 00:02:48
    confuse your Google search with my
  • 00:02:50
    engineering degree printed on the side
  • 00:02:53
    the liquid inside was thick enough to
  • 00:02:54
    qualify as a new form of matter they
  • 00:02:57
    have given us 12 hours to comply the
  • 00:02:59
    Admiral continued continued or face what
  • 00:03:01
    they term absolute technological
  • 00:03:03
    superiority the mug paused halfway to
  • 00:03:05
    Zeke's lips a slow grin spread across
  • 00:03:07
    his face the kind of grin that had been
  • 00:03:10
    known to make safety inspectors break
  • 00:03:11
    out in cold sweats technological
  • 00:03:14
    superiority a he muttered lovingly
  • 00:03:17
    patting Bessie wek just see about that
  • 00:03:20
    the United Earth Defense council's
  • 00:03:22
    emergency meeting was going about as
  • 00:03:24
    well as you'd expect when faced with the
  • 00:03:26
    imminent arrival of a technologically
  • 00:03:28
    Superior alien Empire which is to say
  • 00:03:32
    poorly they've got Quantum shifted
  • 00:03:34
    battle Cruisers General Williams slammed
  • 00:03:37
    his fist on the hollow table causing the
  • 00:03:38
    3D projection of the cathari fleet to
  • 00:03:41
    wobble our best ships look like
  • 00:03:43
    steampowered rowboats in comparison
  • 00:03:45
    Admiral Chen rubbed her temples studying
  • 00:03:47
    the imposing silhouettes of the alien
  • 00:03:49
    vessels the obsidian Talon's Flagship
  • 00:03:52
    alone was larger than their three
  • 00:03:54
    biggest carriers combined its Hull
  • 00:03:56
    gleamed with an otherworldly black
  • 00:03:58
    material that seemed to drink in itself
  • 00:04:00
    their message was specific she said
  • 00:04:03
    activating the replay a hologram
  • 00:04:05
    materialized a tall reptilian figure in
  • 00:04:07
    ceremonial armor that looked like it had
  • 00:04:10
    been designed by someone who'd watched
  • 00:04:12
    too many space medieval dramas humans
  • 00:04:15
    the crack aari Commander's voice boomed
  • 00:04:17
    with unnecessary volume I am supreme War
  • 00:04:20
    Prince zigal of the obsidian Talons your
  • 00:04:23
    primitive species has been deemed
  • 00:04:24
    Unworthy of Independence submit to our
  • 00:04:27
    Superior civilization or witness the
  • 00:04:29
    full might of our technological
  • 00:04:31
    advancement well muttered Dr Patel from
  • 00:04:33
    R&D at least they're humble about it
  • 00:04:36
    they've given us 6 hours left to respond
  • 00:04:38
    Admiral Chen continued their Warriors
  • 00:04:40
    are impressive she brought up the
  • 00:04:43
    intelligence briefing each member of the
  • 00:04:46
    obsidian Talons Pilots a biomechanical
  • 00:04:48
    battle suit that's practically
  • 00:04:49
    invulnerable to Conventional Weapons
  • 00:04:52
    they've conquered 17 systems using these
  • 00:04:54
    suits alone what about unconventional
  • 00:04:57
    weapons Colonel Martinez leaned forward
  • 00:04:59
    studying the data there's got to be a
  • 00:05:02
    weak point in their technology that's
  • 00:05:04
    when Lieutenant Commander Jang who'd
  • 00:05:06
    been quietly checking something on her
  • 00:05:07
    tablet started laughing not the nervous
  • 00:05:11
    chuckle of someone facing impending doom
  • 00:05:13
    but the full-bodied laugh of someone who
  • 00:05:15
    just realized something absolutely
  • 00:05:17
    ridiculous ma'am she managed between
  • 00:05:20
    Giggles you remember last month's
  • 00:05:21
    incident with the quantum AI in hanga
  • 00:05:24
    Bay 17 Admiral Chen's expression shifted
  • 00:05:27
    from confusion to horror you don't mean
  • 00:05:30
    the one where that crazy mechanic fixed
  • 00:05:32
    a rogue artificial intelligence by
  • 00:05:33
    hitting it with a wrench until it
  • 00:05:35
    started behaving yes ma'am that's
  • 00:05:37
    exactly what I mean lightning hands
  • 00:05:40
    Rodriguez General Williams scoffed the
  • 00:05:42
    guy who retrofitted our entire defense
  • 00:05:44
    grid using spare parts and colorful
  • 00:05:46
    language the same man who jury rigged a
  • 00:05:48
    first Contact protocol using an old
  • 00:05:50
    radio and what he claimed was the power
  • 00:05:53
    of human stubbornness Dr Patel added
  • 00:05:56
    beginning to smile the one who keeps
  • 00:05:59
    complaining that alien technology is
  • 00:06:01
    just fancy garbage with too many
  • 00:06:02
    blinking lights precisely Lieutenant
  • 00:06:05
    Commander Jang pulled up Zeke's service
  • 00:06:07
    record a document that consisted mainly
  • 00:06:10
    of impossible repairs violated safety
  • 00:06:13
    protocols and notes from increasingly
  • 00:06:15
    bewildered engineering inspectors look
  • 00:06:17
    at this report from last week subject
  • 00:06:20
    demonstrated ability to identify and
  • 00:06:22
    exploit critical design flaws in
  • 00:06:24
    advanced technology through methods that
  • 00:06:26
    violate several laws of physics and most
  • 00:06:28
    of our safety
  • 00:06:32
    regulations a contemplative silence fell
  • 00:06:34
    over the room as the implications sank
  • 00:06:36
    in are we seriously considering Admiral
  • 00:06:39
    Chen began sending our grumpiest
  • 00:06:41
    mechanic to face off against the
  • 00:06:43
    Galaxy's most elite Warrior Squad
  • 00:06:45
    Colonel Martinez finished because
  • 00:06:47
    they're all about technological
  • 00:06:49
    superiority and we happen to have
  • 00:06:51
    someone who specializes in turning
  • 00:06:54
    Superior technology into very expensive
  • 00:06:57
    paper weights it's completely insane
  • 00:06:59
    General Williams stated flatly then he
  • 00:07:02
    grinned which is exactly why those stuck
  • 00:07:05
    up lizards won't see it coming Admiral
  • 00:07:08
    Chen sighed deeply already Imagining the
  • 00:07:10
    paperwork this would generate Lieutenant
  • 00:07:13
    Commander please fetch Mr Rodriguez and
  • 00:07:15
    make sure he brings that wrench of his
  • 00:07:17
    she paused then added and maybe some
  • 00:07:19
    duct tape just in case as Jiang hurried
  • 00:07:23
    off Doctor Patel examined the Hologram
  • 00:07:25
    of the cathari war prints again you know
  • 00:07:28
    she mused for a species so
  • 00:07:30
    technologically advanced they seem to
  • 00:07:32
    have overlooked one crucial detail about
  • 00:07:35
    Humanity what's that General Williams
  • 00:07:37
    asked the more complex you make
  • 00:07:39
    something the more creative humans get
  • 00:07:40
    about breaking it no no no combat
  • 00:07:43
    instructor Lee pinched the bridge of her
  • 00:07:45
    nose watching Zeke completely ignore
  • 00:07:47
    proper combat stance in favor of
  • 00:07:49
    examining the training robot's
  • 00:07:51
    joints Mr Rodriguez you're supposed to
  • 00:07:54
    be learning hand-to-hand combat not
  • 00:07:56
    whatever this is hang on Zeke muttered
  • 00:07:59
    cing the robot's knee server with Bessie
  • 00:08:01
    whoever programmed this thing's movement
  • 00:08:03
    patterns clearly never heard of
  • 00:08:05
    mechanical efficiency look at this waste
  • 00:08:07
    of energy he gave the joint another
  • 00:08:10
    experimental tap no wonder it's making
  • 00:08:12
    that grinding noise the grinding noise
  • 00:08:14
    is intentional it's supposed to be
  • 00:08:16
    intimidating it's supposed to be stupid
  • 00:08:18
    is what it is Zeke pulled a multi-tool
  • 00:08:21
    from his everpresent tool belt give me 5
  • 00:08:23
    minutes and I'll have this bucket of
  • 00:08:25
    bolts moving like it was designed by
  • 00:08:27
    someone with actual engineering sent in
  • 00:08:30
    the observation room above Admiral Chen
  • 00:08:32
    watched with growing concern as their
  • 00:08:34
    supposed Champion proceeded to
  • 00:08:36
    completely disassemble the military's
  • 00:08:38
    most advanced combat training robot he's
  • 00:08:41
    been here for 3 hours Colonel Martinez
  • 00:08:43
    noted and so far he's fixed four
  • 00:08:45
    training robots rewired our simulation
  • 00:08:48
    chamber because he didn't like the
  • 00:08:49
    lighting and spent 45 minutes explaining
  • 00:08:52
    to the AI combat instructor why ITS
  • 00:08:55
    Tactical algorithms were and I quote an
  • 00:08:58
    offense to computational efficiency
  • 00:09:00
    everywhere down in the training room the
  • 00:09:03
    robot suddenly sprung to life executing
  • 00:09:05
    a perfect series of martial arts moves
  • 00:09:08
    with ballet like Grace Zeke nodded
  • 00:09:10
    approvingly while instructor Lee stared
  • 00:09:13
    in
  • 00:09:13
    bewilderment how did you simple your
  • 00:09:16
    Servo timing was off by 0.03 seconds
  • 00:09:19
    amateur mistake really now it's actually
  • 00:09:22
    energy efficient instead of just looking
  • 00:09:24
    flashy he paused thoughtfully though I
  • 00:09:27
    did add a little something extra to the
  • 00:09:28
    hydraulic system watch this he pressed a
  • 00:09:31
    button and the robot began break
  • 00:09:33
    dancing Admiral Chen buried her face in
  • 00:09:36
    her hands please tell me he's at least
  • 00:09:38
    reviewed the combat briefing
  • 00:09:40
    materials oh he's been reading all right
  • 00:09:42
    liutenant Commander Jang reported
  • 00:09:44
    pulling up the station's data access
  • 00:09:46
    logs he's gone through every technical
  • 00:09:49
    manual we have on CRA saari ship designs
  • 00:09:51
    twice he seemed particularly interested
  • 00:09:54
    in their environmental control systems
  • 00:09:57
    their environmental systems they're
  • 00:09:58
    sending their most Elite Warriors and
  • 00:10:00
    he's studying their air conditioning
  • 00:10:02
    according to his notes and I quote any
  • 00:10:05
    species dumb enough to root their
  • 00:10:06
    critical life support through their
  • 00:10:08
    weapons cooling system deserves what's
  • 00:10:10
    coming to
  • 00:10:12
    them the Admiral was about to respond
  • 00:10:14
    when General Williams burst into the
  • 00:10:16
    observation room looking flustered we
  • 00:10:19
    have a problem the cracks at thur have
  • 00:10:21
    moved up their timeline they'll be here
  • 00:10:24
    in 1 hour and Rodriguez hasn't even been
  • 00:10:26
    to the Armory yet they Rush down to the
  • 00:10:28
    training room only to find Zeke calmly
  • 00:10:31
    packing up his tool belt the
  • 00:10:32
    disassembled remains of the combat robot
  • 00:10:34
    were scattered around him in what
  • 00:10:36
    appeared to be a meticulous
  • 00:10:38
    organizational system that made sense
  • 00:10:40
    only to him Mr Rodriguez Admiral Chen
  • 00:10:43
    began carefully shouldn't you be getting
  • 00:10:45
    equipped for combat the Armory has our
  • 00:10:48
    most advanced Battle Suits nah Zeke
  • 00:10:51
    replied checking that Bessie was
  • 00:10:52
    securely holstered those things would
  • 00:10:55
    just slow me down besides I've got
  • 00:10:57
    everything I need right here he patted
  • 00:11:00
    his tool belt lovingly the assembled
  • 00:11:02
    military brass stared in horror at his
  • 00:11:04
    chosen equipment one wrench a multi-tool
  • 00:11:07
    some duct tape a handful of spare parts
  • 00:11:09
    that might have once belonged to a
  • 00:11:10
    coffee maker and what appeared to be a
  • 00:11:12
    lucky rubber duck with googly
  • 00:11:15
    eyes but but the obsidian Talons General
  • 00:11:18
    Williams sputtered their battles suits
  • 00:11:20
    are the most advanced technology in the
  • 00:11:21
    known Galaxy Zeke's eyes lit up with the
  • 00:11:24
    special kind of Madness unique to
  • 00:11:26
    Engineers who've just spotted a really
  • 00:11:28
    interesting in problem exactly which
  • 00:11:32
    means they've got plenty of fancy parts
  • 00:11:33
    that can break he grinned showing far
  • 00:11:36
    too many teeth and if there's one thing
  • 00:11:38
    I know about fancy parts it's that they
  • 00:11:40
    always break in the most entertaining
  • 00:11:42
    ways possible when you know exactly
  • 00:11:44
    where to hit
  • 00:11:45
    them as their Champion strolled out
  • 00:11:48
    whistling an old mechanics Dy Admiral
  • 00:11:50
    Chen turned to her colleagues we're
  • 00:11:52
    about to face the Galaxy's most elite
  • 00:11:54
    warriors with nothing but a wrench and
  • 00:11:56
    misplaced confidence aren't we on the
  • 00:11:59
    right side Dr Patel offered at least we
  • 00:12:01
    go down in history one way or another
  • 00:12:04
    the designated meeting point was Earth's
  • 00:12:06
    largest Space Station orbital platform
  • 00:12:09
    Alpha the cracks aari had insisted on a
  • 00:12:11
    neutral venue for what they called the
  • 00:12:14
    formal submission of inferior
  • 00:12:16
    species the human delegation waited in
  • 00:12:18
    the main hanger Bay which had been
  • 00:12:20
    hastily decorated with diplomatic flags
  • 00:12:23
    and what someone thought passed for
  • 00:12:24
    ceremonial lighting at precisely 1,400
  • 00:12:28
    hours Earth Standard Time the Hanger's
  • 00:12:30
    massive doors parted to admit the
  • 00:12:32
    obsidian Talon shuttle it was a
  • 00:12:35
    masterpiece of engineering sleek black
  • 00:12:38
    and radiating enough power to run a
  • 00:12:40
    small City The Vessel touched down with
  • 00:12:43
    perfect Precision its Landing creating a
  • 00:12:45
    symmetrical pattern of energy ripples
  • 00:12:47
    across the deck the shuttle's main hatch
  • 00:12:50
    opened with a dramatically timed hiss of
  • 00:12:52
    steam revealing Supreme War Prince zigal
  • 00:12:55
    and his Elite Squad their biomechanical
  • 00:12:58
    battle suits made them look like a cross
  • 00:13:00
    between ancient Samurai and something
  • 00:13:02
    out of a chrome Enthusiast fever dream
  • 00:13:04
    each Warrior carried weapons that could
  • 00:13:06
    level a small continent humans zix tal
  • 00:13:09
    boomed his voice modulated to what he
  • 00:13:11
    clearly thought was an impressive
  • 00:13:13
    resonance we have arrived to witness
  • 00:13:15
    your he trailed off reptilian eyes
  • 00:13:18
    narrowing at the sight before him
  • 00:13:21
    instead of an honor guard or military
  • 00:13:23
    delegation there was just a small
  • 00:13:25
    welcoming committee and at its Center
  • 00:13:27
    leaning against a mainten cart and
  • 00:13:29
    sipping from a thermos stood a human in
  • 00:13:32
    oil stained coveralls the human appeared
  • 00:13:34
    to be doing a crossword puzzle hold that
  • 00:13:37
    thought big guy Zeke said without
  • 00:13:38
    looking up anyone know a seven-letter
  • 00:13:40
    word for mechanical failure because I'm
  • 00:13:43
    thinking it might be crackstar he
  • 00:13:46
    chuckled at his own joke the silence
  • 00:13:48
    that followed was Heavy enough to have
  • 00:13:50
    its own gravitational field what zol's
  • 00:13:53
    voice crackled with barely contained
  • 00:13:55
    rage is the meaning of this insult
  • 00:13:58
    Admiral ch stepped forward maintaining
  • 00:14:00
    an admirably straight face Supreme War
  • 00:14:02
    Prince zigal may I present Earth's
  • 00:14:04
    chosen Champion chief engineer Ezekiel
  • 00:14:06
    Rodriguez you dare mock the obsidian
  • 00:14:09
    Talons one of the alien Warriors stepped
  • 00:14:11
    forward his battles suit sensors glowing
  • 00:14:13
    and Angry Red we are the most elite
  • 00:14:15
    fighting force in 17 systems neat Zeke
  • 00:14:19
    replied finally looking up he squinted
  • 00:14:21
    at the warrior battle suit hey quick
  • 00:14:23
    question that plasma modulator on your
  • 00:14:25
    left shoulder is it supposed to be
  • 00:14:27
    making that clicking sound the Warrior's
  • 00:14:30
    anger turned to confusion what clicking
  • 00:14:33
    a distinct click emanated from his
  • 00:14:35
    shoulder followed by a concerning were
  • 00:14:37
    yeah that's what I thought Zeke took
  • 00:14:39
    another sip of coffee you've got your
  • 00:14:41
    Quantum harmonics all out of whack
  • 00:14:43
    probably losing about 40% efficiency
  • 00:14:45
    minimum Amateur hour
  • 00:14:47
    really Supreme War Prince zixer tal
  • 00:14:50
    scales shifted colors in what might have
  • 00:14:52
    been indignation you dare critique our
  • 00:14:55
    Superior technology our battle suits are
  • 00:14:57
    the Pinnacle of cracks thi engineering
  • 00:15:00
    Superior please Zeke finally put down
  • 00:15:03
    his crossword and thermos pushing off
  • 00:15:04
    from the cart I've seen better power
  • 00:15:07
    distribution in a jewry rigged toaster
  • 00:15:09
    and don't even get me started on your
  • 00:15:11
    structural support layout who puts a
  • 00:15:13
    primary power coupling next to a thermal
  • 00:15:15
    vent that's just asking for trouble the
  • 00:15:17
    alien Warriors exchanged uncertain
  • 00:15:19
    glances this wasn't how first Contact
  • 00:15:21
    usually went enough zix Tal's Voice
  • 00:15:24
    boomed through the hanger we are not
  • 00:15:26
    here to discuss engineering we are here
  • 00:15:28
    to accept Your Surrender yeah about that
  • 00:15:31
    Zeke pulled out Bessie twirling the
  • 00:15:33
    wrench thoughtfully see I've been
  • 00:15:35
    reading up on your ships really
  • 00:15:37
    interesting stuff especially that neat
  • 00:15:39
    little Quirk about how your life support
  • 00:15:41
    systems are integrated with your weapons
  • 00:15:43
    cooling real elegant design his grin
  • 00:15:46
    turned predatory would be a shame if
  • 00:15:49
    someone were to adjust it for the first
  • 00:15:52
    time in recorded history the Supreme War
  • 00:15:54
    prints of the obsidian Talons looked
  • 00:15:56
    uncertain you you read our Tech
  • 00:15:59
    manuals oh yeah fascinating reading
  • 00:16:02
    particularly enjoyed the section about
  • 00:16:03
    your Quantum shifted battle Cruisers got
  • 00:16:06
    to admit rooting all your Shield
  • 00:16:07
    harmonics through a single resonance
  • 00:16:09
    chamber is a bold Choice he gestured at
  • 00:16:11
    their shuttle with Bessie speaking of
  • 00:16:13
    which you might want to check your Port
  • 00:16:15
    stabilizer that harmonic variance is
  • 00:16:18
    going to cause you grief in about oh 3
  • 00:16:21
    minutes right on Q the shuttle emitted a
  • 00:16:24
    high- pitched whine impossible one of
  • 00:16:26
    the Warriors exclaimed our technology is
  • 00:16:29
    perfect we have conquered 177 systems 17
  • 00:16:33
    systems full of people who were too
  • 00:16:34
    polite to tell you your engineering
  • 00:16:37
    sucks Zeke Shrugged look I get it you
  • 00:16:40
    went for Flash over function common
  • 00:16:42
    rookie mistake but
  • 00:16:44
    seriously he pointed at various parts of
  • 00:16:46
    their battle suits that Servo needs
  • 00:16:48
    realignment that power coupling is one
  • 00:16:50
    sneeze away from failure and whoever
  • 00:16:52
    designed your thermal management system
  • 00:16:54
    should be ashamed of themselves the CRA
  • 00:16:57
    aari warriors were now openly fidgeting
  • 00:17:00
    some of them surreptitiously checking
  • 00:17:02
    their suit Diagnostics Supreme War print
  • 00:17:04
    zix Tel scales had shifted to an
  • 00:17:07
    interesting Shade of Pale green you know
  • 00:17:09
    what your real problem is Zeke continued
  • 00:17:11
    warming to his subject over engineering
  • 00:17:14
    you've got so many redundant systems
  • 00:17:16
    they're actually interfering with each
  • 00:17:17
    other it's like watching a room full of
  • 00:17:19
    middle managers try to change a light
  • 00:17:21
    bulb Admiral Chen who had been watching
  • 00:17:23
    this exchange with growing amazement
  • 00:17:25
    finally cleared her throat perhaps we
  • 00:17:28
    should proceed with the uh formal
  • 00:17:30
    proceedings oh right Zeke straightened
  • 00:17:33
    up adopting what he probably thought was
  • 00:17:35
    a formal pose so here's the deal you can
  • 00:17:38
    either turn around and leave or I can
  • 00:17:39
    start pointing out all the critical
  • 00:17:41
    design flaws in your equipment in detail
  • 00:17:43
    with demonstrations Supreme War Prince
  • 00:17:46
    zix looked at Earth's champion this oil
  • 00:17:48
    stained human with a wrench and an
  • 00:17:50
    unnervingly thorough knowledge of their
  • 00:17:52
    technical specifications and made a
  • 00:17:54
    decision that would change the course of
  • 00:17:56
    Galactic history unfortunately for him
  • 00:17:59
    it was the wrong one we will not be
  • 00:18:01
    intimidated by a mere mechanic obsidian
  • 00:18:03
    Talons prepare for
  • 00:18:06
    combat finally Zeke grinned giving
  • 00:18:08
    Bessie a practice swing I was hoping
  • 00:18:11
    you'd say that now about that plasma
  • 00:18:15
    modulator the battle if you could call
  • 00:18:18
    it that began with Supreme War Prince
  • 00:18:20
    zix tal making what military historians
  • 00:18:22
    would later describe as a critical error
  • 00:18:24
    in judgment he tried to shoot Zeke the
  • 00:18:27
    Plasma Blast from his battles suit's
  • 00:18:29
    primary weapon should have vaporized the
  • 00:18:31
    human mechanic instead Zeke had already
  • 00:18:34
    ducked under a nearby console muttering
  • 00:18:36
    about power
  • 00:18:37
    fluctuations see that's exactly what I'm
  • 00:18:40
    talking about his voice echoed from
  • 00:18:41
    somewhere beneath the deck plating your
  • 00:18:44
    plasma containment is running way too
  • 00:18:46
    hot give it about 30 seconds and that
  • 00:18:48
    whole arm assembly is going to lock up
  • 00:18:51
    silence zix tal roared then paused as
  • 00:18:54
    his suit's right arm became increasingly
  • 00:18:56
    difficult to move what
  • 00:18:59
    what is happening basic thermodynamics
  • 00:19:02
    buddy there was a metallic clang
  • 00:19:04
    followed by the distinct sound of
  • 00:19:06
    someone rewiring something that really
  • 00:19:08
    shouldn't be
  • 00:19:10
    rewired also you might want to take
  • 00:19:12
    about three steps to your left I will
  • 00:19:14
    not fall for your primitive the deck
  • 00:19:16
    plate beneath zix's feet suddenly vented
  • 00:19:19
    steam causing his battle suit to stumble
  • 00:19:22
    exactly three steps to the left told you
  • 00:19:25
    environmental control systems are my
  • 00:19:27
    specialty Zeke emerged Ed from a
  • 00:19:29
    maintenance hatch that definitely hadn't
  • 00:19:31
    been there 5 minutes ago now about that
  • 00:19:34
    Quantum harmonics issue two obsidian
  • 00:19:37
    Talon Warriors moved to flank him their
  • 00:19:39
    weapons charging with an ominous hum
  • 00:19:41
    Zeke ignored them completely instead
  • 00:19:43
    walking straight up to their shuttle
  • 00:19:45
    with the confident stride of someone
  • 00:19:47
    about to commit authorized maintenance
  • 00:19:49
    don't mind me just going to take a quick
  • 00:19:51
    look at your propulsion matrix it's
  • 00:19:53
    making this weird resonance that's
  • 00:19:55
    driving me crazy he disappeared into the
  • 00:19:58
    shuttle before anyone could stop him
  • 00:20:00
    stop him zix commanded but his Warriors
  • 00:20:03
    had their own problems one was
  • 00:20:04
    frantically trying to disengage his
  • 00:20:06
    helmet's environmental controls which
  • 00:20:08
    had started playing what sounded
  • 00:20:10
    suspiciously like Earth poker music
  • 00:20:12
    another found his suit servos locked in
  • 00:20:14
    what appeared to be a permanent chicken
  • 00:20:16
    dance position oh yeah zek's voice
  • 00:20:19
    echoed from inside the shuttle this is
  • 00:20:21
    even worse than I thought who designed
  • 00:20:23
    this power distribution grid a
  • 00:20:24
    caffeinated octopus hold on let me just
  • 00:20:28
    there was a ser of clangs followed by
  • 00:20:29
    the distinctive sound of duct tape being
  • 00:20:31
    applied with extreme prejudice warning
  • 00:20:34
    lights began flashing across every
  • 00:20:36
    battle suits display somehow their
  • 00:20:39
    Quantum encrypted command networks were
  • 00:20:41
    being overwritten with what appeared to
  • 00:20:43
    be coffee maker maintenance
  • 00:20:46
    protocols did you know Zeke continued
  • 00:20:48
    conversationally emerging from the
  • 00:20:50
    shuttle covered in even more grease than
  • 00:20:52
    before that your entire fleet systems
  • 00:20:54
    are synchronized through quantum
  • 00:20:56
    entanglement pretty clever actually
  • 00:20:58
    means all the ships share the same basic
  • 00:21:00
    coding structure he grinned also means
  • 00:21:03
    they share the same basic
  • 00:21:05
    flaws Supreme War Prince zix watched in
  • 00:21:09
    horror as his Elite warriors battles
  • 00:21:11
    suits began to malfunction in
  • 00:21:12
    increasingly bizarre ways one started
  • 00:21:15
    playing ancient Earth disco music
  • 00:21:17
    through its external speakers another's
  • 00:21:19
    translation Matrix switched to speaking
  • 00:21:21
    exclusively in bad poetry you cannot
  • 00:21:24
    defeat the might of the cathari Empire
  • 00:21:26
    with a mere wrench zix t declared though
  • 00:21:29
    his voice modulator chose that moment to
  • 00:21:31
    shift to a squeaky falsetto want a bet
  • 00:21:34
    Zeke held up Bessie lovingly this mere
  • 00:21:36
    wrench has fixed Quantum drives
  • 00:21:38
    realigned temporal stabilizers and once
  • 00:21:41
    convinced a coffee machine to achieve
  • 00:21:42
    sentience though that last one was
  • 00:21:44
    probably a mistake thing won't stop
  • 00:21:46
    trying to optimize everyone's caffeine
  • 00:21:49
    intake he ducked under another Warrior's
  • 00:21:51
    wild swing using the momentum to access
  • 00:21:54
    a maintenance panel on the suit's back
  • 00:21:57
    see here's your problem right here
  • 00:21:59
    you've got your primary power routing
  • 00:22:00
    through a singlephase Quantum converter
  • 00:22:03
    Amateur hour a few quick adjustments
  • 00:22:05
    with Bessie and the warrior suit began
  • 00:22:07
    performing an enthusiastic rendition of
  • 00:22:10
    the
  • 00:22:11
    macarina but but our technology is
  • 00:22:14
    superior one of the remaining functional
  • 00:22:16
    Warriors protested Superior Zeke scoffed
  • 00:22:19
    now somehow simultaneously rewiring
  • 00:22:22
    three different systems while drinking
  • 00:22:24
    from his seemingly bottomless thermos
  • 00:22:26
    your idea of superior technology ology
  • 00:22:29
    is slapping Quantum fields on everything
  • 00:22:31
    and hoping it works here's a pro tip
  • 00:22:33
    sometimes a good old-fashioned wrench is
  • 00:22:35
    all you need to demonstrate his point he
  • 00:22:38
    gave a nearby panel a solid whack with
  • 00:22:40
    Bessie the impact somehow triggered a
  • 00:22:42
    Cascade of system failures throughout
  • 00:22:45
    the entire CRA saari Fleet Battle Suits
  • 00:22:48
    began shutting down ships lost power and
  • 00:22:50
    at least one Cruiser's AI decided it
  • 00:22:52
    wanted to pursue a career in
  • 00:22:54
    interpretive dance did you just Admiral
  • 00:22:57
    Chen stared in belief disable an entire
  • 00:23:00
    alien Fleet by hitting it with a
  • 00:23:02
    wrench technically Zeke replied applying
  • 00:23:05
    more duct tape to something that was
  • 00:23:07
    probably
  • 00:23:08
    important I used the wrench to trigger a
  • 00:23:10
    Quantum resonance Cascade that exploited
  • 00:23:13
    their overreliance on synchronized
  • 00:23:15
    systems also I may have replaced some of
  • 00:23:17
    their combat protocols with my coffee
  • 00:23:19
    machines maintenance
  • 00:23:20
    routines the last functioning obsidian
  • 00:23:23
    Talon Warrior looked at his disabled
  • 00:23:25
    comrades then at his own suit's display
  • 00:23:27
    which was now showing a detailed
  • 00:23:29
    tutorial on proper Coffee Bean storage
  • 00:23:32
    this is impossible zix's voice had
  • 00:23:34
    returned to normal but his battle suit
  • 00:23:36
    was now stuck in what appeared to be an
  • 00:23:38
    infinite boot loop our Engineers spent
  • 00:23:41
    decades perfecting these
  • 00:23:43
    systems yeah well your engineers never
  • 00:23:46
    had to fix a Quantum Drive with nothing
  • 00:23:48
    but duct tape and spite at 3: in the
  • 00:23:50
    morning Zeke patted the shuttle Hull
  • 00:23:54
    sympathetically you guys Focus so much
  • 00:23:57
    on making things complicated you forget
  • 00:23:59
    the first rule of engineering if it
  • 00:24:01
    ain't broke you're not looking hard
  • 00:24:03
    enough with a final dramatic flourish of
  • 00:24:06
    his wrench Zeke triggered what he later
  • 00:24:08
    described in his repair log as a minor
  • 00:24:10
    adjustment to their fleet's Quantum
  • 00:24:12
    stability
  • 00:24:13
    Matrix the result was every single crack
  • 00:24:16
    saari ship simultaneously experiencing
  • 00:24:19
    what could only be described as a
  • 00:24:21
    technological identity crisis battle
  • 00:24:24
    computers began running recipe
  • 00:24:25
    applications navigation systems started
  • 00:24:27
    calculating knitting patterns the
  • 00:24:30
    flagships main AI developed in sudden
  • 00:24:32
    and intense interest in 21 century soap
  • 00:24:35
    operas Supreme War Prince zigal now
  • 00:24:38
    trapped in a battle suit that would only
  • 00:24:40
    move in reverse while playing calming
  • 00:24:41
    whale sounds finally admitted defeat how
  • 00:24:45
    he asked watching his mighty Fleet
  • 00:24:47
    reduced to a collection of very
  • 00:24:48
    expensive very confused Machinery how
  • 00:24:51
    did one human with a wrench defeat the
  • 00:24:53
    most advanced military force in the
  • 00:24:55
    Galaxy Zeke Shrugged already heading
  • 00:24:58
    back to his maintenance cart simple I
  • 00:25:01
    just gave your Superior technology
  • 00:25:03
    exactly what it needed a real mechanics
  • 00:25:05
    touch he paused then added with a grin
  • 00:25:08
    also you really should have read the
  • 00:25:10
    warning labels on those Quantum
  • 00:25:12
    harmonics never root your primary
  • 00:25:14
    systems through the same circuit as your
  • 00:25:16
    coffee maker that's just asking for
  • 00:25:19
    trouble the formal surrender of the
  • 00:25:21
    crack saari Empire took place aboard
  • 00:25:24
    orbital platform Alpha though not quite
  • 00:25:26
    in the manner anyone expected
  • 00:25:29
    Supreme War Prince zix signed the peace
  • 00:25:31
    treaty while his battle suit performed
  • 00:25:33
    an interpretive dance routine to
  • 00:25:35
    classical music a lingering effect of
  • 00:25:37
    Zeke's repairs that no one had been able
  • 00:25:40
    to fix furthermore zix satal read from
  • 00:25:43
    the treaty his voice occasionally
  • 00:25:44
    glitching into what sounded like a game
  • 00:25:46
    show hosts enthusiasm the cathari Empire
  • 00:25:50
    forly acknowledges Humanity's Superior
  • 00:25:52
    engineering capabilities he shuddered at
  • 00:25:55
    the last words casting a nervous glance
  • 00:25:57
    at Zeke who was is absently fixing a
  • 00:25:59
    coffee machine in the corner did you
  • 00:26:01
    hear something rattling in the quantum
  • 00:26:03
    manifold Zeke called out not looking up
  • 00:26:06
    from his work every cathari warrior in
  • 00:26:09
    the room flinched the treaty terms were
  • 00:26:12
    unprecedented the Empire agreed to
  • 00:26:14
    establish a joint engineering oversight
  • 00:26:16
    committee mandatory maintenance training
  • 00:26:18
    programs and most importantly a
  • 00:26:20
    galaxy-wide ban on what they now called
  • 00:26:23
    unnecessarily complicated systems design
  • 00:26:26
    news of Humanity's Victory spread across
  • 00:26:28
    the Galaxy faster than a Quantum Cascade
  • 00:26:30
    failure the headlines were spectacular
  • 00:26:33
    human mechanic defeats Elite alien force
  • 00:26:35
    with single wrench cracks thari Empire
  • 00:26:38
    surrenders citing traumatic engineering
  • 00:26:41
    experience local maintenance worker
  • 00:26:43
    saves Earth complains about paperwork
  • 00:26:46
    back on Earth the United defense Council
  • 00:26:48
    was dealing with an unexpected problem
  • 00:26:50
    their reluctant hero wanted nothing to
  • 00:26:52
    do with Fame look Zeke explained to a
  • 00:26:56
    room full of Admirals generals and
  • 00:26:57
    increasing frustrated PR Specialists I
  • 00:27:00
    appreciate the medals and all but I've
  • 00:27:02
    got a fusion reactor that needs
  • 00:27:04
    recalibrating in Bay 17 those plasma
  • 00:27:07
    injectors aren't going to align
  • 00:27:09
    themselves but you're a hero General
  • 00:27:11
    Williams protested the people want to
  • 00:27:13
    hear your story there's talk of a movie
  • 00:27:15
    deal a movie about what me telling
  • 00:27:18
    aliens their engineering sucks and
  • 00:27:20
    hitting things with a wrench until they
  • 00:27:21
    work Zeke snorted besides someone needs
  • 00:27:25
    to fix all these Superior alien ships
  • 00:27:27
    they Left Behind have you seen their
  • 00:27:29
    maintenance logs it's like they never
  • 00:27:31
    heard of regular oil changes despite his
  • 00:27:34
    protests Zeke's Legacy had already taken
  • 00:27:36
    on a life of its own the wrench became a
  • 00:27:39
    symbol of human Ingenuity across the
  • 00:27:42
    Galaxy engineering schools added
  • 00:27:44
    creative problem solving with limited
  • 00:27:46
    tools to their curricula though no one
  • 00:27:49
    could quite replicate Zeke's unique
  • 00:27:50
    approach to Mechanical
  • 00:27:52
    psychology the CRA aari meanwhile
  • 00:27:55
    underwent a complete cultural
  • 00:27:57
    transformation their engineering schools
  • 00:27:59
    now emphasized Simplicity and
  • 00:28:01
    maintenance accessibility their military
  • 00:28:04
    discontinued the use of synchronized
  • 00:28:06
    Quantum systems citing potential
  • 00:28:08
    vulnerability to caffeine-based
  • 00:28:10
    reprogramming as for Zeke he did what he
  • 00:28:13
    did best he went back to work the only
  • 00:28:15
    noticeable changes were the occasional
  • 00:28:17
    alien engineering student who would show
  • 00:28:19
    up at his Bay hoping to learn the
  • 00:28:21
    mysteries of the wrench and a new sign
  • 00:28:23
    on his workspace that read warning
  • 00:28:25
    unauthorized Quantum modifications in
  • 00:28:27
    progress
  • 00:28:29
    6 months after the incident Admiral Chen
  • 00:28:31
    found him in his usual spot half buried
  • 00:28:33
    under a maintenance panel creative
  • 00:28:36
    multilingual swearing echoing through
  • 00:28:38
    the bay the andromedan Confederation
  • 00:28:41
    wants to meet Humanity's engineering
  • 00:28:43
    Champion she informed him apparently
  • 00:28:45
    they've developed some new unhackable
  • 00:28:47
    Quantum encryption system a muffled
  • 00:28:50
    clang came from under the panel followed
  • 00:28:52
    by tell them their encryptions probably
  • 00:28:54
    routed through their environmental
  • 00:28:56
    controls like every other engineered
  • 00:28:58
    piece of space junk out
  • 00:29:01
    here actually the Admiral smiled that's
  • 00:29:03
    exactly why they want to meet you they
  • 00:29:05
    worried their system might be vulnerable
  • 00:29:07
    to what did they call it aggressive
  • 00:29:10
    maintenance
  • 00:29:11
    procedures Zeke emerged covered in
  • 00:29:14
    grease but grinning well can't let them
  • 00:29:17
    keep building things wrong can we he
  • 00:29:19
    patted Bessie affectionately just let me
  • 00:29:22
    finish fixing this Quantum regulator
  • 00:29:24
    someone thought it would be smart to
  • 00:29:25
    install it upside down and backwards
  • 00:29:27
    again
  • 00:29:28
    and so as Humanity took its place Among
  • 00:29:30
    the Stars a new saying spread through
  • 00:29:32
    the Galaxy beware the species that fixes
  • 00:29:35
    their most advanced technology with duct
  • 00:29:37
    tape and attitude they've learned to
  • 00:29:40
    make anything work whether it wants to
  • 00:29:42
    or
  • 00:29:43
    not in the end The Greatest Warrior the
  • 00:29:46
    cathari empire ever faced wasn't a
  • 00:29:48
    soldier with a weapon but a grumpy
  • 00:29:50
    mechanic with a wrench and a very low
  • 00:29:52
    tolerance for poor engineering
Etiquetas
  • Zeke Rodriguez
  • space station
  • Quantum Thruster
  • alien invasion
  • engineering
  • human ingenuity
  • CRA saari Empire
  • defense
  • technology
  • wrench