Elena Aguilar - Emotional Resilience and Equity in Education

00:54:48
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45isOLjVxTU

Resumo

TLDRThe interview features a seasoned educator discussing her mission to combat teacher burnout by fostering resilience. She highlights the heartbreak of seeing talented educators exit the profession due to burnout and aims to address this through her work. She authored 'Onward', a guide structured around 12 habits for educators to build resilience by aligning strategies with the academic year’s rhythm. The pandemic has disrupted traditional rhythms, demanding a reevaluation of resilience-building approaches. The speaker emphasizes understanding emotions, suggesting resilience isn't just enduring difficulties but thriving through them. Systems should support the whole being of educators, recognizing their physical, emotional, and intellectual aspects. Structural changes are necessary to counter burnout, ensuring educators' needs are met and allowing for adequate professional and personal time. On mindfulness, she advises creating space between tasks to reflect on actions and emotions. Communities of educators are essential, and finding one’s community requires self-assessment and active engagement. Her upcoming program aims to support individuals in transitioning out of the pandemic by understanding their emotional landscapes. The conversation concludes with a call for self-compassion.

Conclusões

  • 🎓 Importance of addressing teacher burnout to retain great educators.
  • 📚 Introduction to 'Onward', a book providing resilience strategies for teachers.
  • 📅 Aligning resilience strategies with the school year's rhythm.
  • 💪 Resilience means thriving, not just surviving adversity.
  • 🧘‍♀️ Mindfulness involves pausing to assess emotions and actions.
  • 🏫 Systems should support the whole human being, not just students.
  • 🌍 The pandemic caused shifts in educational rhythms, necessitating new approaches.
  • 🤝 Building community is vital for educators' support and growth.
  • 🧠 There's a need to differentiate between thoughts and emotions for better understanding.
  • 💡 Self-compassion is crucial in healing and moving forward.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The interview begins with a discussion on the significance of preventing teacher burnout, with the guest being introduced as a teacher, writer, and coach dedicated to supporting educators. She shares her background and emphasizes the emotional toll of seeing talented educators leave due to burnout, and the impact this has on communities.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The conversation shifts to the book "Onward," focusing on monthly-focused resilience strategies for teachers based on the school year cycle. The author explains the natural emotional and energy fluctuations teachers experience throughout the year and how her book helps address these.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The discussion reflects on whether the pandemic has altered educational rhythms. The guest highlights the drastic changes, emphasizing that the past year was about survival and adaptation, with rhythms disrupted by the constant shifts between in-person and distance learning. She stresses the need for redefining resilience in these contexts.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The guest outlines a framework from the book "Onward" that focuses on building resilience through 12 habits. She distinguishes between survival and resilience, emphasizing resilience as thriving through adversity. She highlights the importance of understanding emotions as a key habit for educators.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    A detailed explanation of the cycle of emotions is given, illustrating how interpretation of events influences resilience. The guest describes how shifting perspectives can either deplete or enhance personal resilience, using examples from classroom interactions.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    The discussion moves to mindfulness, the necessity of creating space in busy schedules, and the role of institutions in providing supports. The guest advocates for systemic changes to encourage reflection and mindfulness, emphasizing that these contribute to effective teaching and resilience.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    Emphasis is placed on the need for systemic change to combat teacher burnout. The guest calls for a focus on holistic support for both educators and students, confronting outdated educational structures that neglect the full humanity of teachers.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The importance of community support for educators is discussed. The guest offers advice for individuals to identify and build their community while also suggesting broader systemic changes to facilitate communal support within schools and districts.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    The concept of self-care is unpacked, addressing three gaps - knowledge, skills, and emotional intelligence. The guest argues that understanding and addressing these gaps can empower educators to prioritize self-care effectively, which is crucial for resilience.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:54:48

    The conversation ends with an encouragement for educators to practice self-compassion and reflection, particularly in the wake of the pandemic. The guest advises writing a self-love letter to acknowledge one's achievements and challenges, fostering a sense of personal resilience and worthiness.

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Vídeo de perguntas e respostas

  • Who is the guest speaking in the interview?

    The guest is a teacher, writer, coach, podcast host, and mother who is focused on addressing teacher burnout and resilience.

  • What book does the guest mention in the interview?

    The book mentioned is 'Onward' which is about habits that cultivate resilience among educators.

  • What is a key theme of the interview?

    The key theme revolves around developing resilience for educators, understanding emotions, and managing burnout.

  • What impact has the pandemic had on teachers according to the interview?

    The pandemic changed rhythms and increased uncertainty and exhaustion among teachers.

  • What does the guest suggest about changing school systems?

    The guest suggests systems need to be designed to support the full humanity of educators and students.

  • What is resilience according to the guest?

    Resilience is about thriving in the face of adversity, not just surviving.

  • How does the guest suggest teachers find community?

    Teachers are encouraged to assess what they need and actively engage with their community to fulfill those needs.

  • What role does mindfulness play according to the guest?

    Mindfulness helps teachers pause, assess their emotions, and align actions with values.

  • What problems are associated with teacher burnout?

    Burnout is linked to systemic issues, lack of time, and inadequate support structures.

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Rolagem automática:
  • 00:00:00
    [Music]
  • 00:00:04
    as i told you as we were talking earlier
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    i am incredibly honored to have you here
  • 00:00:09
    one of the you know as a former teacher
  • 00:00:11
    myself and then overseeing
  • 00:00:12
    numbers of teachers burnout was a very
  • 00:00:15
    real
  • 00:00:16
    thing of teachers and it always broke my
  • 00:00:17
    heart when people were leaving the
  • 00:00:19
    profession
  • 00:00:20
    and it feels like for me you spent
  • 00:00:23
    all if not most of your career focused
  • 00:00:25
    on fighting that so before we start
  • 00:00:27
    talking about your advice and your
  • 00:00:28
    wisdom
  • 00:00:29
    can you just tell us who you are a
  • 00:00:31
    little bit about who you are and
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    why you love what you do
  • 00:00:36
    sure who am i
  • 00:00:40
    i'm a teacher a writer
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    a coach a podcast host a mother
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    a partner a daughter i
  • 00:00:50
    see myself as a part of many communities
  • 00:00:54
    that i love
  • 00:00:56
    it's interesting when you said the
  • 00:00:59
    heartbreak
  • 00:01:00
    of seeing burnout and i think that
  • 00:01:02
    heartbreak is worth unpacking for me the
  • 00:01:05
    heartbreak
  • 00:01:07
    has implications of not being able to
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    serve the communities that i love
  • 00:01:12
    that i'm a part of and so when i
  • 00:01:15
    see teachers leave when i
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    see just potentially incredible
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    educators leaving the profession as i
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    have for
  • 00:01:24
    27 years now the heartbreak has to do
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    with the way
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    that our communities will continue to be
  • 00:01:30
    underserved with the loss and potential
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    with the loss of possibility
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    i live in oakland california on the
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    occupied and unseated land of the alone
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    people and i love what i do because
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    every day feels like there's a way for
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    me to fulfill
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    my purpose for being alive every day
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    feels
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    meaningful every day feels like i have
  • 00:01:56
    opportunities to do what i do best
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    to fulfill my own need for joy
  • 00:02:02
    and satisfaction and meaning and to
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    serve
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    well there's people who don't know who
  • 00:02:07
    you are i mean besides going to look at
  • 00:02:09
    the books
  • 00:02:09
    you've written or go to your online
  • 00:02:11
    resources to help people immediately who
  • 00:02:13
    are trying to
  • 00:02:15
    work in education i would say follow you
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    on instagram because you do have
  • 00:02:19
    you do balance the gamut of you know the
  • 00:02:22
    the deep thoughts as well as encouraging
  • 00:02:24
    folks to
  • 00:02:25
    to have fun and bring joy to their life
  • 00:02:27
    and so
  • 00:02:28
    can you tell us a little bit i mean i
  • 00:02:29
    want to focus more today on
  • 00:02:32
    uh hot topics in education that people
  • 00:02:34
    are struggling with right now
  • 00:02:35
    but also your your amazing book onward
  • 00:02:38
    and
  • 00:02:38
    the thing that i really appreciated
  • 00:02:40
    about it first glance
  • 00:02:41
    when i was opening it was um
  • 00:02:44
    everybody who's ever been an educator or
  • 00:02:46
    works with educators
  • 00:02:48
    know there's a life cycle of the year
  • 00:02:50
    right and you
  • 00:02:51
    started off just owning it saying here's
  • 00:02:53
    a focus for every month
  • 00:02:56
    how did you land on that what was the
  • 00:02:57
    the wisdom behind giving us a thought or
  • 00:03:00
    an action for every month
  • 00:03:03
    sure i feel like with very few
  • 00:03:06
    exceptions
  • 00:03:06
    every year of my life has been so tied
  • 00:03:09
    to the school calendar that i know the
  • 00:03:11
    rhythm of the school year more than
  • 00:03:13
    any other rhythm i think and so when i
  • 00:03:16
    thought about the need for resilience
  • 00:03:19
    i really started mapping that onto what
  • 00:03:22
    i've experienced and witnessed as far as
  • 00:03:25
    sort of
  • 00:03:26
    the cycle of energy for a teacher
  • 00:03:30
    through a school year and i mean the
  • 00:03:31
    sort of
  • 00:03:32
    emotional energy that allows us to
  • 00:03:35
    respond to the dozens and dozens
  • 00:03:39
    of challenges and changes that happen
  • 00:03:42
    every day for a teacher and so as i
  • 00:03:45
    thought about
  • 00:03:46
    what we need immediately i started
  • 00:03:48
    thinking about well there's a difference
  • 00:03:49
    what we need in
  • 00:03:50
    august versus right before thanksgiving
  • 00:03:53
    break
  • 00:03:54
    or what we need when we're coming back
  • 00:03:56
    from winter break or what we need
  • 00:03:58
    in may when there have been all these
  • 00:04:00
    changes some of which maybe we wanted
  • 00:04:02
    some of which we didn't
  • 00:04:03
    and so it just felt like i had to make
  • 00:04:06
    that immediate connection
  • 00:04:08
    between the strategy the habit you can
  • 00:04:11
    cultivate
  • 00:04:12
    and the time of year context is
  • 00:04:15
    everything in some ways so yeah
  • 00:04:18
    absolutely i mean the the wisdom you
  • 00:04:19
    have of you know
  • 00:04:20
    getting to know yourself uh in kind of
  • 00:04:23
    june
  • 00:04:23
    july uh coming back trying to build
  • 00:04:26
    community at the start of the year
  • 00:04:28
    to every educator knows that november
  • 00:04:31
    time frame
  • 00:04:31
    is uh sometimes the lowest point uh
  • 00:04:35
    where
  • 00:04:35
    you're struggling maybe a little
  • 00:04:36
    february as well but um
  • 00:04:38
    it's just really cool that you just
  • 00:04:40
    framed your entire
  • 00:04:42
    book around understanding that rhythm so
  • 00:04:45
    a question i have for you you know
  • 00:04:46
    coming
  • 00:04:47
    out of a year or a little bit more of a
  • 00:04:49
    pandemic
  • 00:04:51
    as you look back at this year and you've
  • 00:04:52
    been working with educators all across
  • 00:04:54
    the nation
  • 00:04:55
    have you noticed that the rhythms have
  • 00:04:56
    changed at all in terms of the months
  • 00:04:58
    and how people are feeling or do you
  • 00:05:00
    feel like
  • 00:05:00
    it's kind of groundhog day and stuck on
  • 00:05:02
    the same emotions for more than one
  • 00:05:04
    month
  • 00:05:06
    i think that's a great question and
  • 00:05:08
    really
  • 00:05:09
    merits unpacking in terms of so what
  • 00:05:12
    have we been through in this last year
  • 00:05:15
    so many of us
  • 00:05:17
    as educators professionals
  • 00:05:20
    parents partners and whatever our role
  • 00:05:23
    so many of us have been
  • 00:05:25
    in a state of survival so first
  • 00:05:29
    shock and then survival and maybe a
  • 00:05:32
    little bit of adaptation
  • 00:05:33
    i think everything has changed in the
  • 00:05:35
    last year and nothing will be the same
  • 00:05:37
    as it was before but
  • 00:05:38
    our rhythms of the last year have been
  • 00:05:40
    completely different nothing
  • 00:05:42
    there was no rhythm of the year there
  • 00:05:44
    was no
  • 00:05:46
    may june end of the school year
  • 00:05:48
    beginning of the school year
  • 00:05:49
    and so yes we definitely need to rethink
  • 00:05:53
    how we cultivate resilience right now
  • 00:05:55
    based on what we've been through in the
  • 00:05:56
    last year and i think the first thing we
  • 00:05:58
    have to do
  • 00:05:59
    is actually pause and say okay so what
  • 00:06:02
    have we been through
  • 00:06:03
    what what was this experience
  • 00:06:07
    what are we perhaps hopefully emerging
  • 00:06:10
    from
  • 00:06:10
    i think you know it's clear that we are
  • 00:06:12
    emerging however
  • 00:06:14
    the near future still holds a lot of
  • 00:06:17
    uncertainty
  • 00:06:18
    and a lot of people are exhausted
  • 00:06:21
    there's sort of a whiplash
  • 00:06:22
    of now we're in distance learning now
  • 00:06:25
    we're in some hybrid
  • 00:06:26
    no now we're back in distance learning
  • 00:06:27
    because too many infections and death so
  • 00:06:30
    oh
  • 00:06:30
    now we're back because now there's
  • 00:06:32
    vaccinations
  • 00:06:34
    however it's going to take a while for
  • 00:06:36
    us to read reach herd immunity
  • 00:06:38
    and there can well be more waves when
  • 00:06:41
    school might be closed again
  • 00:06:42
    when there will be again so we're facing
  • 00:06:44
    all this uncertainty and we're tired
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    and so there's a need for us to look at
  • 00:06:50
    how we are building resilience
  • 00:06:52
    with um perhaps a different lens
  • 00:06:56
    so i mean you you spent last several
  • 00:06:59
    years especially i think pack
  • 00:07:01
    passionately going after helping
  • 00:07:03
    teachers develop
  • 00:07:04
    resiliency what i know you have a
  • 00:07:07
    framework per se
  • 00:07:09
    can you just give us a little idea of
  • 00:07:10
    the framework that helps you
  • 00:07:12
    support teachers or you advise educators
  • 00:07:15
    to use to start developing resiliency at
  • 00:07:17
    any time in their career or any stage or
  • 00:07:19
    facing any challenge sure
  • 00:07:22
    so onward is the book that is structured
  • 00:07:26
    around the 12
  • 00:07:27
    habits that educators can cultivate to
  • 00:07:30
    refine their resilience to build it to
  • 00:07:33
    hone it to refine it
  • 00:07:35
    we are all born with some resilience and
  • 00:07:37
    we can increase it and that's what's
  • 00:07:39
    really
  • 00:07:40
    hopeful and exciting there are things
  • 00:07:42
    that we can do every day dozens of
  • 00:07:44
    things we can do
  • 00:07:45
    every day actions we can take as well
  • 00:07:48
    as dispositions we can orient
  • 00:07:51
    towards that will help us build our
  • 00:07:54
    resilience
  • 00:07:55
    and resilience i should say is not
  • 00:07:58
    just about surviving it's actually about
  • 00:08:01
    thriving in the face of adversity or in
  • 00:08:04
    response to adversity
  • 00:08:05
    so resilience is not just let's grit our
  • 00:08:08
    teeth and
  • 00:08:09
    drag ourselves through it and sort of
  • 00:08:11
    prop ourselves up and say
  • 00:08:12
    we survived that's not resilience that's
  • 00:08:15
    survival
  • 00:08:16
    resilience is when you experience a
  • 00:08:19
    challenge and adversity
  • 00:08:20
    even from something as small as uh
  • 00:08:24
    you know an altercation with a student's
  • 00:08:26
    parent to a global pandemic
  • 00:08:28
    anything um and you come out of it
  • 00:08:32
    recognizing you learned something
  • 00:08:35
    you cultivated deeper relationships with
  • 00:08:39
    some folks
  • 00:08:40
    you feel stronger than before that's
  • 00:08:42
    resilience and so we want to really
  • 00:08:44
    think about
  • 00:08:45
    how do we boost that resilience so the
  • 00:08:48
    12
  • 00:08:48
    habits in onward that again you can
  • 00:08:51
    start working on one habit a month
  • 00:08:53
    or you can also pick and choose and say
  • 00:08:55
    this is the one i need to work on now
  • 00:08:58
    there is a habit around understanding
  • 00:09:00
    emotions
  • 00:09:01
    which i think might be the most
  • 00:09:03
    important for any time and the most
  • 00:09:05
    important right now
  • 00:09:06
    and most of us you know myself included
  • 00:09:09
    are
  • 00:09:09
    pretty illiterate when it comes to our
  • 00:09:11
    emotions we just didn't
  • 00:09:13
    get that kind of instruction growing up
  • 00:09:16
    we didn't get social emotional learning
  • 00:09:18
    in the way that some kids in some
  • 00:09:20
    schools are getting now and we
  • 00:09:22
    need it and we deserve it and it's so
  • 00:09:26
    liberating to understand our emotions
  • 00:09:29
    because again we're human beings
  • 00:09:31
    and we have emotions and yet we are
  • 00:09:34
    rarely taught about how to recognize
  • 00:09:37
    them
  • 00:09:37
    understand them engage with them make
  • 00:09:40
    peace with them make friends with them
  • 00:09:41
    learn from them and actually
  • 00:09:44
    use them to thrive so that's the chapter
  • 00:09:47
    that's the section i think right now
  • 00:09:49
    every we could just spend
  • 00:09:50
    so much time on well the part that i
  • 00:09:52
    liked about
  • 00:09:53
    you know you took me back throughout
  • 00:09:55
    your book of going back to that first
  • 00:09:57
    year of teacher when i was
  • 00:09:58
    ready to quit or feeling like a failure
  • 00:10:01
    or you know again i didn't understand
  • 00:10:03
    all these emotions
  • 00:10:04
    uh and especially as i advanced in my
  • 00:10:05
    career uh can you talk i really enjoyed
  • 00:10:08
    the
  • 00:10:09
    the cycle of emotions you know from
  • 00:10:11
    prompting to interpretation it just kind
  • 00:10:13
    of gave us a good framework
  • 00:10:15
    to help me recognize what is what is
  • 00:10:17
    happening right now can you tell us a
  • 00:10:18
    little bit about that
  • 00:10:21
    sure i think what's most important to
  • 00:10:23
    understand about that
  • 00:10:25
    is that in this when we understand the
  • 00:10:27
    cycle of an emotion we can understand
  • 00:10:29
    precisely
  • 00:10:30
    where and how we can cultivate our
  • 00:10:32
    resilience and that precise
  • 00:10:35
    spot is in between
  • 00:10:38
    what happens and how you make sense of
  • 00:10:41
    what happens
  • 00:10:42
    and so let's say a student rolls her
  • 00:10:46
    eyes at you that's what happens how you
  • 00:10:49
    make
  • 00:10:50
    sense of what happens the story you tell
  • 00:10:52
    yourself
  • 00:10:54
    is what will ultimately
  • 00:10:57
    allow you to build your resilience
  • 00:11:01
    or perhaps deplete it so a student rolls
  • 00:11:04
    her
  • 00:11:05
    eyes and there's a story you can tell an
  • 00:11:08
    interpretation you can make
  • 00:11:09
    which is she's so disrespectful
  • 00:11:12
    she constantly disrespects me teachers
  • 00:11:16
    are not respected
  • 00:11:17
    this profession is just i can't be in it
  • 00:11:22
    that's one interpretation right and i'm
  • 00:11:24
    sure you can
  • 00:11:25
    hear okay that's going to drain your
  • 00:11:26
    resilience the other one is
  • 00:11:29
    [Music]
  • 00:11:32
    she must be having some emotions i
  • 00:11:35
    wonder what she's feeling
  • 00:11:36
    maybe she's feeling annoyed or irritated
  • 00:11:40
    she is a 12 year old girl this is
  • 00:11:43
    actually a good sign that she's helping
  • 00:11:44
    me see what she's feeling
  • 00:11:47
    i could let it go maybe i could ask her
  • 00:11:49
    about this i have some choice right now
  • 00:11:52
    i wonder what might make most sense
  • 00:11:54
    given the time of day and what else i've
  • 00:11:56
    got my plate
  • 00:11:57
    so that interpretation that second one
  • 00:12:00
    is what
  • 00:12:00
    one which ultimately can boost your
  • 00:12:02
    resilience
  • 00:12:04
    because it allows you to feel more
  • 00:12:06
    agency more empowered it connects you to
  • 00:12:09
    compassion
  • 00:12:10
    perhaps it leads you to a door or
  • 00:12:13
    connects you to curiosity which may lead
  • 00:12:15
    you to a door of compassion
  • 00:12:17
    empathy so we have options right there
  • 00:12:21
    this is in the cycle of an emotion we
  • 00:12:23
    can pinpoint the spot
  • 00:12:25
    where we have options for how we respond
  • 00:12:28
    and then for whether our resilience goes
  • 00:12:30
    up or down that's super empowering
  • 00:12:33
    yeah i think you know part of again a
  • 00:12:35
    consistent theme that i felt throughout
  • 00:12:37
    your
  • 00:12:37
    your book and i'm sure this is across a
  • 00:12:39
    lot of your teaching
  • 00:12:40
    is the ability to to be mindful so to
  • 00:12:44
    make space
  • 00:12:45
    uh to really think about your emotions
  • 00:12:48
    but you know i think about my world
  • 00:12:50
    you go from this meeting you feel the
  • 00:12:51
    emotion then you have another meeting
  • 00:12:53
    then another meeting this this first
  • 00:12:54
    you know meeting or class is still very
  • 00:12:56
    much on my mind but at the end of the
  • 00:12:57
    day instead of pausing and trying to get
  • 00:12:59
    mindful
  • 00:13:00
    i'm listening to music or i'm talking to
  • 00:13:03
    someone on the phone
  • 00:13:04
    i'm never you know i'm watching tv i'm
  • 00:13:06
    never
  • 00:13:07
    pausing long enough can you can you
  • 00:13:09
    describe uh
  • 00:13:11
    what mindfulness means to you and give
  • 00:13:13
    us some ideas of
  • 00:13:15
    how do we pause along enough to really
  • 00:13:16
    understand our cycle of emotions
  • 00:13:20
    yeah great question so the first thing i
  • 00:13:23
    want to say
  • 00:13:24
    is there are a lot of individual actions
  • 00:13:28
    we can take
  • 00:13:29
    and at the same time the systems and
  • 00:13:32
    structures and institutions in which
  • 00:13:34
    we work also need to change and so this
  • 00:13:37
    book is not just saying to teachers you
  • 00:13:39
    know get a better attitude
  • 00:13:40
    like teaching is hard and schools are
  • 00:13:43
    rough places and there's a lot of
  • 00:13:47
    burnout for reasons
  • 00:13:48
    which i'm not gonna just say well that's
  • 00:13:50
    because the teacher didn't do these
  • 00:13:51
    habits right these are
  • 00:13:53
    they're real things that need to change
  • 00:13:55
    in our structures and organizations and
  • 00:13:57
    our institutions and it is a problem
  • 00:13:59
    if we if you are running from meeting to
  • 00:14:02
    meeting to meeting without five minutes
  • 00:14:04
    in between
  • 00:14:04
    that's a problem that's unsustainable
  • 00:14:07
    and you know i could
  • 00:14:08
    ask you from a coaching stance how's
  • 00:14:10
    that working for you and yet i've asked
  • 00:14:12
    so many people that i know it's not
  • 00:14:13
    working this is one of the reasons we
  • 00:14:15
    see so much turnover we see less
  • 00:14:18
    satisfaction in jobs we don't see the
  • 00:14:20
    kind of
  • 00:14:21
    impact that we want to have as
  • 00:14:24
    organizations or businesses we don't
  • 00:14:26
    necessarily meet all of our goals
  • 00:14:27
    because
  • 00:14:28
    that reflection time if you had five or
  • 00:14:30
    ten minutes in between those meetings
  • 00:14:32
    i know you would be more effective more
  • 00:14:35
    productive
  • 00:14:36
    happier have better relationships with
  • 00:14:38
    others i know this this is 25 years of
  • 00:14:40
    research in watching how people work
  • 00:14:42
    so i want to just you know keep an eye
  • 00:14:45
    on the context we're in and say
  • 00:14:47
    that needs to change and how that
  • 00:14:49
    changes is a conversation
  • 00:14:51
    change usually happens real
  • 00:14:53
    transformative change happens for
  • 00:14:55
    sort of from the bottom up when folks
  • 00:14:57
    say you know and this could be we set
  • 00:15:00
    our own calendar so we could start
  • 00:15:01
    saying to ourselves
  • 00:15:02
    i gotta schedule five or ten minutes
  • 00:15:04
    fifteen even that would be wild
  • 00:15:06
    in between meetings i have to have a
  • 00:15:07
    limit on how many i have a day
  • 00:15:09
    because you need to what i don't want
  • 00:15:12
    people to hear
  • 00:15:13
    is that i'm saying do this do this do
  • 00:15:16
    this add this to your plate add this add
  • 00:15:18
    this
  • 00:15:18
    that in itself starts feeling like i
  • 00:15:20
    can't do anymore you know i'm gonna be
  • 00:15:22
    getting up at three in the morning
  • 00:15:23
    because elena's telling me
  • 00:15:25
    i need to meditate and then exercise and
  • 00:15:28
    then do something creative
  • 00:15:29
    and then have a good breakfast and then
  • 00:15:31
    it you know it's not
  • 00:15:32
    we can't do that we have to figure out
  • 00:15:34
    how are we
  • 00:15:35
    taking things off our plate how are we
  • 00:15:37
    prioritizing what are we prioritizing
  • 00:15:40
    what is the decision-making criteria
  • 00:15:42
    that we're using to figure out how we
  • 00:15:44
    spend our time
  • 00:15:45
    and not just keep doing and doing and
  • 00:15:48
    doing and running
  • 00:15:48
    and now that we are in this pandemic
  • 00:15:52
    phase where we're all working from home
  • 00:15:54
    and it's a zoom meeting
  • 00:15:55
    so many of us aren't even giving
  • 00:15:57
    ourselves one minute between meetings
  • 00:15:59
    it's like this ends at eight
  • 00:16:00
    this starts at nine you know this is or
  • 00:16:02
    ends at nine starts at nine
  • 00:16:04
    and so gotta just say we have to keep an
  • 00:16:07
    eye on context
  • 00:16:08
    and then what
  • 00:16:12
    what is mindfulness and how do we do it
  • 00:16:14
    i mean mindfulness
  • 00:16:16
    could be practiced in the five or ten
  • 00:16:19
    minutes you have in between meetings
  • 00:16:21
    when you simply do nothing
  • 00:16:24
    other than sit back in your chair lie on
  • 00:16:28
    your floor
  • 00:16:28
    stand up stand outside get some fresh
  • 00:16:30
    air and just say okay so what happened
  • 00:16:34
    how did i show up in that meeting was i
  • 00:16:37
    showing up in the way that i want to be
  • 00:16:39
    as the person i want to be
  • 00:16:41
    how did what i did and how i
  • 00:16:45
    showed up in that meeting aligned to my
  • 00:16:47
    values to my vision for myself to my
  • 00:16:50
    sense of purpose in life
  • 00:16:52
    it's asking yourself those questions
  • 00:16:56
    what happened who was i how did it go
  • 00:16:59
    if i could rewind that hour what would i
  • 00:17:02
    do differently
  • 00:17:04
    those kinds of questions so it's really
  • 00:17:06
    creating the space
  • 00:17:08
    and then figuring out
  • 00:17:11
    which of the prompts or practices works
  • 00:17:14
    best for me
  • 00:17:16
    to feel more grounded more
  • 00:17:19
    centered clearer that's
  • 00:17:23
    you know there's the slowing down
  • 00:17:26
    in and of itself would be a tremendous
  • 00:17:29
    boost
  • 00:17:30
    to our energy which again is all about
  • 00:17:32
    our resilience
  • 00:17:33
    yeah i think uh a couple of thoughts i
  • 00:17:35
    have that first thanks for
  • 00:17:37
    backing up long enough to say let's
  • 00:17:40
    frame this that it's not just about
  • 00:17:41
    teachers do better
  • 00:17:43
    right i was just very much in the
  • 00:17:44
    framework there's a system that we have
  • 00:17:46
    to work on i want to revisit that in a
  • 00:17:47
    second
  • 00:17:48
    i think when it comes to uh mindfulness
  • 00:17:52
    you know one of the things i've been
  • 00:17:53
    working with my team on recently is
  • 00:17:55
    being intentional about your mornings
  • 00:17:56
    right so having some quiet time and
  • 00:17:59
    really visualize your day
  • 00:18:00
    but as you've already experienced you
  • 00:18:02
    can tell you're
  • 00:18:04
    you're teaching me a lot because i know
  • 00:18:06
    i have my meetings back to back to back
  • 00:18:08
    and that complete over but also
  • 00:18:10
    it doesn't allow you to the the mantra
  • 00:18:12
    we're trying to work on is to show up
  • 00:18:14
    and be present so show up to the meeting
  • 00:18:16
    right on time
  • 00:18:17
    uh and be fully present and in the
  • 00:18:19
    moment and if
  • 00:18:21
    you don't give yourself that time it's
  • 00:18:23
    gonna be really difficult and so that's
  • 00:18:25
    that's really strong encouragement i
  • 00:18:26
    appreciate that i do want to revisit
  • 00:18:30
    the harsh reality of our systems need to
  • 00:18:32
    change so when i'm thinking about
  • 00:18:34
    a school system or a district
  • 00:18:38
    what are those systems right now that
  • 00:18:40
    you're seeing that you're very
  • 00:18:41
    passionate about
  • 00:18:43
    uh seeing change soon in those systems
  • 00:18:49
    to fight burnout we'll say that just to
  • 00:18:51
    fight burnout because i know that's a
  • 00:18:52
    big question so
  • 00:18:53
    i mean it still may be still a big
  • 00:18:55
    question but what are those systems that
  • 00:18:57
    we need to work on to fight burnout for
  • 00:18:59
    our educators
  • 00:19:01
    i think we need to start by saying
  • 00:19:06
    what you know perhaps by articulating or
  • 00:19:09
    aligning on a vision
  • 00:19:11
    what is the system what do we want this
  • 00:19:13
    system to
  • 00:19:14
    result in or to produce for everyone
  • 00:19:17
    involved in it
  • 00:19:19
    when i think about that i think about
  • 00:19:21
    how
  • 00:19:22
    a system could be designed to
  • 00:19:26
    tend to and be responsive to
  • 00:19:29
    the whole human being so we talk about
  • 00:19:31
    the whole child
  • 00:19:33
    but we don't talk about the whole adult
  • 00:19:35
    as well so the whole human being
  • 00:19:37
    could we recognize that people
  • 00:19:41
    exist physically like we have bodies
  • 00:19:44
    we have emotions we have minds
  • 00:19:48
    that think and want to think in
  • 00:19:50
    different ways we have spirits that need
  • 00:19:53
    tending to and we have a will that is
  • 00:19:56
    part of our spirit that wants to fulfill
  • 00:19:58
    a purpose however we think about that
  • 00:20:00
    agnostically we all
  • 00:20:01
    have a sense of a purpose in life and so
  • 00:20:04
    how do we think about
  • 00:20:05
    systems that recognize our full humanity
  • 00:20:09
    and then the next question is okay so
  • 00:20:11
    this system that we
  • 00:20:12
    work in today this education system what
  • 00:20:14
    is that designed to do
  • 00:20:16
    what was it designed to do when it was
  • 00:20:18
    created
  • 00:20:19
    in the 1800s what was it designed to do
  • 00:20:22
    who was it designed for and how is
  • 00:20:23
    it working who is it working for i don't
  • 00:20:27
    see you know to make some blanket
  • 00:20:29
    statements the overwhelming majority of
  • 00:20:31
    schools that i go into i don't see a
  • 00:20:32
    whole lot of joy
  • 00:20:35
    or intellectual vibrancy
  • 00:20:39
    or healthy response to the fact that we
  • 00:20:42
    all have bodies i think about things
  • 00:20:44
    like
  • 00:20:44
    i remember when i was a newish teacher
  • 00:20:46
    and i learned this is a silly anecdote
  • 00:20:48
    but i learned that
  • 00:20:49
    teachers have the highest rates of any
  • 00:20:52
    group of professionals for bladder
  • 00:20:54
    infections because we never have time to
  • 00:20:55
    go to the bathroom
  • 00:20:57
    i was like oh okay that's true with my
  • 00:21:00
    schedule you know the way it's like okay
  • 00:21:01
    it's been four hours now i'm dashing
  • 00:21:03
    down the hallway like don't run kids
  • 00:21:05
    i gotta run you know like it's that's
  • 00:21:07
    crazy
  • 00:21:08
    that's ridiculous how is it that we
  • 00:21:10
    don't we have professions where like we
  • 00:21:12
    can't take care of our very basic bodily
  • 00:21:14
    needs
  • 00:21:15
    but children sitting all day
  • 00:21:18
    five-year-olds
  • 00:21:19
    sitting sitting sitting sitting all day
  • 00:21:22
    that's just
  • 00:21:23
    not what bodies that are 5
  • 00:21:26
    or 11 or 12 or even 30 are supposed to
  • 00:21:29
    be doing
  • 00:21:30
    so we really have to look at i mean we
  • 00:21:33
    really have to look at just about
  • 00:21:34
    everything
  • 00:21:35
    yeah i think one
  • 00:21:38
    comment you made that crystallized in my
  • 00:21:41
    head pretty quickly is you know for a
  • 00:21:43
    long time especially work in urban
  • 00:21:44
    education like i have and i believe you
  • 00:21:46
    have spent your
  • 00:21:47
    most of your career i feel like uh we
  • 00:21:49
    often
  • 00:21:51
    from the system are always talking about
  • 00:21:52
    student student students
  • 00:21:54
    and it's basically encouraging our
  • 00:21:57
    educators to burn out i mean they're
  • 00:22:00
    going above and beyond it's kind of
  • 00:22:01
    going past them
  • 00:22:02
    and often i thought of uh you know the
  • 00:22:04
    southwest airlines model which is
  • 00:22:06
    about serving the their employees first
  • 00:22:09
    and because they're doing that well
  • 00:22:10
    they're sort of their clients better
  • 00:22:12
    what can we do to create that kind of
  • 00:22:14
    system or what are ideas that you
  • 00:22:16
    thought about
  • 00:22:17
    of how do we have school districts who
  • 00:22:20
    are
  • 00:22:20
    really focused on taking care of their
  • 00:22:23
    most precious resources their they're
  • 00:22:25
    educators and frontline teachers
  • 00:22:28
    yeah i mean the first thing that i wish
  • 00:22:30
    we could do is drop the false binary
  • 00:22:32
    it's not this first or that first like
  • 00:22:35
    we're so interconnected we can't
  • 00:22:36
    separate this out but
  • 00:22:38
    the binary mindset is so problematic and
  • 00:22:41
    shows up in so many places in our
  • 00:22:43
    education system and in our world so
  • 00:22:45
    i just got a name again that like
  • 00:22:47
    underlying beliefs
  • 00:22:49
    need to be interrogated and a belief
  • 00:22:51
    that we can't do both
  • 00:22:52
    is faulty we can serve kids and teachers
  • 00:22:56
    we can do both we we can we're
  • 00:22:58
    incredibly resourceful brilliant human
  • 00:23:00
    beings i mean look at what human beings
  • 00:23:02
    have been able to do i'm like constantly
  • 00:23:03
    astounded
  • 00:23:04
    and we can we can figure out how to
  • 00:23:06
    serve children and adults
  • 00:23:08
    i mean where to start there's
  • 00:23:12
    there are so many possible entry points
  • 00:23:15
    that in any school or community
  • 00:23:19
    and any team folks could just literally
  • 00:23:21
    start by saying
  • 00:23:22
    how do we how do you want to start this
  • 00:23:23
    conversation where do you want to start
  • 00:23:25
    what would make i think a lot about
  • 00:23:27
    what is the one easy change we could
  • 00:23:30
    make
  • 00:23:31
    that would make that would sort of
  • 00:23:35
    light us up to what could be possible
  • 00:23:38
    and help us charge up the energy
  • 00:23:41
    to make more changes sometimes the you
  • 00:23:44
    know what we're veering into right now
  • 00:23:45
    is a
  • 00:23:46
    sort of a conversation about how do you
  • 00:23:48
    lead and facilitate
  • 00:23:49
    change and so sometimes i think we want
  • 00:23:51
    to get people fired up like what's
  • 00:23:52
    one little thing that could have a big
  • 00:23:55
    impact that could have everybody saying
  • 00:23:58
    whoa if we did these other things
  • 00:24:03
    so it's figuring out collectively
  • 00:24:05
    collaboratively
  • 00:24:06
    with students and their
  • 00:24:09
    parents and the community and teachers
  • 00:24:12
    and
  • 00:24:13
    custodial workers and everyone like
  • 00:24:15
    what's what's a couple of changes we can
  • 00:24:16
    make what's one thing we could try
  • 00:24:18
    well one thing that i was really poor at
  • 00:24:22
    as an educator and really poor at as a
  • 00:24:24
    district leader
  • 00:24:25
    and maybe struggle still sometimes today
  • 00:24:27
    is
  • 00:24:29
    recognizing and acting on the value
  • 00:24:32
    of community and the importance of
  • 00:24:34
    community to helping
  • 00:24:35
    fight burnout and enhance our
  • 00:24:37
    performance and to your point thrive not
  • 00:24:39
    survive
  • 00:24:41
    my question is twofold when it comes to
  • 00:24:42
    community
  • 00:24:44
    one you know when you're advising
  • 00:24:46
    schools or districts
  • 00:24:47
    uh what are systems that you've seen put
  • 00:24:49
    in place
  • 00:24:50
    that help naturally facilitate community
  • 00:24:53
    for the educators
  • 00:24:54
    and then two what's advice that you give
  • 00:24:56
    to individual educators to
  • 00:24:58
    to find their own community
  • 00:25:02
    great questions so
  • 00:25:07
    i'll start with actually your second
  • 00:25:09
    question
  • 00:25:11
    how do i coach communities to find
  • 00:25:13
    educators to find their communities
  • 00:25:16
    in part i want to name this up front
  • 00:25:17
    because
  • 00:25:20
    in all of the work i do one
  • 00:25:23
    of the sort of ultimate goals north
  • 00:25:27
    stars is empowering folks
  • 00:25:29
    helping folks build their capacity to do
  • 00:25:32
    something
  • 00:25:34
    sometimes when i've consulted with
  • 00:25:36
    districts i tell them
  • 00:25:37
    my goal is for you to not need me next
  • 00:25:40
    year
  • 00:25:41
    i hope you won't need me i don't want
  • 00:25:42
    your business i want to help you build
  • 00:25:44
    the capacities
  • 00:25:46
    to take on this challenge you know or
  • 00:25:48
    you may need me for some other challenge
  • 00:25:50
    but for this challenge i want you to not
  • 00:25:52
    need me
  • 00:25:52
    so i want similarly i want folks that i
  • 00:25:56
    coach or teach
  • 00:25:59
    to feel like they can acquire the tools
  • 00:26:02
    so one of the first i want them to see
  • 00:26:05
    sort of the framework
  • 00:26:06
    that i'm almost using to guide them one
  • 00:26:07
    of the first things i'll start with is
  • 00:26:09
    just
  • 00:26:09
    almost like a needs assessment again
  • 00:26:12
    what
  • 00:26:13
    what do you need what what's not being
  • 00:26:16
    fulfilled in your life
  • 00:26:18
    and then what might be some ways to go
  • 00:26:22
    about this
  • 00:26:23
    what might your journey look like for
  • 00:26:26
    you to figure
  • 00:26:27
    out how you might go about getting this
  • 00:26:29
    need met
  • 00:26:31
    who might you talk to or ask or watch or
  • 00:26:33
    observe or listen to to get ideas
  • 00:26:36
    right and so many i mean human beings
  • 00:26:40
    are very similar in some ways and we're
  • 00:26:41
    also really different
  • 00:26:43
    so if i for example i'm coaching an
  • 00:26:46
    introverted teacher
  • 00:26:48
    they're going to need different things
  • 00:26:49
    that an extroverted teacher will need
  • 00:26:51
    when it comes to building community
  • 00:26:53
    and i want them to go through the
  • 00:26:56
    thinking the inquiry process to figure
  • 00:26:59
    out
  • 00:27:00
    what they need and how they can get that
  • 00:27:01
    need met
  • 00:27:03
    so you know there's there's and then
  • 00:27:06
    there's people who are new to a
  • 00:27:08
    community there are folks who are in a
  • 00:27:09
    community but have shifted positions
  • 00:27:11
    they have different relationships there
  • 00:27:13
    are um i'm
  • 00:27:16
    you know i really believe in people
  • 00:27:19
    being able to solve their own problems
  • 00:27:22
    if they have a safe enough space
  • 00:27:25
    if someone is holding space for them and
  • 00:27:28
    asking them some
  • 00:27:29
    provocative questions or probing
  • 00:27:31
    questions and so that's the approach i
  • 00:27:33
    take to folks what is it that you need
  • 00:27:35
    so you know i can give you a couple of
  • 00:27:37
    examples really just from my own
  • 00:27:38
    experience um
  • 00:27:42
    i mean when i moved to oakland and i was
  • 00:27:44
    new to
  • 00:27:46
    to teaching to the school that i was
  • 00:27:48
    working
  • 00:27:49
    and i was really active
  • 00:27:52
    i recognized now i wasn't super
  • 00:27:54
    intentional or clear about it then but i
  • 00:27:55
    was really active in those
  • 00:27:57
    in that first year about going to
  • 00:28:00
    different you know things like there's a
  • 00:28:04
    friday night science thing for how to
  • 00:28:07
    teach astronomy
  • 00:28:08
    at the observatory like okay i'm gonna
  • 00:28:10
    go to that
  • 00:28:11
    i mean those are kind of things that
  • 00:28:12
    this is not rocket science to build on
  • 00:28:15
    that
  • 00:28:16
    reference um but you know doing that or
  • 00:28:18
    going to the teacher's lunchroom
  • 00:28:20
    that didn't work for me so then i
  • 00:28:22
    started different approaches to make
  • 00:28:23
    connections with folks in school
  • 00:28:25
    stopping in asking teachers
  • 00:28:28
    in my grade level for resources
  • 00:28:30
    information idea like it's it does feel
  • 00:28:32
    like work and it is
  • 00:28:33
    you got to do it um i
  • 00:28:37
    had a child after i've been teaching for
  • 00:28:39
    about eight years
  • 00:28:40
    and i don't have family in the area
  • 00:28:42
    neither my husband or i did
  • 00:28:44
    and all of a sudden i had this new
  • 00:28:46
    learning area like
  • 00:28:47
    what do you do with a baby basically and
  • 00:28:50
    i
  • 00:28:52
    um i reached out to the parents of my
  • 00:28:54
    students
  • 00:28:55
    i saw them before after school i was
  • 00:28:57
    like what are your tricks for getting a
  • 00:28:59
    baby to stop crying in the middle of the
  • 00:29:00
    night
  • 00:29:01
    and i just you know this is this is the
  • 00:29:03
    way i'm oriented i reach out to people
  • 00:29:05
    all over the place i see
  • 00:29:06
    like i'm the kind of person who will
  • 00:29:08
    send you an email knock on your door say
  • 00:29:10
    hey do you have a minute like
  • 00:29:12
    i need help so um
  • 00:29:15
    but people go about this differently
  • 00:29:18
    you have to sort of figure out your
  • 00:29:20
    recipe your journey
  • 00:29:22
    and and then sometimes what i do as a
  • 00:29:25
    coach or a consultant or something is
  • 00:29:26
    nudge people okay you also asked about
  • 00:29:30
    systems
  • 00:29:31
    i think that's good sorry i i think
  • 00:29:34
    where it came up from is that one i'm
  • 00:29:35
    glad you started with the individual
  • 00:29:37
    because i think about
  • 00:29:38
    when i was a new teacher i was teaching
  • 00:29:40
    high school so i felt like i could talk
  • 00:29:42
    to the students as i develop
  • 00:29:43
    relationships with them
  • 00:29:44
    and ask them who have been their most
  • 00:29:46
    influential teachers
  • 00:29:48
    in the building and i just try to try to
  • 00:29:50
    get to know them because to your point
  • 00:29:52
    going to the break room for lunch you
  • 00:29:54
    know the teacher lounge
  • 00:29:56
    didn't do it for me and so trying to
  • 00:29:58
    find community then i thought all right
  • 00:30:00
    well
  • 00:30:01
    how could my principal or when i was
  • 00:30:04
    leaving schools or helping lead schools
  • 00:30:06
    how could we have created some sort of
  • 00:30:08
    systems that encourage
  • 00:30:10
    community didn't force it to your point
  • 00:30:12
    because everybody has their own
  • 00:30:12
    individual needs
  • 00:30:14
    but encouraged it so i didn't know if
  • 00:30:16
    you had any opinions on that
  • 00:30:19
    i mean i think there's a there's some
  • 00:30:20
    interesting questions to unpack about
  • 00:30:22
    like what are
  • 00:30:23
    systems what is it teachers need so one
  • 00:30:25
    of the things i
  • 00:30:26
    i think about for example for new
  • 00:30:28
    teachers one of the
  • 00:30:30
    top complaints is going to be i don't
  • 00:30:32
    have time i'm
  • 00:30:33
    so overwhelmed i don't have time to do
  • 00:30:35
    that and that's i remember when i was
  • 00:30:37
    like i'm going to go to this i'm going
  • 00:30:38
    to go to that and
  • 00:30:39
    you know the observatory thing was on a
  • 00:30:42
    friday night and i remember i was
  • 00:30:43
    so exhausted i just thought i can't
  • 00:30:46
    do this and i did end up going and i
  • 00:30:49
    actually
  • 00:30:50
    i remember because i made a really good
  • 00:30:52
    friend or someone who became a really
  • 00:30:53
    good friend
  • 00:30:54
    and who i collaborated with who
  • 00:30:58
    um and i often think if i hadn't gone
  • 00:31:00
    it's funny because i
  • 00:31:02
    this friend is the reason basically that
  • 00:31:04
    i met my husband so i often think about
  • 00:31:06
    that friday night i'm like if i hadn't
  • 00:31:08
    gone would i have met my husband
  • 00:31:11
    um but you know i think about teachers
  • 00:31:13
    just being exhausted and so could a
  • 00:31:15
    principal provide release time
  • 00:31:18
    could a this is a system it you know
  • 00:31:20
    essentially
  • 00:31:21
    is perhaps for a first-year teacher
  • 00:31:24
    in a secondary school they're teaching
  • 00:31:26
    you know six
  • 00:31:27
    preps rather than seven or maybe three
  • 00:31:30
    rather than
  • 00:31:31
    seven i mean there's all kinds of
  • 00:31:32
    implications there but maybe they've got
  • 00:31:34
    an
  • 00:31:34
    extra release period or two per week
  • 00:31:36
    when it's like
  • 00:31:37
    this is the time when you build
  • 00:31:39
    community or you take that time and you
  • 00:31:41
    go do your laundry do what you need to
  • 00:31:43
    do so friday night you can go to the
  • 00:31:44
    thing at the observatory
  • 00:31:46
    right so what are the how does
  • 00:31:49
    a teacher's capacity get get stretched
  • 00:31:53
    beginning teachers it's going to be time
  • 00:31:55
    it's going to be finances in many places
  • 00:31:57
    so maybe it's also
  • 00:31:59
    you know here's a stipend for
  • 00:32:03
    for pd to go to or other programs to go
  • 00:32:06
    to or maybe you just realize you need to
  • 00:32:08
    do something like go to a regular yoga
  • 00:32:10
    class
  • 00:32:10
    and as a first year teacher i was not
  • 00:32:14
    able to afford on my teacher salary in
  • 00:32:17
    oakland
  • 00:32:17
    public schools i was not able to afford
  • 00:32:19
    a yoga class i was
  • 00:32:20
    barely paying the rent each month let
  • 00:32:23
    alone like trying to buy one or two
  • 00:32:24
    books for my classroom every month so if
  • 00:32:26
    my principal had said
  • 00:32:28
    you know here's a monthly stipend so you
  • 00:32:29
    can go to yoga once a month i would have
  • 00:32:31
    been able to take care of myself
  • 00:32:33
    maybe make some new friends in oakland
  • 00:32:35
    that would have been amazing
  • 00:32:37
    so i guess when i think about systems
  • 00:32:39
    i'm also thinking about resources
  • 00:32:42
    i like that a lot actually um my wife
  • 00:32:44
    taught in the bronx i taught in st
  • 00:32:46
    louis and as you can imagine the cost of
  • 00:32:48
    living difference is
  • 00:32:49
    definitely different so when she tells
  • 00:32:51
    me stories like yours of well i couldn't
  • 00:32:53
    afford this or that it just it blows my
  • 00:32:55
    mind and so to your point
  • 00:32:56
    how can our our schools and our
  • 00:32:58
    districts help support that and offset
  • 00:33:00
    that
  • 00:33:01
    um at you you talked a little bit about
  • 00:33:04
    how to uh you know self-care
  • 00:33:06
    uh you know with the yoga part and i
  • 00:33:08
    think
  • 00:33:09
    when so our organization you know we're
  • 00:33:12
    most known for the seven habits and our
  • 00:33:13
    seventh habit is sharpen the saw which
  • 00:33:15
    is take care of yourself and we have
  • 00:33:17
    examples of how to do that i think that
  • 00:33:19
    refreshing
  • 00:33:20
    a piece of thought that you gave to me
  • 00:33:24
    as i was going through your book was the
  • 00:33:26
    gaps that people
  • 00:33:28
    have in being able to practice self-care
  • 00:33:31
    and i think you identified three the
  • 00:33:32
    three graphs that i took notes on were
  • 00:33:34
    you know kind of a skills gap a will gap
  • 00:33:36
    and emotional intelligence gap
  • 00:33:38
    so keep holding us back from being you
  • 00:33:40
    know
  • 00:33:41
    practicing self-care can you talk a
  • 00:33:42
    little bit about that
  • 00:33:44
    yeah i'm glad you brought that up
  • 00:33:46
    there's so much talk about self-care
  • 00:33:48
    right
  • 00:33:48
    in in the last year with pandemics like
  • 00:33:51
    self-care self-care but what is
  • 00:33:53
    self-care
  • 00:33:54
    needs to be unpacked and then why is it
  • 00:33:56
    that we don't do these things that so
  • 00:33:58
    many of us
  • 00:33:59
    know we need to do and so
  • 00:34:02
    you know there so i think about it as
  • 00:34:05
    well we could have a knowledge gap
  • 00:34:07
    for example i recently maybe in the last
  • 00:34:12
    year found out that i'm super low
  • 00:34:15
    on vitamin b12 and i started taking
  • 00:34:17
    supplements i feel so much better
  • 00:34:19
    i just didn't know that that was a
  • 00:34:21
    knowledge gap about my own body
  • 00:34:23
    and the role of b12 i was like oh my god
  • 00:34:26
    it's just missing b12 i could have
  • 00:34:27
    written six books last year
  • 00:34:29
    you know like okay somehow so sometimes
  • 00:34:32
    we just have these knowledge gaps
  • 00:34:33
    so we can have a knowledge gap about our
  • 00:34:36
    physiology and i think a lot of people
  • 00:34:39
    do
  • 00:34:39
    i'm blown away by i mean that's i said
  • 00:34:42
    you know we don't
  • 00:34:43
    know a lot about our emotions i also
  • 00:34:44
    think we really don't know much about
  • 00:34:46
    what our body needs in order to feel
  • 00:34:48
    good for example sleep
  • 00:34:50
    and and i do i can kind of geek out for
  • 00:34:52
    a little bit on the science or the
  • 00:34:53
    neuroscience of a lot of this i'm like
  • 00:34:55
    oh
  • 00:34:55
    the endorphins and the you know what
  • 00:34:57
    happens when you're sleeping
  • 00:34:59
    and how critical that is and we try to
  • 00:35:02
    so then here's the thing now we may have
  • 00:35:04
    the knowledge
  • 00:35:06
    but um i'm not sure if this will
  • 00:35:09
    continue
  • 00:35:10
    working if we think about what's this
  • 00:35:12
    skill gap i mean we could
  • 00:35:13
    talk about different kinds of exercise
  • 00:35:16
    and the skill we need to know like we
  • 00:35:18
    may know
  • 00:35:19
    that cardio is good for us and so we
  • 00:35:21
    might start running
  • 00:35:23
    and then after three days we might find
  • 00:35:25
    that we've pulled something and we're in
  • 00:35:26
    a lot of pain and we're like i'm not
  • 00:35:28
    gonna run anymore
  • 00:35:29
    because we actually didn't know some of
  • 00:35:31
    the things that we need to know about
  • 00:35:32
    how to move your body when you're
  • 00:35:34
    running so you don't injure yourself
  • 00:35:36
    right so there can be that kind of skill
  • 00:35:39
    which is kind of skill plus knowledge
  • 00:35:40
    but you know sometimes
  • 00:35:41
    like no you actually need to watch or
  • 00:35:44
    work with a trainer or something to find
  • 00:35:46
    to figure out like what's going on here
  • 00:35:48
    but i think the
  • 00:35:49
    the the gap that people have more than
  • 00:35:52
    any other
  • 00:35:53
    is this sort of emotional intelligence
  • 00:35:55
    gap which sometimes
  • 00:35:56
    also has to do which is connected to why
  • 00:35:59
    it's hard for us to prioritize self-care
  • 00:36:02
    why we may feel like
  • 00:36:05
    oh i just you know i'm gonna keep
  • 00:36:06
    working rather than taking that hour to
  • 00:36:08
    go for a walk
  • 00:36:10
    why we feel a a an
  • 00:36:13
    unceasing need
  • 00:36:16
    to produce and do and be busy and prove
  • 00:36:19
    ourselves
  • 00:36:20
    and be efficient that's again a belief
  • 00:36:23
    system or mindset to unpack
  • 00:36:25
    but that is connected to emotional
  • 00:36:26
    intelligence it's connected to some
  • 00:36:28
    emotion that we are experiencing
  • 00:36:30
    consciously or not
  • 00:36:31
    which is helping us make a decision
  • 00:36:32
    about how we spend our time so that's
  • 00:36:34
    the one that i really unpack with people
  • 00:36:36
    which gets to our
  • 00:36:38
    our sense of worthiness and our
  • 00:36:41
    our sense of um deserving
  • 00:36:45
    well-being physical emotional
  • 00:36:48
    cognitive spiritual well-being yeah do
  • 00:36:51
    you have i mean you've got so many good
  • 00:36:52
    resources on your
  • 00:36:54
    website do you have something that as
  • 00:36:57
    someone's
  • 00:36:57
    listening right now they're thinking how
  • 00:36:59
    do i unpack my emotional intelligence is
  • 00:37:00
    there something you can point to them to
  • 00:37:02
    or
  • 00:37:02
    the first step or two other than just
  • 00:37:04
    pausing and to think about it long
  • 00:37:06
    enough
  • 00:37:06
    how can we help folks because i do think
  • 00:37:08
    to your point that impact unworthiness
  • 00:37:10
    so many folks are just keep working work
  • 00:37:12
    and work and
  • 00:37:14
    trying to figure out their worthiness
  • 00:37:15
    that we don't we don't pause recognize
  • 00:37:17
    that we are worthy just
  • 00:37:18
    because and so what's your advice for
  • 00:37:21
    those folks right now
  • 00:37:22
    well i'd love to direct people to a
  • 00:37:25
    brand new
  • 00:37:26
    program that i've created which is
  • 00:37:28
    starting on march 22nd and it'll go for
  • 00:37:31
    four weeks and folks can pick up the
  • 00:37:33
    content anytime
  • 00:37:34
    and the content will be released through
  • 00:37:37
    my podcast
  • 00:37:38
    as well as it's free we're just
  • 00:37:42
    all you have to do is sign up on my
  • 00:37:43
    website and you get four weeks of
  • 00:37:45
    content
  • 00:37:46
    for how to feel better and the first two
  • 00:37:49
    weeks
  • 00:37:50
    are all about looking at your emotional
  • 00:37:53
    landscape and understanding what is
  • 00:37:56
    there this is content that is actually
  • 00:37:58
    relevant for anyone
  • 00:38:00
    in any field any profession actually of
  • 00:38:03
    any age it can be done with
  • 00:38:04
    kids it can be done with your partner
  • 00:38:08
    and that's available through my website
  • 00:38:11
    um and that's a great place to start it
  • 00:38:14
    can be
  • 00:38:15
    i'm i've designed it thinking
  • 00:38:17
    specifically
  • 00:38:18
    about the transition out of the pandemic
  • 00:38:21
    that we're in
  • 00:38:22
    and wanting to support people to take a
  • 00:38:24
    step back
  • 00:38:25
    process the trauma of the last year
  • 00:38:29
    um you know hold those minutes that
  • 00:38:31
    moment to say what just
  • 00:38:33
    happened and also to think about going
  • 00:38:36
    forward and changes that
  • 00:38:38
    they may want to make in their lives and
  • 00:38:40
    their in their professions
  • 00:38:42
    as we emerge that's great we'll make
  • 00:38:45
    sure
  • 00:38:46
    that uh we point out how folks can get
  • 00:38:48
    to that because i do think it's really
  • 00:38:49
    important
  • 00:38:50
    and to kind of expound upon that uh
  • 00:38:53
    you spend a little bit of time talking
  • 00:38:55
    about the importance of play
  • 00:38:56
    and as a former athlete and uh
  • 00:39:00
    fortunately or unfortunately probably
  • 00:39:02
    unfortunately in this case like a hyper
  • 00:39:03
    competitive person
  • 00:39:04
    you kind of attacked my view of play
  • 00:39:07
    which i appreciated again unpacking
  • 00:39:09
    biases unpacking our own thoughts
  • 00:39:11
    can you tell us you know the importance
  • 00:39:12
    of play as well as
  • 00:39:14
    uh walk us through kind of the
  • 00:39:15
    definition of what play is and what it
  • 00:39:17
    isn't
  • 00:39:19
    sure okay that one's really hard for me
  • 00:39:21
    to that's the hardest thing for me to do
  • 00:39:23
    in this whole
  • 00:39:24
    i uh it's something i've really
  • 00:39:26
    struggled with but you know and it's
  • 00:39:27
    funny because i'm like i'm gonna work on
  • 00:39:29
    playing i'm gonna be more playful which
  • 00:39:32
    is obviously not the energy to bring to
  • 00:39:34
    play
  • 00:39:35
    um yeah i did a lot of research for this
  • 00:39:39
    book
  • 00:39:40
    and this was the research i think was
  • 00:39:44
    most surprising
  • 00:39:46
    was the many benefits
  • 00:39:50
    so it's so hard for me even to talk
  • 00:39:52
    about this without immediately starting
  • 00:39:54
    to think about the
  • 00:39:56
    impact that is you know that will
  • 00:39:58
    contribute to me fulfilling my purpose
  • 00:40:00
    or to me being productive or creating
  • 00:40:02
    right which is like okay so i think pat
  • 00:40:04
    is like if i play
  • 00:40:05
    i'm gonna have more energy it's gonna
  • 00:40:07
    free up more ideas and then i will be
  • 00:40:09
    able to which is ironically
  • 00:40:11
    not the way that researchers so play
  • 00:40:14
    true play is supposed to have no purpose
  • 00:40:17
    it's just play for the sake of play
  • 00:40:20
    so what does that look like you know we
  • 00:40:22
    can get an idea if we look at
  • 00:40:24
    three four five year olds really let's
  • 00:40:26
    look at how little kids play
  • 00:40:28
    are they trying to like be better you
  • 00:40:31
    know writers by doing this
  • 00:40:32
    or be more creative or be problems no
  • 00:40:34
    they're just playing
  • 00:40:37
    it's good to be around little kids so
  • 00:40:40
    it's you know that for me the moment i
  • 00:40:42
    had that was like a breakthrough i was
  • 00:40:44
    like okay this is playing was
  • 00:40:46
    oh how old was my son i don't know he
  • 00:40:48
    was still a kid
  • 00:40:50
    and he kept sort of wanting me to play
  • 00:40:53
    with him come on play and i
  • 00:40:54
    have to admit i think it was like a
  • 00:40:55
    sunday afternoon i was like oh i'm busy
  • 00:40:58
    i'm doing this i'm doing that i'm always
  • 00:40:59
    busy
  • 00:41:00
    and he was like play i finally said okay
  • 00:41:03
    i'm gonna play
  • 00:41:04
    okay i gotta admit because the research
  • 00:41:05
    was like you need to play so
  • 00:41:07
    he wanted to he we had water toys and he
  • 00:41:10
    wanted it was a warm afternoon he wanted
  • 00:41:11
    to run around and squirt each other
  • 00:41:13
    and i said okay let's do that we ran
  • 00:41:15
    around we squared each other
  • 00:41:17
    it was really fun i forgot what i was
  • 00:41:19
    doing i forgot that i
  • 00:41:21
    even had you know an alternative purpose
  • 00:41:24
    i forgot that you know i wasn't thinking
  • 00:41:25
    about how am i going to translate this
  • 00:41:27
    into a blog how am i going to tell peop
  • 00:41:28
    i was just running around chasing him
  • 00:41:30
    and getting squirted
  • 00:41:31
    screaming wanting not to scare my
  • 00:41:33
    neighbors you know falling down on the
  • 00:41:35
    floor and like letting him
  • 00:41:37
    drench me in water and laughing and
  • 00:41:39
    going oh this is fun
  • 00:41:41
    and this is really oh i'm playing i'm
  • 00:41:44
    doing it to check
  • 00:41:45
    no don't do that so you know so yeah
  • 00:41:48
    to your point i mean again i i my wife
  • 00:41:50
    and i are both my wife was really a
  • 00:41:52
    college athlete i was a pretend college
  • 00:41:54
    athlete more of like a water boy and
  • 00:41:55
    then realized i didn't have the talent
  • 00:41:56
    for it but i was aspiring anyways
  • 00:41:58
    uh and so play for me with with my kids
  • 00:42:01
    is
  • 00:42:02
    we'll go play basketball or baseball or
  • 00:42:05
    golf or
  • 00:42:06
    and there's a score that we're keeping
  • 00:42:08
    right or play for me individually is
  • 00:42:10
    i'll go run i'll do a workout i'll do
  • 00:42:12
    something
  • 00:42:13
    you were clear at least i felt as i was
  • 00:42:16
    thinking through like what play
  • 00:42:17
    is and isn't that that's not technically
  • 00:42:20
    play
  • 00:42:21
    and so that was a real interesting take
  • 00:42:23
    that
  • 00:42:24
    caused me to pause and reflect on
  • 00:42:27
    what's happening with my mind and body
  • 00:42:29
    during the times that i would call play
  • 00:42:31
    if you would just ask me in a
  • 00:42:32
    conversation about how do i play
  • 00:42:35
    yeah i mean you're so conditioned into
  • 00:42:39
    how you are engaging in and
  • 00:42:41
    participating
  • 00:42:42
    in you know any kind of sport activity
  • 00:42:45
    that that
  • 00:42:48
    will be really hard for you to actually
  • 00:42:49
    play in and so
  • 00:42:51
    for you if i was like coaching you or
  • 00:42:53
    directing you i'd probably be like
  • 00:42:54
    you need a finger paint you know you
  • 00:42:57
    need to
  • 00:42:58
    do something that is a completely
  • 00:43:00
    different realm
  • 00:43:02
    for which you have no comparative
  • 00:43:06
    model because you are always going to
  • 00:43:08
    have that no matter how hard you try to
  • 00:43:10
    extricate it from yourself as a as an
  • 00:43:12
    athlete
  • 00:43:12
    so something for which you have you know
  • 00:43:14
    you're only like
  • 00:43:16
    yes you probably go into comparative
  • 00:43:18
    mind because that's what humans do
  • 00:43:20
    but it's not going to have the same kind
  • 00:43:22
    of emotional triggers
  • 00:43:23
    or responses from you it's not going to
  • 00:43:24
    be like i'm better i'm worse what's
  • 00:43:26
    happening to me what's you know
  • 00:43:28
    to your point so i think that's really
  • 00:43:29
    healthy because i probably spend way too
  • 00:43:31
    much of my
  • 00:43:32
    mind there but it's something that my
  • 00:43:34
    seven-year-old and five-year-old it's
  • 00:43:35
    really hit me or soon to be five
  • 00:43:37
    uh hit me a lot recently we had a
  • 00:43:41
    daddy sunday with the two oldest of me
  • 00:43:43
    and we went to
  • 00:43:44
    a restaurant where we could be way
  • 00:43:46
    socially distanced with mastodon and
  • 00:43:47
    everything but
  • 00:43:48
    we had coloring books tables whatever
  • 00:43:52
    and they're coloring i'm loving watching
  • 00:43:55
    what they're coloring but then they
  • 00:43:55
    would look at me and say
  • 00:43:57
    dad is this a 9 out of 10 10 out of 10
  • 00:43:59
    11 out of 10 or a thousand out of 10
  • 00:44:01
    and i'm thinking like guys let's just
  • 00:44:04
    color it a color and i i know for a fact
  • 00:44:06
    i've never tried to to
  • 00:44:09
    have that rating system while they're
  • 00:44:10
    doing some sort of art but then i think
  • 00:44:13
    what am i doing or not doing that's
  • 00:44:15
    causing that to be a norm
  • 00:44:17
    because i do want us just to be in the
  • 00:44:19
    moment and enjoy beauty for beauty
  • 00:44:20
    what kind of advice do you have for me
  • 00:44:22
    heck you keep giving advice for for me
  • 00:44:24
    in this i'll take it
  • 00:44:25
    of how do i continue to level set
  • 00:44:28
    my kids and our family dynamic on not
  • 00:44:31
    being so comparative
  • 00:44:33
    all right so let's let's really unpack
  • 00:44:36
    this a little bit
  • 00:44:37
    um when you recognize that
  • 00:44:41
    in that moment or even now thinking back
  • 00:44:43
    to it what
  • 00:44:44
    emotions arise for you um
  • 00:44:48
    uh it's kind of a balance right it's
  • 00:44:51
    always i feel like emotions for me are
  • 00:44:52
    always
  • 00:44:53
    not good and bad per se but there's like
  • 00:44:55
    a positive aspect to it it feels like a
  • 00:44:56
    negative aspect so positive is
  • 00:44:59
    i i do believe you know some of my
  • 00:45:02
    competitive traits have allowed me to be
  • 00:45:04
    successful but
  • 00:45:06
    there's also a detrimental side of that
  • 00:45:07
    like what is that done to certain
  • 00:45:08
    relationships what is that done to let
  • 00:45:10
    me pause and really enjoy the moment
  • 00:45:12
    right versus working on the next and as
  • 00:45:15
    a dad
  • 00:45:16
    i want to obviously learn things
  • 00:45:19
    throughout my life and have my kids grow
  • 00:45:21
    and evolve in a way that i
  • 00:45:23
    hadn't at their age and so that's
  • 00:45:24
    probably where i go to the deepest of
  • 00:45:27
    man how do i how do i live differently
  • 00:45:30
    so that they can not have the same frame
  • 00:45:33
    of mind of this comparative
  • 00:45:35
    uh cloud over their head all the time
  • 00:45:39
    so you invited my coaching or advice
  • 00:45:42
    so what i'm gonna say is you actually
  • 00:45:44
    didn't talk about emotions at all just
  • 00:45:45
    now
  • 00:45:47
    you talked about thoughts okay and
  • 00:45:49
    there's
  • 00:45:50
    and so this is i said like this is
  • 00:45:52
    learning for all of us
  • 00:45:53
    so when we talk about emotions that can
  • 00:45:55
    sound like
  • 00:45:56
    when i heard my
  • 00:46:00
    kids asking this i felt
  • 00:46:03
    conflicted confused sad
  • 00:46:07
    proud uncomfortable
  • 00:46:10
    it's really interesting the way that you
  • 00:46:13
    responded to me
  • 00:46:14
    is the way i'd say 95 percent of people
  • 00:46:16
    respond
  • 00:46:18
    and what that what that tells me is
  • 00:46:22
    we are you know we are
  • 00:46:25
    not it's harder for us to access
  • 00:46:28
    emotions than it is
  • 00:46:29
    thoughts because we live in the world of
  • 00:46:30
    thoughts and in our head all the time
  • 00:46:32
    right we're always in our heads and and
  • 00:46:35
    so
  • 00:46:36
    to you know you could think about it as
  • 00:46:37
    to balance out our skill set
  • 00:46:40
    or to be able to draw on different
  • 00:46:41
    resources particularly in hard moments
  • 00:46:44
    because that
  • 00:46:45
    you know that wasn't like a super hard
  • 00:46:47
    moment but when we hit the super hard
  • 00:46:48
    moments
  • 00:46:49
    how do we access the knowledge and
  • 00:46:53
    wisdom in our minds and in our emotions
  • 00:46:56
    and and there's and this is the thing
  • 00:46:58
    emotions have been
  • 00:47:00
    dismissed downplayed discredited
  • 00:47:04
    emotions are considered to be
  • 00:47:06
    unprofessional
  • 00:47:08
    a waste of time even your framing is
  • 00:47:11
    you know your reference to like good and
  • 00:47:12
    bad there's you know that
  • 00:47:14
    i look at emotions as like this is an
  • 00:47:16
    incredible untapped resource
  • 00:47:19
    it's crazy that we're walking around the
  • 00:47:21
    world like not tapping into this
  • 00:47:23
    resource
  • 00:47:23
    not understanding we've got a gold mine
  • 00:47:25
    that we never draw from
  • 00:47:27
    in terms of knowledge and wisdom and
  • 00:47:31
    insight and guidance and direction and
  • 00:47:33
    energy
  • 00:47:34
    and so really this is again like for
  • 00:47:38
    you to be able to perhaps to play in the
  • 00:47:41
    way that you might want to play
  • 00:47:43
    with your kids or to give them that
  • 00:47:45
    space and opportunity
  • 00:47:47
    you've got to start with understanding
  • 00:47:48
    your emotions and even understanding
  • 00:47:51
    why it is that it's hard to access them
  • 00:47:53
    or to connect or recognize them
  • 00:47:55
    it's totally normal like i can't say
  • 00:47:57
    that enough this is my mission
  • 00:47:59
    if there's one thing that i want to say
  • 00:48:01
    until i die it's emotions are normal
  • 00:48:03
    we've got them
  • 00:48:04
    and they can be our friends like let's
  • 00:48:06
    shift our relationship with them
  • 00:48:08
    i i think uh what's crazy is
  • 00:48:12
    when you ask the question i mean i
  • 00:48:14
    genuinely was trying to answer
  • 00:48:16
    right like i wasn't trying to like put
  • 00:48:18
    on a face i wasn't i mean again i know
  • 00:48:20
    we're on a podcast but i really don't
  • 00:48:21
    care we're all
  • 00:48:22
    our goal this podcast is change is messy
  • 00:48:24
    and so we got to come with our whole
  • 00:48:25
    self so i
  • 00:48:26
    i actually thought and i think my team
  • 00:48:28
    that works with me a lot would say i am
  • 00:48:30
    uh incredibly transparent probably too
  • 00:48:33
    much to where i will share my
  • 00:48:34
    what i think are emotions now you've
  • 00:48:36
    blown my mind and i'm
  • 00:48:38
    gonna have to figure this out good thing
  • 00:48:39
    i got spring break next week to figure
  • 00:48:41
    out what the difference is that i think
  • 00:48:42
    i'm sharing emotions but i'm actually
  • 00:48:44
    not tapping into them
  • 00:48:47
    this is great i really appreciate it
  • 00:48:49
    it's super common i mean this is a i was
  • 00:48:51
    just a knowledge gap right it's like
  • 00:48:53
    it's a knowledge of perhaps a skill gap
  • 00:48:55
    and what is the difference between a
  • 00:48:56
    thought and an emotion and how do we
  • 00:48:58
    know if we're talking about thoughts or
  • 00:49:00
    emotions
  • 00:49:01
    where is the overlap there is an overlap
  • 00:49:04
    you know what does it sound like to talk
  • 00:49:06
    about emotions what are the
  • 00:49:08
    literally like what are the words what's
  • 00:49:09
    the syntax this is where i go i'm like
  • 00:49:11
    okay tell me what it sounds like you
  • 00:49:12
    know what does it look what does it look
  • 00:49:13
    like what does it sound like
  • 00:49:15
    um you know and how there's a whole
  • 00:49:18
    sort of direction that we don't need to
  • 00:49:20
    go in but the way that our body is
  • 00:49:21
    connected to our emotions and how do we
  • 00:49:23
    actually
  • 00:49:25
    building a better relationship with our
  • 00:49:26
    emotions includes building a better
  • 00:49:29
    relationship
  • 00:49:30
    with our bodies a deeper one a one
  • 00:49:32
    that's um
  • 00:49:33
    much gentler and and deeper
  • 00:49:36
    than what most of us have had and then
  • 00:49:39
    again like i just want to point to
  • 00:49:40
    the context or the water that we swim in
  • 00:49:44
    in our world which is one that does not
  • 00:49:47
    value emotions
  • 00:49:49
    that that doesn't actually value the
  • 00:49:52
    body
  • 00:49:52
    in the way that i think that um that i'm
  • 00:49:54
    referencing or that we need to that sees
  • 00:49:56
    the body as a
  • 00:49:57
    as a machine through which we can be
  • 00:50:00
    more productive and more efficient and
  • 00:50:02
    create
  • 00:50:02
    more but that doesn't really work for
  • 00:50:05
    many of us
  • 00:50:06
    yeah well i think i mean for me i'm
  • 00:50:08
    perfectly okay being a rebel with you of
  • 00:50:11
    first recognizing it like before this
  • 00:50:13
    before this conversation lina i would
  • 00:50:15
    probably say
  • 00:50:16
    totally understand it i'm with you let's
  • 00:50:17
    talk emotions and now you've rocked my
  • 00:50:19
    world at the end of it saying
  • 00:50:21
    that was an emotion which is so no it's
  • 00:50:23
    so helpful
  • 00:50:24
    it's incredibly helpful so thank you for
  • 00:50:27
    helping me
  • 00:50:28
    personally um my question before we go
  • 00:50:30
    is
  • 00:50:31
    um last question we asked everybody is
  • 00:50:34
    if you have advice for anybody out there
  • 00:50:36
    who's listening uh particularly
  • 00:50:38
    educators right so whether district
  • 00:50:40
    officials school officials or teachers
  • 00:50:42
    or parents even
  • 00:50:43
    what's one piece of advice that you have
  • 00:50:45
    that you it's on your heart right now to
  • 00:50:47
    help them take
  • 00:50:48
    one step forward and the change that you
  • 00:50:51
    want to see in this world
  • 00:50:53
    hmm
  • 00:50:56
    let's see okay
  • 00:50:59
    i'm going to give that like the
  • 00:51:01
    challenge okay
  • 00:51:02
    advice in other words if you really want
  • 00:51:06
    to challenge yourself
  • 00:51:07
    this is what i tell you to do write
  • 00:51:10
    yourself
  • 00:51:11
    a love letter and
  • 00:51:16
    pile on the love
  • 00:51:19
    for how you have been and what you've
  • 00:51:22
    done
  • 00:51:23
    since march of 2020
  • 00:51:28
    getting through this pandemic right
  • 00:51:31
    along love letter by hand
  • 00:51:34
    detail then there was that moment
  • 00:51:37
    when you lost your temper and you
  • 00:51:39
    screamed at your kids and then
  • 00:51:40
    afterwards
  • 00:51:41
    you went and apologized to them and
  • 00:51:47
    recognized that you needed to take a day
  • 00:51:49
    off like detail that love letter
  • 00:51:52
    in other words look at
  • 00:51:57
    look at yourself with love and kindness
  • 00:52:03
    tell yourself appreciate yourself for
  • 00:52:05
    everything you've done over the last
  • 00:52:07
    year plus as we've experienced this
  • 00:52:09
    global trauma
  • 00:52:11
    yeah i think when you're saying uh
  • 00:52:13
    yelling at your kids and apologizing to
  • 00:52:14
    him later i'm thinking did you talk to
  • 00:52:16
    my wife before we got on this call
  • 00:52:17
    that may have happened a couple times
  • 00:52:19
    during the pandemic i can't believe i'm
  • 00:52:20
    the only one
  • 00:52:21
    um but that's that's really helpful so
  • 00:52:24
    that exercise can you just tell us a
  • 00:52:26
    little bit when you've seen someone do
  • 00:52:27
    that before what have you noticed
  • 00:52:29
    uh it's kind of happened in people's
  • 00:52:31
    hearts when they've done something like
  • 00:52:33
    this
  • 00:52:33
    yeah so this is an exercise in
  • 00:52:35
    self-compassion and so this is one of
  • 00:52:37
    the habits and onward is compassion
  • 00:52:40
    which includes self-compassion or even
  • 00:52:43
    which you could say
  • 00:52:45
    a true compassion begins with
  • 00:52:46
    self-compassion you can't
  • 00:52:48
    extend kindness and love and compassion
  • 00:52:50
    to others without giving it to yourself
  • 00:52:52
    first many people are in a state of
  • 00:52:56
    exhaustion physical emotional exhaustion
  • 00:52:58
    and
  • 00:52:59
    being able to recognize okay this is why
  • 00:53:03
    and i've done so much and we've all
  • 00:53:06
    screamed at our kids we probably all
  • 00:53:07
    screamed at our partners we probably all
  • 00:53:09
    heaped criticism on ourselves and
  • 00:53:13
    we heal by bringing a little kindness to
  • 00:53:16
    those achy points
  • 00:53:18
    um and so just beginning
  • 00:53:21
    the the by reconnecting with ourselves i
  • 00:53:24
    mean i'm telling you it is a
  • 00:53:25
    hard thing to do to write it really
  • 00:53:28
    passionately and
  • 00:53:29
    honestly and fully and genuinely it
  • 00:53:32
    takes a lot of courage
  • 00:53:34
    and and it's essential if we want to
  • 00:53:37
    care for other people and love other
  • 00:53:38
    people and create a world characterized
  • 00:53:40
    by kindness and compassion and beauty
  • 00:53:43
    we've
  • 00:53:44
    got to be able to give it to ourselves
  • 00:53:46
    yeah absolutely
  • 00:53:47
    well i i appreciate you coming here
  • 00:53:50
    today and
  • 00:53:50
    bringing your whole head and whole heart
  • 00:53:52
    to us especially
  • 00:53:54
    when you took a couple minutes to
  • 00:53:56
    challenge me but also give me some
  • 00:53:57
    really good coaching it's clear
  • 00:53:59
    that you are passionate about supporting
  • 00:54:01
    educators and
  • 00:54:02
    helping them develop resilience and
  • 00:54:04
    mindfulness uh and you're passionate for
  • 00:54:06
    just
  • 00:54:06
    serving people and communities in
  • 00:54:08
    general so i'm gonna encourage as many
  • 00:54:10
    people as possible who don't know of
  • 00:54:11
    your work or have only spent a little
  • 00:54:13
    time in your work to dive deeper
  • 00:54:15
    um just because i think they can help
  • 00:54:17
    all of us so thank you so much for
  • 00:54:18
    taking time to be here with us today and
  • 00:54:21
    i look forward to reconnect with you
  • 00:54:22
    again in the future thank you so much i
  • 00:54:25
    really enjoyed this conversation
  • 00:54:26
    yeah i appreciate it
  • 00:54:28
    [Music]
  • 00:54:30
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  • 00:54:31
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  • 00:54:34
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  • 00:54:38
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    shaping human potential
Etiquetas
  • Teacher Burnout
  • Resilience
  • Pandemic Impact
  • Educational Systems
  • Mindfulness
  • Community Building
  • Self-care
  • Emotional Intelligence
  • Play
  • Self-compassion