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craig ferguson has a reputation as one
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of the most fun charming flirts in
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hollywood
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some female celebrities would go on his
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show just for the chance to flirt with
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him
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me yes i heard you're a big flirt and i
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like flirting
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i really didn't want to do any more talk
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shows but my
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publicist sent me some tapes of you and
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then i developed a small crush
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while craig has clear advantages like
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being a famous tv host
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a lot of what he does can be done by
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anybody who wants to be more attractive
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in conversation
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specifically craig has seven habits that
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can help you build chemistry with anyone
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learning just a few of these habits will
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let you go into any conversation with
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confidence
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knowing people are going to love
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flirting with you and if you end up with
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a talk show one day
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you'll know your personality will get
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you reactions like this i just want you
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to know really for real i have about
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25 girlfriends who are madly in love
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with you who are
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really upset that i'm here and they're
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not the first thing you'll notice about
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craig is that he starts almost every
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conversation in a fun positive way
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most people we interact with have boring
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conversation habits so being around
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someone who makes us laugh and feel good
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is almost like a drug we want to be
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around that person all the time
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one way craig does this is with a high
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energy enthusiastic compliment
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you look sensational i mean sensational
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thank you look
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at you look at you woman you look
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sensational
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hello karen how lovely to see you
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nice to see you too you look absolutely
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enchanting
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the first thing to notice is craig's
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word choice most people giving a
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compliment would just say you look
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great this is boring by using more
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unique words like enchanting and
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sensational your compliment is much more
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likely to light someone up that said a
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good flirty conversation doesn't have to
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start with a compliment the second and
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more important piece of craig's charm is
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his effusive positive energy in your own
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life a good rule of thumb is to start a
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conversation with just a bit more energy
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than most people in a setting so at a
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loud bar
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that may mean being really big with your
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body language and voice but in a coffee
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shop it can be as subtle as a smile and
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speaking 20
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louder than most people there this is
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complimented well by craig's second
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habit
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over-the-top teasing have you ever been
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to scotland no i'm
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i i have i haven't seen oh wait wait i
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forgot you forgot my
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homeland what the hell
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i went to edinburgh nothing but
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compliments is boring non-stop teasing
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can make you seem like a jerk but when
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you marry the two you create a fun
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rollercoaster of emotion
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if you're not quite sure how to tease
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someone while flirting there are two
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easy teases you can steal from craig
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the first is asking a rhetorical
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question that assumes something absurd
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about her here's two quick examples
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as a member of the non-tattooed
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community i find tattoos fascinating
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really yeah are you interested in
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getting one no really why
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why do you hate america and you can you
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drink coffee when you're pregnant
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you can i think you can have a cup i
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don't drink coffee because you don't it
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makes me crazy how long have you been in
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al-qaeda
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if you're going to do this you want to
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make sure your question is obviously
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absurd like being an al-qaeda this makes
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it more likely to make her laugh
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and it makes it clear that you're being
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playful so you can be confident you
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won't come off like a jerk
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another easy tease is to call out when
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the person says something cliche
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here's an example of a cliche call out i
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have a
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gluten allergy so i can't really eat you
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have a gluten allergy that's so unusual
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to hear from an actress
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no it's for real for real
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if you tease someone with a cliche call
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out you're very likely to see them try
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to justify why they're different and not
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like the cliche
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it creates a frame where they're
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basically trying to get you to like them
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or think they're unique
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you saw that at the end of that last
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clip and here's another example of it
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again
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i'm not really a vegan yet but i'm
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working on it do you know how many girls
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i've had really
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okay this type of teasing doesn't have
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the same absurdity shield
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so reserve the cliche call out for
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cliches that people won't be insecure
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about
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craig has another habit that makes his
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teasing well received rather than
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hurtful
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he'll call himself out as well
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[Music]
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by teasing yourself as well as other
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people you make it clear that it's not
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actually a critique and you're just
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saying whatever comes to mind that makes
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you laugh
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if teasing intimidates you you can start
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by focusing on something more
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foundational
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the habit of being playfully absurd
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playfulness is a key part of flirting in
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this next clip notice how the joke
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doesn't just make her laugh
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it immediately changes the tone of the
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conversation
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fries are from belgium aren't they yes
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belgium is everything bad for you fries
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chocolate waffles black tower heroine
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black tar heroine
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most people would have chimed in with
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something else belgium is actually known
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for
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it's a common mistake when flirting to
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think of the goal of the conversation as
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simply exchanging information the reason
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teasing and being playfully absurd help
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build chemistry is because there's
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another goal when flirting which is to
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create emotions
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to be like craig you want to focus on
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creating a conversation that's fun
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and established that you're more playful
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than most people this helps tremendously
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with the thing craig is probably most
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famous for
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it's optional but it's a huge part of
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craig's attractive persona and the
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chemistry he creates with his guests
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craig creates an environment where
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people feel safe being flirty and sexual
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watch this clip of josh stone and you'll
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see
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even she's surprised at what she's
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willing to say after 20 minutes talking
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to craig
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but it's valentine's day so you can
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squirt whatever you want no you can
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no you can cream
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[Laughter]
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[Applause]
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clearly she feels freer than normal and
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more willing to say inappropriate things
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just for fun how does he do this there's
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several ways
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one is to go there first on your own
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with a joke that isn't about them
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here's an example of how craig works sex
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into a conversation in a way that feels
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natural rather than creepy
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she doesn't do that yeah i like to talk
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about it she punches you
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right in the face that's what i yeah if
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i ask for it nicely
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[Laughter]
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craig probably could have gotten a
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similar laugh with a joke like she's
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small but she packs a wallop but he
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specifically makes jokes about dating or
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sex to see if the other person jumps in
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and plays along if they don't
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no sweat if they do it becomes much
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easier for you to build sexual chemistry
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that particular joke also implies that
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craig is non-judgmental about kinks
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that non-judgmentalness encourages the
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other person to feel comfortable joining
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in
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here's another example notice how casual
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his tone is
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oh i i because you know
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i'm sensitive are you into s m i'm not
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really
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that's a good segway i'm just saying
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are you do you like a little bit
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a little bit just a little bit just a
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little bit like a hair pull he asks it
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like he asks any other question like
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it's no big deal and suddenly they've
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gone from having a normal conversation
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to discussing what they like in the
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bedroom
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that said bringing up sex runs the risk
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of seeming creepy so you'll have to
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calibrate
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another way to make this more likely to
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go well is to playfully misinterpret
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something so that
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she was the one who took the
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conversation sexual here are two quick
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examples
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yeah i think i like it yeah me too i had
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a lot of fun
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on the back of a horse
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i've got a really cool garden why
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wouldn't i dance in it do you garden do
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you have a compost heap
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i do garden but not as regularly as i
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would like
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but we're still talking about gardening
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playfully misinterpreting something she
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says is sexual gives her the opportunity
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to talk about her dating or sex life
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and because you used humor and framed it
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like she was the one hinting at it
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if she doesn't want to talk about it she
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can just laugh and move on without it
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creating any awkwardness
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if joking about these things isn't
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something you feel comfortable with
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you can still use this style of playful
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misinterpretation
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to make people laugh and like being
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around you for instance
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watch how craig uses misinterpretation
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after asking if yvonne
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surfs i do a lot of adventurous things
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but water is not one of my best friends
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i'm not
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not down with water really yeah what do
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you do when it's thirsty time
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these platonic jokes are still good for
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building a connection because they make
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it fun to be around you
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another way that craig creates a
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flirtatious vibe is with innuendo he'll
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say something that's technically
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innocent but could have a double meaning
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watch here as he critiques mila kunis
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for her harmonica technique
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take your time take your time
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don't just rush in there blowing and
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sucking and chewing
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take your time
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that's wildly inappropriate except it
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isn't which is why it gets such a big
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laugh for mila one thing with any of
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these misinterpretations or innuendos
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you don't need to linger on them watch
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in this next clip how craig makes it
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work together she asks him if he ever
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loses his cool on set and he starts with
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an over-the-top compliment
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then switches to an innuendo before
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like i i lose it during the show
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i'm losing it now when i saw your shoes
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i was like
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i've lost it you have i've lost i know
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where it is
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you do i've got a rough idea yeah
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now watch how even though moon is ready
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to play along craig's already moved on
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to something new
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no i don't know where it is you were
00:09:08
that's a very interesting name moon
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thank you what's your uh ancestry then
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what's what's that
00:09:13
by not lingering craig shows he's flirty
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and inappropriate mostly to amuse
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himself
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which makes him much more attractive
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once you see it's well received you can
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come back to it again with a different
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joke and stay on the topic for longer
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with innuendo misinterpretations and
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absurdity what you'll often see is that
00:09:27
craig will be the first person to make a
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joke sexual
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but once he does the other person is
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happy to join in and it's not just
00:09:33
female guests he does this with
00:09:34
for example watch this interaction with
00:09:36
chris pine you have harmonicas
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yeah do you blow the mouth organ i
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i do you blow the mouth morgan how do
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you think i got this job
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teasing absurdity misinterpretation
00:09:50
innuendo craig does so much it can seem
00:09:53
overwhelming
00:09:54
if none of these are habits for you
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already you don't have to panic
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rather than try to master them all at
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once pick whichever one seems the most
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fun to you and focus on building that
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habit first so let's say you most enjoy
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craig's absurdity next time you have a
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conversation with a stranger
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even with a friend focus on finding just
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one thing you can say that's playfully
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absurd
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make it a game for yourself if you want
00:10:13
to give yourself an edge in the game
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watch 10 minutes of craig videos before
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the conversation to prime your brain to
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be in that state purposely doing this
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several days in a row will make it
00:10:21
easier and easier for you to do it
00:10:22
without thinking
00:10:23
by starting in conversations with
00:10:25
friends rather than beautiful women you
00:10:26
take the pressure off yourself and you
00:10:28
make it easier for you to build the
00:10:29
habit
00:10:30
this ties well with the next thing that
00:10:31
lets craig confidently flirt with anyone
00:10:33
he's attracted to which is that he
00:10:34
flirts with the world
00:10:35
craig's charming flirty personality
00:10:37
isn't something he only turns on when
00:10:39
talking to a woman he's interested in
00:10:40
sexually
00:10:41
he flirts with every woman that's on the
00:10:42
show and while he tones it down with men
00:10:44
he's still happy to use innuendo or even
00:10:46
loudly compliment a man's looks
00:10:48
hello craig you look really nice these
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likes these are well
00:10:52
well thank you flirting with the world
00:10:54
helps you for a number of reasons
00:10:55
if a woman sees everyone around you
00:10:57
laughing it makes you more attractive
00:10:58
if you see someone you're attracted to
00:11:00
it'll be easier to approach them because
00:11:01
you're already in an outgoing playful
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state
00:11:04
and if the way you interact with a woman
00:11:05
you're attracted to matches the energy
00:11:07
and playfulness you interact with
00:11:08
everyone else
00:11:09
it's much more likely to feel natural
00:11:10
and much less likely to seem creepier
00:11:12
try hard
00:11:13
that fear of seeming creepy is a big
00:11:14
reason why many people feel nervous to
00:11:16
flirt
00:11:17
to make sure you aren't seen as creepy
00:11:18
there's another habit you can steal from
00:11:20
craig
00:11:20
his leaned back body language a common
00:11:22
body language mistake that makes people
00:11:24
uncomfortable is leaning in closely when
00:11:26
you speak
00:11:27
completely agnostic of any politics this
00:11:29
is the best example i could think of to
00:11:30
show how leaning in can make someone
00:11:32
uncomfortable
00:11:38
when you lean in like that it can feel
00:11:39
trapping especially if you follow as
00:11:41
they lean away to create space
00:11:43
by contrast if you lean back you make it
00:11:45
clear that you aren't trapping them and
00:11:46
you wouldn't follow if they chose to
00:11:48
walk away
00:11:48
you still want to get comfortable with
00:11:49
some level of physical touch if you want
00:11:51
to build chemistry with someone but that
00:11:53
can be done with high fives shoulder
00:11:54
touches or hugs
00:11:55
if you want to learn more about touch we
00:11:57
go into detail about it in our video how
00:11:59
to be popular without trying
00:12:00
which we'll link to in the description
00:12:02
craig has one more trick that lets him
00:12:03
confidently flirt with anyone he has
00:12:05
purposefully gotten comfortable with his
00:12:07
worst case scenario
00:12:08
on a talk show the worst thing that can
00:12:10
happen is the conversation stalls into a
00:12:12
long awkward pause
00:12:13
so what does craig do he purposely
00:12:15
creates long awkward pauses
00:12:17
i want to do an awkward pause
00:12:31
either consciously as training or just
00:12:33
by thinking it's funny he exposed
00:12:34
himself to hundreds of awkward pauses
00:12:36
way longer and more
00:12:38
awkward than what we'd ever experienced
00:12:39
in conversation so he has no reason to
00:12:41
fear them
00:12:42
this doesn't mean you should go out of
00:12:43
your way to make people uncomfortable
00:12:44
but that you should find harmless ways
00:12:46
to expand your comfort zone
00:12:47
if you're watching this video then
00:12:48
you're probably interested in meeting
00:12:49
someone so one way to expand your
00:12:51
comfort zone is simply to talk to more
00:12:52
people
00:12:53
if you aren't sure what to say to start
00:12:55
the conversation two conversation
00:12:56
starters you can go with are
00:12:58
hey i don't think i've met you yet i'm
00:13:00
ben except say your name
00:13:01
or if you want to take a page out of
00:13:03
craig's book you can go with something
00:13:04
like
00:13:05
hey i know this is totally random but
00:13:06
you're absolutely gorgeous i'd be
00:13:08
kicking myself for the rest of the day
00:13:10
if i didn't come find out more about you
00:13:11
that said if you want the fastest way to
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thanks to our video editor therese for
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all the hard work editing thank you for
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watching and hopefully we'll see you in
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the next one
