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[Music]
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hello and welcome to reliscope the
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relationship science insights podcast
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produced by lmsl the life management
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science labs we are champions in life
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punishment sites providing structured
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insights informed by science and
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inspired by practice on key aspects of
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conscious living each week we bring new
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scientific and practical insights on
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each element with the expert knowledge
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of Professionals in the field I'm your
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host other tikoti let's get on with the
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show
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welcome back to reliscope's relationship
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science insights podcast I'm here today
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with Marjorie liberal who is an
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international Matchmaker and
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relationship expert Marjorie thank you
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so much for joining me on the show
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thanks for having me hello
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um I I'm really excited to chat to you
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today I don't think I've talked to a
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Matchmaker so far on my show before so
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you'd be you'd be the first one who's
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been on and that's really cool
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um tell me a little bit more about
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yourself and what you do
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right so I am French
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um I might have lost my accent my accent
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because my Australian partner helps me a
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lot with that but uh back in the day so
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I actually trained as a diplomat and I
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landed Into the Heart of Europe which
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was Brussels and um I accidentally
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became a Matchmaker there some years ago
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so I was managing a very bespoke
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introductions agency
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um throughout Europe I was managing the
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Belgian Branch for it I'm initially
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trained as a sociologist and in
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political science
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um so I sort of ended up counseling
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people that I was supposed to work with
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so quite High Naval profiles and
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matching them with suitable potential
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partners and counseling them about their
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love lives been doing this now for six
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to seven years
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um and about two years ago I moved to
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Australia for my partner who's
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Australian and I think I was it was hard
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it was a hard decision to make
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um but if somebody has to show example
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and sometimes you know advice people
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know ways to think of their career that
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will be me so I've decided to just step
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in and for the love of my life to the
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other side of the planet so I've created
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my own introductions agency now it's
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been about two years and I have Clydes
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all over the globe mainly in Europe and
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in Australia and I matched them over
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locally or internationally and I have
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them also
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um had a fulfilling fulfilling love
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place
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that's that seems like
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um a very interesting transition between
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Diplomat
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um to to Matchmaker and relationship
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counselor was that and was that an easy
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transition for you absolutely not and it
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hasn't been sudden
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um so I I arrived in Brussels to work
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with the European Union and I've been
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doing this um almost three years but
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that was very very disappointing for me
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because I felt I wasn't as useful as I
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could be and I didn't see a lot of
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meaning
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um so it was a long path of
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self-discovery
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um I've always looked for meaning in my
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life and my professions and so I've done
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I've watched marketing for a while and
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then I took also my aggregation with
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sociology which means the highest
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diploma in order to be teaching so I've
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been teaching sociology for a few years
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which was really fantastic
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um and it gives it's a powerful tool
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social sciences to sort of understand
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Society
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um but it was also very stable there was
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a lot of movements with the the teaching
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contracts and the lecturers contracts
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and one day I was on LinkedIn in my bed
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during the summer vacations and in fact
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I saw this ad
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um about this bespoke agency looking for
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a private Matchmaker and a co-manager of
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the Belgian brand and I said oh I'm
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quite adventurous and I said oh you know
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what I'll just go for it who cares and I
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applied
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haven't heard back for a few weeks and
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finally got into you then got the job
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and it sort of changed my whole life
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since
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um on all aspects so no it hasn't been
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clear cupped
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um it's been a journey of
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self-exploration to land here
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that's really cool that's I feel like we
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could do a whole podcast just on that
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and your journey
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um to get here
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um but I guess our episode today is
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about
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um romantic passion and maintaining
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romantic passion alongside our personal
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growth and our self-discovery
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um and
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we I guess before we kind of dive into
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that we've got a segment called have you
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met um Marjorie liberal where I ask you
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a couple of questions about yourself and
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get to know you a little bit better
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before we kind of get into our main
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topic are you happy to answer them yes
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of course
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fantastic
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um so my first question is what is your
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favorite book
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so I read about I don't know if I can
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two books a month uh so I have multitask
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a lot of books that I love it depends
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what we're talking about so I've decided
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to choose two or three
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um one of them is erratic intelligence
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because that's in line with the topic
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today of from Mr perel I don't know if
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you know her she's a superstar
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okay um she's also from Belgium
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um in a fantastic psychotherapist uh so
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that will be the first one because she
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sort of explains how to cultivate and
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we'll talk about it later erotic
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intelligence and intimacy within the
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relationship
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and how to navigate also different
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paradoxes like the security versus a
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venture Paradox so that that's the first
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one then there is definitely the book
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called attached which has been in itself
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a revolution
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um which calls and which talks about
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different attachment slides
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uh it's absolutely fantastic and it just
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takes the attachment theory that was
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developed by John Valby in the 60s to
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study children Behavior Uh and it's
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applied to romantic Partnerships as well
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and relationships it's very very
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interesting
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um and groundbreaking and there will be
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another one but it's a French book it's
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basically the biography of a very epic
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couple
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um he was one of the cartoonists of the
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newspapers that got attacked in 2015 and
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she was his wife
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um and it's called The Taste of the good
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life and it's about a couple that has
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been married for 47 years and has been
00:06:35
able to navigate with a lot of fantasy
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and originality and created a beautiful
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and long-lasting love story and this is
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amazing but it's in French and it's not
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translated
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well hopefully we'll get a translation
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um soon but I I'm of the opinion that
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more book recommendations are better
00:06:52
than just one and that's the modern area
00:06:55
so thank you thank you we got three of
00:06:57
them instead of one and I think that's a
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good thing
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um what about
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um a movie a favorite movie
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so I'm I'm also a frag of five when it
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comes to movies I there's a lot of
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French movies that I love however I have
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a big passion for Danish Cinema and one
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of my favorite movie and the theme is
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very very dark but it was created in
00:07:20
1980 98 sorry so it's quite an old movie
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that received many many awards like the
00:07:25
palm and can for example or the burning
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movie um prize and uh that's called
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feston which means party in Danish and
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it's about unveiling very toxic family
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um Dynamics uh there is a story of
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pedophilia so it's a very harsh theme
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however it's absolutely brilliant about
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how it shows um the Loyalty the power
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games within the family
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um it's it's brilliant and the way it's
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shot as well
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absolutely definitely one for people to
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check out
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um obviously if they're in the right
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mindset for something a bit darker yes
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yes
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um yeah absolutely what about
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um a podcast that you've been listening
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to lately
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I am absolutely obsessed with this
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podcast called excal dinner meaning
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extraordinary
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um and it's about love stories uh it's
00:08:19
an absolute hit in the French speaking
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world uh and it's about people just
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telling their stories incredible things
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you know people can get back together
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about 10 to 10 years or um people who
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are very hopeless about a romantic
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history and when things turn out to work
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out fine or you know people could go
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through a loss so it's absolutely
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amazing I think people have a sense a
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very a big interest in stories in
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general
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because I can relate to them yeah no
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absolutely I think I don't know if we
00:08:47
have I think we do have an equivalent
00:08:50
um in
00:08:51
uh English but I'm sure I don't think we
00:08:55
have a regular one or a weekly one I
00:08:57
think there's a seasonal one from the
00:08:58
New York Times probably around somewhere
00:09:01
but hopefully someone will translate a
00:09:03
transcript I'm sorry for giving you a
00:09:04
lot of French French references no I'm
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sure hopefully there's at least one
00:09:09
person listening that is fluent in
00:09:11
French and maybe you know I used to
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learn French in high school so maybe
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this is my sign to pick it up again and
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start learning who knows
00:09:22
um okay uh what about a famous role
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model
00:09:25
um that you've been looking up that
00:09:27
you've looked up to oh I've got many
00:09:29
once again
00:09:30
um there it's a very it's related to a
00:09:33
movie that I've Loved um it's the
00:09:34
character of Erin Brockovich from Tudor
00:09:36
Roberts I don't know if that Rings about
00:09:37
to you but I absolutely admire right
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this distingle mother with a poison or
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intelligence who's got zero former
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knowledge about how to do what she does
00:09:46
but who manage manages through which is
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hard work and intelligence pure
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intelligence um so that's that's really
00:09:53
um a nice nice character to admire I
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love Meryl Streep for the way she ages
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with beauty and Carl knits as well
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um and I love just actors who are just
00:10:03
very human and show their humanity and
00:10:06
their vulnerability like Robin Williams
00:10:08
or
00:10:09
um Philip SEMA Hoffman who unfortunately
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all passed away
00:10:13
um but we're absolutely brilliant for
00:10:15
the humanity
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yeah absolutely Robbie Williams was a
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favorite of mine as well
00:10:20
um yeah and it it is it is a tragedy
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that he he is not with us um anymore
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yeah
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um what about the last course that you
00:10:30
completed
00:10:31
so I'm currently completing a coaching
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accreditation within the international
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coaching Federation which is a great
00:10:39
great training in order to further help
00:10:41
my client uh so it's something I'm still
00:10:43
about to complete it's a lot of work
00:10:47
um and uh so the last one I completed
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otherwise would be my sociology
00:10:52
um degree a few years ago
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fantastic
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um that's amazing uh congratulations and
00:10:58
good luck with the current course you're
00:11:00
doing the coaching course you're doing
00:11:01
as well thank you but we've we've gotten
00:11:04
to know you now
00:11:05
um and uh so we can move on I guess to
00:11:08
the main point of our episode today
00:11:11
which is about romantic passion and
00:11:14
learning how to maintain your romantic
00:11:16
passion while also working on your
00:11:19
personal development
00:11:21
um I really are our
00:11:24
let me rephrase our podcast
00:11:26
um our show is about relationships in
00:11:28
general so I wanted to start really
00:11:30
broadly what is a relationship to you
00:11:32
how would you describe a relationship
00:11:35
yeah so um in the big lines I would say
00:11:38
that a relationship is any type of
00:11:40
connection between two people
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um but there are several types of
00:11:44
relationships and uh there are family
00:11:46
relationships which are complex in
00:11:48
themselves they are complex right
00:11:49
friendships acquaintances which is not
00:11:52
quite the same degree work relationships
00:11:54
romantic relationships right
00:11:57
um and within the Romantic relationships
00:11:59
we can have platonic relationships
00:12:00
sexual relationships there's a whole
00:12:02
wide range of relationships now I will
00:12:06
focus on the romantic ones right and um
00:12:09
yeah I think that when you talk about a
00:12:11
romantic relationships we may be talking
00:12:13
about some form of physical attraction
00:12:15
between two people and a sense of
00:12:17
intellectual connection uh we can have
00:12:20
both we can have one other two
00:12:22
um depends
00:12:23
um but we are absolutely social animals
00:12:25
and relationships are part of our lives
00:12:27
and uh that they're crucial to our
00:12:31
well-being if you should look at the
00:12:32
muscle pyramids for example they're one
00:12:34
of the you know
00:12:35
um five levels so
00:12:38
here here no we we definitely agree with
00:12:40
that um on this show
00:12:42
um in your opinion do you you know
00:12:45
romantic relationships specifically do
00:12:48
they still hold the same meaning and
00:12:50
structure and and maybe say the same
00:12:52
kind of importance as they did decades
00:12:54
ago
00:12:55
I think they play an absolute if not too
00:12:58
important role nowaday and they Prevail
00:13:01
in our lives and we have such a strong
00:13:03
if not Obsession always Obsession for
00:13:05
romantic relationships and I think
00:13:08
throughout
00:13:10
um history and I think literature is
00:13:12
quite a good example and a good tool to
00:13:14
to sort of see how relationships evolved
00:13:17
but
00:13:18
it's been for example if we think about
00:13:21
um Romeo and Juliet or um Tristan and
00:13:24
isold I don't know if you know it it's a
00:13:25
medieval um fairy minimal tale um it's
00:13:29
there's always been
00:13:30
the love and the love was often
00:13:32
impossible uh and contradicts you all
00:13:35
the social order which was um you know
00:13:37
the acceptable and so there was a lot of
00:13:40
outraged marriages for example which
00:13:42
were not
00:13:43
um based on love right
00:13:45
um and oh and remember Juliet for
00:13:47
example the families hate each other and
00:13:48
they cannot really fully love each other
00:13:50
so it ends in tragedy now um there was a
00:13:53
real Conflict for many many centuries
00:13:54
between those two aspects the reasonable
00:13:56
when the passion
00:13:58
um and also after the Industrial
00:14:00
Revolution
00:14:01
um love was completely put aside it was
00:14:03
all about keeping capital and Dowry and
00:14:06
you know um having Financial
00:14:08
Arrangements
00:14:09
however since um I think I would say the
00:14:12
19th century or the 20th century there's
00:14:15
been an explosion of feelings and
00:14:17
psychologization of society
00:14:19
um where now you know we choose our
00:14:22
partner and uh unions and and marriages
00:14:25
are based on love which is a very
00:14:27
fragile and volatile notion so this is
00:14:30
also why we end them when there's no
00:14:32
love there's no more marriage
00:14:33
becomes very complex so of course they
00:14:36
play a crucial role in our days
00:14:38
yeah yeah absolutely and and that
00:14:41
passion which we're going to talk about
00:14:42
a bit more is such an important part
00:14:45
like you said it's something that we
00:14:46
value in our relationships today yes
00:14:50
yes
00:14:51
but yeah we can discuss that
00:14:54
well that's fantastic my next question
00:14:58
how do you define romantic passion
00:15:02
um well I would say it's a combination
00:15:04
of lust uh physical so as we said
00:15:08
earlier physical attraction deep
00:15:11
connection
00:15:12
um but and we tend to suit as short-term
00:15:16
however though I think a form of passion
00:15:19
can be sustained over the years
00:15:21
um but it requires work and you know
00:15:24
there is a common say people say oh
00:15:25
passion doesn't life I don't think
00:15:27
that's necessarily true but I think that
00:15:29
sustaining that passion requires
00:15:31
knowledge and tools and die alone
00:15:33
between two partners and will
00:15:37
yeah absolutely and and how do you feel
00:15:41
that
00:15:43
how do you feel that it affects you know
00:15:45
the relationship itself when it is there
00:15:48
when it isn't there well what is its
00:15:50
importance
00:15:51
um to the health of a relationship
00:15:53
I think that um you know it keeps people
00:15:56
interested and engaged and um it sort of
00:15:59
provides novelty uh which is important
00:16:02
in the long run because
00:16:04
um that when there is a decline of uh of
00:16:07
interest and um and new feelings and I I
00:16:10
think things tend to become quite dire
00:16:13
right and one of the two I can lose
00:16:16
interest in statistics happiness
00:16:18
elsewhere so passion is a crucial
00:16:20
component yet it's like a flower that
00:16:22
needs to be constantly bought it
00:16:25
um yeah
00:16:27
and you said earlier that you feel like
00:16:30
it's almost too important what what did
00:16:33
you mean by that let's dive into that
00:16:35
well I just sort of from experience what
00:16:37
I've seen is that there is a lot of well
00:16:39
the social media the movie sort of
00:16:41
portray all these crazy stories these
00:16:43
beautiful stories and we feel like we
00:16:45
have to leave a fairy tale every day
00:16:48
um and and no there are some you know
00:16:50
duller aspects of life that we have to
00:16:52
take in account and go through as well
00:16:54
there is some drama I think this is well
00:16:56
real commit not to start like it's nice
00:16:58
to have passion especially within the
00:17:00
first years
00:17:01
um but it needs to also survive the
00:17:04
major trauma and difficulties that life
00:17:06
brings and throws at us right like the
00:17:08
therefore if you have a partner who
00:17:10
starts drinking or if um you know I lose
00:17:12
my job tomorrow I want to make sure that
00:17:14
he's going to be there for me as well
00:17:16
um so uh I sort of feel that social apps
00:17:20
but I mean digital apps and social media
00:17:22
have also made it extremely easy to
00:17:24
consume love stories and you know human
00:17:26
beings I always become sort of a little
00:17:29
bit lazy as well
00:17:31
um so I sort of see and I love to see
00:17:33
myself as a sort of psychologist when it
00:17:36
comes to relationships because I really
00:17:37
want to bring back and this is what
00:17:39
matchmaking is about a trend which is
00:17:42
invest in your long-term relationship if
00:17:44
because it's worth it and because the
00:17:46
Grass Is Always Greener elsewhere
00:17:48
um but you're going to keep reproducing
00:17:49
the cycle over and over again as soon as
00:17:51
the passion Fades away
00:17:53
so it's more about sustaining that I
00:17:55
believe
00:17:57
um so I guess in in kind of what do you
00:17:59
feel is the relationship between this
00:18:01
romantic passion
00:18:03
um and
00:18:04
kind of our own like self-growth and and
00:18:08
personal Discovery what do you think
00:18:10
they're linked together at all yeah
00:18:12
absolutely I think they are very very
00:18:14
linked and it's a very good point
00:18:17
um by engaging themselves in a journey
00:18:18
of self-exploration and personal
00:18:21
development
00:18:22
um individuals usually get a better
00:18:23
understanding of themselves and their
00:18:25
needs and so they direct I mean they go
00:18:28
towards a more authentic and more
00:18:30
fulfilling relationships um relationship
00:18:32
and one is where one is interested in
00:18:36
pursuing a path of self-development
00:18:38
one develops like a capacity for empathy
00:18:41
compassion but also vulnerability which
00:18:43
is the key I mean to sustaining intimacy
00:18:46
to me or the long run
00:18:48
um so yeah it makes people more
00:18:49
self-aware also and more confident and
00:18:52
it can enhance their attractivity to
00:18:53
others
00:18:55
absolutely I love that you put it a kind
00:18:58
of in a way that's so easy for people to
00:19:01
digest as well
00:19:03
um how in your experience what are kind
00:19:06
of the the misconceptions around this
00:19:10
link between romantic passion and
00:19:12
personal growth
00:19:14
uh there is a few uh I think that the
00:19:18
first me conception misconception will
00:19:20
be that passion should come naturally
00:19:22
without any effort well that's it in the
00:19:24
first days but then it's not the case
00:19:25
anymore it's something that requires
00:19:28
effort and intentional actions to
00:19:30
maintain right
00:19:32
um initial attraction and chemistry they
00:19:34
come naturally as I said at the
00:19:35
beginning uh but you have to communicate
00:19:37
and you have to yeah put things in place
00:19:40
like surprise each other go for dinner
00:19:42
and talk and ask each other questions
00:19:46
um so that's the first thing
00:19:49
um the second misconception is that
00:19:51
yeah personal growth is not necessarily
00:19:54
a solid read Journey uh and I think it's
00:19:58
even more powerful when there's a
00:20:00
partner involved
00:20:02
um and it's often influenced by the
00:20:03
people around us including our romantic
00:20:05
Partners
00:20:07
um so this is what I think it's crucial
00:20:08
to to encourage each other
00:20:10
um and and also maintain some individual
00:20:13
interests so I think life balance couple
00:20:15
and relationship should be about moment
00:20:18
of self-exploration and moment of common
00:20:20
exploration
00:20:22
yeah it's kind of like a um both of them
00:20:26
seem to affect each other and that
00:20:27
there's that that personal that that
00:20:30
cultivation of the Romantic relationship
00:20:32
which can improve your like kind of
00:20:34
personal development Journey but your
00:20:36
personal development Journey can also
00:20:38
improve how how you cultivate your
00:20:40
relationship absolutely absolutely yeah
00:20:43
they're not they're not and it's one of
00:20:45
the common misconceptions actually that
00:20:46
people have they're not separated they
00:20:48
go they go together you know
00:20:51
um that definitely agree with you and
00:20:52
also we need to
00:20:54
um have regular as I said check into
00:20:56
this called goals and desires you know
00:20:59
um and have affectionate gestures as
00:21:01
well and not just be functional because
00:21:02
what I've seen in especially in
00:21:04
Australia to be honest is something that
00:21:06
struck me a lot is that a lot of people
00:21:08
in couples are highly functional and
00:21:11
they have mortgages to pay they have a
00:21:12
lot of responsibilities you know they
00:21:14
have to take care of the kids but it
00:21:15
just become really powerhouses they're
00:21:18
better talk to each other
00:21:20
and this is game this is the problem
00:21:22
also of modern society today is that we
00:21:25
are relying on very small entity that is
00:21:27
the nuclear family
00:21:29
um and so we have very little space for
00:21:32
the relationship because we used to have
00:21:34
children taken care of by the elderly or
00:21:36
and it's still the case there's not as
00:21:37
much as it used to be when you live in
00:21:39
the village everybody had a specific
00:21:41
function right and today we are isolated
00:21:43
with our very expensive mortgages in our
00:21:45
houses
00:21:46
yeah yeah absolutely
00:21:50
like um how does a lack of passion
00:21:55
um affect I guess uh your kind of
00:21:59
self-growth Journey and and vice versa
00:22:03
as well how does how does a kind of um
00:22:08
truncated personal development Journey
00:22:10
affect
00:22:12
um perhaps your relationship with your
00:22:14
partner how do they kind of tie in I
00:22:16
guess the lack of each each one
00:22:19
um affect the other
00:22:20
yeah I'm not sure if I worded that very
00:22:22
well
00:22:23
um but yeah I think you mean how can the
00:22:26
lack of um is that the second question
00:22:28
like a lack of personal growth can lead
00:22:30
to a stagnation of a relationship yes
00:22:32
yes yeah right
00:22:34
um well I mean if individuals remain
00:22:36
stagnant then they also tend to be more
00:22:39
predictable and they lose their sense of
00:22:41
excitement and Novelty
00:22:43
um and this is crucial to maintain a
00:22:46
healthy and passionate relationship
00:22:48
um they also I think people who also not
00:22:50
growing will stop growing are not good
00:22:52
communicators and you know they're just
00:22:54
not interested in developing or having
00:22:56
new experiences with their partner
00:22:59
um so I think in summary like personal
00:23:01
growth and self-decovery like they're
00:23:03
crucial for individuals like to maintain
00:23:05
a healthy relationship yeah yeah yeah
00:23:07
absolutely
00:23:09
um and how how can how can a how can
00:23:13
Partners support each other
00:23:16
um in
00:23:18
in
00:23:18
kind of their individual both their
00:23:22
individual Journeys
00:23:24
um personal growth Journeys but also
00:23:26
their Journeys together how can they
00:23:27
support each other and and and help each
00:23:29
other along yeah I think it depends so
00:23:32
if you've got kids for example this is
00:23:33
also even trickier right um I've got a
00:23:36
fantastic well I'm going to speak from
00:23:37
two experiences
00:23:39
um but my own and also I've got a
00:23:40
fantastic couple of friends um who have
00:23:43
according to me one of the healthiest
00:23:44
relationships I've ever seen and they
00:23:45
will recognize themselves here
00:23:47
um be together for 21 years and they've
00:23:49
been through a lot of challenges she had
00:23:52
a massive Awakening lately about realize
00:23:54
that a corporate career was just not
00:23:56
fulfilling and she was just surviving on
00:23:59
um they'll always loved her husband but
00:24:01
she just had no space for the
00:24:03
relationship anymore because she was
00:24:04
just busy making money I'll pay the
00:24:06
bills and taking care of the children
00:24:08
um and then went through a major major
00:24:10
breakout where they were on the verge of
00:24:12
divorce uh but he told her you take the
00:24:15
time unit you take all the time you need
00:24:18
to just find yourself fix yourself and
00:24:20
please come back better you know so she
00:24:22
went to Bali she did all the things uh
00:24:24
and for six months she was just taking
00:24:26
care of herself he was there with the
00:24:28
grandmother they were taking care of the
00:24:29
children so allowing the other to have
00:24:32
some time and that would require
00:24:34
logistical you know um changes or
00:24:37
actions like concrete stuff like taking
00:24:39
care of the children taking care of the
00:24:41
groceries uh so that you can explore
00:24:43
yourself you can go to your gym class
00:24:45
tonight you can go to your dance class
00:24:46
you can go to your piano class
00:24:49
um so yeah that's that's one of the
00:24:51
things my partner is fantastic and is
00:24:53
very supportive we have no children yet
00:24:55
but he absolutely encourages me to do
00:24:57
things and vice versa I often go
00:25:00
traveling by myself for example when I
00:25:01
come back to so rich of experiences and
00:25:03
we have so many things to share and it
00:25:05
creates also distance which is healthy
00:25:07
between us I'm about to go to Europe for
00:25:09
example one I'm gonna go for two months
00:25:10
to see my clients and see my friends and
00:25:13
this is good for and I know people
00:25:14
who've lived I've got a friend she's um
00:25:17
Dutch and her parents have been married
00:25:18
for 40 years that lived between
00:25:20
developing countries because this is um
00:25:22
he works in ngos and they had four
00:25:25
children but they often lived separately
00:25:27
for many many months and it's always
00:25:28
worked out for them and they have they
00:25:31
created their own relationship sorry I'm
00:25:33
just going to do that topic now but it's
00:25:35
about creating the space for the other
00:25:39
yeah no I I mean I think that's well
00:25:41
within the topic it's kind of finding
00:25:43
that
00:25:44
um like what you were talking about
00:25:46
earlier about having something
00:25:48
individual to something that you can
00:25:50
have to yourself that you don't
00:25:51
necessarily have to do with your partner
00:25:54
and you don't have to spend every time
00:25:55
with your partner it's equally as
00:25:57
important and helps maintain that
00:25:59
passion and maintain that relationship
00:26:01
with them yes and you want to create a
00:26:04
sense of awareness and that is also why
00:26:06
does the Pearl says very well is you
00:26:08
want to see your partner as someone that
00:26:10
you don't know entirely you don't you
00:26:12
don't entirely know you want to keep a
00:26:13
part of mystery and a part of distance
00:26:16
you know
00:26:18
um yeah
00:26:19
yeah absolutely I guess that kind of I
00:26:24
mean that half answer is I think my next
00:26:25
question but I wanted to go into it a
00:26:27
bit more in a bit more detail which is
00:26:30
if you kind of got your individual
00:26:32
Hobbies your individual passions
00:26:34
um your individual methods of
00:26:36
self-discovery they can be quite
00:26:38
different between two individuals how
00:26:40
how do you navigate those differences
00:26:42
you know where you almost can't relate
00:26:45
to your partner at all as to what is
00:26:47
Meaningful to them does that ever occur
00:26:49
yeah or in your experience have you come
00:26:52
across that yeah it does uh I don't
00:26:55
think from experience I think when
00:26:57
people just have zero Common Ground
00:26:59
except the kids
00:27:02
um it's or the or the dog you know it
00:27:04
becomes an issue I think it's really
00:27:06
important so you still have experiences
00:27:08
together
00:27:10
um and and shared hobbies and interests
00:27:12
now he doesn't as you said it doesn't
00:27:13
have to be everything and it shouldn't
00:27:15
according to me but I have a lot of
00:27:17
clients or friends who got divorced
00:27:19
because they just shed zero zero um
00:27:22
Hobbies or coming around with their
00:27:23
partner I think it's a bit of an issue
00:27:27
um yeah you can be very different you
00:27:30
can be you know you can have a very um
00:27:32
calm and a very and a more excitable
00:27:34
person you can be different in terms of
00:27:36
a very um emotional or rational guy
00:27:38
together like but I think it's important
00:27:41
to have similar experiences and in
00:27:43
common experiences that's yeah
00:27:46
absolutely absolutely
00:27:49
um how can couples reignite the passion
00:27:53
in a relationship that might have become
00:27:55
stagnant or routine how do you keep up
00:27:58
that mystery perhaps that Esther perel
00:28:00
was talking about yeah
00:28:02
um or communication are we talking about
00:28:04
real communication and vulnerability
00:28:07
um asking questions about their feelings
00:28:09
and the others desires you know
00:28:12
um how was your day how are you actually
00:28:14
what is your biggest fear at the moment
00:28:17
um so
00:28:18
it's showing really themselves
00:28:21
um but at the same time as we said
00:28:23
earlier there's also reconnection we
00:28:26
share interests so
00:28:28
um you know trying new hobbies attending
00:28:30
new events exploring new places together
00:28:33
um plan a surprise is also great you
00:28:36
know plan a a romantic trip away or
00:28:39
cooking meal uh or just do something a
00:28:41
bit unexpected
00:28:43
um try having New Sensations as well
00:28:45
jump off a plane I don't know it doesn't
00:28:47
have to be that extreme but I think it's
00:28:49
also about having New Sensations
00:28:50
together
00:28:52
um
00:28:53
and spice things up can be sexually it's
00:28:56
very important now it depends if the
00:28:58
other person is willing to do so uh you
00:29:01
know you can do plenty of things and uh
00:29:03
you know I'll go well get you a festival
00:29:06
first of all that's not sexual but you
00:29:08
can do that or you can go to a swingers
00:29:10
club to see how it is you know you don't
00:29:11
have to do anything I mean I'm very like
00:29:13
just just try different things
00:29:15
um and if it does work out seek
00:29:18
professional help uh you know
00:29:20
um shouldn't happen on in in the last
00:29:22
result I think it's often too late when
00:29:24
it happens thankfully there is a huge
00:29:26
democratization now of paraffin so
00:29:29
people are less ashamed of going but I
00:29:30
still think that it's not the majority
00:29:32
of people and it can really do Miracles
00:29:35
therapy
00:29:37
Communication channel through a third
00:29:39
party yeah exactly exactly and sometimes
00:29:42
we don't I mean we're not we're not the
00:29:44
best at communicating especially with
00:29:46
our partners I think and people that
00:29:48
were in a romantic relationship with so
00:29:50
having that third party assist us
00:29:52
through that communication process and
00:29:54
supervise us while we're doing it to
00:29:56
make sure things uh maintain continue to
00:29:58
be healthy can be really helpful yeah
00:30:01
yeah yeah but yeah so I cannot stress
00:30:03
enough I think it's open communication
00:30:05
it's about finding the right distance
00:30:07
between shared experiences individuality
00:30:09
connectivity
00:30:11
um you know and um and yeah new
00:30:13
experiences together
00:30:15
yeah absolutely
00:30:18
um I think that kind of brings us to the
00:30:20
end of um our uh main segment and I
00:30:25
might move on now to our practice habit
00:30:27
experiment debrief uh in which we talk a
00:30:30
little bit about how to apply everything
00:30:31
we've talked about and and and into some
00:30:34
kind of practice into some kind of how
00:30:36
our audience can use it in our in their
00:30:38
daily lives
00:30:40
um so Marjorie what is a practice
00:30:43
um that you have either done yourself or
00:30:45
you would recommend to a client to
00:30:47
improve
00:30:49
um
00:30:50
and cultivate your romantic passion yeah
00:30:53
I think um desire is something that we
00:30:56
own right and we can desire to turn
00:30:59
ourselves on or off so it is our
00:31:02
individual responsibility to take care
00:31:04
of it and it starts with self-care so if
00:31:06
we want to desire we have to activate it
00:31:09
within ourselves
00:31:10
for women especially
00:31:13
um I absolutely advise my clients to
00:31:15
nurture their femininity and their
00:31:16
luscious women side taking care of
00:31:19
yourself take a bath go to the
00:31:21
hairdresser do you now feel pretty cool
00:31:23
sexy masturbate do whatever you want
00:31:25
just to awaken your senses
00:31:27
um it's the development of eroticism
00:31:29
feel alive because eroticism is not only
00:31:32
sexual it's about being connected to
00:31:34
everything around us and see the world
00:31:36
with curiosity and Marvel at things if
00:31:39
you manage to ignite that thing within
00:31:41
you it will surely have an influence on
00:31:44
your relationship if your husband is not
00:31:45
responding after six months there is an
00:31:47
issue but he should be
00:31:49
um it's really about nurturing and a
00:31:51
vision
00:31:52
of curiosity and excitement about life
00:31:55
and it could be sensor it could be
00:31:57
cooking it could be driving a nice glass
00:31:58
of wine mindfulness comes into play here
00:32:01
um just enjoy everything every Edge all
00:32:04
the food you eat enjoy the shower you
00:32:06
know enjoy touch the angel touching your
00:32:08
partner just like this on the cheek you
00:32:09
know this is for me erotic life it's
00:32:12
just pure pleasure that also the poor
00:32:14
pleasure and this is something we have
00:32:15
issues sometimes in our Anglo-Saxon
00:32:18
societies but I think Latins maybe I
00:32:21
mean as French people or Spanish I think
00:32:23
we might be able to to know how to do
00:32:25
this a little bit more I feel like and
00:32:28
that in Australia as I said life is is
00:32:30
quite it's a great lab but it's also
00:32:31
quite expensive that we have to work
00:32:33
hard and there's definitely an influence
00:32:35
of this British Heritage to upper lip
00:32:38
you know stiff upper lip sorry
00:32:40
um and and it's about trying to learn
00:32:43
into children to enjoy enjoy life
00:32:47
yeah
00:32:48
yeah so how do you how do you kind of
00:32:50
tap into that
00:32:52
um that eroticism that that femininity
00:32:54
how how do you begin to go about that
00:32:57
what's the practice that people can do
00:32:59
uh as I said I think it's really about
00:33:03
um Taking Care for Women for example of
00:33:05
their femininity
00:33:06
um you know
00:33:07
um out you know have go to the
00:33:10
hairdresser do your nails paint your
00:33:13
nails I don't remember who that is I
00:33:15
think that was a famous philosopher said
00:33:17
a woman should have their nails painted
00:33:19
material she's naughty or until she dies
00:33:21
um you know just just feel sexy nurture
00:33:25
that
00:33:26
um it's very attractive and this is also
00:33:28
something I see as a Matchmaker there's
00:33:30
so many women who forget that aspect of
00:33:32
themselves you know who forget to
00:33:34
nurture
00:33:35
um this part of this sexiness
00:33:37
um so and and I can help them doing that
00:33:43
absolutely what are three good things
00:33:46
about this practice
00:33:48
uh I think it becomes very appealing to
00:33:51
men
00:33:53
um if you're able to being take like
00:33:55
sorry being able to take care of
00:33:57
yourself is not being selfish it's
00:33:59
actually a bad thing about boundaries
00:34:01
but you can give you you can give more
00:34:03
uh if your well is full we have to take
00:34:06
you have to fill your own wealth first
00:34:08
right
00:34:10
um so I think yeah it makes you more
00:34:11
appealing it makes you more giving makes
00:34:13
you more available for your partner
00:34:15
and you attract people
00:34:20
and what are the challenges
00:34:23
um with this practice
00:34:26
well it's about always foreseeing enough
00:34:29
space for the collective and the couple
00:34:33
um and I think one of the most the
00:34:35
biggest challenges that we have today is
00:34:37
how to navigate between individuality
00:34:39
and you know decouple the relationship
00:34:42
it's not easy
00:34:43
and this is also why we see other forms
00:34:47
of relationships developing like living
00:34:49
a part together for example you know
00:34:52
um where people don't want to be
00:34:53
together full time because they want to
00:34:55
keep that space to themselves I mean
00:34:57
George is the best moments together
00:34:59
uh it's got you know negative aspects as
00:35:01
well it's not easy especially when you
00:35:03
turn to age where you're up you you like
00:35:05
to have a spider also going to take care
00:35:07
of you so this is going to be a problem
00:35:08
I think in the long run but there's an
00:35:11
emergence of other forms of living
00:35:14
to combine those two aspects of life
00:35:18
yeah and like you said it's kind of um
00:35:20
you know when you're kind of taking care
00:35:22
of yourself it doesn't have to be you
00:35:25
know an explicitly sexual act it can
00:35:27
just be you know enjoying the act of
00:35:30
cooking or the absolutely painting your
00:35:31
nails the act of just feeling good
00:35:33
within yourself yes yes and just
00:35:36
enjoying everything you do I try to put
00:35:38
pride and excitement it's not easy it's
00:35:41
not possible every day but you should
00:35:43
try just to be connected to all your
00:35:45
senses uh and be kind to yourself
00:35:50
yeah do you feel like another barrier I
00:35:53
would imagine is um kind of a lack of
00:35:56
confidence in oneself or a lack of
00:35:58
self-esteem I think would probably be if
00:36:01
you if it's kind of
00:36:03
a blow to begin with and when you're
00:36:05
starting off you feel a bit silly how do
00:36:07
you kind of get over it how do you get
00:36:09
over that
00:36:10
I think there's some point where you
00:36:11
have to just put yourself first and say
00:36:13
it I'll just do it I don't care
00:36:14
there's a little bit of a
00:36:15
attitude to have uh whereas like I don't
00:36:18
care about what people think I'm just
00:36:19
gonna do my thing
00:36:21
um and when you do that people you know
00:36:23
started following and it's quite
00:36:25
appealing like
00:36:27
um yeah I think that's some point you're
00:36:29
going to be like you know life is too
00:36:31
short
00:36:32
I don't care the good thing is the older
00:36:34
you get the less you care so
00:36:36
yeah that is very true I I I'm with you
00:36:39
on that
00:36:41
um how how do you find the time
00:36:45
um to look after yourself and we
00:36:46
mentioned
00:36:48
especially here in Australia it's an
00:36:50
issue but I'm sure globally you know
00:36:51
it's self-care and Anglo-Saxon societies
00:36:54
is not something that we prioritize it's
00:36:57
kind of left to the side a lot how do we
00:36:59
make it how do we make time for it how
00:37:01
do you go about that it's a question of
00:37:04
will I think you have to maybe within
00:37:07
what's possible to do like if you've got
00:37:09
children obviously you cannot have as
00:37:11
much damage when you were single with no
00:37:13
children
00:37:14
um it has like Implement some form of
00:37:16
rituals as well if you can try to be
00:37:18
consistent with at least having allowing
00:37:20
yourself one or two hours a week or my
00:37:23
friend for example she's got children
00:37:24
but every day she goes to Balmoral Beach
00:37:27
and Sydney and she meditates and that's
00:37:29
for a moment and it doesn't last it
00:37:31
doesn't have to be very long it's
00:37:32
maximum an hour she has to put the
00:37:34
effort though she wakes up earlier that
00:37:36
means that she has to be more organized
00:37:38
you know she can't stay up too late but
00:37:40
this moment is hers and it changes her
00:37:42
entire day
00:37:44
and it's it's changed her as a wife it's
00:37:46
changed her as a mother
00:37:48
so it's about absolutely discipline and
00:37:50
and some form of commitment to yourself
00:37:52
as well
00:37:54
definitely
00:37:55
um so kind of it's it's it's almost
00:37:57
about prioritizing
00:37:59
um that and making sure that you've
00:38:02
reorganized your time so that you do
00:38:04
have time for it um yeah because it is
00:38:06
important yes but if you want to be a
00:38:08
good parent you shouldn't feel guilty
00:38:09
about putting yourself first in some
00:38:11
situations or putting your relationship
00:38:12
first
00:38:14
um yeah as I said uh there is too few
00:38:17
people who nurture their relationships
00:38:19
um in for the for the people that is
00:38:21
because they think it's going to be
00:38:22
better for the children because they
00:38:23
feel guilty about you know taking a few
00:38:25
days off by themselves I actually really
00:38:27
believe that healthy and imperatorian
00:38:30
lava so much you know better for kids
00:38:33
um and there's a lot of people who
00:38:34
completely forget about themselves once
00:38:37
they have children you know and and this
00:38:39
is not good yeah
00:38:42
absolutely absolutely how would this
00:38:46
based on kind of your experience or
00:38:49
perhaps what you've noticed from your
00:38:51
clients do you have any recommendations
00:38:53
of another practice or a habit to be
00:38:56
combined
00:38:58
um with this kind of experience of of
00:39:00
tapping into your of self-care
00:39:03
um and that might improve it
00:39:05
yeah I think well I don't know if this
00:39:08
is responding to your question but one
00:39:10
of the
00:39:11
um biggest learning that I've had as a
00:39:13
Matchmaker was that what women think is
00:39:17
appealing to men is not always what they
00:39:18
think it is and this is gonna be maybe
00:39:21
Commerce quite shocking but we have now
00:39:23
thankfully all these Independence and
00:39:26
all this freedom and all the education
00:39:27
you know but I've seen too many women
00:39:30
who are extremely successful at work
00:39:35
um yet when they go on a date they take
00:39:37
their word Persona with them and they
00:39:40
are the same person as they are at work
00:39:42
and
00:39:44
um it has become a real issue you know
00:39:46
and
00:39:48
um it sort of sometimes feel a little
00:39:49
bit castrating as well and men feel
00:39:51
intimidated and it's about
00:39:52
reestablishing
00:39:54
a right Harmony
00:39:56
between men and women because I think
00:39:58
everyone is a bit lost nowadays in the
00:40:00
game you know
00:40:02
um and it's been so challenging
00:40:05
um feminism has brought a lot of amazing
00:40:07
advancements but at the same time we
00:40:10
still need some specific roles and
00:40:12
expectations I think that's my vision
00:40:14
and in my comments very old-fashioned
00:40:16
but
00:40:18
we women want to real men and men want
00:40:21
to feminine women you know so it's all
00:40:24
about reminding us that
00:40:27
absolutely well that brings us to the
00:40:31
end of our practice slash habit
00:40:32
experiment debrief um and I might now
00:40:35
move on to our Open Mic section where I
00:40:38
let you have kind of a mini Ted talk
00:40:40
about
00:40:41
um whatever you feel is important to say
00:40:43
uh to our audience in order to conclude
00:40:46
our episode today
00:40:48
um so Marjorie it's yourso books um what
00:40:52
did you what did you have to say
00:40:53
well I think we've covered most other
00:40:55
things um to be honest I really cannot
00:40:58
stress enough the importance of
00:41:00
self-care absolutely managing I mean
00:41:03
finding some tough sometimes for unself
00:41:05
it's very important
00:41:07
um nurturing for women especially their
00:41:09
femininity you know
00:41:11
um letting the men take um lead if they
00:41:14
want to
00:41:16
um and um yeah just just chill and enjoy
00:41:19
life and really try to nurture in every
00:41:22
bit and aspect of your life this erotic
00:41:24
this sense of eroticism which could be
00:41:26
just in enjoying a good glass of wine uh
00:41:29
painting your nails
00:41:31
um and uh just have a good laugh and be
00:41:34
chill I mean it's not it's it's a bit
00:41:37
light but I think pretty much everything
00:41:39
so no absolutely I think I'm gonna go
00:41:42
get my nails painted after this
00:41:45
um
00:41:46
thank you so much um for chatting to us
00:41:48
today I'm actually where can our
00:41:50
audience members find you
00:41:52
so I've got my my agency which is called
00:41:55
ml introductions ml it's Marjorie
00:41:57
liberal so mlidtraductions.com and you
00:41:59
can find me in Europe and of Australia
00:42:01
are either through coaching sessions or
00:42:04
if you're interested in matchmaking and
00:42:05
find a suitable partner I can also plan
00:42:08
an interview with you
00:42:09
um I've got lectures all over the world
00:42:11
and I work with a lot of matchmakers
00:42:12
also
00:42:19
thank you we'd also like to acknowledge
00:42:22
the traditional owners of the lands of
00:42:24
our listeners and our International
00:42:25
colleagues we'd like to pay our respects
00:42:28
to their Elders past present and
00:42:30
emerging
00:42:38
hello and welcome to reliscope the
00:42:40
relationship science insights podcast
00:42:42
produced by lmsl the life management
00:42:44
science labs we are champions in life
00:42:47
management science providing structured
00:42:49
insights and formed by science and
00:42:50
inspired by practice on key aspects of
00:42:53
conscious living each week we bring you
00:42:55
scientific and practical insights on
00:42:57
each element with the expert knowledge
00:42:59
of Professionals in the field I'm your
00:43:01
host other tikoti let's get on with the
00:43:03
show
00:43:03
[Music]
