The Invisible Victims Of Crime | Michelle Raymond | TEDxRoyalTunbridgeWells

00:08:39
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEFezmxePAk

Summary

TLDRThe speaker recounts the personal turmoil experienced when her husband was accused of a grave crime, highlighting the plight of what she terms 'invisible victims'. These are the families of the accused who suffer silently in the shadow of the direct victims' tragedy, often facing societal judgment and personal crises. She shares the increase in violent crimes such as gun and knife offenses and emphasizes the lack of recognition for these hidden victims in statistics. Urging the audience to adopt a compassionate, rather than judgmental, approach towards such families, she emphasizes the power of empathy and the harm of assumptions fueled by media narratives. Through personal recovery from depression and public shame, the speaker found the strength to assist others, including raising her daughter to be fearless and independent, thus advocating for compassion over victim-blaming.

Takeaways

  • 📞 Indirect victims of crime suffer in silence.
  • 📈 Increases in violent crime highlight the unseen victim impact.
  • 📰 Media narratives often fuel public judgment.
  • 💔 Families of accused individuals face societal blame.
  • 🙌 Show compassion to all involved in crime scenarios.
  • 🧘 Inspired by Thích Nhất Hạnh to promote compassion.
  • 💪 Transform personal pain into positive action.
  • 🚫 End systematic victim-blaming.
  • 👩‍👧 Empower children to defy negative labels.
  • ❤️ Lead with empathy and reduce judgment.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:08:39

    The speaker shares a personal and emotional story about being indirectly affected by crime, highlighting the 'invisible victims' who suffer due to their association with those accused of wrongdoing. These people often go unnoticed and are expected to cope, despite being deeply affected. They endure judgment, shame, and guilt from society. Statistics on increasing violent crimes are discussed, but the speaker emphasizes the lack of data on hidden victims like herself. She recounts the trauma and stigmatization faced when her husband was accused of a crime, leading to depression and public humiliation. Despite the societal blame, she chose to transform her experience into a positive force to help others and to teach her daughter resilience. The speaker urges for compassion, encouraging society to judge less and love more to reduce the number of invisible victims. She calls for more understanding and support for those indirectly impacted by crime.

Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What is the speaker's main message?

    To consider the indirect victims of crime and show compassion rather than judgment.

  • Who are the 'invisible victims' the speaker refers to?

    Family members of accused criminals who also suffer societal judgment and emotional distress.

  • What personal experience does the speaker share?

    Her husband was accused of a crime, and she faced public scrutiny and emotional pain.

  • How does the speaker describe societal reaction to families of accused criminals?

    They are often judged harshly and blamed, although they are innocent.

  • What statistics does the speaker mention?

    Increases in gun crime, knife crime, sexual offenses, and stalking have been reported, highlighting that indirect victims are not represented in statistics.

  • What condition did the speaker develop due to stress?

    She developed enuresis, leading to loss of control over bodily fluids.

  • What changes did the speaker make in her life?

    She transformed her pain into a positive force to help others become their best selves.

  • What does the speaker think about media and societal influence?

    They encourage judgment and assumptions without knowing the full story.

  • Who inspired the speaker's approach to compassion?

    Zen Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh, who talked about compassion in all events.

  • What legacy does the speaker hope to give her daughter?

    To be limitless, fearless, and not defined by others' opinions.

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Subtitles
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  • 00:00:06
    [Music]
  • 00:00:15
    what if one afternoon while you're at
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    home watching your daytime favorites you
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    get a phone call that your husband at
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    the time has been accused of committing
  • 00:00:28
    a serious crime and what if you're the
  • 00:00:32
    daughter of this man and you have to go
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    to school the next day like nothing's
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    happened or perhaps you are out the
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    night before and you're the father of
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    this man these are all invisible victims
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    of crime now please don't get me wrong I
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    don't want you to take anything away
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    from the direct victims victims that
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    have been hurt who have been abused and
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    mistreated but they also have mothers
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    and they have fathers they have sisters
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    and brothers
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    what about them where's their voice I'm
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    here today to talk to you about them to
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    talk to you about us and about me people
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    that often go unnoticed because everyone
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    thinks we can cope but deep down we are
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    crushed people who look so strong on the
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    outside look like they have it all
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    together but deep down we're struggling
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    I want you to expand your thinking your
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    awareness and even your compassion to
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    those people who hurt you now there's
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    been an increase in the types of violent
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    crime that has a significant harm to
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    people you'll see that there's been a
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    27% increase in gun crime you'll see
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    there's a 26% increase in knife crime
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    sexual offenses have gone up by 19%
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    and stalking and harassment up by
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    37-percent
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    now these are some of the stats that
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    have been reported and recorded but
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    there's no stats for the hidden victims
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    and their world has been shattered too
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    so I was like so many other people that
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    suffered from the consequences of a
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    crime not committed I remember going to
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    a supermarket when I was in that
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    supermarket I saw two women two elderly
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    women standing and looking at a
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    newspaper and I remember looking over
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    and when I looked over I saw a picture
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    of my husband at the time on the front
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    of the newspaper and I stood back and I
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    listened as they spoke in disgust how
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    could he do such a thing
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    how disgusting and what about those poor
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    kids
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    he should be castrated and how did the
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    wife not know how does she not know what
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    was going on under her own roof and
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    there I was standing behind them
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    what she might I remember my heart was
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    beating fast I was the wife of the man
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    they said should be castrated I listened
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    in embarrassment and in silence and I
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    remember my my eyes started to sting
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    because they started to fill with tears
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    I didn't plan any of this and I didn't
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    want this for my life now should I have
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    said something to them should I have
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    said that I had no idea what was going
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    on what would you have done but I said
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    nothing I did nothing and I stayed
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    invisible but they only said what other
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    people have said to me to my face
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    Michelle how did you not know I was
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    guilty by association but their truth
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    differed
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    my truth my truth was that I tried to be
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    the dutiful wife and to believe and
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    trust in the one man that stole my heart
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    from the age of 20 my truth was I didn't
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    want to break our happy home and this
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    Dilek lifestyle that we had created for
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    ourselves but the truth was I was
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    traumatized
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    I was victimized and unaware that I had
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    even become a victim I fell into
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    depression and I struggled to be the
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    mother I needed to be for my
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    four-year-old daughter I remember I was
  • 00:05:04
    in the bath one evening and I came out
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    of the bath and there's a mirror and I
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    looked at my naked reflection and all
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    this guilt just came over me and I
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    remember falling to the ground just
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    crying in tears and then all the stress
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    of the whole thing which was in the
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    newspapers which was on ITV News I it
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    led me to a condition developing a
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    condition called enuresis now any rices
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    is a condition where you have no control
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    of your bodily fluids which meant that
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    when I was stressed I used to wet myself
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    in public and my daughter I had to fight
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    for my four-year-old daughter because
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    the system the people thought that I was
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    unfit now this was so unfair because I
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    was judged for not knowing I was
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    vilified for not seeing the signs I was
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    ostracized because I didn't control the
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    actions of someone else now that's that
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    seem fair to you you see how many of us
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    have witnessed or heard about crime and
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    the first thing we say is where's the
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    parents and all of this where's the
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    father's because we're always judging we
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    encourage to judge and make assumptions
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    all the time the mainstream media social
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    media people society they influence the
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    way we think the way we feel and
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    we judge even though we have not been
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    privy to the full details but I decided
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    I decided one day when I was sitting in
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    church that enough was enough I refuse
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    to be a victim any longer and I remember
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    taking that pain and that shame that
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    guilt and embarrassment and I turned it
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    around into something good into
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    something great where now I'm in a
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    position where I can help both men and
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    women become the best versions of
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    themselves and my daughter
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    I've left a legacy with my daughter
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    where she has learnt to be limitless and
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    fearless and not to be defined by other
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    people's opinions in his interview with
  • 00:07:29
    Oprah Winfrey the zen buddhist monk tick
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    nut Han he encourages us all to show
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    compassion in all events and this is
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    what I employ you to do - we must refuse
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    to normalize and make excuses for
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    systematic victim blaming and we should
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    be led by compassion because we all hurt
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    we all hurt in different ways but if we
  • 00:08:03
    choose to be led with compassion and if
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    we judge less and to love more there
  • 00:08:10
    will be less invisible victims like me
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    and possibly like some of you because
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    our voices will be heard and we will be
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    counted thank you
  • 00:08:26
    [Music]
  • 00:08:33
    you
  • 00:08:35
    [Applause]
Tags
  • invisible victims
  • compassion
  • judgment
  • crime impact
  • victim blaming
  • family suffering
  • societal influence
  • media narrative
  • personal growth
  • empathy