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[Music]
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welcome to Z clicks webinar series I'm
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your host for the day my name is Preston
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I represent the marketing team of zoh
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Click zoh Click is a business
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communication software that handles all
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your internal communication needs the
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topic for the day is transforming a
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toxic environment into a healthy
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workplace the reason for the topic I'm
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going to throw in stats collected from
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various research
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articles one one out of five employees
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suffer from a toxic work
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environment 50% of the victims do not
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even know how to handle this and two out
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of three leave the organization to
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address this topic uh we wanted to have
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a discussion with a specialist we have
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with us uh Miss nandani Zoho in-house
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counselor who's joining us in today's
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webinar nandani is a psycho therapist
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based in Chennai a proud aluminas of
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women's Christian College with an Mill
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in Psychology she's currently pursuing
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her doctoral studies she was ranked
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first in her undergrad and postgrad
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programs she uses a trauma Focus lens in
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a therapy by helping people process past
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negative experiences which are often at
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the root of mental health issues she
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predominantly works with people who
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suffer from anxiety depression
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adjustment issues and have difficulty
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coping with life stressors she believes
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herself to be oriented towards Academia
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research spreading awareness through her
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written work and in the practice of
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psychotherapy hi nandini thank you for
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joining us for today's webinar hi thank
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you so much for the opportunity it's a
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pleasure to be here today nandini first
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question is dealing with a challenging
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boss uh I worked with good bosses I
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worked with bad bosses bosses that who
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have helped me in my career bosses who
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have been detrimental for my mental
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health so most of us go through such a
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scenario how to deal with a challenging
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boss right so when we are confronted
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with a challenging boss our instinctive
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response is to reject the situation we
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engage in blaming whining about it we
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try to fix it somehow the first thing we
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need to understand here is acceptance of
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the situation and I know that many of
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you are maybe rolling your eyes at the
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word acceptance but when I say
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acceptance I mean active acceptance not
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passive resignation not taking up a
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fatalistic attitude saying oh this is it
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this is my faith this is where I'm you
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know this is my life not that sort of an
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acceptance but knowing that there are
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certain things under our control and
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certain things that are genuinely not in
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our control with a challenging boss what
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is in our control our thoughts our
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actions our emotions these are things
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that we can influence but the attitude
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of the boss his thought process his
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emotions what do our colleagues think
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about it none of that is in our control
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we can try to influence it but it does
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not guarantee a particular outcome so
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the minute we realize that certain
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things are outside our control it leads
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to active acceptance and acceptance once
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again is not about approving the
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situation it's not about being a
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pushover or a doormat it is about
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embracing the situation for your own
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mental health for your own well-being
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telling yourself that I accept it for my
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own sake and it is that acceptance which
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opens doors for change changing a
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situation first requires embracing it
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wholesomely the second aspect for
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dealing with a challenging boss is
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setting his expectations straight so a
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challenging boss is sometimes very
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demanding he expects a lot in terms of
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time commitments energy and your
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involvement so we are tempted to become
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a yes machine where we say yes to
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everything that he asks of us while that
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might offer temporary uh solution in the
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long run we might not be able to uh
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deliver what we've actually agreed to so
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in such situations I would suggest take
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a pause before you agree to something
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take a pause and say okay let me think
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about it give me a day or a couple of
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hours I'll just review it and get back
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to you on that
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then take your time realistically
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evaluate to see the amount of time that
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you need how much of help that is
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required for this task what are the
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challenges you're likely to face and
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after analyzing all of that then come
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back and tell the boss okay this is what
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I can do this is the realistic timeline
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that you can expect from me but while
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saying this also add in a note of
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reassurance that you are really
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committed you are really interested in
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this task even thank him for the
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opportunity and then add these pointers
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on what is your pace and what is is your
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style of work and uh third thing is your
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communication with a challenging boss it
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is very important to set boundaries with
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a challenging boss the thing is he might
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oscillate from being extremely friendly
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one day to extremely distant the other
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day so if you oscillate along with him
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it's like an emotional roller coaster so
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it's always better to stick to a neutral
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communication Style with a challenging
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boss limit your conversations as much as
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possible keep it to a very uh
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professional context
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and uh a few other
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points is rather than thinking about
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what is right or wrong think about what
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is helpful what is effective in the
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situation when you know that he is
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saying something wrong or not uh very
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appropriate immediately your instinct is
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to say no that's wrong how can you say
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that but this is where we need to think
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about it if we confront very directly
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very aggressively is it going to be
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effective for us is it going to help the
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situation is it going to help him not at
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all so rather than looking at it in
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black or white term we could use this
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opportunity to look at it in terms of
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usefulness functionality of a
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conversation what is the use of the
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comment that I'm going to give here then
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there's something called as a gray rock
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method so in a seashore if you're
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looking at you know several rocks that
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are there you notice that the waves are
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very active the ocean is full of life
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but then the rocks are there passively
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observing the waves so we could get into
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an observer mode like that when you
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sense that this drama is getting out of
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hand or this is just too overwhelming
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get into the gray rock method where you
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are simply observing the waves observing
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the conversation only contribute facts
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no emotions limit your conversations
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maintain a very neutral facial
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expression that will subsidize the
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situation that will mellow down him also
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rather than jumping into it right
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away and some other aspects of
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communication are validating his point
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of view and empathizing too at the end
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of the day he's also a human being with
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limitations maybe he is dealing with a
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challenging boss for all we know so uh
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he also can have bad days before we
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confront always adding a validating
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Point saying okay I understand where
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you're coming from I get that I get that
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this is what you're uh meaning from this
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but uh I would like to add this point
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and empathizing with the human condition
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when we look at him as just another
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fellow human being we realize that um
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he's not a villain right he's after all
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a fellow person with us going through
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similar
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challenges that was about
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communication finally changing our
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attitude changing our attitude towards
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the whole situation even a challenging
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boss will definitely have some positives
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to him for example consider a manager
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who micromanages so we might think it's
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very annoying to have somebody you know
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breathe down our neck all the time but
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think about it a micromanaging boss is
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also someone who's involved ready to
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help and ready to offer feedback so we
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could always look at the Silver Lining
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always look at what even a limitation in
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that person can actually offer
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us then uh not expect in immediate
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change in results so many of us are
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desperately waiting for a change
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desperately waiting for a shift in mood
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of the challenging boss but those are
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things that are not in our control so
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it's always uh easier to manage our own
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expectations and um stop blaming
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ourselves in this situation sometimes we
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feel we are at fault maybe we are
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incompetent maybe we are weak and that's
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why we've been targeted but then dealing
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with a difficult situation tells more
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about the other person than us the way
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he's dealing with the situation so
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practice self-kindness towards yourself
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appreciate yourself for situations
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handled well and often take the time to
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tell yourself that you are doing your
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best the situation is genuinely hard and
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this is all you can do and you're doing
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that so these are some pointers uh so
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the key takeaway is not reacting to the
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situation but responding by changing our
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attitude towards the situation
