How to Reprogram the 95% of Your Mind That Controls Your Life | Mel Robbins
Summary
TLDRIn this video, Mel Robbins explains how our minds are incredibly flexible and easily influenced. She highlights the brain's Reticular Activating System (RAS), a filter that determines which information gets through to our conscious mind based on what we focus on and consider important. By directing our attention and being intentional with what we want our brain to notice, we can effectively change our mindset and perceptions of the world. The concept of neuroplasticity supports the idea that repeated focus and intentionality can rewire our brains. Robbins provides examples like noticing more of something (such as a particular car or people in love) once it becomes important to us. The video goes further to discuss how 'popcorn brain,' or constant distraction from smartphone use, overloads this system, creating stress. Robbins suggests managing stress through gratitude practices, limiting screen time, and allowing the brain to rest, thereby reprogramming its filter to favor positive over negative perceptions.
Takeaways
- 💡 The brain's RAS acts like a filter, showing you what it thinks is important.
- 🚗 When you're interested in something, like a car, you begin to notice it everywhere.
- 🔄 You can intentionally change what your brain focuses on by redirecting your attention.
- 📚 Gratitude journaling can help reprogram your mind toward positivity.
- 🔍 The mind tends to amplify what you frequently focus on, whether positive or negative.
- 📱 'Popcorn brain' is the effect of constant digital distraction on your nervous system.
- 🧠 Neuroplasticity allows the brain to change and adapt through intentional focus.
- 🔄 Shifting focus to positive aspects can reduce stress and improve mindset.
- 🚦 The RAS helps manage information overload by deciding what's crucial to your awareness.
- 🍃 Taking breaks from technology aids in reducing stress and resetting the mind.
Timeline
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The speaker starts by emphasizing the incredible flexibility of the human mind, claiming it to be more programmable than a television remote. The speaker intends to demonstrate this with an example involving buying a new car. The mention of a new car model, like the Bronco, suddenly makes that model appear ubiquitous, illustrating how our perception shifts based on interest.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
The speaker explains the phenomenon where something newly important to us seems to appear everywhere as a result of the brain's reticular activating system (RAS), a filter that highlights information deemed important. This system highlights certain stimuli, like specific cars or fashion trends, once they become relevant to our interests.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The reticular activating system (RAS) is described as a live neural network acting like a filter or a bouncer that decides in real-time what sensory information becomes conscious. The RAS prioritizes information based on perceived importance to the individual, informed by what they focus on.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
Recognizing the RAS's function empowers individuals to intentionally inform what it should highlight by focusing on new goals or interests, helping to manage information overload. This feature can be used to one's advantage by deliberately choosing what to focus one’s mind on, thereby altering perception.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
The discussion introduces the concept that changing one’s focus can reprogram the RAS to help bring new, desired aspects into consciousness. This change in perception leads to an alteration in mindset and actions, resulting in a more productive and satisfying life, facilitated by this scientifically-backed brain feature.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
Coming back from a commercial break, the speaker reconnects the RAS's flexibility to mindset change, introducing a new simple tool to use this science to one’s advantage. The flexibility of the RAS is crucial in transforming a negative mindset into a positive one, enhancing personal experiences and achievements.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
In responding to a listener's question about overcoming self-doubt, the speaker illustrates how self-beliefs shape mindset, which in turn commands the RAS. The discussion covers how negative self-talk and beliefs about oneself can become a vicious cycle, obscuring positive aspects and amplifying negative ones.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
Highlighting again how mindset affects filter programming in the brain, the example of a single person fixated on their loneliness shows how negative beliefs reinforce themselves, leading to a narrowed perception. In contrast, maintaining a positive outlook can broaden one's perception and improve outcomes, emphasizing the power of mindset.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
The importance of mindset is reiterated, stressing how it dictates one's perceptions, experiences, and actions. The speaker highlights how social media’s algorithm mirrors the brain’s RAS, customizing visible content based on previous engagements, hence impacting one's self-image and worldview, similar to how brain filters operate.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
The conversation shifts to discussing stress management and mental resets, focusing on identifying what matters most to create a roadmap for stress reduction. The speaker explains the impact of stress on brain function and how it hinders strategic thinking, advocating for clarity to guide better decision-making and reduce burnout.
- 00:50:00 - 00:55:00
The discussion continues by identifying ways to reduce stress and control the amygdala, suggesting practical steps to create digital boundaries and reduce screen time to manage stress effectively. Building small, positive habits incrementally can significantly enhance mental health and resilience.
- 00:55:00 - 01:00:00
The conversation explores the scientific underpinnings of stress management, emphasizing gradual behavioral changes and setting boundaries with digital devices. Examples include creating small achievable goals, recognizing modern digital hazards like 'popcorn brain,' and finding quiet to counteract constant digital engagement.
- 01:00:00 - 01:05:00
The discussion expands on the mind-body connection, utilizing breath control to influence one's stress level, thus transforming physiological processes. The gut-brain axis is also highlighted, elucidating the powerful bi-directional communication between these organs and their effect on stress and mood management.
- 01:05:00 - 01:10:00
Exercise and physical movement are advocated as vital stress-relief activities, highlighting the crucial role of movement in mental health. Regular, simple exercises such as walking are encouraged to combat physical and mental health detriments from prolonged inactivity, reinforcing the idea of movement as a daily necessity for stress reduction.
- 01:10:00 - 01:15:00
Highlighting the dangers of prolonged sitting, the speaker describes the adverse health effects of a sedentary lifestyle, urging consistent physical activity even in small doses. Integrating movement into daily routines, like taking short walks, helps mitigate the health impacts of extended sitting, reinforcing the human body's natural need for movement.
- 01:15:00 - 01:26:03
The speaker advocates for taking regular breaks to optimize productivity, debunking the myth of linear productivity. Breaks are necessary for brain and body recovery and should be used to reset rather than increase stress through activities like mindless scrolling, underscoring the importance of intentional rest.
Mind Map
Video Q&A
What example does Mel use to explain the brain's filtering system?
She uses the example of noticing a car model everywhere once you start considering buying it.
What is the RAS?
The RAS, or reticular activating system, is the brain's filtering system that highlights what it thinks is important to you.
How can one change their mindset to be more positive?
By intentionally focusing on positive aspects and engaging in practices like gratitude journaling.
What tool does Mel suggest using to influence your brain's filter?
Mel suggests using gratitude journaling and setting clear intentions to influence the RAS.
What is 'popcorn brain'?
It is a term describing the constant attention-switching due to frequent smartphone use.
How can we overcome stress, according to the video?
By resetting our mindset through gratitude, setting intentions, and taking breaks from technology.
What role does the amygdala play in stress?
The amygdala triggers the fight-or-flight response, which needs controlling for better stress management.
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- 00:00:00I now want to prove to you that your
- 00:00:02mind is super flexible it is so easily
- 00:00:05programmed I mean I can't even work my
- 00:00:07television remote and I can teach you
- 00:00:10how to change the filter in your brain
- 00:00:12and your brain right now is trying its
- 00:00:15best to change in real time to help you
- 00:00:18and I'm going to prove that to you too
- 00:00:20and I'm also going to give you an
- 00:00:22example of just how flexible your mind
- 00:00:24is how quickly you can change it and
- 00:00:27when you start to realize holy cow Mel
- 00:00:30right my mind is easier to program than
- 00:00:34a television remote holy cow I I never
- 00:00:37even realize this just you buckle up and
- 00:00:40wait because your mind has been dying
- 00:00:43for you to learn what you're about to
- 00:00:45learn so let's prove to you that your
- 00:00:50mind is at the ready to change to help
- 00:00:53you okay and I'm going to give you an
- 00:00:55example that I am sure you have
- 00:00:58experienced in your life before and
- 00:01:00here's the example buying a new car have
- 00:01:03you ever had an experience where you
- 00:01:04either were looking or shopping for a
- 00:01:06new car or you were in your family
- 00:01:10somebody was right or you became
- 00:01:12interested in a new car they're
- 00:01:13releasing this brand new Bronco
- 00:01:16okay and now you're super interested in
- 00:01:18it I am personally in this boat right
- 00:01:20now I drive a 9-year-old car 2014 I love
- 00:01:25this car but it's time it seems like the
- 00:01:28engine light is on every other week and
- 00:01:31every time I take it to get fixed it's
- 00:01:34like a $500 bill and so the thing is
- 00:01:36paid off but I'm like you know nine
- 00:01:39years maybe it's time it's getting to
- 00:01:42the point I love my car but maybe I
- 00:01:43should get a new car and the truth is
- 00:01:46I'm not really a car person I don't
- 00:01:47really give a [ __ ] about cars I just
- 00:01:49want the car to be comfortable I want it
- 00:01:51to work I want it to be reliable I want
- 00:01:52the seats to have heaters in them and
- 00:01:54the steering wheel to be a heater seat
- 00:01:56heater thingy I always mix those words
- 00:01:58up but I that's kind of what I care
- 00:02:00about so I don't really think about cars
- 00:02:03but you want to know what the second I
- 00:02:07started truly considering maybe it's
- 00:02:10time to get a new car do you know what I
- 00:02:13saw everywhere I'm like holy cow there
- 00:02:15are a lot of cars in this Tiny Town in
- 00:02:17southern Vermont that I live in cars are
- 00:02:19everywhere and then as I started to hone
- 00:02:21in on the new Bronco does everybody and
- 00:02:26their mother Drive the new Bronco it's
- 00:02:28like it's the only car on the road the
- 00:02:30two door the four-door the soft top the
- 00:02:32hard top the gray one the red one the
- 00:02:34green one like they're
- 00:02:36everywhere now here's the thing a couple
- 00:02:39months ago when I was happily driving my
- 00:02:419-year-old car before the brake light
- 00:02:43has been on consistently for 3 months a
- 00:02:46few months
- 00:02:47ago I had never seen a Bronco up here in
- 00:02:51southern Vermont the only Bronco that I
- 00:02:52had ever seen was the one that my
- 00:02:54brother bought a year ago and he lives
- 00:02:56in Chicago but now that I'm interested
- 00:02:59did in Broncos I see them
- 00:03:05everywhere and the second that I got
- 00:03:07excited about that sort of silvery blue
- 00:03:10one with the soft top I couldn't believe
- 00:03:13it Jesse who runs video production for
- 00:03:16us her husband drives one I didn't even
- 00:03:18notice that they had a Bronco and now
- 00:03:20everybody has not only a Bronco but that
- 00:03:22color and I want you to think about a
- 00:03:24time that this has happened to you where
- 00:03:27you started to get interested in
- 00:03:29something
- 00:03:30and then it's like whmo overnight you
- 00:03:33see it everywhere maybe it was a handbag
- 00:03:37that you were really interested in or a
- 00:03:38certain style of shoe or sneaker you
- 00:03:40know the new Converse ones with the
- 00:03:42really like inch tall uh sole on them
- 00:03:45all of a sudden those things were
- 00:03:46everywhere or the birken stocks you know
- 00:03:48the birken stocks that have the covered
- 00:03:50toe it's like those were popular 30
- 00:03:53years ago and now every single college
- 00:03:56student and 20-some is wearing them uh
- 00:04:00bangs uh the second I wanted curtain
- 00:04:03bangs it's like does everybody have
- 00:04:04curtain bangs suddenly everybody that I
- 00:04:06now see has curtain bangs never even
- 00:04:07noticed them before or you hear a song
- 00:04:10and you tune in you're like oh I love
- 00:04:11that song that song is so cool and
- 00:04:13suddenly you hear the song playing in
- 00:04:14every restaurant maybe you haven't
- 00:04:16shopped for a car but I bet when you
- 00:04:18were looking at colleges it's like wait
- 00:04:22a minute does everybody have a Michigan
- 00:04:26sweatshirt does everybody's parents go
- 00:04:28there does is is there a sticker that
- 00:04:30says University of Michigan on every car
- 00:04:33is it just me or is that the only
- 00:04:35College in town it's a same thing if you
- 00:04:38want to have a baby as soon as you are
- 00:04:41trying to get pregnant you know what
- 00:04:42happens you see kids and pregnant women
- 00:04:44everywhere it's like there were only
- 00:04:46adults on the planet and people that
- 00:04:48weren't pregnant and then you want a
- 00:04:49baby and boom it's in your face or how
- 00:04:52about this one you want to fall in love
- 00:04:54what do you see you see couples in love
- 00:04:58it's so annoying it happens
- 00:05:01instantaneously you know what that is
- 00:05:03that phenomenon where all of a sudden
- 00:05:05overnight you see something everywhere
- 00:05:10that is your mind changing in real time
- 00:05:15that is a filter in your brain paying
- 00:05:19attention to what it thinks you are
- 00:05:23excited about or interested in and it's
- 00:05:25changing what it's showing you in the
- 00:05:28world around you and and here's the
- 00:05:30crazy thing about your mind and this is
- 00:05:32why this science is so exciting when you
- 00:05:37understand it oh my
- 00:05:39God here's the crazy part you
- 00:05:42ready the Broncos the bangs the
- 00:05:46Birkenstocks the babies they were always
- 00:05:48there all around you you just didn't
- 00:05:52notice them you want to know why because
- 00:05:54they were not important to you the fact
- 00:05:57that you suddenly see those things
- 00:06:00everywhere that is an example and it is
- 00:06:04proof that your brain wiring is changing
- 00:06:09in real time and your mind is trying to
- 00:06:14help you your mind is showing you the
- 00:06:16Broncos that have always been there it's
- 00:06:19like it's highlighting it with a
- 00:06:20highlighter why because it became
- 00:06:22important to you why would your mind let
- 00:06:25you see things sometimes but not others
- 00:06:28why are you suddenly seeing the covered
- 00:06:29toe Birkin stocks now but you didn't see
- 00:06:32him for the last 5 years that's a great
- 00:06:34question and this brings us to the topic
- 00:06:38of the filter in your mind oh I'm so
- 00:06:40excited for you to learn this so there
- 00:06:42is a filter in your mind it is called
- 00:06:45the reticular activating system the
- 00:06:49reticular activating system I'm going to
- 00:06:52call this the r okay here's the visual
- 00:06:56because you know your friend Mel loves
- 00:06:59visuals and metaphors to make this stuff
- 00:07:01easy I want you to imagine that there is
- 00:07:04a hairnet over your brain this hairnet
- 00:07:09is a live network of neurons and it is
- 00:07:13constantly changing in real time and
- 00:07:17this Ras this network of neuron hair nut
- 00:07:22that sits over your brain as a filter it
- 00:07:24has one job a very important job mind
- 00:07:27you the RAs has to determine in real
- 00:07:31time I'm talking nanoseconds what
- 00:07:34information it should allow into your
- 00:07:36conscious mind for you to see and
- 00:07:39register and what information it will
- 00:07:41block out from your conscious mind
- 00:07:44another way that you can think about the
- 00:07:46RAS is think about it like a bouncer in
- 00:07:48your brain and the reason why you need a
- 00:07:51bouncer is because life is sort of like
- 00:07:54a very popular nightclub everybody wants
- 00:07:57to get in and because there's so much
- 00:08:01and so many people and so many things
- 00:08:04showing up at a very popular nightclub
- 00:08:06trying to jam their way in the door you
- 00:08:08need a bouncer who is deciding who gets
- 00:08:12in and who has to stand in that long
- 00:08:15line freezing their ass off in an outfit
- 00:08:18that is not appropriate for winter
- 00:08:21trying to get in okay so let's go back
- 00:08:24to the example of the car and the purses
- 00:08:27and the babies and and the University of
- 00:08:30Michigan stickers that you suddenly see
- 00:08:33everywhere the truth is all that stuff
- 00:08:36all the cars on the road all the
- 00:08:37handbags people have the hairstyles it
- 00:08:40was already there it was already in your
- 00:08:43subconscious you quote saw it but the
- 00:08:48RAS didn't allow you to register it it
- 00:08:51shoved it right in that line it did not
- 00:08:53let it into your conscious mind the RAS
- 00:08:56is the bouncer it determines what is is
- 00:08:59it that is important enough to Mel
- 00:09:01Robbins that we are going to let it
- 00:09:05right in and have her think about it
- 00:09:06holy [ __ ] there's another Bronco I'm not
- 00:09:08getting the blue gray color now because
- 00:09:10that's like the third one I've seen
- 00:09:11today in fact I don't even know that if
- 00:09:13I want a Bronco anymore and I don't
- 00:09:14think I want bangs anymore either
- 00:09:16because it looks like every single
- 00:09:17person that I meet has bangs this is how
- 00:09:21the bouncer in your mind
- 00:09:23works it literally has a guest list and
- 00:09:26you're the one that writes the guest
- 00:09:28list out what is on the guest list of
- 00:09:30your mind anything that is important to
- 00:09:33you okay all the other yahoos that are
- 00:09:36not on the list all the other colleges
- 00:09:38that are on stickers on every other card
- 00:09:41Dartmouth Harvard Brown uh University of
- 00:09:44Wittenberg not even noticing those why
- 00:09:47because you're thinking about University
- 00:09:48of Michigan so all those other college
- 00:09:50stickers they're waiting in line they're
- 00:09:52not getting in that bouncer won't let
- 00:09:54him in but boom there's a University of
- 00:09:55Michigan short skirt come on you're
- 00:09:57going in that's how it works
- 00:10:00and so this is super super important and
- 00:10:03it's really exciting okay it's really
- 00:10:06exciting because when you understand
- 00:10:08that there's this electric hairnet on
- 00:10:11your brain called the RS that works like
- 00:10:13a bouncer at a popular nightclub we can
- 00:10:16tell that bouncer what you want who you
- 00:10:21want to let in it's that simple and
- 00:10:24there's another important reason for the
- 00:10:27reses and why you need a bouncer okay
- 00:10:29and the reason is information overload
- 00:10:31it's just impossible for the human brain
- 00:10:33to consciously process all the data that
- 00:10:38is liter that is coming in through all
- 00:10:40five senses if you just take a second
- 00:10:43and look around and if you're driving a
- 00:10:45car please do not take your eyes off the
- 00:10:47road but look around wherever you are
- 00:10:50right now there is so much stuff all
- 00:10:52around you whether it's 50 license
- 00:10:56plates on the road ahead every single
- 00:10:58make and model of the car road signs as
- 00:11:01you're passing the speedometer the music
- 00:11:04input coming in uh feeling your rear end
- 00:11:06on the seat the air blowing out of the
- 00:11:09uh vents all that happening in a car the
- 00:11:13the perfume somebody's wearing all that
- 00:11:15stuff is information coming into your
- 00:11:17brain if you're sitting at a home office
- 00:11:20or you're sitting at home think about
- 00:11:22all the books I'm I'm looking up at our
- 00:11:23production calendar there's all these
- 00:11:24bazillion Post-it notes and I've got
- 00:11:26Jesse standing right there and I've got
- 00:11:28six chairs and my purse and uh oh there
- 00:11:30is a kitchen towel that I just noticed
- 00:11:33on the floor of our office just laying
- 00:11:37there just I must have carried it up
- 00:11:40just a dish towel laying there in the
- 00:11:44office now I'm focused on it because I
- 00:11:47put my attention on it but your Ras
- 00:11:51cannot allow you to consciously process
- 00:11:54absolutely everything you can hear smell
- 00:11:56feel taste
- 00:11:59what's the other one smell taste touch
- 00:12:02can't do it your head would explode and
- 00:12:05so your R this this bouncer with the
- 00:12:08list of what's important to you it has
- 00:12:10to decide every nanc of every day what
- 00:12:14it's going to let in and what it's going
- 00:12:16to block out and so this is important
- 00:12:20because the way that it programs what
- 00:12:22comes into your conscious mind is based
- 00:12:25on what it thinks is important to you
- 00:12:29that's it what it thinks is important to
- 00:12:33you and here is where the life-changing
- 00:12:37opportunity is for you and me and
- 00:12:40everybody that you know when you get
- 00:12:43intentional about purposefully telling
- 00:12:46this bouncer what you want to see
- 00:12:49whether it's Broncos or it's a certain
- 00:12:51handbag or heck now it's the University
- 00:12:55of
- 00:12:56Colorado that bouncer will change up the
- 00:13:00list the RAS reprograms itself in real
- 00:13:05time it changes the filter this is a
- 00:13:08live Network in your brain it changes in
- 00:13:12real time to help you see those things
- 00:13:16that are important to you that's what
- 00:13:18you're experiencing when you suddenly
- 00:13:20see the car that you're interested in
- 00:13:22all over the road and today you're going
- 00:13:24to learn how to use that scientific
- 00:13:28neurological fact to your advantage
- 00:13:31because you're going to give yourself a
- 00:13:34mindset reset so let me recap what we've
- 00:13:37learned so far because it's a lot number
- 00:13:41one your mindset is like a pair of
- 00:13:44sunglasses it filters the way you see
- 00:13:47yourself the world your future
- 00:13:49absolutely everything your mindset
- 00:13:51triggers whether or not you take action
- 00:13:54or you don't take action at all the
- 00:13:57second thing that you've learned is that
- 00:13:59when you change the lens through which
- 00:14:01you view the world from something
- 00:14:04pessimistic and darker to a world view
- 00:14:08that is more Rosy and action oriented
- 00:14:11it's going to lead to a happier and more
- 00:14:14action oriented life and this is
- 00:14:16according to both research and Common
- 00:14:18Sense third you've now learned that
- 00:14:21there is this filter in your brain this
- 00:14:23super cool thing called the reticular
- 00:14:25activating system it changes in real
- 00:14:28time it is flexible it is alive it is a
- 00:14:30network of neuron acting like a bouncer
- 00:14:33keeping people out of your mind letting
- 00:14:36some things in and right now it's only
- 00:14:39acting based on what it thinks is
- 00:14:41important to you and fourth you have
- 00:14:44learned that when you get serious and
- 00:14:46intentional about what you want to see
- 00:14:49whether it's babies or Broncos or it's
- 00:14:52bangs this filter in your brain will
- 00:14:56change in real time to help you achieve
- 00:14:59it period full stop this is
- 00:15:02science now we're going to take a second
- 00:15:04and hear a quick word from our sponsors
- 00:15:06but when you come back to me I'm going
- 00:15:09to explain how your mindset is connected
- 00:15:11to that filter in your brain and I have
- 00:15:14a super simple really cool little tool
- 00:15:19that you're going to start using today
- 00:15:21to put this science around your filter
- 00:15:24to work and your brain it is going to
- 00:15:26start working for you we'll be right
- 00:15:28back
- 00:15:30okay so let me just set the table again
- 00:15:33I like to do that because when I listen
- 00:15:34to podcasts and I hear all the ads I
- 00:15:36completely forget what we've talked
- 00:15:37about by the time I get back to the show
- 00:15:39so we've been talking about your mindset
- 00:15:41and we've also started to scratch a
- 00:15:43surface at this thing called the
- 00:15:45reticular activating system this is that
- 00:15:47live filter in your brain that is
- 00:15:49flexible and capable of changing in a
- 00:15:52nano second to help you so now I want to
- 00:15:55go a layer deeper and I want to start to
- 00:15:57apply this flexibility in your filter to
- 00:16:01changing your mindset so let's start
- 00:16:03with this question from a listener named
- 00:16:05Peter hey this is Peter from Washington
- 00:16:08uh I was just wondering how do I get
- 00:16:10past my doubts and maintain a positive
- 00:16:12mindset thanks Mel thanks Peter so I
- 00:16:15want to focus on one aspect of your
- 00:16:17question and that is where you said
- 00:16:19getting past your doubts this is where
- 00:16:21the science gets really interesting
- 00:16:24because your belief about yourself is a
- 00:16:27mindset
- 00:16:29I'm going to say that again your belief
- 00:16:31about yourself filters how you see the
- 00:16:34world and I'm going to give you an
- 00:16:36example you use the word Peter
- 00:16:38self-doubt if you have a lot of
- 00:16:40self-doubt you question yourself you
- 00:16:42criticize yourself you hold yourself
- 00:16:45back what color do you think the lenses
- 00:16:48on your sunglasses
- 00:16:49are I'm not trying to be silly here I'm
- 00:16:52trying to make this
- 00:16:55intellectual topic very tangible and
- 00:16:59understandable if you have a lot of
- 00:17:02self-doubt what what is the color of the
- 00:17:05lenses on the
- 00:17:06sunglasses because this is where the
- 00:17:10filter in your brain starts to become
- 00:17:13programmed by your mindset now I said
- 00:17:16earlier that your filter focuses on
- 00:17:18showing you what it thinks is important
- 00:17:20to you how does it know what's important
- 00:17:23to you I'll tell you I said earlier that
- 00:17:27the RAS that filter
- 00:17:29its sole job is showing you what it
- 00:17:31thinks is important to you so it begs
- 00:17:34the question right Peter if you haven't
- 00:17:36been
- 00:17:37intentional at least you didn't think
- 00:17:39you were about telling the filter what
- 00:17:42to show you how the hell does it know
- 00:17:43what to show you well it shows you
- 00:17:47whatever you spend your time energy
- 00:17:49thoughts and attention focused on so
- 00:17:53going back to your question about
- 00:17:54self-doubt if you doubt yourself right
- 00:17:58you put a lot of energy into doubting
- 00:18:01yourself it's not just one thought you
- 00:18:05probably do it all day long your
- 00:18:07thoughts are critical you hesitate you
- 00:18:10don't speak up you hold yourself back
- 00:18:13all of that is
- 00:18:14energy that makes your Ras think that
- 00:18:18doubting yourself is important if you
- 00:18:21doubt yourself and you go into work you
- 00:18:23know what happens to you at work you
- 00:18:25don't see the 15 things that you do
- 00:18:27right you you know what you obsess over
- 00:18:30the one thing you've done wrong that one
- 00:18:34email that you sent that was a screw-up
- 00:18:36that one customer that you didn't quite
- 00:18:39do a good job with the one thing you've
- 00:18:42done wrong is all that you can focus on
- 00:18:45well when you start to doubt yourself
- 00:18:48this is where the RAS starts to make it
- 00:18:50worse because your R sees you spending
- 00:18:54so much energy in mental fuel in
- 00:18:57criticizing doubting and hesitating
- 00:18:59and so your R thinks oh my gosh ding
- 00:19:02ding ding Peter thinks it's important
- 00:19:05for him to see what's wrong and so your
- 00:19:08Ras blocks the 15 things that you did
- 00:19:10right you know what you did today Peter
- 00:19:12you sent 32 emails great job you didn't
- 00:19:15see it though you did a great job with
- 00:19:17those five customers you're not giving
- 00:19:18yourself credit though you were amazing
- 00:19:21in that meeting earlier not getting
- 00:19:23credit for that either but the one email
- 00:19:25the one email that bouncer is like come
- 00:19:27to the front of the line I'll take the
- 00:19:29email that is negative with the short
- 00:19:31skirt and that email is getting
- 00:19:34in just like a dark pair of sunglasses
- 00:19:37Shades everything when you doubt
- 00:19:41yourself it Shades your mindset toward
- 00:19:44self out and then your brain gets
- 00:19:46involved when the email from your boss
- 00:19:49comes in hey can you stop by my office
- 00:19:52before you leave today how do you think
- 00:19:54Peter's Ras interprets that email if he
- 00:19:57doubts himself I'll tell you how when he
- 00:20:00reads can you stop by my office before
- 00:20:02you leave today his Ras goes oh
- 00:20:06[ __ ] because you've trained it to look
- 00:20:09for things that aren't right by putting
- 00:20:12so much time and energy into focusing on
- 00:20:15your self-doubt you are also training
- 00:20:18the filter in your brain to filter out
- 00:20:22everything that's going right and to
- 00:20:24focus only on the one thing that's going
- 00:20:27wrong thereby magnifying the self-doubt
- 00:20:30let's go back to an earlier example
- 00:20:32remember that pessimistic friend sitting
- 00:20:34on the beach that's bitching that lunch
- 00:20:36hasn't come or that pessimistic relative
- 00:20:39that is bitching about the family member
- 00:20:42that's halfway across the
- 00:20:44tent it's all they see they can't even
- 00:20:48see the beautiful water or the happy
- 00:20:50couple or anything else good why because
- 00:20:54their pessimism is what has programmed
- 00:20:57their reticular activ ating system this
- 00:21:00is how mindset and the filter in your
- 00:21:03brain get linked they become fused
- 00:21:07together all you see is the reasons you
- 00:21:10should doubt yourself it's how you feel
- 00:21:13so first it starts with a mindset you're
- 00:21:15thinking negative thoughts and then your
- 00:21:17filter gets involved and next thing you
- 00:21:19know you're just seeing more and more
- 00:21:21and more and more reasons to doubt
- 00:21:24yourself and here's something that you
- 00:21:26may be thinking right now why is my
- 00:21:28brain doing to me why is my brain
- 00:21:29against
- 00:21:31me your brain is not working against you
- 00:21:35it's just
- 00:21:36responding to where your mindset and all
- 00:21:39your energy is going that's it it
- 00:21:41follows your energy and your focus and
- 00:21:45this is the good news okay if you get
- 00:21:48intentional about searching for reasons
- 00:21:51to feel proud or for the small wins the
- 00:21:5415 32 emails that you sent the good
- 00:21:56things that you did the places where
- 00:21:58you're showing up your mind will spin
- 00:22:01like a top and all of a sudden just like
- 00:22:03you saw Broncos and babies and
- 00:22:05Birkenstocks instead of seeing the one
- 00:22:07thing that you did wrong you will see
- 00:22:09the 15 things that you did right this is
- 00:22:12not a joke it's hard science this also
- 00:22:15by the way ties right back into the
- 00:22:18endless science about the power of a
- 00:22:20gratitude practice a gratitude practice
- 00:22:23is a way to train your mind a gratitude
- 00:22:27practice is teaching the RAS that being
- 00:22:31grateful and taking times to savor
- 00:22:34Beautiful Moments and focusing on things
- 00:22:36that you're really proud of and you
- 00:22:38appreciate that that's important to you
- 00:22:41so you see more of it that's how this
- 00:22:43all works hand in hand and I want to
- 00:22:46give you one more example okay because I
- 00:22:49think this is challenging at times to
- 00:22:52see in ourselves because we're so used
- 00:22:53to seeing the world through a certain
- 00:22:55lens that we don't even realize we're
- 00:22:57wearing sunglasses
- 00:22:59but it is kind of easy to spot in other
- 00:23:01people so here's one more example about
- 00:23:04how your own beliefs and mindset about
- 00:23:07yourself or a situation that you're in
- 00:23:10can become paralyzing because the filter
- 00:23:13in your brain keeps the mindset in place
- 00:23:17okay so think about somebody that you
- 00:23:21love who's single and they are desperate
- 00:23:25to meet the right
- 00:23:26person and the longer they stay single
- 00:23:30the more and more insecure they get by
- 00:23:33the day and when you see them you see a
- 00:23:37person who is smart who's awesome who's
- 00:23:39hilarious who's loyal who's sexy who's
- 00:23:41amazing who would be the most incredible
- 00:23:43person to be in a relationship
- 00:23:45with but I want you to just
- 00:23:49imagine that the color of the lens on
- 00:23:53your glasses when
- 00:23:55you look through your belief about them
- 00:23:59it's completely different than the color
- 00:24:03of the lens on their glasses when day in
- 00:24:07and day out all this person can think is
- 00:24:09why can't I find somebody I'll never
- 00:24:11find somebody why does everybody else
- 00:24:13have somebody I see all my friends
- 00:24:15getting approached at the bars I see my
- 00:24:17friends getting asked out why am I not
- 00:24:18getting asked
- 00:24:21out what you've now learned about the
- 00:24:24mindset and belief about yourself and
- 00:24:27the way your filter resp responds in
- 00:24:28real time is the more energy you put
- 00:24:31into a negative narrative like this it's
- 00:24:34never going to work out for me nobody's
- 00:24:35ever going to love me I am unlovable
- 00:24:37everybody else has a date I'm never
- 00:24:38going to have a date the more that
- 00:24:41mindset and that belief becomes a
- 00:24:43self-fulfilling situation why because
- 00:24:46you're putting so much energy into the
- 00:24:48negative that the filter in your brain
- 00:24:50is now going to filter the world in a
- 00:24:52way to reinforce the negative story when
- 00:24:55you walk into a bar all you're going to
- 00:24:57see are all the the couples you're not
- 00:24:59even going to focus on all the other
- 00:25:01people that are single that you should
- 00:25:03walk up and talk to that's the bouncer
- 00:25:06in your brain aligning with where your
- 00:25:08energy is this also explains why you as
- 00:25:11the friend see the opposite and you can
- 00:25:14tell the person over and over and over
- 00:25:16again you need to calm down you're
- 00:25:18amazing you are going to find an amazing
- 00:25:21person you're it's not that you're not
- 00:25:22going to meet somebody you just haven't
- 00:25:23met the right person yet it's the exact
- 00:25:26same situation but but because both of
- 00:25:29you have different mindsets and beliefs
- 00:25:30about the situation you see it through a
- 00:25:33different lens and you both Believe by
- 00:25:36the way that your belief is the truth
- 00:25:40and this simple example highlights how
- 00:25:43your mindset and how you view the world
- 00:25:46impacts the filter in your brain because
- 00:25:49the more that this carries on for your
- 00:25:51friend the less your friend is going to
- 00:25:53put themselves out there because they're
- 00:25:55slowly convincing themselves that this
- 00:25:57is never going to happen so why bother
- 00:26:00and the more that you see them pulling
- 00:26:02back the more that your belief is going
- 00:26:04to become but you need to but you're the
- 00:26:06one holding your
- 00:26:08back see the filter in your brain it's
- 00:26:11either going to make the situation worse
- 00:26:14or and this is what I want to teach you
- 00:26:15it can make it better but that depends
- 00:26:18on your ability to get serious about
- 00:26:21programming it because wouldn't you love
- 00:26:23it if your friend who wanted to meet
- 00:26:25somebody would still have a positive
- 00:26:28mind
- 00:26:28or a Rosy Outlook so that they don't
- 00:26:31just latch on to some loser because you
- 00:26:34would probably do anything to make sure
- 00:26:36that this friend of yours this person
- 00:26:38that you love would maintain a positive
- 00:26:39mindset and a Rosy Outlook why do you
- 00:26:42want them to maintain that I'll tell you
- 00:26:44why because your mindset dictates your
- 00:26:46actions and if you can stay positive if
- 00:26:49you can stay optimistic if you can keep
- 00:26:51saying to yourself there is nothing
- 00:26:53wrong with me I just haven't met the
- 00:26:54right person yet but one of these days
- 00:26:56the right person will walk in and in the
- 00:26:58the meantime I'm just going to keep
- 00:26:59being me if they can get intentional
- 00:27:02about creating that mindset a number of
- 00:27:04things are going to happen they're not
- 00:27:06going to become insecure they're not
- 00:27:08going to start acting all weird around
- 00:27:09people and they are not going to latch
- 00:27:11on to some loser just because they're
- 00:27:13starting to convince themselves that
- 00:27:14they're desperate and this is their only
- 00:27:16option because we both know that's not
- 00:27:18true there's 8 billion people in the
- 00:27:20world and right now the right one has
- 00:27:23not walked into your life but they will
- 00:27:26if you can maintain a positive
- 00:27:29attitude and the secret is training the
- 00:27:32r and catching your negative mindset and
- 00:27:34swapping it out for a more positive one
- 00:27:37because as you're learning the thoughts
- 00:27:39that you think dictate the world that
- 00:27:42you see the way that you feel and the
- 00:27:44actions that you take noticing this that
- 00:27:48you have a mindset that's holding you
- 00:27:49back that's the first step second asking
- 00:27:52yourself if it's serving you that's the
- 00:27:54second step and the third step you just
- 00:27:56got to get serious about making your
- 00:27:57mind mind work for you because you can
- 00:28:00if you're breathing you can change this
- 00:28:03even if your default is negative and
- 00:28:05pessimistic you can teach yourself to be
- 00:28:07optimistic and I'm going to give you one
- 00:28:09more example if you are somebody that
- 00:28:12loves social media if you've ever seen
- 00:28:14the Instagram explore page or the Tik
- 00:28:16Tock discover page you'll notice that it
- 00:28:18changes in real time because those pages
- 00:28:22are filters and they respond to what it
- 00:28:25thinks is important to you so if you you
- 00:28:28click on a puppy all of a sudden that
- 00:28:31discover page it's going to be all puppy
- 00:28:32videos I went through this phase where I
- 00:28:35was really into like long nails and
- 00:28:38suddenly that discover page went from
- 00:28:39puppies to long nails and it doesn't
- 00:28:42matter if you accidentally click on
- 00:28:44Beyonce videos or on some other thing
- 00:28:47wedding videos the algorithm is going to
- 00:28:49think that that's what you want to see
- 00:28:51so suddenly that's all that you see and
- 00:28:53it becomes this
- 00:28:54self-fulfilling prophecy your brain's
- 00:28:57the same way once you focus on something
- 00:28:59your brain starts showing you more my
- 00:29:03daughter had this huge breakthrough
- 00:29:05about how she felt about herself based
- 00:29:08on social media and on her brain because
- 00:29:10she realized oh my God my explore page
- 00:29:13it's all fitness models and it's fitness
- 00:29:16models that are in photos of waist
- 00:29:18trainers and wearing body makeup and
- 00:29:20taking these crazy filtered uh photos in
- 00:29:22these contorted positions to make
- 00:29:24themselves look like they have a waist
- 00:29:26that's 2 in small I mean of course she
- 00:29:28felt like [ __ ] about her body why
- 00:29:30because she was seeing it over and over
- 00:29:34and over again and so her brain started
- 00:29:36thinking oh well this must matter to you
- 00:29:37and then the social media Pages start
- 00:29:39aggregating it and showing you more and
- 00:29:41more and more and so as that all starts
- 00:29:43to happen you start to believe that
- 00:29:45everybody on the planet is the size of
- 00:29:47your pinky finger which then of course
- 00:29:48invalidates the fact that you have this
- 00:29:50big beautiful amazing strong body and
- 00:29:54you look fabulous but it doesn't matter
- 00:29:56CU it doesn't match all this crap that's
- 00:29:58being shown in your face this is how
- 00:30:00your brain works too and you got to get
- 00:30:02on top of this you're going to teach us
- 00:30:04the five resets and how to manage stress
- 00:30:07and how to make it uh our friend let's
- 00:30:10talk about the first reset what is it
- 00:30:12the first reset is get clear on what
- 00:30:15matters most when you are living in a
- 00:30:17chronic state of stress you are being
- 00:30:19led and driven by the amygdala it is
- 00:30:22fight ORF flight mode
- 00:30:24self-preservation and it is all about
- 00:30:27survival when you are living in that
- 00:30:29immediate sense of stress it is hard to
- 00:30:32get out of your own way and think about
- 00:30:34the future which is why when you are
- 00:30:37feeling stressed don't berate yourself
- 00:30:40when some when someone says how come you
- 00:30:42don't have a plan because often when
- 00:30:44you're thinking about what is a plan a
- 00:30:46plan is Forward Thinking motion it is
- 00:30:49strategic thinking it is being organized
- 00:30:52it is having some sort of structure all
- 00:30:54of these qualities and all of these
- 00:30:56roles are your prefrontal cortex and
- 00:30:59because you're stressed the amydala and
- 00:31:02the fight flight or
- 00:31:04freeze is what is running the show
- 00:31:07that's right it makes so much sense
- 00:31:08because you're right when you are in a
- 00:31:11state of stress you spin in circles you
- 00:31:13feel totally overwhelmed you completely
- 00:31:16overthink everything for me I get very
- 00:31:20scatterbrained I also um I I I I
- 00:31:24literally feel kind of hopeless too when
- 00:31:28I'm stressed out like the sense that
- 00:31:29there's nothing I can do about this but
- 00:31:31try to get through this thing and it and
- 00:31:33and when you said earlier that the
- 00:31:35tendency when you're chronically
- 00:31:36stressed or burnt out is to keep working
- 00:31:39that's right and so that makes a lot of
- 00:31:42sense to me and so why though do you
- 00:31:46need to figure out like what actually
- 00:31:49matters to you when you're running
- 00:31:51around in circles when you feel like you
- 00:31:53can't escape the problems that you have
- 00:31:54why does this important as the first
- 00:31:56reset the reason it's important is
- 00:31:58because it helps create a road map for
- 00:32:00the future okay when you are in that
- 00:32:02present moment of stress and burnout and
- 00:32:05overwhelm you are at a point where you
- 00:32:08cannot even see the next step let alone
- 00:32:11the destination the distance between
- 00:32:13where you are and where you'd like to be
- 00:32:16seems so vast like a Chasm so you don't
- 00:32:19even take that first step why bother
- 00:32:21it's not going to help corre I'm not
- 00:32:23going to feel better forget it it's the
- 00:32:24All or Nothing fallacy and this first
- 00:32:27reset get clear on what matters most
- 00:32:29helps you create that destination a road
- 00:32:33map a North star call it what you want
- 00:32:35could you do me a favor and talk to the
- 00:32:37person listening to you and walk them
- 00:32:43through how you
- 00:32:46find a reason for why you want to get
- 00:32:49less stressed like how do you do this
- 00:32:51can you just walk us through it as if
- 00:32:53we're sitting there in front of you when
- 00:32:54you're feeling a sense of stress you may
- 00:32:57say to yourself because your inner
- 00:32:59critic has a megaphone you may say to
- 00:33:01yourself what is the matter with me
- 00:33:04instead ask yourself what means most to
- 00:33:07me this is not a big easential ask about
- 00:33:12what is the meaning of life and where do
- 00:33:14I belong this is very practical and so
- 00:33:16when you're thinking about your
- 00:33:18destination why are you doing this work
- 00:33:19for less stress and less burnout it's
- 00:33:22because you want to create a goal that
- 00:33:25means most to you and most stands for
- 00:33:27something so m is motivating o is
- 00:33:30objective s is small and T is timely it
- 00:33:34takes 8 weeks to build a habit
- 00:33:37understand that part of that 8 weeks is
- 00:33:38falling off the wagon and getting back
- 00:33:40on the wagon to continue so give
- 00:33:43yourself a solid 3 months to reach your
- 00:33:45most goal understanding that you're
- 00:33:47going to fall off and get back on and
- 00:33:49fall off and get back on it's all part
- 00:33:51of the process and Trust the process and
- 00:33:53then once you have your most goal of why
- 00:33:55do you want to do this work for less
- 00:33:57stress and burnout it's not that much
- 00:33:58work by the way I'm thinking
- 00:34:00about uh a moment recently where I
- 00:34:05absolutely hit like a medical state of
- 00:34:08burnout and it was several months ago
- 00:34:13and my why if I were thinking about why
- 00:34:19I finally hit the wall were things like
- 00:34:23I want to sleep through the night I
- 00:34:25don't want to dread the work that I have
- 00:34:30coming up this week I don't want to feel
- 00:34:33like I am constantly behind the ball I
- 00:34:36don't want to wake up in the middle of
- 00:34:38the night and be thinking about work I
- 00:34:41want like I need a freaking break like
- 00:34:44it was all so much in the negative so
- 00:34:47when you're doing this first reset is it
- 00:34:50important that when you think about that
- 00:34:54small timely little goal of yours that
- 00:34:59it be framed as something positive not
- 00:35:02necessarily it doesn't have to be
- 00:35:04something external it can be something
- 00:35:06internal but I would say that framing it
- 00:35:08as a positive and say to yourself I want
- 00:35:11My Future Self to be X Y and Z fill in
- 00:35:13the blank I Want My Future Self to have
- 00:35:16better sleep or you can be fed up and
- 00:35:19say I'm sick of not being able to sleep
- 00:35:20through the night I want to sleep
- 00:35:22through the night motivation comes in
- 00:35:24many different forms it can be positive
- 00:35:25and energetic but it can also that
- 00:35:27you're just fed up of your own
- 00:35:30[ __ ] what's reset number two once you
- 00:35:33have this why in mind like I am thinking
- 00:35:35about why it matters to me to turn off
- 00:35:39the amydala hit the reset get control of
- 00:35:43it you say it's fined quiet in a noisy
- 00:35:46world what does that mean this is
- 00:35:49perhaps one of the most important resets
- 00:35:52you may think that when you have stress
- 00:35:54and burnout you need to check out and
- 00:35:56spend 6 months in Bali at least for me
- 00:35:59anytime I feel overwhelmed with stress
- 00:36:01you say that you have that sense of
- 00:36:03overwhelm when I have a lot of stress in
- 00:36:05my life I am irritable I am so short and
- 00:36:09I am just like constantly frowning yes
- 00:36:11or quick to anger yes and I even knowing
- 00:36:15all of the science it takes me a little
- 00:36:17bit I cannot tell you how much over the
- 00:36:19past like six months I've had my husband
- 00:36:21say to me I think you need to start the
- 00:36:23resets again oh well and then I'll say
- 00:36:26oh yeah oh my cuz I doubled down on
- 00:36:28every single reset during this whole
- 00:36:31past I I I walk the talk but
- 00:36:33particularly over the past few months
- 00:36:35well just to put it in context doing a
- 00:36:39book tour for a book this important is
- 00:36:43probably like being a resident in
- 00:36:45medical school absolutely what is
- 00:36:47popcorn brain popcorn brain is a
- 00:36:48biological phenomenon coined by a man
- 00:36:50named Adam Ley and it is when any any
- 00:36:54time that you're waiting you're in a
- 00:36:56grocery store in line waiting to buy
- 00:36:58food you're on your phone you are at the
- 00:37:00bank at waiting to see the teller you're
- 00:37:02on your phone there have been more near
- 00:37:05Miss pedestrian accidents because of
- 00:37:07popcorn brain you are just always on
- 00:37:09your screen always engaging all day
- 00:37:12every day during all waking hours and it
- 00:37:14creates a sense of hyper stimulation in
- 00:37:16your brain which makes it difficult to
- 00:37:19live offline because offline life moves
- 00:37:22at a decidedly slow pace the pace of
- 00:37:25life is very different offline think
- 00:37:27about when you've said hey you know what
- 00:37:28I'm not going to check my phone for a
- 00:37:30few hours and you're just hanging out
- 00:37:31it's very eerie it's slow you can see if
- 00:37:35you have popcorn brain by doing a quick
- 00:37:38test keep your phone in another room and
- 00:37:41if you can for a couple of hours even
- 00:37:42try for 30 minutes sit down with a piece
- 00:37:45of paper and a pen and every time you
- 00:37:46feel that compulsion to check your phone
- 00:37:48just put a little Mark and you will be
- 00:37:51shocked and appalled even me knowing all
- 00:37:53of the science I had to keep my phone
- 00:37:56far away so I could write the five
- 00:37:58resets because it is has such a pull
- 00:38:01popcorn brain also is triggered by the
- 00:38:04amydala because you are having that
- 00:38:06sense of hypervigilance like oh let me
- 00:38:08check my phone let me check my phone
- 00:38:09that sense of wanting to check there's
- 00:38:11another phenomenon that's very tied to
- 00:38:13popcorn brain which is even more
- 00:38:14concerning which is called brain drain
- 00:38:17so it's not just when you use your phone
- 00:38:19which is what popcorn brain is but
- 00:38:22scientists have found that brain drain
- 00:38:24occurs meaning your phone like this
- 00:38:26phone it's right next to me during this
- 00:38:28whole
- 00:38:30conversation and so your brain there's a
- 00:38:33phenomenon where just that sheer
- 00:38:36potential for distraction having a phone
- 00:38:39close by can be incredibly distracting
- 00:38:43for your brain and increase your sense
- 00:38:45of stress and burnout so the antidote to
- 00:38:48popcorn brain or brain drain is to
- 00:38:51create digital boundaries we have in
- 00:38:53every relationship in our life with our
- 00:38:56partners our colleagues colleagues our
- 00:38:58friends we have boundaries but we have
- 00:39:01poorest boundaries or often No
- 00:39:03Boundaries when it comes to your
- 00:39:05relationship with your digital devices
- 00:39:07this is not about becoming a digital
- 00:39:08Monk and abstinence we need to engage in
- 00:39:12news it's important to be an informed
- 00:39:14citizen what are your favorite
- 00:39:15boundaries one of the most important
- 00:39:17things is to keep your phone off your
- 00:39:19nightstand and invest in a lowcost alarm
- 00:39:21clock instead what I love is your 5c
- 00:39:24rule when you get up out of bed over 50%
- 00:39:27of people check the news or check their
- 00:39:30phones and check their emails think
- 00:39:31about what that's doing to your brain
- 00:39:33what that's doing to your amydala if you
- 00:39:35are stressed and burned out chances are
- 00:39:36you didn't sleep very well that night or
- 00:39:38if you had a good night's sleep great
- 00:39:39but then immediately it's triggering
- 00:39:41it's triggering all of these chemicals
- 00:39:43and the Cascade in your brain instead
- 00:39:45keep your phone away from your
- 00:39:46nightstand when you open your eyes take
- 00:39:49in the morning light and then do the
- 00:39:50five second rule and get up out of bed
- 00:39:54then you know maybe go to the bathroom
- 00:39:56brush your teeth do stretches and then
- 00:39:58check your phone okay so that is a key
- 00:40:01geographical boundary what's another
- 00:40:03boundary during the day at work keep
- 00:40:05your phone out of sight so you decrease
- 00:40:07that Primal urge to scroll keep it in a
- 00:40:09cubicle drawer keep it out of Arms Reach
- 00:40:1210 ft away from you in a cubical drawer
- 00:40:14just so it is not in your reach the
- 00:40:16reason is because when you have that
- 00:40:18Primal urge to scroll what you want to
- 00:40:20do is you want to overwrite it and you
- 00:40:22want to create more intentionality
- 00:40:25around your media consumption you know
- 00:40:27I'll share personally that our executive
- 00:40:29producer Tracy will not allow me to have
- 00:40:32my phone when we are in a meeting she
- 00:40:35will reach over if I grab it and
- 00:40:38literally like a mom guide it out of my
- 00:40:41hand put it away and I'll tell you she's
- 00:40:44right like you're just distracted so
- 00:40:46even if it's near me and I have made it
- 00:40:49a habit there's a uh kind of a task
- 00:40:52table here at work where I set up when
- 00:40:54I'm you know in Boston and my phone is
- 00:40:57always right over there I don't have it
- 00:40:59on my person I try not to carry it
- 00:41:01around I try to put it back over there
- 00:41:04because I know how I just grab it and
- 00:41:07just grab it Dr Dei what's one hack you
- 00:41:09can do for better focus one thing you
- 00:41:11can do Mel is to put your phone in
- 00:41:13grayscale when I really felt like my
- 00:41:15phone you know who's in control me or my
- 00:41:17phone and there were many mo moments in
- 00:41:19my life where I would say ah it was my
- 00:41:20phone now it's very much me but I would
- 00:41:23switch my phone to grayscale and just
- 00:41:26doing that with my screen made all the
- 00:41:27difference because all of the lights and
- 00:41:29the I mean sorry all of the colors and
- 00:41:31the brightness and everything is just
- 00:41:32very enticing so when it's gray skill it
- 00:41:34makes it less enticing it actively
- 00:41:36changes your brain and how does it
- 00:41:39change your brain well because it's you
- 00:41:41know uh big Tech is they know exactly
- 00:41:44what they're doing so when you have
- 00:41:46colors and patterns and beautiful images
- 00:41:50and this user interface it makes it more
- 00:41:52enticing to continue using think about
- 00:41:55when something is black and white and
- 00:41:58like if you if you switched your phone
- 00:42:00to grayscale today try it today switch
- 00:42:02your phone to grayscale and it just
- 00:42:03becomes less enticing because it's less
- 00:42:05you know the the chemicals aren't going
- 00:42:07off in your brain the neurotransmitters
- 00:42:09and because it's just it's kind of
- 00:42:11boring well what I love about the way
- 00:42:13you're teaching this is that I've
- 00:42:16certainly heard a ton of people talk
- 00:42:18about the connection between stress and
- 00:42:21social media and stress and your phone
- 00:42:24and the need to get off your phone and
- 00:42:26these top
- 00:42:27but when you explain it in terms of your
- 00:42:31amydala turning on and that your amydala
- 00:42:34putting you in fight flight or freeze
- 00:42:39somehow knowing that makes this way more
- 00:42:42tangible it also makes it way more
- 00:42:45important to me that I follow this
- 00:42:49advice and I pay attention to when the
- 00:42:52amydala is running the show versus when
- 00:42:56I'm running the show and these
- 00:42:59boundaries and this second reset is a
- 00:43:02way for you to run your life rather than
- 00:43:06letting the amydala just kick into high
- 00:43:09gear and keep you Hostage to all of this
- 00:43:12stuff that's right and I think my
- 00:43:16Approach comes from Decades of being a
- 00:43:18medical doctor and seeing patients so
- 00:43:21every single thing that I offer to my
- 00:43:23patients during my talks in this book
- 00:43:25the five resets every single Le thing is
- 00:43:27free that was really important to me
- 00:43:30because I have had patients from all
- 00:43:31walks of life with different resources
- 00:43:33and that was critical to me the second
- 00:43:36thing that I really aim to do with every
- 00:43:37single strategy I offer of course it's
- 00:43:39science-based but that it is time
- 00:43:42efficient if we all could spend an hour
- 00:43:44getting a massage and then getting an
- 00:43:46acupuncture treatment and then going for
- 00:43:48a walk and all of the wonderful things
- 00:43:51that we are that are available to anyone
- 00:43:53who has the means to do the time as well
- 00:43:55then great but for for most people in
- 00:43:58everyday life you have in overscheduled
- 00:44:01life a million competing priorities and
- 00:44:04often you put yourself last on that list
- 00:44:05and so stress and burnout your own
- 00:44:07stress and burnout and your own mental
- 00:44:08health is like oh I'll get to it when
- 00:44:10but if not now then when and so really
- 00:44:13making sure that these strategies are
- 00:44:16easy and practical and can be something
- 00:44:19that you do
- 00:44:20today many of these things you can start
- 00:44:23today and it is all when it comes to
- 00:44:25your brain and rewiring your brain brain
- 00:44:27and body for less stress and more
- 00:44:28resilience or less stress and less
- 00:44:30burnout these incremental changes a
- 00:44:33little bit every day can actually rewire
- 00:44:37your brain it is not some big Grand
- 00:44:39gesture that does it like a massage once
- 00:44:42a month great a nice Band-Aid it'll help
- 00:44:44you when you get a massage or when I get
- 00:44:46a massage it feels great for a day and
- 00:44:49then the next morning I wake up and it's
- 00:44:50the same old stuff now I know why
- 00:44:52because the amydala is the issue it's
- 00:44:55it's that is a thousand % what you're
- 00:44:57teaching us it's the amydala it's
- 00:45:00literally the amydala
- 00:45:02so what would you like if the if the
- 00:45:05person listening wants to get a better
- 00:45:08night sleep as a Harvard educated
- 00:45:11medical doctor and Professor what what
- 00:45:14would you tell the person listening to
- 00:45:16do tonight in order to get a better
- 00:45:19night sleep I always lead with
- 00:45:20self-compassion so first is if you are
- 00:45:23not sleeping well you are not alone it
- 00:45:25is not your fault when you have better
- 00:45:27days you will have better nights take
- 00:45:30sleep and your difficulty with sleep as
- 00:45:32a simple sign or a symptom of something
- 00:45:35that you want to work on you can Target
- 00:45:37it headon with a lot of these strategies
- 00:45:39keep your phone off your nightstand
- 00:45:41invest in a lowcost alarm clock aim to
- 00:45:44not you know first thing when you wake
- 00:45:46up don't scroll try to do something else
- 00:45:49and create and the other thing that I
- 00:45:51would say is 2 hours before bedtime
- 00:45:53limit your screens again nothing is
- 00:45:56overnight it doesn't work like magic but
- 00:45:57if you start these today give yourself
- 00:46:00eight weeks but you will see a
- 00:46:02difference within a week by the weekend
- 00:46:05you should start feeling better these
- 00:46:06things take shape quickly because your
- 00:46:09brain and your body are rewiring all the
- 00:46:11time your brain is a muscle
- 00:46:13neuroplasticity a very fancy science
- 00:46:15word but it means your brain is a muscle
- 00:46:16it's not a grab bag like what you got
- 00:46:18for birth is what you got for life it's
- 00:46:20not what it is your brain is like a
- 00:46:22muscle just like a bicep so you know in
- 00:46:25exercise we the the thing with sleep
- 00:46:27that's fascinating is that like with
- 00:46:29exercise if you did you know 2 lb
- 00:46:31dumbbells like 100 curls with your
- 00:46:33biceps you'd know that it's doing
- 00:46:34something I mean it's not going to do as
- 00:46:36much as like a 10 pound but you try it
- 00:46:37anyway you're like you know what I'm
- 00:46:38going to try it so think of your brain
- 00:46:40as a muscle try things out experiment
- 00:46:43understand that doing a little bit a
- 00:46:45simple change like keeping your phone
- 00:46:47off your nightstand could make all the
- 00:46:49difference and could be a GameChanger it
- 00:46:50doesn't have to be this big giant
- 00:46:52lifestyle overhaul also your brain
- 00:46:55cannot handle big LIF style overhauls
- 00:46:57when you are feeling a sense of stress
- 00:46:59cuz even positive change like all of
- 00:47:01these things that we're talking about
- 00:47:02change is considered a stressor to your
- 00:47:04brain well that's why you always
- 00:47:05recommend in your book too that rule of
- 00:47:08two the rule of what is the rule of two
- 00:47:11the rule of two is how our brain
- 00:47:12response to change when we are feeling a
- 00:47:15sense of stress so think about in 2020
- 00:47:17you may have had big lofty goals mine
- 00:47:19was to build a farmhouse table from
- 00:47:21scratch to learn Italian and to learn to
- 00:47:23play the guitar and now it's a wonder if
- 00:47:26you wear clean clothes and eat a few
- 00:47:28vegetables at 2024 right like we're here
- 00:47:31now it's because you cannot sustain huge
- 00:47:33lifestyle overhauls during periods of
- 00:47:35stress because even positive changes are
- 00:47:38considered a stressor to your brain and
- 00:47:40this is this was a landmark study done
- 00:47:41in the 1960s by two uh Doctors Two
- 00:47:44psychiatrists Dr Holmes and Rahe they
- 00:47:47studied 5,000 people and 43 of the most
- 00:47:49common life conditions positive happy
- 00:47:51things like we were talking about right
- 00:47:53like getting a new job falling in love
- 00:47:55having a child getting married
- 00:47:57buying a new car and the sad things in
- 00:48:00life death unemployment
- 00:48:03divorce lots of these horrible things
- 00:48:06and what they found in this research was
- 00:48:08that at the end when they added up the
- 00:48:10they tallied up every single person all
- 00:48:12of these life events and found that the
- 00:48:14more life events that you have acred
- 00:48:16your greater chance of having stress and
- 00:48:17burnout and greater illness down the
- 00:48:19road which showed it's the basis of the
- 00:48:21rule of two to focus on two things at a
- 00:48:24time even positive change can be a
- 00:48:27stressor for your brain because your
- 00:48:28brain needs time to adapt and recover
- 00:48:31from this positive change again the word
- 00:48:33stress healthy stress being adaptive
- 00:48:36it's your brain adapting to these
- 00:48:38changes so just aim to do two things at
- 00:48:41a time you might read the five resets
- 00:48:43and say or you might listen to our
- 00:48:44conversation and we're offering so many
- 00:48:46strategies in this conversation you
- 00:48:48might say I'm going to do everything all
- 00:48:50at once the everything but the kitchen
- 00:48:51sing approach you'll do it for four
- 00:48:53weeks and then you'll say there's no way
- 00:48:56I'm doing this so pick the most
- 00:48:57important thing to improve and then just
- 00:49:00like if you were to literally just stop
- 00:49:03the Doom
- 00:49:04scrolling and put your phone somewhere
- 00:49:07other than your bedroom at 7 o'clock at
- 00:49:09night and you create that boundary and
- 00:49:12then you don't sleep next to it and you
- 00:49:13don't look at it first thing in the
- 00:49:14morning if you were to Simply do that
- 00:49:17your sleep would improve almost
- 00:49:19immediately your sleep would improve
- 00:49:21immediately the entire tenor of your day
- 00:49:24would change and you would feel so much
- 00:49:27more grounded you would feel you know
- 00:49:30whatever symptom that you're having of
- 00:49:31stress there are many it would have an
- 00:49:33immediate impact on your stress and your
- 00:49:36burnout and over time if you continue to
- 00:49:38do that day after day after day you will
- 00:49:42be a changed person I'm so excited for
- 00:49:44the third reset um because we're talking
- 00:49:48about the brain Body Connection and how
- 00:49:54when this little amydala starts going
- 00:49:57bananas what is number three the third
- 00:49:59reset is sink your brain to your body it
- 00:50:02is all about the Mind Body Connection
- 00:50:05what does that mean sync your brain to
- 00:50:07your body when you hear the term
- 00:50:09mindbody connection you may think that's
- 00:50:11total woooo but in fact there is a lot
- 00:50:14of robust scientific literature to
- 00:50:16support the mindbody connection which is
- 00:50:18a fancy term for simply saying that your
- 00:50:22brain and your body are in constant
- 00:50:23communication and inextricably linked
- 00:50:26with good for your brain is good for
- 00:50:27your body and vice versa when you do
- 00:50:30better you feel better and it's all in
- 00:50:32the doing you may be hearing about the
- 00:50:34Mind Body Connection for the first time
- 00:50:36today but you have been experiencing the
- 00:50:39mindbody connection forever butterflies
- 00:50:42at falling in love your face flushing at
- 00:50:44an embarrassing moment you're about to
- 00:50:47give a presentation for work and your
- 00:50:48heart starts racing this is the Mind
- 00:50:51Body Connection it's like gravity it's
- 00:50:54happening in the background all the time
- 00:50:57the beauty of the mindbody connection is
- 00:50:59that while it is happening around us in
- 00:51:02you at all times you can learn to tap
- 00:51:05into the mindbody connection understand
- 00:51:08it and most importantly influence it to
- 00:51:11better serve you with your stress and
- 00:51:13your burnout the quickest way to tap
- 00:51:14into your Mind Body Connection is with
- 00:51:16your breath your breath is the only
- 00:51:19physiological mechanism that is under
- 00:51:22voluntary control and involuntary
- 00:51:25control so you and I could do a
- 00:51:27breathing exercise today right now and
- 00:51:29you would feel a sense of calm and then
- 00:51:31we're just talking and your breath is
- 00:51:32going let's it your brain can't do that
- 00:51:34your brain waves your digestion can't do
- 00:51:36that nothing else in your body has that
- 00:51:39same under voluntary control and
- 00:51:41involuntary control um so that is the
- 00:51:44first kind of way that you can tap into
- 00:51:45it so there are very quick and the other
- 00:51:48thing to mention is that when you are in
- 00:51:50a migdala mode or fight ORF flight mode
- 00:51:52your sympathetic nervous system again a
- 00:51:54fancy scientific word we have two
- 00:51:56nervous systems in the body one is the
- 00:51:58sympathetic nervous system that governs
- 00:52:00fight or flight the other one governs
- 00:52:02something called rest and digest it's
- 00:52:05the parasympathetic nervous system the
- 00:52:07two can't be on at the same time they're
- 00:52:08mutually exclusive and your breath can
- 00:52:11help modulate be the light switch
- 00:52:13between the sympathetic and the
- 00:52:15parasympathetic system so when you are
- 00:52:18in sympathetic mode driven by your
- 00:52:20amydala your heart is beating you have
- 00:52:22quick shallow breathing think about when
- 00:52:24you're anxious you're breathing you know
- 00:52:26you're anxious you're breathing quickly
- 00:52:28very shallow and Rapid that is because
- 00:52:31it's a physiological mechanism you're
- 00:52:33trying to get the oxygen in to go to
- 00:52:34your muscle so you can fight or you can
- 00:52:36flee parasympathetic mode you are
- 00:52:39breathing deeply and slowly it is rest
- 00:52:42and digest sympathetic mode is that
- 00:52:45quick shallow breathing is thoracic
- 00:52:47breathing it's chest breathing
- 00:52:49parasympathetic mode rest and digest
- 00:52:52it's belly breathing and knowing this
- 00:52:55very scient ific explanation it's simply
- 00:52:59to say that when you modulate your
- 00:53:00breathing and influence your breathing
- 00:53:03you can switch one system on and off and
- 00:53:07you can tap into your Mind Body
- 00:53:08Connection because of what you know now
- 00:53:10about the breath gotcha as you're
- 00:53:12thinking about managing your stress and
- 00:53:13burnout it's also important to think
- 00:53:15about your gut brain connection can you
- 00:53:17explain to the person um
- 00:53:21listening how
- 00:53:23physically the gut and the Brain are
- 00:53:27connected and how they speak to each
- 00:53:29other and how I found it fascinating
- 00:53:32when I first learned that they were part
- 00:53:34of the same tissue yes uh when you are
- 00:53:37being formed as an embryo and that
- 00:53:40during your development that they
- 00:53:43literally are one Clump that then
- 00:53:45separates and I always imagine that
- 00:53:47there's like this gooey Ooey sticky
- 00:53:49stuff between your brain and your gut
- 00:53:52but could you explain it as a medical
- 00:53:54doctor what the brain brain gut
- 00:53:57connection is the brain gut connection
- 00:54:00is that your brain and your gut are
- 00:54:01literally speaking to to each other and
- 00:54:03there is cross talk at all times it
- 00:54:07happens through a ecosystem of trillions
- 00:54:11of bacteria healthy bacteria in your gut
- 00:54:14called the
- 00:54:15microbiome I want to say that the gut is
- 00:54:18considered the second brain because
- 00:54:20there three to five times more serotonin
- 00:54:23receptors in your gut than your brain
- 00:54:25when you hear the word serotonin you
- 00:54:27know the popular class of drugs
- 00:54:29ssris these are medications that we use
- 00:54:32for depression and anxiety and a whole
- 00:54:33host of other things and these are brain
- 00:54:35chemicals serotonin when you hear the
- 00:54:37word you think oh brain brain chemical
- 00:54:39but in fact there are three to five
- 00:54:41times more serotonin receptors in your
- 00:54:43gut than your brain one of my mentors
- 00:54:45used to say my early Mentor he would say
- 00:54:46I wonder why people are walking around
- 00:54:48with like hearts around their neck they
- 00:54:49should be using their brain like as a
- 00:54:51little pendant and then another Mentor
- 00:54:53said forget the brain we should be
- 00:54:55having like our guts around our neck cuz
- 00:54:56that is truly the second brain it's like
- 00:54:59that's how much the science supports
- 00:55:01this idea of the gut being the second
- 00:55:03brain and every weak Mel there is new
- 00:55:06compelling fascinating research about
- 00:55:08the gut brain connection and so this
- 00:55:11microbiome this ecosystem of trillions
- 00:55:14and trillions of healthy bacteria in
- 00:55:16your gut govern so many things besides
- 00:55:18digestion it is a bidirectional Highway
- 00:55:21of information your brain is sending
- 00:55:23signals to your gut and your gut is sign
- 00:55:25sending sign signals right back to your
- 00:55:27brain as a doctor at Harvard what do you
- 00:55:29do for
- 00:55:30exercise and
- 00:55:32movement 25 years ago I was a stressed
- 00:55:36patient looking for answers and that is
- 00:55:39why that was that's my uh villain origin
- 00:55:42story of how I became a doctor with an
- 00:55:44expertise in stress is because I was a
- 00:55:45stress patient looking for answers I
- 00:55:47found my way out of the stress struggle
- 00:55:50put on my scientist hat I had gone to
- 00:55:52see a doctor and my doctor had said you
- 00:55:54know go get a massage and just relax
- 00:55:56just try to relax more so I was like
- 00:55:58okay I'll get a massage I'll have dinner
- 00:56:00with friends I'll go retail therapy all
- 00:56:02the things that didn't work and so when
- 00:56:03I put on my scientist hat and I started
- 00:56:05looking and doing the research is when I
- 00:56:07really found out okay this is how stress
- 00:56:09impacts the brain and the body and this
- 00:56:11is how I'm going to find my way out of
- 00:56:13stress movement was one and then when I
- 00:56:14came out of that I said I wanted to be
- 00:56:16the doctor that I needed during that
- 00:56:17difficult time so that's my origin story
- 00:56:20I mentioned that because movement was
- 00:56:22not something I did every single day I
- 00:56:24was working 80 hours a week and I don't
- 00:56:26know I was running from one patient room
- 00:56:28to the other I thought that was movement
- 00:56:29enough and so what I did during that
- 00:56:31time I was acutely stressed I was so
- 00:56:35depleted and running on fume smell I was
- 00:56:37erratic in my food intake my sleep
- 00:56:40seeing death and dying on a daily basis
- 00:56:43self-care and burnout or even stress was
- 00:56:46not in my lexicon it was not in my
- 00:56:48vocabulary when I was training in my
- 00:56:50medical training my motto how I was
- 00:56:52trained was pressure makes diamonds
- 00:56:55someone sat a whole group of medical
- 00:56:57students down in our first year or
- 00:56:59second year of Medical Training and said
- 00:57:01I just want you guys to know what you're
- 00:57:02about to go through pressure makes
- 00:57:04diamonds so I was like Hey diamond in
- 00:57:06the making bring it on and then my
- 00:57:08diamond cracked so when I discovered all
- 00:57:11of the science around why movement is
- 00:57:12important and exercise is like e the
- 00:57:15dreaded e word no one likes to talk
- 00:57:16about it so I we can talk about Movement
- 00:57:18we can talk about exercise that to
- 00:57:21answer your question it has changed when
- 00:57:23I was a stressed patient or medical
- 00:57:26resident working 80 hours a week and I
- 00:57:28had was running on fumes and so depleted
- 00:57:30I focused on gentle therapeutic movement
- 00:57:33so I went to yoga class several times a
- 00:57:35week that was my Gateway just to say
- 00:57:37that doctors are socialized to place
- 00:57:39small we don't share our own personal
- 00:57:41stories because we focus on the patient
- 00:57:42so writing the five resets and sharing
- 00:57:44my personal story I have to tell you Mel
- 00:57:47I might start crying but you were an
- 00:57:49inspiration for sharing that story
- 00:57:51because you share so much of your own
- 00:57:53personal stuff to help people and I knew
- 00:57:55that the only way that people would
- 00:57:58relate to me is if I told them the truth
- 00:58:00and not I'm just doing this for my
- 00:58:02patients it's because no I was a patient
- 00:58:04I struggled with my stress and burnout
- 00:58:06and that's when I became the doctor I
- 00:58:07needed during that difficult time and so
- 00:58:09your story and your example was like a
- 00:58:12leading sort of like a a light that
- 00:58:15really a lighthouse that guided me well
- 00:58:17I'm thrilled that you shared your story
- 00:58:19because you clearly are the doctor we
- 00:58:21all need thank you and so during that
- 00:58:23really difficult time I focused on a
- 00:58:26couple of days a week of yoga gentle
- 00:58:28stretching nothing much and a few walks
- 00:58:30so I used to walk every single day which
- 00:58:32is why in the five resets when I talk
- 00:58:35about movement walking even if it's 5 or
- 00:58:3810 minutes again you might say what's a
- 00:58:39walk going to do it's going to do
- 00:58:41nothing because it's not about the
- 00:58:43promise of physical fitness this is the
- 00:58:46promise of mental Fitness and so a
- 00:58:49little bit of a daily walk and the
- 00:58:50reason I walked every single day when I
- 00:58:52was a stressed patient and why I suggest
- 00:58:55when people are feeling that cute sense
- 00:58:56of stress to walk is every single day is
- 00:58:59because it avoids decision fatigue if
- 00:59:01you say to yourself when you're deeply
- 00:59:03stressed I'm going to go to the gym
- 00:59:04three times a week for an hourlong class
- 00:59:07okay then Monday rolls around a deadline
- 00:59:09comes up at work you don't go Tuesday
- 00:59:11there's a family obligation or a
- 00:59:12conflict you don't go Wednesday same
- 00:59:14thing and by Friday you might have gone
- 00:59:16zero or one time your sense of self your
- 00:59:18sense of self-efficacy goes down you're
- 00:59:20like H I can't get anything right why
- 00:59:23bother at all and then your amydala
- 00:59:25starts firing right cuz your the forward
- 00:59:27future planning prefrontal cortex isn't
- 00:59:30working as great instead aim to do
- 00:59:32something a little bit every day at
- 00:59:34avoid decision fatigue now to answer
- 00:59:36your question it's changed so initially
- 00:59:38I started my I was a sedentary person I
- 00:59:40didn't really exercise much I was into
- 00:59:42dancing as a child but not Sports now I
- 00:59:45understand the value of sports for so
- 00:59:46many reasons gentle yoga and walks every
- 00:59:50day 10-minute walk that was like yes I
- 00:59:52walked check this is not about like
- 00:59:54walking 5 miles a day I love that cuz
- 00:59:56everybody because the person listening
- 00:59:57is like okay how long what do I do and
- 00:59:59it's just 10 minutes just 10 minutes
- 01:00:00five minutes is fine too if you can do
- 01:00:0220 minutes of a walk every single day
- 01:00:04great it's the equivalent of a Facebook
- 01:00:06scroll seriously we all scroll that's
- 01:00:09true or Instagram or choose your choose
- 01:00:11your poison it's the it's the equivalent
- 01:00:14of a scroll opt out of a scroll and go
- 01:00:16for a walk instead do it in between your
- 01:00:18meetings if you can five 10 minutes
- 01:00:20every single day it's that inertia that
- 01:00:23you're you know sometimes it feels like
- 01:00:24you're waiting through molasses when
- 01:00:25you're feeling stressed of like lacing
- 01:00:27up your sneakers and going outside and
- 01:00:29if you say oh I'm going to do this for
- 01:00:3045 minutes forget it you're never doing
- 01:00:32it but if you say oh 5 minutes I can do
- 01:00:34that it's about closing that gap between
- 01:00:36where you are and where you like to be
- 01:00:38and so five minutes so then now what I
- 01:00:40do because I am of a certain age I focus
- 01:00:43on resistance training I probably I I
- 01:00:45aim to exercise 30 minutes every single
- 01:00:48day does that happen every single day no
- 01:00:51but I probably get in four to 5 days of
- 01:00:54exercise and that includ includes
- 01:00:56walking or if I do a 40-minute walk one
- 01:01:00day I won't do resistance training but I
- 01:01:01do some form of mov every day it is
- 01:01:03about making things small and tangible
- 01:01:06and decreasing the barriers to making
- 01:01:09the taking that step so fine you don't
- 01:01:12want to put on your sneakers take a walk
- 01:01:14up and down your hallway in your house
- 01:01:15walk up and down a set of stairs
- 01:01:17research has showed that it in fact to
- 01:01:20decrease there was a study that was done
- 01:01:22that Ultra short bursts of Activity one
- 01:01:24to two minutes so walking up a set of
- 01:01:27stairs or going to you know parking far
- 01:01:30away when you're going to the grocery
- 01:01:31store we all look for parking really
- 01:01:33close to the entrance Park far away take
- 01:01:35a walk up to the grocery store run for
- 01:01:37the bus or walk quickly to go get the
- 01:01:39bus or the subway these short they're
- 01:01:41called Ultra short bursts of activity
- 01:01:43can decrease your risk of dying from
- 01:01:45cancer by 40% wow you heard the doctor
- 01:01:49get your walk on every day 10 minutes
- 01:01:51it's all she's saying and it's going to
- 01:01:53lower your stress how does sitting all
- 01:01:55day
- 01:01:56impact your stress as you may have heard
- 01:01:58in pop culture sitting is the new
- 01:02:01smoking I hadn't heard that the science
- 01:02:03shows that sitting it's not just that
- 01:02:06exercise is good for you and moving is
- 01:02:09good for you for your stress anxiety
- 01:02:12burnout it's that sitting is actually
- 01:02:15bad for you and it can increase your
- 01:02:17sense of anxiety stress and
- 01:02:20burnout
- 01:02:22wow maybe we should have ordered
- 01:02:24standing desks around here
- 01:02:27and of course you want to sit and you
- 01:02:29know for me when I can never use a
- 01:02:31standing desk I can't think right I need
- 01:02:33to sit down and do my work and have my
- 01:02:35deep thinking I wanted to share a couple
- 01:02:37of pretty alarming statistics about
- 01:02:40sitting there was a study of 800 people
- 01:02:43and the ones who sat the most this is
- 01:02:46like knock your socks off data the
- 01:02:48people who sat the most had a
- 01:02:51112% higher risk of
- 01:02:53diabetes 147% higher risk of heart
- 01:02:56disease a 90% higher risk of death from
- 01:03:00heart disease and a 50% higher risk from
- 01:03:03Death overall all to say that sitting is
- 01:03:08actually bad for our health our
- 01:03:10well-being and as it turns out your
- 01:03:13stressing burnout how does sitting
- 01:03:16trigger stress the mechanisms of action
- 01:03:20aren't entirely clear but the data
- 01:03:24suggests that when when you are sitting
- 01:03:26for prolonged prolonged length of time
- 01:03:29you know you're stewing in your own
- 01:03:32emotions so to speak and so it's that
- 01:03:35getting up and moving creates a whole
- 01:03:37Cascade of positive biological changes
- 01:03:41to your brain in your body and when
- 01:03:43you're sitting for a long periods of
- 01:03:44time it that doesn't happen it also has
- 01:03:46a cardiovascular benefit or rather it's
- 01:03:49detrimental to your cardiovascular
- 01:03:51health to just sit because a body is
- 01:03:53meant to move your body is a the
- 01:03:56greatest machine you know we say that
- 01:03:59that this little guy the smartphone is
- 01:04:00like the greatest machine that man has
- 01:04:03invented I would argue that your brain
- 01:04:04and your body is truly the greatest
- 01:04:06machine and so use that machine to do
- 01:04:09what it's meant to do it doesn't have to
- 01:04:10be you know you don't have to become an
- 01:04:11Olympian but certainly getting up and
- 01:04:13moving a little bit every day even if it
- 01:04:16means 5 minutes between your Zoom
- 01:04:18meetings get up take a walk stretch
- 01:04:20sitting for prolonged periods of time
- 01:04:22because think about it we sit all day at
- 01:04:24work that you sit all day at at work and
- 01:04:26then you sit in a car going back home
- 01:04:28and then you sit on your sofa all day so
- 01:04:31our the human body hasn't been designed
- 01:04:32to just sit all day we are meant to move
- 01:04:36and move our bodies as a doctor what do
- 01:04:38you recommend my watch has that standup
- 01:04:40thing I love it and I don't realize how
- 01:04:43how much time will go by and it's like
- 01:04:44oh I haven't stood in two hours holy cow
- 01:04:47I love that I would say there isn't
- 01:04:50necessarily a prescription like a dose
- 01:04:53relationship for sitting and when to
- 01:04:54stand up and what's the dose of standing
- 01:04:56and sitting just do it when you
- 01:04:58can you have a 2-hour meeting can't
- 01:05:01stand up right after that 2-hour meeting
- 01:05:03instead of sitting on your slack Channel
- 01:05:05and responding to emails or doing all of
- 01:05:06those things get up and walk around
- 01:05:08there is something to be said right like
- 01:05:10Plato Aristotle all of these greats
- 01:05:12talked about the benefit of a walk that
- 01:05:14mental health benefit of taking a walk
- 01:05:17and so it doesn't have to be this long
- 01:05:19profound walk just get up and stretch
- 01:05:20your body do some gentle stretching some
- 01:05:22exercising connect your breath to your
- 01:05:24movement to your posture this is really
- 01:05:26important because that's like a way to
- 01:05:27tap into your Mind Body Connection as
- 01:05:29well so your next reset addresses one of
- 01:05:32the biggest lies around
- 01:05:34productivity let's talk about it so
- 01:05:36reset number four is come up for air one
- 01:05:40of the biggest myths is that you are
- 01:05:43meant to be functioning at a high
- 01:05:46capacity without any need for rest or
- 01:05:49recovery that productivity is linear the
- 01:05:52more you do the more you can accomplish
- 01:05:54and then the more you do the more you
- 01:05:55can accomplish it just supposed to be
- 01:05:56this like thing that this feedback loop
- 01:05:59that's supposed to continue on and on
- 01:06:00and on that's a myth a break is not just
- 01:06:04a nice to have luxury your brain and
- 01:06:07your body need a break it is a
- 01:06:10biological necessity for your brain and
- 01:06:12body to rest and recover human
- 01:06:15productivity is not linear it functions
- 01:06:16on a curve think of a bell-shaped curve
- 01:06:19the left of the curve when you don't
- 01:06:22have a lot of stress you're not very
- 01:06:24motivated you're not very productive
- 01:06:26think about the right side of the curve
- 01:06:29so much stress you are keyed up many of
- 01:06:32us are living on this right side of the
- 01:06:33curve right there is a sweet spot of
- 01:06:36human productivity right in the middle
- 01:06:38it's just right stress I call it the
- 01:06:41Goldilocks principle and it's this idea
- 01:06:43of we all are to that right of that
- 01:06:46bell-shaped curve we are anxious we have
- 01:06:49so much stress we're not productive we
- 01:06:50can't focus it's hard to get things done
- 01:06:53so the science suggests that move moving
- 01:06:56back how do you get to that Center Spot
- 01:06:58The Sweet Spot of human productivity is
- 01:07:00to scale back but you can't scale back
- 01:07:03that's not realistic because we have
- 01:07:05real constraints we have constraints on
- 01:07:07our time we have obligations with work
- 01:07:10and parenting instead you have to honor
- 01:07:13your breaks how do you scale back how do
- 01:07:15you apply this science to your everyday
- 01:07:17life you honor your breaks how do you do
- 01:07:20that when you are taking a break during
- 01:07:22the day what do most of us do we
- 01:07:24mindlessly scroll we've already talked
- 01:07:26about what happens with scrolling this
- 01:07:28isn't a benign thing that you are doing
- 01:07:29you are actively influencing your brain
- 01:07:32and your body for more stress right more
- 01:07:34stress more burnout all of the things
- 01:07:35that we talked about let me just
- 01:07:36highlight that because you're right when
- 01:07:40I step out of a meeting the first thing
- 01:07:42I do is check my phone and so I'm not
- 01:07:45actually taking a break I'm re-engaging
- 01:07:48my mind and activating the amydala and
- 01:07:51juicing up my
- 01:07:53stress never even thought about it I I
- 01:07:55always viewed like oh okay you know I've
- 01:07:57got a couple minutes before my next sing
- 01:07:59I'll just look at my phone and instead
- 01:08:02if I were to leave my phone where it is
- 01:08:05and walk into the kitchen here at work
- 01:08:06or at home make myself a cup of coffee
- 01:08:09or step outside for a minute I'd feel
- 01:08:13different try some heart-c centered
- 01:08:14breathing take a little walk outside do
- 01:08:17some stretches touch your toes stand up
- 01:08:19twist do something where you're
- 01:08:21connecting your breath to your movement
- 01:08:22tap into your Mind Body Connection
- 01:08:24practice stop breathe B it's a 3second
- 01:08:27exercise and it can help what is that
- 01:08:29the stop breathe B method it's the
- 01:08:32instructions are in the name it's a
- 01:08:343second exercise so you stop you breathe
- 01:08:38and you be so you ground your feet on
- 01:08:40the floor I learned the stop breathe B
- 01:08:42method it was the first technique I
- 01:08:44learned to reset my mindbody connection
- 01:08:47when I was in the throws of stress as a
- 01:08:49stressed medical resident I was working
- 01:08:5180 hours a week I was seeing 30 to 40
- 01:08:53patients a day and I brought the stop
- 01:08:57breathe B method into my life when I
- 01:08:59would knock on the door of the patient
- 01:09:01room before I would enter it was my door
- 01:09:03knob moment so as I turn the door knob I
- 01:09:06would say to myself often under my
- 01:09:07breath in a crowded place stop breathe
- 01:09:11be and then I would enter and I would do
- 01:09:13that incrementally over and over and
- 01:09:15over again 30 40 times a day over time I
- 01:09:18could just do it anywhere in fact before
- 01:09:20we started speaking I was so excited
- 01:09:23because I was having a fan girl moment
- 01:09:26still am it's been a long time with my
- 01:09:29amydala going off but no just kidding I
- 01:09:32was having a fan girl moment I'm not
- 01:09:33kidding about that and I did stop
- 01:09:35breathe be in fact the entire time that
- 01:09:37we've been speaking I've been very aware
- 01:09:39of my feet on the floor my posture in
- 01:09:41the chair and how I am breathing because
- 01:09:44that is important to manage and modulate
- 01:09:46your stress response you can practice
- 01:09:48stop breathe be during mundane everyday
- 01:09:50moments of your life so I did it with
- 01:09:52the doorknob you can do it you know
- 01:09:54between Zoom me meetings stop breathe B
- 01:09:56it's a little mini reset um small micro
- 01:10:00reset 3 seconds you can practice it when
- 01:10:02you're brushing your teeth oh I have
- 01:10:04practiced it in the morning when you're
- 01:10:05getting lunches ready for school getting
- 01:10:07everything ready I do it always at the
- 01:10:09doorknob before I'm about to go into the
- 01:10:11garage to do School Bus drop drop off
- 01:10:13stop breathe B and I think oh my God we
- 01:10:15forgot the project did you bring your
- 01:10:17hat oh we need to get this we need to
- 01:10:19get that it's just the reset that you
- 01:10:20need and it the reason the stop breathe
- 01:10:22be method works so well is because
- 01:10:25anxiety and anxious thoughts are a
- 01:10:27future focused emotion it is about what
- 01:10:31if what if this happens what if that
- 01:10:33happens what if I fail what if I can't
- 01:10:35do well what if what if what if and stop
- 01:10:37breathe b gets you out of what if
- 01:10:40thinking and gets you back into what is
- 01:10:44in the Here and Now Dr adidi what is the
- 01:10:46fifth reset the fifth reset is to bring
- 01:10:49your best self forward and this is all
- 01:10:51about the inner critic we talked about
- 01:10:53it a little bit at the start of our
- 01:10:54conversation
- 01:10:56that inner critic is that voice in your
- 01:10:58head that berates you you may not even
- 01:11:01know that it is there you might think
- 01:11:03hey that's my natural voice that's who I
- 01:11:05am in fact I would argue that that is
- 01:11:07not who you are capital yoou it is your
- 01:11:10amydala speaking the reason is when
- 01:11:13you're feeling a sense of stress that
- 01:11:15inner critic that voice gets a megaphone
- 01:11:18because you're a mdala is doing the
- 01:11:20driving of your brain and your amygdala
- 01:11:22wants to keep you safe and small that is
- 01:11:25why getting out of your comfort zone
- 01:11:26when you're feeling a sense of stress
- 01:11:28doesn't feel good you want you know you
- 01:11:30have that what if thinking all of these
- 01:11:32sorts of things it's a self-sabotage
- 01:11:34sort of situation and so you stay small
- 01:11:37you stay in your comfort zone you don't
- 01:11:39try new things you don't try to get out
- 01:11:40of your stress because that inner voice
- 01:11:42so how do you silence the inner voice
- 01:11:45how do you take that megaphone out of
- 01:11:47your inner Voice's hand and say no
- 01:11:49you're not going to be speaking I'm the
- 01:11:51one who's going to be speaking there's a
- 01:11:53couple of ways to do that the first is
- 01:11:54GRA gratitude now you may hear the word
- 01:11:56gratitude and roll your eyes like oh my
- 01:11:58God gratitude like I'm not going to do
- 01:12:00this like Teenage Journal [ __ ] right
- 01:12:02in fact there is a lot of science for
- 01:12:05gratitude a written gratitude practice
- 01:12:08is vital to help silence your inner
- 01:12:10critic and to reset your stress and
- 01:12:13burnout because again very simple
- 01:12:16practice keep a p piece of paper and a
- 01:12:18pen next to your bedside you know how
- 01:12:19you got rid of your phone on your night
- 01:12:20sand keep a little gratitude Journal
- 01:12:22there instead now every night or in the
- 01:12:24morning whenever want doesn't matter
- 01:12:26five things you're grateful for and why
- 01:12:27put the date 1 2 3 4 5 write down five
- 01:12:30things you're grateful for and why some
- 01:12:31days you'll have like 15 things that you
- 01:12:34want to write down you can only write
- 01:12:35down five other days you'll say I have
- 01:12:38nothing that I'm grateful for you have
- 01:12:39two arms and two legs you can breathe
- 01:12:42the air you have a roof over your head
- 01:12:44you have food in your pantry that these
- 01:12:46are all winds because many people
- 01:12:48particularly now cannot say that so
- 01:12:51write those down the reason gratitude is
- 01:12:53so important from a scient ific
- 01:12:55perspective is because when you are
- 01:12:57doing a gratitude daily gratitude
- 01:12:58practice it takes 60
- 01:13:00seconds you are rewiring your brain
- 01:13:03because what you are doing it's a
- 01:13:05scientific again a fancy scientific name
- 01:13:07called cognitive reframing what you
- 01:13:10focus on grow so Rick Hansen talks about
- 01:13:13this idea of when you're going through
- 01:13:14stress he's a psychologist in California
- 01:13:17and it's like moving gratitude helps you
- 01:13:19move away from velcro to Teflon when
- 01:13:22because you're amydala driving that
- 01:13:24train
- 01:13:25negative experiences become sticky in
- 01:13:27the brain like velcro you hold on to
- 01:13:30them because you're it's this feeling of
- 01:13:32survival and self-preservation and so
- 01:13:34when you start practicing gratitude on
- 01:13:36an everyday basis it's cognitive
- 01:13:38reframing what you focus on grows so you
- 01:13:40shift your perspective so even if
- 01:13:42negative and positive are happening at
- 01:13:43the same rate good and bad things are
- 01:13:45happening in your life at the same rate
- 01:13:47when you are feeling a sense of stress
- 01:13:48you are focused primarily on the
- 01:13:50negative because you are thinking danger
- 01:13:52danger danger right red alert and so how
- 01:13:54do you decrease that stickiness of
- 01:13:56negative experiences in your brain when
- 01:13:58you're feeling a sense of stress by
- 01:13:59practicing gratitude so it shifts away
- 01:14:02from velcro your brain circuitry shifts
- 01:14:04away from velcro to Teflon so the
- 01:14:06negative experiences may happen but it
- 01:14:08slides off how does it happen through
- 01:14:10gratitude so you write down those things
- 01:14:12every single day and Studies have
- 01:14:14demonstrated that at 30 60 and 90 days
- 01:14:16there's improved mood decreased stress
- 01:14:18and burnout better sleep there are so
- 01:14:21many benefits to what everyday gratitude
- 01:14:23practice it also silences your inner cuz
- 01:14:25it dials down the volume of the amydala
- 01:14:27in the background you're a
- 01:14:28world-renowned brain coach who has
- 01:14:30worked with athletes actors and
- 01:14:32Executives and in addition to that
- 01:14:34you've been running a brain Institute
- 01:14:35for the past 30 years do you really
- 01:14:37believe absolutely anyone can improve
- 01:14:40their brain I mean come on nobody's
- 01:14:41walked through the doors of your
- 01:14:42Institute that you're like oh boy
- 01:14:44couldn't help this person it's been my
- 01:14:46experience coaching people every single
- 01:14:49day for the past 32 years is that
- 01:14:52regardless of your age your background
- 01:14:54your career your diet your education
- 01:14:56level if it's your financial situation
- 01:14:58your gender your history IQ that we all
- 01:15:01can improve it's about progressing
- 01:15:03beyond what you're currently
- 01:15:04demonstrating or what you believe is
- 01:15:07possible so you're saying it's not about
- 01:15:09being born smart you're saying that we
- 01:15:11all have the ability to be a super
- 01:15:14learner no matter what your IQ is we
- 01:15:17know that about onethird of your brain's
- 01:15:20uh performance if you will like its
- 01:15:22memory is a is predetermined by genetic
- 01:15:25and biology okay and but that means 2/3
- 01:15:27is in your direct control the the idea
- 01:15:29here is we have more influence than we
- 01:15:31think Jim how did you become a brain
- 01:15:33coach I mean do you go to school for
- 01:15:35something like that so my inspiration
- 01:15:38you could say was my
- 01:15:40desperation I one day in kindergarten
- 01:15:43class I'm 5 years old this would have
- 01:15:45been in
- 01:15:481978 there was this commotion outside
- 01:15:51sirens and um honking and all the kids
- 01:15:55obviously want to see what's going on
- 01:15:57outside but we're 5 years old we can't
- 01:15:59see outside the window s and so we all
- 01:16:02had this idea to grab our chairs and
- 01:16:05prop them by the the window and stand on
- 01:16:08them anyway I lost my balance and I went
- 01:16:11head first into one of the radiators and
- 01:16:15was rushed to the emergency room it
- 01:16:16really affected me in school I had poor
- 01:16:19Focus poor memory I had processing
- 01:16:22issues where a teacher would repeat
- 01:16:25themselves like three or four or five
- 01:16:27times and I still wouldn't understand I
- 01:16:29I would compress my body all the time
- 01:16:31because I didn't want to be called on
- 01:16:33cuz I never knew the answer right and so
- 01:16:36I would sit behind the tall kid or ID
- 01:16:38make myself so sick before an exam I
- 01:16:40remember when I was 9 years old God this
- 01:16:42brings back this kind of it's funny how
- 01:16:45feelings work right I um I was being
- 01:16:48teased more than usual because I was
- 01:16:51slowing down the class I wasn't
- 01:16:52understanding lessons and teacher
- 01:16:55pointed to me to come to my defense she
- 01:16:58said leave that kid alone that's the boy
- 01:17:01with the broken brain and all I took out
- 01:17:04of it was that I was
- 01:17:06broken and I guess adults have to be
- 01:17:09very careful of their external words
- 01:17:11because they often become a child's
- 01:17:12internal
- 01:17:14words um because every single time I did
- 01:17:17badly in school which was weekly every
- 01:17:20time I was in pick for sports I was
- 01:17:22always the last one I would always say
- 01:17:24to myself oh it's cuz I have the broken
- 01:17:26brain and that became my my inner talk
- 01:17:30and I think our minds always Eaves drop
- 01:17:32on that inner talk right and it wasn't
- 01:17:35just something that I dealt with for a
- 01:17:37year or two it was elementary school it
- 01:17:41was Middle School junior high and all
- 01:17:43through High School our struggles can
- 01:17:45become strengths I love that our
- 01:17:48struggles can become our
- 01:17:51strengths anyone ever tell you you kind
- 01:17:53of talk like a superhero or struggles
- 01:17:55can become our strengths but did you
- 01:17:58always have that mindset for for me I
- 01:18:01was really driven because I wanted to
- 01:18:02make my parents proud my parents
- 01:18:05immigrated to the United States we lived
- 01:18:07in the back of a laundry mat that my mom
- 01:18:09worked at um and they had a lot of jobs
- 01:18:12through school it was a challenge and
- 01:18:13then I was lucky enough to get into a
- 01:18:16local State University and I thought
- 01:18:19freshman meant I can make a fresh start
- 01:18:22uh
- 01:18:25I going to show the world show myself
- 01:18:27that I could do this but I took all
- 01:18:29these classes and I did worse oh I
- 01:18:31wasn't
- 01:18:32equipped and so I was ready to quit
- 01:18:35school because I'm the oldest of three
- 01:18:38kids I want to be a good role model for
- 01:18:40my younger brother and sister and yet
- 01:18:43also I don't have the money even to beat
- 01:18:44in school and it's better that they have
- 01:18:46it I'm not smart enough this is like my
- 01:18:49belief system and a friend said hey I'm
- 01:18:52going home this weekend why don't you
- 01:18:54come with I mean saying you're going to
- 01:18:55quit school to your family is a big deal
- 01:18:57you know why don't you get some
- 01:18:58perspective and I noticed Mel that when
- 01:19:02we change place or we change people
- 01:19:04we're spending time with it gives us a
- 01:19:05different point of view yes so I I do
- 01:19:08agree to go and the family is is pretty
- 01:19:11well off have a beautiful home on the
- 01:19:13water and the father walks me around his
- 01:19:15property before dinner and asks me a
- 01:19:18very innocent question he says Jim how's
- 01:19:21school right and I am introverted and
- 01:19:26I'm very shy at the time and yet I start
- 01:19:30balling like crazy crying like crazy in
- 01:19:33front of this complete stranger that I
- 01:19:34just met like 30 minutes before God what
- 01:19:37did he do yeah I he was freaked out
- 01:19:40because he didn't know my situation but
- 01:19:42I gave him the full download I I told
- 01:19:44him about my brain injury labeled broken
- 01:19:47how I I have to quit school it's just
- 01:19:49I'm not smart enough it's just not who I
- 01:19:52am yeah I don't I don't know how to tell
- 01:19:54my parents cuz they're going to be
- 01:19:56heartbroken cuz they work so hard oh he
- 01:19:59asked me a question and it's interesting
- 01:20:02not only put does perspective change our
- 01:20:03point of view but so do the questions
- 01:20:05that we ask he says uh hey Jim well why
- 01:20:08why are you in school I didn't have an
- 01:20:10answer other than this is just what you
- 01:20:13do you go to school that's what my
- 01:20:15parents you know expected of me so he he
- 01:20:19dug deeper said well why are you in
- 01:20:22school he said what do you want to be
- 01:20:24what do you want to do what do you want
- 01:20:26to have what do you want to create or
- 01:20:28contribute and Mel I didn't have an
- 01:20:30answer for any of those things because
- 01:20:32nobody's ever asked me those questions
- 01:20:34before right and so you ask a new
- 01:20:37question we get new answers um I didn't
- 01:20:40know what I wanted to be um or do or
- 01:20:43contribute he forced me to stay in that
- 01:20:45space to not Escape it and change the
- 01:20:48subject and I start to just kind of
- 01:20:50fantasize he asked me to just just
- 01:20:52imagine anything you could do anything
- 01:20:54or be anything anything or have anything
- 01:20:56and then he takes out a like a little
- 01:20:58like a journal or notebook in his back
- 01:21:00pocket and gives me a couple sheets and
- 01:21:02he asked me to write them down it's the
- 01:21:04first step in taking something that's
- 01:21:06invisible that's in your mind and then
- 01:21:08all of a sudden it's visible outside of
- 01:21:10yourself and I fill up two pages and I
- 01:21:12start folding up the pages to the paper
- 01:21:15to put in my pocket thinking this
- 01:21:17exercise is done and we could eat let's
- 01:21:19go yeah and then as I fold the sheets of
- 01:21:21paper to put in my pocket he has the
- 01:21:24audac to reach out and grab them out of
- 01:21:27my hands and
- 01:21:30now he's reading to himself all of my
- 01:21:34dreams and goals or
- 01:21:36fantasies and I don't know how much time
- 01:21:39goes by cuz I'm just thinking the whole
- 01:21:41time you know I like a lot of people I
- 01:21:44don't want to be judged when he's done
- 01:21:47this is what he does he takes his
- 01:21:48fingers and if people just listening to
- 01:21:51the audio I'm spreading my index fingers
- 01:21:52like a foot apart and he says Jim you
- 01:21:54are this close to everything on that
- 01:21:57list and it's like out of a movie right
- 01:21:59and I'm thinking this my honest
- 01:22:01conversation in my mind if I'm real and
- 01:22:03raw it was like there's no way and this
- 01:22:05is what I'm telling them like there's no
- 01:22:06way have you not heard my story I'm like
- 01:22:08fighting for my my story right you know
- 01:22:10I have a broken brain I'm you know
- 01:22:12horrible in school and give me 10
- 01:22:14lifetimes I'm not going to crack this
- 01:22:15list and he takes his fingers that are
- 01:22:17spread apart a foot apart and he puts
- 01:22:19them the side of my head meaning what's
- 01:22:22inside you know my my brain is like the
- 01:22:25key and he takes me into home but before
- 01:22:29dinner he walks me into a room that just
- 01:22:33honestly freaked me out it was wall
- 01:22:35toall ceiling the floor covered in books
- 01:22:39now I've never read a book it's like
- 01:22:42being in a room full of
- 01:22:44snakes cuz like I'm very intimidated by
- 01:22:46books right but what makes it worse Mel
- 01:22:48is he starts going to the shelves and
- 01:22:50pulling snakes off the shelf and handing
- 01:22:52them to me and he says gym you need to
- 01:22:56read to succeed promise me you'll read
- 01:22:58one of these books a week and then you
- 01:23:00could have them uh because it'll allow
- 01:23:03you to you know achieve the what you
- 01:23:04want on this list
- 01:23:06and but I can't and he very smart man he
- 01:23:10reaches into his pocket Mel and pulls
- 01:23:12out my dream
- 01:23:13list and he he has the audacity to read
- 01:23:17my goals out loud I can't even imagine
- 01:23:21what you were feeling in that moment so
- 01:23:24what what did you do
- 01:23:26next it's um it's funny how memories
- 01:23:29work right at a meta level because it
- 01:23:32just it just comes back even the
- 01:23:33feelings of like how my throat was
- 01:23:36constricting and I couldn't breathe and
- 01:23:38I couldn't I was perspiring my heart's
- 01:23:40beating like maybe I thought like this
- 01:23:42is it you know it's just it's like
- 01:23:44metaphorically I'm just throwing away my
- 01:23:46potential or my dreams or like maybe I
- 01:23:48could fix my brain maybe I could learn
- 01:23:51how to learn better and I was like okay
- 01:23:53how do I do it it and my brain went
- 01:23:56school that's how you learn anything and
- 01:23:58I asked the nurse to bring me a course
- 01:24:00bulletin you know uh directory just to
- 01:24:02look at classes for next semester and
- 01:24:05I'm looking at reading hundreds of
- 01:24:07classes and all the classes are on what
- 01:24:10to learn but not how to learn right
- 01:24:14classes on math and history and science
- 01:24:15and Spanish but but there are no classes
- 01:24:18on how to learn them and I started
- 01:24:19studying this initial stack of books
- 01:24:21that my mentor provided me with and then
- 01:24:25I started it started opening new ideas
- 01:24:26to the power of your the mind and I
- 01:24:29wanted to find out how does my brain
- 01:24:31work so I could work my brain and I
- 01:24:34started studying it and it was very
- 01:24:35functional because I had a reason it
- 01:24:36wasn't just learning facts to understand
- 01:24:39facts and vocabulary like I I had a real
- 01:24:41problem I needed to solve that I've been
- 01:24:43struggling with my whole life and I
- 01:24:46started getting answers and getting a
- 01:24:48little bit of momentum and a little bit
- 01:24:49more confidence and it was like 60 days
- 01:24:522 months into it a light switch just
- 01:24:54just flipped on and I started to
- 01:24:57understand things for the like the very
- 01:24:58first time I felt it gave me a lot of
- 01:25:00Hope and I was really upset first of all
- 01:25:04that there were simple things that I
- 01:25:07could have done that would have made my
- 01:25:08life a whole lot easier um you I felt
- 01:25:10like my whole childhood was just trying
- 01:25:12to just work really hard without getting
- 01:25:14the results and then the other thing was
- 01:25:15I felt a a purpose because I wanted to
- 01:25:18share this with others like like almost
- 01:25:20as an evangelist because I was just like
- 01:25:22how does not everyone not know these
- 01:25:23things learning is our superpower and
- 01:25:26it's the superpower we all have you know
- 01:25:29we just aren't really shown how to
- 01:25:31unlock it and Leash it but the other
- 01:25:33thing I realized was was my mission my
- 01:25:36purpose to build better brighter brains
- 01:25:39right no no brain Left Behind hey it's
- 01:25:41Mel thank you so much for being here if
- 01:25:43you enjoyed that video by God please
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