How to Reprogram the 95% of Your Mind That Controls Your Life | Mel Robbins

01:26:03
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ-ft7C77E8

Summary

TLDRIn this video, Mel Robbins explains how our minds are incredibly flexible and easily influenced. She highlights the brain's Reticular Activating System (RAS), a filter that determines which information gets through to our conscious mind based on what we focus on and consider important. By directing our attention and being intentional with what we want our brain to notice, we can effectively change our mindset and perceptions of the world. The concept of neuroplasticity supports the idea that repeated focus and intentionality can rewire our brains. Robbins provides examples like noticing more of something (such as a particular car or people in love) once it becomes important to us. The video goes further to discuss how 'popcorn brain,' or constant distraction from smartphone use, overloads this system, creating stress. Robbins suggests managing stress through gratitude practices, limiting screen time, and allowing the brain to rest, thereby reprogramming its filter to favor positive over negative perceptions.

Takeaways

  • 💡 The brain's RAS acts like a filter, showing you what it thinks is important.
  • 🚗 When you're interested in something, like a car, you begin to notice it everywhere.
  • 🔄 You can intentionally change what your brain focuses on by redirecting your attention.
  • 📚 Gratitude journaling can help reprogram your mind toward positivity.
  • 🔍 The mind tends to amplify what you frequently focus on, whether positive or negative.
  • 📱 'Popcorn brain' is the effect of constant digital distraction on your nervous system.
  • 🧠 Neuroplasticity allows the brain to change and adapt through intentional focus.
  • 🔄 Shifting focus to positive aspects can reduce stress and improve mindset.
  • 🚦 The RAS helps manage information overload by deciding what's crucial to your awareness.
  • 🍃 Taking breaks from technology aids in reducing stress and resetting the mind.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker starts by emphasizing the incredible flexibility of the human mind, claiming it to be more programmable than a television remote. The speaker intends to demonstrate this with an example involving buying a new car. The mention of a new car model, like the Bronco, suddenly makes that model appear ubiquitous, illustrating how our perception shifts based on interest.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The speaker explains the phenomenon where something newly important to us seems to appear everywhere as a result of the brain's reticular activating system (RAS), a filter that highlights information deemed important. This system highlights certain stimuli, like specific cars or fashion trends, once they become relevant to our interests.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The reticular activating system (RAS) is described as a live neural network acting like a filter or a bouncer that decides in real-time what sensory information becomes conscious. The RAS prioritizes information based on perceived importance to the individual, informed by what they focus on.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Recognizing the RAS's function empowers individuals to intentionally inform what it should highlight by focusing on new goals or interests, helping to manage information overload. This feature can be used to one's advantage by deliberately choosing what to focus one’s mind on, thereby altering perception.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    The discussion introduces the concept that changing one’s focus can reprogram the RAS to help bring new, desired aspects into consciousness. This change in perception leads to an alteration in mindset and actions, resulting in a more productive and satisfying life, facilitated by this scientifically-backed brain feature.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Coming back from a commercial break, the speaker reconnects the RAS's flexibility to mindset change, introducing a new simple tool to use this science to one’s advantage. The flexibility of the RAS is crucial in transforming a negative mindset into a positive one, enhancing personal experiences and achievements.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    In responding to a listener's question about overcoming self-doubt, the speaker illustrates how self-beliefs shape mindset, which in turn commands the RAS. The discussion covers how negative self-talk and beliefs about oneself can become a vicious cycle, obscuring positive aspects and amplifying negative ones.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    Highlighting again how mindset affects filter programming in the brain, the example of a single person fixated on their loneliness shows how negative beliefs reinforce themselves, leading to a narrowed perception. In contrast, maintaining a positive outlook can broaden one's perception and improve outcomes, emphasizing the power of mindset.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    The importance of mindset is reiterated, stressing how it dictates one's perceptions, experiences, and actions. The speaker highlights how social media’s algorithm mirrors the brain’s RAS, customizing visible content based on previous engagements, hence impacting one's self-image and worldview, similar to how brain filters operate.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    The conversation shifts to discussing stress management and mental resets, focusing on identifying what matters most to create a roadmap for stress reduction. The speaker explains the impact of stress on brain function and how it hinders strategic thinking, advocating for clarity to guide better decision-making and reduce burnout.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:55:00

    The discussion continues by identifying ways to reduce stress and control the amygdala, suggesting practical steps to create digital boundaries and reduce screen time to manage stress effectively. Building small, positive habits incrementally can significantly enhance mental health and resilience.

  • 00:55:00 - 01:00:00

    The conversation explores the scientific underpinnings of stress management, emphasizing gradual behavioral changes and setting boundaries with digital devices. Examples include creating small achievable goals, recognizing modern digital hazards like 'popcorn brain,' and finding quiet to counteract constant digital engagement.

  • 01:00:00 - 01:05:00

    The discussion expands on the mind-body connection, utilizing breath control to influence one's stress level, thus transforming physiological processes. The gut-brain axis is also highlighted, elucidating the powerful bi-directional communication between these organs and their effect on stress and mood management.

  • 01:05:00 - 01:10:00

    Exercise and physical movement are advocated as vital stress-relief activities, highlighting the crucial role of movement in mental health. Regular, simple exercises such as walking are encouraged to combat physical and mental health detriments from prolonged inactivity, reinforcing the idea of movement as a daily necessity for stress reduction.

  • 01:10:00 - 01:15:00

    Highlighting the dangers of prolonged sitting, the speaker describes the adverse health effects of a sedentary lifestyle, urging consistent physical activity even in small doses. Integrating movement into daily routines, like taking short walks, helps mitigate the health impacts of extended sitting, reinforcing the human body's natural need for movement.

  • 01:15:00 - 01:26:03

    The speaker advocates for taking regular breaks to optimize productivity, debunking the myth of linear productivity. Breaks are necessary for brain and body recovery and should be used to reset rather than increase stress through activities like mindless scrolling, underscoring the importance of intentional rest.

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Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What example does Mel use to explain the brain's filtering system?

    She uses the example of noticing a car model everywhere once you start considering buying it.

  • What is the RAS?

    The RAS, or reticular activating system, is the brain's filtering system that highlights what it thinks is important to you.

  • How can one change their mindset to be more positive?

    By intentionally focusing on positive aspects and engaging in practices like gratitude journaling.

  • What tool does Mel suggest using to influence your brain's filter?

    Mel suggests using gratitude journaling and setting clear intentions to influence the RAS.

  • What is 'popcorn brain'?

    It is a term describing the constant attention-switching due to frequent smartphone use.

  • How can we overcome stress, according to the video?

    By resetting our mindset through gratitude, setting intentions, and taking breaks from technology.

  • What role does the amygdala play in stress?

    The amygdala triggers the fight-or-flight response, which needs controlling for better stress management.

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Subtitles
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  • 00:00:00
    I now want to prove to you that your
  • 00:00:02
    mind is super flexible it is so easily
  • 00:00:05
    programmed I mean I can't even work my
  • 00:00:07
    television remote and I can teach you
  • 00:00:10
    how to change the filter in your brain
  • 00:00:12
    and your brain right now is trying its
  • 00:00:15
    best to change in real time to help you
  • 00:00:18
    and I'm going to prove that to you too
  • 00:00:20
    and I'm also going to give you an
  • 00:00:22
    example of just how flexible your mind
  • 00:00:24
    is how quickly you can change it and
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    when you start to realize holy cow Mel
  • 00:00:30
    right my mind is easier to program than
  • 00:00:34
    a television remote holy cow I I never
  • 00:00:37
    even realize this just you buckle up and
  • 00:00:40
    wait because your mind has been dying
  • 00:00:43
    for you to learn what you're about to
  • 00:00:45
    learn so let's prove to you that your
  • 00:00:50
    mind is at the ready to change to help
  • 00:00:53
    you okay and I'm going to give you an
  • 00:00:55
    example that I am sure you have
  • 00:00:58
    experienced in your life before and
  • 00:01:00
    here's the example buying a new car have
  • 00:01:03
    you ever had an experience where you
  • 00:01:04
    either were looking or shopping for a
  • 00:01:06
    new car or you were in your family
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    somebody was right or you became
  • 00:01:12
    interested in a new car they're
  • 00:01:13
    releasing this brand new Bronco
  • 00:01:16
    okay and now you're super interested in
  • 00:01:18
    it I am personally in this boat right
  • 00:01:20
    now I drive a 9-year-old car 2014 I love
  • 00:01:25
    this car but it's time it seems like the
  • 00:01:28
    engine light is on every other week and
  • 00:01:31
    every time I take it to get fixed it's
  • 00:01:34
    like a $500 bill and so the thing is
  • 00:01:36
    paid off but I'm like you know nine
  • 00:01:39
    years maybe it's time it's getting to
  • 00:01:42
    the point I love my car but maybe I
  • 00:01:43
    should get a new car and the truth is
  • 00:01:46
    I'm not really a car person I don't
  • 00:01:47
    really give a [ __ ] about cars I just
  • 00:01:49
    want the car to be comfortable I want it
  • 00:01:51
    to work I want it to be reliable I want
  • 00:01:52
    the seats to have heaters in them and
  • 00:01:54
    the steering wheel to be a heater seat
  • 00:01:56
    heater thingy I always mix those words
  • 00:01:58
    up but I that's kind of what I care
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    about so I don't really think about cars
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    but you want to know what the second I
  • 00:02:07
    started truly considering maybe it's
  • 00:02:10
    time to get a new car do you know what I
  • 00:02:13
    saw everywhere I'm like holy cow there
  • 00:02:15
    are a lot of cars in this Tiny Town in
  • 00:02:17
    southern Vermont that I live in cars are
  • 00:02:19
    everywhere and then as I started to hone
  • 00:02:21
    in on the new Bronco does everybody and
  • 00:02:26
    their mother Drive the new Bronco it's
  • 00:02:28
    like it's the only car on the road the
  • 00:02:30
    two door the four-door the soft top the
  • 00:02:32
    hard top the gray one the red one the
  • 00:02:34
    green one like they're
  • 00:02:36
    everywhere now here's the thing a couple
  • 00:02:39
    months ago when I was happily driving my
  • 00:02:41
    9-year-old car before the brake light
  • 00:02:43
    has been on consistently for 3 months a
  • 00:02:46
    few months
  • 00:02:47
    ago I had never seen a Bronco up here in
  • 00:02:51
    southern Vermont the only Bronco that I
  • 00:02:52
    had ever seen was the one that my
  • 00:02:54
    brother bought a year ago and he lives
  • 00:02:56
    in Chicago but now that I'm interested
  • 00:02:59
    did in Broncos I see them
  • 00:03:05
    everywhere and the second that I got
  • 00:03:07
    excited about that sort of silvery blue
  • 00:03:10
    one with the soft top I couldn't believe
  • 00:03:13
    it Jesse who runs video production for
  • 00:03:16
    us her husband drives one I didn't even
  • 00:03:18
    notice that they had a Bronco and now
  • 00:03:20
    everybody has not only a Bronco but that
  • 00:03:22
    color and I want you to think about a
  • 00:03:24
    time that this has happened to you where
  • 00:03:27
    you started to get interested in
  • 00:03:29
    something
  • 00:03:30
    and then it's like whmo overnight you
  • 00:03:33
    see it everywhere maybe it was a handbag
  • 00:03:37
    that you were really interested in or a
  • 00:03:38
    certain style of shoe or sneaker you
  • 00:03:40
    know the new Converse ones with the
  • 00:03:42
    really like inch tall uh sole on them
  • 00:03:45
    all of a sudden those things were
  • 00:03:46
    everywhere or the birken stocks you know
  • 00:03:48
    the birken stocks that have the covered
  • 00:03:50
    toe it's like those were popular 30
  • 00:03:53
    years ago and now every single college
  • 00:03:56
    student and 20-some is wearing them uh
  • 00:04:00
    bangs uh the second I wanted curtain
  • 00:04:03
    bangs it's like does everybody have
  • 00:04:04
    curtain bangs suddenly everybody that I
  • 00:04:06
    now see has curtain bangs never even
  • 00:04:07
    noticed them before or you hear a song
  • 00:04:10
    and you tune in you're like oh I love
  • 00:04:11
    that song that song is so cool and
  • 00:04:13
    suddenly you hear the song playing in
  • 00:04:14
    every restaurant maybe you haven't
  • 00:04:16
    shopped for a car but I bet when you
  • 00:04:18
    were looking at colleges it's like wait
  • 00:04:22
    a minute does everybody have a Michigan
  • 00:04:26
    sweatshirt does everybody's parents go
  • 00:04:28
    there does is is there a sticker that
  • 00:04:30
    says University of Michigan on every car
  • 00:04:33
    is it just me or is that the only
  • 00:04:35
    College in town it's a same thing if you
  • 00:04:38
    want to have a baby as soon as you are
  • 00:04:41
    trying to get pregnant you know what
  • 00:04:42
    happens you see kids and pregnant women
  • 00:04:44
    everywhere it's like there were only
  • 00:04:46
    adults on the planet and people that
  • 00:04:48
    weren't pregnant and then you want a
  • 00:04:49
    baby and boom it's in your face or how
  • 00:04:52
    about this one you want to fall in love
  • 00:04:54
    what do you see you see couples in love
  • 00:04:58
    it's so annoying it happens
  • 00:05:01
    instantaneously you know what that is
  • 00:05:03
    that phenomenon where all of a sudden
  • 00:05:05
    overnight you see something everywhere
  • 00:05:10
    that is your mind changing in real time
  • 00:05:15
    that is a filter in your brain paying
  • 00:05:19
    attention to what it thinks you are
  • 00:05:23
    excited about or interested in and it's
  • 00:05:25
    changing what it's showing you in the
  • 00:05:28
    world around you and and here's the
  • 00:05:30
    crazy thing about your mind and this is
  • 00:05:32
    why this science is so exciting when you
  • 00:05:37
    understand it oh my
  • 00:05:39
    God here's the crazy part you
  • 00:05:42
    ready the Broncos the bangs the
  • 00:05:46
    Birkenstocks the babies they were always
  • 00:05:48
    there all around you you just didn't
  • 00:05:52
    notice them you want to know why because
  • 00:05:54
    they were not important to you the fact
  • 00:05:57
    that you suddenly see those things
  • 00:06:00
    everywhere that is an example and it is
  • 00:06:04
    proof that your brain wiring is changing
  • 00:06:09
    in real time and your mind is trying to
  • 00:06:14
    help you your mind is showing you the
  • 00:06:16
    Broncos that have always been there it's
  • 00:06:19
    like it's highlighting it with a
  • 00:06:20
    highlighter why because it became
  • 00:06:22
    important to you why would your mind let
  • 00:06:25
    you see things sometimes but not others
  • 00:06:28
    why are you suddenly seeing the covered
  • 00:06:29
    toe Birkin stocks now but you didn't see
  • 00:06:32
    him for the last 5 years that's a great
  • 00:06:34
    question and this brings us to the topic
  • 00:06:38
    of the filter in your mind oh I'm so
  • 00:06:40
    excited for you to learn this so there
  • 00:06:42
    is a filter in your mind it is called
  • 00:06:45
    the reticular activating system the
  • 00:06:49
    reticular activating system I'm going to
  • 00:06:52
    call this the r okay here's the visual
  • 00:06:56
    because you know your friend Mel loves
  • 00:06:59
    visuals and metaphors to make this stuff
  • 00:07:01
    easy I want you to imagine that there is
  • 00:07:04
    a hairnet over your brain this hairnet
  • 00:07:09
    is a live network of neurons and it is
  • 00:07:13
    constantly changing in real time and
  • 00:07:17
    this Ras this network of neuron hair nut
  • 00:07:22
    that sits over your brain as a filter it
  • 00:07:24
    has one job a very important job mind
  • 00:07:27
    you the RAs has to determine in real
  • 00:07:31
    time I'm talking nanoseconds what
  • 00:07:34
    information it should allow into your
  • 00:07:36
    conscious mind for you to see and
  • 00:07:39
    register and what information it will
  • 00:07:41
    block out from your conscious mind
  • 00:07:44
    another way that you can think about the
  • 00:07:46
    RAS is think about it like a bouncer in
  • 00:07:48
    your brain and the reason why you need a
  • 00:07:51
    bouncer is because life is sort of like
  • 00:07:54
    a very popular nightclub everybody wants
  • 00:07:57
    to get in and because there's so much
  • 00:08:01
    and so many people and so many things
  • 00:08:04
    showing up at a very popular nightclub
  • 00:08:06
    trying to jam their way in the door you
  • 00:08:08
    need a bouncer who is deciding who gets
  • 00:08:12
    in and who has to stand in that long
  • 00:08:15
    line freezing their ass off in an outfit
  • 00:08:18
    that is not appropriate for winter
  • 00:08:21
    trying to get in okay so let's go back
  • 00:08:24
    to the example of the car and the purses
  • 00:08:27
    and the babies and and the University of
  • 00:08:30
    Michigan stickers that you suddenly see
  • 00:08:33
    everywhere the truth is all that stuff
  • 00:08:36
    all the cars on the road all the
  • 00:08:37
    handbags people have the hairstyles it
  • 00:08:40
    was already there it was already in your
  • 00:08:43
    subconscious you quote saw it but the
  • 00:08:48
    RAS didn't allow you to register it it
  • 00:08:51
    shoved it right in that line it did not
  • 00:08:53
    let it into your conscious mind the RAS
  • 00:08:56
    is the bouncer it determines what is is
  • 00:08:59
    it that is important enough to Mel
  • 00:09:01
    Robbins that we are going to let it
  • 00:09:05
    right in and have her think about it
  • 00:09:06
    holy [ __ ] there's another Bronco I'm not
  • 00:09:08
    getting the blue gray color now because
  • 00:09:10
    that's like the third one I've seen
  • 00:09:11
    today in fact I don't even know that if
  • 00:09:13
    I want a Bronco anymore and I don't
  • 00:09:14
    think I want bangs anymore either
  • 00:09:16
    because it looks like every single
  • 00:09:17
    person that I meet has bangs this is how
  • 00:09:21
    the bouncer in your mind
  • 00:09:23
    works it literally has a guest list and
  • 00:09:26
    you're the one that writes the guest
  • 00:09:28
    list out what is on the guest list of
  • 00:09:30
    your mind anything that is important to
  • 00:09:33
    you okay all the other yahoos that are
  • 00:09:36
    not on the list all the other colleges
  • 00:09:38
    that are on stickers on every other card
  • 00:09:41
    Dartmouth Harvard Brown uh University of
  • 00:09:44
    Wittenberg not even noticing those why
  • 00:09:47
    because you're thinking about University
  • 00:09:48
    of Michigan so all those other college
  • 00:09:50
    stickers they're waiting in line they're
  • 00:09:52
    not getting in that bouncer won't let
  • 00:09:54
    him in but boom there's a University of
  • 00:09:55
    Michigan short skirt come on you're
  • 00:09:57
    going in that's how it works
  • 00:10:00
    and so this is super super important and
  • 00:10:03
    it's really exciting okay it's really
  • 00:10:06
    exciting because when you understand
  • 00:10:08
    that there's this electric hairnet on
  • 00:10:11
    your brain called the RS that works like
  • 00:10:13
    a bouncer at a popular nightclub we can
  • 00:10:16
    tell that bouncer what you want who you
  • 00:10:21
    want to let in it's that simple and
  • 00:10:24
    there's another important reason for the
  • 00:10:27
    reses and why you need a bouncer okay
  • 00:10:29
    and the reason is information overload
  • 00:10:31
    it's just impossible for the human brain
  • 00:10:33
    to consciously process all the data that
  • 00:10:38
    is liter that is coming in through all
  • 00:10:40
    five senses if you just take a second
  • 00:10:43
    and look around and if you're driving a
  • 00:10:45
    car please do not take your eyes off the
  • 00:10:47
    road but look around wherever you are
  • 00:10:50
    right now there is so much stuff all
  • 00:10:52
    around you whether it's 50 license
  • 00:10:56
    plates on the road ahead every single
  • 00:10:58
    make and model of the car road signs as
  • 00:11:01
    you're passing the speedometer the music
  • 00:11:04
    input coming in uh feeling your rear end
  • 00:11:06
    on the seat the air blowing out of the
  • 00:11:09
    uh vents all that happening in a car the
  • 00:11:13
    the perfume somebody's wearing all that
  • 00:11:15
    stuff is information coming into your
  • 00:11:17
    brain if you're sitting at a home office
  • 00:11:20
    or you're sitting at home think about
  • 00:11:22
    all the books I'm I'm looking up at our
  • 00:11:23
    production calendar there's all these
  • 00:11:24
    bazillion Post-it notes and I've got
  • 00:11:26
    Jesse standing right there and I've got
  • 00:11:28
    six chairs and my purse and uh oh there
  • 00:11:30
    is a kitchen towel that I just noticed
  • 00:11:33
    on the floor of our office just laying
  • 00:11:37
    there just I must have carried it up
  • 00:11:40
    just a dish towel laying there in the
  • 00:11:44
    office now I'm focused on it because I
  • 00:11:47
    put my attention on it but your Ras
  • 00:11:51
    cannot allow you to consciously process
  • 00:11:54
    absolutely everything you can hear smell
  • 00:11:56
    feel taste
  • 00:11:59
    what's the other one smell taste touch
  • 00:12:02
    can't do it your head would explode and
  • 00:12:05
    so your R this this bouncer with the
  • 00:12:08
    list of what's important to you it has
  • 00:12:10
    to decide every nanc of every day what
  • 00:12:14
    it's going to let in and what it's going
  • 00:12:16
    to block out and so this is important
  • 00:12:20
    because the way that it programs what
  • 00:12:22
    comes into your conscious mind is based
  • 00:12:25
    on what it thinks is important to you
  • 00:12:29
    that's it what it thinks is important to
  • 00:12:33
    you and here is where the life-changing
  • 00:12:37
    opportunity is for you and me and
  • 00:12:40
    everybody that you know when you get
  • 00:12:43
    intentional about purposefully telling
  • 00:12:46
    this bouncer what you want to see
  • 00:12:49
    whether it's Broncos or it's a certain
  • 00:12:51
    handbag or heck now it's the University
  • 00:12:55
    of
  • 00:12:56
    Colorado that bouncer will change up the
  • 00:13:00
    list the RAS reprograms itself in real
  • 00:13:05
    time it changes the filter this is a
  • 00:13:08
    live Network in your brain it changes in
  • 00:13:12
    real time to help you see those things
  • 00:13:16
    that are important to you that's what
  • 00:13:18
    you're experiencing when you suddenly
  • 00:13:20
    see the car that you're interested in
  • 00:13:22
    all over the road and today you're going
  • 00:13:24
    to learn how to use that scientific
  • 00:13:28
    neurological fact to your advantage
  • 00:13:31
    because you're going to give yourself a
  • 00:13:34
    mindset reset so let me recap what we've
  • 00:13:37
    learned so far because it's a lot number
  • 00:13:41
    one your mindset is like a pair of
  • 00:13:44
    sunglasses it filters the way you see
  • 00:13:47
    yourself the world your future
  • 00:13:49
    absolutely everything your mindset
  • 00:13:51
    triggers whether or not you take action
  • 00:13:54
    or you don't take action at all the
  • 00:13:57
    second thing that you've learned is that
  • 00:13:59
    when you change the lens through which
  • 00:14:01
    you view the world from something
  • 00:14:04
    pessimistic and darker to a world view
  • 00:14:08
    that is more Rosy and action oriented
  • 00:14:11
    it's going to lead to a happier and more
  • 00:14:14
    action oriented life and this is
  • 00:14:16
    according to both research and Common
  • 00:14:18
    Sense third you've now learned that
  • 00:14:21
    there is this filter in your brain this
  • 00:14:23
    super cool thing called the reticular
  • 00:14:25
    activating system it changes in real
  • 00:14:28
    time it is flexible it is alive it is a
  • 00:14:30
    network of neuron acting like a bouncer
  • 00:14:33
    keeping people out of your mind letting
  • 00:14:36
    some things in and right now it's only
  • 00:14:39
    acting based on what it thinks is
  • 00:14:41
    important to you and fourth you have
  • 00:14:44
    learned that when you get serious and
  • 00:14:46
    intentional about what you want to see
  • 00:14:49
    whether it's babies or Broncos or it's
  • 00:14:52
    bangs this filter in your brain will
  • 00:14:56
    change in real time to help you achieve
  • 00:14:59
    it period full stop this is
  • 00:15:02
    science now we're going to take a second
  • 00:15:04
    and hear a quick word from our sponsors
  • 00:15:06
    but when you come back to me I'm going
  • 00:15:09
    to explain how your mindset is connected
  • 00:15:11
    to that filter in your brain and I have
  • 00:15:14
    a super simple really cool little tool
  • 00:15:19
    that you're going to start using today
  • 00:15:21
    to put this science around your filter
  • 00:15:24
    to work and your brain it is going to
  • 00:15:26
    start working for you we'll be right
  • 00:15:28
    back
  • 00:15:30
    okay so let me just set the table again
  • 00:15:33
    I like to do that because when I listen
  • 00:15:34
    to podcasts and I hear all the ads I
  • 00:15:36
    completely forget what we've talked
  • 00:15:37
    about by the time I get back to the show
  • 00:15:39
    so we've been talking about your mindset
  • 00:15:41
    and we've also started to scratch a
  • 00:15:43
    surface at this thing called the
  • 00:15:45
    reticular activating system this is that
  • 00:15:47
    live filter in your brain that is
  • 00:15:49
    flexible and capable of changing in a
  • 00:15:52
    nano second to help you so now I want to
  • 00:15:55
    go a layer deeper and I want to start to
  • 00:15:57
    apply this flexibility in your filter to
  • 00:16:01
    changing your mindset so let's start
  • 00:16:03
    with this question from a listener named
  • 00:16:05
    Peter hey this is Peter from Washington
  • 00:16:08
    uh I was just wondering how do I get
  • 00:16:10
    past my doubts and maintain a positive
  • 00:16:12
    mindset thanks Mel thanks Peter so I
  • 00:16:15
    want to focus on one aspect of your
  • 00:16:17
    question and that is where you said
  • 00:16:19
    getting past your doubts this is where
  • 00:16:21
    the science gets really interesting
  • 00:16:24
    because your belief about yourself is a
  • 00:16:27
    mindset
  • 00:16:29
    I'm going to say that again your belief
  • 00:16:31
    about yourself filters how you see the
  • 00:16:34
    world and I'm going to give you an
  • 00:16:36
    example you use the word Peter
  • 00:16:38
    self-doubt if you have a lot of
  • 00:16:40
    self-doubt you question yourself you
  • 00:16:42
    criticize yourself you hold yourself
  • 00:16:45
    back what color do you think the lenses
  • 00:16:48
    on your sunglasses
  • 00:16:49
    are I'm not trying to be silly here I'm
  • 00:16:52
    trying to make this
  • 00:16:55
    intellectual topic very tangible and
  • 00:16:59
    understandable if you have a lot of
  • 00:17:02
    self-doubt what what is the color of the
  • 00:17:05
    lenses on the
  • 00:17:06
    sunglasses because this is where the
  • 00:17:10
    filter in your brain starts to become
  • 00:17:13
    programmed by your mindset now I said
  • 00:17:16
    earlier that your filter focuses on
  • 00:17:18
    showing you what it thinks is important
  • 00:17:20
    to you how does it know what's important
  • 00:17:23
    to you I'll tell you I said earlier that
  • 00:17:27
    the RAS that filter
  • 00:17:29
    its sole job is showing you what it
  • 00:17:31
    thinks is important to you so it begs
  • 00:17:34
    the question right Peter if you haven't
  • 00:17:36
    been
  • 00:17:37
    intentional at least you didn't think
  • 00:17:39
    you were about telling the filter what
  • 00:17:42
    to show you how the hell does it know
  • 00:17:43
    what to show you well it shows you
  • 00:17:47
    whatever you spend your time energy
  • 00:17:49
    thoughts and attention focused on so
  • 00:17:53
    going back to your question about
  • 00:17:54
    self-doubt if you doubt yourself right
  • 00:17:58
    you put a lot of energy into doubting
  • 00:18:01
    yourself it's not just one thought you
  • 00:18:05
    probably do it all day long your
  • 00:18:07
    thoughts are critical you hesitate you
  • 00:18:10
    don't speak up you hold yourself back
  • 00:18:13
    all of that is
  • 00:18:14
    energy that makes your Ras think that
  • 00:18:18
    doubting yourself is important if you
  • 00:18:21
    doubt yourself and you go into work you
  • 00:18:23
    know what happens to you at work you
  • 00:18:25
    don't see the 15 things that you do
  • 00:18:27
    right you you know what you obsess over
  • 00:18:30
    the one thing you've done wrong that one
  • 00:18:34
    email that you sent that was a screw-up
  • 00:18:36
    that one customer that you didn't quite
  • 00:18:39
    do a good job with the one thing you've
  • 00:18:42
    done wrong is all that you can focus on
  • 00:18:45
    well when you start to doubt yourself
  • 00:18:48
    this is where the RAS starts to make it
  • 00:18:50
    worse because your R sees you spending
  • 00:18:54
    so much energy in mental fuel in
  • 00:18:57
    criticizing doubting and hesitating
  • 00:18:59
    and so your R thinks oh my gosh ding
  • 00:19:02
    ding ding Peter thinks it's important
  • 00:19:05
    for him to see what's wrong and so your
  • 00:19:08
    Ras blocks the 15 things that you did
  • 00:19:10
    right you know what you did today Peter
  • 00:19:12
    you sent 32 emails great job you didn't
  • 00:19:15
    see it though you did a great job with
  • 00:19:17
    those five customers you're not giving
  • 00:19:18
    yourself credit though you were amazing
  • 00:19:21
    in that meeting earlier not getting
  • 00:19:23
    credit for that either but the one email
  • 00:19:25
    the one email that bouncer is like come
  • 00:19:27
    to the front of the line I'll take the
  • 00:19:29
    email that is negative with the short
  • 00:19:31
    skirt and that email is getting
  • 00:19:34
    in just like a dark pair of sunglasses
  • 00:19:37
    Shades everything when you doubt
  • 00:19:41
    yourself it Shades your mindset toward
  • 00:19:44
    self out and then your brain gets
  • 00:19:46
    involved when the email from your boss
  • 00:19:49
    comes in hey can you stop by my office
  • 00:19:52
    before you leave today how do you think
  • 00:19:54
    Peter's Ras interprets that email if he
  • 00:19:57
    doubts himself I'll tell you how when he
  • 00:20:00
    reads can you stop by my office before
  • 00:20:02
    you leave today his Ras goes oh
  • 00:20:06
    [ __ ] because you've trained it to look
  • 00:20:09
    for things that aren't right by putting
  • 00:20:12
    so much time and energy into focusing on
  • 00:20:15
    your self-doubt you are also training
  • 00:20:18
    the filter in your brain to filter out
  • 00:20:22
    everything that's going right and to
  • 00:20:24
    focus only on the one thing that's going
  • 00:20:27
    wrong thereby magnifying the self-doubt
  • 00:20:30
    let's go back to an earlier example
  • 00:20:32
    remember that pessimistic friend sitting
  • 00:20:34
    on the beach that's bitching that lunch
  • 00:20:36
    hasn't come or that pessimistic relative
  • 00:20:39
    that is bitching about the family member
  • 00:20:42
    that's halfway across the
  • 00:20:44
    tent it's all they see they can't even
  • 00:20:48
    see the beautiful water or the happy
  • 00:20:50
    couple or anything else good why because
  • 00:20:54
    their pessimism is what has programmed
  • 00:20:57
    their reticular activ ating system this
  • 00:21:00
    is how mindset and the filter in your
  • 00:21:03
    brain get linked they become fused
  • 00:21:07
    together all you see is the reasons you
  • 00:21:10
    should doubt yourself it's how you feel
  • 00:21:13
    so first it starts with a mindset you're
  • 00:21:15
    thinking negative thoughts and then your
  • 00:21:17
    filter gets involved and next thing you
  • 00:21:19
    know you're just seeing more and more
  • 00:21:21
    and more and more reasons to doubt
  • 00:21:24
    yourself and here's something that you
  • 00:21:26
    may be thinking right now why is my
  • 00:21:28
    brain doing to me why is my brain
  • 00:21:29
    against
  • 00:21:31
    me your brain is not working against you
  • 00:21:35
    it's just
  • 00:21:36
    responding to where your mindset and all
  • 00:21:39
    your energy is going that's it it
  • 00:21:41
    follows your energy and your focus and
  • 00:21:45
    this is the good news okay if you get
  • 00:21:48
    intentional about searching for reasons
  • 00:21:51
    to feel proud or for the small wins the
  • 00:21:54
    15 32 emails that you sent the good
  • 00:21:56
    things that you did the places where
  • 00:21:58
    you're showing up your mind will spin
  • 00:22:01
    like a top and all of a sudden just like
  • 00:22:03
    you saw Broncos and babies and
  • 00:22:05
    Birkenstocks instead of seeing the one
  • 00:22:07
    thing that you did wrong you will see
  • 00:22:09
    the 15 things that you did right this is
  • 00:22:12
    not a joke it's hard science this also
  • 00:22:15
    by the way ties right back into the
  • 00:22:18
    endless science about the power of a
  • 00:22:20
    gratitude practice a gratitude practice
  • 00:22:23
    is a way to train your mind a gratitude
  • 00:22:27
    practice is teaching the RAS that being
  • 00:22:31
    grateful and taking times to savor
  • 00:22:34
    Beautiful Moments and focusing on things
  • 00:22:36
    that you're really proud of and you
  • 00:22:38
    appreciate that that's important to you
  • 00:22:41
    so you see more of it that's how this
  • 00:22:43
    all works hand in hand and I want to
  • 00:22:46
    give you one more example okay because I
  • 00:22:49
    think this is challenging at times to
  • 00:22:52
    see in ourselves because we're so used
  • 00:22:53
    to seeing the world through a certain
  • 00:22:55
    lens that we don't even realize we're
  • 00:22:57
    wearing sunglasses
  • 00:22:59
    but it is kind of easy to spot in other
  • 00:23:01
    people so here's one more example about
  • 00:23:04
    how your own beliefs and mindset about
  • 00:23:07
    yourself or a situation that you're in
  • 00:23:10
    can become paralyzing because the filter
  • 00:23:13
    in your brain keeps the mindset in place
  • 00:23:17
    okay so think about somebody that you
  • 00:23:21
    love who's single and they are desperate
  • 00:23:25
    to meet the right
  • 00:23:26
    person and the longer they stay single
  • 00:23:30
    the more and more insecure they get by
  • 00:23:33
    the day and when you see them you see a
  • 00:23:37
    person who is smart who's awesome who's
  • 00:23:39
    hilarious who's loyal who's sexy who's
  • 00:23:41
    amazing who would be the most incredible
  • 00:23:43
    person to be in a relationship
  • 00:23:45
    with but I want you to just
  • 00:23:49
    imagine that the color of the lens on
  • 00:23:53
    your glasses when
  • 00:23:55
    you look through your belief about them
  • 00:23:59
    it's completely different than the color
  • 00:24:03
    of the lens on their glasses when day in
  • 00:24:07
    and day out all this person can think is
  • 00:24:09
    why can't I find somebody I'll never
  • 00:24:11
    find somebody why does everybody else
  • 00:24:13
    have somebody I see all my friends
  • 00:24:15
    getting approached at the bars I see my
  • 00:24:17
    friends getting asked out why am I not
  • 00:24:18
    getting asked
  • 00:24:21
    out what you've now learned about the
  • 00:24:24
    mindset and belief about yourself and
  • 00:24:27
    the way your filter resp responds in
  • 00:24:28
    real time is the more energy you put
  • 00:24:31
    into a negative narrative like this it's
  • 00:24:34
    never going to work out for me nobody's
  • 00:24:35
    ever going to love me I am unlovable
  • 00:24:37
    everybody else has a date I'm never
  • 00:24:38
    going to have a date the more that
  • 00:24:41
    mindset and that belief becomes a
  • 00:24:43
    self-fulfilling situation why because
  • 00:24:46
    you're putting so much energy into the
  • 00:24:48
    negative that the filter in your brain
  • 00:24:50
    is now going to filter the world in a
  • 00:24:52
    way to reinforce the negative story when
  • 00:24:55
    you walk into a bar all you're going to
  • 00:24:57
    see are all the the couples you're not
  • 00:24:59
    even going to focus on all the other
  • 00:25:01
    people that are single that you should
  • 00:25:03
    walk up and talk to that's the bouncer
  • 00:25:06
    in your brain aligning with where your
  • 00:25:08
    energy is this also explains why you as
  • 00:25:11
    the friend see the opposite and you can
  • 00:25:14
    tell the person over and over and over
  • 00:25:16
    again you need to calm down you're
  • 00:25:18
    amazing you are going to find an amazing
  • 00:25:21
    person you're it's not that you're not
  • 00:25:22
    going to meet somebody you just haven't
  • 00:25:23
    met the right person yet it's the exact
  • 00:25:26
    same situation but but because both of
  • 00:25:29
    you have different mindsets and beliefs
  • 00:25:30
    about the situation you see it through a
  • 00:25:33
    different lens and you both Believe by
  • 00:25:36
    the way that your belief is the truth
  • 00:25:40
    and this simple example highlights how
  • 00:25:43
    your mindset and how you view the world
  • 00:25:46
    impacts the filter in your brain because
  • 00:25:49
    the more that this carries on for your
  • 00:25:51
    friend the less your friend is going to
  • 00:25:53
    put themselves out there because they're
  • 00:25:55
    slowly convincing themselves that this
  • 00:25:57
    is never going to happen so why bother
  • 00:26:00
    and the more that you see them pulling
  • 00:26:02
    back the more that your belief is going
  • 00:26:04
    to become but you need to but you're the
  • 00:26:06
    one holding your
  • 00:26:08
    back see the filter in your brain it's
  • 00:26:11
    either going to make the situation worse
  • 00:26:14
    or and this is what I want to teach you
  • 00:26:15
    it can make it better but that depends
  • 00:26:18
    on your ability to get serious about
  • 00:26:21
    programming it because wouldn't you love
  • 00:26:23
    it if your friend who wanted to meet
  • 00:26:25
    somebody would still have a positive
  • 00:26:28
    mind
  • 00:26:28
    or a Rosy Outlook so that they don't
  • 00:26:31
    just latch on to some loser because you
  • 00:26:34
    would probably do anything to make sure
  • 00:26:36
    that this friend of yours this person
  • 00:26:38
    that you love would maintain a positive
  • 00:26:39
    mindset and a Rosy Outlook why do you
  • 00:26:42
    want them to maintain that I'll tell you
  • 00:26:44
    why because your mindset dictates your
  • 00:26:46
    actions and if you can stay positive if
  • 00:26:49
    you can stay optimistic if you can keep
  • 00:26:51
    saying to yourself there is nothing
  • 00:26:53
    wrong with me I just haven't met the
  • 00:26:54
    right person yet but one of these days
  • 00:26:56
    the right person will walk in and in the
  • 00:26:58
    the meantime I'm just going to keep
  • 00:26:59
    being me if they can get intentional
  • 00:27:02
    about creating that mindset a number of
  • 00:27:04
    things are going to happen they're not
  • 00:27:06
    going to become insecure they're not
  • 00:27:08
    going to start acting all weird around
  • 00:27:09
    people and they are not going to latch
  • 00:27:11
    on to some loser just because they're
  • 00:27:13
    starting to convince themselves that
  • 00:27:14
    they're desperate and this is their only
  • 00:27:16
    option because we both know that's not
  • 00:27:18
    true there's 8 billion people in the
  • 00:27:20
    world and right now the right one has
  • 00:27:23
    not walked into your life but they will
  • 00:27:26
    if you can maintain a positive
  • 00:27:29
    attitude and the secret is training the
  • 00:27:32
    r and catching your negative mindset and
  • 00:27:34
    swapping it out for a more positive one
  • 00:27:37
    because as you're learning the thoughts
  • 00:27:39
    that you think dictate the world that
  • 00:27:42
    you see the way that you feel and the
  • 00:27:44
    actions that you take noticing this that
  • 00:27:48
    you have a mindset that's holding you
  • 00:27:49
    back that's the first step second asking
  • 00:27:52
    yourself if it's serving you that's the
  • 00:27:54
    second step and the third step you just
  • 00:27:56
    got to get serious about making your
  • 00:27:57
    mind mind work for you because you can
  • 00:28:00
    if you're breathing you can change this
  • 00:28:03
    even if your default is negative and
  • 00:28:05
    pessimistic you can teach yourself to be
  • 00:28:07
    optimistic and I'm going to give you one
  • 00:28:09
    more example if you are somebody that
  • 00:28:12
    loves social media if you've ever seen
  • 00:28:14
    the Instagram explore page or the Tik
  • 00:28:16
    Tock discover page you'll notice that it
  • 00:28:18
    changes in real time because those pages
  • 00:28:22
    are filters and they respond to what it
  • 00:28:25
    thinks is important to you so if you you
  • 00:28:28
    click on a puppy all of a sudden that
  • 00:28:31
    discover page it's going to be all puppy
  • 00:28:32
    videos I went through this phase where I
  • 00:28:35
    was really into like long nails and
  • 00:28:38
    suddenly that discover page went from
  • 00:28:39
    puppies to long nails and it doesn't
  • 00:28:42
    matter if you accidentally click on
  • 00:28:44
    Beyonce videos or on some other thing
  • 00:28:47
    wedding videos the algorithm is going to
  • 00:28:49
    think that that's what you want to see
  • 00:28:51
    so suddenly that's all that you see and
  • 00:28:53
    it becomes this
  • 00:28:54
    self-fulfilling prophecy your brain's
  • 00:28:57
    the same way once you focus on something
  • 00:28:59
    your brain starts showing you more my
  • 00:29:03
    daughter had this huge breakthrough
  • 00:29:05
    about how she felt about herself based
  • 00:29:08
    on social media and on her brain because
  • 00:29:10
    she realized oh my God my explore page
  • 00:29:13
    it's all fitness models and it's fitness
  • 00:29:16
    models that are in photos of waist
  • 00:29:18
    trainers and wearing body makeup and
  • 00:29:20
    taking these crazy filtered uh photos in
  • 00:29:22
    these contorted positions to make
  • 00:29:24
    themselves look like they have a waist
  • 00:29:26
    that's 2 in small I mean of course she
  • 00:29:28
    felt like [ __ ] about her body why
  • 00:29:30
    because she was seeing it over and over
  • 00:29:34
    and over again and so her brain started
  • 00:29:36
    thinking oh well this must matter to you
  • 00:29:37
    and then the social media Pages start
  • 00:29:39
    aggregating it and showing you more and
  • 00:29:41
    more and more and so as that all starts
  • 00:29:43
    to happen you start to believe that
  • 00:29:45
    everybody on the planet is the size of
  • 00:29:47
    your pinky finger which then of course
  • 00:29:48
    invalidates the fact that you have this
  • 00:29:50
    big beautiful amazing strong body and
  • 00:29:54
    you look fabulous but it doesn't matter
  • 00:29:56
    CU it doesn't match all this crap that's
  • 00:29:58
    being shown in your face this is how
  • 00:30:00
    your brain works too and you got to get
  • 00:30:02
    on top of this you're going to teach us
  • 00:30:04
    the five resets and how to manage stress
  • 00:30:07
    and how to make it uh our friend let's
  • 00:30:10
    talk about the first reset what is it
  • 00:30:12
    the first reset is get clear on what
  • 00:30:15
    matters most when you are living in a
  • 00:30:17
    chronic state of stress you are being
  • 00:30:19
    led and driven by the amygdala it is
  • 00:30:22
    fight ORF flight mode
  • 00:30:24
    self-preservation and it is all about
  • 00:30:27
    survival when you are living in that
  • 00:30:29
    immediate sense of stress it is hard to
  • 00:30:32
    get out of your own way and think about
  • 00:30:34
    the future which is why when you are
  • 00:30:37
    feeling stressed don't berate yourself
  • 00:30:40
    when some when someone says how come you
  • 00:30:42
    don't have a plan because often when
  • 00:30:44
    you're thinking about what is a plan a
  • 00:30:46
    plan is Forward Thinking motion it is
  • 00:30:49
    strategic thinking it is being organized
  • 00:30:52
    it is having some sort of structure all
  • 00:30:54
    of these qualities and all of these
  • 00:30:56
    roles are your prefrontal cortex and
  • 00:30:59
    because you're stressed the amydala and
  • 00:31:02
    the fight flight or
  • 00:31:04
    freeze is what is running the show
  • 00:31:07
    that's right it makes so much sense
  • 00:31:08
    because you're right when you are in a
  • 00:31:11
    state of stress you spin in circles you
  • 00:31:13
    feel totally overwhelmed you completely
  • 00:31:16
    overthink everything for me I get very
  • 00:31:20
    scatterbrained I also um I I I I
  • 00:31:24
    literally feel kind of hopeless too when
  • 00:31:28
    I'm stressed out like the sense that
  • 00:31:29
    there's nothing I can do about this but
  • 00:31:31
    try to get through this thing and it and
  • 00:31:33
    and when you said earlier that the
  • 00:31:35
    tendency when you're chronically
  • 00:31:36
    stressed or burnt out is to keep working
  • 00:31:39
    that's right and so that makes a lot of
  • 00:31:42
    sense to me and so why though do you
  • 00:31:46
    need to figure out like what actually
  • 00:31:49
    matters to you when you're running
  • 00:31:51
    around in circles when you feel like you
  • 00:31:53
    can't escape the problems that you have
  • 00:31:54
    why does this important as the first
  • 00:31:56
    reset the reason it's important is
  • 00:31:58
    because it helps create a road map for
  • 00:32:00
    the future okay when you are in that
  • 00:32:02
    present moment of stress and burnout and
  • 00:32:05
    overwhelm you are at a point where you
  • 00:32:08
    cannot even see the next step let alone
  • 00:32:11
    the destination the distance between
  • 00:32:13
    where you are and where you'd like to be
  • 00:32:16
    seems so vast like a Chasm so you don't
  • 00:32:19
    even take that first step why bother
  • 00:32:21
    it's not going to help corre I'm not
  • 00:32:23
    going to feel better forget it it's the
  • 00:32:24
    All or Nothing fallacy and this first
  • 00:32:27
    reset get clear on what matters most
  • 00:32:29
    helps you create that destination a road
  • 00:32:33
    map a North star call it what you want
  • 00:32:35
    could you do me a favor and talk to the
  • 00:32:37
    person listening to you and walk them
  • 00:32:43
    through how you
  • 00:32:46
    find a reason for why you want to get
  • 00:32:49
    less stressed like how do you do this
  • 00:32:51
    can you just walk us through it as if
  • 00:32:53
    we're sitting there in front of you when
  • 00:32:54
    you're feeling a sense of stress you may
  • 00:32:57
    say to yourself because your inner
  • 00:32:59
    critic has a megaphone you may say to
  • 00:33:01
    yourself what is the matter with me
  • 00:33:04
    instead ask yourself what means most to
  • 00:33:07
    me this is not a big easential ask about
  • 00:33:12
    what is the meaning of life and where do
  • 00:33:14
    I belong this is very practical and so
  • 00:33:16
    when you're thinking about your
  • 00:33:18
    destination why are you doing this work
  • 00:33:19
    for less stress and less burnout it's
  • 00:33:22
    because you want to create a goal that
  • 00:33:25
    means most to you and most stands for
  • 00:33:27
    something so m is motivating o is
  • 00:33:30
    objective s is small and T is timely it
  • 00:33:34
    takes 8 weeks to build a habit
  • 00:33:37
    understand that part of that 8 weeks is
  • 00:33:38
    falling off the wagon and getting back
  • 00:33:40
    on the wagon to continue so give
  • 00:33:43
    yourself a solid 3 months to reach your
  • 00:33:45
    most goal understanding that you're
  • 00:33:47
    going to fall off and get back on and
  • 00:33:49
    fall off and get back on it's all part
  • 00:33:51
    of the process and Trust the process and
  • 00:33:53
    then once you have your most goal of why
  • 00:33:55
    do you want to do this work for less
  • 00:33:57
    stress and burnout it's not that much
  • 00:33:58
    work by the way I'm thinking
  • 00:34:00
    about uh a moment recently where I
  • 00:34:05
    absolutely hit like a medical state of
  • 00:34:08
    burnout and it was several months ago
  • 00:34:13
    and my why if I were thinking about why
  • 00:34:19
    I finally hit the wall were things like
  • 00:34:23
    I want to sleep through the night I
  • 00:34:25
    don't want to dread the work that I have
  • 00:34:30
    coming up this week I don't want to feel
  • 00:34:33
    like I am constantly behind the ball I
  • 00:34:36
    don't want to wake up in the middle of
  • 00:34:38
    the night and be thinking about work I
  • 00:34:41
    want like I need a freaking break like
  • 00:34:44
    it was all so much in the negative so
  • 00:34:47
    when you're doing this first reset is it
  • 00:34:50
    important that when you think about that
  • 00:34:54
    small timely little goal of yours that
  • 00:34:59
    it be framed as something positive not
  • 00:35:02
    necessarily it doesn't have to be
  • 00:35:04
    something external it can be something
  • 00:35:06
    internal but I would say that framing it
  • 00:35:08
    as a positive and say to yourself I want
  • 00:35:11
    My Future Self to be X Y and Z fill in
  • 00:35:13
    the blank I Want My Future Self to have
  • 00:35:16
    better sleep or you can be fed up and
  • 00:35:19
    say I'm sick of not being able to sleep
  • 00:35:20
    through the night I want to sleep
  • 00:35:22
    through the night motivation comes in
  • 00:35:24
    many different forms it can be positive
  • 00:35:25
    and energetic but it can also that
  • 00:35:27
    you're just fed up of your own
  • 00:35:30
    [ __ ] what's reset number two once you
  • 00:35:33
    have this why in mind like I am thinking
  • 00:35:35
    about why it matters to me to turn off
  • 00:35:39
    the amydala hit the reset get control of
  • 00:35:43
    it you say it's fined quiet in a noisy
  • 00:35:46
    world what does that mean this is
  • 00:35:49
    perhaps one of the most important resets
  • 00:35:52
    you may think that when you have stress
  • 00:35:54
    and burnout you need to check out and
  • 00:35:56
    spend 6 months in Bali at least for me
  • 00:35:59
    anytime I feel overwhelmed with stress
  • 00:36:01
    you say that you have that sense of
  • 00:36:03
    overwhelm when I have a lot of stress in
  • 00:36:05
    my life I am irritable I am so short and
  • 00:36:09
    I am just like constantly frowning yes
  • 00:36:11
    or quick to anger yes and I even knowing
  • 00:36:15
    all of the science it takes me a little
  • 00:36:17
    bit I cannot tell you how much over the
  • 00:36:19
    past like six months I've had my husband
  • 00:36:21
    say to me I think you need to start the
  • 00:36:23
    resets again oh well and then I'll say
  • 00:36:26
    oh yeah oh my cuz I doubled down on
  • 00:36:28
    every single reset during this whole
  • 00:36:31
    past I I I walk the talk but
  • 00:36:33
    particularly over the past few months
  • 00:36:35
    well just to put it in context doing a
  • 00:36:39
    book tour for a book this important is
  • 00:36:43
    probably like being a resident in
  • 00:36:45
    medical school absolutely what is
  • 00:36:47
    popcorn brain popcorn brain is a
  • 00:36:48
    biological phenomenon coined by a man
  • 00:36:50
    named Adam Ley and it is when any any
  • 00:36:54
    time that you're waiting you're in a
  • 00:36:56
    grocery store in line waiting to buy
  • 00:36:58
    food you're on your phone you are at the
  • 00:37:00
    bank at waiting to see the teller you're
  • 00:37:02
    on your phone there have been more near
  • 00:37:05
    Miss pedestrian accidents because of
  • 00:37:07
    popcorn brain you are just always on
  • 00:37:09
    your screen always engaging all day
  • 00:37:12
    every day during all waking hours and it
  • 00:37:14
    creates a sense of hyper stimulation in
  • 00:37:16
    your brain which makes it difficult to
  • 00:37:19
    live offline because offline life moves
  • 00:37:22
    at a decidedly slow pace the pace of
  • 00:37:25
    life is very different offline think
  • 00:37:27
    about when you've said hey you know what
  • 00:37:28
    I'm not going to check my phone for a
  • 00:37:30
    few hours and you're just hanging out
  • 00:37:31
    it's very eerie it's slow you can see if
  • 00:37:35
    you have popcorn brain by doing a quick
  • 00:37:38
    test keep your phone in another room and
  • 00:37:41
    if you can for a couple of hours even
  • 00:37:42
    try for 30 minutes sit down with a piece
  • 00:37:45
    of paper and a pen and every time you
  • 00:37:46
    feel that compulsion to check your phone
  • 00:37:48
    just put a little Mark and you will be
  • 00:37:51
    shocked and appalled even me knowing all
  • 00:37:53
    of the science I had to keep my phone
  • 00:37:56
    far away so I could write the five
  • 00:37:58
    resets because it is has such a pull
  • 00:38:01
    popcorn brain also is triggered by the
  • 00:38:04
    amydala because you are having that
  • 00:38:06
    sense of hypervigilance like oh let me
  • 00:38:08
    check my phone let me check my phone
  • 00:38:09
    that sense of wanting to check there's
  • 00:38:11
    another phenomenon that's very tied to
  • 00:38:13
    popcorn brain which is even more
  • 00:38:14
    concerning which is called brain drain
  • 00:38:17
    so it's not just when you use your phone
  • 00:38:19
    which is what popcorn brain is but
  • 00:38:22
    scientists have found that brain drain
  • 00:38:24
    occurs meaning your phone like this
  • 00:38:26
    phone it's right next to me during this
  • 00:38:28
    whole
  • 00:38:30
    conversation and so your brain there's a
  • 00:38:33
    phenomenon where just that sheer
  • 00:38:36
    potential for distraction having a phone
  • 00:38:39
    close by can be incredibly distracting
  • 00:38:43
    for your brain and increase your sense
  • 00:38:45
    of stress and burnout so the antidote to
  • 00:38:48
    popcorn brain or brain drain is to
  • 00:38:51
    create digital boundaries we have in
  • 00:38:53
    every relationship in our life with our
  • 00:38:56
    partners our colleagues colleagues our
  • 00:38:58
    friends we have boundaries but we have
  • 00:39:01
    poorest boundaries or often No
  • 00:39:03
    Boundaries when it comes to your
  • 00:39:05
    relationship with your digital devices
  • 00:39:07
    this is not about becoming a digital
  • 00:39:08
    Monk and abstinence we need to engage in
  • 00:39:12
    news it's important to be an informed
  • 00:39:14
    citizen what are your favorite
  • 00:39:15
    boundaries one of the most important
  • 00:39:17
    things is to keep your phone off your
  • 00:39:19
    nightstand and invest in a lowcost alarm
  • 00:39:21
    clock instead what I love is your 5c
  • 00:39:24
    rule when you get up out of bed over 50%
  • 00:39:27
    of people check the news or check their
  • 00:39:30
    phones and check their emails think
  • 00:39:31
    about what that's doing to your brain
  • 00:39:33
    what that's doing to your amydala if you
  • 00:39:35
    are stressed and burned out chances are
  • 00:39:36
    you didn't sleep very well that night or
  • 00:39:38
    if you had a good night's sleep great
  • 00:39:39
    but then immediately it's triggering
  • 00:39:41
    it's triggering all of these chemicals
  • 00:39:43
    and the Cascade in your brain instead
  • 00:39:45
    keep your phone away from your
  • 00:39:46
    nightstand when you open your eyes take
  • 00:39:49
    in the morning light and then do the
  • 00:39:50
    five second rule and get up out of bed
  • 00:39:54
    then you know maybe go to the bathroom
  • 00:39:56
    brush your teeth do stretches and then
  • 00:39:58
    check your phone okay so that is a key
  • 00:40:01
    geographical boundary what's another
  • 00:40:03
    boundary during the day at work keep
  • 00:40:05
    your phone out of sight so you decrease
  • 00:40:07
    that Primal urge to scroll keep it in a
  • 00:40:09
    cubicle drawer keep it out of Arms Reach
  • 00:40:12
    10 ft away from you in a cubical drawer
  • 00:40:14
    just so it is not in your reach the
  • 00:40:16
    reason is because when you have that
  • 00:40:18
    Primal urge to scroll what you want to
  • 00:40:20
    do is you want to overwrite it and you
  • 00:40:22
    want to create more intentionality
  • 00:40:25
    around your media consumption you know
  • 00:40:27
    I'll share personally that our executive
  • 00:40:29
    producer Tracy will not allow me to have
  • 00:40:32
    my phone when we are in a meeting she
  • 00:40:35
    will reach over if I grab it and
  • 00:40:38
    literally like a mom guide it out of my
  • 00:40:41
    hand put it away and I'll tell you she's
  • 00:40:44
    right like you're just distracted so
  • 00:40:46
    even if it's near me and I have made it
  • 00:40:49
    a habit there's a uh kind of a task
  • 00:40:52
    table here at work where I set up when
  • 00:40:54
    I'm you know in Boston and my phone is
  • 00:40:57
    always right over there I don't have it
  • 00:40:59
    on my person I try not to carry it
  • 00:41:01
    around I try to put it back over there
  • 00:41:04
    because I know how I just grab it and
  • 00:41:07
    just grab it Dr Dei what's one hack you
  • 00:41:09
    can do for better focus one thing you
  • 00:41:11
    can do Mel is to put your phone in
  • 00:41:13
    grayscale when I really felt like my
  • 00:41:15
    phone you know who's in control me or my
  • 00:41:17
    phone and there were many mo moments in
  • 00:41:19
    my life where I would say ah it was my
  • 00:41:20
    phone now it's very much me but I would
  • 00:41:23
    switch my phone to grayscale and just
  • 00:41:26
    doing that with my screen made all the
  • 00:41:27
    difference because all of the lights and
  • 00:41:29
    the I mean sorry all of the colors and
  • 00:41:31
    the brightness and everything is just
  • 00:41:32
    very enticing so when it's gray skill it
  • 00:41:34
    makes it less enticing it actively
  • 00:41:36
    changes your brain and how does it
  • 00:41:39
    change your brain well because it's you
  • 00:41:41
    know uh big Tech is they know exactly
  • 00:41:44
    what they're doing so when you have
  • 00:41:46
    colors and patterns and beautiful images
  • 00:41:50
    and this user interface it makes it more
  • 00:41:52
    enticing to continue using think about
  • 00:41:55
    when something is black and white and
  • 00:41:58
    like if you if you switched your phone
  • 00:42:00
    to grayscale today try it today switch
  • 00:42:02
    your phone to grayscale and it just
  • 00:42:03
    becomes less enticing because it's less
  • 00:42:05
    you know the the chemicals aren't going
  • 00:42:07
    off in your brain the neurotransmitters
  • 00:42:09
    and because it's just it's kind of
  • 00:42:11
    boring well what I love about the way
  • 00:42:13
    you're teaching this is that I've
  • 00:42:16
    certainly heard a ton of people talk
  • 00:42:18
    about the connection between stress and
  • 00:42:21
    social media and stress and your phone
  • 00:42:24
    and the need to get off your phone and
  • 00:42:26
    these top
  • 00:42:27
    but when you explain it in terms of your
  • 00:42:31
    amydala turning on and that your amydala
  • 00:42:34
    putting you in fight flight or freeze
  • 00:42:39
    somehow knowing that makes this way more
  • 00:42:42
    tangible it also makes it way more
  • 00:42:45
    important to me that I follow this
  • 00:42:49
    advice and I pay attention to when the
  • 00:42:52
    amydala is running the show versus when
  • 00:42:56
    I'm running the show and these
  • 00:42:59
    boundaries and this second reset is a
  • 00:43:02
    way for you to run your life rather than
  • 00:43:06
    letting the amydala just kick into high
  • 00:43:09
    gear and keep you Hostage to all of this
  • 00:43:12
    stuff that's right and I think my
  • 00:43:16
    Approach comes from Decades of being a
  • 00:43:18
    medical doctor and seeing patients so
  • 00:43:21
    every single thing that I offer to my
  • 00:43:23
    patients during my talks in this book
  • 00:43:25
    the five resets every single Le thing is
  • 00:43:27
    free that was really important to me
  • 00:43:30
    because I have had patients from all
  • 00:43:31
    walks of life with different resources
  • 00:43:33
    and that was critical to me the second
  • 00:43:36
    thing that I really aim to do with every
  • 00:43:37
    single strategy I offer of course it's
  • 00:43:39
    science-based but that it is time
  • 00:43:42
    efficient if we all could spend an hour
  • 00:43:44
    getting a massage and then getting an
  • 00:43:46
    acupuncture treatment and then going for
  • 00:43:48
    a walk and all of the wonderful things
  • 00:43:51
    that we are that are available to anyone
  • 00:43:53
    who has the means to do the time as well
  • 00:43:55
    then great but for for most people in
  • 00:43:58
    everyday life you have in overscheduled
  • 00:44:01
    life a million competing priorities and
  • 00:44:04
    often you put yourself last on that list
  • 00:44:05
    and so stress and burnout your own
  • 00:44:07
    stress and burnout and your own mental
  • 00:44:08
    health is like oh I'll get to it when
  • 00:44:10
    but if not now then when and so really
  • 00:44:13
    making sure that these strategies are
  • 00:44:16
    easy and practical and can be something
  • 00:44:19
    that you do
  • 00:44:20
    today many of these things you can start
  • 00:44:23
    today and it is all when it comes to
  • 00:44:25
    your brain and rewiring your brain brain
  • 00:44:27
    and body for less stress and more
  • 00:44:28
    resilience or less stress and less
  • 00:44:30
    burnout these incremental changes a
  • 00:44:33
    little bit every day can actually rewire
  • 00:44:37
    your brain it is not some big Grand
  • 00:44:39
    gesture that does it like a massage once
  • 00:44:42
    a month great a nice Band-Aid it'll help
  • 00:44:44
    you when you get a massage or when I get
  • 00:44:46
    a massage it feels great for a day and
  • 00:44:49
    then the next morning I wake up and it's
  • 00:44:50
    the same old stuff now I know why
  • 00:44:52
    because the amydala is the issue it's
  • 00:44:55
    it's that is a thousand % what you're
  • 00:44:57
    teaching us it's the amydala it's
  • 00:45:00
    literally the amydala
  • 00:45:02
    so what would you like if the if the
  • 00:45:05
    person listening wants to get a better
  • 00:45:08
    night sleep as a Harvard educated
  • 00:45:11
    medical doctor and Professor what what
  • 00:45:14
    would you tell the person listening to
  • 00:45:16
    do tonight in order to get a better
  • 00:45:19
    night sleep I always lead with
  • 00:45:20
    self-compassion so first is if you are
  • 00:45:23
    not sleeping well you are not alone it
  • 00:45:25
    is not your fault when you have better
  • 00:45:27
    days you will have better nights take
  • 00:45:30
    sleep and your difficulty with sleep as
  • 00:45:32
    a simple sign or a symptom of something
  • 00:45:35
    that you want to work on you can Target
  • 00:45:37
    it headon with a lot of these strategies
  • 00:45:39
    keep your phone off your nightstand
  • 00:45:41
    invest in a lowcost alarm clock aim to
  • 00:45:44
    not you know first thing when you wake
  • 00:45:46
    up don't scroll try to do something else
  • 00:45:49
    and create and the other thing that I
  • 00:45:51
    would say is 2 hours before bedtime
  • 00:45:53
    limit your screens again nothing is
  • 00:45:56
    overnight it doesn't work like magic but
  • 00:45:57
    if you start these today give yourself
  • 00:46:00
    eight weeks but you will see a
  • 00:46:02
    difference within a week by the weekend
  • 00:46:05
    you should start feeling better these
  • 00:46:06
    things take shape quickly because your
  • 00:46:09
    brain and your body are rewiring all the
  • 00:46:11
    time your brain is a muscle
  • 00:46:13
    neuroplasticity a very fancy science
  • 00:46:15
    word but it means your brain is a muscle
  • 00:46:16
    it's not a grab bag like what you got
  • 00:46:18
    for birth is what you got for life it's
  • 00:46:20
    not what it is your brain is like a
  • 00:46:22
    muscle just like a bicep so you know in
  • 00:46:25
    exercise we the the thing with sleep
  • 00:46:27
    that's fascinating is that like with
  • 00:46:29
    exercise if you did you know 2 lb
  • 00:46:31
    dumbbells like 100 curls with your
  • 00:46:33
    biceps you'd know that it's doing
  • 00:46:34
    something I mean it's not going to do as
  • 00:46:36
    much as like a 10 pound but you try it
  • 00:46:37
    anyway you're like you know what I'm
  • 00:46:38
    going to try it so think of your brain
  • 00:46:40
    as a muscle try things out experiment
  • 00:46:43
    understand that doing a little bit a
  • 00:46:45
    simple change like keeping your phone
  • 00:46:47
    off your nightstand could make all the
  • 00:46:49
    difference and could be a GameChanger it
  • 00:46:50
    doesn't have to be this big giant
  • 00:46:52
    lifestyle overhaul also your brain
  • 00:46:55
    cannot handle big LIF style overhauls
  • 00:46:57
    when you are feeling a sense of stress
  • 00:46:59
    cuz even positive change like all of
  • 00:47:01
    these things that we're talking about
  • 00:47:02
    change is considered a stressor to your
  • 00:47:04
    brain well that's why you always
  • 00:47:05
    recommend in your book too that rule of
  • 00:47:08
    two the rule of what is the rule of two
  • 00:47:11
    the rule of two is how our brain
  • 00:47:12
    response to change when we are feeling a
  • 00:47:15
    sense of stress so think about in 2020
  • 00:47:17
    you may have had big lofty goals mine
  • 00:47:19
    was to build a farmhouse table from
  • 00:47:21
    scratch to learn Italian and to learn to
  • 00:47:23
    play the guitar and now it's a wonder if
  • 00:47:26
    you wear clean clothes and eat a few
  • 00:47:28
    vegetables at 2024 right like we're here
  • 00:47:31
    now it's because you cannot sustain huge
  • 00:47:33
    lifestyle overhauls during periods of
  • 00:47:35
    stress because even positive changes are
  • 00:47:38
    considered a stressor to your brain and
  • 00:47:40
    this is this was a landmark study done
  • 00:47:41
    in the 1960s by two uh Doctors Two
  • 00:47:44
    psychiatrists Dr Holmes and Rahe they
  • 00:47:47
    studied 5,000 people and 43 of the most
  • 00:47:49
    common life conditions positive happy
  • 00:47:51
    things like we were talking about right
  • 00:47:53
    like getting a new job falling in love
  • 00:47:55
    having a child getting married
  • 00:47:57
    buying a new car and the sad things in
  • 00:48:00
    life death unemployment
  • 00:48:03
    divorce lots of these horrible things
  • 00:48:06
    and what they found in this research was
  • 00:48:08
    that at the end when they added up the
  • 00:48:10
    they tallied up every single person all
  • 00:48:12
    of these life events and found that the
  • 00:48:14
    more life events that you have acred
  • 00:48:16
    your greater chance of having stress and
  • 00:48:17
    burnout and greater illness down the
  • 00:48:19
    road which showed it's the basis of the
  • 00:48:21
    rule of two to focus on two things at a
  • 00:48:24
    time even positive change can be a
  • 00:48:27
    stressor for your brain because your
  • 00:48:28
    brain needs time to adapt and recover
  • 00:48:31
    from this positive change again the word
  • 00:48:33
    stress healthy stress being adaptive
  • 00:48:36
    it's your brain adapting to these
  • 00:48:38
    changes so just aim to do two things at
  • 00:48:41
    a time you might read the five resets
  • 00:48:43
    and say or you might listen to our
  • 00:48:44
    conversation and we're offering so many
  • 00:48:46
    strategies in this conversation you
  • 00:48:48
    might say I'm going to do everything all
  • 00:48:50
    at once the everything but the kitchen
  • 00:48:51
    sing approach you'll do it for four
  • 00:48:53
    weeks and then you'll say there's no way
  • 00:48:56
    I'm doing this so pick the most
  • 00:48:57
    important thing to improve and then just
  • 00:49:00
    like if you were to literally just stop
  • 00:49:03
    the Doom
  • 00:49:04
    scrolling and put your phone somewhere
  • 00:49:07
    other than your bedroom at 7 o'clock at
  • 00:49:09
    night and you create that boundary and
  • 00:49:12
    then you don't sleep next to it and you
  • 00:49:13
    don't look at it first thing in the
  • 00:49:14
    morning if you were to Simply do that
  • 00:49:17
    your sleep would improve almost
  • 00:49:19
    immediately your sleep would improve
  • 00:49:21
    immediately the entire tenor of your day
  • 00:49:24
    would change and you would feel so much
  • 00:49:27
    more grounded you would feel you know
  • 00:49:30
    whatever symptom that you're having of
  • 00:49:31
    stress there are many it would have an
  • 00:49:33
    immediate impact on your stress and your
  • 00:49:36
    burnout and over time if you continue to
  • 00:49:38
    do that day after day after day you will
  • 00:49:42
    be a changed person I'm so excited for
  • 00:49:44
    the third reset um because we're talking
  • 00:49:48
    about the brain Body Connection and how
  • 00:49:54
    when this little amydala starts going
  • 00:49:57
    bananas what is number three the third
  • 00:49:59
    reset is sink your brain to your body it
  • 00:50:02
    is all about the Mind Body Connection
  • 00:50:05
    what does that mean sync your brain to
  • 00:50:07
    your body when you hear the term
  • 00:50:09
    mindbody connection you may think that's
  • 00:50:11
    total woooo but in fact there is a lot
  • 00:50:14
    of robust scientific literature to
  • 00:50:16
    support the mindbody connection which is
  • 00:50:18
    a fancy term for simply saying that your
  • 00:50:22
    brain and your body are in constant
  • 00:50:23
    communication and inextricably linked
  • 00:50:26
    with good for your brain is good for
  • 00:50:27
    your body and vice versa when you do
  • 00:50:30
    better you feel better and it's all in
  • 00:50:32
    the doing you may be hearing about the
  • 00:50:34
    Mind Body Connection for the first time
  • 00:50:36
    today but you have been experiencing the
  • 00:50:39
    mindbody connection forever butterflies
  • 00:50:42
    at falling in love your face flushing at
  • 00:50:44
    an embarrassing moment you're about to
  • 00:50:47
    give a presentation for work and your
  • 00:50:48
    heart starts racing this is the Mind
  • 00:50:51
    Body Connection it's like gravity it's
  • 00:50:54
    happening in the background all the time
  • 00:50:57
    the beauty of the mindbody connection is
  • 00:50:59
    that while it is happening around us in
  • 00:51:02
    you at all times you can learn to tap
  • 00:51:05
    into the mindbody connection understand
  • 00:51:08
    it and most importantly influence it to
  • 00:51:11
    better serve you with your stress and
  • 00:51:13
    your burnout the quickest way to tap
  • 00:51:14
    into your Mind Body Connection is with
  • 00:51:16
    your breath your breath is the only
  • 00:51:19
    physiological mechanism that is under
  • 00:51:22
    voluntary control and involuntary
  • 00:51:25
    control so you and I could do a
  • 00:51:27
    breathing exercise today right now and
  • 00:51:29
    you would feel a sense of calm and then
  • 00:51:31
    we're just talking and your breath is
  • 00:51:32
    going let's it your brain can't do that
  • 00:51:34
    your brain waves your digestion can't do
  • 00:51:36
    that nothing else in your body has that
  • 00:51:39
    same under voluntary control and
  • 00:51:41
    involuntary control um so that is the
  • 00:51:44
    first kind of way that you can tap into
  • 00:51:45
    it so there are very quick and the other
  • 00:51:48
    thing to mention is that when you are in
  • 00:51:50
    a migdala mode or fight ORF flight mode
  • 00:51:52
    your sympathetic nervous system again a
  • 00:51:54
    fancy scientific word we have two
  • 00:51:56
    nervous systems in the body one is the
  • 00:51:58
    sympathetic nervous system that governs
  • 00:52:00
    fight or flight the other one governs
  • 00:52:02
    something called rest and digest it's
  • 00:52:05
    the parasympathetic nervous system the
  • 00:52:07
    two can't be on at the same time they're
  • 00:52:08
    mutually exclusive and your breath can
  • 00:52:11
    help modulate be the light switch
  • 00:52:13
    between the sympathetic and the
  • 00:52:15
    parasympathetic system so when you are
  • 00:52:18
    in sympathetic mode driven by your
  • 00:52:20
    amydala your heart is beating you have
  • 00:52:22
    quick shallow breathing think about when
  • 00:52:24
    you're anxious you're breathing you know
  • 00:52:26
    you're anxious you're breathing quickly
  • 00:52:28
    very shallow and Rapid that is because
  • 00:52:31
    it's a physiological mechanism you're
  • 00:52:33
    trying to get the oxygen in to go to
  • 00:52:34
    your muscle so you can fight or you can
  • 00:52:36
    flee parasympathetic mode you are
  • 00:52:39
    breathing deeply and slowly it is rest
  • 00:52:42
    and digest sympathetic mode is that
  • 00:52:45
    quick shallow breathing is thoracic
  • 00:52:47
    breathing it's chest breathing
  • 00:52:49
    parasympathetic mode rest and digest
  • 00:52:52
    it's belly breathing and knowing this
  • 00:52:55
    very scient ific explanation it's simply
  • 00:52:59
    to say that when you modulate your
  • 00:53:00
    breathing and influence your breathing
  • 00:53:03
    you can switch one system on and off and
  • 00:53:07
    you can tap into your Mind Body
  • 00:53:08
    Connection because of what you know now
  • 00:53:10
    about the breath gotcha as you're
  • 00:53:12
    thinking about managing your stress and
  • 00:53:13
    burnout it's also important to think
  • 00:53:15
    about your gut brain connection can you
  • 00:53:17
    explain to the person um
  • 00:53:21
    listening how
  • 00:53:23
    physically the gut and the Brain are
  • 00:53:27
    connected and how they speak to each
  • 00:53:29
    other and how I found it fascinating
  • 00:53:32
    when I first learned that they were part
  • 00:53:34
    of the same tissue yes uh when you are
  • 00:53:37
    being formed as an embryo and that
  • 00:53:40
    during your development that they
  • 00:53:43
    literally are one Clump that then
  • 00:53:45
    separates and I always imagine that
  • 00:53:47
    there's like this gooey Ooey sticky
  • 00:53:49
    stuff between your brain and your gut
  • 00:53:52
    but could you explain it as a medical
  • 00:53:54
    doctor what the brain brain gut
  • 00:53:57
    connection is the brain gut connection
  • 00:54:00
    is that your brain and your gut are
  • 00:54:01
    literally speaking to to each other and
  • 00:54:03
    there is cross talk at all times it
  • 00:54:07
    happens through a ecosystem of trillions
  • 00:54:11
    of bacteria healthy bacteria in your gut
  • 00:54:14
    called the
  • 00:54:15
    microbiome I want to say that the gut is
  • 00:54:18
    considered the second brain because
  • 00:54:20
    there three to five times more serotonin
  • 00:54:23
    receptors in your gut than your brain
  • 00:54:25
    when you hear the word serotonin you
  • 00:54:27
    know the popular class of drugs
  • 00:54:29
    ssris these are medications that we use
  • 00:54:32
    for depression and anxiety and a whole
  • 00:54:33
    host of other things and these are brain
  • 00:54:35
    chemicals serotonin when you hear the
  • 00:54:37
    word you think oh brain brain chemical
  • 00:54:39
    but in fact there are three to five
  • 00:54:41
    times more serotonin receptors in your
  • 00:54:43
    gut than your brain one of my mentors
  • 00:54:45
    used to say my early Mentor he would say
  • 00:54:46
    I wonder why people are walking around
  • 00:54:48
    with like hearts around their neck they
  • 00:54:49
    should be using their brain like as a
  • 00:54:51
    little pendant and then another Mentor
  • 00:54:53
    said forget the brain we should be
  • 00:54:55
    having like our guts around our neck cuz
  • 00:54:56
    that is truly the second brain it's like
  • 00:54:59
    that's how much the science supports
  • 00:55:01
    this idea of the gut being the second
  • 00:55:03
    brain and every weak Mel there is new
  • 00:55:06
    compelling fascinating research about
  • 00:55:08
    the gut brain connection and so this
  • 00:55:11
    microbiome this ecosystem of trillions
  • 00:55:14
    and trillions of healthy bacteria in
  • 00:55:16
    your gut govern so many things besides
  • 00:55:18
    digestion it is a bidirectional Highway
  • 00:55:21
    of information your brain is sending
  • 00:55:23
    signals to your gut and your gut is sign
  • 00:55:25
    sending sign signals right back to your
  • 00:55:27
    brain as a doctor at Harvard what do you
  • 00:55:29
    do for
  • 00:55:30
    exercise and
  • 00:55:32
    movement 25 years ago I was a stressed
  • 00:55:36
    patient looking for answers and that is
  • 00:55:39
    why that was that's my uh villain origin
  • 00:55:42
    story of how I became a doctor with an
  • 00:55:44
    expertise in stress is because I was a
  • 00:55:45
    stress patient looking for answers I
  • 00:55:47
    found my way out of the stress struggle
  • 00:55:50
    put on my scientist hat I had gone to
  • 00:55:52
    see a doctor and my doctor had said you
  • 00:55:54
    know go get a massage and just relax
  • 00:55:56
    just try to relax more so I was like
  • 00:55:58
    okay I'll get a massage I'll have dinner
  • 00:56:00
    with friends I'll go retail therapy all
  • 00:56:02
    the things that didn't work and so when
  • 00:56:03
    I put on my scientist hat and I started
  • 00:56:05
    looking and doing the research is when I
  • 00:56:07
    really found out okay this is how stress
  • 00:56:09
    impacts the brain and the body and this
  • 00:56:11
    is how I'm going to find my way out of
  • 00:56:13
    stress movement was one and then when I
  • 00:56:14
    came out of that I said I wanted to be
  • 00:56:16
    the doctor that I needed during that
  • 00:56:17
    difficult time so that's my origin story
  • 00:56:20
    I mentioned that because movement was
  • 00:56:22
    not something I did every single day I
  • 00:56:24
    was working 80 hours a week and I don't
  • 00:56:26
    know I was running from one patient room
  • 00:56:28
    to the other I thought that was movement
  • 00:56:29
    enough and so what I did during that
  • 00:56:31
    time I was acutely stressed I was so
  • 00:56:35
    depleted and running on fume smell I was
  • 00:56:37
    erratic in my food intake my sleep
  • 00:56:40
    seeing death and dying on a daily basis
  • 00:56:43
    self-care and burnout or even stress was
  • 00:56:46
    not in my lexicon it was not in my
  • 00:56:48
    vocabulary when I was training in my
  • 00:56:50
    medical training my motto how I was
  • 00:56:52
    trained was pressure makes diamonds
  • 00:56:55
    someone sat a whole group of medical
  • 00:56:57
    students down in our first year or
  • 00:56:59
    second year of Medical Training and said
  • 00:57:01
    I just want you guys to know what you're
  • 00:57:02
    about to go through pressure makes
  • 00:57:04
    diamonds so I was like Hey diamond in
  • 00:57:06
    the making bring it on and then my
  • 00:57:08
    diamond cracked so when I discovered all
  • 00:57:11
    of the science around why movement is
  • 00:57:12
    important and exercise is like e the
  • 00:57:15
    dreaded e word no one likes to talk
  • 00:57:16
    about it so I we can talk about Movement
  • 00:57:18
    we can talk about exercise that to
  • 00:57:21
    answer your question it has changed when
  • 00:57:23
    I was a stressed patient or medical
  • 00:57:26
    resident working 80 hours a week and I
  • 00:57:28
    had was running on fumes and so depleted
  • 00:57:30
    I focused on gentle therapeutic movement
  • 00:57:33
    so I went to yoga class several times a
  • 00:57:35
    week that was my Gateway just to say
  • 00:57:37
    that doctors are socialized to place
  • 00:57:39
    small we don't share our own personal
  • 00:57:41
    stories because we focus on the patient
  • 00:57:42
    so writing the five resets and sharing
  • 00:57:44
    my personal story I have to tell you Mel
  • 00:57:47
    I might start crying but you were an
  • 00:57:49
    inspiration for sharing that story
  • 00:57:51
    because you share so much of your own
  • 00:57:53
    personal stuff to help people and I knew
  • 00:57:55
    that the only way that people would
  • 00:57:58
    relate to me is if I told them the truth
  • 00:58:00
    and not I'm just doing this for my
  • 00:58:02
    patients it's because no I was a patient
  • 00:58:04
    I struggled with my stress and burnout
  • 00:58:06
    and that's when I became the doctor I
  • 00:58:07
    needed during that difficult time and so
  • 00:58:09
    your story and your example was like a
  • 00:58:12
    leading sort of like a a light that
  • 00:58:15
    really a lighthouse that guided me well
  • 00:58:17
    I'm thrilled that you shared your story
  • 00:58:19
    because you clearly are the doctor we
  • 00:58:21
    all need thank you and so during that
  • 00:58:23
    really difficult time I focused on a
  • 00:58:26
    couple of days a week of yoga gentle
  • 00:58:28
    stretching nothing much and a few walks
  • 00:58:30
    so I used to walk every single day which
  • 00:58:32
    is why in the five resets when I talk
  • 00:58:35
    about movement walking even if it's 5 or
  • 00:58:38
    10 minutes again you might say what's a
  • 00:58:39
    walk going to do it's going to do
  • 00:58:41
    nothing because it's not about the
  • 00:58:43
    promise of physical fitness this is the
  • 00:58:46
    promise of mental Fitness and so a
  • 00:58:49
    little bit of a daily walk and the
  • 00:58:50
    reason I walked every single day when I
  • 00:58:52
    was a stressed patient and why I suggest
  • 00:58:55
    when people are feeling that cute sense
  • 00:58:56
    of stress to walk is every single day is
  • 00:58:59
    because it avoids decision fatigue if
  • 00:59:01
    you say to yourself when you're deeply
  • 00:59:03
    stressed I'm going to go to the gym
  • 00:59:04
    three times a week for an hourlong class
  • 00:59:07
    okay then Monday rolls around a deadline
  • 00:59:09
    comes up at work you don't go Tuesday
  • 00:59:11
    there's a family obligation or a
  • 00:59:12
    conflict you don't go Wednesday same
  • 00:59:14
    thing and by Friday you might have gone
  • 00:59:16
    zero or one time your sense of self your
  • 00:59:18
    sense of self-efficacy goes down you're
  • 00:59:20
    like H I can't get anything right why
  • 00:59:23
    bother at all and then your amydala
  • 00:59:25
    starts firing right cuz your the forward
  • 00:59:27
    future planning prefrontal cortex isn't
  • 00:59:30
    working as great instead aim to do
  • 00:59:32
    something a little bit every day at
  • 00:59:34
    avoid decision fatigue now to answer
  • 00:59:36
    your question it's changed so initially
  • 00:59:38
    I started my I was a sedentary person I
  • 00:59:40
    didn't really exercise much I was into
  • 00:59:42
    dancing as a child but not Sports now I
  • 00:59:45
    understand the value of sports for so
  • 00:59:46
    many reasons gentle yoga and walks every
  • 00:59:50
    day 10-minute walk that was like yes I
  • 00:59:52
    walked check this is not about like
  • 00:59:54
    walking 5 miles a day I love that cuz
  • 00:59:56
    everybody because the person listening
  • 00:59:57
    is like okay how long what do I do and
  • 00:59:59
    it's just 10 minutes just 10 minutes
  • 01:00:00
    five minutes is fine too if you can do
  • 01:00:02
    20 minutes of a walk every single day
  • 01:00:04
    great it's the equivalent of a Facebook
  • 01:00:06
    scroll seriously we all scroll that's
  • 01:00:09
    true or Instagram or choose your choose
  • 01:00:11
    your poison it's the it's the equivalent
  • 01:00:14
    of a scroll opt out of a scroll and go
  • 01:00:16
    for a walk instead do it in between your
  • 01:00:18
    meetings if you can five 10 minutes
  • 01:00:20
    every single day it's that inertia that
  • 01:00:23
    you're you know sometimes it feels like
  • 01:00:24
    you're waiting through molasses when
  • 01:00:25
    you're feeling stressed of like lacing
  • 01:00:27
    up your sneakers and going outside and
  • 01:00:29
    if you say oh I'm going to do this for
  • 01:00:30
    45 minutes forget it you're never doing
  • 01:00:32
    it but if you say oh 5 minutes I can do
  • 01:00:34
    that it's about closing that gap between
  • 01:00:36
    where you are and where you like to be
  • 01:00:38
    and so five minutes so then now what I
  • 01:00:40
    do because I am of a certain age I focus
  • 01:00:43
    on resistance training I probably I I
  • 01:00:45
    aim to exercise 30 minutes every single
  • 01:00:48
    day does that happen every single day no
  • 01:00:51
    but I probably get in four to 5 days of
  • 01:00:54
    exercise and that includ includes
  • 01:00:56
    walking or if I do a 40-minute walk one
  • 01:01:00
    day I won't do resistance training but I
  • 01:01:01
    do some form of mov every day it is
  • 01:01:03
    about making things small and tangible
  • 01:01:06
    and decreasing the barriers to making
  • 01:01:09
    the taking that step so fine you don't
  • 01:01:12
    want to put on your sneakers take a walk
  • 01:01:14
    up and down your hallway in your house
  • 01:01:15
    walk up and down a set of stairs
  • 01:01:17
    research has showed that it in fact to
  • 01:01:20
    decrease there was a study that was done
  • 01:01:22
    that Ultra short bursts of Activity one
  • 01:01:24
    to two minutes so walking up a set of
  • 01:01:27
    stairs or going to you know parking far
  • 01:01:30
    away when you're going to the grocery
  • 01:01:31
    store we all look for parking really
  • 01:01:33
    close to the entrance Park far away take
  • 01:01:35
    a walk up to the grocery store run for
  • 01:01:37
    the bus or walk quickly to go get the
  • 01:01:39
    bus or the subway these short they're
  • 01:01:41
    called Ultra short bursts of activity
  • 01:01:43
    can decrease your risk of dying from
  • 01:01:45
    cancer by 40% wow you heard the doctor
  • 01:01:49
    get your walk on every day 10 minutes
  • 01:01:51
    it's all she's saying and it's going to
  • 01:01:53
    lower your stress how does sitting all
  • 01:01:55
    day
  • 01:01:56
    impact your stress as you may have heard
  • 01:01:58
    in pop culture sitting is the new
  • 01:02:01
    smoking I hadn't heard that the science
  • 01:02:03
    shows that sitting it's not just that
  • 01:02:06
    exercise is good for you and moving is
  • 01:02:09
    good for you for your stress anxiety
  • 01:02:12
    burnout it's that sitting is actually
  • 01:02:15
    bad for you and it can increase your
  • 01:02:17
    sense of anxiety stress and
  • 01:02:20
    burnout
  • 01:02:22
    wow maybe we should have ordered
  • 01:02:24
    standing desks around here
  • 01:02:27
    and of course you want to sit and you
  • 01:02:29
    know for me when I can never use a
  • 01:02:31
    standing desk I can't think right I need
  • 01:02:33
    to sit down and do my work and have my
  • 01:02:35
    deep thinking I wanted to share a couple
  • 01:02:37
    of pretty alarming statistics about
  • 01:02:40
    sitting there was a study of 800 people
  • 01:02:43
    and the ones who sat the most this is
  • 01:02:46
    like knock your socks off data the
  • 01:02:48
    people who sat the most had a
  • 01:02:51
    112% higher risk of
  • 01:02:53
    diabetes 147% higher risk of heart
  • 01:02:56
    disease a 90% higher risk of death from
  • 01:03:00
    heart disease and a 50% higher risk from
  • 01:03:03
    Death overall all to say that sitting is
  • 01:03:08
    actually bad for our health our
  • 01:03:10
    well-being and as it turns out your
  • 01:03:13
    stressing burnout how does sitting
  • 01:03:16
    trigger stress the mechanisms of action
  • 01:03:20
    aren't entirely clear but the data
  • 01:03:24
    suggests that when when you are sitting
  • 01:03:26
    for prolonged prolonged length of time
  • 01:03:29
    you know you're stewing in your own
  • 01:03:32
    emotions so to speak and so it's that
  • 01:03:35
    getting up and moving creates a whole
  • 01:03:37
    Cascade of positive biological changes
  • 01:03:41
    to your brain in your body and when
  • 01:03:43
    you're sitting for a long periods of
  • 01:03:44
    time it that doesn't happen it also has
  • 01:03:46
    a cardiovascular benefit or rather it's
  • 01:03:49
    detrimental to your cardiovascular
  • 01:03:51
    health to just sit because a body is
  • 01:03:53
    meant to move your body is a the
  • 01:03:56
    greatest machine you know we say that
  • 01:03:59
    that this little guy the smartphone is
  • 01:04:00
    like the greatest machine that man has
  • 01:04:03
    invented I would argue that your brain
  • 01:04:04
    and your body is truly the greatest
  • 01:04:06
    machine and so use that machine to do
  • 01:04:09
    what it's meant to do it doesn't have to
  • 01:04:10
    be you know you don't have to become an
  • 01:04:11
    Olympian but certainly getting up and
  • 01:04:13
    moving a little bit every day even if it
  • 01:04:16
    means 5 minutes between your Zoom
  • 01:04:18
    meetings get up take a walk stretch
  • 01:04:20
    sitting for prolonged periods of time
  • 01:04:22
    because think about it we sit all day at
  • 01:04:24
    work that you sit all day at at work and
  • 01:04:26
    then you sit in a car going back home
  • 01:04:28
    and then you sit on your sofa all day so
  • 01:04:31
    our the human body hasn't been designed
  • 01:04:32
    to just sit all day we are meant to move
  • 01:04:36
    and move our bodies as a doctor what do
  • 01:04:38
    you recommend my watch has that standup
  • 01:04:40
    thing I love it and I don't realize how
  • 01:04:43
    how much time will go by and it's like
  • 01:04:44
    oh I haven't stood in two hours holy cow
  • 01:04:47
    I love that I would say there isn't
  • 01:04:50
    necessarily a prescription like a dose
  • 01:04:53
    relationship for sitting and when to
  • 01:04:54
    stand up and what's the dose of standing
  • 01:04:56
    and sitting just do it when you
  • 01:04:58
    can you have a 2-hour meeting can't
  • 01:05:01
    stand up right after that 2-hour meeting
  • 01:05:03
    instead of sitting on your slack Channel
  • 01:05:05
    and responding to emails or doing all of
  • 01:05:06
    those things get up and walk around
  • 01:05:08
    there is something to be said right like
  • 01:05:10
    Plato Aristotle all of these greats
  • 01:05:12
    talked about the benefit of a walk that
  • 01:05:14
    mental health benefit of taking a walk
  • 01:05:17
    and so it doesn't have to be this long
  • 01:05:19
    profound walk just get up and stretch
  • 01:05:20
    your body do some gentle stretching some
  • 01:05:22
    exercising connect your breath to your
  • 01:05:24
    movement to your posture this is really
  • 01:05:26
    important because that's like a way to
  • 01:05:27
    tap into your Mind Body Connection as
  • 01:05:29
    well so your next reset addresses one of
  • 01:05:32
    the biggest lies around
  • 01:05:34
    productivity let's talk about it so
  • 01:05:36
    reset number four is come up for air one
  • 01:05:40
    of the biggest myths is that you are
  • 01:05:43
    meant to be functioning at a high
  • 01:05:46
    capacity without any need for rest or
  • 01:05:49
    recovery that productivity is linear the
  • 01:05:52
    more you do the more you can accomplish
  • 01:05:54
    and then the more you do the more you
  • 01:05:55
    can accomplish it just supposed to be
  • 01:05:56
    this like thing that this feedback loop
  • 01:05:59
    that's supposed to continue on and on
  • 01:06:00
    and on that's a myth a break is not just
  • 01:06:04
    a nice to have luxury your brain and
  • 01:06:07
    your body need a break it is a
  • 01:06:10
    biological necessity for your brain and
  • 01:06:12
    body to rest and recover human
  • 01:06:15
    productivity is not linear it functions
  • 01:06:16
    on a curve think of a bell-shaped curve
  • 01:06:19
    the left of the curve when you don't
  • 01:06:22
    have a lot of stress you're not very
  • 01:06:24
    motivated you're not very productive
  • 01:06:26
    think about the right side of the curve
  • 01:06:29
    so much stress you are keyed up many of
  • 01:06:32
    us are living on this right side of the
  • 01:06:33
    curve right there is a sweet spot of
  • 01:06:36
    human productivity right in the middle
  • 01:06:38
    it's just right stress I call it the
  • 01:06:41
    Goldilocks principle and it's this idea
  • 01:06:43
    of we all are to that right of that
  • 01:06:46
    bell-shaped curve we are anxious we have
  • 01:06:49
    so much stress we're not productive we
  • 01:06:50
    can't focus it's hard to get things done
  • 01:06:53
    so the science suggests that move moving
  • 01:06:56
    back how do you get to that Center Spot
  • 01:06:58
    The Sweet Spot of human productivity is
  • 01:07:00
    to scale back but you can't scale back
  • 01:07:03
    that's not realistic because we have
  • 01:07:05
    real constraints we have constraints on
  • 01:07:07
    our time we have obligations with work
  • 01:07:10
    and parenting instead you have to honor
  • 01:07:13
    your breaks how do you scale back how do
  • 01:07:15
    you apply this science to your everyday
  • 01:07:17
    life you honor your breaks how do you do
  • 01:07:20
    that when you are taking a break during
  • 01:07:22
    the day what do most of us do we
  • 01:07:24
    mindlessly scroll we've already talked
  • 01:07:26
    about what happens with scrolling this
  • 01:07:28
    isn't a benign thing that you are doing
  • 01:07:29
    you are actively influencing your brain
  • 01:07:32
    and your body for more stress right more
  • 01:07:34
    stress more burnout all of the things
  • 01:07:35
    that we talked about let me just
  • 01:07:36
    highlight that because you're right when
  • 01:07:40
    I step out of a meeting the first thing
  • 01:07:42
    I do is check my phone and so I'm not
  • 01:07:45
    actually taking a break I'm re-engaging
  • 01:07:48
    my mind and activating the amydala and
  • 01:07:51
    juicing up my
  • 01:07:53
    stress never even thought about it I I
  • 01:07:55
    always viewed like oh okay you know I've
  • 01:07:57
    got a couple minutes before my next sing
  • 01:07:59
    I'll just look at my phone and instead
  • 01:08:02
    if I were to leave my phone where it is
  • 01:08:05
    and walk into the kitchen here at work
  • 01:08:06
    or at home make myself a cup of coffee
  • 01:08:09
    or step outside for a minute I'd feel
  • 01:08:13
    different try some heart-c centered
  • 01:08:14
    breathing take a little walk outside do
  • 01:08:17
    some stretches touch your toes stand up
  • 01:08:19
    twist do something where you're
  • 01:08:21
    connecting your breath to your movement
  • 01:08:22
    tap into your Mind Body Connection
  • 01:08:24
    practice stop breathe B it's a 3second
  • 01:08:27
    exercise and it can help what is that
  • 01:08:29
    the stop breathe B method it's the
  • 01:08:32
    instructions are in the name it's a
  • 01:08:34
    3second exercise so you stop you breathe
  • 01:08:38
    and you be so you ground your feet on
  • 01:08:40
    the floor I learned the stop breathe B
  • 01:08:42
    method it was the first technique I
  • 01:08:44
    learned to reset my mindbody connection
  • 01:08:47
    when I was in the throws of stress as a
  • 01:08:49
    stressed medical resident I was working
  • 01:08:51
    80 hours a week I was seeing 30 to 40
  • 01:08:53
    patients a day and I brought the stop
  • 01:08:57
    breathe B method into my life when I
  • 01:08:59
    would knock on the door of the patient
  • 01:09:01
    room before I would enter it was my door
  • 01:09:03
    knob moment so as I turn the door knob I
  • 01:09:06
    would say to myself often under my
  • 01:09:07
    breath in a crowded place stop breathe
  • 01:09:11
    be and then I would enter and I would do
  • 01:09:13
    that incrementally over and over and
  • 01:09:15
    over again 30 40 times a day over time I
  • 01:09:18
    could just do it anywhere in fact before
  • 01:09:20
    we started speaking I was so excited
  • 01:09:23
    because I was having a fan girl moment
  • 01:09:26
    still am it's been a long time with my
  • 01:09:29
    amydala going off but no just kidding I
  • 01:09:32
    was having a fan girl moment I'm not
  • 01:09:33
    kidding about that and I did stop
  • 01:09:35
    breathe be in fact the entire time that
  • 01:09:37
    we've been speaking I've been very aware
  • 01:09:39
    of my feet on the floor my posture in
  • 01:09:41
    the chair and how I am breathing because
  • 01:09:44
    that is important to manage and modulate
  • 01:09:46
    your stress response you can practice
  • 01:09:48
    stop breathe be during mundane everyday
  • 01:09:50
    moments of your life so I did it with
  • 01:09:52
    the doorknob you can do it you know
  • 01:09:54
    between Zoom me meetings stop breathe B
  • 01:09:56
    it's a little mini reset um small micro
  • 01:10:00
    reset 3 seconds you can practice it when
  • 01:10:02
    you're brushing your teeth oh I have
  • 01:10:04
    practiced it in the morning when you're
  • 01:10:05
    getting lunches ready for school getting
  • 01:10:07
    everything ready I do it always at the
  • 01:10:09
    doorknob before I'm about to go into the
  • 01:10:11
    garage to do School Bus drop drop off
  • 01:10:13
    stop breathe B and I think oh my God we
  • 01:10:15
    forgot the project did you bring your
  • 01:10:17
    hat oh we need to get this we need to
  • 01:10:19
    get that it's just the reset that you
  • 01:10:20
    need and it the reason the stop breathe
  • 01:10:22
    be method works so well is because
  • 01:10:25
    anxiety and anxious thoughts are a
  • 01:10:27
    future focused emotion it is about what
  • 01:10:31
    if what if this happens what if that
  • 01:10:33
    happens what if I fail what if I can't
  • 01:10:35
    do well what if what if what if and stop
  • 01:10:37
    breathe b gets you out of what if
  • 01:10:40
    thinking and gets you back into what is
  • 01:10:44
    in the Here and Now Dr adidi what is the
  • 01:10:46
    fifth reset the fifth reset is to bring
  • 01:10:49
    your best self forward and this is all
  • 01:10:51
    about the inner critic we talked about
  • 01:10:53
    it a little bit at the start of our
  • 01:10:54
    conversation
  • 01:10:56
    that inner critic is that voice in your
  • 01:10:58
    head that berates you you may not even
  • 01:11:01
    know that it is there you might think
  • 01:11:03
    hey that's my natural voice that's who I
  • 01:11:05
    am in fact I would argue that that is
  • 01:11:07
    not who you are capital yoou it is your
  • 01:11:10
    amydala speaking the reason is when
  • 01:11:13
    you're feeling a sense of stress that
  • 01:11:15
    inner critic that voice gets a megaphone
  • 01:11:18
    because you're a mdala is doing the
  • 01:11:20
    driving of your brain and your amygdala
  • 01:11:22
    wants to keep you safe and small that is
  • 01:11:25
    why getting out of your comfort zone
  • 01:11:26
    when you're feeling a sense of stress
  • 01:11:28
    doesn't feel good you want you know you
  • 01:11:30
    have that what if thinking all of these
  • 01:11:32
    sorts of things it's a self-sabotage
  • 01:11:34
    sort of situation and so you stay small
  • 01:11:37
    you stay in your comfort zone you don't
  • 01:11:39
    try new things you don't try to get out
  • 01:11:40
    of your stress because that inner voice
  • 01:11:42
    so how do you silence the inner voice
  • 01:11:45
    how do you take that megaphone out of
  • 01:11:47
    your inner Voice's hand and say no
  • 01:11:49
    you're not going to be speaking I'm the
  • 01:11:51
    one who's going to be speaking there's a
  • 01:11:53
    couple of ways to do that the first is
  • 01:11:54
    GRA gratitude now you may hear the word
  • 01:11:56
    gratitude and roll your eyes like oh my
  • 01:11:58
    God gratitude like I'm not going to do
  • 01:12:00
    this like Teenage Journal [ __ ] right
  • 01:12:02
    in fact there is a lot of science for
  • 01:12:05
    gratitude a written gratitude practice
  • 01:12:08
    is vital to help silence your inner
  • 01:12:10
    critic and to reset your stress and
  • 01:12:13
    burnout because again very simple
  • 01:12:16
    practice keep a p piece of paper and a
  • 01:12:18
    pen next to your bedside you know how
  • 01:12:19
    you got rid of your phone on your night
  • 01:12:20
    sand keep a little gratitude Journal
  • 01:12:22
    there instead now every night or in the
  • 01:12:24
    morning whenever want doesn't matter
  • 01:12:26
    five things you're grateful for and why
  • 01:12:27
    put the date 1 2 3 4 5 write down five
  • 01:12:30
    things you're grateful for and why some
  • 01:12:31
    days you'll have like 15 things that you
  • 01:12:34
    want to write down you can only write
  • 01:12:35
    down five other days you'll say I have
  • 01:12:38
    nothing that I'm grateful for you have
  • 01:12:39
    two arms and two legs you can breathe
  • 01:12:42
    the air you have a roof over your head
  • 01:12:44
    you have food in your pantry that these
  • 01:12:46
    are all winds because many people
  • 01:12:48
    particularly now cannot say that so
  • 01:12:51
    write those down the reason gratitude is
  • 01:12:53
    so important from a scient ific
  • 01:12:55
    perspective is because when you are
  • 01:12:57
    doing a gratitude daily gratitude
  • 01:12:58
    practice it takes 60
  • 01:13:00
    seconds you are rewiring your brain
  • 01:13:03
    because what you are doing it's a
  • 01:13:05
    scientific again a fancy scientific name
  • 01:13:07
    called cognitive reframing what you
  • 01:13:10
    focus on grow so Rick Hansen talks about
  • 01:13:13
    this idea of when you're going through
  • 01:13:14
    stress he's a psychologist in California
  • 01:13:17
    and it's like moving gratitude helps you
  • 01:13:19
    move away from velcro to Teflon when
  • 01:13:22
    because you're amydala driving that
  • 01:13:24
    train
  • 01:13:25
    negative experiences become sticky in
  • 01:13:27
    the brain like velcro you hold on to
  • 01:13:30
    them because you're it's this feeling of
  • 01:13:32
    survival and self-preservation and so
  • 01:13:34
    when you start practicing gratitude on
  • 01:13:36
    an everyday basis it's cognitive
  • 01:13:38
    reframing what you focus on grows so you
  • 01:13:40
    shift your perspective so even if
  • 01:13:42
    negative and positive are happening at
  • 01:13:43
    the same rate good and bad things are
  • 01:13:45
    happening in your life at the same rate
  • 01:13:47
    when you are feeling a sense of stress
  • 01:13:48
    you are focused primarily on the
  • 01:13:50
    negative because you are thinking danger
  • 01:13:52
    danger danger right red alert and so how
  • 01:13:54
    do you decrease that stickiness of
  • 01:13:56
    negative experiences in your brain when
  • 01:13:58
    you're feeling a sense of stress by
  • 01:13:59
    practicing gratitude so it shifts away
  • 01:14:02
    from velcro your brain circuitry shifts
  • 01:14:04
    away from velcro to Teflon so the
  • 01:14:06
    negative experiences may happen but it
  • 01:14:08
    slides off how does it happen through
  • 01:14:10
    gratitude so you write down those things
  • 01:14:12
    every single day and Studies have
  • 01:14:14
    demonstrated that at 30 60 and 90 days
  • 01:14:16
    there's improved mood decreased stress
  • 01:14:18
    and burnout better sleep there are so
  • 01:14:21
    many benefits to what everyday gratitude
  • 01:14:23
    practice it also silences your inner cuz
  • 01:14:25
    it dials down the volume of the amydala
  • 01:14:27
    in the background you're a
  • 01:14:28
    world-renowned brain coach who has
  • 01:14:30
    worked with athletes actors and
  • 01:14:32
    Executives and in addition to that
  • 01:14:34
    you've been running a brain Institute
  • 01:14:35
    for the past 30 years do you really
  • 01:14:37
    believe absolutely anyone can improve
  • 01:14:40
    their brain I mean come on nobody's
  • 01:14:41
    walked through the doors of your
  • 01:14:42
    Institute that you're like oh boy
  • 01:14:44
    couldn't help this person it's been my
  • 01:14:46
    experience coaching people every single
  • 01:14:49
    day for the past 32 years is that
  • 01:14:52
    regardless of your age your background
  • 01:14:54
    your career your diet your education
  • 01:14:56
    level if it's your financial situation
  • 01:14:58
    your gender your history IQ that we all
  • 01:15:01
    can improve it's about progressing
  • 01:15:03
    beyond what you're currently
  • 01:15:04
    demonstrating or what you believe is
  • 01:15:07
    possible so you're saying it's not about
  • 01:15:09
    being born smart you're saying that we
  • 01:15:11
    all have the ability to be a super
  • 01:15:14
    learner no matter what your IQ is we
  • 01:15:17
    know that about onethird of your brain's
  • 01:15:20
    uh performance if you will like its
  • 01:15:22
    memory is a is predetermined by genetic
  • 01:15:25
    and biology okay and but that means 2/3
  • 01:15:27
    is in your direct control the the idea
  • 01:15:29
    here is we have more influence than we
  • 01:15:31
    think Jim how did you become a brain
  • 01:15:33
    coach I mean do you go to school for
  • 01:15:35
    something like that so my inspiration
  • 01:15:38
    you could say was my
  • 01:15:40
    desperation I one day in kindergarten
  • 01:15:43
    class I'm 5 years old this would have
  • 01:15:45
    been in
  • 01:15:48
    1978 there was this commotion outside
  • 01:15:51
    sirens and um honking and all the kids
  • 01:15:55
    obviously want to see what's going on
  • 01:15:57
    outside but we're 5 years old we can't
  • 01:15:59
    see outside the window s and so we all
  • 01:16:02
    had this idea to grab our chairs and
  • 01:16:05
    prop them by the the window and stand on
  • 01:16:08
    them anyway I lost my balance and I went
  • 01:16:11
    head first into one of the radiators and
  • 01:16:15
    was rushed to the emergency room it
  • 01:16:16
    really affected me in school I had poor
  • 01:16:19
    Focus poor memory I had processing
  • 01:16:22
    issues where a teacher would repeat
  • 01:16:25
    themselves like three or four or five
  • 01:16:27
    times and I still wouldn't understand I
  • 01:16:29
    I would compress my body all the time
  • 01:16:31
    because I didn't want to be called on
  • 01:16:33
    cuz I never knew the answer right and so
  • 01:16:36
    I would sit behind the tall kid or ID
  • 01:16:38
    make myself so sick before an exam I
  • 01:16:40
    remember when I was 9 years old God this
  • 01:16:42
    brings back this kind of it's funny how
  • 01:16:45
    feelings work right I um I was being
  • 01:16:48
    teased more than usual because I was
  • 01:16:51
    slowing down the class I wasn't
  • 01:16:52
    understanding lessons and teacher
  • 01:16:55
    pointed to me to come to my defense she
  • 01:16:58
    said leave that kid alone that's the boy
  • 01:17:01
    with the broken brain and all I took out
  • 01:17:04
    of it was that I was
  • 01:17:06
    broken and I guess adults have to be
  • 01:17:09
    very careful of their external words
  • 01:17:11
    because they often become a child's
  • 01:17:12
    internal
  • 01:17:14
    words um because every single time I did
  • 01:17:17
    badly in school which was weekly every
  • 01:17:20
    time I was in pick for sports I was
  • 01:17:22
    always the last one I would always say
  • 01:17:24
    to myself oh it's cuz I have the broken
  • 01:17:26
    brain and that became my my inner talk
  • 01:17:30
    and I think our minds always Eaves drop
  • 01:17:32
    on that inner talk right and it wasn't
  • 01:17:35
    just something that I dealt with for a
  • 01:17:37
    year or two it was elementary school it
  • 01:17:41
    was Middle School junior high and all
  • 01:17:43
    through High School our struggles can
  • 01:17:45
    become strengths I love that our
  • 01:17:48
    struggles can become our
  • 01:17:51
    strengths anyone ever tell you you kind
  • 01:17:53
    of talk like a superhero or struggles
  • 01:17:55
    can become our strengths but did you
  • 01:17:58
    always have that mindset for for me I
  • 01:18:01
    was really driven because I wanted to
  • 01:18:02
    make my parents proud my parents
  • 01:18:05
    immigrated to the United States we lived
  • 01:18:07
    in the back of a laundry mat that my mom
  • 01:18:09
    worked at um and they had a lot of jobs
  • 01:18:12
    through school it was a challenge and
  • 01:18:13
    then I was lucky enough to get into a
  • 01:18:16
    local State University and I thought
  • 01:18:19
    freshman meant I can make a fresh start
  • 01:18:22
    uh
  • 01:18:25
    I going to show the world show myself
  • 01:18:27
    that I could do this but I took all
  • 01:18:29
    these classes and I did worse oh I
  • 01:18:31
    wasn't
  • 01:18:32
    equipped and so I was ready to quit
  • 01:18:35
    school because I'm the oldest of three
  • 01:18:38
    kids I want to be a good role model for
  • 01:18:40
    my younger brother and sister and yet
  • 01:18:43
    also I don't have the money even to beat
  • 01:18:44
    in school and it's better that they have
  • 01:18:46
    it I'm not smart enough this is like my
  • 01:18:49
    belief system and a friend said hey I'm
  • 01:18:52
    going home this weekend why don't you
  • 01:18:54
    come with I mean saying you're going to
  • 01:18:55
    quit school to your family is a big deal
  • 01:18:57
    you know why don't you get some
  • 01:18:58
    perspective and I noticed Mel that when
  • 01:19:02
    we change place or we change people
  • 01:19:04
    we're spending time with it gives us a
  • 01:19:05
    different point of view yes so I I do
  • 01:19:08
    agree to go and the family is is pretty
  • 01:19:11
    well off have a beautiful home on the
  • 01:19:13
    water and the father walks me around his
  • 01:19:15
    property before dinner and asks me a
  • 01:19:18
    very innocent question he says Jim how's
  • 01:19:21
    school right and I am introverted and
  • 01:19:26
    I'm very shy at the time and yet I start
  • 01:19:30
    balling like crazy crying like crazy in
  • 01:19:33
    front of this complete stranger that I
  • 01:19:34
    just met like 30 minutes before God what
  • 01:19:37
    did he do yeah I he was freaked out
  • 01:19:40
    because he didn't know my situation but
  • 01:19:42
    I gave him the full download I I told
  • 01:19:44
    him about my brain injury labeled broken
  • 01:19:47
    how I I have to quit school it's just
  • 01:19:49
    I'm not smart enough it's just not who I
  • 01:19:52
    am yeah I don't I don't know how to tell
  • 01:19:54
    my parents cuz they're going to be
  • 01:19:56
    heartbroken cuz they work so hard oh he
  • 01:19:59
    asked me a question and it's interesting
  • 01:20:02
    not only put does perspective change our
  • 01:20:03
    point of view but so do the questions
  • 01:20:05
    that we ask he says uh hey Jim well why
  • 01:20:08
    why are you in school I didn't have an
  • 01:20:10
    answer other than this is just what you
  • 01:20:13
    do you go to school that's what my
  • 01:20:15
    parents you know expected of me so he he
  • 01:20:19
    dug deeper said well why are you in
  • 01:20:22
    school he said what do you want to be
  • 01:20:24
    what do you want to do what do you want
  • 01:20:26
    to have what do you want to create or
  • 01:20:28
    contribute and Mel I didn't have an
  • 01:20:30
    answer for any of those things because
  • 01:20:32
    nobody's ever asked me those questions
  • 01:20:34
    before right and so you ask a new
  • 01:20:37
    question we get new answers um I didn't
  • 01:20:40
    know what I wanted to be um or do or
  • 01:20:43
    contribute he forced me to stay in that
  • 01:20:45
    space to not Escape it and change the
  • 01:20:48
    subject and I start to just kind of
  • 01:20:50
    fantasize he asked me to just just
  • 01:20:52
    imagine anything you could do anything
  • 01:20:54
    or be anything anything or have anything
  • 01:20:56
    and then he takes out a like a little
  • 01:20:58
    like a journal or notebook in his back
  • 01:21:00
    pocket and gives me a couple sheets and
  • 01:21:02
    he asked me to write them down it's the
  • 01:21:04
    first step in taking something that's
  • 01:21:06
    invisible that's in your mind and then
  • 01:21:08
    all of a sudden it's visible outside of
  • 01:21:10
    yourself and I fill up two pages and I
  • 01:21:12
    start folding up the pages to the paper
  • 01:21:15
    to put in my pocket thinking this
  • 01:21:17
    exercise is done and we could eat let's
  • 01:21:19
    go yeah and then as I fold the sheets of
  • 01:21:21
    paper to put in my pocket he has the
  • 01:21:24
    audac to reach out and grab them out of
  • 01:21:27
    my hands and
  • 01:21:30
    now he's reading to himself all of my
  • 01:21:34
    dreams and goals or
  • 01:21:36
    fantasies and I don't know how much time
  • 01:21:39
    goes by cuz I'm just thinking the whole
  • 01:21:41
    time you know I like a lot of people I
  • 01:21:44
    don't want to be judged when he's done
  • 01:21:47
    this is what he does he takes his
  • 01:21:48
    fingers and if people just listening to
  • 01:21:51
    the audio I'm spreading my index fingers
  • 01:21:52
    like a foot apart and he says Jim you
  • 01:21:54
    are this close to everything on that
  • 01:21:57
    list and it's like out of a movie right
  • 01:21:59
    and I'm thinking this my honest
  • 01:22:01
    conversation in my mind if I'm real and
  • 01:22:03
    raw it was like there's no way and this
  • 01:22:05
    is what I'm telling them like there's no
  • 01:22:06
    way have you not heard my story I'm like
  • 01:22:08
    fighting for my my story right you know
  • 01:22:10
    I have a broken brain I'm you know
  • 01:22:12
    horrible in school and give me 10
  • 01:22:14
    lifetimes I'm not going to crack this
  • 01:22:15
    list and he takes his fingers that are
  • 01:22:17
    spread apart a foot apart and he puts
  • 01:22:19
    them the side of my head meaning what's
  • 01:22:22
    inside you know my my brain is like the
  • 01:22:25
    key and he takes me into home but before
  • 01:22:29
    dinner he walks me into a room that just
  • 01:22:33
    honestly freaked me out it was wall
  • 01:22:35
    toall ceiling the floor covered in books
  • 01:22:39
    now I've never read a book it's like
  • 01:22:42
    being in a room full of
  • 01:22:44
    snakes cuz like I'm very intimidated by
  • 01:22:46
    books right but what makes it worse Mel
  • 01:22:48
    is he starts going to the shelves and
  • 01:22:50
    pulling snakes off the shelf and handing
  • 01:22:52
    them to me and he says gym you need to
  • 01:22:56
    read to succeed promise me you'll read
  • 01:22:58
    one of these books a week and then you
  • 01:23:00
    could have them uh because it'll allow
  • 01:23:03
    you to you know achieve the what you
  • 01:23:04
    want on this list
  • 01:23:06
    and but I can't and he very smart man he
  • 01:23:10
    reaches into his pocket Mel and pulls
  • 01:23:12
    out my dream
  • 01:23:13
    list and he he has the audacity to read
  • 01:23:17
    my goals out loud I can't even imagine
  • 01:23:21
    what you were feeling in that moment so
  • 01:23:24
    what what did you do
  • 01:23:26
    next it's um it's funny how memories
  • 01:23:29
    work right at a meta level because it
  • 01:23:32
    just it just comes back even the
  • 01:23:33
    feelings of like how my throat was
  • 01:23:36
    constricting and I couldn't breathe and
  • 01:23:38
    I couldn't I was perspiring my heart's
  • 01:23:40
    beating like maybe I thought like this
  • 01:23:42
    is it you know it's just it's like
  • 01:23:44
    metaphorically I'm just throwing away my
  • 01:23:46
    potential or my dreams or like maybe I
  • 01:23:48
    could fix my brain maybe I could learn
  • 01:23:51
    how to learn better and I was like okay
  • 01:23:53
    how do I do it it and my brain went
  • 01:23:56
    school that's how you learn anything and
  • 01:23:58
    I asked the nurse to bring me a course
  • 01:24:00
    bulletin you know uh directory just to
  • 01:24:02
    look at classes for next semester and
  • 01:24:05
    I'm looking at reading hundreds of
  • 01:24:07
    classes and all the classes are on what
  • 01:24:10
    to learn but not how to learn right
  • 01:24:14
    classes on math and history and science
  • 01:24:15
    and Spanish but but there are no classes
  • 01:24:18
    on how to learn them and I started
  • 01:24:19
    studying this initial stack of books
  • 01:24:21
    that my mentor provided me with and then
  • 01:24:25
    I started it started opening new ideas
  • 01:24:26
    to the power of your the mind and I
  • 01:24:29
    wanted to find out how does my brain
  • 01:24:31
    work so I could work my brain and I
  • 01:24:34
    started studying it and it was very
  • 01:24:35
    functional because I had a reason it
  • 01:24:36
    wasn't just learning facts to understand
  • 01:24:39
    facts and vocabulary like I I had a real
  • 01:24:41
    problem I needed to solve that I've been
  • 01:24:43
    struggling with my whole life and I
  • 01:24:46
    started getting answers and getting a
  • 01:24:48
    little bit of momentum and a little bit
  • 01:24:49
    more confidence and it was like 60 days
  • 01:24:52
    2 months into it a light switch just
  • 01:24:54
    just flipped on and I started to
  • 01:24:57
    understand things for the like the very
  • 01:24:58
    first time I felt it gave me a lot of
  • 01:25:00
    Hope and I was really upset first of all
  • 01:25:04
    that there were simple things that I
  • 01:25:07
    could have done that would have made my
  • 01:25:08
    life a whole lot easier um you I felt
  • 01:25:10
    like my whole childhood was just trying
  • 01:25:12
    to just work really hard without getting
  • 01:25:14
    the results and then the other thing was
  • 01:25:15
    I felt a a purpose because I wanted to
  • 01:25:18
    share this with others like like almost
  • 01:25:20
    as an evangelist because I was just like
  • 01:25:22
    how does not everyone not know these
  • 01:25:23
    things learning is our superpower and
  • 01:25:26
    it's the superpower we all have you know
  • 01:25:29
    we just aren't really shown how to
  • 01:25:31
    unlock it and Leash it but the other
  • 01:25:33
    thing I realized was was my mission my
  • 01:25:36
    purpose to build better brighter brains
  • 01:25:39
    right no no brain Left Behind hey it's
  • 01:25:41
    Mel thank you so much for being here if
  • 01:25:43
    you enjoyed that video by God please
  • 01:25:47
    subscribe because I don't want you to
  • 01:25:48
    miss a thing thank you so much for being
  • 01:25:50
    here we've got so much amazing stuff
  • 01:25:52
    coming thank you so much for sending
  • 01:25:54
    this stuff to your friends and your
  • 01:25:55
    family I love you we create these videos
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    for you so make sure you subscribe m
Tags
  • RAS
  • mindset
  • neuroplasticity
  • brain filter
  • attention
  • stress management
  • popcorn brain
  • gratitude practice
  • mindfulness