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[Applause]
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imagine this you're alone all alone in a
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dark cold room the air is stagnant and
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smells foul the only sound you can hear
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how the voice is echoing in your head
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and that bitter taste in your mouth
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tastes like scorched coffee there are no
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doors there are no windows there's no
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way out this is where it often feels
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like when people are in the throes of
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depression or suicidal despair on
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December 7th I was going to a party I
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had been on maternity leave for a number
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of months and that night I was going to
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go to a party with my students at Regis
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University and I was really looking
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forward to it and I had the Poinsettia
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on the front seat I was bringing the ham
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so the whole car smelled like clothes
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and I even remember what I was wearing a
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god-awful eighties Christmas sweater and
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some gingerbread earrings because I am a
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child of the eighties and I even
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remember what I was thinking in my
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boredom being at home I had alphabetized
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my spice rack and I thought I have
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become my mother
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and I was totally okay with that and
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then my mother called hey mom what's up
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and she said Sally pull over
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and it was probably just a matter of
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moments but it felt like an eternity
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I found the the side of the road and
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they pulled over and I said mom you're
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killing me what is it
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and she said our worst fears have been
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confirmed your brother has died of
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suicide no no no not not Carson not my
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my only sibling all of these memories
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and emotions flood in he was my first
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memory he was born Christmas Eve when
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they when they caught him home they told
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me he was my Christmas present I I
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really took that seriously not not
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Carson we had danced together at my
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wedding to Whitney Houston's I will
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always love you
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no not Carson not Carson four days
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before my brother and I had sat down to
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have a chat myself and several of his
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friends and family members we all read
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this book the unquiet mind by Kay
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Redfield Jamison when she shared this
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her own story about living through
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bipolar condition and I said Carson look
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here's this other really accomplished
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public person who has found her way to
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recovery like we're gonna figure this
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out together then he said but Sally it's
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madness and four days later he was gone
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now he's not here for me to ask him what
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he meant by that comment but I have a
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pretty good idea my brother was a very
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determined and persevering man and so I
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believe in my heart of hearts that he
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would have persisted to find something
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to help him through this long dark night
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of the soul of this fight against his
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bipolar condition I don't believe my
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brother lost hope that he couldn't get
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well again I believe my brother lost
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hope that he couldn't get his life back
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again but his business partners wouldn't
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trust him anymore
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his friends wouldn't look at him funny
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and that's the part of the story that
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makes me so angry
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makes me angry the people who are
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fighting for their lives with these
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treatable health conditions have also
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got to deal with all kinds of
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discrimination and Prejudice
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misinformation and myths I also didn't
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fully appreciate what he meant by the
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experience of feeling like you were
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losing your mind it was several years
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later when I had a perfect storm of life
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experiences that descended upon me and I
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found my mental health circle in the
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toilet bowl I couldn't eat I couldn't
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sleep I had overwhelming sense of
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anxiety I couldn't taste food
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I couldn't hear birds chirp and in the
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throes of that all I could do to think
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to get through it was just work harder
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now I'm a psychologist I should have
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known better
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I knew facts I knew theory I knew
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treatment but when I was in the darkness
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of my own depression I didn't know how
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to climb out of it it wasn't until my
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father reached out and said sweetheart
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why don't you take some of your own
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advice and go get some help and then I
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showed up at my national conference
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where I had all these professional roles
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and all of my colleagues that I disclose
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to came to me and said Sally you matter
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just as you are you don't need to do all
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this in some way I found my way through
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now my family is not alone in this about
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44,000 people die of suicide each year
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that's enough to fill up Wrigley Stadium
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with another 2,000 people on the outside
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in a line to get in about a fifth of our
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of those people are veterans it's the
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second leading cause of death for our
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youth and young adults from 10 to 39
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second leading cause of death
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for every person who dies of suicide
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let's just say this guy there are at
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least on average about a hundred and
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fifteen people exposed to that suicide
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and 25 of them will have major life
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disruptions after that suicide death
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divorce losing a job getting kicked out
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of school financial ruin
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for every suicide death there are 25
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people that survived 25 people who live
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through their attempts they hold the
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black box
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they hold the answers of what it feels
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like to experience that level of
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suicidal despair and more importantly
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how to get through it
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many of these people go on to the full
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lives full of invigorating and
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interesting things and often that's a
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suicide crisis that's the turning point
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to help them get back into life so why
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don't we know about this about each
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other because most families keep these
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stories in the closet full of shame and
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anger and guilt and because we don't
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share our stories we don't have that
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fire in the belly that political will to
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say something is wrong here
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I believe that suicide prevention and
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mental health promotion are some of the
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most unaddressed cross-cultural
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multi-generational social justice issues
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of our times what do I mean by social
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justice I'm talking about fundamental
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human rights the right to have a job the
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right to have homes and relationships
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and be a parent and it's about our
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personal responsibility in community for
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the common good well what am I talking
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about social justice with suicide
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prevention and mental health we must as
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my friend Eduardo Vega says demand
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dignity now we must stop with the quick
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fixes of just pill-popping and forced
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treatment and short hospital stays and
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treatment that often feels more like
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punishment than something really helpful
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and instead what if we saw people
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instead of diagnosis what if we met
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people with compassion during their
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worst days what if we put more research
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to the so called alternative therapies
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like peer support animal assisted
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therapy spiritual practices and so long
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we can do better so how are we gonna do
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this stories at the heart of all social
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movements are stories stories that go
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something like this
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this is me this is how my life and other
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people like mine have been
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systematically destroyed and this is how
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I see that change is possible stories
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are good for the storyteller narrative
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psychologists would tell us that when we
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place the structure of story over the
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chaos of our lives we start to make
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meaning about it we start to feel we
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have ownership and empowerment over
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what's been happening to us and when we
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share our stories and community we
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gather people around us because people
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start to lean in and say meet you so
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it's not just good for the storyteller
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it's also good for the listener the
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listener who feels all kinds of emotions
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and connection will let be much more
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likely to remember information and were
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much more likely to change attitudes and
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behaviors because of it now business
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leaders and politicians have known for a
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long time that stories are super
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powerful to change attitudes and
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behavior but instead of winning our
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dollars and our votes we're gonna win
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culture and we're going to shift the
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culture from the bias and discrimination
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we currently have to one of empowerment
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and dignity one story at a time there's
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also research behind us dr. Patrick
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Corrigan who studies stigma in mental
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health found that it wasn't just good
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enough to raise awareness by talking
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about stigma or even talking about
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mental health conditions what really
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shifted stigma was what he called the
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contact experience when we had personal
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relationships with people who are living
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with mental health conditions we were
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far more likely to see the humanity and
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the similarities than the differences
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and that is how we change culture so I
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invite you all because we are all
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touched by this in some way or another
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to join me on a social justice journey
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to use your stories to leverage your
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stories for systems and cultural change
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this is daunting work so we got a pack a
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backpack and in that backpack we need to
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prepare ourselves for this journey we
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have to ask ourselves am I really ready
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is this the right time
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am i solid enough in my healing have I
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come through my own suicide grief
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despair and if I have have I told my
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therapist my sponsor my peers that I'm
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doing this about to engage in this
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really hard work of cultivating my story
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am I prepared for potential backlash
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maybe some discrimination of prejudice
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am I prepared to weigh the balance of
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facing back hardship versus paving the
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way for others behind me so they don't
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have to feel it so bad and if there are
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other people in my story am I prepared
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for their reactions do I know the safe
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and effective ways to tell these stories
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and with suicide prevention there are
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some very specific guidelines because we
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don't want to increase vulnerability for
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people to think about suicide and and do
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the copycat thing there's some evidence
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that shows what we copycat when we share
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information that's unsafe then we
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increase that vulnerability so if you're
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unfamiliar with the safe guidelines on
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how to talk about suicide I encourage
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you to read things like reporting on
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suicide org or the framework by the
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National Action Alliance for suicide
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prevention or visit the webinars and
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courses by the United suicide survivors
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international so if you're ready let's
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go let's leverage our stories for
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cultural and systems change there's many
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things that we can do number one we can
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engage the media we can meet with our
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journalists and we can say there are
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better ways to tell this story you can
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do it through an op-ed piece or even a
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blog you can engage
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state and federal legislators they want
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to serve their communities they need to
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hear from you that this isn't important
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this is a massively important public
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health issue so meet with them talk with
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them and when they have bill that need
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to be passed get up there and testify
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and then you can also influence other
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influencers I'm talking about business
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leaders faith leaders community leaders
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you can get their up there at the rotary
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meetings in the Chamber of Commerce
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meeting in the school board meetings and
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with that shaking mic in your hands you
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can say this is me this is how my life
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and other people's like mine has been
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systematically destroyed and this is how
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I see change is possible now there are
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many heroes on this journey in fact a
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few years ago I found myself at a Breast
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Cancer Walk it was a three-day 60 mile
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walk and I signed up for it
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so that I would get fit I had just had a
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child and I wanted to get in this walk
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to work out regularly I had no
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connection to breast cancer zero but I
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showed up for that walk that morning and
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there were thousands of other people
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around me
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many women wearing handkerchiefs to
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cover their hair from loss of chemo I
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had people walking with balloons of
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stars and butterflies honoring those
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people that have been lost and when I
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looked back at those experiences I
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thought the breast cancer movement has a
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lot to teach us in the suicide
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prevention and mental health movement we
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can walk shoulder-to-shoulder with
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people who are fighting for their lives
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and we can honor those that we have lost
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with dignity here are a few of my heroes
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this is Kevin Hines Kevin Hines survived
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a jump from the Golden Gate Bridge he
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has gone on to rut write a number of
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books and his BuzzFeed video has upwards
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of a hundred million views this is
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Desiree stage she's also a suicide
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attempt survivor and a photographer who
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takes portraits of other suicide attempt
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survivors and she has them
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look directly into the lens of her
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camera because she wants the viewer to
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see into the humanity into the soul into
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the resilience of these survivors this
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is lisa kline a two-time loss survivor
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who's an award-winning documentary
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filmmaker she's made films on bipolar
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condition and her latest film the S word
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just started screening in September and
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it's about opening that closet and
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sharing stories about suicide attempt
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recovery and healing through suicide
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grief and these three are not the only
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my heroes there are many many many more
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now to close up this amazing event I
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want you to do something with me would
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everybody pull out their phones for me
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hold them in your hand and when i cue
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you with the question i want you to
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raise your phones up high okay here we
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go
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if you have lost a loved one to suicide
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go ahead and light your lights and raise
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them high you are shining lights of hope
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in the darkness
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keep them up because when everything
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goes on and everybody forgets about this
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issue you stand there and you hold the
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flag and you says my loved ones life
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mattered my loved one didn't die in vain
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I will continue this fight thank you put
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your phones down if you have ever walked
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through the long dark night of the soul
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yourself go ahead and raise your lights
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and hold them high I'm talking about
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depression anxiety eating disorders
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overwhelming stress OCD weighs your
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height I hold them up you are shining
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lights of hope in the darkness because
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when other people are struggling you can
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say I don't know exactly what she's been
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going through but I may have gone
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through something similar and I am here
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to walk with you put your lights down if
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you support suicide prevention and
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mental health promotion of one of the
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most important social justice issues of
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our day you can fight for this cause
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raise your lights and hold them high
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everybody's like should be up at this
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point there you go now look around right
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and now hold them up because this is a
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beautiful thing and imagine that you are
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that person in the darkness and you look
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up and you see a light hey I'm here for
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you and then you look up when you see an
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eye for light hey I have some ideas I'll
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walk with you
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here's my call to action to you be the
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beacon for people who are struggling and
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bring other people into this movement we
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need everybody here illuminate the way
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for those whose ideas of mental health
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and suicide prevention are in the dark
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ages and if you are struggling dig into
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yourself and radiate that resilience and
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if you cannot find that resilience in
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yourself
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let your lights be held by someone else
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until you can be claiming so be the
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light or hold the light because light is
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life
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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you
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[Music]
