15 Rules Of Negotiation
Summary
TLDRThe video presents 15 valuable negotiation skills and tactics, emphasizing that every interaction is a negotiation for a desired outcome. Key points include understanding what you want, being prepared, and using techniques like mirroring and tactical empathy. The importance of trade-offs, making multiple offers, and maintaining emotional control during negotiations is highlighted. The video encourages viewers to negotiate in all areas of life and suggests that reality itself can be negotiated based on effort and expectations.
Takeaways
- 🤔 Know what you want clearly.
- 💬 Negotiate everything, don't hesitate to ask.
- 📚 Preparation is key to winning negotiations.
- 👥 Use mirroring to build rapport.
- 🤝 Tactical empathy fosters trust and cooperation.
- 🔄 Look for smart trade-offs in negotiations.
- 📊 Make at least two offers to gauge preferences.
- 🏆 Reputation matters more than winning in personal negotiations.
- 😌 Control your emotions during negotiations.
- ✅ Aim for 'that's right' to reach agreement quickly.
Timeline
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The essence of negotiation lies in understanding what you want, the minimum you're willing to accept, and your alternatives if the deal falls through. Many people enter negotiations without clarity on their goals, which can lead to unfavorable outcomes. It's crucial to articulate your desires clearly to negotiate effectively.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
Negotiation is a constant process, and one should always seek better deals. Asking for discounts or better terms can yield significant savings. Preparation is key; knowing your counterpart's values and decision-making power can give you an advantage. Mirroring techniques can help build rapport, but they should be used sparingly to avoid coming off as insincere.
- 00:10:00 - 00:18:25
Tactical empathy is vital in negotiations, as it fosters trust and understanding. Recognizing the emotional dynamics at play can lead to better outcomes. Smart trade-offs and presenting multiple offers can also facilitate negotiations. Ultimately, maintaining your reputation and having a backup plan are essential strategies for successful negotiations.
Mind Map
Video Q&A
What are the three key things to know for effective negotiation?
1. What you want, 2. How little you're willing to accept, 3. What you'll do if the deal doesn't work out.
What is tactical empathy?
Tactical empathy involves making your partner feel safe and in control, building trust to achieve mutual gains.
What does BATNA stand for?
BATNA stands for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.
Why is preparation important in negotiations?
The one who prepares more wins; understanding the other party's values and expectations is crucial.
What is the mirroring technique?
Mirroring involves starting your sentences with the last few words the other person said to build rapport.
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- 00:00:00you know every interaction you have is
- 00:00:02more or less a negotiation for a desired
- 00:00:05outcome from asking your crush out on a
- 00:00:07date to signing a multi-million dollar
- 00:00:09client it all boils down to your skill
- 00:00:11set now fundamentally you can negotiate
- 00:00:14anything if you know the following three
- 00:00:16things first what you want second how
- 00:00:20little you're willing to accept and
- 00:00:22third what you'll do if that deal
- 00:00:24doesn't work out everything else we'll
- 00:00:26be discussing is just here to support
- 00:00:28these three things and give you the
- 00:00:30biggest Edge you can get so with that
- 00:00:32said here are the 15 most valuable
- 00:00:35negotiation skills and tactics welcome
- 00:00:38to alux the place where future
- 00:00:40billionaires come to get
- 00:00:42inspired number one figure out what you
- 00:00:45really want or you're going to lose now
- 00:00:48you would not believe just how many
- 00:00:49people get into negotiation situations
- 00:00:52without having a clear understanding of
- 00:00:54what they really want and not having a
- 00:00:56way to clearly put it into words so
- 00:00:59here's very common situation oh you want
- 00:01:02to earn more per month sure here's 20%
- 00:01:05more work for you to do and we'll
- 00:01:07increase your pay by 20% we've given you
- 00:01:10just what you asked for but that wasn't
- 00:01:13what you wanted was it you see there's
- 00:01:16another important rule in life that goes
- 00:01:18like this you don't get what you want in
- 00:01:21life you get what you're willing to
- 00:01:23negotiate and for you to negotiate
- 00:01:25effectively you have to have a clear
- 00:01:27understanding of what you specifically
- 00:01:29want and what you're willing to exchange
- 00:01:32in order to get it and building on this
- 00:01:35number two negotiate everything there's
- 00:01:38never a circumstance where the rich
- 00:01:40won't try to get a better deal because
- 00:01:42historically they've always been offered
- 00:01:44one when they asked for it another big
- 00:01:46rule is if you don't ask you don't get
- 00:01:50starting today everywhere you go ask for
- 00:01:52a better deal without doing anything
- 00:01:54you're likely going to get 5 to 10%
- 00:01:56discounts just because you asked for it
- 00:01:59which otherwise you would have spent out
- 00:02:01of pocket and as a pro tip always ask
- 00:02:03the person who's able to make this kind
- 00:02:05of decision what can you do to get me a
- 00:02:08better deal or if you're talking to a
- 00:02:11clerk have them reach out to the person
- 00:02:13who is able to make those kinds of calls
- 00:02:15and get back to you even if you don't
- 00:02:17end up with a deal you end up starting
- 00:02:20that negotiation
- 00:02:21process number three the one who
- 00:02:24prepares more wins so by this point we
- 00:02:28expect you've made an effort to to
- 00:02:30figure out what you want from an
- 00:02:31upcoming negotiation so it's time to
- 00:02:33take it a step further ask yourself the
- 00:02:36following questions who are you going to
- 00:02:39negotiate with is this the person who's
- 00:02:42able to make the kind of decision you're
- 00:02:43looking for another protip is the boss
- 00:02:47will always be more flexible than middle
- 00:02:49management what is this person like what
- 00:02:51are their values what do they look for
- 00:02:53in a partner what is important to them
- 00:02:56what do they expect to get out of this
- 00:02:58negotiation what what is negotiable and
- 00:03:01what isn't what is there for them to
- 00:03:03lose if this doesn't work out how can
- 00:03:05you come up with a creative way to get
- 00:03:08both of you what you want this is an old
- 00:03:11war strategy that comes into play in
- 00:03:13everyday life all the time so the taale
- 00:03:15goes like this when two generals go to
- 00:03:18war both of them are trying to simulate
- 00:03:21what the other General will do on the
- 00:03:23battlefield the one who is closer to the
- 00:03:25truth wins this is why preparation is so
- 00:03:29important now here's something important
- 00:03:31every one of you should know okay if you
- 00:03:33realize you're not adequately prepared
- 00:03:36to negotiate it is totally okay to
- 00:03:38reschedule and walk
- 00:03:40away number four mirroring works until
- 00:03:45it gets kind of creepy now we know you
- 00:03:47guys are interested in secret techniques
- 00:03:49and tactics so this one's actually
- 00:03:50pretty efficient all negotiation is is
- 00:03:53listening to the other side and building
- 00:03:55enough trust so you can move forward in
- 00:03:57the relationship be it personal or
- 00:03:59professional
- 00:04:00this technique focuses on starting your
- 00:04:02sentences the same way the other person
- 00:04:04finishes theirs in order to build
- 00:04:06rapport make sure to use the keywords
- 00:04:09that they used in their speech now this
- 00:04:12is commonly known as mirroring and
- 00:04:13people have been using it in both a
- 00:04:15verbal and nonverbal communication for
- 00:04:17ages okay so begin your sentence with
- 00:04:19the last three words and then add what
- 00:04:22you're going to add afterward all
- 00:04:24mirroring does is signal to the other
- 00:04:26person that you two are very much alike
- 00:04:28and will get along great because look
- 00:04:31okay it is not rocket science that
- 00:04:32people are more likely to engage with
- 00:04:34those they find similar in nature and
- 00:04:37here's a pro tip we really want you to
- 00:04:38know do not overuse specific techniques
- 00:04:43because people pick up on it when you're
- 00:04:44doing something on purpose and it's a
- 00:04:46major red flag just because you read in
- 00:04:48a book once that you got to look a
- 00:04:50person in the eye when talking to them
- 00:04:52it's more than okay actually it's a must
- 00:04:54that you avert your gaze in the span of
- 00:04:56a 20-minute conversation if you don't
- 00:04:58want to come across as weirdo okay make
- 00:05:01the eye contact Look Away look back look
- 00:05:03away okay Our advice is for you to
- 00:05:06practice these techniques until they
- 00:05:08become involuntary and feel very natural
- 00:05:11for you number five tactical empathy is
- 00:05:15your most valuable tool now tactical
- 00:05:18empathy is one of those things that have
- 00:05:20changed the way negotiations are being
- 00:05:21done in the modern world it all boils
- 00:05:24down to making your partner feel safe in
- 00:05:26control and building the feeling of good
- 00:05:29faith between you two effective
- 00:05:31negotiation rests on building at least
- 00:05:34the perception of mutual gains there are
- 00:05:37specific strategies and skills that you
- 00:05:39can deploy in order to get the best
- 00:05:40outcome that you can get so here's a
- 00:05:42list of the most important ones first of
- 00:05:45all demonstrate that you are negotiating
- 00:05:47in good faith you're not looking to
- 00:05:49screw them over second be genuinely
- 00:05:52interested in what drives the other side
- 00:05:55if you know what they're willing to
- 00:05:57achieve you can tailor your offering to
- 00:05:59their liking
- 00:06:00third don't suppress emotion use them to
- 00:06:03keep that ball rolling fourth deactivate
- 00:06:06negative feelings and magnify the
- 00:06:08positive ones because this slowly builds
- 00:06:11trust and will get you to where you need
- 00:06:13to go and fifth look for the tells
- 00:06:16people will signal what they really want
- 00:06:18even if they don't verbalize it and you
- 00:06:21know what inside the alux app we
- 00:06:23actually have a expert course dedicated
- 00:06:25to building up your negotiation skills
- 00:06:28it's called Master negotiate in 15 days
- 00:06:31so this collection of lessons gives you
- 00:06:33the framework to create long-term
- 00:06:34business relationships balance your work
- 00:06:37and family and shows you how to start
- 00:06:39and run a profitable business and for a
- 00:06:41very limited time you can get yourself
- 00:06:4350% off a yearly membership to the alux
- 00:06:46app and I promise you okay that
- 00:06:48membership will pay for itself within
- 00:06:50the first month alone the deal is only
- 00:06:53available until the end of January
- 00:06:54though so if you want to make sure that
- 00:06:562025 is the year you really make it
- 00:06:58happen for yourself scan that QR code on
- 00:07:01screen and snag that discount by this
- 00:07:04time next year people will be wondering
- 00:07:05how the hell you got so far so fast so
- 00:07:09I'll see you on the
- 00:07:12inside number six smart people search
- 00:07:16for smart
- 00:07:18tradeoffs always look for the smart
- 00:07:20trade-offs no matter what you do in life
- 00:07:22now here's what we mean when we say
- 00:07:23smart tradeoff so there are some cases
- 00:07:26where very little effort on your behalf
- 00:07:28could make the entire difference for
- 00:07:30somebody else on a personal level
- 00:07:32calling your parents or grandparents
- 00:07:35illustrates it perfectly it'll require
- 00:07:3710 minutes of your time and it'll make
- 00:07:39their entire day low effort leads to Big
- 00:07:43outcomes you can find these in business
- 00:07:45as well if you know where to look one
- 00:07:47phone call or recommendation of someone
- 00:07:49you've worked with in the past can solve
- 00:07:51a really expensive problem for the
- 00:07:53person you're interested in doing
- 00:07:55business with and this will carry a lot
- 00:07:57of weight in your relationship
- 00:08:00ship number seven make at least two
- 00:08:03offers at the same time and have them
- 00:08:06pick between them now this is an
- 00:08:08interesting tactic that helps you to
- 00:08:10figure out what is the best way to
- 00:08:12approach the situation in order to get
- 00:08:14what you want out of it so structure the
- 00:08:16deal in two different ways and have the
- 00:08:18other person pick one this will signal
- 00:08:20to you what they value more and what is
- 00:08:22the right way to win them over once they
- 00:08:26pick you have the control over the
- 00:08:27situation despite allowing them to be
- 00:08:30the ones calling the shots and one very
- 00:08:33important thing to note here is that if
- 00:08:34you have the power in a negotiation do
- 00:08:37not talk about it keep your mouth shut
- 00:08:39and play that game until the end number
- 00:08:42eight when negotiating with people that
- 00:08:44you care about reputation trumps an
- 00:08:48ultimate win now this takes a level of
- 00:08:50maturity to pull off sometimes winning
- 00:08:54is too expensive this happens in
- 00:08:56marriages all the time would you rather
- 00:08:58not talk to your wife for a week just to
- 00:09:00prove you were right probably not okay
- 00:09:02you're not stupidly winning a around
- 00:09:04you're losing the game when it comes to
- 00:09:07the reputation play let's say you're
- 00:09:09dealing with someone you care about
- 00:09:11you're doing business with a friend or
- 00:09:12relative although you might have all the
- 00:09:14cards and you could easily dry them out
- 00:09:17your reputation becomes more valuable
- 00:09:19than the extent of the win because
- 00:09:21you're probably going to win anyway you
- 00:09:23might as well win respectably this
- 00:09:25builds Good Will in your life and Good
- 00:09:28Will is important people will recommend
- 00:09:30you because of it and the long-term
- 00:09:32returns are much greater than the
- 00:09:34short-term
- 00:09:36wins number nine never let emotions
- 00:09:39block you from getting what you need now
- 00:09:43sometimes you won't like the person
- 00:09:44you're negotiating with on a personal
- 00:09:46level but you'll find yourself at the
- 00:09:48table because you need something look we
- 00:09:50people are all different right we grew
- 00:09:52up in different places we have different
- 00:09:54upbringings different levels of
- 00:09:56educations and ethics values knowing how
- 00:09:59to navigate this sea of personalities is
- 00:10:02one of the most valuable skills that you
- 00:10:03can have in Your Arsenal there's a fine
- 00:10:06line between tolerating and deciding to
- 00:10:08walk away now we've learned this line
- 00:10:11tends to move depending on how badly you
- 00:10:13need the result to go your way ideally
- 00:10:16emotions wouldn't be a variable in
- 00:10:17negotiation facts would Trump everything
- 00:10:20numbers would do the talking and Deals
- 00:10:22would close without a word spoken but
- 00:10:24that is just not how it is emotions not
- 00:10:27logic usually determines the outcome of
- 00:10:29a negotiation you need to master yours
- 00:10:33and then learn to read and change your
- 00:10:35approach according to what the other
- 00:10:37side is feeling at the time number 10
- 00:10:41get to that's right as quickly as
- 00:10:45possible because that's right is a
- 00:10:47magical phrase in negotiation it means
- 00:10:50both parties are in agreement and that
- 00:10:51is how successful negotiations are
- 00:10:54conducted the more one side agrees with
- 00:10:56the other the more inline their
- 00:10:58objectives are the more likely that deal
- 00:11:00is to close too many people go into
- 00:11:03negotiations not thinking about the
- 00:11:04other side or what their goals are
- 00:11:07decisions come from a part of the brain
- 00:11:09that's usually left unguarded that's the
- 00:11:12same spot where agreement is as well
- 00:11:15that's why you know deep down if you're
- 00:11:16going to say yes or no to a proposal
- 00:11:19because it's coming from within the more
- 00:11:21you can get someone to agree with you
- 00:11:24the more that pattern of behavior will
- 00:11:26show itself in that negotiation
- 00:11:29number 11 the UT ipick method now this
- 00:11:34is one of our all-time favorite ways to
- 00:11:36settle disputes it works from high-end
- 00:11:38business deals to the children in your
- 00:11:40own household so to explain it simply it
- 00:11:43goes like this let's say you've got two
- 00:11:45children and they're fighting over a
- 00:11:47piece of cake they're both fighting over
- 00:11:49and they don't know how to share it so
- 00:11:50the other one doesn't get more cake than
- 00:11:52they do well the U cut ey pick rule has
- 00:11:55one of the kids cut that cake in half
- 00:11:58and the other one gets to pick which
- 00:12:00side they want this way both parties
- 00:12:03have control over the outcome now
- 00:12:05ideally the first kid will slice the
- 00:12:07cake perfectly in the middle because
- 00:12:09well if they try to do anything shady
- 00:12:11they'll lose more of that piece when the
- 00:12:13other person gets to pick so use this
- 00:12:16strategy
- 00:12:18wisely number 12 negotiation is a mix
- 00:12:22between sales and therapy now some
- 00:12:25people never listen but some people
- 00:12:27never ask in order to be a successful
- 00:12:29negotiator you have to understand both
- 00:12:31and know when to use each there's a time
- 00:12:34for selling and there's a time for
- 00:12:36listening and it just so happens the
- 00:12:38more you listen the more you understand
- 00:12:40when is the right time to sell like why
- 00:12:43do people go to therapy they already
- 00:12:45know what's happening in their minds
- 00:12:46they're just trying to make sense of it
- 00:12:49right that's why they're there that's
- 00:12:51what happens in a negotiation you enter
- 00:12:53into a negotiation trying to figure out
- 00:12:55how to make it work and how to get what
- 00:12:57you want that's what both parties want
- 00:12:59you've met to solve a problem and the
- 00:13:02solution can benefit both parties
- 00:13:04anything else than that isn't a
- 00:13:06negotiation it's a hostile takeover same
- 00:13:09as in therapy asking why do you want
- 00:13:12something is often times more valuable
- 00:13:15than what do you want understanding the
- 00:13:18reasoning behind their decision will
- 00:13:19lead to Creative Solutions where other
- 00:13:21things get put on the table that you
- 00:13:23didn't even consider until
- 00:13:25now number 13 never share your reserve
- 00:13:30point now the reserve point is the
- 00:13:32lowest option you would consider taking
- 00:13:35all your strength lies in keeping the
- 00:13:37negotiation as far away from your
- 00:13:39reserve Point as possible never let
- 00:13:42people know the minimum you're willing
- 00:13:44to take the more you think about
- 00:13:46negotiation the more you understand that
- 00:13:48it's simply a game between two parties
- 00:13:50that try to guess the others Reserve
- 00:13:53point if you can guess the other party's
- 00:13:55Reserve point you win
- 00:13:59number 14 never give something without
- 00:14:01getting something in return now the
- 00:14:04worst thing you could do in a
- 00:14:05negotiation is give anything away for
- 00:14:07free unless you're feeling charitable
- 00:14:10this is also true in life too many
- 00:14:12employees pick up additional work
- 00:14:14without asking for anything in return
- 00:14:16that's how you end up working so damn
- 00:14:18much and getting paid so damn little
- 00:14:21there is an old saying that goes you
- 00:14:23scratch my back I'll scratch yours that
- 00:14:25one should always be remembered when
- 00:14:27going out of your way to make something
- 00:14:29happen for somebody else this is
- 00:14:31probably the only place where the rule
- 00:14:33of Equivalent Exchange mentioned in Full
- 00:14:35Metal Alchemist applies to real life in
- 00:14:38order to get something you've got to
- 00:14:40give something in return and number 15
- 00:14:44always have a backup plan now the worst
- 00:14:47thing you could do in entering into
- 00:14:49negotiations is not having a backup plan
- 00:14:52if you don't have a backup all you're
- 00:14:53doing is bluffing it takes away the very
- 00:14:55powerful tool your option of walking
- 00:14:59away the backup plan even has a specific
- 00:15:02terminology attached it's called batna
- 00:15:06now batna stands for best alternative to
- 00:15:09a negotiated agreement this is the type
- 00:15:11of info they used to teach us in
- 00:15:12business school by the way but we never
- 00:15:14used that terminology since though there
- 00:15:17is some truth to it how good is your
- 00:15:20alternative what kind of differentiator
- 00:15:23are we talking about quality price time
- 00:15:26to deliver you need to consider all of
- 00:15:29these think of it like this if you go
- 00:15:31and ask for a raise knowing that you
- 00:15:33have another job lined up at a different
- 00:15:35company if your boss says no how does
- 00:15:38your approach differ would you feel in
- 00:15:41control and powerful enough to stand
- 00:15:43your ground sure you will batner is all
- 00:15:47about acquiring as much control on your
- 00:15:49side as possible which brings us to
- 00:15:51today's question what's one thing you
- 00:15:54wish to negotiate in the near future
- 00:15:56we're always excited to hear from the
- 00:15:58community and we're always Blown Away by
- 00:16:00the support that you alexes show to one
- 00:16:02another in the comments and as for those
- 00:16:04of you still watching Until the End
- 00:16:06here's one of our mantras that served us
- 00:16:09very well throughout life today's bonus
- 00:16:11rule is that reality is negotiable okay
- 00:16:15because those of you who've been axus
- 00:16:17for a long time might remember this
- 00:16:18because it's something that we 100%
- 00:16:21believe in there are some things outside
- 00:16:24of your control like the place you were
- 00:16:26born who your parents are but your
- 00:16:29reality is not one of them okay your
- 00:16:31reality is yours you are living and
- 00:16:35crafting it based on what you expect it
- 00:16:37to be and what you're willing to give in
- 00:16:40return when we first realize that you
- 00:16:42can quite literally negotiate with
- 00:16:44reality our entire life view changed you
- 00:16:48can ask reality for anything and it'll
- 00:16:50require specific things in return those
- 00:16:52specific things will require effort but
- 00:16:55since you're already at the negotiation
- 00:16:56table you know they're worth it for you
- 00:16:59you want a big house life is willing to
- 00:17:01give it to you in exchange for x amount
- 00:17:03of effort you want a lovely family well
- 00:17:07this is what you have to trade for it
- 00:17:08that's what people really mean when they
- 00:17:10say life is endless
- 00:17:12impossibility you can quite literally
- 00:17:14negotiate almost every aspect of your
- 00:17:17life if you're willing to make that
- 00:17:19trade you can rid yourself of everything
- 00:17:21you don't like or don't want but most
- 00:17:24people don't want to make that trade
- 00:17:26good negotiations take time effort and
- 00:17:29sources big deals don't get closed in
- 00:17:31minutes or days it takes big companies
- 00:17:34sometimes years to figure out how to
- 00:17:36make a deal and you're sitting there
- 00:17:37expecting life to give you everything
- 00:17:39you ever wanted the next morning of
- 00:17:42course it won't take this moment in time
- 00:17:44to think about your reality and what you
- 00:17:46can negotiate you want a better job
- 00:17:49negotiate for it you want more time with
- 00:17:51your kids negotiate for it for anything
- 00:17:54you want there is someone that you can
- 00:17:56negotiate with we can't wait to hear
- 00:17:58what you do with these lessons alexir
- 00:18:00and what you will negotiate for yourself
- 00:18:03it's been an honor having you here with
- 00:18:04us today and we're thankful to every one
- 00:18:06of you that made it this far in the
- 00:18:07video just so we know your name please
- 00:18:10write r i n in the comments which stands
- 00:18:13for reality is negotiable this way we
- 00:18:17know our message got to all the right
- 00:18:19people we'll see you back here next time
- 00:18:21my friend until then take care
- negotiation
- skills
- tactics
- tactical empathy
- preparation
- mirroring
- trade-offs
- BATNA
- emotional control
- reality negotiation