15 Rules Of Negotiation

00:18:25
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pTGuhwnUSw

Summary

TLDRThe video presents 15 valuable negotiation skills and tactics, emphasizing that every interaction is a negotiation for a desired outcome. Key points include understanding what you want, being prepared, and using techniques like mirroring and tactical empathy. The importance of trade-offs, making multiple offers, and maintaining emotional control during negotiations is highlighted. The video encourages viewers to negotiate in all areas of life and suggests that reality itself can be negotiated based on effort and expectations.

Takeaways

  • 🤔 Know what you want clearly.
  • 💬 Negotiate everything, don't hesitate to ask.
  • 📚 Preparation is key to winning negotiations.
  • 👥 Use mirroring to build rapport.
  • 🤝 Tactical empathy fosters trust and cooperation.
  • 🔄 Look for smart trade-offs in negotiations.
  • 📊 Make at least two offers to gauge preferences.
  • 🏆 Reputation matters more than winning in personal negotiations.
  • 😌 Control your emotions during negotiations.
  • ✅ Aim for 'that's right' to reach agreement quickly.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The essence of negotiation lies in understanding what you want, the minimum you're willing to accept, and your alternatives if the deal falls through. Many people enter negotiations without clarity on their goals, which can lead to unfavorable outcomes. It's crucial to articulate your desires clearly to negotiate effectively.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    Negotiation is a constant process, and one should always seek better deals. Asking for discounts or better terms can yield significant savings. Preparation is key; knowing your counterpart's values and decision-making power can give you an advantage. Mirroring techniques can help build rapport, but they should be used sparingly to avoid coming off as insincere.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:18:25

    Tactical empathy is vital in negotiations, as it fosters trust and understanding. Recognizing the emotional dynamics at play can lead to better outcomes. Smart trade-offs and presenting multiple offers can also facilitate negotiations. Ultimately, maintaining your reputation and having a backup plan are essential strategies for successful negotiations.

Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What are the three key things to know for effective negotiation?

    1. What you want, 2. How little you're willing to accept, 3. What you'll do if the deal doesn't work out.

  • What is tactical empathy?

    Tactical empathy involves making your partner feel safe and in control, building trust to achieve mutual gains.

  • What does BATNA stand for?

    BATNA stands for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.

  • Why is preparation important in negotiations?

    The one who prepares more wins; understanding the other party's values and expectations is crucial.

  • What is the mirroring technique?

    Mirroring involves starting your sentences with the last few words the other person said to build rapport.

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  • 00:00:00
    you know every interaction you have is
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    more or less a negotiation for a desired
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    outcome from asking your crush out on a
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    date to signing a multi-million dollar
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    client it all boils down to your skill
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    set now fundamentally you can negotiate
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    anything if you know the following three
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    things first what you want second how
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    little you're willing to accept and
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    third what you'll do if that deal
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    doesn't work out everything else we'll
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    be discussing is just here to support
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    these three things and give you the
  • 00:00:30
    biggest Edge you can get so with that
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    said here are the 15 most valuable
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    negotiation skills and tactics welcome
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    to alux the place where future
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    billionaires come to get
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    inspired number one figure out what you
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    really want or you're going to lose now
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    you would not believe just how many
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    people get into negotiation situations
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    without having a clear understanding of
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    what they really want and not having a
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    way to clearly put it into words so
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    here's very common situation oh you want
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    to earn more per month sure here's 20%
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    more work for you to do and we'll
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    increase your pay by 20% we've given you
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    just what you asked for but that wasn't
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    what you wanted was it you see there's
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    another important rule in life that goes
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    like this you don't get what you want in
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    life you get what you're willing to
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    negotiate and for you to negotiate
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    effectively you have to have a clear
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    understanding of what you specifically
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    want and what you're willing to exchange
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    in order to get it and building on this
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    number two negotiate everything there's
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    never a circumstance where the rich
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    won't try to get a better deal because
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    historically they've always been offered
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    one when they asked for it another big
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    rule is if you don't ask you don't get
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    starting today everywhere you go ask for
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    a better deal without doing anything
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    you're likely going to get 5 to 10%
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    discounts just because you asked for it
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    which otherwise you would have spent out
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    of pocket and as a pro tip always ask
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    the person who's able to make this kind
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    of decision what can you do to get me a
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    better deal or if you're talking to a
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    clerk have them reach out to the person
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    who is able to make those kinds of calls
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    and get back to you even if you don't
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    end up with a deal you end up starting
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    that negotiation
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    process number three the one who
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    prepares more wins so by this point we
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    expect you've made an effort to to
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    figure out what you want from an
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    upcoming negotiation so it's time to
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    take it a step further ask yourself the
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    following questions who are you going to
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    negotiate with is this the person who's
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    able to make the kind of decision you're
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    looking for another protip is the boss
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    will always be more flexible than middle
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    management what is this person like what
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    are their values what do they look for
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    in a partner what is important to them
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    what do they expect to get out of this
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    negotiation what what is negotiable and
  • 00:03:01
    what isn't what is there for them to
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    lose if this doesn't work out how can
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    you come up with a creative way to get
  • 00:03:08
    both of you what you want this is an old
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    war strategy that comes into play in
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    everyday life all the time so the taale
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    goes like this when two generals go to
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    war both of them are trying to simulate
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    what the other General will do on the
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    battlefield the one who is closer to the
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    truth wins this is why preparation is so
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    important now here's something important
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    every one of you should know okay if you
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    realize you're not adequately prepared
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    to negotiate it is totally okay to
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    reschedule and walk
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    away number four mirroring works until
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    it gets kind of creepy now we know you
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    guys are interested in secret techniques
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    and tactics so this one's actually
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    pretty efficient all negotiation is is
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    listening to the other side and building
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    enough trust so you can move forward in
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    the relationship be it personal or
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    professional
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    this technique focuses on starting your
  • 00:04:02
    sentences the same way the other person
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    finishes theirs in order to build
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    rapport make sure to use the keywords
  • 00:04:09
    that they used in their speech now this
  • 00:04:12
    is commonly known as mirroring and
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    people have been using it in both a
  • 00:04:15
    verbal and nonverbal communication for
  • 00:04:17
    ages okay so begin your sentence with
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    the last three words and then add what
  • 00:04:22
    you're going to add afterward all
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    mirroring does is signal to the other
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    person that you two are very much alike
  • 00:04:28
    and will get along great because look
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    okay it is not rocket science that
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    people are more likely to engage with
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    those they find similar in nature and
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    here's a pro tip we really want you to
  • 00:04:38
    know do not overuse specific techniques
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    because people pick up on it when you're
  • 00:04:44
    doing something on purpose and it's a
  • 00:04:46
    major red flag just because you read in
  • 00:04:48
    a book once that you got to look a
  • 00:04:50
    person in the eye when talking to them
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    it's more than okay actually it's a must
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    that you avert your gaze in the span of
  • 00:04:56
    a 20-minute conversation if you don't
  • 00:04:58
    want to come across as weirdo okay make
  • 00:05:01
    the eye contact Look Away look back look
  • 00:05:03
    away okay Our advice is for you to
  • 00:05:06
    practice these techniques until they
  • 00:05:08
    become involuntary and feel very natural
  • 00:05:11
    for you number five tactical empathy is
  • 00:05:15
    your most valuable tool now tactical
  • 00:05:18
    empathy is one of those things that have
  • 00:05:20
    changed the way negotiations are being
  • 00:05:21
    done in the modern world it all boils
  • 00:05:24
    down to making your partner feel safe in
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    control and building the feeling of good
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    faith between you two effective
  • 00:05:31
    negotiation rests on building at least
  • 00:05:34
    the perception of mutual gains there are
  • 00:05:37
    specific strategies and skills that you
  • 00:05:39
    can deploy in order to get the best
  • 00:05:40
    outcome that you can get so here's a
  • 00:05:42
    list of the most important ones first of
  • 00:05:45
    all demonstrate that you are negotiating
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    in good faith you're not looking to
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    screw them over second be genuinely
  • 00:05:52
    interested in what drives the other side
  • 00:05:55
    if you know what they're willing to
  • 00:05:57
    achieve you can tailor your offering to
  • 00:05:59
    their liking
  • 00:06:00
    third don't suppress emotion use them to
  • 00:06:03
    keep that ball rolling fourth deactivate
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    negative feelings and magnify the
  • 00:06:08
    positive ones because this slowly builds
  • 00:06:11
    trust and will get you to where you need
  • 00:06:13
    to go and fifth look for the tells
  • 00:06:16
    people will signal what they really want
  • 00:06:18
    even if they don't verbalize it and you
  • 00:06:21
    know what inside the alux app we
  • 00:06:23
    actually have a expert course dedicated
  • 00:06:25
    to building up your negotiation skills
  • 00:06:28
    it's called Master negotiate in 15 days
  • 00:06:31
    so this collection of lessons gives you
  • 00:06:33
    the framework to create long-term
  • 00:06:34
    business relationships balance your work
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    and family and shows you how to start
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    and run a profitable business and for a
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    very limited time you can get yourself
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    50% off a yearly membership to the alux
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    app and I promise you okay that
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    membership will pay for itself within
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    the first month alone the deal is only
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    available until the end of January
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    though so if you want to make sure that
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    2025 is the year you really make it
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    happen for yourself scan that QR code on
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    screen and snag that discount by this
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    time next year people will be wondering
  • 00:07:05
    how the hell you got so far so fast so
  • 00:07:09
    I'll see you on the
  • 00:07:12
    inside number six smart people search
  • 00:07:16
    for smart
  • 00:07:18
    tradeoffs always look for the smart
  • 00:07:20
    trade-offs no matter what you do in life
  • 00:07:22
    now here's what we mean when we say
  • 00:07:23
    smart tradeoff so there are some cases
  • 00:07:26
    where very little effort on your behalf
  • 00:07:28
    could make the entire difference for
  • 00:07:30
    somebody else on a personal level
  • 00:07:32
    calling your parents or grandparents
  • 00:07:35
    illustrates it perfectly it'll require
  • 00:07:37
    10 minutes of your time and it'll make
  • 00:07:39
    their entire day low effort leads to Big
  • 00:07:43
    outcomes you can find these in business
  • 00:07:45
    as well if you know where to look one
  • 00:07:47
    phone call or recommendation of someone
  • 00:07:49
    you've worked with in the past can solve
  • 00:07:51
    a really expensive problem for the
  • 00:07:53
    person you're interested in doing
  • 00:07:55
    business with and this will carry a lot
  • 00:07:57
    of weight in your relationship
  • 00:08:00
    ship number seven make at least two
  • 00:08:03
    offers at the same time and have them
  • 00:08:06
    pick between them now this is an
  • 00:08:08
    interesting tactic that helps you to
  • 00:08:10
    figure out what is the best way to
  • 00:08:12
    approach the situation in order to get
  • 00:08:14
    what you want out of it so structure the
  • 00:08:16
    deal in two different ways and have the
  • 00:08:18
    other person pick one this will signal
  • 00:08:20
    to you what they value more and what is
  • 00:08:22
    the right way to win them over once they
  • 00:08:26
    pick you have the control over the
  • 00:08:27
    situation despite allowing them to be
  • 00:08:30
    the ones calling the shots and one very
  • 00:08:33
    important thing to note here is that if
  • 00:08:34
    you have the power in a negotiation do
  • 00:08:37
    not talk about it keep your mouth shut
  • 00:08:39
    and play that game until the end number
  • 00:08:42
    eight when negotiating with people that
  • 00:08:44
    you care about reputation trumps an
  • 00:08:48
    ultimate win now this takes a level of
  • 00:08:50
    maturity to pull off sometimes winning
  • 00:08:54
    is too expensive this happens in
  • 00:08:56
    marriages all the time would you rather
  • 00:08:58
    not talk to your wife for a week just to
  • 00:09:00
    prove you were right probably not okay
  • 00:09:02
    you're not stupidly winning a around
  • 00:09:04
    you're losing the game when it comes to
  • 00:09:07
    the reputation play let's say you're
  • 00:09:09
    dealing with someone you care about
  • 00:09:11
    you're doing business with a friend or
  • 00:09:12
    relative although you might have all the
  • 00:09:14
    cards and you could easily dry them out
  • 00:09:17
    your reputation becomes more valuable
  • 00:09:19
    than the extent of the win because
  • 00:09:21
    you're probably going to win anyway you
  • 00:09:23
    might as well win respectably this
  • 00:09:25
    builds Good Will in your life and Good
  • 00:09:28
    Will is important people will recommend
  • 00:09:30
    you because of it and the long-term
  • 00:09:32
    returns are much greater than the
  • 00:09:34
    short-term
  • 00:09:36
    wins number nine never let emotions
  • 00:09:39
    block you from getting what you need now
  • 00:09:43
    sometimes you won't like the person
  • 00:09:44
    you're negotiating with on a personal
  • 00:09:46
    level but you'll find yourself at the
  • 00:09:48
    table because you need something look we
  • 00:09:50
    people are all different right we grew
  • 00:09:52
    up in different places we have different
  • 00:09:54
    upbringings different levels of
  • 00:09:56
    educations and ethics values knowing how
  • 00:09:59
    to navigate this sea of personalities is
  • 00:10:02
    one of the most valuable skills that you
  • 00:10:03
    can have in Your Arsenal there's a fine
  • 00:10:06
    line between tolerating and deciding to
  • 00:10:08
    walk away now we've learned this line
  • 00:10:11
    tends to move depending on how badly you
  • 00:10:13
    need the result to go your way ideally
  • 00:10:16
    emotions wouldn't be a variable in
  • 00:10:17
    negotiation facts would Trump everything
  • 00:10:20
    numbers would do the talking and Deals
  • 00:10:22
    would close without a word spoken but
  • 00:10:24
    that is just not how it is emotions not
  • 00:10:27
    logic usually determines the outcome of
  • 00:10:29
    a negotiation you need to master yours
  • 00:10:33
    and then learn to read and change your
  • 00:10:35
    approach according to what the other
  • 00:10:37
    side is feeling at the time number 10
  • 00:10:41
    get to that's right as quickly as
  • 00:10:45
    possible because that's right is a
  • 00:10:47
    magical phrase in negotiation it means
  • 00:10:50
    both parties are in agreement and that
  • 00:10:51
    is how successful negotiations are
  • 00:10:54
    conducted the more one side agrees with
  • 00:10:56
    the other the more inline their
  • 00:10:58
    objectives are the more likely that deal
  • 00:11:00
    is to close too many people go into
  • 00:11:03
    negotiations not thinking about the
  • 00:11:04
    other side or what their goals are
  • 00:11:07
    decisions come from a part of the brain
  • 00:11:09
    that's usually left unguarded that's the
  • 00:11:12
    same spot where agreement is as well
  • 00:11:15
    that's why you know deep down if you're
  • 00:11:16
    going to say yes or no to a proposal
  • 00:11:19
    because it's coming from within the more
  • 00:11:21
    you can get someone to agree with you
  • 00:11:24
    the more that pattern of behavior will
  • 00:11:26
    show itself in that negotiation
  • 00:11:29
    number 11 the UT ipick method now this
  • 00:11:34
    is one of our all-time favorite ways to
  • 00:11:36
    settle disputes it works from high-end
  • 00:11:38
    business deals to the children in your
  • 00:11:40
    own household so to explain it simply it
  • 00:11:43
    goes like this let's say you've got two
  • 00:11:45
    children and they're fighting over a
  • 00:11:47
    piece of cake they're both fighting over
  • 00:11:49
    and they don't know how to share it so
  • 00:11:50
    the other one doesn't get more cake than
  • 00:11:52
    they do well the U cut ey pick rule has
  • 00:11:55
    one of the kids cut that cake in half
  • 00:11:58
    and the other one gets to pick which
  • 00:12:00
    side they want this way both parties
  • 00:12:03
    have control over the outcome now
  • 00:12:05
    ideally the first kid will slice the
  • 00:12:07
    cake perfectly in the middle because
  • 00:12:09
    well if they try to do anything shady
  • 00:12:11
    they'll lose more of that piece when the
  • 00:12:13
    other person gets to pick so use this
  • 00:12:16
    strategy
  • 00:12:18
    wisely number 12 negotiation is a mix
  • 00:12:22
    between sales and therapy now some
  • 00:12:25
    people never listen but some people
  • 00:12:27
    never ask in order to be a successful
  • 00:12:29
    negotiator you have to understand both
  • 00:12:31
    and know when to use each there's a time
  • 00:12:34
    for selling and there's a time for
  • 00:12:36
    listening and it just so happens the
  • 00:12:38
    more you listen the more you understand
  • 00:12:40
    when is the right time to sell like why
  • 00:12:43
    do people go to therapy they already
  • 00:12:45
    know what's happening in their minds
  • 00:12:46
    they're just trying to make sense of it
  • 00:12:49
    right that's why they're there that's
  • 00:12:51
    what happens in a negotiation you enter
  • 00:12:53
    into a negotiation trying to figure out
  • 00:12:55
    how to make it work and how to get what
  • 00:12:57
    you want that's what both parties want
  • 00:12:59
    you've met to solve a problem and the
  • 00:13:02
    solution can benefit both parties
  • 00:13:04
    anything else than that isn't a
  • 00:13:06
    negotiation it's a hostile takeover same
  • 00:13:09
    as in therapy asking why do you want
  • 00:13:12
    something is often times more valuable
  • 00:13:15
    than what do you want understanding the
  • 00:13:18
    reasoning behind their decision will
  • 00:13:19
    lead to Creative Solutions where other
  • 00:13:21
    things get put on the table that you
  • 00:13:23
    didn't even consider until
  • 00:13:25
    now number 13 never share your reserve
  • 00:13:30
    point now the reserve point is the
  • 00:13:32
    lowest option you would consider taking
  • 00:13:35
    all your strength lies in keeping the
  • 00:13:37
    negotiation as far away from your
  • 00:13:39
    reserve Point as possible never let
  • 00:13:42
    people know the minimum you're willing
  • 00:13:44
    to take the more you think about
  • 00:13:46
    negotiation the more you understand that
  • 00:13:48
    it's simply a game between two parties
  • 00:13:50
    that try to guess the others Reserve
  • 00:13:53
    point if you can guess the other party's
  • 00:13:55
    Reserve point you win
  • 00:13:59
    number 14 never give something without
  • 00:14:01
    getting something in return now the
  • 00:14:04
    worst thing you could do in a
  • 00:14:05
    negotiation is give anything away for
  • 00:14:07
    free unless you're feeling charitable
  • 00:14:10
    this is also true in life too many
  • 00:14:12
    employees pick up additional work
  • 00:14:14
    without asking for anything in return
  • 00:14:16
    that's how you end up working so damn
  • 00:14:18
    much and getting paid so damn little
  • 00:14:21
    there is an old saying that goes you
  • 00:14:23
    scratch my back I'll scratch yours that
  • 00:14:25
    one should always be remembered when
  • 00:14:27
    going out of your way to make something
  • 00:14:29
    happen for somebody else this is
  • 00:14:31
    probably the only place where the rule
  • 00:14:33
    of Equivalent Exchange mentioned in Full
  • 00:14:35
    Metal Alchemist applies to real life in
  • 00:14:38
    order to get something you've got to
  • 00:14:40
    give something in return and number 15
  • 00:14:44
    always have a backup plan now the worst
  • 00:14:47
    thing you could do in entering into
  • 00:14:49
    negotiations is not having a backup plan
  • 00:14:52
    if you don't have a backup all you're
  • 00:14:53
    doing is bluffing it takes away the very
  • 00:14:55
    powerful tool your option of walking
  • 00:14:59
    away the backup plan even has a specific
  • 00:15:02
    terminology attached it's called batna
  • 00:15:06
    now batna stands for best alternative to
  • 00:15:09
    a negotiated agreement this is the type
  • 00:15:11
    of info they used to teach us in
  • 00:15:12
    business school by the way but we never
  • 00:15:14
    used that terminology since though there
  • 00:15:17
    is some truth to it how good is your
  • 00:15:20
    alternative what kind of differentiator
  • 00:15:23
    are we talking about quality price time
  • 00:15:26
    to deliver you need to consider all of
  • 00:15:29
    these think of it like this if you go
  • 00:15:31
    and ask for a raise knowing that you
  • 00:15:33
    have another job lined up at a different
  • 00:15:35
    company if your boss says no how does
  • 00:15:38
    your approach differ would you feel in
  • 00:15:41
    control and powerful enough to stand
  • 00:15:43
    your ground sure you will batner is all
  • 00:15:47
    about acquiring as much control on your
  • 00:15:49
    side as possible which brings us to
  • 00:15:51
    today's question what's one thing you
  • 00:15:54
    wish to negotiate in the near future
  • 00:15:56
    we're always excited to hear from the
  • 00:15:58
    community and we're always Blown Away by
  • 00:16:00
    the support that you alexes show to one
  • 00:16:02
    another in the comments and as for those
  • 00:16:04
    of you still watching Until the End
  • 00:16:06
    here's one of our mantras that served us
  • 00:16:09
    very well throughout life today's bonus
  • 00:16:11
    rule is that reality is negotiable okay
  • 00:16:15
    because those of you who've been axus
  • 00:16:17
    for a long time might remember this
  • 00:16:18
    because it's something that we 100%
  • 00:16:21
    believe in there are some things outside
  • 00:16:24
    of your control like the place you were
  • 00:16:26
    born who your parents are but your
  • 00:16:29
    reality is not one of them okay your
  • 00:16:31
    reality is yours you are living and
  • 00:16:35
    crafting it based on what you expect it
  • 00:16:37
    to be and what you're willing to give in
  • 00:16:40
    return when we first realize that you
  • 00:16:42
    can quite literally negotiate with
  • 00:16:44
    reality our entire life view changed you
  • 00:16:48
    can ask reality for anything and it'll
  • 00:16:50
    require specific things in return those
  • 00:16:52
    specific things will require effort but
  • 00:16:55
    since you're already at the negotiation
  • 00:16:56
    table you know they're worth it for you
  • 00:16:59
    you want a big house life is willing to
  • 00:17:01
    give it to you in exchange for x amount
  • 00:17:03
    of effort you want a lovely family well
  • 00:17:07
    this is what you have to trade for it
  • 00:17:08
    that's what people really mean when they
  • 00:17:10
    say life is endless
  • 00:17:12
    impossibility you can quite literally
  • 00:17:14
    negotiate almost every aspect of your
  • 00:17:17
    life if you're willing to make that
  • 00:17:19
    trade you can rid yourself of everything
  • 00:17:21
    you don't like or don't want but most
  • 00:17:24
    people don't want to make that trade
  • 00:17:26
    good negotiations take time effort and
  • 00:17:29
    sources big deals don't get closed in
  • 00:17:31
    minutes or days it takes big companies
  • 00:17:34
    sometimes years to figure out how to
  • 00:17:36
    make a deal and you're sitting there
  • 00:17:37
    expecting life to give you everything
  • 00:17:39
    you ever wanted the next morning of
  • 00:17:42
    course it won't take this moment in time
  • 00:17:44
    to think about your reality and what you
  • 00:17:46
    can negotiate you want a better job
  • 00:17:49
    negotiate for it you want more time with
  • 00:17:51
    your kids negotiate for it for anything
  • 00:17:54
    you want there is someone that you can
  • 00:17:56
    negotiate with we can't wait to hear
  • 00:17:58
    what you do with these lessons alexir
  • 00:18:00
    and what you will negotiate for yourself
  • 00:18:03
    it's been an honor having you here with
  • 00:18:04
    us today and we're thankful to every one
  • 00:18:06
    of you that made it this far in the
  • 00:18:07
    video just so we know your name please
  • 00:18:10
    write r i n in the comments which stands
  • 00:18:13
    for reality is negotiable this way we
  • 00:18:17
    know our message got to all the right
  • 00:18:19
    people we'll see you back here next time
  • 00:18:21
    my friend until then take care
Tags
  • negotiation
  • skills
  • tactics
  • tactical empathy
  • preparation
  • mirroring
  • trade-offs
  • BATNA
  • emotional control
  • reality negotiation