10 Stoic Rules on How to Emotionally DETACH from Someone | Stoicism – Stoic Heartbeat

00:30:09
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWmd5xZVjXI

Summary

TLDRThe video delves into the concept of emotional attachment and how it can be transformed through Stoic philosophy. It highlights that our attachments can serve as teachers, guiding us towards emotional freedom. The speaker outlines ten Stoic principles, including redefining detachment, understanding the roots of attachment, and the importance of self-care and gratitude. The overarching message is to reclaim emotional sovereignty and engage in relationships from a place of wholeness rather than neediness, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.

Takeaways

  • 🧘‍♂️ Your attachments can be your greatest teachers.
  • 💪 True detachment is about emotional sovereignty.
  • 🌊 Hold attachments lightly, like water in your hands.
  • 📝 Awareness of emotional responses is key.
  • 🔑 Happiness comes from within, not from others.
  • ⏳ Focus on the present moment for peace.
  • 🧠 Reframe negative thoughts to empower yourself.
  • 🚧 Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect.
  • 💖 Self-care is essential for emotional health.
  • 🙏 Gratitude transforms your perspective on loss.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The video discusses how the person you are emotionally attached to can be the key to your freedom. It emphasizes that attachment is a common human experience and introduces Stoic principles that can help transform your relationship with attachment. The speaker highlights the importance of recognizing that your emotional state shouldn't be dictated by others, and that true strength lies in managing your attachments wisely.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The second segment delves into the roots of attachment, explaining that our need for validation, security, and connection often leads to dependency on others. The Stoics believed that true wealth comes from needing little from others, and the speaker encourages viewers to return to a state of wholeness, where love is given freely rather than out of need.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    In the third segment, the speaker emphasizes the importance of surrendering the illusion of control over others' feelings and actions. By focusing on what you can control—your own thoughts and responses—you can redirect your energy towards personal growth, which ultimately makes you more attractive and confident in relationships.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The fourth segment introduces practical ways to practice detachment in daily life. The speaker suggests visualizing your attachment as something you can hold lightly, rather than tightly, and encourages viewers to redirect their energy towards self-nourishing activities instead of obsessively checking on the person they are attached to.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    The fifth segment discusses the idea that true happiness comes from within, rather than from external validation. The Stoics believed that emotional wealth is about needing little from others, and the speaker encourages viewers to engage in relationships from a place of wholeness, rather than neediness, to cultivate genuine happiness.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:09

    The final segment wraps up by encouraging viewers to take actionable steps towards emotional freedom, such as practicing gratitude, setting boundaries, and focusing on self-care. The speaker invites viewers to join a community for support and emphasizes that the journey towards emotional freedom begins with a single step, which can be taken immediately.

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Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What is the main message of the video?

    The video discusses how Stoic principles can help transform our relationship with emotional attachment, leading to greater freedom.

  • What does detachment mean in this context?

    Detachment is about reclaiming emotional sovereignty, not isolating oneself, but recognizing that we control our responses.

  • How can I practice detachment in daily life?

    You can practice detachment by being aware of your emotional responses, setting boundaries, and focusing on self-care.

  • What role does gratitude play in emotional freedom?

    Gratitude shifts focus from what is lacking to what is abundant in life, helping to transform perspectives on attachment.

  • How can I start my journey towards emotional freedom?

    Begin by choosing one Stoic principle that resonates with you and practice it in your daily life.

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Subtitles
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  • 00:00:01
    What if I told you that the very person
  • 00:00:04
    you can't stop thinking about is
  • 00:00:07
    actually the key to unlocking your
  • 00:00:09
    greatest freedom? I know that sounds
  • 00:00:12
    impossible right now. When someone
  • 00:00:15
    occupies every corner of your mind. When
  • 00:00:18
    their absence feels like a physical
  • 00:00:20
    ache. When you find yourself checking
  • 00:00:22
    your phone hoping for their message.
  • 00:00:26
    Freedom feels like the last thing within
  • 00:00:29
    reach. But here's what the ancient
  • 00:00:31
    Stoics understood that we've forgotten.
  • 00:00:34
    Your deepest attachment might just be
  • 00:00:37
    your greatest teacher. And today, we're
  • 00:00:40
    going to explore how 10 profound stoic
  • 00:00:43
    principles can transform your
  • 00:00:44
    relationship with attachment itself.
  • 00:00:48
    My friend, if you found your way here,
  • 00:00:51
    you're likely carrying a weight that
  • 00:00:53
    feels almost unbearable. Perhaps it's
  • 00:00:56
    the ghost of a relationship that ended.
  • 00:00:59
    Maybe it's the suffocating grip of
  • 00:01:01
    unrequited love. Or possibly it's that
  • 00:01:05
    person who seems to hold all the power
  • 00:01:07
    over your emotional weather. You're not
  • 00:01:10
    broken for feeling this way. You're
  • 00:01:13
    human and what you're experiencing has
  • 00:01:16
    been felt by countless souls across
  • 00:01:18
    centuries, including some of the wisest
  • 00:01:21
    minds in history.
  • 00:01:23
    The paradox of attachment. Marcus
  • 00:01:26
    Aurelius, the philosopher emperor who
  • 00:01:28
    ruled Rome at its peak, wrote these
  • 00:01:30
    words in his personal journal. You have
  • 00:01:33
    power over your mind, not outside
  • 00:01:36
    events. Realize this and you will find
  • 00:01:39
    strength.
  • 00:01:41
    He wasn't writing for an audience.
  • 00:01:43
    These were his private thoughts, his way
  • 00:01:46
    of reminding himself of truths that even
  • 00:01:49
    the most powerful man in the world
  • 00:01:51
    needed to remember.
  • 00:01:53
    Because attachment doesn't discriminate.
  • 00:01:55
    It touches the emperor and the commoner
  • 00:01:58
    alike. The Stoics weren't cold,
  • 00:02:01
    emotionless beings as many people
  • 00:02:04
    imagine. They were deeply feeling humans
  • 00:02:07
    who chose to engage with their emotions
  • 00:02:09
    from a place of wisdom rather than
  • 00:02:12
    reactivity. They understood something
  • 00:02:14
    profound.
  • 00:02:16
    That true strength comes not from never
  • 00:02:18
    feeling attached, but from knowing how
  • 00:02:21
    to hold our attachments lightly. Think
  • 00:02:24
    about water for a moment. When you try
  • 00:02:27
    to grasp it tightly in your hands, it
  • 00:02:30
    slips through your fingers. But when you
  • 00:02:33
    cup your hands gently, you can carry it
  • 00:02:35
    wherever you need to go.
  • 00:02:38
    This is the essence of what we're
  • 00:02:40
    exploring today.
  • 00:02:43
    Rule one, detachment redefined.
  • 00:02:47
    Let me ask you something that might
  • 00:02:49
    sting a little. How much of your daily
  • 00:02:52
    emotional experience is determined by
  • 00:02:54
    someone else's actions, their texts,
  • 00:02:57
    their moods, their attention, or lack
  • 00:03:00
    thereof? If you're honest, the answer
  • 00:03:02
    might surprise you. And here's where we
  • 00:03:05
    begin to understand what detachment
  • 00:03:07
    truly means.
  • 00:03:09
    Detachment isn't about becoming an
  • 00:03:11
    island, isolated and untouchable.
  • 00:03:15
    It's not about building walls around
  • 00:03:17
    your heart or pretending not to care.
  • 00:03:21
    True detachment is about reclaiming your
  • 00:03:24
    emotional sovereignty. It's about
  • 00:03:27
    recognizing that while you cannot
  • 00:03:28
    control the wind, you can adjust your
  • 00:03:31
    sails.
  • 00:03:33
    Epictitus, who spent years as a slave
  • 00:03:36
    before becoming one of history's most
  • 00:03:38
    influential philosophers,
  • 00:03:41
    knew something about powerlessness.
  • 00:03:44
    Yet, he discovered that even in the most
  • 00:03:46
    restrictive circumstances,
  • 00:03:48
    we retain one unshakable freedom, the
  • 00:03:52
    freedom to choose our response.
  • 00:03:55
    He taught us we suffer not from the
  • 00:03:57
    events in our lives, but from our
  • 00:04:00
    judgment about them.
  • 00:04:03
    This isn't just philosophical rhetoric.
  • 00:04:06
    This is practical wisdom that can change
  • 00:04:09
    your life today. When you find yourself
  • 00:04:12
    spiraling because someone didn't text
  • 00:04:15
    back or when their indifference feels
  • 00:04:17
    like a personal attack, remember you're
  • 00:04:21
    not responding to what actually
  • 00:04:23
    happened. You're responding to the story
  • 00:04:25
    you're telling yourself about what
  • 00:04:27
    happened.
  • 00:04:29
    The practice begins with awareness.
  • 00:04:33
    Start noticing when you're giving
  • 00:04:34
    someone else the remote control to your
  • 00:04:37
    emotions.
  • 00:04:38
    It might be subtle, checking their
  • 00:04:41
    social media first thing in the morning,
  • 00:04:43
    or obvious, having your entire day
  • 00:04:46
    ruined by their mood.
  • 00:04:49
    Each time you catch yourself in this
  • 00:04:51
    pattern, pause, take a breath, and
  • 00:04:55
    gently ask, "What would happen if I
  • 00:04:57
    chose my response right now?" instead of
  • 00:05:00
    reacting automatically.
  • 00:05:03
    This is where your power lies. Not in
  • 00:05:06
    controlling them, but in governing
  • 00:05:08
    yourself.
  • 00:05:10
    Rule two, the real roots of attachment.
  • 00:05:15
    Why do we attach so desperately to some
  • 00:05:17
    people and not others? What is it that
  • 00:05:20
    makes certain individuals feel like they
  • 00:05:22
    hold the key to our happiness? The
  • 00:05:25
    answer lies deeper than we often
  • 00:05:26
    realize. Attachment isn't really about
  • 00:05:29
    the other person at all. It's about what
  • 00:05:32
    we believe they can give us that we
  • 00:05:34
    can't give ourselves. Maybe it's
  • 00:05:37
    validation.
  • 00:05:38
    Maybe it's security.
  • 00:05:41
    Maybe it's a sense of being special or
  • 00:05:43
    chosen.
  • 00:05:45
    Or perhaps it's the intoxicating feeling
  • 00:05:47
    of being seen and understood in a way
  • 00:05:50
    that feels rare and precious.
  • 00:05:54
    But here's what the Stoics understood.
  • 00:05:56
    When we seek these things from others,
  • 00:05:58
    we're essentially saying, "I am
  • 00:06:01
    incomplete without you." And that
  • 00:06:04
    statement, however well-intentioned,
  • 00:06:07
    becomes a chain that binds us. Epictitus
  • 00:06:10
    observed wealth consists not in having
  • 00:06:13
    great possessions but in having few
  • 00:06:16
    wants. This applies to emotional wealth
  • 00:06:19
    as well. The person who needs very
  • 00:06:22
    little from others to feel complete is
  • 00:06:25
    infinitely richer than the person whose
  • 00:06:27
    happiness depends on someone else's
  • 00:06:29
    whims. I want you to imagine a newborn
  • 00:06:32
    baby for a moment.
  • 00:06:35
    Have you ever noticed how a baby can be
  • 00:06:37
    perfectly content just existing?
  • 00:06:41
    They don't need anyone's approval to
  • 00:06:43
    feel worthy. They don't question their
  • 00:06:45
    right to take up space in the world.
  • 00:06:48
    They simply are that natural state of
  • 00:06:52
    being. That's your birthright.
  • 00:06:55
    Somewhere along the way, we learned to
  • 00:06:57
    make our worth conditional. We started
  • 00:07:00
    believing that our value fluctuated
  • 00:07:03
    based on how others treated us. But what
  • 00:07:06
    if you could return to that original
  • 00:07:08
    state of wholeness?
  • 00:07:10
    What if you could love and connect with
  • 00:07:12
    others not from a place of need but from
  • 00:07:16
    a place of fullness?
  • 00:07:19
    This doesn't mean you stop caring or
  • 00:07:21
    connecting. It means you engage with
  • 00:07:24
    relationships from a position of
  • 00:07:26
    strength rather than desperation.
  • 00:07:30
    You love because you choose to, not
  • 00:07:33
    because you have to.
  • 00:07:35
    Rule three, surrendering the illusion of
  • 00:07:39
    control.
  • 00:07:41
    Here's a hard truth that might initially
  • 00:07:43
    resist. You cannot control how anyone
  • 00:07:46
    feels about you. You cannot control
  • 00:07:49
    their choices, their moods, their level
  • 00:07:52
    of interest, or their commitment to your
  • 00:07:54
    relationship.
  • 00:07:56
    You cannot control whether they text
  • 00:07:58
    back, whether they choose you, whether
  • 00:08:01
    they stay or leave, whether they love
  • 00:08:03
    you the way you love them. The only
  • 00:08:06
    thing, and I mean the only thing you can
  • 00:08:10
    control is yourself, your thoughts, your
  • 00:08:14
    actions, your responses, your choices.
  • 00:08:18
    This realization can feel devastating at
  • 00:08:21
    first. If you've been operating under
  • 00:08:23
    the belief that if you just love hard
  • 00:08:26
    enough, give enough, or be perfect
  • 00:08:28
    enough, you can somehow influence their
  • 00:08:31
    feelings. Letting go of that illusion
  • 00:08:35
    feels like losing hope itself. But
  • 00:08:38
    here's what happens when you truly
  • 00:08:39
    accept this truth. You stop wasting your
  • 00:08:42
    precious energy on impossible tasks. You
  • 00:08:46
    stop trying to be someone you're not to
  • 00:08:49
    earn their approval.
  • 00:08:51
    You stop walking on eggshells afraid
  • 00:08:54
    that one wrong move will push them away.
  • 00:08:57
    Instead, you redirect all that energy
  • 00:09:00
    toward what you actually can influence.
  • 00:09:03
    And that's where real transformation
  • 00:09:05
    begins. Marcus Aurelius wrote, "How much
  • 00:09:09
    trouble he avoids who does not look to
  • 00:09:11
    see what his neighbor says or does, but
  • 00:09:14
    only to what he does himself."
  • 00:09:18
    This isn't about being selfish or
  • 00:09:20
    self-centered. It's about understanding
  • 00:09:23
    where your true power lies. When you
  • 00:09:26
    stop trying to control outcomes and
  • 00:09:28
    start focusing on your own growth,
  • 00:09:31
    something magical happens. You become
  • 00:09:34
    more attractive, not less. You become
  • 00:09:37
    more peaceful, not more anxious. You
  • 00:09:40
    become more confident, not more needy.
  • 00:09:43
    People are drawn to those who are
  • 00:09:45
    comfortable in their own skin, who don't
  • 00:09:48
    need constant reassurance, who can
  • 00:09:51
    weather storms without falling apart.
  • 00:09:54
    Paradoxically, the less you need
  • 00:09:56
    someone's approval, the more likely you
  • 00:09:59
    are to receive it. But even if you don't
  • 00:10:02
    receive it, you'll be okay because your
  • 00:10:05
    sense of self no longer depends on their
  • 00:10:09
    validation.
  • 00:10:10
    [Music]
  • 00:10:13
    Leia how to practice daily detachment.
  • 00:10:17
    So how do we actually practice
  • 00:10:19
    detachment in the messy reality of daily
  • 00:10:22
    life? How do we implement these
  • 00:10:24
    principles when our heart is aching and
  • 00:10:27
    our mind is spinning stories? Let me
  • 00:10:30
    share something that might resonate with
  • 00:10:32
    your experience.
  • 00:10:35
    Have you ever held on to something so
  • 00:10:38
    tightly that your hands started to
  • 00:10:40
    cramp? Maybe it was a rope during a
  • 00:10:43
    trust exercise. Or perhaps you were
  • 00:10:46
    gripping the steering wheel during a
  • 00:10:48
    stressful drive.
  • 00:10:51
    That physical tension you feel, that's
  • 00:10:54
    exactly what emotional attachment feels
  • 00:10:56
    like in our inner world. We hold on so
  • 00:11:00
    tightly to people, outcomes, and
  • 00:11:02
    expectations that we create suffering
  • 00:11:05
    for ourselves. The practice of
  • 00:11:07
    detachment is like learning to loosen
  • 00:11:10
    that grip. Not to let go completely, but
  • 00:11:14
    to hold with an open palm instead of a
  • 00:11:16
    clenched fist. Start with this simple
  • 00:11:20
    exercise. Think about the person you're
  • 00:11:22
    struggling to detach from. Now imagine
  • 00:11:25
    holding them in your closed fist. Feel
  • 00:11:28
    the tension in your hand, the strain in
  • 00:11:31
    your arm. Notice how uncomfortable this
  • 00:11:34
    feels. Now slowly open your hand. Let
  • 00:11:38
    them rest in your open palm. You're not
  • 00:11:41
    pushing them away, but you're not
  • 00:11:43
    trapping them either. You're simply
  • 00:11:46
    allowing them to be free while keeping
  • 00:11:49
    your hand open and available.
  • 00:11:52
    This is detachment in practice. It's the
  • 00:11:55
    art of caring without clinging, loving
  • 00:11:58
    without possessing, hoping without
  • 00:12:00
    demanding. In practical terms, this
  • 00:12:04
    might mean resisting the urge to check
  • 00:12:07
    their social media obsessively. When you
  • 00:12:10
    feel the impulse, pause and redirect
  • 00:12:14
    that energy towards something that
  • 00:12:16
    nourishes you instead. Not immediately
  • 00:12:19
    responding to their messages as if your
  • 00:12:21
    worth depends on your availability.
  • 00:12:25
    Take time to consider your authentic
  • 00:12:27
    response rather than reacting from a
  • 00:12:30
    place of anxiety. making plans that
  • 00:12:33
    don't revolve around their availability.
  • 00:12:35
    Build a life so interesting and
  • 00:12:38
    fulfilling that their presence becomes a
  • 00:12:40
    wonderful addition, not a necessity.
  • 00:12:43
    Senica wisely noted, "He who is brave is
  • 00:12:47
    free." The courage to practice
  • 00:12:49
    detachment is the courage to be free.
  • 00:12:53
    Free from the exhausting cycle of
  • 00:12:56
    emotional dependency. Free to love
  • 00:12:59
    authentically. free to be yourself
  • 00:13:01
    without apology.
  • 00:13:04
    Rule five, happiness comes from within.
  • 00:13:10
    Where does true happiness come from? If
  • 00:13:12
    you're like most people, you might
  • 00:13:14
    believe it comes from being chosen,
  • 00:13:16
    being loved, being validated by someone
  • 00:13:19
    special.
  • 00:13:21
    But what if everything you've been
  • 00:13:23
    taught about happiness is backwards?
  • 00:13:26
    The Stoics discovered something
  • 00:13:28
    revolutionary.
  • 00:13:29
    Happiness isn't something you find in
  • 00:13:32
    another person. It's something you
  • 00:13:34
    cultivate within yourself. It's not a
  • 00:13:37
    destination you reach when the right
  • 00:13:39
    person loves you back. It's a way of
  • 00:13:42
    being you can access right now,
  • 00:13:44
    regardless of your relationship status.
  • 00:13:48
    Epictitus taught, "Wealth consists not
  • 00:13:51
    in having great possessions, but in
  • 00:13:54
    having few wants. This applies to
  • 00:13:57
    emotional wealth as well.
  • 00:13:59
    The person who needs very little from
  • 00:14:02
    others to feel complete is infinitely
  • 00:14:04
    richer than the person whose happiness
  • 00:14:07
    depends on someone else's mood.
  • 00:14:10
    But this doesn't mean you become
  • 00:14:12
    indifferent to connection.
  • 00:14:15
    Instead, you learn to engage with
  • 00:14:17
    relationships from a place of wholeness
  • 00:14:20
    rather than neediness.
  • 00:14:22
    You discover that the most attractive
  • 00:14:25
    quality you can possess is not needing
  • 00:14:28
    anyone else to complete you.
  • 00:14:31
    Think about the people in your life who
  • 00:14:33
    seem genuinely happy and at peace.
  • 00:14:36
    I'm willing to bet they're not the ones
  • 00:14:39
    desperately seeking approval or clinging
  • 00:14:41
    to relationships out of fear. They are
  • 00:14:44
    the ones who seem comfortable in their
  • 00:14:46
    own skin, who can enjoy solitude as much
  • 00:14:49
    as companionship.
  • 00:14:51
    Who don't need constant reassurance to
  • 00:14:53
    feel worthy.
  • 00:14:55
    This is what we're working toward. Not
  • 00:14:58
    emotional numbness, but emotional
  • 00:15:01
    freedom. Not the inability to love, but
  • 00:15:04
    the ability to love without desperation.
  • 00:15:08
    Your worth isn't a puzzle missing
  • 00:15:10
    someone else's peace. You're already
  • 00:15:13
    whole. You're already enough. Any
  • 00:15:16
    relationship that enters your life
  • 00:15:18
    should be an enhancement to your
  • 00:15:20
    existing fullness, not a solution to
  • 00:15:23
    your perceived emptiness.
  • 00:15:25
    When you truly understand this,
  • 00:15:28
    something shifts. You stop chasing and
  • 00:15:31
    start attracting. You stop demanding and
  • 00:15:34
    start receiving. You stop needing and
  • 00:15:37
    start choosing.
  • 00:15:40
    Rule six, return to the present moment.
  • 00:15:44
    How much of your suffering around this
  • 00:15:47
    person exists only in your mind? How
  • 00:15:50
    much of it is about things that happened
  • 00:15:52
    in the past or fears about the future?
  • 00:15:57
    Marcus Aurelius counseledled, "Confine
  • 00:16:00
    yourself to the present." This wasn't
  • 00:16:02
    just philosophical advice. It was a
  • 00:16:05
    practical instruction for mental health
  • 00:16:07
    and emotional freedom. When you're
  • 00:16:10
    attached to someone, your mind becomes a
  • 00:16:12
    time machine. You replay past
  • 00:16:15
    conversations,
  • 00:16:16
    looking for hidden meanings. You fast
  • 00:16:19
    forward to imaginary futures, spinning
  • 00:16:22
    stories about what might happen.
  • 00:16:25
    Meanwhile, the only moment where peace
  • 00:16:28
    actually exists, this one right now,
  • 00:16:31
    passes by unnoticed.
  • 00:16:34
    The present moment is where your power
  • 00:16:36
    lives. It's where you can make conscious
  • 00:16:39
    choices rather than react from old
  • 00:16:42
    patterns. It's where you can breathe
  • 00:16:44
    deeply and remember who you are beyond
  • 00:16:47
    this attachment.
  • 00:16:49
    Try this practice. When you notice your
  • 00:16:51
    mind spiraling about this person, gently
  • 00:16:54
    bring your attention back to your
  • 00:16:56
    immediate physical experience.
  • 00:16:59
    Feel your feet on the ground. Notice
  • 00:17:02
    your breath moving in and out. Look
  • 00:17:05
    around and name five things you can see.
  • 00:17:09
    This isn't about suppressing your
  • 00:17:11
    feelings or pretending the attachment
  • 00:17:13
    doesn't exist. It's about creating space
  • 00:17:17
    between you and your thoughts so you can
  • 00:17:20
    choose how to respond rather than being
  • 00:17:22
    swept away by mental storms.
  • 00:17:25
    In the present moment, you might notice
  • 00:17:28
    that you're actually okay right now.
  • 00:17:30
    You're breathing. Your heart is beating.
  • 00:17:33
    You're alive and capable of experiencing
  • 00:17:35
    peace even in the midst of emotional
  • 00:17:38
    difficulty. The past cannot be changed.
  • 00:17:42
    The future hasn't happened yet. But
  • 00:17:45
    right now, in this moment, you have the
  • 00:17:48
    power to choose peace over suffering,
  • 00:17:52
    presence over anxious projection,
  • 00:17:54
    acceptance over resistance.
  • 00:17:58
    Rule seven, mastering the mind through
  • 00:18:01
    reframing. Your thoughts create your
  • 00:18:05
    reality. This isn't new age wishful
  • 00:18:08
    thinking. It's a fundamental principle
  • 00:18:11
    of stoic philosophy that modern
  • 00:18:13
    psychology has validated repeatedly.
  • 00:18:16
    Marcus Aurelius observed, "The soul
  • 00:18:19
    becomes dyed with the color of its
  • 00:18:22
    thoughts."
  • 00:18:23
    Every thought you think is literally
  • 00:18:25
    shaping your experience of reality. So,
  • 00:18:29
    what thoughts are you thinking about
  • 00:18:31
    this person? What stories are you
  • 00:18:33
    telling yourself about what their
  • 00:18:35
    behavior means? What assumptions are you
  • 00:18:38
    making about your worth based on their
  • 00:18:40
    actions?
  • 00:18:42
    Common attachment thoughts might sound
  • 00:18:44
    like, "I can't be happy without them.
  • 00:18:48
    I'll never find anyone like them. If
  • 00:18:51
    they don't choose me, it means I'm not
  • 00:18:54
    enough. My life is meaningless without
  • 00:18:57
    their love. These thoughts feel
  • 00:19:00
    absolutely true when you're in the grip
  • 00:19:03
    of attachment.
  • 00:19:05
    But here's the thing about thoughts.
  • 00:19:07
    They're not facts. They're
  • 00:19:09
    interpretations.
  • 00:19:10
    And interpretations can be changed. What
  • 00:19:13
    if you could reframe these thoughts?
  • 00:19:17
    Instead of I can't be happy without
  • 00:19:19
    them, try I am capable of creating
  • 00:19:22
    happiness in my own life. Instead of
  • 00:19:25
    I'll never find anyone like them, try
  • 00:19:28
    there are countless opportunities for
  • 00:19:30
    love and connection in my future.
  • 00:19:34
    Instead of if they don't choose me, it
  • 00:19:36
    means I'm not enough. Try their choice
  • 00:19:39
    says nothing about my worth as a person.
  • 00:19:43
    This isn't about toxic positivity or
  • 00:19:47
    pretending everything is fine when it's
  • 00:19:49
    not. It's about choosing thoughts that
  • 00:19:52
    serve your growth rather than your
  • 00:19:54
    suffering.
  • 00:19:56
    The practice of reframing takes time and
  • 00:19:59
    patience.
  • 00:20:01
    Your old thought patterns have been
  • 00:20:03
    reinforced for years, maybe decades. But
  • 00:20:07
    every time you catch a destructive
  • 00:20:09
    thought and consciously choose a more
  • 00:20:12
    empowering one, you're rewiring your
  • 00:20:14
    brain for freedom.
  • 00:20:17
    Rule eight, boundaries are freedom.
  • 00:20:24
    Here's something that might surprise
  • 00:20:25
    you. One of the most loving things you
  • 00:20:28
    can do for both yourself and others is
  • 00:20:31
    to set clear boundaries. Boundaries
  • 00:20:34
    aren't walls built to keep people out.
  • 00:20:37
    They're guidelines that help you engage
  • 00:20:39
    with others from a place of self-respect
  • 00:20:42
    rather than self-abandonment.
  • 00:20:45
    When you're attached to someone, you
  • 00:20:47
    might find yourself saying yes when you
  • 00:20:49
    mean no, accepting treatment that
  • 00:20:52
    doesn't feel good, or compromising your
  • 00:20:55
    values to maintain their approval. This
  • 00:20:58
    isn't love. It's fear disguised as love.
  • 00:21:03
    True love, including selflove, requires
  • 00:21:06
    boundaries. It requires knowing where
  • 00:21:09
    you end and others begin. It requires
  • 00:21:12
    protecting your energy, your time, and
  • 00:21:14
    your peace of mind.
  • 00:21:17
    Setting boundaries might mean not being
  • 00:21:20
    available 24/7 for someone who only
  • 00:21:23
    contacts you when it's convenient for
  • 00:21:25
    them. refusing to engage in
  • 00:21:27
    conversations that consistently leave
  • 00:21:30
    you feeling drained or diminished. Not
  • 00:21:34
    tolerating behavior that disrespects
  • 00:21:36
    your worth or dignity.
  • 00:21:39
    Saying no to requests that compromise
  • 00:21:42
    your well-being or values. This can feel
  • 00:21:46
    scary at first, especially if you've
  • 00:21:48
    been operating from a place of
  • 00:21:50
    attachment.
  • 00:21:51
    You might worry that setting boundaries
  • 00:21:53
    will push them away. But here's the
  • 00:21:56
    truth. Anyone who can't respect your
  • 00:21:58
    boundaries isn't someone you want in
  • 00:22:01
    your life anyway. And those who truly
  • 00:22:04
    care about you will respect your
  • 00:22:07
    boundaries because they respect you.
  • 00:22:11
    Boundaries are a form of selfrespect.
  • 00:22:14
    They communicate to the world and to
  • 00:22:17
    yourself that you value your own
  • 00:22:19
    well-being. They create space for
  • 00:22:22
    authentic relationships to flourish
  • 00:22:25
    while protecting you from connections
  • 00:22:27
    that drain your energy.
  • 00:22:31
    Rule nine, self-care as an act of
  • 00:22:34
    strength.
  • 00:22:35
    When you're emotionally attached to
  • 00:22:37
    someone, it's easy to neglect yourself.
  • 00:22:41
    You might stop exercising, abandon
  • 00:22:44
    hobbies you love, or isolate yourself
  • 00:22:46
    from friends.
  • 00:22:48
    All your energy goes toward managing the
  • 00:22:51
    relationship and your feelings about it.
  • 00:22:54
    But self-care isn't selfish. It's
  • 00:22:56
    essential.
  • 00:22:58
    Senica understood this when he wrote
  • 00:23:00
    about the importance of maintaining a
  • 00:23:02
    sound mind in a sound body. Self-care
  • 00:23:06
    creates a foundation of strength that
  • 00:23:08
    makes detachment possible.
  • 00:23:11
    When you're physically depleted,
  • 00:23:13
    emotionally drained, and spiritually
  • 00:23:15
    disconnected,
  • 00:23:17
    you're more likely to cling to others
  • 00:23:19
    for sustenance.
  • 00:23:21
    But when you're taking care of yourself,
  • 00:23:24
    when you're exercising regularly, eating
  • 00:23:27
    well, engaging in activities that bring
  • 00:23:30
    you joy, spending time with supportive
  • 00:23:33
    friends, you have less need for external
  • 00:23:36
    validation.
  • 00:23:38
    Self-care might look like moving your
  • 00:23:41
    body in ways that feel good. Whether
  • 00:23:44
    that's dancing, walking, swimming, or
  • 00:23:47
    practicing yoga.
  • 00:23:49
    Nourishing yourself with foods that give
  • 00:23:51
    you energy and make you feel vibrant.
  • 00:23:55
    Engaging in creative activities that
  • 00:23:57
    help you express and process your
  • 00:24:00
    emotions. Spending time in nature, which
  • 00:24:03
    has been shown to reduce stress and
  • 00:24:06
    increase feelings of well-being.
  • 00:24:08
    Practicing meditation or mindfulness to
  • 00:24:11
    cultivate inner peace and clarity.
  • 00:24:14
    Maintaining connections with friends and
  • 00:24:17
    family members who support and encourage
  • 00:24:19
    you.
  • 00:24:21
    The goal isn't to become so
  • 00:24:23
    self-sufficient that you don't need
  • 00:24:25
    anyone. It's to become so well cared for
  • 00:24:29
    by yourself that you can engage with
  • 00:24:32
    others from a place of choice rather
  • 00:24:34
    than need.
  • 00:24:37
    Rule 10, transform through gratitude.
  • 00:24:43
    Here's the final principle and it might
  • 00:24:46
    be the most powerful of all. Gratitude
  • 00:24:49
    has the ability to transform your entire
  • 00:24:51
    perspective on attachment and loss. When
  • 00:24:54
    you're focused on what you don't have,
  • 00:24:56
    their attention, their love, their
  • 00:24:59
    commitment, you create a mental state of
  • 00:25:02
    scarcity.
  • 00:25:03
    Everything feels lacking.
  • 00:25:06
    Every interaction is filtered through
  • 00:25:08
    the lens of what's missing. But
  • 00:25:11
    gratitude shifts your focus to what's
  • 00:25:13
    present, what's abundant, what's working
  • 00:25:16
    in your life right now. Epicurus wisely
  • 00:25:19
    noted, "Do not spoil what you have by
  • 00:25:23
    desiring what you have not. Remember
  • 00:25:26
    that what you now have was once among
  • 00:25:28
    the things you only hoped for. This
  • 00:25:31
    doesn't mean you should settle for less
  • 00:25:34
    than you deserve in relationships.
  • 00:25:37
    It means you can appreciate what you
  • 00:25:39
    have while remaining open to what might
  • 00:25:42
    come.
  • 00:25:44
    Start each day by writing down three
  • 00:25:46
    things you're grateful for. They don't
  • 00:25:49
    have to be huge. A warm cup of coffee, a
  • 00:25:53
    text from a friend, a beautiful sunset.
  • 00:25:57
    The practice of gratitude trains your
  • 00:25:59
    mind to notice abundance rather than
  • 00:26:02
    scarcity.
  • 00:26:03
    As you develop this practice, you might
  • 00:26:05
    notice something interesting. The less
  • 00:26:08
    you focus on what you're missing from
  • 00:26:10
    this one person, the more you become
  • 00:26:13
    aware of all the love and support that
  • 00:26:16
    already exists in your life.
  • 00:26:19
    Gratitude doesn't eliminate the pain of
  • 00:26:21
    attachment, but it provides a broader
  • 00:26:24
    context for it. It reminds you that your
  • 00:26:28
    life has value and meaning beyond any
  • 00:26:32
    single relationship.
  • 00:26:36
    My friend, we've traveled far together
  • 00:26:39
    in these few moments. We've explored the
  • 00:26:42
    ancient wisdom of the Stoics and
  • 00:26:44
    discovered how their teachings can guide
  • 00:26:47
    us toward emotional freedom in our
  • 00:26:49
    modern lives. But knowing these
  • 00:26:52
    principles isn't enough. Wisdom without
  • 00:26:55
    practice is just intellectual
  • 00:26:57
    entertainment.
  • 00:26:58
    The real transformation happens when you
  • 00:27:01
    begin to live these truths in your daily
  • 00:27:03
    experience.
  • 00:27:05
    Start small. Choose one principle that
  • 00:27:08
    resonates most deeply with you and begin
  • 00:27:11
    practicing it today. Maybe it's setting
  • 00:27:14
    one small boundary. Maybe it's spending
  • 00:27:17
    5 minutes in gratitude each morning.
  • 00:27:20
    Maybe it's simply catching yourself when
  • 00:27:22
    you give someone else control over your
  • 00:27:24
    emotions.
  • 00:27:25
    Remember, the goal isn't to never feel
  • 00:27:28
    attached again.
  • 00:27:30
    The goal is to learn how to love and
  • 00:27:32
    connect from a place of freedom rather
  • 00:27:35
    than fear, wholeness rather than need,
  • 00:27:39
    choice rather than compulsion. You are
  • 00:27:42
    not broken for feeling deeply. You are
  • 00:27:44
    not weak for caring too much. You are
  • 00:27:47
    human and your capacity for love is one
  • 00:27:50
    of your greatest gifts. The work we're
  • 00:27:53
    doing together is about learning how to
  • 00:27:55
    channel that love in ways that serve
  • 00:27:58
    your highest good and the highest good
  • 00:28:00
    of others. The ancient Stoics faced the
  • 00:28:04
    same struggles with attachment that you
  • 00:28:06
    face today. They loved deeply, lost
  • 00:28:10
    greatly, and found ways to transform
  • 00:28:13
    their pain into wisdom. Their teachings
  • 00:28:16
    have survived over 2,000 years because
  • 00:28:20
    they speak to something eternal in the
  • 00:28:22
    human experience.
  • 00:28:24
    You have within you right now everything
  • 00:28:27
    you need to break free from the chains
  • 00:28:29
    of emotional attachment. You have the
  • 00:28:32
    power to choose your thoughts, to set
  • 00:28:34
    boundaries, to practice self-care, to
  • 00:28:38
    find gratitude in the midst of
  • 00:28:40
    difficulty.
  • 00:28:41
    You have the strength to love without
  • 00:28:44
    clinging, to hope without demanding, to
  • 00:28:47
    care without losing yourself. This is
  • 00:28:50
    your invitation to step into that
  • 00:28:52
    strength. Not someday when you feel
  • 00:28:55
    ready, not when the pain goes away. Not
  • 00:28:58
    when they finally give you what you
  • 00:29:00
    want. Today, right now, in this moment,
  • 00:29:04
    your freedom is waiting. Your peace is
  • 00:29:06
    available. Your wholeness is your
  • 00:29:08
    birthright. The only question is, are
  • 00:29:12
    you ready to claim it? If this message
  • 00:29:14
    has touched something deep within you,
  • 00:29:16
    if you feel ready to begin this journey
  • 00:29:19
    of emotional freedom, I invite you to
  • 00:29:22
    join our community. Subscribe to this
  • 00:29:25
    channel because you deserve to surround
  • 00:29:27
    yourself with wisdom that serves your
  • 00:29:30
    growth. Share this. Share this video
  • 00:29:32
    with someone who might need to hear
  • 00:29:34
    these words because sometimes the
  • 00:29:36
    greatest gift we can give is the
  • 00:29:38
    reminder that freedom is possible. And
  • 00:29:42
    in the comments below, simply write the
  • 00:29:45
    words, "Freedom begins now. Not because
  • 00:29:49
    you have to, but because you're ready to
  • 00:29:52
    declare your intention to live from a
  • 00:29:54
    place of strength rather than need. Your
  • 00:29:58
    journey toward emotional freedom starts
  • 00:30:00
    with a single step. And that step is
  • 00:30:02
    available to you right now. Take it.
  • 00:30:06
    Your future self will thank you.
Tags
  • Stoicism
  • Emotional Freedom
  • Attachment
  • Detachment
  • Self-Care
  • Gratitude
  • Marcus Aurelius
  • Epictetus
  • Mindfulness
  • Boundaries