Who is the video about?

The video is about the speaker's experiences with another YouTuber named Nicado Avocado.

What does the speaker accuse Nicado Avocado of?

The speaker accuses Nicado Avocado of manipulation, twisting her words, and using his platform to threaten and bully her.

What fears does the speaker express?

The speaker expresses fears for her home safety and being manipulated by fear, feeling like she couldn't say no to him.

What specific incident does the speaker describe involving manipulation?

The speaker describes an incident where Nicado wanted her to talk about another person on a video, twisting her words and creating discomfort.

What does the speaker find on her security footage?

The speaker finds that Nicado took pictures inside her house without her consent when she briefly left the room.

How does the speaker feel about the released conversation?

The speaker feels violated and manipulated, especially since private conversations were used without her consent.

Why did the speaker feel embarrassed about calling out Nicado Avocado?

The speaker felt embarrassed because Nicado is connected to influential people in the community that she respected.

How does the speaker conclude her video?

The speaker concludes by expressing her gratitude for having a platform to share her story and the importance of being able to say no.

What movement does the video reference?

The video references the Me Too movement.

What emotions did the speaker experience after the events with Nicado?

The speaker experienced fear, shame, guilt, and felt pushed into a dark place emotionally.

Why I Am Scared Of Nikocado Avocado

00:47:41

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RU-Okmkh7vU

Summary

TLDRThe video discusses the speaker's experience with manipulation and emotional intimidation by another prominent YouTuber, Nicado Avocado. Throughout the video, the speaker recounts multiple instances where her personal conversations and words were twisted against her to coerce her into uncomfortable situations, specifically an on-camera discussion she did not consent to. She shares that her sense of personal safety was compromised and that she felt bullied by the power dynamics at play. The speaker describes detailed events where her consent was overshadowed by fear, leading her to feel trapped in interactions. She emphasizes her emotional turmoil and the significance of being able to say no. Additionally, the video touches upon related past traumas and highlights the vital importance of understanding manipulative behaviors to avoid them.

Takeaways

🔍 The speaker feels manipulated and threatened by another YouTuber.
🏠 Her home safety was questioned due to the actions of this individual.
👥 The individual used her private words and conversations against her.
🤝 Feelings of trust towards a friend were shattered by manipulative behavior.
📸 Security footage revealed the intrusion into her personal space.
📢 She stresses the importance of saying 'no' and maintaining boundaries.
🛡 She felt isolated, fearing repercussions if she spoke out.
💔 Emotional distress was compounded by triggers of past trauma.
📲 Multiple attempts to contact her increased her discomfort after the incident.
🎥 The story reflects the broader themes of manipulation and consent.

Timeline

00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The speaker discusses a stressful period involving manipulation and threats by Nicocado Avocado, which affected her home safety. She feels manipulated into doing things against her will and shares definitions of manipulation.
00:05:00 - 00:10:00
She recounts a past interaction involving Nicocado and an issue called Shukbug, explaining her cautiousness but deciding to meet and eventually collaborate with him. This meeting left her feeling comfortable initially.
00:10:00 - 00:15:00
The speaker details a relationship with fellow content creator Veronica Wang, where differences in personality are highlighted but not related to the purported "Shukbug". She shared private frustrations with Nicocado during their interactions.
00:15:00 - 00:20:00
Recalling their collaboration days, she shares how filming plans changed, and Nicocado insisted on discussing Veronica despite her reluctance, making her uncomfortable. She tried avoiding the topic humorously, but tensions rose.
00:20:00 - 00:25:00
Despite being recorded without her knowing, she describes feeling manipulated during filming. Afterwards, overwhelmed by the interaction, she didn't express discomfort directly, fearing repercussions.
00:25:00 - 00:30:00
Post-collaboration, she receives pressuring messages from Nicocado addressing video content disagreements. She apologizes for any misunderstanding and expresses discomfort with the previous day's video.
00:30:00 - 00:35:00
Further messages from Nicocado highlight tensions over scheduling and communication. Her attempts to apologize and clarify the misunderstanding emphasize the emotional exhaustion and manipulation felt.
00:35:00 - 00:40:00
Nicocado's social media actions signal veiled threats through 'exposing' posts, escalating the situation. This reinforces her fear of his influence and power over her narrative due to past traumas.
00:40:00 - 00:47:41
Seeking support, she addresses the manipulative and threatening behavior experienced, affirming the right to say no. The video ends with gratitude for her platform and support, encouraging others to assert their rights.

Mind Map

Video Q&A

Who is the video about?
The video is about the speaker's experiences with another YouTuber named Nicado Avocado.
What does the speaker accuse Nicado Avocado of?
The speaker accuses Nicado Avocado of manipulation, twisting her words, and using his platform to threaten and bully her.
What fears does the speaker express?
The speaker expresses fears for her home safety and being manipulated by fear, feeling like she couldn't say no to him.
What specific incident does the speaker describe involving manipulation?
The speaker describes an incident where Nicado wanted her to talk about another person on a video, twisting her words and creating discomfort.
What does the speaker find on her security footage?
The speaker finds that Nicado took pictures inside her house without her consent when she briefly left the room.
How does the speaker feel about the released conversation?
The speaker feels violated and manipulated, especially since private conversations were used without her consent.
Why did the speaker feel embarrassed about calling out Nicado Avocado?
The speaker felt embarrassed because Nicado is connected to influential people in the community that she respected.
How does the speaker conclude her video?
The speaker concludes by expressing her gratitude for having a platform to share her story and the importance of being able to say no.
What movement does the video reference?
The video references the Me Too movement.
What emotions did the speaker experience after the events with Nicado?
The speaker experienced fear, shame, guilt, and felt pushed into a dark place emotionally.

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Subtitles

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00:00:00
in and out of sleep
00:00:02
[Music]
00:00:04
hopefully you can trust me now i do yeah
00:00:06
you do i do
00:00:08
good little me too movement hashtag me
00:00:10
too
00:00:13
hi so i haven't really posted on this
00:00:16
channel in the past couple of days
00:00:18
through my other channel and
00:00:20
i'm alive i feel i didn't get me you
00:00:21
know some of you guys are worried but
00:00:23
i just kind of want to talk to you guys
00:00:25
about what's been happening the past
00:00:27
couple of days because
00:00:28
a lot has happened and it's been really
00:00:30
stressful the past couple of days have
00:00:32
been filled with just a lot of
00:00:35
manipulation in particular manipulating
00:00:38
my own words
00:00:40
against me to make me do things that
00:00:43
i don't want to do and i don't feel
00:00:44
comfortable doing
00:00:46
and a lot of nicado avocado using his
00:00:50
platform
00:00:50
to threaten me and to bully me
00:00:53
at this point my home safety is kind of
00:00:56
in question
00:00:56
so normally i wouldn't talk about stuff
00:01:00
like this or make a video on it i've
00:01:01
been pretty vocal that
00:01:04
a lot of things can just be solved
00:01:05
offline but because of how
00:01:08
how extreme things have gotten recently
00:01:10
i just want to share my side
00:01:12
i feel like i've been manipulated by
00:01:14
fear
00:01:15
that i can't say no to him i just want
00:01:18
to take back my power to say no
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not feel like someone's holding this
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thing over me and threatening me
00:01:25
i feel like in normal circumstances i
00:01:27
probably wouldn't share
00:01:28
private text messages or private dms but
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because of
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his constant just over and over again
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twisting my words
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i just feel like it's necessary and i'm
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only going to be using conversations
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that
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have to do with this matter of my safety
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my security
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and the way that he's been threatening
00:01:47
me before i get started into
00:01:49
sharing everything that's happened i
00:01:51
just want to read to you guys some
00:01:52
definitions because
00:01:54
i feel like i didn't know what was
00:01:55
happening to me and i wish i had known
00:01:57
what the true definition of these things
00:01:59
were because i feel like
00:02:01
i don't know maybe i could have
00:02:02
prevented it maybe i could have stood up
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to him maybe i could have said no
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maybe i wouldn't have gotten this far if
00:02:08
i knew what was happening
00:02:10
so mental manipulation is when people
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seek
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to exploit things that are the
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foundation of relationships such as
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trust understanding and mutual respect
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in order to benefit themselves in some
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way and some very easy ways that you can
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spot manipulation
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in terms of emotionally and mentally is
00:02:27
for one they use your words against you
00:02:30
to make you do something you don't want
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to do two is that they don't really care
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for how you're feeling three
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is that they make you feel guilty or
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ashamed i'm gonna leave some articles
00:02:39
and videos in the description because
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those help me a lot
00:02:42
maybe you might be experiencing
00:02:43
something like it so i'm just gonna
00:02:44
leave those linked below so going back
00:02:46
to the story i feel like the story
00:02:48
happened
00:02:48
a year ago which it happened with
00:02:51
shukbug
00:02:52
and veronica wang and i never thought
00:02:54
i'd be talking about this online but
00:02:56
here i am that was kind of when nick and
00:02:58
i had our first
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interactions on a personal level through
00:03:01
instagram dms we spoke about what
00:03:03
happened
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from his side it was more of him trying
00:03:05
to clarify how i was involved or if i
00:03:08
was involved and also
00:03:10
he wanted me to make a video on my side
00:03:12
of the story i had told him that
00:03:13
i wasn't involved i don't think i need
00:03:15
to make a video it was just back and
00:03:17
forth of that
00:03:18
not too long after he asked me if i
00:03:19
wanted to collab with him i remember
00:03:21
specifically being transparent with him
00:03:23
and letting him know
00:03:24
i don't want to collab just because i
00:03:26
feel like the drama is too fresh
00:03:28
i feel like me being in a video with him
00:03:29
would just stir things up again
00:03:31
and so for all those reasons i was
00:03:33
transparent and i said no
00:03:35
from then we still didn't really have
00:03:36
much communication
00:03:38
up until august he came to los angeles
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and
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he had asked if i wanted to collab and
00:03:42
for other reasons i turned him down
00:03:45
now at this point i was like you know i
00:03:47
still feel like i want to meet him in
00:03:48
person you know if he's in la
00:03:50
i also felt like i turned down two clubs
00:03:52
like let's meet
00:03:54
so i had set up this dinner with me zach
00:03:57
and nick
00:03:57
at hotpot honestly immediately going in
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i was nervous
00:04:01
i definitely had a guard up because i
00:04:03
was like oh anytime we've talked before
00:04:05
he's just been asking non-stop about
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veronica and so
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i even went in with this gift it's like
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a bottle of champagne and these
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macaroons because i just
00:04:13
i wanted him to know that like hey i i
00:04:15
didn't say no to you in your collabs
00:04:17
because i don't like you you know and so
00:04:19
immediately when i met him i could
00:04:21
probably say that i was kind of taken
00:04:22
aback
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by how comfortable he was he just kept
00:04:26
saying
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like yeah that's online you can trust me
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hopefully you can trust me now i do
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yeah you do i do good like i'm not gonna
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say whatever you say online that's
00:04:36
online and so i just felt like
00:04:38
oh like that makes sense he even opened
00:04:40
up to me first which made me feel
00:04:42
really good i felt like oh wow he trusts
00:04:45
me and so i started opening up and
00:04:47
obviously the conversation did lead to
00:04:49
shipbug and veronica
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and i feel like in any other situation i
00:04:53
would never want to put this online
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but because i feel like this is
00:04:56
something that he's kind of holding over
00:04:58
my head right now
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kind of twisting my words i just want to
00:05:02
share with you
00:05:03
some things that i shared with him and
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it has nothing to do with shukbang
00:05:06
and it is also another reason why i
00:05:08
never made a video about this in the
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first place
00:05:10
veronica and i have a very interesting
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relationship
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she mentioned me in a video when i was
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so small
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and she gave me a shout out so that's
00:05:20
kind of where our relationship started
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and i just remember feeling like my gosh
00:05:24
she gave me a shout out and i just
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replayed that part where she said my
00:05:28
name over and over again i was like oh
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my gosh
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and she was always so encouraging she
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always told me you know you're doing
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amazing like don't give up like
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you're doing great sweetie i'm just
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kidding
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um and even though all that happened
00:05:44
when we first met in la when we filmed
00:05:46
all of our collabs that was the first
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time we met in person
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and i could say that we have very
00:05:51
different personalities we have
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let me tell you some of the things i
00:05:55
told him because i feel like
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i don't want them to get twisted
00:06:00
but she was dying her hair pink at the
00:06:02
time
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and that pink hair almost killed me that
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pink hair almost
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killed me i was driving around town like
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we were picking up
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hair dye she cancelled on a video
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because she wanted to dye her hair again
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it was a lot and these are things that i
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like even though i'm like thinking i was
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like wow that was annoying and i'm sure
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she has things that she finds so
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annoying about me
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but none of them had to do with shukbang
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none of them would clarify
00:06:28
anything about shukbang it was just me
00:06:31
and veronica have weird personalities
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that maybe didn't match perfectly
00:06:34
i shared these little frustrations with
00:06:36
him it's nothing i would share online
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because i know how the internet works
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i'm not gonna go and share
00:06:41
every little frustration or annoyance
00:06:43
that i have with every person
00:06:44
there was that conversation and then a
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lot of it really was him
00:06:48
opening up to me about his home life and
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orlan and
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orleans tomatoes we stayed at hot pot
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until two in the morning
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we got kicked out like rebels and at
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this point we had been there for hours
00:07:01
and he had made me feel so
00:07:06
comfortable so so comfortable
00:07:10
and like i could trust him like he
00:07:13
understood me
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i ended up opening up about something
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that
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i don't even talk about on youtube
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anymore if you guys have been with me
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since the beginning
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some of you may know but
00:07:26
i was sexually assaulted in my own home
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it was somebody that i had to let into
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my home
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and then they took away my power to say
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no and
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it's kind of just shattered any sort of
00:07:39
security any sort of security that i
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felt at
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home prior and then after that i left
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with the very warm feeling
00:07:48
of just hey he's nice
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we started continuing our friendship
00:07:53
through text and there's not much in
00:07:55
there
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it's just like regular personal life
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stuff but
00:07:59
some of the stuff that kind of have to
00:08:00
do with what's happened
00:08:02
is in october he asked me are you happy
00:08:05
with your home
00:08:06
i low-key want that security system and
00:08:08
i told him that i was very happy
00:08:10
and then he texted me back that night
00:08:12
saying yeah what's the name of your
00:08:14
fancy security system
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i'd like to research it and
00:08:19
at this point i disclosed which security
00:08:21
system i had
00:08:22
but i also kind of told him like why i
00:08:24
liked it at this point i felt like he
00:08:26
was a friend and i wanted
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to give him whatever help he needed in
00:08:30
terms of security
00:08:31
and then november 1st he texted me
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asking if i was doing like this
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tv interview that was supposed to be
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about mukbang and they had to reach out
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to me and so i told them hey i was
00:08:41
approached but i turned it down
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are you doing it and he said i turned it
00:08:44
down today too too invasive of my home
00:08:47
and potential safety issue and the
00:08:48
neighbors would have a field day with
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the camera crew trucks outside
00:08:52
and then he said but yeah i didn't know
00:08:54
what level paranoid i was at so i feel
00:08:56
better knowing i'm not alone lol
00:08:59
like this moment i really feel like
00:09:00
cemented our friendship because i felt
00:09:02
like
00:09:03
there was this one common ground that we
00:09:05
shared there was this one thing that
00:09:07
i feel like everyone's a little paranoid
00:09:09
but i feel like to the level
00:09:11
where you are very paranoid about
00:09:13
feeling safe and where most people feel
00:09:15
the most safe and he was telling me like
00:09:17
hey you're not crazy i thought i was
00:09:19
crazy we both feel the same way about it
00:09:21
and so
00:09:22
it just really made me feel like we have
00:09:25
this thing
00:09:25
that we just can always talk to each
00:09:27
other about he texted me
00:09:29
in november that he was going to be in
00:09:31
december for
00:09:32
a bunch of days to do a lot of collabs
00:09:34
with other youtubers and he asked if i
00:09:36
was interested in clapping
00:09:37
and this had been a really long time
00:09:39
since chigbung and so i said you know
00:09:41
what like we've developed a friendship
00:09:42
i've met you i feel safe with you you
00:09:45
make me feel like i can trust you
00:09:46
of course like let's collab it'll be fun
00:09:48
and the first collab was on saturday
00:09:51
this past saturday and it was at my
00:09:52
house and so i gave him the address and
00:09:55
i felt comfortable knowing that
00:09:56
i could trust him to enter this place
00:09:58
where i very rarely
00:10:00
let people in now and so saturday he
00:10:03
came over and
00:10:05
i want to say that saturday i didn't
00:10:08
have any feelings of like
00:10:10
alarm or anything like that i think
00:10:12
there was like moments where
00:10:14
oh that was a little weird but nothing
00:10:18
crazy it was nothing that made me feel
00:10:20
unsafe but there was some small things
00:10:22
like
00:10:24
later i'll get into but saturday went
00:10:26
really well from what i knew
00:10:28
saturday and then sunday happened
00:10:31
i was originally supposed to meet zach
00:10:34
for breakfast
00:10:34
and then i was supposed to film with
00:10:36
nick for his channel but
00:10:38
we just kind of reworked the schedule a
00:10:40
lot of changes were made
00:10:42
and we all decided that we were gonna
00:10:43
film three videos three collab videos
00:10:46
with all three of us
00:10:47
so after breakfast it would be me zack
00:10:50
and nick
00:10:51
for zach's channel so it'd be an asmr
00:10:53
video and then the second video would be
00:10:55
me nick and zach for nick's channel but
00:10:58
it would be a mukbang so zach would just
00:11:00
sit quietly and then me and nick would
00:11:01
talk
00:11:02
and then the third video would be in on
00:11:04
nick's channel with all three of us
00:11:06
but this one would be more of an asmr
00:11:08
style video in
00:11:10
zack's house it was a lot of filming and
00:11:11
a lot of eating that day and the first
00:11:13
video went really well
00:11:14
and that was posted to zac's channel and
00:11:15
that was the first video up and then the
00:11:17
second video came around we were just
00:11:19
kind of like
00:11:19
spending some time together before we
00:11:21
got hungry again i just remembered that
00:11:24
before we filmed nick's video his first
00:11:26
video the talking mukbang we were
00:11:27
supposed to go to hmart and then go back
00:11:29
to his place so that we could film it
00:11:30
and we were in the car
00:11:31
and the topic of what we were going to
00:11:33
talk about in the talking mukbang came
00:11:35
up and this
00:11:36
is kind of when i first felt really
00:11:38
uncomfortable because
00:11:40
nick said it very assertively we're
00:11:42
gonna talk about veronica and we're
00:11:43
gonna spill all the tea
00:11:45
and i was kind of confused because i was
00:11:47
like oh whoa
00:11:48
what and so i was immediately like no
00:11:51
no and then he he went but why'd you
00:11:54
tell me yesterday that you wanted to
00:11:56
then
00:11:56
and so i i thought back to what happened
00:11:58
yesterday and prior to filming my
00:12:00
mukbang for my channel
00:12:02
he had mentioned you know i think that
00:12:04
we need to talk about shikbang because
00:12:05
you know everyone's going to be talking
00:12:06
about in the comments
00:12:07
and i don't know why i believed it i
00:12:09
said oh yeah i mean i guess it's weirder
00:12:12
if we just act like it never happened
00:12:14
and so i felt like i was comfortable
00:12:16
mentioning shakba
00:12:17
addressing it to the capacity of me and
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nick yes this is how we met
00:12:21
through a shukbang video but we have no
00:12:24
ill will towards each other
00:12:25
it's all over we're friends now you know
00:12:28
i felt like i would never
00:12:30
tell him that i wanted to talk about
00:12:32
veronica
00:12:34
and specifically spill the tea it had
00:12:36
always been about shuk bun
00:12:37
me and veronica's relationship didn't
00:12:39
involve nick and so i was just
00:12:41
confused and it got really awkward after
00:12:43
i said oh
00:12:44
no like i don't mind addressing shukbang
00:12:46
but that's it and he just got silent and
00:12:48
i couldn't have
00:12:49
feel like he was really upset by that
00:12:51
and so i just
00:12:52
remember like i was driving and i was
00:12:54
like this is so uncomfortable do i erase
00:12:56
the music
00:12:57
like do i step on the pedal what do i do
00:12:59
but i still
00:13:00
felt like okay at least we cleared it up
00:13:02
before the video like at least now he
00:13:04
gets it he's a little upset at least the
00:13:06
video won't be weird
00:13:07
then we got to his place we made the
00:13:09
noodles and there was a lot that
00:13:10
happened because of that video which
00:13:12
we'll get into
00:13:13
such as footage i didn't know where i
00:13:15
was being recorded and other things but
00:13:18
we started filming the noodle mukbang we
00:13:19
sat down he was in the middle of us
00:13:21
and we started eating these nuclear
00:13:23
noodles and the first 30 minutes
00:13:24
honestly they went
00:13:26
amazing and i remember thinking to
00:13:28
myself
00:13:29
damn that car ride was important because
00:13:31
like we were honestly having a really
00:13:33
really good time for like the first half
00:13:35
and then nick brought up the
00:13:37
conversation of shukbang but he brought
00:13:39
it up in a way
00:13:40
and i know that the full footage is not
00:13:42
out there it did it in a way i don't
00:13:44
remember his exact wording
00:13:46
but it was in uh what did you want to
00:13:48
share
00:13:49
or do you change your mind now um
00:13:52
[Applause]
00:13:54
i just feel like you said you want to
00:13:57
talk to your viewers with me here
00:13:59
because you never talk to any of yours
00:14:01
and i just remember feeling just shocked
00:14:03
because the way he went about it was
00:14:04
just so
00:14:05
almost like an interrogation but i was
00:14:07
like you know what it's fine
00:14:09
it's fine i'm gonna you know joke it off
00:14:11
i'm gonna say my piece i said you know
00:14:14
i don't have any hard feelings because
00:14:16
you made those videos and
00:14:17
i get why you made those videos i had
00:14:19
these baby wipes in front of me and i
00:14:20
kept wiping him every time he got too
00:14:22
serious to just kind of play it off like
00:14:23
let me wipe him
00:14:24
off and every single time i tried to do
00:14:26
that increasingly
00:14:28
it seemed like he got more offended he
00:14:30
would look at me with such a shocked
00:14:32
face
00:14:33
like i can't believe but you said you
00:14:36
wanted to talk about it and now you
00:14:38
don't
00:14:39
almost like how dare you you said you
00:14:42
wanted to talk about it and i just
00:14:43
remember
00:14:44
i kept trying to put it off i kept
00:14:46
trying to show him i'm uncomfortable i
00:14:47
kept trying to lighten the mood with
00:14:48
jokes and
00:14:49
give all of us an out of this
00:14:51
conversation without ending it awkwardly
00:14:53
but it was just rapid fire and it
00:14:57
increasingly went from shukba maybe the
00:14:59
first two sentences
00:15:00
into veronica and then instead of
00:15:04
asking me any more questions he started
00:15:06
twisting my words
00:15:08
and he started saying things like if
00:15:10
only you guys knew what she
00:15:12
told me i would never tell you guys what
00:15:14
happened because
00:15:15
she shared it with me in private she
00:15:18
trusts
00:15:18
me with these things but if you only
00:15:21
knew
00:15:22
when i heard when you sat down with me
00:15:24
and i remember this one
00:15:26
part where i freaked out because he said
00:15:28
she is such a strong
00:15:30
woman to me as if i had endured
00:15:33
something
00:15:34
so horrendous by veronica and i i almost
00:15:37
was like
00:15:38
shoot do i say like oh whoa it's not
00:15:40
that serious like all i did was go pick
00:15:42
up hair dye with her you know
00:15:44
but then that would defeat like i don't
00:15:46
want to disclose all of this
00:15:47
i'm not comfortable with sharing this
00:15:49
this has nothing to do with anything
00:15:51
and i remember picking up a baby wipe
00:15:52
and being like i know like my life is so
00:15:55
hard being a mukbanger and like really
00:15:57
trying to show him that hey i'm trying
00:16:00
to get out of this conversation hey
00:16:02
i'm trying to get out of this
00:16:03
conversation and i did this pretty much
00:16:05
almost every two sentences he gave and
00:16:08
increasingly he looked at me with
00:16:10
more and more shock on his face as if he
00:16:13
was shocked and
00:16:14
angry at the fact that i refused to talk
00:16:17
about what i told him in private
00:16:19
but you told me yesterday you wanted to
00:16:21
talk about it then why did you say you
00:16:23
wanted to talk about it i guess she
00:16:25
changed her mind
00:16:26
there was this one part where i had told
00:16:29
him about
00:16:30
how veronica she has really good audio
00:16:32
um
00:16:33
she likes to watch her audio right so if
00:16:35
it peaks i'm the queen of peaking
00:16:38
if it peaks she'll know so she's very
00:16:40
cautious and i just
00:16:41
remember telling him like i was a little
00:16:43
bit more cautious during her collapse on
00:16:44
her channel because i was watching the
00:16:46
audio peaks because i have a very
00:16:47
high-pitched loud voice
00:16:49
and he he insinuated that remember what
00:16:52
you told me
00:16:53
this thing that she made you do where
00:16:55
she put this
00:16:57
disgusting as if it was something so
00:17:00
horrendous that veronica did to me
00:17:02
and at that moment i freaked out and
00:17:05
again i wanted to defend myself by
00:17:07
sharing my story
00:17:09
which is i think what he wanted but i
00:17:11
just remember saying
00:17:12
oh my god you make it sound like i was
00:17:14
abused it felt like he was putting words
00:17:16
into my mouth yes the situation
00:17:19
is kind of there yes there was a
00:17:20
computer when i was filming
00:17:22
but no it wasn't horrendous no it's not
00:17:25
something that you should be disgusted
00:17:27
by
00:17:27
maybe annoyed not disgusted one of the
00:17:30
reasons that i didn't want to make this
00:17:31
video and i felt like
00:17:32
i was crazy is because i know everyone's
00:17:35
just gonna be saying stephanie you're a
00:17:36
grown woman
00:17:38
why didn't you just leave or tell him
00:17:40
hey
00:17:41
stop at that point like i don't even
00:17:44
know if i can describe to you the
00:17:46
feelings
00:17:47
because it's almost like any feeling
00:17:50
that you had of
00:17:52
this person at least has a mutual
00:17:54
respect for me
00:17:55
it's not even friendship it's not even
00:17:57
trust those were long gone
00:18:00
but it's this person has somewhat of a
00:18:02
mutual respect for me
00:18:04
my my comfort my consent to talk about
00:18:07
things
00:18:09
it's just all gone and so you just feel
00:18:11
like
00:18:12
you're not talking to the same person
00:18:15
anymore
00:18:15
and he didn't care what i wanted to talk
00:18:17
about he didn't care how i felt
00:18:19
it went on for 30 minutes
00:18:22
and it just felt so personal i was in
00:18:25
this space at this point
00:18:27
where i felt like anything will be used
00:18:30
against me
00:18:31
and it felt like anything i say even
00:18:33
nick's stop
00:18:35
he would use it and make it exposing
00:18:37
video
00:18:38
or threaten me with it i don't know i
00:18:41
was just scared
00:18:42
whoever i knew wasn't here anymore i
00:18:44
just felt like it wasn't the same nick i
00:18:46
knew
00:18:46
he knew that i was uncomfortable he knew
00:18:48
i didn't want to talk about this but he
00:18:49
kept going
00:18:50
and so at what point does my uncomfort
00:18:54
or does my feeling even matter to him
00:18:57
and so the video ends
00:18:59
and i just feel really really weird i
00:19:02
don't know how to describe the feeling
00:19:04
it's not just scared
00:19:05
but it's also like almost like ashamed
00:19:08
like
00:19:09
wow i made him mad because i changed my
00:19:12
mind
00:19:12
did i change my mind but i never had the
00:19:14
mind to
00:19:15
talk about veronica all i know is i was
00:19:18
incredibly shaken up
00:19:20
and i just remember like i didn't want
00:19:22
to be in close proximity with him and i
00:19:24
was just kind of like standing
00:19:26
off to the side tonight i didn't want to
00:19:28
say anything but
00:19:30
oh i'm so nervous like i don't know what
00:19:32
to do oh man like
00:19:33
i wish i wish i didn't say that i'm so
00:19:36
nervous
00:19:37
because i felt like if i said i'm
00:19:39
uncomfortable or i'm scared or
00:19:41
why did you do that he would just get
00:19:42
more and more increasingly angry with me
00:19:45
i had this feeling of i just need to do
00:19:48
whatever i can
00:19:49
to get through tonight and tomorrow
00:19:52
because we have collab scheduled
00:19:53
tomorrow
00:19:55
and just be done with it because i don't
00:19:57
want him
00:19:58
to get angry i don't want him to make a
00:20:01
video
00:20:02
using these words and trying to say all
00:20:05
these things i said about veronica
00:20:07
i just wanted to get there tonight and
00:20:09
that sounds
00:20:10
crazy even to me like me saying that
00:20:13
right now i
00:20:13
sound crazy stephanie you are 24
00:20:16
you should have got up and left but i
00:20:19
just couldn't i was just so scared that
00:20:21
i couldn't
00:20:22
and so the third video i was like okay
00:20:24
at least it's an asmr video
00:20:26
it'll be fine i remember even texting my
00:20:29
dad at that time
00:20:30
i didn't even want to text my fiance i
00:20:32
was texting him really basic stuff
00:20:34
making it seem like i was fine i was
00:20:35
like what you doing yeah everything's
00:20:37
great
00:20:38
on to the next video and i knew that
00:20:40
anything i say about
00:20:41
being uncomfortable or i don't want this
00:20:43
it didn't matter because sunny'd say
00:20:45
but you said and i called my dad and i
00:20:49
i was talking to him in korean and my
00:20:51
dad was really concerned because we
00:20:52
weren't really talking about anything
00:20:54
serious but
00:20:55
i just wanted to sound as if i had
00:20:57
gotten the worst news and so i hung up
00:20:59
with him
00:21:00
and you know they both saw the
00:21:02
conversation that i had
00:21:03
and nick was like are you okay and i
00:21:06
said yeah just a lot of
00:21:08
really bad family stuff going on i did
00:21:10
this because i
00:21:12
i was so scared of him that i didn't
00:21:14
even want to act differently around him
00:21:16
but at that moment i was so shaken i
00:21:19
knew i couldn't be
00:21:21
goofy right now i couldn't be excited
00:21:23
and so i just needed a minute
00:21:25
just try to shove down the need to cry
00:21:28
and
00:21:29
shove down all these hurt and scared
00:21:32
and uncomfortable feelings that i had
00:21:35
because we still had a video to film
00:21:37
and so then we go to zack's place and
00:21:39
we're cooking i kept trying to find a
00:21:41
way out
00:21:41
i mentioned multiple times in a very
00:21:43
joking way like
00:21:45
you guys don't need me i don't even it's
00:21:47
asmr you guys don't need me
00:21:50
and he would say things like nick would
00:21:52
say things like stephanie
00:21:54
we're all tired so i felt like that was
00:21:57
a signal to me like get it together
00:21:59
and i was like oh he knows something's
00:22:01
wrong and so then because of that i
00:22:02
started getting more and more cautious
00:22:04
and i was like
00:22:05
trying to make jokes and i was trying to
00:22:06
be you know there was like this
00:22:08
hot cheeto thing we were cooking and i
00:22:10
was like it looks like a heart
00:22:14
and i just felt like if i didn't make
00:22:17
him feel like everything was okay
00:22:19
he would just get more and more angry
00:22:21
with me
00:22:22
and so we filmed the third video at the
00:22:25
end of the asmr because it was a
00:22:26
whispering one
00:22:27
nick turned to me and he said
00:22:31
is there anything else you'd like to say
00:22:33
and i just
00:22:34
remember feeling so gutted like my heart
00:22:37
had dropped to the ground because i
00:22:39
thought it was going to be
00:22:41
another interrogation what would you
00:22:43
like to say
00:22:48
thank you for watching and so i i said
00:22:52
thanks for watching us eat this food
00:22:56
at this point you know nick is talking
00:22:58
about what are we gonna eat tomorrow and
00:23:00
i'm just
00:23:01
at this point i'm really just trying to
00:23:03
go home without
00:23:04
angering him so i leave that area around
00:23:07
two in the morning
00:23:10
and i drive home and when i'm driving
00:23:12
home i'm experiencing a lot of emotions
00:23:15
even after what happened in the video he
00:23:17
knew there's no way he didn't know i was
00:23:19
uncomfortable
00:23:20
sure maybe there was miscommunication
00:23:22
before the video maybe he really thought
00:23:24
that i wanted to spill my guts about
00:23:26
veronica all of a sudden
00:23:28
but in the video there's no way nick did
00:23:31
not know
00:23:32
that i was so uncomfortable for those 30
00:23:35
minutes
00:23:36
because i was trying not to cry for
00:23:38
those 30 minutes
00:23:40
and so i'd be like okay like make sure
00:23:41
you don't cry but also make sure you
00:23:43
have answers ready
00:23:44
what do i say even after the video it
00:23:47
seemed like he was still the one that
00:23:49
was upset with me
00:23:50
i had no right to be upset he was like
00:23:52
well you're the one that said you wanted
00:23:54
to talk about it then why would you tell
00:23:55
me you wanted to talk about it
00:23:57
there was no hey are you okay i know it
00:23:58
got a little heated
00:24:00
there was none of that but i also feel
00:24:03
really weird
00:24:05
like i almost feel like i did tell him
00:24:08
did i i don't think that i would but
00:24:11
what if i did or what if i'm not a good
00:24:12
communicator
00:24:13
and what if i said yeah let's do it
00:24:16
but maybe i should have said but without
00:24:18
talking about veronica and everything i
00:24:19
told you in private i started
00:24:20
questioning myself i started being like
00:24:22
why did you do that stephanie why would
00:24:24
you ever make him feel like that
00:24:26
kind of like an internal battle of half
00:24:29
of me being like
00:24:30
why did you do that stephanie that was
00:24:31
your fault for misleading him
00:24:33
and then the other part of me was like
00:24:35
it doesn't matter you were still
00:24:36
uncomfortable in the video
00:24:38
and he did not care and he was actually
00:24:40
upset i get home
00:24:41
and i just i broke down
00:24:45
i mean i just went straight into the
00:24:47
bathtub i just didn't want to even smell
00:24:48
like the food we had just eaten i
00:24:50
did not want to talk to anyone and my
00:24:52
fiance is he obviously knows something's
00:24:54
wrong
00:24:55
and so he's sitting there and he's
00:24:56
saying babe what happened i was like
00:24:59
i don't know if something happened i
00:25:01
felt like i couldn't talk about it
00:25:02
because
00:25:04
what was there to talk about it's not
00:25:06
like he held me
00:25:08
against my will to film these videos i
00:25:10
just can't explain this
00:25:12
fear and i just was so scared that i
00:25:15
sounded crazy
00:25:16
because you're a grown woman you had a
00:25:18
car you could have left
00:25:19
you could say no but i i truly
00:25:22
felt in that moment after everything
00:25:24
that's happened
00:25:25
that i couldn't but how do you explain
00:25:28
that to someone
00:25:29
because they would just look at you and
00:25:30
say yes you could
00:25:33
be honest what it felt like and the only
00:25:35
way that i've
00:25:36
ever felt like this to any degree in my
00:25:39
life
00:25:40
prior to nick was a couple years ago
00:25:43
and i vowed i would never find myself in
00:25:46
a position like that ever again
00:25:47
where i felt like no really didn't have
00:25:50
a lot of power
00:25:51
and i felt like it didn't matter if i
00:25:53
was uncomfortable
00:25:55
that night i was really pushed into
00:25:58
a really really really dark place that i
00:26:01
never thought i would be in again
00:26:02
i had a breakdown and it was unlike
00:26:06
any other breakdown i had it was one
00:26:09
where i felt
00:26:11
shame guilt because
00:26:14
i did say i i did say i would talk about
00:26:18
it
00:26:18
didn't i i don't know he said i did so i
00:26:21
must have
00:26:23
and then this shame of why did you even
00:26:26
stay for the third video why did you
00:26:28
even laugh with him
00:26:29
why didn't you tell him no nick i don't
00:26:32
want this
00:26:33
no why didn't you tell him no after
00:26:36
everything that's happened in the past i
00:26:37
told myself i would never
00:26:39
ever ever feel like that again i would
00:26:42
never feel like that again
00:26:45
i just didn't want to feel like that
00:26:50
ever
00:27:30
it had been a really long night and i
00:27:32
went to sleep at around 7am
00:27:34
i was in and out of sleep until around
00:27:36
2pm
00:27:37
at this point i had already missed text
00:27:39
messages from both of them
00:27:41
separately and i ended up calling zach
00:27:43
at 2 20. and when i called him i didn't
00:27:45
mention anything that happened yesterday
00:27:47
so i said you know i was up all night
00:27:48
editing i know i should have gone to
00:27:50
sleep early but
00:27:50
i woke up i'm not feeling too great i
00:27:52
think i have to cancel today because it
00:27:54
was gonna be another three person collab
00:27:56
day
00:27:56
for some reason the thought of texting
00:27:58
nick at this moment
00:28:00
because i had missed calls and missed
00:28:02
text messages from him
00:28:03
gave me this like like i started getting
00:28:06
very short of breath and so i washed my
00:28:08
face and around
00:28:09
3 20 i texted them and i'm just gonna go
00:28:12
through
00:28:12
just the whole thread of text messages
00:28:14
and so i texted them at 3 29 pm and i
00:28:17
said
00:28:18
hey guys sorry i've been in and out of
00:28:19
sleep all afternoon after staying up
00:28:21
late after getting back
00:28:23
i don't think i'll be able to film any
00:28:24
collabs today i'm feeling really sick
00:28:26
and i realized i had a few sponsors due
00:28:29
before a year end that are really time
00:28:31
sensitive i'm so sorry i hope you guys
00:28:32
understand
00:28:33
but i'm really happy that we knocked
00:28:35
them out yesterday
00:28:37
and i put my phone down i put it on
00:28:39
silent
00:28:40
and these are the next messages i got
00:28:42
you just now realized stephanie
00:28:44
i have been sitting here for five hours
00:28:46
when you were going
00:28:47
in and out of sleep you should have
00:28:49
picked up the phone and given me a call
00:28:51
not leave me hanging you didn't like it
00:28:53
when veronica did that to you
00:28:55
so no i'm sorry i do not understand
00:29:00
i texted him back i am so sorry for
00:29:02
making you feel that way i sincerely
00:29:03
apologize
00:29:04
i was so drained and slightly out of it
00:29:06
this morning and i'm so upset i didn't
00:29:08
call you back earlier because i would
00:29:09
never want you to
00:29:11
because i would never want you to feel
00:29:12
like i don't respect your time again i'm
00:29:14
truly sorry
00:29:15
and out of respect for our developing
00:29:17
friendship i do want to be transparent
00:29:18
and let you know i was uncomfortable
00:29:20
with yesterday's video
00:29:21
i'm so sorry if i let you think or
00:29:23
miscommunicated in any way that i wanted
00:29:25
to talk about veronica
00:29:26
but i truly did not i mentioned that i
00:29:29
wouldn't mind addressing you and me
00:29:30
as it pertains to shukbang that neither
00:29:33
of us had any hard feelings towards each
00:29:34
other after what happened
00:29:36
and i did give you my perspective on
00:29:37
what happened when we hung out and i
00:29:39
felt as if it was misrepresented in the
00:29:40
video
00:29:41
i've mentioned to you many times that
00:29:43
although veronica and i aren't friends
00:29:44
and i am hurt or annoyed by some things
00:29:46
that happen between us
00:29:47
i have absolutely no ill will towards
00:29:49
her and i feel some compassion for a
00:29:51
situation since i've gotten to know her
00:29:53
prior
00:29:54
again i understand this is your video
00:29:56
and i respect your feelings about the
00:29:57
situation but
00:29:58
this is how i feel again i'm sincerely
00:30:01
so sorry for not getting back to you in
00:30:03
time this morning
00:30:04
and i hope you enjoy the rest of your
00:30:05
stay and i'm so sorry for this morning
00:30:10
he texted me back then why did you tell
00:30:12
me at your house that you wanted to
00:30:14
address it on my channel
00:30:15
also why are you texting this to zach i
00:30:18
messaged you privately
00:30:20
and i responded i want to address the
00:30:23
issue here since all three of us were in
00:30:25
the video and i also owe zach an apology
00:30:27
for this morning
00:30:27
and not keeping him updated on the
00:30:29
schedule i'm so sorry for any
00:30:30
inconveniences i've caused
00:30:32
again from the bottom of my heart i'm so
00:30:34
sorry if i made you feel that way
00:30:36
i wanted to let you know because i
00:30:38
didn't know that there was a gap of
00:30:39
miscommunication
00:30:40
and understanding between us till the
00:30:42
middle of that video we were filming
00:30:44
i was okay with talking about shukbang
00:30:46
as it pertains to just you and me
00:30:48
again i apologize for any
00:30:50
misunderstanding there could have been
00:30:52
i hope you enjoy the rest of your stay
00:30:53
and i am so sorry again for this morning
00:30:55
as well
00:30:56
he responded with you already talked to
00:30:58
zach this morning
00:31:00
but ignore me for five hours after that
00:31:02
don't play games i
00:31:04
texted it back and i said again i'm so
00:31:07
sorry
00:31:07
if there was any miscommunication if i
00:31:10
made you feel that way i wanted to
00:31:12
take this time to clarify
00:31:14
miscommunication about the video because
00:31:16
i didn't know there was a gap in
00:31:18
understanding till the middle of filming
00:31:19
the video
00:31:20
and to apologize for this morning i
00:31:23
truly am so sorry
00:31:24
i know that i impacted your schedule
00:31:26
today and i'm so
00:31:28
sorry about that he said awesome
00:31:32
so which day would you like to
00:31:33
reschedule for
00:31:35
and i responded i know that you're in la
00:31:38
for only a couple more days
00:31:40
and have a lot scheduled and i'm so
00:31:42
sorry for today
00:31:44
sorry i do have to get back to you since
00:31:46
i do have approaching deadlines and i
00:31:48
know
00:31:49
my fiance already had things planned for
00:31:51
me and the dog goes for the holidays
00:31:53
again i'm so sorry for today and i hope
00:31:55
you're able to enjoy the rest of your
00:31:57
day
00:31:58
and he responded with literally at any
00:32:01
point in this conversation you could
00:32:03
have resumed with our videos planned for
00:32:05
tonight
00:32:06
please talk to me zach told me he wants
00:32:08
to be left out i reached out half a
00:32:09
dozen times already please talk to me
00:32:11
there
00:32:13
the text messages that he said please
00:32:15
give me a call
00:32:16
i got your group message but it would be
00:32:18
nice to talk to you here
00:32:20
can you give me a call please i haven't
00:32:22
heard from you personally since
00:32:23
yesterday and i feel we need to chat
00:32:25
you only message things to the group
00:32:27
chat but not to me here
00:32:29
this is going to be my last time
00:32:30
reaching out for the evening i'm feeling
00:32:32
hurt
00:32:32
please talk to me not through zach i
00:32:34
also had eight
00:32:36
missed calls some of the face times from
00:32:38
nick
00:32:39
at the time and later on after all of
00:32:41
this there were some
00:32:42
instagram posts and stories that were
00:32:44
made that i i didn't know but they were
00:32:46
made
00:32:47
while this conversation was happening
00:32:50
and the first
00:32:51
is his instagram post that's still up
00:32:53
right now as of filming this and i'm
00:32:54
gonna put it right here and it says
00:32:56
i'm this i think close to making an
00:32:58
exposing video
00:33:00
should i what the f is wrong with people
00:33:02
so rude
00:33:03
so self-serving and inconsiderate
00:33:06
and then he posted a story with a black
00:33:09
screen
00:33:10
making some tea you guys you won't
00:33:12
believe the audacity
00:33:14
people have but i have lots of receipts
00:33:16
and audio clips
00:33:18
every time he texted me or called me
00:33:21
i feel like
00:33:30
and the audio clips that he posted on
00:33:33
his story in audio clips
00:33:35
i got alarmed because i felt weird about
00:33:37
that i never
00:33:39
consented to any audio clips so that
00:33:41
means these were
00:33:42
illegally recorded when and where and
00:33:45
how
00:33:45
i didn't know what he was talking about
00:33:47
i didn't know if this was just an empty
00:33:48
threat to scare me even more or if
00:33:52
something happened
00:33:54
that i don't know about the only thing i
00:33:55
can do is check what i have of security
00:33:57
footage
00:33:58
and i went through all of saturday when
00:34:00
he was at my house
00:34:01
he was here for about five-ish hours and
00:34:04
out of those five hours
00:34:06
that he was here i used the restroom
00:34:08
once
00:34:09
and during that time that i slipped away
00:34:11
to the restroom very very quickly the
00:34:13
one time that i did
00:34:14
without letting me know what he was
00:34:16
doing he took multiple pictures inside
00:34:18
my house
00:34:18
and then immediately he started looking
00:34:21
around at the ceiling
00:34:22
i didn't have any cool light fixtures up
00:34:24
there just don't know what else would be
00:34:26
up there other than security cameras
00:34:27
seeing that footage was shattering and
00:34:30
so angering
00:34:31
because after everything that he made me
00:34:33
feel safe enough to tell him about
00:34:35
i told him about the one thing
00:34:38
that i don't talk to anyone about
00:34:40
anymore and i don't know
00:34:42
if i would be this alarmed if throughout
00:34:45
our entire interactions i feel like he
00:34:48
had never had any good or even
00:34:50
harmless intentions with everything that
00:34:52
he did
00:34:53
the way that he did it during the five
00:34:55
hours he was here the minute that i
00:34:56
slipped away to the restroom you knew
00:34:58
why
00:34:59
i'm so paranoid you know why i have such
00:35:02
a hard time letting people into my home
00:35:04
it was a very violating feeling and it
00:35:06
was just something that i don't think
00:35:08
i'll ever be able to understand
00:35:09
but again i felt like again that was my
00:35:12
fault
00:35:13
i felt like yes this is gross yes this
00:35:16
is creepy
00:35:17
but really it's your problem stephanie
00:35:20
because you have this
00:35:22
this trauma that maybe not a lot of
00:35:24
people have and maybe even though nick
00:35:26
knows about your trauma and knows how
00:35:27
crazy you are about
00:35:28
home security maybe he doesn't really
00:35:31
understand
00:35:32
and then i came across this and this is
00:35:34
where i'm gonna get really angry
00:35:36
for this part of the video because there
00:35:38
is no part of this video
00:35:41
that i can stand by and say that i
00:35:43
support nick as a person
00:35:45
as someone who has a platform this was a
00:35:47
video that he took
00:35:48
and consented to posting onto youtube it
00:35:51
looked like he deleted it
00:35:52
i don't know if he ever addressed it
00:35:54
there is this channel called shadebug
00:35:56
who
00:35:56
uploaded it but with tons of edits those
00:35:58
voice edits and those face edits are not
00:36:00
my doing but
00:36:02
i'm just going to insert some clips here
00:36:03
because i think when someone shows me a
00:36:06
pattern of predatory behavior
00:36:07
i'm not going to not listen i'm not
00:36:09
going to ignore it
00:36:11
come on over we'll hang out we'll do
00:36:12
more stuff we can mukbang and then do
00:36:14
stuffed after you know we were
00:36:15
it was not about just film with me it
00:36:18
was about like
00:36:19
we're gonna get it on i literally
00:36:22
blew dry my hair all over again i put on
00:36:25
so much
00:36:26
perfume i wasted it i wasted 90
00:36:29
perfume but i made sure i washed my
00:36:31
extra good and they eat all your food
00:36:33
and they leave you're like i wasted my
00:36:34
time
00:36:35
and i described my for
00:36:38
this experience because i was nice
00:36:40
enough to say
00:36:41
i'll eat whatever you want to eat
00:36:43
because
00:36:44
i'm gonna get sucked you know like okay
00:36:48
i'm gonna bend over because i you know
00:36:50
like i'm gonna give you what you want
00:36:52
or i'm gonna get what i want and
00:36:55
nothing happened waiting to get my
00:36:57
action well no wonder dude
00:37:01
you're a loser i am in new york for a
00:37:03
very limited amount of time
00:37:06
my time is important i would have rather
00:37:08
spent it alone
00:37:10
this was supposed to enhance my trip not
00:37:12
make it more frustrating
00:37:14
but you have to understand where i'm
00:37:15
coming from too but you have to
00:37:17
understand where i'm coming from
00:37:18
too i'm clearly signaling to you i am
00:37:21
ready
00:37:22
you are here for to be ready i'm not
00:37:25
going to just grab it because
00:37:27
you will come back and it's going to be
00:37:28
the little me too movement a little me
00:37:30
too movement oh he's not here
00:37:32
to be ready for you nobody is here to be
00:37:34
ready for you
00:37:36
and it's not the little me too movement
00:37:38
how dare you
00:37:40
discredit an entire movement that
00:37:43
the sole purpose was giving people a
00:37:46
voice who didn't have a voice
00:37:48
how dare you discredit the entire thing
00:37:50
that saved
00:37:51
so many people because you had a bad
00:37:55
date in new york city
00:37:57
the little metoo movement oh no one's
00:38:00
going to believe you
00:38:01
no one's going to believe you because it
00:38:03
was inappropriate
00:38:04
and that's why you didn't grab it you
00:38:06
didn't grab it because of the metoo
00:38:08
movement you didn't grab it because
00:38:09
there was a hashtag
00:38:10
on twitter you didn't grab it because
00:38:12
that's sexual assault
00:38:14
if he didn't want you to so sorry
00:38:17
um in 2017 i posted an instagram
00:38:22
picture of me sitting on like this red
00:38:25
lifeguard um thing and i said
00:38:28
i was so scared to even talk about what
00:38:31
happened that i captioned it
00:38:32
something just to make me feel like i
00:38:34
had a voice and i had strength
00:38:36
i posted sometimes you gotta be your own
00:38:38
damn lifeguard
00:38:40
even if your head is too heavy to float
00:38:42
hashtag me too
00:38:45
that was over two years ago that
00:38:49
in youtube i can really say feeling like
00:38:51
i had a voice and feeling like
00:38:53
i could say something and someone would
00:38:55
listen to me
00:38:57
honestly saving me i was so happy that
00:39:00
there was a way for me
00:39:02
and my story or at least make other
00:39:04
people feel like
00:39:05
hey you're not weird for having this
00:39:08
trauma you're not weird that you live
00:39:09
life differently now
00:39:12
and you want to discredit all of that
00:39:15
because you had a bad date
00:39:17
i think that's disgusting but
00:39:20
reckless for your audience i think
00:39:21
that's an incredibly
00:39:23
reckless way to use your platform five
00:39:25
hours wasted
00:39:26
nothing five hours wasted
00:39:30
nothing we're freezing out on the what
00:39:32
time
00:39:33
hey siri what's the weather in new york
00:39:36
city right now please
00:39:39
it appears to be clear right now in new
00:39:41
york at one temperature of 50 degrees
00:39:43
50 motherfreeze that's cold
00:39:47
that's 20 degrees from frozen did he
00:39:49
cuddle me did he
00:39:51
try to keep me warm no nothing oh
00:39:54
my god what a loser i'm sorry if the
00:39:57
cold
00:39:57
made you feel uncomfortable one of the
00:40:00
biggest reasons i was even scared to
00:40:02
make this video was because
00:40:04
i knew that it looked stupid i
00:40:06
everything
00:40:07
sounds dramatic oh really you were
00:40:09
scared why did you stay and it
00:40:11
there was nothing like i felt like i had
00:40:14
i don't know why in any other situation
00:40:17
nobody
00:40:18
ever needs a reason to feel scared or
00:40:21
unsafe or uncomfortable
00:40:23
but i felt like i needed to have a
00:40:24
reason and i did it and so i stayed and
00:40:27
i tried to make him
00:40:28
less angry and not mad at me and i was
00:40:31
scared he was going to say then why did
00:40:32
you stay
00:40:33
if you were so scared i'm sorry just
00:40:36
miscommunication
00:40:38
i'm really tired i shouldn't have gone i
00:40:39
should have gone home earlier
00:40:41
i'm like well you what you certainly
00:40:43
wasted my time too if you're saying you
00:40:45
should have gone home earlier meaning
00:40:46
you didn't really
00:40:47
value the time spent because if you have
00:40:49
a good time you don't regret staying
00:40:51
long because you had a good time
00:40:53
do you ever say to someone do you ever
00:40:55
someone that oh
00:40:57
i should have gone home earlier if you
00:40:59
were having a good time
00:41:00
no that means he wasn't having a good
00:41:02
time wasting my time mother
00:41:05
bye bye maybe he wasn't having a good
00:41:08
time because i wasn't having a good time
00:41:10
but i was too scared of you
00:41:12
because you made me feel manipulated and
00:41:14
fearful of what you would do
00:41:16
you made me scared of your anger and so
00:41:18
no i wasn't having a good time
00:41:20
this wasn't an old clip from years ago
00:41:23
this was recent from his
00:41:24
trip to new york city i'm going to leave
00:41:27
the edited version that shade bang
00:41:29
posted linked in the description a lot
00:41:31
has
00:41:32
happened even after that there's just
00:41:33
been a lot of online bullying
00:41:35
and i'm someone that i've been through
00:41:38
high school bullying i've
00:41:40
i talk about it a lot more on my other
00:41:41
channel he knows that i've talked about
00:41:43
it with him before
00:41:45
it just was a gross abuse of power and
00:41:47
an abusive of
00:41:49
his platform and his voice first i felt
00:41:52
again like more shame and embarrassment
00:41:54
because a lot of the people that he
00:41:56
tagged are people that he knew that
00:41:58
i would say oh my god i've watched her
00:41:59
since high school or oh i love her you
00:42:01
know
00:42:01
i did a collab with her and these are
00:42:04
people that i respected
00:42:05
i don't want to believe that they know
00:42:07
the full story of what he's done
00:42:10
i also felt scared because now it felt
00:42:12
like
00:42:13
if i say something it's not just going
00:42:15
up against nick but
00:42:16
look at all the friends he has
00:42:20
you know who do i have and i just felt
00:42:23
like i couldn't say anything because it
00:42:25
would be going up against
00:42:27
all of these people i was telling them a
00:42:30
story about someone who
00:42:31
something someone something happened
00:42:33
someone did something to me and some
00:42:34
there was just a lot that broke my
00:42:37
spirits or i'm gonna get what i want
00:42:39
[Music]
00:42:41
and i was telling the story and one of
00:42:44
the inside joke from that story was
00:42:46
in and out of sleep and you don't
00:42:47
understand but then i told a few other
00:42:49
youtubers i tagged them on instagram
00:42:51
um as well as my friends and i they all
00:42:54
know i was like
00:42:56
they know the story and they the the
00:42:59
the the
00:43:02
the major thing that they take away from
00:43:03
that was the in and out of sleep in and
00:43:05
out of sleep
00:43:06
i've just been in and out of sleep and i
00:43:08
don't know what's going on
00:43:10
but you know i got things to do i just
00:43:12
got i got things to do
00:43:14
have you been in and out of sleep go in
00:43:16
and out of sleep oh my gosh
00:43:18
i'm in and out of sleep right now
00:43:20
they're like what the f
00:43:22
that's the most obnoxious bizarre thing
00:43:24
they've ever heard
00:43:37
in and out of sleep we turn something
00:43:39
that really bothered me into something
00:43:40
that we could laugh about
00:43:42
when we were at the club i'm telling you
00:43:44
i should have
00:43:45
put this on youtube on youtube but also
00:43:49
i mean it's just you have to laugh about
00:43:50
things to get over things that's just
00:43:51
how what i believe
00:43:53
well all for was us four plus
00:43:56
the gay couple the other gay married
00:43:57
couple and the girl and the gay guy so
00:43:59
it's all like 12 of us we're all stay
00:44:00
together and we're like
00:44:01
in and out of sleep and out of sleep
00:44:04
in and out of sleep in and out of sleep
00:44:08
[Music]
00:44:10
and then the people around us in and out
00:44:13
of sleep
00:44:14
in and out of sleep and me and honey
00:44:16
started balling
00:44:17
with tears running down we're like
00:44:22
oh my god it was so funny we're like
00:44:25
in and out of sleep in and out of sleep
00:44:30
oh my gosh
00:44:40
i know that in a lot of instances where
00:44:42
bullying like this happens online
00:44:44
most of the times a bully will say it's
00:44:46
a joke they can't take a joke
00:44:49
and sometimes i can see where they're
00:44:50
coming from a joke is funny
00:44:53
but what was the purpose of posting it
00:44:54
onto his instagram
00:44:56
i don't think that anyone who didn't
00:44:57
understand the story would find it that
00:44:59
funny oh in and out
00:45:00
of sleep like maybe food coma but i
00:45:03
don't think he posted it because it was
00:45:04
just a
00:45:05
knee slapper like ha so funny i want
00:45:08
everyone to laugh because it's such a
00:45:09
funny joke
00:45:10
i truly think that the only reason he
00:45:12
posted it was for me to see it
00:45:14
and was for me to see that and this is
00:45:16
kind of when i learned what was
00:45:17
happening to me
00:45:18
and and that gave me a lot of clarity
00:45:21
prior to this i felt like
00:45:23
everything was my fault i had caused
00:45:25
this but
00:45:26
there's actually a lot of people who
00:45:28
feel this way and it's an actual thing
00:45:30
that manipulators use
00:45:32
and the victim they either don't notice
00:45:33
it or they feel like they're at fault
00:45:36
one of the things that really stood out
00:45:37
was the word audacity you won't believe
00:45:40
the audacity people have but i have lots
00:45:42
of receipts and audio clips
00:45:44
the definition of audacity means rude or
00:45:46
disrespectful behavior
00:45:48
i know that nick is really offended
00:45:50
because i was being really rude
00:45:52
and self-serving and i had the audacity
00:45:54
to do a lot of things and i just want to
00:45:56
apologize
00:45:57
that i had the audacity to say no to you
00:45:59
because i felt unsafe i'm sorry that i
00:46:01
had the audacity
00:46:02
to open my doors and let you into my
00:46:05
home and then you took advantage of that
00:46:06
and i'm sorry that i had the audacity to
00:46:08
make you feel like i changed my mind
00:46:10
but i think it's really important that
00:46:12
we all know that a yes is not
00:46:13
all-inclusive just because you say yes
00:46:16
doesn't mean you're saying yes to
00:46:17
everything for the rest of forever
00:46:19
that's incredibly predatory and
00:46:21
manipulative
00:46:22
what was the purpose of all of this to
00:46:24
hurt veronica
00:46:26
to hurt me to get your dick sucked
00:46:29
i'm gonna get sucked this is my side of
00:46:32
the story
00:46:33
there's nothing else more to say i have
00:46:35
nothing else more to say i'm gonna heal
00:46:37
and i want to move on and i want to make
00:46:39
my points and i feel like a lot of this
00:46:41
video was me
00:46:42
addressing nick because i know that he
00:46:44
was watching i want to
00:46:46
talk to you guys for a second which is
00:46:48
what i normally do and i just want to
00:46:49
say thank you so much
00:46:51
for giving me a platform and giving me a
00:46:54
way to reach you guys and
00:46:56
feel like i have a voice i was already
00:46:58
feeling really scared and i can't
00:47:00
imagine how much more frightened and how
00:47:02
much more
00:47:04
threatened i would feel if i didn't have
00:47:06
a place
00:47:07
to put this video to be able to hear my
00:47:09
unmanipulated side
00:47:11
and i just want to say thank you i'll be
00:47:13
back in a couple days i'm going to take
00:47:15
a couple days off and
00:47:17
i don't know play with my dogs and i'll
00:47:20
be back with regular mukbangs i hope
00:47:22
making this video not only clarified
00:47:24
things for you guys but also if any of
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you guys feel this way or
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have felt this way before then i just
00:47:30
want to say it's not
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your audacity it's actually just your
00:47:33
basic human fundamental rights
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to say no