00:00:00
it was
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2018 I was 15 years old and I was in my
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room as always playing my favorite game
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on the PlayStation 4 it was called
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OverWatch and I was playing with a
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particular somebody in my PlayStation
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party that night and it was a girl let's
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call this girl Jessica now Jessica was
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unbelievably attractive if I were to
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look at her right now I'd genuinely say
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she was a 10 out of 10 stunning and we
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somehow actually met each other on on
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this game and guess what I would talk to
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her pretty much every single day I would
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wake up and as soon as I woke up I would
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check my phone send her a good morning
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text and she would want and she would
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send one back it was amazing at the time
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I was genuinely so shocked that she was
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talking to me because she was genuinely
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a very nice person as well on top of
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being super attractive and I will I
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wasn't let's just be real I wasn't the
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most attractive looking guy it felt like
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a dream that came true because for most
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of my life I mean I grew up a very
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lonely kid I grew up in a household
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where I had two older brothers one mom
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and one dad and the age gap between me
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and my brothers were really wide which
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meant it felt like I had three dads at
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times you know and I never really could
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properly connect to anyone in the house
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and I was always through shy to
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socialize two other kids and make
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friends I was super super lonely on top
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of that you'd imagine you know no girl
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was obviously ever into me throughout
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these 15 years of my life I mean that
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was obvious just look at the way I
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looked who would be into this and of
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course the cherry on top I'd be addicted
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to right I'd be addicted to it I would
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watch it every single day beat my you
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know the drill however when this girl
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came into my life it felt like I just
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saw the light it as clear as cringe as
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that sounds it felt like I could
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actually show my true colors for once in
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my life and I was actually genuinely
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happy and guess what the amount
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of I would watch during this time when I
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was speaking to this girl Jessica it was
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so minimal it went from every single day
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down to you know maybe once a week and
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that was an insane Improvement for me
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and the cherry on top of all of this
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guys was the fact that she own only
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lived 15 minutes away from me unreal it
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felt like everything was just connecting
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together for me and our connection kept
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on deepening to the point where one day
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he actually asked me whether or not I
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was Keen to go watch a movie with her I
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think it was um Ready Player one and I
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was so nervous but you know of course I
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had to say yes right and everything felt
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like it was going
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perfectly until a few days before before
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we were planning to meet up I was on the
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game again OverWatch and I was in a
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PlayStation party but this time it was
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with my other friends that I used to
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play with and as soon as I told these
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guys that I was going to go meet up with
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Jessica right because we all we're all
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in a very tight-knit Community right
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everyone knows each other in this
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OverWatch playing Community when I told
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them that I was going to go meet up with
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this girl guess what they did they
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immediately told me that she's a bad
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person you shouldn't go meet up with her
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she's a
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and guess what I believed them I
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believed these jealous
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[ __ ] she wasn't like that at
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all but I believed them cuz I was a
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naive and immature little kid and
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because of this I decided to treat her
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badly I'd ignore her I'd ghost her for a
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little bit and obviously you know she'
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ask what was wrong and I would just
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ignore that and just act like a complete
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[ __ ] right and eventually she had
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enough and told me to [ __ ] off like she
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she literally said [ __ ] you to me and um
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fuing voice crack not the right time the
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voice crack bro we stopped speaking
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after that one right and the thing is I
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was 15 and dumb and I didn't realize the
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insurmountable mistake that I had made
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until let's say about a month passed and
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I realized that the amount of I was
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watching per week doubled no it tripled
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quadruple even I was watching it
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multiple times a day at times because
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the intimacy I had with Jessica was gone
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and I was finding a place to kind of
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fulfill that void I was feeling right
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and I just did it through watching
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multiple times a day because that's the
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only place where I felt like I had love
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the same exact [ __ ] going on
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for 3 years straight and I was 18 years
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old now my final year of high school in
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fact I just finished high school but the
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the the thing was I was the exact same
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person nothing at all changed I was
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still a boy on the inside and by this
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point you know I'd sort of forgotten
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about Jessica you know every now and
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then I'd have a thought about her you
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know but it it would just go away right
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until one day I was playing this game
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called Dark Souls 3 one of my favorite
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games of all time by the way and I just
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had a thought about Jessica and I did
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something that no one should ever do in
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their entire lives and it's check old
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messages and so I'm just scrolling up
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our texts on Instagram just reading
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through them like an
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idiot just um Reminiscing on the good
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old days and this made me so
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unbelievably depressed you have no idea
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but 3 years it just felt like I
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completely forgot what that feeling of
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being intimate with a girl was like me
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losing an absolute gem it'll hit me now
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3 years later and I just felt so so bad
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after that so so bad and you thought my
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bad before but it got worse off to this
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point because now instead of socializing
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and getting myself out there to go and
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speak to more girls I would I would
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watch even more
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to kind of keep me in this satisfactory
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Zone because I don't have to talk to
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women when I can just you know watch
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this stuff right and my brain during
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this point filled with so much lust and
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just desire
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to you know the bad desires right it
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just got filled up with that negativity
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and I was just in the mindset of I'm
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just going to wait for the perfect girl
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to come to me like I always have right
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but let's let's be real [ __ ] what
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girl was going to come to me I wasn't
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improving myself at all my physical
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appearance was down the drain the next
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few days after this point I would watch
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so
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much to the point
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where my my would
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hurt like I do it three four times a day
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to the point where I wouldn't like I
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would nothing would come out bro and now
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this is where things get a lot more
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shameful for me than it already was
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maybe about a month later later it was
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around 600 p.m. and I was about to go
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walk my dog around the neighborhood and
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this was like the only exercise I got
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during the day and I was forced to do it
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as well and as I'm putting the leash on
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my dog getting ready to go for this walk
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I hear a beep from my phone and I check
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my phone right and just to see that I've
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got a new follower on Instagram or
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someone requested to follow my Instagram
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account the name was it was like a
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girl's name now first of all I was
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really shocked that a girl actually
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followed me first for once because
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that was not happening for me right and
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I looked at our profile we had no
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mutuals okay and this was a very
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attractive Asian girl and it seemed like
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she was from a different country but you
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know obviously me right without even
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being any form of suspicious this wasn't
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sus at all I just went and accepted her
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follow request and requested to follow
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her back let's say 30 minutes after I'm
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in the middle of my walk still and I get
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another beep a notification saying that
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she's accepted my follow request and she
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sent me a message hey I'm so sorry to
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you know follow you out of nowhere but I
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just thought you were really
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handsome bro the smile that lit up on my
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face when I read that and so we just
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started texting for a few days I was
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building this connection with this new
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girl right and I asked her where she's
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from and she says Oakland which is where
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from I'm I'm from Oakland what the [ __ ]
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and again I just felt like the luckiest
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guy in the world she's quite literally
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perfect like she's attractive as ho
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she's nice she listens to my problems I
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listen to her problems and we've been
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texting for maybe a week at this point
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right and guess what the amount of I'd
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watch it dropped again because I was
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feeling the same intimacy I felt with
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this girl like I did with Jessica and
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everything was going so well that one
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day it was 8:00 p.m. and I was chatting
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with her like I usually would every
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single day and I just had a thought in
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my brain you know I should probably ask
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her on a date cuz I don't want to lose
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this girl you know like I did with all
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the other girls I should probably ask
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her on this date and so I asked her hey
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we should watch a movie or something
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sometime and you won't believe what she
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did she kind of just ignored my
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message and said this I'm feeling a
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little bit weird right now and I asked
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her what's
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up and she said
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I'm what the and just like that my heart
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it sunk to the floor right and I just
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got that instant lust feeling inside my
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brain like that same feeling you get
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when you you whip out your favorite
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video and I just completely forgot that
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I even asked her that question before
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and I just said me too and then you
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wouldn't believe this but but she said
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let's voice call and my heart dropped
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even further like down to my balls bro I
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was so nervous but I was also so excited
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and just filled with lust and I had to
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say yes just a quick break I'm so sorry
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to disturb you but if you really are
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enjoying the story I'd really appreciate
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it if you press the Subscribe button cuz
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it does help me out a lot so thank you
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so much for that and I straight away ran
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inside my room locked the door closed
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the windows and sat on my bed
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waiting for her to call me and I was so
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nervous but she ends up calling me and I
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answer the phone and there she was holy
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[ __ ] she is so cute and my nervous ass
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was like hi hi
00:11:13
hi and you know she says hi back and we
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start having a little conversation right
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it was so so awkward though and my heart
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is beating out of my chest so hard I'm
00:11:24
mumbling all my words because honestly I
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was not sure what was going to happen
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like is she going to
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you know is she going to do something is
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she going to or [ __ ] I don't know
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measure herself cuz she said she was you
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know the HW before and as soon as some
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words came out of her mouth right I
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realized that she couldn't actually
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speak very good English it was like she
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wasn't even from the country like I
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suspected
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before but right before I was going to
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ask that
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question she starts tripping and I
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completely for get about even asking
00:12:00
that because I'm Eyes Wide Open just
00:12:03
flabbergasted and by this point bro I
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have the the the hardest hard on I've
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ever gone in my entire life I was not
00:12:11
only very excited but very confused as
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well like what is going on bro this is
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50 times better than any video that I've
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ever watched and then she says this take
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off your and show me your you know my
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dingdong my brain just turned
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off it literally just it turned off
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because in my mind this was the greatest
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form of intimacy that I have ever gotten
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in my entire life because again prior to
00:12:41
this it was just watching it on my phone
00:12:45
I was obviously a virgin up to this
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point pretty much I was so turned on
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that I couldn't think straight at all
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and I did the worst thing imaginable
00:12:54
this is going to sound really funny but
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I assure you
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bro what I did was not
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funny but pretty much I I did exactly
00:13:03
what she said I pulled down my and I
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started chalking my of the
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camera can't make this [ __ ] up I
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wouldn't lie and say I wasn't enjoying
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it you know this I was enjoying it you
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know hering herself to me chalking my
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stroking my you know it was it was a
00:13:23
nice feeling this was only going on for
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10 seconds before the worst thing
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ever happens she ends the co and I'm
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just left there blue B I was very
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confused I was feeling a little bit
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ashamed as well from what I've done and
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uh you know it it should be fine right
00:13:43
maybe her mom was just about to walk
00:13:45
into the room and she had to end the
00:13:46
call maybe it'll be fine it'll be fine
00:13:48
you know nothing nothing bad is going to
00:13:50
about is going to happen and then two
00:13:52
minutes later Go pass and I get a text
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from her and as soon as I saw this
00:13:57
message I swear to you bro
00:13:59
my heart dropped to the floor no it
00:14:03
dropped to
00:14:04
hell because I realized
00:14:07
that she recorded
00:14:10
me it was a video of
00:14:13
me she recorded the whole
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thing and my face it was obviously
00:14:20
caught in the entire thing as well and I
00:14:23
thought this wasn't going to get any
00:14:24
worse until she sends me a photo of my
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Facebook
00:14:29
account with all my friends and family
00:14:32
members inside she
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says if you don't send me $200 right
00:14:39
now I'm sending this to your whole
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family and
00:14:44
[Music]
00:14:46
friends I'm telling you bro there wasn't
00:14:49
a time in my entire life where I was
00:14:52
this scared and anxious and just full of
00:14:57
regret just all the negative emotions
00:14:59
you could even think of I guarantee you
00:15:02
I was feeling this right now I was just
00:15:03
so scared I was just a dumb little
00:15:07
18-year-old
00:15:09
boy who just [ __ ] up and this all
00:15:12
happened because I had a major addiction
00:15:16
to to
00:15:18
corn and now I'm literally getting and
00:15:21
if you guys don't know people who get
00:15:24
some of them end
00:15:25
up themselves because of things like
00:15:28
this because if you if you send them
00:15:30
money they're not going to stop asking
00:15:31
you for money they'll just ask for more
00:15:34
and more and more and more and more and
00:15:37
more and
00:15:38
more until you you give up and I didn't
00:15:43
really have many friends you know
00:15:45
obviously I couldn't speak to the family
00:15:47
about it was just I had no one I could
00:15:50
properly talk to about this I was alone
00:15:53
and scared and so I did what any other
00:15:55
scared little boy would do and I I
00:15:58
listened I didn't have my own money at
00:16:00
the time I didn't have my own bank
00:16:02
account so guess what I did I snuck into
00:16:05
my mom's
00:16:07
room went into her purse and got her a
00:16:10
credit card and came back and and yeah
00:16:13
this girl she told me to pay from this
00:16:15
weird foreign website it was called like
00:16:17
I don't know World remit something like
00:16:19
that right so this is when I knew that
00:16:21
she was obviously from another country
00:16:22
like she was just this must be her how
00:16:24
she earns money just
00:16:26
diabolical and I fell for it so it's
00:16:29
honestly my fault but I tried right I I
00:16:32
entered the Cod details in and I was so
00:16:36
close to sending in I I just didn't know
00:16:38
what was the right thing to do but again
00:16:41
my mind was just all [ __ ] up right it
00:16:43
was just so so so confused I ended up
00:16:46
pressing send
00:16:48
$200 however it didn't end up going
00:16:51
through an error came up right and at
00:16:54
the time I didn't know if this was a
00:16:56
blessing or a curse like I just didn't
00:16:57
know I tried to tell her that but she
00:16:59
didn't believe me she was like send the
00:17:01
money send the money right now send the
00:17:03
money right now or this this video is
00:17:04
getting sent and my brain was just so
00:17:06
fried right now to the point where I
00:17:09
just I just I just said [ __ ] it right
00:17:12
and I blocked her and I also deactivated
00:17:14
my Facebook account as quick as possible
00:17:17
and I just hoped I just prayed to God
00:17:19
that everything will be okay and I went
00:17:21
to sleep that night you know not knowing
00:17:24
if I was going to wake up the next day
00:17:26
and be banished from my household just
00:17:28
be completely killed by my parents and
00:17:31
family cuz I live in an Indian household
00:17:33
right and thankfully I woke up the next
00:17:37
day I went into the living room and I
00:17:39
greeted my parents everything seemed
00:17:41
normal my family was all good nothing
00:17:44
seemed out of the
00:17:45
blue thank God and later that same night
00:17:50
I went back to playing my favorite game
00:17:52
on the Play Station and just living my
00:17:54
life completely forgetting about this
00:17:56
thing that happened and I was just so
00:17:57
happy again
00:18:00
[Music]
00:18:02
until I see my door
00:18:06
open and my mom walks through with the
00:18:10
most disgusted looking face on her and
00:18:13
instantly when I saw her face I knew
00:18:16
exactly what happened the video it got
00:18:19
sent my mom just shouted at me you know
00:18:23
scolded me obviously right I deserved it
00:18:26
I love my mom a lot and hearing seeing
00:18:29
her shameful face just of pure disgust
00:18:34
at me I felt like um an
00:18:36
alien I felt inhuman it was the most
00:18:39
shameful moment of my entire life she
00:18:41
left the room and next my brother came
00:18:44
in my older brother and he did the same
00:18:47
exact thing and then after that my other
00:18:50
brother he wasn't at home and he ended
00:18:52
up calling me and scolling me through
00:18:53
the phone and it was just like one after
00:18:56
the other and one after the other I
00:18:57
don't know how many people
00:18:59
this video got sent to but I did not
00:19:01
want to check my phone anym bro if I
00:19:03
would to look at these notifications I
00:19:05
swear to God my life was it was just
00:19:07
going to crumble and I didn't know what
00:19:08
was going to happen to me and I was just
00:19:10
waiting for my dad to come in because he
00:19:12
was the last person who's yet to see me
00:19:14
and I just started crying cuz I thought
00:19:17
it was I thought it was game over for me
00:19:19
right I was going to get kicked out the
00:19:20
house I was going to get beaten up I
00:19:22
don't know bro just however after like
00:19:26
an hour of me explaining what happened
00:19:29
to my family my brothers and my my mom
00:19:32
thankfully they were very supportive OB
00:19:34
obviously they shouted at me and Sh but
00:19:37
thank thank God that they were actually
00:19:39
supportive and we came to realize that
00:19:41
it didn't actually get sent to my dad
00:19:43
and we decided to keep it a secret from
00:19:45
him thank you so much family in the next
00:19:49
couple of days bro I just felt so dirty
00:19:51
going outside my house because it just
00:19:53
felt like everyone knew what I did you
00:19:55
know everyone got sent this disgusting
00:19:58
video of me chocking my chicken right
00:20:01
and I I realized that my auntie got sent
00:20:03
the video as well some of my cousins got
00:20:06
sent the video I don't know who else saw
00:20:09
the video I just I just don't know and
00:20:10
honestly I don't even know if I want to
00:20:11
know I was really scared of whether or
00:20:14
not that this person would come and me
00:20:16
again because they probably still had
00:20:18
the video but thankfully they never did
00:20:20
and I just thoughted thanking God you
00:20:24
know instead of me blaming oh [ __ ] I
00:20:28
can't believe this happen happened to me
00:20:29
I'm so unlucky I started being grateful
00:20:32
because it could have been a hell of a
00:20:34
lot worse unbelievable way my life
00:20:37
literally nearly got ruined because of a
00:20:40
stupid just because I was too lustful
00:20:43
unfortunately I'd be lying to you if I
00:20:44
said that that was the end of my
00:20:47
addiction that was the end like I I
00:20:49
never watched it again cuz unfortunately
00:20:51
we're living in the real world and
00:20:53
that's not how things work I was still
00:20:55
addicted to it however 2 years later I
00:20:58
actually DEC decided
00:20:59
to battle this demon for once in my life
00:21:02
and so I worked on myself I developed
00:21:05
myself not only on the outside but on
00:21:08
the inside as well I transitioned from a
00:21:11
boy to a bit more of a man and I'm not
00:21:15
saying I'm where I want to be just here
00:21:17
you know I still struggle with lust
00:21:19
every now and then yeah for sure but as
00:21:21
soon as I started loving myself more as
00:21:24
soon as I started knowing my own
00:21:25
selfworth that I am actually an
00:21:28
attractor person I do love myself guess
00:21:32
what I naturally started to watch less
00:21:34
and less and less and less and less to
00:21:36
the point where I can safely say that
00:21:38
I'm like one and a half 2 years free
00:21:42
from watching this [ __ ] I haven't
00:21:45
watched a single bit in that long and I
00:21:47
never will I will never ever go back and
00:21:49
for the people who say that watching
00:21:51
this stuff is
00:21:53
normal in what world is this normal in
00:21:56
what world is me acting this way for me
00:22:00
to nearly ruin my entire life what way
00:22:03
is this
00:22:05
normal this was never normal I don't
00:22:08
care if there's no scientific evidence
00:22:10
backing up the fact that watching this
00:22:12
stuff is okay I just don't give a
00:22:15
because this is not normal chances are
00:22:17
you want an actual proper relationship
00:22:19
and I'm not saying you know this is the
00:22:21
sole reason for why you don't have a
00:22:23
girlfriend but genuinely guys
00:22:25
I'm I'm certain that it's definitely has
00:22:28
a big play in it it's not easy it's not
00:22:31
easy but we need to slowly get rid of
00:22:33
this demon I mean if I can do it if I
00:22:36
can go from having the most shameful
00:22:39
moment of my entire life because I was
00:22:42
far far worse than any of you guys were
00:22:45
if I can completely erase this demon out
00:22:48
of my life why can't you genuinely why
00:22:51
can't you and I'm not even going to give
00:22:53
you any specific advice because if you
00:22:56
wanted to truly quit you would
00:22:58
again it's a long journey took me two to
00:23:01
3 years of failing relapsing to finally
00:23:04
just stop at once in for all but I can
00:23:08
100% assure you bro that it it is well
00:23:11
worth the effort I can pretty much
00:23:14
guarantee that you got this brother
00:23:17
sister I don't even care what gender you
00:23:20
are it [ __ ] up both of our Lives
00:23:22
believe in yourself like how I believed
00:23:25
in myself and if you don't believe
00:23:27
yourself
00:23:28
believe the fact that I believe in
00:23:30
you I hope that gives you enough
00:23:32
motivation because you have got this
00:23:34
okay I believe in
00:23:37
you if you enjoyed the video I'd love it
00:23:40
if you press the Subscribe button really
00:23:42
does help me out a lot be sure to
00:23:44
comment and like the video as well cuz
00:23:48
those two things also help me out a lot
00:23:50
oh one last thing if you do want my free
00:23:52
7-Day protocol of improving your
00:23:56
appearance it will be the first link in
00:23:58
the description below so thank you so
00:24:00
much for that and I hope you have a good
00:24:03
day
