00:00:00
it's been 3 months since I made a video
00:00:04
and I felt as though it was fairly
00:00:08
important for me to come on and tell you
00:00:10
why it's been so long since I haven't
00:00:12
made a video and what I've been doing I
00:00:16
think it's this is week 11 or 12 since
00:00:20
not actively working I say actively
00:00:24
working I mean not attached to my desk
00:00:27
either writing a script or editing a
00:00:30
video I've been doing this job for
00:00:33
nearly 4 years it's only now since I've
00:00:36
had a little break that I
00:00:38
realized how intense it's been for the
00:00:41
last four
00:00:42
years I'll come on to that I'm getting
00:00:44
ahead of myself I'll tell you what I've
00:00:46
been doing or why I've I've taken almost
00:00:50
three months off what I've been doing
00:00:53
what's about to happen and some of the
00:00:56
videos that I've been
00:00:58
making at at the start of the year I
00:01:02
wanted to do a deep clean of my house
00:01:05
and have an organize and I thought it
00:01:07
was going to take me about 3 to 5 days
00:01:11
given that I don't own a great deal of
00:01:14
stuff things are pretty tidy in my house
00:01:17
so I thought I'll start on a Sunday and
00:01:21
I would have it done by the middle of
00:01:22
the
00:01:25
week 3 weeks
00:01:28
later I something happened and
00:01:32
I'd I'd opened up
00:01:35
this something inside of me which made
00:01:38
me realize I needed more than a deep
00:01:41
clean I ended up doing what's known as a
00:01:44
Swedish death clean you may or may not
00:01:47
have heard of it it sounds a bit scary
00:01:50
or a bit morbid but a Swedish death
00:01:52
clean is basically getting one's life in
00:01:55
order in case something happens most
00:01:58
people do it later in life I think
00:02:00
because then they're preparing for their
00:02:04
death and also they've got more time and
00:02:07
now understand that because my Swedish
00:02:10
Swedish death clean
00:02:12
fulltime so I would get up in the
00:02:14
morning I would start at a regular work
00:02:17
time and I would work all
00:02:19
day it I was doing it seven days a week
00:02:22
because in natural Laura style I became
00:02:26
totally obsessed I analyzed every single
00:02:29
thing that I owned and I almost did a
00:02:32
Marie condo on all of those things I
00:02:35
didn't even think that I had that much
00:02:37
to get rid of but I must have let
00:02:42
go I'm only going to guess maybe 400
00:02:46
things off to the charity shop we got
00:02:48
more bags got some
00:02:51
packages that me and Mom have sold on
00:02:55
eBay so then my mom saw that I was doing
00:02:58
this and she wanted to get involved in a
00:03:01
Swedish death death clean so I helped
00:03:03
her do her Swedish death clean we
00:03:06
started in one room and we went through
00:03:08
every single item mom's having a clear
00:03:12
out too shoes
00:03:16
clothes so much stuff and we're taking
00:03:20
some stuff to the charity
00:03:23
shop this yeah I mean this was just a
00:03:26
small section of mom's house a big
00:03:30
massive clear out does it made you feel
00:03:33
good
00:03:40
yeah and of course these things take
00:03:42
time but more than taking a lot of time
00:03:46
they take a lot of energy and emotion
00:03:49
because there's memories attached to
00:03:51
things
00:03:53
and this process of knowing that we no
00:03:58
no no longer need did something and that
00:04:01
it had been hidden away in a Cupboard or
00:04:03
a box for years but also then this kind
00:04:07
of guilt that we were letting it go and
00:04:10
all of the
00:04:16
memories it was really intense so it
00:04:20
took six weeks for me and my mom to do
00:04:22
this Swedish death clean and it wasn't
00:04:24
something that I could do and I could
00:04:28
also work I was filming the Swedish
00:04:30
death claim and I am going to make a
00:04:32
video about
00:04:34
it but in a way selfishly I was using it
00:04:38
I mean is it selfish it's not selfish
00:04:41
but I was using it as a way to separate
00:04:45
myself from my computer because I feel
00:04:48
like I'm on my computer so much and I do
00:04:52
love my job making YouTube videos but
00:04:55
sometimes it can become quite
00:04:57
overwhelming so this Swedish death clean
00:04:59
was a really great way for me to just
00:05:02
relax my
00:05:03
mind and there's some other stuff that I
00:05:05
want to talk to you about as well it's
00:05:08
it's all
00:05:10
intertwined it all just married up at
00:05:13
the perfect time and I feel as though
00:05:15
having 11 weeks not at my desk has
00:05:20
really done me some good and really
00:05:23
helped me reset and that reset started
00:05:27
with having this massive sort
00:05:31
out you may have seen my house tour
00:05:35
video just over a year ago in that video
00:05:38
I explained how I wanted to buy this
00:05:41
house well I haven't been able to save
00:05:46
the money or generate the money to get a
00:05:48
deposit on this house and so then I was
00:05:52
faced with the reality that I would need
00:05:54
to move out because this house is up for
00:05:57
sale so here's what what's going to be
00:06:00
happening this is kind of associated
00:06:03
with the Swedish death clean and one of
00:06:05
the reasons that me and my mom decided
00:06:07
to do
00:06:08
it me and my mom bought house
00:06:13
together some of you may know I used to
00:06:16
live with my mom when I first started
00:06:17
this YouTube channel and it was nice but
00:06:20
the house was quite small we would get
00:06:22
under each other's feet and then since
00:06:24
living here it's been great but also I
00:06:28
living alone
00:06:30
I find really hard not only in terms of
00:06:32
company and loneliness but since I've
00:06:34
been diagnosed with ad ADHD it makes
00:06:38
total sense to me now why I've always
00:06:41
struggled to live by myself it's that
00:06:44
idea of having so much to do as a single
00:06:47
person but also not having any
00:06:51
accountability and any external
00:06:55
motivation living with someone else
00:06:57
gives me a lot of motivation we do enjoy
00:06:59
each other's company so we've bought a
00:07:02
house with enough rooms that we can each
00:07:05
have our own living quarters but then
00:07:08
kind of socialize so that's going to be
00:07:10
happening soon I'm going to be a
00:07:12
homeowner which is Mega I'm going to
00:07:14
have a bit of company but I'm we're also
00:07:16
going to have our own space I'm going to
00:07:18
have my own office which is going to
00:07:20
look like this and although I was first
00:07:24
of all disappointed that I wouldn't own
00:07:26
this
00:07:27
house it's actually worked out
00:07:31
the
00:07:33
best and hence the Swedish death cleans
00:07:35
we're moving two houses into one and
00:07:38
there was no way there was no way that
00:07:40
we was going to fit all of our
00:07:43
belongings into this new house so it
00:07:48
feels I I think I said it a few minutes
00:07:52
ago it feels like a reset is this
00:07:55
opportunity for me to start aresh in a
00:07:58
new house
00:08:00
with all my my belongings stripped down
00:08:03
with my mom's belonging stripped down
00:08:05
both
00:08:07
knowing that our lives are neat and tidy
00:08:11
not only physically but also
00:08:15
financially and then all of this as well
00:08:18
ties in with the ADHD diagnosis that I
00:08:22
got about 15 weeks ago now I know some
00:08:25
people don't believe in ADHD that's fine
00:08:29
if if you're one of them people totally
00:08:32
cool but just hear me out because this
00:08:36
is all tied in whether I've got it or I
00:08:38
haven't or you believe in it or you
00:08:41
don't the way that my brain works and
00:08:44
the way that I interact or the way that
00:08:47
I am able to manage my life and interact
00:08:49
with the world is a bit different and I
00:08:52
do struggle and I've talked openly about
00:08:55
my mental health struggles
00:08:59
in many videos in the past but since
00:09:02
getting this ADHD diagnosis I've been on
00:09:05
medication for I think 13 weeks
00:09:11
now
00:09:12
and I can't put into
00:09:17
words how much it's transformed my life
00:09:20
I will make a video about it at some
00:09:24
point because there's a lot of
00:09:26
information to share
00:09:30
I yeah I can't believe that I
00:09:34
went 18 years
00:09:38
with kind of severe
00:09:41
depression and just through a diagnosis
00:09:44
and understanding myself knowing how my
00:09:48
brain
00:09:49
works knowing that I'm good at some
00:09:51
stuff and terrible at other
00:09:54
stuff and then getting this medication I
00:09:57
don't take it every day I only take take
00:09:59
it on the days I need it I'm on it now I
00:10:03
feel
00:10:06
great things are just so easy oh I can't
00:10:10
oh can we just make the ADHD video now
00:10:13
things are just so easy and everything
00:10:15
that I struggled with in the past I
00:10:17
would say 90% of it was the ADHD and now
00:10:22
I know about it I've got the
00:10:24
medicine this huge dark cloud has been
00:10:27
lifted
00:10:34
this is me trying not to say too much
00:10:37
cuz I I want to keep it for that video
00:10:40
but all of this the reason I'm telling
00:10:43
you this is all of this I Now understand
00:10:46
myself and my brain I'm now medicated so
00:10:48
I can have I can interact with the world
00:10:51
and people and have
00:10:53
relationships that are more healthy
00:10:56
because
00:10:57
before that was wasn't the case and I'm
00:11:01
moving into this house with my
00:11:05
mom and it it just feels
00:11:10
like I've said it before but this ah
00:11:14
it's I what am I trying to say this is
00:11:16
almost like the next chapter not even
00:11:19
the next chapter this is like a new
00:11:22
book I'm in a new library I'm getting a
00:11:25
new opportunity with my life
00:11:31
and it's all happened in this last three
00:11:36
months which is why I think I haven't
00:11:39
made the videos I've wanted to I must
00:11:42
come up with about five video ideas a
00:11:44
day I've just been getting to grips with
00:11:47
myself and this new way of living and
00:11:51
finally giving myself a break and
00:11:54
understanding myself and in that time
00:11:56
although I've wanted to grab the camera
00:11:58
and do a a
00:11:59
a video or make a diary
00:12:02
entry it was just nice to be living in
00:12:05
the present rather than always chasing
00:12:08
the
00:12:08
videos right let's move on to the next
00:12:11
point so I've done four years of YouTube
00:12:13
with hardly any
00:12:15
breaks and the breaks that I did take
00:12:19
were going away and filming videos which
00:12:23
is so
00:12:25
stressful I mean it's so stressful it's
00:12:28
then not a break and then the other
00:12:29
breaks that I had were burnouts and
00:12:32
breakdowns so they're not the kind of
00:12:34
breaks that someone wants I don't think
00:12:37
I've taken holiday in over 10 years so
00:12:39
I'm easing back in with a chatty video I
00:12:42
wasn't going to make this video because
00:12:44
it's that cliche thing of having a long
00:12:47
time away from YouTube and then being
00:12:49
like hi guys I'm back Life Update I've
00:12:53
always thought it was a bit weird how
00:12:55
YouTube is so conditioned for that style
00:13:00
of video like singers or actors
00:13:03
performers if they want to take a break
00:13:05
they just go and take a break and then
00:13:06
they just come back to work with no
00:13:08
explanation but YouTube is different but
00:13:11
actually I wanted to make this video cuz
00:13:13
I wanted to tell you about my Swedish
00:13:15
death
00:13:17
clean I filmed a lot of my Swedish death
00:13:20
clean I've got so much footage I'm also
00:13:25
planning on making my ADHD medication
00:13:28
video
00:13:31
first
00:13:32
oh Charlie I feel really nervous it's
00:13:36
only caught past
00:13:38
two and I feel perfectly fine I had that
00:13:42
hiccup of trying the 50 milligram didn't
00:13:44
I yeah oh yeah we can that was a bad day
00:13:49
okay yeah too strong too strong so too
00:13:53
strong I've been on the medication for 8
00:13:56
weeks now we found the one that suits me
00:13:58
we found the dose that suits me and in
00:14:01
that time I found all the little nuances
00:14:04
about the medicine oh this is a bit of a
00:14:06
funny one I've been putting castor oil
00:14:09
on my eyelashes for almost a 100 days
00:14:13
I'd seen other people on YouTube do it
00:14:16
and I'm
00:14:17
thinking is this real so I've done it
00:14:20
myself I'll be making video about that
00:14:23
I've also been wearing toe
00:14:25
spaces I think for about the same amount
00:14:27
of time almost 100 days
00:14:31
this past few weeks has been such a
00:14:34
great opportunity for me to get my life
00:14:37
in
00:14:38
order and also get my thoughts in order
00:14:41
CU I think my thoughts were so mixed up
00:14:45
and
00:14:46
confused and not right for so long I was
00:14:50
getting myself in a sticky situation so
00:14:52
I just wanted to get myself sorted which
00:14:55
I
00:14:56
think finally at the age of to
00:14:59
42 I might be
00:15:04
sorted I always knew that I could sort
00:15:10
myself
00:15:11
out but I never knew how I was going to
00:15:14
do it and
00:15:17
maybe basically if someone had told me 6
00:15:20
months ago that I could feel like this
00:15:24
and that I was about to be a
00:15:27
homeowner I wouldn't have believed them
00:15:30
I didn't know that it was possible to
00:15:32
feel like
00:15:38
this okay how do you end a video like
00:15:41
this thanks for watching