00:00:00
women smile with their upper teeth they
00:00:02
want you to like them and men really I
00:00:04
think a masculine smile is with the
00:00:06
lower teeth more yes yes you're you're
00:00:10
your best cheerleader you're the person
00:00:11
who wants the best for you you not
00:00:12
anyone who you feel that you need their
00:00:14
validation it doesn't matter what they
00:00:15
be okay cool thank you for loving me
00:00:17
doesn't matter is you who do you think
00:00:19
that you are that it matters what people
00:00:22
think of you you're no one there's no
00:00:24
one
00:00:25
home I think I hate myself
00:00:31
I don't think I'm a bad person or
00:00:32
anything like that I
00:00:34
just I think there are things about me
00:00:37
that make my life miserable but that I
00:00:40
can't really seem to
00:00:42
fix and
00:00:45
uh hi I'm te uh I'm auditioning for the
00:00:49
role of uh handsome
00:00:52
doctor uh
00:00:55
okay like I do this thing sometimes
00:00:58
where I let the way other people feel
00:01:00
about me Define how I feel about me
00:01:03
which is really hard at times when you
00:01:07
uh don't get the most positive feedback
00:01:09
please don't take this the wrong way but
00:01:12
I just don't like you as a person you're
00:01:14
just I don't know ass I'm ass ass what
00:01:19
is what kind of feedback is that it's
00:01:21
weird to say but it's like I'm
00:01:23
constantly looking for myself through
00:01:25
other
00:01:26
people as though I need someone else to
00:01:29
tell me who I
00:01:30
yeah it's an it's it's an aura thing no
00:01:33
yeah an aura thing it's an you give like
00:01:35
limp dick energy to me what um how is
00:01:39
that professional I'm not sure why
00:01:41
exactly I'm like this but I know I'm
00:01:44
tired of it dude I'm a grown man I don't
00:01:46
have to I know I want to
00:01:47
change okay okay okay okay I'll
00:01:51
leave you don't want me okay I get it I
00:01:53
get it I want to transform myself into
00:01:57
someone who doesn't need anyone's
00:01:58
approval ever again all right you know
00:02:00
let's screw you guys oh big boy big boy
00:02:04
look at him he yeah get out of here ho
00:02:06
get out of here like who are you trying
00:02:08
to do get out of here ho and I know that
00:02:10
it's
00:02:12
possible I know I'm not
00:02:15
alone all over New York City lost souls
00:02:18
look for
00:02:19
love for
00:02:23
admiration for anything to just feel a
00:02:27
little
00:02:28
more okay
00:02:31
but some people seem to have figured out
00:02:33
a thing or
00:02:35
two they they have kind of a glow to
00:02:37
them uh a certain kind of shine you get
00:02:40
when you don't care about anyone's
00:02:42
approval you're you and that's
00:02:49
enough but how do they do it how do they
00:02:53
just not feel like I can't breathe okay
00:02:56
yeah but it wasn't that bad I think you
00:02:58
were fine I'm not him all right I'm not
00:03:00
the guy that they want who is the guy
00:03:02
who is the guy that they want who's the
00:03:04
guy that you want to
00:03:05
be come on there's plenty more [ __ ] out
00:03:07
there you can go I wish I could just
00:03:09
stop them on the street and ask them to
00:03:11
help me so you good cool yeah yeah I'm
00:03:14
good
00:03:15
yeah come on t
00:03:20
[Music]
00:03:36
the uh casting directors were just kind
00:03:38
of like you suck and we really mean and
00:03:41
it got me thinking about like just the
00:03:43
idea of like approval in general and I
00:03:46
realize that I'm someone who's like very
00:03:48
much a people pleaser yeah like I just
00:03:51
really I rely on like making sure that
00:03:53
people like me and stuff you know this
00:03:55
is a city of Gatekeepers where most of
00:03:57
the people in the high ranks you know
00:03:59
they're they're kind of wicked and
00:04:00
that's just it so you just got to let
00:04:02
those words you know bounce off be like
00:04:04
Neo in The Matrix and Dot it's not
00:04:06
bullets though it's words you know what
00:04:07
I mean you kind of need haters to to
00:04:10
make it so feel like that might have
00:04:13
been good for you actually you know what
00:04:14
I mean that initial like breaking Zone
00:04:16
cuz like if you're lifting or doing I'm
00:04:19
the ass just don't like you as a person
00:04:21
don't like you as a person if I'm being
00:04:23
honest the start of my journey was a
00:04:25
little
00:04:26
rocky the first few folks I talked to
00:04:28
didn't really seem to understand
00:04:29
understand how they work themselves I
00:04:31
don't know maybe my parents gave me that
00:04:34
freedom to discover who I wanted to be
00:04:36
early
00:04:38
um personal just how each person is
00:04:42
built and while some showed me some
00:04:43
compassion like what did they say uh
00:04:46
things like we just don't like your Vibe
00:04:48
and uh stuff like
00:04:51
that [ __ ] I still felt like I was
00:04:55
missing out on real answers I needed
00:04:59
concrete actionable pieces of advice and
00:05:03
after scouring the city for what seemed
00:05:05
like forever I finally started to get
00:05:08
somewhere but again like they were just
00:05:10
harsh they were like kind of mean and
00:05:11
rejected me and I'm trying to figure out
00:05:14
just how to you got to punch them with
00:05:16
your
00:05:16
cheeks how do I do that your bottom
00:05:19
teeth and you bring them out and you
00:05:22
rest them on your lip your upper lip and
00:05:25
I learned this from guomo Once I once I
00:05:28
realized that see if you do that that
00:05:30
will give you all the power in the world
00:05:31
thing is is this it's like if you don't
00:05:34
smile like that as a man it looks stupid
00:05:37
because it looks like you're trying to
00:05:38
be cute and then and then what are you
00:05:42
you're just gay well right like happy
00:05:44
right you see now you're smiling with
00:05:46
your now try to see but but here's the
00:05:48
thing here's the thing yes that's much
00:05:50
better and honestly it was much better
00:05:54
something about carrying myself that way
00:05:57
holding my jaw at such an angle feel
00:05:59
filled me with the kind of confidence I
00:06:01
didn't know I
00:06:03
had I became something of a sponge
00:06:06
absorbing the many and unique ways
00:06:08
people free themselves from external
00:06:11
validation I learned that some regularly
00:06:13
practice a kind of internal Detachment I
00:06:16
was whatever whatever would do to make
00:06:19
anybody happy I would be I would do that
00:06:21
tell me what you need me to be and I'll
00:06:22
be that but it's like selling your soul
00:06:25
almost yeah that's me crazy you can get
00:06:27
to a place where you can just like kind
00:06:29
of watch all that [ __ ] happening without
00:06:32
like logging into it where you're like
00:06:34
now kind of um detached and then that's
00:06:37
the part where your power steps in I'm
00:06:38
not what my mind is bringing up about
00:06:40
the past or about the future or even
00:06:42
about the present I'm the one who's
00:06:44
watching all this [ __ ] happening you
00:06:46
kind of start to realize that the whole
00:06:47
world we're all projecting on each other
00:06:49
that's the honest truth even with like
00:06:51
your audition they were projecting
00:06:53
that's all that was they were just
00:06:57
projecting nobody else was cheering me
00:06:59
on know what I mean you're your you're
00:07:00
your best cheerleader you're the person
00:07:01
who wants the best for you you not
00:07:03
anyone who you feel that you need their
00:07:05
validation doesn't matter what they
00:07:06
think okay cool thank you for loving me
00:07:08
doesn't matter is you I wake up in the
00:07:10
morning and maybe I'm feeding myself
00:07:12
this tall coffee of it's all going to be
00:07:15
okay it's all and I keep pushing it
00:07:17
forward and there might not be no back
00:07:18
end to it but you can't not try just
00:07:22
can't it's a guaranteed loss if you
00:07:25
don't try but if you try there's a good
00:07:27
there's actually a good chance you're
00:07:28
going to do it
00:07:31
so you can't never be happy you can't
00:07:33
never have enough you're constantly
00:07:36
concerned and overwhelmed with other
00:07:38
people's bad energies it's the ego and
00:07:40
it will find something to identify with
00:07:44
even if it's a sickness our true
00:07:46
identity is revealed to us through
00:07:50
charity we had gone around Manhattan
00:07:52
handing out socks boxers food we're
00:07:55
going to each other hey uh we need a
00:07:58
bigger duffel bag and khita says yeah I
00:08:01
need a pair of shorts now a few minutes
00:08:02
later right this is what we hear Hey
00:08:05
guys God brought me down here to give
00:08:07
this to someone and I feel like it's you
00:08:10
excuse me what does he hand me T he
00:08:14
hands me a black Nike duffel bag I said
00:08:17
yo we was just talking about eing a
00:08:19
duffel bag guess what I pull out pair of
00:08:22
black shorts I said y she just said she
00:08:25
needed a pair of shorts what the take a
00:08:28
walk around look around kind of uh try
00:08:31
to see the world in a different way when
00:08:33
you're walking in the streets you see a
00:08:34
very like um capitalist view you see all
00:08:37
these bigname brand stories but kind of
00:08:39
take a different different
00:08:42
view how like what how should I approach
00:08:45
you know like looking at things today um
00:08:47
look at the small things look to see I
00:08:50
guess the kindness in the world uh focus
00:08:54
on maybe someone holding a door open for
00:08:55
someone and
00:08:57
just uh open your eyes that we're in New
00:09:00
York City I mean you might not think
00:09:02
there's a lot of kindness but if you
00:09:03
look around you'll find it how how do
00:09:05
you think that would help me like
00:09:06
looking for the little things kindness
00:09:09
it'll help bring joy to you and um bring
00:09:13
hope that you know everything's not
00:09:15
horrible did I still struggle with
00:09:17
approval from time to time uh they said
00:09:20
that I smell bad uh they said I can't
00:09:22
act that I'm not
00:09:25
handsome sure but I was feeling great
00:09:28
powerful
00:09:30
different I realized at the tail end of
00:09:33
my conversations that there was a common
00:09:35
piece of advice I kept on receiving I I
00:09:37
would just say uh you know to try and
00:09:41
find friends that share your views I
00:09:44
found people that feel the same way and
00:09:47
that's what I'm tell you're just finding
00:09:48
your right place to be your right place
00:09:50
to grow find the people who accept you
00:09:53
if you focus on those people you'll be
00:09:56
happy do you feel like you found your
00:09:57
people I do how did you go about that
00:10:00
was it through like work Random
00:10:02
Encounters Random Encounters Rand Random
00:10:04
Encounters Random Encounters Random
00:10:06
Encounters so I was going to make myself
00:10:08
some real friends and I wasn't going to
00:10:11
do it just any old way I wanted to be
00:10:13
firing on all cylinders combining all
00:10:15
the advice I've got our true identity is
00:10:20
Charity to not only find a friendship
00:10:22
that allows me to be myself but also
00:10:25
examine just how much I've truly
00:10:27
changed how much have I really
00:10:33
[Music]
00:10:40
grown excuse me do you want this book
00:10:44
it's a for free it's a book it's one of
00:10:48
my favorites book for free okay but I
00:10:51
can't read you can't read I'm [ __ ] up
00:10:53
in English sorry now I don't know to get
00:10:56
in and get out from here get in here and
00:10:58
get out you're talking to me now you
00:11:00
know that's good enough think I'm
00:11:01
talking about it's to help me I mean I
00:11:04
could I could sit down with you we could
00:11:05
uh go through the book together if you
00:11:08
want I can't really speak Albanian
00:11:10
though is the thing I can't speak China
00:11:13
I'm just trying to like uh just trying
00:11:15
to make friends out here if you want to
00:11:18
like grab oh it's just a it's just an
00:11:20
Italian soap I don't know
00:11:23
I I don't know why I have it but fromia
00:11:26
you are but I maybe you Jae Japanese I'm
00:11:30
not Japanese no where North uh South
00:11:34
Korea dude I feel like I don't really
00:11:36
have an ego you
00:11:38
know you have one from where Malaysia
00:11:42
not from Malaysia tell me Vietnam not
00:11:45
from Vietnam you want to get lunch after
00:11:48
that I already had my lunch you had
00:11:50
lunch already I feel like I'm pretty
00:11:52
detached you know like from from like
00:11:54
daytoday stuff do you feel that way
00:11:58
too um I'm uh yeah just trying to make
00:12:01
friends uh you know what's what's your
00:12:04
name L I'm I'm I'm T yeah nice to meet
00:12:08
you
00:12:10
[Music]
00:12:15
uh okay all right
00:12:18
okay I felt like a
00:12:21
loser I wanted to apply the lessons I
00:12:24
learned and well if this were a test I
00:12:28
think I failed
00:12:30
FIP not Filipino it's like the harder I
00:12:33
tried the more I got burned excuse me
00:12:37
you don't want this book do
00:12:39
you it's for free Co called yeah history
00:12:42
of sexuality I don't have that one take
00:12:44
it it's all yours thank you you want to
00:12:47
get lunch
00:12:48
[Music]
00:12:51
sometime all
00:12:53
right and it felt
00:12:55
terrible you know here I am giving
00:12:59
myself away and still getting
00:13:06
rejected I thought I could make some
00:13:08
friends without it somehow reflecting on
00:13:10
my sense of selfworth but who am I
00:13:15
kidding I'm an eternal people pleaser
00:13:18
and a desperate empty vacuum that will
00:13:21
never
00:13:22
change no matter how hard I
00:13:27
try happiness is isn't for
00:13:30
me because I'm
00:13:32
broken and I'm probably going to be like
00:13:36
this
00:13:39
forever I was done my little
00:13:42
transformation Journey was over and I
00:13:44
was on my way out of the park when I
00:13:46
suddenly heard a mysterious chanting in
00:13:48
the
00:13:49
[Music]
00:13:50
distance I followed the sound and found
00:13:53
a lady sitting alone on a bench she
00:13:56
seemed calm almost otherworldly and
00:13:59
after hearing my story this is what she
00:14:01
had to say everybody's answer to
00:14:06
whatever is happening to them is in them
00:14:10
if they can hear it they can take a
00:14:12
minute and listen en chanting helps you
00:14:15
do that Nam G is like calling the god in
00:14:19
you calling it forward and it will tell
00:14:22
you it will it will tell you what you
00:14:24
needed to know in that moment n Mio r
00:14:39
naturally I wanted to give it a shot and
00:14:41
I was having a bit of trouble at first
00:14:43
it's just something about you get out of
00:14:46
here out but as I kept chanting a moment
00:14:50
from one of my conversations came back
00:14:52
to me when you admit certain things to
00:14:54
yourself that you're not willing to
00:14:55
admit I feel like that's when you start
00:14:57
to breakr y
00:15:00
you think you've fallen in love before
00:15:02
with other people but there's nothing
00:15:04
like the love that comes from
00:15:06
yourself really and when you discover
00:15:12
that it makes it so much more easier for
00:15:15
it to kind of pour out of you on to
00:15:17
others and right then and there it felt
00:15:20
like I had awoken from a deep
00:15:23
Slumber it was clear to me that I've
00:15:25
been using this whole journey of change
00:15:27
as a way of avoiding the real
00:15:30
truth I don't love
00:15:32
myself I don't even really like
00:15:35
myself and while we're at it I don't
00:15:38
think I actually care about acting I
00:15:41
mean it's not even a real job you're
00:15:43
just you're saying lines someone else
00:15:45
wrote it's
00:15:49
not I think I just thought if I could
00:15:51
become a somebody on the stage then
00:15:54
maybe I'd stop feeling like a nobody
00:15:56
when I'm off
00:15:57
it I tried to think about what loving
00:16:00
myself would even look like but the task
00:16:02
seemed
00:16:04
impossible I don't even love that many
00:16:06
things like I love bakaba but I'm not as
00:16:10
good as
00:16:13
bakaba after a few more hours of
00:16:15
pondering but getting nowhere I started
00:16:18
to wonder if maybe it would help to dig
00:16:19
into my past for some
00:16:22
answers I decided to travel to my
00:16:25
childhood home where my earliest
00:16:27
opinions of myself formed
00:16:29
[Music]
00:16:33
uh it's it's me tect I first tried
00:16:36
looking at photos of myself as a kid to
00:16:38
see if I was this internally empty back
00:16:40
then as
00:16:41
well but surprisingly I seemed like
00:16:44
quite a confident and bold young
00:16:46
man what
00:16:50
happened I then talked to my dad to see
00:16:53
if maybe he had some insight on my
00:16:54
issues from his perspective so um yeah
00:16:58
do you think that maybe I'm kind of
00:17:00
having these issues looking for
00:17:01
validation as an adult because maybe
00:17:04
when I was younger um as a kid I was
00:17:06
looking for approval from you no
00:17:10
actually you was not looking approval
00:17:12
for me or from anybody okay you're just
00:17:14
following your goal and it doesn't
00:17:16
matter what other people tell you if you
00:17:19
like something you just go for it then
00:17:21
maybe you know I wanted approval for Mom
00:17:23
or when I was a kid looking for for that
00:17:25
did you notice anything uh actually I
00:17:29
don't recall no I don't remember that no
00:17:33
no but unfortunately that didn't seem to
00:17:35
lead me anywhere either so you finished
00:17:39
acting so hopefully you're going to be a
00:17:42
doctor right now you can be a doctor
00:17:44
right oh so I was ready to give up for
00:17:47
real this
00:17:48
time I was tired even more lost than I
00:17:51
was before and a little bit
00:17:54
hungry I was on my way when out of
00:17:56
nowhere I heard my dad call after me
00:18:00
me he then proceeded to open up in a way
00:18:03
that I've never ever seen
00:18:07
before his words seemed like the home my
00:18:10
soul has been searching to rest in all
00:18:12
my
00:18:14
life just like that I had arrived at an
00:18:17
answer to my
00:18:19
problems and boy did it feel
00:18:22
good I'm glad that you came here to talk
00:18:26
and ask about your childhood self you
00:18:30
were always a curious
00:18:32
boy the real reason you have this
00:18:35
problem with needing validation from
00:18:38
others is because you are kind hearted a
00:18:42
core and you just want to make sure
00:18:45
everyone around you is a okay that's not
00:18:48
a bad thing at
00:18:50
all um you have it all twisted as a man
00:18:53
who uh has been in Earth for many years
00:18:57
now I can tell you from experience that
00:19:00
you exactly where you are supposed to be
00:19:04
you have already found your answer you
00:19:08
are not a people
00:19:09
pleaser you are actually just a good
00:19:12
person and that is something to be
00:19:15
admired for and lastly you don't need to
00:19:19
my validation or mom's validation or
00:19:22
anyone's
00:19:24
validation uh and and you don't need
00:19:27
anyone's approval to be who you
00:19:30
are we actually all need yours uh keep
00:19:36
killing it might
00:19:44
[Music]
00:19:55
[Music]
