#مُهْجَة | كارل روجرز : جلسة علاج نفسي (1)

00:46:33
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPLdyAkiEOE

الملخص

TLDRيقدم الفيلم الوثائقي تجربة غلوريا، امرأة تبحث عن الدعم النفسي خلال فترة الطلاق ومحاولاتها للتكيف مع حياتها الجديدة. يتم تصوير جلسات علاجها مع د. كارل روجرز، حيث يناقشون مشاعرها كأم ودورها كداعم لأبنائها خلال تغييرات حياتها. يُركز روجرز على أهمية إنشاء فضاء آمن وصادق في الجلسة، مما يُسهل الوصول إلى المشاعر العميقة والتواصل الصادق. يناقش الجوانب الإنسانية للتجربة العلاجية ويشجع على القبول الذاتي والصراحة في العلاقات.

الوجبات الجاهزة

  • 🎥 هذا الفيلم يتيح لنا مشاهدة جلسات علاج حقيقية.
  • 🧠 تقدم غلوريا مشاعرها وتجاربها بشكل صادق.
  • 💬 روجرز يؤكد على أهمية العلاقة الصادقة مع العميل.
  • ❤️ يُشجع العلاج على القبول الذاتي.
  • 🔄 يعرض التغيرات التي يحدثها العلاج في حياة الفرد.
  • 👩‍👧 غلوريا تعبر عن مشاعرها كأم وتحدياتها.
  • 📖 العواطف والقيود الذهنية تتعرض للغوص العميق.
  • 🤔 يركز على كيفية تأثير الماضي على الحاضر.
  • 🔍 يتناول تأثير الآباء على الهوية الشخصية.
  • 🛤️ يسعى لجسر الفجوة بين الأحلام والواقع.

الجدول الزمني

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    تعتبر العلاج النفسي تجربة شخصية وخاصة، وغالبًا ما تكون غامضة للأشخاص الذين لم يختبروها من قبل. تسجل السلسلة التالية تجارب مريضة تتحدث أثناء علاجها مع ثلاثة معالجين نفسيين مختلفين، مما يتيح لنا فهم ما يحدث في هذه العلاقة العلاجية بشكل فريد. في الفيلم الأول، يظهر د. كارل روجرز، مؤسس العلاج المتمحور حول العميل، ويتحدث عن أهمية خلق مناخ علاجي مناسب لفهم المريض بعمق.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    يتحدث د. روجرز عن كيفية أهمية التواجد الحقيقي والعلاقة الصادقة مع العميل، حيث يسهم ذلك في ظهور مشاعر المريض وتطورها. وأشار إلى أنه يجب أن تكون هناك قبول للعواطف وعدم إخفائها مما يعزز العلاقة ويخلق مساحة للتغيير الإيجابي.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    يتعمق د. روجرز في أسئلة تتعلق بالعلاقة بينه وبين المريضة غلوريا. تشرح غلوريا مشاعرها المتعلقة بالطلاق والتعامل مع بناتها، مما يدفعها إلى التفكير في كيفية تأثير كذبها على ابنتها، وهو صراع يعكس مشاعر الذنب والقلق.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    توضح غلوريا أسباب عدم صراحتها مع ابنتها حول حياتها العاطفية وقلقها من تأثير ذلك عليها. تشير هنا إلى الذنب الذي تشعر به نتيجة للكذب، وتبحث عن إجابة تساعدها على فهم ما يجب أن تفعله، مما يظهر صراعها الداخلي بين رغبتها في التلقائية وقلقها من الأذى الذي قد تتسبب به لابنتها.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    يتناول الحوار مشاعر غلوريا تجاه علاقاتها الجنسية ومشاعرها كأم، حيث تبحث عن التوازن بين الحب للأبناء واحتياجاتها الشخصية. يظهر هنا أن المشكلة ليست فقط مع ابنتها ولكن أيضًا مع نفسها، حيث تتصارع مع رغباتها وتعليماتها الأخلاقية.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    يستمر د. روجرز بالمساعدة في استكشاف مشاعر غلوريا ودعمها في فهم نفسها بشكل أعمق. تتحدث عن الضغوط الناتجة عن توقعات المجتمع الأمومية وما يجب أن تكون عليه، في حين تتمنى أن تكون قادرة على أن تكون حقيقية مع نفسها ومع بناتها بدون شعور بالذنب.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    مع مرور الحديث، تزداد غلوريا وعياً باستعدادها للقبول بنفسها وبحياتها، وتشعر بالذهول من كيفية تضارب مشاعرها. تسعى للتجارة بين كونها أماً مثالية ومتطلباتها الشخصية كإنسانة.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    ينتهي السيناريو بفهم غلوريا المتزايد لطبيعة مشاعرها، وكيف تؤثر على علاقتها بابنتها. يدعوها د. روجرز إلى الرجوع لنفسها واكتشاف طرق تقبل مشاعرها، مما يشير إلى بداية تحول كبير في عملية الشفاء.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:46:33

    تظهر القوة العلاجية للعلاقة بين المعالج والمريض، حيث يبرز نجاح العلاج من خلال القدرة على فتح قنوات التواصل الصادق. يتضح أن التغيير يحدث عندما يتم احتضان النقص والعيوب البشرية بدلاً من الهروب منها.

اعرض المزيد

الخريطة الذهنية

فيديو أسئلة وأجوبة

  • ما هو موضوع الفيلم؟

    يستكشف الفيلم العلاج النفسي من خلال جلسات فعلية بين مريضة وثلاثة معالجين مختلفين.

  • من هم المعالجون في السلسلة؟

    المعالجون هم د. كارل روجرز، د. فريدريك بيرلز، ود. ألبرت إليس.

  • ما هي طريقة العلاج التي يتبعها د. روجرز؟

    د. روجرز يتبع العلاج المتمركز على العميل.

  • ما هي أهمية إنشاء مناخ ملائم في العلاج؟

    إن إنشاء مناخ ملائم يساعد على تحقيق التغيير البناء ويعزز تجربة العميل.

  • ما القضية الرئيسية التي تناقشها غلوريا؟

    تتناقش غلوريا حول مشاعرها كأم والذنب الناتج عن الكذب لابنتها بشأن حياتها العاطفية.

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الترجمات
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التمرير التلقائي:
  • 00:00:03
    [Applause]
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    [Music]
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    [Music]
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    [Music]
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    oh
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    Psychotherapy is such a personal and
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    private process that it is a mystery to
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    most people who have never gone through
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    it the following series is a unique
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    effort that allows us to sit in on what
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    is ordinarily a very private therapeutic
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    experience an actual patient was
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    courageous enough and considerate enough
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    to allow herself to be photographed
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    while actually engaged in therapy with
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    three different
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    therapists thus we are allowed the
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    privilege of seeing and feeling what
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    really
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    transpires in a film series like this in
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    which three
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    therapists distinguished by their
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    different
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    orientations share their therapeutic
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    Endeavors has never been made
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    before we therefore wish to express our
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    gratitude to Gloria the patient and to
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    her therapists for allowing us to share
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    in their therapeutic
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    Adventure this series will be divided
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    into three separate
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    films in the first film
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    we see Dr Carl Rogers founder of client
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    centered therapy interviewing
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    Gloria in film number two Dr Frederick
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    pearls founder of gestal therapy is
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    working with her and in film number
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    three Dr Albert Ellis founder of
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    rational emotive therapy is our
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    therapist each therapist will first
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    describe his system of therapy
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    briefly he will then demonstrate his
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    work with Gloria and then he will
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    comment briefly on his
  • 00:03:08
    work now here's Dr Carl
  • 00:03:13
    Rogers from my own years of therapeutic
  • 00:03:17
    experience I've come to feel that if I
  • 00:03:20
    can create the proper climate the proper
  • 00:03:23
    relationship the proper conditions a
  • 00:03:27
    process of therapeutic movement will
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    almost inevitably occur in my
  • 00:03:32
    client might ask what is this climate
  • 00:03:35
    what what are these conditions uh will
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    they exist in the interview with the
  • 00:03:42
    woman I'm about to talk with whom I've
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    never seen before let me try to describe
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    very briefly what these conditions are
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    as I see
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    them first of all one question is can I
  • 00:03:53
    be real in the relationship this uh has
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    come to have an increasing amount of
  • 00:03:59
    importance to to me over the years I
  • 00:04:02
    feel that um genuiness is another way of
  • 00:04:06
    describing the quality I would like to
  • 00:04:08
    have uh I like the term congruence by
  • 00:04:11
    which I mean that what I'm experiencing
  • 00:04:14
    inside is present in my awareness and
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    comes out through my
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    communication in a sense when I have
  • 00:04:21
    this quality I'm I'm all in one piece in
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    the
  • 00:04:25
    relationship um there's another word
  • 00:04:27
    that describes it for me
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    I feel that in the
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    relationship I would like to have a
  • 00:04:34
    transparency I would be quite willing
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    for my client to see all the way through
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    me that there would be nothing nothing
  • 00:04:42
    hidden and when I'm real in this fashion
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    that I'm trying to describe them I know
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    that uh my own feelings will will often
  • 00:04:50
    bubble up into awareness and be
  • 00:04:53
    expressed but be expressed in ways that
  • 00:04:55
    won't impose themselves uh on my
  • 00:04:58
    client
  • 00:05:00
    then
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    the second question I would have is will
  • 00:05:04
    I find myself prizing this person uh
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    caring for this person I certainly don't
  • 00:05:10
    want to pretend a caring that I don't
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    feel in fact if I dislike my client
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    persistently I feel it's better that I
  • 00:05:16
    should express
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    it but I know that the process of
  • 00:05:21
    therapy is much more likely to occur and
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    constructive change is much more likely
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    if I feel a real spontaneous
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    prizing of this individual with whom I'm
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    working a prizing of this person as a
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    separate
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    individual uh you can call that Quality
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    Acceptance you can call it
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    caring uh you can call it a
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    non-possessive love if you wish I think
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    any of those terms tend to describe it I
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    know that the relationship will prove
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    more constructive if it's
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    present then the third quality will I be
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    able to understand the inner world of
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    this individual from the from the
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    inside can I will I be able to see it
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    through her eyes will I be able to uh be
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    sufficiently sensitive to move around
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    inside the world of her
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    feelings so that I know what it feels
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    like to be her so that I can sense not
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    only the surface meanings but some of
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    the meanings that lie somewhat
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    underneath the surface I know that if I
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    can let myself
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    uh sensitively and accurately enter into
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    her world of experience then change and
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    therapeutic movement are much more
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    likely well suppose I am fortunate and
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    that I do experience some of these
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    attitudes in the relationship what
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    then well then a variety of things are
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    likely to happen both from my clinical
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    experience and from our research
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    investigation ations we find that if uh
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    attitudes of the sort that I've
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    described are present then quite a
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    number of things will
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    happen she'll explore some of her
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    feelings and attitudes more deeply she's
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    likely to discover some hidden aspects
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    of herself that she wasn't aware of
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    previously feeling herself prized by me
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    it's quite possible she'll come to prize
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    herself
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    more feeling that some of her mean
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    things are understood by me then she can
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    more readily perhaps listen to herself
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    listen to what's going on within her own
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    experience listen to some of the
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    meanings she hasn't been able to catch
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    before and perhaps if she senses a
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    realness in me uh she'll be able to be a
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    little more real within
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    herself I suspect there will be a change
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    in the manner of her expression at least
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    at least this has been my experience in
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    other
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    instances from being rather remote from
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    her experiencing remote from what's
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    going on within her uh it's possible
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    that she'll move toward more immediacy
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    of experiencing that she will be able to
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    sense and express what's going on in her
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    in the immediate
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    moment from being disapproving of
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    herself it's quite possible she will
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    move toward uh a greater degree of
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    acceptance of
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    herself from somewhat of a fear of
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    relating she may move toward being able
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    to relate more directly and to encounter
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    me more
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    directly from construing Life in
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    somewhat uh rigid black and white
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    patterns uh she may move toward more
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    tentative ways of uh construing her
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    experience and of seeing the meanings in
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    it from uh a locus of evaluation which
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    is outside of herself it's quite
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    possible she will move toward
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    recognizing a greater capacity within
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    herself for making judgments and and
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    drawing
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    conclusions so those are the some of
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    those are some of the changes that we
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    have if I have any success in creating
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    the kind of conditions that I described
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    initially then we may be able to see uh
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    some of these changes in this client
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    even though I know in advance that our
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    contact is going to be very
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    brief good morning hello I'm Dr Rogers
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    you must be Gloria yes I am don't you
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    have a
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    chair well now we have half an hour
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    together and I really don't know what
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    we'll be able to make of it but uh I
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    hope we can make something of it i' be
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    glad to know whatever
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    concerns
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    you well I'm right now I'm nervous but I
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    feel more comfortable the way you're
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    talking in a low voice and I don't feel
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    like you'll be so harsh on
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    me but uh I I hear the Tremor in your
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    voice so
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    are uh though the main thing I um want
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    to talk to you about is
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    uh I'm just nearly divorced and uh I had
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    gone in therapy before and I felt
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    comfortable when I left and all the said
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    now the biggest change is adjusting to
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    my single life mhm mhm and uh one of the
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    things that bother me the most is
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    especially men and having men to the
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    house and how it affects the children
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    and uh the biggest thing I want the
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    thing keeps coming to my mind I want to
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    tell you about is I have a daughter nine
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    who at one time I felt had a lot of
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    emotional
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    problems I wish I could stop
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    shaking and uh I'm real conscious of
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    things affecting her I don't want her to
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    get upset I don't want to shock her I
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    want so bad to for her to accept me MH
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    and we're real open with each other
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    especially about sex and the other day
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    she saw a girl that was single but
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    pregnant and she asked me all about can
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    girls get pregnant if they're single and
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    the conversation was fine and I wasn't
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    unate ease at all with her until she
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    asked me if I'd ever made love to a man
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    since I left her daddy and I lied to her
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    and ever since that it keeps coming up
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    to my mind cuz I feel so guilty lying to
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    her cuz I never lie and I want her to
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    trust me and I want I almost want an
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    answer from you I want you to tell me if
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    it will affect her wrong if I told her
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    the truth or
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    what and and it's this concern about her
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    and the fact that you really aren't that
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    this open relationship that has existed
  • 00:11:42
    between you now you feel is kind of yes
  • 00:11:44
    I feel like I have to be on guard about
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    that because I remember when I was a
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    little girl when I first found out my
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    mother and father made love that was
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    dirty and terrible and I didn't I didn't
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    like her anymore for a while and I don't
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    want to lie to Pammy either and I don't
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    know you sure with wish I could give you
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    the answer as to what you should tell
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    her I was afraid you were going to say
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    that cuz what you really want is an
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    answer I want to especially know if it
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    would affect her if I was completely
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    honest and open with her or if it would
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    affect her because I lied I feel like
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    it's bound to make a strain because I
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    lied to her MH feel she'll suspect that
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    or she will know something's not quite
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    right she'll distrust me yes and also I
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    thought well G what about when she gets
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    a little older and she finds herself in
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    touchy situation she probably wouldn't
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    want to admit it to me cuz she thinks
  • 00:12:30
    I'm so good and so sweet and yet I'm
  • 00:12:32
    afraid she could think I'm really a a
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    devil and I want so bad for her to
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    accept me and I don't know how much a
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    9-year-old can take and really both
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    Alternatives concern you that she might
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    think you're too good or better than you
  • 00:12:46
    really are yes and she might think that
  • 00:12:47
    you're worse than you are not worse than
  • 00:12:50
    I am I don't know if she can accept me
  • 00:12:52
    the way I am I think I paint a picture
  • 00:12:54
    that I'm all sweet and motherly and I'm
  • 00:12:57
    a little ashamed of my Shady sign too
  • 00:12:59
    mhm mhm I
  • 00:13:02
    see it really cuts a little
  • 00:13:05
    deeper if she really knew you would she
  • 00:13:09
    could she accept you this is what I
  • 00:13:11
    don't know yes I don't want her to turn
  • 00:13:14
    away from
  • 00:13:16
    me and I don't even know how I feel
  • 00:13:19
    about it because there are times when I
  • 00:13:20
    feel so guilty like when I have a man
  • 00:13:22
    over I even tried to make a special
  • 00:13:24
    setup so that if I were ever alone with
  • 00:13:26
    them the children would never catch me
  • 00:13:27
    and that sort of thing mhm cuz I'm real
  • 00:13:30
    about it and yet I also know I have
  • 00:13:32
    these
  • 00:13:33
    desires so it's quite clear it isn't
  • 00:13:35
    only her problem or the relationship
  • 00:13:38
    with her it's in you as well in my guilt
  • 00:13:41
    yeah I feel guilty so what can I accept
  • 00:13:44
    myself as doing yes and you realize that
  • 00:13:48
    you you set up sort of sub fuses so as
  • 00:13:51
    to make sure that that you're not caught
  • 00:13:54
    or something you realize that you are
  • 00:13:56
    acting from guilt is that yes mhm
  • 00:14:00
    I don't like the way I would like to
  • 00:14:02
    feel comfortable with whatever I do if I
  • 00:14:04
    choose not to tell Pammy the truth to
  • 00:14:05
    feel comfortable that she can't handle
  • 00:14:07
    it and I don't I want to be honest and
  • 00:14:09
    yet I feel there are some areas that I
  • 00:14:11
    don't even accept
  • 00:14:12
    mhh and if you can't accept them in
  • 00:14:15
    yourself how could you possibly be
  • 00:14:16
    comfortable in telling them to her
  • 00:14:19
    right and yet as you say you do have
  • 00:14:22
    these desires and you do have your
  • 00:14:24
    feelings but but you don't feel good
  • 00:14:26
    about them right
  • 00:14:32
    and I I I have a feeling you're just
  • 00:14:33
    going to sit there and let me stew in it
  • 00:14:35
    and I I want more
  • 00:14:39
    uh I want you to help me get rid of my
  • 00:14:41
    guilt feeling if I can get rid of my
  • 00:14:43
    guilt feeling about lying or going to
  • 00:14:44
    bed with a single man any of that just
  • 00:14:46
    so I can feel more
  • 00:14:48
    comfortable and I guess I'd like to say
  • 00:14:50
    no I don't want to let you just stew in
  • 00:14:52
    your feelings but on the other hand I I
  • 00:14:54
    also feel that this is the kind of very
  • 00:14:57
    private thing that I couldn't possibly
  • 00:14:59
    answer for you but I ass sure as
  • 00:15:02
    anything will try to help you work
  • 00:15:03
    toward your own
  • 00:15:06
    answer I don't know whether that makes
  • 00:15:08
    any sense to you but I mean
  • 00:15:10
    it well I appreciate you saying that you
  • 00:15:12
    sound like you mean
  • 00:15:14
    it but I don't know where to go I don't
  • 00:15:17
    begin to know where to go I thought that
  • 00:15:19
    I'd pretty well worked over most of my
  • 00:15:20
    guilt and now that this is coming up I'm
  • 00:15:23
    disappointed in myself I really am I
  • 00:15:26
    want I like it when I feel that no
  • 00:15:27
    matter what I do even if it's against my
  • 00:15:29
    own morals or my upbringing that I can
  • 00:15:32
    still feel good about me and now I don't
  • 00:15:35
    like uh there's a girl at work who sort
  • 00:15:37
    of mothers me and she just she I think
  • 00:15:40
    she thinks I'm all sweet and I sure
  • 00:15:41
    don't want to show my more orry devilish
  • 00:15:44
    side with her I want to be sweet and
  • 00:15:45
    it's so hard for me to this all seems so
  • 00:15:47
    new again and it's so disappointing yeah
  • 00:15:50
    I get the disappointment that here a lot
  • 00:15:52
    of these things you thought you'd work
  • 00:15:53
    through and now the guilts and the
  • 00:15:56
    feeling that only a part of you is
  • 00:15:57
    acceptable to any anybody else yes that
  • 00:16:00
    keeps coming
  • 00:16:03
    [Music]
  • 00:16:07
    out I guess I I do catch the
  • 00:16:10
    real deep puzzlement that you feel as to
  • 00:16:14
    what the hell shall I do what can I do
  • 00:16:17
    yes and you know what I can find doctor
  • 00:16:19
    is that everything I start to do that I
  • 00:16:22
    impulse it seems natural to tell Pammy
  • 00:16:25
    or to go out on a day or something I'm
  • 00:16:27
    comfortable until I think I was affected
  • 00:16:29
    as a child and the minute that comes up
  • 00:16:31
    then I'm all Haywire mhm like uh I want
  • 00:16:34
    to be a good mother so bad and I feel
  • 00:16:36
    like I am a good mother but then there's
  • 00:16:38
    those little exceptions like my guilts
  • 00:16:40
    with working I want to work and it's so
  • 00:16:42
    fun having extra money I like to work
  • 00:16:44
    nights the minute I think I'm not being
  • 00:16:45
    real good to the children or giving them
  • 00:16:47
    enough time then I start feeling guilty
  • 00:16:48
    again then that's when I'm it's a what
  • 00:16:51
    do they call it a double bind that's
  • 00:16:52
    just what it feels like I want to do
  • 00:16:54
    this and it feels right but after all
  • 00:16:55
    I'm not being a good mother and I want
  • 00:16:56
    to be both I'm becoming more and more
  • 00:16:59
    aware of what a perfectionist I am
  • 00:17:00
    that's what it seems like I want to be
  • 00:17:02
    so perfect either I want to become
  • 00:17:04
    perfect in my standards or not have that
  • 00:17:06
    need anymore or I guess I hear it a
  • 00:17:08
    little differently that uh what you want
  • 00:17:11
    is to seem perfect that it means it's a
  • 00:17:16
    great matter of great importance to you
  • 00:17:18
    to be a good
  • 00:17:19
    mother and you want to seem to be a good
  • 00:17:21
    mother even if some of your actual
  • 00:17:24
    feelings differ from that does that
  • 00:17:26
    catch I don't feel like I'm saying that
  • 00:17:28
    no that isn't what I feel really I want
  • 00:17:30
    to approve of me always but my actions
  • 00:17:33
    won't let me I want to approve of
  • 00:17:38
    me I I think I realize you all right let
  • 00:17:41
    me CU I'd like to understand
  • 00:17:43
    that you sound as your actions are kind
  • 00:17:46
    of outside of you you want to approve of
  • 00:17:49
    you but what you do somehow won't let
  • 00:17:52
    you approve of yourself
  • 00:17:56
    right like I feel that I could approve
  • 00:17:58
    of myself regarding for example my sex
  • 00:18:01
    life this is the big thing if I really
  • 00:18:04
    fell in love with a man and I respected
  • 00:18:06
    him and I adored him I don't think I'd
  • 00:18:08
    feel so guilty going to bed with him and
  • 00:18:10
    I don't think I'd have to make up any
  • 00:18:11
    excuses to the children because they
  • 00:18:12
    could see my natural caring for him but
  • 00:18:15
    when I have the physical desire and I'll
  • 00:18:17
    say oh well why not and I want to anyway
  • 00:18:20
    then I feel guilty afterwards I hate
  • 00:18:21
    facing the kids I don't like looking at
  • 00:18:23
    myself and I rarely enjoy it and this is
  • 00:18:26
    what I mean if the circumstances would
  • 00:18:28
    be different and I don't think I'd feel
  • 00:18:29
    so guilty because I'd feel right about
  • 00:18:30
    it yeah I I guess I hear you saying if
  • 00:18:33
    if what I was doing when I went to bed
  • 00:18:35
    with a man was really genuine and full
  • 00:18:37
    of love and respect and so on I wouldn't
  • 00:18:40
    feel guilty in relation to Pam I
  • 00:18:42
    wouldn't uh I really would be
  • 00:18:43
    comfortable about the situation that's
  • 00:18:45
    how I feel yes and I know that sounds
  • 00:18:47
    like I want a perfect situation but that
  • 00:18:49
    is how I feel and in the meantime I
  • 00:18:51
    can't stop these desires I've tried that
  • 00:18:54
    also I've tried saying okay I don't like
  • 00:18:56
    myself when I do that so I won't do it
  • 00:18:57
    anymore
  • 00:18:59
    but then I resent the children I think
  • 00:19:00
    why should they stop me from doing what
  • 00:19:01
    I want and it's really not that
  • 00:19:07
    bad but I guess I heard you saying too
  • 00:19:10
    that isn't only
  • 00:19:14
    the but I guess I heard you saying too
  • 00:19:17
    that isn't only the children that you
  • 00:19:19
    don't like it as well when it really
  • 00:19:21
    isn't I'm sure that's I know that's it
  • 00:19:24
    probably even more so than I'm aware of
  • 00:19:26
    but I only notice it on my when I pick
  • 00:19:28
    it up in the children then I can also
  • 00:19:30
    notice it in
  • 00:19:31
    [Music]
  • 00:19:32
    myself and
  • 00:19:35
    somehow sometimes you kind of uh feel
  • 00:19:38
    like blaming them for the feelings you
  • 00:19:40
    have I mean why should they cut you off
  • 00:19:43
    from a normal sex
  • 00:19:45
    life well a sex life I could say not
  • 00:19:47
    normal because there is something about
  • 00:19:49
    me that says that's not very healthy to
  • 00:19:52
    uh just going to sex because you feel
  • 00:19:54
    physically attractive or something or a
  • 00:19:56
    physical need so something about it
  • 00:19:58
    tells me that's not quite right
  • 00:20:04
    anyway so to
  • 00:20:06
    feel really that at times you are acting
  • 00:20:09
    in ways that are not in accord with your
  • 00:20:11
    own inner standards right
  • 00:20:15
    right but then you were also saying a
  • 00:20:17
    minute ago but you feel you can't help
  • 00:20:19
    that uh either I wish I could that's it
  • 00:20:23
    and I can't now I feel like I can't
  • 00:20:25
    control myself as well as I could have
  • 00:20:27
    before for a specific reason now I can't
  • 00:20:29
    I just let go and I have there's too
  • 00:20:31
    many things I do wrong that I have to
  • 00:20:32
    feel guilty for and I sure don't like
  • 00:20:37
    that I want you very much to give me a
  • 00:20:40
    direct answer and I'm going to ask it
  • 00:20:41
    and I don't expect a direct answer but I
  • 00:20:43
    want to know do you feel that to me the
  • 00:20:48
    most important thing is to be open and
  • 00:20:49
    honest and if I can be open and honest
  • 00:20:51
    with my children do you feel that it
  • 00:20:53
    could harm them if for example I could
  • 00:20:54
    say to Pammy I was I felt bad lying to
  • 00:20:57
    you Pammy and I want I want to tell you
  • 00:20:58
    the truth now and if I tell her the
  • 00:21:00
    truth and she's shocked at me and she's
  • 00:21:02
    upset that that could bother her
  • 00:21:05
    more other words I want to get rid of my
  • 00:21:07
    guils and that'll help me but I don't
  • 00:21:09
    want to put them on her that's right do
  • 00:21:11
    you feel that could hurt her concern I
  • 00:21:14
    guess
  • 00:21:15
    uh I'm sure this will sound evasive to
  • 00:21:18
    you but it seems to me that perhaps the
  • 00:21:20
    person you're not being fully honest
  • 00:21:23
    with is you
  • 00:21:26
    so because was very much struck by the
  • 00:21:29
    fact that you were
  • 00:21:31
    saying if I feel all right about what
  • 00:21:34
    I've done what is going to bed with a
  • 00:21:36
    man or what if I really feel all right
  • 00:21:39
    about it then I don't have any concern
  • 00:21:41
    about what I would tell Pam or or my
  • 00:21:43
    relationship with him right all
  • 00:21:47
    right now I hear what you're
  • 00:21:54
    saying then all right then I want to
  • 00:21:57
    work on I want want to work on accepting
  • 00:21:58
    me then I want to work on feeling all
  • 00:22:00
    right about
  • 00:22:02
    it but that makes sense that that'll
  • 00:22:04
    come natural and then I won't have to
  • 00:22:05
    worry about PNY M but when things do
  • 00:22:09
    seem so wrong for me and I have an
  • 00:22:10
    Impulse to do them how can I accept
  • 00:22:14
    [Music]
  • 00:22:16
    that what you'd like to do is to feel
  • 00:22:19
    more accepting toward yourself when you
  • 00:22:22
    do things that you feel are wrong is
  • 00:22:24
    that right
  • 00:22:26
    right I feel like I feel like yeah I
  • 00:22:30
    feel like you're going to say now why do
  • 00:22:31
    you think they're wrong and uh I have
  • 00:22:34
    mixed feelings there too through therapy
  • 00:22:36
    I'll say now look I know this is natural
  • 00:22:38
    women feel it sure we don't talk about a
  • 00:22:40
    lot socially but all women feel it and
  • 00:22:42
    it's very natural I've had sex for the
  • 00:22:44
    last 11 years I'm of course going to
  • 00:22:46
    want it but I still think it's wrong
  • 00:22:48
    unless you're really truly in love with
  • 00:22:49
    a man and my body doesn't seem to
  • 00:22:53
    agree and so I don't know how to accept
  • 00:22:55
    it sounds like the triangle angle to me
  • 00:22:58
    doesn't it you feel it I or therapists
  • 00:23:02
    in general or other people say it's all
  • 00:23:05
    right it's all right it's natural enough
  • 00:23:06
    go ahead um and I guess you feel your
  • 00:23:10
    body sort of lines up on that side of
  • 00:23:12
    the picture but something in you says
  • 00:23:16
    but I don't like it that way not unless
  • 00:23:18
    it's really
  • 00:23:21
    right
  • 00:23:26
    right
  • 00:23:31
    [Music]
  • 00:23:39
    I have a hopeless
  • 00:23:41
    feeling I mean these are all the things
  • 00:23:42
    I sort of feel myself and I feel okay
  • 00:23:45
    now what mhm I
  • 00:23:48
    feel this is the conflict and it's just
  • 00:23:51
    insoluble and therefore it's hopeless
  • 00:23:53
    and here you look to me and I don't seem
  • 00:23:56
    to give you any help and right I um I
  • 00:24:00
    really know you can't answer for me and
  • 00:24:01
    I have to figure it out myself but I
  • 00:24:03
    want you to guide me or show me where to
  • 00:24:05
    start
  • 00:24:06
    or so it won't look so hopeless mhm I
  • 00:24:10
    know I can keep living with this
  • 00:24:11
    conflict and I know eventually things
  • 00:24:12
    would work out but I like feeling more
  • 00:24:14
    comfortable with the way I live
  • 00:24:17
    M and I'm
  • 00:24:21
    not one thing I might ask what is it you
  • 00:24:24
    wish I would say to
  • 00:24:26
    you I wish you would say to
  • 00:24:30
    me to be
  • 00:24:33
    honest and take the risk that pammy's
  • 00:24:35
    going to accept
  • 00:24:37
    me and I also have a feeling if I could
  • 00:24:40
    really risk it with Pammy of all people
  • 00:24:42
    that I'd be able to see here's this
  • 00:24:44
    little kid that can accept me and I'm
  • 00:24:46
    really not that bad if she really knows
  • 00:24:47
    what a demon I am and still loves me and
  • 00:24:49
    accepts me it seems like it would help
  • 00:24:51
    me to accept me more like it's really
  • 00:24:52
    not that bad I want you to say to go
  • 00:24:55
    ahead and be
  • 00:24:56
    honest
  • 00:24:58
    but I don't want the responsibility that
  • 00:24:59
    it would upset
  • 00:25:00
    her see that's where I don't want to
  • 00:25:02
    take responsibility yeah you know very
  • 00:25:06
    well what you'd like to do in the
  • 00:25:08
    relationship you would like to be
  • 00:25:10
    yourself and you'd like to have her know
  • 00:25:12
    that you're not perfect and do things
  • 00:25:14
    that maybe even she wouldn't approve of
  • 00:25:16
    and that you disapprove of to some
  • 00:25:17
    degree yourself but that uh somehow she
  • 00:25:21
    would love you and accept you as an
  • 00:25:24
    imperfect person
  • 00:25:26
    yes I wonder if my mother had been more
  • 00:25:29
    open with me maybe I wouldn't have had
  • 00:25:30
    such a narrow attitude about sex if I
  • 00:25:33
    would have thought that she could be you
  • 00:25:34
    know pretty sexy and orary and devilish
  • 00:25:37
    too but I wouldn't look at her as being
  • 00:25:39
    such a sweet mother that she could also
  • 00:25:40
    be the other side but she didn't talk
  • 00:25:42
    about that and maybe that's where I got
  • 00:25:44
    my picture I don't know but I want Pammy
  • 00:25:45
    to see me as a full woman but also
  • 00:25:48
    accept me
  • 00:25:50
    mhm you don't sound so
  • 00:25:53
    uncertain I
  • 00:25:55
    don't what do you mean what I mean is
  • 00:25:58
    you've been sitting there telling me
  • 00:26:00
    just what you would like to do in that
  • 00:26:02
    relationship with
  • 00:26:05
    Pam I would but I don't want to quite
  • 00:26:08
    take the risk of doing it unless
  • 00:26:09
    Authority tells me that it's I guess one
  • 00:26:13
    thing that uh I feel very keenly is it's
  • 00:26:16
    an awfully risky thing to
  • 00:26:26
    live
  • 00:26:29
    you'd be taking a chance on your
  • 00:26:30
    relationship with her You' be taking a
  • 00:26:33
    chance on letting her
  • 00:26:35
    know who you are
  • 00:26:43
    really yeah but then if I don't take the
  • 00:26:46
    chance if I feel loved and accepted by
  • 00:26:47
    her I'm never going to feel good about
  • 00:26:48
    it anyway MH MH if if her love and
  • 00:26:53
    acceptance of
  • 00:26:55
    you is based on a false picture with
  • 00:26:58
    you what the hell is the good of that is
  • 00:27:01
    that is that what that's what I mean
  • 00:27:03
    yes but I also feel there's a lot of
  • 00:27:06
    responsibility with being a mother with
  • 00:27:09
    I don't I don't want to feel like I've
  • 00:27:11
    caused any big traumas in the children I
  • 00:27:13
    don't like all that responsibility I
  • 00:27:14
    think that's it I don't like it feeling
  • 00:27:16
    it could be my
  • 00:27:18
    fault I guess that's what I meant when I
  • 00:27:20
    said life is risky it's uh
  • 00:27:24
    to take the responsibility for being the
  • 00:27:28
    person you would like to be with her is
  • 00:27:30
    a hell of a responsibility it is a very
  • 00:27:34
    frightening
  • 00:27:36
    one and you know I look at it two ways I
  • 00:27:39
    like to see myself as being so honest
  • 00:27:41
    with the kids and really being proud of
  • 00:27:43
    myself though that no matter what I told
  • 00:27:44
    them or no matter how bad they might
  • 00:27:46
    think I was I was honest and down deep
  • 00:27:48
    it's going to be a much more wholesome
  • 00:27:50
    relationship and yet you know I get
  • 00:27:52
    jealous of like when they're with their
  • 00:27:54
    daddy I feel he's more flip he's not
  • 00:27:56
    quite as real he's he's not quite as
  • 00:27:58
    honest but nevertheless they see a sweet
  • 00:28:00
    picture of their dad you know he's all
  • 00:28:01
    goodness and light and I'm envious of
  • 00:28:03
    that too I want them to see me just as
  • 00:28:05
    sweet as they see him and yet I know
  • 00:28:07
    he's not quite as real with them MH so
  • 00:28:09
    it seems like I've got to swap the one
  • 00:28:10
    for the other MH and I know this is
  • 00:28:13
    really what I want the most but uh I
  • 00:28:15
    miss some of that Glory
  • 00:28:17
    yeah you s to feel I want them to have
  • 00:28:20
    just as nice a picture of me as they
  • 00:28:22
    have of their dad and his is a little
  • 00:28:24
    Foy then maybe mine will have to be too
  • 00:28:27
    I think that's putting a little too
  • 00:28:29
    strongly that's close that is what I
  • 00:28:31
    mean so
  • 00:28:34
    um I know she can't have that need a
  • 00:28:36
    picture of me if I were
  • 00:28:38
    honest besides that I do feel I'm a
  • 00:28:40
    little more orary than their dad anyway
  • 00:28:41
    so I'm likely to do more things that
  • 00:28:43
    they disapprove
  • 00:28:46
    of Soo you really find it quite hard to
  • 00:28:50
    believe that they would really love you
  • 00:28:53
    if they knew you that's right you know
  • 00:28:56
    that's exactly it before
  • 00:28:59
    therapy I know she can't have that need
  • 00:29:01
    a picture of me if I were
  • 00:29:03
    honest besides that I do feel I'm a
  • 00:29:05
    little more orary than their dad anyway
  • 00:29:07
    so I'm likely to do more things that
  • 00:29:09
    they disapprove
  • 00:29:12
    of sound though you really find it quite
  • 00:29:14
    hard to
  • 00:29:16
    believe that they would really love you
  • 00:29:19
    if they knew you that's right you know
  • 00:29:21
    that's exactly it before therapy I would
  • 00:29:24
    have definitely chosen the other area
  • 00:29:26
    I'm going to get re expect from them no
  • 00:29:28
    matter what even if I have to lie I see
  • 00:29:30
    well right now I know that's not true
  • 00:29:32
    and I'm not positive they'll truly
  • 00:29:34
    accept me something tells me they will I
  • 00:29:36
    know they will but I'm not positive I
  • 00:29:37
    want
  • 00:29:38
    reassurance I keep wanting these things
  • 00:29:40
    you're in kind of a No Man's Land of
  • 00:29:43
    probably shifting from one point of view
  • 00:29:45
    toward them to another but boy you'd
  • 00:29:47
    sure like somebody to say that's right
  • 00:29:49
    you go ahead and do it yes that's why I
  • 00:29:51
    get encouraged when I read in a book
  • 00:29:52
    from somebody I respect and admire that
  • 00:29:54
    this is the right thing no matter what
  • 00:29:56
    Honesty will win out well then that
  • 00:29:57
    keeps giving me confidence by gosh I'm
  • 00:29:59
    right but it's so damn hard to really
  • 00:30:03
    choose something on your own isn't it
  • 00:30:06
    which makes me feel very immature I
  • 00:30:08
    don't like this in me I wish I were
  • 00:30:10
    grown up enough or mature enough to make
  • 00:30:11
    my decisions and stick by them but I
  • 00:30:13
    need somebody to help me on somebody to
  • 00:30:15
    push
  • 00:30:19
    me so you kind of reproach yourself for
  • 00:30:23
    that I guess and feel why if I was
  • 00:30:25
    anybody or if I was grown up I be mature
  • 00:30:27
    enough to decide things like this for
  • 00:30:29
    myself
  • 00:30:32
    right and take more risks I wish i' take
  • 00:30:35
    more
  • 00:30:36
    risks I wish that I could just go ahead
  • 00:30:38
    and be this and say however the children
  • 00:30:40
    grow up I've done my best I didn't have
  • 00:30:41
    to constantly have this conflict and I'd
  • 00:30:43
    like later years to say no matter what
  • 00:30:45
    you ask me kids at least I told you the
  • 00:30:46
    truth you may not have liked it but it's
  • 00:30:48
    been the truth that's somehow I can
  • 00:30:50
    admire m i i disrespect people that lie
  • 00:30:53
    I hate it so you see what a double bind
  • 00:30:55
    I am in I hate myself if I'm bad but but
  • 00:30:57
    I also hate myself if I lie so uh it's
  • 00:31:01
    accepting I want to become more
  • 00:31:04
    accepting and I guess judging from your
  • 00:31:08
    tone of voice you sound as though you
  • 00:31:10
    hate yourself more when you lie than you
  • 00:31:12
    do in terms of things you disapprove of
  • 00:31:14
    in Behavior I do I do because this has
  • 00:31:17
    really bothered me this happened with
  • 00:31:18
    Pammy about a month ago and it keeps
  • 00:31:19
    coming to my mind I don't know whether
  • 00:31:21
    to go back and talk to her about it or
  • 00:31:23
    wait she may have even forgotten what
  • 00:31:24
    she asked me but uh
  • 00:31:27
    point is you haven't forgotten I haven't
  • 00:31:30
    no I haven't and I'd like to at least be
  • 00:31:32
    able to tell her that I remember lying
  • 00:31:34
    and I'm sorry I lied and it's been
  • 00:31:35
    driving me bugs because I
  • 00:31:41
    did I do now I feel like now that's
  • 00:31:44
    solved and I didn't even solve the thing
  • 00:31:45
    but I feel relieved mhm
  • 00:31:48
    [Music]
  • 00:31:50
    MH I uh I do feel like you've been
  • 00:31:52
    saying to me you're not giving me advice
  • 00:31:55
    but I feel like you're saying you really
  • 00:31:56
    want to
  • 00:31:58
    you know what pattern you want to follow
  • 00:31:59
    Gloria and go ahead and follow it I sort
  • 00:32:01
    of feel a backing up from
  • 00:32:04
    you I guess the way I sense it is uh
  • 00:32:09
    you've been telling me that you know
  • 00:32:11
    what you want to do and yes I do believe
  • 00:32:13
    in backing up people in what they want
  • 00:32:16
    to
  • 00:32:18
    do it's just a little different slant in
  • 00:32:21
    the way it seems to
  • 00:32:25
    you are you telling me thing that
  • 00:32:27
    concerns me is
  • 00:32:29
    uh it's no damn good you're doing
  • 00:32:33
    something that you haven't really chosen
  • 00:32:36
    to do that's why I'm trying to help you
  • 00:32:39
    find out what your own inner choices
  • 00:32:44
    are but then there's also a conflict
  • 00:32:46
    there because I'm not really positive
  • 00:32:48
    what I want to do the lying part yes but
  • 00:32:50
    I'm not positive what I want to do when
  • 00:32:52
    I go against myself like when I bring a
  • 00:32:54
    man to the house I'm not sure I want to
  • 00:32:56
    do that if if I feel guilty afterwards I
  • 00:32:58
    must not have really wanted to and I'm
  • 00:33:00
    interested that you
  • 00:33:02
    say I'm just sure which words you use
  • 00:33:04
    but you don't want that you don't like
  • 00:33:05
    yourself or you don't appre with it when
  • 00:33:07
    you do something against yourself yes
  • 00:33:13
    mhm you know this is so different now
  • 00:33:16
    this kind of thing that we're talking
  • 00:33:17
    about now it isn't just knowing whether
  • 00:33:19
    you want to do something or not if I
  • 00:33:20
    want to go to work in the morning or I
  • 00:33:21
    don't want to go to work that's easy but
  • 00:33:23
    when I find myself doing something I
  • 00:33:25
    don't feel comfortable with I
  • 00:33:26
    automatically say if you're not
  • 00:33:28
    comfortable Glory it's not right
  • 00:33:29
    something's wrong all right now what I
  • 00:33:31
    want to ask you is how can I know which
  • 00:33:33
    is the strongest because I do it does
  • 00:33:35
    that mean that's the
  • 00:33:36
    strongest and yet if I disapprove that's
  • 00:33:38
    just part of the thing that's got to go
  • 00:33:39
    along with it see it sounds like you're
  • 00:33:42
    I'm picking up a contradiction I'm not
  • 00:33:44
    I'm not
  • 00:33:46
    fallowing sounds like you're feeling a
  • 00:33:48
    contradiction in yourself too although
  • 00:33:51
    you what I heard you saying in part is
  • 00:33:54
    uh the way you like it is is when you
  • 00:33:57
    feel really comfortable about what
  • 00:33:58
    you're doing yes and I have at times
  • 00:34:01
    when I've made a
  • 00:34:03
    decision now that seems right that seems
  • 00:34:05
    perfectly right no conflict but then
  • 00:34:07
    there are times I do things that I feel
  • 00:34:09
    uncomfortable with so that there is a
  • 00:34:11
    conflict there it's not the same at
  • 00:34:14
    all so what I'm saying is how do I
  • 00:34:16
    really know when I'm following my true
  • 00:34:18
    feelings if I have conflicts afterwards
  • 00:34:19
    or guilt
  • 00:34:21
    afterwards I see because in the moment
  • 00:34:23
    it may seem like your true feelings yes
  • 00:34:25
    like if I'm starting to do it okay mhm
  • 00:34:28
    mhm mhm so that really is tough
  • 00:34:34
    uh when if you feel comfortable in the
  • 00:34:37
    moment about it but then afterward don't
  • 00:34:39
    feel at all comfortable which course of
  • 00:34:42
    action was really the one you should
  • 00:34:43
    have followed you know the most
  • 00:34:44
    outstanding thing I don't know if you're
  • 00:34:45
    following me when I say about this
  • 00:34:47
    conflict the one thing I know is I've
  • 00:34:49
    wanted for example to leave my husband
  • 00:34:50
    for quite a few years I never did it I
  • 00:34:52
    kept thinking how nice it would be or
  • 00:34:54
    how scary it would be but I never did it
  • 00:34:56
    and all a sudden when I did it felt
  • 00:34:57
    right I didn't feel mean toward him I
  • 00:34:59
    just knew this is what I had to do
  • 00:35:01
    that's when I know I'm following myself
  • 00:35:03
    I'm following my feelings completely I
  • 00:35:05
    had no conflict there some unhappy
  • 00:35:06
    things came from it but I still had no
  • 00:35:08
    conflict that to me is when I'm
  • 00:35:10
    following my feelings and in everyday
  • 00:35:12
    life the small little decisions the
  • 00:35:14
    small little things to do don't come out
  • 00:35:15
    there clear it all so many conflicts
  • 00:35:18
    come with them right is this natural
  • 00:35:20
    although you're saying uh I expect it is
  • 00:35:23
    but but you're saying too that you know
  • 00:35:25
    perfectly well a feeling with within
  • 00:35:27
    yourself that occurs when you're really
  • 00:35:29
    doing something that's right for you I
  • 00:35:32
    do I do and I miss that feeling other
  • 00:35:36
    times and it's right away a clue to me
  • 00:35:38
    mhm you can really listen to yourself
  • 00:35:41
    sometimes and realize I know this isn't
  • 00:35:43
    the right feeling this isn't this isn't
  • 00:35:45
    the way I would feel if I was doing what
  • 00:35:47
    I really wanted to do but yet many times
  • 00:35:50
    I'll go along and do it anyway and say
  • 00:35:52
    oh well I'm in the situation now I'll
  • 00:35:53
    just remember next
  • 00:35:55
    time
  • 00:35:58
    uh I mentioned this word a lot in
  • 00:35:59
    therapy and and most therapists Grant it
  • 00:36:01
    me or giggle or something when I say
  • 00:36:02
    Utopia but when I do follow a feeling
  • 00:36:04
    and I feel this good feeling inside me
  • 00:36:06
    that's sort of Utopia that's what I mean
  • 00:36:08
    that's the way I like to feel whether
  • 00:36:09
    it's a bad thing or a good thing but I
  • 00:36:11
    feel right about me this what I sense
  • 00:36:14
    that in those utopian moments you really
  • 00:36:17
    feel kind of whole you feel all in one
  • 00:36:19
    piece mhm yeah it gives me a choked up
  • 00:36:22
    feeling when you say that because I
  • 00:36:23
    don't get that as often as I'd like mhm
  • 00:36:25
    mhm I like that whole feeling that's
  • 00:36:27
    real precious to me I expect none of us
  • 00:36:30
    get it as often as we like but I really
  • 00:36:32
    do understand
  • 00:36:36
    that mhm it really does touch you
  • 00:36:39
    doesn't it yeah you know what else I was
  • 00:36:42
    just thinking I feel dumb saying it
  • 00:36:48
    uh all of a sudden as I'm talking I
  • 00:36:50
    thought G how nice I can talk to you and
  • 00:36:52
    I want you to approve of me and I
  • 00:36:53
    respect you but I miss that my father
  • 00:36:56
    could talk to me like you are I mean I'd
  • 00:36:58
    like to say she had like you for my
  • 00:36:59
    father MH
  • 00:37:02
    mhm I don't even know why that came to
  • 00:37:05
    me you look to me like a pretty nice
  • 00:37:16
    daughter but you really do miss the fact
  • 00:37:19
    that you you couldn't be open with your
  • 00:37:21
    own
  • 00:37:22
    bed yeah I couldn't be open but I I want
  • 00:37:25
    to blame it on him I I think I'm more
  • 00:37:27
    open than he'd allow me me he would
  • 00:37:29
    never uh listen to me talk like you are
  • 00:37:32
    mhm and
  • 00:37:34
    uh not disapprove and not lower me down
  • 00:37:38
    it's yeah I thought of this the other
  • 00:37:39
    day why do I always have to be so
  • 00:37:41
    perfect I know why he always wanted me
  • 00:37:42
    to be perfect I always had to be better
  • 00:37:45
    and uh yeah I miss that you're just
  • 00:37:48
    trying like hell to be the girl he wants
  • 00:37:50
    you to be at the same time rebelling I'm
  • 00:37:53
    sure like I almost floated writing him a
  • 00:37:55
    letter the other day and telling him I'm
  • 00:37:56
    a waitress which I expect him to
  • 00:37:58
    disapprove of I go out at nights and I I
  • 00:38:00
    almost quoted hitting him back like now
  • 00:38:01
    how do you like me and yet I rarely want
  • 00:38:04
    acceptance and love from him I mean I
  • 00:38:07
    know he loves so you slap at him and say
  • 00:38:09
    this is what I am now see yeah but you
  • 00:38:12
    raise me how do you like it but you know
  • 00:38:14
    what I think I want him to say I knew
  • 00:38:15
    this was you all along honey and I
  • 00:38:17
    really love you
  • 00:38:19
    mhm I guess you really feel badly
  • 00:38:23
    that you think there's very little
  • 00:38:25
    chance he'll say that no he won't he
  • 00:38:29
    doesn't hear I went back home to him
  • 00:38:32
    about 2 years ago really wanting to let
  • 00:38:34
    him know I loved him although I've been
  • 00:38:36
    afraid of him he doesn't hear me he just
  • 00:38:38
    keeps saying things like honey you know
  • 00:38:40
    I love you you know I've always loved
  • 00:38:41
    you and he doesn't
  • 00:38:44
    hear
  • 00:38:47
    he's never really known you and loved
  • 00:38:50
    you and this somehow is what brings the
  • 00:38:54
    tears
  • 00:38:55
    inside I don't know what it is you know
  • 00:38:58
    when I talk
  • 00:39:00
    he's never really known you and loved
  • 00:39:04
    you and this somehow is what brings the
  • 00:39:07
    tears
  • 00:39:09
    inside I don't know what it is you know
  • 00:39:11
    when I talk about it it feels more flip
  • 00:39:13
    if I just sit still a thene it feels
  • 00:39:15
    like a great big hurt down there that I
  • 00:39:17
    feel cheated mhm MH it's
  • 00:39:21
    much it's much easier to uh be a little
  • 00:39:26
    FL
  • 00:39:28
    because then you don't feel that big
  • 00:39:31
    lump inside of hurt mhm and again that's
  • 00:39:34
    a hopeless situation I tried working on
  • 00:39:38
    it and uh I feel it's something I have
  • 00:39:40
    to accept my father just isn't the type
  • 00:39:42
    of man I'd really like I'd like somebody
  • 00:39:43
    more understanding and caring he cares
  • 00:39:46
    but not in a way that we can cooperate
  • 00:39:48
    or communicate
  • 00:39:51
    M I feel nope that I am permanently
  • 00:39:55
    cheated
  • 00:39:57
    mhm that's why I like substitutes like I
  • 00:40:01
    like talking to you and I like uh men
  • 00:40:03
    that I can respect doctors and
  • 00:40:05
    I I keep sort of maybe underneath
  • 00:40:08
    feeling like we're real close you know
  • 00:40:09
    and it's sort of like a substitute
  • 00:40:13
    father I don't feel that's
  • 00:40:17
    pretending well you're not really my
  • 00:40:19
    father no I meant about the real close
  • 00:40:23
    business well see I sort of feel that's
  • 00:40:25
    pretending too because I can't expect
  • 00:40:26
    you to feel very close to me you don't
  • 00:40:28
    know me that
  • 00:40:30
    well all I can do is what I am feeling
  • 00:40:33
    that is I feel Close to You In This
  • 00:40:39
    [Music]
  • 00:40:47
    Moment In Spite of feeling initially the
  • 00:40:51
    artificiality of the situation and
  • 00:40:53
    particularly the hot lights I very
  • 00:40:55
    quickly be
  • 00:40:57
    became oblivious to the outside
  • 00:40:59
    situation and I think the Gloria did
  • 00:41:02
    too uh in many ways I'm glad that she
  • 00:41:06
    kept uh pushing me for an answer to her
  • 00:41:10
    very personal questions about
  • 00:41:13
    her sex life and her relationship to her
  • 00:41:16
    daughter I say I'm glad of this because
  • 00:41:20
    as the relationship developed it became
  • 00:41:23
    I think completely clear to her as well
  • 00:41:26
    to me that she was seeking something a
  • 00:41:29
    good deal deeper than that incidentally
  • 00:41:32
    I'd like to pay my tribute to her uh
  • 00:41:36
    deep honesty and being willing to talk
  • 00:41:39
    about herself so
  • 00:41:41
    freely although every individual is
  • 00:41:44
    entirely unique and in this respect I
  • 00:41:47
    was definitely unprepared for and
  • 00:41:50
    sometimes surprised by the material she
  • 00:41:51
    brought up still in another sense this
  • 00:41:54
    was very typical of of my experiences in
  • 00:41:58
    therapy when I'm able really to let
  • 00:42:01
    myself enter into a
  • 00:42:03
    relationship and I feel that this was
  • 00:42:05
    true in this
  • 00:42:07
    instance then I find myself not only
  • 00:42:09
    being increasingly moved by being in
  • 00:42:13
    touch with the inner world of my client
  • 00:42:15
    but I find myself bringing out of my own
  • 00:42:18
    inner experience statements which seem
  • 00:42:22
    to have no connection with what's going
  • 00:42:23
    on but which usually prove to be uh or
  • 00:42:27
    prove to have a very significant
  • 00:42:29
    relationship to what the client is
  • 00:42:31
    experiencing I felt there were one or
  • 00:42:34
    two incidents of this kind in this brief
  • 00:42:40
    interview I was genuinely moved I
  • 00:42:42
    probably showed it by the fact that she
  • 00:42:45
    told me near the end of the contact that
  • 00:42:47
    uh she saw me as the father she would
  • 00:42:50
    like to
  • 00:42:51
    have my reply was also a thoroughly
  • 00:42:55
    spontaneous one that she seemed to me
  • 00:42:57
    like a pretty nice
  • 00:42:59
    daughter I guess I feel that we're
  • 00:43:02
    only playing with the real world of
  • 00:43:05
    relationships when we talk about such an
  • 00:43:07
    experience in terms of transference and
  • 00:43:10
    counter
  • 00:43:11
    transference uh I feel quite deeply
  • 00:43:15
    about that I I want to say yes we can
  • 00:43:18
    put this experience into some such uh
  • 00:43:21
    highly intellectualized framework but
  • 00:43:23
    when we do that it completely misses the
  • 00:43:26
    point of the very immediate I vow
  • 00:43:30
    quality of the relationship at such
  • 00:43:33
    moments I felt that uh Gloria and I
  • 00:43:38
    really encountered each other and that
  • 00:43:40
    in
  • 00:43:41
    some small but I believe lasting way we
  • 00:43:45
    were each of us enriched by The
  • 00:43:49
    Experience I'm saying these things
  • 00:43:52
    almost immediately after the conclusion
  • 00:43:53
    of the interview and as his car
  • 00:43:56
    characteristic of me there are not more
  • 00:43:58
    than one or two statements or incidents
  • 00:44:00
    which I recall from the interview I
  • 00:44:03
    simply know that I was very much uh
  • 00:44:06
    present in the
  • 00:44:07
    relationship that I lived it in the
  • 00:44:10
    moment of its
  • 00:44:12
    occurrence and I realize that after a
  • 00:44:14
    time I may begin to remember it too but
  • 00:44:17
    at the present time I really have uh a
  • 00:44:20
    very non-specific memory of the whole uh
  • 00:44:25
    interview
  • 00:44:26
    I'll try to look at it though a little
  • 00:44:28
    bit more from a intellectual rather than
  • 00:44:30
    a strictly feeling point of
  • 00:44:33
    view Gloria showed what I've come to
  • 00:44:35
    feel are characteristic elements of
  • 00:44:39
    therapeutic movement in the first part
  • 00:44:41
    of the interview she was talking about
  • 00:44:43
    her feelings and they were past feelings
  • 00:44:46
    she was talking about aspects of her
  • 00:44:49
    behavior and of herself as if she didn't
  • 00:44:52
    quite own them she was looking outside
  • 00:44:56
    herself for a center or locus of
  • 00:44:59
    evaluation some source of of
  • 00:45:02
    authority she saw some of the things she
  • 00:45:05
    was talking about in Fairly black and
  • 00:45:07
    white
  • 00:45:09
    fashion by the end of the interview uh
  • 00:45:13
    she was experiencing her feelings in the
  • 00:45:15
    immediate moment not only as evidenced
  • 00:45:18
    by her tears but by her ability to
  • 00:45:22
    express very directly and with immediacy
  • 00:45:26
    her feelings toward
  • 00:45:28
    me she was also much more aware of her
  • 00:45:32
    ability to make her own judgments and
  • 00:45:34
    and
  • 00:45:36
    choices I guess uh put in terms that
  • 00:45:39
    have become somewhat common place you
  • 00:45:42
    could say that she moved from the there
  • 00:45:44
    and then of her life to the Here and Now
  • 00:45:50
    of elements that she was discovering in
  • 00:45:52
    herself and feelings which she was exper
  • 00:45:55
    experiencing in the moment in her
  • 00:45:57
    relationship with
  • 00:46:00
    me all in
  • 00:46:02
    all I feel good about the
  • 00:46:05
    interview I guess I feel good about
  • 00:46:07
    myself in the
  • 00:46:08
    interview and like Gloria I feel very
  • 00:46:11
    real regret that the relationship cannot
  • 00:46:16
    [Music]
  • 00:46:24
    continue
  • 00:46:31
    all
الوسوم
  • علاج نفسي
  • غلوريا
  • د. كارل روجرز
  • مشاعر
  • تغيير بناء
  • قبول الذات
  • الفضاء الآمن
  • الصراحة
  • الأمومة
  • التوجه العلاجي