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if you watch my Vlog Channel or follow
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me on Instagram then you guys probably
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have a good idea of what my relationship
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is like and the kind of treatment that I
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receive although romance flowers gifts
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and extravagant dates aside this
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relationship is with a kind generous
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masculine and chivalrous man who has
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grown alongside me so that we could
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create a healthy loving long-term
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relationship together now what you guys
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don't see is that it was a rocky ass
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Journey before I met him I got played I
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got manipulated I was chasing an
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emotionally unavailable man at one point
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I know E I used to be stuck asking
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someone to plan dates for me or even
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show affection to me and throughout all
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of those breakups and bare minimum
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standards I learned a thing or two about
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dating in fact I learned 15 significant
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dating lessons which completely changed
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my life and are literally the reason
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that I am in the relationship I'm in
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right now and I'm about to spill all of
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my secrets before we jump into the video
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make sure you check out the description
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below I have my Snapchat all of my other
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socials my second YouTube channel so you
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can actually maybe watch some of the
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Vlogs of me and my boyfriend if you're
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curious dating rule number one the
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testing process I used to make the
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mistake of just going with the flow when
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I was out and about dating like oh you
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know this guy is attractive and he's
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nice and he's showing me some affection
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I'll just date him no so wrong I used to
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think cuz this guy was good-looking kind
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and intelligent he was good enough I
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eventually got to a point where none of
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those qualities were good enough any
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anymore and instead I would test the guy
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on a few things to see if I would go on
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a second date with him the first thing I
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would test was what he was actually
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talking to me about was he asking me
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deep and meaningful questions to learn
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every insignificant detail of me so that
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he could actually understand me so that
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he could treat me better because he knew
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who I was at my core and what I liked
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and he was thoroughly listening to
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everything I was saying or was he simply
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just small talking flirting with me and
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I will tell you the biggest indicator if
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you are dating online the first message
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that guy sends you that in itself is a
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test I would no longer respond to
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anybody who was like hey beautiful how
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you doing no get out of here it's so
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unoriginal I have a hundred other guys
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texting me the same thing and you know
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what it's so unoriginal that as soon as
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I read that all I think is you're
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literally sending that to dozens of
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other girls honestly is giving boy
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Vibes and it's most definitely giving me
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the I actually met my boyfriend online
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and the first message he sent me was
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about museums I could do not because I
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was talking about museums online and he
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was giving me recommendations and
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because of that I replied because we
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were having a friendly conversation and
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we were talking as if we were friends
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for the few first few hours discussing
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travel plans bucket list talking about
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all of our interests and our Hobbies he
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didn't send a flirtatious message once
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and that is what made me give him
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attention the second test when I'm
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dating somebody is how long it takes for
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them to say what their intentions are if
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we have been texting each other for 7
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days and you haven't even planned a date
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yet ew you're gone by I am not out here
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trying to be your texting buddy talking
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stage or situationship either you whine
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and Dy me to properly get to know me
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because we are adults or you get out
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because you're a Time waster I have
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literally heard too many horror stories
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of girls that I know being stuck in
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situationships that range from 6 months
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to 2 years 2 years without so much as a
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romantic date just texting and a few
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meetups here or there am I your friend
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because think about it if you're not
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going to romance me okay if you're not
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going to pull out all the stops and get
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me flowers then we are literally friends
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what is the difference between us and
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two mates nothing at this point the next
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test I conduct is what the first dat
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actually consists of if it is super low
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effort and Casual that is not my vibe
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now this is just a personal opinion of
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mine this could be something that you
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enjoy I completely get it but I want to
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know that I am someone that you are
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going to invest in because you see the
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value in me I am not someone that you
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are just going to meet up with have a
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quick conversation quick coffee and then
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we're going to go no I need to see
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effort from the get-go because if you're
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not going to give it to me the first
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time you're meeting me and trying to
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give me your first impression then isn't
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the rest of our relationship just going
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to go downhill and then the last test I
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conduct when I first start dating
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somebody is the postdate intentions the
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48 hours after the first date if you
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have not even suggested where we're
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going to go next or the fact that you
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want to see me again once again I have
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lost interest because you need to
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realize that you were a young beautiful
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woman in her prime with so so many
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options why would you be waiting around
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weeks for a guy to suggest a second dat
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you could literally get anyone you want
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and other than that you have a busy
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abundant fulfilling life to live and you
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do not need to be waiting around for
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some guy to text you if he hasn't set
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his intention after the 48 hours after
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the first date you've forgotten I'm
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sorry I'm busy doing other things like
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you need to put the effort in and
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communicate and not leave me unread
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dating rule number two sometimes that
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feeling of boredom you get when you're
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getting to know somebody new is actually
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just your lack of experience with good
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guys and oh my God I know this all too
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well I used to be on this up and down
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roller coaster of dating Bad Boys toxic
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guys where there were constant highs and
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lows and I got addicted to them that is
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why people play you around that constant
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high low chasing withdrawing affection
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wondering when they're going to text you
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back how long they're going to take to
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reply it's addictive that's why we end
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up in situations chips with these people
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that's why we end up chasing emotionally
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unavailable guys that aren't even good
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for us in comparison you start dating a
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good guy that likes you and is showing
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up for you and he actually communicates
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his interest in you it's too predictable
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it's too available I don't know if I
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like this guy he's not interesting
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enough I don't I don't have those
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butterflies I don't have that like
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sparking sense of passion wrong all of
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those Sparks and passion you are
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mistaking for True interest were really
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only your addiction to the boy fairr
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rides and I can vouch for this because I
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felt this exact same way when I met my
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current partner this is what I mean when
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I said it was a rocky journey I was not
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used to somebody being so upfront with
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how they felt and being affectionate and
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planning dates all the time it felt so
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boring and as a result of my
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unfamiliarity with that stability and
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interest from him I just assumed oh I
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just don't like this guy enough and I
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thought that because I didn't feel as
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addicted or as much in a chasing mood as
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I was before but you shouldn't even have
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the desire to chase because he should be
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the one doing all the chasing and when
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he is the one doing all the chasing
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that's when you can sit back and have
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time to be bored because you're being
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taken care of and for once you have
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nothing to stress about you have nothing
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to overthink about in conclusion
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everyone talks about how they want a
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good guy but no one talks about the type
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of person you need to be able to grow
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into in order to deserve that
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relationship and actually make it work
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with a good guy longterm you need to
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heal you need to stop bringing your past
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wounds into your current relationship
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you need to stop equating addiction to
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feelings you need to stop equating
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infatuation to love this leads us onto
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dating rule number three the importance
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of kindness this gets overlooked so much
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it is so important to discuss the
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importance of kindness because I see so
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much stigma around it online nowadays
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because we are seeing people
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romanticize and
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normalize being in toxic relationships
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oh yeah guys I just went back to my
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toxic X for the fourth time this year so
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funny really is it funny sounds like a
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trauma Bond on attachment issues to me
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my life changed when I started to Define
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what kindness is to me when dating I
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have rules now in my relationship that
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have stuck so far for the entire time
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we've been together which is over a year
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and not one of us has ever broken this
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rule do we misunderstand each other for
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sure do we have disagreements for sure
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have we ever screamed at each other no
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have we ever given each other the silent
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treatment no have we ever sworn at each
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other no we don't use bad language to
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each other we don't insult the other
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person look down on them are
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disrespectful to them because at the end
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of the day we know we love and respect
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that person and we have to show it 100%
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of the time kindness might look like
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planning a date for you every single
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week kindness might look like words of
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affirmations you know it could be built
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upon your love languages it could be
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compliments every single day it could be
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helping you with things that just make
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your life easier before you even ask for
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them bringing you a coffee in bed in the
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morning taking care of the chores so
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that you can relax when you get back
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from work we are so focused nowadays on
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I just want to find someone who's six F
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I just want to find someone who's loyal
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don't you just want to find someone that
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no matter what day it is and no matter
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what situation it is you know that
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person's going to be nothing but nice to
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you we romanticize the idea of being
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attracted to the bad boy that attraction
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to the bad boy type is just a
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representation of our ego we need
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something we cannot have we are overly
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attached to looks and to what other
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people are going to think and to status
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and how we present ourselves to our
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society that we need to be with this
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person we need the ego boost that we
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pulled the best looking guy the one that
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all of the other girls want and I can
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say this based on my personal experience
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I had guys sliding into my DMs that I
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had crushes on for ages and because they
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stay into my DMs and expressed any sort
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of interest in me it didn't matter what
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they said or how they treated me they
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were talking to me and they were giving
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me attention oh my God instant winner
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yes I like you let's go on a date they
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haven't done anything to prove their
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Worth or most
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importantly their character and I'm
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already desperate to be with them and so
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many of us do this and that is why
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earlier on the video I said really pay
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attention to the way that a guy opens a
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conversation with you and I have the
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best news ever the dating app Bumble now
00:09:52
have a brand new compliment feature
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which will make Finding Your Potential
00:09:56
match so much easier bumble is really
00:09:59
here to support the gires okay because
00:10:01
they just want to make online dating a
00:10:03
much more pleasant experience for us we
00:10:05
know what it's like to have guys slide
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into our messages saying inappropriate
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things or just focusing on our looks
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when we have so much more to offer
00:10:12
bumble's new compliment feature is going
00:10:14
to help you speed up the process of
00:10:15
weeding out the good guys from the toxic
00:10:17
ones I think this is going to be a
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massive step in stepping away from the
00:10:21
normalization of toxicity and dating
00:10:23
culture and actually just start being
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nice to each other men can start being
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chivalrous again women can start living
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their soft girl feminine lives again it
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is time so if you a girly in the online
00:10:33
dinting scene or you kind of want to
00:10:35
give it a try after hearing my story
00:10:37
then you can spread kindness using
00:10:39
bumble's new compliment feature the link
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is in my description to check it out
00:10:43
this leads us on to dating rule number
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four conversation is everything no one
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here should be talking too much about
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the future or the past because girl let
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me tell you both are red flags if a guy
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is telling you about how difficult his
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past was or he's talking so much about
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ex I mean that is just an instant red
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flag but he's telling you about how hard
00:11:02
his life was all of his trauma how
00:11:05
difficult his relationship with his
00:11:06
parents is run away so fast because that
00:11:10
is the biggest sign of a narcissist
00:11:12
about to trap you in his grasp one of
00:11:15
the most common traits of a narcissist
00:11:17
is that they will try to entrap you with
00:11:18
their so story let me tell you it is not
00:11:21
normal or healthy to just start to be
00:11:23
getting to know someone and instantly
00:11:25
trauma dump on them that is not normal
00:11:27
and especially if you are a people plead
00:11:29
or just an empath you're going to fall
00:11:31
for this hell I did fool for this a few
00:11:33
years ago you know you're going to feel
00:11:34
sorry for them it's going to give you
00:11:36
this feeling of wanting to save them and
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that's exactly what they want you to
00:11:39
think and then on the other hand we have
00:11:41
excessive talking about the future I was
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once talking to a guy for 4 hours and I
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said let's speak on the phone because I
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I had a slight bad feeling about him so
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I thought if we talk on the phone then
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maybe I can sus him out a little bit
00:11:54
more we spoke on the phone immediately
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this guy is like so you know are you you
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going to come down to see my family for
00:12:01
Christmas what kind of girl are you cuz
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I want to see like how you would
00:12:03
integrate into my
00:12:05
family we have been speaking for 4 hours
00:12:10
and you want me to celebrate the
00:12:11
holidays with your family we haven't
00:12:13
even been on a date yet we haven't even
00:12:16
seen each other in the flesh yet and
00:12:19
this is such a red flag because it shows
00:12:21
someone is very clingy and obsessive and
00:12:23
Overly Attached most importantly why are
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you so desperate to get with me can you
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not get anybody else why do you need a
00:12:30
relationship so badly why is this
00:12:32
conversation not centered around you
00:12:34
actually understanding me and you
00:12:35
assessing if I am a good match for you
00:12:38
okay it goes both ways and let me tell
00:12:40
you okay I cut that man off straight
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away and I found out we had a mutual
00:12:44
friend so I spoke to that mutual friend
00:12:46
saying what's the tea on this guy turns
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out he was a narcissist because he dated
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her friend previously and he was majorly
00:12:53
abusive so yes my assumptions are
00:12:55
correct I am always right please please
00:12:58
please please list listen to these rules
00:13:00
and this leads us onto dating rule
00:13:01
number five you not being obsessed with
00:13:04
me is an ick no for real like what do
00:13:06
you mean you're going to give me mixed
00:13:08
signals
00:13:10
ew but no in all honesty we are not
00:13:13
meant for everyone and that's okay not
00:13:16
everyone can see your light and that's
00:13:18
because not everyone is supposed to be
00:13:20
in your life and be worthy of you and
00:13:22
that is a blessing in disguise therefore
00:13:25
we all collectively need to stop forcing
00:13:28
connections with people that the
00:13:30
universe is literally trying to warn us
00:13:32
aren't our people so stop teaching
00:13:34
people how to treat you stop asking that
00:13:36
guy to act right and fix up stop
00:13:38
teaching that guy how to be emotionally
00:13:40
intelligent stop asking them if they're
00:13:42
going to ask you on a date because if I
00:13:43
have to fight for your attention then F
00:13:45
your attention if someone is not a hell
00:13:47
yes about you then you need to be a
00:13:50
no about them period I need you to get
00:13:52
so confident and so obsessed with
00:13:54
yourself that you see all of the worth
00:13:56
and the light and the value you bring so
00:13:59
then when a guy is dating you and he's
00:14:00
not automatically obsessed with you
00:14:02
because you know how great you are and
00:14:03
you know how much of a fabulous
00:14:04
girlfriend you would make then you're
00:14:06
like oh okay he's just simply not my
00:14:07
person it's fine because you know you
00:14:09
are going to be somebody's dream girl
00:14:11
out there probably multiple people's
00:14:13
dream girl and they are just going to fa
00:14:15
over you and they are going to bend over
00:14:17
backwards to do whatever it takes to get
00:14:19
you because that's what happens when a
00:14:21
guy beats his dream girl so if someone's
00:14:22
not acting like that eh it's a wrong
00:14:25
match we are almost in big 2024 we are
00:14:27
not out here trying to teach people how
00:14:30
to like us dating rule number six do not
00:14:34
spill your secrets what I mean by this
00:14:37
is when you are getting to know someone
00:14:39
okay so in the beginning dating stages
00:14:41
never tell them what your boundaries are
00:14:44
what your standards are what your type
00:14:46
is or how you were treated in the past
00:14:49
these four facts must remain top secret
00:14:52
I would say within the first few weeks
00:14:55
of dating or until you are sure about
00:14:57
that person and how they feel about you
00:14:59
you because when you tell somebody all
00:15:00
of those facts in the very beginning you
00:15:02
are basically giving them a cheat sheet
00:15:04
on how to play you how to manipulate you
00:15:07
how to make you fall for them and then
00:15:09
they can switch up and act however they
00:15:10
want because they gave you the illusion
00:15:12
that they were exactly what you wanted
00:15:13
in the beginning so honey we sit back
00:15:16
and we observe that is you being in your
00:15:18
feminine energy that is you being
00:15:20
detached that's you knowing that at the
00:15:22
end of the day what's meant for you will
00:15:23
find you so you don't need to worry
00:15:24
you're going to sit back and you're
00:15:25
going to observe and you're going to
00:15:27
watch how they treat you especially with
00:15:29
the telling someone how you were treated
00:15:30
treated in the past you are now telling
00:15:32
this man that you are the kind of woman
00:15:33
that accepts that kind of treatment you
00:15:35
might not be now and they might not want
00:15:37
to treat you in that horrible way but
00:15:39
what they will know is she she accepted
00:15:42
this low Vibe bonim behavior that means
00:15:46
all I have to do is go right here to
00:15:48
impress her you don't have to lie you
00:15:50
can literally say nothing or you can
00:15:52
just hint and be like yeah my past
00:15:53
relationships were fine but we just
00:15:55
weren't meant for each other always say
00:15:57
that in the beginning because that gives
00:15:59
them this mystery that they don't know
00:16:00
what kind of treatment you're used to
00:16:02
and just by the way that you're
00:16:03
confident and you carry yourself and the
00:16:05
fact that you're detached they know
00:16:07
they're going to have to work overtime
00:16:08
to earn you because you are carrying
00:16:10
yourself as the kind of woman who needs
00:16:12
to be impressed and who needs to be
00:16:13
earned dating rule number seven stop
00:16:16
discrediting yourself for what happened
00:16:18
in the past when all of these thoughts
00:16:20
remain in your head of your really bad
00:16:23
dating experiences in the past or how
00:16:25
you messed up this causes a lack of
00:16:27
trust and then you stop following your
00:16:29
intuition which is one of the most
00:16:31
powerful things you have as a woman and
00:16:33
then when you're dating someone you
00:16:34
start following their lead we all make
00:16:35
mistakes and we learn from them so
00:16:37
actually you're wiser you have more
00:16:39
resources you are more prepared now for
00:16:41
this dating experience thanks to what
00:16:43
went wrong in the past it does not mean
00:16:45
that you're really bad at dating or you
00:16:47
might choose the wrong person again no
00:16:49
you know exactly what you're doing and
00:16:51
you're going to trust your gut I don't
00:16:52
know where this idea came from that we
00:16:54
have to get it right the first time and
00:16:56
if we don't get it right the first time
00:16:57
then oh my God maybe I should settle
00:16:59
next or maybe I have to make sure that
00:17:01
the next person is right because then
00:17:02
what if I go through another breakup no
00:17:04
return them and move on to the next and
00:17:07
this is just so reassuring I had a
00:17:09
friend who went through a bad breakup a
00:17:11
few months ago and she was beating
00:17:12
herself up about it and she was like I
00:17:14
can't believe I dated that person they
00:17:15
were so wrong for me I can't believe I
00:17:17
settled for a relationship like that and
00:17:18
now I'm heartbroken over a person that
00:17:20
didn't deserve me and you know what I
00:17:21
said to her I said just like every other
00:17:25
relationship that guy whether he
00:17:27
deserved you or not the relationship you
00:17:29
had with him taught you some new
00:17:31
knowledge about what you want and what
00:17:33
you do not want we don't know exactly
00:17:35
what we're supposed to have from the
00:17:36
moment we're born we have to learn we
00:17:38
have to go through life experiences we
00:17:40
have to experience different people to
00:17:42
understand oh I like this or no actually
00:17:46
I didn't think I would like that but now
00:17:47
I do so let me add that to my list or I
00:17:49
dated this person and I settled for this
00:17:51
but no I definitely don't want that so
00:17:52
I'm going to tweak my list and you keep
00:17:54
adding and changing and adding and
00:17:55
changing and it teaches you more about
00:17:57
yourself and also more about what you
00:18:00
are willing to tolerate and what you
00:18:01
most definitely won't and then if you
00:18:03
think about it you're actually in a much
00:18:05
better and much more prepared position
00:18:07
to deal with marriage and soulmates and
00:18:10
long-term relationships because you've
00:18:12
had so much experience in knowing what
00:18:14
you can and cannot handle dating rule
00:18:16
number eight attachment styles are the
00:18:19
key so if you're new to this there are
00:18:20
four different attachment Styles secure
00:18:22
which is the best one that you should
00:18:24
have to have a healthy relationship an
00:18:26
avoidant attachment style which means
00:18:27
you are uncomfortable with intimacy
00:18:29
closeness and commitment maybe you're
00:18:31
hyper independent you like to date but
00:18:34
not stick to those people anxious
00:18:36
attachment this is when you're clingy
00:18:37
this is when you need a lot of
00:18:38
reassurance you are constantly confused
00:18:41
about how other people feel about you
00:18:43
and then we have disorganized attachment
00:18:45
which is when you are a mix of anxious
00:18:47
and avoidant and you basically you fear
00:18:50
commitment but you also want closeness
00:18:52
and you need reassurance but you also
00:18:53
don't care everyone's goal before they
00:18:55
start seriously dating and start hopping
00:18:57
into marriages which most people don't
00:18:58
do is to transform our attachment style
00:19:01
into a secure one this person is super
00:19:03
avoidant this person is super anxious
00:19:05
they attract each other like magnets and
00:19:07
they have such a strong attraction
00:19:09
towards each other because each one of
00:19:10
them reinforces the other person's
00:19:13
insecure need when the avoidant is with
00:19:15
the anxious attachment it reinforces
00:19:18
their belief that yeah I should just be
00:19:19
independent because look at how clingy
00:19:22
people are and it forces them to keep
00:19:24
continuing the cycle of being hyper
00:19:26
independent and not committing to people
00:19:28
when the anxious attachment person is
00:19:30
with the avoidant it reinforces their
00:19:32
belief that they need to keep asking for
00:19:34
reassurance and that they are just more
00:19:36
loving and that they are not worthy of
00:19:38
affection because everybody withdraws
00:19:40
from them and it's so common for these
00:19:41
two to be in the most toxic relationship
00:19:44
you have ever seen I guarantee you
00:19:45
probably have a friend who is in that
00:19:47
kind of dynamic in their relationship
00:19:49
and most likely it's probably a
00:19:51
situationship if you would like to learn
00:19:52
more about this I have a complete video
00:19:55
guide on my YouTube channel it's the
00:19:56
complete guide to learning attachment
00:19:57
Styles and also they moving from an
00:19:59
insecure to a secure attachment style so
00:20:01
I highly recommend you watch before you
00:20:03
date literally anyone because if you
00:20:05
don't you're literally ignoring your own
00:20:07
toxic patterns and you're excusing all
00:20:09
of your childhood trauma because that is
00:20:11
the thing that's formed your insecure
00:20:12
attachment style and you are getting
00:20:14
into relationships that don't even align
00:20:16
with the highest version of yourself who
00:20:18
has a secure attachment style so you're
00:20:20
not even living up to your full
00:20:21
potential of what kind of great and
00:20:23
healthy relationship you could be in
00:20:25
this leads us onto dating rule number
00:20:27
nine I think this is a personal favorite
00:20:28
of mine and that is he should be testing
00:20:31
you too now listen I am all for the man
00:20:34
being obsessed with us and seeing our
00:20:36
value and wanting to date us and whine
00:20:37
and dine and romance us 100% he should
00:20:39
be eager enough to see all of that and
00:20:42
want to put the effort into know you and
00:20:44
not bear minimum you but he should also
00:20:47
be independent and secure enough to know
00:20:51
that he's not about to jump into a
00:20:52
relationship and a commitment with you
00:20:54
straight away because he needs to get to
00:20:56
know you you know you found a green flag
00:20:58
when a man is going above and beyond to
00:21:00
treat you well so he can get to know you
00:21:02
and showing you yes this is moving along
00:21:04
but I also need to get to know you and
00:21:07
understand whether you're going to align
00:21:08
to my life that is the sign of a man who
00:21:11
is looking for a real long-term healthy
00:21:14
relationship dating rule number 10 be
00:21:17
with a man who wants to be a boyfriend
00:21:19
not just get a girlfriend you need to be
00:21:21
with the kind of guy who is so ready and
00:21:24
is so excited for the responsibilities
00:21:26
that come with being a boyfriend because
00:21:27
he knows in order to earn a girlfriend
00:21:30
he has to put in the work he has to
00:21:33
provide for you he has to support you on
00:21:35
the other hand there are some guys who
00:21:36
just want the girlfriend for the fun of
00:21:38
it he wants all of the benefits of
00:21:39
having a girlfriend without having to do
00:21:41
any of the responsibilities it takes to
00:21:44
get the girlfriend their intentions were
00:21:46
never right from the get-go and you
00:21:48
didn't see it because your priorities
00:21:50
weren't straight either you were too
00:21:52
attracted to the idea of them or their
00:21:54
potential or just the thought of having
00:21:56
a boyfriend rather than is this person
00:21:59
prepared for all of the duties
00:22:01
responsibilities and value that comes
00:22:04
with being a boyfriend and can they
00:22:05
provide them all to me that are me out
00:22:07
there that get so happy from the thought
00:22:10
of seeing their girlfriends smile
00:22:12
because they took them out to a fancy
00:22:14
date that the girlfriend wanted because
00:22:16
they paid for their nails because they
00:22:17
gave them a bouquet of flowers once a
00:22:19
week because they made their life easier
00:22:22
we are only dating men with those
00:22:23
mindsets from now on this leads us onto
00:22:25
dating rule number 11 feminine energy I
00:22:29
was living in my masculine energy for so
00:22:32
long and what that looked like was me
00:22:34
trying to have control me trying to make
00:22:36
all the plans me trying to sus out how
00:22:39
he felt about me how I could be more
00:22:41
attractive to him me comparing myself to
00:22:43
his ex comparing myself to other girls
00:22:46
wondering if he should even have female
00:22:48
friends trying to control him and our
00:22:50
Dynamic and what we were supposed to be
00:22:52
rather than existing in my feminine
00:22:54
energy sitting back and just living my
00:22:57
soft life because if you're not going to
00:22:58
give it to me that's cool leave I can
00:23:01
give it to myself that's it I have no
00:23:03
desire to control I have no desire to
00:23:05
tell you how to do something and teach
00:23:07
you how to be a boyfriend you have high
00:23:08
standards for the people that come into
00:23:09
your life you are confident you are
00:23:11
secure in who you are and that way
00:23:14
you're living a fulfilled and relaxing
00:23:16
life so then when a man approaches you
00:23:18
wanting to be in a relationship with you
00:23:19
you're like hold up my life is amazing
00:23:22
the way I've created it so I don't need
00:23:24
you but I can want you if you were going
00:23:26
to come into my life and be able to
00:23:28
match all of the treatment I give to
00:23:29
myself and then elevate it when you
00:23:31
start thinking like that no one can f
00:23:34
with you anymore and you once again weed
00:23:36
out all of the men that are
00:23:37
non-deserving of you because at that
00:23:39
point they're going to be intimidated by
00:23:40
you and your standards and what you
00:23:42
accept next up dating rule number 12 you
00:23:45
are not just dating a person you are
00:23:47
dating a lifestyle this is where we're
00:23:49
going back to the idea of assessing
00:23:51
somebody and not just falling head over
00:23:53
heels for the idea of someone or what
00:23:55
they're doing for you in this current
00:23:56
moment we are the very protective of
00:23:59
ourselves and the lives that we want
00:24:01
because we are the kind of women that
00:24:03
work really hard for the dreams we want
00:24:05
so we're not just about to date any guy
00:24:07
just cuz he's good-looking loyal nice
00:24:09
intelligent funny you think they're
00:24:11
great qualities no it can go very
00:24:13
downhill he could have all of those
00:24:15
qualities but he might not be ambitious
00:24:18
he might not be as much of a hard worker
00:24:19
as you what do they value what's
00:24:21
important to them and then what's
00:24:22
important to you you know if you're a
00:24:23
big family girl is he a Family Guy is he
00:24:26
going to want to do all of the family
00:24:27
things that you want to do in the future
00:24:29
if you are the type of girl that wants
00:24:30
to explore the world travel or go out
00:24:32
every single weekend why are you about
00:24:34
to get into a long-term relationship
00:24:35
with a home body dating Rule 13 they are
00:24:39
not there to save you once you save
00:24:42
yourself you will be able to see dating
00:24:44
and relationships much more clearly this
00:24:48
was a mistake that I'd unconsciously
00:24:49
been making for years it sounds crazy
00:24:53
but I would seek out men who had
00:24:56
parental issues some sort of early
00:24:59
familial trauma because I did too and I
00:25:03
thought if he has it you know if he has
00:25:05
parents that are divorced then we're
00:25:07
going to understand each other better it
00:25:08
never went down
00:25:09
well I attracted guys who were just
00:25:13
unhealed who had really bad attachment
00:25:15
Styles as a result of their trauma you
00:25:17
should be basing your chemistry and your
00:25:19
connection based on the people that you
00:25:21
have grown to be how you evolved from
00:25:23
that trauma what you created of yourself
00:25:25
of your life and I think it really came
00:25:28
from this deep unhealed wound that I had
00:25:30
why I wanted to be saved and I wanted to
00:25:32
be able to talk about that trauma openly
00:25:34
to someone who would also understand it
00:25:37
and just be able to vent thank God I
00:25:39
moved past that I became my own
00:25:41
therapist I healed My Old Wounds my past
00:25:43
no longer bothers me I do not really
00:25:45
think of my childhood because I am so
00:25:47
present in how great my life is now and
00:25:50
because of that I am able to now have a
00:25:53
partner who doesn't have any trauma that
00:25:54
heal healing from either we are great we
00:25:56
are focused on just going about our days
00:25:59
and the 24 hours that are in front of us
00:26:00
you're going to get tricked by these
00:26:02
people who can put that temporary
00:26:03
Band-Aid over your broken heart and
00:26:05
you're going to mistake it for
00:26:07
unconditional love and this for
00:26:09
Everlasting connection when really it's
00:26:11
just familiarity of your hurt and you
00:26:15
probably don't have any connectional
00:26:17
chemistry in any other area of your life
00:26:19
and that common trauma you share is
00:26:21
going to Blind you and prevent you from
00:26:23
sitting back and observing to what kind
00:26:25
of person they are and whether they're
00:26:26
worthy of you and that's why people say
00:26:28
you need to focus on yourself love and
00:26:30
you need to work on yourself and heal
00:26:31
before you get into a relationship
00:26:33
dating rule number 14 they need to be
00:26:36
judged for how they act in every other
00:26:39
area of their life how are they with
00:26:40
their family how do they show up for
00:26:41
their friends what kind of employee are
00:26:43
they what kind of relationship do they
00:26:45
have to their passion to their work to
00:26:46
their hobbies to their discipline to
00:26:48
exercise or to eat this is where you
00:26:51
really get to understand and see clearly
00:26:54
how this person thinks what their
00:26:56
mentality is what their toxic traits are
00:26:58
what their weaknesses are their
00:27:00
strengths cuz listen everyone's
00:27:01
imperfect everyone's going to have
00:27:03
weaknesses and one thing I also always
00:27:05
say is it's not about finding somebody
00:27:07
to date who's perfect it's about finding
00:27:09
somebody with flaws that are compatible
00:27:11
to your flaws and it goes back to like
00:27:13
dating so many people where you realize
00:27:15
what you can put up with and what you
00:27:16
can't cuz it's not about finding someone
00:27:18
who has zero issues because that's
00:27:19
impossible it's about finding someone
00:27:21
where you're like okay like I can deal
00:27:23
with this this doesn't trigger me and
00:27:24
then you can start building up what kind
00:27:26
of person they are at their core before
00:27:29
you come into the picture because people
00:27:31
are really good at putting on this front
00:27:34
and masking and throwing all of this
00:27:35
romance on your face to make you feel
00:27:38
like they're a great person but really
00:27:40
they might be homophobic they might be
00:27:42
racist like you don't know that one of
00:27:44
the things that I admired from my
00:27:46
boyfriend from the second that we got
00:27:47
together is that he's the type of guy
00:27:49
and even to this day he still is anytime
00:27:52
his friends were in need of something
00:27:54
needed a favor he will drop everything
00:27:56
to go and help them and surprise
00:27:57
surprise now that we're in a
00:27:59
relationship he treats me the exact same
00:28:00
way I won't need to ask for help I won't
00:28:03
need to complain about an issue the
00:28:05
second that you see something wrong he
00:28:07
wants to come and help me he wants to
00:28:08
make my life easier because that's just
00:28:10
the kind of person he is no matter how
00:28:12
little resources he may has he is so
00:28:14
generous to every single person in his
00:28:17
life and finally dating rule number 15
00:28:23
is what does your dream life look like
00:28:26
romantic love is just one part of your
00:28:29
life not the whole story when you focus
00:28:32
on fulfilling all of the other areas of
00:28:35
your life whether it's people Hobbies
00:28:37
experiences work your self growth your
00:28:40
self-love your confidence you then
00:28:42
detach better and you stop running after
00:28:45
people just to have somebody so I need
00:28:48
you to get super specific and visualize
00:28:51
every single piece of potential Joy
00:28:55
instead of just attaching it to one
00:28:57
human being because that's unfair one
00:28:59
person can't be everything for you they
00:29:00
can't be that your therapist they can't
00:29:02
be your best friend they can't be your
00:29:03
soulmate they can't be the person you
00:29:04
spend 24/7 with that's completely
00:29:06
unhealthy there can be a lot of those
00:29:08
things but you know you need to get your
00:29:10
fulfillment and your passion and your
00:29:11
love in other areas of your life as well
00:29:13
because another thing I've seen in my
00:29:14
story and so many other people's is you
00:29:16
always get the love you deserve when you
00:29:18
stop looking in order to attract the
00:29:20
healthy high value relationship and
00:29:22
person that you want you also need to
00:29:25
match that level and live at that
00:29:28
vibration and that brings us to the end
00:29:30
of this video I hope you guys enjoyed it
00:29:31
please comment down below and let me
00:29:33
know which number fact you liked the
00:29:35
most that resonated with you the most
00:29:37
that you're going to take into your
00:29:38
dating life honestly for me I actually
00:29:40
think it was 15 I just love that piece
00:29:42
of advice that really changed my life
00:29:44
for the better um but thank you guys so
00:29:46
much for watching you guys that get
00:29:47
right here and watch my little outros
00:29:49
you're the real ones I love you I
00:29:51
appreciate you so much and I will see
00:29:53
you in the next video good luck
00:29:56
[Music]
00:30:01
I me
00:30:03
[Music]
