00:00:00
the yes ladder you're standing in line
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at a bookstore not a big chain one of
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those indie spots that smells like
00:00:05
secondhand pages and has a cat sleeping
00:00:07
in the philosophy section the kind of
00:00:09
place where time slows down you've been
00:00:11
here for 10 minutes pretending to skim
00:00:13
the back of a paperback but really
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you're just watching them the person
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behind the counter you want to ask them
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something not small talk not where's the
00:00:20
poetry aisle you want to ask them out
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but asking that directly feels like
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jumping into a pool without checking the
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depth so instead you open with something
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small hey can I ask you something they
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glance up sure that's one the first yes
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and here's the thing most people miss
00:00:35
once someone says yes even to something
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meaningless their brain starts building
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a rhythm they're more likely to say yes
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again it's not magic it's psychology but
00:00:43
it feels like magic you've worked here a
00:00:45
while right another smile another Yeah
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so you probably know most of the people
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who come in here yes do you think this
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place attracts good people they laugh
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yeah definitely and now the final line
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comes easy like a button prompt that's
00:00:57
finally lit up would you want to go get
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coffee sometime and when they say yes
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it's not just because of you it's
00:01:02
because you walked them there step by
00:01:04
step through a mental hallway of
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affirmations this is called the yes
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ladder each yes is a foothold a warm-up
00:01:11
a line of code that reprograms the
00:01:13
conversation in your favor salespeople
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use it politicians use it cult leaders
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use it because once someone starts
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agreeing with you it gets harder to
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break that rhythm the brain wants to
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stay consistent and that consistency
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it's a cheat code for persuasion cheat
00:01:26
code unlocked plus 20 to persuasion
00:01:29
power of pause you're in the middle of a
00:01:31
conversation the words fly back and
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forth like pingpong then someone asks
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you a question a sharp one everyone
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looks at you you feel the urge to fill
00:01:39
the silence to respond instantly to
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prove you're quick but instead you stop
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2 seconds nothing just air and in that
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short deliberate silence everything
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changes their eyes narrow their posture
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shifts suddenly you're not reacting
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you're processing you're not passive
00:01:57
you're calculating and even if you're
00:01:58
just buffering like a human loading
00:02:00
screen to them you're 10 moves ahead
00:02:02
psychologists call it the cognitive
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pause bias the brain assumes that people
00:02:06
who pause before speaking are either
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smarter more emotionally in control or
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about to say something important it
00:02:12
doesn't matter if you're deciding
00:02:13
between two sandwich orders or crafting
00:02:15
a legal argument that micro silence
00:02:17
hacks their perception of you in
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conflict it diffuses tension in
00:02:21
interviews it radiates confidence in
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manipulation it makes you immune people
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expect instant reactions knee-jerk
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responses that pause tells them you're
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not just playing the game you're
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watching the code so the next time
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someone puts you on the spot don't rush
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just pause let them wait let the silence
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do the talking the mirror technique
00:02:39
you're at a party you almost didn't come
00:02:41
to a friend dragged you out said it'd be
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chill but so far it's just you a cup of
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something lukewarm and a dozen strangers
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laughing at jokes you weren't there to
00:02:49
hear you spot a group by the couch cool
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confident talking fast all body language
00:02:54
and inside jokes you walk over
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cautiously trying to slide into the
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atmosphere like static and that's when
00:03:00
you activate it the mirror technique you
00:03:02
don't force your way in you observe one
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guy leans forward every time he talks a
00:03:06
girl keeps flicking her wrist when she
00:03:08
makes a point someone ends every
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sentence with an upward pitch like
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they're always asking a question you
00:03:13
mimic it just barely you shift your
00:03:15
weight when they do you gesture with
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your left hand because so do they your
00:03:18
tone warms when they get animated
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softens when they drop low you don't
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speak much at first just enough to echo
00:03:24
the rhythm of their conversation and
00:03:25
then it happens they start turning
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toward you when they talk they start
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including you in the laugh in the rhythm
00:03:31
in the group they don't know why they
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like you but their brain does human
00:03:34
beings are wired for tribal recognition
00:03:36
we're built to trust those who move like
00:03:38
us sound like us breathe like us it's
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primal if you mirror someone just a
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little their brain flags you as safe
00:03:45
it's not mind control it's not
00:03:47
manipulation it's social camouflage and
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it works salespeople do it fbi
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negotiators do it politicians do it
00:03:54
behind podiums and smiles because when
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done right mirroring doesn't make people
00:03:58
suspicious it makes them feel understood
00:04:01
use people's names you walk into the
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elevator third floor heading down
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there's a guy already standing inside
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tall tired scrolling through his phone
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you recognize him not well just enough
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to know you've seen him before maybe in
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the break room maybe across meetings but
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right now he glances up makes brief eye
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contact then returns to the soft blue
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glow in his hand the doors slide shut
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silence most people would leave it there
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a polite nod a casual nothing but you
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don't you tilt your head smile slightly
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and say "Hey Marcus how's the project
00:04:30
going?" The screen in his hand dims his
00:04:32
eyebrows twitch for a moment something
00:04:34
rewires behind his eyes "oh uh hey good
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yeah good and now you're not a stranger
00:04:40
you're someone with a name someone who
00:04:42
remembers his." The elevator feels less
00:04:43
like a box and more like a room you've
00:04:45
both been upgraded to player 2 status
00:04:47
what just happened you unlocked a cheat
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code and here's how it works when you
00:04:52
say someone's name their real name not
00:04:54
man or bro or dude you bypass the social
00:04:58
firewall the brain registers it as an
00:05:00
identity ping a soft recognition signal
00:05:02
it lights up regions of self-perception
00:05:04
trust and memory even if the rest of the
00:05:06
conversation is forgettable their brain
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logs you differently this person sees me
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this person matters it's basic primitive
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even but it works every time this isn't
00:05:16
manipulation this is recognition you're
00:05:18
not bending anyone's will you're just
00:05:20
proving you're paying attention and in a
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world full of people waiting to speak
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that alone makes you unforgettable
00:05:26
dressing one level higher you're walking
00:05:28
into a job interview white walls black
00:05:30
chairs the buzz of a dying ceiling light
00:05:32
overhead there's a man at the front desk
00:05:34
half focused on his screen he glances up
00:05:36
at you then back down like you're just
00:05:38
background noise but then he sees your
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shoes polished not just clean but
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intentional his eyes rise the blazer the
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fit the calm in your walk he straightens
00:05:47
in his seat something shifts you haven't
00:05:49
said a word but the system already
00:05:51
registered your presence you weren't
00:05:52
required to wear this business casual
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would have done the job but you dressed
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one level higher not to show off not to
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outdo just enough to signal something
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subtle but primal i don't belong here
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i'm above this level people notice they
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always notice when you walk into the
00:06:06
interview room the panelists sit up
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straighter the man who was scrolling his
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phone locks eyes the woman who looked
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tired suddenly smiles they don't know
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why they trust you more but they do
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because here's the glitch humans are
00:06:18
running old software our brains
00:06:20
associate visual cues with competence
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clothes equals confidence fit equals
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reliability texture equals control you
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dress like authority so they feel it
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even if they don't realize it even if
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you don't realize it you answer the
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questions you talk but before your words
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ever hit the air the room already
00:06:37
decided you're probably capable probably
00:06:40
important probably leadership material
00:06:42
and all you did was change your skin
00:06:44
like equipping new armor like inputting
00:06:46
a cheat code plus 15 to perceived status
00:06:49
the 5:1 ratio you're in the kitchen late
00:06:52
afternoon spilling across the counter
00:06:54
where two mugs sit yours and theirs
00:06:56
there's a plate in the sink not washed
00:06:58
again you say something not cruel not
00:07:01
loud just tired they reply short the
00:07:04
kind of reply that leaves a silence
00:07:05
behind it you feel it and just like that
00:07:07
the room shifts a glitch not really just
00:07:10
a tiny fracture in the connection a
00:07:12
pixel out of place but here's the part
00:07:14
you don't notice you're off ratio
00:07:16
there's a number hiding in every
00:07:17
relationship 5:1 for every negative
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interaction your connection needs five
00:07:22
positive ones just to stay in balance a
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comment a sigh a small eye roll those
00:07:27
are deductions but laughter a gentle
00:07:29
touch making their coffee the way they
00:07:31
like it without being asked that's
00:07:32
currency this isn't some feel-good
00:07:34
theory it's math psychologists like John
00:07:37
Gottman spent decades watching couples
00:07:39
measuring what makes some last and
00:07:40
others implode the secret wasn't how
00:07:42
well they communicated it was how well
00:07:44
they repaired not never fighting just
00:07:46
knowing when to say thanks for doing
00:07:47
that i love how your voice sounds when
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you're explaining something micro
00:07:51
deposits in a shared emotional bank
00:07:52
account back to the kitchen you didn't
00:07:54
smile when they walked in didn't ask
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about their meeting you corrected
00:07:57
something they said under your breath no
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big deal until it is the positive
00:08:01
currency moments don't have to be huge a
00:08:04
quick compliment a shared inside joke
00:08:06
saying thank you even when it's expected
00:08:08
each one adds a point to the ratio cheat
00:08:11
code unlocked plus 25 to relationship XP
00:08:14
the confidence loop you're standing
00:08:15
outside a door a big one clean metal
00:08:18
frosted glass glowing hallway light
00:08:20
pouring from underneath behind it your
00:08:22
interview your audition your shot your
00:08:24
stomach's twisting like it's trying to
00:08:25
tie itself into a knot your palms damp
00:08:28
your heartbeat a full percussion
00:08:30
ensemble every instinct in your body is
00:08:32
screaming the same thing turn around
00:08:34
walk away pretend this never happened
00:08:36
but instead you straighten your back you
00:08:38
roll your shoulders down and back your
00:08:40
feet plant flat on the ground and you
00:08:42
smile not a nervous one a deliberate one
00:08:44
the kind that says "I've already won you
00:08:46
just don't know it yet." And in that
00:08:48
moment something shifts they say
00:08:50
confidence is a feeling something you
00:08:52
wait for something you either have or
00:08:54
don't but that's a lie the system feeds
00:08:56
you because confidence doesn't start in
00:08:58
the mind it starts in the body when you
00:09:00
change your posture when you slow your
00:09:02
speech when you hold eye contact just a
00:09:04
beat longer than feels comfortable your
00:09:06
brain gets confused it looks at your
00:09:08
actions and thinks "Wait if we're
00:09:09
standing like this talking like this we
00:09:11
must already be confident right?" And so
00:09:13
it adjusts hormones shift nerves settle
00:09:16
focus sharpens you didn't wait to feel
00:09:18
confident you acted like it and the
00:09:20
brain followed the loop works both ways
00:09:23
if you shrink your body speak softly
00:09:25
break eye contact your brain rewires
00:09:27
itself into a self-doubt script a loop
00:09:29
of hesitation a countdown to retreat the
00:09:31
game was never about being confident it
00:09:33
was always about tricking the system
00:09:35
into thinking you already are stand like
00:09:37
you're in control and you will be speak
00:09:39
like you belong and you do smile like
00:09:41
you know something they don't and
00:09:42
suddenly you do 90minute sleep cycles
00:09:45
you close your eyes at midnight you're
00:09:47
exhausted phone screen still glowing in
00:09:49
your peripheral vision no rituals no
00:09:52
meditations just darkness you sleep but
00:09:54
when the alarm explodes 6 hours later it
00:09:56
feels like someone hit you with a frying
00:09:58
pan you can barely move your brain is
00:10:00
soup you check the clock you got eight
00:10:02
full hours so why do you feel like you
00:10:04
just lost a fight with your pillow
00:10:05
because you woke up in the middle of a
00:10:07
cycle sleep isn't just on or off it's a
00:10:10
sequence your brain travels through
00:10:11
90minute cycles light sleep deep sleep
00:10:14
REM then it starts again and again and
00:10:17
again if you wake up midcycle your
00:10:19
body's still deep in the code you're
00:10:21
trying to play the game before it's
00:10:22
finished loading that's why you feel
00:10:24
like your soul hasn't booted yet but if
00:10:25
you wake up at the end of a 90-minute
00:10:27
loop it's like your body hits save and
00:10:29
quit gracefully you snap awake clear
00:10:32
calm slightly suspicious of how good you
00:10:34
feel forget 8 hours try 6 7.5 or 9
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