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For many men, Don Draper is the epitome of confidence. You're happy with your agency. You're not happy with anything
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You don't want most of it you want all of it, and I won't stop until you get all of it
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But what most people don't realize is that confidence actually comes in two flavors?
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There's the external confidence that you project which can make closing deals making friends or seducing happen more naturally
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But there's also the internal confidence you feel how comfortable you are in any given situation
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so in this video
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we're gonna be analyzing what Don can teach us about both levels of confidence and how
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mastering each level can take you from being nervous to completely confident in any
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Situation now at the most basic level we have the way that Don carries himself. Obviously. He's a good-looking guy
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He's got nice suits, but it's his relaxed body language. That is the most interesting for instance
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He almost always sits asymmetrically and spreads himself out comfortably will actually cause you to relax if you do this yourself
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Don also moves freely around most environments which signals a sense of comfort and ownership wherever he is he acts like the boss everywhere
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Now, you don't need to take it this far but simply having your feet at least
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shoulder width apart when you're standing or
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leaning with your arm draped over a chair in a way that doesn't prevent someone else from sitting there goes a long way towards
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projecting confidence
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Additionally, you'll see Don subconsciously signal that others need to work for his attention
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He leans back in his chair
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Even when he's in a position where you'd think he'd want to win someone over
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Like with clients this flips the dynamic and makes them work harder to win him over
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Not bad in the winter. It's quite a shock coming back. Well put but
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That could be any vacation
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This was very very different
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Don creates a similar effect with his eye contact in the beginning of many interactions
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He's aloof making limited eye contact almost disinterested in what is being said. I'm going to ply me with drinks and convince me
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What a terrible mistake I'm making
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It was quite a drink. If you're sitting opposite him. This will make you want to try to win his attention
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It feels good to get the person who isn't paying attention to you to do so and when the other person has done that Don
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Gives his full piercing eye contact on special occasions. Like when he's making a point what you call love was invented by guys like me
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Without nylons or nailing a pitch like he does on this campaign for lipstick. She wants to tell the world. He's mine
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He belongs to me. Not you
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She marks her man with her lips. Or seducing you like he does all the time in the show
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My name is Don
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The biggest thing to take into your own life from Don's
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Variable eye contact is not that you need to ignore people to be cool
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But that when you are making your key points that you want paid attention to
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hone in those narrow piercing eyes keep people
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Captivated and they show confidence in the words that you're speaking while emphasizing your most important points
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Now you can do everything that you've talked about up until now fairly easily
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but a much more
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Difficult element of body language to master is what you don't do and he pay attention to dawn you'll notice that he doesn't
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Fidget and that takes us to the next deeper layer of confidence, which is non
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Reactivity, this is something we actually talked about in our video with James Bond
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This is much harder to fake because our emotions often get the best of us in these high-stress situations. And this is one area
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We're lacking and competence can really be a detriment you overreact to your own mistakes and end up making things worse
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but when you can remain
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Nonreactive, it shows that you're not pressured by what's happening around you and that makes you come across as more powerful for instance
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Watch out Don reacts when two men hit on his wife in Rome and how he calmly role plays that he doesn't even know her
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Contrast that with their insecure overreactions to him. May I join you?
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Yankee, go home
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*Speaks Italian* Are they making fun of me?
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A little bit.
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I'm only in Rome for one night
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the sense of comfort and power that Donne conveyed
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simply by not reacting is surely part of what drew Betty to him in the first place this same level of low reactivity is especially
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Important if you're a leader in times of crisis now feeling your feelings is important
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But left unchecked they can get in the way of pulling together to get out of a serious issue
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Keeping emotional expression in check actually inspires resolve in others in addition
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Simply remaining silent when things are going wrong buys you valuable time to think without exposing you as someone who is totally confused and lost
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Don is so good under pressure not because he's just fast on his feet. That's actually an illusion
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It's because he slows down enough to think calmly and react in the best way possible
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Watch how he responds when a client doesn't like his pitch
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I'm gonna have to speed it up a bit because he gives himself a full 20 seconds to think
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Gentlemen before you leave. Can I just say something? As a general rule?
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We are more demanding of fast responses from ourselves than we are from others people give themselves
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Only 30% as much time to respond as they would give someone else which is why so many of us find it hard to pause
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When doing a public speech even though we know it's a powerful tool
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So when you are in a stressful situation and it feels like you need to do something right now
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Pause you're almost always better served from a presentation
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Perspective and a decision-making perspective to take a deep breath and slow down
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Otherwise, you're going to look frantic and out of control. Now, the next sign of a more deeply internalized confidence is not
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trying to convince other people and that might sound odd because when you think of Don Draper you might think of the salesmen who is
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all about persuasion but being persuasive generally is very very different from trying to convince any
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specific person so paradoxically Don makes many of his sales by not
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Badgering clients and instead framing himself as an equal partner in a negotiation. He's screening them as much as they are screening him
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Call it a day
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Gentlemen, thank you for your time
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Is that all?
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You're a non-believer
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Why should we waste time on Kabuki? Sit down? No
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Not until I know I'm not wasting my time
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Now this is effective because one of the ways that we determine if we want to associate with
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Anyone is by how much they seem to want and need us we of course like people who are interested in us
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But not too much
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Much better is to share your interest whether it's with a date or client but to walk away if it's not reciprocated
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Now one caveat here is that if you walk away in an emotional huff
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You're not signaling confidence or power. You're signaling petulance
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And that makes other people just glad to be rid of you now
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Don is guilty of this from time to time when people don't like his ads
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Hope you enjoy looking in the window.
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Give me a minute
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Out get out. Don, excuse me? Get your things and get out of my office now
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Resist the urge to yell or to tell a date or a client how sorry that they're gonna be for blowing the opportunity and
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Instead step into the mindset that says well looks like we're not a match. I wish you the best
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Now this finally takes us to the deepest layer of confidence. And that is the belief that no matter what you will be
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Okay, when you've internalized this confidence comes easy now it all sounds nice
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But how you develop this belief so that you feel it in any situation
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One of the fastest ways to build any belief is to live it
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So you show yourself that you're gonna be okay
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By doing exactly the things that you think you wouldn't be okay
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if you did and you don't have to jump off of buildings in this case
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I mean social things
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so this is what Don does in the final seasons and I'm gonna have to quickly catch you up on the plot of madmen for
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The next clips to make sense for those of you who don't know Don's real name is Dick Whitman
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He stole his lieutenants identity when he was in the Korean War in order to escape his old life and get out of the war
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and he's lived with that fake name and even somewhat of a fake persona ever since he displays the outer veneer of Stoicism and
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confidence while behind closed doors his family and even sometimes his career and emotions are
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Crumbling but in the final seasons of Mad Men Don tells the truth at great personal cost
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First he tells Hershey's his client the truth about his orphaned childhood, which loses him the account and gets himself fired
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I was an orphan
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I grew up in Pennsylvania
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In a whorehouse
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Do you want to advertise that? If I had my way you would never advertise
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Later he confesses his moral failings to Peggy while at a retreat in California
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I broke all my vows
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Scandalized my child
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Took another man's name and
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And finally after he's been honest out loud
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He has the courage to reveal the emotions that made him abandon his old life and it's all set into motion
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Where a man at the retreat confesses to feeling unseen and unlovable. I had a dream I was on a on a shelf
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in the refrigerator
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someone closes the door and the light goes off and I know everybody's out there eating and then
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They open the door and you see them smiling and they're happy to see you
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But maybe they don't look right at you and maybe they don't pick you then the door closes again. The light goes off
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Don's sitting there shell-shocked from his conversation with Peggy but as he listens he goes from completely ignoring him to totally
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understanding where he's coming from despite the validation from business success and affairs with many beautiful women Don still feels
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Unlovable and when he finally recognized that same feeling of being unseen and unlovable, he can authentically connect with his man
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*Crying*
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This is the deepest layer of confidence
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It's not about always looking cool or
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Always saying the right thing and it's not even about getting other people to respond to you in a favorable way
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It's living your life at least socially like you will be
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Okay, no matter what and that means that you can tell the truth. Even if it loses you a client
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You can tell the truth, even if it makes you feel weak because when you live the truth believing that you're gonna be
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Okay, no matter what. You won't stay feeling weak for long instead
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You'll stop feeling like you always need to say the right thing and you'll stop worrying that someone else might reject you
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Because you know that you will never reject yourself
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And when you combine this deep internal confidence with the ability to project external confidence
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every interaction becomes easier and more fun and you may begin to even look forward to the situations that
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Previously stressed you out now
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If you're interested in the fastest way that I know to build both deep confidence and that external showing confidence
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I put together a video program to fast-track you to the point
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Where you feel centered in any social situation
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So you don't feel like you're hesitating or grasping for what to say to make an interaction go amazingly
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This is our flagship program called charisma University
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it's a six-week program and every day you will get a
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step-by-step action guide to make confidence your default mode of being and it focuses both on the
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presentation aspect as well as that inner game aspect
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Which is nice because it takes the guesswork out of everything. You just follow the guide and you get the results
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So if you want a fast-track to more confidence more charisma
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You can learn more about the course with the button on the screen or the link in the description
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We have had thousands of members go through this course and get a ton out of it
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So I hope that you decide to join if this is an area of your life that you are looking to improve
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Either way you are okay and you will be okay
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I hope that you've enjoyed this video and I look forward to seeing you in the next one
