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[Music]
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[Music]
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my name is Roberta Hill
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I'm from the Mohawk nation Grand River
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Territory I'm a survivor of the Mohawk
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Institute residential school I was here
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as a student from 1957 to January 1961
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and I came here with six of my family a
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lot of bad memories here that's for sure
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these are really familiar to me used to
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play on these on the girls side
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I was playing down in the basement on
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the girls side and my mother had come up
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to the visiting area and the little kids
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had said your mother's here you want to
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go see her and I and I ran I ran but
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when I got to the doorway over there I
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froze right in front of the stairs and I
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couldn't move and I just stood there
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crying and crying crying and the more I
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cried the the worse it got and I could
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see myself I could actually like an
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out-of-body experience I could see this
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little girl crying and it was me but and
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the little girl said well if you don't
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don't you love your mother don't you
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want to see your mother a nice you know
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and I did I really did she says she's
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gonna leave you you know she's gonna
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leave if you don't go see her so at that
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time I knew that she would go then I
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things just kind of came back and he's
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just like tears I just took off running
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up those stairs and I went to sat on my
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mother and at that time all I did was
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cry I just cried and cried and I wasn't
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because I didn't want to see and I loved
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her it was just so hurtful to have to
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part with her again because my mother
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was really she was a really good mother
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you know
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[Music]
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not much to say about good times here
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they're all ridden by the bad bad is
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enormous there's a tremendous amount of
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evil that went on here so the whole
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institution itself was run by fear so it
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was very regimented more like a
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military-style you lined up for
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everything to line up for your meals you
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lined up to go to school you lined up to
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go to church
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it was just like that follow that
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routine and you would be okay if you
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followed and didn't break the rules you
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know so you just learn to follow the
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rules I didn't have the freedom as a as
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a child or as a young teenager I was
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always kind of under the supervision of
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somebody but we got about six o'clock
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and we're sent down to the call to play
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room and it was always cold in the
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basement early in the morning still a
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lot of chill in the air and yet they put
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us in a big cement room and we had two
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people armed however we could
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we learned all kinds of farm work I
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worked on a farm so long that I picked
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up a certain discipline where hard work
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could get me where I'm going and I think
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at some point there was somebody here
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that I don't know if it was a kid or a
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supervisor told me I would never leave
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here you know so that really stuck in my
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mind that I was gonna be in this place
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forever you're isolated all you see is
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this world around you this is it
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that was my world I didn't learn about
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all those other things that were going
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on until my adult life I didn't know
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there was all those other residential
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schools I don't think anybody in Canada
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knew that much so it was kept very
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secretive and yet when you start to look
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at every residential school across
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Canada you find the same things and I
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came to the well again Sidhu organized
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about six or seven years old and I spent
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six years here I was picked up on an
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Indian reserve at Raven Town and walking
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on a room
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[Music]
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we are going to visit my grandmother one
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day a nice July day back in 1955 there
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was four of us in one girl my sister
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then we came over that little rise over
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there and we hidden buried down here and
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a black car pull alongside of us and we
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didn't know who was at the time the
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driver said would you like a ride there
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he said no we didn't know where they
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were we kept on walking and they kept
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pace with us in their car and they kept
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trying to get us to get in and we
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refused her couple hundred yards that
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way and they offered us some way
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screaming jello at a restaurant in tempo
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and I had ice cream after we finished we
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all loaded back up into the car but they
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never went back the way they came they
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went around away from the Reiser I fell
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asleep and I never woke up until we were
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coming up the Mohawk Institute but after
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I got old enough I realized I was
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kidnapped like I said my dad didn't know
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the firebending Affairs in the churches
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they didn't care how they got the
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children here
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[Music]
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Oh
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[Music]
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Oh
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I believe it was February about two
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years ago I was on the board of sessions
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that are Chisholm United Church and
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Chisholm Township it's about five miles
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out of here
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and my first flat board of sessions
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meeting in fact and there was two other
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members in the minister and myself and
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the minister was going through the
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agenda that we were to talk about that
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day and she mentioned the residential
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school system and all of a sudden I
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started to shake and broke down crying
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had no idea why I didn't know what this
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was about at all from that I ended up
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going to my doctor and for some deprived
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help for depression and he referred me
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to a psychologist in North Bay and took
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her probably 20 minutes to determine
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that biggest part of my problem was from
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that incident 50 years earlier I was
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stationed there in the RCMP we had a
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territorial jail there which most times
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I was a jail guard at night and this day
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shift I happen to be assigned to
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whatever came on through the door it
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would be sometime between November of 64
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and April of 65 on a day shift I was
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assigned to assist an agent from the
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residential school system to pick up two
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children from a family in Fort Smith the
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Northwest Territories I went to the door
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of this home and the woman who lived
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there knew why we were there to know if
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she know that her two daughters were
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being sent to residential schools the
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mother was crying both children were
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crying probably six and eight years old
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and I took the six-year-old from her
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arms actually and turned them over to
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the agent he jumped in his car and took
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off to the airport and I was facing the
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end of it I I saw I never saw him I
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don't remember the children's names but
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I'll never forget the cries
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[Music]
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at the time I didn't like the idea of
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taking kids away from their family and
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it bothered me and of course being in
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the RCMP I had no alternative who
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couldn't complain about it the only
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thing I knew about the Indian
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Residential schools was a place where
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they get formal education and I didn't
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see any problems with it since then I've
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come to realize what they were about and
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I've know differently now and that's
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part of the story that I want to tell it
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took up maybe five minutes of my life
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and I buried it back in 64 65 and about
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fifty years later it came back to haunt
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me here in the paws
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[Music]
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[Music]
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we were sitting at this at this very
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spot I'm not sure if it was exactly the
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same table but we were sitting at this
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very spot
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odda at a board meeting you remember Ron
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you were on the board at the time and
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and the board at that time had decided
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that they wanted to study this book
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called a healing journey for us all and
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part of that took us into residential
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schools well let me let me say first
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clearly that I think the residential
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school history within Canada is one of
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the the greatest tragedies if not the
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greatest tragedy in our whole history as
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a country it's the damage that's been
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done to so many lives and the damage
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that it continues to be done and that
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will be felt generationally is is just
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it's beyond one we it's hard to even
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take it in
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[Music]
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presidential schools are schools that
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were set up by the government of Canada
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and there are other countries that have
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the same thing but it was a policy that
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was put into place to bring all as many
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indigenous people as possible into these
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schools to educate them into the
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European Way of life to take you away
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from your culture your language all your
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traditions and that's what it's about
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in order to sever those ties in your
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culture in your language they had to
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separate children from families and
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communities we wore uniforms you all
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dress the same you had your hair cut the
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same you were all one and it was to
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assimilate us to make sure we didn't
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have a union left in us when we I think
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left here
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they took us to the church every Sunday
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we had say prayers and things like that
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we weren't allowed to talk in our
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language we had to speak English but it
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wasn't indoctrination like you didn't
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put us in one room and teach us
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indoctrinate us all day long or anything
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like that it's just the way the routine
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of the place it was in it was in the
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routine that you didn't speak anything
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but English you went to white man's
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school you went to white man's church
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you were the white man's clothes all
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those were built in wasn't a classroom
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lecture kind of thing it was it was
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ingrained in the system there's about 11
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years they there it was taken from them
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there was no mother no father figures
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nobody said good night or come and see
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you if you were sick for something
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nobody looked at you except that they
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put us in a big playroom similar to this
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dining room and we sort of looked after
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ourselves
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what was going on across this country
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that so many children were being taken
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so many children were being put into
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residential schools and my thing is if
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if they were such a wonderful school
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they were models everybody should have
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had them non native Europeans everybody
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should I had a residential school not
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just one race of people it's a very
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racist policy you know but that's what
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the intent was it was to kill the Indian
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and the child and pretty much they've
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done it so you get punished for being
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who you are
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[Music]
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it's a school where we were punished for
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the release of infraction thing the the
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punishments were were severe and
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punishment for things you never did you
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never did him I I don't think I ever did
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anything wrong that would deserve a
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strap never and yet you got it you never
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knew what when you went over the line
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they let you know by giving you a
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beating beating sounds so simple but it
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was more than that it was terror that
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accompanied each beating Ford Alvin II
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when you have children put in an
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electric chair for entertainment or for
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punishment those are crimes against
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humanity and yet different things and
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I've heard of other guys have an
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electric currents and they brought us
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into a place I call the press room where
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most of the beatings went on and we went
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in here one at a time and got a good
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shellacking with the letters leather
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strapping like everybody was afraid of
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it but everybody knew they were gonna
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get it sooner or later II just remember
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them crying there was a lot of crying in
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this place a lot of Tears and yet we
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find out it was like thousands upon
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thousands of children that were being
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abused
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despite the beatings and the ferocity of
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some of the beatings we still defied the
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authority to run away
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[Music]
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The Voice it--how is over 60 boys
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displayed the summer each of us are
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lonely beyond despair from within we
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each had our own battles to fight we
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were lost lonely scared and confused
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where our biggest battle was to keep our
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secrets our lives are shrouded in
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secrecy no one could know we all
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collectively knew that kids were being
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raped and molested in large numbers
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sodomized by beasts no one could know no
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one would ever know
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Sodom and Gomorrah had to be a nicer
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place so he tried to escape
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the carnal sin what irony those cut were
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ferociously been relentlessly beaten
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with the leather machinery belts carried
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by all the staff including the principal
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the Canon beaten until their screams
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echoed out to the arse and among the
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barns down the laneway and up the city
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streets beaten until there was silence
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that was the scariest despite this we
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ran away I believe each of us tried to
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at least once to escape that voice
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prison the hellish place with demons all
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of Oh
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[Music]
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yeah it's open there's the boilers at
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that far end is where I got molested
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time and time again day after day boy
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did I ever wished something would come
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by or somebody would miss me somehow and
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nobody ever came and I just came out of
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there feeling so dirty rotten loathe you
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can imagine and I thought every kid out
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there knew that I had what happened to
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me but I think it all happened to them
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because none ever bothered me none ever
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asked me what happened in there so I
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think we all got it at one point or
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other but it is a nasty dirty place
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but here's where I got molested right
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here I remember standing against this
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wall there and he was had his way with
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me and I was just whoa that high
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[Music]
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it's the time in my life and I felt so
00:22:02
dirty and so so all alone when you had
00:22:07
me down in the boiler room and he took
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my clothes off and I just standing here
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little guy just disgusted it or what he
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was doing
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I think it's very very possible that
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children did die here
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but we'll never know that's just I've
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heard too many different stories for it
00:22:53
to be all lies if they're not buried
00:22:55
here they're probably buried somewhere
00:22:57
on the property and it's just one of
00:22:59
those things that in time we may come
00:23:01
across it but this this we can
00:23:02
investigate if there's any truth to it
00:23:05
if there's anything in there just from
00:23:08
the people that I know from the
00:23:10
survivors that I know that say that yeah
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they remember this being something and
00:23:14
you don't just put a window at the
00:23:16
bottom of a basement for any for no
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reason
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I like finding old friends and Winnie is
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what I know her by from the residential
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school the Mohawk Institute when we
00:23:44
first went in there we were my sister
00:23:46
and I were separated into groups and I
00:23:49
had one older girl that took me under
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her wing and my sister Dawn when he
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looked after her well I don't you know
00:23:58
when I was there I don't even know
00:24:01
remember going there I don't even
00:24:03
remember the people picking me up out of
00:24:05
my home I don't remember that all I know
00:24:10
I was just there
00:24:12
so then I met this this older person
00:24:18
while this older girl she kind of took
00:24:21
care of me when I was growing up and she
00:24:25
told me when she's ready to leave
00:24:28
because she was in 12 13 maybe 14 she
00:24:32
said that she was going to ask her
00:24:34
mother to come and get me and take she
00:24:36
to take me home to be her little sister
00:24:41
but that didn't happen because she she
00:24:57
because she got hurt she got hurt hurt
00:25:00
hurt bad I think I think somebody hit
00:25:06
her on tree and I don't know I think she
00:25:13
died but I'm not really sure but I don't
00:25:19
know well anyway I've been able to say
00:25:24
in the last few years that they killed
00:25:26
her and I was there I saw what happened
00:25:31
to her
00:25:42
sometimes I dream up her she would come
00:25:46
to me in a dream but it hurts them talk
00:25:50
about it because I remember every when
00:25:54
she's the piggyback me on her her back
00:25:59
and we run and play and and when I got
00:26:04
hurt she'd pick me up
00:26:06
she'd give me a hug him sell me on the
00:26:08
crack like boy we should be doing better
00:26:12
now
00:26:18
after they smashed her in the tree you
00:26:22
know that sound sometimes you can hear
00:26:26
it on TV on the murder shows guts so
00:26:31
that's a song even if a glass breaks
00:26:36
today I'll scream and then sometimes my
00:26:41
family gets mad at me I said well I
00:26:44
can't help it I said that since the
00:26:47
sound this scares me and makes me yell
00:26:52
loud like that
00:27:12
the scene is a drowning child who just
00:27:15
shortly before was flailing away with
00:27:17
his head above water in a raging river
00:27:21
he can swim but the river is swift
00:27:24
unrelenting he slips under the surfaces
00:27:28
briefly trying to catch another
00:27:30
life-saving breath but he knows he's
00:27:33
going under for good what terror is
00:27:37
brought upon the child's mind no one can
00:27:40
imagine those thoughts will go down with
00:27:43
him the one to live is seen above in the
00:27:47
light on the surface of the river as he
00:27:55
slowly sinks his hair is silky and wavy
00:27:59
his arms still whatever moving so slowly
00:28:02
and reaching for no purpose except that
00:28:06
his will tells him to reach up the
00:28:11
latest surface fades and his body has no
00:28:13
more moving except bed of the current he
00:28:16
tumbles laboriously along the bottom and
00:28:18
into oblivion
00:28:27
I left thinking I'd come back one day
00:28:36
and attack those people that had
00:28:41
attacked me and I they didn't just
00:28:45
attack me I think they attacked
00:28:47
everybody but I wrote a book called Dark
00:28:53
Legacy and ever since I wrote that book
00:28:58
I I don't have this great desire to go
00:29:01
back anymore and beat the mopping I I I
00:29:06
haven't forgiven whether they're not
00:29:10
around to forgive when I realize the
00:29:14
effect that this type of government
00:29:17
administration had on thousands of
00:29:20
people in my time it disgust me that I'm
00:29:27
a Canadian and I always thought Canada
00:29:30
was the greatest country in the world
00:29:32
and I'm ashamed to say I'm Canadian
00:29:36
because of what my government has done
00:30:05
the government wanted access to mineral
00:30:09
rates mining lumbering fisheries all
00:30:13
natural resources that Canada has and
00:30:16
they all are on a native land of course
00:30:19
they were here first so the government I
00:30:22
guess determined that rather than go to
00:30:24
war with the natives they would
00:30:26
eliminate them and I know from my own
00:30:36
experience people that I've known they
00:30:38
were raised by whites in the residential
00:30:41
schools so when they were finished there
00:30:43
their parents didn't accept them because
00:30:44
they weren't native and the white
00:30:46
community did not accept him because
00:30:48
they were native so these people knows
00:30:51
150,000 children grew up in limbo with
00:30:56
no roots no background and no place they
00:31:00
could call home
00:31:03
[Music]
00:31:07
I knew ahead of time when I was going to
00:31:11
leave I went to school that day and and
00:31:14
it was the last day of school in summer
00:31:18
everything seemed greater than grass
00:31:21
even greener the sky was blue and it was
00:31:26
just a great day
00:31:32
he come home and they're like you're a
00:31:34
stranger I'm a stranger to them but
00:31:36
they're a stranger to me too so I had to
00:31:38
go find who my relatives were how was I
00:31:42
connected to this community I knew where
00:31:43
I came from I didn't know that but I
00:31:46
just didn't know how I fit in 150,000
00:31:52
people her children were taken from
00:31:53
their families and has role a result of
00:31:57
that seven generations of Native people
00:32:00
grew up with no roots
00:32:12
this is my friend Carol coochie who'll
00:32:15
I've known for a few years and
00:32:18
appreciate her friendship and and what
00:32:22
kind of things she can tell us about her
00:32:25
First Nations so having my father my
00:32:30
aunt and my uncle's um gone to
00:32:34
residential school my father never
00:32:36
discussed his upbringing he was silent
00:32:39
the home that we lived in was silent
00:32:43
around who he was and how he was raised
00:32:47
so prior to the age of 30 I had no idea
00:32:51
or no understanding of what had happened
00:32:55
to my family and I knew that there was
00:32:59
something up like there was something
00:33:02
wrong but I didn't know what that was
00:33:05
when I was finding all of these things
00:33:08
about residential school when I was 30
00:33:10
and my father had already passed away my
00:33:15
mother was still alive and I started
00:33:18
asking like my aunt questions it began
00:33:22
to I began to realize how strange
00:33:25
everything was and it began to see what
00:33:30
those schools did and what the effect
00:33:35
that we had and why my brothers and I
00:33:38
had struggled so much with our emotional
00:33:40
life this was wrong to take children
00:33:44
away from their parents and herd them
00:33:46
into a school against their will it just
00:33:52
blew me away
00:33:53
and then when Ron when you had the
00:33:58
courage to stand up and say that this
00:34:03
was wrong and that you knew it was wrong
00:34:06
when it happened instead of standing up
00:34:09
and said I witnessed this and it didn't
00:34:11
look that bad I can't tell you what that
00:34:17
does for people
00:34:19
I really can't and I don't care what bad
00:34:26
things you might have done in your life
00:34:27
Ron I know it was a whole lot cuz you're
00:34:31
a good person
00:34:34
they were erased by that they were
00:34:41
completely erased but what you don't
00:35:02
hear about is what happens to adult
00:35:05
people when their kids are ripped away
00:35:07
and those kids come back broken but they
00:35:11
come back broken to two adults that are
00:35:13
insane and that's the other half so
00:35:17
nobody is okay
00:35:35
you
00:35:37
[Music]
00:35:52
like thanked and asked all of the
00:35:55
survivors to stand up for a moment and
00:35:57
be here with us
00:35:58
survivors please stand the children and
00:36:03
the grandchildren of survivors please
00:36:05
stand up as well things began to change
00:36:08
when the survivors of the residential
00:36:10
school experience went to court
00:36:12
beginning of the 1980s but not really
00:36:16
successful until the mid-1990s when the
00:36:18
courts finally ruled that they could sue
00:36:21
the government for the abuses that went
00:36:23
on in schools and the churches as well
00:36:25
the route of the TRC is in survivors
00:36:27
themselves survivors said we demand
00:36:31
attention and we demand recognition for
00:36:35
what it is and was that we experienced
00:36:37
in the residential schools I had a
00:36:39
problem with I had a hearing problem
00:36:42
I was mocked I was teased I would pick
00:36:49
nod sometimes I felt that I can't
00:36:52
function
00:36:53
I was written so that inside but on the
00:36:58
outside discussion for my children I
00:37:01
tried to be strong
00:37:03
[Music]
00:37:06
we were the recipient of their most
00:37:12
private moments in their life often and
00:37:15
we as listeners had to be there for them
00:37:19
because we weren't just representing the
00:37:23
Commission we were actually representing
00:37:25
the hearing of the entire country
00:37:29
[Music]
00:37:35
well as a commissioner for the Truth and
00:37:37
Reconciliation Commission listening to
00:37:38
the stories of residential school
00:37:40
survivors was difficult emotionally very
00:37:44
challenging but there's no doubt that
00:37:46
when they cried often we did as
00:37:49
commissioners we always made it a point
00:37:51
to repeat back to the survivors what it
00:37:54
was that they had told us because we
00:37:55
wanted them to know that we had heard
00:37:57
them and that we believed them
00:38:09
before anything happened to me I want to
00:38:14
apologize to my family for what I put
00:38:20
them through
00:38:20
I could I could tell my grandchildren I
00:38:29
could tell my great-grandchildren that I
00:38:34
love the book but with my own children
00:38:39
I can't it hurts it hurts me the think
00:38:46
about what I missed it was a very
00:38:53
emotional very emotional time because
00:38:57
the more you got into it the more the
00:38:59
more things started to come up about
00:39:01
residential school that you would start
00:39:03
to remember than you'd listen to
00:39:04
everybody and it was a very very
00:39:07
difficult time so I was involved right
00:39:09
from that right from when the lawsuit
00:39:11
started so the trigger Reconciliation
00:39:13
Commission of Canada was asked to assist
00:39:16
the survivors to move from an era of
00:39:19
being victims of the residential school
00:39:21
experience to becoming involved in a
00:39:26
process of establishing a better
00:39:28
relationship with the government with
00:39:30
the churches the story of the truth of
00:39:32
residential schools in this country is a
00:39:35
story about the resilience of children
00:39:38
they have supported me in this work but
00:39:41
at great loss to the relationships we
00:39:43
could have had in which we will now try
00:39:46
to recapture
00:39:51
[Applause]
00:39:57
[Music]
00:40:06
[Music]
00:40:13
[Music]
00:40:15
residential school survivors we awake in
00:40:19
Canada this is not only about resilience
00:40:31
there's a whole lot of truth that has
00:40:34
been shared it's also about
00:40:38
reconciliation and there there's not
00:40:40
going to be any truth in reconciliation
00:40:42
in my time or in your time it's going to
00:40:46
take two or three four generations to
00:40:52
work all this out to get it in history
00:40:55
books and have it become commonplace
00:40:58
that the guy next door knows what happen
00:41:01
the future of Canada well students and
00:41:04
be told that this is not an integral
00:41:07
part of everything we are as a country
00:41:10
everything we are as Canadians that is a
00:41:14
promise we make right here all of us
00:41:16
today
00:41:16
[Applause]
00:41:21
[Music]
00:41:30
was the the closing ceremonies of the
00:41:33
Truth and Reconciliation Commission had
00:41:35
a five kilometer walk from Gatineau
00:41:38
Quebec to the City Hall in Ottawa it was
00:41:43
approximately seven thousand people
00:41:45
participating many natives many non
00:41:48
natives there was different church
00:41:50
groups civic groups and people just
00:41:53
bringing their families out to
00:41:55
participate and support the Native
00:41:58
communities by the time the Commission's
00:42:01
work ended almost seven years later that
00:42:05
we had established the credibility the
00:42:08
Commission not only in the eyes of
00:42:09
survivors but in the eyes of the country
00:42:11
the truth Reconciliation Commission has
00:42:13
brought an image of Canada forward that
00:42:16
now encloses this history
00:42:29
the National Center for Truth and
00:42:30
Reconciliation was created by the Truth
00:42:34
and Reconciliation Commission in order
00:42:36
to preserve all of the materials that
00:42:38
were collected under the mandate to the
00:42:40
TRC but more than just preserving these
00:42:44
materials survivors right across the
00:42:46
country have asked us to ensure that
00:42:48
their statements and the other material
00:42:50
that was collected finds their way into
00:42:52
the hands of educators into the hands of
00:42:54
researchers so we have a very important
00:42:57
and critical role in continuing to
00:42:59
expose the truth
00:43:01
ensure Canadians understand the truth of
00:43:03
what's happened in this country and
00:43:05
further contribute to ongoing
00:43:07
understanding healing and Reconciliation
00:43:09
in this country
00:43:13
Canadians no longer have an excuse
00:43:16
though which i think is one of the most
00:43:18
critical things about this process of
00:43:20
Truth and Reconciliation the I don't
00:43:25
know or I didn't know really is no
00:43:30
longer defensible
00:43:33
[Music]
00:43:49
[Music]
00:43:51
as all the same
00:43:56
to help me cope with anything if you see
00:44:06
the wonder of a fairy tale
00:44:13
you can make of yuju I'm very hopeful
00:44:19
I'm still a bit scared as to what's
00:44:23
happening and what could continue to
00:44:24
happen I want to see action I want less
00:44:29
talk and more action so we all know that
00:44:33
something is changing in terms of
00:44:36
healing for the native folk and for
00:44:38
white and brown and yellow Canada
00:45:20
[Music]
00:45:32
[Applause]
00:45:40
[Music]
00:45:44
everyone there's unique they're
00:45:48
expressing their their culture and
00:45:53
Boyden genuinely things about it the
00:45:56
color the outfits the dances the songs
00:46:11
[Applause]
00:46:27
when every residential school survivors
00:46:30
healed I'll be healed and that's that's
00:46:34
how it would affect me until they're
00:46:38
healed I won't be and I'll keep talking
00:46:40
to anybody who'll listen
00:46:42
[Music]
00:46:47
there's always hope without hope we're
00:46:49
done you know there always has to be
00:46:52
hope and when I look at my grandchildren
00:46:55
I think yeah there's a lot of hope
00:46:57
I see positive things for them
00:47:03
[Music]
00:47:22
you
