Calling in the One: How to Attract Your Ideal Lover | Katherine Woodward Thomas

00:49:53
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UyddZs1E_w

Resumo

TLDRThe speaker recounts her journey from shyness and loneliness to becoming a successful speaker on love, emphasizing the power of vision, personal responsibility, and transformation. She highlights the importance of aligning one's identity with their future aspirations and taking actionable steps towards achieving those goals. Sharing her experiences with love, relationships, and personal growth, she encourages listeners to confront their past, embrace change, and actively co-create a fulfilling life. Ultimately, her message is a call to action for anyone seeking to improve their lives and manifest their dreams.

Conclusões

  • 🌟 Align your vision with your future self.
  • 🔑 Take responsibility for your personal growth.
  • 💖 Embrace vulnerability and openness in relationships.
  • 🚀 Set big, bold intentions for your life.
  • 🤝 Surround yourself with supportive communities.
  • 🔄 Transform past traumas into lessons for growth.
  • 🌱 Act as a co-creator of your future.
  • 📅 Live as if your dreams are already happening.
  • 🤔 Self-inquiry is crucial for understanding blocks.
  • ❤️ Love is a journey; be patient and open.

Linha do tempo

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The speaker emphasizes the importance of aligning one's vision with the identity of a future self. They recount their own journey from shyness and struggle to a premonition of speaking to large audiences, realizing the need to grow into a trustworthy person capable of influential speech.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    As the speaker reflects on their past, they recognize the setbacks faced in personal life, acknowledging the importance of personal accountability. They make a conscious effort to elevate themselves spiritually and psychologically, aiming to be aligned with their future identity.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The speaker invites the audience to consider their own desires for love, health, or financial breakthroughs while noting the gap between current experiences and future goals. They share how their miraculous journey in love began with a commitment to set intentions in a supportive community.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    They recount a crucial turning point when they declared their intention to be engaged by their next birthday despite past disappointments in love. This commitment shifted their focus inward, encouraging them to identify and release barriers that hindered their journey to love.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    Through meditation and introspection, the speaker visualized their love life as if it were already fulfilled. They began to address and release limiting beliefs and behaviors, questioning their readiness for a fulfilling relationship and what actions they needed to take.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    The speaker shares their experiences of cleaning out emotional and physical clutter that no longer served their goal, confronting past resentments and recognizing how they had inadvertently set themselves up for disappointment in relationships.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    They reveal a transformative moment of self-ownership, acknowledging their past role in giving away power in relationships. This insight led them to forgive themselves and determinedly reclaim their value and agency moving forward.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The speaker explores fears surrounding their parents' divorce and societal pressures that stem from outdated narratives about love. They emphasize the need for new frameworks around relationships and how to navigate life transitions healthily.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:49:53

    Ultimately, the speaker encourages the audience to recognize that their past does not define their future potential. They outline key steps for transformation, focusing on bold intention, personal accountability, and co-creating their desired future.

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Vídeo de perguntas e respostas

  • What is the main message of the speaker?

    The main message is to align your vision with your future self and take responsibility for your personal growth to manifest the life you desire.

  • How did the speaker overcome her shyness?

    She focused on becoming the person she needed to be in order to fulfill her vision of speaking to thousands and worked on her personal development.

  • What role did her friend Naomi play in her journey?

    Naomi held the intention for the speaker to be engaged by her 42nd birthday, holding her accountable for her growth.

  • What are the four key steps to manifest a miracle?

    1. Set a bold and impossible vision. 2. Live as if you are the source of your experiences. 3. Align your identity with your future self. 4. Actively co-create your future.

  • How can past traumas affect our ability to manifest our desires?

    Past traumas can create identities that hold us back; we must awaken to who we truly are and not be defined by our past.

  • What approach did she take after her divorce?

    She aimed to create a positive post-divorce family dynamic by managing emotions and focusing on co-parenting.

  • How did she manifest her current relationship?

    She continued her personal growth, took risks in being open and vulnerable, and was receptive to love.

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  • 00:00:00
    the most important thing is you key you
  • 00:00:03
    must align your vision with the self of
  • 00:00:05
    your future fulfilled we cannot receive
  • 00:00:09
    into our lives that which is
  • 00:00:11
    inconsistent with our identity to have
  • 00:00:13
    we absolutely can
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    so about 25 years ago I was a graduate
  • 00:00:27
    student I was getting my master's degree
  • 00:00:29
    in clinical psychology and I was
  • 00:00:33
    incredibly shy I was shy in the way
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    where it made it hard to look people
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    directly in the eyes and at the time I
  • 00:00:42
    was kind of a starving student I was
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    living hand-to-mouth I had had a
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    modestly successful career as a singer
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    and I think the world successful I'm
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    using it in the most generous term of
  • 00:00:55
    the word I had founded or co-founded a
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    nonprofit organization that was doing
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    work with the homeless but I was still
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    struggling I was still trying to find
  • 00:01:06
    myself early and in the midst of this I
  • 00:01:10
    started to feel intuitively that
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    somewhere in the future that I was going
  • 00:01:18
    to be speaking to thousands of people
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    now this didn't make any sense to me at
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    all the gap was so severe I was actually
  • 00:01:28
    confused by that kind of premonition so
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    I called my mom and I said mom I think
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    I'm going to be speaking to thousands of
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    people and this is when I learned the
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    lesson that if life is giving you the
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    seeds of a vision and they're emerging
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    in the depths of your being you probably
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    don't want to call your family and tell
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    them about it because my mom said to me
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    well what the hell are you gonna be
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    talking about because we're from New
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    York and I didn't know how to answer
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    that question
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    I certainly had no level of mastery over
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    any area of my life I was still kind of
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    struggling and you know and try to
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    figure it out and I certainly never
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    dreamed that I'd be speaking about love
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    because that part of my life was just a
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    disaster and yet I kept having this
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    feeling that I was going to be a teacher
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    and I would elevate an edge
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    and inspire people the one thing that I
  • 00:02:40
    did know about this is that if this was
  • 00:02:43
    the future that was possible for me that
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    I should probably become a person who
  • 00:02:51
    actually had something valuable to say
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    and that I should probably focusing
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    focus on becoming a person who was
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    trustworthy with that kind of power the
  • 00:03:05
    power to influence people and that I
  • 00:03:08
    should certainly become the kind of
  • 00:03:10
    person who could actually look people in
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    the eyes when I spoke to them and so
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    this kind of became my North Star this
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    this possible
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    future that I had no particular about
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    what that might even look like and I
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    began to hold myself accountable for
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    being who I might need to be in order to
  • 00:03:32
    fulfill upon that future and so I up
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    leveled my game and I started to really
  • 00:03:38
    take my spiritual path much more
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    seriously and I started to take my
  • 00:03:44
    psychological development much more
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    seriously I started to hold myself
  • 00:03:48
    accountable and measure all of my
  • 00:03:51
    actions and my choices against this
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    possible future I forgave people I chose
  • 00:03:58
    the high road I made amends wherever I
  • 00:04:01
    could I began to keep my word I began to
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    study more diligently and all inside of
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    becoming the person I might need to be
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    to one day stand in front of thousands
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    of people and have the opportunity to
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    speak and I even worked with my
  • 00:04:18
    physicality so I would be walking down
  • 00:04:21
    the street in the morning and I think to
  • 00:04:24
    myself well how would a world leader of
  • 00:04:27
    love and light walk down the street and
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    I'd stand a little taller and I'd walk a
  • 00:04:35
    little you know more straight up and and
  • 00:04:38
    then I'd walk into the local Starbucks
  • 00:04:41
    and I'd ask myself well how would a
  • 00:04:44
    world leader order her morning coffee
  • 00:04:48
    and I'd look at the barista straight in
  • 00:04:50
    the eye and I'd say I'll take a tall
  • 00:04:54
    americano please in this very noble way
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    and see it was that future that actually
  • 00:05:02
    began to give who I was being in the
  • 00:05:05
    present and I just wanted to tell you
  • 00:05:09
    that because I'm having a moment right
  • 00:05:11
    now because between us right here and
  • 00:05:14
    all of our friends on the livestream I
  • 00:05:16
    am indeed experiencing the fulfillment
  • 00:05:20
    of that possible future that I've been
  • 00:05:23
    working for for so many years and I am
  • 00:05:27
    indeed thank you and I am indeed here to
  • 00:05:37
    talk to you about love so whether you
  • 00:05:43
    are in a place where you yourself want
  • 00:05:46
    to call in the one or I saw a lot of you
  • 00:05:49
    raised your hands that you're in a
  • 00:05:50
    relationship so whether you want to
  • 00:05:52
    elevate the connection that you have
  • 00:05:55
    with the one or whether you're just with
  • 00:05:59
    someone and you don't really know if
  • 00:06:01
    it's the one or if you have something
  • 00:06:05
    else entirely on your mind today you're
  • 00:06:09
    standing for a miracle in your health
  • 00:06:11
    you're standing for a breakthrough in
  • 00:06:14
    finances you're standing for causing
  • 00:06:17
    something of beauty in the world and
  • 00:06:19
    there's a gap right now between your
  • 00:06:22
    experience of life and where you feel
  • 00:06:24
    called to go I just want to invite you
  • 00:06:26
    to put that at the stake in this
  • 00:06:28
    conversation and to bring it here and to
  • 00:06:31
    apply what I'm saying to your
  • 00:06:33
    circumstance so my own miracle in love
  • 00:06:38
    began 20 years ago really maybe 20 years
  • 00:06:43
    and six months ago to be exact and it
  • 00:06:47
    started with where all miracles start
  • 00:06:49
    which is that I had no chance in hell of
  • 00:06:51
    this ever happening and I was 41 at the
  • 00:06:55
    time and I had never been married and
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    this was a source of great
  • 00:07:01
    appointment to me because I had longed
  • 00:07:03
    for a partner I longed her family I
  • 00:07:07
    wanted to have a child and so I was kind
  • 00:07:10
    of adjusting myself and trying to make
  • 00:07:12
    the best of it but I felt very
  • 00:07:13
    disappointed and I was fortunate enough
  • 00:07:17
    at the time to be a part of this circle
  • 00:07:20
    of people who were setting intentions
  • 00:07:22
    and holding those intentions with and
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    for each other now because this is 20
  • 00:07:27
    years ago we actually didn't know the
  • 00:07:28
    research on it because the research came
  • 00:07:30
    later but I want to tell you that
  • 00:07:32
    Princeton University has come out with a
  • 00:07:34
    study that when bonded groups of people
  • 00:07:37
    are holding an intention together that
  • 00:07:40
    it's six times more likely to happen
  • 00:07:42
    then if you're just holding it on your
  • 00:07:44
    own so I just validated you taking all
  • 00:07:47
    this time to come and be with your
  • 00:07:49
    friends at MindValley and sharing your
  • 00:07:52
    visions and your intentions with each
  • 00:07:53
    other so this is what we were doing in
  • 00:07:55
    this group and mostly people were
  • 00:07:57
    focused on they wanted to double their
  • 00:08:00
    income or they wanted to buy a house and
  • 00:08:03
    they were manifesting these things but I
  • 00:08:07
    wanted to call in love so I called a
  • 00:08:11
    friend from this group and I was kind of
  • 00:08:13
    fueled because I was coming off yet
  • 00:08:15
    another failed love affair I had had
  • 00:08:18
    wasn't like no one was showing up in my
  • 00:08:20
    life I had you know relationship after
  • 00:08:23
    relationship after relationship and
  • 00:08:25
    unfortunately there were always
  • 00:08:27
    impossible relationships I had a pattern
  • 00:08:30
    of attracting and unavailable people so
  • 00:08:33
    like married men engaged men
  • 00:08:37
    commitment-phobic men alcoholic men
  • 00:08:40
    workaholic men gay men who wanted to
  • 00:08:43
    explore had a thing for me so I had just
  • 00:08:52
    an yet another disappointing love affair
  • 00:08:55
    and I called up my friend Naomi and I
  • 00:08:59
    said Naomi I'm I'm gonna set an
  • 00:09:00
    outrageous intention I'm going to be
  • 00:09:05
    engaged by my 42nd birthday that was
  • 00:09:08
    eight months out I had no possibility
  • 00:09:10
    for a partner in my life and she said
  • 00:09:14
    something that really
  • 00:09:15
    changed my life she said Catherine I'm
  • 00:09:18
    going to hold that in tension with you
  • 00:09:21
    and for you if you give me permission to
  • 00:09:24
    hold you accountable to being the woman
  • 00:09:27
    that you would need to be to have that
  • 00:09:30
    happen and in that moment my whole world
  • 00:09:36
    future's shifted because rather than you
  • 00:09:38
    know running out frantically to try and
  • 00:09:41
    find love to meet that deadline
  • 00:09:43
    I turned my whole attention towards
  • 00:09:47
    myself to identify and release any
  • 00:09:50
    hidden internal barriers that I had not
  • 00:09:56
    been aware of until that point I took
  • 00:09:57
    full responsibility for myself as the
  • 00:10:00
    source of my experience and once I
  • 00:10:04
    shifted my attention towards seeing
  • 00:10:08
    myself a source all sorts of things
  • 00:10:10
    began to be revealed every morning I
  • 00:10:14
    would sit on my meditation cushion and I
  • 00:10:18
    would imagine that future as though it
  • 00:10:21
    were already happening now and I put it
  • 00:10:24
    into my body what does it feel like to
  • 00:10:27
    have that person's hand on the small of
  • 00:10:29
    my back what does it sound like when
  • 00:10:33
    he's singing in the shower or talking on
  • 00:10:36
    the phone in the next room what does it
  • 00:10:38
    smell like when he brings roses to me or
  • 00:10:41
    when he's cooking dinner for me and I
  • 00:10:43
    would just imagine and because I wanted
  • 00:10:45
    to have a baby
  • 00:10:45
    I imagined like what might it feel like
  • 00:10:48
    to have a bowling ball in your belly and
  • 00:10:51
    you're waddling through the kitchen so I
  • 00:10:54
    began to you to imagine this and then I
  • 00:10:57
    would ask myself three critical
  • 00:10:59
    questions I would ask myself Catherine
  • 00:11:02
    what would you need to let go of in
  • 00:11:05
    order to make room for this vision to
  • 00:11:07
    come to you what would you need to
  • 00:11:12
    release from your life a relationship an
  • 00:11:16
    old habit a belief toxic dynamics what
  • 00:11:22
    would I have to let go of the second
  • 00:11:24
    question how would you need to grow
  • 00:11:27
    yourself and do
  • 00:11:28
    develop yourself in order to be ready
  • 00:11:30
    when this relationship comes to you how
  • 00:11:35
    will I need to communicate how I need to
  • 00:11:38
    handle my own big emotions so that I
  • 00:11:40
    stop being so hot-tempered how do i pace
  • 00:11:45
    relationships so that I can build trust
  • 00:11:48
    rather than just assume trust and then
  • 00:11:50
    get myself all disappointed and then the
  • 00:11:53
    third question is what's my next step
  • 00:11:57
    and so I'd go immediately into action
  • 00:12:01
    and you know I find that when we ask the
  • 00:12:03
    universities questions a lot of clarity
  • 00:12:05
    emerges you have to ask the question
  • 00:12:09
    first but if you ask like what's my next
  • 00:12:11
    step to get to that future which looks
  • 00:12:14
    impossible from this perspective you
  • 00:12:18
    will start to intuitively know what that
  • 00:12:21
    next step is so I wasn't having burning
  • 00:12:23
    bush experiences I would get up from my
  • 00:12:26
    meditation cushion and I'd suddenly
  • 00:12:28
    notice for the very first time that in
  • 00:12:32
    my apartment there were only pictures of
  • 00:12:36
    single women no believe staring off into
  • 00:12:39
    space so I took the girls down and I put
  • 00:12:45
    them in the closet I put up new pictures
  • 00:12:48
    that represent a community and love and
  • 00:12:51
    relationship and togetherness I started
  • 00:12:56
    to one day I just got inspired to clean
  • 00:12:58
    out my closet so that he would have a
  • 00:13:00
    place to put his things I noticed that I
  • 00:13:03
    had my bed which was a double bed but I
  • 00:13:06
    had it pushed up against the wall so
  • 00:13:08
    that she could only get into it from one
  • 00:13:09
    side so I think she weighed the bedroom
  • 00:13:13
    I turned the bed Katter corner I put two
  • 00:13:16
    night tables there but really what
  • 00:13:20
    started to happen was actually deeper
  • 00:13:22
    like her I started to see all of the
  • 00:13:24
    inconsistencies within me I started to
  • 00:13:26
    inquire into what are the parts of me
  • 00:13:28
    that don't actually want a relationship
  • 00:13:31
    well I actually really discovered that I
  • 00:13:34
    love my freedom and I didn't really want
  • 00:13:37
    to be dominated by someone else's agenda
  • 00:13:40
    or their needs
  • 00:13:41
    I also saw that I had a belief in this
  • 00:13:46
    either-or kind of universe where either
  • 00:13:49
    I got to have a mission oriented career
  • 00:13:53
    I got to be a creative person a force of
  • 00:13:56
    nature in this universe or I got to be
  • 00:13:59
    in a relationship see but once I made it
  • 00:14:02
    conscious then I could say to myself
  • 00:14:04
    okay well that's option a and option B
  • 00:14:06
    what about option C like what would it
  • 00:14:09
    look like to actually have a
  • 00:14:11
    relationship where you can become more
  • 00:14:13
    than you are because you're so loved and
  • 00:14:15
    you're so supported and you have someone
  • 00:14:18
    in your corner who's always rooting for
  • 00:14:20
    you it was like a new concept but I also
  • 00:14:23
    began to see all the ways that my past
  • 00:14:26
    was in my present and preventing me from
  • 00:14:28
    actually manifesting that future I saw
  • 00:14:31
    the ways that I was still holding on to
  • 00:14:33
    resentment where I was still victimized
  • 00:14:36
    by things that had happened to me god
  • 00:14:38
    bless you god bless you
  • 00:14:40
    where I was still victimized by like
  • 00:14:43
    past boyfriends I mentioned that I had a
  • 00:14:46
    non-profit and I had a big resentment at
  • 00:14:51
    this time towards my my co-partner which
  • 00:14:55
    we had dissolved the organization
  • 00:14:58
    and I had a lot of anger towards him
  • 00:15:01
    about how that happened because
  • 00:15:03
    originally it was my idea and my vision
  • 00:15:05
    it was quite a beautiful vision what we
  • 00:15:07
    were doing we were actually bringing
  • 00:15:09
    songwriters down to skid row to co-write
  • 00:15:12
    music about people's transformation and
  • 00:15:14
    then we were supporting them to rejoin
  • 00:15:17
    the community by giving them a sense of
  • 00:15:20
    belonging it was really quite lovely and
  • 00:15:21
    it became a thing in the LA commuter
  • 00:15:24
    community we had like a thousand
  • 00:15:25
    musicians participate it lasted for five
  • 00:15:28
    years it was a big deal it was beautiful
  • 00:15:30
    we had star artists recording the songs
  • 00:15:32
    and but when I left you know he was kind
  • 00:15:36
    of my half in half out boyfriend so we
  • 00:15:40
    had a lot of turmoil and when we ended
  • 00:15:43
    our relationship my worst fear happened
  • 00:15:46
    and he kept the organization and then he
  • 00:15:51
    did nothing with it so it died
  • 00:15:53
    so I was seething about this now I knew
  • 00:15:56
    I didn't want to bring this into my next
  • 00:15:58
    relationship but inside of giving up
  • 00:16:02
    victimization inside of this commitment
  • 00:16:04
    I actually asked myself for the really
  • 00:16:07
    the first time Catherine what was your
  • 00:16:09
    part in that and again when you ask all
  • 00:16:13
    the answers come and I suddenly saw that
  • 00:16:16
    really when I was given that vision in
  • 00:16:17
    the beginning I didn't actually believe
  • 00:16:19
    in myself and so I didn't know him very
  • 00:16:23
    well at the time we went out to dinner I
  • 00:16:25
    told him about the vision I really
  • 00:16:27
    wanted to just suss out whether he
  • 00:16:28
    thought it was a viable thing to do
  • 00:16:30
    he loved the vision and I just made him
  • 00:16:34
    a full-on partner 50% right off the bat
  • 00:16:37
    I didn't keep the 51% I just gave it
  • 00:16:41
    away
  • 00:16:42
    because I didn't believe in myself and
  • 00:16:44
    that was a turning point in my life
  • 00:16:46
    because for years I'd been giving things
  • 00:16:48
    away and devaluing myself and not
  • 00:16:50
    believing in my own creativity and when
  • 00:16:54
    I finally took responsibility I saw it
  • 00:16:56
    was actually all me I'd given away my
  • 00:16:59
    power to him constantly and I discovered
  • 00:17:02
    in that moment that we only resent
  • 00:17:04
    people to the extent that we give our
  • 00:17:05
    power away to them and I forgave myself
  • 00:17:10
    by making a vow to never ever devalue my
  • 00:17:14
    contribution again and that changed my
  • 00:17:16
    life for the better today he's a very
  • 00:17:18
    good friend of mine the other thing I
  • 00:17:21
    looked at is old agreements that were
  • 00:17:25
    anchoring me in the past you know older
  • 00:17:27
    grimas are the kind of unspoken almost
  • 00:17:31
    unconscious agreements that we make like
  • 00:17:33
    my sisters the pretty one I'll just be
  • 00:17:35
    the smart one or I don't want to be
  • 00:17:37
    happier and loved and my mother was
  • 00:17:39
    because my mother you know deserves to
  • 00:17:42
    have company in her misery the agreement
  • 00:17:46
    that I saw was to an old boyfriend who I
  • 00:17:48
    had broken up with over 20 years before
  • 00:17:51
    that he was my high school boyfriend
  • 00:17:53
    Frank and we were very in love all
  • 00:17:57
    through high school and we even had
  • 00:17:58
    names picked out for our kids we were in
  • 00:18:01
    for the long haul
  • 00:18:01
    but when I graduated high school it just
  • 00:18:04
    became clear we had two different
  • 00:18:06
    has to go I want to go to college he
  • 00:18:08
    didn't he want to go into the business
  • 00:18:10
    of his family so we part ways in this
  • 00:18:13
    very dramatic way and it was you know
  • 00:18:16
    terribly Shakespearean in my heart and I
  • 00:18:20
    couldn't bear the thought of never being
  • 00:18:22
    with him again so ice I made a pledge to
  • 00:18:24
    him I said I'll tell you what we'll go
  • 00:18:27
    our separate ways now but when we're in
  • 00:18:30
    our 60s we'll come back together again
  • 00:18:32
    and then we'll get married which made
  • 00:18:36
    sense to me when I was 18 but it
  • 00:18:39
    obviously didn't register for him
  • 00:18:41
    because he went out and just got married
  • 00:18:42
    the next year and then had three
  • 00:18:44
    children and a very successful life but
  • 00:18:47
    you know I dreamt about him for 20 years
  • 00:18:49
    and I realized wow there's a part of me
  • 00:18:54
    still hoping still holding out that
  • 00:18:56
    maybe one day and I'm keeping myself
  • 00:18:59
    single because I'm thinking maybe one
  • 00:19:02
    day it will happen I also noticed the
  • 00:19:05
    toxic relational dynamics that had been
  • 00:19:09
    habitual which very often happens in
  • 00:19:12
    family relationships so all of these
  • 00:19:15
    things you know that needed to get up
  • 00:19:17
    leveled and cleared up and I needed to
  • 00:19:19
    start telling the truth and I needed to
  • 00:19:21
    start setting boundaries I basically
  • 00:19:23
    needed to start showing up consistently
  • 00:19:26
    in a way that was consistent with the
  • 00:19:29
    future that I was committed to creating
  • 00:19:30
    and have my loyalty there but the
  • 00:19:35
    biggest block to love was that my own
  • 00:19:39
    sense of self was incongruent with that
  • 00:19:43
    future fulfilled you see when I was a
  • 00:19:47
    child I was born to a teenage mother my
  • 00:19:50
    parents got married because they had to
  • 00:19:52
    is back in the 50s but they didn't like
  • 00:19:56
    each other very much so they fought a
  • 00:19:59
    lot and they fought so much that they
  • 00:20:03
    ended up having this very antagonistic
  • 00:20:06
    hostile separation and so my father left
  • 00:20:11
    eventually I lost connection with him
  • 00:20:13
    entirely even though he was kind of the
  • 00:20:15
    love of my life
  • 00:20:16
    and my mother was young and in college
  • 00:20:20
    and so and it was back before people
  • 00:20:23
    knew any better so she would leave me
  • 00:20:25
    home in an empty apartment at night when
  • 00:20:28
    she went out partying with her friends
  • 00:20:30
    because they thought it was okay to do
  • 00:20:32
    that back then and then I was a latchkey
  • 00:20:34
    kid which basically meant that for years
  • 00:20:37
    I came home after school and I was alone
  • 00:20:39
    in the house I was an only child so I
  • 00:20:41
    had formed this deep sense of myself as
  • 00:20:44
    fundamentally alone in this world that
  • 00:20:48
    no one would ever really be there for me
  • 00:20:51
    that I would never really get my needs
  • 00:20:53
    met by anybody and inside of now I think
  • 00:20:57
    a lot of us know these kind of core
  • 00:21:00
    wounds and the meaning that we make and
  • 00:21:02
    then the mishegoss that it kind of
  • 00:21:03
    creates in our lives but what was
  • 00:21:05
    different about this time because I'm
  • 00:21:08
    owning myself as the source I asked
  • 00:21:12
    myself how am I the source of keeping
  • 00:21:14
    this story alive how is it that I have
  • 00:21:21
    managed to stay on my own for all of
  • 00:21:24
    these years so in other words I wouldn't
  • 00:21:26
    even be victimized by my own
  • 00:21:27
    consciousness I wanted to know how it
  • 00:21:30
    was actually happening through me and
  • 00:21:32
    not just to me and inside of that
  • 00:21:34
    inquiry I started to see very clearly
  • 00:21:37
    well number one that I would get
  • 00:21:40
    involved with people who would
  • 00:21:41
    predictably not be able to be there for
  • 00:21:43
    me because they were committed elsewhere
  • 00:21:46
    number two that I had lowered my
  • 00:21:48
    expectations so much that I didn't even
  • 00:21:51
    bring my deeper feelings and needs to
  • 00:21:54
    the relationship I would just be the one
  • 00:21:56
    who gave all the time in a way that was
  • 00:21:59
    sign of a safer position because it was
  • 00:22:00
    the power position I'd never really have
  • 00:22:03
    to experience the disappointment of
  • 00:22:05
    people not being there for me I
  • 00:22:07
    perfected the art of self-sufficiency
  • 00:22:10
    I rarely asked for support I didn't let
  • 00:22:14
    people into my inner world and so when I
  • 00:22:17
    saw that clearly I asked myself
  • 00:22:19
    sweetheart what's actually true
  • 00:22:23
    about this story that you're all alone
  • 00:22:27
    and no one will ever be there for you
  • 00:22:28
    and everyone will always
  • 00:22:31
    and I realized it wasn't even true it
  • 00:22:34
    was a myth that I had made up as a child
  • 00:22:36
    and was living into that story and
  • 00:22:38
    perpetuating that story and how I was
  • 00:22:40
    showing up over and over and over again
  • 00:22:43
    and so I woke myself up out of this
  • 00:22:46
    story and I asked myself what is more
  • 00:22:51
    true than that story and what I came to
  • 00:22:54
    is that I came here to love and be loved
  • 00:22:58
    and I has the power to learn how to have
  • 00:23:01
    rich deep connections with others that
  • 00:23:04
    grow over time and then I asked myself
  • 00:23:08
    and how will I be showing up to create
  • 00:23:10
    that and I started to take the risk to
  • 00:23:13
    show up in ways that felt completely
  • 00:23:15
    outside of who I've known myself to be I
  • 00:23:17
    would be vulnerable I would be
  • 00:23:20
    transparent I started to actively take
  • 00:23:23
    on breaking up that structures I started
  • 00:23:25
    to take on projects that were bigger
  • 00:23:28
    than me that I would have to work with
  • 00:23:29
    other people and have to become reliant
  • 00:23:33
    upon peoples interdependent with people
  • 00:23:35
    and I started living into that future at
  • 00:23:38
    the level of my identity and that was
  • 00:23:40
    the biggest shift because the moment I
  • 00:23:42
    started to do that guess what people
  • 00:23:44
    actually started to be there for me at a
  • 00:23:46
    whole different level people started
  • 00:23:48
    telling me I am so relieved that you're
  • 00:23:50
    finally opening up to us that we finally
  • 00:23:53
    get to be there for you and that just
  • 00:23:56
    rocked my world because it wasn't how I
  • 00:23:58
    knew it to be so every insight that I
  • 00:24:02
    had went into an action immediately how
  • 00:24:05
    can I put this to good use how can I
  • 00:24:07
    show up differently what can I do to
  • 00:24:10
    generate life from the future backwards
  • 00:24:12
    in several weeks into this process I
  • 00:24:17
    called up a friend from my group and I
  • 00:24:19
    said I'm really getting impatient
  • 00:24:21
    because it's the end of March my
  • 00:24:23
    birthday's August he's not here yet
  • 00:24:27
    she said why don't you go online Kathryn
  • 00:24:29
    now that's a normal thing now 20 years
  • 00:24:32
    ago that was not a normal thing 20 years
  • 00:24:35
    ago people didn't even have their
  • 00:24:37
    pictures up online if you can even
  • 00:24:40
    imagine such a time
  • 00:24:42
    20 years ago it's still like one step
  • 00:24:45
    above the personal ads in the newspaper
  • 00:24:47
    you know like a Lonely Hearts Club kind
  • 00:24:49
    of feeling but I did it I did because I
  • 00:24:53
    was coachable I went online there was
  • 00:24:56
    only really one dating site but it had a
  • 00:24:58
    quarter of a million people it doesn't
  • 00:25:00
    even exist anymore had a quarter of a
  • 00:25:02
    million people and I start reading
  • 00:25:06
    through the profiles and I ended up
  • 00:25:08
    responding to only one person completely
  • 00:25:12
    anonymously you know back then they had
  • 00:25:15
    handles you know like no names or any
  • 00:25:18
    identifying characteristics no pictures
  • 00:25:20
    but you know two hearts beating is one I
  • 00:25:23
    was like the handle so I responded and
  • 00:25:27
    awkward a little email and then and then
  • 00:25:29
    that was it for me that was as much as I
  • 00:25:31
    could tolerate and the next day when I
  • 00:25:34
    woke up this gentleman had written me
  • 00:25:37
    back and it went straight into my email
  • 00:25:40
    box and his name was in parentheses and
  • 00:25:45
    it was the man I had dated six years
  • 00:25:49
    earlier who for years I had thought of
  • 00:25:52
    as the one that got away and we went out
  • 00:25:56
    on a coffee date and within a matter of
  • 00:25:58
    hours I knew he was the one I was
  • 00:26:01
    calling in we got married the next year
  • 00:26:05
    I gave birth to our daughter and at that
  • 00:26:08
    point I thought okay this can't just be
  • 00:26:10
    a personal miracle so I went back and I
  • 00:26:14
    started to try and decipher what I had
  • 00:26:17
    done and I saw that I started with a
  • 00:26:19
    really big bold intention and that I
  • 00:26:23
    followed it with calm taking complete
  • 00:26:25
    responsibility for myself as the source
  • 00:26:28
    of my experience and the third thing
  • 00:26:32
    that I did is that I aligned my identity
  • 00:26:35
    with my future self and began living
  • 00:26:38
    from that sense of self and the fourth
  • 00:26:42
    thing is that I saw myself as a
  • 00:26:44
    co-creator of this process I wasn't just
  • 00:26:47
    passively praying for love or hoping for
  • 00:26:51
    love or waiting for it to happen I
  • 00:26:53
    started to show up in a way that was
  • 00:26:55
    aligned with
  • 00:26:56
    my intuitive knowing that was breaking
  • 00:26:59
    up the old patterns and that was giving
  • 00:27:01
    me optimal opportunity to manifest that
  • 00:27:05
    miracle so I wrote a book about it and
  • 00:27:08
    that became calling in the one I had no
  • 00:27:11
    platform at the time I was kind of a
  • 00:27:13
    newbie psychotherapist if I took seven
  • 00:27:15
    years to get licensed and I had just
  • 00:27:18
    gotten my license and I wrote a book and
  • 00:27:21
    within four months it became a national
  • 00:27:24
    bestseller so here I have the great
  • 00:27:28
    husband I have the baby I have the
  • 00:27:30
    national best-selling book we bought our
  • 00:27:32
    dream house
  • 00:27:34
    thousands of people started coming to me
  • 00:27:37
    to teach them how to manifest love I was
  • 00:27:41
    kind of living happily ever after to the
  • 00:27:44
    hilt I had it down and then of course a
  • 00:27:50
    decade in we decided to get unmarried so
  • 00:27:58
    I had a little PR problem on my hands
  • 00:28:06
    and I didn't know if I was going to be
  • 00:28:09
    able to come back from it but I wasn't
  • 00:28:12
    willing to stay married for PR reasons I
  • 00:28:16
    needed to live an authentic life and so
  • 00:28:19
    I trusted the process and Mark and I
  • 00:28:23
    decided to get unmarried not because
  • 00:28:25
    anything was so horrible in our marriage
  • 00:28:28
    but because we'd really grown apart and
  • 00:28:31
    we felt that what was really strongest
  • 00:28:34
    between us was co-parenting or daughter
  • 00:28:36
    now I'll tell you when we first decided
  • 00:28:39
    this I was terrified it was going to be
  • 00:28:40
    like past breakups because I have had
  • 00:28:42
    some very bad breakups you know we had
  • 00:28:44
    Frank who I dreamt about for 20 years I
  • 00:28:46
    had another breakup in there when I
  • 00:28:47
    started smoking again I didn't eat or
  • 00:28:50
    sleep for a year half the hair on my
  • 00:28:52
    head fell out
  • 00:28:53
    it was very very traumatic so I was
  • 00:28:55
    afraid of that happening but the biggest
  • 00:28:57
    fear I had was that my daughter was
  • 00:28:59
    going to be damaged because we all know
  • 00:29:00
    that divorce damaged his children and
  • 00:29:02
    certainly my parents divorce did a lot
  • 00:29:03
    of crazy stuff to me and I saw you know
  • 00:29:06
    Mark also had had parental alienation
  • 00:29:08
    his parents got divorced so we were we
  • 00:29:10
    were we were very sensitive to this and
  • 00:29:14
    and the other thing I noticed at this
  • 00:29:17
    time is that I did feel I mean socially
  • 00:29:20
    embarrassed double so because of calling
  • 00:29:22
    in the one but I also felt a shame that
  • 00:29:25
    I knew a lot of other people feel at the
  • 00:29:27
    end of a breakup and so one day I was
  • 00:29:29
    just sitting with this sense of shame
  • 00:29:31
    and what I know about shame is you know
  • 00:29:32
    guilt is when we violate our own
  • 00:29:34
    internal rules but shame is when we
  • 00:29:37
    violate the rules of ours culture when
  • 00:29:41
    we're not being who were supposed to be
  • 00:29:43
    in this life and so I thought about it
  • 00:29:47
    you know and I and I and I wondered
  • 00:29:50
    whose standards am i holding myself
  • 00:29:52
    accountable to and that's when I
  • 00:29:55
    realized that we're all kind of inside
  • 00:29:57
    of the happily ever after myth so I got
  • 00:30:01
    curious about that and I went to
  • 00:30:04
    research that like who made this story
  • 00:30:07
    up anyway cuz we have it like God made
  • 00:30:09
    the mountains God made the Sun and God
  • 00:30:11
    made happily-ever-after
  • 00:30:13
    and what I discovered is that it's the
  • 00:30:16
    400 year old myth that started not far
  • 00:30:20
    from here in Venice Italy when the life
  • 00:30:23
    conditions were exceptionally different
  • 00:30:25
    than they are today
  • 00:30:25
    first of all the life span was less than
  • 00:30:27
    40 years of age it was certainly no
  • 00:30:29
    mobility where people were moving around
  • 00:30:31
    there was very little choice half the
  • 00:30:34
    children were struggling with illness to
  • 00:30:36
    the point where only half of them would
  • 00:30:38
    become 16 the rest would die you know in
  • 00:30:44
    that world okay probably smart to keep
  • 00:30:46
    the parents together and you also notice
  • 00:30:49
    and happily-ever-after
  • 00:30:50
    that there is this expectation of upward
  • 00:30:55
    mobility because all of happily ever
  • 00:31:00
    after you know is about a pauper a
  • 00:31:03
    commoner marrying a noble person well
  • 00:31:06
    did you know in Venice Italy 400 years
  • 00:31:08
    ago that there was actually a law on the
  • 00:31:13
    books that would prevent such a marriage
  • 00:31:15
    so if you were born in poverty you were
  • 00:31:18
    most certainly going to die in poverty
  • 00:31:21
    have to realize that these cultural
  • 00:31:23
    constructs come out of the life
  • 00:31:25
    conditions of the day and when I thought
  • 00:31:29
    about it like that I realized well the
  • 00:31:31
    life conditions of our time is serial
  • 00:31:35
    monogamy I'm not promoting serial
  • 00:31:38
    monogamy but most of us are slated to
  • 00:31:41
    have two or three very significant
  • 00:31:42
    relationships in our lifetime those are
  • 00:31:44
    the statistics so I thought well we're
  • 00:31:49
    up leveling our exercise programs and
  • 00:31:52
    our diets and our educational practices
  • 00:31:55
    shouldn't we maybe consider up leveling
  • 00:31:58
    our separation practices you know even
  • 00:32:02
    though I'm pro marriage I'm not pro
  • 00:32:05
    misery and I'm certainly not pro hostile
  • 00:32:09
    divorce because I know what that does to
  • 00:32:11
    children so mark and I got together and
  • 00:32:16
    we decided that we were going to align
  • 00:32:18
    upon the possibility that our daughter
  • 00:32:20
    could have a happy childhood and that we
  • 00:32:24
    could actually create a happy even after
  • 00:32:27
    family and a post-divorce family that
  • 00:32:31
    was cohesive and kind and contained
  • 00:32:33
    where she wouldn't have to choose sides
  • 00:32:35
    or she wouldn't have to deal with the
  • 00:32:37
    festering resentments now there was some
  • 00:32:40
    inner work that we had to do in order to
  • 00:32:42
    do that and the inner work was that we
  • 00:32:46
    had to manage our emotions you know
  • 00:32:49
    because there's almost a biological
  • 00:32:51
    component when we're breaking up with
  • 00:32:53
    people psychologists call it a rupture
  • 00:32:57
    of attachment it can be a very traumatic
  • 00:32:59
    thing and most of us know that we can
  • 00:33:02
    behave uncharacteristically bad at the
  • 00:33:04
    end of love and do things that we later
  • 00:33:07
    regret terribly or we see that other
  • 00:33:09
    people have done that to us the Japanese
  • 00:33:14
    have a saying that says you don't know
  • 00:33:15
    your wife until you divorce her
  • 00:33:21
    so I created these steps that allowed us
  • 00:33:24
    to do this well that would allow us to
  • 00:33:26
    live in alignment with our ethics as
  • 00:33:30
    opposed to our overwhelming emotions so
  • 00:33:32
    that we could show up in integrity with
  • 00:33:35
    who we actually are and even a positive
  • 00:33:38
    future happening not just for ourselves
  • 00:33:40
    but for everyone involved
  • 00:33:42
    so finding emotional freedom learning
  • 00:33:46
    how to manage those emotions and
  • 00:33:47
    actually take the negative energy and
  • 00:33:49
    transform them into good or reclaiming
  • 00:33:54
    our power in our life which is really
  • 00:33:56
    about noticing the deep dark resentments
  • 00:34:00
    that we hold on to and let me just tell
  • 00:34:04
    you something if you are a person who's
  • 00:34:06
    struggling with resentment it's it's
  • 00:34:08
    probably because somebody behaved badly
  • 00:34:11
    see we just have to validate the hurt
  • 00:34:15
    that we've experienced relationally it
  • 00:34:18
    happened you know it did happen it was a
  • 00:34:21
    violation so we don't want to skip over
  • 00:34:24
    that but we don't want to be dominated
  • 00:34:27
    by it so I like to say even if summer
  • 00:34:30
    was 97 percent wrong you want to look at
  • 00:34:34
    your three percent because that's what
  • 00:34:36
    you can get your life from because you
  • 00:34:39
    look at that 3 percent you say ok even
  • 00:34:44
    though you know that person was a
  • 00:34:45
    narcissist and they were malignant they
  • 00:34:48
    did all this stuff to me the truth is is
  • 00:34:51
    that I was giving my power away to that
  • 00:34:53
    person I was pretending to be less than
  • 00:34:57
    Who I am I was ignoring my own deeper
  • 00:35:00
    knowing I was dismissing my feelings and
  • 00:35:04
    needs and service to taking care of the
  • 00:35:07
    perceived feelings and needs of someone
  • 00:35:09
    else
  • 00:35:10
    see once you start to look at your 3
  • 00:35:12
    percent that's a very consuming place to
  • 00:35:16
    be putting your attention we have a lot
  • 00:35:18
    of work to do on ourselves on that 3
  • 00:35:20
    percent so you know forgiveness is an
  • 00:35:23
    organic process when you really wake up
  • 00:35:26
    to yourself as the co-creator of a
  • 00:35:29
    dynamic and you make an amends to
  • 00:35:31
    yourself you promise yourself that from
  • 00:35:33
    this moment forward I will always live
  • 00:35:36
    in integrity with the truth of who I am
  • 00:35:38
    I will always honor my deeper knowing
  • 00:35:41
    and take responsibility for myself I
  • 00:35:44
    will always negotiate for my knee
  • 00:35:48
    I will always take responsibility for
  • 00:35:50
    presencing myself right so you can get
  • 00:35:54
    your life out of that moment I know that
  • 00:35:57
    your whole life is going to change not
  • 00:35:59
    just in intimate love but everywhere
  • 00:36:01
    because you've been doing it everywhere
  • 00:36:05
    there's also the insult to identity that
  • 00:36:08
    a breakup is where once you were you
  • 00:36:10
    know you know the most wanted person in
  • 00:36:13
    the world and now suddenly if you're
  • 00:36:15
    rejected you're deeply unwanted and we
  • 00:36:17
    tend to default to what I call your
  • 00:36:18
    source fracture story which is the
  • 00:36:21
    original wounding in your heart so
  • 00:36:24
    breakups have broken us open to have a
  • 00:36:26
    complete transformation at the level of
  • 00:36:29
    identity and to begin to see how we have
  • 00:36:32
    been duplicating old wounds in that
  • 00:36:34
    relationship and if you can really take
  • 00:36:37
    responsibility for yourself as the
  • 00:36:39
    source you could even start to see how
  • 00:36:40
    you almost set somebody up to fail you
  • 00:36:43
    in the same ways see this is really the
  • 00:36:46
    truth this is the truth and this truth
  • 00:36:49
    is what does set us free because we can
  • 00:36:53
    finally go back to that original story
  • 00:36:55
    that consciousness that we landed upon
  • 00:36:58
    about who we are in relationship and we
  • 00:37:00
    can begin to challenge that part of us
  • 00:37:03
    and recognize the deeper truth of
  • 00:37:05
    ourselves as worthy as powerful as
  • 00:37:09
    already deeply loved and we can begin to
  • 00:37:13
    mentor that younger self in our bodies
  • 00:37:16
    so that he or she is no longer running
  • 00:37:18
    the show and we can start to show up in
  • 00:37:21
    our power in our in our integrity and in
  • 00:37:24
    our authenticity and relationships so
  • 00:37:28
    those are the first three steps that are
  • 00:37:30
    internal the fourth and fifth is about
  • 00:37:32
    how to create peace how to generate
  • 00:37:34
    cohesion how to create healing how to
  • 00:37:37
    dissolve the resentments between you how
  • 00:37:39
    to set up structures where everyone gets
  • 00:37:41
    to win moving forward how to align your
  • 00:37:44
    community on the new form of
  • 00:37:45
    relationship and so I wrote all of this
  • 00:37:51
    down too and when I wrote all of this
  • 00:37:55
    down
  • 00:37:56
    Gwyneth Paltrow heard about it and she
  • 00:37:58
    popped it into the lexicon
  • 00:38:00
    and the whole world suddenly knew about
  • 00:38:04
    this new alternative to antagonistic
  • 00:38:09
    hostile de voice and its divorce and it
  • 00:38:11
    started a global conversation that
  • 00:38:16
    didn't exist before I wrote it down and
  • 00:38:20
    created conscious uncoupling so how
  • 00:38:24
    would a world leader of love and light
  • 00:38:28
    order her morning coffee about a year
  • 00:38:39
    ago I decided that it was time for me to
  • 00:38:43
    call in the next one and I felt a little
  • 00:38:49
    insecure about it because you know I'm a
  • 00:38:53
    little older and now I'm well known and
  • 00:38:59
    I have you know a big life and who in
  • 00:39:02
    the world could match me and I'm such a
  • 00:39:06
    specialty item you know we all have all
  • 00:39:10
    these reasons about why it's for other
  • 00:39:12
    people or not for us
  • 00:39:13
    if I went through the room I'd hear your
  • 00:39:16
    reason about why it's for other people
  • 00:39:17
    and not for you
  • 00:39:20
    so I decided though to put one foot in
  • 00:39:23
    front of the other and my version of a
  • 00:39:25
    vision board was to resurrect my singing
  • 00:39:29
    career and to create an album called
  • 00:39:33
    lucky in love and I had the good fortune
  • 00:39:37
    of working with the Koren brothers who
  • 00:39:40
    our dear friend Monique Dubois who's
  • 00:39:42
    coming on the stage later also works
  • 00:39:44
    with and there are these two Australian
  • 00:39:48
    angel people who get up underneath
  • 00:39:53
    singers and begin to collaborate with
  • 00:39:55
    them and kind of create musical magic
  • 00:39:58
    and so I shared with them that I had
  • 00:40:00
    this vision of wanting to do this album
  • 00:40:02
    as a form of weaving a new future into
  • 00:40:05
    existence and so they partnered with me
  • 00:40:08
    and I I managed to write the breakup
  • 00:40:10
    song the forgiveness song
  • 00:40:14
    the getting into the consciousness of
  • 00:40:16
    love song the early stage of dating song
  • 00:40:20
    I even managed to write that oh I might
  • 00:40:25
    be falling for you song but what I
  • 00:40:29
    couldn't write was the having of love a
  • 00:40:32
    song I just was like a frozen block so
  • 00:40:38
    it was getting procrastinated and
  • 00:40:39
    suddenly I needed to wash the kitchen
  • 00:40:41
    floor like that so I called up Isaac one
  • 00:40:49
    of the brothers I said I'm really
  • 00:40:52
    stopped and and where I'm stopped is
  • 00:40:55
    that I'm at a place of non possibility
  • 00:40:57
    I'm feeling a little emotionally
  • 00:41:00
    centered in resignation here you know
  • 00:41:03
    even the queen of calling in the wood
  • 00:41:04
    needs support none of her friends we all
  • 00:41:06
    need each other to hold the high watch
  • 00:41:08
    for each other so he talked to me for
  • 00:41:11
    maybe about an hour and at the end of
  • 00:41:15
    the hour it it opened the door opened
  • 00:41:18
    because he listened to all my story in
  • 00:41:21
    all the past and all the reasons why and
  • 00:41:25
    he got it he witnessed it and then we
  • 00:41:28
    went right into possibility together so
  • 00:41:31
    when I got off the phone
  • 00:41:33
    I was able to write this beautiful song
  • 00:41:36
    of the having of love and I just want to
  • 00:41:40
    sing the first verse I'm hoping I can
  • 00:41:41
    sing right now sitting by the fire on a
  • 00:41:45
    Saturday night reading David White by
  • 00:41:49
    the flickering light I look up and
  • 00:41:52
    you're smiling it's only been a year
  • 00:41:55
    since the night that we Wed when we
  • 00:41:59
    danced till dawn and then lay flowers in
  • 00:42:01
    our bed as the Sun started rising and
  • 00:42:06
    then the lyric continues thank you
  • 00:42:12
    [Applause]
  • 00:42:15
    thank you could we grow roots like a
  • 00:42:19
    tree go as deep as the sea together
  • 00:42:21
    could we expand like the sky and sail
  • 00:42:25
    right on by bad weather for once in my
  • 00:42:28
    life I can hear the music to my song
  • 00:42:31
    everything's right as I listen to you
  • 00:42:34
    sing along harmonize on and on I love
  • 00:42:38
    you and so we went into the recording
  • 00:42:42
    studio and by the way for those of you
  • 00:42:44
    don't know who David White is he's a
  • 00:42:46
    beautiful prolific poet so we went into
  • 00:42:50
    the recording studio and we recorded it
  • 00:42:53
    we called the song I love you
  • 00:42:55
    which never felt quite right but it was
  • 00:42:58
    the only was like a okay well I can't
  • 00:43:01
    think of another name so I'll call it I
  • 00:43:02
    love you and a few weeks later I met
  • 00:43:06
    Michael through another crazy securities
  • 00:43:11
    shouldn't really happen this way
  • 00:43:13
    wasn't except expecting it didn't see it
  • 00:43:16
    coming didn't try and make it happen
  • 00:43:18
    just showed up and we fell deeply in
  • 00:43:21
    love three weeks into our courtship
  • 00:43:26
    without knowing about this song Michael
  • 00:43:30
    sent me a David white poem and so right
  • 00:43:36
    now we're building our beautiful lives
  • 00:43:38
    together
  • 00:43:39
    and of course you know I've grown myself
  • 00:43:42
    richer and deeper and wiser because I'm
  • 00:43:44
    always leaning into who I would need to
  • 00:43:47
    become and so that what's possible in
  • 00:43:51
    the relationship is a different kind of
  • 00:43:53
    depth that I've ever experienced before
  • 00:43:58
    so the four things about how to manifest
  • 00:44:02
    a miracle okay four things number one
  • 00:44:07
    stop boring God with your little tiny
  • 00:44:11
    visions go for something that's
  • 00:44:14
    completely impossible go for something
  • 00:44:18
    that is bigger than you are
  • 00:44:20
    and that you have no way of knowing how
  • 00:44:23
    that could ever possibly happen because
  • 00:44:26
    I think we inspire
  • 00:44:28
    the Angels when we do that you unleash
  • 00:44:32
    all sorts of synchronicity and magic
  • 00:44:35
    when you do that so start with a big big
  • 00:44:40
    big vision put it out there and if you
  • 00:44:43
    want to have a lot of urgency in your
  • 00:44:47
    life put it in time this shall be so I'm
  • 00:44:50
    gonna make my first million dollars
  • 00:44:53
    within one year that's like kind of like
  • 00:44:57
    go you're on you can see because when
  • 00:45:00
    you when you put a big vision into the
  • 00:45:02
    future it almost begins to pull you into
  • 00:45:06
    who you need to be what you need to do
  • 00:45:08
    it begins to give you your actions and
  • 00:45:12
    who you actually and and it informs you
  • 00:45:15
    about the ways you need to grow and
  • 00:45:16
    develop immediately with an urgency
  • 00:45:20
    number two is you want to be living your
  • 00:45:24
    life as though you are the source of it
  • 00:45:26
    now it's not like we're not victimized
  • 00:45:29
    we're victimized by a lot it's a choice
  • 00:45:34
    to live in a way where you see yourself
  • 00:45:37
    as the source of everything how am i the
  • 00:45:39
    source of it don't get caught up in the
  • 00:45:43
    negativity a victimization because
  • 00:45:46
    you'll get stuck there you want to
  • 00:45:48
    always ask how did I give my power away
  • 00:45:50
    what was my part in this how might I
  • 00:45:53
    reclaim my power sometimes not being
  • 00:45:58
    victimized is just well Who am I going
  • 00:46:00
    to be in the face of this because there
  • 00:46:03
    really wasn't anything that you did to
  • 00:46:04
    create it but it's the most powerful
  • 00:46:07
    creative way to live life
  • 00:46:09
    creativity begins where victimization
  • 00:46:13
    ends there is no creativity and
  • 00:46:16
    victimization there is only reaction
  • 00:46:19
    there is not creation the third thing
  • 00:46:25
    the most important thing is you can't
  • 00:46:28
    you must align your vision with the self
  • 00:46:31
    of your future fulfilled we cannot
  • 00:46:34
    receive into our lives that which is
  • 00:46:37
    inconsistent with our identity to have
  • 00:46:39
    we absolutely can't if you
  • 00:46:41
    look at your life you're gonna see that
  • 00:46:48
    there are things that are easy for you
  • 00:46:50
    to manifest and you'll interview and if
  • 00:46:51
    you look at the identity you have in
  • 00:46:54
    there you're going to see that you you
  • 00:46:56
    kind of expect these things to come to
  • 00:46:59
    you expect that you can make money or
  • 00:47:00
    make friends or that your health is
  • 00:47:02
    going to be good that you're always
  • 00:47:05
    going to have another job you'll land on
  • 00:47:06
    your feet
  • 00:47:08
    some of you expect love and you get it
  • 00:47:12
    maybe everyone in your family always had
  • 00:47:15
    that thing maybe you were always told
  • 00:47:16
    you were good at that particular thing
  • 00:47:19
    the things that we struggle with in life
  • 00:47:22
    are those things that are outside of our
  • 00:47:23
    identity to have and when I talk about
  • 00:47:26
    identity what I'm really talking about
  • 00:47:28
    is the self that you've formed in
  • 00:47:29
    response to the traumas that you went
  • 00:47:31
    through and it might be generational you
  • 00:47:36
    might inherit an identity from your
  • 00:47:38
    mother's trauma or your grandmother's
  • 00:47:40
    trauma or your grandfather's trauma it
  • 00:47:42
    works that way so we don't have to
  • 00:47:46
    resolve all the trauma in our lives
  • 00:47:49
    before we can have what we desire what
  • 00:47:52
    we need to do is to stop identifying and
  • 00:47:55
    being defined by that trauma and to
  • 00:47:57
    awaken to who we actually are because
  • 00:48:01
    the fulfillment of your vision is
  • 00:48:04
    outside of that old story and you want
  • 00:48:07
    to start to define your life according
  • 00:48:09
    to the future that you're committed to
  • 00:48:10
    creating and not what you've endured in
  • 00:48:13
    your past and then the fourth thing is
  • 00:48:18
    to awaken to yourself as a co-creator of
  • 00:48:20
    that future fulfilled to give up you
  • 00:48:23
    know praying for hoping for wishing for
  • 00:48:26
    waiting for someone to invite you
  • 00:48:29
    waiting to be noticed you want to begin
  • 00:48:33
    to generate that future inside of the
  • 00:48:35
    actions you're taking the choices that
  • 00:48:38
    you're making you want to start to hold
  • 00:48:40
    yourself accountable for being who you'd
  • 00:48:42
    need to be in order to have a fill upon
  • 00:48:44
    that future and begin acting on it and
  • 00:48:47
    don't fall into the trap of thinking
  • 00:48:50
    that psychological insight has anything
  • 00:48:54
    to do with action
  • 00:48:56
    psychological insight is great but it's
  • 00:48:59
    only the beginning of the journey we
  • 00:49:02
    have to make an effort to evolve
  • 00:49:04
    ourselves beyond that story so really my
  • 00:49:12
    message here today is just to tell you
  • 00:49:14
    that the past doesn't define what's
  • 00:49:16
    possible for you at all it informs who
  • 00:49:21
    you are today but it doesn't define you
  • 00:49:24
    what actually defines you is the future
  • 00:49:26
    that you're standing for creating so be
  • 00:49:29
    bold be brave take action in that
  • 00:49:33
    direction and let the magic begin
  • 00:49:35
    thank you very much
  • 00:49:37
    [Applause]
  • 00:49:41
    [Music]
Etiquetas
  • motivation
  • personal growth
  • love
  • relationship
  • vision
  • identity
  • manifestation
  • self-improvement
  • divorce
  • co-parenting