Brandon Jones Speaks His Truth

01:26:13
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lct9WPKcYck

Summary

TLDRIn this heartfelt podcast episode, Brandon Jones, a former reality TV contestant, shares his journey through a challenging breakup with his ex-fiancée, Serene. He reflects on how moving into a one-bedroom apartment highlighted their relationship issues, leading to emotional turmoil for both. Following the breakup, Brandon experienced anxiety and depression, struggles amplified by his time on a reality TV show. Journaling became a crucial tool for him, helping him manage his thoughts and emotions. Despite attending therapy, both individual and couples, Brandon and Serene's relationship could not withstand the mounting resentment. Public perception and scrutiny further complicated his emotional journey. Ultimately, Brandon seeks to understand and move past his experiences, while maintaining his authentic self both on and off-screen. His story is a testament to the complexities of navigating personal issues in the public eye and the pursuit of self-peace.

Takeaways

  • 📝 Journaling is a powerful tool for emotional processing and mindfulness.
  • ❤️ Vulnerability can lead to better self-understanding and healing.
  • 🚪 Moving in together highlighted underlying relationship issues for Brandon.
  • 🧠 Public perception can heavily influence mental health.
  • 💔 Breakups can trigger a cascade of emotional stages, including denial and anger.
  • 😔 Both partners built resentment, leading to the relationship's end.
  • 🔍 Anxiety from reality TV experiences contributed to Brandon's struggles.
  • 🌄 Brandon aims to find peace and personal growth following the breakup.
  • 📚 Accepting and learning from past events is crucial for moving forward.
  • 🌻 Understanding oneself can prevent future emotional valleys.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The conversation starts with one of the speakers reflecting on a past breakup and how living together in a one-bedroom apartment with his partner led to many of their relationship problems. He describes feeling emotionally exhausted, unable to communicate effectively, and experiencing resentment from both sides. Despite attempts to support each other, the relationship deteriorates to the point of ending.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The podcast's host introduces the intent behind the platform, emphasizing the openness for men to discuss mental health without judgment. The guest, Brandon Jones, is introduced, who plans to discuss vulnerable aspects of a previous relationship. The bond between the host and guest is mentioned, along with their shared history as roommates on a reality TV show, setting the stage for the episode's themes.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The conversation focuses on the host's gratitude towards Brandon for introducing him to journaling, which plays a significant role in mindfulness and coping strategies. They explore the impact of reality TV on personal perception, discussing the pressure to maintain certain appearances and how that influenced Brandon's life post-show. The host acknowledges Brandon's influence in his life, attributing personal growth to this friendship.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    Brandon reflects on his reality TV experience, touching upon his unexpected popularity and the challenges of dealing with public perceptions. They recount experiences from being on the show and subsequent recognition, exploring the dichotomy between public reputation and personal internal struggles. Brandon shares how journaling became a tool for him to deal with emotional lows and public scrutiny.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    The dialogue shifts to understanding self-love and resilience amidst criticism. Brandon discusses the hurt from not being supported by his hometown and the realization of self-worth as independent of public opinion. Understanding controllability becomes crucial, and journaling helps in distinguishing between control and uncontrollable elements. This self-awareness aids in navigating public life post-show.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    Brandon expresses being in an emotional valley and recovering from various personal and health challenges, including anxiety developed post-show. Despite external success, he describes feeling internally low, much like an athlete facing new challenges each season. There's a focus on managing public perceptions and personal identities while dealing with mental health.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    The relationship dynamics between Brandon and his then-partner, Serene, are explored, detailing the aftermath of their engagement ending. The complexity of their living situation and personal issues, such as anxiety and lack of communication, contributed to the downfall. Brandon accepts responsibility for part of the dysfunction, illuminating the strain on personal well-being while in public view.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The host introduces the five stages of grief framework, placing Brandon's experience within this context. Brandon identifies as having reached acceptance regarding his breakup, yet acknowledges difficulty in moving past the anger and depression stages. They agree that understanding these stages can help contextualize experiences and aid healing.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    Brandon delves deeper into the breakdown of his engagement with Serene, marking the beginning of emotional turmoil with their separation. He recounts the period leading up to and following the end of the engagement, noting the struggle in communicating and emotional disconnect. Despite acknowledging a lack of alignment, he describes the transition as deeply painful.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    The impact of public scrutiny on the post-breakup period intensifies as Brandon's actions in Austin raise further complications. Though technically single, his actions of dancing with another woman are seen as controversial due to recent breakup dynamics, exacerbating distrust and emotional pain. Despite the technical breakup, there's mutual damage from misaligned expectations.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:55:00

    Brandon recounts how being seemingly unable to move forward emotionally from the breakup led to extensive emotional pain, with ongoing apologies and reconciliations attempted. He describes feeling unfairly persecuted by public narratives and personally attacked as he tries to manage both personal accountability and the consequences of public exposure.

  • 00:55:00 - 01:00:00

    The conversation underscores the profound influence of reality TV on personal relationships and mental health, with Brandon reflecting on the anxiety he felt post-show and its effects on his personal life. Detailed are the struggles with being continuously perceived through a curated public persona, which affected his relationship assumptions and overall personal development.

  • 01:00:00 - 01:05:00

    Brandon highlights the patchwork of overlapping emotions post-breakup, where public perception blurred with personal turmoil. There's a parallel between needing public validation and personal hurt, leading to miscommunications and increased scrutiny. Even with transparency attempts, as with journaling and therapy, full confidence remained elusive due to the external pressure.

  • 01:05:00 - 01:10:00

    The ongoing tension between Brandon and Serene escalates as additional details emerge of continued conflict and manipulation. The narrative of potential deceit on her part surfaces, intensifying Brandon's existing emotional distress. Descriptions of control dynamics contribute to a picture of a relationship grappling under public and private pressures.

  • 01:10:00 - 01:15:00

    With comprehensive acknowledgment of past relationship failures, Brandon talks about seeking closure and peace after manipulation and misunderstandings compounded personal challenges. There's an expression of hope for personal growth and freedom from past relationships, emphasizing an ongoing journey toward mental clarity and self-acceptance.

  • 01:15:00 - 01:20:00

    Brandon reflects on taking responsibility while also addressing feelings of betrayal and misrepresentation, finding it challenging to maintain high-profile relationships due to trust issues. He feels the need for self-care and growth post-breakup, expressing gratitude for supportive friendships but recognizing the ongoing struggle to restore personal trust.

  • 01:20:00 - 01:26:13

    The podcast concludes with Brandon acknowledging the cathartic effect of sharing his story, touching upon the concept of addressing vs. suppressing trauma. Closure is sought through vocalizing past challenges, intending to ensure personal growth and proper public understanding, fostering a healthier future narrative without lingering fear and anxiety.

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Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • When did the valley of Brandon's emotional journey begin?

    Brandon felt that the immediate aftermath, especially moving in together and later the breakup, marked the beginning of his emotional valley.

  • What mental health challenges did Brandon face after the show?

    He struggled with communicating negative emotions and felt burdened by anxiety after the show.

  • How did journaling help Brandon?

    Journaling helped him to process thoughts, control emotions, and maintain a sense of self-awareness and mindfulness.

  • What was Brandon’s focus during his healing process?

    Brandon expressed the need for personal growth and self-reliance during his healing process.

  • What contributed to the end of Brandon's relationship?

    Their therapy sessions stopped being effective, and both partners built up resentment towards each other.

  • How did public perception and scrutiny affect Brandon?

    He maintained that he was deeply affected by online scrutiny and societal expectations following the show.

  • What is Brandon’s hope for his future after the breakup?

    He hopes to move forward by making peace with his past experiences and learning from them.

  • How did the reality TV experience impact Brandon's emotional state?

    Brandon was deeply impacted by the reality TV experience, leading to heightened emotional sensitivity and a need to process it.

  • What does Brandon want people to understand about him?

    Brandon wants people to recognize that the person he was on TV is also his true self off-screen.

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  • 00:00:00
    you had mentioned that you had a a clear
  • 00:00:02
    Valley that you wanted to discuss yeah
  • 00:00:04
    and that Valley was
  • 00:00:07
    the
  • 00:00:09
    immediate aftermath of your breakup I
  • 00:00:12
    think that when I was in a valley was
  • 00:00:14
    probably when we moved together in San
  • 00:00:16
    Diego and just being in that one-bedroom
  • 00:00:19
    apartment together that's kind of where
  • 00:00:21
    all our problems started stemming from I
  • 00:00:24
    was taking so much energy from her and
  • 00:00:26
    just like because I felt you know when I
  • 00:00:29
    did try to communicate those negative
  • 00:00:31
    emotions I felt like they weren't
  • 00:00:32
    reciprocated they were just like taken
  • 00:00:34
    in by her and then flipped into oh I
  • 00:00:37
    felt that once this is my story then
  • 00:00:40
    it's just like it was just got to a
  • 00:00:43
    point where like when we f it was like
  • 00:00:45
    we F and like I didn't like her actions
  • 00:00:48
    that she was doing and some of the
  • 00:00:50
    things that she was doing during those
  • 00:00:51
    fights and during those low moments to
  • 00:00:53
    the point where I just like I just
  • 00:00:55
    started resenting her and then she
  • 00:00:57
    started resenting me and you know we
  • 00:00:59
    couldn't like
  • 00:01:00
    we couldn't even like hug on some days
  • 00:01:02
    and we couldn't kiss each other on some
  • 00:01:04
    days it's just cuz she was like yo I
  • 00:01:06
    just like mentally I can't do that I
  • 00:01:08
    can't have any physicality with you
  • 00:01:09
    right now doing that for so long man
  • 00:01:11
    it's just like if we're not trying to
  • 00:01:13
    work with each other and like trying to
  • 00:01:15
    like build each other up then it's just
  • 00:01:16
    like I think we both just got to a place
  • 00:01:18
    where it's just not getting better and
  • 00:01:20
    then the relationship's over and she's
  • 00:01:23
    throwing the ring at me and I have that
  • 00:01:25
    and it's just like yo like like that
  • 00:01:27
    shit's tough dude welcome everyone to
  • 00:01:30
    the beyond the cover
  • 00:01:31
    podcast my intent with creating this
  • 00:01:34
    podcast was to provide a platform where
  • 00:01:36
    men can speak openly about their
  • 00:01:37
    Journeys with mental health without fear
  • 00:01:39
    of judgment while doing so while I the
  • 00:01:43
    host or you The Listener may not agree
  • 00:01:45
    with everything or anything that a
  • 00:01:47
    certain guest says for that matter my
  • 00:01:50
    focus is not to decipher what is right
  • 00:01:52
    or wrong rather it's to gain a better
  • 00:01:55
    understanding of why somebody thinks and
  • 00:01:57
    acts the way that they do and with this
  • 00:02:00
    understanding we will begin to make
  • 00:02:02
    better sense of our own lives and the
  • 00:02:04
    world around us so join me as we open
  • 00:02:08
    the books into these men's Journeys and
  • 00:02:11
    dissect the pages with
  • 00:02:13
    them today's guest is Brandon Jones
  • 00:02:17
    Brandon is a really good friend of mine
  • 00:02:19
    and today Brandon wanted to dive deep
  • 00:02:22
    into a previous relationship and talk
  • 00:02:24
    about things he hasn't discussed before
  • 00:02:26
    it's very vulnerable it was very
  • 00:02:29
    challenging for to share the story but
  • 00:02:31
    he felt that today was the right time to
  • 00:02:33
    do it so without further Ado let's Jump
  • 00:02:36
    Right
  • 00:02:37
    In Brandon Jones welcome to beyond the
  • 00:02:41
    cover how's it
  • 00:02:43
    going it's going great uh this uh coming
  • 00:02:46
    together as quickly as it did um this is
  • 00:02:49
    going to be a very
  • 00:02:51
    passionate episode um I know that you
  • 00:02:54
    have a lot in your mind um you and I
  • 00:02:56
    have talked in depth about just life man
  • 00:02:59
    and the last I feel like this is just
  • 00:03:01
    like a live pillow talk you know what I
  • 00:03:03
    mean like on the show so I was wondering
  • 00:03:05
    if you're going to bring that up I think
  • 00:03:07
    it's fun to give a little backstory um
  • 00:03:10
    you and I were roommates on the bachette
  • 00:03:12
    yes sir I won't say begrudgingly I just
  • 00:03:16
    don't think we really connected prior to
  • 00:03:17
    that point they put us in a you were in
  • 00:03:19
    drama dog I yeah oh I was that's right
  • 00:03:23
    with uh with with Joe yeah with Joe yeah
  • 00:03:26
    stay clear I sniffed it out I said that
  • 00:03:28
    that Joe and Michelle knew other
  • 00:03:30
    beforehand and I was right I said I got
  • 00:03:32
    the vibe that like those two knew each
  • 00:03:33
    other and then I got in the hot seat cuz
  • 00:03:35
    I was I was the one speaking up and I
  • 00:03:37
    was like that's it I'm not speaking up
  • 00:03:38
    anymore yeah no no no no but to 30 guys
  • 00:03:41
    who are like emotionally like their
  • 00:03:43
    emotions are through the roof yeah
  • 00:03:45
    exactly and I was in a foreign
  • 00:03:46
    environment and I was scared all a
  • 00:03:48
    sudden I'm like oh my gosh I just drew
  • 00:03:49
    all this fire on me and Michelle pulls
  • 00:03:50
    me aside so I heard youve been talking
  • 00:03:52
    I'm like oh here we go I'm going home yo
  • 00:03:56
    yeah and then I was like bro I'm not I'm
  • 00:03:57
    not going to be associated with this kid
  • 00:03:59
    right now like yeah so we we didn't
  • 00:04:01
    really Converse [ __ ] people from
  • 00:04:04
    Missouri are
  • 00:04:05
    crazy and those damn West coaster too
  • 00:04:08
    man West coasters are weirdos that's
  • 00:04:11
    what I used to think I was like man
  • 00:04:12
    people are woo woo on the west coast
  • 00:04:14
    they're wooo is they're hippie and all
  • 00:04:16
    that that's
  • 00:04:17
    true but no we we became they put us in
  • 00:04:21
    in uh as roommates when we went to
  • 00:04:24
    Minnesota mhm and you you bring up the
  • 00:04:27
    pillow talks
  • 00:04:30
    so we would have these late night
  • 00:04:31
    conversations because you wouldn't let
  • 00:04:33
    me sleep no you always to talk I was
  • 00:04:37
    stoked yeah I'm coming back from a hot
  • 00:04:39
    date bro I gota let you were one of the
  • 00:04:40
    Front Runners I mean you were meanwhile
  • 00:04:42
    I'm here like just fighting to stay
  • 00:04:43
    around but you a after once the the
  • 00:04:47
    episodes or or you know the day ended
  • 00:04:49
    wrapped and they we went off camera you
  • 00:04:51
    we went to our respective you know hotel
  • 00:04:53
    rooms and you and I were roommates and
  • 00:04:56
    we would just sit and talk about life
  • 00:04:58
    yeah that's where the pillow talks began
  • 00:05:01
    how it all started yeah yeah I I want to
  • 00:05:04
    thank you
  • 00:05:05
    for being one of the pillars in my life
  • 00:05:09
    to of starting to put me down the path
  • 00:05:12
    of awareness and mindfulness because you
  • 00:05:15
    taught me the power of journaling yeah
  • 00:05:18
    and I have a journal right here hey it's
  • 00:05:20
    huge but I remember saying you you what
  • 00:05:23
    is that you're like it's a journal is
  • 00:05:26
    that a diary you're like yeah whatever
  • 00:05:28
    you want to call it and I was like why
  • 00:05:31
    why do you write in that and we talked
  • 00:05:33
    and we talked about so much stuff but I
  • 00:05:35
    ended up having a journal on The
  • 00:05:37
    Bachelor and it was because of you I
  • 00:05:39
    asked for one I read in your book and I
  • 00:05:42
    wrote all about it and now I I picked it
  • 00:05:45
    up four months ago and I've been writing
  • 00:05:46
    it every day and it's it's it's one of
  • 00:05:49
    the single greatest gifts for
  • 00:05:50
    mindfulness just putting thoughts on the
  • 00:05:52
    paper just getting it out just like out
  • 00:05:55
    yeah frustrations everything you got to
  • 00:05:56
    get it out man that makes me happy that
  • 00:05:58
    like yeah so I want thank you for that
  • 00:06:00
    and you you truly are one of my greatest
  • 00:06:05
    blessings as far as people that I've met
  • 00:06:07
    in the last two years I mean you were
  • 00:06:08
    the catalyst so thank
  • 00:06:10
    you damn all right we we cut the podcast
  • 00:06:13
    here that's all I needed to hear but you
  • 00:06:15
    see so so with
  • 00:06:17
    that you you've done so much for me but
  • 00:06:21
    also again I want to go you know on the
  • 00:06:23
    cover Brandon Jones on the cover we're
  • 00:06:26
    going to dive into the pages but on the
  • 00:06:28
    front cover you were the season of the
  • 00:06:30
    bachette runner up you were America's
  • 00:06:32
    sweetheart I mean you came you came out
  • 00:06:35
    everyone that's what everyone says but
  • 00:06:36
    it didn't feel like that you know what I
  • 00:06:39
    mean and I want says you're America
  • 00:06:42
    sweetheart you're America sweetheart and
  • 00:06:43
    I want to dive into that because I I I
  • 00:06:45
    feel that energy I know that that's not
  • 00:06:47
    the way you felt but but you had a well
  • 00:06:50
    you rolled out on a bed that was like
  • 00:06:51
    your first appearance no that was you
  • 00:06:53
    said I don't what did you say hop in or
  • 00:06:57
    how this guy become the sweetheart man
  • 00:06:58
    this is some
  • 00:07:00
    aer0 lay on the bed uh so uh I rolled
  • 00:07:04
    out on a bed dude it was we came up with
  • 00:07:07
    it in the hotel room I was just laying
  • 00:07:08
    there I was like they were like the
  • 00:07:10
    producer was like yo what if you just
  • 00:07:12
    rolled out just like that and I was just
  • 00:07:14
    laying on the bed there just thinking I
  • 00:07:15
    was like what I want to show you what
  • 00:07:17
    it's like to wake up next to me and he's
  • 00:07:19
    like that was Li
  • 00:07:21
    y I said I said is that a sweetheart com
  • 00:07:24
    was that a Playboy com roll I was so
  • 00:07:26
    confident up in the car I was so
  • 00:07:27
    confident to get my bed ready I'm laying
  • 00:07:29
    there I'm like yo this is solid I roll
  • 00:07:31
    out I'm like I see your face I was like
  • 00:07:33
    yo this is the worst mistake I think
  • 00:07:35
    I've ever made so that too late yeah I
  • 00:07:36
    was like it's it's too late and then I
  • 00:07:38
    said it and then yeah then she just sat
  • 00:07:41
    in bed with me I was like damn this is
  • 00:07:42
    going great like I thought she was going
  • 00:07:44
    to be like n hour all long out here like
  • 00:07:46
    just keep roll she kept pushing you yeah
  • 00:07:47
    just kept pushing she got back there and
  • 00:07:49
    just started pushing yeah yeah and uh
  • 00:07:52
    what she went with it I went with it
  • 00:07:54
    yeah you you went with it man out of
  • 00:07:55
    character but yeah my getting my ass
  • 00:07:57
    slapped with a ruler was my intro and
  • 00:07:59
    that was out of character that's nuts
  • 00:08:01
    but that was my exposure to first first
  • 00:08:03
    steps and first moment on TV you said
  • 00:08:06
    what would you say I'm a bad boy smack I
  • 00:08:09
    did not say that I did not say that I
  • 00:08:12
    said in case I get out of the line I
  • 00:08:14
    brought something that that I don't know
  • 00:08:17
    can put me back in line or I don't know
  • 00:08:19
    it was okay it was it wasn't the best
  • 00:08:21
    line but I also was like Hey too late
  • 00:08:23
    I'm here it's too late yeah it's too
  • 00:08:25
    late so we both had very uh interest ing
  • 00:08:30
    in introductions uh on reality
  • 00:08:32
    television to millions of
  • 00:08:33
    people and you had a really very
  • 00:08:36
    emotional breakup on the show with with
  • 00:08:39
    Michelle and I think that really is what
  • 00:08:42
    was the Catalyst for your sweetheart
  • 00:08:44
    edit I mean everybody online I was
  • 00:08:47
    reading everything online oh my gosh we
  • 00:08:49
    want to see Brandon
  • 00:08:50
    win and so everyone's called we got to
  • 00:08:53
    see him on Paradise so everyone was
  • 00:08:54
    calling for paradise and they got what
  • 00:08:56
    they wanted they got well everyone was
  • 00:08:59
    room for me except for my hometown did I
  • 00:09:02
    tell you about that story there was like
  • 00:09:04
    a giant viewing before I left to the
  • 00:09:07
    finale and uh I decided it was like
  • 00:09:09
    covid so I put on a mask in a hood and
  • 00:09:12
    went with all my friends and was like
  • 00:09:13
    hey let's just go like hang out I'll
  • 00:09:16
    surprise them at the end let's see
  • 00:09:17
    what's up I thought it was going to be
  • 00:09:18
    casual ended up being like aund
  • 00:09:20
    something plus people yeah and you know
  • 00:09:23
    it's all women they're all drinking and
  • 00:09:24
    everything like that there's a couple
  • 00:09:25
    dudes there but uh yeah bro I uh that
  • 00:09:30
    third episode when I pulled Michelle
  • 00:09:32
    away yeah I started I never heard so
  • 00:09:34
    much hate in my life like everyone there
  • 00:09:37
    was like [ __ ] this guy like this 17year
  • 00:09:39
    old who the [ __ ] is he what is he doing
  • 00:09:42
    if Michelle picks him I swear I'm gonna
  • 00:09:44
    pull out my hair and like yeah so it's
  • 00:09:46
    like I got love from everywhere else but
  • 00:09:49
    back home and I'm just sitting in the
  • 00:09:51
    back I'm sitting in the back like hat on
  • 00:09:54
    everything listening to everyone and
  • 00:09:56
    these girls in front of me were like my
  • 00:09:57
    biggest haters I had like probably like
  • 00:10:00
    a group of girls like on the side yeah
  • 00:10:02
    but like it I was like dude this is
  • 00:10:04
    gonna be so much fun like just go hang
  • 00:10:06
    out with the fans and like see what's up
  • 00:10:07
    and surprise him to the point where it
  • 00:10:09
    was like I was sitting there like
  • 00:10:11
    halfway and I was like no this is this
  • 00:10:13
    sucks like this is the worst and I
  • 00:10:15
    brought my people so they're hearing it
  • 00:10:16
    too yeah and it's just like yeah so at
  • 00:10:19
    the end she chose me and like everyone
  • 00:10:21
    erupted like she chose Nate fer and then
  • 00:10:23
    she chose me to move on to the finale
  • 00:10:25
    like everyone erupted and so I just
  • 00:10:27
    pulled up a chair and I was like yeah I
  • 00:10:29
    was like it was great watching this with
  • 00:10:32
    y'all but I'll never do this [ __ ] again
  • 00:10:34
    and you should was just like the change
  • 00:10:36
    on their face was crazy oh was probably
  • 00:10:38
    as much shock to them like oh my gosh we
  • 00:10:40
    just trash talk this guy and now he's
  • 00:10:42
    and heard here in the room yeah and
  • 00:10:45
    that's that so then that's when that's
  • 00:10:47
    when yeah I was like what were your
  • 00:10:50
    feelings I mean when you heard these
  • 00:10:52
    things did it
  • 00:10:53
    hurt yeah well I I was shocked I was
  • 00:10:57
    shocked I was like yo my own hometown
  • 00:10:59
    that's crazy that's crazy like I've been
  • 00:11:02
    here what 20 I was there 26 years M like
  • 00:11:05
    that's crazy and then
  • 00:11:07
    uh and then I'll just like at the end of
  • 00:11:10
    it I was just like hey at the end of the
  • 00:11:12
    day like not even your own people might
  • 00:11:15
    not like you but like as long as you
  • 00:11:17
    love yourself then like what else can
  • 00:11:19
    you do you know what I mean like that's
  • 00:11:21
    all you need is just for you to love
  • 00:11:23
    yourself you're religious you need God's
  • 00:11:25
    love and all that but like yeah it's
  • 00:11:27
    pretty much so that was a moment that
  • 00:11:29
    strengthened your selflove yeah yeah
  • 00:11:31
    okay and also like I think I was so in
  • 00:11:34
    my head about like talking to Michelle
  • 00:11:37
    again for the first time and like seeing
  • 00:11:40
    everyone's reaction and like seeing like
  • 00:11:43
    how the fans reaction was and everything
  • 00:11:45
    like that to where like that was like
  • 00:11:46
    the
  • 00:11:48
    perfect I don't know like blow like soft
  • 00:11:50
    blow you know what I mean it was like
  • 00:11:52
    the perfect thing was like okay now I
  • 00:11:54
    know everyone's dots like this is like
  • 00:11:56
    probably worst case scenario right here
  • 00:11:58
    yeah I could just go go in be myself and
  • 00:12:00
    like now I don't care now I'm just going
  • 00:12:02
    to ask the questions I need which I
  • 00:12:04
    didn't get the clarification but that's
  • 00:12:05
    okay but like I'm just going to ask the
  • 00:12:07
    questions I need and then just move on
  • 00:12:09
    from there it's like I can't change
  • 00:12:10
    anything so that's awesome that's
  • 00:12:13
    powerful that you took what could have
  • 00:12:15
    been a really negative a moment very
  • 00:12:17
    negative moment and could have led you
  • 00:12:20
    down a path of maybe what they're saying
  • 00:12:21
    is true but instead you
  • 00:12:24
    said people are going to say what
  • 00:12:26
    they're going to say yeah I know who I
  • 00:12:28
    am it's the it's the you can't control
  • 00:12:30
    it you know what I mean like only focus
  • 00:12:31
    on things you can't control I can't
  • 00:12:33
    control that I can't control how the
  • 00:12:34
    show is going to play me yeah but I
  • 00:12:36
    can't control like my attitude when I
  • 00:12:38
    see Michelle and I see these people and
  • 00:12:39
    everything like that so yeah that's why
  • 00:12:41
    I stood up and like joked with them I
  • 00:12:43
    was like I'm never watching this with
  • 00:12:44
    y'all again like I appreciate every
  • 00:12:46
    single one of you but like yeah when did
  • 00:12:49
    you this is the last
  • 00:12:51
    [Laughter]
  • 00:12:54
    time when when did you acquire that
  • 00:12:57
    self-love where you're like I know who I
  • 00:12:59
    am and what people say it doesn't matter
  • 00:13:02
    because that's that's powerful to have
  • 00:13:03
    that I mean I just recently acquired
  • 00:13:05
    that have you always had that I think
  • 00:13:09
    now now in this position that I'm in
  • 00:13:12
    right now I've definitely like have that
  • 00:13:14
    Acquired and have that locked and like I
  • 00:13:16
    have the right necess um how do I put
  • 00:13:19
    the right Tools in place okay to like
  • 00:13:21
    understand and like achieve that every
  • 00:13:23
    time but back are those what are those
  • 00:13:25
    tools tools like journaling for instance
  • 00:13:28
    it's like writing down what you can
  • 00:13:30
    control what you can't control and like
  • 00:13:32
    understanding that
  • 00:13:33
    like you know we do want you like for
  • 00:13:36
    instance like this bachette that I'm
  • 00:13:38
    seeing now like I see like one of the
  • 00:13:39
    contestants his parents are online like
  • 00:13:41
    trying to defend him and his Outlook and
  • 00:13:43
    everything like that stuff like that
  • 00:13:45
    like people who can't yeah well
  • 00:13:48
    understanding like people who can't
  • 00:13:49
    control and feel like they they're
  • 00:13:52
    losing control they'll tend to like act
  • 00:13:54
    out on emotion and they'll tend to like
  • 00:13:57
    do things that they don't normally do
  • 00:14:00
    without like understanding like yo like
  • 00:14:02
    this is just the name of the game like
  • 00:14:04
    there's nothing you can do there's
  • 00:14:05
    physically nothing you go out there and
  • 00:14:07
    put out statement yeah but what what you
  • 00:14:09
    get like is it going to change
  • 00:14:11
    everyone's mind is everyone going to
  • 00:14:13
    love you again you know what I mean yeah
  • 00:14:15
    like going on the bachel is everyone GNA
  • 00:14:17
    love me like I have no control over that
  • 00:14:20
    so it's just one just be yourself
  • 00:14:22
    journal and then I think the other tool
  • 00:14:24
    is just writing down what you can and
  • 00:14:26
    can't and you'd be surprised like when
  • 00:14:27
    you start Crossing out the things you
  • 00:14:28
    can control that list isn't so long MH
  • 00:14:32
    so but yeah I definitely learned it get
  • 00:14:35
    my heartbroken for sure just like hey I
  • 00:14:37
    can't control like her picking me you
  • 00:14:40
    know what I mean like I did everything I
  • 00:14:41
    did everything I could that's why with
  • 00:14:43
    you in the room I was like bro you just
  • 00:14:45
    we got to do everything that you would
  • 00:14:48
    do because you don't want to look back
  • 00:14:50
    and be like yo I wish I did this I wish
  • 00:14:52
    I did that so be yourself do everything
  • 00:14:54
    that you can do she don't choose me she
  • 00:14:55
    don't choose
  • 00:14:56
    me and so when everyone else was
  • 00:14:59
    partying she was celebrating the staff
  • 00:15:01
    was partying everything I stood back
  • 00:15:03
    there journaled and then just like
  • 00:15:05
    understood like I was there by myself in
  • 00:15:07
    the room I was crying everything my
  • 00:15:09
    producer was in there too he was down I
  • 00:15:12
    don't know if he was yeah and then they
  • 00:15:14
    all went out to celebrate their party
  • 00:15:16
    under of the year party whatever I just
  • 00:15:18
    stayed in the room and just watched the
  • 00:15:19
    sunset and just journal and just like yo
  • 00:15:22
    I can't I can't control none of these so
  • 00:15:24
    it's like there's no
  • 00:15:26
    point that's super powerful I didn't
  • 00:15:28
    know that that's what did but in that
  • 00:15:29
    moment you were essentially choosing
  • 00:15:31
    yourself you're like what do I need to
  • 00:15:34
    remind myself of who I am yeah so that I
  • 00:15:37
    can keep that self-love and
  • 00:15:38
    self-confidence as opposed to letting
  • 00:15:40
    this situation and the scenario that
  • 00:15:42
    played out have me
  • 00:15:44
    question my value yeah you were
  • 00:15:47
    reinforcing it in that moment yeah
  • 00:15:49
    because then you start questioning
  • 00:15:50
    yourself so you were that's that's
  • 00:15:52
    awesome you were you were reinforcing
  • 00:15:54
    your value by going right back to the
  • 00:15:56
    drawing board I.E just putting it on
  • 00:15:59
    paper Who Am put on paper remember who
  • 00:16:01
    you are yeah and and don't lose sight of
  • 00:16:03
    that no matter what happens but it's
  • 00:16:05
    easier said than done cuz I I I tend to
  • 00:16:07
    still lose out of that like who I am and
  • 00:16:09
    like yeah do you feel that
  • 00:16:12
    you fully know who you are in this
  • 00:16:15
    moment nah I don't think anyone uh maybe
  • 00:16:19
    actually I can't say that but me no
  • 00:16:21
    personally not or let me ask it this
  • 00:16:25
    way are
  • 00:16:27
    you in a spot where you would say you're
  • 00:16:31
    in one of your happiest moments are you
  • 00:16:32
    at a are you at a at a place where you
  • 00:16:35
    feel like you're at the peak or are you
  • 00:16:38
    in the valley right now I'm in the
  • 00:16:40
    Valley you're in the valley yeah yeah
  • 00:16:42
    yeah but I know yeah but I've been at
  • 00:16:44
    the peak you know what I mean so it's
  • 00:16:46
    like yeah yeah it's kind of just like
  • 00:16:48
    grinding to get back there you know what
  • 00:16:49
    I
  • 00:16:50
    mean so that's okay so Sports season
  • 00:16:54
    just started over like yeah I'm in the
  • 00:16:56
    Valley it's like just cuz you want last
  • 00:16:59
    year doesn't mean you're going to win
  • 00:17:00
    again this year you still got to put in
  • 00:17:01
    that same work and everything and like
  • 00:17:03
    this year I tore my ACO you know what I
  • 00:17:05
    mean for just like just like a metaphor
  • 00:17:08
    like I tore my ACL now it's like getting
  • 00:17:10
    back to it and like yeah I'm in the
  • 00:17:12
    Valley but I've been at the peak and
  • 00:17:13
    like I know what it takes to get there
  • 00:17:15
    so that
  • 00:17:16
    yeah I find it really interesting to get
  • 00:17:19
    your current perspective of where you
  • 00:17:21
    see yourself
  • 00:17:23
    because I think perspective is
  • 00:17:25
    everything it is it's perspective is
  • 00:17:27
    reality I think people that could look
  • 00:17:29
    at you right now and say he's at the
  • 00:17:31
    peak he went on real television he got
  • 00:17:33
    all this
  • 00:17:35
    recognition um he's traveling has the
  • 00:17:38
    freedom to travel when he wants and do
  • 00:17:41
    these I saw a collaboration leas
  • 00:17:43
    recently that you post on your
  • 00:17:44
    story you could make an argument on the
  • 00:17:47
    outside that you're at the peak or at a
  • 00:17:50
    peak moment I'm I'm blessed I'm
  • 00:17:53
    definitely blessed you know what I mean
  • 00:17:55
    like thankful for like the path that
  • 00:17:56
    God's giving me but like I'm not you
  • 00:17:59
    feel like anywhere near a peak right now
  • 00:18:01
    yeah and I so I want I still go through
  • 00:18:02
    the same we still go through the same
  • 00:18:04
    struggles bro we're not super human you
  • 00:18:05
    know what I mean like yeah we're not and
  • 00:18:07
    and do you ever feel when you're in a
  • 00:18:12
    room that people don't see you like them
  • 00:18:16
    or as human do do you ever get that
  • 00:18:19
    feeling that they see you as more
  • 00:18:21
    because you went on
  • 00:18:23
    television um just curious if you ever
  • 00:18:26
    feel that I mean maybe maybe that's
  • 00:18:28
    raling I think I'm more focused on the
  • 00:18:33
    uh I think it's just such a weird
  • 00:18:35
    feeling to know that they know so much
  • 00:18:37
    about my life and they come up to me
  • 00:18:39
    thinking that I know about theirs and
  • 00:18:41
    I'm not trying to sound that's not cocky
  • 00:18:43
    or anything but just like like Brandon
  • 00:18:45
    oh my gosh you know I saw that you just
  • 00:18:48
    moved to San Diego you did this this
  • 00:18:50
    this this and it's like wow I'm so sorry
  • 00:18:52
    but like after having so many of those
  • 00:18:54
    conversations you just kind of like go
  • 00:18:55
    with it I guess I don't know we strike
  • 00:18:59
    that that sounds cocky I'm not at all it
  • 00:19:01
    doesn't I I'm asking more so for my own
  • 00:19:03
    selfish understanding um I think they
  • 00:19:06
    just think we could tolerate the whole
  • 00:19:08
    world you know what I mean like we could
  • 00:19:10
    tolerate the hate we could
  • 00:19:11
    tolerate kind of like super human in a
  • 00:19:15
    way you know what I mean like just cuz
  • 00:19:17
    three 30,000 people are bashing on
  • 00:19:21
    me you know and just because I went on
  • 00:19:23
    television doesn't mean like I could
  • 00:19:25
    take 30,000 people's hate you know what
  • 00:19:27
    I mean just opened up the floodgates for
  • 00:19:29
    people to hate me or like for people to
  • 00:19:31
    like me or whatever it take yeah
  • 00:19:33
    whatever there's the mindset of they
  • 00:19:34
    know what they signed up for they should
  • 00:19:36
    be able to deal with this yeah no I had
  • 00:19:38
    no idea what
  • 00:19:39
    I what yeah yeah that's and that's where
  • 00:19:42
    I that's what I wanted to know because
  • 00:19:44
    that's how I feel at times people go
  • 00:19:46
    well you signed up for this so you you
  • 00:19:47
    should be able to handle this it's like
  • 00:19:49
    I'm not superum I bleed the same blood
  • 00:19:52
    you do I feel a lot of the same pain you
  • 00:19:55
    feel and I've had people I read online
  • 00:19:57
    that said I can't relate to he's a
  • 00:19:59
    reality TV star and it felt isolating I
  • 00:20:02
    I I wondered if you ever felt that way
  • 00:20:04
    if you went in a room and you thought no
  • 00:20:06
    one really can relate to me but but I'm
  • 00:20:09
    human but but it feels like people are
  • 00:20:10
    looking at me as if I'm almost a zoo
  • 00:20:12
    animal sometimes oh when I hop out the
  • 00:20:14
    show yeah I think sometimes still to
  • 00:20:17
    this day I can kind of feel like that
  • 00:20:20
    like if we were just Four of July a lot
  • 00:20:22
    of people from out Town came and then uh
  • 00:20:25
    I just started taking pictures with one
  • 00:20:27
    person and led to another
  • 00:20:29
    but I'm not going to lie though like
  • 00:20:31
    that makes me happy you know what I mean
  • 00:20:34
    like I don't know if saying being a zoo
  • 00:20:36
    animal makes me happy you know what I
  • 00:20:38
    mean I mean it more as like a spectacle
  • 00:20:41
    yeah I mean I don't mean it in a bad way
  • 00:20:42
    I mean like you go and you see the lion
  • 00:20:43
    at the zoo and like I get to go see the
  • 00:20:45
    lion yeah yeah but you but it's like
  • 00:20:47
    they they don't they see you as
  • 00:20:48
    something different than what you are
  • 00:20:50
    like I'm still PL in the human I love
  • 00:20:51
    that because they come up to me with
  • 00:20:53
    happiness you know what I mean like
  • 00:20:54
    they're so happy to see me yeah and so
  • 00:20:57
    that's how I view it is like like I love
  • 00:21:00
    that everyone comes up takes my picture
  • 00:21:02
    and like wants to chat and like wants to
  • 00:21:04
    talk to me and like pick my brain and
  • 00:21:06
    like I think uh I just think like that's
  • 00:21:10
    special that's something that not
  • 00:21:12
    everyone has and like I think that you
  • 00:21:14
    know just waking up in the day and
  • 00:21:15
    having someone like smile and like oh my
  • 00:21:18
    gosh you're Brandon I loved you I love
  • 00:21:20
    watching you like that just like puts
  • 00:21:22
    joy in my heart because like I made I'm
  • 00:21:24
    made someone smile today or someone's
  • 00:21:25
    smiling at me it's like happy to see me
  • 00:21:27
    so it's like
  • 00:21:29
    I'm okay being like that lying yeah yeah
  • 00:21:31
    because everyone's coming and it's like
  • 00:21:32
    hey yeah and it's like yeah it's the
  • 00:21:34
    same but it's like that's the beauty and
  • 00:21:36
    is like these people love us in a way
  • 00:21:39
    and like we love them in a way because
  • 00:21:41
    of like we got the opportunity because
  • 00:21:43
    of them you I mean so yeah I feel that
  • 00:21:46
    gratitude some sometimes though I I
  • 00:21:49
    repel it only because my insecurity says
  • 00:21:51
    I don't want you to see me as anything
  • 00:21:53
    different I want you to see me like you
  • 00:21:55
    yeah so I I I feel I'm put up on a
  • 00:21:57
    pedestal and I'm like no no like don't
  • 00:21:59
    put me because it feels like I'm I'm
  • 00:22:01
    being isolated on a pedestal yeah and
  • 00:22:03
    that's more so just like how my brain
  • 00:22:05
    operates so I was curious how yours does
  • 00:22:07
    but yours is more like if if like I'm
  • 00:22:09
    grateful that you like that you can get
  • 00:22:11
    so much positivity from this interaction
  • 00:22:13
    yeah and it's like I just try to suck
  • 00:22:15
    the positivity from it but understand
  • 00:22:17
    like when it comes to like our life and
  • 00:22:20
    like like dealing with certain aspects
  • 00:22:23
    you have nobody to go to but the people
  • 00:22:25
    on the show I think that's all kind of
  • 00:22:27
    like why we stay in yeah and contact
  • 00:22:29
    with everyone and like people might say
  • 00:22:31
    it's like a little bit of a cult but at
  • 00:22:33
    the end of the day we all went through
  • 00:22:34
    something together you know what I mean
  • 00:22:36
    and we're the only ones who kind of
  • 00:22:38
    understand and like can talk about that
  • 00:22:40
    yeah you need to have that support in
  • 00:22:42
    order to find your way out of a valley
  • 00:22:44
    yeah because I can't sometimes I can't
  • 00:22:46
    go to like my mom or my dad and be like
  • 00:22:48
    yeah I'm feeling this today because this
  • 00:22:50
    so and so and so and so when you know
  • 00:22:52
    they've never had someone online couple
  • 00:22:55
    thousand people online just hate them
  • 00:22:57
    all at once or like you know so it's
  • 00:22:59
    like but I could go to you I go to will
  • 00:23:02
    I go to Daniel or whoever you know and
  • 00:23:04
    just be like hey y like this happened
  • 00:23:06
    day and they're like yeah you know when
  • 00:23:08
    that happened to me this is what I did
  • 00:23:09
    or like this helped me through this and
  • 00:23:12
    stuff like that so yeah absolutely yeah
  • 00:23:14
    oh was powerful man it's it's it's it's
  • 00:23:16
    a Brotherhood we have that is special
  • 00:23:18
    because of how unique of an experience
  • 00:23:20
    that we went through yeah only we
  • 00:23:21
    understand it
  • 00:23:23
    yeah in preparation for coming on the
  • 00:23:27
    podcast I told you that I wanted to
  • 00:23:31
    discuss a rock bottom moment a valley
  • 00:23:34
    yeah a dark place that you had
  • 00:23:37
    been and the reason why I want to go
  • 00:23:41
    there is
  • 00:23:43
    because I believe it's very
  • 00:23:46
    relatable Rock Bottom moments that where
  • 00:23:48
    there's a lot of people right now in
  • 00:23:49
    life that will listen to this and
  • 00:23:51
    they'll be facing something similar to
  • 00:23:53
    what you're going to
  • 00:23:54
    share and so they'll feel less alone
  • 00:23:57
    through hearing your story we'll talk
  • 00:23:59
    about how you felt during that moment
  • 00:24:02
    which will allow them to be able to
  • 00:24:03
    relate and feel again less alone and
  • 00:24:06
    then talk about how you've been able to
  • 00:24:08
    fight your way back out of that Valley
  • 00:24:10
    and climb back uh up the peak and that
  • 00:24:13
    essentially just gives people hope yeah
  • 00:24:16
    if he went through it you can too I can
  • 00:24:18
    too
  • 00:24:20
    yeah and so when I brought that to you
  • 00:24:23
    you had mentioned that you had a a clear
  • 00:24:26
    Valley that you wanted to discuss yeah
  • 00:24:28
    and that Valley was
  • 00:24:31
    the
  • 00:24:33
    immediate aftermath of your breakup with
  • 00:24:36
    Serene
  • 00:24:38
    yeah we're gonna dive into that wherever
  • 00:24:42
    it is you want to take
  • 00:24:44
    it before we do can I share with
  • 00:24:48
    you the five stages of grief it's
  • 00:24:53
    a it's it was coined by um Elizabeth
  • 00:24:57
    Kubler Ross it's whenever someone goes
  • 00:25:00
    through a challenging time there's these
  • 00:25:03
    five stages that they will navigate
  • 00:25:05
    through can I share with you those those
  • 00:25:07
    five
  • 00:25:09
    stages so the first stage of grief is
  • 00:25:14
    denial this is the this can't be
  • 00:25:16
    happening
  • 00:25:19
    mindset then stage two is anger whether
  • 00:25:23
    this is at
  • 00:25:24
    yourself or others
  • 00:25:28
    stage three is bargaining this is where
  • 00:25:31
    someone will try to regain control
  • 00:25:33
    through making deals or promises with a
  • 00:25:35
    higher
  • 00:25:36
    power could be hey God if if you change
  • 00:25:40
    this then I promise to never do this
  • 00:25:43
    again stage four is then depression this
  • 00:25:46
    is where someone will feel a deep
  • 00:25:49
    sadness and realization of loss it may
  • 00:25:52
    have feelings of
  • 00:25:53
    hopelessness or just disconnection
  • 00:25:58
    and then the last stage is acceptance
  • 00:26:00
    this is where somebody will come to
  • 00:26:02
    terms with the reality of the situation
  • 00:26:04
    they'll find a way to live with it and
  • 00:26:06
    move
  • 00:26:08
    forward so the five stages again are
  • 00:26:11
    denial anger bargaining depression and
  • 00:26:17
    acceptance it doesn't have to be
  • 00:26:20
    linear but most people experience it in
  • 00:26:23
    that order maybe with one or two out of
  • 00:26:25
    out of
  • 00:26:27
    place but brand I want to ask you
  • 00:26:30
    today when you think
  • 00:26:32
    about the breakup with
  • 00:26:35
    Serene what stage do you think think
  • 00:26:37
    that you're currently
  • 00:26:39
    in well finally got to acceptance you're
  • 00:26:43
    at acceptance yeah before that it was I
  • 00:26:48
    think I stayed in Anger for a long time
  • 00:26:50
    anger and depression kind of like mix
  • 00:26:52
    between both of those
  • 00:26:54
    but yeah let's talk about
  • 00:26:59
    what got you to that place of
  • 00:27:02
    depression
  • 00:27:04
    um yeah I mean we could start
  • 00:27:08
    by just like the relationship in general
  • 00:27:11
    um how do you want me to start you want
  • 00:27:13
    me to start at the beginning kind of
  • 00:27:14
    like lead up to it or wherever you feel
  • 00:27:18
    inclined to start I just when you were
  • 00:27:21
    in that Valley moment where was that
  • 00:27:23
    when we talk about the breakup or like
  • 00:27:26
    just kind of like leading up to it or
  • 00:27:28
    how it started off and like the I don't
  • 00:27:31
    know obstacles that we Face together and
  • 00:27:33
    like what have you feeling I just want
  • 00:27:35
    you to talk about when you when you
  • 00:27:38
    think about when I was in the
  • 00:27:40
    valley where was that starting
  • 00:27:42
    point and and we can discuss you know
  • 00:27:45
    how you got there as well but just just
  • 00:27:47
    wherever you feel comfortable
  • 00:27:49
    starting yeah I think that I think that
  • 00:27:52
    when I was in the valley
  • 00:27:55
    was man I was going to say probably when
  • 00:27:57
    we moved together San Diego and just
  • 00:28:00
    being in that one-bedroom apartment
  • 00:28:02
    together I
  • 00:28:04
    think that's kind of where all their
  • 00:28:06
    problems started stemming from
  • 00:28:10
    um [ __ ] I haven't talked about this
  • 00:28:13
    and I kind of just swept down the I
  • 00:28:16
    don't know dude
  • 00:28:19
    uh actually you know what we're g to
  • 00:28:21
    scratch that I think that you know just
  • 00:28:23
    in the valley I think for me when it
  • 00:28:26
    started like the anger the depression
  • 00:28:29
    all that was when the engagement ended
  • 00:28:32
    okay and I think that just like that
  • 00:28:35
    whole week before I went to Austin when
  • 00:28:37
    she gave me the ring and everything and
  • 00:28:40
    then I I think I was just in denial for
  • 00:28:43
    a good amount like kind of just push it
  • 00:28:46
    away like okay my engagement yeah but at
  • 00:28:50
    the same time I was just like you know
  • 00:28:52
    what maybe I'll be better like maybe
  • 00:28:54
    I'll be good maybe you know this hasn't
  • 00:28:56
    been working for us for a while like I'm
  • 00:28:59
    GNA be okay like this is fine this isn't
  • 00:29:01
    really happening right now like I'm just
  • 00:29:03
    going to be okay and like I can get
  • 00:29:06
    through it it'll be fine and then
  • 00:29:12
    um yeah and
  • 00:29:14
    then you know a week before that she was
  • 00:29:17
    telling me that she was going back to
  • 00:29:20
    Oklahoma too and she's like I can't be
  • 00:29:22
    here I don't think that being me being
  • 00:29:24
    here is going to be good for us and I
  • 00:29:26
    think that
  • 00:29:28
    you know to me
  • 00:29:31
    personally she felt that she just needed
  • 00:29:33
    to go back to Oklahoma or that kind of
  • 00:29:35
    was like her like her thing like she
  • 00:29:37
    just wanted to be back with her family
  • 00:29:39
    in Oklahoma and she felt that you know
  • 00:29:42
    being separated would have been better
  • 00:29:45
    to work on the relationship because
  • 00:29:47
    obviously being trapped in a one-bedroom
  • 00:29:49
    apartment would just wasn't doing it and
  • 00:29:51
    so I think then it was just like I kind
  • 00:29:53
    of just started losing hope and like you
  • 00:29:56
    know the engagement ended and that
  • 00:29:58
    called you that day that it ended I
  • 00:30:01
    don't know if you remember but I was
  • 00:30:03
    just in the parking garage crying and I
  • 00:30:05
    was like she ended it she's moving back
  • 00:30:08
    to Oklahoma she's moving her stuff out
  • 00:30:10
    in like a week or so and it's just like
  • 00:30:13
    I just like I was in denial but then
  • 00:30:15
    everything kind of like started crashing
  • 00:30:17
    in all at once and like I couldn't be in
  • 00:30:19
    the house talking about it cuz if I was
  • 00:30:21
    in the house talking about it she'
  • 00:30:22
    probably come out and like it start a
  • 00:30:25
    whole another argument or Feud so I just
  • 00:30:26
    had to like walk away go away
  • 00:30:30
    and there's so much I'm leaving out but
  • 00:30:33
    I think at that point that's like when
  • 00:30:35
    she told me she was like Hey I'm going
  • 00:30:37
    back to Oklahoma and like I think this
  • 00:30:39
    is going to be better for us to a week
  • 00:30:41
    later engagement ending to like a week
  • 00:30:44
    later me going to Austin just like it
  • 00:30:46
    just like it didn't stop like I never
  • 00:30:48
    got out of the valley it's just like I
  • 00:30:50
    felt like the hole was just getting
  • 00:30:51
    bigger and bigger and
  • 00:30:52
    bigger so you all ended the engagement a
  • 00:30:57
    week before you went to Austin a week
  • 00:31:00
    before I went to Austin yeah and then
  • 00:31:02
    when you went to
  • 00:31:05
    Austin there was a photo that came out
  • 00:31:09
    it was a video a video yeah yeah and
  • 00:31:12
    what did that video show it showed me
  • 00:31:14
    dancing with another girl you dancing
  • 00:31:16
    with another girl M as a single man as a
  • 00:31:20
    single man but this is the problem
  • 00:31:22
    though this is it before I left to
  • 00:31:25
    Austin I gave her hope about us possibly
  • 00:31:29
    making it work I gave her hope about you
  • 00:31:32
    know what if how would that look like
  • 00:31:34
    you know you in Oklahoma me here like
  • 00:31:36
    what would that look like like how how
  • 00:31:38
    would we paint that picture together
  • 00:31:41
    because if we're not able to work out
  • 00:31:42
    our problems here how we're going to
  • 00:31:44
    work it out halfway across the United
  • 00:31:46
    States you know what I
  • 00:31:48
    mean and then I just like you know what
  • 00:31:50
    I don't know what we're doing right now
  • 00:31:52
    but I'm going to Austin and you know
  • 00:31:54
    right now we're fine but just like
  • 00:31:59
    I don't know how you know what I mean
  • 00:32:01
    like talking to you the writing was on
  • 00:32:03
    the wall and it was just like I don't
  • 00:32:04
    know how if we can't make it work
  • 00:32:06
    together here how we going to make it
  • 00:32:07
    work there and that was that was such an
  • 00:32:10
    issue for me that I held on to and she
  • 00:32:12
    knew that there was something wrong and
  • 00:32:14
    she text me and I didn't want to start a
  • 00:32:16
    fight on the plane so I was like yeah no
  • 00:32:18
    no nothing's wrong you know have you
  • 00:32:19
    ever done that where you're just like
  • 00:32:21
    everything's good you know it's visible
  • 00:32:24
    it's visible it's like yo something is
  • 00:32:26
    wrong it's like yo like I just don't
  • 00:32:28
    want to fight like I can't you already
  • 00:32:30
    threw the ring at me like I can't fight
  • 00:32:32
    anymore you know what I mean like I just
  • 00:32:34
    I'm to I'm done I'm done and secondly
  • 00:32:37
    like a week after the engagement ending
  • 00:32:40
    I went and danced with a girl you know
  • 00:32:42
    what I mean like could you imagine like
  • 00:32:44
    the hurt and anger and everything that
  • 00:32:46
    would do to her
  • 00:32:50
    so I was in the wrong a th% should I've
  • 00:32:53
    done it no but I was like dude this is
  • 00:32:55
    my first time in a while where I'm
  • 00:32:57
    having fun like I'm with my boys I'm
  • 00:32:59
    back at a place that's familiar and like
  • 00:33:02
    I take full responsibility for it
  • 00:33:04
    because again if I was in her shoes and
  • 00:33:06
    I saw her out with her girls after our
  • 00:33:09
    engagement just ended and she's dancing
  • 00:33:11
    with a guy like I'd feel some type of
  • 00:33:13
    way too so like what I did wasn't okay
  • 00:33:17
    but telling the whole world that I
  • 00:33:18
    cheated and having a whole we'll get
  • 00:33:20
    we'll get into that
  • 00:33:22
    yeah yeah so I I think it's the
  • 00:33:26
    accountability account ability you're
  • 00:33:28
    taking you you mentioned that you had a
  • 00:33:30
    conversation and said maybe this could
  • 00:33:32
    work yeah but in your eyes when you said
  • 00:33:36
    that you were you all were still broken
  • 00:33:38
    up yeah I you guys were you were broken
  • 00:33:40
    up but did did do you think that maybe
  • 00:33:42
    she took that as like well maybe we're
  • 00:33:45
    still making this work maybe we're still
  • 00:33:47
    kind of together do you think that's
  • 00:33:49
    maybe she might have taken it that way I
  • 00:33:51
    think I think she was more upset at my
  • 00:33:54
    actions in Austin you know what I mean
  • 00:33:56
    rather than focusing more in on that
  • 00:33:58
    yeah of course I can't speak for her but
  • 00:34:00
    when I got back home cuz I she saw the
  • 00:34:03
    someone messaged her the video right M
  • 00:34:05
    and was like Hey you know he's in Austin
  • 00:34:08
    and so she's letting me know like yo we
  • 00:34:10
    haven't even like publicly came out with
  • 00:34:13
    a statement when I got back she was like
  • 00:34:14
    we haven't publicly came out with a
  • 00:34:16
    statement like you know when you're
  • 00:34:18
    dancing with a girl in Austin like I'll
  • 00:34:19
    tell her to delete it but like you need
  • 00:34:21
    to come home like now okay and so you
  • 00:34:24
    know she's blowing up Will's phone she's
  • 00:34:26
    blowing up Daniel's phone pH I'm just
  • 00:34:28
    like yo I just like I was just like damn
  • 00:34:31
    like everything's happening at once I
  • 00:34:33
    was like yo just let me breathe like I
  • 00:34:34
    thought I was having a good time
  • 00:34:35
    enjoying myself and like talking to my
  • 00:34:37
    friends and everything like that I was
  • 00:34:39
    like yo like I just want yeah just like
  • 00:34:42
    I couldn't even get a day of breath like
  • 00:34:44
    I even left the St and I couldn't get a
  • 00:34:46
    day of breath and I think just in that
  • 00:34:48
    moment I was just like yo this is just
  • 00:34:50
    this is just how it's going to be you
  • 00:34:52
    know what I mean it's just like I got to
  • 00:34:53
    accept what happened like I got to
  • 00:34:55
    accept my faults and failures and so um
  • 00:34:57
    I flew back home to Austin or to San
  • 00:35:00
    Diego the next day and uh and then we
  • 00:35:04
    talked and then you know she was just
  • 00:35:06
    like y I just need to see your phone and
  • 00:35:08
    I was like yeah absolutely like whatever
  • 00:35:09
    you need and then that's why I she went
  • 00:35:13
    through my Instagram Snapchat text
  • 00:35:15
    messages phones everything like that and
  • 00:35:19
    uh I didn't know that uh apps you can uh
  • 00:35:23
    down I don't know if you knew that you
  • 00:35:24
    can take Instagram and you could take
  • 00:35:27
    all the data that you've had in Year all
  • 00:35:29
    your deleted messages messages like
  • 00:35:32
    pictures everything like that and you
  • 00:35:34
    can download them all M and so she did
  • 00:35:37
    that for like pretty much all my social
  • 00:35:40
    medias and everything like that and it
  • 00:35:42
    took like five and a half hours and to
  • 00:35:44
    see if six hours or whatever to see if
  • 00:35:47
    you maybe had if I like cheated prior or
  • 00:35:51
    if like this was a reoccurring thing or
  • 00:35:52
    if like what actually happened in Austin
  • 00:35:55
    and stuff like that and so yeah she
  • 00:35:58
    downloaded everything everything and
  • 00:35:59
    didn't find a single thing didn't find
  • 00:36:01
    anything and then that's where the anger
  • 00:36:03
    kind of stemmed from later on and then I
  • 00:36:05
    we'll get into it but just
  • 00:36:08
    like I was just like I would one I'm not
  • 00:36:11
    a cheater like that's just not me that's
  • 00:36:13
    not what I do and that's not who I am
  • 00:36:15
    and then
  • 00:36:17
    two I gave you all the proof and I did
  • 00:36:20
    that for months and months and months
  • 00:36:22
    and months and months after and do you
  • 00:36:25
    want me to start getting into that or
  • 00:36:29
    so this is where it hurts man it's just
  • 00:36:33
    like let's start out like first off I
  • 00:36:36
    love this woman I absolutely love this
  • 00:36:38
    woman more than anything you can see it
  • 00:36:40
    on Paradise like it was just certain
  • 00:36:43
    things that like as a man I wasn't a
  • 00:36:45
    good communicator like I don't think
  • 00:36:48
    I've been a good communicator my entire
  • 00:36:50
    life like I'm able to communicate you
  • 00:36:52
    know feelings I have but communicating
  • 00:36:54
    like the negative ones and the negative
  • 00:36:56
    emotions I strugg with and uh you know
  • 00:37:00
    going on the show off Paradise just
  • 00:37:05
    like that that ruined me like paradise
  • 00:37:08
    just kind of like ruined me like seeing
  • 00:37:10
    everybody hurt all the time and just
  • 00:37:13
    like there was so much negativity from
  • 00:37:15
    like some of the cast members that just
  • 00:37:17
    like when there's so much negativity
  • 00:37:19
    around you know and you're not able to
  • 00:37:20
    like separate yourself to go do
  • 00:37:22
    something like positive or whatever and
  • 00:37:23
    you're just kind of stuck in there it's
  • 00:37:25
    like it does something to you and like
  • 00:37:28
    so I left Paradise leaving I I got
  • 00:37:31
    diagnosed with anxiety leaving paradise
  • 00:37:33
    and like I never had anxiety in my life
  • 00:37:35
    until I left there and it's not because
  • 00:37:38
    of paradise it's not I'm not blaming the
  • 00:37:40
    show or anything it's just like me
  • 00:37:42
    personally I was IM mentally prepared
  • 00:37:44
    after
  • 00:37:46
    like getting heartbroken and then like
  • 00:37:49
    going from that to like you know what
  • 00:37:53
    what was it like a six month turnaround
  • 00:37:54
    or whatever and then like go being right
  • 00:37:57
    back back at it like I just I felt like
  • 00:38:00
    I thought I was prepared for it all and
  • 00:38:03
    like I think I was just more prepared
  • 00:38:05
    that
  • 00:38:08
    like I was prepared to get heartbroken
  • 00:38:11
    again you know what I mean like that's
  • 00:38:12
    why I prepared myself or I didn't
  • 00:38:14
    prepare myself to see other people go
  • 00:38:16
    through similar experiences that I went
  • 00:38:18
    through and like seeing people's hearts
  • 00:38:20
    get ripped out because they're choosing
  • 00:38:21
    another man and they gave this person
  • 00:38:23
    all their love and they're like yo now I
  • 00:38:25
    got to go home you know what I mean and
  • 00:38:27
    just like like that I wasn't prepared I
  • 00:38:29
    was prepared to like handle myself but
  • 00:38:31
    then like you start to care so much for
  • 00:38:33
    these people cuz like again you're
  • 00:38:35
    trauma Bing you're going through it
  • 00:38:37
    you're going through all these highs and
  • 00:38:38
    lows on the show
  • 00:38:41
    and I wasn't prepared yeah just like the
  • 00:38:44
    empathetic part like I didn't need to
  • 00:38:47
    care for everyone but like just me as a
  • 00:38:49
    person like if I care for you like I
  • 00:38:51
    cared for you like if you get hurt then
  • 00:38:53
    I'm hurt with you you know what I mean
  • 00:38:56
    and so I find it interesting so
  • 00:38:59
    you well from a viewer perspective you
  • 00:39:02
    left the
  • 00:39:03
    show engaged yeah so everyone likely
  • 00:39:08
    thought that you extremely happy no I
  • 00:39:10
    was but you were you were at a major low
  • 00:39:13
    Point anxiety for the first time yeah me
  • 00:39:16
    and Serene both we we were both seeing
  • 00:39:19
    therapists on the show just like
  • 00:39:21
    everything that was going on it was just
  • 00:39:23
    a lot it was just a lot like I wasn't
  • 00:39:24
    prepared for it and again not blaming
  • 00:39:26
    show the show I signed up for it the
  • 00:39:28
    show did what the show does you know
  • 00:39:30
    what I mean like they made great TV and
  • 00:39:33
    like they treated us pretty well and
  • 00:39:36
    everything like that but just like you
  • 00:39:38
    know certain aspects is like yeah
  • 00:39:42
    like this guy likes this girl and you
  • 00:39:44
    like this girl you take her on a date
  • 00:39:47
    and everything you know the show's going
  • 00:39:49
    to do what it wants to do is it's going
  • 00:39:51
    to bring this guy to like interrupt at
  • 00:39:53
    some point like if one of those dudes is
  • 00:39:55
    your boy and like you just want to see
  • 00:39:57
    them find love and everything I guess
  • 00:39:59
    you know we just take for instance the
  • 00:40:01
    Rodney and Eliza B just like you know I
  • 00:40:04
    love I I have no I have no hate towards
  • 00:40:08
    any cast member or anything like that
  • 00:40:10
    but just like seeing like how that was
  • 00:40:12
    set up to like put Justin and Rodney in
  • 00:40:15
    like a weird predicament then Liza in a
  • 00:40:17
    weird predicament and it's all three
  • 00:40:19
    people who like I'm getting to know and
  • 00:40:21
    like care about it was just hard to see
  • 00:40:23
    and like understand like yo one of
  • 00:40:25
    them's going to get hurt so that's why
  • 00:40:26
    you see like that episode Everybody's in
  • 00:40:28
    tears and crying it's like we just been
  • 00:40:31
    going through so many lows that we just
  • 00:40:33
    wanted to see a high and then it just
  • 00:40:36
    like never got there so it just like
  • 00:40:37
    felt like every day was just like
  • 00:40:40
    another low and another low and another
  • 00:40:42
    low and so was tough it was just
  • 00:40:45
    tough I don't know if I'll ask this
  • 00:40:48
    right hopefully you'll understand what
  • 00:40:50
    I'm trying to get at
  • 00:40:54
    yeah how did the
  • 00:40:57
    anxiety follow you beyond the show
  • 00:41:00
    because the show is not real life right
  • 00:41:03
    it's a very fabric kind of fabricated
  • 00:41:05
    environment see that's the thing to
  • 00:41:07
    people no but to me bro that's that I'm
  • 00:41:10
    that's real life like I'm mentally
  • 00:41:13
    that's my life right there you know what
  • 00:41:14
    I mean and it at the end of the day it's
  • 00:41:17
    our life it's not TV like it's our life
  • 00:41:19
    like we have to deal with the aftermath
  • 00:41:21
    you know what I mean we have to deal
  • 00:41:23
    with the accountability of our actions
  • 00:41:26
    and everything like that and it's all
  • 00:41:27
    being filmed
  • 00:41:28
    24/7 you know how many ever days that
  • 00:41:31
    were there so
  • 00:41:33
    it's at the end of the day like like you
  • 00:41:36
    saw me like yeah I'm falling in love
  • 00:41:38
    like if I'm I'm in it like I'm here
  • 00:41:40
    because I'm giving you my everything
  • 00:41:42
    like I don't go on the show half ass and
  • 00:41:44
    as you seen like I I'm I'm in it like
  • 00:41:47
    I'm 100% yo let's let's let's see where
  • 00:41:51
    this goes I'm going to give my all and I
  • 00:41:53
    hop off the
  • 00:41:54
    show and it's still my life like
  • 00:41:57
    regardless like everyone else goes home
  • 00:41:59
    but at the end of the day like this gets
  • 00:42:00
    played and I still it's still my life
  • 00:42:03
    and like people know me as Brandon from
  • 00:42:04
    The Bachelor brand from pette Paradise
  • 00:42:06
    or whatever but they follow me off the
  • 00:42:09
    show just because like I mean one day I
  • 00:42:12
    woke up and I was like man I gotta go
  • 00:42:13
    get miked up like I'm probably late like
  • 00:42:15
    what's going to happen today and like if
  • 00:42:17
    me and seren are having a good day in
  • 00:42:19
    the back of my mind I'm like yo this is
  • 00:42:20
    too good like what's going to happen is
  • 00:42:23
    a producer going to send someone in like
  • 00:42:25
    is there something that's going to
  • 00:42:26
    happen it's like that's where the
  • 00:42:27
    anxiety started developing just like I
  • 00:42:29
    was always on alert you know what I mean
  • 00:42:31
    you w getting pulled back mentally into
  • 00:42:35
    Paradise I like it's like I never really
  • 00:42:37
    left you never left it yeah and then
  • 00:42:40
    just
  • 00:42:44
    like yeah so like the first part of the
  • 00:42:46
    relationship that was just me and it was
  • 00:42:48
    like that caused conflict you know what
  • 00:42:50
    I mean like I wasn't healthy and then
  • 00:42:51
    going into
  • 00:42:53
    a like longterm forever Rel relationship
  • 00:42:57
    you know what I mean and not being
  • 00:42:58
    healthy like that's kind of scary for
  • 00:43:00
    that other person and like seeing how
  • 00:43:02
    she was coming off the show and like she
  • 00:43:04
    wasn't like the best either cuz we went
  • 00:43:07
    through it like you know what I mean
  • 00:43:09
    it's just like it was just tough it was
  • 00:43:12
    just tough you feel like you weren't
  • 00:43:13
    your best version of yourself at that
  • 00:43:15
    point no and it's just like she she
  • 00:43:18
    wanted to do everything for the show you
  • 00:43:21
    know and we moved into this new
  • 00:43:23
    apartment in San Diego and I was like yo
  • 00:43:26
    I have no people people here you know
  • 00:43:28
    you have no people here like all I
  • 00:43:29
    wanted to do was
  • 00:43:31
    like go out I wanted to go out I want to
  • 00:43:34
    go do experiences with her and
  • 00:43:35
    everything but she was like no like we
  • 00:43:37
    need everyone's getting caught out like
  • 00:43:39
    we need to be this or this I don't her
  • 00:43:43
    reasoning she just wanted like the show
  • 00:43:45
    to see her in the best light to like so
  • 00:43:48
    that it would present her in the best
  • 00:43:50
    light and so I think I started resenting
  • 00:43:52
    that a little bit early on and like
  • 00:43:54
    talking to my therapist is like she like
  • 00:43:57
    know like yo I think this is just
  • 00:43:58
    resentment that you started building
  • 00:43:59
    early on because I kind of saw like hey
  • 00:44:03
    you're
  • 00:44:04
    not I think you're more here to like get
  • 00:44:07
    that edit because she always expressed
  • 00:44:09
    me to like I just want to be seen I just
  • 00:44:12
    want to be seen I didn't get seen Susie
  • 00:44:14
    got saw saw sawen seen Susie was seen uh
  • 00:44:19
    Rachel was seen Gabby was seen I wasn't
  • 00:44:22
    seen with you you know what I mean on
  • 00:44:25
    the on the Bachelor
  • 00:44:27
    so it was like she was like that's what
  • 00:44:30
    started just building resentment because
  • 00:44:31
    I was like let's go out like who cares
  • 00:44:32
    if we get caught together like let's
  • 00:44:34
    just go out and like do Stu and be in
  • 00:44:35
    love and like you know and I think that
  • 00:44:39
    was just
  • 00:44:40
    tough and so in your experience on
  • 00:44:44
    TV did you ever seek external validation
  • 00:44:49
    did you ever hope to be seen a certain
  • 00:44:51
    way by the audience or did you never
  • 00:44:53
    truly care the way you're perceived I I
  • 00:44:56
    didn't like when I hopped off I didn't
  • 00:44:58
    care I think the only thing I cared
  • 00:45:00
    about was like I had to tell like my
  • 00:45:03
    family like yo
  • 00:45:05
    like I didn't like she chose someone
  • 00:45:07
    else you know what I mean like my my
  • 00:45:09
    thought process like say for instance
  • 00:45:11
    Bachelorette like I didn't care about
  • 00:45:12
    being seen I think it was more just
  • 00:45:14
    someone understanding what I'm going
  • 00:45:16
    through and unfortunately you know
  • 00:45:19
    there's not too many people who make it
  • 00:45:21
    to the end and like get their
  • 00:45:22
    heartbroken and so you know I didn't
  • 00:45:24
    really want to reach out to like these
  • 00:45:27
    top dogs who don't know who I am you
  • 00:45:28
    know what I mean and like ask him like
  • 00:45:30
    Hey how' you get through it and
  • 00:45:31
    everything like that um cuz I just
  • 00:45:34
    figured like hey they would never see
  • 00:45:35
    the message or like you know if I
  • 00:45:37
    reached out to
  • 00:45:40
    uh who was it like I don't know Tyler
  • 00:45:43
    Cameron or like you know some of those
  • 00:45:45
    guys who like who went on the show got
  • 00:45:47
    their heartbroken and then like had to
  • 00:45:49
    deal with life afterwards
  • 00:45:51
    like yeah I just didn't know who to talk
  • 00:45:53
    to and so I didn't care about being seen
  • 00:45:55
    it was just more like I wanted to be on
  • 00:45:57
    St it yeah and like yeah
  • 00:46:01
    so yeah I asked the question because I
  • 00:46:03
    think I can empathize with with her in
  • 00:46:05
    that regard I think there's a AUD
  • 00:46:07
    certain group of people that go on TV
  • 00:46:09
    seeking external validation I was one of
  • 00:46:11
    them um and I think that there's others
  • 00:46:14
    that had enough had enough internal
  • 00:46:16
    validation that they never needed the
  • 00:46:18
    external validation yeah but I think
  • 00:46:20
    there can sometimes be a disconnect
  • 00:46:21
    between those two individuals because
  • 00:46:24
    they did you how did you take that into
  • 00:46:26
    your relationship
  • 00:46:28
    yeah it's a good question um I did I
  • 00:46:33
    takes two to tango ultimately Susie and
  • 00:46:35
    I broke up for things that I wasn't able
  • 00:46:37
    to provide for her and vice
  • 00:46:39
    versa but one thing that I found was
  • 00:46:42
    that when I came off the bachelor I was
  • 00:46:45
    so destroyed I believed everything that
  • 00:46:47
    was being said about me online that I
  • 00:46:49
    lost I lost my masculine energy I lost
  • 00:46:52
    my ability to be the protector to
  • 00:46:54
    provide um I had no stability I was UN
  • 00:46:56
    stable I was in therapy I was needing
  • 00:46:59
    constant validation from her every
  • 00:47:01
    single day so she took on this masculine
  • 00:47:03
    energy of like I'm going to going to
  • 00:47:05
    help rebuild this person back up and she
  • 00:47:08
    did but what happened was I was taking
  • 00:47:10
    all of that energy from her yeah and
  • 00:47:12
    then she needed someone to be there for
  • 00:47:15
    her to help her rebuild and ultimately I
  • 00:47:18
    couldn't get back to that place of
  • 00:47:21
    masculine energy that confidence and
  • 00:47:23
    stability to say hey I'm I'm I can
  • 00:47:25
    protect you I can be there for you you
  • 00:47:27
    yeah and she had no energy left to give
  • 00:47:29
    and she was like I I can't do this
  • 00:47:30
    anymore like I need to heal myself now
  • 00:47:32
    from the
  • 00:47:34
    experience and so yeah I mean that that
  • 00:47:37
    the show followed me beyond the show and
  • 00:47:39
    ultimately I knew that I I have trained
  • 00:47:42
    this woman because I can't be in my
  • 00:47:44
    masculine energy I've been in this place
  • 00:47:46
    of emotional like just a wreck so that
  • 00:47:49
    was me at like the start of the
  • 00:47:51
    relationship was just like took it home
  • 00:47:53
    with me and
  • 00:47:55
    like yeah is just like I was taking so
  • 00:47:58
    much energy from her and just
  • 00:48:01
    like at the end of the day I couldn't
  • 00:48:03
    communicate those negative emotions
  • 00:48:06
    because I felt you know when I did try
  • 00:48:08
    to communicate those negative emotions I
  • 00:48:10
    felt like they weren't reciprocated they
  • 00:48:12
    were just like taken in by her and then
  • 00:48:14
    flipped into oh I felt that once this is
  • 00:48:18
    my story you know what I mean and so in
  • 00:48:21
    time I was just like I'm not blaming her
  • 00:48:23
    for it I was just bad at communicating
  • 00:48:25
    in general and like
  • 00:48:27
    but in time it was just like yo it's
  • 00:48:30
    like even if I try to communicate
  • 00:48:32
    something like that I just feel like
  • 00:48:33
    it's not going to be about me
  • 00:48:35
    after and I I didn't maybe I meant that
  • 00:48:39
    selfishly but just like yo I just want
  • 00:48:41
    to be heard like once and I feel like
  • 00:48:42
    for her she was just like I just want to
  • 00:48:44
    be heard once and so I think off the
  • 00:48:46
    show she was just putting so much energy
  • 00:48:48
    into me because I was just
  • 00:48:50
    like I was just like yo I'm going
  • 00:48:53
    through it and just like I'm just wasn't
  • 00:48:56
    okay after Paradise I just wasn't like
  • 00:48:58
    my sleep wasn't okay like the anxiety
  • 00:49:00
    and like thinking something's going to
  • 00:49:02
    bad happen every single day any hour of
  • 00:49:04
    the day I'm on alert and then I couldn't
  • 00:49:06
    sleep after that and so like then it
  • 00:49:09
    just like my drinking started increasing
  • 00:49:12
    and then I started like going out and
  • 00:49:13
    drinking and then like not dealing with
  • 00:49:15
    my emotions and drinking like obviously
  • 00:49:19
    like that's the worst combo you can do
  • 00:49:21
    as a you know a person who's trying to
  • 00:49:24
    like heal and so
  • 00:49:27
    yeah so I just like I think I just kept
  • 00:49:29
    letting her down over and over and just
  • 00:49:31
    like I just wasn't the best in the first
  • 00:49:34
    part of relationship and she's putting
  • 00:49:35
    energy to me to like bring me back up
  • 00:49:38
    and I just couldn't because like I was
  • 00:49:40
    like I mean we're seeing a therapist
  • 00:49:42
    we're seeing a couple therapists too on
  • 00:49:44
    top of that so it's like I was getting
  • 00:49:45
    the resources but then end the day is
  • 00:49:48
    like I saw stuff in her that I felt like
  • 00:49:51
    she wasn't like helping with and she saw
  • 00:49:54
    stuff in me and she was like oh I don't
  • 00:49:55
    think like you're help with it and I
  • 00:49:58
    think you know at the end of the day
  • 00:50:00
    just like we started just like tearing
  • 00:50:02
    each other down a little bit still
  • 00:50:03
    bringing each other up and I think she
  • 00:50:05
    got to a point where she was like I
  • 00:50:07
    can't keep giving you energy like I need
  • 00:50:09
    energy now so like now I'm going to
  • 00:50:11
    start taking and like you know when I
  • 00:50:13
    don't have energy and she needs energy
  • 00:50:15
    it's like that's kind of like that's
  • 00:50:18
    kind of you know when it starts to like
  • 00:50:21
    fall your relationship starts to fall
  • 00:50:23
    and so did you ever have the thought
  • 00:50:25
    that I mean got to the place where you
  • 00:50:27
    said we can't heal together at this
  • 00:50:29
    point we're going to have to heal
  • 00:50:31
    separately so yeah so that was that was
  • 00:50:34
    the so yeah so pretty much um so first
  • 00:50:39
    start of relationship like you know we
  • 00:50:41
    got into therapy and everything like
  • 00:50:43
    that and therapy was going all right um
  • 00:50:46
    we went on a podcast with the uh lers um
  • 00:50:49
    their new podcast and then after that
  • 00:50:51
    like just talking about like our past
  • 00:50:55
    and everything like that and like what I
  • 00:50:56
    went through you know growing up what
  • 00:50:58
    she went through like it's kind of like
  • 00:51:00
    realizing that we were focusing so much
  • 00:51:03
    energy on like the wrong stuff like we
  • 00:51:04
    didn't even open up about that like I
  • 00:51:06
    didn't tell her about my the whole story
  • 00:51:09
    of like my best friend dying and then my
  • 00:51:11
    grandpa dying and then my cousin dying
  • 00:51:13
    and you know and I just like I just kind
  • 00:51:17
    of like held that in and then so that on
  • 00:51:21
    top of like resentment and everything
  • 00:51:22
    and then communicating that in that
  • 00:51:24
    podcast I think like that helped a
  • 00:51:26
    little bit but
  • 00:51:29
    then did then it's just like it was just
  • 00:51:32
    got to a point where
  • 00:51:34
    like therapy wasn't working anymore and
  • 00:51:37
    like when we f it was like we F and like
  • 00:51:42
    I didn't like her actions that she was
  • 00:51:44
    doing and some of the things that she
  • 00:51:45
    was doing during those fights and during
  • 00:51:46
    those low moments to the point where I
  • 00:51:49
    just like kept I just started resenting
  • 00:51:51
    her resenting her and then she started
  • 00:51:53
    resenting me and you know we couldn't
  • 00:51:55
    like we couldn't even like hug on some
  • 00:51:58
    days and we couldn't kiss each other on
  • 00:52:00
    some days it's just CU she was like yo I
  • 00:52:02
    just like mentally I can't do that I
  • 00:52:04
    can't have any physicality with you
  • 00:52:06
    right now like I just need to like be in
  • 00:52:08
    my room for a day or two and just like
  • 00:52:10
    separate myself from you and you know
  • 00:52:12
    what I mean and vice versa I was like I
  • 00:52:15
    I just can't like I need to I need to go
  • 00:52:17
    do what I need to do and like I need to
  • 00:52:20
    just like separate myself from you for a
  • 00:52:22
    little bit and just like doing that for
  • 00:52:24
    so long man it's just like yo like what
  • 00:52:26
    are we doing like if we're not trying to
  • 00:52:28
    work with each other and like trying to
  • 00:52:30
    like build each other up then it's just
  • 00:52:32
    like I think we both just got to a place
  • 00:52:34
    where it was just like yeah it's just
  • 00:52:36
    not getting better and like we've done
  • 00:52:38
    everything we've exhausted our couple's
  • 00:52:41
    therapy and we've exhausted our single
  • 00:52:43
    therapy and everything like that and
  • 00:52:44
    it's just like you know I would it would
  • 00:52:47
    get to the point where like we would
  • 00:52:49
    have an argument and I would go in like
  • 00:52:52
    try to be calm and everything and then
  • 00:52:53
    she would Resort back to her self you
  • 00:52:56
    know what I mean it say using the
  • 00:52:57
    therapy and then that would trigger me
  • 00:52:59
    and then I would say something that
  • 00:53:01
    would trigger her and then it would just
  • 00:53:02
    go back and forth and
  • 00:53:05
    then ultimately it just like it came
  • 00:53:07
    down to like one of the days where just
  • 00:53:10
    like that I'm I'm a clean person you
  • 00:53:13
    know what I mean and like for my mental
  • 00:53:15
    health to be okay like I need a clean
  • 00:53:17
    house like I needed to be clean and like
  • 00:53:20
    I'll clean if I have to but you know I
  • 00:53:23
    can't keep cleaning up after a person
  • 00:53:25
    you know what I'm saying and so it was
  • 00:53:26
    just a talk was like Hey I know this
  • 00:53:28
    going to be a sensitive subject but like
  • 00:53:30
    I know your mental health you're telling
  • 00:53:32
    me that it's not okay and I want to
  • 00:53:33
    respect that but like this house is a
  • 00:53:36
    mess like you know what I mean
  • 00:53:39
    like like I just need your help and
  • 00:53:42
    cleaning whatever I can do to help you
  • 00:53:44
    do that to do so and it went from like
  • 00:53:46
    that and then it spiked into a whole
  • 00:53:48
    another conflict and spiked into a whole
  • 00:53:50
    another conflict to the point where like
  • 00:53:52
    at the end like I'm sitting on the couch
  • 00:53:54
    screaming at me and I'm like yelling at
  • 00:53:56
    her and then the relationship's over and
  • 00:54:00
    she's throwing the ring at me and I have
  • 00:54:01
    that and it's just like yo
  • 00:54:05
    like like that shit's tough
  • 00:54:08
    dude like that shit's
  • 00:54:10
    tough and
  • 00:54:13
    uh because you want it to work so bad
  • 00:54:15
    but it's just like at the end of the day
  • 00:54:16
    it's just like if it's not your person
  • 00:54:18
    it's not your person whether you could
  • 00:54:20
    try to force it or not and so uh that's
  • 00:54:23
    when denial started and so I was just
  • 00:54:26
    sitting there on the couch I remember I
  • 00:54:28
    just like in awe like I didn't know what
  • 00:54:31
    to do what to say I think I just left
  • 00:54:32
    and then called you or like right after
  • 00:54:35
    but it was just
  • 00:54:37
    like yeah man she was already moving and
  • 00:54:39
    so like that was just such a trigger and
  • 00:54:41
    it's like it was like how could you work
  • 00:54:43
    on a relationship when you're moving
  • 00:54:45
    halfway across and like me I don't want
  • 00:54:47
    to be in Oklahoma you know what I mean
  • 00:54:49
    like that's not where my life is going
  • 00:54:50
    to be like I don't see any positivity in
  • 00:54:54
    my life being in Oklahoma I don't see
  • 00:54:56
    any positivity in life like her idea was
  • 00:54:58
    to move to California so I did that
  • 00:55:01
    full-heartedly I got blamed for living
  • 00:55:03
    in downtown I got blamed for the
  • 00:55:05
    apartment that was chosen I got blamed
  • 00:55:07
    for this I got blamed for that it just
  • 00:55:09
    like I was taking so much accountability
  • 00:55:12
    to the point where like I would just
  • 00:55:13
    take accountability just to take it it
  • 00:55:15
    was like fine like if you want to blame
  • 00:55:17
    like that song like uh Aon the sorry
  • 00:55:19
    blame it on me man I had that [ __ ] on
  • 00:55:22
    repeat dog like I was like yo just blame
  • 00:55:24
    it on sorry just blame it on me just BL
  • 00:55:27
    like I was taking so much accountability
  • 00:55:29
    and
  • 00:55:31
    uh that's what I'm saying so like all my
  • 00:55:35
    actions all the wrongdoings everything
  • 00:55:38
    after an engagement ending going to
  • 00:55:40
    Austin and dancing with the girl like
  • 00:55:42
    that's sickening like that's not the
  • 00:55:43
    person who I am but me at that time like
  • 00:55:46
    I wasn't good like I was not good I just
  • 00:55:49
    lost my engagement I couldn't deal with
  • 00:55:51
    that cuz as a man like who am I going to
  • 00:55:52
    go tell I told you and then I was like
  • 00:55:55
    hey you know what like I just push it
  • 00:55:57
    down you know what I mean it's like who
  • 00:55:59
    do you go tell and so like yeah so I
  • 00:56:02
    want to go out have a few drinks and
  • 00:56:05
    then someone cute girl wanted to dance
  • 00:56:07
    with me okay yeah so yeah was it wrong
  • 00:56:10
    absolutely absolutely like I should have
  • 00:56:12
    never done that but like I did it but to
  • 00:56:15
    be labeled as a cheater is
  • 00:56:18
    crazy and I can I can empathize with you
  • 00:56:21
    because I um the whole crazy situation
  • 00:56:23
    that happened with me with this girl
  • 00:56:25
    that made this false accusation
  • 00:56:27
    um I put myself in a bad position to
  • 00:56:29
    invite her over I was using weed to cope
  • 00:56:32
    yeah so I was using a drug because I had
  • 00:56:35
    just seen suie the week prior and it
  • 00:56:38
    brought back all the emotions like could
  • 00:56:40
    we have made this work yeah and I was
  • 00:56:43
    crying in the car driving away after I
  • 00:56:45
    saw her because I thought I just wanted
  • 00:56:47
    this to work yeah and then I the next
  • 00:56:51
    following weekend I was just trying to
  • 00:56:53
    numb the pain by taking a like a 20
  • 00:56:55
    milligram
  • 00:56:56
    edible and that's when I was caught in a
  • 00:56:59
    moment and I invited this woman over and
  • 00:57:02
    I think we got to give ourselves Grace
  • 00:57:03
    because you know we dealing with
  • 00:57:06
    heartbreak you don't always make the
  • 00:57:07
    best decisions you know and
  • 00:57:09
    unfortunately sometimes you especially
  • 00:57:12
    in the spotlight it's you know
  • 00:57:14
    everyone's watching Everyone's Watching
  • 00:57:17
    I think that you
  • 00:57:18
    know that's the thing is like I accepted
  • 00:57:21
    you know what I did I took fault and I
  • 00:57:23
    did that for months and months after
  • 00:57:26
    unnecessarily but I did that for months
  • 00:57:28
    after with her privately behind closed
  • 00:57:30
    doors the thing that gets me is
  • 00:57:34
    that yo after seeing what you went
  • 00:57:36
    through I'm not going to lie like that
  • 00:57:38
    just like I was living in fear I'm not
  • 00:57:41
    going to lie I was living in fear of
  • 00:57:43
    this woman because she could say
  • 00:57:44
    whatever that she wanted and anyone and
  • 00:57:46
    everyone would believe her she would go
  • 00:57:48
    to everyone in like Bachelor Nation to
  • 00:57:51
    get her on her side and tell horrible
  • 00:57:54
    stories about me just to like oh yeah he
  • 00:57:57
    did this he did this he did this that's
  • 00:57:59
    not yeah this is just the person he is
  • 00:58:01
    this is
  • 00:58:02
    like someone who I love so much and
  • 00:58:05
    someone who you love and like someone
  • 00:58:06
    who you put so much time and effort into
  • 00:58:08
    and you make so many mistakes and at the
  • 00:58:11
    end of the day at the end of day man she
  • 00:58:14
    just wanted to see me fall and she
  • 00:58:16
    just the
  • 00:58:19
    worst let me can I tell that story share
  • 00:58:23
    whatever you want yeah just
  • 00:58:29
    bro my engagement ended all right and
  • 00:58:31
    then I'm going through this and then I
  • 00:58:33
    get back home she goes through
  • 00:58:34
    everything right she doesn't find
  • 00:58:36
    anything we're talking and everything
  • 00:58:39
    and it's just like everything's fine you
  • 00:58:41
    know what I mean like obviously we're
  • 00:58:42
    both crying she needs her time that's
  • 00:58:43
    cool like take your time understand what
  • 00:58:45
    you have to process like your ex fiance
  • 00:58:48
    just went and danced with a girl a week
  • 00:58:49
    later like process do what you need to
  • 00:58:51
    do your dad's coming in a couple days to
  • 00:58:54
    like pick up everything and then you're
  • 00:58:56
    leaving back to Oklahoma like process
  • 00:58:58
    what you need to do we spent a whole day
  • 00:59:01
    she wanted to spend the whole day
  • 00:59:03
    together you know I mean that's why I
  • 00:59:04
    came early before she left right if I
  • 00:59:07
    was a cheater do you think that you
  • 00:59:08
    would really want to spend a whole day
  • 00:59:10
    with me cherishing everything before you
  • 00:59:14
    leave do all that I help her pack you
  • 00:59:17
    know we're laughing giggling stuff like
  • 00:59:19
    that and just like crying at the same
  • 00:59:22
    time because like this apartment is
  • 00:59:24
    getting emptier and emptier empty here
  • 00:59:26
    and it's just like that was tough you
  • 00:59:28
    know what I mean to like pack up all her
  • 00:59:30
    stuff and like help her move and we're
  • 00:59:32
    in the parking garage is like crying and
  • 00:59:34
    holding each other like are we making
  • 00:59:35
    the right decision like what's going on
  • 00:59:38
    everything's ending and you know kind of
  • 00:59:40
    moving past that denial part like this
  • 00:59:41
    is actually happening and like
  • 00:59:44
    everything is all crashing down all at
  • 00:59:46
    once and you're talking to her and
  • 00:59:48
    you're both crying kissing and you're
  • 00:59:49
    like what are we doing is this going to
  • 00:59:52
    be okay
  • 00:59:53
    whatever and uh and and then seeing her
  • 00:59:56
    go like I went back up to the apartment
  • 00:59:58
    and the apartment was filled with her
  • 01:00:00
    stuff you know what I mean it was pretty
  • 01:00:02
    much all her stuff like I left
  • 01:00:03
    everything back in Austin Texas sold it
  • 01:00:05
    off whatever and I'm I'm going back to
  • 01:00:08
    an apartment with my bed on the ground
  • 01:00:10
    you know what I mean and I was just like
  • 01:00:12
    it's just like yo I just mentally broke
  • 01:00:15
    down heavy and I was just like yo I'm in
  • 01:00:17
    the Valley you know what I mean like I'm
  • 01:00:18
    in the trenches like I'm just I can't
  • 01:00:22
    stay here and look at this empty
  • 01:00:24
    apartment and so
  • 01:00:27
    that's when it got worse it's just
  • 01:00:29
    like her healing her type of healing is
  • 01:00:32
    she wants to lock herself in her
  • 01:00:33
    apartment and kind of just like take
  • 01:00:35
    everything in for several days a week
  • 01:00:37
    whatever but she just wants to like stay
  • 01:00:39
    grounded in her apartment I he a little
  • 01:00:42
    different um I'll process it for
  • 01:00:46
    like couple hours everything like that
  • 01:00:49
    you know a couple hours during the day
  • 01:00:50
    Journal do everything that I need to do
  • 01:00:53
    then I'll go out like I'll go to a
  • 01:00:56
    baseball game or I'll go to a bar or
  • 01:00:58
    I'll go see a friend or like I can't
  • 01:01:00
    take everything in all at once you know
  • 01:01:03
    what I'm saying like I just don't think
  • 01:01:05
    that's healthy because you take so much
  • 01:01:07
    and then you get overwhelmed with how
  • 01:01:08
    much that you're taking that like you're
  • 01:01:10
    not processing and it's like I felt like
  • 01:01:12
    I just needed glimpses of Happiness like
  • 01:01:14
    throughout to like hey okay you know
  • 01:01:17
    what I'm in a better mood let's process
  • 01:01:20
    and like you know I'll go down and then
  • 01:01:21
    I'll get back up and then I go down and
  • 01:01:24
    I get back up instead of just like
  • 01:01:25
    staying down keep digging digging
  • 01:01:27
    digging digging and then just
  • 01:01:30
    like just like leaving my like that's
  • 01:01:33
    what she did it's like I didn't want to
  • 01:01:35
    be locked in the house you know what I
  • 01:01:37
    mean and just
  • 01:01:39
    like so I started I healed for a whole
  • 01:01:42
    month didn't do anything really like
  • 01:01:44
    kind of process stay to myself like
  • 01:01:46
    we'll go out to dinner and like we'll go
  • 01:01:48
    do stuff and stuff like that but just
  • 01:01:50
    like for a whole month and this happened
  • 01:01:52
    in May junisha happened and it was all
  • 01:01:56
    my friends coming to town for Fourth of
  • 01:01:58
    July and some of her friends were going
  • 01:02:00
    to be there too and I think just
  • 01:02:04
    like that kind of hurt her in a way that
  • 01:02:07
    like I was able to spend all this time
  • 01:02:08
    with my friends in San Diego and like be
  • 01:02:10
    out and like have fun and like post that
  • 01:02:13
    and to the point where she was
  • 01:02:16
    like that's what I was saying is like
  • 01:02:18
    she was just such in a whole dealing
  • 01:02:21
    with everything and like it was so dark
  • 01:02:24
    and it was just like I believe that was
  • 01:02:25
    just so much that like that's why I
  • 01:02:27
    process the way I process because if I
  • 01:02:29
    saw her out with her friends drinking
  • 01:02:31
    having a good time you know I'm already
  • 01:02:34
    in a spot where like I'm not dealing
  • 01:02:35
    with everything at once but like like
  • 01:02:38
    I'm going through highs and lows instead
  • 01:02:39
    of just like staying there and just like
  • 01:02:41
    oh another thing added another thing
  • 01:02:43
    added and uh she hated the way that I
  • 01:02:47
    was doing it she just hated that and uh
  • 01:02:52
    Fourth of July you know she's calling me
  • 01:02:53
    all through fourth of July just telling
  • 01:02:55
    me like how much it hurts and how much
  • 01:02:57
    like being separated hurts and
  • 01:03:00
    like you know these are her friends too
  • 01:03:03
    and stuff like that and she you know it
  • 01:03:06
    got started off okay and then it just
  • 01:03:08
    got worse and worse and worse and worse
  • 01:03:10
    and like you know I would be on the
  • 01:03:12
    phone for one time 30 minutes and i' be
  • 01:03:14
    on the phone for two hours I'm trying to
  • 01:03:16
    get off because I have to go to a dinner
  • 01:03:18
    for a birthday party for Sam and um
  • 01:03:21
    Landon's wife and stuff like that and or
  • 01:03:24
    fiance and
  • 01:03:27
    um yeah it's just it just got worse and
  • 01:03:30
    worse and she's like she just ended up
  • 01:03:32
    just going to a super dark place and
  • 01:03:34
    then dude this is this is when I hit
  • 01:03:37
    depression like this is when I was at my
  • 01:03:40
    lowest and it was
  • 01:03:41
    because you know it started off to where
  • 01:03:44
    we had an amical breakup like you know
  • 01:03:47
    we had a post together we did our post
  • 01:03:49
    together when I got back from Austin
  • 01:03:51
    right and uh I think what ruined her is
  • 01:03:54
    like seeing the comments of like girl
  • 01:03:56
    saying like oh you know like he's
  • 01:03:57
    available now and like stuff like that
  • 01:03:59
    and like I think that hurt her a lot and
  • 01:04:03
    just like all these things like she had
  • 01:04:04
    a process just
  • 01:04:06
    like
  • 01:04:08
    I dude she just took it all out on me
  • 01:04:13
    just like everything everything she just
  • 01:04:16
    like would call me and then it got to a
  • 01:04:18
    point where I'd be getting cussed out
  • 01:04:20
    for like three four hours at a time you
  • 01:04:23
    know what I mean and it just be like
  • 01:04:25
    it's like yo she's tell me constantly
  • 01:04:28
    like oh I don't see that your rock
  • 01:04:30
    bottom so I'm going to make sure that
  • 01:04:31
    you're rock bottom and I'm I'm GNA let
  • 01:04:34
    you know like I got a plan to go on kayn
  • 01:04:36
    Bristol's podcast and say that you
  • 01:04:38
    cheated and uh I'm G to tell the world
  • 01:04:40
    that you cheated so that no girl in Bach
  • 01:04:43
    Nation would want to be with you and
  • 01:04:45
    that no girl any girl who wants to be
  • 01:04:46
    with you and looks you up that's the
  • 01:04:48
    first thing that they see so every
  • 01:04:50
    single time I have to talk about that
  • 01:04:52
    and talk about my relationship with her
  • 01:04:54
    with every single girl that I see
  • 01:04:57
    and it got to a point where I was just
  • 01:04:59
    like yo do I want to do this anymore man
  • 01:05:01
    like do I want to like do I got to do is
  • 01:05:03
    this going to be my life from now on
  • 01:05:05
    because I don't want this to be my
  • 01:05:06
    [ __ ] life from now on you know what I
  • 01:05:08
    mean like I'll get eight calls at 5: in
  • 01:05:11
    the morning and I got to talk to her
  • 01:05:12
    till 3: and if I don't talk to her she's
  • 01:05:15
    going to release the 80 videos that she
  • 01:05:17
    has of secretly recorded fights you know
  • 01:05:20
    or she's going to release whatever she's
  • 01:05:23
    going to go on the podcast and ruin my
  • 01:05:25
    life and I just heard this over and over
  • 01:05:26
    and over and over and then all a sudden
  • 01:05:28
    boom I'm back on the show it's just like
  • 01:05:31
    yo what's going to happen today and then
  • 01:05:33
    my anxiety start going up and it start
  • 01:05:35
    leading into depression and I didn't
  • 01:05:36
    know who to go to and I couldn't afford
  • 01:05:38
    therapy at the time because I'm paying
  • 01:05:40
    for this highly price apartment and I'm
  • 01:05:42
    dealing with her and then like brand
  • 01:05:44
    deals are suffering because like I'm
  • 01:05:46
    going through a breakup and like I'm not
  • 01:05:48
    posting I'm not doing any of that and
  • 01:05:51
    like and then now I'm moving at the same
  • 01:05:53
    time too and he's just like and then I'm
  • 01:05:55
    going going through this every single
  • 01:05:56
    day and I'm crying every single day and
  • 01:05:58
    I'm just I'm just like fearful of my
  • 01:06:01
    life every single day cuz she's like I'm
  • 01:06:02
    going to do this I have a plan I have a
  • 01:06:04
    plan I'm gonna do this I'm gonna ruin
  • 01:06:05
    your life I'mma ruin your life don't you
  • 01:06:07
    [ __ ] talk don't you say a [ __ ]
  • 01:06:09
    word if you say a [ __ ] word I'm gonna
  • 01:06:11
    I'm gonna ruin your [ __ ] life and
  • 01:06:12
    he's just
  • 01:06:14
    like yo over and over and over and just
  • 01:06:19
    like you know what I mean it's like
  • 01:06:23
    yo the whole time I was like I'm sorry
  • 01:06:26
    that hurt you you know what I mean like
  • 01:06:28
    at the end of the day
  • 01:06:29
    I I wanted to hate her so bad but just
  • 01:06:33
    like I couldn't because I loved her so
  • 01:06:34
    much I was like yo I'm sorry that hurt
  • 01:06:36
    so I just took accountability for her
  • 01:06:38
    like oh should I even be feeling this
  • 01:06:40
    right now like maybe I should maybe I do
  • 01:06:43
    need like deserve this right because
  • 01:06:46
    that in the beginning of the
  • 01:06:47
    relationship my faults and my actions
  • 01:06:50
    wasn't the character that I was
  • 01:06:52
    displaying to everyone else you know
  • 01:06:54
    what I mean and so
  • 01:06:58
    uh yeah man just like this abuse over
  • 01:07:01
    and over and then her showing me these
  • 01:07:03
    80 videos of secretly recorded fights
  • 01:07:06
    and it went from it went from oh I'm
  • 01:07:09
    just going to show the therapist this so
  • 01:07:11
    that we could work on these together and
  • 01:07:13
    I'm just recording our fights so we
  • 01:07:14
    could work on these together to oh these
  • 01:07:16
    are just for you and I'm just going to
  • 01:07:17
    show you and you alone to uh oh now like
  • 01:07:22
    if you say anything against me I'm going
  • 01:07:23
    to release these videos and so like
  • 01:07:26
    like that's why I just lived in Fury
  • 01:07:28
    dude
  • 01:07:30
    and then I [ __ ] dude on top of that
  • 01:07:33
    I'm deing processing and then January
  • 01:07:35
    comes and the producer comes out with
  • 01:07:37
    her podcast and all I hear is that
  • 01:07:40
    Serene the whole time has been
  • 01:07:42
    sending
  • 01:07:44
    [ __ ] gym photos and bikini photos and
  • 01:07:47
    telling this her boyfriend this producer
  • 01:07:50
    on the show who was my best friend that
  • 01:07:53
    oh yeah the chemistry has been there the
  • 01:07:55
    whole time and I'm going out to see him
  • 01:07:58
    with her and we're on his boat and me
  • 01:08:01
    and her are in an argument I'm like yo
  • 01:08:02
    that was a little weird between you and
  • 01:08:04
    this individual right and then to hear
  • 01:08:06
    that they had the same argument saying
  • 01:08:08
    like hey it's clear that's Rene
  • 01:08:11
    obviously has feelings for you and stuff
  • 01:08:12
    and now I have to process this on my own
  • 01:08:14
    because I don't know who to tell and
  • 01:08:16
    like what to do and she's calling me
  • 01:08:19
    when the podcast comes out saying like
  • 01:08:20
    oh it's it's none of it's true it's none
  • 01:08:22
    of it's true and then I'm seeing the
  • 01:08:24
    text messages of like from what she was
  • 01:08:26
    saying to the text messag is like oh
  • 01:08:28
    yeah no it's true it's
  • 01:08:31
    like you know how much anger I had you
  • 01:08:34
    know
  • 01:08:35
    it I went and did a podcast that next
  • 01:08:38
    month and I was just angry man I was I
  • 01:08:42
    was angry I acted I have emotion I just
  • 01:08:45
    the podcast Never released because I
  • 01:08:48
    couldn't allow that but just like I was
  • 01:08:50
    I was
  • 01:08:51
    upset you know I took this [ __ ] gut
  • 01:08:54
    punch for her I took all this abuse from
  • 01:08:57
    her and I took I took day in and day out
  • 01:09:02
    everyone just like hating on me my DMs
  • 01:09:04
    and anything that I posted it would be a
  • 01:09:06
    comment of your piece of [ __ ] you
  • 01:09:08
    cheated you cheated this that and my
  • 01:09:11
    family's taking this too any any picture
  • 01:09:13
    any post any comment my family would get
  • 01:09:15
    comments of that my friends would get
  • 01:09:17
    comments of that to the point where like
  • 01:09:20
    people I just feel like people in bachor
  • 01:09:21
    nation just didn't even want to [ __ ]
  • 01:09:23
    with me anymore you know what I mean
  • 01:09:24
    that's like that's like tough cuz like I
  • 01:09:26
    understand like why would you want to
  • 01:09:27
    hang around someone who you're seeing is
  • 01:09:30
    portrayed as this way you know what I
  • 01:09:32
    mean and all that [ __ ] hurt and I just
  • 01:09:35
    like I just took it to the [ __ ] chin
  • 01:09:37
    I was like you know what I'm gonna be
  • 01:09:39
    silent I'm GNA trust in God and just
  • 01:09:40
    like understand like everything happens
  • 01:09:42
    for a reason and I felt like just taking
  • 01:09:44
    it to the chin was just like the best
  • 01:09:47
    the best idea you know what I mean but
  • 01:09:50
    at the end it's just like I took more
  • 01:09:52
    than that it's like I didn't prepare
  • 01:09:54
    myself I didn't prepare myself for the
  • 01:09:55
    comments I prep I just assume that I
  • 01:09:57
    just gave so many of these people my
  • 01:10:00
    life and like who I am as a person
  • 01:10:03
    multiple times to the point they would
  • 01:10:05
    see through that and they' be like oh
  • 01:10:06
    yeah
  • 01:10:09
    no but do
  • 01:10:12
    you do you want to rec reconcile with
  • 01:10:16
    her I don't even know what reconcile is
  • 01:10:19
    do you want to like at this point you
  • 01:10:21
    know what I mean like yeah are you just
  • 01:10:24
    I don't want to walk dude and I know
  • 01:10:26
    like that's why that's why like I know
  • 01:10:29
    after this man she's going to she's
  • 01:10:32
    going to do something and it's like I
  • 01:10:34
    just accepted it
  • 01:10:35
    like I just accepted
  • 01:10:38
    it whatever it is it's going to be badge
  • 01:10:41
    it's going to be part of her plan that
  • 01:10:42
    she's had this whole time it's it's just
  • 01:10:45
    like
  • 01:10:47
    she I just been so manipulated and so
  • 01:10:51
    like hurt by all this dude to the point
  • 01:10:54
    where just like it's just like just do
  • 01:10:56
    it you know what I mean at this point
  • 01:10:57
    like you already told me your entire
  • 01:10:59
    plan like I already see your plan I
  • 01:11:01
    already know what your plan is it's like
  • 01:11:03
    you're G to go release those videos okay
  • 01:11:05
    go release the videos like that's what
  • 01:11:07
    you're going to
  • 01:11:08
    do and you're going to go to reality
  • 01:11:10
    Stam and tell them whatever or you're
  • 01:11:12
    going to go do this or you're GNA go do
  • 01:11:14
    that just like just like it's okay you
  • 01:11:18
    know at the end of the day just
  • 01:11:20
    like I've already taken so much to the
  • 01:11:22
    [ __ ] chin over and over and like from
  • 01:11:25
    the start of this [ __ ] show bro I've
  • 01:11:27
    taken it to the chin and I get back up
  • 01:11:29
    take it to the chin again B get back up
  • 01:11:31
    take it to the chin it's just like yo
  • 01:11:34
    being this [ __ ] nice guy sucks just
  • 01:11:37
    being the nice guy sucks it's like one
  • 01:11:39
    time I want to be a [ __ ] Savage you
  • 01:11:40
    know what I mean and like one time like
  • 01:11:43
    one time I just want to like go out and
  • 01:11:45
    just be the bad guy you know what I mean
  • 01:11:47
    just like not give a [ __ ] about what
  • 01:11:48
    anyone says or what anyone's actions are
  • 01:11:51
    like yeah you want to start it let's
  • 01:11:53
    start it like let's just like go Toe to
  • 01:11:55
    Toe and do it you know what I mean but
  • 01:11:56
    it's just
  • 01:11:59
    like I'm just not that [ __ ] person
  • 01:12:01
    and just sucks you know sometimes I wish
  • 01:12:04
    I was that person you know what I mean
  • 01:12:06
    like I just want to like say [ __ ] you to
  • 01:12:08
    everyone I want I want that Slim Shady
  • 01:12:10
    you know what I mean just like cancel me
  • 01:12:12
    do what I bro yeah sometimes being the
  • 01:12:16
    bigger
  • 01:12:17
    person [ __ ] is satisfying it's not it's
  • 01:12:20
    I don't think I've yeah it's just not
  • 01:12:23
    yeah I mean take the high Ro back the
  • 01:12:26
    end the
  • 01:12:27
    ages but at what cost yeah I mean
  • 01:12:29
    especially that's the thing is like I'm
  • 01:12:31
    speaking out now this is the one thing
  • 01:12:33
    she didn't want me to do and Alana spoke
  • 01:12:37
    out or sorry the producer spoke out and
  • 01:12:39
    that was the one thing she probably
  • 01:12:40
    didn't want her to do it's just like I
  • 01:12:43
    feel like she got a plan for
  • 01:12:45
    this and after hearing it for six months
  • 01:12:48
    hours on in hearing the plan over and
  • 01:12:51
    over how my life's getting get ruined
  • 01:12:53
    I'm telling her I'm in such a depression
  • 01:12:54
    such a
  • 01:12:55
    and her like no I don't see it but no
  • 01:12:59
    you're going to feel it and hearing that
  • 01:13:00
    over and over just like it's like yo
  • 01:13:03
    dating after has been tragic for me just
  • 01:13:07
    tragic it's just like fully trusting
  • 01:13:10
    someone like to the point where I'll
  • 01:13:11
    just be like yeah I trust you but it's
  • 01:13:13
    like I to the point I yeah I just don't
  • 01:13:16
    trust anyone in that sense and it's like
  • 01:13:19
    that's tough and like that's something I
  • 01:13:21
    got to work on like I think that's so
  • 01:13:24
    when you're saying like yo are you at
  • 01:13:26
    your Peak it's like no it's cuz
  • 01:13:28
    like I just don't have the Trust In
  • 01:13:32
    someone do you think there's a
  • 01:13:37
    possibility for or rather do you do you
  • 01:13:40
    have hope that there's a way that you
  • 01:13:44
    and Serene can both make amends and
  • 01:13:47
    there can be a best case scenario do you
  • 01:13:48
    think it's possible and if so how how do
  • 01:13:51
    you get
  • 01:13:53
    there instead of
  • 01:13:55
    this becoming the her next step do you
  • 01:13:58
    think there's a way to reverse this
  • 01:14:00
    between you two and
  • 01:14:01
    and and be able to I don't know go back
  • 01:14:05
    to building each other up and finding a
  • 01:14:07
    positive way forward I don't know
  • 01:14:12
    just I
  • 01:14:15
    mean I mean you know her too after
  • 01:14:17
    everything I told you like do you do you
  • 01:14:20
    think they is like that's why I I wish I
  • 01:14:23
    wish you know because I don't hate her I
  • 01:14:27
    don't hate her after everything that
  • 01:14:28
    she's put me through at the end of day I
  • 01:14:30
    still don't hate
  • 01:14:32
    her but I've held my oh my gosh it's
  • 01:14:35
    just like I'm angry you know what I mean
  • 01:14:37
    I'm frustrated like my character was
  • 01:14:39
    like thrown under the
  • 01:14:40
    bus and the person who I am was throwing
  • 01:14:44
    on the bus and like the person who my
  • 01:14:45
    parents raised was throwing under the
  • 01:14:47
    bus all in one fail
  • 01:14:49
    Su what just to make me feel pain even
  • 01:14:52
    more pain than what I was already
  • 01:14:54
    feeling you know what I mean it's like
  • 01:14:56
    what does amends kind of look like at
  • 01:14:58
    that point it's like at this point is
  • 01:15:00
    like amends to me is hey I hope you find
  • 01:15:03
    your person I hope you're with them I
  • 01:15:05
    hope that you do you and
  • 01:15:08
    like I hope just like just like I get
  • 01:15:11
    left alone at the end of the day you
  • 01:15:13
    know what I mean like I just want to be
  • 01:15:15
    left alone from her like I I just want
  • 01:15:17
    this to be like yo I'm I'm I'm good I'm
  • 01:15:20
    done I have no more fight I don't want
  • 01:15:22
    to hurt you I don't want to be hurt by
  • 01:15:24
    you anymore more like I'm just I
  • 01:15:28
    just please like please just do you
  • 01:15:31
    please like I you know that's kind of
  • 01:15:33
    what it's been now so I'm okay with it
  • 01:15:35
    but at the same time just
  • 01:15:37
    like what's been killing me is man just
  • 01:15:40
    holding this [ __ ] in just like day and
  • 01:15:43
    and day I've been holding this in for
  • 01:15:45
    months now for months and people may be
  • 01:15:47
    like oh it's a little bit late for that
  • 01:15:49
    and [ __ ] like that's fine that's cool
  • 01:15:51
    but like I did this so many months ago
  • 01:15:55
    to the point where I was just like it
  • 01:15:56
    just Aid at me
  • 01:15:59
    that I was like no you know what like I
  • 01:16:01
    need to do this I need to do this like
  • 01:16:03
    if I'm going to move on for myself
  • 01:16:06
    personally like I need to do this like I
  • 01:16:08
    was in a public
  • 01:16:10
    relationship they deserve to hear you
  • 01:16:12
    know my faults and my actions and the
  • 01:16:16
    terrible person that I was as well what
  • 01:16:18
    I went through and so I don't know what
  • 01:16:22
    a men's looks like all I want all I wish
  • 01:16:23
    for her is just like hey just please do
  • 01:16:26
    you you you want her to let you go just
  • 01:16:28
    let me go yeah just be happy I hope
  • 01:16:31
    she's happy right now I hope she's doing
  • 01:16:33
    her thing I hope she's dating I hope
  • 01:16:35
    she's out there I hope she's you know
  • 01:16:37
    trusting in other
  • 01:16:39
    people but I just I just I think making
  • 01:16:43
    amends right now is just like hey we
  • 01:16:44
    once had love for each other but now I
  • 01:16:46
    think it's just like time to go I think
  • 01:16:49
    that's kind of what it's been at right
  • 01:16:50
    now so I think that's been good but just
  • 01:16:52
    like that's what I'm saying is like I'm
  • 01:16:54
    not here to start a war
  • 01:16:56
    but I can't I can't go another night
  • 01:16:58
    just
  • 01:17:01
    like dude this happened recent too I was
  • 01:17:03
    just out and just like someone came up
  • 01:17:06
    to me she was like she was like Hey like
  • 01:17:09
    your Brandon and everything I was like
  • 01:17:10
    yeah and she was like so uh um how has
  • 01:17:14
    it been you know after cheating on
  • 01:17:16
    Serene and everything like that and then
  • 01:17:19
    just hearing that even to this day I was
  • 01:17:21
    just like okay you know what
  • 01:17:23
    like one
  • 01:17:25
    I just need to say something I just need
  • 01:17:27
    to say something or this is going to be
  • 01:17:28
    the rest of my life and then my kids are
  • 01:17:30
    going to look back and they're going to
  • 01:17:32
    look me up and they'll be like oh hey
  • 01:17:33
    Dad you cheated like how come you didn't
  • 01:17:35
    say something like how come you didn't
  • 01:17:37
    have the strength and courage to like
  • 01:17:38
    stand up for yourself yeah like how can
  • 01:17:40
    they stand up for themselves if they see
  • 01:17:42
    that their own father didn't want to
  • 01:17:43
    stand up for them for himself you know
  • 01:17:45
    what I mean
  • 01:17:46
    so yeah I I I don't think people realize
  • 01:17:50
    how hard it is to navigate in the
  • 01:17:53
    spotlight uh when
  • 01:17:55
    when you Google your name Brandon Jones
  • 01:17:57
    bachette it's the third source is about
  • 01:18:00
    the cheating yeah accusation
  • 01:18:04
    yeah I I can I can relate to that and
  • 01:18:06
    it's hard because our our public
  • 01:18:08
    perception I mean it does it follows us
  • 01:18:10
    and it follows us for years after the
  • 01:18:12
    show I still get DMS from people you're
  • 01:18:15
    [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] for what you did
  • 01:18:17
    to suszie I just watched the episode I'm
  • 01:18:18
    like that was yeah three years ago yeah
  • 01:18:21
    it doesn't stop I'm not even the same
  • 01:18:23
    person doesn't stop but but but you you
  • 01:18:25
    lashed out like that that anger and
  • 01:18:27
    aggression just it never ends and it
  • 01:18:30
    does hurt because it's like when you're
  • 01:18:31
    trying to heal it's like people keep
  • 01:18:33
    stabbing at the wound yeah and that's
  • 01:18:35
    the point is like man we were both there
  • 01:18:37
    trying to heal and it's the one person
  • 01:18:40
    who I love the most is the one who's
  • 01:18:42
    like stabbing and stabbing and telling
  • 01:18:45
    me hey I want to keep you on Rock Bottom
  • 01:18:48
    I want to show you what rock Autumn is
  • 01:18:51
    and like just hearing those words and
  • 01:18:53
    like that is I think that's just crazy
  • 01:18:57
    that's just that's just the most wild
  • 01:18:58
    thing and it's like you know what if
  • 01:19:02
    this what you have to do is this makes
  • 01:19:03
    you feel better like I'll do that for
  • 01:19:05
    you because I love you and I'll stay on
  • 01:19:07
    this phone with you because I love you
  • 01:19:09
    and I did that for four or five months
  • 01:19:12
    hours I want you know it wasn't like a
  • 01:19:15
    20 minute phone call these are like six
  • 01:19:17
    hour phone calls to where I'm getting
  • 01:19:20
    maybe three four words in and I'm just
  • 01:19:22
    listening and I'm hearing her she said
  • 01:19:25
    hey you know I need closure let's get
  • 01:19:28
    closure forour phone call we're fine hey
  • 01:19:31
    I hope you have a great time in Oklahoma
  • 01:19:33
    say hello to the family enjoy yourself
  • 01:19:35
    next week eight phone calls I need your
  • 01:19:37
    phone records I need this I need that I
  • 01:19:40
    need this I need that and just
  • 01:19:42
    like dude just never stopped and then
  • 01:19:45
    being in the spotlight is like people
  • 01:19:48
    are going out hey Brandon like can I get
  • 01:19:50
    a picture and I'm in depression I'm like
  • 01:19:53
    no like I've never said no to a picture
  • 01:19:56
    though but just like trying to fake it
  • 01:19:58
    you know what I mean like how you doing
  • 01:20:00
    oh yeah I'm good I'm great I can't look
  • 01:20:02
    at you and be like Oh I'm in such a
  • 01:20:04
    [ __ ] depression right now like yeah
  • 01:20:06
    how are you doing you know what I mean
  • 01:20:08
    and
  • 01:20:10
    so dude this has just been I went from a
  • 01:20:13
    kid who like no one knew you know what I
  • 01:20:15
    mean posted on social media once a year
  • 01:20:19
    didn't didn't care about social media
  • 01:20:22
    you know live my life and like now
  • 01:20:25
    everybody knows you know who my parents
  • 01:20:27
    are and where I go to eat and where I
  • 01:20:30
    live and all
  • 01:20:32
    this yeah I don't it's just
  • 01:20:35
    wild you just want people to see you for
  • 01:20:37
    the real you I don't even care if they
  • 01:20:39
    see me for the real me I just want them
  • 01:20:41
    to understand that the person that they
  • 01:20:43
    saw on TV is the person off screen too
  • 01:20:46
    like I've never changed so the fact that
  • 01:20:49
    like one I'm sorry that y'all been hurt
  • 01:20:51
    by so many people who have changed off
  • 01:20:53
    screen but like I gave that's what I'm
  • 01:20:55
    going back to like I gave my all like I
  • 01:20:57
    didn't go on this show and be like okay
  • 01:20:59
    yeah let's promote my pizza business or
  • 01:21:02
    like let's you know let's do
  • 01:21:06
    this Ah that's a that's a throwback
  • 01:21:09
    that's a throwback but just like I was
  • 01:21:11
    like yo if I'm ending up with this girl
  • 01:21:13
    I'm ending up this girl if I'm not then
  • 01:21:14
    I'm not I'm gonna give my all you know
  • 01:21:16
    what I mean and like I'm not gonna hop
  • 01:21:18
    off the show and be a whole different
  • 01:21:20
    person she's like who the [ __ ] are you
  • 01:21:22
    you know what I mean like it's just Wast
  • 01:21:24
    of your time and her time and
  • 01:21:27
    so how do you feel having kind of let
  • 01:21:30
    this out dude I feel so [ __ ] good
  • 01:21:33
    this you know how long this has been
  • 01:21:34
    like good dude and just all the anger
  • 01:21:37
    and the phone calls with you and just
  • 01:21:39
    like you've been a blessing in my life
  • 01:21:41
    too and I hope you know that and just
  • 01:21:44
    like d it's just man and nobody knows
  • 01:21:48
    and like I just went through all this
  • 01:21:49
    pain and nobody knows and like I think
  • 01:21:52
    that's what I struggle with is just like
  • 01:21:53
    nobody knows
  • 01:21:56
    and like that's what's crazy and I'm
  • 01:21:57
    taking this abuse still to this day
  • 01:21:59
    nobody knows yeah and so yeah I think
  • 01:22:04
    this is today's discussion you our
  • 01:22:06
    conversation is a
  • 01:22:08
    powerful um example of the power of
  • 01:22:11
    addressing something not suppressing it
  • 01:22:13
    because yeah when you suppress something
  • 01:22:16
    it just builds and builds and builds
  • 01:22:18
    builds until it creates an emotional
  • 01:22:19
    Outburst or it destroys the the
  • 01:22:21
    individual yeah so I I think through
  • 01:22:24
    addressing it it's like you can let that
  • 01:22:26
    out and stop holding on to it with
  • 01:22:29
    then and that's what I was hoping that
  • 01:22:32
    we could accomplish today um I think I
  • 01:22:35
    was just losing myself holding on to it
  • 01:22:37
    for so long and just living in fear to
  • 01:22:40
    the point where I was just like why like
  • 01:22:42
    why am I doing this you know what I mean
  • 01:22:44
    like why am I losing my own self and
  • 01:22:46
    succumbing to my own fear you know what
  • 01:22:48
    I mean why should just accept it yeah
  • 01:22:50
    and understand like this is the reality
  • 01:22:51
    these are the repercussions that may
  • 01:22:53
    follow but like
  • 01:22:55
    I'm not about to lose myself again to
  • 01:22:57
    this you know what I mean this is what
  • 01:22:58
    you feel is best for you in your heart
  • 01:23:01
    yeah and so you're going to live your
  • 01:23:03
    truth and yeah and whatever
  • 01:23:05
    repercussions without trying to hurt her
  • 01:23:07
    in any way possible but just like
  • 01:23:10
    understanding just like hey you
  • 01:23:14
    know what you did was [ __ ] up yeah was
  • 01:23:17
    [ __ ] up and like I've been taking
  • 01:23:18
    account in ability this entire time
  • 01:23:23
    like again takes two to tango and I just
  • 01:23:26
    yeah man yeah yeah I sorry dude it just
  • 01:23:31
    feels good feels good right like as men
  • 01:23:34
    we don't get to [ __ ] do this you know
  • 01:23:36
    what I mean it's just like yeah a lot of
  • 01:23:37
    men don't know how to have these
  • 01:23:39
    conversations or you know vulnerability
  • 01:23:42
    they see it as a weakness but I think it
  • 01:23:44
    takes true strength to to be able to let
  • 01:23:47
    all this out yeah because it does open
  • 01:23:49
    you up to criticism it does open you up
  • 01:23:52
    to opinions but ultimately
  • 01:23:55
    you know if it if you if you need to let
  • 01:23:58
    it go if you need to get it out there
  • 01:23:59
    for your own wellbeing then I think
  • 01:24:02
    sometimes it's it's okay for us to be
  • 01:24:03
    selfish and say I have to let this out
  • 01:24:05
    just because in my heart this is what I
  • 01:24:06
    need yeah and I'm grateful man that we
  • 01:24:10
    could have this conversation today um I
  • 01:24:12
    was hoping that ultimately you could
  • 01:24:14
    just feel that you were in a better
  • 01:24:16
    place because I knew that this was you
  • 01:24:17
    know bubbling up well yeah I've L yeah
  • 01:24:21
    I've been doing good I've been sober I
  • 01:24:22
    haven't been drinking anything like that
  • 01:24:25
    so that's
  • 01:24:26
    been that was something I was like yo
  • 01:24:28
    can I do this you know what I mean and
  • 01:24:31
    yeah so I've been I haven't been
  • 01:24:33
    drinking it's been good going out to the
  • 01:24:35
    club with water has been crazy but you
  • 01:24:38
    you know yourself and what you I know
  • 01:24:39
    myself yeah and just understanding like
  • 01:24:41
    see there's a lot of beauty that came
  • 01:24:43
    from it I think that's why like I was
  • 01:24:46
    just personally in taking the beauty
  • 01:24:48
    from it and then dealing with the
  • 01:24:50
    negative later and like kind of
  • 01:24:52
    suppressing it just to be like all right
  • 01:24:53
    there is some that like came through me
  • 01:24:55
    and like yeah so that's you find the
  • 01:24:58
    silver lining found the Silver Lining
  • 01:25:01
    journaling too journaling crazy hey you
  • 01:25:03
    read my journal book bro it's crazy no
  • 01:25:05
    mine's nuts too but I think you you a
  • 01:25:07
    really powerful thing to to end on
  • 01:25:10
    is I found and and it sounds like you
  • 01:25:13
    feel the same way you're able to let go
  • 01:25:17
    of past trauma once you can find the
  • 01:25:18
    positive or the Silver Lining amongst it
  • 01:25:20
    yeah so that's I think an Al also
  • 01:25:23
    another really powerful lesson from this
  • 01:25:25
    discussion today is that if you're
  • 01:25:28
    looking to let go of trauma you have to
  • 01:25:29
    be able to find that positive amongst
  • 01:25:31
    the negative to be able to say okay I
  • 01:25:33
    went through this for a reason and now
  • 01:25:35
    I'm okay with I've been able to make
  • 01:25:37
    amends and I've been able to accept the
  • 01:25:40
    fifth stage of grief I'm I've been I'm
  • 01:25:43
    able to accept that I went through this
  • 01:25:45
    for a purpose therefore I'm okay with
  • 01:25:46
    the fact that I had to go through with
  • 01:25:47
    it in the first place yeah and that's
  • 01:25:49
    how you truly let something go so yeah
  • 01:25:52
    I'm glad that you feel that you're place
  • 01:25:54
    and and brand I just I love you to death
  • 01:25:57
    man you're such a you're such a good
  • 01:25:59
    friend and and and you are one of the
  • 01:26:01
    few people that I can talk to about this
  • 01:26:03
    because we went through something so
  • 01:26:04
    unique yeah so thank you so much I think
  • 01:26:06
    your story is powerful I think it'll
  • 01:26:07
    help a lot of people and I just really
  • 01:26:08
    appreciate your vulnerability today I
  • 01:26:10
    appreciate you my guy absolutely dude
  • 01:26:12
    appreciate you
Tags
  • Breakup
  • Mental Health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Reality TV
  • Journaling
  • Self-awareness
  • Public Scrutiny
  • Personal Growth