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[Music]
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all right how many of you have ever had
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something taken away from you in your
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life only to realize how much you
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appreciated it after it was
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gone all of us right so my talk is
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actually on the power of appreciation
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and I
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learned about appreciation in a pretty
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significant way when something pretty
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important got taken away from me and
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that was actually my professional
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baseball career
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so I grew up playing
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baseball and I was pretty good I got
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drafted by the New York Yankees right
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out of high school uh didn't end up
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signing with the Yankees because I got
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an opportunity to play baseball at
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Stanford went to Stanford then I got
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drafted by the Kansas City Royals
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another pro baseball team and I did sign
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a pro contract and as many of you know
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the way it works in baseball you sign a
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pro contract with a major league team
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but then you go into their minor league
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system and you have to work your way up
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so that's what I did I went into the
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Royals organization I was working my way
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up I went out to pitch one night my
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third season in the miners of Kansas
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City I threw one pitch T ligaments in my
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elbow blew my arm
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out so just like that after starting
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baseball when I was
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seven my career
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ended now as you can imagine I was
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pretty devastated right I mean that had
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been the focus of my life but when the
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reality of the fact that my baseball
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career was over finally set in I started
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to ask myself some important questions
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and one of the questions I asked myself
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over and over again was did I have any
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regrets
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and you know it was interesting I didn't
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regret a lot of the stuff that I thought
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I would
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have the only regret that I had was I
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didn't fully appreciate it while it was
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happening I was too busy trying to make
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it you know I was this kid from Oakland
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California raised by a single mom we
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didn't have a lot of money I was going
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to make it to the major
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leagues I was going to be somebody but
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up to that point in my life even though
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I was pretty good I spent most of my
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time thinking I wasn't good enough
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comparing myself to everyone around me
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and literally like holding my breath
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hope that I didn't mess it up and when
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it was all said and done and I hadn't
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made it I thought to myself oops I think
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I missed the point how many of you can
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relate to this in your own
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life right our stories may be different
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our backgrounds may be different but so
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many of us in our pursuit of success in
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our Pursuit of Happiness in our pursuit
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of our goals and dreams often times get
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so focused on where we're
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headed we forget to appreciate where we
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are and for me it was a pretty painful
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way to learn a really important lesson
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at a relatively young age and after
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baseball I ended up going to work for
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startup company in San Francisco near
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where I live and I was still trying to
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kind of figure out myself but this
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appreciation thing stuck with me and I
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started to actually study it and look
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into it both personally but I became
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fascinated with the
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idea of how appreciation impacted
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relationships and teams because I saw as
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I got into the business World there was
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a team Dynamic that existed that was
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similar to in sports and there was
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something about when we were able to
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appreciate each other and what we we
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were doing that things seemed to work
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and I started to study things like
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positive psychology this was the late
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90s and it was starting to get big and I
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was studying emotional intelligence and
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group dynamics and what I was Finding
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was fascinating me so much so that I
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actually quit my job and started to
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focus on it fulltime ended up writing a
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book my first book is called focus on
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the good stuff which is all about
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appreciation and over the last more than
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a decade I've had the honor and the
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opportunity to travel all around the
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country and now around the world talking
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about this simple concept of a
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appreciation and I'm so honored and even
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humbled that great companies like Google
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and GAP and Wells Fargo and Adobe even
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the San Francisco Giants will bring me
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in to talk about this because what these
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organizations and many others know
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they're paying attention to the same
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social psychology research that we all
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are and what we're finding is that not
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only does appreciation impact
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relationships and how we feel about
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ourselves but also our productivity you
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know there was a study that I read when
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I first started my work that really
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impacted me it was a simple study but it
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was profound by the Department of Labor
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here in the US what they found was they
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asked people who left their jobs why'd
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you leave number one reason 64% of the
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people in the survey said I left because
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I didn't feel appreciated or valued it
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it's more important than how much money
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they made it was more important even
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than the work they were doing it was
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that sense of feeling valued that they
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were
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important and the people and the
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organizations that understand this
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Thrive but there's a simple distinction
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that I've learned over the years of
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doing this work and working with a lot
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of different types of people both as it
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relates to business but also in our
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lives personally we got to understand
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the distinction between recognition and
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appreciation they're related but they're
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not the same thing and we get them
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confused all the time recognition here's
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what recognition is it's positive
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feedback based on results or performance
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you produce a result you get recognized
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now not all the time but and it's
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motivating it feels good right when you
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work hard you do something well someone
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recognizes it it feels good as Tom Peter
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says celebrate what you want to see more
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of absolutely however recognition is
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finite it's scar it's only based on our
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performance and usually in an
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organizational structure or in others
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it's got to come from the top down for
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it to really have weight and Merit
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therefore it has a lot of limits
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appreciation on the other hand much more
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expansive it's more about people less
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about what they do more about who they
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are the best way I know to describe this
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distinction is an example from my
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baseball career so now whether you're a
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baseball fan or not I was a pitcher do
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you know what happens to the pitcher in
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the baseball game when the pitcher
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doesn't do well you know what happens
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yeah they stop the game right and in
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front of everybody the manager walks out
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to the mound and literally takes the
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ball out of your hand and makes you
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leave it's pretty embarrassing can you
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imagine imagine you're at work and
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you're like in the middle of a big
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project and you're doing something and
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you make a mistake like a big one you
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know it blows the deal it costs
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something something big and then right
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as soon as you hit the email that makes
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the big mistake or whatever your boss
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person and goes hey you come over here
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and you have to stop what you're doing
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and pick up your stuff and walk out and
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then someone else comes in and sits down
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at your desk and starts doing your work
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for you and oh by the way thousands of
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people are watching this happen you
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imagine that'd be kind of embarrassing
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right that's what it's like to get taken
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out of a game now if it's like late in
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the game you know it's like the eighth
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inning and I was just getting tired that
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was fine cuz he'd come out he hey you
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know Robins you did a good job but
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you're getting a little tired we're
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going to get someone in to replace you
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I'd come off the mound you know high
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fives from all my teammates because I
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did a good job but if it was like the
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second
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inning and it was already seven to
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nothing that was terrible right because
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I'd walk off the mound upset embarrassed
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frustrated and if we were on the road
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you know in the other teams ballpark it
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was always worse cuz there' be some mean
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heckling fans right above the Dugout
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saying horrible things you know about my
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mother right literally and I would sit
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in the
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Dugout and nobody would talk to me right
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watch a baseball game again even if you
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don't like baseball just turn a baseball
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game on watch what happens when the
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pitcher comes out of the game there's
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like an Unwritten rule oh leave him
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alone he's
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upset you know what I could have used
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when I was sitting on the bench after
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just giving up seven runs in the second
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inning what do you think a
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hug some
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appreciation now not recognition what
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are they going to say hey Robins way to
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go great job man seven runs in the
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second inning woo no that would be
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disingenuous that would be inauthentic
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in fact that'd be condescending there's
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nothing to recognize about the
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performance and not only did I fail
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personally I failed for the team we're
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probably going to lose so look our
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performance matters what we do or don't
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do absolutely matters however as a
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living breathing often insecure although
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I pretended not to be in those days
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especially human being I could have used
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some appreciation not for what I had
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done but for who I
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am like hey Robins
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you're not as bad as you just performed
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or hey man you know what you're an
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important part of the team or even just
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ask me how you
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doing all those years playing baseball I
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can count on one hand the number of
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times anyone ever said anything
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meaningful or positive to me when I
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failed so when we expand our capacity
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for what we think of when we think of
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appreciation it's not just about
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recognizing results and performance
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about appreciating people you know I
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spoke at a conference in Silicon Valley
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leadership conference about a year and a
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half ago and the speaker before me was a
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professor from UC Berkeley and he was
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sharing some interesting research that
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they'd been doing at hos business school
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which is at Berkeley and one of the
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studies he put up on his slide talked
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about what motivates productivity in
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people and what they found in the study
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was that when people felt recognized for
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the work they did they were 23% more
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effective and productive than when
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people didn't made sense but the same
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study found that when people felt valued
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and cared for a literal or figurative
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pat on the back that the people around
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them particularly person they report to
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really cared about them they were 43%
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more effective and productive than
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people who
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didn't there was a 20% increase in
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productivity from focusing on who people
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are not just what they do that's the
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distinction and people who understand
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this both in
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business and in our lives personally we
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start to have the ability to appreciate
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people and have it not be so conditional
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and have it to start have it start being
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more meaningful and impactful
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you know because of the work that I do I
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often get invited ironically to speak at
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recognition events so these big
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companies will have these events people
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win Awards it's a great thing a lot of
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times they're fancy and you know they
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get to bring a spouse and they come
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somewhere and I I enjoy doing them I was
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at an event like that a few months back
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down in Miami and one of the questions I
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often ask when I speak at events like
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that is I'll ask the people in the
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audience the award winners what is it
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about being at this event or getting
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this award that had you feel
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appreciated specifically
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and I'll have them pair up and whatnot
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you know there's a couple hundred people
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in the room at this event in Miami and
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one one after they were done talking to
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each other I had a few people raised
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their hand and one guy stood up and he
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said you know I hadn't thought about it
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specifically until he asked the question
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he said but you know when I got this
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award I was really proud it was a big
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deal I went home and told my family and
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he said you know what my son told me he
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was proud of
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me he said that was the most meaningful
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part and that's often what it is it's
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something simple it's something
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personal it's not some big deal it's
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something that means something to
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us so what can we do what are some
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simple things that you can do that we
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can do to
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start expressing our appreciation for
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other people more effectively well the
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first thing we got to do is we got to
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look for
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it you know there's a great saying you
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almost always find what you look for and
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we got to look for it how many of you
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notice with some people it's hard to
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find sometimes you ever notice I got to
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look
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hard but remember appreciate doesn't
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mean like doesn't mean agree with
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doesn't mean hey let's be best friends
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and let's go hang out it means recognize
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the value
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of you can recognize the value of any
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human being at any time for any reason
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it's less about them and more about you
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when we look for it we find it second
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thing we got to do is create practices
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or make a commitment to actually do it
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it's a simple concept we all understand
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it but just understanding it doesn't
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make it happen you know I was speaking
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of an event in San Diego actually just
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this week and after I got done speaking
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I was over signing some books and a guy
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came up to me and he said Mike I'm I'm
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so inspired I want to start appreciating
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my teammates more I'm going to start
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appreciating my clients more and my wife
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and and he said but I know that I
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probably won't stay
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inspired and I said you're right it'll
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wear off it's what happens we get
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inspired and then we're not so inspired
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I said so what you got to do is figure
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out what simple practice can you put in
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place and I suggested to him just tell
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people tell your wife tell your friends
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tell your
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co-workers I also suggested to him
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something very simple but a lot of
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people that I work with a lot of the
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best leaders I work with do this put it
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in your calendar schedule it as a
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reminder after a while you won't have to
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keep reminding
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yourself third thing we got to do and
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this is so simple but can radically
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transform the nature of relationships
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teams families culture start receiving
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compliments more
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graciously how many of you notice from
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time to time when someone gives you a
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compliment you get a little funny about
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it you ever notice that okay you know
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what you're supposed to say when someone
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compliment you thank you then shut your
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mouth
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literally you don't have to say anything
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else after the thank you usually if you
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listen to yourself and other people
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whatever you say after the thank you is
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almost always weird and
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insincere it is it's a compliment
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sometimes we give a compliment right
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back to the person and sometimes we mean
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it but sometimes it's like completely
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inappropriate it would be like if you
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came up to me after this one and said
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hey Mike that was a great talk and I
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went you
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too that's weird but even worse we argue
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with people you ever do that someone
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gives you a compliment you go oh no no
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it's bad it was terrible we start
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cutting ourselves down don't do that
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that's literally like someone handing
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you a birthday gift and saying happy
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birthday and you going ah it's wrong
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with you I don't deserve this and
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throwing it on the floor you ruin the
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gift you offend the giver and you don't
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get very many more gifts that way do you
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know they've scientifically proven now
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that when one human being expresses
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kindness and appreciation to another
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human being and it's received raises the
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serotonin level in both people's brains
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it physiologically makes us feel better
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so even if you don't agree with
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someone's compliment you start receiving
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it more graciously you'll get more and
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every environment that you're in will
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all of a sudden become more conducive
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for appreciation to be
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expressed so I'm going to share one
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final Story related to this personal
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story and what I'd like for you to do as
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I'm sharing this story think about
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someone in your own
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life who matters to you who you really
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appreciate because this story is about
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my mom
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now my mom passed away two years ago and
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my mom and I had as many of us do with
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our parents a complicated relationship
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we were very close a lot of love between
00:13:39
us but we had our ups and downs we had
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our challenges but I had an experience
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with my mother about 10 years ago that
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was pretty profound related to
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appreciation how many of you have ever
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seen those Chicken Soup for the Soul
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books you seen them right they got
00:13:50
chicken soup for every soul you could
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imagine right now I've Loved These books
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they've been out now for about 20 some
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years and I used to buy them as gifts
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and I had a bunch of them at home and
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about 10 years ago I got an email and
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they said they were coming out with a
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new chicken soup book and they were
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looking for stories and I got excited
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because this one was called Chicken Soup
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for the single parent soul and my mom
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and dad had split up when I was three
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and my mom had raised me and my older
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sister as a single mom and I decided I
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wanted to write a story and send it in
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and the story I decided to write was
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called mom taught me to play
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baseball because she did she'd actually
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been a PE teacher and since my dad
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wasn't around my mom was the one that
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taught me how to throw and catch she
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went to all my te- ball games all my
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little leag games all my Youth League
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games High school games she used to come
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see me play down at Stanford she'd even
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fly to come see me play when I was
00:14:33
playing in the minor leagues so I wrote
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a story acknowledging her for everything
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she'd done and sacrificed and all that
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now I didn't tell her about the story I
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told my wife Michelle but I was a little
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nervous about it I wasn't doing much
00:14:43
writing at the time I was kind of
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insecure about it I sent it in I didn't
00:14:46
think it was actually going to get
00:14:47
accepted in the book but I got an email
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back a few weeks actually it was a few
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months later and they said hey
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congratulations your story is going to
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be in the book and I was all excited I
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told Michelle I said hey I got to call
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my mom and she said don't call her her I
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said what do you mean don't call her she
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said what if you wait till the book
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comes out you could surprise her oh
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that's cool so I emailed back to the
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chicken soup fols I said when does the
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book come out they said 14 months 14
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months I'm pretty good at keeping a
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secret but that's a long time right so I
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told Michelle I said 14 months she's
00:15:16
like whoa and she said okay look let's
00:15:17
not tell your mom in fact let's not tell
00:15:19
anyone so she doesn't find out and
00:15:22
amazingly we did it we kept the secret
00:15:23
14 months pass the book came out my mom
00:15:25
didn't know nobody knew book came out
00:15:27
right around my birthday in February
00:15:29
got a copy of it I wrapped it up we were
00:15:31
having dinner at our house just the
00:15:32
family just us and uh after we had
00:15:35
dinner we sat down in the living room
00:15:36
because they had some gifts for me and I
00:15:39
turned to my mom and I said hey Mom
00:15:40
before I open up my presents I actually
00:15:41
have a present for you and I handed it
00:15:43
to her she oh honey it's very sweet but
00:15:46
it's your birthday I'll look at it later
00:15:49
now she's like messing up my plan right
00:15:51
so I I mom I know listen I know it's my
00:15:52
birthday but do me a favor would you
00:15:54
just open it up okay and she's a little
00:15:56
annoy okay oh how nice they did one for
00:15:58
single parents okay I'll read it when I
00:16:00
get
00:16:01
home I said hey Mom listen um I read the
00:16:04
book and there's a story in here it
00:16:05
really reminds me of you I said in fact
00:16:07
I put a bookmark it's on page 294 um
00:16:10
would you do me a favor would you read
00:16:11
it out loud to everyone and now my mom
00:16:13
is like an what okay fine and she's like
00:16:15
flustered and annoyed and she doesn't
00:16:16
want to do it okay fine takes the book
00:16:17
starts to read with no idea what it is
00:16:20
first line of the story says on June 1st
00:16:22
1995 I was standing on the pitcher mound
00:16:23
at Rosen blat stadium in Omaha Nebraska
00:16:25
about to throw my first pitch in the
00:16:26
College World Series and my mom looks up
00:16:29
and goes this guy pitched in the College
00:16:31
World Series totally not getting it
00:16:35
right and then she starts to read the
00:16:37
second line and she stops and she looks
00:16:39
at me and she looks at the book and she
00:16:42
you could see her brain was working
00:16:43
really hard right and then all of a
00:16:44
sudden her eyes got big and you could
00:16:46
see that she got it that the story was
00:16:49
about
00:16:50
her and that I wrote
00:16:52
it and she dropped the
00:16:54
book and she started to cry
00:16:58
and I leaned over to pick up the book
00:17:01
off the floor by the way at this point
00:17:02
we were all crying I picked up the book
00:17:04
off the floor I handed it back to her
00:17:06
and I said hey Mom if you don't mind
00:17:09
could you read the rest of
00:17:11
it and she did my mom read that entire
00:17:14
story out loud to all of us and you know
00:17:17
it's a big deal for me personally
00:17:19
professionally to have that story
00:17:20
published in that book I was proud of
00:17:22
that absolutely but by far by far the
00:17:26
most meaningful aspect of that and
00:17:29
especially now was being able to give it
00:17:31
to my mom and appreciate her in that way
00:17:35
that's how powerful it is whether we do
00:17:37
it in a big dramatic way or we do it in
00:17:39
a simple day-to-day way when we take the
00:17:42
time when we're willing to look for and
00:17:44
find the things we appreciate about the
00:17:46
people around us and let them know it's
00:17:49
one of the greatest gifts we can give to
00:17:50
them and it's a gift for us as well
00:17:54
that's the power of
00:17:55
appreciation thank you very much thank
00:17:58
you