The Tattoo Removal Saga | ENDEVR Documentary
Summary
TLDRThe video explores the journey of Brian Widner, a former Neo-Nazi skinhead, who undergoes the painful process of removing racist tattoos from his face and body as a means of leaving behind a violent past and starting anew. Widner, once deeply immersed in the world of white supremacist skinhead subculture, fought to transform his life after meeting his wife, Julie, and the birth of his son. Struggling with the consequences of his past actions and the hate-filled philosophy he once believed in, Widner was heavily tattooed with symbols of racism and violence, which he decided to remove with the financial help of the Southern Poverty Law Center. The video chronicles his emotional and physical ordeal during the tattoo removal process, his reflections on the life he led, and the efforts he and his family made to rebuild their lives away from the hatred of Neo-Nazi teachings. Widner's story is one of redemption, struggle, and the transformative power of family support and love, showing that it is possible to leave behind a life of hate, despite the painful journey it often entails.
Takeaways
- 🎯 Brian Widner was deeply involved in Neo-Nazi groups, symbolized through facial tattoos.
- ❤️ Family, particularly his wife and son, motivated his transformation.
- 🔄 Tattoo removal was part of a painful process of leaving his past behind.
- 🏢 The Southern Poverty Law Center financially supported his tattoo removal.
- 💬 Widner reflects on the violence and hatred he once professed.
- 🛑 Widner's departure from the Neo-Nazi movement was fraught with threats and danger.
- 🧠 Widner experienced an emotional journey of self-forgiveness and accountability.
- 👁️ His tattoos served as painful reminders of his past, prompting their removal.
- 👫 Widner's story underlines the transformative power of love and family.
- 🔍 The process highlighted the need for patience and perseverance in personal change.
Timeline
- 00:00:00 - 00:05:00
The speaker discusses his entry into the world of white supremacist skinhead gangs at a young age. He describes tattoos that signify his commitment to his racist beliefs, including willingness to kill for his race. His philosophy centered on the belief that the white race was superior and needed to act to prevent its dilution, even committing murder if necessary.
- 00:05:00 - 00:10:00
The narrator describes his violent history and involvement with various racist groups. He speaks about his tattoos, earned through committing acts of violence against minorities, and how he used them as symbols of his extremism. Despite his past actions and the reasons behind them, he grapples with the reality of having a family and trying to integrate into regular society.
- 00:10:00 - 00:15:00
He recounts the symbolic significance of his tattoos within his extremist circles and expresses regret and frustration over them. The narration delivers insight into his harsh upbringing and eventual gravitation towards white power groups as a substitute family due to his unstable home life.
- 00:15:00 - 00:20:00
As his violence escalated, he joined more notorious white power groups. His actions and reputation among these groups highlighted the extreme violence and fear they spread. He recounts his history of unprovoked attacks on minorities, reinforcing the mindset that sustained his extremist actions over the years.
- 00:20:00 - 00:25:00
Letters of hate started to mean more as he ventured deeper into these circles of violence. Over time, the extremity of his actions became detrimental even to him personally. He begins the painful process of removing his facial tattoos, confronting feelings of regret and the implications of the scars that remain.
- 00:25:00 - 00:30:00
The speaker shares the familial impact of his past beliefs and the challenge he faces explaining his change of heart, particularly to his children. The narrative briefly shifts to his background, exposing the seeds of racism planted early on, influenced by his family environment.
- 00:30:00 - 00:35:00
Julie's entry into the movement and her eventual disillusionment is highlighted. She explains how they were supposed to subtly infiltrate societal systems to enact change, rather than overt fanaticism. The episode stresses their increasingly dangerous situation as they moved out of the movement.
- 00:35:00 - 00:40:00
The documentary portrays Brian and Julie's difficult transition from their violent pasts towards a new life. The support of unlikely allies facilitates Brian's tattoo removal, symbolizing a passage away from hate. It delves into his internal conflict and attempts to redeem his life through this transformative journey.
- 00:40:00 - 00:45:00
Despite the physical pain of tattoo removal, Brian's emotional journey is more profound as he grapples with understanding and forgiving his past actions. It explores his memories and relationships within the skinhead groups, acknowledging the deep psychological scars left.
- 00:45:00 - 00:50:00
Reflecting on his past, Brian describes the cycle of violence and hatred within the movement. The narrative illustrates the cult-like mentality and how this affects members' personal lives. It reveals his deep remorse and struggle for internal forgiveness.
- 00:50:00 - 00:58:47
The finale encapsulates Brian's complete physical transformation and emotional redemption. His journey represents not only the physical removal of his extremist past but also a strenuous effort to build a new life for himself and his family, highlighting his gratitude for those who supported his exit from the movement.
Mind Map
Video Q&A
What was Brian Widner's past involvement with Neo-Nazi organizations?
He was deeply involved with white supremacist groups, even having tattoos symbolizing racial hatred.
How did Brian Widner remove his Neo-Nazi tattoos?
He underwent extensive laser tattoo removal treatments to eliminate racial tattoos from his face and body.
Who helped Brian Widner with the tattoo removal costs?
The Southern Poverty Law Center offered financial support for his tattoo removal.
What challenges did Brian Widner face after leaving the white power movement?
Widner faced threats and harassment after he decided to leave the Neo-Nazi movement.
What motivated Brian Widner to leave the Neo-Nazi lifestyle?
He decided to commit to his family life, especially after his wife became pregnant.
What are the main themes discussed in the video?
The video explores themes of redemption, transformation, family support, and the challenges of leaving extremist groups.
How was the tattoo removal process conducted?
The tattoo removal involved multiple sessions using laser technology while under general anesthesia to mitigate pain.
How did Brian Widner become involved with Neo-Nazi groups initially?
He started out as a member of white supremacist groups and eventually formed his own, advocating violence and racial purity.
What is Brian Widner's perspective on his past actions?
Widner expressed regret and aimed to prevent others from making similar mistakes.
How did Brian Widner's family support him during his transformation?
Julie, Brian's wife, provided support and encouragement through the tattoo removal process and transition to a new life.
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- 00:00:00[Music]
- 00:00:20I'm going to hide in something cuz I
- 00:00:22want to come with
- 00:00:23[Music]
- 00:00:43I started getting tattoos when I was
- 00:00:44about 14 15 years old this arrow is tias
- 00:00:48or tiar Rune in a noris religion what it
- 00:00:50actually signifies is the Rune of
- 00:00:53Justice or the Rune of the warrior
- 00:00:55within most white power skin heads and
- 00:00:58within that subculture it is a sign of
- 00:01:00Warrior but it also represents the
- 00:01:02willingness to kill for your race and so
- 00:01:03you were willing to do that yes I was
- 00:01:05willing to kill for the white race I put
- 00:01:08on my face to signify that to those who
- 00:01:11understood what it meant basically and
- 00:01:14those who didn't understand well they
- 00:01:15would learn soon enough that was kind of
- 00:01:16the philosophy I resigned myself to
- 00:01:19either prison or an early grave
- 00:01:34ran Weidner first became a racist skin
- 00:01:36head at the age of 14 in
- 00:01:411991 over the next 16 years he was a
- 00:01:44member of several notorious Neo-Nazi
- 00:01:46skin head organizations such as the
- 00:01:49outlaw Hammer skins blood and honor and
- 00:01:52the vinlander social
- 00:01:54[Music]
- 00:01:55club my racial philosophy was we were
- 00:01:58the master race people were meant to
- 00:02:00rule the world we created Society we
- 00:02:02created economics we created everything
- 00:02:05we were meant to rule and therefore it
- 00:02:08was our god-given right to stand up and
- 00:02:10take what was ours the white race was
- 00:02:12dying it was getting bred out so we
- 00:02:13needed to we needed to go to Extreme
- 00:02:16Measures to save our people and what did
- 00:02:19you consider extreme um at the time
- 00:02:21murder wasn't extreme I mean but you
- 00:02:24know it was kind of just one of those
- 00:02:25things that could happen but now
- 00:02:27hindsight it was you know driveby things
- 00:02:30like that would be very
- 00:02:33extreme we track a lot of the extremist
- 00:02:36organizations out there as they come
- 00:02:38across our desk and of course the skin
- 00:02:40head movement is one of the most violent
- 00:02:42and we first saw Brian pop up on our
- 00:02:45radar when he was involved in a lot of
- 00:02:47skin head activities going to functions
- 00:02:48showing up in different intelligence
- 00:02:50photos that we were collecting he was
- 00:02:52kind of the Pitbull of the movement he
- 00:02:54was uh an in- yourface type guy he was
- 00:02:56uh loved to drink a beer uh was very
- 00:02:59confrontational and had a reputation of
- 00:03:01uh being an enforcer type uh
- 00:03:04personality I got the hate tattooed
- 00:03:06across my Knuckles when I was about 15 I
- 00:03:08always like the word hate I thought it
- 00:03:09was real cool at the time I was about 17
- 00:03:13or 18 when I started getting sasos and
- 00:03:15iron crosses and all that stuff on me I
- 00:03:18really was embracing the whole Nazi skin
- 00:03:20head thing at that time the SS bolts
- 00:03:23they kind of speak for themselves you
- 00:03:25can't be a Nazi without a pair of ss
- 00:03:26bolts on you back in the day and the
- 00:03:28late 80s and early 90s you were required
- 00:03:30to actually earn your bolts quote
- 00:03:32unquote and what you had to do was
- 00:03:34actually attack a minority oneon-one and
- 00:03:36beat them down so I I earned mine years
- 00:03:42ago when he got the tattoos done he
- 00:03:44didn't expect to have a family and he
- 00:03:46came into our household into our lives
- 00:03:49and became the father became a husband
- 00:03:52and so he didn't no when he got him put
- 00:03:55on that he would end up in this position
- 00:03:57did you scream no she's still
- 00:03:59complaining
- 00:04:00last time last time she did that this is
- 00:04:02the vinlander SC which stands for social
- 00:04:04club it's a Neo-Nazi organization of a
- 00:04:07bunch of skin heads I was a founding
- 00:04:08father of that club I got Thug Reich
- 00:04:10tattooed on my belly the reason why I
- 00:04:12got it was we were thugs the Reich was
- 00:04:15for the Third Reich the whole Nazi
- 00:04:17aspect so I just kind of combined the
- 00:04:18two and came up with that it almost
- 00:04:20became a motto for a lot of
- 00:04:23guys no take one for the team here you
- 00:04:25go I'm used to them because I got to
- 00:04:28know who he is and like instead of like
- 00:04:30just being someone on the streets and
- 00:04:32seeing him and they judge him I see him
- 00:04:34for who he is blood honor was an
- 00:04:37organization that was uh created by the
- 00:04:38late Ian Stewart Donaldson the lead
- 00:04:40singer of
- 00:04:44screwdriver it was a skin head
- 00:04:46organization in the late 7s early ' 80s
- 00:04:49in the '90s it split into two different
- 00:04:50factions blood honor International and
- 00:04:52blood and honor combat 18 the blood
- 00:04:55honor I belonged to was combat 18 or c18
- 00:04:57the8 stands for um one and eight for the
- 00:05:00letter a and the letter H for Adolf
- 00:05:02Hitler you have
- 00:05:05yours is that good when I saw tears and
- 00:05:07born I I mean I saw God that day that
- 00:05:10was one of
- 00:05:12the strangest greatest feelings that
- 00:05:15I'll probably never feel again you know
- 00:05:18is the first time you ever hold a baby
- 00:05:21that kind of love is just it's amazing
- 00:05:23it's truly amazing and it's really hard
- 00:05:25to put it into words I mean he's every
- 00:05:27breath I take is for him I mean I just
- 00:05:29want to do everything for him give him
- 00:05:31everything I never had you know I used
- 00:05:35to carry a straight Razer and I I'd use
- 00:05:38it to in in bar fights and whatnot it
- 00:05:40was I kind of put it on my face as more
- 00:05:42as a trademark and also a warning to
- 00:05:44people you know just basically to leave
- 00:05:45me the [ __ ] alone or I'll cut you so and
- 00:05:49how is carrying a straight Razer
- 00:05:50different than some of your other crew
- 00:05:51members um a lot of them carry brass
- 00:05:54knuckles or pistols things like that
- 00:05:57I I you know I like pistols just as much
- 00:06:00as the next guy but my I just always I
- 00:06:02like the up close and personal battles I
- 00:06:05always thought those were a lot more fun
- 00:06:06than you know sitting across the street
- 00:06:08and shooting at people so the straight
- 00:06:10razor was just kind of my weapon of
- 00:06:12choice plus a Razer cut goes a lot
- 00:06:15deeper than you know just a regular stab
- 00:06:17usually you can you can get some good
- 00:06:18meat on
- 00:06:21it if I started getting into a situation
- 00:06:24I couldn't handle with just my fist and
- 00:06:25my feet I would pull it out like a yeah
- 00:06:27in a bar fight if you know three four
- 00:06:28guys decided to jump SP on me I would
- 00:06:30I'd pull it out and lay a couple people
- 00:06:32open and uh then all of them wouldn't
- 00:06:34jump on me it was a pretty good
- 00:06:36deterrent at that point or if I wanted
- 00:06:38to teach somebody a lesson that they
- 00:06:39couldn't forget if they ever wanted to I
- 00:06:42would uh pull it out and cut
- 00:06:44them what do you think now of all these
- 00:06:47tattoos on your face they drive me nuts
- 00:06:49it's just a bad reminder of uh of a part
- 00:06:52of my life that I left behind
- 00:07:00Brian Widner grew up in Albuquerque New
- 00:07:04Mexico when I was about 3 years old I
- 00:07:06moved in with my grandparents along with
- 00:07:08my little
- 00:07:09sister my grandmother was a severe
- 00:07:12alcoholic I was told that I was pretty
- 00:07:14well worthless um I wouldn't ever amount
- 00:07:17anything this or that by the age of 13
- 00:07:2014 I just started running away all the
- 00:07:22time I became a chronic runaway at that
- 00:07:24point just started Living on the
- 00:07:25streets at the age of 18 Brian joined
- 00:07:29his first white power skin head group
- 00:07:32the soldiers of the new Reich when I was
- 00:07:35a teenager I didn't have any family I
- 00:07:37had my friends that's all I had and
- 00:07:40basically my Crews were my family I mean
- 00:07:42statistically speaking gang members
- 00:07:44don't join gangs because it's cool they
- 00:07:46join gangs because usually they're
- 00:07:47Street kids they're destitute and they
- 00:07:49have
- 00:07:51nothing as Brian's appetite for violence
- 00:07:54increased he moved to Indiana and
- 00:07:56enlisted in The Outlaw Hammer skins a
- 00:07:58crew started by hardcore skin heads who
- 00:08:01had been kicked out of the national
- 00:08:03umbrella group Hammer skin
- 00:08:06Nation hammerskins had such a reputation
- 00:08:09that they demanded respect they demanded
- 00:08:11fear I mean if a hammer skin came to a
- 00:08:13party you knew it and everybody TR you
- 00:08:15know tread treaded very lightly around
- 00:08:17them they were known for being
- 00:08:18incredibly violent incredibly tough so
- 00:08:21everybody was very weary around Hammer
- 00:08:23skins for the most part and everybody
- 00:08:24wanted to
- 00:08:26join I was what they call a pit they'
- 00:08:29point sick
- 00:08:30them if somebody was you know [ __ ]
- 00:08:32with one of our guys at a bar or
- 00:08:34something they just kind of point me in
- 00:08:35the direction and I'd go go [ __ ] him up
- 00:08:38basically we were a very extreme group
- 00:08:41and we were really hardcore we put it
- 00:08:43out there on the internet don't screw
- 00:08:44with us we will kill you and that's how
- 00:08:46we lived our philosophy we will kill you
- 00:08:49extreme violence is a great way to make
- 00:08:51a name for yourself in the skin head
- 00:08:53subculture skinheads Embrace violence
- 00:08:55that's their bread and butter that's
- 00:08:57what they love that's what they do
- 00:09:00every time we drove around we had guns
- 00:09:01ball bats and knives in our cars it
- 00:09:03could be um you know you see a black guy
- 00:09:05and a white girl walking down the road
- 00:09:07you know we just pull a block away from
- 00:09:09them and get out and rush them have two
- 00:09:12go around the block to come up behind
- 00:09:13them so they can't escape so they get
- 00:09:15sandwiched in and usually demolished
- 00:09:17pretty
- 00:09:19good how long would this usually take
- 00:09:22this a beat down any usually just a
- 00:09:24couple seconds I mean a real long one be
- 00:09:26like 10 15 seconds it's really a hit and
- 00:09:28run oh yeah yeah and then we got out of
- 00:09:30there and we went and celebrated because
- 00:09:32we did a great
- 00:09:37thing and it was a good
- 00:09:39time causing people pain was fun to
- 00:09:44us well I went to the doctor yesterday
- 00:09:47and uh talked to him about getting my
- 00:09:49facial tattoos taken off and the ones on
- 00:09:50my neck what did they say um well they
- 00:09:53can come off um that's going to be a
- 00:09:54good thing he's uh going to do laser
- 00:09:56surgery on the 22nd it's going to
- 00:09:58probably be very painful and you going
- 00:10:01to scar on your face and head I might
- 00:10:04the possibility of scarring is there but
- 00:10:06chances are pretty pretty
- 00:10:09little how are you going to get them off
- 00:10:12with a laser he's going to burn them off
- 00:10:13my skin basically it's intense you're
- 00:10:17worried about Daddy getting his tattoos
- 00:10:18your M yes you're afraid you won't
- 00:10:20recognize Daddy I we don't recognize him
- 00:10:22his face would be different face will be
- 00:10:27different yeah Daddy's handsome though
- 00:10:29it'll look great without them it looks
- 00:10:32great with them but it' be
- 00:10:35great I think it might be a little
- 00:10:37painful for the healing but I think
- 00:10:39it'll like I think he'll enjoy it and
- 00:10:44stuff I love the
- 00:10:47paint enjoying the
- 00:10:49paint the outcome what do you think what
- 00:10:53do you think when Daddy gets his tattoos
- 00:10:55removed what do you think
- 00:10:59all right all
- 00:11:04[Music]
- 00:11:06right racism just seemed normal when I
- 00:11:10was younger I'm talking 3 4 5 years old
- 00:11:14I still remember hearing my dad say the
- 00:11:17nword after Julie's parents divorced she
- 00:11:20bounced between her mother's home in
- 00:11:22Arizona and her father's in
- 00:11:25Detroit I had a very bad case of racism
- 00:11:30in me uh of course I Tred not to show my
- 00:11:33racism to my children but if they hung
- 00:11:36around me very long they'd know it
- 00:11:39because I was a
- 00:11:41racist as a child we were taught that
- 00:11:45the minorities blacks were like a germ
- 00:11:48you didn't go where they went you didn't
- 00:11:50sit where they sat we were better than
- 00:11:53them that was
- 00:11:54normal the only way to describe it is
- 00:11:57that the blacks and minorities were like
- 00:11:59a cockroach they were like second class
- 00:12:03citizens I got started in the movement
- 00:12:06by my former husband he had been in
- 00:12:08prison for 4 years and learned about the
- 00:12:11movement through the prison system at
- 00:12:14age 29 Julie joined the National
- 00:12:17Alliance the National Alliance is a
- 00:12:19Neo-Nazi movement and this particular
- 00:12:21organization is not the kind that goes
- 00:12:23around wearing swas stickers and brown
- 00:12:25shirts you know they were looking for a
- 00:12:26more subtle member because they felt
- 00:12:29like if their members were in the system
- 00:12:30they could make more
- 00:12:32changes we would take propaganda and
- 00:12:36distribute the Flyers on people's doors
- 00:12:38and do these flyer runs to get media
- 00:12:41attention and tried to recruit War the
- 00:12:45pen I
- 00:12:47guess after 16 years in the movement
- 00:12:50Brian along with his wife Julie became
- 00:12:54disillusioned despite repeated death
- 00:12:56threats they got out
- 00:13:00you have to understand this is a culture
- 00:13:01that in their minds they believe death
- 00:13:03before dishonor and to them dishonor is
- 00:13:06when somebody leaves the movement so
- 00:13:08almost always the initial reaction is
- 00:13:10one of threats one of uh potential
- 00:13:13assaults Brian and Julie packed up their
- 00:13:15family left their Michigan home and
- 00:13:17moved to Tennessee to be close to
- 00:13:19Julie's
- 00:13:21father but starting a new hasn't been
- 00:13:24easy I mean when I was skin head I
- 00:13:26really didn't care about work you know
- 00:13:27was the only thing I cared about was is
- 00:13:29getting in fights and getting drunk when
- 00:13:30you have a family to support it's a
- 00:13:32completely different ball game usually
- 00:13:34it just boils down to they're going to
- 00:13:36make excuses on why they don't have to
- 00:13:38hire me as opposed to just saying well
- 00:13:39we don't like the way you look no one
- 00:13:40wants the circus freak next to him
- 00:13:42getting a paycheck I guess well I feel
- 00:13:43like I'm going through it with him
- 00:13:45because I try to help him find jobs
- 00:13:47looking online in the
- 00:13:49newspaper and then when he comes back
- 00:13:51from job hunting it's usually a very
- 00:13:53sobering experience for him he gets um
- 00:13:57depressed and so I have to be the
- 00:14:00uplifter cheer him up and encourage him
- 00:14:03I know exactly what it's like to be a
- 00:14:05black man and have uh being
- 00:14:06discriminated against because of the way
- 00:14:08you look I completely identify with them
- 00:14:13now broke and without a job Brian had
- 00:14:16little hope of erasing his racist
- 00:14:19tattoos enter an unlikely
- 00:14:22Ally the Southern Poverty Law Center or
- 00:14:26splc is a nonprofit civil rights
- 00:14:29organization that tracks extremist
- 00:14:31groups and fights them in
- 00:14:33court Brian contacted us because we had
- 00:14:36published an article about the vinlander
- 00:14:38social club which was an organization
- 00:14:40that he was involved in splc
- 00:14:43investigators Joe Roy and Lori wood
- 00:14:45asked to meet with Brian and Julie hey
- 00:14:48do you remember at uh Nordic f with I've
- 00:14:51seen a lot of people that want to come
- 00:14:52out of the movement and just can't
- 00:14:54underneath all that ink was a family
- 00:14:55struggling to get out to get back into
- 00:14:58society for themselves and for the
- 00:15:00children when we first met them we were
- 00:15:02talking obviously about my facial
- 00:15:04tattoos cuz that always comes up in
- 00:15:05conversations and I was actually looking
- 00:15:08on eBay at the time for uh dermal acid
- 00:15:10to burn them off my skin when I first
- 00:15:12heard about that I was terrified that uh
- 00:15:14they would even consider that the
- 00:15:16Southern Poverty Law Center offered to
- 00:15:18cover the cost of Brian's tattoo removal
- 00:15:22procedures if I can prevent one other
- 00:15:25kid from making the same mistakes I did
- 00:15:27if I can prevent one other family from
- 00:15:29having to go through the same the same
- 00:15:31crap that I put my family through maybe
- 00:15:34I can redeem myself and maybe it'll be
- 00:15:35worth
- 00:15:36[Music]
- 00:15:41it the difficulty with Brian is the
- 00:15:44number of them I mean it's just you know
- 00:15:45he's got so many so the biggest
- 00:15:47challenge with him will be just a very
- 00:15:49large area of the surface of skin that
- 00:15:51we're going to have to treat Dr Bruce
- 00:15:53Shack elects to treat Brian's tattoos in
- 00:15:56a staged fashion working on segments of
- 00:15:59his face and neck in a rotating manner
- 00:16:02he anticipates the entire process will
- 00:16:05require 8 to 12 sessions I'm just going
- 00:16:08to give you a little touch test here
- 00:16:12bro that hurt oh yeah then we need to U
- 00:16:15we need to numb him up then okay you
- 00:16:17wouldn't want a lot of that then huh no
- 00:16:18not at all that really hurts okay all
- 00:16:21right I'm going to give you some numbing
- 00:16:22medicine a good response though is it
- 00:16:25yeah I'm sorry HT for a minute yeah this
- 00:16:28this part will stink for a few seconds
- 00:16:30but then it'll get
- 00:16:32numb unfortunately for something like
- 00:16:35this with these randomly placed tattoos
- 00:16:37it's hard to do a single shot and get it
- 00:16:39done You' got so much and it's not the
- 00:16:41little needle sticks that hurt so much
- 00:16:43this local anesthetic has a pH that's a
- 00:16:45little bit acidic so it stings when it
- 00:16:47goes in but during that process
- 00:16:49especially when you're having to treat a
- 00:16:50large area every little shot you feel
- 00:16:52that stting it's not a pleasant
- 00:16:55process great just Tak a SL deep breath
- 00:16:57I know I know in and out
- 00:16:59be nice and easy this is another tender
- 00:17:02place
- 00:17:07here okay no that's tough that's tough
- 00:17:11Duty I us to tell people that all the
- 00:17:13time the tattoo shop
- 00:17:15sissies I know well I mean the the
- 00:17:18coming off is frequently more painful
- 00:17:20than the going on
- 00:17:21unfortunately Brian receives
- 00:17:23approximately 30 injections on just one
- 00:17:27side of his face
- 00:17:31okay I know that's bad we still got to
- 00:17:34do the
- 00:17:35nose yeah I was kind of saving that for
- 00:17:37last I was going to bring it up till you
- 00:17:40did just going to start on this upper
- 00:17:43part of the nose where it'll be a little
- 00:17:44bit less sensive you remember how this
- 00:17:46tattoo felt going on I
- 00:17:49bet almost
- 00:17:54done I'm sorry
- 00:17:56buddy almost done
- 00:18:02that's it that's
- 00:18:04it oh
- 00:18:07man that's it though just hold some
- 00:18:09pressure there now we're going to wait a
- 00:18:11minute okay let you catch your
- 00:18:13breath that's the horrible
- 00:18:15part all right
- 00:18:18buddy I want to be in there it's driving
- 00:18:20me
- 00:18:22NDS I'm always there through a surgeries
- 00:18:24through everything this is just kind of
- 00:18:27strange cuz it's there's I mean it's
- 00:18:28pointless you
- 00:18:30know for me to do anything but at least
- 00:18:32hold his hand like I usually do but I
- 00:18:34don't think I'd be able to do that I'd
- 00:18:35have to be in the other room
- 00:18:39anyhow I met Julie at Nordic Fest 2005
- 00:18:42it was a light power concert out in
- 00:18:47Kentucky you go out there and you camp
- 00:18:49and listen to you know few bands play
- 00:18:51and drink beer basically all weekend and
- 00:18:53uh she was out there with the kids the
- 00:18:55reason my mommy and my daddy Mar is
- 00:18:59because of me and why is that cuz I
- 00:19:02wanted a picture with them there's
- 00:19:04probably about two three almost 3 years
- 00:19:07old and she went up to him and she's up
- 00:19:10at his leg TR to pulling his leg and
- 00:19:12wanted a picture with him and I remember
- 00:19:15that so I asked him do you mind if she
- 00:19:16takes a picture with him and she got her
- 00:19:19picture with him and that's how that's
- 00:19:20how me and Daddy met
- 00:19:22huh yeah I got a picture with her and
- 00:19:25then I I chatted with Julie a little bit
- 00:19:27she was just really cool and and I I
- 00:19:29just thought wow she's just a really
- 00:19:30cool chick and we really didn't talk a
- 00:19:33whole lot at Nordic Fest we we started
- 00:19:34talking a couple months later actually
- 00:19:37over the phone we'd have all these
- 00:19:39conversations late at night on what we
- 00:19:40wanted in life how we both wanted a
- 00:19:42family you know how our childhoods were
- 00:19:45she was easy to talk to I I always liked
- 00:19:48hearing her stories I mean it was just
- 00:19:50there was just something about her I
- 00:19:51think a lot of times even though we just
- 00:19:53talked on the phone sometimes it's
- 00:19:55easier to get to know somebody CU
- 00:19:57they're not afraid of um you judging
- 00:19:59them one night after I got home from the
- 00:20:02bar I got in a bar fight and I was pissy
- 00:20:05and I was about half drunk and I just
- 00:20:06called her up and proposed I was like
- 00:20:08you know [ __ ] it I want to raise a
- 00:20:09family now I'm done with this I called
- 00:20:11her up and proposed and she accepted cuz
- 00:20:14she's
- 00:20:16crazy and we just got married at the
- 00:20:19justice of the peace you had to become
- 00:20:21engaged to somebody i' only met in
- 00:20:23person once and talked on the phone for
- 00:20:24a couple months was pretty crazy I love
- 00:20:27my wife my wife is my rock she was a
- 00:20:31gift from God that's all there really is
- 00:20:32to that she saved my
- 00:20:36life everybody goggle up this goggling
- 00:20:38up try this again okay that better
- 00:20:43much we start with what we know will be
- 00:20:45a safe dose we watch for the response we
- 00:20:49don't want to see any bleeding we want
- 00:20:50to just see that little white frosting
- 00:20:52on the surface of the
- 00:20:55skin we're getting a really good
- 00:20:56response here though Brian good good
- 00:21:00some of these areas you can tell that
- 00:21:02the Ink's a little deeper
- 00:21:04mhm well like I said you may feel an
- 00:21:07occasional twing where you just have a
- 00:21:08little spot that didn't quite get
- 00:21:14numb and that popping sound you hear is
- 00:21:16the exploding of that pigment as it
- 00:21:18breaks it up into smaller granules okay
- 00:21:22okay we start the big AA
- 00:21:26now how long's the number going to last
- 00:21:29for it'll last for a couple of hours
- 00:21:31okay and then you'll start to feel this
- 00:21:35Burning as it begins to wear off oh I'm
- 00:21:38sorry that
- 00:21:40hurting we're
- 00:21:44good let's get out of that spot
- 00:21:59almost
- 00:22:02done we're almost done turn your head
- 00:22:05towards me just a little bit BR another
- 00:22:08Bo I think that's got
- 00:22:11it okay you did great buddy for first
- 00:22:15round that was tough I know but you did
- 00:22:17great all right thank you yeah you're
- 00:22:18welcome my friend
- 00:22:24[Music]
- 00:22:30the first couple hours after surgery I
- 00:22:32was still numb so that was nice but
- 00:22:34after the Nova cane or whatever they
- 00:22:36used wore off it felt like somebody took
- 00:22:39a uh propane torch to my face it was
- 00:22:42pretty scary woke up in the middle of
- 00:22:44night he was in a lot of pain and
- 00:22:47uh didn't expect the swelling so he uh
- 00:22:52he looks like he's pretty
- 00:22:54miserable the doctor said it would feel
- 00:22:57like the worst sunburnt of ever felt in
- 00:22:58my life right now it feels like I got my
- 00:23:00head stomped in with a boot really no
- 00:23:03burning sensation at all it's just all
- 00:23:06the swelling just really really hurts
- 00:23:08and I mean obviously it looks like I've
- 00:23:10been clubbed so that's about how it
- 00:23:12feels right now miss your face it's way
- 00:23:16more swellen I know it's progressively
- 00:23:19swelling more glasses you keep telling
- 00:23:22me to do that well because have no de
- 00:23:24perception they looks like it's oh my
- 00:23:27God it's just the air
- 00:23:29on the face especially around the eye is
- 00:23:30so sens like that after you got tattooed
- 00:23:32oh yeah I it wasn't this bad but I mean
- 00:23:34I when when I got tattoos around my I
- 00:23:36ended up with a Shiner it's almost
- 00:23:38tempting to take a pierc lance it just
- 00:23:40to get the pressure out but that might
- 00:23:42just add more bad than good tears him
- 00:23:45nice look at Daddy's owie look at
- 00:23:47Daddy's OWI Daddy got OE daddy
- 00:23:50[Music]
- 00:23:52owie hopefully the ice packs will make
- 00:23:55it go down but yeah it's not
- 00:23:56discouraging him he said it's all part
- 00:23:58of the
- 00:23:58process don't like to see I'm in pain
- 00:24:01but everything has a
- 00:24:11price shortly before his second
- 00:24:13treatment Brian is visited by his old
- 00:24:15friend Eric
- 00:24:16mying it's the first time since leaving
- 00:24:19the skin heads that Brian has seen one
- 00:24:21of his former
- 00:24:25mates the first couple nights when we
- 00:24:27were together yeah we reminisced quite a
- 00:24:29bit cuz we hadn't seen each other in
- 00:24:31over 5 years so there was a lot of
- 00:24:34emotion flowing between the two of us
- 00:24:35the whole Bromance thing going on you
- 00:24:37know but after the first couple days it
- 00:24:39was just business as
- 00:24:45usual we're trying to get rid of some of
- 00:24:47the old racialist tattoos and some of
- 00:24:49the old like gang thuggery style tattoos
- 00:24:52and stuff like that kind of brighten His
- 00:24:55Image just because I'm getting him off
- 00:24:57my face doesn't I mean I hate tattoos I
- 00:24:59still like getting them um like on the
- 00:25:01arms and chest and back and things like
- 00:25:02that is still socially
- 00:25:04acceptable we've been planed on meeting
- 00:25:07up with each other since like about 6
- 00:25:09months ago I was kind of leery at first
- 00:25:11I thought he was still with the club and
- 00:25:12it was kind of like a setup thing or
- 00:25:14something you know set up to get beat up
- 00:25:17murdered whatever you know that was
- 00:25:20pretty not popular in that Club Circle
- 00:25:22for a while always suspicious of uh
- 00:25:25those we used to hang out with I mean
- 00:25:27it's uh we you know what they're capable
- 00:25:29of yeah put it that
- 00:25:33way we uh actually met back when I was
- 00:25:36about 14 or 15 at a uh Clan rally out in
- 00:25:40Denver Colorado Martin Luther King Jr
- 00:25:43Day rally we're actually singing the
- 00:25:45Praises of James Earl Ray yeah we used
- 00:25:46to joke about how it was called James
- 00:25:48Earl Ray day not Martin Luther King Jr
- 00:25:50Day
- 00:25:53yeah I got out in about what 2004 right
- 00:25:56around there
- 00:25:58[Music]
- 00:25:59I I had a little bit of a drug problem
- 00:26:01some people and the higher ups had it
- 00:26:03out for me and stuff so uh I was asleep
- 00:26:06on a friend of mine's couch and I got
- 00:26:08pistol whipped almost to death and uh
- 00:26:11actually those guys were going to kill
- 00:26:13me and he kind of told him not to so I
- 00:26:16kind of owe my life to this guy one of
- 00:26:18the guys in the club had it out for Eric
- 00:26:20R Batman we had a meeting and the same
- 00:26:23gentleman uh was talking at the meeting
- 00:26:25about trying to put a hit out on Eric
- 00:26:27and uh I was one of the two people that
- 00:26:29stood up
- 00:26:31and said no just because you know it's
- 00:26:33it was it was enough that Eric was
- 00:26:35pretty well at that time black bald and
- 00:26:38we felt that was enough than you know
- 00:26:40than to kill him
- 00:26:41for for some dumb [ __ ] and um I could
- 00:26:46understand if Eric went off and killed
- 00:26:47this dude's son or something like that
- 00:26:49you know but because he had a drug
- 00:26:50problem that's why this other guy wanted
- 00:26:52to put a hit on Eric and that was the
- 00:26:54only reason he could
- 00:26:56give hi
- 00:27:00oh you're just going to come hang out
- 00:27:07huh hello hi
- 00:27:10buddy oh
- 00:27:13son you got a loaded diaper over there
- 00:27:16son no he's just being a
- 00:27:19ham
- 00:27:21fart did you poo poo yeah go tell Mama I
- 00:27:24thought he did I smelled it I was like
- 00:27:26who [ __ ] go tell Mama
- 00:27:30yes I love you go tell
- 00:27:36[Music]
- 00:27:37[Applause]
- 00:27:41[Music]
- 00:27:44Mama the night was pretty rough I ended
- 00:27:47up waking up about 2: 2:30 something
- 00:27:49like that and uh falling back asleep
- 00:27:52about 4:00 and then getting back up at
- 00:27:537:00 the pain is the worst part it just
- 00:27:56it really aches really bad bad feels
- 00:27:59like my face is just trying to bust out
- 00:28:02I just don't like seeing my dad like it
- 00:28:05looks like he's like crying but he he's
- 00:28:08not I just don't like seeing my dad like
- 00:28:11that now I was ask him if he can see out
- 00:28:14of that eye and he says not very well
- 00:28:17cuz it's like his eyes all covered
- 00:28:21up I'm going to the pharmacy to get his
- 00:28:23prescription his pain medicine the
- 00:28:25second treatment has been a little bit
- 00:28:27hard harder for me to watch him go
- 00:28:29through cuz I know how much pain he was
- 00:28:31in the first
- 00:28:33treatment it hurts to see people you
- 00:28:35love in
- 00:28:37pain it's incredibly painful on the next
- 00:28:40day I mean the swelling they just so
- 00:28:41much pressure in my face you it just
- 00:28:43hurts there was some swelling at the
- 00:28:45hospital and by the time we got home it
- 00:28:47was pretty poofed out by about 10:00
- 00:28:50last night my eye was already almost
- 00:28:51this bad and it just progressively just
- 00:28:53keeps getting worse since Eric's come to
- 00:28:56visit they've talked a lot and I think
- 00:28:58it's brought up a lot of the Old Wounds
- 00:29:00from the past stuff they did and stuff
- 00:29:02that he's been trying to forget and I
- 00:29:05guess forgive himself for some of the
- 00:29:06stuff he's done so bringing up stuff
- 00:29:09that he went through and he did and who
- 00:29:11he was I think has made him really
- 00:29:13depressed
- 00:29:22lately look at this picture here this is
- 00:29:25uh Brian when he started to get his face
- 00:29:28tattooed actually he's uh all mean
- 00:29:31mugging and drunked up in that picture
- 00:29:33there here's Brian's patch his old
- 00:29:36Hammer skin patch which I blacked out
- 00:29:38it's right here and uh this picture here
- 00:29:41is a picture of the night that Brian was
- 00:29:44made and uh there's myself there that
- 00:29:47was the night that I got put on
- 00:29:48probation that was the night that he got
- 00:29:50made yes that was that I took my oath as
- 00:29:53a hammer skin which basically U all the
- 00:29:55other maid members stood around in a
- 00:29:57circle holding torches and the uh person
- 00:30:00who was getting the patch had to go up
- 00:30:02to the president and he put his hand one
- 00:30:04hand on a patch and another hand on a
- 00:30:05gun and swore a Blood Oath basically to
- 00:30:08everybody within the club that they
- 00:30:10would be by them until their dying day
- 00:30:11and this and that and that you would uh
- 00:30:12kill or die for your
- 00:30:14patch this is like a defining moment for
- 00:30:17him and I both like at this point in
- 00:30:19time
- 00:30:20so that was a about 15 months of hard
- 00:30:23work paying off for me that was the
- 00:30:25night that Mark made OS too yep
- 00:30:28and uh what's OS official supporter
- 00:30:31there's like levels of being you know
- 00:30:33becoming a hammer skin you got to be a
- 00:30:34hang on for what was it at least 6
- 00:30:36months MH then you had to be an official
- 00:30:38supporter for at least 6 months for 6
- 00:30:40months and then you had to probate for
- 00:30:42at least 6 months you got to probate for
- 00:30:44a
- 00:30:45year and here's a picture of the uh
- 00:30:49Indiana
- 00:30:51Justice that's a that was on Matt
- 00:30:53McGrath's forarm yeah that was a pretty
- 00:30:56notoriously well-known tattoo three the
- 00:30:58white power movement this is a new
- 00:31:00surround his neck here it's supposed to
- 00:31:03symbolize a lynching of a black
- 00:31:09guy sitting back looking at all these
- 00:31:11pictures kind of reminiscing what goes
- 00:31:13to the head when you're doing
- 00:31:15this for me it's like I can't believe
- 00:31:19what who I used to be you know in
- 00:31:21comparisons to how much I've changed and
- 00:31:24everything and just like my whole
- 00:31:26thoughts about you know accepting other
- 00:31:28people and just it's hard really it's
- 00:31:31kind of hard it's
- 00:31:34uh hard hard in what way I can't believe
- 00:31:38that I was that person you know that I
- 00:31:40that I had that how do I explain this
- 00:31:43like that little respect for other human
- 00:31:46beings you know that little respect for
- 00:31:47other human life other outside of the
- 00:31:50people that were in these pictures I
- 00:31:51didn't give a [ __ ] about any other
- 00:31:53person that walked on the face of the
- 00:31:55Earth that was it you know that was our
- 00:31:58family when you get in the movement it's
- 00:32:01almost like you alienate everything you
- 00:32:03know and everyone you know it's like
- 00:32:05this is your new family and there's
- 00:32:06nothing else exists like he said there's
- 00:32:08nobody nothing else outside of this box
- 00:32:10and that's it you come to this thought
- 00:32:14that everybody outside of the movement
- 00:32:17they just have no clue they're just you
- 00:32:19alienate them I think it's a gradual
- 00:32:21thing you know it's like I went from
- 00:32:23talking to my mom to once a day to once
- 00:32:25a week to once a month you know it's um
- 00:32:28it's like a cult almost you you just
- 00:32:30give up everything outside of it because
- 00:32:32everything that you're learning is right
- 00:32:34and nobody else outside of this movement
- 00:32:38just hasn't any knowledge like everyone
- 00:32:39nobody has a clue you know so it's just
- 00:32:41it's almost like a cult I have a hard
- 00:32:43time forgiving myself cuz I did a lot of
- 00:32:45bad [ __ ] to earn that piece of Ink on my
- 00:32:46arm you know and the piece of cloth on
- 00:32:48my chest I it's it's like opening Old
- 00:32:52Wounds and I just did so much bad [ __ ]
- 00:32:55to people that didn't deserve it that
- 00:32:58every time I see these pictures or start
- 00:33:00thinking about it that's that's what it
- 00:33:03is and I can't I just I can't forgive
- 00:33:05myself and I was a grown man I should
- 00:33:07have known better than to act like a
- 00:33:09stupid gang banger but I tried I try I
- 00:33:11try and I know it says in the Bible you
- 00:33:13got to forgive yourself cuz God forgives
- 00:33:14you but you know I may be forgiven by
- 00:33:16him but I I'm having a hard time really
- 00:33:19forgiving myself for all the bad [ __ ]
- 00:33:21that I've done it's almost nauseating
- 00:33:23isn't it like sometimes it's like you
- 00:33:25look at this and it's like disappointing
- 00:33:28and it's not even nauseating it don't
- 00:33:30even make me angry anymore makes me
- 00:33:31disappointed in the decisions that I've
- 00:33:33made you know I lose sleep at night from
- 00:33:37[ __ ] that I did to people or you know I
- 00:33:40[ __ ] that that happened to me I I don't
- 00:33:42I'll I'll just lay awake and just think
- 00:33:43all [ __ ] night long
- 00:33:46and it's uh it's hard it's really hard I
- 00:33:49guess I haven't moved on I'm
- 00:33:56trying you're kicking out some serious
- 00:33:59heat
- 00:34:01sorry you okay mhm is the stuff wearing
- 00:34:05off
- 00:34:07[Music]
- 00:34:15mhm it's Brian's thirdd treatment but
- 00:34:18it's the first on his neck I'm going to
- 00:34:21start slipping you some cocktails while
- 00:34:22we get these monitors put
- 00:34:26on because of Brian 's neck sensitivity
- 00:34:29the decision is made to use general
- 00:34:31anesthesia since he'll be asleep Dr Shaq
- 00:34:35decides to also treat one side of
- 00:34:37Brian's
- 00:34:39face everybody goggle up is goggling up
- 00:34:42just like Will Smith said in many black
- 00:34:44difference between me and you I make
- 00:34:46this look
- 00:34:49good all right here we
- 00:34:51go when you run something so hot
- 00:34:54eventually it burns out and that's what
- 00:34:55we did with the outlaw Hammer skins we
- 00:34:56ran so extreme that we just everything
- 00:34:58burnt up me and Brian James and a bunch
- 00:35:00of the other guys who hung around with
- 00:35:02the outlaw Hammer skins decided we were
- 00:35:03going to start one more crew and make an
- 00:35:05attempt to take it over the whole white
- 00:35:07power skin head movement they formed the
- 00:35:09hooer state skin heads my role when we
- 00:35:13first started was basically to start
- 00:35:15chapters and then move on I would pick
- 00:35:18up a chapter set up leadership in the
- 00:35:19area and then go to another city and
- 00:35:21being in the tattoo industry that was a
- 00:35:22perfect job for me I didn't have family
- 00:35:24so I just bounced everywhere any local
- 00:35:26skin head crew I would find anybody that
- 00:35:28was worth a [ __ ] in the crews recruit
- 00:35:30them and then run off all their buddies
- 00:35:31and that was that was basically what we
- 00:35:33did we were on a mass recruiting spree
- 00:35:35so we could actually uh go against the
- 00:35:37hammer skin Nation Brian worked to set
- 00:35:40up skin head crews in several States it
- 00:35:43was working out when it was like two
- 00:35:45three states but we had five six states
- 00:35:47under our belt so we decided you know
- 00:35:49screw it we're just going to go under
- 00:35:50one one Banner the new Banner became
- 00:35:54known as the vinlander social club the
- 00:35:57vinlander pulled in other organizations
- 00:35:59like the hooers and the Ohio State skins
- 00:36:01and U their efforts were to be a little
- 00:36:04more radical than the hammer skin nation
- 00:36:06in other words if you bring uh a knife
- 00:36:08we're going to bring a gun if you assult
- 00:36:10one of our members we're going to kill
- 00:36:11one of your members the vinlanders and
- 00:36:13the hammer skins considered themselves
- 00:36:15at war with each other they were
- 00:36:16skirmishes all the time as Brian Mass
- 00:36:20recruited he sunk deeper into the depths
- 00:36:22of
- 00:36:23alcoholism I was drinking about a 30
- 00:36:26pack a day and if that didn't cut it I'd
- 00:36:28go with a 30 pack and a bottle of Jack
- 00:36:29Daniels I was literally drinking myself
- 00:36:32to death I was miserable I was
- 00:36:34absolutely miserable so instead of
- 00:36:37trying to change it at the time my out
- 00:36:38was death and that's the skin head
- 00:36:41philosophy you know it's they're the
- 00:36:42retirement program it's either prison or
- 00:36:43the grave and I didn't feel like going
- 00:36:45to prison so that would have been the
- 00:36:47other
- 00:36:52alternative Brian you hear
- 00:36:54me Brian you're all done buddy open your
- 00:36:58mouth up
- 00:37:00wide we're just going to take you to the
- 00:37:02wake up
- 00:37:03room you're all done
- 00:37:06Bud hey
- 00:37:09Brian try to stay on your back Brian you
- 00:37:12hear me just relax stay right on your
- 00:37:15back stay on your back there you go
- 00:37:17there you go good job just putting some
- 00:37:18medicine on your face
- 00:37:21okay the young males they can kind of
- 00:37:24wake up they're you know showing their
- 00:37:26strength and stuff wantan to kind of
- 00:37:27like conquer the world but that's common
- 00:37:29that is common just go ahead and bring a
- 00:37:31stretcher in we're just going to take
- 00:37:34you to the wake up room I think he's
- 00:37:35more concerned about my stress level you
- 00:37:38know than anything else he just wants me
- 00:37:40to see him so I know he's okay cuz I'm a
- 00:37:44mom and I
- 00:37:45worry thousand times more than I
- 00:37:50should well right now his blood pressure
- 00:37:52is 179 over 108 so we definitely want to
- 00:37:55bring that down to his preop what he
- 00:37:58was you just hurt so R so Sor think
- 00:38:04about I
- 00:38:07am R is it getting any better no it
- 00:38:10hurts like hell so zero being no pain 10
- 00:38:13the worst it's about a 10 I'm thinking
- 00:38:1511 okay we think it's more pain and kind
- 00:38:18of just the anesthesia coming out of him
- 00:38:20so too he's shaking he's got the the
- 00:38:23basic things that we look for when
- 00:38:25people come out of anesthesia so we'll
- 00:38:27bring it down she's calming them a good
- 00:38:28bit so we can get that we'll be we'll be
- 00:38:31good to
- 00:38:33go okay Brian I'm giving you some more
- 00:38:35medicine in your IV okay I was a little
- 00:38:38intimidated by both of them my first
- 00:38:41impression of Brian came from the other
- 00:38:43nurses they told me he had a lot of
- 00:38:45tattoos on his face they didn't really
- 00:38:47know exactly what all they meant but
- 00:38:49they weren't good I had never seen
- 00:38:51anyone with that many tattoos on their
- 00:38:53face so it was a little bit of a shock
- 00:38:56back in your that
- 00:38:58all right I'm going let you sign and
- 00:38:59I'll give you this and we'll let you go
- 00:39:02don't sign any legal documents today
- 00:39:04either yeah okay had general anesthesia
- 00:39:08she's in charge of you today she's in
- 00:39:11charge every day okay all right we'll
- 00:39:12just even more you love say that again I
- 00:39:16love my wife y are precious she's a cute
- 00:39:20one no here's a cute
- 00:39:23one y'all are both cute how about that
- 00:39:28my first impression you know seeing
- 00:39:29Brian is he's tattooed from head to toe
- 00:39:33um you know he looks a little hard you
- 00:39:34know you're kind of like oh gosh is he
- 00:39:36pretty rough you know but we've worked
- 00:39:38with him so much now and you know you
- 00:39:40get to know him and he's a little softy
- 00:39:41he's not as Rough Around the Edges as
- 00:39:43you think he is and he's a great
- 00:39:45[Music]
- 00:39:54guy well I think he's making steady
- 00:39:57progress it hasn't been quite as rapid
- 00:39:59as I had hoped it was going to be when
- 00:40:01we started this process several months
- 00:40:03ago all right may burn a little bit in
- 00:40:05your IV I know you know that we talked
- 00:40:08about maybe we can get this done in
- 00:40:09seven or eight treatments but it's going
- 00:40:11to take more than that obviously so this
- 00:40:13whole process May wind up taking a year
- 00:40:15and a half before we're
- 00:40:17finished following several treatments
- 00:40:20the medical team Alters their approach
- 00:40:23so now what we're doing we've done the
- 00:40:25last couple of times it's worked very
- 00:40:26well we put him to sleep
- 00:40:27once he's asleep then we give him the
- 00:40:29local anesthesia is everybody gogg up
- 00:40:31goggling up then we do the treatment so
- 00:40:34when he wakes up his face is still numb
- 00:40:35so the numbing medicine wears off slowly
- 00:40:37over a few hours and so the pain kind of
- 00:40:39builds slowly he can tolerate it much
- 00:40:41better this also allows Dr sha to treat
- 00:40:44Brian's entire face and neck every visit
- 00:40:48still much of the ink
- 00:40:54lingers we just want to secure the
- 00:40:56existence of a r
- 00:40:57and a future for white
- 00:40:59children as a skin head you try to live
- 00:41:02by the 14
- 00:41:04[Music]
- 00:41:06words it's our children and our
- 00:41:08children's children these are our future
- 00:41:10this is what we're in this for as I was
- 00:41:12progressing in these Crews I noticed
- 00:41:14that it nothing was about the kids these
- 00:41:17guys were abusive to their wives they
- 00:41:19half of them couldn't hold jobs they
- 00:41:20were felons um they would have bastards
- 00:41:23all over the country not pay a diamond
- 00:41:25of child support and they just they like
- 00:41:28to preach all this higher nobility but
- 00:41:31nobody wanted to practice
- 00:41:33anything we at the Nordic Fest where
- 00:41:36they met Julie says she witnessed
- 00:41:38skinheads and clan members having sex
- 00:41:40with underage
- 00:41:42girls actually there was two tents with
- 00:41:45girls in there and the guys kept going
- 00:41:49in and taking turns having sex with them
- 00:41:51they're running trains on the girls and
- 00:41:53so in my mind what I thought these men
- 00:41:56do not give a crap about age they don't
- 00:41:59care of you know there's no you know
- 00:42:02she's you know an Aran woman you know
- 00:42:04she's we must honor her and you know
- 00:42:07treasure The woman there there's none of
- 00:42:09that it's ridiculous they don't care
- 00:42:12when she told me about it the thing is I
- 00:42:13wasn't surprised at all and at that
- 00:42:15point i' had already been skined for
- 00:42:17about 15 16 years nothing was shocking
- 00:42:20anymore I myself had a girl that was 14
- 00:42:23then that moment that made me think that
- 00:42:27that could be my child is probably the
- 00:42:30moment of the turning point where I
- 00:42:32started questioning everything that I've
- 00:42:34been led to believe all those
- 00:42:37years there was plenty of times where
- 00:42:40you know I'd see some of my brothers
- 00:42:41kick the crap out of their old ladies I
- 00:42:43never looked at beating women as
- 00:42:44children as a glorious battle I tried to
- 00:42:47live as a by the code of a warrior and a
- 00:42:50code of a warrior calls for a glorious
- 00:42:52battle I had a really good friend and
- 00:42:55she was 9 months pregnant and her
- 00:42:57boyfriend of 10 years punched her in the
- 00:43:00eye and this is the white power movement
- 00:43:02and this happens all the time after a
- 00:43:05while [ __ ] like that really eats at you
- 00:43:07and then you just realize that all these
- 00:43:09things that you've been telling yourself
- 00:43:11for years upon years and other people
- 00:43:13telling you it's all just [ __ ] we
- 00:43:15were both at the point where we were
- 00:43:16just like you know whatever this whole
- 00:43:18thing is just ridiculous but I mean we
- 00:43:20weren't really out yet we were both in
- 00:43:23there just kind of hanging on by a
- 00:43:25string as ran and Julie struggled to
- 00:43:28escape the skin head movement they
- 00:43:30sought the Council of a rival of
- 00:43:33sorts you don't have the
- 00:43:36right will you do it at the expense of
- 00:43:38my people are my people allow darl lont
- 00:43:41Jenkins is a anti-racist who runs the
- 00:43:44website one people's
- 00:43:47project Julie was I'm guessing at her WS
- 00:43:51end she wanted to talk to somebody it's
- 00:43:54obvious that they're going through
- 00:43:55something they're asking for my help so
- 00:43:57okay you got it you got it I mean I
- 00:43:59think of you as a human first I don't
- 00:44:01think of you as an
- 00:44:03adversary Brian's first conversation
- 00:44:05with Daryl lasted more than 3
- 00:44:08hours he was educated he knew what the
- 00:44:11hell he was talking about we liked a lot
- 00:44:12of the same [ __ ] you he's a Son of a
- 00:44:14Preacher and he was in the punk rock
- 00:44:15movement out in New York and our
- 00:44:17conversation was about the music scene
- 00:44:19we was able to um get together on kind
- 00:44:22of like this common bond that we had
- 00:44:24with each other to begin with and
- 00:44:27you know it just became something else
- 00:44:29as we went
- 00:44:30along and the more I talked to him the
- 00:44:32more I actually realized that I had more
- 00:44:34in common with him than with some of the
- 00:44:35guys that I buddied up with for close to
- 00:44:3720 years you know he was just such a
- 00:44:39great and caring guy but that really
- 00:44:43changed me in a lot of
- 00:44:44[Music]
- 00:44:50ways
- 00:44:52hey good
- 00:44:55morning now what about your hand what
- 00:44:57about him do you want him to get this
- 00:44:59yeah
- 00:45:00absolutely absolutely we'll do that
- 00:45:02today okay I gave up on asking him to
- 00:45:05get his hands done because I figure he's
- 00:45:08going through enough with his face so I
- 00:45:09said okay fine I'll just shut up about
- 00:45:11it
- 00:45:12and that tactic paid
- 00:45:15off cuz now he says he wants to get his
- 00:45:18hands
- 00:45:20done this is the first tattoo I got I
- 00:45:22got no use for it anymore everybody
- 00:45:25goggled up just goggling up
- 00:45:31look at that response that we get with
- 00:45:34this
- 00:45:36amazing if I'm going this far to get all
- 00:45:38this taken off you know getting the
- 00:45:39hands would be the next logical step
- 00:45:41that way I could actually wear a long
- 00:45:42sleeve and blend in the best of my
- 00:45:45ability even though I mean it's
- 00:45:46something he got as a teenager Rebellion
- 00:45:49it's something here as an adult and as a
- 00:45:51father we go up to the school puts his
- 00:45:53hand on the counter goes to shake
- 00:45:55someone's hand that's all they see is
- 00:45:56hate so
- 00:45:57for him to make that decision finally
- 00:45:59has been awesome I'm pretty excited are
- 00:46:03you
- 00:46:04cold it hurts
- 00:46:07hurts HT hands are bothering more than
- 00:46:10is your hands
- 00:46:12yeah
- 00:46:20pressure where's Julie I'm going to go
- 00:46:23get her it's
- 00:46:27all
- 00:46:28right okay Brian scale of 1 to
- 00:46:3210 is it
- 00:46:34excruciating more so than
- 00:46:37[Applause]
- 00:46:43usual Julie and I connected at the
- 00:46:46beginning because she supports Brian
- 00:46:50100% and I respect that from her and it
- 00:46:54makes me feel good to be around family
- 00:46:57members that support their spouse and
- 00:46:59support their families
- 00:47:05100% I'm going to get one more pressure
- 00:47:07and then you can get dressed okay you're
- 00:47:10juicy today Brian
- 00:47:13[Music]
- 00:47:17yeah the post treatment of the hands
- 00:47:20they swell up really bad like boxing
- 00:47:22gloves swelling throbs and kills um the
- 00:47:25worst part about it is you don't realize
- 00:47:27how much you use your hands for
- 00:47:28everything in the world until you can't
- 00:47:30use them the pain sucks but it's the
- 00:47:32frustration that really gets
- 00:47:34[Music]
- 00:47:40me after they married Brian and Julie's
- 00:47:43disenchantment with the white power
- 00:47:44movement grew I was apathetic and I just
- 00:47:47didn't give a damn anymore I didn't give
- 00:47:49a [ __ ] about white people black people
- 00:47:50Jewish people I didn't give a [ __ ] about
- 00:47:52anybody and it kind of dawned on me that
- 00:47:55it wasn't that I hated everybody else I
- 00:47:56just hat ated
- 00:47:58myself then Julie became
- 00:48:01pregnant it would be Brian's first
- 00:48:04biological child and when we found out
- 00:48:06we were pregnant with him I realized it
- 00:48:08wasn't about just me anymore I had this
- 00:48:10baby coming and the party had to stop
- 00:48:13being a deri had to stop but he really
- 00:48:17opened my eyes to what it means to be a
- 00:48:18man basically and try to step up to the
- 00:48:21plate Brian slowly withdrew from skin
- 00:48:24head activities spending more time with
- 00:48:26family and less time with the
- 00:48:30vinlanders I was trying to actually
- 00:48:33provide food for my family and the crew
- 00:48:35took a second place it didn't it didn't
- 00:48:37have the uh priority that it once had
- 00:48:40and everybody started getting kind of
- 00:48:41pissy about it and eventually uh Brian
- 00:48:45James the president of the club called
- 00:48:46me up and said I had to make a choice
- 00:48:48between either my family or
- 00:48:52them and so I I chose my
- 00:48:55family threats and harassment quickly
- 00:48:59followed there were calls at 3:00 in the
- 00:49:02morning saying we're coming to get you
- 00:49:03random phone calls you're going to die
- 00:49:05your family's going to die some of the
- 00:49:08threats we did take seriously because
- 00:49:11the guys that he was involved in are
- 00:49:13known to
- 00:49:16um act violent towards others even
- 00:49:19people in the movement I had to live on
- 00:49:22Red Alert I wasn't sleeping at night cuz
- 00:49:24I was just wondering when seven eight
- 00:49:26guys were going to kicking my door and
- 00:49:27just start shooting everybody I didn't
- 00:49:29want to let my kids play outside I
- 00:49:31couldn't in good conscience let them
- 00:49:33play in a yard where somebody could just
- 00:49:35drive into the yard and run him over
- 00:49:37and to put those kids through that was
- 00:49:40just it was miserable on that aspect
- 00:49:41plus it was miserable that you know if
- 00:49:44seven or eight of these guys decided to
- 00:49:45show up that there was very little I
- 00:49:47could do about it besides just get
- 00:49:48myself killed and then let them have
- 00:49:50their way yeah it
- 00:49:54was it was hell and it was
- 00:50:01hard after Brian and Julie left the
- 00:50:03white power movement the couple were
- 00:50:05being threatened by Brian's former
- 00:50:09mates they take everything that you
- 00:50:11entrusted with them and they throw it
- 00:50:12right at you and that's what they did to
- 00:50:14me and I was pregnant with Taron I was
- 00:50:17so sick I was you know cramping up we
- 00:50:20thought we thought we were going to lose
- 00:50:21him that was the summer you had the
- 00:50:23nervous breakdown yeah
- 00:50:27Julie and I got into an argument one day
- 00:50:29over uh some shirt on the clothes line
- 00:50:33outside and she was hormonal and I was
- 00:50:35dealing with her being pregnant plus
- 00:50:37dealing with the club [ __ ] I snapped
- 00:50:39and I threw her and Isabelle out of the
- 00:50:41room and um I ate a bottle of
- 00:50:46pills I found the empty pill bottle and
- 00:50:50got him to tell me that he took him and
- 00:50:53then got him to get out of the bedroom
- 00:50:56and get him him downstairs and raced him
- 00:50:58to the emergency
- 00:51:01room it was pretty horrible it was one
- 00:51:05of those I'm
- 00:51:06pregnant don't leave me don't leave me
- 00:51:09with all this stuff going on you know I
- 00:51:12love you you know we finally found each
- 00:51:14other we have so much in common you know
- 00:51:17I finally found someone that you know
- 00:51:19relates to me and I can be myself too
- 00:51:22and that knows me heart and soul and it
- 00:51:24just I didn't want to lose them
- 00:51:29I was a roller coaster at that point it
- 00:51:31was up and down I was just a wreck I got
- 00:51:33into mental care and started seeing a
- 00:51:34shrink to get my get my head back
- 00:51:36together I made the decision to quit
- 00:51:37drinking then it was incredibly hard cuz
- 00:51:39I I did it cold turkey I
- 00:51:41just just quit drinking and it was it
- 00:51:44was rough so he made the decision never
- 00:51:47once did I give him an ultimatum not
- 00:51:50once to quit drink and he did all that
- 00:51:52on his own
- 00:52:00[Applause]
- 00:52:11[Music]
- 00:52:12how you
- 00:52:13doing all right last treatment today yep
- 00:52:19I can't believe
- 00:52:20[Music]
- 00:52:22they a long long time
- 00:52:26it's unbelievable I mean it's been a
- 00:52:28long time but I can't believe it's at
- 00:52:30the end I think about him and how he
- 00:52:32feels because I know why he got the
- 00:52:35tattoos on his face to begin with and I
- 00:52:37wonder cuz when he's quiet sometimes how
- 00:52:40he's feeling how he's thinking with the
- 00:52:42tattoos off because he thought he was
- 00:52:44unattractive I think he's extremely
- 00:52:45attractive with or without him we've had
- 00:52:48some pretty pretty great cases here at
- 00:52:50the Southern Poverty Law Center this one
- 00:52:52for me has been been different I mean
- 00:52:54it's it's an opportunity to see what
- 00:52:55life's all about I mean life is about
- 00:52:57Redemption and we're trying to you know
- 00:52:59to find our way in life and and this is
- 00:53:01an illustration on
- 00:53:04steroids I'd like to personally thank
- 00:53:06the Southern Poverty Law Center we
- 00:53:09wouldn't be making this change in our
- 00:53:10life because we would never have been
- 00:53:12able to afford it we owe them so much
- 00:53:17and just this has been incredible this
- 00:53:20been
- 00:53:21cry this is just it's it's been a great
- 00:53:25trip and
- 00:53:31have may somebody cared enough for
- 00:53:35another human being you know and another
- 00:53:39family to do this to allow this to
- 00:53:43happen I'm so incredibly
- 00:53:47grateful there have been a couple times
- 00:53:49when I wanted to throw in the towel
- 00:53:51where I just I didn't want to do it
- 00:53:53anymore it's been hard it really has hey
- 00:53:56guys are you ready for us yet we're
- 00:53:57ready come here thank you for
- 00:54:01everything we're taking care of them I
- 00:54:03just want to say thank
- 00:54:07you I don't really get
- 00:54:11a we're not doing this we'll see you
- 00:54:15again we'll see you again this is not a
- 00:54:19good shut
- 00:54:20up you guys are doing I know you guys
- 00:54:24become like family so
- 00:54:26it's awesome you ready man than you are
- 00:54:29all right let's
- 00:54:32roll this is number 25 and when we
- 00:54:35started this process months ago I never
- 00:54:37imagined it would take this
- 00:54:40long what he's done with his life has
- 00:54:42been remarkable we're just proud Tove
- 00:54:44been able to play some small role in
- 00:54:46this Rehabilitation process for him and
- 00:54:49U hopefully this will be uh something
- 00:54:51that he will carry with him and continue
- 00:54:53to do well throughout the rest of his
- 00:54:54life anybody who puts himself to this
- 00:54:56much torture is bound to want to do
- 00:54:59something good with it once it's all
- 00:55:00over with
- 00:55:06absolutely okay that was it Brian we're
- 00:55:09all done buddy that got it we'll we'll
- 00:55:12tell him again when he wakes up but
- 00:55:15we're done congratulations so absolutely
- 00:55:18long road so uh let's get him wrapped up
- 00:55:21and bed up
- 00:55:23and it's been an interesting Road you
- 00:55:26know we've gotten to know them so well
- 00:55:27they've sort of become a part of our
- 00:55:29routine around here you have been
- 00:55:31awesome yeah well we've been through a
- 00:55:32lot together all three of us I truly
- 00:55:34showed us the meaning of family because
- 00:55:36you know we what we thought we were into
- 00:55:39there's no comparison on on true
- 00:55:41feelings you know well it's it's been
- 00:55:43our pleasure it's been a joy getting to
- 00:55:45know you guys and we're going to miss
- 00:55:46seeing you so much I know all right do
- 00:55:49you want to get up get dressed sure I
- 00:55:52help you
- 00:55:54sure he's the one that brought the light
- 00:55:56we just did the work you know he wanted
- 00:55:58to make these changes and so it was very
- 00:56:00important for us to be able to try to
- 00:56:01help him if we could and even though it
- 00:56:03took a lot longer than any of us ever
- 00:56:05expected that it would I think we've
- 00:56:06wound up with that's going to be a very
- 00:56:08nice outcome for him Dr Sha's office
- 00:56:11always treated me with dignity and with
- 00:56:13respect to them the tattoos weren't
- 00:56:16there I was a normal person in their
- 00:56:18eyes and that's rare for me I never felt
- 00:56:22at a place there at all they have always
- 00:56:24been so helpful so sweet I mean I love
- 00:56:27those guys I really do I'm getting oh
- 00:56:33no by
- 00:56:38aome bye bye kiss the baby for me I will
- 00:56:43you
- 00:56:44too way sleep Take Care by guys
- 00:56:57I have my face back it's great I'm just
- 00:57:00I'm so excited now I'm so blessed that
- 00:57:03the opportunity came to where I could
- 00:57:04get it done you know God's obviously
- 00:57:06smiling upon me for some
- 00:57:08[Music]
- 00:57:25reason e
- 00:58:08[Music]
- 00:58:16[Music]
- 00:58:26e
- Redemption
- Tattoo Removal
- Neo-Nazi
- Racism
- Transformation
- Family Support
- Struggle
- Violence
- Southern Poverty Law Center
- Skinhead