BlackPink Live#06: to raise Resilient Kids? | Ms. Nhi x The Lao Chio

01:01:26
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnYccANsWXU

Summary

TLDRThe podcast episode hosted by Pauline covers the topic of raising resilient children. The episode discusses the importance of resilience, defined as the ability to recover quickly from difficulties and adapt well to adversity. The hosts highlight Children's Day in Vietnam and delve into the challenges and responsibilities parents face when fostering resilience in children. Personal stories are shared to illustrate these points, including one speaker's challenging childhood experience in Vietnam and how it influenced their parenting philosophy. The discussion emphasizes the significance of allowing children to fail and learn from their experiences, promoting independence, and the cultivation of emotional and mental strength. The hosts argue that parents must also be resilient themselves to serve as role models for their children. They share practical tips for encouraging resilience, such as exposing children to diverse experiences and cultures and creating an environment where children can safely make mistakes and learn from them. Overall, the podcast underscores that resilience is not just about physical toughness but encompasses emotional maturity and the ability to adapt to life's challenges.

Takeaways

  • 🎉 Children's Day is celebrated on June 1st in Vietnam.
  • 🤔 Discussing and teaching resilience is crucial for raising children.
  • 📚 Parents shared personal stories about facing and overcoming challenges.
  • 🛠️ Failure is a critical learning tool for developing resilience.
  • 🌍 Exposing children to different cultures aids in fostering adaptability.
  • 🥋 Resilience involves emotional and mental strength, not just physical toughness.
  • 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Parents must also model resilience for their children to emulate.
  • 🌊 Children should be encouraged to handle life's challenges independently.
  • 🚀 Resilience includes adapting to new situations and recovering from adversity.
  • 🔍 Allowing children to make mistakes in a safe environment promotes growth.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:05:00

    The video begins with the hosts greeting viewers and introducing the topic of raising resilient kids. They explain that they are discussing children due to Children's Day in Vietnam on June 1st. The main focus is on the importance of raising children who can be resilient amidst life's challenges.

  • 00:05:00 - 00:10:00

    The conversation continues with one host sharing her background about growing up in Vietnam and her experiences that shaped her resilience. She mentions being raised in a temple and how Buddhist monks contributed to her education. This personal story serves as a backdrop for discussing resilience.

  • 00:10:00 - 00:15:00

    The hosts discuss how childhood experiences shape resilience. One explains her daughter's question about family dynamics and societal pressures, emphasizing the need for children to understand different life experiences. They reflect on being open with their children about life's challenges to foster resilience.

  • 00:15:00 - 00:20:00

    The topic shifts to comparing childhood experiences in different countries, touching on how children in Singapore are blessed with comforts that may not prepare them for life's adversities. Raising resilient kids amid such comforts is explored, suggesting exposing children to diverse experiences.

  • 00:20:00 - 00:25:00

    The hosts address the importance of allowing children to face setbacks and learn from them, sharing personal stories. One recounts how her son faced disappointment when stripped of a school leadership role due to a minor misbehavior, using this story to illustrate emotional resilience lessons.

  • 00:25:00 - 00:30:00

    They stress the importance of parents being resilient role models. The conversation highlights how parents' reactions to their children's failures significantly impact their resilience. Encouraging children to learn from mistakes is presented as a key factor in building emotional strength.

  • 00:30:00 - 00:35:00

    One host shares her method of allowing her child independence in handling school-related responsibilities from a young age to develop mental resilience. This approach is tied to allowing children to learn and handle disappointments as a way of fostering their growth.

  • 00:35:00 - 00:40:00

    The conversation elaborates on experiential learning, where the host speaks about taking her daughter to Vietnam to understand her roots and face real-life situations. She believes such experiences help her child appreciate her privileges and build resilience.

  • 00:40:00 - 00:45:00

    The video touches on the philosophy that parents need to model resilience to teach it effectively. The hosts express that parents committed to growth and learning can inspire the same in their children, thus indirectly teaching resilience by example.

  • 00:45:00 - 00:50:00

    A personal anecdote is shared about a child questioning the reality of situations and parental responses. This segment emphasizes open dialogue between parents and children to prepare them for real-world issues like safety and personal choice.

  • 00:50:00 - 00:55:00

    The hosts discuss the evolving dynamics of family roles and the importance of understanding different cultural backgrounds. They mention providing children with opportunities to learn through diverse experiences rather than shielding them from every challenge.

  • 00:55:00 - 01:01:26

    The video concludes with reflections on resilience as a lifelong process of learning and adapting. The hosts emphasize continuing to provide children with opportunities to face challenges safely, concluding with call-to-action to subscribe and follow their content on various platforms.

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Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What does it mean to be resilient?

    Resilience involves being able to recover from adversity, stress, or difficult situations and adapt effectively over time.

  • How can parents raise resilient children?

    Parents can raise resilient kids by allowing them to experience failures, fostering independence, and encouraging them to learn from challenges they face.

  • What are some ways to promote resilience in children?

    Parents can promote resilience by encouraging kids to solve problems on their own, making them responsible for their actions, discussing lessons learned from failures, and exposing them to diverse situations and cultures.

  • What role do parents play in raising resilient kids?

    The speakers suggest that parents need to also be resilient and set an example for their children by showing how to handle life’s challenges effectively.

  • Is resilience only about being tough physically?

    Resilience is about emotional and mental strength, understanding how to overcome mistakes, deal with setbacks, and look at challenges as opportunities to learn.

  • What are some practical steps parents can take to help their children become more resilient?

    Examples include letting kids experience different cultures, different environments, and allowing them to make mistakes and learn natural consequences.

  • Why might parents be apprehensive about letting their children fail?

    Parents worry because experiencing failure may initially distress children, but it's necessary for learning how to overcome adversity.

  • Why is it important for children to be resilient?

    Resilient children are likely to handle stress and challenges better, are more adaptable, and have a stronger sense of self-efficacy.

  • What is the main theme of this podcast episode?

    The podcast is called "Black Being Leader" and emphasizes building resilient children and highlights the speakers' personal experiences and cultural perspectives on parenting.

  • Does the podcast discuss any cultural differences related to parenting?

    Yes, the speakers mention Children's Day in Vietnam being celebrated on June 1st as an aspect of cultural differences regarding parenting topics.

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  • 00:00:01
    n
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    [Music]
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    [Music]
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    black hello hello welcome back to
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    another
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    episode of black beinging leader hi
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    everyone another topic with Pauling and
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    uh yes you can see we're not live today
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    but yes we see recording this for you
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    guys so you can enjoy the topic that we
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    would love to share with you guys yeah
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    and uh today the topic I think some of
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    them would be wondering why are we
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    talking about kids
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    children in this month uh or this uh
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    early June episode because I heard
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    something from uh n team that this month
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    first June uh they mention about oh
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    Pauline uh shall we we talk about how to
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    raise resilient kids then I'm like okay
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    but why topic on kids for June then they
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    were telling me Oh because it's
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    children's day 1 June is children's day
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    then I'm like what no no no it's not
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    children's day you know in June I mean
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    is in October to me it's in October but
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    they say no in Vietnam it is in June oh
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    I learned something new so in Vietnam 1
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    June is the celebration of children's
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    day so although it's a few days over I
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    still want to wish every children in
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    Vietnam a Happy Children's Day yeah
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    thank you paing because I grow up with
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    that right first of June is the only day
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    of the year that okay this s very bad
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    but we have a lot of sweet to eat oh
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    that's the only day that people give you
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    present give you sweet and I think also
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    because it's the end of uh school time
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    for us so so after school will be school
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    holiday is the started of school holiday
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    break so we will have a lot of like book
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    new notebook Baner case and and so on so
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    forth so with Vietnam children who grow
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    up as vietnami like me that's all we
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    remember you know first of June is the
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    day that you have the most toy G present
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    B clothes or whatsoever so Vietnamese
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    kid this time is heaven oh I love it you
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    know I have more G actually in sing is
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    the same one means I think uh right now
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    is good for you because uh your daughter
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    yeah is now in uh School holiday don't
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    need to go to school yes yeah also start
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    a school holiday in Singapore as well
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    yeah yeah so traveling with your kids
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    this month going somewhere yeah we plan
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    to go to Vietnam at the uh the end of
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    like her school break because my
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    schedule work is too overload and I
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    cannot slot her in no no slot available
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    so I I will bring her someday the end
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    because she want I I never bring her to
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    temple before many trip before I bring
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    her to like kind of Vietnamese uh
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    charity and and beaches and uh Mountain
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    so I want to introduce you her about
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    uh the culture and at the same time the
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    temple where I growing up
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    with the m there was groom me a lot uh
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    back then when I was because I don't
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    have my parent was left me and I were
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    busy so actually I spent a lot of my
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    childhood time like at least four years
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    after school time in the temple oh right
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    yeah I know a lot of people don't know
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    about this so the Buddhist monk was the
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    one who helped me one of the one that to
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    raise the fund to pay for my school fee
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    when I was in my high
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    school so yeah so I was I was homeless
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    when I'm 15 and I think uh I don't talk
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    about the religion but I would talk
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    about the people behind that some of
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    them is great that also support to be a
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    resilient kid like me I don't maybe the
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    age thing I grow old now and I start
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    remember a lot of thing when I was
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    secondary school high school
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    when I look up to a father and someone
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    that can raise me and I don't have it
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    and the mon in the temple that I call
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    master up to now he's still my master in
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    my heart he always my my first like kind
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    of how the say like adopter father I
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    always call that when I go to the temple
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    so I want to intr her to my childhood a
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    little bit more uh I it s a little bit
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    selfish
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    oh uh I uh have the sound
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    suddenly when
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    went
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    off is it
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    me I still hear you oh now okay yeah I
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    still hear you all right okay yeah just
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    nowly uh the S goes off yeah so I I just
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    want to take advantage of she a l and
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    can introdu her as much as Vietnamese
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    culture before she like Mommy I'm not
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    Joy you for holiday day you
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    know how old is your kids how old is
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    your kids that tell you that I'm not go
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    with you for
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    Holiday until now my children 124 121
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    okay they still will go with me on a
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    holiday only this one okay I have hope
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    then I believe yours I I believe I
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    believe yours will as well yeah yes I
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    hope so I think that's what I I would I
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    would because see how she go with friend
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    for Holiday she more enjoying than she
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    go with me maybe I'm I'm older and I'm
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    not as fun at her age you
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    know yeah yeah in like I think this is
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    good to show your uh I mean daughter how
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    it's like for you to grow up and I'm not
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    sure did you share your story with her
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    how you grow up no I mean I I think it's
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    hard to go to detail on that yet because
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    she not really understand yet but I
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    think she start understand that oh I
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    don't have a grand mother grandfather
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    kind of my mother's side and uh
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    she I think I I think also because of my
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    life it helped
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    her I don't know it become like hard for
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    her to feel sad for her life because I
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    remember when we divorced and one time
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    she would come to me and she was give me
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    a lot of tantrum in after school time
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    and she will complain about I want to
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    have a father like my friend why Always
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    you and Auntie pick me up you know and
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    start be hit me or like she start
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    screaming and crying and we know it's
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    normal you know it's a it's a part of
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    they start learning and they start
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    understand they start comparing they
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    start use the parent at the the the
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    thing that friend have so I should have
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    right
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    and take me quite a few month to explain
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    to her okay look at me do you have do
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    you have seen my parent
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    around have you ever think like how do I
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    grow up and a lot of kid outside that
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    some is like me and then you have to
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    keep repeat the same information so she
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    knows some she don't know fo I don't
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    think she understand yet but I think she
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    start questioning about why her mom life
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    is different than other or like she go
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    back from school and we go for like a
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    run together in school and then she were
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    like Mommy you a younger mom in my
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    school in my class and I like oh why she
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    say I asked all my friend how old they
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    parent and nobody tell me that parent
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    32 because she eight and I'm 32 it's
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    mean 24 I give birth in Singapore I
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    think quite rare yes right yes
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    and they like they and she were like can
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    you see you look like a kid in my school
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    because when I go there with her and
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    everybody said who is that who is that
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    Eva because you know the kid right they
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    was talk very loud I it's my mom I said
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    Mom she look so young she look so
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    young and I just funny for me so she was
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    she come home and she asked a lot of
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    like stuff when her friend feel like
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    your mom is different or or so or so I'm
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    I'm I'm working on explain to her a lot
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    of thing on that but I think for
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    understanding I think she need to go
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    Vietnam more that that's what I I I I
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    feel because story is still story right
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    yes or what I share is still very hard
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    for her to imagine because she born the
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    country that is different with where I
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    come from so yeah I'm work I'm working
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    toward that
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    but that's true because um when she's
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    able to go to to the temple I believe
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    when you share with her the story I'm
  • 00:10:38
    not sure whether you're going to share
  • 00:10:39
    with her the story how you grow up yeah
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    gives her the realization how you've
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    grown up with I'm not sure how that
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    Temple currently the state of it you
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    know yeah because it look way more like
  • 00:10:52
    better now yeah oh okay yeah worse I
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    believe I believe so right I believe
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    there should be like now probably is
  • 00:11:02
    better they have more funds all because
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    of Technology as well in the past maybe
  • 00:11:07
    even the toilet may not be uh as good as
  • 00:11:11
    uh all
  • 00:11:14
    these yeah definely you know after like
  • 00:11:18
    20 years of you uh when you grow up
  • 00:11:21
    right so I think it's good for her to
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    really see the situation even though now
  • 00:11:27
    probably is way better off when you grow
  • 00:11:29
    up but as compared to where she grows up
  • 00:11:33
    which is in Singapore I believe still
  • 00:11:36
    quite different yeah and uh if it's in
  • 00:11:40
    your hometown that's in a village it's
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    definitely much much different yeah and
  • 00:11:46
    for us is I believe she grew up staying
  • 00:11:48
    in what of course what we tell as hdb
  • 00:11:51
    the Housing Development Bo which is the
  • 00:11:54
    public housing in Singapore but it is
  • 00:11:56
    still in a very good uh state state
  • 00:11:59
    where everything is being taken care of
  • 00:12:02
    like the Le function perfectly uh the
  • 00:12:07
    cleaning you know there's always the
  • 00:12:09
    cleaner to clean the downstairs the void
  • 00:12:12
    decks and the rubbish there are rubbish
  • 00:12:15
    trucks every day every morning to
  • 00:12:17
    actually clear off the rubbish and it's
  • 00:12:19
    so easy for you to just dump the rubbish
  • 00:12:21
    a TR just dump it down okay and things
  • 00:12:24
    are C the sewage system so I'm I would
  • 00:12:28
    believe that definitely a vast
  • 00:12:30
    difference of how Singaporean kids grow
  • 00:12:34
    up very fortunately very blessed and the
  • 00:12:38
    the question then of course will be our
  • 00:12:40
    topic is how do we then build and raise
  • 00:12:43
    resilient kids who are able to at the
  • 00:12:45
    meaning of resilient would be you know
  • 00:12:47
    who are able to able to overcome
  • 00:12:49
    adversity able to recover quickly if
  • 00:12:53
    there are actually like difficult
  • 00:12:55
    situation because they are so I mean in
  • 00:12:58
    Singapore uh the children here at least
  • 00:13:01
    I'm not sure about uh your children or
  • 00:13:04
    your kids but mine grow up in a very uh
  • 00:13:07
    blessed situation my children are not
  • 00:13:09
    born very rich I am not especially when
  • 00:13:13
    they grow up I was still fighting like
  • 00:13:15
    you for my career uh we don't live in
  • 00:13:19
    very good situation I don't have a
  • 00:13:20
    helper they don't grow up with helper I
  • 00:13:22
    don't have a car okay uh and uh we take
  • 00:13:26
    MRT uh I mean there are times we take
  • 00:13:28
    Taxi there wasn't any grap when they
  • 00:13:30
    grow up and uh but I still find that
  • 00:13:34
    they are very blessed to really have
  • 00:13:36
    everything that's being provided for so
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    when they go to school the school the
  • 00:13:41
    books the textbooks everything is there
  • 00:13:44
    so the key thing right now is if things
  • 00:13:47
    were to happen like for example uh few
  • 00:13:51
    days few years ago we know we hit a very
  • 00:13:54
    big uh thing which uh all of us fa it
  • 00:13:57
    the very first time which is called
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    covid the lockdown where there's
  • 00:14:01
    pandemic so even I you know or even
  • 00:14:05
    people like my father 70 years this is
  • 00:14:07
    the first time we all lock down kind of
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    like together it's something new it has
  • 00:14:12
    not been experienced before so the key
  • 00:14:15
    question is how do we let them
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    experience you know situations which
  • 00:14:21
    they can recover quickly because life is
  • 00:14:23
    not a bit of roses right as much as we
  • 00:14:26
    hope that our children grow I mean even
  • 00:14:29
    when they grow old everything is smooth
  • 00:14:31
    is in a bit of roses we want that for
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    them but are we know lies it's not like
  • 00:14:36
    that right as they grow up so they are
  • 00:14:38
    they're very fortunate unlike maybe you
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    and me we have certain adversity certain
  • 00:14:42
    situations which we have to overcome
  • 00:14:46
    that make us very resilient so the
  • 00:14:48
    question now is for children for kids
  • 00:14:52
    who are so blessed how do we then make
  • 00:14:55
    sure that they are resilient so that's
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    the big question right now for I think
  • 00:15:00
    not just in Singapore but many countries
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    I believe even in Vietnam right now
  • 00:15:05
    where everybody yeah even the Vietnamese
  • 00:15:07
    kids right now I think they are much
  • 00:15:09
    more fortunate than the past and we do
  • 00:15:11
    have uh situations where they are really
  • 00:15:14
    also born with cars uh with food on the
  • 00:15:17
    table they don't even need to probably
  • 00:15:19
    do housework so how do we do that
  • 00:15:23
    yeah so might
  • 00:15:26
    want so first I think first have ask how
  • 00:15:29
    Pauline successful do that because her
  • 00:15:32
    kid is grown now right so I mean I'm see
  • 00:15:36
    my journey but how do you start it and
  • 00:15:40
    what did you add in in your life with
  • 00:15:43
    your kid that make a difference that
  • 00:15:45
    today you can confident say that you
  • 00:15:48
    have a resilient kid okay uh for me it's
  • 00:15:52
    uh as I mentioned my children even
  • 00:15:55
    though they were being given the basic
  • 00:15:57
    necessities like for example going to
  • 00:15:59
    school uh they are quite fortunate as
  • 00:16:01
    well they are able to go for enrichment
  • 00:16:03
    classes like tuition like uh my daughter
  • 00:16:07
    grew up learning ballet and uh I also
  • 00:16:10
    sign up for Pio class but after that
  • 00:16:11
    stopped because in school she has
  • 00:16:13
    another uh band which sest too much of
  • 00:16:16
    an enrichment classes so I have to cut
  • 00:16:18
    it down right she's so busy so the kind
  • 00:16:21
    of resilient kid in Singapore I think
  • 00:16:23
    it's slightly different it's more in
  • 00:16:25
    terms of uh the emotional and mental
  • 00:16:29
    resilience that uh they have to
  • 00:16:32
    experience so uh what do I mean by
  • 00:16:35
    emotionally emotional and mental
  • 00:16:37
    resilience uh of course in terms of uh
  • 00:16:40
    livelihood it's not a it's not an issue
  • 00:16:43
    even if we talk about probably um the uh
  • 00:16:47
    not so well too children in Singapore is
  • 00:16:50
    still quite blessed everything is
  • 00:16:52
    covered for even in school uh the
  • 00:16:54
    Singapore government would cover most of
  • 00:16:56
    the stuff so I for me it's very
  • 00:16:59
    important that they grow up having that
  • 00:17:01
    mental resilience now what do I mean by
  • 00:17:03
    the mental resilience would be uh they
  • 00:17:06
    are able to overcome situations now
  • 00:17:10
    since young what I do is as I just now
  • 00:17:13
    mentioned my children do not have any
  • 00:17:15
    helper so they have to do things by
  • 00:17:18
    themselves and they have to face
  • 00:17:19
    situations by themselves like what I
  • 00:17:22
    don't check their
  • 00:17:24
    homework I don't check or pack their
  • 00:17:27
    school bags for them I leave it to them
  • 00:17:29
    to do it since primary one of course
  • 00:17:32
    what I would do is um in primary one
  • 00:17:35
    when they first start school I do have
  • 00:17:37
    because they have this notebook where
  • 00:17:39
    the school teacher would kind of like
  • 00:17:41
    force the parents to read then we have
  • 00:17:43
    to sign yeah like I'm not sure now you
  • 00:17:46
    have like me yes every day yeah so the
  • 00:17:50
    school the school teacher actually put
  • 00:17:53
    in so-call the responsibility right now
  • 00:17:55
    to be with parents I know there's a
  • 00:17:57
    there's a meaning to to it because they
  • 00:17:59
    want the parents to actually at least
  • 00:18:01
    know what the children uh they would be
  • 00:18:04
    doing right so in case we are like very
  • 00:18:06
    hands of parents we know what's going on
  • 00:18:09
    so the key is when I have certain things
  • 00:18:12
    that's being uh put out in the booklet
  • 00:18:14
    sometimes the the teachers put oh my son
  • 00:18:17
    normally my son would have certain
  • 00:18:19
    issues like never do homework to ative
  • 00:18:22
    in class or things like that so they
  • 00:18:25
    will write it I would actually do some
  • 00:18:27
    explanation to him but how do I put it
  • 00:18:29
    resilient is if they face with situation
  • 00:18:32
    I really let them handle it and I do a
  • 00:18:35
    debrief with them now there is one
  • 00:18:38
    situation that I really am very upset
  • 00:18:41
    and but this is the part which my boy
  • 00:18:43
    has to learn what it's called resilience
  • 00:18:45
    now my my buy was being selected to be a
  • 00:18:47
    so called a school leader uh from
  • 00:18:50
    primary to primary 3 now one day he
  • 00:18:53
    comes out say mommy I'm going to be the
  • 00:18:55
    So-Cal the school leader you know they
  • 00:18:56
    have a badge from primary
  • 00:18:59
    then it's like so happy become like the
  • 00:19:01
    school leader the the student leader
  • 00:19:02
    they call it like a student leader now
  • 00:19:05
    all of a sudden one day a few months
  • 00:19:07
    later he tell me Mommy uh I'm not going
  • 00:19:09
    to be the student leader
  • 00:19:11
    anymore so I'm like okay um what
  • 00:19:14
    happened right oh no my teacher said uh
  • 00:19:18
    maybe that there's too much you know I'm
  • 00:19:19
    now I'm not selected so I didn't know
  • 00:19:22
    the real reason until during the last
  • 00:19:26
    day of the school there's always the
  • 00:19:28
    parent teacher meet so um I keep
  • 00:19:31
    thinking like oh probably it was
  • 00:19:33
    actually maybe he's being shortlisted
  • 00:19:35
    then he's not being selected but after
  • 00:19:37
    that I realized he was actually being
  • 00:19:39
    selected but he this position was being
  • 00:19:42
    taken
  • 00:19:43
    away it was being taken away yeah why
  • 00:19:46
    because he and his friends because his
  • 00:19:49
    dad taught him how to fold boats paper
  • 00:19:51
    boats right yeah so what happened is he
  • 00:19:55
    taught his friends how to fold the paper
  • 00:19:57
    boats and they folded and they put these
  • 00:19:59
    paper boats into that little pond in the
  • 00:20:02
    school to see you know to play with it
  • 00:20:05
    and they were being got caught and they
  • 00:20:08
    were being
  • 00:20:09
    reprimanded and uh for him he was being
  • 00:20:12
    stripped off from that position as a
  • 00:20:15
    student leader wow that must be the big
  • 00:20:18
    scar for him for when young yes was
  • 00:20:22
    actually a big scarf for a child of 8y
  • 00:20:26
    old but he didn't know how to handle it
  • 00:20:29
    I mean my son I realized there's
  • 00:20:31
    actually a switch in the behavior yet
  • 00:20:35
    the teacher didn't know that this switch
  • 00:20:37
    it actually put a scar on him yeah you
  • 00:20:41
    know when he come back to me he actually
  • 00:20:42
    says that uh oh because uh now the
  • 00:20:45
    teacher say No need no need but he
  • 00:20:48
    didn't give me the whole story that
  • 00:20:50
    actually it was being taken away from
  • 00:20:53
    him when I heard this story I was very
  • 00:20:57
    upset now I was very upset because of a
  • 00:21:00
    few things it's not because this title
  • 00:21:02
    was being stripped off it's because why
  • 00:21:05
    is it that this is really a situation
  • 00:21:07
    where the school should have told me and
  • 00:21:09
    we handle it together with a child
  • 00:21:11
    because after that I realized a
  • 00:21:14
    different behavior in my son since then
  • 00:21:18
    my son always have the notion that I do
  • 00:21:22
    not get the things that I
  • 00:21:25
    want so there was this situation where
  • 00:21:28
    um when he was actually at I I can't
  • 00:21:31
    believe I can't remember it was like 12
  • 00:21:33
    or 13 years old we were supposed to go
  • 00:21:35
    for a his birthday
  • 00:21:37
    celebration and uh somehow the birthday
  • 00:21:41
    celebration screwed up from by the
  • 00:21:42
    restaurant the food didn't come it takes
  • 00:21:45
    very long so we decide you know not to
  • 00:21:47
    because after one hour the first daying
  • 00:21:49
    come was to packed we decided to go to
  • 00:21:51
    another place to celebrate and after he
  • 00:21:53
    start crying he start crying and he says
  • 00:21:56
    I and said no it's okay why do you cry
  • 00:21:59
    know he say after that he felt very sad
  • 00:22:01
    it's because he says I always do not get
  • 00:22:04
    the things that I want it always happens
  • 00:22:07
    to me I was so happy but it always
  • 00:22:10
    happens to me that the things that I
  • 00:22:12
    want I don't get it there was where I
  • 00:22:14
    start to realize one thing some of the
  • 00:22:17
    things that happened in him before does
  • 00:22:21
    have an impact on him but as parents we
  • 00:22:24
    need to know and this is the part I was
  • 00:22:27
    of course my heart breaks when uh I saw
  • 00:22:31
    him like this but there's a situation
  • 00:22:33
    where I start to realize that I need to
  • 00:22:36
    let him learn I I need to let him know
  • 00:22:39
    it's not the case that whatever that you
  • 00:22:41
    want it you can't have it you will be
  • 00:22:45
    able to have it I believe in the law of
  • 00:22:47
    attraction I believe in manifestation
  • 00:22:50
    but the key thing is you need to
  • 00:22:53
    understand this that you know we
  • 00:22:55
    definitely need to keep hustle we need
  • 00:22:57
    to keep hustling this is what I believe
  • 00:22:59
    NE and me are still doing right now we
  • 00:23:01
    are still hustling but the key the thing
  • 00:23:04
    is we might not get the results that we
  • 00:23:06
    want but it doesn't mean that there is
  • 00:23:09
    no result there is definitely results
  • 00:23:12
    it's just that probably the result is
  • 00:23:15
    not what we want we just need to know
  • 00:23:18
    this consequence this result what do we
  • 00:23:20
    learn from it so yeah that brings me to
  • 00:23:24
    even the birthday celebration I need to
  • 00:23:26
    explain to him I need to talk to him and
  • 00:23:28
    since then I am very careful of all this
  • 00:23:33
    that is in him to make sure that it
  • 00:23:36
    doesn't he doesn't bring it for life he
  • 00:23:38
    needs to learn from it and he needs to
  • 00:23:40
    know how to work hard at it and he needs
  • 00:23:42
    to know also one thing even though I
  • 00:23:44
    work very hard it doesn't mean I will
  • 00:23:47
    get that result that I want but it
  • 00:23:50
    doesn't mean there is no result you just
  • 00:23:53
    have to continue to do it and do it
  • 00:23:55
    better continuously learn that's the
  • 00:23:57
    situation
  • 00:23:59
    yeah yeah I I agree with you on the part
  • 00:24:02
    of how to explain to the kid that you
  • 00:24:05
    can work hard but doesn't mean you will
  • 00:24:07
    get something right because we live in
  • 00:24:10
    the world right now with the kid
  • 00:24:11
    watching stuff that people talk about
  • 00:24:15
    like thing like physical thing that you
  • 00:24:18
    will get reward or you will get success
  • 00:24:20
    in life and it's thanks for sharing
  • 00:24:24
    Pauling because I learned so much from
  • 00:24:25
    that story because I think it's a
  • 00:24:29
    all the mom will go through the same
  • 00:24:30
    thing when you busy to make a living you
  • 00:24:34
    want to have a connection with your kid
  • 00:24:37
    yes no excuses but it's not an easy
  • 00:24:40
    Journey especially the more you close
  • 00:24:43
    with a kid the harder for them to listen
  • 00:24:45
    to you right somehow the ear just closed
  • 00:24:49
    up because you are a parent talk that
  • 00:24:51
    situation is not is difficult is like I
  • 00:24:54
    also find that he didn't say that to me
  • 00:24:56
    is because he's afraid that Mommy will
  • 00:24:58
    be disappointed as well yeah right yeah
  • 00:25:01
    so he didn't want to say the real reason
  • 00:25:04
    that you know what Mommy I was actually
  • 00:25:06
    being punished by my school and that's
  • 00:25:10
    why and because I did this so that's the
  • 00:25:13
    reason why uh I was being stripped off
  • 00:25:16
    of the title yeah it's difficult for a
  • 00:25:19
    child to tell that to the mom yeah but
  • 00:25:22
    there this is something that we have to
  • 00:25:24
    understand and when I know about the
  • 00:25:26
    situation this is where as parents now
  • 00:25:30
    of course the typical parents I would
  • 00:25:32
    just think oh how come you never tell me
  • 00:25:34
    huh how come you're so naughty yeah you
  • 00:25:36
    did this luckily the teacher told me you
  • 00:25:38
    know da d d and things like that this is
  • 00:25:40
    one way we can handle it now what was
  • 00:25:42
    what will be the impact of a child now
  • 00:25:45
    another way we can choose wow this
  • 00:25:47
    situation happened understand the
  • 00:25:49
    psychic behind why did the child behave
  • 00:25:52
    in this way now they are only eight
  • 00:25:54
    years old they play by the pond they
  • 00:25:58
    play because they know a I mean this is
  • 00:26:00
    yeah a child before right I was just
  • 00:26:03
    also wondering why did why is the school
  • 00:26:05
    so strict on them in this okay yeah I
  • 00:26:08
    know it's kind of like misbehave this
  • 00:26:11
    they kind of like broke the school rules
  • 00:26:12
    I don't know whether there's a school
  • 00:26:13
    rule on that why didn't they do a
  • 00:26:16
    debrief the situation and let them learn
  • 00:26:19
    from it rather than just ship off the
  • 00:26:20
    title you know it's so they are children
  • 00:26:23
    and they're curious they're
  • 00:26:25
    experimenting something so this is Al
  • 00:26:28
    the case where we need to also share
  • 00:26:31
    with our children that I still Frankly
  • 00:26:35
    Speaking as a teacher I would encourage
  • 00:26:38
    them to do so but I will tell them the
  • 00:26:41
    danger of it I know that the school why
  • 00:26:43
    they don't ask them to do it because
  • 00:26:44
    it's a pond they may drop into the pond
  • 00:26:47
    and uh it's dangerous but the key is let
  • 00:26:51
    them know wow you folded a boat you take
  • 00:26:54
    a look the boat it actually floats on
  • 00:26:57
    water what do we learning from it right
  • 00:26:59
    how come a paper booat can float on
  • 00:27:02
    water so this is the science behind it
  • 00:27:05
    that they can learn but the situation
  • 00:27:07
    you also need to let them learn that you
  • 00:27:09
    know what you should not be doing this
  • 00:27:10
    in school why not although this is a
  • 00:27:14
    good experiment but there is danger to
  • 00:27:16
    it you need to understand you need to
  • 00:27:18
    keep yourself off from this Pond right
  • 00:27:21
    it is dangerous and da D things like
  • 00:27:23
    that have a deep breath from them teach
  • 00:27:25
    them let them know and when this has to
  • 00:27:28
    be stripped off I don't think it should
  • 00:27:30
    be done that way all I need to do is
  • 00:27:32
    this you know what Kenan my my boy's
  • 00:27:34
    name is Kenan this is a situation where
  • 00:27:37
    as a student leader you have to stop
  • 00:27:39
    them from doing so yeah so what should
  • 00:27:42
    you be doing this is a chance for him to
  • 00:27:45
    learn as a leader now what should he be
  • 00:27:48
    doing at this juncture I mean this is if
  • 00:27:51
    I'm a teacher I would do that yeah to
  • 00:27:53
    let him learn yes and that's where
  • 00:27:55
    resilient comes in yeah
  • 00:27:59
    you know the part of you mention is very
  • 00:28:01
    interesting for me and I realize that's
  • 00:28:04
    why it's so little hard to find leader
  • 00:28:06
    because we don't really have a structure
  • 00:28:09
    in school to guide the kid to be a
  • 00:28:11
    leader right because as the leader let's
  • 00:28:14
    let's be real like you are the leader
  • 00:28:16
    yourself and so do I now I learned one
  • 00:28:19
    thing that if you want the kid to be a
  • 00:28:21
    resilient and the leader with resilient
  • 00:28:25
    mindset yes you have to let them f fail
  • 00:28:28
    and you have to allow them to fail and
  • 00:28:31
    the only thing that you should do is not
  • 00:28:33
    punish but encourage them like it's okay
  • 00:28:35
    to fail and learn from that and let's
  • 00:28:37
    move on because I'm sorry that's how I'm
  • 00:28:39
    successed now I don't know how but but
  • 00:28:43
    but that's how leader learn right if you
  • 00:28:46
    if you punish them because they try
  • 00:28:48
    something new it actually stop them from
  • 00:28:53
    think something different yeah think
  • 00:28:56
    something like they depend on your order
  • 00:28:59
    to to to working right and if they have
  • 00:29:02
    to depend on your order they not a
  • 00:29:05
    leader right like we talk about that
  • 00:29:07
    concept like people talk a lot about oh
  • 00:29:09
    learn to be a leader and then it's so
  • 00:29:12
    easy to say it but when to done it is
  • 00:29:14
    tough it's very tough right yes I have
  • 00:29:17
    to say like my journey from the moment a
  • 00:29:19
    start speaking and listening and
  • 00:29:22
    understand the conversation or can hold
  • 00:29:24
    the conversation I very mindful about
  • 00:29:27
    what I'm saying to her to make her brain
  • 00:29:31
    to thing
  • 00:29:34
    yes and uh I agree with Pauline I think
  • 00:29:37
    resilient kid now is not about you can
  • 00:29:40
    work hard or tough or whatsoever I think
  • 00:29:43
    it's about inside did they confident
  • 00:29:45
    about thems and can they handle
  • 00:29:47
    situation and life
  • 00:29:51
    situation with or without parent right
  • 00:29:54
    because I think the the part of parent
  • 00:29:57
    always
  • 00:29:58
    too strict or too sticky to the the kid
  • 00:30:03
    it may not help so I will tell you
  • 00:30:06
    nearer story that I have my daugh that
  • 00:30:10
    she will and and we have a safe space to
  • 00:30:14
    share our uh conversation because I
  • 00:30:17
    that's what I bu for her and she start
  • 00:30:19
    asking me about
  • 00:30:20
    kidnapping oh what I know right she yeah
  • 00:30:25
    she only eight years old like she not
  • 00:30:27
    even at yeah she like six more month we
  • 00:30:30
    at and I think because the movie were
  • 00:30:33
    watching you know a lot of document
  • 00:30:36
    right now they talk about how the kid
  • 00:30:38
    get kidnapped or all the girl kidnapped
  • 00:30:41
    on nextflix and like how the how the
  • 00:30:45
    internet people kidnap on
  • 00:30:47
    internet and she start learning right
  • 00:30:49
    because she used EV and she asked me
  • 00:30:53
    Mommy if one day I fall in love with
  • 00:30:55
    someone and if my boyfriend kidnapped me
  • 00:30:58
    how do you help
  • 00:31:01
    me I know it's so tough and then for two
  • 00:31:05
    second I tell myself you know in in this
  • 00:31:08
    case if I'm in Vietnam you already get
  • 00:31:11
    one slap because to ask us C question
  • 00:31:15
    you know course we we start compare us
  • 00:31:18
    with her with when I young right like
  • 00:31:20
    it's noral I don't know how do but for
  • 00:31:22
    me every time she ask me something I
  • 00:31:24
    like not my boyfriend okay when I'm your
  • 00:31:28
    age I'm still go to the tree and block
  • 00:31:30
    the leav and play flower and you ask me
  • 00:31:33
    about this big question and I'm like
  • 00:31:37
    okay this what you raise her for prepare
  • 00:31:40
    for it now it's come
  • 00:31:42
    right now it's come so I I I refuse to
  • 00:31:46
    give her answer and I give her more
  • 00:31:48
    question you know that's our standard to
  • 00:31:50
    make her think I say so in that
  • 00:31:53
    situation can you think of that you
  • 00:31:55
    hungry can you ask the person phone for
  • 00:31:58
    you to call for food and when you call
  • 00:32:00
    for food let be smart you know let's
  • 00:32:02
    pretend that you call for police and
  • 00:32:05
    tell police to deliver your food how
  • 00:32:07
    about that right I suggest for her some
  • 00:32:09
    ideas oh that's very cool bab he tie me
  • 00:32:12
    in the cable and if like they give you
  • 00:32:15
    the full like they give you full
  • 00:32:18
    speed question they give you no room to
  • 00:32:22
    escape have you been been there
  • 00:32:24
    before so so I feel I feel trapped right
  • 00:32:28
    I like oh my God what do you need to
  • 00:32:31
    tell her now and then I will start bring
  • 00:32:33
    her to the next thing of you have to
  • 00:32:36
    trust your heart right your gut and
  • 00:32:38
    that's something you have to practice
  • 00:32:39
    because I don't know how to explain for
  • 00:32:41
    you gut but that's why sometime I ask
  • 00:32:44
    you where you're going and what you
  • 00:32:46
    doing not because I'm difficult or I'm
  • 00:32:49
    trying to control you I just want to
  • 00:32:51
    know the situation in case you need me
  • 00:32:55
    and then I lead her to build a trust and
  • 00:32:57
    I will ask her about if people tell you
  • 00:33:01
    if for example some stranger tell you
  • 00:33:02
    about if you tell it to your mom I will
  • 00:33:05
    kill you should you tell me because I
  • 00:33:07
    don't want to feed her if the question
  • 00:33:09
    answer she think for a few second I
  • 00:33:11
    think it hard for her to say yeah why
  • 00:33:15
    not why I I should tell you right
  • 00:33:18
    somebody tell me I should don't tell my
  • 00:33:19
    mom I should don't tell her but then she
  • 00:33:21
    say yeah maybe I should tell you I said
  • 00:33:24
    what what you mean maybe like I mean you
  • 00:33:27
    can decide to don't say then she like
  • 00:33:30
    yeah I used to think I should don't tell
  • 00:33:32
    you some sometimes something but now I
  • 00:33:34
    think about kidnap I think yeah I should
  • 00:33:36
    tell you and then yeah the conversation
  • 00:33:39
    going on and I teach her about
  • 00:33:41
    protection private part and so on but
  • 00:33:44
    I'm just say kid now grow up so quick
  • 00:33:47
    because of Technology yeah and then I
  • 00:33:51
    don't want her to feel like I'm
  • 00:33:53
    controlling because I'm not I'm just
  • 00:33:55
    want her to make sure that she's safe I
  • 00:33:58
    say you know I give you a lot of freedom
  • 00:34:01
    of can use Divi and all that she like
  • 00:34:04
    yeah Mommy thank you for that you know
  • 00:34:06
    my friend don't have that kind of going
  • 00:34:08
    out and freedom I say yeah because I
  • 00:34:10
    want you to face a situation early and
  • 00:34:13
    report to me and we sit down and we
  • 00:34:15
    discuss and we see how you can be
  • 00:34:19
    overcome from that and she start share
  • 00:34:22
    with me about like she play game and
  • 00:34:23
    have stranger on the
  • 00:34:26
    conversation and
  • 00:34:28
    you know like they exciting because new
  • 00:34:30
    people make friend talk joke and she say
  • 00:34:35
    oh now you tell me that then I I have to
  • 00:34:37
    be more be careful who I play game with
  • 00:34:40
    which that's what I want right you know
  • 00:34:42
    you cannot control the kid what they
  • 00:34:44
    play the end of day like one day she'll
  • 00:34:46
    be in the room she can lock the room you
  • 00:34:48
    know you can't and I tell her say yeah
  • 00:34:50
    that's the whole point I let you face it
  • 00:34:52
    early so you can experience so I think
  • 00:34:55
    another tip that I can share for parent
  • 00:34:57
    if work for me I don't know if other
  • 00:34:59
    parent work
  • 00:35:00
    is be honest to your kft and willing to
  • 00:35:04
    support them for example if she see the
  • 00:35:06
    girl on online dancing she will look at
  • 00:35:09
    my eyes and she will look at the girl
  • 00:35:11
    and she will look at my eyes and she
  • 00:35:12
    look at the girl because she know her
  • 00:35:14
    mom not doing all this she were like Mom
  • 00:35:16
    I like to dance like this can I dance in
  • 00:35:19
    the house you know so she were on the
  • 00:35:21
    music and she dance and I have a video
  • 00:35:24
    recording of that and I like oh my God
  • 00:35:27
    you know in my heart that's oh my God
  • 00:35:29
    but outside I'm like I I'm not supposed
  • 00:35:31
    to judge her you know because her
  • 00:35:35
    childhood it differ in my childhood
  • 00:35:37
    unless I bring her to the mountain and
  • 00:35:39
    start PL my own VES you know what I mean
  • 00:35:43
    like I cannot judge her it's it's so
  • 00:35:46
    wrong and I tell myself oh my God I come
  • 00:35:48
    to her I say yeah yeah just do whatever
  • 00:35:50
    you want and I realize that it's like we
  • 00:35:54
    have to be friend with enemy right so I
  • 00:35:56
    have to be friend with whoever that
  • 00:35:59
    doing this that I don't like to try to
  • 00:36:02
    understand and to let my kid experience
  • 00:36:04
    that until she realize this thing is
  • 00:36:06
    useless Mommy right but now I st her and
  • 00:36:09
    say this thing is useless I think she
  • 00:36:12
    will hate me right so I like okay I need
  • 00:36:15
    to step back I need to try to understand
  • 00:36:17
    why she like it why she like to it's
  • 00:36:20
    just a music it's just a sound it look
  • 00:36:22
    cool because people do it so I want to
  • 00:36:24
    do it right so
  • 00:36:27
    Ilan kid for me now is the toughness
  • 00:36:31
    only come from the emotional situation
  • 00:36:35
    you really face with
  • 00:36:37
    it and I think the only part of the
  • 00:36:41
    parent right now is create the
  • 00:36:43
    environment that many opportunity for
  • 00:36:45
    the kid can face the chance to be
  • 00:36:48
    resilient yes I was bring a to Vietnam
  • 00:36:52
    and like I shared with you last time the
  • 00:36:54
    first time I bring her to do charity I
  • 00:36:56
    was very nervous
  • 00:36:58
    I was worried that my kid was never see
  • 00:37:01
    poor children before or kid would not as
  • 00:37:05
    blessed at her I worry that she will not
  • 00:37:07
    kind to them or whatsoever all the story
  • 00:37:10
    come up in my brain until she face it
  • 00:37:13
    and she really be amazing person like
  • 00:37:17
    like like we say like you be a good role
  • 00:37:19
    model the kid will learn after you and
  • 00:37:22
    and I never thought of what have I
  • 00:37:25
    contribute that my kid can learn off
  • 00:37:27
    until that day I realize that oh she
  • 00:37:30
    know she know she see what I doing I
  • 00:37:33
    think she she finally understand it and
  • 00:37:36
    she apply what I doing and she take care
  • 00:37:39
    of the kid as much as I do and it make
  • 00:37:42
    me really feel touch and that's why I
  • 00:37:44
    more I'm more motivate when people tell
  • 00:37:46
    me what school holiday you bring her to
  • 00:37:49
    Village you should bring her go to
  • 00:37:51
    Europe right and for me it's like she
  • 00:37:54
    have a whole life to go Europe yes but I
  • 00:37:56
    don't think she have many opportunity to
  • 00:37:59
    to understand where her mom come from
  • 00:38:02
    and what her mom been doing and I want
  • 00:38:04
    to introduce her that first and one day
  • 00:38:08
    she can be resilient when she go
  • 00:38:10
    overseas in difficulty I tell you I let
  • 00:38:13
    her experience all sorts of thing you
  • 00:38:15
    know shower in the rain the rain shower
  • 00:38:18
    in the mark shower in the river wow
  • 00:38:23
    interesting yeah I bring her to the
  • 00:38:25
    stream where all the stor and it was
  • 00:38:28
    swimming there and I show her bamboo I
  • 00:38:31
    show her Farm she go to R she fall down
  • 00:38:35
    in the rice field
  • 00:38:37
    yeah and everything
  • 00:38:41
    is like it's not anything that Singapore
  • 00:38:45
    kid would share come back from school
  • 00:38:47
    holiday and I think the most interesting
  • 00:38:50
    thing is her school after the school
  • 00:38:53
    holiday the teacher will big F of
  • 00:38:55
    interesting School holiday story to
  • 00:38:58
    share on the screen and the teacher will
  • 00:39:01
    pick her story and they have a picture
  • 00:39:04
    of girl who singapor kid wear Nike shirt
  • 00:39:07
    Nik shirt standing on the on the rice
  • 00:39:11
    field of Vietnam and she were like she
  • 00:39:13
    come home and she tell me Mommy I will
  • 00:39:15
    tell them about they they so much that
  • 00:39:18
    don't know a lot of thing okay I will
  • 00:39:20
    tell them about how I harvest
  • 00:39:24
    watermelon yeah and they told me
  • 00:39:26
    watermelon come from they you see and I
  • 00:39:28
    tell them wrong watermelon is come from
  • 00:39:31
    the farm and I explain to them how the
  • 00:39:34
    watermelon tree look like how the
  • 00:39:36
    watermelon and because I let her show
  • 00:39:39
    her like corn rice watermelon sweet
  • 00:39:43
    potato where the vegetable come from
  • 00:39:45
    where the fish come from how do you have
  • 00:39:47
    food on table it's not come from and the
  • 00:39:50
    see it's come
  • 00:39:51
    from and I let her Harvest harvesting
  • 00:39:55
    the fruit you know like for the
  • 00:39:58
    and then she go and Cat the fish and do
  • 00:40:01
    the seafood for real so it's for her
  • 00:40:03
    it's like oh it's not come from n see
  • 00:40:06
    it's come from fair price right and and
  • 00:40:10
    I think it's for me as a farmer or like
  • 00:40:14
    a village kid right for me it's like why
  • 00:40:17
    do you don't know where rice come from
  • 00:40:19
    because we don't have you know like a n
  • 00:40:22
    and sick we talk about that right the
  • 00:40:23
    kid grow here if the whole life they see
  • 00:40:25
    the rice come from the rice back it I
  • 00:40:28
    think that's right they would never
  • 00:40:29
    think that Rice really come from a real
  • 00:40:32
    tree and for and for her to see the
  • 00:40:35
    whole process of the rice yellow piece
  • 00:40:38
    become take off the shell outside and
  • 00:40:41
    become the rice wow that's where the
  • 00:40:45
    rice come from that's so cool right and
  • 00:40:48
    then I'll have to explain with this
  • 00:40:50
    yellow thing if you don't take out you
  • 00:40:51
    can raise the next uh feel of the rice
  • 00:40:55
    like wow that's so
  • 00:40:58
    you should see kid when they they
  • 00:41:00
    figured out something for the first time
  • 00:41:02
    this where come from oh my God you know
  • 00:41:06
    so I I'm I'm committed to give her more
  • 00:41:09
    opportunity to learn about real Stu for
  • 00:41:11
    the next few year even chicken right yes
  • 00:41:14
    she see people kill chicken for the
  • 00:41:16
    first time in front of her eyes she was
  • 00:41:18
    like yeah Mommy this how the chicken
  • 00:41:21
    come for me to eat chicken rice because
  • 00:41:23
    she always love chicken rice in
  • 00:41:24
    Singapore so she don't know how where
  • 00:41:27
    the chicken come from for be chicken
  • 00:41:29
    rice and yeah you have to catch the
  • 00:41:31
    chicken you have to kill the chicken and
  • 00:41:33
    you really have to cook the chicken and
  • 00:41:35
    then you boil the chicken and then you
  • 00:41:37
    cook with the r quite a process and she
  • 00:41:40
    like oh my God poor
  • 00:41:43
    chicken yeah yeah yeah yeah but they
  • 00:41:47
    have to face it they have to face it and
  • 00:41:49
    I think the emotional strength of break
  • 00:41:52
    the TRU that you know is true is no
  • 00:41:55
    longer true I think that's
  • 00:41:58
    that's a resilient we have to be for the
  • 00:42:00
    kid as well yes right because other part
  • 00:42:03
    of the world your reality and your true
  • 00:42:07
    may not true yeah the key thing is I
  • 00:42:11
    think we need to address one key person
  • 00:42:13
    in this part of raising resilient kids
  • 00:42:16
    and this person is none other than
  • 00:42:19
    parents ourselves yes I always ask this
  • 00:42:22
    question for parents ourself are we even
  • 00:42:26
    res
  • 00:42:27
    enough yes to raise resilient kids right
  • 00:42:31
    well we are talking about resilient kids
  • 00:42:32
    but s to say uh because probably I live
  • 00:42:36
    in a very blessed fortunate country and
  • 00:42:38
    in this era I mean I grew up in the 70s
  • 00:42:42
    80s uh this era and uh parents right now
  • 00:42:47
    maybe for young children probably you
  • 00:42:49
    are born we are born in the 70s in 80s
  • 00:42:52
    in Singapore and at the juncture already
  • 00:42:54
    Singapore is in the developing stage
  • 00:42:57
    yeah so when you talk about resilience I
  • 00:42:59
    would also say one thing after the
  • 00:43:01
    independence of Singapore uh I mean h
  • 00:43:04
    our forefathers our leaders have built
  • 00:43:06
    this country so well with the good
  • 00:43:08
    education with a good infrastructure uh
  • 00:43:11
    good housing the basic needs are being
  • 00:43:14
    taken care of when we were since we were
  • 00:43:16
    young so yeah I would just say one thing
  • 00:43:18
    also because I work with people in my
  • 00:43:21
    generation I really doubt frankly how
  • 00:43:25
    they raise resident kids
  • 00:43:27
    because even we ourselves need to have
  • 00:43:31
    situation for us to be resilient like
  • 00:43:33
    what just has mentioned H she grows up
  • 00:43:36
    in a very different environment that's
  • 00:43:38
    why she knows if she were to fail were
  • 00:43:41
    to fall she knows how to climb up climb
  • 00:43:44
    back up and recover very fast I believe
  • 00:43:48
    for those who have heard how uh covid
  • 00:43:51
    has hit her very hard you know and
  • 00:43:54
    during that situation how she actually
  • 00:43:55
    survive with a few hundred start her
  • 00:43:59
    business okay and then today grow this
  • 00:44:02
    business into having like 800 employees
  • 00:44:07
    multi companies and it's so successful
  • 00:44:10
    digital technology company now in just
  • 00:44:13
    four years I want to ask this question
  • 00:44:16
    maybe you are an employee yourself you
  • 00:44:19
    have not started to be entrepreneu yet
  • 00:44:22
    are you able to handle such situation
  • 00:44:25
    are you able to even start a business
  • 00:44:27
    knowing that you are left with only a
  • 00:44:29
    few hundred would you be using that few
  • 00:44:32
    hundred to buy the last you know milk to
  • 00:44:36
    my buy milk powder for your children or
  • 00:44:38
    you rather choose to use it in really
  • 00:44:42
    build up your business or thinking of
  • 00:44:44
    ways how you can start to build a
  • 00:44:46
    business but a lot of singaporeans in
  • 00:44:50
    this
  • 00:44:50
    situation the adults that I know are
  • 00:44:54
    facing with this situation very common
  • 00:44:56
    work in a company for many years did not
  • 00:44:59
    like the company in a situation where
  • 00:45:02
    they are not growing themselves and they
  • 00:45:04
    don't even want to grow why what's like
  • 00:45:06
    what's the point okay and uh complaining
  • 00:45:10
    about bosses about the companies
  • 00:45:13
    complaining about situation that like
  • 00:45:16
    they cannot get out of this red race yet
  • 00:45:21
    they want to be one of the Reds to be
  • 00:45:23
    keep on running so in this situation my
  • 00:45:25
    question to the parents is that is how
  • 00:45:27
    then have you set a good example for
  • 00:45:29
    your children for your kids to be
  • 00:45:31
    resilient because when things come when
  • 00:45:34
    let's say I have so many of my friends
  • 00:45:35
    being
  • 00:45:36
    retrenched right in because we are in
  • 00:45:38
    the 40s late 40s 50s being retrenched
  • 00:45:41
    cannot find jobs when I take a look at
  • 00:45:43
    their attitude said to say I used to be
  • 00:45:46
    a listed company executive director I
  • 00:45:48
    would say also one thing I'm sorry when
  • 00:45:51
    I see you I won't want to employ you as
  • 00:45:53
    well why because you are not resilient
  • 00:45:56
    in enough as well when the company
  • 00:45:59
    because you know situation in company
  • 00:46:01
    companies are we we are businesses that
  • 00:46:04
    is facing the real thing which is well
  • 00:46:07
    customers are they going to buy my
  • 00:46:09
    products or Services is there going to
  • 00:46:11
    be businesses right how do I develop the
  • 00:46:14
    new technology how do I be more
  • 00:46:16
    productive how do I be more Innovative
  • 00:46:19
    you know things like that every day
  • 00:46:21
    things change so fast that we need to be
  • 00:46:23
    resilient as parents ourselves as adults
  • 00:46:26
    ourselves but are we there yet are we
  • 00:46:29
    really doing the things and being the
  • 00:46:31
    good real model the role model for our
  • 00:46:34
    children so even parents and maybe I
  • 00:46:37
    want want to ask you this question are
  • 00:46:39
    you resilient enough are you able to
  • 00:46:42
    accept failure in your own life and
  • 00:46:45
    climb up recover from it not to say you
  • 00:46:49
    know you want to raise resilient kids
  • 00:46:51
    but for parents ourselves am I prepared
  • 00:46:53
    to do so I will say anytime for me I
  • 00:46:56
    believe KN also say anytime for her and
  • 00:46:59
    that's the situation we are not afraid
  • 00:47:02
    of things go wrong in fact we are very
  • 00:47:07
    uncomfortable when we becomes
  • 00:47:10
    comfortable yes me I'm not sure whether
  • 00:47:12
    me you are like that yeah I agree I
  • 00:47:14
    agree if I feel the peace is like for
  • 00:47:17
    three month I will start like oh my God
  • 00:47:19
    the big stor is coming what's going on
  • 00:47:22
    right I I I feel peaceful doesn't mean I
  • 00:47:25
    like create drama problem but the truth
  • 00:47:27
    is we have to grow and grow is
  • 00:47:31
    uncomfort yes grow is uncomfortable and
  • 00:47:34
    and you can't run away from that
  • 00:47:37
    precisely and the thing is people stop
  • 00:47:39
    growing because I'm happy with my life
  • 00:47:41
    right now I'm comfortable with it
  • 00:47:42
    nothing wrong what yes I know nothing is
  • 00:47:45
    wrong but the key question is you know
  • 00:47:48
    in Chinese we have this uh in Chinese
  • 00:47:50
    what we say wa that means when it's in
  • 00:47:54
    peace are you prepared for any crisis to
  • 00:47:58
    come are you ready for it right so this
  • 00:48:01
    is the key thing that I would always got
  • 00:48:03
    to ask myself when I get very
  • 00:48:05
    comfortable with the situation that I'm
  • 00:48:07
    in like especially in my career Frankly
  • 00:48:09
    Speaking I will rock it I know it's
  • 00:48:12
    there situations that says if it ends
  • 00:48:14
    broken don't fix it right but it is a
  • 00:48:18
    case of now if I get so complacent so
  • 00:48:21
    comfortable the next question I ask
  • 00:48:23
    myself am I growing so if I I am not for
  • 00:48:27
    some time I will get a little bit
  • 00:48:30
    worried because if there are new
  • 00:48:33
    situations that come along am I ready to
  • 00:48:35
    handle it that's the key thing yeah so
  • 00:48:38
    this is where if I'm always in that
  • 00:48:41
    situation if this is how I behave I
  • 00:48:44
    believe my kids will be able to behave
  • 00:48:47
    in that way as well so this is how I
  • 00:48:49
    mentioned you know we always like to say
  • 00:48:52
    this right we become the role model we
  • 00:48:54
    lead by example so that's where I will
  • 00:48:58
    have this this Behavior yeah yeah I I
  • 00:49:03
    agree with you so much on that because I
  • 00:49:06
    have seen how much I've
  • 00:49:10
    been I mean like I I I not used to
  • 00:49:13
    believe that oh by take care of the kid
  • 00:49:17
    I need to be resilient I back then I the
  • 00:49:19
    same like other parent I was use what I
  • 00:49:22
    know to raise a kid I will always
  • 00:49:24
    protective I will always like very
  • 00:49:28
    micromanage or yes basically call it
  • 00:49:31
    always anxiety kind mom way before back
  • 00:49:34
    then I'm just give birth for the baby
  • 00:49:36
    and I would the only thing I worry she
  • 00:49:38
    may die or whatsoever yeah yeah yeah
  • 00:49:40
    yeah I go through that crisis in my life
  • 00:49:43
    the divorce the covid and it make me
  • 00:49:47
    become a a different person and
  • 00:49:49
    different perspective and exactly like
  • 00:49:51
    you say when you left $0000 and not even
  • 00:49:54
    your real money it's 00
  • 00:49:57
    credit card that you already being de
  • 00:49:59
    heavily right yes how do you recovery
  • 00:50:01
    from that it mean you know after this
  • 00:50:03
    $0000 which is you borrow for the bank
  • 00:50:06
    and that's
  • 00:50:07
    it and it bring me to the back to my
  • 00:50:11
    childhood that's why I say I want to
  • 00:50:13
    show her where my childhood is because
  • 00:50:15
    at this moment my childhood come back
  • 00:50:17
    come back to me and I remember I just
  • 00:50:20
    eat rice and fish sauce and then I'm
  • 00:50:23
    survived and I tell myself why do I have
  • 00:50:26
    to
  • 00:50:27
    make a lot of story about oh my God she
  • 00:50:30
    won't have a life like other children in
  • 00:50:32
    Singapore you know she won't have good
  • 00:50:34
    clothes and good food or
  • 00:50:36
    whatsoever because I compare her with
  • 00:50:39
    standard of Singapore right I'm not
  • 00:50:42
    compare her with the standard of
  • 00:50:44
    Vietnamese with Vietnamese she is
  • 00:50:47
    freaking blessed right and then it bring
  • 00:50:50
    my back to me my reality and I can focus
  • 00:50:53
    to make money without care what other
  • 00:50:56
    people say even I remember when I buy
  • 00:50:59
    start buy egg with cheaper price buy
  • 00:51:02
    rice with cheaper price and my helper
  • 00:51:05
    were like oh you want her to eat like us
  • 00:51:07
    already because me and Maya will eat
  • 00:51:09
    cheap product and buy forever expensive
  • 00:51:12
    thing and I tell her I
  • 00:51:14
    say yeah she just have to leave how you
  • 00:51:17
    and me live in your country and in my
  • 00:51:19
    country I cannot afford anymore but I'm
  • 00:51:22
    working toward there and too bad the
  • 00:51:24
    whole family have to experience together
  • 00:51:27
    and you know my helper also come from a
  • 00:51:30
    Indonesia Countryside so she okay to
  • 00:51:33
    have a few month of not privileged car
  • 00:51:35
    of food but for the kid for her as she
  • 00:51:39
    like a bigger mother than me you know
  • 00:51:41
    like she like yeah but putting her I say
  • 00:51:43
    don't worry she won't be putting she
  • 00:51:45
    don't even remember anywhere it just a
  • 00:51:47
    what a big deal she cannot taste a
  • 00:51:49
    difference we just us it's just us with
  • 00:51:51
    our story that we think is a big deal
  • 00:51:55
    right and and I go through that and I
  • 00:51:58
    realize that oh actually not that
  • 00:52:00
    difficult and two day ago I asked Eva
  • 00:52:03
    about what is the most memory thing that
  • 00:52:06
    you remember between you and me at the
  • 00:52:08
    moment you can remember thing and
  • 00:52:11
    everything that she
  • 00:52:13
    share nothing she mentioned a word of
  • 00:52:16
    money nothing it just Mom you cook for
  • 00:52:20
    me fire rise you bring me to Vietnam you
  • 00:52:23
    bring me to go swimming pool you bring
  • 00:52:25
    me go viewing you you let me play in the
  • 00:52:27
    rain you let me play play in The Mark
  • 00:52:30
    you let me go and harvest vable and she
  • 00:52:34
    mentioned every memory of I let her try
  • 00:52:37
    something new right and in nothing about
  • 00:52:40
    how much money you make or whatsoever
  • 00:52:42
    and I realize we as a parent we have the
  • 00:52:45
    story in our head about how much money
  • 00:52:48
    you should bring on the
  • 00:52:50
    table then the kid will be protected and
  • 00:52:54
    have a lot of resources to to be success
  • 00:52:58
    and resilient right I I don't don't get
  • 00:53:00
    me wrong we still need this you know we
  • 00:53:03
    still need this safety in Singapore but
  • 00:53:05
    to be resilient is a a little bit of
  • 00:53:09
    sacrify as a parent remove the protector
  • 00:53:13
    part of us to let the kid taste certain
  • 00:53:16
    thing in life let them and and at least
  • 00:53:19
    they face it in front of you in front of
  • 00:53:21
    your eyes that you can support them then
  • 00:53:24
    you can guide them then you can explain
  • 00:53:26
    to them and I mean you cannot like
  • 00:53:30
    support them or guide them if you gone
  • 00:53:34
    right so if if today you goone just
  • 00:53:36
    think about that how they will think for
  • 00:53:39
    themsel how they will deal with their
  • 00:53:41
    life and for me is the most selfish
  • 00:53:43
    thing can think of is oh if I die that I
  • 00:53:47
    don't have to think about it then the
  • 00:53:48
    kid have to deal it by themsel right
  • 00:53:50
    it's like a compound interest we're
  • 00:53:52
    talking about this a Compound Effect yes
  • 00:53:55
    if you ref to teach them and when you
  • 00:53:58
    laugh their life will be worse even you
  • 00:54:01
    don't see them it's not going to get
  • 00:54:05
    better but I think for for for Pauline
  • 00:54:07
    kid and for my kid I believe I'm and I
  • 00:54:10
    confident that they will remember every
  • 00:54:13
    sentence that we tell them about think
  • 00:54:14
    about this how do you do this if if not
  • 00:54:17
    me and how is you how do you deal with
  • 00:54:20
    this situation and I think they were
  • 00:54:22
    thankful for us that we allow them to
  • 00:54:24
    think for themselves m
  • 00:54:27
    yeah and I think that's the most
  • 00:54:28
    important skill as well I have so you
  • 00:54:32
    know we let we always talk about um you
  • 00:54:36
    have to live your life you have to build
  • 00:54:37
    your life and you have to create your
  • 00:54:39
    life right we always talk about that so
  • 00:54:41
    from Young I've been PL that se in AA
  • 00:54:44
    head about that and the other day she
  • 00:54:47
    will learn from chat gbt how to learn
  • 00:54:49
    another language so she want to learn
  • 00:54:52
    Vietnamese because she want to start
  • 00:54:53
    talk to her fan in Vietnam I never f to
  • 00:54:56
    learn Vietnamese because I think she
  • 00:54:58
    learned Mandarin and English quite take
  • 00:55:00
    a lot of time right now and I don't want
  • 00:55:02
    her to distract by that and I just let
  • 00:55:04
    her free of will you want you want to
  • 00:55:06
    learn you learn and she learned by
  • 00:55:08
    herself and she use Google Translate she
  • 00:55:10
    use chat gbt and she start use it like
  • 00:55:13
    manually and learning and reading and
  • 00:55:16
    she start speak Vietnamese sound very
  • 00:55:18
    cute and I will I will tell her I like
  • 00:55:21
    oh my God Eva you learn so fast you know
  • 00:55:23
    and you know kid at this age they like a
  • 00:55:25
    spun and and I tell her I say ever one
  • 00:55:28
    day Mommy grow older if I lazy learn can
  • 00:55:31
    you can you force me can you that can
  • 00:55:33
    you tell me mommy you need to learn more
  • 00:55:35
    because I so I so scared next time you
  • 00:55:38
    will learn so fast and I will left
  • 00:55:40
    behind and I start don't understand you
  • 00:55:42
    and I still want to understand you can
  • 00:55:44
    you support mommy on it and I'm say that
  • 00:55:46
    and she like no Mommy I'm not going to
  • 00:55:48
    do it and I was shocked I were like huh
  • 00:55:52
    why you don't want to help me and this
  • 00:55:55
    what she tell me
  • 00:55:56
    she
  • 00:55:57
    say I want you to live a life that you
  • 00:56:00
    want Mommy so if the life you want that
  • 00:56:03
    you don't want to learn it's okay okay I
  • 00:56:06
    will never ask you to do anything
  • 00:56:08
    because you tell me the same you let me
  • 00:56:10
    live my life you give me Freedom you've
  • 00:56:13
    been giving me a lot of opportunity to
  • 00:56:16
    do what I like so when you grow old I
  • 00:56:18
    will let you do what you like okay so
  • 00:56:20
    don't worry you can live your life and
  • 00:56:23
    it hit me hard because I were like I
  • 00:56:26
    would never think it's come from you you
  • 00:56:29
    know and I would never think whatever
  • 00:56:32
    I've been tell you from Young because
  • 00:56:33
    she was so doubt about I need to make my
  • 00:56:36
    mom happy I need to make my father happy
  • 00:56:38
    and I always tell her I say your only
  • 00:56:40
    job is figure out what you want in your
  • 00:56:42
    life and make yourself happy that's the
  • 00:56:45
    best gift you can give to Mommy figure
  • 00:56:47
    out what you love to do live your life
  • 00:56:49
    and you don't have to worry about like
  • 00:56:52
    me and your dad divorce or what you know
  • 00:56:54
    it's nothing to do with you you know you
  • 00:56:55
    have your own life our divorce have
  • 00:56:59
    nothing to do with you and you should
  • 00:57:01
    continue the journey to figure out what
  • 00:57:02
    you love and live your life so I been
  • 00:57:04
    always say that to her and when I hear
  • 00:57:07
    it back from her it just hit me hard
  • 00:57:10
    because I realize oh it's working if you
  • 00:57:14
    persist long enough to plant the seed of
  • 00:57:17
    your belief to your kid and that's
  • 00:57:19
    belief have to be right I don't know
  • 00:57:22
    right or wrong everybody would Define
  • 00:57:24
    different but for me yeah if I don't
  • 00:57:27
    want her to live a life I live then I
  • 00:57:28
    should don't give her that information I
  • 00:57:31
    should give her a different kind of
  • 00:57:33
    information
  • 00:57:34
    and yeah I and that's is just a few day
  • 00:57:38
    ago so that's why I see fresh memory for
  • 00:57:41
    me to share
  • 00:57:44
    but it interesting how you demonstrate
  • 00:57:47
    and you show and the kid really copy so
  • 00:57:49
    parent that's what I will share that you
  • 00:57:52
    have to be resilient yourself first and
  • 00:57:54
    you have to and first the first
  • 00:57:56
    resilience you should practice is let
  • 00:57:59
    your kid fail yeah now also we can say
  • 00:58:03
    that as adults we also need to let the
  • 00:58:05
    kids know is we also let ourself I would
  • 00:58:07
    say fail not so like big word and
  • 00:58:11
    Frankly Speaking I never use this word
  • 00:58:14
    failure yeah I I I thought what what is
  • 00:58:16
    failure you know what do you mean I fail
  • 00:58:19
    as the only word fail is used by
  • 00:58:23
    teachers to say that you're supposed to
  • 00:58:24
    hit 100 marks but now you have 49 and
  • 00:58:28
    you know 50 49 and below so it means
  • 00:58:30
    fail because there's a markeing system
  • 00:58:33
    but I'm sorry in life there's no 100
  • 00:58:36
    marks right a lot of things that we we
  • 00:58:39
    do there is no 100 upon a 100 so the
  • 00:58:43
    real situation the real thing in life is
  • 00:58:46
    there is no such thing as failure to me
  • 00:58:49
    okay it is all about okay we are going
  • 00:58:52
    to do something the result may not be
  • 00:58:54
    what we want or what we expected we have
  • 00:58:56
    not hit the results that we want so what
  • 00:58:58
    do we do about it what can we do more
  • 00:59:00
    about it or is it because we should not
  • 00:59:03
    be doing it so this is what I always
  • 00:59:06
    would it will always come rather than oh
  • 00:59:08
    I do this it's not hitting the result
  • 00:59:09
    that means I fail no that should not be
  • 00:59:13
    the case we cannot stamp everything you
  • 00:59:16
    know into past fail past who is there to
  • 00:59:19
    say what is a pass and what is a fail
  • 00:59:22
    right that's why in my children Also
  • 00:59:25
    let's say my son just an exam I said oh
  • 00:59:27
    because uh like yesterday was his last
  • 00:59:30
    paper all all right and then the day
  • 00:59:32
    before there was another paper so he
  • 00:59:34
    said oh I didn't write the paper and
  • 00:59:36
    then he keep thinking of the previous
  • 00:59:38
    paper right I say no no no think of the
  • 00:59:41
    the next one okay the previous is over
  • 00:59:44
    right there's nothing that you can do
  • 00:59:46
    about it you have done what you have
  • 00:59:48
    done whether you have done your best or
  • 00:59:49
    not you know it yourself right now you
  • 00:59:52
    just have to accept the results so right
  • 00:59:54
    now you actually focus on the next paper
  • 00:59:57
    and do well in it and after the next
  • 00:59:59
    paper yesterday he came and say I don't
  • 01:00:01
    think I have done well it's okay so what
  • 01:00:04
    you're going to do is I'm going to fight
  • 01:00:06
    for the next one you see so what is over
  • 01:00:09
    is over we learn from it yeah if really
  • 01:00:12
    we have not done our best we know it
  • 01:00:14
    ourself just continue to see how we can
  • 01:00:18
    do better and I always know one thing
  • 01:00:21
    regarding myself and for my kids I also
  • 01:00:24
    always also say this the Best Is Yet To
  • 01:00:27
    Come we are always in the best situation
  • 01:00:30
    right now at this juncture yet we can
  • 01:00:33
    always be better the next moment yeah so
  • 01:00:37
    I hope I can leave this with you for
  • 01:00:38
    today this topic I think that's it for
  • 01:00:42
    today guy oh my God thank you so much
  • 01:00:44
    good
  • 01:00:45
    information and I hope that we we help
  • 01:00:48
    you something for tip of how leader as
  • 01:00:52
    us raise kid so maybe you can add some
  • 01:00:55
    value for your life
  • 01:00:56
    and yes we will see you in the next
  • 01:00:59
    episode with me
  • 01:01:01
    and thank you so much if you love what
  • 01:01:05
    you've been watching if you love all the
  • 01:01:07
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Tags
  • Resilience
  • Children's Day
  • Parenting
  • Emotional Growth
  • Cultural Differences
  • Independence
  • Failure
  • Learning
  • Adaptation
  • Role Models