00:00:02
we all have
00:00:04
narratives pieces of fiction stories
00:00:08
about ourselves other people in our
00:00:11
lives the environment our society
00:00:14
culture personal history General history
00:00:18
our nation we
00:00:20
surrounded by an Ambiance of dozens of
00:00:23
stories and we comport
00:00:26
ourselves we direct our conduct we
00:00:30
experience
00:00:32
reality everything subjective and
00:00:35
objective is mediated via these
00:00:38
narratives these story boards determine
00:00:41
not only who we are but also how we
00:00:45
behave what we think how we
00:00:49
emote narratives are very powerful
00:00:53
organizing structural
00:00:56
principles but as usual
00:01:00
as usual with patients with cluster B
00:01:02
personality disorders there's a problem
00:01:06
with the
00:01:07
narrative whereas each and every one of
00:01:10
us has a dominant narrative at any given
00:01:13
time narratives can change but at any
00:01:16
given time regarding a specific issue a
00:01:19
specific person a specific situation a
00:01:22
specific circumstance we have a dominant
00:01:26
narrative and that narrative dictates
00:01:29
everything
00:01:30
organizes makes sense of life imbus it
00:01:33
with meaning and directs us guides us
00:01:37
provides purpose aims and goals one
00:01:41
narrative at a
00:01:44
time people would not with cluster B
00:01:47
personality disorders have multiple
00:01:51
simultaneous
00:01:53
narratives they have if you wish a
00:01:56
fragmented narrative landscape
00:02:00
and a propo fragmented my name is s
00:02:02
vaknin I am a professor of Clinical
00:02:06
Psychology and the author about the
00:02:09
author of the first book about
00:02:11
narcissistic abuse ever malignant
00:02:15
self-love narcissism Revisited and with
00:02:18
this particular narrative let's delve
00:02:22
right in Deep
00:02:24
dive people with
00:02:27
disorganized erratic personalities
00:02:31
also known as cluster B
00:02:34
personalities personality disorders the
00:02:37
very word disorder tells you everything
00:02:40
you need to know these people create
00:02:45
simultaneous but mutually exclusive
00:02:48
narratives of Their Lives why do they do
00:02:52
that why healthy normal people have a
00:02:56
single dominant narrative at any given
00:02:59
time and find it more than adequate more
00:03:03
than sufficient while people with
00:03:05
cluster B personality disorders need to
00:03:08
come up with a plethora with a
00:03:11
multiplicity of narratives and what's
00:03:14
worse these narratives are incompatible
00:03:17
they don't sit well together
00:03:19
ironically the reason cluster B
00:03:22
disordered people do that is because
00:03:26
they experience constantly dis
00:03:31
mons personality disorders especially
00:03:33
cluster B personality disorders are
00:03:36
forms of an inner battle an internal
00:03:40
conflict which is
00:03:42
unresolvable in any normal way in any
00:03:46
healthy way because the roots and
00:03:49
foundations of this conflict this
00:03:51
internal conflict are pathological
00:03:53
they're not embedded actually in
00:03:56
reality so what happens is whenever
00:04:00
The Narcissist or the borderline the
00:04:02
psychopath or the hisonic and even I
00:04:05
would add the schizoid and schizoo and
00:04:07
the paranoid whenever they feel torn
00:04:12
apart by internal conflict what they do
00:04:16
they come up with multiple narratives
00:04:19
each narrative caters to a horn of the
00:04:23
Dilemma each narrative caters to one of
00:04:26
the Waring factions each narrative
00:04:30
adheres to and is intended to somehow
00:04:34
mitigate and amarate the conflict and
00:04:37
the anxiety so each each narrative
00:04:39
aderes to a specific combatant a
00:04:43
specific participants participant in the
00:04:46
conflict so people with cluster B
00:04:48
personality disorders and other
00:04:50
personality disorders I've mentioned
00:04:52
they constantly generate narratives they
00:04:55
are like The Neverending Story they they
00:04:59
constantly come up with narratives
00:05:01
constantly come up with plots and
00:05:04
storylines and conspiracies and so on so
00:05:07
forth all of these are intended to make
00:05:10
sense of the feeling of dissonant
00:05:13
conflict within them if you have three
00:05:17
narratives and each of these narratives
00:05:20
takes care of another element in the
00:05:22
conflict another side or party to the
00:05:25
conflict then somehow perhaps you can
00:05:28
restore inner piece equilibrium and
00:05:34
homeostasis but these narratives as I've
00:05:36
said represent different sides of a
00:05:41
conflict the consequences that these
00:05:45
narratives don't fit together they tend
00:05:48
to negate each other contradict each
00:05:50
other undermine each other challenge
00:05:53
each other and paradoxically what
00:05:57
happens is the the narratives are
00:06:00
intended to somehow control the internal
00:06:03
conflict somehow ameliorate it mitigate
00:06:07
it reduce it reframe it do something
00:06:10
about it and yet the narratives
00:06:14
themselves generate secondary conflicts
00:06:18
the narratives themselves Clash the
00:06:21
narratives themselves break the
00:06:23
personality even further
00:06:25
fragmented as so many hand
00:06:28
grenades and
00:06:30
so while originally they meant to manage
00:06:35
dissonance they actually Ed to it and
00:06:38
generate generate new clashes new
00:06:42
skirmishes new dissonances both
00:06:45
internal and external with reality
00:06:49
because many of these narratives are
00:06:52
counterfactual they're not grounded they
00:06:55
don't derive from any observation of
00:06:57
facts from any theorizing about the
00:06:59
external World many of these people
00:07:02
people with clust Tob personality
00:07:04
disorders are unable to gauge and
00:07:09
appraise reality
00:07:11
correctly or they are unable to
00:07:13
recognize the externality and
00:07:15
separateness of other people they're
00:07:18
unable to other them othering failure
00:07:22
and so these narratives are divorced
00:07:24
from reality and external and internal
00:07:29
and they clash with reality external and
00:07:33
internal and this adds to the tension
00:07:36
the stress and the anxiety rather than
00:07:39
reduce them these narratives are not
00:07:42
anxiolytic on the very contrary they
00:07:45
generate depression anxiety acting out
00:07:50
aggression externalized and
00:07:53
internalized and they may lead
00:07:54
ultimately to substance abuse and other
00:07:57
forms of self-destructiveness this
00:07:59
narrative
00:08:00
are the equivalent of self States in my
00:08:04
work and the equivalent equivalent of
00:08:07
multiple personalities in the old
00:08:09
conception of dissociative identity
00:08:11
disorders it's there are kind these
00:08:13
narratives are kind of sub personalities
00:08:16
they have a life of their own they are
00:08:19
like ego States or self States they have
00:08:22
a life of their own they have their own
00:08:25
Dynamics they have a beginning and an
00:08:27
end they have a history and they
00:08:29
generate
00:08:31
internal processes
00:08:33
psychodynamics that lead to outcomes
00:08:36
behavioral outcomes emotional outcomes
00:08:38
cognitive outcomes and so these
00:08:41
narratives are not passive they are
00:08:46
proactive Dynamic entities you can
00:08:50
imagine the internal mess and chaos and
00:08:54
Havoc that this creates are magedon
00:08:57
personified
00:08:59
examples of such
00:09:01
narratives I am not disordered I am
00:09:05
perfectly normal that's a narrative or I
00:09:10
have a loving family or I'm a good
00:09:14
person or I'm a bad person I'm a
00:09:17
psychopath or I'm promiscuous or I'm
00:09:21
capable of great love these are all
00:09:25
narratives what happens when these
00:09:28
narratives are undermined by reality to
00:09:30
such an extent then that no amount of
00:09:34
filtering and no number of
00:09:36
membranes and no form of active
00:09:39
dissociation and denial
00:09:42
work reality is too much intrudes
00:09:45
invades and overwhelms The Narrative The
00:09:49
Narrative collapses what happens when
00:09:52
this what happens then what's the next
00:09:55
step when these narratives collapse
00:09:59
the disordered the personality
00:10:01
disordered
00:10:02
person allocates the narratives to other
00:10:06
people he kind kind of gets rid of them
00:10:10
by projecting them or actually more
00:10:12
precisely he uses or she uses projective
00:10:17
identification the person with
00:10:18
personality disorder the patient with
00:10:21
personality disorder has multiple
00:10:24
narratives they're counterfactual
00:10:27
they're not grounded in reality and they
00:10:28
often collapse
00:10:29
under their own weight they are so
00:10:32
fictional so imaginary so
00:10:36
exaggerated that sooner or later they
00:10:39
crumble in the face of evidence or owing
00:10:43
to some interaction with someone this is
00:10:45
known as narcissistic
00:10:47
modification sooner or later these
00:10:49
narratives
00:10:50
collapse disintegrate reduce to
00:10:54
dust what the personality disordered
00:10:57
person does he takes these narratives
00:11:01
and he forces them on people around him
00:11:05
he's nearest he's dearest his closest
00:11:09
his family Circle his friends his
00:11:11
colleagues you name it he forces these
00:11:14
narratives on other people in his Ambit
00:11:17
in his
00:11:18
environment but it not only attributes
00:11:21
these narratives to these people he not
00:11:24
only projects these narratives onto
00:11:27
these people he coerces them to behave
00:11:30
according to the narrative he blackmails
00:11:33
them he threatens them he tortures them
00:11:36
he abuses them he cajs them he begs them
00:11:40
he he would do anything for these people
00:11:43
to adopt the discarded narratives and
00:11:47
act accordingly as if they were actors
00:11:51
or actresses in some theater production
00:11:55
or some
00:11:57
movie The Narcissist shared fantasy is
00:12:00
exactly such an example it is the
00:12:04
outcome of a collapse of a narrative
00:12:06
there's a collapse narrative and then
00:12:08
what the narcissist does he imposes this
00:12:11
collapse narrative on a potential
00:12:14
intimate partner and she is supposed to
00:12:18
conform the intimate partner is supposed
00:12:20
to comply with a narrative imposed on on
00:12:24
her or on
00:12:26
him the intimate partners of the
00:12:29
narcissist are supposed to
00:12:31
become become elements in the script in
00:12:35
the narrative they are supposed to
00:12:38
fictionalize themselves to render
00:12:41
themselves abstract entities plot
00:12:46
lines so the role of these people these
00:12:50
actors is to validate the reality of the
00:12:54
narratives and this is of course the
00:12:56
same function like narcissistic suppli
00:12:59
in narcissistic personality disorder
00:13:02
external validation external validation
00:13:05
which allows for internal regulation
00:13:08
anaris is harvests or Garners Supply
00:13:13
attention admiration adulation being
00:13:15
feared whatever attention mainly he
00:13:18
Garners it he harvests
00:13:20
it and then he uses it as input as
00:13:25
Supply as fuel as
00:13:27
feedback to towards the in the
00:13:30
maintenance of an internal
00:13:32
homeostatic uh environment in
00:13:36
equilibrium it's the same with the
00:13:39
narratives the narratives that have
00:13:42
failed when the when the person with
00:13:44
personality disorder has experienced a
00:13:48
collapse or a failure of a narrative he
00:13:51
then attributes projects The Narrative
00:13:54
into someone in his immediate immediate
00:13:57
envir environs so someone like a child
00:14:01
or a spouse or a colleague or a friend
00:14:03
and so on he he imposes or superimposes
00:14:09
the narrative on that person he forces
00:14:12
or coerces that person to behave
00:14:14
according to the narrative that is
00:14:16
projective
00:14:18
identification and the aim of all this
00:14:20
the purpose of all this convoluted and
00:14:22
elaborate
00:14:23
mechanism is to reestablish The
00:14:26
Narrative to revalidate the
00:14:29
narrative to prove that the narrative is
00:14:32
still
00:14:34
functional still applies still
00:14:38
useful
00:14:39
so the
00:14:41
actors
00:14:43
reenact The Narrative
00:14:46
replayed in a way that allows the
00:14:49
personality disordered person to regain
00:14:53
trust in the Fidelity authenticity
00:14:57
validity and applicability of the
00:15:01
narrative now the
00:15:04
actors react badly to this the vast
00:15:07
majority of actors react badly even
00:15:10
actors who have willingly submitted to a
00:15:14
a fantasy a shared fantasy or a
00:15:17
narrative even actors who sought it
00:15:21
actively wanted to fit in wanted to
00:15:24
conform wanted to join the cult you know
00:15:27
even such actors in due time feel the
00:15:32
honorous
00:15:34
outcomes of living someone else's
00:15:37
life of having to cater to someone
00:15:40
else's need needs ceaselessly of having
00:15:44
to suspend one's
00:15:47
existence and of having to pretend and
00:15:52
to fake most of the time these are
00:15:55
demands which are which are excruciating
00:15:59
so the actors gradually fall
00:16:02
apart then the presence of the person
00:16:05
with personality
00:16:06
disorder is
00:16:09
burdensome becomes
00:16:11
intolerable
00:16:14
suffocating um the imposition of the
00:16:17
narratives by the personality disordered
00:16:20
person is a form of
00:16:24
strangulation mental
00:16:27
asphixiation the denial of
00:16:30
Liberty uh absconding with the person's
00:16:34
core identity emptying the person
00:16:37
voiding and negating the actor within
00:16:42
the projected sh sh fantasy or narrative
00:16:46
so the people who are sucked into the
00:16:50
black hole that is the narcissist or the
00:16:53
Bine sucked into this narrative
00:16:57
management system the people who
00:17:00
become um actors and actresses in a
00:17:03
script not of their making not of their
00:17:05
doing the people who are coerced into
00:17:09
existing in someone else's narrative and
00:17:12
fantasy and storyboard and movie and
00:17:15
theater play the people who are denuded
00:17:19
of autonomy personal autonomy
00:17:21
Independence Agency the capability to
00:17:24
make decisions and choices which are
00:17:28
independent of the personality
00:17:30
disordered Focus or
00:17:33
Center these people ultimately begin to
00:17:37
dissociate because it's a very very
00:17:40
traumatic experience
00:17:42
self-denial self self- negation self
00:17:47
viation self
00:17:49
Erasure just in order to become a
00:17:52
figment an element in someone else's
00:17:55
story that's a harrowing experience and
00:17:58
it leads to trauma and Trauma the
00:18:01
defense against trauma one of the
00:18:04
defenses is
00:18:05
dissociation
00:18:07
depersonalization derealization within
00:18:10
the fantasy within the narrative this is
00:18:13
not happening to me I am here in body
00:18:16
but not in mind or this is not real it's
00:18:20
all make belief or I completely forget
00:18:23
everything the minute it happens these
00:18:25
are all Amnesia these are all diso
00:18:28
creative defenses because these
00:18:33
actors are
00:18:35
misperceived as internal objects
00:18:37
especially by narcissist and they're
00:18:40
misperceived as internal objects
00:18:43
offloading the narratives onto these
00:18:46
people unburdens the disordered person
00:18:50
remember the sequence there's a
00:18:52
narrative and suddenly The Narrative
00:18:55
fails fails for some reason collapses
00:18:59
crumbles at that point The Narrative
00:19:02
generates enormous enormous
00:19:05
dissonance enormous injury enormous
00:19:09
mortification and so the narcissist for
00:19:13
example let's take a narcissist as an
00:19:14
example but it applies to many other
00:19:16
personality disorders The Narcissist has
00:19:19
to reconstrue recreate reconstruct the
00:19:23
narrative and he asks someone else to do
00:19:26
it for him he coarses someone someone
00:19:28
else to do it for him by inducting that
00:19:32
person introducing this person into a
00:19:34
fantasy or a narrative and now this
00:19:37
person validates the narrative and the
00:19:40
fantasy in the case of a narcissist via
00:19:42
narcissistic Supply but validates the
00:19:45
narrative validates the fantasy suddenly
00:19:48
feels
00:19:49
real and because that person is
00:19:53
perceived as internal not
00:19:57
external then Nar convinces himself that
00:20:01
he is the one who has validated and
00:20:04
reestablished the
00:20:06
narrative that caters that appeals to
00:20:09
his sense of omnipotence on the other
00:20:11
hand if the narrative is ego distonic in
00:20:15
other other words if the narcissist for
00:20:18
example feels uncomfortable with the
00:20:20
narrative for some
00:20:22
reason that someone else now is in
00:20:25
possession of the narrative that someone
00:20:27
else now and acts The Narrative that
00:20:30
someone else now is settled settled and
00:20:33
burdened with the narrative relieves The
00:20:37
Narcissist this narrative that has
00:20:40
caused the narcissist discomfort despair
00:20:44
dissociation depression this narrative
00:20:46
is
00:20:47
gone it belongs to someone else now and
00:20:51
because that someone else is an internal
00:20:56
object The Narcissist still maintain
00:20:58
maintains control and possession of the
00:21:00
narrative without incurring the cost the
00:21:05
actions of the
00:21:07
actors the steps that the agents
00:21:10
take are owned by The Narcissist because
00:21:14
these people are internal objects they
00:21:17
figments of the narcissist mind they
00:21:20
live in the narcissist internal space so
00:21:23
whatever they
00:21:24
do within the narrative is actually p by
00:21:28
the narcissist is coming from the inside
00:21:31
as his or her own
00:21:33
actions so the these actions are owned
00:21:36
by the disordered person but without the
00:21:39
emotional cost without the attendant
00:21:42
risks without the adverse consequences
00:21:45
it's like experiencing The Narrative by
00:21:49
proxy the people who are now burdened
00:21:53
with the narrative the people who are
00:21:55
who have now the sole Authority over the
00:21:59
narrative not Authority but so
00:22:00
responsibility for the narrative these
00:22:03
people will suffer the
00:22:05
consequences they will carry the
00:22:07
risks and they will experience the
00:22:10
discomfort and displeasure that may
00:22:12
arise from The Narrative not the
00:22:14
narcissist and yet these people are
00:22:18
nothing but internal objects so the
00:22:20
narcissist still owns them still still
00:22:24
controls the whole situation he is the
00:22:27
sole Authority is is like God like God
00:22:31
who plays with elements in in his
00:22:34
creation it's exactly like the
00:22:36
relationship between God and Humanity
00:22:39
Humanity are agents that enact the
00:22:43
Divine narrative and yet it is not God
00:22:47
who has to die it is not God who has to
00:22:50
suffer in childbirth it is not God who
00:22:53
is tempted who is sad who is depressed
00:22:56
who commits suicide it's not God
00:22:59
while whatever happens to humanity is
00:23:01
The Narrative of God and happens within
00:23:04
the Godly realm happens within the
00:23:07
Divinity the consequences of the
00:23:09
narrative are born by Humanity not by
00:23:13
God this is exactly the narcissist
00:23:16
perception when the actors at some point
00:23:20
Rebel when they Rebel when they regain
00:23:23
Independence and agency and personal
00:23:26
autonomy The Narcissist or
00:23:29
the person with personality disorder
00:23:31
becomes infuriated feels threatened
00:23:35
converts these people who have defied
00:23:39
him and walked away converts them into
00:23:42
the secetary object the disordered
00:23:45
person experiences narcissistic
00:23:49
mortification and
00:23:51
then having been abandoned and rejected
00:23:55
by his agents by his long arms
00:23:59
by the actors that were supposed to take
00:24:01
over the
00:24:02
narratives and reenact them and activate
00:24:07
them
00:24:08
dynamically when there's this kind of
00:24:11
massive
00:24:12
abandonment the disordered person adopts
00:24:15
one of two strategies he tries or
00:24:18
attempts to hover these
00:24:20
people to hover
00:24:23
them and to
00:24:25
coopt any anyone new in their
00:24:29
lives so the person with personality
00:24:32
disorder would try to caj and persuade
00:24:36
and convince and charm and would try
00:24:40
anything to get the actor of the
00:24:43
narrative back and if the actor the
00:24:47
actor of the narrative has another new
00:24:49
person in his or her
00:24:51
life the person with personality
00:24:54
disorder will try to befriend them try
00:24:57
to create a coalition with who try to
00:24:59
insinuate
00:25:01
himself into that person's life who try
00:25:05
to intrude take over assimilate somehow
00:25:10
the actor and the new people in the
00:25:13
actor's life this is one strategy Mega
00:25:16
overy if you wish and the second
00:25:20
strategy um should this strategy fail
00:25:24
the second strategy is try to destroy
00:25:26
the frustrating object the
00:25:29
actor destroy her destroy her or him
00:25:33
physically destroy the reputation
00:25:37
destroy their lives interfere intervene
00:25:40
undermine and sabotage etc
00:25:43
etc so
00:25:45
when the narcissist has allocated a
00:25:48
narrative to you when he has made you an
00:25:51
integral part of his Shar fantasy when a
00:25:54
the personality disordered person a
00:25:57
paranoid psychopath uh skitto borderline
00:26:02
histrionic when someone with a
00:26:04
personality disorder has allocated The
00:26:06
Narrative to
00:26:08
you has made you in charge the manager
00:26:13
the director of The
00:26:14
Narrative you can't walk
00:26:17
away you're not allowed to walk away
00:26:19
unless you're being devalued and
00:26:21
discarded but you're not allowed to have
00:26:23
agency personal autonomy independent
00:26:26
decision making you're not allowed to
00:26:29
make choices you are cap you're captive
00:26:32
captive within the narrative you're
00:26:35
hostage The Narrative hijacks you and if
00:26:39
you do exit the narrative and if you do
00:26:41
abandon the narrative or sabotage The
00:26:44
Narrative or challenge it or undermine
00:26:46
it or transform it or reframe it or just
00:26:50
walk away and break up or whatever you
00:26:53
become an
00:26:55
enemy and the the
00:26:58
the perpetrator of the narrative the
00:27:01
instigator of the narrative the author
00:27:03
of The Narrative that has been imposed
00:27:06
on you tries to hover you tries to get
00:27:10
you back to your old position and old
00:27:13
role and if there's baggage with you new
00:27:17
people in your life you just got married
00:27:18
you have children I don't know what the
00:27:21
narcissist or the psychopath or the
00:27:23
borderlines they will try to coopt these
00:27:26
people they will try to introduce these
00:27:27
people into the narrative as
00:27:30
well only if all this
00:27:33
fails do you become the avow enemy of
00:27:37
the personality disordered person and
00:27:40
then there's a panopoly of behaviors
00:27:43
stalking smear campaigns threats
00:27:46
attempts to recruit law
00:27:48
enforcement with false accusations I
00:27:50
mean you name it the panoply of
00:27:52
strategies and behaviors intended to
00:27:55
punish you to punish you for having
00:27:59
absconded with the narcissist narrative
00:28:00
for having abandoned The Narcissist for
00:28:03
having betrayed your destiny your role
00:28:08
and your
00:28:09
function this is the narrative way of
00:28:12
looking at the progression and unfolding
00:28:15
of personality
00:28:18
disorders their narratives their stories
00:28:22
that the disordered person tells
00:28:24
himself but even this is done so
00:28:28
dysfunctionally and in such a fragmented
00:28:31
and fractured
00:28:32
manner that the personality disordered
00:28:35
person has not choice but to introduce
00:28:37
others into the game in order to somehow
00:28:41
restore a semblance of order and
00:28:44
structure and meaning and sense into the
00:28:46
whole mess and if you decline this
00:28:51
irresistible
00:28:53
offer you will be punished severely
![2022 ICT Mentorship [No Rant] ep. 3 - Internal Range Liquidity & Market Structure Shifts](https://ruhnrawpgxrzdrgaohnf.supabase.co/storage/v1/object/public/images/video/vJWdXPe8Reo/thumbnail.jpg)
