What to do if your inner voice is cruel | Ethan Kross

00:06:36
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5XdX_ryHoc

Summary

TLDREthan Kross explores the concept of 'chatter,' the negative aspect of our inner voice that leads to rumination and stress. He explains how this inner dialogue can hinder our focus, affect relationships, and impact physical health. Kross emphasizes that while our inner voice can be a powerful tool for problem-solving, it can also trap us in a cycle of negativity. He offers science-based strategies to manage chatter, such as creating rituals to regain control and order in our lives. Ultimately, he reassures that experiencing chatter is a universal human experience, encouraging individuals to find personalized methods to cope with it.

Takeaways

  • 🗣️ Chatter is the dark side of our inner voice.
  • 🧠 Our inner voice can help with problem-solving and planning.
  • 🔄 Chatter can lead to negative cycles of worry and stress.
  • 💔 Chronic chatter can harm relationships and health.
  • 🧘‍♂️ Rituals can help regain control over our thoughts.
  • 🏃‍♂️ Everyone experiences chatter; it's part of being human.
  • 🔍 Finding personalized tools to manage chatter is key.
  • 💡 The inner voice has evolutionary advantages for survival.
  • 📉 Stress becomes toxic when it remains elevated due to chatter.
  • 🎾 Even athletes like Rafael Nadal use rituals to manage their inner voice.

Timeline

  • 00:00:00 - 00:06:36

    Ethan Kross discusses the concept of 'chatter,' which refers to the negative aspects of our inner voice that can lead to rumination and worry. He explains that while our inner voice can be a powerful tool for problem-solving and self-reflection, it can also trap us in a cycle of negativity, affecting our focus, relationships, and physical health. Kross emphasizes the evolutionary purpose of language as a survival advantage and introduces the idea that while chatter can be detrimental, there are science-based strategies to regain control over our inner voice.

Mind Map

Video Q&A

  • What is chatter?

    Chatter refers to the negative side of our inner voice, leading to rumination and worry.

  • How does chatter affect us?

    Chatter can consume our attention, create relationship friction, increase irritability, and have negative health effects.

  • What are some tools to manage chatter?

    Strategies include creating rituals, engaging in problem-solving, and finding personalized coping mechanisms.

  • Is experiencing chatter a sign of weakness?

    No, experiencing chatter is a normal part of being human.

  • What are the health implications of chronic chatter?

    Chronic chatter can lead to stress-related health issues like cardiovascular disease and chronic inflammation.

  • How can rituals help with chatter?

    Rituals provide a sense of order and control, helping to manage the overwhelming feelings caused by chatter.

  • Can everyone use the same tools to manage chatter?

    No, the effectiveness of tools varies by individual; it's important to find what works best for you.

  • What is the evolutionary purpose of the inner voice?

    The inner voice helps us navigate the world and provides a survival advantage through problem-solving.

  • How does the inner voice help in planning?

    It allows us to simulate conversations and prepare for various scenarios.

  • What is the relationship between stress and chatter?

    Chatter can keep the stress response active, making stress toxic when it remains elevated.

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  • 00:00:00
    - I think chatter is one of the big problems
  • 00:00:03
    we face as a species.
  • 00:00:06
    We spend between one-third and one-half
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    of our waking hours not living in the present.
  • 00:00:13
    And what do we do during that time?
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    We're talking to ourselves.
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    Your inner voice is your ability to silently use language
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    to reflect on your life.
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    Chatter refers to the dark side of the inner voice.
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    When we turn our attention inward to make sense
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    of our problems, we don't end up finding solutions.
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    We end up ruminating, worrying, catastrophizing.
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    We get stuck in a negative cycle that takes
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    this remarkable tool that we possess, this inner voice,
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    and it turns it into a curse rather than a blessing.
  • 00:00:50
    My name's Ethan Kross,
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    I'm a professor of psychology and management,
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    and I'm the author of the book,
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    "Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters,
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    and How to Harness It."
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    In terms of whether there's an evolutionary purpose
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    to the inner voice,
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    many scientists believe that language is a tool
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    that helps us navigate the world,
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    and our ability to use language
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    not only to communicate with others,
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    but to communicate with ourselves,
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    provides us with a survival advantage.
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    It's an incredible problem-solving device.
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    At the most basic end of the spectrum, our inner voice
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    is part of what we call our 'Verbal Working Memory System.'
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    It's a basic feature of the human mind that helps us
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    keep verbal information active in our heads.
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    Our inner voice also lets us simulate and plan.
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    So before a big presentation, I'll go over in my head
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    what I'm gonna say, what are the different talking
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    points that I'm gonna run through-
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    I'll hear what questions the audience is gonna ask me,
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    and then I'll respond in turn.
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    I'm simulating that exchange, and I'm using my inner voice
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    to help me do that.
  • 00:02:11
    Our inner voice helps us control ourselves.
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    Think about the last time you may have wanted to reach
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    for a treat late at night, but then you think to yourself,
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    "Don't do it, you'll regret it in the morning."
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    That's your inner voice.
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    And then finally, the inner voice helps
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    us 'storify' our lives.
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    Many of us turn our attention inward to come up
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    with some narrative that explains our experiences
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    in ways that give shape to our understanding
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    of who we are, our identity.
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    So sometimes this inner voice can be
  • 00:02:47
    an incredible source of help, but at other times
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    it can really sink us.
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    First, it makes it incredibly hard for us to focus.
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    Chatter consumes our attention.
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    Chatter can also create friction in your relationships
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    because you're talking about your problems over
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    and over again, and not being a great listener to others.
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    It can also make us more irritable,
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    and lead to something called 'displaced aggression.'
  • 00:03:24
    Finally, we know that chatter can have severe,
  • 00:03:27
    negative, physical health effects.
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    You've probably heard that stress kills-
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    that's not exactly true.
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    A stress response is a really adaptive response.
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    What makes stress toxic is when it remains
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    chronically-elevated over time.
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    This is precisely what chatter does.
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    We experience a stressor in our life,
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    it then ends, but in our minds our chatter perpetuates it.
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    We keep thinking about that event over
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    and over and over again.
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    And that keeps that stress response active
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    in ways that can predict things like cardiovascular disease,
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    chronic inflammation, and even cancer.
  • 00:04:12
    It's hard to overstate how negative the implications
  • 00:04:14
    of chatter can be.
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    The good news is there is a science-based toolkit
  • 00:04:22
    that you can use to regain control of your inner voice.
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    There are things we can do on our own,
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    ways of harnessing our relationships with other people,
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    and even ways of interacting with physical environments.
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    One really great example of these tools are rituals.
  • 00:04:45
    We love having control.
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    When you experience chatter, you often feel
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    like your thoughts are in control of you.
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    One of the things that we've learned through science
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    is that we can compensate for this feeling out of control
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    by creating order around us- rituals are one way to do that.
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    A ritual is an ordered sequence
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    of behaviors that you rigidly perform the same way each time
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    by engaging the same sequence
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    of behaviors every time the same way.
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    That's giving you a sense of order and control.
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    That can feel really good when you're mired in chatter.
  • 00:05:28
    The tennis great, Rafael Nadal,
  • 00:05:31
    he said the hardest thing that he struggles to do
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    on the tennis court is manage the voices inside his head.
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    He engages in rituals.
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    During breaks between play he goes over to his bench.
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    First, he takes a sip out of one water bottle.
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    Then he takes a sip out of another.
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    Then he puts each water bottle back exactly
  • 00:05:49
    where he picked them up from on a diagonal to the court.
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    It's a ritual he does to manage his chatter.
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    There are no individual tools that work for all people
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    in all situations to help manage your chatter.
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    Instead, the real challenge is to figure out
  • 00:06:09
    what are the unique combinations
  • 00:06:11
    of tools that work best for you?
  • 00:06:14
    Are you weaker for experiencing chatter?
  • 00:06:17
    Absolutely not.
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    You are human for experiencing chatter,
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    so welcome to the human condition.
Tags
  • chatter
  • inner voice
  • rumination
  • stress
  • health
  • rituals
  • problem-solving
  • Ethan Kross
  • psychology
  • self-control