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hi guys
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it's Emily and welcome to my channel if
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you've never watched one of my videos
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before I wanted to pick a comfy spot
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tonight because I wanted to talk to you
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guys just about my story and this was
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inspired by a podcast I was listening to
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by chalene Johnson the other day I told
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you guys I was into her podcast lately
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and she talked about your story being
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your gift and your pain being your gift
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and it kind of hit a nerve with me and I
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have always been a sharer and I have
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been willing to share my uh ups and
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downs with people I'm going to try to do
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this in one take I'm gonna try not to
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re-record anything and I didn't take any
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notes I felt like it was very important
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to me to just kind of come at this from
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a really like organic perspective and
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just share with you from my heart I have
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two younger brothers and grew up at home
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with my mom and dad and we lived mostly
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kind of out in the country in a small
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town
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near where I live now and I you know
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went to a small school we lived about
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for the most of my life we lived like
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seven or eight miles out of school
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um our house was
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a little bit hard you know looking like
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I always thought that we lived in a like
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normal home uh
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looking back I think there was a lot of
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stuff that I
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I don't know how to put it but kind of
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glossed over a little bit so it was
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in my house I feel like something that I
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really really needed from my parents and
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from
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you know just in general in childhood
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was affirmation words of affirmation are
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definitely one of my love languages
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probably like second or third and
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and I don't feel like it's something
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that I got a lot as a kid and I feel
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like I was always striving to
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be a people pleaser and I was always
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striving to
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make people happy around me and I did
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get praise from teachers and aunts and
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uncles and
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from strangers sometimes depending on
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what the situation is like you know like
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for having red hair my brother and I at
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the grocery store people would stop stop
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and talk to my mom and talk about
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uh you know like us having red hair I
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just think that I kind of like started
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off on a foot of like wanting to like
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earn that from my parents and probably
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people in general so as the time went on
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uh I had like a you know otherwise
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normal childhood I got to play sports
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and I participated in things like at
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school I know like in high school I did
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choir and I got to do a lot of
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extracurricular activities uh we went to
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Camp every year summer camp so my
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parents definitely
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provided a lot for us as kids as far as
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opportunities if you have seen my weight
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loss surgery story you've heard the
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story about a boy in the sixth grade
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calling me a fat pig and that kind of
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resonated with me in a time where I
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already felt
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kind of unattractive Middle School it's
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the worst and so I
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really internalized that and from that
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point on I think that was like the
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Turning moment for me as far as I felt
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like every guy thought that I was fat
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and so I never thought any guy would
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ever think that I was attractive
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and looking back I was a cute kid you
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know I
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was not the heaviest of you know I
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wasn't that heavy I was overweight
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probably for you know my age but by no
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means like you know anything crazy so I
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never really dated in high school I fell
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for my boss at work when I was like a
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senior in high school and I was like
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madly in love with him and we would like
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hang out and like I started getting
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introduced to his friends and we would
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go over and my girlfriends and I would
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go over and hang out at his friend's
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townhouse because they were older and it
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was fun over there
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and I was just like head over heels and
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he ended up like going back to his
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girlfriend at one point and we would
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reconnect later on and then he would go
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and date another girl and we never
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really got very romantic or anything
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like that you have to picture like he's
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one of the first guys that I really felt
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like
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actually liked me and was interested in
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me so once that happened that I that I
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had gotten that I felt like I didn't
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want to let it go and I so I was just
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like
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very much felt like I was in love with
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him and you know I would even like try
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to be where he was going to be later on
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after doing this on and off I ended up
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getting pregnant with my daughter when I
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was like 23 years old I was really
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scared at the time and there was a time
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in my life where I would have been
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thrilled by that because I was so in
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love with him that I would have felt
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like that attached me to him and that
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you know I like he like was stuck with
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me basically but instead because because
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I am a smart girl and deep down even
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when I'm trying to like
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be into something or want something I
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know deep down in my heart like if it's
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not right it's not right so when I got
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pregnant
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with my daughter we weren't even dating
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we were not in an official relationship
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actually the night that
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um it happened I
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was trying to leave that situation and I
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finally had gotten the courage to just
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say you know I'm in love with you and
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I can't continue on this way because you
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don't reciprocate that and so it could
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because I would always just be hanging
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out at his house and it was like we were
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friends and sometimes we would like do
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romantic things very occasionally but
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you know generally speaking we were
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friends and
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but he wasn't taking me out on dates or
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anything like that and I knew like his
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heart wasn't in in it for for me
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so I just said I you know I am in love
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with you and
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I can't do this anymore it hurts my
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heart too much
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and he said
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then make me fall in love with you that
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was really hard because I knew like I
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couldn't make that happen you can't make
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anyone fall in love with you and if it
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hadn't happened already then it wasn't
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gonna happen huh so I walked away from
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it we talked like a little bit after
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that and then I
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found out that I was pregnant
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so I remember thinking when I got
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pregnant like I was terrified like what
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kind of a dad is he gonna be our friends
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had just had a baby like the weekend
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before this and then I found out I was
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pregnant and I did see that he I could
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tell that he longed for kids and he
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wasn't not sure if he was ever gonna
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have him because he was like 30 at the
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time
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or getting approaching 30 at the time
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and so I I told some friends and then uh
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I went and talked to him about it and he
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got a big smile on his face about this
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pregnancy and so that was nice to like
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have that support and from that point on
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we dated and he did start saying I love
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you uh and I felt like okay I've got
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this life that I wanted I've chased
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after him for so long and I finally got
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what I wanted and we bought a house
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together and then we had my daughter
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and then you know into the relationship
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my parents were putting pressure on me
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and us to get married because I didn't
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like that we were living together before
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we were married and
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uh my dad talked to to my ex and
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basically offered him my
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great-grandmother's ring if he wanted to
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propose and kind of you know talk to him
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about that and so one day I you know
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walked in the living room when he had my
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daughter Lily with him and he had like
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the ring on her like thumb or something
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like that I can't quite remember and
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asked me to marry him but yes of course
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and so we got married when I was 26
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years old and Lily was like a year old
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at that point
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and then we continued on and we wanted
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to have another
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baby and I got pregnant in geez I don't
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know like spring of
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2006 and I was thrilled it took a little
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while and so when it happened I was so
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excited and I remember that his reaction
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we put my cousin lived with us in a room
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at the time
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and we had put a the pregnancy it's a
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positive pregnancy test you know with a
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cap on it in the mailbox and told him
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asked him to go get the mail
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because I hadn't gotten it yet and he
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walked out and he when he came back
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he you know he I think he had a smile
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but he didn't look like super excited to
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be honest with you uh and I just felt
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like it like it wasn't the happy
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momentous occasion that I and you know
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had felt like so
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you know go through my pregnancy gain a
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lot of weight like I got up to like 280
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pounds during that pregnancy and then
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had Dylan and healthy baby boy all I
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could ever want I didn't find out what I
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was having and then so when he came out
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you know I got a boy so I had a girl and
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a boy and it's just like the perfect
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family right
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just like what I've had always wanted
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for my whole life I did not have hopes
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and dreams of a career I wanted to be a
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mom and I think a lot of that has to do
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with like where I came from and not
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really like seeing what was out there
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like as far as like having a career or
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getting pushed into that direction you
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know it's a combination of things but
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so I had my family and I was super
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excited and I was taking care of this
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home you know I was overweight
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and talking to my husband at the time
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about losing weight and he said
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something like if you lose 50 pounds
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then we can go to Vegas again because we
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had been to Vegas like once or twice and
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and I wanted to lose weight anyway so I
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stopped breastfeeding my son at eight
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months to this day a decision I do
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regret because I wanted to go on this
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liquid diet and it was
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um you'd lose weight so quickly that
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there can be toxins that get into the
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baby system and it's just not healthy to
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breastfeed at that point so I made the
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decision to stop breastfeeding at eight
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months and did this die and I lost like
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30 pounds
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you know eventually ended up gaining it
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back of course because it's a liquid
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diet it's not sustainable so in 2000 and
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eight Dylan was a little over like he
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was 15 15 months older so Lily was
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turning four about to turn four and crit
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uh and there and my husband at the time
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their restaurant that they worked in
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closed and that was a really hard time
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he went through a really difficult
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thing during that being jobless because
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work was always what he put
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everything into uh he worked like 65
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hours I was pretty much a single mom
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because when he was home which wasn't on
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the weekends it was just random days off
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then he would want to do yard work he
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didn't
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really want to do like a family day
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I in my head you know our communication
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wasn't great in my head I was like oh
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you're gonna have a day off and we get
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to spend time together and in his mind
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it was I'm gonna do all these things
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around the house and we would try to
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plan date nights and it always ended up
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in a fight because it just didn't feel
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like he wanted to be there we went on up
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north on a vacation
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um like a little Resort for like three
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nights I got a deal because I was
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working from home after Dylan was born I
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ended up staying home and I found some
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ways to make income at home through I
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was doing timeshare exchanges on a call
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line uh that was out of my home office
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and so I got a deal on this Resort uh up
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north in Michigan it was in December and
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we went up there and we got in like a
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horrendous fight
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and
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I just felt like things were not it just
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felt like my marriage was kind of coming
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to an end it felt strange but then it
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felt like time would go by and maybe it
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would be okay again I knew I wasn't
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happy but I also knew I was going to
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stay in my marriage because those were
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my wedding vows and that is what I I
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said that I would do and so it was very
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important to me to to continue to try to
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stay in that marriage and so
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things weren't going well it didn't feel
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like he wanted to be around me at all
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and then he loses this job
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and I noticed
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um some interesting communication on the
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computer and
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I'm not going to go into much of that
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because my kids do watch my videos a lot
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of times so I want to be a little bit
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private about that but I found some
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Communications on the computer and
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um started realizing just like there
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might be something some things going on
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that I hadn't been aware of previously
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and at one point we got in a fight I was
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like Easter Sunday I won't ever forget
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we were in church I think we fought
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before church and we went to church and
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uh I said do you need a couple days to
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like regroup and he took me up on that
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like almost instantaneously and I
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regretted that almost instantaneously he
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went away for a couple days like I
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didn't know when he was gonna come home
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I was a wrecks and I remember
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um
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I remember calling my brother and
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telling him that
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he had left
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and I'm sure my brother must have heard
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how sad I was in my voice and him and my
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sister-in-law were in the car and they
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lived across the state in Ann Arbor
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um which is about two hours from here
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and they said we're on our way we are
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already in the car and we're just gonna
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drive straight there
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still one of them um
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most loving things that anyone's ever
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done for me if like if you will just
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drop what you're doing to just come help
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me because I don't ask for help a lot
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and I didn't even know that's what I
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needed but they did so they dropped what
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they were doing and they came and they
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stayed with me the whole two days that
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he was gone and it was horrible my
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parents came over and prayed and
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when my husband came back
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we sat down on the bed I remember to
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this day I just felt like there was
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nothing left in his eyes and there was
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it was just like cold and empty back
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there if honestly I felt like I was
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looking into his eyes and seeing like a
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demonic presence just not to sound like
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a crazy person
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but there's just like nothing looking
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back at me and he was like I'm gonna
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give this three weeks and then
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if we can't work it out then I'm gonna
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leave and I was like oh okay
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um you know should we try to do
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counseling like what there was nothing
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it was just like I'm going to try to do
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this for three weeks and then he ended
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up just he went and I think he slept in
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our bed for a couple nights and then
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after that he went and slept on the
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couch and just looked at me like he
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hated my guts the whole time ah that
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that three weeks went by and to be
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honest with you as sad as it was the
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night that he sat me down and he said I
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don't want to be with you anymore
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it was sad as that was part of me was
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relieved to have him gone because it was
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such a tumultuous time in my life and it
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was so hard and so sad and just like
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heart-wrenching and just felt I just
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felt like terrible
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um but you know I had I married him I
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remember marrying him and walking down
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the aisle and just saying my vows like
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just calm and find like there were lines
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from a script because I wasn't confident
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in that I was accepting a love that I
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thought I deserved and it wasn't what I
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deserved because I deserved to be
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treated with kindness and respect and
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that I had thoughts and opinions that
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were valid whether they were the same as
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you know my partners or not and I wasn't
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and I accepted that and I married in
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that and because I felt like I was stuck
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and and I felt like that's all I
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deserved it was somebody that wanted me
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like no one wanted me but there was a
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man that wanted me and so I was gonna
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accept that so
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so he left he moved out he came and got
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his stuff one day I you know that was
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one of the hardest moments of my life to
00:17:01
watch him move this his stuff out of our
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home that we had built together that we
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had bought and we had redone the kitchen
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and um you know our children lived there
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and he kind of
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you know was sporadic about seeing them
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for a little bit and then that things
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got better and he did
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um started doing a better job as a dad
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and now he does a great job we have a
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good communication between us but that
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time in my life was the darkest saddest
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time that I could you know I've ever
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experienced it was terrible and it was
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you know God and Joyce Meyer got me
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through that and
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I had her on play on you know constantly
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continuously
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um it saved me because it was it was so
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so so hard I didn't turn duo with a
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bottle I didn't you know do crazy things
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I did probably turn to food I got up to
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290 Pounds at one point after that
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um he came you know it was I think it
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was about a year later after we
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separated and he wanted to sell the
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house and that was that was another hard
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thing like he's like well Realtors just
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gonna come over and talk to us about him
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by the end of the night I was signing
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papers to sell my home and it was just
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so hard because I had been a
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stay-at-home mom and suddenly I had to
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go back to work and like I had to do
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that real quick because he when he left
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he took like he didn't pay for anything
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he what he did was he paid our house
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payment because it was in his name only
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because we weren't married before
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um when we bought the house and so I
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didn't have any money for anything so I
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immediately
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um I had that little bit of income which
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was like maybe three to four hundred
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dollars a month from the timeshare and
00:18:46
the customer service calls that I would
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take and that was it and I was in a
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mom's group um with a church that's
00:18:53
local here and I remember them they were
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sending me like 300 gift cards to the
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grocery store and um you know just all
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these different things to just like
00:19:03
supportive they they reached out so much
00:19:05
so many people my aunt Pat you know just
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like handed me fifty dollars one day and
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then even
00:19:11
um my ex-husband who was pretty bitter
00:19:14
at this point toward me and like acted
00:19:17
kind of like he hated me whenever he
00:19:19
would see me at one point he even like
00:19:21
slipped me in a little bit of money
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which was like a rare thing
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um and it was before child support had
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kicked in I struggled and I had to go
00:19:28
back to work full time after being you
00:19:31
know home with these babies you know for
00:19:33
the past couple years it was very hard
00:19:35
but I did it and uh I you know got I got
00:19:39
a job and then it was not a good fit for
00:19:42
me the boss was just not it was not a
00:19:44
good fit and I had applied for my where
00:19:47
the company really work for during that
00:19:50
time and I ended up getting this job and
00:19:52
uh
00:19:54
um I've been with my company now for
00:19:55
eight years eight and a half years
00:19:57
which has been fantastic
00:19:59
and I've always worked in the healthcare
00:20:02
medical field
00:20:04
pretty much so that's where my
00:20:06
background is medical billing and coding
00:20:08
and
00:20:09
um so that's you know my bread and
00:20:11
butter and what I do on the full on a
00:20:12
full-time basis now uh so yeah I got
00:20:16
through that divorce and it hurt so much
00:20:18
and I got really heavy and uh I started
00:20:22
I've talked about this a little bit a
00:20:24
girlfriend and I uh shortly after my
00:20:27
divorce we it took about two years to
00:20:28
get divorced um because I was very
00:20:30
adamant about not filing because I felt
00:20:33
like it was my duty to stay in that
00:20:34
marriage if you know that their
00:20:37
responsibility was on him to file if you
00:20:40
know that was what he wanted and
00:20:41
eventually he did and we worked it out
00:20:43
and as far as like finances and custody
00:20:47
and things like that
00:20:49
and then
00:20:50
so yeah during that time I gained a ton
00:20:53
of weight back and you know got up to
00:20:56
290 Pounds
00:20:58
um I had opened a cupcake shop with my
00:21:00
girlfriend which was a night it was a
00:21:02
cool experience like I feel like I was
00:21:04
very sick at the time I think I had a
00:21:06
lot of gluten intolerance issues and I
00:21:08
just wasn't feeling well a lot of the
00:21:09
time and was being heavy and I was
00:21:12
working full-time and I was doing this
00:21:13
shop like for another 30 hours a week on
00:21:17
top of it I was making cakes
00:21:19
um decorative cakes like like
00:21:22
extravagant cakes at the same time which
00:21:24
I love doing but I was just very
00:21:25
stressful time in my life and I didn't
00:21:27
feel that well most of the time so
00:21:29
that's not the best memory but I like
00:21:31
I'm very appreciative of the experience
00:21:33
of you know
00:21:35
um the cupcake shop and having a
00:21:38
business and so on and so forth but then
00:21:41
I went back and just was like working
00:21:43
again and
00:21:45
I
00:21:46
I ended up qualifying for my surgery you
00:21:49
can watch that whole story in the in the
00:21:51
weight loss surgery Story video which is
00:21:53
actually below but I had surgery and
00:21:57
lost a decent amount of weight like 90
00:22:00
pounds like within 10 months and kind of
00:22:03
sat there for a little bit and then I
00:22:04
started dating and I dated a guy for a
00:22:09
little bit like a couple months and we
00:22:12
he broke it off with me
00:22:14
we broke up he talked about that he was
00:22:18
a pathological liar or something and I
00:22:20
was like what is going on like what is
00:22:22
even happening in my life right now and
00:22:24
then uh you know I continuously dated
00:22:28
after that I've been on more dates than
00:22:30
you even want to know and ended up
00:22:34
um
00:22:35
let's see
00:22:36
so you know during that time not much
00:22:39
was happening not much was different I
00:22:41
was still working and just kind of
00:22:44
living life and enjoying myself and then
00:22:49
one night
00:22:50
um through some mutual friends I met my
00:22:53
ex-boyfriend he just wasn't my type like
00:22:55
the type of guy that I normally go for
00:22:57
and I felt like I wasn't the type of
00:22:59
girl that he would go for just based on
00:23:01
his looks
00:23:02
um very muscular very very built kind of
00:23:06
guy very I was very attracted to him but
00:23:09
I just didn't feel like it was like the
00:23:11
right match so I didn't really notice
00:23:12
him the night that we met until the end
00:23:15
and then we ended up dancing together
00:23:16
and we ended up just having we did have
00:23:20
a lot of chemistry I I still remember
00:23:22
him I think I asked him for his phone
00:23:27
number because I had earlier in the
00:23:29
night heard this story that one of the
00:23:32
girls was telling that she had asked her
00:23:34
current boyfriend for his phone number
00:23:35
and I was like well if she can do it I
00:23:37
can do it and I had danced with this guy
00:23:40
and I was like I'm gonna ask him first
00:23:42
one of her so I did and I remember him
00:23:44
taking my phone and typing it in and
00:23:46
texting
00:23:48
himself what's up and I just thought I
00:23:51
was like the funniest thing so that was
00:23:53
that was like the start of it and it
00:23:56
made me laugh
00:23:57
and I was kind of cautious about it at
00:23:59
first and
00:24:01
um I like wanted my space still and he'd
00:24:04
be like well can I come see you like
00:24:06
when I'm going through uh you know
00:24:08
coming home from work because I was on
00:24:10
his way home from work and and I'll be
00:24:12
like well I'm still working or I'm busy
00:24:14
but you can come for a little bit I was
00:24:16
like okay I know you know trying to give
00:24:18
me my space but also like wanted to see
00:24:21
me all the time which I wasn't used to I
00:24:23
was still in a place where I was
00:24:24
enjoying like my friends and stuff like
00:24:26
that but we did also hit off like really
00:24:29
hot and heavy in the beginning but at
00:24:31
the same time I was trying to like keep
00:24:33
my space because I did like my life
00:24:36
and
00:24:38
So eventually he wore me down and we did
00:24:44
have like kind of like a hot and heavy
00:24:46
relationship and it got to the point
00:24:48
where
00:24:50
um he was talking about marriage and he
00:24:52
was talking about
00:24:54
um like possibly having children with me
00:24:56
one day and where we would live and
00:24:58
wanting to live on a lake and that that
00:25:01
was important to him and wanting these
00:25:04
things that I wanted and he doted on me
00:25:08
and not in an overboard way but like in
00:25:11
a distilled it on me in a way that I
00:25:13
hadn't been doted on before I felt like
00:25:15
he
00:25:16
was very attracted to me I felt like he
00:25:19
liked my personality very much and vice
00:25:22
versa he was very funny he you know made
00:25:26
me laugh a lot and I loved spending time
00:25:27
with him and he would do handyman things
00:25:29
around my house and we would do projects
00:25:31
together we worked on like refinishing
00:25:34
Furniture together we would we like to
00:25:37
listen to the same music he liked the
00:25:39
same kind of food as us we would love to
00:25:40
go get sushi we just enjoyed each
00:25:43
other's company a lot and
00:25:46
we dated for a few months and and all
00:25:50
the time you know he's talking about
00:25:51
getting married I know like part of me
00:25:54
was happy and excited to think that
00:25:56
someone would want to do that but there
00:25:58
are other there was another part of me
00:25:59
that couldn't picture that and I
00:26:01
couldn't see how that looked and that's
00:26:05
probably kind of weird like the person
00:26:07
that you're supposed to marry you should
00:26:08
like be able to to see or Envision being
00:26:11
married to them and I couldn't do that
00:26:13
like I didn't consciously realize that
00:26:15
at the time but later on I thought I
00:26:16
could never like envision myself
00:26:18
marrying him I felt like I like wanted
00:26:21
to kind of but so we ended up breaking
00:26:25
up and it was like he was not in a place
00:26:28
where he was ready for a relationship
00:26:31
um not that's not what he said I just
00:26:33
know that he wasn't I should have known
00:26:35
it all along
00:26:36
um as far as his previous relationship
00:26:39
and where that stood but I didn't and I
00:26:42
what I what happened was I I was getting
00:26:44
affection that I had never gone I was
00:26:46
getting
00:26:47
um just like the affirmation I'd never
00:26:49
gotten the touch the quality time he hit
00:26:53
all those buttons he wanted to spend
00:26:54
time with me he always wanted he was
00:26:57
always affectionate in the car always
00:26:58
wanting to hold my hand he you know told
00:27:02
me all the things not I didn't feel like
00:27:04
it was telling me the things I wanted to
00:27:06
hear because he knew I wanted to hear
00:27:07
them I feel like he wanted those things
00:27:09
for himself it's almost like he was
00:27:11
projecting
00:27:12
his needs on me because he was he had a
00:27:17
such a void in there
00:27:19
um
00:27:20
also at the same time feeling the
00:27:22
attraction and everything else it was
00:27:24
honestly our relationship and our
00:27:26
communication and the way that we
00:27:27
connected was Miles Ahead of my my
00:27:31
ex-husband and I like it was something I
00:27:34
had never felt like before
00:27:36
so
00:27:37
here I go getting emotional again
00:27:40
um
00:27:41
but it ended and it was really hard
00:27:44
obviously like I accepted it um when we
00:27:47
broke up and I I was okay but it was
00:27:51
hard I felt like I had found this and
00:27:54
maybe God had brought me this person and
00:27:56
then it was taken away and
00:27:58
I you know I did learn to accept it and
00:28:02
then you know I I did a struggle though
00:28:05
with being hurt and I just knew
00:28:09
you know after some things I there was
00:28:11
some other things that happened in our
00:28:12
relationship that caused some trust
00:28:14
issues and looking back and coming out
00:28:17
of it I knew that it was better that I
00:28:20
wasn't with him but I also knew like I
00:28:23
needed to fix this problem because I had
00:28:25
fallen for a guy's I had fallen for
00:28:28
another guy in between my ex-husband and
00:28:30
this boyfriend that was totally bad for
00:28:33
me also and so I knew that
00:28:38
I needed to like get some help and
00:28:41
figure out why I kept falling for these
00:28:43
guys that
00:28:44
that just were not good for me and so
00:28:47
that's when I started therapy and you
00:28:50
know started therapy and then I ended up
00:28:52
losing another 30 pounds on top of that
00:28:55
just getting motivated and being you
00:28:58
know started having a new beginning
00:28:59
getting out of this relationship and
00:29:01
just like a new start last another 30
00:29:03
pounds and just
00:29:05
um and it was I was in a good place in
00:29:07
my life and or getting to a better place
00:29:10
so I had to turn on the light across
00:29:12
from me because we're losing light but
00:29:13
uh I got to a really healthy place where
00:29:16
I have gotten to a really healthy place
00:29:17
from this therapy and pardon me talk
00:29:19
about this before and it's amazing
00:29:21
because I had so much stuff in my life
00:29:23
that
00:29:24
wasn't good for me and I finally learned
00:29:27
to love myself and I'm have just come so
00:29:30
far you guys from that person that was
00:29:33
such a that would just like crushed as
00:29:36
getting a divorce from getting a divorce
00:29:39
devastated so her so empty I felt like a
00:29:43
piece of trash that had been thrown away
00:29:45
after that divorce
00:29:47
and
00:29:49
it's like a 360. I feel like I love
00:29:51
myself I don't allow things into my life
00:29:53
that aren't healthy or if I do I get
00:29:56
them out pretty quickly I started a
00:29:58
YouTube channel in October excuse me
00:30:02
after that breakup that I went through
00:30:04
just to help other people because I had
00:30:06
watched some videos on like going
00:30:07
through heartbreak and like dealing with
00:30:09
that and I
00:30:12
wanted to give back to the community so
00:30:15
I started uh and I and I did that video
00:30:17
on heartbreak and that kind of launched
00:30:19
me into doing YouTube videos and then in
00:30:22
December of that year I shared my weight
00:30:23
loss surgery story which has over 50 000
00:30:26
views it's insane to me that anyone like
00:30:29
wants to watch that but I'm glad that
00:30:31
they do and I'm glad that they have and
00:30:33
I'm thankful if you've seen that story
00:30:35
and you're here but
00:30:37
it's just amazing it's been so
00:30:39
therapeutic for me to go and do these
00:30:41
videos it's been so therapeutic for me
00:30:43
to just you know
00:30:45
value myself and I'm not currently
00:30:47
dating because it's just my priorities
00:30:50
are so much more focused on work and
00:30:53
business and my children and
00:30:57
yeah I don't know I just I wouldn't have
00:31:00
gotten through this without God and I'm
00:31:03
thankful to God that he has allowed me
00:31:04
to real see who I am and that I have
00:31:07
value as a person just for being on the
00:31:09
planet not for anything I've done for
00:31:11
anybody not for anything that I've had
00:31:13
to earn not because I did or didn't do
00:31:17
something a certain way but I'm a
00:31:20
valuable person just as Me Myself and
00:31:24
that's like the biggest thing that I
00:31:26
think I've learned is that I have value
00:31:28
in this world just because I was born
00:31:30
into this world you know there are so
00:31:32
many more things that I want to do to
00:31:33
help people that's always been my
00:31:35
passion I always knew and I have
00:31:37
previously shared at church and things
00:31:39
about my divorce story because I know
00:31:41
there's other people going through those
00:31:43
things I've always been a sharer of this
00:31:45
of some sort
00:31:46
and now I'm just kind of putting it all
00:31:48
out there and happy to but it's also
00:31:52
it's scary like this story is scary to
00:31:54
share
00:31:55
um you know there's I'm always afraid
00:31:57
there's just these are certain people
00:31:58
that you think about seeing your videos
00:32:00
like if I share this to my Facebook
00:32:02
friends like who's gonna watch and who's
00:32:05
you know going to know the incidents
00:32:06
that I was talking about things like
00:32:07
that it's very scary especially when
00:32:09
it's on a personal level like that but
00:32:11
it's been super therapeutic and I'm
00:32:13
happy to share those things with you
00:32:14
guys I hope this story maybe hits
00:32:16
someone somewhere just know like that I
00:32:19
have come out of this I've gotten like
00:32:21
promotion after promotion at my job now
00:32:23
and have a steady good income you know
00:32:26
to support my kids I'm I'm actually
00:32:28
going to be house shopping soon and that
00:32:31
is so exciting I always thought like I
00:32:33
wouldn't be able to do that without
00:32:34
getting remarried or something and now
00:32:37
it's like a possibility just doing this
00:32:39
on my own
00:32:40
and that to me is just amazing
00:32:44
um I have so so much to be thankful for
00:32:47
my life looks so different there were
00:32:49
times after my divorce that I was on
00:32:52
food stamps after my divorce I
00:32:55
would get food pantry packages
00:32:59
every week because I couldn't afford
00:33:02
much food so that would be like an extra
00:33:04
thing one Christmas I know Lily all she
00:33:07
wanted was that loving family dollhouse
00:33:10
and I could not afford to get it for her
00:33:12
and I called the Outreach at church
00:33:15
because they talked about helping people
00:33:16
with Christmas presents and
00:33:18
not Lisa she she does she had the
00:33:21
Outreach at church she's just an amazing
00:33:23
amazing person I didn't know her at the
00:33:25
time but she went and found that cute
00:33:27
little loving family dollhouse and and
00:33:29
brought it to to deliver to me and it
00:33:32
was it was like a dream came true like
00:33:35
my kid never had to know that where it
00:33:37
came from
00:33:38
um there's been so many times where
00:33:39
there was my bank account balance was
00:33:41
either negative or just had you know a
00:33:44
tiny bit in it and God would come
00:33:45
through somehow with money that was like
00:33:47
the perfect amount to cover what I
00:33:49
needed to cover like countless times of
00:33:51
that countless times of just me being
00:33:55
like God that would be awesome if I
00:33:56
could just hear this and uh I'm in a
00:33:59
good place now able to afford things not
00:34:01
on food stamps you know not getting my
00:34:04
electric shut off not having to you know
00:34:07
um ask other people for help for
00:34:08
Christmas presents I'm not saying those
00:34:10
are bad things just just like a cycle
00:34:12
it's just like a time that I went
00:34:13
through my life and all that pain could
00:34:15
be used for a good I hope you like this
00:34:16
video if you did give it a thumbs up I'm
00:34:18
sorry that it's long but it's like when
00:34:21
you're talking about your life there's
00:34:22
so much I left out I just wanted to get
00:34:23
to the to the to the part that I felt
00:34:26
like were important that were painful
00:34:28
but I've come through them and I'm in a
00:34:30
really good place and just wanted to
00:34:32
share that with you guys and uh I know
00:34:35
that everyone goes through hurts and
00:34:36
struggles and if you're going through
00:34:37
something I'm with you I I feel your
00:34:39
pain I've been there I totally get it
00:34:43
um you know I I I've literally laid on
00:34:45
my floor and just been sobbing crying so
00:34:48
hurt out of my mind hurt I've gone
00:34:51
through
00:34:51
all sorts of different things with my
00:34:54
family and I didn't want to really go
00:34:56
into that because I don't want to um
00:34:59
I don't want to like say bad things
00:35:01
about people or have that out there I
00:35:04
just want you to know that you're not
00:35:05
alone so I love you all and thank you so
00:35:08
much for watching as always
00:35:11
um
00:35:12
yeah I think that's all I have for you
00:35:13
I'll see you in the next video
