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Transcriber: Glenny Lapaix
Reviewer: Vivian Lim
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When I was in high school,
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my mom asked me to order a pizza
for the family on a Friday night.
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I looked up the number
in the phone book
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and promptly handed the phone
to my older brother to place the call.
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I was too shy to talk to a stranger.
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Fast-forward to college
at the University of Illinois,
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my first time away from my small town.
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I spent the first several weeks
crying in my dorm room,
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too homesick to partake
in early freshman partying.
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The one frat party I did attend
was so disappointing;
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I wanted to trade in my books,
abandon my major
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and head back home to my small town.
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The confident behaviors I needed
to pursue this dream
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were not yet available.
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And when I looked around
at the confident students
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walking around me on campus,
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heads held high, pursuing a dream
that they had set out to achieve,
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I wanted that kind of confidence too.
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But my behaviors did not align
with these confident attitudes.
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Crying in my dorm room,
shying away from social engagement,
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not showing up for class
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because I was worried
others were smarter than me -
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these were not going to lead me
to achieve my goal.
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So all I knew was that I needed to change.
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Research tells us that in order
to get people to change,
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you need to not start with the attitudes,
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but with the behaviors
associated with those attitudes.
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When people can see themselves
behaving differently,
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they then begin to act differently.
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So the questions for me were,
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“Who am I?”
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“Who do I want to become?”
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and “How does this person
I want to become behave?”
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The answers were that I wanted
a successful career,
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one that meant something,
allowed me to contribute.
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And for me, that was defined as a career
as a sports executive.
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In order to achieve this goal,
I needed to begin to act more confidently.
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And I did.
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Because 13 years later, I became
the first female general manager
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of a Triple-A baseball team
in nearly 20 years.
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(Cheers)
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Thank you.
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(Applause)
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I also went on to host
the “Leadership is Female” podcast,
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where I’ve interviewed
over 90 female executives in sports,
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an industry that’s over 80% male
at management level and above.
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And time after time,
these women have told me
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that the number one skill they’ve improved
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in order to earn their spot
at the top of the sports industry
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is confidence.
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They, like me, did not possess
this confidence necessary
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to increase their level
in their career from the get-go.
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They had to work on the behaviors
associated with this attitude
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in order to propel their career forward.
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So I’m here today to share with you
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six behaviors you can start today
to increase your confidence.
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Why is it important
to increase our confidence?
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Well, think of this:
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How would you behave
or what could you achieve
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if you were 10 times more confident?
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Number one, count yourself in.
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I spoke with a woman about her first time
doing sideline reporting
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at a nationally televised basketball game.
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She was shaking in her heels,
standing courtside,
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nerves overtaking her until she heard
something familiar in her headset.
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“We’ll be on in five,
and three, two, one, you’re live.”
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And she performed with excellence.
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The nerves melted away.
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She’s an athlete, a former basketball
player used to performing on the court
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by the clock.
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And the tactic remained true.
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Counting will get you started,
and momentum will keep you going.
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I have used this technique.
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I’ve had more uncomfortable
conversations than I care to recall,
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but one I’ll share with you today.
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I vividly remember standing
on the warning track of the baseball field
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45 minutes before game time,
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looking at the opposing manager
and his team wearing
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the wrong color uniform.
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I wanted to turn and run back up
to my office and hide.
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But instead, faced him head-on,
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and I said in my mind,
“Three, two, one, go.”
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And I started walking towards him.
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And when I arrived, we had
a very uncomfortable conversation
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about his team wearing
the wrong color uniform.
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Yes, I had to ask these grown men
to change their clothes.
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It was so awkward.
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But when I asked myself,
“Who am I? And how do I behave?”
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The answer was that I’m a person
who’s not too shy to stand up
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for what I believe, what is right
and stand up to conflict.
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Counting got me started,
and momentum kept me going.
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Number two, what if you only had
to be brave for a total of 20 seconds?
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Give yourself 20 seconds of courage.
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This behavior helped me enormously
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when I published my podcast
“Leadership is Female,”
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bold title and all,
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for all the world to see, hear,
critique and have their opinions.
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I vividly remember sitting
on the carpet of my closet floor,
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holding my computer,
looking at the “Upload” button,
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thinking to myself,
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“Does it need any more edits?
Should I listen to it one more time?”
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And I told myself, “Emily,
give yourself 20 seconds of courage.”
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And I hit “Publish,” and it was done.
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And guess what?
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I kept breathing,
and the world kept turning.
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And the podcast grew
into what it was meant to be.
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All because of 20 seconds of courage.
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Number three, take a seat at the table.
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Not metaphorically speaking;
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actually, take a seat at the table.
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I spoke with a woman who represents
some of the biggest names in baseball,
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and she told me a story
about taking a seat at the table.
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She noticed women waiting
around the edges of the room,
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waiting for the seats to be filled.
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And worse yet, she was doing it too.
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In order to become the more confident
woman that she envisioned herself to be,
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she needed to go in, sit down,
speak her mind and get the deal done.
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That started with one simple action:
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Taking a seat at the table.
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Number four, cheer for other
people’s success.
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They say that women will pull up
the ladder behind them.
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What if you didn’t?
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What if you extended a hand back
to lead her forward?
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What if you celebrated
the success of a colleague
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rather than feeling sorry
for yourself that it was not you
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accepting the accolades?
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Confident people celebrate the success
of others rather than feeling threatened.
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Think of this great quote
from Amy Poehler:
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“Good for her,
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not for me.”
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It turns that pit in your stomach
of “Oh, she did that? And I’m still here.”
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into “Yes! Good for her! Not for me.”
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This is her celebration, not mine.
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And when my time comes,
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isn’t it going to be great to have
the support of so many people around me?
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Wins are so much better
celebrated together.
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Join in; cheer someone else on.
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Here’s number four in action:
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Recently, a woman was promoted
to chief marketing officer
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of a major sports league.
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The offer to interview
and ultimately land the job
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came after her public celebration
and sincere congratulatory outreach
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to the newly named
female league president.
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Confident people support
those around them.
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Cheer for someone else’s success.
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Number five, bolster your
confidence for a new activity
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through your already
great performance in another.
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What are you really good at?
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What is easier today
than it was one year ago?
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What is your most proud accomplishment?
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Answer those questions.
Think about those answers.
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Those answers are
where your confidence is born.
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Confidence is born
in all we’ve already done
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and already achieved.
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Recently, a woman I interviewed
on the “Leadership is Female” podcast
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was going after a big,
big promotion at a top team.
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Before she went in to pitch to her boss,
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she reviewed her current job description,
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made notes of her accolades
in all areas mentioned,
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and then was prepared
with examples and the confidence
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of the success she had in the past.
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She got the promotion.
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Use your prior success
to propel yourself forward.
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And number six, celebrate constantly.
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How often do we reach our goals
and then just immediately move on?
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When we do this, the recollection
of that success is diminished.
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How can we confidently move forward
if we can’t remember what we achieved,
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or worse yet,
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link that accomplishment to stress?
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Find ways to celebrate
that are meaningful to you,
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like creating a highlight reel
on your cell phone
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of your most proud accomplishments.
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Take your team out for celebratory drinks
when you close the big deal.
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Buy yourself a massage
or maybe order a pizza
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when you reach your personal goals.
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It doesn’t matter how you celebrate;
it matters that you do.
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This will create a marker in your brain
to rewire and reinforce the behaviors
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that led to success in the first place.
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I’ve come a long way from the girl
who couldn’t order a pizza
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to the woman who became GM
of a minor league baseball team,
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started a podcast
and delivered a TEDx talk.
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All because I made the decision
to become a more confident person.
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And I hope you do too.
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Because how many runs could you score
if you were 10 times more confident?
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Thank you.
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(Applause) (Cheers)
