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this past summer the internet was a buzz
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with Talk of the ballerina Farm now I
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was out of the country at the time okay
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I was in Canada but it sounds much
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fancier to say out of the country so I
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missed most of this I would just you
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know every time I would occasionally
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look at social media I would happen to
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see ballerina farm and I just assume the
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obvious there was a new dance mom style
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show where people would ship their
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ballet curious children to a rural Farm
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F where the children would work grueling
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hours hauling feed around while
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competing in challenges like who can jet
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over the biggest cow sadly or happily
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perhaps that was not actually the case I
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learned much too late to join the
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discourse that the ballerina Farm is an
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actual working farm run by a Trad wife
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social media influencer who had been
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profiled in the Sunday Times by writer
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Megan agno if you're not aware Trad wife
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is short for traditional wife and it's
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become a popular label for women on Tik
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Tok and Instagram Who present themselves
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as the ideal woman for usually a madeup
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manly man from the 1950s obsessed with
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making and raising babies cooking being
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really into God taking care of their
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man's every need and desire being white
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uh not working outside the home and
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definitely not having any opinions on
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anything other than that stuff
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last year Amanda marot wrote a very good
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overview of this trend particularly how
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the entire thing is a toxic fantasy that
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manipulates the audience into believing
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that these women are living humble lives
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of focusing on family over fame and
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fortune even as they voice strong
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opinions and rake in the dough they
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aren't actually traditional wives they
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are performers Agnus Sunday Times piece
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referred to Hannah neilan as the queen
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of the tradwives despite neilan herself
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saying she doesn't apply that label but
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she does have 10 million followers on
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Instagram where she posts photos and
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videos showing her life raising eight
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children on a farm in Utah so named
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ballerina Farm because she trained as a
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ballerina at juliard and continued to
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dance and compete in beauty pageants
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even after she started popping out
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babies whether she likes the label or
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not she does seem to be a prime example
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of a Trad wife influencer
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I know the time piece is old news so I
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shouldn't spend too much time talking
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about it but I do want to say it left me
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actually kind of liking neilan and also
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feeling really bad for her like
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obviously this is a piece written from a
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very particular standpoint that I
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sympathized with and neilan has
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responded to rebut it a bit but I'll
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just give you the overview neilan is a
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Mormon from Utah Who as a child wanted
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to become a ballerina so she went to Je
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jard in New York City when she was back
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home in Utah during a break she met
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Daniel neilan also a Mormon and the son
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of the founder of the airline jet blue
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he immediately wanted to marry her but
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she wouldn't even date him for 6 months
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one day she mentioned she was flying
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back to New York and he called his dad
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and booked the seat next to her
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pretending that it was all just a funny
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coincidence in the airline industry
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insiders refer to this as a big red flag
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after the flight she agreed to date him
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for at least a year before getting
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married so that you know she could
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finish school this is a normal thing to
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tell someone when you are from a culture
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that prioritizes getting married and
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having children as soon as humanly
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possible Daniel said no so instead they
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dated for one month before they got
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engaged and then got married two months
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after that in the wedding industry
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insiders refer to this as another big
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[ __ ] red flag three months after the
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wedding she was pregnant in obstetric
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you know what I'm going to stop with
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that joke you get the idea she did still
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manage to finish school while pregnant
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but instead of going on to become a
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professional dancer she and her husband
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had several more kids and then moved
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back to Utah where his dream was to own
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a farm she describes this time as being
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very hard and involving a lot of
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sacrifice but agnu points out that all
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of the sacrifice seems to have come from
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Hannah Daniel wanted to live in the
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Great Western wild so they did he wanted
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to farm so they do he likes date nights
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once a week so they go they have a
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babysitter on those evenings he didn't
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want nannies in the house so there
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aren't any the only space earmarked to
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be neilan's own a small barn she wanted
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to convert into a ballet studio ended up
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becoming the kids school room oh good
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they're
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homeschooled agnu points out that Daniel
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appears to be a Hands-On father but also
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reports that Daniel says Hannah
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sometimes gets so ill from exhaustion
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that she can't get out of bed for a week
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which is not good uh not normal and also
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not ever shown in their social media
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posts as best as I could tell as I
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mentioned Hannah responded to the piece
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in an Instagram by calling the article
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an attack on her family and her
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lifestyle insisting that she really
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loves their life and can't wait to have
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more babies anyway I was thinking of
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this profile recently because I happened
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to stumble upon a recent paper published
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in the Journal of rural mental health
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what you don't subscribe to the Journal
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of rural mental health I guess you
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didn't grow up in a forest surrounded by
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friends family and neighbors dealing
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with undiagnosed anxiety depression and
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ADHD by drinking too much and
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obsessively collecting guns and
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commemorative NASCAR themed dinner
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plates it's a fascinating place and only
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45 minutes from the shore anyway
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researchers at University of Georgia's
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School of Social Work have just
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published a great life if you can stand
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it which is a direct quote from one of
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the more than two dozen women they
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surveyed across six focus groups about
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their experience being married to
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Farmers in rural Georgia what they found
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really mirrors what agnu wrote about
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neilan's experience the study itself is
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behind a pay wall but there are many
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details in the University of Georgia's
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press release on it lead author Anna
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shyatt says that these women tend to
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take care of everything that isn't farm
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work like housework yard work child care
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to the point that one participant even
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referred to herself as a single parent
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but it doesn't stop with just keeping
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the house more than half of the women
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reported being the business's
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bookkeepers with their husbands never
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even glancing at what money is coming in
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or going out unless the wife brings it
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to their attention but it doesn't stop
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with just keeping the house kids and
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books many of the women also worked the
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farm but downplayed their own
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contributions as only managing the hay
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or whatnot but it doesn't stop with only
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taking care of the house kids books and
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various farming duties because farming
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is uncertain and one bad Frost can spell
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disaster for The Season's crops 2third
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of the women in the study also work
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full-time outside the home this provides
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more financial stability and Health Care
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coverage for the families but it also
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increases the mental load the women
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carry no [ __ ] so a significant number of
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these women are keeping a full-time job
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while being 100% responsible for raising
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the kids while cleaning the house
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cooking all the meals mowing the lawn
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trimming the trees hauling around hay
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balancing the books for an entire
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business and the household itself and
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there's one more thing shyatt reports
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that in addition to all of that these
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women confess they're also in charge of
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reducing their husband's stress and
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managing their husband's emotions the
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women described feeling like they had to
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be the bright spot in everyone's Day
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saying it was up to them to manage their
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husband's emotions when things got rough
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and the farmers got grumpy anytime
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they're under stress boy you're going to
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get the brunt of it said one participant
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obviously this is just one in-depth
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survey of a limited sample size but I do
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think it highlights how far women still
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have to go and I mean all women you can
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argue that rural farming life is
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innately less egalitarian than the life
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of say a family living in a condo in
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downtown Atlanta but I'd argue that the
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two are more similar than we think I
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suspect that there are many families out
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there from a variety of backgrounds and
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social and economic statuses in which
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women are taking on far more work than
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anyone realizes including the women
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themselves because as a a society we do
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continue to devalue work like child
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rearing and emotional labor and doing
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all the behind the scenes things that
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keep our lives going and I think that we
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as a society do still assume that if
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someone is going to make a sacrifice in
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a heterosexual partnership it's going to
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be the woman and that's why I don't hate
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Hannah neilan in a way she's a great
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example of someone who bridges that
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supposed Gap between rural Farmers wives
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and urban Elites she is a beautiful and
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talented ballerina who married a
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multi-millionaire who could give her
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whatever she wants but her wants were
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immediately replaced by his wants his
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want to date to get married to have
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children immediately to live and work on
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a farm and just like the Royal women in
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that survey she's decided that that's
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all worth it she finds it rewarding
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she's proud of her hard work and her
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husband's hard work she doesn't want our
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pity
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so yeah fair enough there's still a lot
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to be critical of when it comes to
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neilan and whether she likes it or not
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her fellow tradwife influencers for
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selling a fantasy no random woman
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working long hours in a soulless
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corporate job you will most likely not
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find joy and happiness by buying a farm
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because working on a farm is actually
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really hard and if your dad didn't own
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in an airline at some point you can't
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afford it and no guys who can't get a
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match on Tinder who think that women are
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too Li liberated these days you won't
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find a hot submissive blonde woman who
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just wants to cook you dinner and have
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your babies because you don't own an
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airline or have a dad who owns an
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airline this is a fantasy and it can be
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a dangerous fantasy of taken too far
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like for instance in a country where men
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are becoming more emboldened to say
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things like your body my choice to women
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but I still can't hate Hannah because at
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the end of the day she's a woman who was
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born into a misogynistic religious cult
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and felt her best option was to give up
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her dreams but despite that she still
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managed to find to have some control
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over her life to become successful and
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to do it all on a stage just like she
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wanted and frankly I have to respect
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that I just hope that she can learn to
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respect herself
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[Music]
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[Music]
