THE MASK YOU LIVE IN

The speaker recalls their early memory of being taught by their father to "be a man," which involves suppressing emotions and dominating others, instilling a sense of shame in them. Football serves as a refuge where they attempt to prove their masculinity to gain their father's approval and love. The harmful impact of the phrase 'be a man' is highlighted as a cultural problem, contributing to toxic masculinity and related societal issues.

A cultural narrative around masculinity leads young boys to prioritize toughness and avoid seeming weak. This mindset persists into adulthood, influencing behaviors like bullying, and perpetuating a cycle where masculinity is measured against not being perceived as feminine or weak, including homophobic elements. Popular culture, parenting, and societal norms pressure boys into proving manhood.

Boys learn masculinity from family, focusing on strength, dominance, economic success, and sexual conquests. These criteria set unrealistic standards, promoting dehumanizing views of both genders, leading to frustration and unfulfillment. The societal emphasis on these lies about masculinity results in significant emotional harm and limits authentic self-expression.

Masculinity constructs pressure boys to conform by shaming those who don't fit traditional roles, leading to feelings of insecurity and self-rejection. As children, they're socialized to reject femininity, impacting self-image and relationships. Peer pressure and societal norms compounded their struggles with identity, as masculinity was often shown as mutually exclusive from femininity.

Boys grow up pressurized by the narrow definition of masculinity that promotes suppression of vulnerability and empathy. Raising boys in this way results in long-term issues as they miss out on rich emotional experiences. Parents perpetuate gender norms, directing children unconsciously, while modern culture exaggerates differences, boxing children into harmful stereotypes.

Boys are constrained by rigid definitions of masculinity taught at a young age, discouraging emotional expression and empathy. Society and parents inadvertently enforce these beliefs, leading boys to disguise vulnerabilities, fearing judgment. Though they may learn to conceal emotions, the impact is damaging, as fostering tenderness and empathy in boys can break the cycle of emotional suppression.

Boys endure verbal and physical bullying as they struggle with individual identity versus societal expectations of masculinity. Instances from early education such as forming boys-only exclusive groups emphasize conforming to masculine ideals at the expense of emotional truth and authenticity, creating environments where expressing emotions becomes equated with weakness.

Friendship is crucial to boys' mental health, yet societal norms discourage intimate friendships perceived as unmasculine or 'gay.' Boys navigate a culture where their desire for close, emotional connections is stifled by fear of judgment, leading to loneliness. Teenage boys often only express emotions indirectly through substances or when intoxicated, highlighting struggles with masculinity.

Many boys who experience isolation and depression as teens resort to substance use to cope, as expressing sadness is stigmatized. Such repression exacerbates mental health issues. Those boys feeling immense societal pressure to conform to male stereotypes often act out, mistaking such behavior for conduct disorder, whereas it's a cry for emotional validation and support.

The societal ideal of masculinity, deeply tied with stoicism and aggression, correlates with increased alcohol and drug use among males as an outlet for unexpressed emotions. Misconceptions about masculinity equate emotional openness with weakness, fostering loneliness. Media portrayals further confuse the notion of masculinity, promoting dominance and control.

Media contributes to reinforcing toxic masculine norms. Video games and films that emphasize violence, control, and objectification influence young boys' perception of manhood. Pornography, often the first introduction to sex for many boys due to lack of education, distorts expectations of relationships, presenting issues that affect interactions with women later in life.

Adolescent boys consume extensive media that blends violence, misogyny, and hyper-masculine ideals. This results in a skewed perception of masculinity, heavily impacting social interactions and emotional well-being. As media normalizes violence and hyper-sexualization, it perpetuates an unrealistic and harmful male identity, which complicates boys' navigation of masculinity and relationships.

Society uses subtly negative slogans to reinforce negative aspects of masculinity in interactions, discouraging emotional expression. These messages internalize among boys, affecting their perspective and experience with respect to relationships, power dynamics, and control, often leading them into unhealthy adult relationships and interactions.

Boys face the dilemma of peer loyalty versus ethical conduct, often leading to silent complicity in acts of aggression against others. This code of silence stems from fear of ostracization and a need to protect perceived male loyalty, which complicates the ability to act against injustices observed within social situations.

The narrative that violence and proving oneself through traditional masculine means leads to worthiness is embedded in boys, starting from childhood. Many men's reactions to conflict reflect childhood trauma, developing as they continue cycles of violence as a response to humiliation or weakness observed in youth, extending into adulthood often through violent acts.

When speaking about addressing masculinity's toxic aspects, it starts with transforming how boys are taught about emotions and relationships. Healing requires recognizing the need for authentic emotional expression rather than adherence to outdated norms. Reflection and open communication help redefine manhood, moving toward healthier behavioral norms for men.

Addressing toxic masculinity involves acknowledging father-son relationships and societal expectations of men to highlight how past teachings have perpetuated emotional suppression. Boys need avenues to express emotions without shame and opportunities to break free from cyclical beliefs. Acceptance and empathetic mentorship help foster emotional resilience and honest self-perception.