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[Music]
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thank you
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let me tell you the story of a little
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girl
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she was born in a small town
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one of three daughters
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she had two loving parents and lots of
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friends
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she loved playing dress up and dancing
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in her backyard
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all in all her life was really good
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at the age of 10
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her cousins gave her her first diary
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this is one of the first entries
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dear diary i brought my cabbage patch
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doll to school today i gave mr kreitzer
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some candy and a card p.s i'm on a diet
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i weigh 95
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i'm gonna weigh 90.
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thanks for listening
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at a young age
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comments about her body started
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look at your curvy little body you're
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going to be a fox when you're older oh
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you sexy little thing
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she liked this attention
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and it made her feel uncomfortable
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as she grew the attention continued she
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was a popular straight a student in star
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on the theatrical stage and once again
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she liked this attention
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and sometimes her friends were mean and
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jealous and this made her feel
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guilty
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so in this twisted way she
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dieted in order to get attention
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and then she uncontrollably ate to feel
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like she fit in
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she became obsessed with her food and
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with her weight as a way to feel safe
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at age 20 she wrote this
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i often wonder why time and time again
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i'll eat something that i know makes me
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sick and feel shitty about it and i know
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i'm going to eat it before i eat it and
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after the whole night is about it
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ice cream
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i leave work feeling fat ugly big arms
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sick in the belly i eat it and i don't
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even enjoy it and this is her twenty
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she micromanaged her food she binged she
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purged and she did this to control her
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life so that when life happened like her
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boyfriend broke up with her she would
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exercise until her bones ached
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when she lost her job she would eat one
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meal a day
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anytime she was uncomfortable
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she would escape her feelings by
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obsessing about her body
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she began to think that food and weight
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were the real problem and if she was
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thin she wouldn't have any issues she
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would
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her life would be easy
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now this began to warp her reality on
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what she looked like and when she looked
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at the mirror she did not see what other
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people saw
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at age 30 she wrote this
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why didn't anyone tell me i'm chubby
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how can i be chubby oh no this is bad
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really bad these pictures make me want
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to vomit i want to get plastic surgery
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on my face i look like i have two chins
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fat arms big yucky boobs
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my hair is ugly too too blond bad color
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curly isn't good unless it's off my face
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and this is a picture she was talking
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about
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so this story
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my story
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is not unique or special
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my story is all around us
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statistics show that 91
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of women do not like their body and will
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resort to dieting and 81 of 10 year olds
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are afraid of being fat
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so where is this showing up in your
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world is this you
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is this your friend your sister your
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daughter even your grandson
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if so then we are not alone according to
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the national eating disorder association
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in the united states alone 20 million
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women and 10 million men will suffer
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from a clinical significant eating
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disorder at some point in their lives
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so here i was causing myself such
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pain and suffering
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why
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why was i doing this
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well i found out one day when i went to
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the gym
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and i
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stepped onto the scale
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and that magical number
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the number i was trying to reach for
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years
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it appeared
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it can't be that can't be that number
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this number means i'm happy
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this number means that i'm relieved this
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number means that i've solved all my
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issues with food and weight
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but i hadn't
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i was not relieved i was not happy and i
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did not solve anything i was miserable
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i knew on that day that something had to
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give
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but honestly i was way too afraid that
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if i stopped dieting that meant that i
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was fat
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and fat at that point meant that i was
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a failure
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and then one day i was playing with my
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two-year-old niece and
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she was having so much fun without a
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care in the world and
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i knew that i needed to find that
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two-year-old inside of me and love her
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no matter what she looked like
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so i began questioning everything that i
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did
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and i realized that i was living in the
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paradigm
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of pain equals gain
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aka no pain no gain
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now we all know this belief we're
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force-fed it we believe that in order to
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achieve our goals we have to endure
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blood sweat and tears in order to have
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the high paying salary
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we have to sacrifice all of our time and
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in order to have the body that we want
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we have to white-knuckle our food and
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exercise hard
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this belief no pain no gain is so
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ingrained in us that when we do receive
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something easily we think we don't
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deserve it or that we're worthy of it
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now i wanted to receive and feel
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happiness from my body how was i going
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to feel good if all i was doing was
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torturing myself and hating myself there
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had to be another way
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so i challenge this belief
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no pain no gain
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and i want to tell you what i discovered
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pleasure
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pleasure is what we are all looking for
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and it is also the pathway to get what
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we want no i'm not talking about instant
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gratification i'm talking about the
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pleasure that comes from the deep
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listening that lets us know that we're
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on the right track
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webster's dictionary says that pleasure
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is the
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happy feeling is the feeling of happy
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satisfaction
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or sensual satisfaction now my body was
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not a home for sensual satisfaction my
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body was a battleground now the national
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center for biotechnology information
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says that our neuroanatomy for pleasure
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is key to our happiness and to our
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overall sense of well-being
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so in other words if we want to be happy
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we're going to have to have some
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pleasure in our lives
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right
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hmm
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i realized i didn't want to just feel
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good about my body pleasure isn't about
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feeling good about my body it's about
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feeling good in my body but i wasn't
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connected to it oh i fed it i moved it
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i put it to sleep but i wasn't listening
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so i began to listen
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to what my body was feeling
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instead of the negative chatter in my
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brain
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and i began to consciously choose
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pleasure i threw away my scale i decided
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i could have a good day regardless of
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what the number said on the scale and i
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consciously choose what was right
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instead of what was wrong and i realize
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i like my green eyes and my strong legs
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and the fact that i can still do a split
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and then an unexpected thing happened
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i began to enjoy my body
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and the more i felt myself
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the more i felt okay
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no this was not easy at first i'm really
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not gonna lie to you it was not easy but
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i made this my new goal and then i took
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it a step further and i began seeking
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and finding pleasure and how i moved my
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body and i began moving my body in a
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loving way
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and i danced because it was fun
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not because of the calories burned
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and the more i surrendered
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to however i felt the safer i felt to
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feel
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and over time of consciously choosing
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pleasure i was able to let go of this
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belief of no pain no gain and adopt a
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new attitude which i call more pleasures
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more treasures
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now i want to leave you with a few
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things that i have done to take me to
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throw away that no pain no gain
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belief
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to a life that i have now that's full of
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pleasure that's ultimately given me
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permission and freedom to love myself
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number one
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pleasure
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and our food
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so let's face it
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after the third piece of chocolate cake
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we're really not enjoying ourselves
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anymore
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something else has kicked in
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so if we slow down
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and really enjoy our food
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we may stop after one piece or even two
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luxurious bites i know for me i was so
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afraid of fear i cause i'm so afraid of
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food i caused myself so much stress and
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anxiety that i would restrict
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and then succumb to my desire eat as
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quick as i could
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and then felt shame i never felt safe
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to have pleasure with my food
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now
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i savor my cookies
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without judgment and my food tastes so
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much better
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number two
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pleasure in our movement or how we
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exercise so as an over exerciser i had
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to take myself off of autopilot and
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listen to myself daily what did my body
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want so i may have in my mind oh i'm
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going to go the gym but when i listen to
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what my body wants from that pleasure
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zone it may say
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do some yoga i may think i want to take
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i may want to go for a run and my body
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says take
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take a walk or take a nap i had to let
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go of exercise a movement that was about
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punishing and find exercise that was fun
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no if you're not a lover of movement and
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exercise once again you're going to have
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to listen carefully
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and not push not like like push yourself
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through really allow yourself to feel
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what does my body want
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and
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your body may tell you that it wants to
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feel alive and confident and have your
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heart pounding and your blood pumping
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from some movement
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now we can't talk about movement and
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pleasure without talking about sex
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when we're open and we feel safe to
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embrace our sexual and sensual nature
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we open our bodies up to a whole other
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level of pleasure through our body
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and our bodies thrive from the chemicals
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that are released through sexual energy
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and from an orgasm
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number three
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how do you talk to yourselves
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how we feel about ourselves is a direct
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correlation to how we talk to ourselves
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so you living with a mind that says
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that was ridiculous i look stupid in
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this outfit i'll never look like her
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or are you living with a mind that says
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kind non-judgmental things to yourself
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negative body talk is a critical risk
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factor for the development of eating
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disorders and research shows that those
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who do not like their body actually
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actually eat less fruits and vegetables
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and have decreased activity
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i can remember standing in front of my
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mirror
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on purpose telling myself that i was fat
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and ugly so that i wouldn't eat and then
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i was so surprised when i got up and ran
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straight to the refrigerator
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now i'm not telling you that you can
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move from disgust to oh i love myself
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but we can gently move up the scale we
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can say things like i'm willing to be
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willing to accept myself for today or
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even for this afternoon or i may not
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like my butt
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but i'm a really good friend
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so
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my invitation to you
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is to pick one of these
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food movement or how you talk to
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yourself and begin to implement some
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pleasure in your life today in fact
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we are going to do that right now so go
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ahead and take your left hand out in
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front of you go ahead left hand right
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out
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and i want you to just imagine that
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you're touching a baby
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and just gently bring your hand to your
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face and just notice what that feels
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like just having your hand there
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and with an inhale and exhale with all
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the tenderness you can muster just
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gently
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give slide your hand on your face giving
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and receiving
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some pleasure
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thank you
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[Applause]
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you
